#granted the same dumbasses who said this also said the team was apparently also better without Mo and JT

[eyes-above--the-waves]

I cannot believe that some people's takeaway from the game (on Facebook, not here) is that this team is better without Mitch Marner because they played well and won a game without him in the lineup. Like...guys...can we please stop trying to run this poor boy out of town? It's just bumming me out at this point.

[starkerparkerpony]

AU where Tony (44-45 y/o) meets an aged up (23-24 y/o) Peter after Civil War, Tony is broken up with Pepper and all kinds of sorry for himself. Peter is a ESU graduate and currently has an internship with Oscorp and is a photographer for the Daily Bugle he is also spiderman and therefore perpetually exhausted and has very little patience.

(It's been a while since I wrote something, please consider reblogging)

I scold because I stan

Tony was starting to get sick of himself.

The self hatred and self pity were starting to crescendo, which was shedding a lot of light on how he got to and where Tony currently was in his life.

Spangle's betrayal shouldn't have hurt as much as it did.

The breakup with Pepper shouldn't have been as painful as it was.

He shouldn't miss the team as much as he did.

Vision injuring Rhodey shouldn't have felt like a personal failure but it did.

Speaking of personal failures, the accords shouldn't have scattered more than half of the planet's protectors in the wind all while labeling them 'war criminals' but they had.

And Tony was sick of himself because his centrally heated penthouse shouldn't be haunted by a Serbian cold but it was.

Because his heartbeat shouldn't feel like someone trying to jackhammer the arc reactor into his sternum sometimes... but it did.

So he decided to go out because his inner 'self hatred' voice was starting to sound too much like his father and that was about the last straw for Tony.

A baseball cap, coat and muffler later, Tony Stark was roaming the streets of New York but then it was too fucking cold for that so he quickly ducked into a cozy looking Irish pub.

He quickly scanned the place for a place to sit, it was pretty packed except for a booth which was occupied by one person who had their head down on the table and appeared to be, best case scenario, dozing off or worst case scenario, passed out.

Appropriate company for the kind of evening he was having he thought to himself as he made his way to the booth.

A waiter came to take his order and Tony took it upon himself to order a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. If he was gonna get hammered in a public place against all good sense then atleast he was gonna do it with some company... even if said company was seemingly unconscious.

When the waiter put down the glasses, his boothmate woke up. And Tony was confronted with a gorgeous guy with stunning brown eyes, he was sporting a rather sizable shiner over his left one but it did absolutely nothing to detract from his attractiveness.

"Jesus Christ... are you actually Tony Stark? Or am I hallucinating?" The guy asked quietly.

"I was hoping you wouldn't recognize me." Tony wrinkled his nose as he admitted.

"That's either a scathing comment on your perception of the general public's intellect or humility which absolutely does not go with the reputation that precedes you," the guy scoffed.

Huh... he's sharp and quick Tony thought.

"A little bit of both. The hat usually, miraculously works." Tony explained

"Don't judge me but I've had an entire wall dedicated to your face ever since your first Rolling Stone cover... the hat wasn't gonna work on me."

"That's a lot to unpack from a stranger"

"I'm Peter Parker."

"You know who I am."

Peter's face split into an overjoyed smile when Tony said that. It was a ridiculous 'only in New York' kinda thing to find yourself in the same booth as Iron Man in your local pub and Peter really needed this after the day he'd had. He was still completely terrified that at any moment Tony would accuse him of being Spiderman and make him sign the accords but he was also gonna let himself relax and enjoy meeting his hero a little.

"I'm not a billionaire expert but shouldn't you be drinking at a much upper scale place than this?" As amazed as he was, Peter was also perplexed by Tony's presence in the pub.

"There's a lot about me that absolutely does not go with the reputation that precedes me. You just admitted to me that you have a wall dedicated to my face and then brushed past it like it was nothing..." Tony said, incredulous.

"You're pretty, you're an amazing scientist, you build robots and are a superhero because of a badass armour you made that can fly. I'm a nerd and bisexual, it's is nothing, just nature basically," Peter waved him off as he started to pour the whiskey for them.

Surprisingly enough Tony's cheeks were a little flushed by the time Peter looked up, which made him think that maybe there isn't much accurate about the reputation that precedes Tony Stark.

