#anyone with any experience in anything
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SOMEONE HELP 🙏
#Enchanting chats ❥#i need feedback on an about me post#i think my theme is cute#but i need a second opinion#anyone with any experience in anything#im scared#im talking to no one ik ik
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having seen at least the rough outlines of all the romances now I have to say that I think emmrich's is probably objectively the best in terms of coherence and completeness of story arc (with the understanding that ultimately the 'best' romance is whichever one makes YOUR heart sing anyway so objectivity is a silly thing to claim that way, it just felt like it's the arc with the most well-paced focused content and the least dangling threads)... but lucanis' is my favourite haha. just. the whole kneeling before your beloved full of reverence but without any of the distance that usually implies??? his complete undramatic certainty and calm in every scene with rook after this, having spent the whole game caught between fear and longing???? mr. lives in a pantry but it says nothing about my psyche don't worry about it it's purely for tactical reasons that I keep myself contained in a small dark room not entirely unlike a cell, love among the parsnips -- finally coming to rook in their room and it's so comfortable and comforting???? after all the times rook supports and comforts him through the game he's finally able to return the same to them when they need it while being so calm and steady and it's so fucking sweet and feels so effortless and with no price attached?????? he basically assigns himself the role of your bodyguard and he WILL stab a god over it??????????????? the turn to protector (which was in his heart all along longing to get out and find a place) of it all????? he sounds like he's found himself unexpectedly stumbling into such a soul-lightening state of revelatory existential relief, full on 'you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves' mary oliver style, and he goes and he shares that with rook and protectively envelops them in it when they're hurting??????????????????????????? hello for the maker's sake hello can anyone hear me?????
#listen I was forged in the fires of garrusmancing. I went through two whole games just to get a gentle headbutt and some tender words#before me3 comes along and rewards you for your tenacity more fully#me? the reyes romancer???? I have the strength and headcanon game to bear the relative lack of content before the end#when the endgame is this good I am willing to hold out for it haha the way he looks at rook towards the end......#I also really liked taash' (it's really sweet) but I don't think I have any rooks ready to go right now who would go for that vibe#emmrich for sure is going to be my either crow or shadow dragon romance it really is very good! and extremely goth not unrelatedly#undeniably that old man has the most game out of anyone in this story. the move with the flower??? I'm sorry????#I actually like that lucanis' romance blooms out of the safety of an established friendship more than anything (again. avowed garrusmancer)#but emmrich... he's got some next level romantic stuff going on and is being both so wholesome and such a freak about it lmao#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#all jokes aside I totally respect and understand that people are a bit disappointed and frustrated -- they're not wrong to feel that!#there really are some gaps in content there for the midgame#however I was personally custom built by experience to get the most out of this scenario as possible and by god I will#just as I feel that ryder and reyes go off and have some soul-shrivingly good sex after the first kiss#(it makes that arc make a lot more sense to me haha)#I think rook and lucanis Get Up To It after the second coffee date. weird of them to not show us that but okay I'll fill it in myself then
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the pathologic Kin is largely fictionalized with a created language that takes from multiple sources to be its own, a cosmogony & spirituality that does not correlate to the faiths (mostly Tengrist & Buddhist) practiced by the peoples it takes inspirations from, has customs, mores and roles invented for the purposes of the game, and even just a style of dress that does not resemble any of these peoples', but it is fascinating looking into specifically to me the sigils and see where they come from... watch this:
P2 Layers glyphs take from the mongolian script:
while the in-game words for Blood, Bones and Nerves are mongolian directly, it is interesting to note that their glyphs do not have a phonetic affiliation to the words (ex. the "Yas" layer of Bones having for glyph the equivalent of the letter F, the "Medrel" layer of Nerves having a glyph the equivalent of the letter È,...)
the leatherworks on the Kayura models', with their uses of angles and extending lines, remind me of the Phags Pa Script (used for Tibetan, Mongolian, Chineses, Uyghur language, and others)
some of the sigils also look either in part or fully inspired by Phags Pa script letters...
some look closer to the mongolian or vagindra (buryat) script
looking at the Herb Brides & their concept art, we can see bodypainting that looks like vertical buryat or mongolian script (oh hi (crossed out: Mark) Phags Pa script):
shaped and reshaped...
#not sure how much. what's the word. bond? involvement? not experience. closeness? anyone in the team has with any of these cultures#but i recall learning lead writer is indigenous in some way & heavily self-inserts as artemy [like. That's His Face used for#the p1 burakh portrait] so i imagine There Is some knowledge; if not first-hand at least in some other way#& i'm not in the team so i don't know how much Whatever is put into Anything#[ + i've ranted about the treatment of the brides Enough. enough i have]#so i don't have any ground to stand on wrt how i would feel about how these cultures are handled to make the Kin somewhat-hodgepodge.#there is recognizing it is Obviously inspired by real-life cultures [with the words;the alphabet;i look at Kayura i know what i see]#& recognizing it Also is. obviously and greatly imagined. not that weird for you know. a story.#like there is No Turkic/Altaic/Mongolic culture that has a caste of all-women spiritual dancers who place a great importance on nudity#as a reflection of the perfect world and do nothing but dance to bring about the harvest. ykwim...#like neither the Mongols nor the Buryats nor the Tibetans dress the way the Kin does. that's cos the Kin is invented. but they're invented.#.. on wide fundations. ykwim......#Tengrism has a Sky Deity (Tengri) with an earth-goddess *daughter* whereas the kin worship an Earth-Goddess mother of everything#+ a huge bull. Buddhism has its own complete cosmogony & beliefs which from the little I know Vastly Differ from anything the Kin believes#like. yeah. story. but also. [holds myself back from renting about the Brides again] shhh...#neigh (blabbers)#pathologic#pathologic 2
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i think what Jason wants (from Bruce at least) is to be loved transcendentally. he wants to be loved with earth shattering intensity, the kind that'll raze the world to the ground when lost and inspire greatness when present. Jason wants to mean something and to matter more than anything except for (maybe) another (worthy) human. Jason wants to be shown love in the way that he experiences love. but that kind of exclusive focus is impossible when your dad is Batman.
