#Even if they are just cousins through marriage or something non biological

[magicpiano]

AU where Tucker Foley (Danny Phantom) and Richie Foley (Static Shock) are cousins.

[seriousbrat]

Pro-Muggle pureblood families like Potters or Weasleys don't make sense considering the fact there is so little pureblood wizards overall. They fought so many decades to abolish blood purity so it is hard to believe that there was no one in the family (until James and Ron) that marrried non-pureblood wizard, not even halfblood one.

Well that's the thing about the Pureblood Directory, isn't it, that it's not really true? Molly's second cousin is an accountant/stockbroker, presumably Muggle or living in the Muggle world, and the Weasleys also proudly claimed ancestral ties to Muggles in protest of their inclusion in the Sacred Twenty-eight. It's just inevitable that there will be some Muggles or Muggleborns mixed in.

Families included on the sacred twenty eight are still allowed to marry half-bloods, just not Muggles or Muggle-borns, so they could still be related to Muggles. The child of a muggle-born and a pureblood is considered half-blood, like Harry, so you could have a Muggle-born in your family tree in that way. Even the Malfoys marry half-bloods, it's only insane families like the Blacks and the Gaunts who refuse to do so, hence Walburga marrying her own cousin and both families dying out. But even the Blacks will have Muggles/Muggleborns in their family tree if you go far out enough, through their connections to the Malfoys or the Prewetts or whoever.

From the pottermore entry on purebloods:

As Muggle/wizard marriage had been common for centuries, those now self-describing as pure-bloods were unlikely to have any higher proportion of wizarding ancestors than those who did not. To call oneself a pure-blood was more accurately a declaration of political or social intent (‘I will not marry a Muggle and I consider Muggle/wizard marriage reprehensible’) than a statement of biological fact.

This is referring to the moment right after the Statute of Secrecy was enacted-- before that, Muggles and wizards intermingled freely. So to start with, even the purest of purebloods have Muggle ancestry going far back enough.

But anyway, none of that really matters because it's clear that the intention of that pottermore entry was NOT supposed to be that the Pureblood Directory is a reliable or trustworthy source of information.

In the early 1930s, a ‘Pure-Blood Directory’ was published anonymously in Britain, which listed the twenty-eight truly pure-blood families, as judged by the unknown authority who had written the book***

So it's according to the author, believed to be Cantankerus Nott. Even his name is something of a clue, 'cantankerous' meaning grumpy and bad-tempered, that which families that were included or not were subject to Nott's own criteria, whatever that may have been. Maybe he had personal beef with the Mulcibers, who aren't on there, and that's why he didn't include them. Or any number of things- who knows if his 'research' was reliable, what it was based on, how biased it was.

Earlier in the same Pottermore entry there's a bit about works of "dubious scholarship" that claimed you could tell who was pureblood or not based on really stupid "signs" like fear of pigs, early magical ability, physical attractiveness, etc. The Department of Mysteries conducted several studies that, obviously, disproved this. I think mentioning this right before the Pureblood Directory stuff is meant to lead us to infer that the whole thing is suspect, just like racist eugenic pseudoscience irl.

The Pureblood Directory was published anonymously, with ‘the aim of helping such families maintain the purity of their bloodlines.’ It has clear political motivation, and extremely questionable credibility. I think it was meant to be, and is, eugenicist nonsense.

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

Part 3

While I wouldn’t call family the main theme of Phineas and Ferb, it is still one of its core themes.

Our main family is a clear example of family being more than blood, and how the creators are interested in exploring multiple facets of the family even beyond the scope of the household.

Of course the titular characters Phineas and Ferb are step brothers and best friends. An extremely heartwarming dynamic. But the real heart of the show is Candace and her complicated feelings towards them. Their mom's frequent absences and supernatural obliviousness to her son's activities drives the plot, flavored by her worry for Candace. Their father's eccentric nature rounds out the family. While there is conflict aplenty, most notably between Candace and... almost everyone, there's a fair share of it among everyone else. Ferb is occasionally caught in the crossfire of Phineas's perpetual obliviousness, their dad once got in hot water with their mom by forgetting their anniversary, Lawrence once thought Linda was overreacting to something he had build, and of course when Linda DOES see the boy’s (bigger) activities she’s usually not pleased. We believe easily that they really do love each other deeply, while not being a completely ideal family.

The fact Flynn-Fletchers are a blended family DOES escape the notice of many causal viewers, due to how rarely "Step" anything is brought up and how the kids non-Flynn-Fletcher family is not present, it does help add depth to the family. Ferb and his father are British immigrants, and thus, Ferb has family and traditions that Phineas and Candace are new to. Ferb's relationship to Phineas and Candace is a bit different, though no less precious to them, than their relationship to each other, and is the same in all the ways that really matter. And a lot of how well this family meshed together is illustrated through the extended family.

Lawrence has at least one younger brother, whose married with 6 kids and the focus of a two part episode, where Phineas and Candace meet Ferb's cousins and uncle for the first time, and where, we see a different side of Lawrence with his and Adrian's sibling "rivalry", Eliza and Candace developing a friendship, and of course the Peles and Beckhams doubting how "British" Ferb really is. Ferb also has a Scottish cousin, and a "Aunt Maura and Uncle Angus" who he keeps in contact with, but who it seems Candace is generally unfamiliar with. But despite this unfamiliarity, it’s clear that the Fletcher and Flynn extended families see the other side as extended family too, even if not quite in the same way as they see each other.

Both sets of grandparents treat all 3 of the kids as their own. Candace is shown to be just as much a moody teen to her biological grandmother as her step-grandmother. Phineas may be unfamiliar with Grandpa Reg’s vocabulary and requires Ferb to translate, but at the same time both he and Ferb are treated as grandsons when it comes down to it and both admire him. The grandparents themselves are rather fleshed out characters, who appear in multiple episodes.

 They also have an aunt on their mom's side whose marriage is a plot point in an episode. Their maternal grandmother has a twin sister who appears once. Despite the minor role these characters play they really flesh out the whole Flynn Fletcher family, highlighting that Lawrence and Linda themselves are siblings and how their own sibling relationships function which could be shown to parallel their own children. Adrian and Lawrence may be "competitive", but Phineas and Ferb aren’t in the slightest. Tiana and Linda seem to get along really well (at least now), but Candace is constantly irritated by her brothers. And Lorraine may just be a one off gag, but it does show that plotting sibling duos run in the family. 

Not to mention how many of the family members are shown to have lives of their own, we meet Bob Webber first as Candace and Jeremy's boss, Betty Jo Flynn has a roller derby rivalry with Hilda Johnson, Reginald Fletcher was a daredevil in his youth, and Linda was a pop star.

