#been getting distracted with life lately
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Assorted DCA doodles (mostly Sun)!
#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#been getting distracted with life lately#but these fools will always be fun to draw#anyways i have an idea for a cotl piece#just need to gather the motivation to make a nicely rendered piece
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stranger things: the game
nancy and barb gameplay
(or, the one where i have too much fun yet again with this concept)
#stranger things#nancy wheeler#barbara holland#heyyyy#video game concepts#the link takes u to the game cover i made#idk what else to tag this as.... uhhhhh#can you tell i've been in my nancy and barb feels lately.#anyway this shouldn't have taken as long as it did i just kept getting distracted lolol#nancy x barb#yes the buttons moved shhh we don't talk about it. i still have a headache and im not fixing it lol#i wanted to add a lil butterfly like in life is strange but i wasn't sure what the icon would be
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how do u draw so much so fast
well,
#the short answer is autism and ritalin. btw#the long answer is: i wake up anywhere between 730-0900. i draw. if i have work when i come back i go and i draw.#i go to bed anywhere between 0100 and 0230. i wake up the next day and i draw.#i dont draw fast and in fact i get distracted and/or procrastinate quite often#i just have 16 hour days! every day! i am awake for 16 hours! sometimes more depending on the general mood! [cursed emoji here]#and like! wtf do you even do at that point?? how do you fill a 16 hour day? an 110 hour week? an almost 6000 hr year?#i draw! i have been drawing *seriously* since grade 2! and i have *seriously* loved the persona series since like mid/late 2017!#for those of you keeping score at home; i am 19! 2017 was grade 7 for me! ive loved this series for almost a full third of my life!#[continued emotional rant cut for length] but this is my community and my arts been the way i interact with this community since#(looks at my blog archive) 2019 when i posted my first persona art! please dont look at any of that now tho lmao!#so i guess. if the long answer needs to be short too then the long answer is love!!!! its always been love!!!! AND ALSO STILL RITALIN!!!!!!#asks & requests#personal
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a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.
it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.
#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it#and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months#I forget if I posted about that#and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff#the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture#the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked#nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too#probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that#and how I want the thing to be divided up#since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu#and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign#some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii#but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other#and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story#besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc#a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal#and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something#and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with#I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research#which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue#but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check#although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line#with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself#I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively#this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.
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grandparents and great uncle are coming over at an unknown time that the earliest time is 20 minutes from now, and like, I just broke like 30 seconds ago so now it becomes a “fun” game of can they get over here before I’m too drunk to convincingly feign sobriety
#luke.txt#drunkposting#I’d probably start being suspicious around shot 4 or 5. would be fighting for my life around shot 7. playing a losing game around shot 9#but that usually takes me a couple hours to get to since I’m easily distracted. so we’ll see!#wait shit cosmere blog. this is totally a conundrum Dalinar has been in#when having to meet with foreign dignitaries late in the evening
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blegh
#delete later#this is me just yelling into the void for a moment#but god I think I need to look into doing smth about my meds#:))) been on a steady mental health decline since at LEAST august#and it’s only gotten worse since the new year started cries#I’m trying to do homework and I can’t even focus on it#struggling so bad#but I don’t. trust anyone to actually talk and I’ve been pulling closer to myself#so I just bury myself in school and writing and distractions (there aren’t many)#I don’t know I think I’m tired#really tired of how things have been#how alone I feel#life has genuinely felt exhausting lately#all of my relationships feel so superficial with the exception of like. a small few#I want deeper connections but lately I feel like I’m just not built for friendship#it really feels like I’m just not supposed to have friends because I’m not a good one or I’m not a good person and I just Exist#in loneliness#and that hurts SO bad#can it please get better already#please#between online and irl I am at my limit T-T#ANYWAYS. back to being productive and doing stuff
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Request for Morag, Brighid, Zeke, and Pandoria: Zeke and Pandoria ask Morag and Brighid's S/O why they seem so calm around danger lately. The S/O then jokingly says that "when you date Morag and Brighid for long enough, you realize that they are far scarier then some monsters."
Zeke and Pandoria certainly took notice of your calm behavior as you all were helping clear out monsters. Nothing seemed to have fazed you. You were awfully calm. And when you all continued your adventure, you still remained calm no matter what happened! The two would talk to each other about it. Then they decided to ask you one day while you were sitting at a table in the inn.