#Jason is the pathos of the batfam#Dick is also more pathos than logos but like he also didn't die so#and yes i'm mangling i'm doing it on purpose#Jay would die in a heartbeat for his family#and probably do any number of awful things#and what he wants is reciprocity#I see his as very much the kind to not ask anything of anyone that he isn't willing to do himself#but also expects others to live up to his morals#or standards or however#so he's not exactly fair but not entirely unfair either#idk there's a ton of posts right now on Jason's ideas about love and I also have a ton of thoughts myself#the dude is fucking intense#and speakign from experience#it's fuckign hard when that kind of intensity is one sided#even when you know it's unfair to expect it of the other party#jason todd#batfam
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Hi,
The TL;DR of this post is this will no longer be a Mario blog, and I won't be participating in any kind of fandom here anymore.
This is for anyone who keeps tabs on me for any reason, but specifically my fanfiction I guess. I'm a writer so this will be a little long winded lol, but feel free to read what you want.
First I want to thank everyone who kept up with and read my story I'll Never Let You Go. At the time of writing, it was my best work and existed quietly in my drafts for seven or eight years as I built and built it up. It's the longest story I have ever completed, the eclipse of my skills and experiences at a time when all I wanted was to carry across a story about star-crossed lovers while I myself longed for such a fairytale love. While publishing, I invited artists to participate in a small challenge, which resulted in these lovely posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8), and set the stage beautifully for me to reveal the major twist of the story. I thank everyone who participated in making that moment so special for me. I'm very proud of the story and how it turned out after all this time. But I'm ready to move onto greater things.
And to anyone who has read any of my other works, thank you. My muse is an impulsive creature and I followed it toward many stories which sometimes had strange methods behind them but ultimately turned into projects I could be proud of. It means the world that my random explorations met any kind of audience with such positive reception.
Fandom has become a problem for me. What used to feel relaxed and creatively exciting now feels like a source of pressure. I caved into it once or twice and posted stories or art or whatever in the past specifically designed to heighten attention or exposure to my work. It never worked quite like I thought and always made me feel a little gross afterward. I may erase these works once I track them down. But now the pressure isn't even creative, it's become more or less of a social performance for me which I am not willing to participate in anymore.
So from now on, I'm going to blog what I want to and write whatever comes to me. Mario or not, fanwork or not. There are still some Mario stories mostly done that I want to share and I may do that in my own time, but it will not be with any intention except to please myself.
I think I'm moving towards more original ideas. There are fan concepts I want to finish out, and if I do it will take time.
Anyway. If any of this doesn't resonate with you, that's fine. Most of my stories will remain up and I'm happy to interact regarding those, but otherwise I would appreciate to not be included in the fandom community on Tumblr anymore. I'll hopefully occasionally find the will to browse for fanfic myself, though lately I haven't been much in the mood to read it. Feel free to unfollow or block or whatever you need to do. I wish you luck. I'm looking forward to being more active on my terms.
Thank you 💙
#Not tagging anyone just to avoid tying any of them to this#I had hoped sharing INLYG would bring my spark back#But I have only come to accept that my spark has just gone elsewhere#It has very little to do with anyone in the fandom#Really it has more to do with communities in my irl than anything here#The pressure is just too similar to something I've had too much experience with and I need to not expose myself to it anymore#I shall be the master of my own experience 🥸#So anyway#You're welcome to follow along as this blog begins to reflect who I am#Or you're welcome not to#For the first time in my life I don't care#Not in a mean way just in a peaceful way#I don't care as a neutral declaration#✨I don't care 🌟💕#So yea#Do or don't keep up with me#Diary of Drones
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“This has both our names on it”: Viewing Fleet and Clara’s relationship in Victoriocity through a queerplatonic lens
TL;DR: By Season 3 of Victoriocity, Fleet and Clara have developed a committed emotional partnership that certainly moves beyond the purely professional. Whilst very much operating as a duo, they can be interpreted as often rejecting or subverting romance-coded elements in their relationship, instead embracing a unique dynamic that can be read as resonating with the concept of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR).
Buckle up because this is over 2,500 words long! If you'd rather read it as a document, you can access it here: Fleet & Clara QPR Google Doc
Disclaimer: I'm not making any claims about creator intent, nor about how anyone else ought to interpret Fleet and Clara's dynamic. It's also worth acknowledging that queerplatonic relationships are inherently defined by the people in them and any attempt to apply such terminology to a story set in 1887 is obviously anachronistic (although whether that should matter when said story also contains a cyborg Queen Victoria is up for debate).
With that said, if we define a QPR as a committed personal partnership which is not entirely captured by the typical expectations of either friendship or romance but may contain some elements typically associated with either (other definitions of QPRs are available), I enjoy viewing Fleet and Clara's relationship through a QPR lens, and I want to talk about some of the reasons why I think this reading works.
***Spoilers for all three seasons of Victoriocity and the novel High Vaultage***
Detective duos
Even before we actually get into Fleet and Clara's particular bond, detective / crime-solving duos as a general concept have QPR energy to me (which probably predisposed me to this interpretation). It's the Holmes-and-Watson legacy. It's the use of the word 'partner' in a non-romantic context (‘associate’ or ‘companion’ can also serve a similar purpose). It's the intense trust and reliance on each other. It's the sense of being a recognisable pair, always appearing together, known as a duo, with skills and attributes that complement each other.
