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selfspinninglies · 5 months ago

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hi happy pride I wrote gays

word count: 2765 [<- what possessed me to write this much how did I do that]

tws/cws: implied/discussed murder, desecration of a body, not technically cannibalism but they do eat a person [<- not graphic]

notes: I wrote 2530 words of this in 2 days somehow . The oc hyperfixation is real . Also some of this might not make sense cause I still haven't wrote an experimental plot summary yet sooo oops . They're both so oblivious it makes me ill anyway enjoyy

1-2 shifts slightly on the couch. Its not the most comfortable place to lay down, but he doesn't feel like getting up and into bed (or moving at all for that matter). His vessel feels like it's going to rip itself apart. He should've went hunting a few days ago, but he's gotten inconsistent. And now this was a result. He buries his face in the throw pillow next to him. Stupid rapidly deteriorating body.

After a few minutes of nothing he feels a nudge on his foot.

"Scoot. You're taking up the whole couch laying like that."

1-3 is the owner of the complaint. He didn't even have to look to know it was them. It was the only person who made sense, since the two lived together and he would've heard the door. Its not like they get visitors anyway.

He sighs in an exaggerated fashion, unclear if this actually bothers him or not, moves over a little and tucks his knees in to make room. He would've been more bitchy about it if he wasn't exhausted and if the only other place to sit in the apartment wasn't a mattress.

1-3 rolls their eyes at his antics. They glance at him for a moment. "You look like shit." They say flatly.

He makes a small angry noise in response, not feeling like using regular words. He looks up. Surprising nobody, 1-3 also looks like shit. Neither of them ever look that great, but apparently he looked bad enough to warrant a comment.

Was it concern? It was always hard to tell with them. Their face didn't change that much. Or maybe it was clear as day and 1-2 was just terrible at reading people.

He sits up into a horribly slouched position, one arm looped around the armrest and the other dangling oddly. He gives a glance to 1-3, who is watching him carefully. They probably know what's coming. They can see the rivulets of cracks piercing his shell. The two go through this weird routine often.

He exhales sharply, opening his mouth and willing the words in his brain to crawl out and onto his tounge. A few seconds of nothing. Yep. Not happening.

Grabbing 1-3's hand, he lifts it and turns it carefully, examining the similar darkness enveloping their fingertips. He listens and feels for a flinch or glare or hitch of breath, which usually indicates that they aren't in the mood for his antics, but he catches nothing. In fact, they're barely looking, head turned the other way, pupils facing him.

They've only been living together for a few months or so and they're so used to each other. It makes him feel weird.

He moves 1-3's hand up to his mouth bites down. He must have done it too hard, since he hears a quiet "shit" from 1-3. They take their hand from his and turn to face him. "I'd prefer if you asked next time." They say, a little sharply, though they never hold grudges over little things like this.

1-2 shakes his head and puts a smirk on his face, which earns a scoff from 1-3. They get up to leave anyway.

He tugs on their longsleeve, using it to pull himself up. They look confused for a second before an incredulous expression takes over and they shake their head.

"You are not coming with me. You cannot move well and don't have the energy for it. Sit."

1-2 rolls his eyes, but sits back down anyway. He knew that they were right, though he would rather explode right at that moment than admit that.

"Don't do anything stupid." They nod and give a half-hearted wave as they exit the [truthfully] cramped space. The door closes with a nice click.

He listens to 1-3's footfalls as they walk down the hall, as if he expected them to turn around and come back. He wasn't sure if he wanted that or not. Anything was better than sitting around and doing nothing, even if they usually didn't take long.

He gets bored and decides to heave himself to the bathroom. His feet drag against the floor and his posture sags. It doesn't particularly hurt, besides the dull aches where his vessel splits from neglect, it just feels like every ounce of energy has been stolen out of his strange hands.

After pulling himself up to the mirror, he examines himself. The cracks under his eyes look wide enough to stick a finger through it. He doesn't try. The thought of it makes him feel gross.

His hair is disheveled and overgrown. His bangs fall on his eyes slightly and stick in different directions, stuck there by natural grease and some brown stuff that's probably blood. It isn't his. He doesn't have any. The last time he went hunting was a few weeks ago. Had it really been that long since he showered? Fuck, he was gross.

He laughs. Its a weird, crackly sound, but it's rare so he lets it escape his throat. Nobody was here to listen to it. 1-3 really was right, he absolutely looked like shit.