"Hmm... who did that to your face?" Tony asked about the shiner Peter was sporting.

"Umm... a girl was getting mugged, I tried to play hero, you should see the other guy as the saying goes" Peter shrugged.

"Wow good for you... could've ended badly though." Tony's chest was unexpectedly and rather worryingly tight hearing about the danger Peter had been in.

"I know... I lost a loved one to a mugging gone wrong but the girl needed help, I didn't really have a choice."

It was like hearing those words was the straw that broke the camel's back for Tony. Because he completely understood what Peter meant. Tony never really felt like he had a choice either and whether or not Peter was ready to have a lot of information about the Avengers and his 'face wall' buddy Iron Man's wretched life choices, he was gonna be vented at like there was no tomorrow. Because Stark men don't go to therapy, they drink and speak very fast at unsuspecting civilians.

So Tony talked and Peter listened, about how the star spangled man with a plan is a fucking douchebag, how fucking hurt he felt that Nat, Clint and Wanda would still choose him over Tony, how he hasn't been able to look Rhodey in the eye since Germany and probably never will be, how easily things fell apart with Pepper even after he tried so hard, how the winter soldier fucking killed his mom and fucking spangles hid it from him, how he probably deserved it because that poor kid that got killed in Sokovia because of him... and as Tony talked he also drank so he was feeling pretty buzzed by the time he was done talking thankfully Peter was drinking right along with him.

It wasn't really a conversation, rather Iron Man just venting to him... he did notice a pattern though, everything Tony complained about, he tied up the line of thought with ultimately blaming himself for it.

Peter had always felt a certain kinship with the guy... but this man telling him how helpless his power had made him to the massive responsibility that came along with it, hit too close to home.

"Are you always this self loathe-y or is this just a today thing?" Peter asked when Tony stopped talking

"What? I don't... what?"

"Buddy... Captain America, if he really did to you what you say he did... then who gives a shit? He's an asshole. And I'm not even a supporter of the accords but even I think that the Rogues could have handled it in a better way...

No seriously, there's way more enhanced folks in this country than just the Avengers, some of them are minors, there's a dude in Hells Kitchen who is gonna sue the government and the UN so that the registration thing is scrapped, Charles Xavier and his team are even collaborating on the lawsuit.

Those people could have really used Captain America with them on this but he was too busy playing Rambo and violating other countries' sovereignty and beating the living shit out of Iron Man apparently.

I mean for a genius, you're a dumbass because you let the people who once tried to nuke Manhattan convince you that you're more dangerous than they are but you had 'dead-kid-in-Sokovia' guilt. So I get it but c'mon cut yourself some slack."

Tony was a bit flabbergasted by the kid's performance.

"Of course you'd say it... you stick my pictures on your wall," Tony grumbled

"Oh hell no! You will not use my stan status against me. I know exactly how problematic my fav is. I know your family made their fortune selling weapons and not just to the US Military and I know you only gave a crap about the under the table dealing with terrorists when they threatened your life but I'm sorry Mr. Stark if you deny yourself the credit for learning from your mistakes then every human everywhere is going straight to hell.

Intellicrops prevented famines... the arc reactor technology is saving the planet from global warming...

I saw that video of Helena Cho with those acid attack victims in India and openly weeped in a Starbucks...

You really did privatize world peace... there's a reason the biggest threat to us now is "evil aliens" you know... cause' what the fuck chance does ISIS have against War Machine? Even that Mandarin thing turned out to be a hoax.

I have 3 patents because of my Maria Stark Foundation grant and I didn't even get the MIT-full funding ones... one day one of those kids is going to cure cancer and it's going to be because of you.

So of course I'll defend you man... but you don't seem to realize that any decent person would." Peter was pretty pleased with himself after that and shot Tony an eyebrow raise as if daring him to disagree.

"I got nothing."

"Of course you don't." Peter grinned.

Maybe Tony had just isolated himself too much from people who didn't consider him a complete and utter asshole.

But with Peter it didn't even feel like praise... it was like the guy was scolding him for being too mean to himself.

It felt nice nonetheless.

Before Tony had even recovered from Peter's glorious rant, the younger guy handed him a business card with the words "Daily Bugle" embossed on it.

