#and like. how many people do you know who have enough savings to schedule plan and attend 150 investor pitches?

[giantkillerjack]

My first time watching Glass Onion it was obvious that Miles' speeches were bullshit, but I still searched for any hidden meaning there might be.

The second time is a different experience though because every time my brain starts to search for meaning, I feel like Benoit Blanc discovering that no, there is absolutely no hidden meaning.

It's bullshit it's all nothing nothing nothing! It is just how you end up talking when everyone reacts to your self-aggrandizing word vomit like it is actually wisdom.

Also, legit, when Miles gave his stupid bullshit speech about what the word 'disruptor' means to him, I shit you not I was like holy shit am I back in business school right now?!

Miles must have given speeches like that at 100 business school graduations, goddamn.

Like, the motherfuckers really do sound like this. We didn't have any billionaires come, but we had a lot of millionaire guest speakers in my classes, and they fucking talk like that.

They all think they're rugged capitalists, but they're just glass onions!

[ithebookhoarder]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’re still taking requests for criminal minds but if you are could you do the BAU react to their so being a paramedic/firefighter? :))

If you decide to write this thank you in advance

(BAU Headcanons) If their S.O. was a paramedic/firefighter 🚨

A/N: You're very welcome! Here you are my angel. I'm always taking requests but I can't promise how long I'll take to reply and finish them 😅 Hope this is worth the wait. Also - major shout out to any first responders out there. You are literal superheroes! 💕

Warnings: Mentions of injuries, mentions of mental health, alcohol references, sexual references, references to death. (Let me know if I missed any)

Aaron Hotchner

Aaron would be honestly so in awe of you and what you do for a living. He’d also appreciate having a partner who understands what it’s like to have a job with unpredictable hours, such high stakes, and requires risking yourself to save people. 

As such, he would know how important it is to prioritise time together for the two of you. It’s why he is so active with forming a family calendar as he knows that, if it isn’t written in ink, you may never find an opportunity to do something. 

He is all about creating concrete plans for you both, so you have something to look forward to and actually have a chance of being able to arrange it, even if it’s months in advance. It doesn’t matter if it’s Jack’s soccer game, going for a jog in the park together, or a week-long vacation. 

However, he’s learned to be far more flexible if plans don’t work out the way you’d hoped. He’s had virtual Thanksgivings with you over the phone, a boxing-day Christmas, and even turned running errands on a day off into a date-day. 

We know Aaron would honestly hate knowing how much danger you’re in sometimes at work but he also knows he has no leg to stand on given his job and what he does every day. So, you both agree to let the other one know at least once a day that you’re ok, even if only by text. 

You’d have to agree to a ‘no work at home’ policy for you both to even stand a chance of relaxing at home and focusing on Jack (who thinks he has the coolest parents ever! Like, two superheroes for parents? He’s the luckiest kid in the world). 

Aaron would be such a proud partner too, even if he doesn’t always say it out loud. He shows it in his face every time he and Jack come to visit you at work, or when he displays a picture of you receiving an award on his desk for everyone to see. 

He even helps Jack when he asks to go as you for Halloween one year - the sight of which made you cry so hard you couldn’t even speak for a good hour after. Instead, you snap a picture and carry it with you everywhere when you leave the house, and even stick a copy in your locker. 

He’d have notifications set too, tracking incidents in your area so he knows when you may be working or out on a job. He’s also not above pulling the ‘FBI’ card if he even hears of someone making your life hard at work. 

He’d also be the biggest hypocrite, always worried you’re not getting enough sleep or eating enough, despite him running on no sleep and three expressos. 

He’d also be the first to rip into you if he found out you’d taken some unnecessary risk whilst out on a call. 

“I have enough worrying about my own idiots over here without worrying about you doing something stupid too. Please, you need to be more careful, ok? I can’t and won’t lose you. Not like that.”

David Rossi 

Rossi has lost many people over the years so he would definitely be terrified of losing you, and getting hurt. However, he knows what it’s like to have a passion for helping people and he’d never stop you from doing what you love and making a difference.

Besides with his crazy schedule he doesn’t mind having a partner who is mostly out working, or also operates on a crazy schedule. It’s almost complimentary, and allows you both not to miss each other too badly when you’re busy. 

Rossi strikes me as a supportive partner in his own ways. For instance, he would make massive donations to fundraisers for your department and for causes supported by your work. He wouldn’t even tell you most of the time, leaving you to work out where the mystery million dollars came from overnight after you just so happened to mention it to him over dinner. 

Speaking of dinner, he’d be keen to invite your colleagues over to his place for social functions, offering to hosts BBQs and family dinners. He’d also invite his BAU family too, knowing how nice it is for your worlds to mix and for people to relax amongst people who get what it’s like to deal with difficult issues. 

He also makes homemade dinners at least once a week, cooking enough so that you both have leftovers to take to work for the next few days. 

He’s also keen to share any recipes he can with you, so you know how to make them when you’re on shift for hours on end. 

“Just because you’re busy saving lives doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t take care of you too!”

This man would also make sure to call you whenever he gets a chance, especially if he is away on a case. He likes hearing your voice and makes sure to ask all about your day so far, knowing its good for both of you to touch base. 

Derek Morgan

This man would be the biggest supporter and cheerleader. Like, you know your pictures are all over his desk and he’s always bragging about how you saved someone’s life whenever he gets a chance. 

“Oh yeah, that’s my baby. They’re a literal superhero. They’re badass.”

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t worry about you when you’re away working or if he sees some major incident on the news. He’ll be refreshing his phone over and over until he sees a text from you telling him you’re ok. 

You know he will also be begging Penelope to see what she can find out too, through any means necessary (Hotch doesn’t exactly have to know about it…)

You bet your ass that if he does hear you’re hurt or if something is wrong then he will be bolting his way down to the ER or wherever you are the minute he is able to. Penelope would likely be one step ahead of him if he was unable to be there right away taking care of you until he can.

Morgan is such a good care giver too. He knows how hard it is to take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself so is King of supporting healthy habits. I’m talking meal plans so you eat right, proper sleeping habits when you can make them work, and getting out of your apartment on your days off.

He’s all for vegging on the sofa sometimes but he’s keen to support you where he can and remind you there’s a world outside of work and your home. 

He would be the kind of partner who would suggest doing things together as a couple, whether it’s a daily jog in the park or even training for some kind of race. This gives the two of you a shared goal and also shared time together - including in the shower once you get home. 

“What? It’s twice as fast this way and costs half the water bill, sweetheart.”

Also, you know this man gives the world’s best massages and he would be only too willing to give you one when you get home. He’d even try and wait up for you if he could, although you’ve come home more than once to find him passed out on the sofa. 

Emily Prentiss

With her track record of trusting and being betrayed by people I think Emily would be extremely anxious about having a first responder for a partner, even if she would also be totally amazed by you and thinks you’re so badass. 

Like, you can’t tell me she wouldn’t be beaming ear to ear if you ever came to visit the BAU. She would be showing you off to everyone and anyone, giving them all a face to put to the name she’s been talking about for weeks. 

“Babe, you’re amazing. You’re literally saving lives every day. All I did yesterday was fill out a stack of paperwork as big as my arm.” (She ignores the disapproving look Hotch shoots her for that comment…)

It’s just that she’s scared about losing you and it would take you both a while to work out how to make your relationship work and communicate effectively with one another about your fears. I mean, it’s not like you aren’t as equally worried about her but it takes a while for you both to accept that it’s a part of your relationship and that neither of you are willing to give your jobs or each other up. 

When she’s away on a case, or if you’re working overnight, then she won’t be able to sleep unless she sees she has a text from you telling her you’re ok and still in one piece. Of course, she prefers to be able to call if she can but knows it isn’t always possible for both of you if you’re in the middle of a shift. 

She’s a safe space so wouldn’t take it personally when you get home and have fatigue, adrenaline dumps, or just lack any potential excitement or energy for plans you made in advance. 

She’ll meet you where you are, whether it’s cancelling plans and staying in, or going out anyway because you need a distraction. As long as she’s with you then she’s happy and it isn’t like she doesn’t do the same thing after a really bad case. 

Also, we know that you’re the only one she trusts to look after Sergio when she isn’t there, knowing you will be better having someone to cuddle, feed, and look after when you’re not on shift. You become Penelope’s version of Sergio too, as Emily instructs their tech analyst to keep an eye on you both when she can’t. 

She’d be keen to spoil you from time to time and indulges on takeout, trips to the movies, and wants to take you to as many amazing places on holiday as she possibly can. She knows it’s good to travel and to have a complete break from your daily routine. Plus, she knows so many people and so many languages that you’re spoilt on choices of where to stay next. 

JJ

I honestly feel like JJ would struggle having a first responder for a partner. She’d be such a Momma Bear that its both wonderful and intimidating.  Like, we know she and Will worked it out eventually with him being a cop, but the fear of losing you would be a big issue for the two of you for a while. As would be navigating how you both deal with the other’s feelings after a bad day on the job. It takes some trial and error before you get into the swing of things. 

For example, she would give the best pep talks and would also know just what to say after a bad day. 

“You did everything you could, sweetheart. I am so proud of you and you saved so many lives today. You may not have been able to save that one, but they knew you tried. They knew you were there and that you cared. That’s all we can ask for in the end. You are amazing and I’ve got you.” 

When you’re both home together, or if you’ve told her you’re having a rough shift, then bath times are a must. She normally has one run, with candles lit, by the time you get in the door. She is also keen to crack open a bottle of wine, or whatever you drink you want, to help you both relax as you lie together in the warm, soapy water and just forget everything for a little while. 

She’d also insist on you both leaving voice messages for the other when you were away, so you could wish the other a ‘goodnight’. It’s comforting to her but she also likes being able to share them with Henry too. 

Speaking of phones, this ex-media liaison would have so many alerts set up and contacts to call if she even suspects you may be out on a major incident. It’s honestly kind of mind-blowing how quickly she managed to get on the phone with your superior, after hearing you could be out on a job that had gone awry. She was in a different state at the time but wouldn’t hang up until they told her what had happened, where you were, and if you were alright. 

She’s also keen to support you in a practical sense, so offers to do loads of laundry for you between shifts and also cleans the house as a way of making sure you have a nice home to come back to. You’d be sure to return the favour when you could, but she likes doing it and being able to show her appreciation for you in such a basic but important way.

JJ would be way more relaxed leaving Henry with you if she’s away, knowing your training makes you like the best possible babysitter ever. 

That, and you cannot tell me that Henry would not worship the ground you walk on. After finding out what you do for work, that little angel would make siren noises whenever you’re in the car together - something you’re keen to encourage as “everyone knows the best part of the job is turning the siren on, JJ. Duh.”

Luke Alvez

Luke would be so proud and so scared for you sometimes, being a first responder. 

Luke would understand that you both have super stressful jobs so is keen to suggest a ’leave work at the door’ policy unless one of you really wants to share. He knows sometimes all he wants to do after a challenging case is walk in the door and face-plant on the sofa and he’d be a hypocrite if he didn’t let you do the same… that doesn’t mean he won’t reach over and gently pull of your boots for you, and leave a glass of something on the coffee table for when you feel like it.  

He is also a firm believer that Roxie cures everything, so would be only too happy to leave her with you when he’s out of town, so you can have all the cuddles and playtime you want. 

He also walks her by your work if he gets time so you can come out and sneak a cuddle if you’re not too busy or on a job. Roxie is now your work’s unofficial therapy dog and she loves her role - and the added attention very much. (And you best know she has her own little version of your uniform too).

I feel like he’s the kind of guy who would wake up with you if you have an early start, even if he doesn’t, just so he can cook breakfast and make you coffee in your favourite to-go mug. 

“You deserve to start your day in the right way, so go and enjoy your shower, baby, and it’ll be ready for you when you come out.”

He’d also leave you stupid little love notes in your bag too, knowing they make you smile when you find them later on. You also like to keep them and stick them in your locker for luck, and normally have one tucked in your pocket too. 

He’d also recommend different kinds of music for you to listen to on shift, making you playlists you can share and add to when you’re not together. It’s got so bad your co-workers refuse to let you have the aux when you’re driving around anymore as your choices are so varied they get whiplash. 

Luke also loves getting involved wherever he can, whether it’s donating time to help organise a fundraiser, bringing pizza by work, or going with you as a date to any formal events you’re invited to. He scrubs up niceeee and he loves seeing you all dressed up formal too. 

Penelope Garcia 

Penelope would worship the ground you walk on and frets about you like she frets about all her BAU babies when they’re out on a case - but WORSE.

So she does what she does best and compensates with love and kindness. She takes care of the people she loves and you would know that better than anyone. This queen would totally make you care packages and would make sure you had them delivered when you’re on shift. 

“You spend all your time taking care of other people, my real life knight in shining armour. The least I can do is make sure you have some fluffy socks, face masks, and other basic pamper essentials to take care of yourself! Oh, and don’t forget the protein shake I made for you! And stay hydrated! And be safe!”

She’d make sure to send gifts for your co-workers too. It’s why she’s the favourite spouse of all your colleagues and she’s greeted like the queen she is whenever she visits. 

Her cookies have earned her the unofficial title of ‘Star Baker’ and you best know there have been physical fights over them whenever you’ve left them in the crew mess. In fact, your boss has had to give you all warnings about it as a result, calling ‘dibs’ on them if you couldn’t all be trusted to share. 

She would also give you one of her many mascots for the dashboard of your rig, knowing that the little bobblehead or whatever will remind you of her when you’re out on a call. 

Speaking of calls, you know she is tuned in to all scanners / messaging systems so knows exactly where you are at all times, but especially if there is a call out. You best believe she is making sure you’re ok and has her eyes and ears open if you need help of any kind or back-up. 

As a result, you know she has been scolded more than once by Hotch and by the local authorities for interfering and hijacking calls when she thinks you’re being ignored or need assistance. 

Penelope would also be the first person to encourage you to attend some kind of support group, or seek out some kind of therapy, to help deal with all the stressful and traumatic things you deal with on a day to day basis. She would be only too happy to help you find one and would drive you there and back when she’s able. She’d even come along if you wanted her to. 