He slinks back to the couch and passes out as soon as he hits the cushions.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

1-3 sighs, slumping against the wall of an alley. The world is humid and oppressive, or maybe that's the blood soaked into most of them talking, a mix of their's, One's, and the body on the pavement's.

The unexpected run-in made this outing take longer than it usually would have. They don't have anything to tell the time on them, so they can only guess, but it's likely been around an hour. God, why did they have to see One when they were in a hurry?

They shake their head. The body. They have to take care of that. They didn't want to. It was the last thing they wanted to do. Just don't think about it. Don't think about anything, just grab the knife-

It takes longer than they would like to put themself into the thoughtless haze that helps with the process. This isn't a person, it is a creature, this is necessary, if not for you then for Two. Remember what he looked like? Shit, that's what you said.

Swish thud swish thud swish thud swish thud swish- over and over again.

There's even more blood now. Less of it belonging to them. It's on the wall, the floor, in the air, in their vessel, in their soul, eating them alive. It's disgusting. If they had insides they would have thrown them up by now. The world smells and tastes and feels of viscera, it's made of it.

The meat is in neat pieces now. The knife is put into a pocket. The bones and unnecessary bits will be left there to be picked off by something that can use it. They gather the pieces they cut into a bag and stand, swaying like they were trying to be pulled in different directions by the universe.

They take their sweater off and tie it around their waist to get some of the flesh off of them, unveiling a slightly oversized white t-shirt. It's cold, but they'd rather deal with that then the feeling of your clothes being soaked with remnants and wafting into your nose and tounge.

They shuffle through the bag and take a piece between their fingers. Don't think about it, just eat it, you have to-

The only taste that registers is the sharp, metallic tang of blood. They swallow it quickly. It always makes them feel sick, the texture, smell, taste, and the weight of taking a life. But they have to. It's the only way.

Fuck, they hate it all.

Taking a breath, they steel themself and begin walking down the street and back to the building. They aren't worried about being spotted, nobody is ever here. The silence presses itself into their body. Bricks in walls are staring at them, singing, guilty, guilty.

The walk is short, as horrid as it is. The apartment is close to many places. It's convenient for hunting. The bag swings awkwardly in their needlessly tight grip.

They knock on the door in their usual pattern, opening it and walking inside. They set the bag on the counter like it's groceries.

"Two. I'm home." They announce, though the noise of the door opening and rustling of the bag should have alerted him. Strange. Knowing him, he's probably long passed out. Still, they look over the couch to check.

Exactly like they thought. He's sprawled out awkwardly on the couch (he'll probably be sore if he stays like that) out cold. He always slept like this, which made it especially annoying to share the mattress with him. They still let him, though. It always feels weird now when he isn't there.

"Two." They say again, walking over to him and poking his face. "C'mon. Hey, wake up." This probably won't work. 1-2 is an obnoxiously heavy sleeper.

Surprisingly, they see 1-2's eyes flicker open.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

1-2 stirs, feeling fingers tap against his cheek. Ones that kind of look like his, with the way they sharpen into claws and darken at the ends. It's 1-3. Right. They left. They're back. What time was it?

He inhales and smells something weird. Quickly recognizing it as blood and probably a bit of sweat, he looks up at 1-3 questioningly. He points a finger at them and starts talking, voice still groggy from sleep.

"Blood. 'Sit yours?"

1-3 shrugs, making a so-so motion with their hand. "Some of it is, some of it isn't." Their voice is oddly nonchalant.

"What happened?" He asks, sitting against the cushions.

"Had a run in with One. I'll tell you later."

1-2 just nods. As long as he finds out eventually, he doesn't care when. He's also curious as to what 1-1 was doing anyways. The last time anyone saw her was in the lab, before all of them were released.

1-3 sits next to him again and crosses their legs, hands in their lap. He doesn't know how they sit like that, it doesn't look comfortable in the slightest.

He fiddles with his hair awkwardly. He really needed to do something with it. He remembers his reflection in the mirror. Too long. He puts a strand between his fingers and continues to twist it.

1-3 seems to notice. "Do you want me to cut it for you?" They ask.

"You can cut hair?"

"I've done it before. Did my own." They gesture to their own hair.

1-2 examines it for a second, leaning forward a bit. It looks pretty good, actually. He doesn't know if he trusts them to do it, his always picky about his hair. It's not like he can go and get it cut, though, with how he looks.

He nods, moving his gaze to 1-3's eyes. Their face is a little red. Oh. Right. Their faces were still only separated by a few inches. He leans back and speaks again. "Fine. Just be careful. If you fuck it up I get to fuck up yours." He pokes the air near 1-3 to make his point.

