#You’re wearing a dress; stand straight; suck your tummy in! You’re not matching the poster definition of a girl
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aeolianblues · 5 months ago
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#Bought a cute lil dress#Wore it and showed it to my fam#Sister and dad absolutely gobsmacked; horrified about the thigh hair situation#Realising that the most pent up people on the planet for being weird about body hair are none but south Asians ourselves#Listen I will regret shaving thighs for months after if I do it— it’s the worst it’s the prickliest#Anyway so long story short we will not be wearing a cute lil dress to convocation#We will be wearing something longer that passes the internal review a bit more smoothly#One’s got to wonder at some point how much Indian beauty standards affect whether I feel dysphoric#I feel like I’m constantly wresting the definition of a woman back from these people—#I will be a girl on my terms!! My definition of girl is what I am! I can have body hair! I can have stocky legs!#I can have marks and blemishes and not look like a Ponds Beauty Cream ad poster! Fucking hell#And then the minute I gain any confidence in it; I feel like people are trying to wrest it back:#No! If you’re wearing girly dresses you’ve got to do it the Girl way! You’ve got to shave your legs; girls don’t have hair!#You should wear some cute little heels; you’ll look so nice and like a proper girl with a bit more length on your legs—#Even if they don’t *directly* say that I know what they mean.#You’re wearing a dress; stand straight; suck your tummy in! You’re not matching the poster definition of a girl#How to be a girl on your terms is a constant battle over the definition of yourself within a word that the world doesn’t agree with you on#And I say this as a cis girl; imagine how bad it must be for anyone else…#I’m the first. My dad was a house of 3 brothers. He didn’t know how to raise a girl. So he raised a boy.#Now he wants the boy to suddenly know how to be a girl. How to inhabit an unfamiliarity feminine role. Something I do not know how to do#I try and to make it my own. I don’t know how to. I’m failing at something I was never equipped to do#And we wonder why I can sometimes feel dysphoric as hell. Like I don’t belong in this word.#Idk I think it’s going to be long dress. I’m kinda bummed I didn’t just get to go full butch-style and wear a smart shirt and trousers
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