"Don't hold my gossip rag workplace against me... it's easy money and I'm only doing it till Norman Osbourne starts paying me for the work I already do for him." Peter shrugged

"You're with Oscorp? What do you do? Why not SI?" If he had scored an internship with Oscorp and a grant from his own foundation then he must be good enough for SI.

"I'm R&D chemical engineering and I'm not at SI because your recruiters are assholes who demand 3 years experience for a beginner position..." said Peter matter of factly.

"You should apply with us again." Tony insisted, the guy had 3 patents and very sharp, after tonight the least Tony could do was get him a job.

"You should call me." Peter countered

"I- wait are you hitting on me?" And much to Tony's chagrin, he found himself blushing again.

"Yeah duh Mr. Stark."

"I'm old enough to be your father." Tony sputtered and that hurt to admit.

"And I have insane daddy issues- you'll love me. I'm not even gonna ask you for a selfie... you don't look your best right now but definitely call me." Peter winked as he started to leave.

"You're fucking negging me?!" said Tony looking up at the ballsy kid as he slid out of the booth.

"Hey you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Gandhi said that." The kid called over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Gandhi absolutely did not say that Peter." Tony yelled back.

God he was gonna call the guy.

Read part 2 here, part 3 here

[takaraphoenix]

Review: Hustle

I finally got around to watch this movie!

Gotta admit, when I put it on my list of movies I anticipate this year, I knew literally nothing about it aside from the title and cast. And I am weak to Anne Hathaway and to con artists, so that combo was enough to get me hooked.

First things first: This was a really funny movie. It was a comedy and I laughed a lot, it was a funny, clever movie. I liked it it a lot.

Now, I have a two dimensional opinion on the movie and there will be spoilers in this review! So, if you don’t want the twist spoilered for you, quit here.

What I liked - no, actually loved - about this movie was that it felt like... like a female Ocean’s 11. Which, yes I know that exists and also features Anne Hathaway, but... but that’s a spin-off soft-reboot thing so it is very deeply tied to the all-male original. And when I say female Ocean’s 11, I mean a female answer to that movie. Something own, something that could be a franchise, something female-led and fresh that doesn’t rely on a male-led predecessor.

I would love for this to become maybe a trilogy, because we need more female-led franchises, more original female-led franchises. Not always just slap a “what if they were women instead of men?!” in front of a property that already exists. I want something new for women. I want this.

Anne was amazing in it, she was an absolute delight! I liked her small team, the token man had such a fun role too since he was just the old butler guy and I love the dynamic between Josephine and Brigitte (they married. You can’t convince me otherwise, seriously they planned their date while Penny was in a prison cell, argue whatever you want. Also, let Anne Hathaway play the lesbian con artist she CLEARLY wants to play, between this and Ocean’s 8).

I admit, Rebel Wilson was a huge argument against this movie for me. I just... really... don’t... like... her. She’s cringey and a shitty actress, because she doesn’t act. She created this one persona and she plays it in every movie - Hustle, Pitch Perfect 1-3, Night at the Museum 3, every single role she plays is the exact same personality, the same manerisms, the same jokes. It’s stale, it’s boring and for me, as an overweight woman, it’s incredibly cringey to see this overweight woman who reduces every single character of hers to “I’m fat but I make the jokes about myself so it’s okay to laugh about it! Also have some gross humor! Because it’s fun!”... not good...

So, that was a bit of a problem for me, because I just find no joy in these type of characters. Granted, this was relatively dialed back, compared to Pitch Perfect, so that was appreciated. I think that Rebel and Anne also had great chemistry and played off each other very well!

I will have to rewatch the movie in English at one point, because I am curious to hear if Anne Hathaway could pull off the Austrian accent as well as her VA, because admittedly it is obviously easier for a German to pull off an Austrian accident than it is for an American.

Now, to the part I didn’t enjoy. The twist.

As mentioned above, I absolutely love a female-led franchise. I was so hyped watching this movie, watching women be smart, watching them be what Anne’s character said - the better con-artists.

And then they’re outsmarted by a dude.

And it felt honestly kind of crushing. He outsmarts them both. And fucks off with their money. And then returns to rub in how much money he made this year and Josephine acknowledges it’s more than she made. And. No.

