#anyway i feel dysphoric as fuck

[clowningcrows]

first time doing freight at my new job and one of the managers goes, “you the new freight person?” and my male coworker from a few aisles over audibly laughs and then says “a woman in freight? (insert name) is not gonna like that” 🙃🔫

[identitty-dickruption]

I swear there's a form of dysphoria but for disability aids. the version of me I see in the mirror doesn't feel like the real me when I get a new aid. and it's really fucking distressing. even more so than my experience with gender dysphoria. maybe it's just internalised compulsory abledness and discomfort with being perceived as disabled, but it sure does feel deeper than that. idk

[pidgefudge]

really feeling the lack of people like me irl. most of my friends are cis girls or fem enbies who just. don't get it. the few trans guys i DO know have very supportive families (one of them has been on t for years). like. what am i supposed to do with this. what am i supposed to do with my incredibly queerphobic parents and inability to cut my hair even though it kills me to look in the mirror and forced dress-wearing that makes me feel like shit all day.

[hxneyfarm]

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[snubbullls]

Being a trans guy with a big chest has never been more torturous

[moe-broey]

.................... Guess who gave himself a shit ass haircut and got haunted by another shaggy haired blonde about it.

[aeide-thea]

so i was like 'i could swear i didn't feel this hideously dysphoric last summer, wtf is my dealio lately!!' and finally it occurred to me, 'okay, fine, let's maybe try putting on one of the ribbed men's tanks i wore religiously all last summer instead of the women's technical tops i've been wearing lately, and see what effect that has,' and. yeah. fuck. 🤦

it really is like. every! damn! season! i get seduced into thinking maybe i can wear just a little bit of reasonably-unfeminine women's clothing, and the idea is appealing because i'm actually comfortably encompassed by that size range, whereas with men's shirts i often ideally would wear an XS but can't get one—and yes, boys' stuff exists and i do ever wear it, but sometimes you're in the market for stuff that's slightly higher spec than anyone bothers to make for kids, you know? but anyway it's just so reliably the case that like. every fucking time i'm like, okay, sure, let's try a little womenswear, it turns out that i can bear it for a little while and then i realize something about it is making me fucking crazyyyyyy. >:|

sux bc the problematic batch of tanktops is like. such a good light comfortable wicking all-natural fabric! that's why i wanted them and they're everything i hoped they would be! and they're genuinely not even overtly feminine! but the straps are just a little too narrow and the cut is just a little too )ᓑ( and it's like. in some contexts those things are bearable, but in others they're really just. Bad, it turns out. :(

anyway they are sufficiently slouchy that in theory i could probably just, like, do some aftermarket alterations to improve the shape??? like i think i really just need them to be, you know, simple tubes straight up and down and not the vaguely /ᓑ\ shape they currently are, which in theory ought to be simple enough to achieve (especially since they're also a little long, so i could just hem them straight and stop worrying about how to factor in the vaguely high-low thing that's also happening). however. probably NOT realistic to do by hand (like. if nothing else i just don't have the patience) and while there is a sewing machine kicking around here somewhere i absolutely don't remember how to use it and do live in fear of it (i just have like. vague recollections of various Mysterious Snarls back in the day). so. idk. blergh, argh, etc.

(i assume 4p would just be like 'try it! learn as you go!' and like. honestly that's fair and maybe i even will, i think the manual is also kicking around actually, but. would prefer to have it magically sorted. :/ like, sometimes you just want a wardrobe and not a project, you know??)

[emotional-moss]

being trans with imposter syndrome is like oh no i haven’t experienced dysphoria for 3 minutes! better get back to hating myself lest i get a bad grade in being trans (a thing that is both normal and possible to achieve)

[chaotictomtom]

still not paid and i neeeed just 10 bucks to get to a barber cos apparently slightly grown buzzcut is too feminine as i keep getting called ma'am at work 🗿 me when 1y & ½ on t doesn't help getting misgendered like why do i bother binding with too small binder every single day.

[aaronymous999]

I’m sure this has been talked about to death but the third X-Men movie ( I believe it’s The Last Stand-? ) is such a blatant disability metaphor to me especially with the talks about “curing”. Some of the conversations are directly what I’d expect to hear from this discussion and it’s kinda interesting.