And of course I can’t forget Perry. Perry is a cherished member of the family, even if the Flynn-Fletcher’s don’t know the real him. While Perry doesn’t actually spend a whole lot of time on-screen with the Flynn-Fletcher’s it’s clear he cares for them deeply. There are several episodes, (not to mention the movie), dedicated to how much Perry means to the boys and vice versa, even if their relationship is predicated on the false assumption of Perry’s lack of sapience. Not to mention, the Candace and Perry relationship development, Candace and Perry care for each other too, even if their relationship looks different from Perry’s with the boys. She reacts calmly to the news he’s not what he seemed, he rescues her from Doof’s self-destructing lair, and she spends all day looking for him after she thought she chased him off.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Taylor!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character LYDIA AVERY with the faceclaim of Margot Robbie! We were excited to see your discussion of nice doesn’t always equal right and how Lydia’s motivations throughout her life stem from this constant need to be liked. We love a good underestimated character and we think Lydia will be able to help the Order immensely with her knowledge! So happy to have you apart of this roleplay!  

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Taylor

AGE: 28

TIMEZONE: EST, Toronto time

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I try to check the dash and discord every day, but I’m probably low to mid activity. I usually post one or two times during the week and then catch up on the weekends.

ANYTHING ELSE: I’m pretty good about all triggers, though I would appreciate a heads up with any suicide mentions. As long as it’s tagged or I’m prepared I’m good though!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Lydia Augustine Avery

AGE: 25

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis Female, She/Her & Lesbian

That doesn’t mean she won’t flirt with a man to boost their ego. Men treat you so much nicer when they think you might sleep with them! Sometimes she wonders why that is, but then she remembers it’s probably one of the reasons she loves women so damn much.

Her sexuality was never exactly a secret, though it’s not something she flaunts in this day and age. Though as a teenager she had been a bit confused about her lack of interest in the men who thought she was so lovely. The hands she’d let grope her as a teenager, the cocks she’d found mediocre. She figured that her preference was as fluid as her personality; she wanted to be liked by everyone, and therefore she must like everyone, right? It took her a minute (she’s a bit slow in most things), but eventually she realized that she really only liked women. They’re truly lovely, aren’t they?

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood Half-blood.

Lydia’s mixed wix and muggle heritage means that she is not biologically related to the mother that raised her, Colette Avery, and is a half sister to Margaret. But while Lydia knew she was a bastard child, she didn’t realize she was a half-blood! Even Colette was unaware until recently that her husband was unfaithful with a dirty muggle of all things! Alphonse’s affair lasted more than a few weeks while travelling with a woman in France named Delphine Marchand. She worked in a bakery and loved to figure skate. Her pureblood father knows nothing of her muggle mother’s heritage, or much of her history in general - and when she finds out he gives Lydia next to nothing in terms of knowledge of her mother, in fear that Lydia would have the urge to venture into the muggle world he saved her from to find her.    

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

“What? A nice girl like you, you’re not from Slytherin!”

“Slytherins can be nice! I take offense to that, sir.” Lydia grins back, her face not showing an ounce of what she claimed - though she had a skill for always appearing unflustered and approachable. A thick skin was needed when you were kind to everyone, a strength that people often forgot. The man takes her charm as flirting, a common occurrence and leans against her desk.

“Really, I can’t name a single Slytherin I’ve known for being so sweet.”

“Well then you haven’t been hanging around the right people. Besides, now you know me!”

ANY CHANGES: Nope

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Without knowing Lydia you may assume she’s unapproachable. The perfect poise, plush pout, sacred name, and during school her emerald green banner colours, tend to give the stereotypical impression of a mean girl. But Lydia Avery is far from it.

One of Lydia’s key goals in life is to be liked, and in her experience growing up, the best way to be liked is to be kind. She genuinely enjoys making people happy, and through this has gained a warmth and a charm that disarms many. Not a stranger to compliments or generous acts, she’s the first to make a pot of tea for a group or start doing dishes as a guest.

Many have taken advantage of Lydia through the ages, as along with her kindness she has a dislike for confrontation and will rarely call someone out as being rude or manipulative. In her teenage years she was the seat warmer or the errand runner, and as a secretary for a powerful Ministry man she hasn’t really grown out of this just yet. There’s a meekness to her willingness to do someone else’s dirty work, and she’s easily talked into situations that she might not be if she had a stronger backbone.

Despite her lack of confrontational skills, she’s grown a thick skin. A bit of I’m rubber and you’re glue inner philosophy, she tends to take words as just words. With snarky comments given to her over the years from her “mother” Colette she has an inner belief that insulting people don’t actually dislike you and almost anyone can be won over. It’s naive, but it’s helped her stay relatively optimistic! While insults like Lydiot are demeaning and she definitely doesn’t like them, she’s a fantastic actress and it rarely shows on her face when she’s upset or thinking negative thoughts. Her self-consciousness is internal and there’s power in appearing unphased by cruelty (though some may think she’s just too dim to understand it was insulting in the first place - and to be frank, sometimes that is the case).

This ability to hold a facade is one of her greatest strengths. Lydia has been acting her entire life! A family secret since she was born, allowing Colette to bounce snarky underhanded comments at her with the appearance that she was unphased has set her up as unexpectedly valuable. She’s able to charm the right people, and quietly observe unnoticed. She’s able to keep a straight face with a creep’s hand on her knee, and recite lines without stumbling. Her charm, mixed with her attractiveness, work as a glamour and despite being someone in the room that almost everyone notices - most of the time she’s hidden in plain sight.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Alphonse Avery, Father - Shopkeep, A Very Spellbinding Book Shop

Alphonse Avery is a proud man. Not because of his riches, but because he’s built what he has from the ground up, no thanks to his drunken, gambling father. Raised in a wealthy home, he remembers what it was like to be waited on by house elves and invited to banquets, but also recalls losing it all during his days in Hogwarts. Sometimes he is even still bitter about it all, he often butts heads with his father whom he rarely speaks with anymore, and sometimes with his brother Albrecht who still puts Lydia’s grandfather in high regards. Though he isn’t a muggle sympathizer, Alphonse thinks there’s more than just pure blood that makes someone worth looking up too.

Colette Avery, Step-mother - Shopkeep , A Very Spellbinding Book Shop

Colette is not an unreasonable woman. Honorable even, raising the outcome of her husband’s affair. She loves her husband, but it wasn’t to say they always saw eye to eye. Their marriage was an arranged one, and therefore they don’t particularly show the chemistry expected of a loving partnership, but when it comes to supporting her family she’ll do what’s best for them. Even when Lydia is looking up at her with blue eyes that don’t match their own, a sharp reminder that at one point in her life she hadn’t been good enough. She’s curt with Lydia, and never shies away from constructive criticism or feels the need to sugarcoat. The fawning she does over Minnie is something Lydia has always longed for growing up and when she can please Colette it’s a good day.