Don’t give me a female-led con-artist movie that banks on the gullible straight sexist guy being easily conned by hot women and then take it all away by making the nerdy guy outsmart the women. It was such a good movie until that point.

And, in my opinion, it was wildly OoC on Josephine to fall for this shit. “I am gathering investors for My Grand New Project” is LITERALLY the oldest pyramid scheme in the books, come on she is better than that. Why would she have given him any money at all? She is apparently a clever investor. What about an awkward, weird random kid giving you a power-point presentation is a clever investment? It was incredibly forced and unrealistic.

That they had to have him come back and him suggest for them to form a team... I just... I would have preferred, even including the twist, that Medusa herself would seek them out and suggest for the two women to form a team under Medusa’s guidance. That would have been cool.

But the dude coming in to teach the girls how it’s done is so damn stupid and outdated and I could not roll my eyes as hard as I wanted to at that, to be quite frank.

I could have done without the twist in the end, would have even liked the more direct ending of Rebel’s character getting together with the dumbass inventor boy who is Just That and not a con-artist himself. But if you have to have a guy come into your female-led movie and have him stand the women up, then at the very least don’t put him in like some grand uniting force there at the end...

Look, I don’t mind mixed team-ups. I think that’s more healthy than the all-male or all-female line-ups in general. But if I am promised an all-female line-up (and “all” here really only came down to two so... like... not really a lot to go on with) I kind of don’t want them to be bested by a guy at the end of it...? That’s bad in any relation; you make a movie about female athletes and in the end you have a man come in and win against them... not good.

On the overall, I really enjoyed the movie. The main part of it was great, loved the story and dynamic and Anne Hathaway’s performance, the twist and ending just soured it a bit for me personally.

[knightofbalance-13]

Taiyang Defense Chronicles 3

http://dudeblade.tumblr.com/post/158936858471/knight-what-the-fuck-tai-has-had-over-15-years

Dudeblade, you are a true dumbass if you think I actually believe that.

I was showing how god damn stupid that sounded by showing you the Taiyang equivilant. It was to show you the logic used was stupid as fuck. I know you apparently hit your head about fifty times upon coming here but how about trying to think about my tactics I used in the past huh?

But I doubt you actually care. No, so long as you get to bash Taiyang doesn’t matter what facts and what friends you have to trample on. So let’s go through this once more shall we?

Knight… What the fuck? Tai has had over 15 years to get over Summer and Raven (And considering how quickly he bounced back after Raven, it’s probably telling about their relationship), but Yang has had less than a year without a proper therapist or counselor, but because she’s mourning the loss of her arm, she deserves to be demonized?

And who said Taiyang got one either? It’s already been shown that you CAN recover from someone in that period of time as I HAVE seen it with my mother. And Yang just lost an arm and a partner she knew for a year. hat’s harsh yes but compare that to a man who lost all three of his teammates who also comprise his family of four years plus, loved two of them far deeper than Yang loved Blake and for far longer.

Unlike Taiyang’s joke, Yangw as being serious and seriously meant it. And unlike Yang who laughed it off, Taiyang was obviously hurt by her words but much like Ruby he played through the pain for Yang’s sake after he tried to help her. Unlike you, I have no bias against Taiyang or Yang (Both are my 1st and 2nd favorite character respectively) so I have an objective look: Objectively, Taiyang had the worse life (an arm can only count for so much, especially when a prostetic like Yang’ s is so easily given. Unlike the loss of Summer, loss of Raven, loss of Qrow, loss of Ruby, loss of Port and loss Oobleck. For all eh knows, each day those people are dead. Objectively, if there is a wrong: Yang is that.

I mean, didn’t Yang explicitly say that Tai “shut down” after Summer’s death? I’m pretty sure that Yang and Qrow were doing most of the parenting for Ruby while he was “moping around.” then.

So did Yang and yet she recovered in a few months: why not Taiyang? I mean, Ruby refers to Taiyang as her father, treats him as her father and even acts like Taiyang showing she picked up some of his personality. Also: How would Qrow be able to raise Ruby if he’s plastering himself so hard he forgets his Semblence? Because that’s the only way that works.