Something he didn't expect at all happens. 1-3 laughs. Really laughs. At a stupid threat that really isn't one.

What.

"Alright, I won't fuck it up." They reply.

The smile lingers on their face a little. Their laugh is also crackly and weird and nonhuman like his. What. They never laugh at his dumb jokes. They must be tired. Or they hit their head. He stares at their expression for way too long.

They interrupt the developing silence. "I'll cut your hair after you eat. I went out." They lean their head towards the counter. He follows their line of sight and sees a plastic black back placed there. "Thanks." He says quickly, before he forgets.

Its weird how they just. Do that. For him. They both dance around talking about it, for obvious reasons, but in his head he knows what they mean by "went out". They killed someone. For him. So he didn't sit here and rot.

He stops himself from thinking about it and walks over to the counter. He takes a few pieces and forces it down his throat. It tastes bad, it always does, but he's pretty used to it. It's easier to just get it over with. Not like he really has a choice in it. Could be worse. 1-3 hates it much more than he does.

------‐--------------------------------------------------------------

They're in the bedroom now, 1-3 sitting on the mattress and 1-2 on the floor directly below them. They hold a pair of thin scissors in their hand. It's not the right kind, but it'll work.

1-2 told them what they wanted earlier, and while they weren't a professional in the slightest, it would be easy. And he didn't need to know that, anyway.

God, they were close. It wasn't uncomfortable, but for some reason their brain latched onto their proximity and didn't let go. Like earlier, when 1-2 looked them in the eyes and moved towards them.

Do NOT think about his face right now just cut his hair it's what he asked of you- They hold some of his hair in their hand and begin cutting. The satisfying snip snip snip of the scissors echoes around the space as hair flutters to the carpeted floor.

It doesn't take long for them to finish. There wasn't much to do. They look at their work for a bit just to see if there's anything they need to fix in the back. They move to sit infront of 1-2 and look at the front, hands brushing against his forehead to adjust the strands slightly before giving a curt nod and leaning back. It's his turn to redden.

They push any thoughts related to 1-2's face [for the second time] and the contact they just made with him to the back of their mind.

1-2 gets up and goes to the bathroom quickly to look at what they did. He comes back after a short moment, taking his place on the floor again. He nods back. "Your hair's safe from me." He says, which is his way of giving them a compliment.

1-3 goes to sit next to him instead of infront so its less awkward. They both bathe in the sound of absolutely nothing. They do this a lot, simply sit in the same space. It was kind of nice. Better than being alone.

"You're tired." 1-2 says, now eyeing them carefully. They hate how easily he can read them most of the time. "As are you. I was only gone for an hour or so and you passed out waiting."

"Touché."

"Well," 1-2 says, standing. "We might as well sleep now, then. Neither of us have plans."

They nod and crawl into bed after him. They don't feel like denying it today. He needs the rest and so do they.

They sleep on opposite sides of the bed, though they're still close do to the size of it. They also share a blanket, which 1-3 often has to steal back from 1-2. He has a habit of taking it all in his sleep. God, they already know his sleeping habits and it's only been a few months.

He falls asleep quickly [he always does, he's always tired] but 1-3 takes a bit longer. More thoughts than usual bubble to the surface of their head and spill over. Some involve blood and the experiments and slicing, which always makes it hard to sleep, but a select few involve him.

They want to get closer, so, so badly for no reason at all. The thought of it sounds nice. It rings like gentle bells. When was the last time they were close to someone who they weren't trying to kill?

After a contemplative silence, they shift towards him and wrap their arms around him. They think this is selfish, they don't even know if he'd like it, if he'd feel the same, but they let themself have this. If he asks they'll say that it just happened in their sleep. He wont believe it, since they never move much in their sleep, but it will probably get him to not ask.

It feels nice, like they thought, a pleasant warmth to it all. It's also a little awkward since they don't do this often, but it doesn't matter. The sounds of soft breathing fill the silence.

It doesn't take them long to fall asleep now.