Dr Spencer Reid

Spencer would be an incredibly proud partner and you know it. He would show his support in various different ways and would absolutely take any and all opportunities to remind people he’s dating a superhero (especially Morgan). He doesn’t understand why someone as amazing as you would choose to date someone like him. 

He would like giving you book recommendations so you always have something to read on shift. He’d give you his copies to borrow, so you can enjoy his pencil notes in the margins when he’s not with you. 

Not only that, but he’d also be happy to take recommendations from you too - no matter how different they may be from his usual reading material. That way you can both compare notes when you both get home and leave work behind for a moment.  

Also, you know Spence would be a fountain of knowledge about your job and has probably read up on anything he didn’t already know about your field. There isn’t a piece of jargon or code that he doesn’t know and he loves trying to use it when talking to your colleagues when he visits sometimes. It earns him their respect, which you know he would be nervous about, as your co-workers are like your second family. He’s that way with the BAU and he wants to impress the people who mean the most to you. 

His thirst for knowledge means he is always willing to let you practise different exercises on him and is keen to learn whatever you’re willing to tell him (something that has come in handy on many of his own cases). 

In return, he would like sharing whatever statistics he has memorised about the work you do. It’s also why he is so concerned about you, knowing how much your role takes out of you. His job is tiring and traumatic enough, but he is at least part of a big team and works only one case at a time. 

“I’m just saying sweetheart, it’s estimated that 30% of first responders develop behavioral health conditions including, but not limited to, depression and PTSD, as compared with 20% in the general population. If you ever want to talk to me or someone else, like a professional, then you know that’s ok.”

As much as he isn’t an overly affectionate person, I feel like he’d be the kind of person to buy you both those bracelets that you can tap and it sends a pulse to the other, letting them know you thought about them. It’s like a virtual tap on the shoulder just to let you both know they’ve got you and love you. 

He’d also drive the doctors insane if you ever got hurt on the job, yelling at them to double check their diagnosis if he even thinks you’re not getting the best treatment and care possible. 

He’d also insist on taking care of you during your recovery, not trusting anyone else to do it right - and he also has Dr Who primed for your entertainment. What could be better than that?

Masterlist

[noxturnalmoth]

Literary Service

Life is a cruel mother but a great teacher. In Noxus, where life is but an afterthought, war raises its people with an iron fist. Whether they like it or not. So when one is courageous enough to escape, they learn to take all that life has to offer, even if it has to be by the skin of their teeth. What would happen if the scholarship that provided you with an escape made you encounter a man as great with his words as he is with hiding the festering wounds in his heart? And what if he was your teacher?

Chapter 1: Unintentional Consequences

(written by @yoghurtcup )

You'd almost forgotten what a nice breeze felt like. The colors of the world brightening again, trees and grass, the smell of fresh bloodless air fills your lungs and your mind with nothing more than a strong sense of hope. You made it, finally free from the hell that had taken you, broken you, rattled your spirit and made you almost entirely numb. Finally at the entrance gate to ZTC, after recovering from the pain they inflicted on you, the broken bones and attempted broken spirit. You had passed out from the pain and exhaustion after walking all the way to Zaun's border alone. Through gritted teeth, dried blood and tears, you forced yourself closer and closer to the sweet taste of victory. You had run on nothing but hope and the last remains of adrenaline from fighting off those bastards who wanted nothing more than to kill you for having a dream that wasn't war. Someone had found you, taken you in and nursed you to health, your injuries were severe, is what you were told. They'd broken a good bit of your spine and your leg will never be the same again either, which meant you'd need to use a crutch, or on bad days a wheelchair.

There was dread of course, knowing that you'd never be the same, that in the short span of a day you'd lost everything that made you useful to yourself and the people who took you. In Noxus, losing the ability to walk, to fight and protect yourself meant death. But as you're given a crutch and feel the intense pain slightly subside you remind yourself that this isn't Noxus. Not anymore. You had clawed your way to freedom, and of course it would take something from you as a reminder of how you got there. Even with this setback you would not let it ruin your joy or hope for the future you spent so long planning. Even now as you thank the person who saved your life and helped you recover what you could of your body, now changed forever with the aspect of disability, you feel your anger and grief slowly wash away. The blood on your hands stain forever, but you realize that you are doing this not only for yourself, but for the family and friends you'd lost all those years ago.

You double check for the letter in your pocket, exhaling relief when you feel it and taking your first genuine step onto campus. It takes some getting used you, using a crutch on one arm to steady yourself as you make the slow agonizing trek across the paved track. There's so many buildings here, so many people doing things or just sitting around talking to eachother and mingling, loitering without a fear for their lives, laughing and talking carefree and enjoying life in the moment. Your head was spinning, caught between a fear that your past will choose to follow you, and the joy that you finally took your life by the neck and choked it into submission, though now your hands will not need to be washed in blood. Instead, you imagine your fingerprints grazing pages of books, or tapping against the keys of a laptop the good samaritan who saved your life gave you as a final parting gift. You eventually find your way and show the right person your letter, and they regarded you warmly as you were given a free sweatshirt and your schedule. Just like that, you truly made it.

Staring at the schedule in your hand you realize that you have no idea where any of the places are. Since you walked here you missed the tour and another won't happen until the next day, and you aren't going to stand there looking dumb until the sun goes down. You decide that maybe it would be smart of you to ask someone who clearly knows their way around, so you take it upon yourself to carefully and as kindly as possible walk up to the nearest person who looks as if they've seen their fair share of the college night life. They were halfway through pointing out where the dorm rooms were when you felt a hand rest on your shoulder, and without thinking you grabbed onto the wrist of this person and flipped them onto their back, pupils dilated in an instant as your face felt hot and you were moving automatically. Your hands moved on their own, punching, pulling and clawing your way past skin, muscle and nearly to bone. Your mind rushed to that night where you were attacked, the laughing from your attackers and the blood in your mouth. The heavy stone breaking your spine and nearly your spirit. You pull out hair, and tears hot and heavy stream down your face before you have a chance to realize what you were doing. The screams weren't helping, and no one was brave enough to pull you away from this poor person and you continue you destroy the parts of their face you can reach, body on its own while mind tried to reign it in. People run, or cry, or nearly throw up at the blood that covers you and you try so hard to stop yourself, you don't want to be this anymore, you don't want your first impression to be this violent thing that you were forced into being. Beautiful green grass stained red by your hands and with your luck, this will be the first and last time you ever see grass again.

"At Ease." You hear between the screaming and gagging of hundreds surrounding you, and your body stops on command. Like a good little soldier, like the past you want to forget exists, that made you into the animal that ruined this poor victims face. You look at your hands and the person you hurt, the damage was hard to see through the blood, and you feel yourself crudely cracking a smile at the damage before you break down into tears. "On your feet." And you listen, still sobbing through bloodied hands, the metallic smell of violence filling your nostrils and forcing out a louder choked sob as you nearly crumble to your knees again. A gentle hand grabs your wrist and you feel your body tensing again, ready to do whatever it needed to keep you alive again, except you felt too weak to do more damage. You berate yourself in the back of your mind as you let whoever has hold of you walk you away from the crowd, voices of panic and disgust slowly fading while you are led somewhere else entirely and in your head you realize that this is it for you, and you're done for, and your college life started and ended in the span of two minutes. Thoughts going wild as you're sat down by this mystery person, a gentle hand wiping the blood from your hands as you silently weep. Cool cloth getting the flesh from your fingernails before another wipes at your face. Finally feeling the need to move again you take the cloth and clean your own face, dark red essence and tears invisible on the imbibed cloth, which you were so thankful for.

The sound of a lighter sparking takes your attention away from your own horrid thoughts, then the light crackles of a cigarette and exhalation of smoke. A careful hand offers you one, unlit and carefully held by the paper between two pale fingers. You take it, and once it was placed between trembling lips a generous light followed and you take a long drag of it, letting the smoke build up as you think about what you've just done, what you always did and what you were trained to do. The screams and terror filled expressions cloud your vision, the memories you have filled with red, everything red and bloody, the rain a rough scarlet as you claw and break and kill anything in your way. "Holding it in hardly does a thing, you know." The sharp voice tears you from your mind violently. You exhale the smoke you had no idea you were holding in and feel yourself calm down. The aftertaste tells you this isn't a regular cigarette, and you huff in mild amusement. "That was quite a show back there." The voice began, and you turn to face it finally. To say you were surprised is nothing less than an understatement, you have seen horrors but you have never seen skin lined in specific scars tracing from the corner of mouth to temple. Even crazier was the eye that looked at you, a pitch black unblinking thing, with a blood red pupil that seemed to know more of your sins than you would dare tell a soul, and a profile sporting a sharp and featuristic aquiline nose that grabbed attention just as much. "Never have I seen such raw violence. You must be from somewhere particularly destructive on one's mind."

He turns to look at you, the other half of his face a stark contrast, lightly stressed skin with a calm teal eye, yes it still seems to be staring into you and you feel heavily exposed. You start to shake your head, then you nod, finding lying difficult. You are Noxian now, or were, as that was all you could remember after years of trying to hold onto what life was like outside the fiery planes of hell itself. You put the still burning cigarette in your mouth and take a drag, he looks over you carefully before continuing. "I know it was an accident. Violence like that, the following screams of anguish, that is never on purpose." He gestures vaguely to you, the exhaustion is probably obvious on you, and you feel as if he'd called you out on something. You hang your head slightly, and he snuffs out the cigarette he'd lost interest in. "I'll talk to the Principal, and ask the hospital how poor Alex is doing once they finish looking him over." You feel a gentle hand on your shoulder as you take a final quiet drag of the cigarette, finally calm after that horrible few minutes of too many emotions pushing you past that point of no return.

"You need rest, take the remainder of the day off alright? We are right behind the dorm building." He hands you your crutch as you had dropped it during the incident, and you were greatful he decided to take you and your aid out of that situation. You look at him with an apology in your throat, but Noxians do not apologize and that keeps you from saying anything. He simply holds out his hand for you to take, and you do just that, something about him makes you drop guard and follow what he says, which not even your old commanders and generals could get from you. Walking you into the dorms and helping you find the elevators to your floor, and your room. You were glad you chose the single person dorms instead of the group, the size of the room larger than your old sleeping quarters, with a bed that looked to actually fit you. Sitting on the bed and taking everything in, he gives you a brief nod and reaches for the doorknob. "Try not to worry to hard, alright? I know that this is a less than ideal beginning, but everyone starts somewhere. Welcome to Zaun Tech." He leaves, the door closing gently behind him as the sound of his shoes slowly disapears leaving you in solitude with your thoughts. Though you find yourself exhausted once again, and the violent memories fight against Morpheus' embrace as you lay back on the bed and lazily toss clothes off and onto the floor. For once in your life, much to your bitter amusement, the memories lost their battle and you find yourself asleep. You dream of nothing that night, and you thank every God watching over Runeterra for it.

The problem when you fall asleep with no one to wake you is that time slips away. It was peaceful, of course, being able to rest by your lonesome with no one observing you or murmuring in their sleep. Though peace further ruins your already horrible record with this school as you find yourself rushing to whichever class you could make it to, as you slept clean through the first two. Moving as fast as the crutch and the painful limp can allow, you make it to the room as a few people still trickle in and you stop just outside the door to catch your breath. A few faces you remember from the day before, they look at you slightly worried but other than that regard you as someone not worth missing class for. Thankful for the carefree nature of most people already, you gather yourself and walk into the amphitheater. Literature was what was on the schedule, you check the door number three times before finding a seat not too far back from the front of the class, but far enough to where the light doesn't give you a migraine. Once seated you relax a bit, mulling over the idea of what reactions would the teacher of the two previous courses have over your absence. You look to the front towards the projector, mind drifting back to those hours you spent scribing war plans and self absorbed ramblings for narcissists. "Alright," That voice snapping you from your thoughts yet again. He's here, but why? You watch him walk into the room, arms behind his back and a slight dip to his gait. "If everyone is seated, class can begin." He makes eye contact with you, his red eye covered generously with an eyepatch and smiles. No way. You look at your schedule, then back to him. The world seemed to cave in all at once. Mr. Marlowe, your literature teacher, is the man you'd shared a smoke with yesterday.

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[sabrondabrainrot]

🌞Sun isn't self-sacrificing 🌞

Let's talk about that.

Guess whom is back on her copium? This lady. Anyways, time for more rambles and brainrot.

Disclaimer: This is going to contain spoilers from tsbs, tsams, laes etc. but I'm keeping it pretty generic and vague. Just being polite and covering bases.

To begin with, Sun has shown some self sacrificing tendencies but what matters with a self sacrifice is intent. Our Sun in the show has not intended to die for another person. At least, the current lore Sun won't. I get the vibes Sun actually understands that everyone loves him and he wants to live and be with them.

Sun suffers from extreme self esteem issues. He's ok with grinding himself away to nothing if it means helping others, especially his family. He spent a majority of his life being terrorized and guilted by someone he loved with no real end in sight. On top of that, he was made to feel useless and stupid so he has a hard to recognizes he's already doing enough just by being.

Adding to this, just because he doesn't value himself that much doesn't mean he wants to die. At his lowest, Yes, he wished he was dead, but that doesn't mean he wants to die. Sun has a lot of life in him and a lot of love to give. When he's not being tortured Sun loves living.

When you think of someone who loves living with his family, it's hard to imagine they'd so easily die for them. We have to look at Sun's actions and words. My biggest example of this instance is the first time he planned to use Star Power to protect NM/Nexus, he didn't plan to die. He knew he might get hurt but he told NM/Nexus he wasn't aiming to sacrifice himself. He was trying to actually keep NM from sacrificing himself, like Old Moon. It's so funny how circular the argument in that moment actually was.