Romantic assumptions
Moving on to Fleet and Clara specifically, one aspect of their relationship that can be read through a QPR lens is how they are often in situations where other people believe or imply that there is a romantic relationship between them. Sometimes this is a deliberate strategy of theirs, and sometimes it’s imposed upon them by others. But I’d argue that there’s never a point where they both simultaneously seem entirely comfortable with that romantic narrative for their relationship. Usually one of them will actively deny the assumption or react negatively to the implication:
When Mrs Hampshire interprets Clara and Fleet as a couple experiencing “young love”, Clara might be happy to adopt this as an effective cover story, but Fleet seems unsettled and keen for them not to be perceived this way: “No. No. You’ve misunderstood, we are not, that is to say I am…” (S1E2)
When Warden Hughes assumes Fleet is the new Warden and Clara is the new Warden’s wife, Clara says “I am certainly not”, with emphasis on the ‘certainly’. (S2E2)
Fleet definitely doesn’t sound enthused when he realises Clara has gone for a married couple as their cover story at the Grand Salcombe: “I am sure I’ll regret asking, but by any chance am I [Mr. Theasby?]” (S2E2)
When Titus Byrne tells the pair “I take it you're happy sharing [a room]”, Clara responds with a horrified “What?” (S3E4) (Obviously sleeping in the same room isn’t inherently romantic, but it is often perceived that way.)
Of course, fake dating and external assumptions of romance are very common tropes in romantic will-they-won't-they dynamics, and these moments could definitely be interpreted that way for Fleet and Clara. But I prefer to read these instances as reflecting a different kind of closeness between these two characters. They have a sense of emotional partnership that allows a marriage cover story to seem plausible to others and that other people sometimes automatically assume to be romantic (obviously with some period-typical heteronormativity at play). But to me, it doesn't seem like either of them are fully comfortable with their relationship being perceived in a directly romantic way. Perhaps they are a couple in a different sense…
Proposal via door plate
The way that Fleet asks Clara to be his business partner has always seemed to me like a platonic version of when people find personal ways to surprise their romantic partner with a proposal:
CLARA: You bought me a door plate for your office? [...] This has both our names on it. FLEET: What do you think? CLARA: I like it. (S2E7)
Fleet could have just asked Clara outright, without going to the trouble of buying a sign that would have been useless if she’d said no. If it was purely a professional business proposition with no emotional meaning behind it, I think he would have just asked verbally. But instead, he gifts her a sign with their two names paired together: Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. There's something so intimate about that to me: about Fleet asking Clara whether she would like to be a duo with him in a more formally-defined but still non-romantic way; about him choosing to present this offer in the form of a gift; about the way he presents her with their two names joined together etched into metal and asks what she thinks; about the significance that this gesture attaches to their partnership; about him having enough trust that she'll say yes that the effort and vulnerability of presenting her with that sign seem worth it for him. And the gesture means an awful lot to Clara:
She thought about the door plaque he’d had engraved with both their names on it as his way of inviting her to be his business partner – typical Fleet, refusing to tell her so much as his favourite breakfast food and then to go and do something like that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. (High Vaultage, p187).
Anniversaries
In the special episode ‘Murder in the Pharaoh's Tomb', Clara says “And you know what else is a big occasion Fleet? It's our one-month anniversary.” She wants to celebrate the anniversary of Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. Their partnership holds a significance for her that means key dates associated with it are worth remembering and remarking upon.
When Clara first mentions their anniversary, Fleet nearly chokes on his drink, which seems like an instinctive reaction to the usually romantic connotations of an anniversary (see my point above about Fleet not being comfortable with their dynamic being perceived as romantic). But when Clara clarifies what she means, Fleet seems much more cheerful about the notion of their anniversary: “Ah, so it has.”
“Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner”
I get extremely strong QPR vibes from this moment, when Fleet introduces Clara to the sailors at Grave End:
FLEET: This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner. CLARA: I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it. (S3 E3)
Fleet and Clara are partners, but not in the way the average person might assume from that word, which Fleet realises mid-sentence here. This is another instance of Fleet reacting negatively to the idea that their relationship might be interpreted romantically (see above). And yet, 'partner' (rather than, say, ‘colleague’) is the word that comes naturally to him in this moment to describe who Clara is to him. He then frantically emphasises the professional element of their relationship so as to avoid the romantic implication, but Clara is keen to proudly assert that there is a personal, emotional aspect to their dynamic too. They are first-and-foremost partners, and they are friends, and they do not want to be seen in a romantic light - this post basically writes itself...
“Her ridiculous detective.”
When Clara fears for her life at the display of the Lanterns, the narration tells us:
“she thought of her brother, her sister, her parents... Her ridiculous detective.” (High Vaultage, p172)
The fact that Clara thinks of Fleet in this moment of fear clearly indicates his importance to her, but I think the phrasing of this quote is particularly interesting. The narration lists Clara's immediate family: two of whom are dead (her sister and father), one of whom is publically mourning Clara's life choices (her mother), and only one of whom we have any real evidence of her having a positive relationship with (her brother). And then, separated from these complicated familial relationships by an ellipsis, the narration tells Clara also thinks of Fleet, “her ridiculous detective”.