#noodle talks #art #drabbles #oc #ocs #oc stuff #writing #experimental #1-2 #1-3 #the endings kinda ehh to me but i wrotr wayyyy too much already #my brains gonna explode #anyway this was fun to do they make me sick #🫀#i think jts funny how this shifts from shenanigans and light angst to murder to shenanigans again and back to shenanigans but gayer #also this is probably the lightest thing ive written in a while maybe ever who knows #first thing i finished on my list 15 more to go 🎉💥💥#oh also im pretty sure this is the longest thing ive written sooo

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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hour and a half unpaid overtime I think that's a new record for me. on a day where I was supposed to have no overtime no less. funny how I only have 3 of those this month and the 2 so far I've had to work overtime anyway 👍

#i shouldve left at 4:15. killing myself at work in front of everyone #well im actually not that mad ive been listening to yhe national on loop for the last 6 hours of my shift nothing can touch me #but the disrespect....#my boss came n found me at 4pm and was like hey can u do another round of this assay (<- takes an hour and a half)#and i said no!!!! bc she already gave me too much shit to do i was busy ALL DAY and still ran over like how tf do u expect me to fit MORE #she gave me 1.5 hours to do 14 samples in this one assay where each one takes 15 mins plus 5 mins prep per sample beforehand #so like 20 mins per sample THATS 4 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES and thats assuming no repeats and no troubleshooting!!!#3x the time u scheduled for me... come tf on. i need to make a table of how to calculate how long an assay takes so she stops doing this #rly not that hard just ask me how long i need for it and ill explain it to u #and then i finished up n emailed results n went to go switch lights off in the other lab and shed left samples out for me to book in. GIRL #PLEASE EMAIL ME OR TEAMS ME DONT JUST LEAVE THEM THERE.. u know im working in the main lab ALL DAY #so im not gonna fucking see them!!!! and they need to be refrigerated!!!! next time ill just leave them out overnight and when shes like #why are these samples ruined jts expensive to get more ill be like well u didnt tell me to book them in so.#anyway she moved the other assay to friday n she was annoyed i didnt fit it in earlier but WHERE. WHERE WAS I MEANT TO FIT IT IN!!#also i have 2 separate multi hour assays booked friday already so good luck im out of the door at 4:15 if its not done its not done idc #ughhhh. if the bus is late too im going back to my work and blowing the building up #WHAT. EVER!!!!!!!#.diaries

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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years ago

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My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.

I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.

Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.

#this wasn't meant to sound poetic or anything. jts just something i cant stop thinking about #anyway just some musing about chronic depression and anxiety #it never feels easier. it never feels better. its all just part of the cycle #all of my friends know. they all know what i go througj #and it isnt quite that they dont care. its more like its just routine to them #like 'oh opossum wants to kill himself? opossum cant take the fear and exhaustion anymore?' just another monday to them #all the while the people who have never been to the ocean before tell me to keep swimming. tell me it gets better #tell me to get out and dry off #because in their minds the worst its been was the deep end of a swimming pool #i cant hate them for not drowning with me. its not like i would do anything different in their place really #its just angering #because i have no way to make anyone understand #i dont want to be alone but i dont want people to drown with me #i dont know what to do and i never have #im always waiting for something to change #but no matter how many people come into my life with beach towels and buckets for hauling water #theyll never make the ocean shallow or dry me off

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sofarsogoodsowhat · 2 years ago

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two y/o stick n poke finally looks cool >:)

#I KNOW JTS PATCHY. AND I ONLY GOT THE LAST WORD AND HALF A LETTER IN THE SECOND WORD FILLED IN #BUT IM TIRED AND MY HEAD HURTS. ANYWAY #I AM SO SO SO SO SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS RECORD #anyway oh my fucking GOD aside from the patchiness im so fucking happy with how this came out. most of my shit i freehand on myself and hope #for the best LOL #if i need to i’ll draw an outline in my sketchbook first to practice and get it right but coloring i just go in balls swinging and figure it #out as im going. i can sort of paint and i used to actually color my drawings so i DO have an idea of what im doing #but anyway yeah so what i did here was pull out the record and just kinda bullshit the blood off of that #IT WAS SOOOOOOOO SO FUN TO DO I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME WITH THIS ONE LIKE GOING IN BETWEEN THE LETTERS AND THE LITTLE SPOTS ON THE OUTSIDE #i need to finish designing shit for my mom :( need to do something on someone else or i will die

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whenfatecollides · 2 years ago

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maybe I’m being overly pessimistic, but I feel like I have to put down these thoughts, and just let them be.