Great. Now you made me hate Tai more than Adam. AND ADAM IS A CHARACTER WE’RE SUPPOSED TO HATE!

So is Raven and that doesn’t stop you.

And BTW, you guys are starting to make me hate Yang, my SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER! So your drop is nowhere near as meaningful as mine.

This isn’t some contest to see who has had the worst life. But if it were, then Yang takes it. She has been abandoned by her birth mother, making her wonder if she was ever wanted to begin with; Summer died, leaving Tai a wreck and forcing her to grow up without a mother figure in her life while simultaneously having to raise Ruby; She has been abandoned time and again, and when she lost her arm in a confrontation with a terrorist, you want her to be beaten by her Uncle, and be told to essentially fuck off by her teachers? What the hell? I’m not saying that Tai hasn’t had it rough, but Yang has certainly had it worse. To our knowledge, Tai wasn’t ever abandoned by his mom, nor has he ever had to deal with raising a sibling after his step-mom died.

Let’s go ahead and edit out anything ambiguous since that’s not allowed apparently shall we?

This isn’t some contest to see who has had the worst life. But if it were, then Yang takes it. She has been abandoned by her birth mother, making her wonder if she was ever wanted to begin with; Summer died, leaving Tai a wreck and forcing her to grow up without a mother figure in her life while simultaneously having to raise Ruby; She has been abandoned time and again, and when she lost her arm in a confrontation with a terrorist, you want her to be beaten by her Uncle, and be told to essentially fuck off by her teachers? What the hell? I’m not saying that Tai hasn’t had it rough, but Yang has certainly had it worse. To our knowledge, Tai wasn’t ever abandoned by his mom, nor has he ever had to deal with raising a sibling after his step-mom died.

Okay then, let’s go through and compare shall we?

She has been abandoned by her birth mother

Yang never knew Raven and only knew about her long after Raven left. Meanwhile, Taiyang knew her for four years plus and was so cclose to her it caused a breakdown.

forcing her to grow up without a mother figure in her life

Granted yes but Taiyang had to keep going with the knowledge that both of his lovers were gone and had to raise two kids, the job of raising one is required by two people at minmum. Can’t include Qrow as he stays away due to his Semblence so he took a 2+ job on his own. Also, you don’t need a parental figire of the same gender: I don’t have one so it’s not necessary.

She has been abandoned time and again

Yang ahs been abandoned by: the mother she barely knew twice, Summer her birth mother and Blake her partner of one year.

Taiyang has been abandoned by: Raven, his lover and teammate of four years plus and they mother of his first childn and unlike Yang hasn’t ahd any recent contact with her, Summer, the woman who helped him get better, team leader of four years plus and mother of his second child, Qrow his brother in law and (possible) partner of four years plus, his friends of Port and Oobleck of four years plus and Ruby his youngets daughter, the daughter of the woman who died off on a mission years ago.

Still not seeing it.

when she lost her arm in a confrontation with a terrorist, you want her to be beaten by her Uncle, and be told to essentially fuck off by her teachers?

Nope, my point was that demanding Taiyang earn back love from a joke when Yang hurt him with a not-joke is stupid.

Jut as well and I’m serious here: You want a man who is desperately trying to help his daughter after being depressed for six months, a man who lost both of his lovers, a man who lived for six months in fear that Ruby, Qrow, Port and Oobleck could die at any moment and he’s powerless to stop it needs to earn his daughter’s love for making a joke she was okay with? Not so easy when it’s used against you huh?

So again, What the fuck???

What I have been saying for about two weeks with you.

[multimonk]

Project M.O.N.K, Audio logs of one DR.Vee(Super duper background for Monk story)

Under the cut due to length!

Day 1, Orientation. “So day one... What is there to say? The on-site doctor/therapist says I should keep these audio logs for my own wellbeing, while locked away in this compound... I see no harm I suppose, gives me a break from work.”

-Low sigh-

“The facilities are alright to start with, with more equipment promised if specimens and experiments on said specimens give promising results. Whoever is paying for this better understand all my ‘scientist mumbo jumbo’ on my reports, unlike the meatheads they replaced half my staff with. If their intention is to spy on my work to make sure I keep working hard, they are not being very subtle.”