"Say, chum, why are you so calm around danger lately?" Zeke would be the one to ask. You stared at him, gave a smile and responded.
"When you date Mòrag and Brighid for long enough, you realize that they are far scarier than some monsters."
...What... What was that supposed to mean? Were you serious?
On one hand, they were scared to ask any further. However, they were also intrigued. Especially Zeke.
They definitely can be scary, but they can't be that scary, right? Right???
He can always find out for himself.
#ficlet#xenoblade fic#Xenoblade 2 x reader#xenoblade x reader#mòrag x reader#morag x reader#morag ladair x reader#brighid x reader#xenoblade brighid x reader#I meant to get to asks sooner#a lot sooner#it's been almost a year#oops#sorry guys#My interests juggled around so much I got distracted and stuff#Been into Don't starve lately#but I'm at least at a point that I can actually focus on things not related to that series#also life happened#I do wanna try to hopefully get to more asks soon#if anyone becomes ooc I am sorry in advance
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Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗
#personal#I know its important to keep up with current events#but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately#I should prob go back to my therapist#I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni#for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me#finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy#but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know#but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real#tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about#see if thats gonna be enough#autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health#but it feels even worse these days#like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me#which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too#I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her#and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation#+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now#no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse#anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry#I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth#its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could#and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever#so yeah this is just temporary#hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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ive been genuinely distressed about how bad my adhd has been this past month
#why did it take me 3 hours to make breakfast today. thats so embarrassing#i haev class in less than an hour and its killing me im so frustrated. thats 2 hours where i cant do anything#i am on the verge of just breaking down about it tbh because it never feels like i have enough time or energy#and it bothers me how much stimulation my brain needs constantly to the point where i cannot step away from socials cause my brain 'itches'#and when i do step away from socials my attention is so scattered that i forget what im doing#or it feels like there's zero cohesion to the step by step actions i need to take to finish a task#i hate adhd more than anything!! more than my trauma!! more than my physical issues!!#i normally leave these types of vents on my locked twitter but im feeling the tumblr tag complaints format lately lol#im just. so mad about how a lot of thinigs ive wanted to do in my life have been so so delayed because of my scattering interests -#-or that I really only have 4 hours in my day not occupied by me getting heavily distracted by something#fucking. oc projects from since i was 16 not coming into fruition ever. that is so . frustrating.
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SREEDIE YOU UPDATED and I haven’t even read the last chapter yet…
in my defence, I have moved countries so uh… keep waiting for me, my love, I shall soon return from the war <3
YOU MOVED?!??? I demand details please. I’ll wait forever for you my reekie-leekie. <3
#I’m like 90% sure you lives down under before#OMG WHERE ARE YOU NOW???#I love getting your life updates haha#you slide into my DMs like ‘yo I made this bomb ass dessert want a play by play?’#& I’m like duh bitch why are you even asking that??#anyway I miss you of course because if I’m not feuding with my divorced wife then what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning#*slams open cabinet of perfectly in tact lightbulbs*#& I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF LIGHTBULBS BECAUSE YOU HAVENT COME UH SMASHING BABE#ok anyway that’s it I love ya I miss ya and I hope you’re super excited about your move!#wohoooo!!!#leekie tag#leeeeeeekiiiieeee#dude tumblrs tagging system has been so fucked lately#they get rid of tumblr live and somehow manage to fuck up the tags#idk maybe because I’m on mobile but I can’t see any of my last tags#and someone like me who rambles in the tags needs to keep an eye on what they’ve said and sometimes I forget what I’m even talking about#I swear I’m the most distracting human even to myself fuckkkk#leekie I miss you#fucking come back to me
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Forgive me but *villain arc*
#my tumblr villain arc is engaging in pointless fandom discourse that doesn’t amount to anything bc no one actually cares#but it’s better than arson#for legal reasons that is a joke#but this is a heads up since I feel like I’ve been a bit too hostile lately and if you need to unfollow then it’s fine#I’m procrastinating a 500 follower dtiys anyways#get my follower count down yeAH!!#I’m going through something idk#i need to touch grass but real life is hard so like I’m not lol#when will dragons rising so I can clear my crops and water my pores#ahskskskslls#yeah yknow what I think. my problem is that I’m on this site way too much bc I don’t have enough serotonin in my brain to enjoy#the good stuff but I also need an easy distraction from being anxious and sad all the time so I just end up in a cycle of#being upset and only looking at tumblr#and having so little patience and tolerance for anything i marginally disagree with#sorry for projecting guys :(#personal ig??#hmm I’m gonna bite something#and if it’s my tongue when I eat dinner tonight I will blow up the world
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I love my partner I really do but tonight she’s driving me to fucking tears but if I say anything then I know I’m going to be the Bad Guy and I just.