I feel like dcc is making a very clear choice of what kind of people they want to attract and maintain to support dc, from the content they’ve shifted to on their notes, to now this new app where you pay a subscription fee to “chat” (because you don’t even actually chat with them since they apparently see all fans messages like a group chat??) privately with the members... yes capitalism and what not, but there’s a lot of other options dcc could go for (*cough* reprinting albums, hell even investing on an app like superstar sm but for dc only, even if it’s a big investment at first would totally pay itself off and profit given the time), than this type of thing that does nothing but feed even more delusional fans.

also while it’s cool dcc wants to collaborate with smaller companies to also help them grow (even tho a lot of stuff has been shady as fuck but whatever), they kinda need to actually look at what the big companies do right and idk try to copy the things they do right? how is it possible that there’s been no brand deals, or mc spots, or even acting opportunities for some of them? I’m not saying these opportunities are easy to come by, but at this point they’re a six year old group, and it doesn’t feel like any of them have enough experience to have a career outside of it? like what’s going to happen to them when inadvertently they can’t pull comebacks or go on tours as often and tirelessly as they do now? like yeah it’s good to live in the moment but dcc really needs to start working towards their future too.

and honestly since deja vu that dc have been losing their signature horror concept and I get that things can’t stay the same forever or it gets stagnate, but for a group that was so praised during nightmare era for their narrative and world building, it really sucks that we haven’t had that built properly since then. I gave the benefit of the doubt for dystopia era because it was the first since nightmare and it could just be that they needed time to adjust (music wise the concept was pretty solid for scream and boca at least but there really wasn’t much of a narrative on the mvs like nightmare era had), but apocalypse era is being even messier. from where I’m standing it feels like dcc doesn’t really care anymore about giving them interesting concepts because they know the fandom is gonna buy into it regardless. but it sucks that even on simple things like photobooks and season’s greetings, the horror concept that set them apart from other groups just isn’t present anymore. even if they kept the lighter and fun versions, the og fandom at least are still people who appreciate darker concepts so I don’t get why they’ve completely started to dismiss that.

it’s just getting tiring for me. I love their music, and I think I’ll definitely keep coming back to see what they’ve released, but everything else genuinely isn’t fun anymore. and it hasn’t been fun for a while now. I still care a lot about the girls and dc, reason why things being like this bothers me so much, but I also don’t think dcc will change anything in the future and actually do something right so

#also yeah maison had a cool concept as a song itself but honestly the mv could've actually been interesting and it's just... not #i wont even talk abt vision #not to mention how toxic this fandom has turned overall and how little I identify with it :/#thankfully not on here - ppl here are generally really nice #but in general 💀#anyway just some thoughts bc tbh im a little tired of pretending that im ok with whats going on and these changes #i dont rly have hope that dcc will change anything and improve - on the contrary I think things will just keep on getting worse for the #fandom but who knows #jt

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waywardsalt · 11 months ago

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Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?

Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff

mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all

linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e

there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...

he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?

i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs

i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph

relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about

like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand

tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene

i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something

#asks #musicncomics #like im gonna be real jolene is a character i do everything i can to avoid half of the time #im not too sure what your thoughts on this are but i can tell you like jolene leagues more than i do so like. idk #idk i have a hard time talking abt jolene bc i Do Not like her so im not really sure beyond this stuff its just. idk #bellum also isnt a literal squid like looking at actual squids the most comparisons are surface level and dont work too deeply #he kinda just looks like one at first glance but 1) doesnt line up well enough and 2) we dont have enough info on him anyways #hes more a reference to a squid than an actual squid bc there is the reference to sperm whales and giant squids fucking hating each other #but while oshus is literal whale bellum is like. some thing in the shape of a squid #im not sure what parallels oyu can draw between the jolene thing and bellum thing. if anything theyre opposites?#w/ jolene its like things got so bad (or w/e) that he just robbed her n fucked off and she decided that was enough to warrant murder #while with bellum things get so good (w/ link and co) that he risks his life for em and is turned against them for it?#tbh this kinda comes down to me having a pretty negative bias against jolene and. that ship. so yeah sorry #im not gonna give this any main tags or anything this is way too far off the beaten path and kinda negative #idk i hc linebeck as gay and a lot of other linebeck hcs just kinda. suggest that he kinda had a really shit time w/ jolene #i dont like her im trying to figure that shit out so i can be like. fair at least in how i write her but i dont like her #salty talks #sorry that i keep tearing away from the rabid squid thing but its like a minefield when i try to talk abt anything w/ jolene #theres not a ton of parallels or like shared themes or w/e and its just too dissimilar in little ways that its just. a thing #ill add this in a few hours later idk if youll see jt but like. i can go in depth and discuss stuff #in dms like im fine with that its just weird in posts bc like tagging and my thoughts are a mess #like if you wanna elaborate on your thoughts thats fine

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