Parents and siblings are familial relationships that tend to come with established expectations, in which the use of a possessive pronoun (i.e. her brother) to indicate the relationship is a norm. ‘Detective’ does not fall into this category; unlike ‘brother’, ‘sister’, ‘parent’, ‘friend’, ‘partner’ etc., ‘detective’ is not a word that inherently implies a relationship or that we'd usually expect to see preceded by a possessive pronoun. The idea of ‘her detective’ therefore stands out, giving the sense that there is a unique relationship being indicated here. The way in which Fleet is ‘hers’ is something that Clara has chosen for herself, something that they have shaped together. Who they are to each other can't necessarily be fully expressed using standard phrases that traditionally describe relationships between people. But Fleet is Clara's detective, of which she only has one, and who she'll think of in the midst of “the screaming of the heavens at the end of the world”.
Fleet is also the only one in this list of Clara's loved ones who gets an adjective - her love for him has detail. And while “ridiculous” might often be perceived as negative (it's certainly not a classic romantic endearment), it seems to me like there's such fondness in it in this context: the recognition of and affection for eccentricities, the idea that his importance to her is not (purely) based on his professional strengths but on Fleet as a whole - perhaps at times ridiculous - person.
“Settled”
When Clara and Fleet talk about Clara's mother’s expectations for her, they have this exchange:
"She's still living in hope that one day I'll settle down." "You're not settled?" asked Fleet. "I am." (High Vaultage, p259)
By ‘settle down’, Clara's mother of course means ‘marry’, ideally into “at least a minor baronetcy”. But Clara already considers herself "settled", just not in a way her mother would understand or appreciate. She's not looking to "settle down" into a lifestyle other than her current one. She is settled in a situation where Fleet is certainly her closest personal connection in London (and perhaps anywhere), and where the two of them work closely together, operate as a duo, and then go back to their separate homes. And this partnership with Fleet is a comfortable set-up that feels right for Clara exactly as it is, rather than being a precursor to, or a distraction from, the marriage ambitions that her mother wants for her.
I think this exchange also contains an implicit sense of the commitment between the two of them. Fleet wants to check that Clara is ‘settled’ in her current situation, of which working closely - and platonically - with Fleet is obviously a major element; Clara confirms she is. There's a subtle indication of their shared intention to be in this for the long haul.
As a sidenote, Fleet and Clara’s implicit assumption that their partnership is a long-term one can manifest itself in joking contexts as well as serious ones. Look at this exchange from S3E5:
FLEET: We're not bandits, we're just going to flag it down. CLARA: We'd be terrific bandits! FLEET: Let's just see how our current line of work goes.
I think it’s notable that, in this joking speculation, both Fleet and Clara use ‘we’ and ‘our’. The joke could have been phrased just as effectively if they were imagining only Clara becoming a bandit. But the suggestion is that, if either of them was a bandit, they’d be bandits together. Even if they changed their lives entirely, they'd still approach life together.
Inseparable
Fleet and Clara have become a nearly inseparable duo in a way which is noticed by others. For example, after Clara and Fleet fall out in High Vaultage, Fleet meets with Keller, who says:
"You're here with me instead of barrelling across town with her, so I'm just assuming there is some thickheaded puffinry for which you need to apologise to Miss Entwhistle" (p335)
Keller, hardly the most emotionally perceptive man in Even Greater London, automatically infers from the fact that Fleet is on his own that he has had a falling out with Clara, rather than that they just happen to be in different places. When all is well, Keller expects to see the two of them together, whether or not they are in a position to be actively working a case.
Going back earlier in their partnership, Keller makes a similar assumption about Fleet and Clara being inseparable in S2E6. When Clara shouts her name amidst Keller's anti-Vidoc booby traps, Keller asks "Entwhistle? Which means… Fleet?" Again, there's this idea that if one of them is there, the other is likely to be there too - they come as a pair. (It's worth noting that this scene takes place less than two weeks after they first met.)
“Like a friend might?”
At the end of S3E7, Fleet suggests that he and Clara go to the theatre together. It would have been easy for this invitation to have been explicitly framed as a romantic proposition, or even for the nature of the offer to have been left more ambiguous. But Clara says "Archibald Fleet, are you inviting me to a social activity? Like a friend might?" The use of the word 'friend' directly labels this as a platonic interaction. And it's with that platonic lens on it that Clara is extremely excited to spend non-work-related social time with Fleet.
“Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.”
CLARA: My grandmother's ring, I don't suppose you managed to hold on to it? [...] FLEET: Oh, it's been crushed.. I'm sorry Clara [...] CLARA: No, you keep it. FLEET: What? No... CLARA: Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you not to run towards trains. FLEET: Maybe. Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.
In S3E7, Clara gives Fleet a ring, which - as a gift from one person to another - is traditionally a symbol of a particular, legally recognised, kind of personal commitment. But when Clara tells Fleet to keep the damaged ring, down in the Underground tunnels after the destruction of the beast and Fleet's latest brush with death, it is quite a different situation to a wedding or a proposal. A married man would traditionally wear his wedding ring on his finger for all to see, but Fleet won't ever wear this ring like that. The ring itself has been bent into a different shape between the wheels of their misadventures, subverting the usual associations of a ring given from one person to another. (In a heteronormative world, those associations are particularly strong when the two people in question are a woman and a man.)
That ring is not an engagement ring, but it is Clara’s grandmother's ring, an inheritance from the blood family she never really felt she belonged in, now given to the man who might be a very different kind of family for her in London. That ring - with which Clara saved Fleet's life - is a symbol of their bond. And it therefore serves as a reminder for Fleet “not to run towards trains" and as a “good luck charm”. I like to think he'll carry that ring with him, perhaps in his jacket pocket - a little piece of his partner, kept close to his ticking heart…
Thank you for reading all of this!