-

Day 10, Preparations. “We’ve finally set up everything we need. The chemicals are working as expected and the first few samples of what we’re working towards have started to grow. It’s not exactly what I’d call a fetus, but it’s a start... We have to make sure all the clashing DNA ‘sticks together’ as one of the morons put it.”

“Side note, order MUCH more coffee and painkillers in the next shipment.”

-

Day 58, First failure. “Well, I didn’t expect the first few months to go as smoothly as they did without SOME setbacks. Half of the specimens died, and the remaining half... Well, they show promise, but their genetic structure is somewhat weaker. They want tough skin and some other, dare I say, impossible features... So, that wont do.”

The good doctor has been kind enough to listen to my worries so I wont stress myself out by repeating them here, but... He did tell me to talk about my children. It seems to give me some strength. I do miss little Jess and Nate... I hope they are eating right. Knowing mom, probably not.” -Chuckle-

-

Day 72, Success? “I will avoid false optimism, but more and more samples are surviving. Some even formed a limb or two. We may have a real living creature within two years at this rate!”

“Putting that aside, some of the meatheads aren’t that bad now that they’ve forgotten about their mission to ‘guard me’. Aki, Henry and Neni are actually pretty nice people... Makes living in a damn cube in the middle of a jungle bearable at least.”

-Groaning-

“Why can’t secret bases ever be on a beach, or some other nice location?”

-

Day 100, Party. “I refused, initially. Wasting time to celebrate with whiskey and swing music every 100 days, who does that in a scientific research facility? Bbuuuuuut I will admit, once I got to the swing of things(Pun not entirely intended), it was nice to let loose and just have some fun. I might have drunk a bit too much though...”

-Light snoring-

-

Day 198, SUCCESS! “REAL success! We have our first real babies! Granted half of them have died and that’s taken a toll on many of the people in my team. I TOLD them not to name the blasted monsters. Getting attached to something that only wears a human face is not a good idea and if I might add, highly unprofessional.”

-Loud sigh-

“Alright... I don’t really record these as often as I did in the beginning, but looks like I’ll have even less time soon. If we can get even one live... Thing, we can start testing to see if they can be trained, imprinted or... Well, this is HIGHLY optimistic, but I like to think we could teach them during the 5 years it ‘should’ take for them to mature.”

“Optimism. Baad baaaad optimism.”

-

Day 200 “HUNGOVER. That is all.”

-

Day 300, Sparta “That joke has been made to death by someone who saw a stupid, unrealistic movie once. If I get one more email with that video...” “I am not allowed to talk about too much detail in the audio logs, but I will say this to keep it in mind. The specimens with more unsteady structure seem to survive better than those with the big, bulky ones our employer wants. I-”

-You got mail-

-Loud blaring of a remix of “This is Sparta”-

“Kill. Me.”

-

Day 487, Finally! “My intuition was right! We managed to make a few specimens survive outside their containment tanks with alterations to... Well, anyway. The staff insisted on naming them Don and Monk. Take a damn guess which one that dumbass Rico named? Monk, right. Well, at least the thing will remember which project gave it life... If it lives past a week.”

-

Day 496, no title ideas “Don and Monk have taken their first steps. Don walks on two quite fine, but Monk has some form of deformation in its… His, knees and back, I need to look into it.”

-

Day 500, No party “Don died. Funnily enough, not because of any error on our part... While physically more capable, Don was unfortunately as dumb as a toddler and making no progress, so he tried to eat a knife, despite the bleeding and pain... I assume, can they feel pain?”

-Door opens suddenly-

-Male voice- “DR.Vee, come quick! The other one is sick or something!” “WHAT??”

-

Day 520, Worst is over. “Monk is still alive. Weird enough, he’s not so much deformed as he is... Strange in structure. He’s missing some ribs, but he has so many more vertebra in his neck and back than a human. ALL functional! I still can’t fathom how he lives, but... He has no trouble moving on all fours, he eats... BOY does he eat!”

“Called Jessica and Nathan today, introduced them to my team. They’re already in junior high... I missed them graduating elementary. Mother of the year award goes to... Someone else.”

-

Day 523 “Monk got his horns stuck in a wall and continued to whine loudly about it for ten minutes. We took pictures and video, for... Science.”