For example, characters like Storm insists that there’s nothing to cure, but characters like Rogue who have a mutation that makes it very hard for her to live has a different outlook. I really like how the movie makes it clear that it was her choice and she wasn’t just doing it for Bobby by the way. To me this storyline does not work with a racial, jewish or LGBTQ metaphor, and if you assigned those metaphors to this storyline it would make zero sense. I think the X-Men are more than a racial metaphor like some assume and I think honestly the metaphor changes depending on the storyline. I think most often it’s a Jewish and racial metaphor, but sometimes it’s a disability or LGBTQ metaphor and I enjoy the variation :3

Also not saying this is the best way this storyline could be handled the way it was written just reminds me of conversations I’ve seen before, this is your friendly reminder that a lot of disabled people don’t want a “cure” and have been living the way they have for so long that it would actually be detrimental to suddenly change to a different way of living! Some disabled people would like a hypothetical “cure” and some don’t and both of those are okay! Generally though the idea that ALL disabled people want “cures” is very prevalent in media and it’s kinda annoying which is why in writing advice you often see that you shouldn’t “cure” your disabled characters.

To clarify I’m not disabled- ( physically at least- technically mentally but it doesn’t impair my life enough that I’m comfortable calling it a disability, that’s me personally though however someone wants to label themselves is up to them! ) and this opinion will forever be bare bones until I hear the opinion of a disabled person and their thoughts on the matter. I think this movie didn’t actually handle it as poorly as they could of, because unlike other media it’s a complex issue. Mutants against the “cure” are very right in a lot of ways and the government is certainly being predatory here, but the Mutants on the other side of the coin do have a point for them personally. Because for a lot of them, as seen in the comics, mutations can literally be life or death and ruin all their relationships because y’know. They kill the people they touch. But there’s also more complex things in between here, like Angel being forced a “cure” and having non-mutants speak for his needs. And I imagine there’s also mutants who want a cure solely to be accepted by society. Lots of little interesting things in here, and to a lot of Mutants this could also be seen as straight up genocide, which may seem odd for me to bring up but in the perspective of a character like Storm, the government views Mutants as a DISEASE. And wants all of them to no longer be mutants, which could also be seen as a jewish metaphor as well. Just in this case they aren’t killing mutants, they’re removing a core aspect of them. It’s just a muddled issue in this movie because some mutants legitmately want the “cure” while others view it as drastic as genocide.

Idk it’s just an interesting movie viewed on a metaphorical lense, I’ve always been interested in minority metaphors and issues because well I am a few of them lmao- so this movie had a lot for me to chew on! If I’ve gotten anything wrong though please correct me! My mind is always open! :D

( Also want to clarify that again not disabled- the X-Men franchise is not very good with disability representation as it is so take this with a bucket of salt. Charles Xavier in particular, at least from the opinions I’ve seen online is often a genius wheelchair user stereotype to a lot of people- and also he’s NEVER played by an actual wheelchair user or physically disabled actor. Not all characters need to be played by an actor that shares part of their identity but here it’s kind of annoying because wheelchair users are NEVER played by wheelchair users and Charles Xavier is arguably one of the most iconic wheelchair users in fiction. Also Magneto is never played by a jewish man which BOTHERS ME SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA… )

[panb1mbo]

what do you mean i can't immediately be great at everything all the time?

[wwwyzzerdd420]

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[pidgefudge]

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[somekindafairy]

thinking about how much of the perception of gender feels like a performance. wondering what it means to be a man once you strip away biological essentialism and the performance of masculinity.

maybe i would be less dysphoric if i put more effort into my performance. thinking about the idea of it "coming naturally" like men and women "naturally" behave differently and how that maps on to how people perceive trans people. or what it means to "feel" like a man or a woman to others, as if that isn't intimately connected to cultural gender preformance. or that your ability to master said performance proves something innate about you.

thinking about being autistic and having to learn a new script whole cloth when i barely (read: not at all) managed the first one, wondering if this one would come more naturally if i let it, and if it doesn't what does that mean.

thinking about the performance of gender as a different culture, like learning a new dialect. idk

[autism-corner]

wonder if either of my brothers take initiative to empty the dishwasher today =w=p

[aeolianblues]

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