If you’ve read all of this, I'm assuming you also enjoy the concept of Fleet and Clara as a QPR (unless you're really a glutton for punishment) and that makes me very happy! This was long because there's so much to say about them… And I wrote all of the above without even getting into: the potential to headcanon Fleet and/or Clara as aspec (which I don't think is necessary for QPR headcanons, but which is also fun); Clara's baggage around and discomfort with marriage in general; the speed with which Fleet and Clara become a ride-or-die duo; and the many other demonstrations of care, understanding, trust, respect, and affection between them that didn't feel as directly QPR-coded to me but are nonetheless wonderful. Please do feel free to share your own thoughts!
#victoriocity#clara entwhistle#inspector fleet#archibald fleet#high vaultage#I'm not really trying to persuade anyone who doesn't already vibe with Fleet & Clara QPR as a concept#I just enjoy digging into that interpretation#I don't have any lived experience of QPRs myself#I'm just an aro who occasionally yearns#which tbf is probably the demographic most likely to obsessively interpret fictional duos as QPRs#I tried to avoid straying into anything like ‘they are too important to each other to be *just* friends’#when writing this#because I deeply dislike that outlook#That's not what I'm getting at here#Friends can be that important to each other without being in a QPR#I just think Fleet and Clara are important to each other in a particular way that can easily be read as a QPR or QPR-adjacent#Ngl for me personally I was very happy that there was no explicitly romantic Fleet and Clara moments#in S3 or High Vaultage#I’m sure I would still love their dynamic if they did explicitly take it down that route#I’m sure it would be done well#But the fact that Fleet and Clara are platonic (or at least ambiguous) means a lot to me personally#A related thought to that bit on romantic assumptions is that under amatonormativity#even the denial of romance/attraction is so often treated as evidence for it#which can mean that there's no way to escape that implication#so that's another reason why I enjoy taking characters at their word#when they express discomfort over a dynamic being interpreted as romantic#I finished writing this on Wednesday and I've been so impatient about waiting until S3 is fully out to post it lol
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not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.
xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.
i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.
it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.
#he is easy to hurt. this is a fact. it is also anathema to his own self conception as well as the model of him in anyone elses minds.#xue yang#yi city#mdzs#aphelion.txt#xy#Contact is crisis; every touch is a modified blow#<- xycore anne carson quote. if you even care#meta#i guess? idk#it is always character analysis hour in my head#with a disclaimer that whether or not someone experiences empathy is NOT correlated to their morality#i dont think its necessarily that xy is incapable of empathy it's that any empathy that might exist in him is deeply deeply repressed#bc he views it as a death warrant. he (at every moment in his head and really quite often in reality) is on trial for his life#and it would be suicidal to give a shit about anyone who is not him.#especially since he knows- down to his bones- that no one is ever going to give a shit about him EXCEPT FOR him#the one chance he ever got to escape this cycle of brutality came with an expiration date built in by consequence of his past atrocities#and he only first started to comprehend anything about his own emotions after it was all already irrevocably fucked#in canon he is doomed. in fandom i am always picking him up and putting him somewhere kinder#shakes you by the shoulders do you understand what he does to me. do you. do you#if you tell me im excusing his crimes i will kill you w my lazer beam.#this isnt ABOUT THAT. this is ME BEING UNHINGED ABT HIS PSYCHOLOGY in a moral vaccuum.#i'm not saying 'hes sensitive uwu' but like i kind of am. unfortunately it mostly just motivates him to murder people#OH and when i connect the fragility to the tenderness i dont mean that i believe hes like. secretly soft#i mean that being as he is so deeply impacted by people's slights against him. he is just as deeply impacted by people's kindnesses#and he's not incapable of reciprocating it. he is INCREDIBLY fucking bad at it. but not incapable#ok i have to post this before i feel compelled to ramble any longer in the tags. jesus#got consumed by my a-yang feelings on a sunday morning sorry#not sure why i worded it as 'continues to survive' other than a constant subconscious denial that xue yang is dead
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I’ve reached the stage of watch dogs brainrot in which I’ve began to headcanon them as secondary school (highschool) students; including deciding on the subjects they’d do, what they get up to, etc.
I’ve spent the entirety of my week doing this so I hope the brainstorming somewhat stays accurate to the characters (if not criticism is accepted!)