It's a similar situation to when he went rogue and wanted to kill the 2nd Eclipse. He told Old Moon "Screw being a hero!" To me, this communicates he isn't trying to do the heroic sacrifice or anything similar. He was labeled a bad guy by Lunar in their argument and decided to just lean into that "villain persona". This also plays into the fact heroes go out of their way to save lives but Sun is explicitly out to take a life. Now for a clever segway, the reason why I see Sun as not self-sacrificing is because he knows what he has to lose and he knows how it feels to lose everything. Old Moon made him feel that loss. Just the same as Old Moon taught him how to feel pain.

Sun's one of the gentlest and kindest people in the TSBS shows and that's due to him not ever wanting to make other feel the awful things he's felt. Most of his actions in the show are how he typically would want himself to be treated (Dark Sun waves in the background).

Just to add, Solar is SO similar to Sun. It's honestly so funny. He works so hard and ALSO grinds himself down to the bone just to be a bit helpful to the people he loves. He also felt the loss of a loved one's sacrifice and had to kill someone to defend himself. (IE Sun killing BloodMoon and Solar killing his Moon) He even shares a similar self esteem issue with Sun!

They're just two peas in pod, I love it.

I was planning to come in with a bunch of examples of character who ALSO have the self sacrificing tendency who aren't actually self sacrificing but I'm tired from a long sucky Monday so I'm gonna schedule post this and do my self sacrificer propaganda later.

But yeah, if Sun does die it probably won't be from a sacrifice. Even though most Sun's have a history of dying for others or being murdered early. I think it's so sad Sun's get boiled down to nothing but a sacrificial lamb to many Moon's bloodlust. Or they live long enough to be the plaything of a bigger/greater evil then Moon. looks at Servant Sun.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: Tricking Ben

This does deviate from the watching as aired schedule, but since the Candle Wasters sent out an email for it at this point in NMTDaily, I will liveblog Tricking Ben.

The short film style makes this the only piece of canon NMTD/LLL content that isn't shot in vlog format. Instead we have the omniscient view on characters who don't know an audience can see them. I am still so sad that I will never see any more scenes shot like this for these characters, because that's the only way I'd have gotten to see all the serious Beadick conversations in Lolilo that I wanted to see.

The film still starts with a fakeout vlog beginning, which is interesting. This is the only time we ever see Pedro independently starting to make a video himself, apart from his appeal to John later on in NMTD, and of course it's to show off Balthazar's music.

HOW is Balthazar allowed to just start playing guitar in the library? How are the boys allowed to have a loud conversation in the library? This whole part is just an exercise in suspension of disbelief that a librarian didn't yell at them.

I like that the colors of the Tricking Ben title card match the colors on Ben's shirt! Fun little detail.

Ben is very awkward around Hero here. They're not yet the friends they will one day be. Aww.

"I bet he has your name saved in his phone with little hearts around it." Yeah, and I bet post-NMTD Ben will have Beatrice's name in his phone with little sparkle-heart emojis all around it!

Ahh, Claudio couldn't meet Ben where he said they'd meet, because then he'd have to walk him right into the conversation instead of letting him overhear it. I see.

Ben is so confused, poor baby.

The books are an Easter egg! The one on the bottom of the stack is called "Benediction", and the next one up is "The Dating Game", I think? The next one up is called How to Love, and the top one is clearly a romance novel by someone called Catherine Coulter, though I can't make out a title. Google says she writes romantic suspense and historical romance. Fitting.

Was that girl looking at books the same actress who played Claudio's new girlfriend in Lolilo? It looks like her. Can you imagine going to the same school as the NMTD crew, hearing all the gossip about what happened to Hero, and then still choosing to date Claudio the next year? Damn, girl.

It's definitely her, that's why they have her say hi to Claudio and Claudio run away from her awkwardly!

Claudio is hardcore panicking. He is not good at being sneaky. So that'll be the other reason he couldn't see Ben face-to-face before the overhearing happened- he wouldn't have been able to act normal enough to avoid making Ben suspicious.

"You know how everyone's unnecessarily obsessed with you?" OMFG the song is An Ode, this is not a drill!!!

Ben just drops his entire bag next to some random kid before going to hide? Take that with you, you don't know when you'll be able to go back for it!

His immediate panic face is excellent, lol.

Here is a gifset I made commemorating Ben's excellent faces in this video. It's basically my analysis of all his faces right in one post.

Leo saving the day! Claudio blurted out that thing about Bea making a vlog, so of course the first thing Ben does is get his phone to look for the video. And Leo thinks fast enough to clarify that she never posted it. That could've totally compromised the plan.

Claudio is SO bad at this.

The book that falls on Ben is called L-L-L-Loser, a Lolilo reference.

John is here! I love how he looks up, like, "Is this intel I'll need for my Plan? Oh, no, nevermind."

There are so many other people here, how did this conversation not get reported back to Beatrice? I bet it's because people who don't know her are wisely too scared of her to bring it up.

"Ben is so brave, and funny, and tall, what shall I DO??!!" Matthew J Smith is the MVP of this one, folks. Hilarious. Also, why would Claudio's first thought be "brave"? Ben hasn't done his brave thing yet, and it's standing up to Claudio!

Okay, thank you, the librarian DOES yell at them. Realism.

I just can't get over how terrified Claudio looks right now. He is so stressed. He looks like he thinks even moving a muscle will blow the secret right now.

I will never get over Ben hiding in the tree in this bit. He has to know they could see him by just turning around. Comically bad hiding place.

The way Ben is holding himself as he sneaks over to the tree, too. It's like, "if I just make myself small and quiet they won't notice me." You are too tall for that, honey, it's not helping.

He did remember to go back for his backpack, though!

It's cute that Balthy and Pedro's outfits match! Red and blue!

Balth is so bemused by Pedro asking about and complimenting the chord he's playing, aww.

Ben's like "SHIT no if he texts me they'll hear my phone!" The facial expressions in this video, truly gold.

His shirt brings out his eyes. Even when they're bugging out in panic, lol.

Awww I love how sad Ben looks at the idea that he'd ruthlessly tear Bea apart for liking him. In my gifset, I summed it up as, "No, I wouldn't enjoy hurting her, and I'm sad you all think I would." <3

"Poor little Ben just can't see what's right under his nose." Says Pedro, while sitting right next to the boy he doesn't know he has a crush on. And while, from Ben's point of view, not realizing Ben himself is right under his nose (or above his head) as well.

"She's so smart." "Yeah, except for loving Benedick." We love lines adapted directly from the play!

"Having a crush can be a nice thing, though." "I don't think it's that kind of crush, Balthy-boy." This makes me so incredibly sad, because it HAS to be foreshadowing to Lolilo and how Balthazar's crush on Pedro goes from something nice that feels good to something incredibly angsty and drawn-out and painful for both of them. :(

Ben's watch going off and the boys pretending not to notice, lol

Like Hero and the girls' conversation for Bea to overhear, the boys' conversation also involves pretending to consider telling one person about the other's crush, then deciding they shouldn't interfere.

I do love imagining the boys pitching this whole thing to Leo, though. And Leo being all in because he and Hero have been saying to each other for months that Bea definitely secretly likes Ben.

Ben sneaks off with the MOST ADORABLE little smile! He loves her! Awwww I wanna squish him!!!!

Hero and Claudio debrief and Claudio calls her a legend for stealing Bea's phone. It hurts my heart how cute they are right here. There are no undertones of Claudio's possessiveness and misogyny present, they're just two kids who like each other. If they'd gotten together after Claudio grew up more and unlearned some stuff, they might even have worked out. :(

Of COURSE Bea has Ben saved in her phone as "Dickface". As soon as they get together I bet she changes it to read just “💕Dickface💕” 😆

Shut UP the end credits music is the instrumental to Way To Tell You!!!! Beatrice’s song for Ben! Ending with an acknowledgement that her feelings for him really do turn out to be real!!!

The comments say there’s also an instrumental of Beatrice You’re Vivacious near the end of the short before the credits, which is precious too.

Oh my god, end credits shot of the books, and the historical romance novel is called THE DUKE!!! Amazing. Also the How to Love book is by Katie Cotugno! I’ve read one of her other books, it had bi rep and I liked it a lot.

Harriett as Director of Photography! I love that these projects gave her a place to learn she prefers to be behind the camera and practice that. I hope she’s doing well.

The credits end on a picture of Harriett and Jake hugging, NO ONE TOUCH ME

They had the sweetest friendship and I hope they still do. Angels.

I am now in mourning again because this is the last time I ever got to see Benedick Hobbes on my screen, and the last time I ever will, so far as I can guess. *cries forever* MY BABYYYY

You all already know I have no chill when it comes to him, don’t look at me. *burritos up in a blanket to sulk*

No but I love Tricking Ben so much and I am so glad they made it for us!!!

Wait, shit, since when did TCW have a patreon?! I’m sure it’s defunct now, but did anyone used to subscribe? Were there any good extras on there? DID I MISS ANY BEADICK CONTENT????!!!!

Comments roundup: Balth was the first to play off the Ode as a joke here; Ben’s “what? What?” was a Tenth Doctor reference; just so much love for these characters and series; Matthew J Smith responding jokingly to a Claudio-centric comment!

💖🥭🦩

[dangermousie]

The dinner from hell is even more !!! on rewatch. I mean, it's not even his birthday, it's the birthday of the real Baek Hee Sung, the serial killer who tried to bury him alive in his family garden. That's a hell of a thing.

And you totally get this time why the unparents are sitting like aliens - their actual son is in a coma in the back room of their house and they have to celebrate the birthday of the imposter they acquired so as to keep their veneer of respectability - this story is so very much about seeming versus being - that is why Ji Won is both the audience stand in and the driver; she's the one character who sees through that because she believes only what she sees and not opinions, words, shibboleths. She observes and draws conclusions. Like the unparents are so wedded to their idea of being respected and properly regarded by the word they went on this insane plan because otherwise it would be to admit their precious son was a deranged serial killer who killed god knows how many people and for the time being ended his career by braining a random man and trying to bury him alive in the backyard. That is objectively an insane risk-reward calculation and could have gone very differently for them if Do Hyun Soo was the psychopath everyone accused him of being. BUT!!! Appearing Respectable is their God.

The narrative is all about how that sort of thing covers all sorts of horrifying behavior and motives. The one person in this narrative who unflinchingly admits to himself and believes he's a monster is, ironically, Do Hyun Soo, who except being a traumatized psychopath magnet, hasn't done anything truly wrong in his entire life. I mean I will never be over the fact that we find early on that his and his sister's guardian subjected him to horrifying regular public exorcisms and got the whole town to believe he was possessed by evil and it was bad enough he literally started seeing/hearing his dead father and near the end of the drama we find out it wasn't because the old man was prejudiced/superstitious/whatever but it was all about money.

(Or think about the shrink who diagnosed a kid with serious PTSD with antisocial personality disorder - because he didn't have the right background and she clearly just rubber stamped whatever came to her head in light of her prejudice over his parentage and peaced out. That helped wreck his whole life but she is gonna go through her whole existence not thinking about it. When FL actually screams at her later on, it's one of the most satisfying drama moments mmmm.)

Gotta say, I do feel bad for the unmother on rewatch. She actually did brain her own son when she witnessed him in the process of murder and saved the ML. I get why she's not warm and fuzzy towards him. Unfather persuaded her into this masquerade but at least there is something human in her.

Eun Ha is so adorable! I remember during the airing there was a wiiiild theory floating around that she's the true psychopath manipulating everything (which never made sense since she's 5, not even the biggest psycho could do that at that age) but nah, she's just a sweet, loved, well adjusted little girl. It honestly is the best testament to DHS not being any of the awful things he's accused of being - he's the primary parent and he's the one raising her (there is a very flipped 1950s marriage dynamic with the two with JW with her crazy schedule and all that being a loving parent but not one who really does much childcare at all) and look what an utter delight she's turned out to be. He's given her a childhood utterly unlike his own with basically no guidance of his own experience for it.

It struck me on the rewatch that whether he genuinely loves it or not, he'd always say that as part of his "must be perfect husband" thing. I mean, plenty of totally emotionally healthy people will love something just because it came from a loved one because of what it signifies when otherwise they wouldn't, but it's always a balancing act fot DHS as to whether it's that (healthy) or his not really allowing himself anything but perfection in front of her because he genuinely cannot function without her so he'd do anything to make her pleased. I think after the end of the narrative, one of the good things is he gets to discover fully and at his own pace and in a loving environment what it is he actually likes for himself in every respect.

Knowing it's not his name, this second is something else.

This drama is gonna get me writing reams this time around too.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

🧚‍♀️ Anon

I’m gonna try to watch black and white Film Noirs with Private Investigators (Something about them just scream ‘cool’ to me) but this idea came to me for Jotaro and Dio

Jotaro as a Private Investigator and is the best at his job (This honestly fits him so well)

Darling is his secretary who doesn’t bother him unless it’s to give him his new case or his schedule (She respects his privacy) though she’ll lightly chastise him for smoking in the building and airs out his office when he leaves to rid of the smell of cigarettes

Jotaro appreciates Darling since she does her job and doesn’t fawn over him like so many different women do (He plans to ask her to marry him in the future but doesn’t mind taking the dating game slow especially since Darling agreed to date him but lightly teasing him to promise to cut back a little on his smoking)

However, Darling was taken hostage by one of Jotaro’s enemies, Mob Boss Dio and now Jotaro needs to find and save her from his evil clutches

DIO is a Mob Boss that’s been doing a lot of illegal activities such as kidnapping, gambling, bribery, prostitution, murders and had no problems killing people who got too close in his personal business and affairs (This is more so in the 20s-30s where selling alcohol was illegal)

I honestly could see Mob Boss Dio own a bunch of different buildings from Casinos, Hotels, ‘Insurance Companies’, Law Firms and many other shady buildings and businesses that civilians, police and even people that are higher up (Like FBI) are too afraid to touch because of what Dio might do to them and the people they love

Dio becomes infatuated by how resilient, intelligent and loyal Darling is to Jotaro to the point she refuses to tell Dio anything about Jotaro, as not even his charm, seduction or offers of wealth and luxury works on her

Dio becomes jealous of Jotaro and wants to kill him even more now because he’s offering Darling the world at her feet yet she would rather be with a man who can’t even buy her jewelry or the best clothes in town (Darling doesn’t need fancy things to be happy and Jotaro comes from a wealthy background but wants to make his own money)

I sorta wrote this drowsy so forgive anything that doesn’t sound right or weird!