Margaret “Minnie” Avery, Half Sister

Minnie has alway been the pet of the family. Colette’s true born daughter, the favourite, the rightful Avery. While this might make any other person resent their sister, Lydia adores her little sister. While others may call her mousey in her looks, she’s wickedly smart and can always make Lydia laugh with her slightly dark humour. She has the same eye for politics, but while Lydia had always been one for schmoozing, Minnie never bothered and instead has always had a sense of self worth that Lydia has been proud of her sister for.

Albrecht Avery, Uncle - Death Eater

Alphonse’s younger brother. A true believer in his father’s beliefs that everything bad that has ever happened to them is because of muggles or muggle borns, and doesn’t understand Alphonse’s lack of sympathy towards his father. It wasn’t a crime to gamble, after all! The mudblood that won their family fortune was a no good, rotten thief. He had to have cheated, after all. How else could he have won that game? No way he’d been more talented or intelligent then an Avery! While Albrecht and Alphonse don’t always see eye to eye, Lydia has known her Uncle Al her entire life. Loud, outgoing, demeaning, and cunningly cruel with underhanded compliments. Lydia and her sister have rarely felt comfortable around their uncle - who found the fact that his brother had daughters just another point to why he’d done better than him.

Arcturus Avery, Cousin - Presumed Death Eater

Arcturus and Lydia were always the closest in age. She’s always seen him as the closest thing to a brother she’s ever had, and when she finally reached the age to attend Hogwarts she’d been delighted that she’d made it into his house too! Her older cousin always had the confidence of his father, and as he aged, his bossiness grew more and more. He knew all of the tricks to get Lydia to do his bidding - though it didn’t take much really - and his treatment of her resembles gaslighting. Cute nicknames one moment, insults the next. Building her up just to knock her down. Leaving her out of the fun just to make her want to be included. As she’s aged she’s grown less comfortable with his values, but she doesn’t realize that Arcturus or his father are Death Eaters.

Delphine Marchant, Biological mother - Muggle

There’s not much to be said about Lydia’s birth mother. She doesn’t know anything really at all. The woman is a faceless entity, but Alphonse has been smitten in his short time trying to woo the french woman in the bakery, who always smelled of cinnamon. She doesn’t remember Alphonse, or even Lydia - for he’d done her a kindness and wiped her memory clean before stealing her child.

OCCUPATION:

Formerly a washed out actress, she now works in the Ministry as part of the Wizengamot Administrative Services as secretary for the honourable Wizengamot Judge Perryweather, a member of the High Court of Magic

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

It’s all so new and fresh, she’s barely a member - still in the affiliate stage. This is the closest Lydia has ever been to having a mind of her own and standing up for her beliefs. Honestly, this is the closest Lydia has had to realizing she truly has beliefs! It hasn’t fully clicked what exactly she’s doing and what sort of risk she’s taking. That being said, I think she’s going to be intoxicated by the sudden realization that she can make choices and have thoughts that don’t simply parrot what she thinks other people want to hear, and when that starts to unravel who knows what’s going to happen??  

That being said, it’s going to take something big for people to take Lydiot Avery seriously in The Order!

SURVIVAL:

Lydia is lucky enough to have a good family name and a Ministry job. Her heritage is a secret, and as Judge Pennyweather’s beloved secretary she’s practically invisible. She resides in a small studio flat in London, not far from the Ministry where she lives alone and sometimes

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m not exactly sure what people have in mind but here are a few possible ideas!

Maurice Creevey

A person who is practically the opposite of people-pleasing Lydia, it was Maurice’s pirated broadcasts that brought the fact that there was truly a rebellion fighting against everything that is happening without waiting for the slow-moving and corrupt bureaucracy. Lydia rarely says anything that might upset anyone, but when she meets the muggleborn who fights it all with words broadcasted out to the world she can’t help but like a moth to a flame. She could learn a lot, but it also might get her burned.

Branwen Yaxley

Branwen scares the shit out of Lydia. In your face, opinionated and bigotted, she’s not exactly Lydia’s cup of tea. Her worst fear is that Branwen (or anyone really) truly finds out about her muggle mother, but it doesn’t stop her from treating the woman with the same kindness and showers her with the same amount of compliments that everyone receives. Though Lydia’s sure that one of these days a comment on how lovely her hair looks today might end her up with a black eye.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

I don’t have any particular ships in mind, but I’m personally open to anything. Lydia is a sucker for attention, and takes any form of it as good. She wants to be liked by as many people as possible, which means she’s a bit of a pushover and can be easily taken advantage of. I’d love to see this either taken advantage of, or for once someone to stick up for her and show her that she’s worth more. Or both? Both is good! I’m down for it all. Unrequited love, heartbreak, fluff (though not too much fluff that’s boring!)

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Despite the new found information that Lydia is not actually a pureblood, she has lived her entire life with the privilege of being one. A strong family name means something in wizarding Britain and up until recently she could stay safely on the sidelines without worrying about who won the war. She’d still be safe and sound no matter what. But now her sense of self is dwindling even further, fragile as it already was with the title of bastard in her mother’s eyes, Lydia is now seeing the world as what it truly is - and realizing why her father had kept it such a secret for so long. Not even his family would really understand, would they?

And while Lydia is kind to everyone she meets, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s always understood her privilege and can be rather dim in the area of realizing how truly well-off she’s been all of these years. Her Slytherin school mates, mixed with her pureblood family, and her lack of heroic or confrontational nature means that up until now she’s never stood up for her beliefs - and she’s been in a place where she’s never had to really have them. It’s selfish, that she’s suddenly turning to the “good guys” as a mix of self-preservation and a realization that there are no innocent bystanders. This war affects everyone, and she had to be a sudden target to realize it.

Also, unrelated to blood, but Lydia has always had the privilege of being pretty. It’s vain, she knows, but as far as she is concerned listening to a pretty girl try and be humble about their looks makes you want to punch them in the nose - so she isn’t going to point at hidden pores or say she needs to lose weight when she knows she doesn’t. Lydia learned very early into puberty that there is a sort of power in being attractive. People like you more, it’s just a simple fact, and Lydia wants to be liked! And so she’s always used this key attribute to her advantage. Batting her eyelashes, sending a splendid smile, and maybe wearing a low cut top if she really wanted to distract you. It’s unfortunate, and she doesn’t believe she’s really more valuable than anyone else for it, but hey! If it works, it works.