So ermmmmm here’s the appearances
Clarification; I’ve had to make a couple of almost drastic altercations to Ray’s, Clara’s and Sitara’s designs because of uniform regulations; their canon styles are flashy/unprofessional and wouldn’t exactly be good representation of the school, as well as Ray’s hair possibly being too long/disheveled (because uniform regulations where I live are THAT strict that they dress code hair length on boys as well), so I apologise if there’s any inaccuracies with the characters🤧🤧
Here’s their year and the list of subjects they’d do (just as context before you read the transcript):
Aiden is a lower sixth; on his first year of A levels:
A level - Sociology, IT, Chemistry
GCSEs - IT, Double science, Home Ec & H&S
Ray is an upper sixth; studying A2 level:
A levels - IT, Design and technology, Physics
GCSEs - IT, Physics, History, Chemistry, Design and Technology
Jordi is a lower sixth; studying AS level (most of his GCSE subjects were filler):
A levels - IT, Chemistry, Spanish
GCSEs - IT, double science, Spanish, further math
Clara is a lower sixth, studying AS level:
A levels - Art, IT, sociology
GCSEs - Art, IT, design and technology, double science
Watch dogs 2 dedsec:
Marcus is repeating his first year of GCSEs (partially to get another chance at a better score, another part to stay by his friends):
GCSEs - IT, Media studies, History, Politics, single science
Wrench is repeating his first year of GCSEs (his scores were ridiculous /neg)
GCSEs - IT, Media studies, geography, Double science
Josh is repeating his first year of GCSEs (he’s a perfectionist and as much as resitting exams exist, he insists on staying back 1 year):
GCSEs - IT, Media studies, HE, Double science
Sitara is studying the second half of her GCSEs:
(Chosen) A levels - Art, H&S, Media studies
GCSEs - IT, Art, H&S, single science, further math
Horatio is studying the second half of his GCSEs:
(Chosen) A levels - English language, H&S, IT
GCSEs - IT, H&S, History, double science
Transcript for those who cannot read my handwriting:
(Photo 1)
Aiden
- face is always cold so he wears the mask to keep himself warm (and possibly to accessorise)
- cut thumbholes into his jumper/sweater for comfortability (had to get Clara to stitch it evenly)
- has a natural resting bitch face, makes it almost difficult for him to be read emotionally via expression
- if he isn’t revising for chemistry or doing IT coursework during lunch, he’s hanging in the art rooms with Clara
- low-key has a crush on Clara… (Jordi frequently teases him about it)
- confrontational; if it affects him or the people he knows he WILL stand up for himself/them, even to teachers if he has to
- shares chemistry classes with Jordi (who frequently yaps to him in those classes)
Ray Kenney
- has acne w/ growing beard/stubble
- couldn’t style his hair so he stuck with a mullet
- goes to a different school but turns up for shared education classes
- makes a business of selling his study notes (basically photocopying them then selling them)
- IT prefect
Jordi
- definitely was some form of a greasy kid during his first few years but then had the craziest glowup during sixth form -> no one bullied him because of his tendency to bite back. Hard.
- sells contraband around the school building -> no proof that he does sell it as he’s always subtle with his locations, changing around where he sells and hiding his stock pretty well
- the type of guy to shove you ten times harder in the corridors if you shoved him (intentional nor unintentional, and yes, people shoving people in the corridors is quite common at least in my experience 😭😭)
- can be a class clown but the teachers have no reason to tell him off as he gets work done and has surprisingly good test scores
Clara
- is pretty neutral when it comes to the dress code, even subtly bending the rules to her liking
- busy asf doing art or studying, though does appreciate the company given from time to time whilst she works
- shares sociology classes with Aiden
- organises revision sessions for IT with Aiden (and Jordi; he seems like the type of guy to third wheel for the shits and giggles but also to study too)
(Photo 2)
Josh
- NEVER wears his blazer; finding the material to be too heavy
- always wears his beanie; if told to take it off he’ll proceed to put it back on the next class
- always ends up in the SEN (special educational needs) office frequently due to lack of co-operation
Marcus
- ABSOLUTE hype man during exam season
- Always instigates study sessions with the dedsec group
- mostly because he himself barely studies and usually he’ll sacrifice sleep to study
- Debate club member
Wrench/Reggie
- was able to get privileges to wear his mask
- most of the time gets dress coded for his pins or any other accessory he decides to wear almost on the daily
- decorates his blazer and bag with pins and patches
- when given an assistant under the name of ‘entitlement’ even when he declined, it painted him as an absolute ass due to his aggressive behaviour and lack of co-operation
- same as Josh usually ends up in the SEN office due to lack of co-operation
- draws on arms and hands frequently when bored + to retain attention
Horatio
- Similar to Sitara, is the more studious one of the group and makes sure to remind everyone of homework, school events + staff training days
- school council rep
- same as Marcus; is a debate club member
- Seems like the type of guy who’d know a lot about the teachers and would be able to hang around them due to being on their good side
Sitara
- Similar to Horatio; is the more studious one of the group
- has learned ways with bending the rules of the dress code with subtly hiding highlights, piercings and makeup
- Reminds the group about homework but usually sends the answers if nobody has it done
Some extra headcanons:
- Sitara uses sparkly highlighters when making revision stuff
- Wrench gets agitated with crowds in the cafeteria so Marcus helps get his food
- Jordi partnered with Aiden in chemistry classes primarily because Aiden low-key has leverage over him (by leverage I mean he basically knows the location of his batches of contraband)
- Marcus thrives in English language, especially in speaking exams because of his infectious nature and confidence
- everyone asks Josh for help in IT classes due to how good he is at it (they all share the same IT classes)
- if the WD2 dedsec all in separate classes, they have a collective oneNote document to make shitposts on and contact eachother with
- Wrench goofs off at various instances during revision sessions, even singing brainrot or catchy revision songs that pop into his head
- Marcus is NOT subtle with taking his phone out, that guy’s on it during break where teachers can see
- Ray knows what cars the teachers drive.