Ohhh... I like it.

Mr Kujo, best detective in the city. Mr Brando's had enough of him sticking his nose into his affair. He had the whole city right under his thumb until Kujo showed up, he still does but a sudden defiance of his authority is only a sign of more to come so he has to crush it.

At first he wants to take him out directly but it's not enough, he's gotta make an example of this big shot detective.

Darling had a thing for Jotaro, didn't tell his of course as she didn't want to give him the wrong idea that she was a gold digger since he's from a very wealthy family. She's from a lower income family. She's pretty serious about her jobs. Sorting out paperwork, chasing up leads on the phone, making appointments and making Jotaro's black coffees.

"You know this stuff is gonna kill you" she scolds just like his mother every time he pulls out a cigarette. She worries a lot due to her upbringing and her brother getting caught up in the Brando gang for all the wrong reasons.

She's shocked when he offers to take her to the best restaurant in the city, The black bird.

"Oh is this a date?" She jokes and he nods, she's stunned and he tells her to forget it.

"No, I'd love to go with you... it's just a shock" she tells him.

"But you have to promise me you'll cut back on these" she tells him as she shakes his packet of cigarettes.

So that night she gets dressed in her best and they head there. The food is great but she feels so alien in there. Swears people are judging her.

Her nicest dress is nothing like the other women, she doesn't know the difference between the different types of cutlery. There's four forks, three knives and two different spoons.

Who's also having dinner within eyeshot of them. Dio, who now has an idea. He knows darling, she's had to cover her brothers ass a fair amount of times. Practically paid for his debts back when she was a waitress. He won't lie, he's had an eye on her.

After the date Jotaro takes her home, he's a bit uneasy as he could see darling wasn't really enjoying herself, he probably wasn't too as it wasn't really his scene but thought darling would appreciate it.

"Thank you Jotaro, I enjoyed tonight" she tells him.

"You don't have to lie" he tells her.

"No I enjoyed your company maybe next time I could take you to one of my favorite spots, it'snot fancy but the food is great" she suggests.

"If you want to do this again that is?" She continues.

"Next week?" He asks and she ecstatic but shortly after he leaves another car pulls up. Before she even has the chance to rest Dio just allows himself into her home.

"I'm not covering for my brother anymore" she tells him. She swore off of helping her brother again after last time but it must be something serious of Dio himself is here.

"It's not about your brother and I never said anything about money" he tells her as he takes off his fur coat, it drops to the floor instead of her taking it like any other person would. He's annoyed but just sits down on her lounge.

"I'm still not going to work for you" she hisses, he'd previously tried to push her into sex work to pay off her brothers debts.

"What's with the attitude all of a sudden" he remarks.

"I only came here because I couldn't help but notice you were at The black bird earlier, seems a little to grand for your reach?" He questioned.

"I was invited there" she tells him.

"A date, with your boss?" He patronizes her.

"Such dirty work for a girl like you" he continues.

"It's not like that!" She barks back. He stands up and looks down at her.

"Then what is it!?" He demands an answer from her. His mad but can't help enjoying the way she looks up at him with pouted lips and a cold glare.

She refuses to respond.

"I'll get you to talk one way or another" he tells her as he grabs her and drags her out of the house and back into the car.

The next day Jotaro goes to check up on darling as she hasn't come into work, it's strange as she's always punctual. She's not home and he notices the neighbors watching from their windows.

When he asks one of the they tell him she didn't arrive home last night which he knows isn't true. So he pushes further and they refuse to give him a straight answer before he snaps and pushes them against a wall. Only then do they tell him what really happened, now he's stuck on a while goose chase to find out were darling is... if she's even still alive.

Dio tries bribing darling with all sorts of luxuries. She doesn't budge.

"I've always had an eye on you (Y/n), people would kill to have the attention I give you" Dio says as he sits opposite to darling.

"Then those people can have your stupid attention!" She hisses as she struggles against the rope she's tied in.

"Mr Kujo is going to know I'm missing! He'll search the entire city to find me!" She continues.

"And that is exactly what I want, he's going to walk through that door and the moment he does" he said before revealing the pistol hidden under his coat.

[tsukkismoonlight]

For You, Anything || NakedToaster x Reader

Authors note: I meant to put this in when i posted it hut work got in the way smh but !! This was my piece for the Teahouse collab, which you can find the other entries here !

Warnings: general warnings around breakups, thoughts/anxiety related to self image/self worth

Summary: You've sworn off love. After the way your last ex treated you, after all of the heartbreak, and all of the nights you lost to someone who didn't care, you have had enough. Or, that's what the plan had been. You wouldn't have guessed that a tiny fan server with less than ten members hid someone who made everything feel like all of that pain was worth it. And you, they'd do just about anything.

WC: 1.5k

You can tell that the little server is starting to wake for the night, by the sound of your notifications going off at a rapid pace. A smile crosses your face as you head over to your computer, double clicking on its icon that you had previously pinned to the taskbar.

One by one the messages loaded before your eyes, not that you had much time to read them before everyone was welcoming you back.

Nightowl was the first, as he quickly sent 'Hey hey hey! My fellow insomniac is here!'

'You two seriously need to fix your sleep schedules.' Was Onion's way of saying hi to you today.

'Hello to you too, Onion. I swear i'm trying my hardest' you type in response, before pausing and sending another message, 'Nightowl on the other hand…he's beyond saving.'

This earned an appearance from Quest, who came in to defend Nightowl on the low, 'Lets not gang up on the kid,'

'Thanks Quest, at least someone believes in me T-T'

You hummed to yourself, as another message made its way into the server. Though, this time it wasn't directed at you.

'Well if it isn't the ever so elusive Toaster.' Xyx's odd profile picture graced the chat room as he noted that Nakedtoaster was now active in the server.

'Wakey wakey Toast and shakey~' came Nightowl, quick to reference a story that Salo had told the group some few days ago.

'That again? How many times are you going to greet me with that, Owl?' You could practically hear the half-hearted exasperation through Toaster's message as if he was sitting right next to you.

'Is it better than Xyx always following up with "what's shakin bacon?" ' owl asked next, knowing full and well that Toaster really didn't mind either of the terms.

You took the slight lapse in the conversation to greet him yourself, 'good evening Toasty,'

'yeah yeah evening' he sends, then a short pause before another message from him loads, 'specifically good evening to you though.'

Another smile settles onto your features, as you reread his message.

From there the server seemed to find a good tempo in a happy conversation, talking about some bloomic fan-theory that June happened to come across just a few days prior.

You pull your attention away from the monitor for a moment to check your phone, swiping away the notifications displayed at the top of its screen. Outside of the server, you didn't have very many people to talk to. Sure, you had a few friends from work, and maybe one or two acquaintances that you made when you were still in school, but as life seemed to drag on, the less you heard from them. There was a point in time where you had a previous partner, and you had spent most of your free time with him.

And while things had started off nicely, they didn't end that way. He was controlling, you had to dress a certain way, speak a certain way, you had to take interest in the things he liked. The conversations were never about you. He would constantly criticize you, from the way you looked, to the way you'd write your As. By the time you finally managed to escape the guy, he had stripped you of who you were, or who you had been.

Your eyes glance to the date in the corner of your monitor. It had been nearly a year and a half since then. A year and a half of trying to fit cut up puzzle pieces together, in hopes that you'd get to see yourself again. Eighteen months of pushing yourself past your limits just to pick your hobbies and interests back up. Eighteen months of wondering if you could even go back to who you were before the guy.

A quiet ping from your computer broke you from your thoughts, and you looked to see a message from Toasty in the juicy gamers channel, one that only held Xyx, Toaster and yourself. Its purpose was supposed to be for Toaster and Xyx to talk about ffxiv, but by now it was just another chat room within the bloomic server.

As you clicked on the channel, you saw that it had been Nakedtoaster who pinged you, asking if you were alright, since you had gone quiet in the general chat.

'I'm alright! I was just thinking about something a little serious, I guess I got lost in my train of thought for a bit.'

You watched as it showed him typing, then a pause, then that he was typing again. Finally, he sent his message, 'wanna talk in the voice channel? You can share your thoughts with me if you'd like'

You pause for a moment. That would mean telling them about your ex. Not that you weren't ever open about your past with the server before. But, this was different. After breaking things off with your ex, you had promised yourself to do one thing; to swear off love, at least until you were ready to try again. You didn't want to rush into another relationship, only to doubt yourself again. You couldn't get stuck in another situation like that, especially if you weren't ready to put yourself first. And if you were being honest with yourself, you hardly had the words to explain that to someone else.

Yet, you found yourself joining Toaster's call, easily falling into the pattern that the two of you had made in your time in the server.

"You /still/ take forever to join calls," he smiles into his camera, slightly leaned forwards as they spoke into their mic.

You playfully roll your eyes at the comment, sighing as you did, "Not my fault /someone/ is so impatient,"

"Only because it's you,"

Your breath seems to hitch in your throat. Toaster said it so casually, that you almost missed how they actually meant it. You always seemed to misinterpret their words, everything he said always felt like it held more weight. And despite your vow to stay far away from relationships, you could never shake off the ever growing mix of anxiety and something that you didn't want to name that resided within your mind.

"Hey, you alright? I've called your name a few times now," Toasty is leaned back in his chair again, a worried look clear as day on his face.

You blink a few times, fighting off an awkward smile, mind racing to think of any excuse. When you couldn't form the words, Toaster let out a slow chuckle, as if he had understood your train of thought.

"I meant that as in…well." He paused, a heavy blush spreading across his face, "As in, I really enjoy talking with you and I'm impatient."

"But, only me?"

"Yeah. I wanted to say something earlier, but, I think I might have developed..uh..feelings for you."

The feeling was back. A confusing amount of dread, and content, like oil and water, refusing to mix but making themselves known aggressively.

"Toaster I-" you start, feeling your hands begin to shake, "I'm not…well…I don't want to outright say no or anything but..I'm not sure I'm ready for..well for that."

To your surprise, they let out another gentle laugh, nodding their head as they leaned back towards their mic, "I know,"

"Huh?"

"Well, I remembered awhile back that you mentioned a shitty ex, so I figured that this might be the case if I did confess…which is why I prepared myself." You watch as he fidgets with the short microphone stand, his eyes straying to something on his desk as he continued, "I'm not going to rush you. And I'm not going to make you tell me anything about your past relationship. I wanted to tell you that I like you, so that you know that I'm here, if you'll have me, whenever that may be."

You were stunned. Despite spending so much time with the Blooming Panic server, getting to know everyone, and letting them get to know this new, healing version of yourself, you had never stopped to think that any of them would actually take a deeper interest in you. Especially when you seemed to feel so lost in your own self worth and image, like looking into a mirror that was hastily glued back together. And yet they had. Nakedtoaster had looked at the same mirror, and decided that he wanted you.

You hardly notice a small stream of tears that fall from your face, as you speak, "You'd do that for me? You'd really wait?"

They lean back in their chair again, looking towards their camera with half lidded eyes, "I like you for who you are, and I know that. So, as long as I know that I want you, I'm okay with waiting."

He lets you sit for a moment, not commenting on your tears, or on the way you couldn't believe his words. Toasty was true to their words, they'd be okay with you taking your time, in this moment, and in the next. Something told you that you could trust him with that. Slowly, you let a smile make its way onto your face as you wipe away the uncertainty that had come from your eyes. Then, when you bring your attention back to them, they say one more thing.

"So, of course. For you, I'd do anything."

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

Story of Us [P.P]

A/n: I don't know how I wrote this but I actually managed to before I went back to Uni and I'm so proud of myself! This is very angsty and lets just say I'm sorry. Yes it's based off of one of my favourite Taylor Swift songs.

Peter and reader are older but nwh didn't happen.

Pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Stark!reader

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: angst, lots of angst, mentions of grief, implied mental health issues, (brief) detail and mention of SA (drunk guy tries to hook up with reader who doesn’t want to), breakup, some violence (punching), implied sexual themes, underage drinking - if there's anything I've forgotten let me know!

“You and Peter are so lucky.”

“Imagine finding your soulmate so early on.” 

“You two will have beautiful kids.” 

The words that others had spoken about you over the past year echoed in your ear. Compliments about you and Peter being the best couple, that you were going to save the universe together one day. Yet here you were alone, travelling to the annual Avengers New Years party. 

And it was all your fault. 

You had almost chickened out of going at all, wanting to spend another day in your sweatpants eating through leftover Christmas food. The Avengers and Peter’s aunt May hadn’t wanted you to spend Christmas alone so they had invited you over, sent food and facetimed you trying to encourage you to participate in the holiday spirit. Usually Peter was enough to bring you joy even when you were just friends but even he wasn’t there anymore. 

How could you enjoy any festivities without the one man who had been there through everything, supported you and protected you? Tony was gone and now Peter was too. You were fed up with losing everyone so you’d stayed well out of everyone’s way. If you weren’t close to anyone, you couldn’t lose them. 

May had scheduled sessions for you with a therapist in the New Year, the same one she had seen after the blip and after her husband had passed. She had offered to drive you herself too. Most people might find it awkward to stay in contact with your ex’s family but May had always treated you like her own especially after Tony died and you had always been grateful to her as she had been to you for looking after Peter. 

The driver of your taxi announced you had arrived and you were pulled out of your trance, your eyes drawn to the Avengers compound that was decorated in bright lights and Christmas decorations. At least they had still continued with tradition. 

You took a deep breath as you exited the car, ironing down your dress once more with your hands and putting a smile on your face, however fake it may be. The music was playing loudly as you came closer to the building joined with the chorus of laughter and cheer. 

Your heart sank as you spotted the statute of Tony and Natasha they had built. Engraved below read “The real heroes, forever remembered”. You fought back your tears and shook your head, walking in and putting your smile back on. 