And history told her, it usually did. Sometimes too well. Lydia’s keen ability to read a room and be able to charm people sometimes works a little too well, and men often can’t keep their eyes off of her assets. While she sometimes uses this to her advantage, it’s also fairly revolting that many men treat a woman more kindly if they’re attractive. They’re pigs. And while she doesn’t think all men are that way, she’s met enough to be wary of them until they prove their respectability!

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

The most job interview of job interview questions! I’m just looking forward to being in a group that I’ve been told is so creative, fun and accepting. I’ve heard nothing but good things for months but wanted to make sure I had an idea for a character that would give me the muse to do this place justice!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

Lydia isn’t the type of person to see her value in a fight or organization like the Order’s, so I don’t see her as being a fully fledged member right away. Her just trying to reach out to someone being like “Hey, I know a thing! Maybe it will help!” is a big step for her, so I think it might be a gradual initiation that makes her a full member after a few intel drop offs.

That being said, I think once she’s done a few intel drop offs, Lydia gets hooked on being valuable and important and having morals and beliefs, and I would love for her to prove her worth or someone to challenge her place. Lydia is not someone you automatically see as valuable or a team member worth having so making her step out of her comfort zone and show her worth in a situation like that would be super fun! Risky initiation anyone??

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope!

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST:

Lydia Avery has almost always had a secret. From the day she was born, her secret had been kept; or as her father would put it, their family secret. You see, while her father Alphonse loved his wife Colette dearly, it did not mean that he had always been faithful. So when he brought home a beautiful baby girl one stormy evening from his ventures in France - freshly plucked from her mother’s arms (a well casted obliviate to spare her from the heartache) - Colette was less than enthused.

“She’s an Avery!” Her father had argued. His duty to take care of his own. Colette allowed it, she was a reasonable woman after all, and wouldn’t flaunt the embarrassment of infidelity. Therefore Lydia was raised as Colette’s child, and the rest of the world knew nothing different - but as much as she wasn’t a cruel woman, Colette also didn’t want Lydia to believe that she was hers. And so Lydia, and eventually her half-sister, had always been aware of where she’d come from and that no one else should know.

Lydia’s childhood wasn’t an unhappy one - she adored her sister, and until school longed for nothing because she didn’t know anything was missing from their home on the side streets of Diagon Alley. At least nothing material. It was her “mother” who Lydia longed to impress, overly eager to please Colette in an attempt to gain maternal love. It came easy to Margaret, the polite, quiet & smart girl who never had to lie about whose womb she came from. Colette’s affection for her real daughter was like any mother’s, and Lydia would do anything to gain the same. Set the table, clean the dishes, lay her slippers at her feet. It wasn’t expected, but when she could gain a smile from Colette it was worth it! She loved making people happy, and when she made people happy, they liked her back.

People pleasing became a trait that eventually embodied Lydia, and by the time she was at school, she was eager as ever to make friends. Her passion for people to like her was her greatest ambition, and it landed her into Slytherin. Despite her lack of new robes or fancy jewellery, even for the most inconsiderate people it was hard not to like Lydia’s happy-go-lucky energy - but it also allowed her to be taken advantage of quite a bit. The pushover of the group, she was often the friend who went to save seats in class or for dinner, or fetch forgotten items that weren’t even hers in the common room.

While some of her housemates were cunning enough to use Lydia to their full advantage, her friendliness didn’t center around just them, and many of her other classmates didn’t mind her company or a friendly hello! She had a knack for making them feel special, noticing things like their artistic abilities or the lovely colour of their hair or jumper. She was also smart enough to distance herself from her friend’s bad behaviour. While Lydia didn’t excel at school (something her mother would later blame on her heritage), she’d inherited a keen eye for personal politics - and could do simple math. Most of the school (and world) liked Gryffindors, and so despite Slytherins disliking Gryffindors, she didn’t need them to dislike her back. Especially if it would mean other people would dislike her too!

And so as the years passed, she became good at slipping away or keeping her distance when her cousin Arcturus would snark insults to young muggleborns, or the other kids would pick on the Hufflepuffs. Not noticeably of course, and she wasn’t any hero who’d come to their aid - she didn’t need that target after all. No she was simply neutral, because if she was neutral then no one could dislike her, could they?

PRESENT:

One of Lydia’s great loves in magical London was the infamous Moonlight Theatre. With moving pin-ups of glamourous actors and actresses, theatre elves ushering fabulously dressed couples to their seats, and wonderfully acted performances of “Walburga & Hortense, A Tragedy In Three Parts” and “Death of a Broomsmaker”, Lydia was intoxicated.

And some of the casting agents were intoxicated by her as well. A Marylin Monroe-esque soft and breathy voice, doe-eyes and an hourglass figure, some thought Lydia was made for an audience. Even her charm translated to the stage! What better career for a woman wanting to be adored then that of one in the spotlight?

But while Lydia had been willing to kiss a few frogs, and let men do what they want with her in her younger years - the pushover side of Lydia Avery grew a bit more and more of a spine as she aged. Lydia didn’t want to let every man’s hands wander, or go on dates with the director so that he could show her off on his arm and push her into bed later that night. She wanted to steal kisses from her co-star Tabitha Bradford and slip her own hands under her skirt with permission. She wanted lipstick stains on her skin, and the smell of fresh perfume instead of cologne.

And when she finally stood up for herself, she was left re-casted and jobless - her reciprocated crush suddenly silent in fear for her own unemployment.

“It’s for the best.” Her father says, never liking the sight of his eldest daughter’s moving pictures on theatre posters or the odd tabloid. It’s the first time Lydia truly gets angry with him in a long time, another parent who isn’t proud of her, but the spat causes a slip-up that stops the girl in her tracks. “It’s better that you keep yourself out of their heads! No reason to pry, no need for them to find out what you are.”

A half-blood. Dirty. The affair he’d claimed was with at least a witch wasn’t that at all! Even Colette was unaware that while he was dilly-dallying about in his younger years, it hadn’t just been with another woman. It had been with a muggle woman. A pretty girl who worked in a bakery and knew nothing of his life back home with magic.

“A harmless romp.”, Alphonse claimed, but the look in his eyes was one with shame and a bit of confusion. Even he doesn’t fully believe it but when Lydia begs to know more he pushes her away. Force he’s never used on her before. “Get it out of your head! It’s nothing. You’re a witch and if anyone asks your blood is pure. You’re my daughter and that should be good enough.”