Just wanna scream.
#lately I feel like I haven’t even had room to BREATHE#And tonight I need to do an exam and she keeps complaining about a problem that has a simple solution#which I have been telling her for the last week she needs to do#and she just refuses and it’s making me crazy bc either do it or leave me alone#like I love her but I need space#my homework has been suffering bc she won’t let me have free time#she keeps snatching my phone and knitting and crochet out of my hands#like she makes sure she doesn’t ruin my crafts but there are nicer ways to ask for attention#every other week I get told that she doesn’t think I really love her and/or that she can’t tell that I want her#and I’m communicating more than I ever have in my life and it’s EXHAUSTING#and I love her but I’m TIRED I just need some space PLEASE#tomorrow I get an excuse bc I’m getting a new tattoo and the shop doesn’t allow company just the client#so she can’t come with me on the hour drive (two round trip) + two hours appmnt#and I know she’ll text me nonstop bc that’s what she does (and gets mad when I’m not responsive quickly enough) but at least#during the drive I can ignore and during the appointment I can claim I was distracted#I love her I do but I’m like a cat I need space Often
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TODAY
#🌙.rambles#ARGHHH SCHOOL WAS SO ANXIETY FOR MOST OF IT BUT 😭 phew. i made it through#n talking w my friends at school n yk apollo n i staying later than we usually do bcs of our fair committee#it's rlly nice. that feeling yk#n this is the first time in so long that i've napped#my attention span is so bad rn so i'm prioritizing school first (i get so distracted still tho)#but. BUT#ohh earlier i rmb i was thinking otw back home abt how. recently life's felt so.. real & unreal#huh. it's rlly confusing but i've really just yk resolved to keep on moving forward.#my sleep's been rather messy lately for the past week bcs i have to wake up at 5:30 for school but#i've been hesitating less lately. i think. idk i don't know how to say it but#my attention span is so bad rn helpppp T_T i shld finish my part for this assignment n then#oh i have smth due tmrrw morning but i just have to write a few sentences to a question relating to like#smth w my fav 20th century lit n. IT'S SO HARD TO PICK ONE BUT#i'm gna write abt the giver a bit bcs it's rlly a special book to me. very integral in my childhood.#dystopian fiction n. utopias n stuff like that was smth i rlly grew up with as a kid. that concept#so i guess that says smth abt my conflict w my perfectionism n. the opposite.#i love late night talks so much yk something that's kept me sane is being able to talk w apollo on like#we have. very similar paths ahead of us. it's always intertwined n connected in some way. we're never really far.#i'm rlly grateful to have such a connection honestly even if apollo's an ass often (but i am as well) <3 sibling dynamic fr#resolved instead of dwelling on the past i'll keep on moving forward to. reach out to my many ambitions#i'll continue being productive for now n then i'll. get stuff done eventually.
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Audhd
#i know the doctors once said i had adhd but whatever meds trhey put me on didnt help and i went off it#later in life i was diagnosed autistic (one of the lucky times my mom listened to me)#it hasnt helped but at least i know i ahve that much#but with the way ive been struggling lately#the specific WAYS in which ive been struggling#scatterbrained a slightly foggy head forgetting things that just happened only to remember seconds later and most of all i cant focus#i cant focus on art at all#like i can maybe get myself to work on it for a few seconds then im distracted again#oi sit here staring at my computer for hours DAYS on end doing nothing#i get up every few seconds and just pace around the house because im understimulated#and yet ic ant work on art#i got all these wips and i got my whole story that i really really want to do my whole ask blog#i FINALLY reach 100 followers and even thats not enough to get me out of hiatus#i wanna try adhd meds see if they help. different ones than i tried before#i wanna know if i actually have adhd or if its just autism#i wanna know whats going on in my head because frankly i have no fucking idea anymore#that plus the constant CONSTANT digestive issues i have with no exact cause and no apparently solutions that ive tried its just a cluster
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