All you had to do was stay until midnight and then you could make a swift exit. That had been the plan anyway and then you had seen him. 

Peter Parker. Your ex boyfriend and love of your life, laughing away with Sam and Bucky and smiling wide. His brown curls looked messy as if his hair had been ruffled several times and no doubt by the duo that was standing in front of him. He was wearing his usual party shirt, the same one you had drunkenly cried on many times and the one he had kissed you in when the clock struck midnight this time last year. 

The room was crowded and yet his eyes still managed to find yours across the sea of drunken people. His smile fell ever so slightly but there was a kindness in his eyes as he looked at you and you could tell he was as nervous as you. 

You quickly looked away and went to the kitchen to make yourself a drink. Even though you were underage, no thanks to the blip, a little alcohol wouldn’t hurt. Dutch courage, as your Dad would say. 

The first shot of alcohol had just gone down when someone was pulling the empty shot glass away from you. “Hey! Hey!” 

You sighed and turned around to see no one other than Doctor Strange himself chastising you for underage drinking. 

“This is reserved for the adults.” Strange sighed and vanished the bottle of alcohol through a portal to another room. 

“Do you ever stop being a killjoy?” You crossed your arms and glared at him in true Stark fashion, noticing Peter walking over from the corner of your eye and getting nervous again. 

“With you and Peter drinking underage, I might just celebrate the new year in another universe. Less stressful when you’re made of paint.” Strange gave an amused smile at his own joke and started to walk away, leaving Peter headed straight for you. 

Your heart picked up its pace, threatening to explode as Peter’s eyes met yours. His honey brown eyes almost drew you in but you couldn’t give in. You quickly pretended that someone else had caught your attention and darted out of the kitchen, heading for your old room. 

“Hey pretty girl.” 

A stranger, a little bit older than you, stopped you in your path and grabbed your arm. He was tall with dark hair, eyes the same colour as Peter’s but nowhere near as intoxicating or warm. You recognised him from when he would sometimes work with the Avengers. His jacket had the classic SHIELD logo and you scoffed. 

“Either you’re in fancy dress or you’re really bad at being a covert agent.” You pushed him off of you and laughed but the agent guy wasn’t having any of it. He cornered you near the bathroom and placed his hand on the wall by the side of your face, trapping you as he inched closer. You smelt alcohol on his breath and the way he was looking at you sickened you to your stomach. 

“The famous Y/n Stark, complete with the wit to match the name.” He smirked and went to touch your face but you moved your head away, ready to put your fighting skills to the test. Natasha had taught you some things during your initial training to become an Avenger before the world went to shit and half the population disappeared. 

“Yeah well I better get back-” You tried to push past him but he kept you trapped, cutting you off from speaking. You froze as his free hand wrapped around your waist, trying to pull you into him. You knew you should have fought back but you couldn’t. 

You told him to stop, pushing him away and threatening him but nothing seemed to deter him. That was until someone ran and tackled him to the floor, punching him with fast reflexes and super strength. You recognised that head of curls from anywhere. 

Peter got up after making sure the other guy wasn’t getting up anytime soon and quickly came over to you. A worried expression on his face as he reached out to held you before hesitating and withdrawing back. 

“A-are you okay?” 

You nodded and took a deep breath, noticing that some of the partygoers had now noticed what was going on. Sam and Bucky made sure the guy was thrown out and reported whilst insisting you go with Peter to get a drink and sit down. 

Peter made you a hot cocoa and sat down with you in a room on the other end of the compound, wrapping a blanket around you which you soon realised looked familiar. On the wall were Star Wars and Sci-Fi posters along with some selfies taken by Peter. This was his old room when he had first joined the Avengers. Tony kept it for him even when he declined his offer so that Peter would always have a place to stay if he needed it. 

You didn’t even notice you were crying until Peter handed you a tissue and rested a hand on your arm. You appreciated the gesture and wiped your eyes, not even caring if it smeared your makeup. You knew what Peter must have been thinking and honestly it was still what you were questioning yourself. 

“I couldn’t fight back.”

Peter looked at you and raised a brow but he didn’t say anything he just listened. You told him what had happened and how terrified you had been. You felt like you had let Tony down, he always told you to fight back and you couldn’t even do that when you needed to. 

“Hey. You didn’t let anyone down. It’s okay to be scared.” Peter tried to reassure you, taking your hand into his and squeezing. A technique he had learnt over time that made you feel safe and calm. 

You sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. The moment you had been dreading since you had arrived had dawned on you without any warning. You were unprepared and scared again but you knew Peter, he would never hurt you. 

Silence filled the room, the only sound was the music from the party and the laughter from people who were having fun. You sighed and looked down at your hands, remembering that cold September night when everything finally caught up to you, the loss and the heartbreak,  and Peter had been the one to suffer. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The words that had been on your tongue for so long, threatening to spill every time you saw him or May and yet never being able to speak them into existence. It was only two words but the meaning held so much more. 

Peter didn’t reply for a moment and instead wrapped his arms around you, just holding you as you let yourself cry onto his shoulder. He rubbed your back and played with your hair, humming the song you and him shared a love for. You could smell his cologne and feel the softness of his shirt, noticing that he had a cut by his shoulder that he had evidently tried to heal himself. It was almost as if nothing had changed. 

“I’m sorry too.” 

His words caused you to look up at him in surprise, your heart once again racing as you met his gaze. His eyes were watering and he looked sad, more broken than you had ever seen him. 

“I shouldn’t have let go. I should have held onto you and helped you even when you pushed me away but I-I couldn’t do it. I was hurting too.” Peter’s words were full of pain and sorrow, your heart breaking as you heard them. You had spent so much time wrapped up in your own pain and pity that you hadn’t even seen Peter’s. 

You realised you didn’t have to go through it alone after all and that Peter was just as afraid of losing you as you were of losing him. 

Your lips met Peter’s before he could ramble anymore, the small bit of dutch courage you had that pushed you to make an impulsive decision. His lips tasted just as you remembered them, sweet and like home but with a tint of alcohol mixed onto them. 

Peter hummed in surprise, his eyes widening before kissing you back. Both of you settled into a familiar rhythm of lips moving against each other as the rest of the world faded away. You were reminded of the times you had spent sneaking in here as a teenager after Peter had come back from a mission and healing him with your touch. You had thought you had been smart but your Dad had always known even the things you didn’t want him to know, thanks to Peter being loud in the bedroom. 

“Y/n,” Peter pulled back and cupped your face in his hands, worry still evident on his face. “You just went through an ordeal, we don’t have to-” 

“Peter.” You smiled kindly at him, the first real smile you had felt in a while as you held him close and nuzzled your nose against his. “I want to because I love you and I wasted all this time trying to push you away when all I needed was to have you here, with me.” 

The smile that lit up Peter’s face was enough to make your heart race from pure joy as he held you close and kissed you one more time. In the background the sound of a countdown had begun, counting down the seconds till the new year would begin. 

“I love you too by the way.” Peter interrupted, his cheeks burning scarlet as you kissed over his face and neck. You giggled and shook your head at how dorky Peter could be. 

“I never stopped.” Your eyes met his again as he spoke and the sincerity in his gaze made you pause. You had never met anybody quite like Peter and you were sure you never would. 

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6!” 

“Neither did I.” 

Both of you smiled as you cuddled close, enjoying every moment that you had and determined not to waste another. You remembered fondly all the times that the Avengers team and your friends had tried to set you and Peter up, placing you together on missions and being the only two left when the study group or team briefing got cancelled. 

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” 

“Happy new year!” You chimed in with the rest of the party but only as a shared whisper between you and Peter. He returned the sentiment with a new years kiss just like the year before but this time there was more love and passion behind it, behind the closed doors of Peter’s old room. 

The polaroid picture that May had snapped of you both asleep in each other's arms that night soon took pride and place in Peter’s room. That was until you moved in together and had a whole canvas filled with photos of the both of you including your wedding photos.

Taglist (join here): @farfrombarnes @marvel-lock @parkerpeter24

Moots: @the-girl-in-the-chair @glowunderthemoon @spideyspeaches @seolaseoul

[yourfavoritebookclub]

WINGLEADER: A Xaden Riorson POV Fanfiction

CHAPTER 8

“They don’t have the numbers to continue defending the outer towns and villages from the Venin.”

Garrick says, his voice bleak as we walk back to the third-year dormitory.

I don’t have any words of encouragement, any speech prepared to combat the harsh reality that the Braevi fliers are facing right now. We’re making as many weapons drops as possible, but they’re losing numbers quickly, and no amount of weaponry can replace able bodied fighters.

But I won’t sacrifice my people. Not now.

Everytime I make a run I put every single person with me in danger. Everytime we sneak out of the citadel with our dragons, I put my people at risk.

“There has to be something more we can do,” Bodhi says, his features cast in stark relief from the glow of the mage lights.

“We’re doing everything we can,” Garrick says angrily.

As we enter the courtyard I take stock of our surroundings, darkness unspooling from my fingers. It’s empty, save for two second-years, too engrossed in each other to pay attention to much else.

The shadows continue their sweep of the courtyard, swirling around every dark corner and hidden alcove.

As we get close to the barracks I can feel the moment my shadows find the figure pressed against the dark wall.

Violet Sorrengail.

My steps stutter to a halt.

It’s as if she’s haunting my every waking moment these days. Sometimes my dreams too.

As much as I try to deny the physical attraction I feel towards her, my self awareness is still intact enough to see the lie for what it is.

A poor defense.

It takes Garrick and Bodhi a breadth to realize I’m no longer in step with them.

“What’s wrong?” Garrick says, his eyes dart to the couple who are now engaged in what seems to be far more than kissing.

“Go on. I’ll meet you inside.” I say, waving my hand at him.

“You sure?” Bodhi asks, concern overtaking his features as he surveys the courtyard.

I’m exhausted, and my patience is nearing non-existent. “Go.” I order, and Garrick and Bodhi start towards the barracks without a backwards glance.

Once I know they’re out of ear shot I turn to face the wall but keep quiet, waiting.

“I know you know I’m here” Violet’s voice pierces through the darkness in front of me. Her body comes into view a second later as she walks forward to meet me. “And please don’t prattle on about commanding the dark. I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“No questions about where I’ve been?” Whatever she’s been doing tonight has drained her. Every bit of her usual defiance is gone, and in its place is something numb and broken.

“I honestly don’t care.” She shrugs, and pain flashes across her face at the movement.

My eyes rove over her, looking for any sign of the fierce, angry, woman I’ve come to know. “You really don’t, do you?”

“Nope. It’s not like I’m not out after curfew myself.” She says, heaving a sigh.

Why am I disappointed?

“What are you doing out after curfew first-year?” I tease, but there’s a hint of worry making its way to the space between my brows.

“Debating running away. How about you?” She asks and nods her head towards me, “Feel like sharing?”

“The same.” I blurt before clamping my mouth shut.

It’s the truth. Right now, I’d love to lock myself away in the keep at Athebyne and spend the rest of my days looking out over the mountain peaks.

Her eyes crackle with electricity, “Look, are you going to kill me or not? The anticipation is starting to annoy the fuck out of me.”

There’s my Violence.

She lifts her arm to rub her shoulder, and I track the movement, her finger tips pressing into the fabric of her dark undershirt. “I haven't decided yet.” I say lightly. My eyes flick back to her face and narrow as I try to get a good look at the scabs dotting her cheek. Gauntlet training started today, and of course Violet wouldn’t go unscathed.

“Well, could you?” She grumbles. “It would definitely help me make my plans for the week.”

My lips tip up into a smile, “Am I affecting your schedule, Violence?”

She curls her fists, anger heating her expression. I’m pushing my luck, but it’s better than the darkness that she was cloaked in a moment ago. “I just need to know what my chances are here.” She says, her voice wavering.

Come on, Violet, play with me.

I grin at her, “That’s the oddest way I’ve ever been hit on–”

“Not my chances with you, you conceited prick!” She screeches before darting past me.

Without thinking I wrap my fingers around her wrist, my grip gentle, like she’ll turn into smoke if I grasp too tightly. “Chances at what?” I ask, tugging her to my side, close enough that she has to look up past my shoulder to meet my eyes.

“Nothing.”

“Chances at what?” I repeat.

I don’t have the patience for whatever bullshit answer she’s about to give. Whatever conversation we’re about to have, I want to have it now, and I want the real thing. “Do not make me ask three times.”

She doesn’t meet my eyes, but her voice goes up a half octave. “At living through all of this! I can’t make it up the damned Gauntlet.”

Words from months ago echo in my ears. Kiernan’s words that night at the Iakobos River,

“I can’t do this! The death. The fighting. Any of it. A guy had his neck snapped right in front of me on assessment day!”

She gives her arm a tug, but not enough to break the hold I have on her. If she’s trying to leave, she’s going to have to want to leave, I’m not going to let her give up so easily.

“I see.” I say succinctly.

“No, you don’t. You’re probably celebrating because I’ll fall to my death and you won’t have to go to the trouble of killing me.”

Guilt tears its way through my chest, and shadow’s swirl around me in time to hide the anguish on my face.

“Killing you wouldn’t be any trouble, Violence.” I know I’m about to say too much, but it bubbles up past my lips anyway. “It’s leaving you alive that seems to cause the majority of my trouble.” Lots of trouble. The kind of trouble that has my eyes trained to search for her in every room. Trouble that puts my shadows on edge, begging to brush against her skin. The kind that has me lying in bed at night, fisting my cock, imagining it’s her hand, her lips, her body under mine.

“Sorry to be a hassle.” She snaps, and I blink once, my eyes refocusing on the Violet in front of me, very clothed, and very irritated. “You know the problem with this place?” She asks, giving her arm another halfhearted tug, “Besides you touching things that don’t belong to you?”

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” I say softly, letting her wrist fall from my grasp.

“Hope.”

“Hope?” I ask, tilting my head towards her. I can hear her just fine, but there’s an innate part of me that yearns to comfort her, to be close to her.