It’s the last they speak of it. It’s for her protection, after all. Before she thought this half-secret she’d lived all her life was for pride. At least part of it is. For Colette to not have to explain to her circle what she’d lacked. But truly he’d done it to protect her, hadn’t he? Stolen her away from the family her grandfather would loathe. He’dhidden her with a shiny pureblood status to stop those like her uncle from erasing her completely.    

Eventually she finds a position she’s good at. Simple work, taking notes and fetching lunch and running errands for Judge Perryweather. A very important man, so she was told! A person who knows all the ins and outs at the ministry, and therefore Lydia has learnt quite a few things sitting at the desk in front of his office. A smile always on her face and a kind word to the right person, and they tended to tell her things she really wasn’t supposed to know. Who was having an affair, policies they were trying to push, charged witches and wizards they had on trial. From the delivery wix to the other judges, they all know her now and she knows them! And while she’s not exactly cunning, she isn’t as dim as everyone makes her out to be! She knows when to smile and charm, when to be quiet and listen, when to pretend to be invisible. It’s an interesting job, in an interesting place - and maybe if someone saw her potential she could be useful with everything that’s happening lately.

But then again, she’s not going to overstep if she’s unwanted in that area. It’s not as if someone would ask Lydia about anything. Why would they expect her to be an expert on Perryweather’s close friendship with Lucius Malfoy, or the fact that, despite him being a proud, public supporter of the Ministry of Magic, every 2 weeks an envelope filled with gallons and a list of Muggle Sympathizers names landed on her desk for her boss.

And if she offered the unwanted information, well who would take someone like her seriously?

FC CHOICES: Margot Robbie please! If she doesn’t work Blake Lively or Meghann Fahy

[lady-griffin]

Jon Stark, by Marrying Sansa Stark

By the end of A Song of Ice and Fire (and GOT), I suspect that the Starks will be ruling Winterfell once more, not just in blood, but in NAME. 

I believe in the end, Jon will have the name of Stark, because he took Sansa’s name when they married.

Starks will be being ruling Winterfell not just in blood, but in name. Not Targaryen or some new branch that has an entirely differently name. Their children will take the Stark name as will Jon. 

The Starks will rule Winterfell once more.

There are several factors to why I think this will be the case.

Jon has always wanted to be a Stark. While he could be legitimatized (which is still a possibility), he has refused in the past, so I doubt it and I also doubt Jon will “legitimatize” himself. So, it would be nice, if marrying Sansa gives him the Stark name (reversing the marital roles).

Sansa in addition wants to remain a Stark and remain in the North, thus completing her own character arc, as in the beginning she wanted nothing more than to leave her home and family.

One aspect of why I really like the idea of Jon and Sansa ending up together and becoming the new Lord & Lady of Winterfell (King & Queen) is that it not only fulfills thematic elements of the series but shows Jon’s character development in how he regards women and the female lineage.

“The Lannisters are proud,” Jon observed. “You’d think the royal sigil would be sufficient, but no. [Joffrey] makes his mother’s House equal in honor to the king’s.” Arya I, GOT

Now this might not seem all that important, because Jon does not like Joffrey or the Lannisters, but it’s super interesting that he critiques Joffrey for making his “mother’s house equal” - that’s a very specific (and out of nowhere) critique.

But one that isn’t all that surprising when you consider Jon’s identity as a ‘Stark’ and a Snow, which are tied to his presumed father, Ned Stark. Jon has no mother, aside from a biological one.

So, it is interesting that in reality the family Jon identifies with the most and wants to be part of, is because of his mother. He’s a Stark, through Lyanna. His identity comes from his mother’s family, not the father, which is not common at all.

But back to the point, Joffrey raised his mother’s house to be equal to his father’s. Something Jon doesn’t quite approve of and while it could just be because he dislikes Joffrey, it might simply be a defense mechanism from a 14-year-old boy who has no mother.  

He has no mother to make equal to his father, so he “lashes” out against the idea.

“The woman is important too!” Arya protested. Arya I, GOT (In response to Jon’s comment)

Arya is absolutely right here. And while many take this quote to mean women are equal to men (which they are) and thus should be treated as equals (which they should). You can take what Arya is saying in a different direction.

She is saying the Wife is equal to the Husband. The Mother of the child is just as important as the Father -which is definitely true in Westeros in regards to legitimacy.

Even though Ned is not actually Jon’s father, no one knows that. To everyone, Jon is just as much of Ned’s son as Robb is.

Except he’s not.

Robb is the legitimate heir to Winterfell, because his mother is Catelyn Tully and all the other Stark children, despite being younger and or female have more legitimate claims to Winterfell than Jon. Simply because their mother is Catelyn Tully – a woman who has no claim to Winterfell herself.

It’s interesting to think about that - The wife who isn’t of the family is the one who “gives” legitimacy to a child’s claim over that families’ land and titles (with the father, obviously).

And Robb (because of Catelyn) reminds Jon of this once, when they were young and playing Lord of Winterfell. Robb says his mother says Jon can’t be Lord of Winterfell, because he’s a bastard.

Catelyn through her marriage and ostracization of Jon, will always keep him away from being a true and legitimate heir to Winterfell.

The Stark children being both Stark and Tully is what gives them legitimacy.

So, the wife/mother is just as important as the husband/father, so perhaps Joffrey (or Cersei through Joffrey) is not wrong to make the Lannister House equal to the Baratheon house in Joffrey’s personal sigil.

Now onto Sansa.

Sansa’s husband (Jon) taking her name also fulfills an aspect for her arc. Within the plot of the books, show and the general fandom itself, there is importance put upon who Sansa will marry (legitimately/permanently).

Will she be Sansa Lannister? Sansa Tyrell? Sansa Bolton? Sansa Targaryen? Sansa Baelish? Sansa Clegane? Sansa Snow?

And on and on.

And Sansa’s marriage is definitely important to her arc, not because of romance but because it’s the woman’s traditional role in Westeros - being the wife and mother. Having your husband cloak you in his house’s colors. Taking on a new family and a new identity.

And Sansa’s arc and role as a character takes on the traditional role of women in Westeros, both fulfilling it and exposing the awful truths of it.

And Sansa was supposed to be a traditional lady, who would take her husband’s name and help grow his family- give her husband legitimate children to inherit his title and lands. And Sansa in the beginning only wanted that.

She didn’t want to be a Stark and remain in Winterfell and in the North, she wanted to be a Baratheon/Lannister or a Tyrell in the south. But because of the war, how people now (and forever will) identify Sansa is her being a Stark.

Sansa has only been referred to as Sansa Lannister (and Bolton) when someone is try to delegitimatize her claim to Winterfell (and the North). Other than that, she is Sansa Stark.