- Jordi never keeps his opinions on everyone and teachers to himself. Bro would not care if the teacher was right behind him. They call him a motor mouth for a reason
- Give Josh a swivel chair in a computer room and he will NOT stop spinning on it unless the teacher is talking
- if there’s a substitute, Marcus and Wrench watch stuff on YouTube during class
- Wrench doodles on textbooks that get reused (on a novel, he leaves comments and small doodles)
- Sitara vandalises science tables
- when Jordi, Clara and Aiden do revision sessions, Jordi tries to tease Aiden’s feelings towards Clara whilst the both of them drown him out; if he’s not doing that he’s studying with them and being the one asking the questions and shooting one or both of them a shit eating grin when they get an answer wrong
- Wrench does exams in a separate venue
- Marcus cannot study by himself unless he’s with the company of his friends, or unless he’s pulling an all nighter for a subject he cares about
- Marcus and Sitara take the same bus and stop at a local shop to buy sweets and snacks for everybody; tldr they are walking food banks
- Aiden is secretly a choir kid
- Jordi the type of guy to steal his friends’ food if he’s too broke to buy any or if he just couldn’t be bothered
#watch dogs#watch dogs 2#fanart#traditional art#watch dogs 2 fanart#watch dogs fanart#Aiden pearce#Jordi chin#Raymond Kenney#Clara Lille#josh sauchak#marcus holloway#wrench wd2#reggie blechman#sitara dhawan#horatio carlin#headcanons#alternate universe#watch dogs au#if anything seems offish in terms of school systems I’d like to clarify I’m from the UK#if anyone from the uk doesn’t see any courses that they do it’s due to the fact that I based this off of the courses my school does#i based Clara’s design from her concept art :3#I STRUGGLED WITH RAYS DESIGN SO I APOLOGISE IF IT DOES NOT SCREAM RAYMOND KENNEY IF HE WAS IN A UK SCHOOL#some of these are based off of my own experiences in school! :D#I HOPE I MANAGED TO STAY IN CHARACTER WITH THESE IF NOT I APOLOGISE#PLEASE CRITICISE ME IM A PERFECTIONIST WITH CHARACTER STUFF#I apologise for any inaccuracies with the characters D;#I would do defalt and lenni but I’m not sure what I can do with them so just assume them as obnoxious school bullies#though if anyone does wanna see defalt and lenni then lmk 👀👀#anyway yap session over
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i went to the gym today.....finally
#um i have no idea what i'm doing someone HELP#please if anyone has experience with working out give me advice im begging#i mainly want to build up stamina an endurance so i can start track again but also i want to do some weight training#especially my lower body but idk any exercises for building muscle!!#if u have general advice or like an app or videos or anything that can help at all pleaseeeee send me
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My weird relationship with the She-Ra franchise
#this is messy I know#feel free to ask me anything by the way if something isnt clear <3#please be kind and respectful btw. this is meant to attack anyone! just to share my feelings for maybe someone can relate <3#spop was my favorite show at one point and this is kinda how that relationship started to mud due to me growing more critical of it#as well as growing more and more uncomfortable in the fandom#I feel insanely guilty for being critical of the show#but I feel ignorant for shoving the criticisms aside#it has currently sucked out any of the joy I felt before#but 80s spop kinda lives outside of that context#it makes it safe for me#and I can at least in some way enjoy this franchise once dear to me again#she ra#spop#spop critical#again please dont be mean im already oof its been a lot#feel free to share your experiences though 💗#vent#vent comic#tw vent#fandom culture
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reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)
if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop
#i've made this disclaimer on another post but will again since i've seen a lot more of the movies now#the movies are VERY good and very enjoyable but unfortunately the first handful are bogged down by transphobic/homophobic/okama stereotypes#they kind of vary in their severity. Movie 5 i think is the biggest catalyst because it features the stereotyped characters the most#prominently. Movie 3 doesnt really have caricatures per se but saves a very backhanded reveal for the end#Movies 1 and 4 are a bit more tolerable if my memory is correct. Movie 2 i think is kind of comparable to Movie 5 with its caricatures#in that the characters have similar roles in both movies#i admittedly can't remember what caricatures there were in Movie 6 or 7. 7 i think barely had anything#RAMBLE RAMBLE BASICALLY: these jokes are within the first 7 movies or so 5 being the zenith then reducing down and down. by movie 8 it's sa#e#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit#o them. they are all very much worth watching. Movie 5 still has a lot of very enjoyable stuff in it (there's a showdown in a supermarket!!#but i just want to make sure that is clear and established since transparency is good to have and i dont want anyone's viewing experience t#be ruined because they weren't given the proper warning#if it's any consolation it's my understanding that even the directors hated doing the jokes#iirc Keiichi Hara really didn't like doing the jokes and i think had a talk with the mangaka Yoshito Usui and was like 'uh dude this is#gonna age horribly can we maybe not'#ironically Hara's first film is Movie 5. which is again the biggest offender#BUT! that is my spiel. my understanding is that it's contained to those 6 or 7 first movies and i think is strictly just a movie thing#so please do give these films a watch but just be mindful at the same time#if anyone needs recommendations my favorites have been movies 4 and 9 but i genuinely really enjoyed every one that i have seen#i've seen the first 11 and a half movies (need to finish 12) and movie 22. the worst i've felt about one is 'oh that was pretty good!'#each film has its own merit and is very very very much worth watching#22 was the first Shin-chan anything i watched and all my Shin-chan expert friends say 4 is a good introductory piece#in case that influences anything/makes it easier to break in#so. thus concludes my spiel#csc#vid
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Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...
I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.
I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)
I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.
And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.
Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.
If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)
All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.
#not art#I don't think I need a tag for asks of this nature since I'm never going to be speaking to any of this again#but it doesn't fit in with my normal asks so:#Mad as a Bag of Cats#There that's a specific tag to blacklist even though I'm not a personal drama ask answerer very often...#let's not even get into the slurs I received or the insulting things about my mother people have asked me about or the -#insulting and nasty insults about how I deserved to lose her as a friend or deserved to be hurt because I didn't listen#because if I vented how fucking shitty people who don't know me have treated me since the day I met her we'd be here all day#and let me be clear whatever else: Lily is not responsible for ANYONE being this way whether they defend or condemn her you all decided to#send those things and you know who you are - I've also seen people on both sides say to leave me alone#and genuinely for just that thank you this is genuinely some of the most distressing online experiences I've ever had#so please leave me alone.#about this subject I mean - if you wanna be nice and talk about my art or me I'm happy to engage#if you're nice to me this isn't for you#edit: even to the nice people who tried to send me well wishes now - If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed.#it just feeds the whole thing if I answer those too#you can send if you want to be nice I get that impulse but I won't be answering them
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yall know women can also do misogyny, right? whether or not you say misogynistic shit, engage in misogynistic behavior, proliferate misogynistic policy and ideology, is not ACTUALLY dependent on YOUR gender, like, you know that, right? anyone is capable of enacting any bigotry, its just, some people may also be impacted by bigotry they perpetuate, some ppl may be more likely to know that they shouldnt engage in that shit, and be more likely to shut down that behavior where they have the power to do so? being a woman doesnt make you immune to perpetuating misogyny?