“Hope. Someone like you would never get it, but I knew coming here was a death sentence. It didn’t matter that I’ve been trained my entire life to enter the Scribe Quadrant; when General Sorrengail gives an order, you can’t exactly ignore it.”

I clench my jaw. Her assumption’s gotten under my skin. As if General Sorrengail’s daughter really understood the death sentence before me.

“Sure you can.” I shrug, my tone settling back to indifference. “You just might not like the consequences.”

She rolls her eyes, and I think she’s about to go, but instead she leans into the space between us, surprising me.

“I knew what the odds were, and I came anyway, concentrating on that tiny percentage of a chance that I would live. And then I make it almost two months and I get–” She stops mid sentence and shakes her head, mouth twisting into a disgusted grimace, “Hopeful.”

Everything starts slipping into place as her mouth closes around that last word.. She’s going to leave. She’s going to give up and let Dain Aetos smuggle her to the Scribe Quadrant like she’s no more than stolen property.

“Ah. And then you lose a squadmate, and you can’t quite get up the chimney, and you give up. I’m starting to see. It’s not a flattering picture, but if you want to run off to the Scribe Quadrant–”

She interrupts me with a gasp, “How do you know about that?” Her eyes are wide, bordering on panicked.

I smile ruefully at her. She should know better by now. Why doesn’t she know better? “I know everything that goes on here.” I let the darkness swirl around us, the shadowy black becoming dense. “Shadows, remember? They hear everything, see everything, conceal everything.”

And then it’s just she and I in the darkness, the rest of the world pushed behind a curtain of night black.

Her voice goes soft, not in fear or comfort, but the calm that comes with embracing something out of your control. Someone who’s giving up.

“My mother would definitely reward you if you told her about Dain’s plan.”

“She’d definitely reward you for telling her about my little…what did you call it? Club.” I remind her.

“I’m not going to tell her.” She snips.

“I know, It’s why you’re still alive.”

Her gaze has gone fiery again and I can’t look anywhere else.

“Here’s the thing, Sorrengail. Hope is a fickle, dangerous thing. It steals your focus and aims it toward the possibilities instead of keeping it where it belongs–on the probabilities.”

“So I’m supposed to what? Not hope that I live? Just plan for death?”

“You’re supposed to focus on the things that can kill you so you find ways to not die.” I shake my head. It feels as though she’s being purposefully obtuse. “I can barely count the number of people in this quadrant who want you dead, either as revenge against your mother or because you’re just really good at pissing people off, but you’re still here, defying the odds.” As the words leave my mouth all pretense of irritation is gone, and I’m left with the same state of admiration she always leaves me in. Darkness swirls and I give into them for a moment, letting them trail across her shoulders, soothing the scratches on her cheek. “It’s been rather surprising to watch, actually.”

Her gaze turns hard, “Happy to be your entertainment. I’m going to bed.” She spits before turning on her heel.

I’ve pushed too far. She stomps to the barracks and flings the door open so quickly I have to throw my hand up to keep it from slamming in my face.

She doesn’t bother to look back at me as she continues down the hall, and some of that earlier frustration comes roaring back to the surface.

“Maybe if you stopped sulking in your self-pity, you’d see that you have everything you need to scale the Gauntlet.”

She spins towards me, her face radiating pure fury, “My self-what?”

“People die,” I clench my jaw, trying to master the pressure that wants to settle over me at the thought. I suck in the cold night air still swirling through the door, “It’s going to happen over and over again. It’s the nature of what happens here. What makes you a rider is what you do after people die.” My words echo down the hallway. My father’s words. “You want to know why you’re still alive? Because you’re the scale I currently judge myself against every night. Every day I let you live, I get to convince myself that there’s still a part of me that’s a decent person.” Almost a lie, I stopped wanting to kill her after that night by the river, but her hate for me has always outweighed everything else. And if that’s what it takes to get her to stay… “So if you want to quit, then please, spare me the temptation and fucking quit. But if you want to do something. Then do it.”

“I’m too short to span the distance!” She almost yells it at me.

I don’t know how else to tell her that she’s enough. How else to convince her she’s capable of surviving, and more than that, conquering whoever and whatever comes her way. This narrative that she has of a weak, cowardly girl is failing her.

“The right way isn’t the only way. Figure it out.” I order, before turning and walking away.

[crimeronan]

I feel like I would consider myself polyamory agnostic in a way, like I would maybe like for it to happen but I often fear that I don't have the ability to manage even one partnership, let alone multiple relationships, since I am often. So tired. I often find myself idealizing the "late" stage of a relationship when everyone already has settled into what to expect of each other and knows not to take it personally if someone falls asleep mid movie, for example. All this to say, how do you handle your relationship structure as a disabled/chronically ill person? Do you have any advice/thoughts on how it works for you? (I feel like perhaps you have posted about this before and I am just forgetting...)

oh this is a really good question! i'm not sure how relevant my life experience will be to you, particularly given that i started dating all three of my current partners before becoming disabled/crippled. but i am happy to share!

first off -- i 100% get romanticizing the late stage of relationships, sometimes you just need things to be chill and flexible. but i also don't think that this stage necessarily Needs to be reserved for Late Relationships?

like.... the older i get, the more upfront i've decided to be about my needs, especially with new people. granted, a lot of the people i meet these days are either disabled themselves or Get It -- my social circle is mostly queer spoonies in their 20s and 30s + much much older retirees that i hang out with at the local pool.

some people prefer not to be so open so quickly about their limitations, it is hard and scary to be visibly disabled, harder still to ask for help & admit that you might be inconvenient / a burden / take up extra space. this USED to be me until i said. eh. fuck it. after a certain point, wounded pride is just a mental construct

basically, like. when i'm online these days, you'll see me be clear about my limits with strangers - i'll say that if i stop replying to chats or asks, it's not bc i hate you, it's bc i'm tired or forgetful. that i can't guarantee responses to ppl, even people i'm already friendly with. that if my mood is bad or my pain levels are high, i won't engage in much social interaction at All. that my capabilities fluctuate wildly depending on the day and that i cannot be relied upon for consistent scheduling or posting or creative output

i'm similarly open with people irl. it helps that i'm often using mobility aids when i'm talking to people. the mobility aids sorta strip the possibility of pretending not to be disabled. it's kinda the elephant in the room. but it means that i can be like, "as you can see, i am very crippled. i may need flexibility with any plans that we make. due to being very crippled."

if people get upset by this or simply don't have the capacity to deal with it, that is fine! that's not either of our faults, no one's done anything wrong, we're just not in the right circumstances to mesh. i don't get hurt by that personally. i've honestly found that it saves SO much time and hassle and potential drama/heartache to set expectations right away. the only other option is to exhaust myself and end up failing to meet expectations regardless and losing the friendship after burning up a bunch of energy and social bridges. painful and bad!

so like... i can meet a new person, and if they're cool with My Whole Deal, then there's no waiting period before we're familiar enough for flaky behavior. i can be like, "i'm not sure i'll be able to walk tonight, is there a place to sit down at the event?" or "i'm flaring a little, is it okay for us to be kinda flexible about tomorrow's schedule?" or "hey, i'll get back to you as soon as possible i promise, i'm just fogged TO SHIT today [peace sign]" from day 1. it's great

i'm not saying that you Have to do this; i am aware that it breaches like seventeen laws of general social etiquette. i'm just saying that i have met many people who are totally chill about this! as long as you're chill and respectful of the other person as well, you can do whatever you want forever

that was not even relevant to the initial ask, so. AS FOR MY PARTNERS.

i actually don't find that my illness makes it harder to navigate my relationships at all. like i mentioned, i've been with all three partners for Many Many Years now. we know each other Extremely well, we're all extremely turbo autistic, we all have blunt communication down to a science. so saying "i'm not up for doing [x thing] tonight, can we take a rain check?" is super easy.

in fact, my partners can basically intuit a flare from just my physical movements and tone of voice, even before i say a single word. we are VERY familiar with each other.

.....and, alright. after fighting the urge to longpost i've decided to put the rest under a cut. YOU'RE WELCOME 4 THE RETURN OF YOUR DASHBOARDS. "why didnt you put it under a cut so much earlier" read my posts boy

anyway. click readmore to hear me expand upon just how fucking incredible and awesome and kind and generous and loving my People are

there ARE some ways that the illness has made it more difficult for ME to be the kind of partner that i want to be -- for example, i often lack the energy to provide proper emotional support during stressful situations, i have a shorter threshold for pain/irritation than i used to, i can't give 100% of my energy anymore and there have been times when that has resulted in hurt feelings in my partners.

(there have been far more times, though, when nobody's feelings are hurt and it's literally fine.)

in every case where feelings DID get hurt, we've talked stuff out and fixed it within like an hour. bc we all trust each other and know that we don't WANT to hurt each other's feelings. i never ever Ever say things with the intention of wounding my partners, and they know that. they never say things with the intention of wounding me, either, which is why our very blunt "hey, you need to change something you're doing" convos go so well. there's no need to tiptoe, it doesn't hurt me to know what they're thinking or feeling or needing.

sometimes things are just hard and shitty and we're all doing the best we can. this is just part of adulthood i think. especially adulthood in late stage capitalism, etc. the Biggest key to my polycule is that we are all much happier as a family than we would be without each other. the relationships are about as wholesome and healthy and non-toxic and openly communicative as they can get

the Other key aspect when dealing with my illness is that.... being polyamorous has actually been... SOOOOOO MUCH BETTER than being 1) alone, OR 2) in a monogamous relationship EVER WOULD BE?

it is Extremely Stressful for my family to deal with me being this sick. i am aware of that. but i haven't had to bear the brunt of it. not only do they support me, but they also all communicate with and support each other. so no one person is bearing the entire weight of the stress or pain or fear. and i don't have to comfort people over my own symptoms, which most disabled ppl i think would agree is.... exhausting

when i'm too fucked up to speak aloud, let alone support my partners the way i usually do, they ALWAYS have EACH OTHER as a safety net.

this safety net has been beyond vital for me personally, too. round-the-clock care from a single partner is insane and exhausting and leads to unraveling tempers. but when you live with two partners who can help cover your chores and cook and make sure you don't die of your Symptoms (TM)? that's much more doable.

it's HARD, bc literally everyone in the house is disabled to some degree, but it's doable. (it being hard is part of why my QPR is going to move in with us soon. extra hands!)

a few weeks ago, rafi (partner of 7ish years) went on a short vacation to visit family in california. and justice (QPR of 3ish years, best friend of 8ish years) booked an impromptu next-day plane ticket to come stay with me and vi (partner of 11ish years) while rafi was gone. because i was Very Sick. i was flaring horribly the whole time she was here, and she made meals and cleaned and ran errands and picked up medications and returned phone calls and lay in bed with me watching low-stakes tv shows and made sure i didn't stroke out without anyone there to help.

this meant that i basically got to stay in bed the whole time, which was very very Very needed. and vi -- who has a bad back -- wasn't unduly taxed with Literally All of the household upkeep in rafi's absence.

the same principle has applied when i've needed my partners to help cover my share of bills or my household chores or my errands or whatever. since there are three other people involved, the Immediate Support Net is much wider than in a monogamous relationship. especially bc all three of them have their own familial and friend support networks to reach out to!

having more people around is actually awesome for me. i don't feel like i'm expending a lot more energy than i would in a monogamous relationship, but i AM receiving a TON more support and care and love than would be possible in a monogamous relationship.

i guess the conclusion i'd make is: no man is an island, humans are hardwired to build large social support groups, and in a good relationship, you'll receive At Least as much as you give. right now i'm receiving a SHIT TON MORE than i give, and i do often feel pretty bad about it despite knowing it's not my fault.

but these people have chosen to be my family. and if they ever want to stop choosing me then they absolutely can. and if they need more from me or they need something Different from me, then they'll literally just tell me.

(i know they will literally just tell me because all three of them have literally just told me in the past. they're three people i can implicitly trust to say things like "hey, this thing you said made me sad / was unhelpful" and "hey, i'm really stressed out about [x thing], can we make a plan to deal with it?" and "hey, this situation is pretty serious and i know that you don't want to face it but i really need you to. i will take on whatever i can for you and support you the whole time")

so: yes it has been hard to some extent, managing three relationships while also being sick. but it is also a wonderful setup with a million unthought-of advantages & i am much better cared-for and much better AT caring because of it & i fucking Shudder to think how horrific being sick would be without them.

i love my family so much.

[lolchicsa]

Lol’s shorts #1

Control

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Dom!Reader

Here you are, yet again. Called in to another military base to provide better intelligence tactics. See, you were one of the smartest people on the planet. So smart, a collection of governments were too scared to leave you roaming the earth.

In the beginning, you didn’t like the sounds of it. There was always someone keeping an eye on you, even in a harmless coffee shop. But it does have its perks. No one can harm you, no one can harass you, unless they want an army of security fall on their neck. This little bump in your regular schedule did become annoying, that’s when you had had enough.

Now, you are called in to military base all across the globe to aid units. The major part of the deal is you need to give them an adequate reading on their enemies future plans. For someone like you, reading people base on what little information you have was a walk in the park. Hell, you did it subconsciously and it freaked people out. Even with lines of redacted black lines covering a paragraph of text, you still gave them accurate information. That’s why you were important, that’s why you aren’t afraid of anything.

You’ve been doing this for years. Aiding in operations all over the world. Intellectual power house is what you are. You have saved so many lives by just being you, downside is it took a toll on your emotional health. Reading all the awfulness, meeting people just to forget they exist days later. It made you stoic, unfazed by small talk or whispered comments. To you, the rest of the population became obsolete, just a sea of faces that you could never connect with.

This time around, you where called in to the British land governed by people with superiority complexes. The unit you had limited time to interact with was chasing a Russian terrorist with a wide array of bombs. Meh, what’s new?

You quickly red through his file while walking through the numb hallways of this new base. Name was Makarov, born in blah blah blah… couldn’t terrorist be a little more interesting?