She is the key to the north. If Robb Stark falls, Sansa is the only true heir of Winterfell remaining (due to the belief all her siblings were dead).

Now one can certainly take over Winterfell with an army or be given it by the Crown, but they’ll never be legitimate. To have a legitimate claim to Winterfell you need Sansa or the Stark name in general – but there is a reason there is so much emphasis on Sansa being the key, because she will be that legitimacy.

Sansa will remain a Stark and pass the name onto her children. 

The Starks have ruled Winterfell for thousands of years and it is hard to imagine that not being the case in the end. 

And while there are the other Stark children, none of their stories quite fit with the ending of ruling Winterfell and making the next generation -- and being more than content with that life.

Bran is the winged-wolf/three eye-raven now. Essentially going down a dark and magical journey, so his journey ending with him being the Lord of Winterfell, while far from bad, just doesn’t quite fit.

Arya fully embraces her wolf heritage and loves being a Stark but can anyone honestly see Arya being content to stay in Winterfell and being a lady (even a non-traditional one) and having/producing children.

Rickon is dead in the show and is absolutely going to die in the books -- literary device of Shaggydog.

And Jon, sweet Jon. Jon is the only other “Stark sibling” whose arc would be satisfied with him being the Lord of Winterfell, having his own children and a wife.

Jon never belonged in Winterfell, but desired to belong and even desired to have Winterfell. Not in the sense he was going to hurt his siblings to attain it, but it was a source of jealousy and soreness for him. Despite Eddard being his father, Catelyn was not his mother, which denies him Winterfell.

Jon doesn’t want to nor can he ‘properly’ have children of his own. As a bastard, with plenty of legitimate siblings, there is no reason for a proper lady to seek being his wife. He has no name, no titles or lands.

He can’t give a wife what is usually expected of a husband. But that’s okay, because Sansa has the name, land and titles or at least the best claim to the last two.

Sansa and Jon have (once had) parallel desires that complete one another.

A non-specific husband for Sansa, a safe and warm place where she is loved and protected. With children, who would essentially be the fallen Starks “reborn,” at least in name

A non-specific wife for Jon. Him ruling Winterfell with essentially a proper lady as his wife, raising their children and others’ children as he was raised with Robb and Theon. Happy and safe, and with the legitimacy that Jon was always denied.

Sansa has legitimacy that isn’t exactly common for women to have. Marrying Sansa gives one a true legitimate claim to Winterfell. And, she is the proper lady, that I think Jon has always wanted. But Sansa won’t be submissive, she’ll be a mix of what Jon desires and likes in a woman, as well as what he needs.

Jon gives Sansa genuine love and protection. True safety and security. And Jon being Sansa’s “sibling/cousin” is another added protection, Jon wouldn’t love Sansa for her claim alone, not even close. They are family and from the same pack of wolves.

Additionally, Jon is the only one I see taking the name Stark through marriage from Sansa. I highly doubt, Tyrion, Sandor or Willas will give up their names. And I just can’t see a Lannister, Tyrell or Clegane ruling Winterfell. 

Which honestly would not go over well, even if they are married to Sansa, I don’t see The North fully embracing anyone but a Stark (name and everything). 

And we’ve seen that in the Books and (not as much) in the show, with the Boltons.

I can easily see Jon giving up the name Snow. As the name Snow is of no importance – that’s literally the point. Jon giving up his name and taking his wife’s name of Stark is very fulfilling for him.

Sidenote: Jon’s name of Snow being of no importance though is one reason why I see Jon not taking the name Stark. (X) 

I don’t see Jon exactly being comfortable with taking the Stark name, not because it’s through Sansa, but because he would feel he hasn’t “earned” it.

Jon has shown that for him to be a Stark, he has to earn it. Prove himself worthy of the name. Saving his father’s life or dying heroically (for his father, family) for instance.

“He was no true Stark, had never been one … but he could die like one. Let them say that Eddard Stark had fathered four sons, not three.” (Jon IX, GOT)

That all being said, Jon not being comfortable with having the Stark name, might be why he will have it in the end. And honestly, it’s very Jon, to have ‘earned’ the name Stark and be welcomed as a Stark by his cousins, only for him to brood and still think, he’s not worthy.

Back to Jon having the name of Stark to rule Winterfell.

Someone taking on the established family’s name to rule the respected lands, is not as uncommon as one would think.

Look at Harry the Heir — "He is the heir presumptive of Lord Robert Arryn and would ascend to rule the Vale as "Harrold Arryn” should Lord Robert die without issue.” (X) (Alayne, A Feast For Crows?)

The Vale won’t be ruled by the Hardyng House as Harry will take the Arryn name, because the Arryn’s have ruled the Vale for centuries, changing his name to Arryn gives him more legitimacy.

And the same would be true for Jon -- taking the Stark name, would give his rule of Winterfell far more legitimacy. Because even though he is a Stark on his mother’s side, there might be some doubt about that, leading to questions about his right to Winterfell.

But if he marries Sansa Stark, trueborn daughter of Eddard Stark and Catelyn Tully. Well their child would have all the rights to Winterfell.

Because even though people don’t like it, there’s no denying that by marrying Sansa, Tyrion and any potential children the two have, have a legitmate claim to Winterfell. That’s why Stannis urged Jon to take Winterfell.  

Now just because the Starks will rule again, doesn’t mean there won’t be any changes. For one thing, I imagine a new sigil being created.

New Sigil—

Black Field

With a white dire wolf with red eyes on top

Keeping with the Stark Direwolf sigil (instead of just the Targaryen banner taking over)

Includes Targaryen colors of red and black.

Represents Ghost and Jon as well as Jon’s mixed heritage. He’s a Stark and a Targaryen.

Because while I don’t think Jon being a TARGARYEN is as important as everyone has assumed and I think it might be a ‘red herring’ in a way, I don’t think it’s nothing.

So, the Stark sigil changing, maybe even taking on more of Targaryen aspect to it – is not out of the question.

Back to names, though.

Names are a huge thing in ASOIAF. In both the literal story and the reader’s experience. In the world of Westeros, a name is everything. 

A name gives the characters the rights and privileges they’ve known. It also causes them great pain and suffering.

Tyrion is hated for being a Lannister, but being a Lannister is what has kept alive.

Being a Stark is why Sansa can never be truly safe in the south and why she suffers, but it also keeps her ‘safe and protected’.

The best example of that, is that despite Sansa’s family being literal traitors to the crown and that Cersei does not like her in the least, Cersei still wouldn’t let Littlefinger marry Sansa, because Littlefinger is far too low in status to be wed to a STARK (and potentially have rights to Winterfell).

Names are important, because they are the legitimate and legal aspect within the world of Westeros.