-

Day 565, Baby steps “I’ve put away all the training they wanted me to teach him. I need to treat him like the child he is until we can figure out how to imprint information and training directly onto the brains of the specimens. Speaking of, we have been unable to make new ones that live past the month. We keep them separate from Monk of course. He still keeps looking for Don... It’s sad to watch.”

-

Day 600 “Monk joined the party today! Well, the start of the party. We gave him some cake and let him curl up to watch us drink and be merry. He’s still too small to actually take part in anything more active than eating and wobbling around, but maybe one day.”

-

Day 1000, sorry. “God, it’s been.. Jeesh. So long since I’ve made the last one huh? Okay, so, summary. Monk is doing well. He is reaching what I would call the age of 9 or so. These things grow fast, but I have no idea how long he will actually live. Will he stop aging at the point we hoped? We’ll see.”

“Anyway.”

“I’ve been teaching him to speak and well... Unsurprisingly, ‘food’ ‘treat’, his own name and ‘hello’ in various different forms have stuck the most. I also gave him some crayons to practice his motor skills a bit... Thank god our purpose is not to create the ultimate artist, unless someone really likes stick figures.”

-

Day 1050, more progress “Another growth spurt, he’s maybe 15 ish now? He’s in a bit of pain from growing so fast, but we give him painkillers to he can sleep at least. He’s started to call me ‘mum’. It’s not what you think! I tried to get him to address me as ‘ma’am’, but apparently that is too hard for him to say.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s fine.”

“... Wonder how Jess and Nate are doing.”

-

Day 1068-1090, Annoying “CONSTANT threats for more progress or less funds, really. I know we’ve made great strides in the past two-three years, I mean, we DID create LIFE in the first year! But now the big hats upstairs have gotten used to the fast pace and want more, the greedy MOTHERFU-Mmhhh... Okay.”

-Deep breath in-

-Loud sigh-

“Monk has a good personality, very obedient when he likes you, but he has entered a rebellious phase... Teenagers right?”

“Not like I’d know, I didn’t get to see my kids turn from kids to pre-teens.”

“What employer doesn’t give vacation days?? Regardless, the sooner we duplicate the success with Monk, the better. Though...” “Well, this is just a thought, but what if instead of an army, we just create an entirely new species? Creator of an entire species of people, wouldn’t that be the same as being a god?”

“Or a really, REALLY productive mother.”

“...”

“Okay ew, horrible mental image.”

-

Day 1329, Troublesome thoughts “I can’t keep the thought out of my head. What if I just recreate Monk EXACTLY and just change the gender, and then repeat the process a few thousand times? I could... Hm.”

-

Last log, partially corrupted -Hasty footsteps and sounds of many doors being opened on the way-

“MONK!”

“Shhh darling, I know that’s your name, and I know you like telling me, but you have to be quiet now okay?”

-Whispered- “Monk.”

“Haa haa, clever.”

-Happy squeaking-

“I’ve decided to take Monk and just... Go. There’s no future for him here. They called, said my funding is officially over and they will ‘get rid’ of all evidence. That’s a fine word for killing all my specimens and Monk...! Those bastards will not touch him. I’m taking him, starting my own lab and continuing my work elsewhere! I’ll show them, I can do this. I can start an entirely new species, I can-”

-Sounds of gunfire and explosions-

“OH SHI-” -Explosion-

“Dr.Vee? That wouldn’t be my investment you’re running off with would it? “You’re...? Never mind, I don’t care. If I stop here, all my work will be for nothing! Just let me continue my work, or get out of my way!”

“I am afraid we can’t do that Dr.Vee. You see... When I said I am getting rid of all the evidence, I did of course mean you as well.”

“You-” -Shocked gasp, sound of gun being loaded-

“However, I would like that thing back. As a live specimen, it is VERY valuable for continued perfection of your work, without your failures... Namely yourself and your sentimentality.”

“Over my dead body you asshole!” “... Aight sure, why not?” -Sudden explosion, sounds of wildlife outside and the sound of scuttling bare feet on the floor-

“Monk no! You don’t know what’s out there, you won’t survive without me! MONK! MONK LISTEN TO ME, COME BACK, MO-”

-End of recording-