Closing the folder after having enough of reading the acts of terror, you pushed the door to the briefing room. Heads snap to take a good look at you. Having done this a hundred times, you are unfazed by the judgement hidden behind their features. You stand in a corner, taking quick glances at the people in the room, expression unchanging. The speaker started up his speech again, going over details of their next mission.

A tall body caught my attention. Skull mask on his face, deep pits of judgement for eyes. You’ve seen this type of man before. Always the quietest, always ready to defend their unit from the new person. Relaxed, in control of the situation, that’s what his posture suggested, but his eyes revealed something else. He wanted to know more about me, the distrust in his eyes was clear as day. Control was something he liked a lot, obvious by his reaction to you.

It only took you 5 seconds to come up with a plan to mess with him. You’re purpose for it? Having a little fun with the uptight giant.

You made your move after having a staring contest with him for a good 7 minutes. He shifted immediately, turning his body towards you, arms crossing over his chest. The usual posture for maximum intimidating. How nice.

He was staring daggers at you, which you completely ignored. This isn’t the first time you deal with this kind of soldier and you want to teach him a lesson on who’s boss around here. You have to look up at him because of his height, but your plain expression is already getting to him. You stop in front of him, inches between your chest and his still crossed arms.

The room became silent, finally catching on. The tension was palpable and you thrived in it. Skull mask narrowed his eyes at you, finally realizing the slow shift in power.

“The hell’s happening over there” a voice broke the silence. It wasn’t skull face, it wasn’t your skull face that said that.

Control. That was the name of the game here. He didn’t want to give you control of this situation, he didn’t want to lose control in front of his team. You could practically read his mind in this moment and it was thrilling. Thoughts were speeding through his head, trying to find the best way to deal with you.

A sickly smile spread your lips. Seeing him slowly lose his mind at your very simple actions. You knew he couldn’t push you away, you knew he couldn’t overreact because then he would lose control.

“Ghost? Everything alright mate?” Another voice interjected. You took note of the impatient undertone of the voice. It was time to make another move before the other beings in this room intervened.

You lifted your arm, skull dudes eyes tracking your movements. Slowly, your hand spread over the plastic of the mask covering his cheeks. He didn’t move, still trying to have control of the situation. You were having the time of your life, slowly tilting his head from side to side as you feigned a fake sense of interest.

It was time for the last nail, to seal the figurative coffin you’ve been building all this time. You pulled his head to the side and brought it closer to your face. Your breath slowly fanned over his ear, your mouth so close to his ear he could hear your breathing.

“You’re mine now”

[noforkingclue]

The Body in the Library Chapter 5 (Sherlock Holmes x reader)

You looked at your cork board as you rocked back and forth in your chair. You used this board when planning your next book but seeing you were on a brief break you decided to use it for this- trying to figure out a real life murder. Fuck, you really were becoming a character from your own books weren’t you?

Usually when you were planning one of your books you’d work backwards. Knowing who the murderer would be as well as the victim and plotting back from there. Motives, suspects, all of that came easily when you worked like that. However, this was different. You were working from a dead body, with no suspects, no motives, no-

You sighed as your phone pinged. You glanced at the message and frowned.

Stop that. SH

You glanced at the time and winced. It was two in the morning. You were usually in bed by this time but Holmes’s warning still echoed around your mind and you weren’t able to fall asleep.

How did you know I was awake?

Simple matter of deduction. You were unnerved by what I told you yesterday. The majority of people would not be able to sleep therefore I correctly assumed that you would be awake. SH

Do you always sign off your texts ‘SH’?

I wasn’t aware that you had my number saved down.

I do. Under ‘pretentious wanker’

For an author you are not particularly eloquent.

You got me off topic. What do you think I’m doing?

Trying to solve my case.

Your case? I thought that you would’ve left this to the police. Why are you taking it on?

To your surprise Sherlock didn’t reply right away. You rolled your eyes and chucked your phone back on your desk. Typical, as soon as the conversation became difficult Sherlock avoided it. Really you should’ve expected it. Although you did want to know why he decided to do this case.

You haven’t answered my question.

Ok, you shouldn’t have double texted. First rule- never double text. Although was that just for partners or possible romantic interests? You had no interest in Sherlock Holmes whatsoever.

Because it’s irrelevant.

How?

Do you question why I take any case.

Only ones that involve someone you’re meant to be hating

Oh.

Wait.

I’ve been thick

Surprising.

Fuck you. But let me guess- Matthew is paying you a shit tonne of money for you to solve this case. Plus you get added exposure for dealing with me

 Surely that would be the other way around. You profiting from my success as a consulting detective.

I am secure enough to not need any ‘exposure’ from you

If you say so.

I do say so

You threw your phone to the side as you continued to study your moodboard. You drummed your fingers on your desk. This wasn’t how you usually worked. Hell, you didn’t even know the identity of the victim. The poor bloke that somehow ended up in your lib- living room. You couldn’t do anything without a name.

Sherlock certainly wouldn’t give it to you. Why would he do anything to help you out? If he could do something to make your life difficult he would do it. Lestrade was also a deadend. He had far too many principles to leak vital information about an ongoing case. You glanced at the clock and once again winced when you noticed the time. You pinched the bridge of your nose and finally decided to head to bed.

You couldn’t work like this. You needed a decent night’s sleep (despite fucking up your sleep schedule even more) and come at this with a fresh gaze in the morning. Maybe then, you’d be able to see things through a fresh perspective and also think of someone who could give you some scraps of information.

[namazunomegami]

in my opinion, Gege suffers from the same problem that Tite Kubo suffered from: rushing.

this is partly due to the nature of Weekly Shōnen Jump as well as his own health issues, but not completely.

Both Kubo and Gege have this problem in which they have a plan of how to get from point A to point B, but tend to not flesh that out.

However, a lot of the outrage I’m seeing towards the current situation in the manga comes from people who tend to be unable to seperate canon Gojo from fanon Gojo because when you put fanon at the back of your mind as just take Gojo and JJK as a whole (and not for what we wish they could be), the character’s reactions to what’s going on and what’s happening to Gojo do not really surprise me at all.

ANON I'M SO SORRY THAT I KEPT YOU WAITING FOR SO LONG!!! I got sick and spent most of my days with recovering. And now, with newfound strength, I'm ready to yap!! Hope you can forgive me for taking some time off from tumblr.

cw: minor spoilers from Bleach, especially from the new TYBW arc, endless yapping

I absolutely agree with you that Weekly Shounen Jump is Satan's bastard child. I'm not surprised that mangakas eventually choose another, yet a not as popular magazine for publishing. Shounen Jump also takes a lot of creative liberty from authors or not give them enough money, it doesn't matter how popular their work is (just look at poor Togashi, Shounen Jump has been slowly killing him). Literally the same thing happened to Araki and I think it's actually better that Jojo's has a monthly release schedule in terms of writing and pacing. As well as my goat Ishida Sui who got horribly burnt out by Tokyo Ghoul and now moved to Tonari Young Jump which is an even weirder kind of niche, I think they mostly publish horror and seinen but the magazine is a completely online platform. And Ishida now has an irregular release schedule, meaning he publishes a chapter whenever he feels like it. So... sometimes I don't hear anything from Choujin X for months and sometimes I get three chapters in a row every week. But I care about him and his art more than my own incapability to keep up with stuff.

The main problem (for me at least) with Bleach that it gets repetitive quickly. Substitute Shinigami arc? That's a good introduction arc tbh, sense of wonder is there, we're slowly building up the world, provide explanations at a nice pace. Ichigo was a one of a kind shounen protagonist in the early 2000s because he didn't want to save the whole world, he wasn't above to kill his enemies, he didn't want to be the Hokage/Pirate King/the Strongest/whatever, he just wanted to protect those who are close to him and couldn't give a shit about others and that's the reason he was so relatable to many readers. He was a delinquent, a punk compared to the usual happy-go-lucky protag formula.

Soul Society arc? Rukia is off to be executed and Ichigo rescues her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Arrancar arc? Orihime is kidnapped by Aizen and Ichigo wants to rescue her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Fullbringer arc? Sado gets friendly with Xcution and Ichigo's initial trust in them starts to crumble so he wants to protect him with the help of the gang and gets back his shinigami powers and also a few power ups. TYBW arc? Ishida betrays the gang and leaves with the nazis-but-dressed-in-white so he wants to save him with the help of the gang but oh shit the Soul King is killed he must save the whole world too and gets a few power ups. Great success!

I know, I know that's oversimplified but I love Bleach with all of its faults.

Rushing was definitely a problem with Kubo especially in the last arc. I'll forever be bitter about the ending (and no, not because of the ichiruki vs ichihime ship war, I couldn't care less but I admit that I'm an ichiruki and ulquihime fan and Studio Pierrot was always heavily biased in terms of ships) and because Kubo literally failed his own main cast.

I remember that I saw a post on DeviantArt where the original poster shared their thoughts about how they imagine the main four's ending and I'm almost completely on board with that. I can go for so, so long how Kubo did Ishida and Sado dirty, but maybe in another occassion, I'll get deeper into that.

Another problem with TYBW arc is that he made the Quincy ridiculously op. The fights weren't fair and some of the abilities are beyond of any logic (I'm looking at you Gerard, Yhwach and Pernida) and he needed a few asspulls to make the Shinigami win. And some of the truly powerful Shinigami couldn't get utilised. And Byakuya should have remained dead.

But at least I'm giving Kubo credits for that he's willing to correct his mistakes with the new seasons and the light novels.

Gege... Gege just completely lost it. His mind, the plot, character development, everything. He gets inspired by wonderful authors, but can't use them in a satisfying way, the execution is just bad. When you spend such a small amount of time to write your characters the fandom will do it, and that's why fanon Gojo and canon Gojo is just two different characters. But that's sorta true for all of the characters in the cast.

And some fans are just horribly delusional, sorry not sorry.

[theflyingfeeling]

thoughts that kept me awake last night (writing them down now so maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight)

1

I know I'm unemployed against my own will and that it's not my fault there haven't been many job openings related to my degree+experience in the area where I live and that the whole recruitment shit works a bit differently in my field, but I still can't help but feel guilty about not having done enough, and because I haven't done enough, I don't deserve to have a nice, relaxing summer. I'm a teacher, so I wouldn't be working during the summer anyway (which made me guilty enough last summer; how come some people only get about 4 weeks off during the summer months, but I get to have two whole-ass months? not fair, not deserved, guilt guilt guilt), but now that I haven't been working all winter/spring safe for some random substitution gigs (2½ weels being the longest one), it feels so wrong to spend the summer doing shit-all. I don't deserve to sit in the sun enjoying myself, I don't deserve to go out and about, I don't deserve to do nice summery things, and I most definitely don't deserve to travel abroad.

My friend and I have plans to go to Paris late July, but it’s gonna be pricey (the flights in particular), so I'm hesitant about going through with the plan. It's not like I couldn't afford it - I have lived rather economically over the years and have a bit of money saved up for various purposes, travelling being one of them - but I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on such inessentials, because I haven't been doing anything to deserve it. I haven't been working hard enough to find a job, I'm not ready to move elsewhere because of a job, I haven't been looking for job opportunities that are outside my specific field, I haven’t contributed to society in any way, therefore I don't deserve to do anything this summer except sit inside and pretend I don't exist, because if I'm not beneficial to society, I should not be exploiting its services. I don't deserve it, but I really, really, really wanna go to Paris 😭

My life's been more or less the same for the past 10 years; who's to say it won't continue this way for the next 10 years, and the next 10 years after that? I know someone with a more positive mindset might say but what if it does change, but if my life hasn't changed for the past 10 years, what are the chances of it changing in the future? Like, do you get what I'm saying? 😩 Again, I understand certain experiences don't have a due date, but I feel like if those things were to happen at all, they would've happened by now? I want to believe I deserve more from life than this, but what if this is all I deserve? An empty, quiet, meaningless life.

2

Somewhat unrelated but bothering me just as much: I so happy for all my mutuals embracing their identities during pride month, but at the same time I feel like a bit of an outsider because the only thing I identify as is 'failure', and instead of pride I feel extreme shame about what I am, that is to say... nothing? I know everyone has their own path in life and that there is no set schedule to certain life experiences, but it doesn't erase the fact that I'm nowhere near where I always thought I'd be by now. And I know I'm still relatively young and that I still have time to achieve all those things and have those experiences and blabla, but I feel like the more time passes, the harder it gets to get any closer to those things. I know I have time now, but I won't always have time.

I have nothing, I am nothing. I don't belong anywhere.

[seventeenplug]

If you do do a sequel to “Get Out”, please, please, PLEASE don’t make reader go back to the cheater jerk. Him saying he loves the reader just makes me part vomit and part boil. If he loved her, he wouldn’t have dicked around. 😤😤 (No offense to your writing, I just hate people who use that shitty line to excuse the inexcusable, and your writing skills sure pulled the emotions out of me.)

Maybe Hoshi, Woozi, Mingyu, or Joshua becomes her new neighbor and they become friendly and over a length of time, he slowly woos and courts her. He doesn’t push, totally works on her schedule, but he has the love and patience to see her moved into his apartment, sleeping in his bed, and wearing his ring. Doesn’t necessarily have to have a part where cheater ex sees her in passing and mourns what he lost, but I’d probably be shaking my pompoms at that (cause imma petty bitch and know that real life doesn’t always work out like that).

Love the idea! And it was around what I too wanted to do for a part 2, so without further ado.