Despite being Ned’s “Son”, Jon has no claim to the Stark name. And the same goes for Rhaegar -- -- I mean even if it’s proven, there will always be those who will question that legitimacy.

And I doubt that even after facing the Night King and all that good stuff, Westeros will change its ways. 

Westeros will always have those reaching for power and claiming their own legitimacy over others.

Despite the Tyrells being named Wardens of the Reach by Aegon the Conqueror that is still a contested dispute, because many other families within the Reach feel like that have a far more legitimate claim. 

Even though that  claim is tied to House Gardener, who lost the Reach to House Targaryen, so even though House Gardener shouldn’t matter, it still does. 

Because names and inheritance are integral to the nobles of Westeros.

Despite the Boltons taking Winterfell and being named Lords of the North by the Crown, it’s not accepted by the North.

Even though Robert Baratheon took the throne (one which he had no right too), but therefore took it and therefore has the right, his Targaryen relation is brought up to prove some legitimacy to his reign.

And again, we see this struggle based on legitimacy time and time again.

It’s why the Bolton’s are having trouble with the north. It’s why the Freys are having trouble in the Riverlands.

And its why Robert wanted all the Targaryen’s dead (hatred aside). 

Despite Aerys being a hugely hated king and the fact that 5 of the main noble houses rebelled against him and won the war. Any Targaryen can have more of a claim then Robert and his family, simply because they are Targaryen.

To clarify, having the right name doesn’t guarantee you power or a throne -particularly if you have lost your armies and wealth. We see this with Viserys.

So while, ASOIAF has shown names aren’t everything they are important.  

The nobles of Westeros like the legitimacy that comes with the right name. 

And more importantly, your name being legitimate is what will allow you to keep your power and quell plenty of rebellions before they even start.

Finally, for the characters, their names are a huge part of their identities. Far more then what a surname is for people in reality. In fact, Westerosi House Loyalty/Identification is closer to real-world nationalism.

Being a Stark has so much weight and meaning to the Starks and to everyone else (and so on with the rest of the names). It’s a literal form of their identity and who they are or at least should be.

But outside the world of Westeros, for the readers, the names have importance. There is a reason why there are debates of whether Joffrey should be Joffrey Lannister or Waters or Hills. There is a reason no one refers to Cersei as Cersei Baratheon. And so on.

And anyone aside from a Stark and restoring Winterfell back to it’s proper, won’t feel right to the readers. There’s a reason why fans were so excited to see the banners of Stark replace the Bolton’s flayed man. 

It’s a victory. But a victory, Sansa STARK and Jon Snow accomplished.

Jon, being a Snow or Targaryen, ruling Winterfell is literally just as good and no different then Jon Stark ruling Winterfell – except of course in name.

And names are important.

So, it should be a literal Stark in name who takes back Winterfell and rules it in the future.

And maybe, even if Jon keeps the name Snow, his children will be Starks through Sansa (blood and name).

But to me, Jon taking the name Stark by marrying Sansa his truly satisfying for his arc and fulfills elements to both of their character arcs, especially from when we were first introduced to them.

So, I truly believe, The Starks will rule the North once again. And I believe it will be Sansa and Jon Stark and their future children who will do so.

Check out another of my meta-analysis posts on the relationship of Jonsa, The Cloaking Ceremonies of Jonsa

[mykidsgay]

What’s Wrong with Gender Reveal Parties? 

“Hi. My daughter is married to another woman, and has been out for many years. We’ve gone on our own journey with me learning more about what it means to be bisexual, and I have learned a lot. I love her and her wife deeply. Her wife is newly pregnant (so exciting!!!), and they insist on not finding out the gender of the baby before the birth. We got in a heated discussion when I brought this up and explained how so many of her cousins had done adorable gender reveals at their showers. I’m just so confused about it all, and I can’t understand why them being in a same-sex marriage has anything to do with getting so upset about the gender of their baby!!”

Question Submitted Anonymously Answered by El Sanchez

El Says:

Congrats on the upcoming arrival of your grandchild! First and foremost, it’s always important to remind yourself that while it’s exciting to be a grandparent, the parents are the ones that ultimately make all the decisions regarding how they will give birth to and raise their little ones. I’m sure this is something you already know, but it’s important to be reminded as new arrivals in the family can make everyone feel a little protective and on edge. I recently had a new baby myself (my very first!) and I also did not know the gender of my child prior to birth. There are many reasons parents do this: some want the surprise of the doctor’s birth assignment saved until that very moment, while others choose not to determine gender in this way at all. I can’t say exactly what your daughter’s reasoning is, of course, but I can explain my own—and why knowing the baby’s gender at this stage is impossible anyhow. Before we continue, if you’re not already familiar with gender identities like transgender and non-binary, I really recommend clicking on the links to read our Defining pieces on them!

It’s unfortunately commonplace in many medical fields for doctors to assign a gender to a newborn baby based on the type of genitals that baby has, i.e. penis = boy, vagina = girl. The fact of the matter is, many biologists, psychologists, and anthropologists would tell you this practice has proved to be inaccurate. The fact that transgender folx (like myself) exist is proof that this method is invalid.

Genitalia does not determine gender, because gender, unlike genitalia, is not actually biological. Our sex chromosomes are biological, as are our reproductive systems and genitalia, but the idea of assigning identities such as “man” or “woman” to those characteristics is not based in biology. Gender is a social construct, meaning it is something created by people in order to label each other more easily, as well as categorize the differences between each other. Not only that, but since gender is something we as humans created, our understanding of it is constantly both expanding and evolving, just like we are. These days, many members of the scientific community see gender on a spectrum that is not limited to “man” and “woman.” There are also gender non-binary folx like me who are neither. Basically, gender expansive folx and others who recognize this are just waiting for social acceptance to catch up with the science.

What it boils down to is this: there is no way of determining the gender of your grandchild before they determine it for themselves. Sometimes people know their sexuality and gender identity early on, but for others, it takes some time to figure out those identities for themselves. Just like their sexuality is going to be something they tell you, rather than you assigning it to them, their gender identity will be the same.  