#toy txt post#saw another post about how trans men are men and therefore are more likely to be misogynistic#treating it like its something that comes inherent with whatever your gender is and not just some shit you learn from being raised in a#misogynistic society. anyone saying that trans men are inherently incapable of misogyny is wrong. but so is anyone saying they are#intrinsically destined to be misogynistic by virtue of existing as a trans men as some backwards ass gender validation#yall need to go back and reread your feminism basics until you understand this: anyone is capable of misogyny#ALSO. trans men dont have societal privilege for being men bc theyre not seen as men by society. they might experience CONDITIONAL#privilege if theyre like fully stealth and dont have to worry about any sort of healthcare thats associated with womanhood which is like#1)staggeringly few and 2)still conditional fucking privilege. youre doing stupid ass 2012 terminally online privilege math and you need to#stop. trans men are men. they are marginalized men not treated as men. they might in some very few spaces experience some amount of#privilege for being a man i guess but its so fucking rare and nil that its akin to saying that binary trans ppl have privilege for being#binary and concievably being able to pass and be perceived as their correct gender ever at all outside of like very specific queer friend#groups who know the details of your gender but if you start saying anything like that everyone gets pissed off#and quite frankly we do not have time for this level of stupid petty infighting when all of us are under attack rn you need to go back to#your feminism basics and stop drinking radfem kool aid uncritically. understand that radfeminism is not great besides the trans exclusion#please
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Disability community, I have failed for 2 decades to get diagnoses for lifelong (onset at 10) health issues and am now at the point of crowdsourcing internet knowledge. I am looking for potential diagnoses and the tests you know of that found them for:
-Severe gastroporesis (stomach muscles don't work, first/common symptoms are nausea and acid reflux along with IBS like digestive symptoms)
-Orthostatic Hypotension (blood pressure drops on changing position causing fainting/vision loss/numbness - I'm aware of POTS but I'm looking for something that is Causing all of my symptoms)
-Weakened/compromised immune system, especially leading to chronic respiratory illness and "walking" chronic pneumonia and strep
-Muscles very prone to sprain/pulling even with very little action or motion, chronic muscle pain
-Extreme chronic fatigue
-Chronically low vitamin D that doesn't match lifestyle
-Not a symptom but something I know can be involved with chronic issues: I am also AFAB intersex and autistic
Do you have these symptoms and a diagnosis? Do you remember what tests led you to answers? I have had all the regular tests run over and over, I have had all the obvious solutions (diabetes, thyroid, low iron/anemia) thoroughly checked including months long sugar and heart studies. My heart is fine, my blood pressure is NOT. No family history that seems related, beyond the autism and intersex traits being clearly inherited.
Why am I willing to listen to strangers on the internet? Bc I have been waiting 8 months to see a single specialist that May be able to prescribe more tests that May lead to an answer, since they canceled the last appointment the day before. Because I am so sick I cannot work or do the things that used to bring me joy, and am living in abject poverty. Because I didn't find a doctor who didn't dismiss and blame these symptoms on my weight or depression until I was 27, and by the time I got the SYMPTOMS named and diagnosed (not the root causes of them) that doctor had left the practice and I'm back at square 1 with "let's rerun the yearly tests and check your A1c for literally the 19th time in your life." Any answers, any tests you know of and can recommend, I am willing to hear out and research bc I am out of time health and patience with this system.
#disability#cripplepunk#cpunk#chronic illness#chronic disability#gastroporesis#hypotension#immunocompromised#intersex#autism#literally i will take any info you have Im currently going through my whole family tree trying to get info on anyone else with these sympto#it takes months to see my pcp i cannot go in without a list of what to test for and why anymore i cannot keep doing this#im afraid im dying i FEEL like im dying and im tired im in pain and im fucking PISSED#so any info any relevant experience is appreciated#and i know my story is the one so so many of us have had too and sending love out to anyone else who's been through this hell#i made a reddit account for the first time to post in /askdocs#im like give me ANYTHING anywhere to go from here
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Batman fic is fun because it's one of the handful of fandoms where it's gone through so many reboots while retaining the same characters that basically any interpretation is canon-compliant. Even if you go totally off the rails to complete a totally new universe, there is no practical difference between that and what the actual comics do with reboots.
Fundamentally, Batman is already a universe made of a lot of people tackling the same characters from a multitude of different viewpoints, and from this position, fanfiction becomes less of a newer phenomenon and more of merely a continuation of the conversation between authors that was already occuring, an expansion from merely those being paid from their work to anyone with a passion for the franchise. In this TED Talk, we will-
#we speak#this isnt actually related to anything its just what we're choosing to do with our severely temperature-limited energy#we know this conversation has happened like a billion times before and other people have said it better and et cetera#but because most of our audience is probably unfamiliar with this particular brand of literary analysis we can get away with it#is anyone following us actually a fan of DC? fuck if we know. our experience is limited#but we doubt that the people in the batman tag have read every comic since 1939 so we're probably good#our experience of “whatever comics our local library had stock when we were fifteen” is probably more than some people in there#and thats beautiful#the rich fields of batman omegaverse fic are exactly as canon as any other random continuity. in our heart.#the sun is melting our brain so you get to hear media takes that are hot for some people and freezing cold for others
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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