Get Out PT.II (Yoon Jeonghan X reader)

For those who haven't read, or wish to re-read, just click on- Part 1

I finally learned how to link stuff in texts, I know, I'm dumb lol, so expect a pinned post with all the stories and links to them, so you don't have to constantly search for them :)

~~~~~~~~

Pairing: You'll see later ;) X AFAB reader

Genre: Angst, hope, fluff.

Warning: Curse Words, mentions of sex, but no actual words of it just the action, idk how to explain. Mentions of cheating

Summary: It's been 6 months since the breakup, and you haven't seen Jeonghan a single time, you quit your job and moved to a different area, beginning to work as a waiter in a well known restaurant.

Word Count: 3065

Not long after Jeonghan left your house you began to pack your bags, putting your every item inside your bags and when those weren't enough you moved to put them in plastic bags, calling your closest friend to help you move out which she gladly did, arriving at your door in less than 20 minutes.

There was only an issue. The ring.

You had found a ring hidden in his bedside table lamp, it had a note attached, your name written in cursive letters. It read:

«Y/N, it is like this that I will hand you this ring as I cannot keep myself from stuttering whenever I see you, beautiful like you are, eyes shinning with bright stars whenever you look at me with your big doe eyes. I would love, nothing more than to make you my wife. I know it hasn't been long, but I know that not many are as lucky as I am to find someone like you, bright, caring, sweet. Someone whose whole aura is able to light up the room. I want to be with you forever.

I will confess my every sin to make you happy, I will never hurt you, I will forever be faithful and attentive. I am ready for that commitment now, please, accept my heart with open hands like you always do.

Forever Yours ~

Hannie.»

You scoff, pushing down your tears, swallowing your sorrows as you put the box back where you had found it, but instead, you left it open. Taking the paper with you and leaving it in the trashcan.

You moved around the apartment in quick steps, grabbing every single photo and breaking the frames before putting them in a trash bag which you left for your now ex-boyfriend right besides the front door as you locked the door behind you. All the bags in hand as you walked away.

This would have been the last of Jeonghan that you would see having set up an apartment on the outskirts of town with the little money you had saved up.

You decided that you would also quit your work at a daycare in the morning, the 2 weeks notice was too late, and you would have to sacrifice your sleep to work those 2 weeks needed, but afterward, you'd plan on moving even further away.

And now, 6 months later, it seems that it has all paid off, the heartbreak had been the brick of the iceberg and had simply made you stronger, at least enough for you to get out your comfort zone.

You began working at a wedding planning establishment, your boss, Minghao had been utmost caring about your situation helping to accommodate you as you settled into your apartment which was getting renovated.

He allowed you to stay at his house for a while, which ended up making you two closer, not only due to your heartbreak and his care-giving self, but also due to your mutual love for food, books and meditation. But most importantly the contact with the nature.

The two of you often chose to hang out outside the house and out of work by going on hikes or taking a drive to the beach, returning home the day after at sunrise.

The nights would seem short whilst the two of you closed the shop, heading home in the same car after another satisfying day of greeting customers and helping them plan their wedding. Heading home in the same car because, as he always said, it saved both time and money, since it meant his worker would always be on time by arriving with the boss. You didn't refuse. You enjoyed the rides, you had more time to chat, get to know each other.

It was safe to say that after yesterday's workout, the two had gotten much closer than before, maybe due to the fact that it was in the early hours of the morning, the sun kissed his skin, which you followed, the car illuminated enough inside for the two of you to not be caught. The two of you in utter proximity, your bodies touched even you tried to make space.

Sweat dripping down his temple, his hand on your head, hair disheveled, using a hand to keep yourself steady on top of him.

In the morning, you could feel the slightly awkward atmosphere, the two of you avoid eye-contact, a blush on your cheeks, whilst Minghao's ears turned red at the mere thought of last night.

Nevertheless, the two of you still went to work together, he still helped you out of the car, the dress skirt being a little naughty and lifting when you exited the car, causing your boss' ears to once more tinge in color.

And as always, he held the door open for you to go inside first, a shy smile on your face as you walked in.

Thankfully, today's plans weren't big, nor would they take long. They had a customer who was almost a regular by now due to the immense work she required for her wedding, and then a new person coming in for her first consultation, a woman called Kim Yoo Jung.

You had just finished preparing both yours and Minghao's cup of tea handing it to him and sitting beside him on the couch looking through the requirements of your new client when the bell above your front door rang.

The two of you stood up to greet the client, a beautiful woman entering with a bright smile.

You walk towards the woman greeting her brightly and helping her remove her coat at the door, your eyes caught onto the very noticeable pregnancy belly, but quickly snapped back out of it. Leading her into the consultation room where she explained how her fiancée would either be late, or unable to attend due to his busy schedule which you understood and started with the work right away.

Yoo Jung was a very bright woman, she had her mind set on certain things, although she was unsure of others, she explained how the marriage was something that his family disapproved of due to issues within their own relationship and how that made it hard for her to connect with her fiancée's family. She had also gotten pregnant at a sensitive time which made it even harder to approach his family. You nodded as she spoke consoling the poor soon to be bride when the store's bell rang once more and the two of you went to the front desk to check who it was.

You took it as a chance to head into Minghao's small corner at the back, asking for his help to give her a wedding that she could remember, making a small basket to hand her at the very last consultation which he agreed to do. Something he wouldn't usually do.

"Miss Y/N?" You hear her voice call for you from the front, you excuse yourself from Minghao and head back out with a smile.

You happiness towards this client was short-lived when your eyes caught onto the man you wanted nothing more than to never see again.

There he stood, a hand behind your client, the joy of a woman who was also pregnant.

You could see the shock in his face, likely mirroring yours.

Clearing your throat you looked down for a short second slapping a smile back onto your face and greeting them once more.

"Hello, you must be the fiancée. My name is Y/N, I will be your wedding coordinator."

"I'm Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan" he says.

"I hope we can work without a hiccup from now on. Please, come in." your hand extends to the side taking the two of them back into your office, staying behind for a short time trying to assimilate everything before following behind the loved-up couple.

She was the woman he had fallen for. Whom he'd cheated on you with. The reason your relationship was broken. And he had even gotten her pregnant.

You push those thoughts back, walking back into your office and shutting the door behind you making your way to the desk, eyeing the two carefully.

"As I was explaining to you before, this venue is highly known for it's garden space, it's spacious, very elegant but it is a bit on the expensive side. The one on the right however is the cheaper option, it also contains a garden but unlike the one on the left does not have a pond, nor the swings. These are the two options I would let you two choose upon seeing as the two fit your desires the most" you explained pointing the differences between the two locations.

"I like the first one, Hannie" ... Hannie, the name you always used on him, unknown to you, his eyes were on you, how you scrunched your face upon hearing her call him that, your eyebrows furrowed for a second.

"Hannie?" she called to the man once more, his eyes focusing back and looking at his pregnant fiancée.

"Yes? Oh, yes. I also liked the first one" he quickly answers, an anxious smile on his face which you take notice to right away.

"Y/N, would you like me to take over while you take your break?" Your savior, Minghao knocks softly at the door, you smile, a small sigh of relief as you nod.

"Should we all take a 10-minute break since the venue had been chosen?" You suggest, the couple nods, the three of you leaving the room, Yoo Jung taking the pictures with her so she could inspect them more.

Once outside the room you head right outside, Minghao barely having the time to call out your name before he sees Yoo Jung's fiancée follow you outside.

"Y/N" he sighs, catching up with you quickly, grabbing onto your wrist making you turn back, pulling your wrist away from him.

"Let go of me, Jeonghan" you seethe in anger.

"Please, just listen to me. I didn't know you worked here, I swear" his eyes begging you to believe him, which you do, knowing how awkward the air already is, you had no doubt he didn't want his significant other to see who he'd betrayed to be with her.

"Let's just get this consultation over with, so we can all move on" you sigh, a hand on your forehead.

"Are you okay?" he carefully asks, reaching closer to touch your forehead, but you slap his hand away, stepping back.

"Don't touch me! Just because you didn't know I worked here, and I believed you doesn't mean we're suddenly friends. I never wanted to see you again, and i still mean it" you spat angrily.

His eyes softened looking at you, a look of guilt consuming him as he tried to make out words when your eyes go to the man approaching the two of you from behind Jeonghan.

"Y/N, please. I didn't mean it. I still... I still lo-"

"Is there anything wrong, Y/N?" Minghao questions as his eyes look between the two of you.

You smile, once again. Your savior, as always.

Minghao moved to your side, you take it as a chance to grab onto his hand, making it obvious to Jeonghan. Minghao's eyes slightly widen, a red tint on his ears for the thousand time today.

"No, nothing's wrong. Yoo Jung's fiancée was just asking us to make their day very special. Right, Mr. Yoon?" you say awaiting his response.

"... Yes, that's right" he agrees, his eyes stuck on the way your fingers had already linked with the man's.

"Ah, right. This is Xu Minghao. The owner of the Weeding Planning" you introduce, a hand just under his chin.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yoon. I hope we can get along for the next 2 months of planning" the tall male smirks, shaking the hands with the blonde man.

"Ah, yes. Are the two of you together?" Jeonghan asks, curiosity in his tone.

You look down to your hand, ironically, you had a ring that could pass by as an engagement ring in your ring finger, so looking up into Minghao's eyes, you placed a sly hand on his chest flashing the pretty blue stones.

"Oh, we're more than together, Mr.Yoon" you smirked, enjoying the very reaction you managed to get from the man.

Minghao was utterly stunned by your actions but went along with it nonetheless, although he would question them afterwards, he had a feeling that he already knew the reason why you became so flirty and defensive.

"Oh, there you all are" Yoo Jung, the woman of the hour smiled upon seeing the three together.

"Oh, are the two of you married?" She gushed, eyes on your ring.

"We are" Minghao nods with a sweet smile taking your hand in his.

"You have a wedding planning shop with your wife, so romantic" she pouted looking at Jeonghan whose eyebrows were still frowning as he stared at your hand.

"What about you two? Do you have your ring?" Minghao wonders looking at the woman's hands.

"Oh, my fingers got a little too big, but I have it on my necklace" she says, Jeonghan's eyes widen as he tried to keep his soon wife from taking out the necklace.

"There's no need for that, my love" he laughed nervously.

You eyes narrowed, confused as to why he would try to not show her ring, it wasn't anything of big factor either.

"Don't be so modest, Hannie. It's a beautiful ring" she smiled , eyes full of love, his eyes strain from yours, looking down to the ground as she finally pulls the necklace out of her shirt, the ring shining brightly.

"That ring..." you mumbled, eyes big as you looked between the couple, Jeonghan breaths in shakily, eyes not meeting yours as you continued to stare at the ring, emotions hitting you like a brick.

"It's indeed a beautiful necklace, May I know where you got it?" Minghao asks the ugly question.

"Oh, Hannie is a crazy romantic. He left it open on top of his bedside table for me to find" she said,

"It was a hard time for him, our relationship wasn't exactly the best, and he had just broken up with his girlfriend when we found out I was pregnant" she confessed.

"Oh, I see" Minghao says unsure, his eyes going to yours which now shot daggers at Jeonghan's figure, face still looking down.

"Should we get back to the consultation then, Miss Kim?" Minghao says, a hand extending as he leads the woman away.

"I'm going on my lunch break" You smile at the woman.

"I'll just go to the bathroom, I'll be right there" Jeonghan excuses himself, following behind you once he saw his wife enter the shop.

"y/n, please talk to me" he begs you.

"What do you want me to say? Be happy" you joke.

"I know, you saw the ring" He confessed, you halt your steps, back still to him, scaring him even more.

"Are you really married to Minghao?" he asks conflicted with his own emotions.

"What if I am?" you laugh dryly turning to look at him.

"Are you scared that I've moved on?" You ask.

"You haven't , I know you haven't. You still love me" he says once more getting closer to you, you scoff pushing him arm off your waist.

"You're delusional. I'm happy, for once in my happy I'm not concerned whether or not the person I'm with will bail on our 2 year anniversary to be with his mistress" You jab at him.

"I never meant for it to happen! You know that. You read my note. She was never supposed to get pregnant" he continues.

"But she is, and we're over. So move on. I know I have" 

With those last words you return inside, getting in your office, Minghao's voice softly echoing through the walls, knocking once you enter the room smiling at the two inside as you sat on the chair besides his.

"You okay?" he asks quietly whilst Yoo Jung picked between the cake options, you nod, your head laying on his shoulder.

"Just tired" you whisper back, nestling into his neck, he nods, his hand patting calmly at your back.

"This cake, with the almond filling please. I'm sure Jeonghan would also like it" The bride smiles handing back the photos just as the man of the hour returns to the room.

"What about any restrictions? Any allergies or things you want out of the food?" Minghao continues to question as you make sure to note down everything.

"Oh, no. None of us are allergic to anything" she smiles.

"Jeonghan can't digest eggs though..." unbeknownst to you, you mumble.

All eyes land on you, the bride looks at you awkwardly, your eyes widening as you look around the room.

"Oh, I was having an egg sandwich and he mentioned it" you awkwardly laugh, him thankfully jumping into the story and the bride nods still confused.

After another hour of decisions all of you decide to head home, you could feel the eyes on you when you bid the couple goodbye and closed the door, staring for a minute longer as you waited to see if he would possible turn to look at you, and he did.

With a sigh you turn away, you face knocking right into Minghao's chest.

"It's him, isn't it?" he asks rather calmly, you nod. Afraid of the look of disappointment in his face.

"You don't need to be ashamed. Things happen, it's okay for you to have lingering feelings. Especially when you left without knowing who she was or when it came to happen. I'm okay with it" he reassured you.

"I'm not. He's not someone I wanted to see again. I'm so happy. Really, Hao. I'm so happy with you, I don't want him to come into my life again and ruin it" you grumble annoyed.

"He's not" he states, hands grabbing onto your face, eyes staring at you with stars.

"I won't let him woo you again. Not after everything we went through. And that ring, it might just be your marriage right" he jokes with a smirk, you smack his shoulder playfully, eyes back on his as you stood on your tippy toes inching for him.

Meeting you halfway, he pecks your lips, once, twice. Before he kisses you, soft lips on yours and the pads of his thumbs caress your cheeks.

"Let's go home" he smiles warmly.

Posted on the 19th February 2023

I'm really sorry for not posting since the end of January, University is a killer.

And thank you to the person who sent in the request, I loved it and was able to finish this quickly due to the idea, so I hope you liked it!

As always, I'd like to highlight the fact that requests are always open, both for story ideas but also for idols or people you want, including actors!

Have a good day!