Most parents choose to go with the gender assigned at birth as they raise their child, and in some cases this works just fine. However, there are many cases in which children are assigned an incorrect gender at birth. This is what happens to most trans folx, and may cause gender dysphoria or other painful experiences. As someone who was assigned the incorrect gender at birth myself, I can tell you, growing up being forced into pretending you’re something you’re not is extremely painful and can lead to much mental anguish. The good news is that these experiences can be avoided to a large degree if you allow children to simply be who they are. I don’t blame my parents for raising me as the gender they were told I was, rather than the gender identity I am. At the time, they didn’t have access to information that told them there were other possibilities (such as My Kid Is Gay!), and since being non-binary was a concept none of us were familiar with, we weren’t able to understand the root of much of my depression and anxiety until I was an adult. Now that I am a parent, I have an understanding of this experience and access to information my parents didn’t, therefore I want to make sure my children can benefit from that knowledge and possibly avoid some of the pain I experienced. This is why I have chosen (along with a large number of new parents in recent years) to use gender neutral pronouns with my newborn until they are old enough to communicate to me what gender identity they are. As I see it, they are the only one that truly knows that information and rightfully deserve input in defining who they are.  

It’s also important to note that “gender reveal” parties, while they’ve surged in popularity amongst cisgender folks in recent years, are actually a pretty outdated and transphobic practice—not only because they assume that gender is determined by genitalia, which directly erases the existence of transgender folx, but also because they often rely on pretty inaccurate depictions of gender and overwhelming amounts of gender stereotypes! For example, a quick Google image search of “gender reveal party” will pop up pictures of invitations with themes like “touchdowns or tutus,” “lashes or mustaches,” “rifles or ruffles” and even party favors that include bowls of candy labeled “Nuts?” or “No nuts?” Yikes! When you think about it, a “gender reveal” party is essentially an entire party celebrating whether an unborn baby has a penis or a vagina and/or how that penis or vagina will determine a person’s likes or dislikes—and that’s kind of weird!

Lastly, touching on your question about how your daughter’s sexuality plays into this: her marginalized status as a queer person can absolutely correlate to gender politics. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, she may very well care about issues affecting transgender folx, leading her to advocate for transgender issues (which should make you all the more proud of her!). Alternatively, her own sexuality may have nothing to do with this decision at all! Either way, it sounds like she and her wife are going to make awesome parents!

***

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[darthlenaplant]

Hitaka 001 (this is pi-zero-meson btw)

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: I don’t remember the exact point of time (who looks at a calendar? Not me LOL), but what I do remember is that while I was still shipping Kylux, I stumbled over one or another Mikylux fic, while SIMULTANEOUSLY remembering another of my OTPs from another fandom (one which is kind of similar to Hitaka, in its properties of being about a commanding officer and a subordinate) AND reading one of the few Hitaka fics that were in the AO3 tag at that time (those were abusive as hell, but a really interesting concept, since I was reading Kylux darkfics too) and when there were coming more and more shippers, the fics started to get more fluffy and sweet, and I didn’t fall out of love with that pairing ever since.

my thoughts: I really love it, and I’d love to portray it as a relationship that surpasses “regular” romantic and sexual relationships by virtue of that sense of camaraderie that is certainly something else between members in a military organisation, especially when they have been (or still have to fight) through battles.I think Mitaka is just such a good character, while I tend to give him kind of “motherly” traits most of the time, I don’t want him to seem weak or fetishized (especially if I go the #MakeMitakaAsian route), he will kick your ass no matter his pronouns or body configuration! Probably with a cast-iron frying pan and definitely with these countless knives he hides in his uniform. (Seriously, I just LOVE Knifetaka, as @lady-starkiller has dubbed him, he’s PERFECT!)

What makes me happy about them: It’s a multi-purpose pairing, it can be used for the most caries-inducing fluff your dentist will scold you for or the most sinister of darkfics or the kinkiest of BDSM-fics AND one can also combine all of these concepts, and that is extremely exiting.Also, having Rodinon as Mitaka’s best friend who’s disgruntled about the fact that Mitaka accepts Hux, but as long as Mitaka is happy, he’s fine with it; and Phasma and (more or less) Admiral Serana Tarkin (my OC and Hux’s cousin*) giving Hux tips on how to properly court someone. (Kylo isn’t exactly the best of resources, since he’d probably come around the corner with lines about how rough sand is and where it constantly gets and/or flying pear techniques or whatever bullshit made Padmé fall in love with Anakin (apart from George Lucas having no idea on how to write a realistic relationship, much less a loving one…))

What makes me sad about them: that Reyux has more fics despite the characterinteracting not even once that it seems to have sort of died out or it is just withering away? Or is it just stagnating? (Like I’m one to talk, I could upload way more Hitaka content than just my weird af concepts for fics I’m never going to write, but all of them are free to use (and obviously alter to your needs and specifications), so if you like them, tell me when you’re finished so that I can shower you with my love)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: When Mitaka is essentially just being used as a throw-away character to show just how perfect Kylo is for Hux or some other sort of TRU WUV bullshit that I’ve seen in those early 2000′s fics where the actual love-interest of a character is being killed off or drawn as the most evil harpy imaginable to justify their subsequent fridge-ing/being put on a bus in favour to that other character (be especially wary of people who repeatedly do this to characters of colour and/or female characters, they’re not safe to be around!)SRSLY, I just nope out of that tab faster than Warp 9, stop tagging shit as Hitaka that is not actually Hitaka! It just makes me sad and angry for the time until I find some actual Hitaka content.Or when Hux is just a mean asshole and/or exploiting Mitaka’s feelings without returning them; while I did like “The Taste of Corellian Whiskey”, it is time to either turn the tables or have Hux fall in love with Mitaka AFTER Mitaka got over Hux or when Mitaka doesn’t want to have anything to do with Hux anymore. Spice it up, bring some variation into it!

things I look for in fanfic: Hux being in hopelessly in love and working it through to make Mitaka understand just how much he means to him. (Bonus points if Mitaka is either oblivious af or doesn’t know how to act or doesn’t even know if he’s interested too. Yeah, I think I could do with some Hux having unrequited feelings for Mitaka fics, for once the mighty general is NOT going to get what he wants simply by being a high-ranking officer of the First Order) Or Hux ditching Kylo Ren in favour of Mitaka, as a retribution to all those times where Mitaka is just being abused in this way (I just love him and I don’t want to see him unhappy), if you need a throw-away character, make your own!OR some Hitaka Arranged Marriage AU/UA, this idea has such a potential, like Hux and Mitaka just acting like friends until way later when they start to develop romantic and sexual feelings for each other or both of them being embarrassed af for bringing the other into that sort of situation and try to working it through to make it a working relationship, with or without sex, that is not the pinnacle of love and happiness.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Kylo, interestingly, but I’m veering more towards Kytaka than Kylux (mostly because I’m fed up af with that pairing, especially if Mitaka is just the aforementioned throw-away character, or if Hux is a bottom, I’m (not) sorry, but I’m just allergic to that bs idea)

My happily ever after for them: Hux is Emperor and Mitaka engages in that Empress-Sissi-look (Maximum Popularity Activated!) (What is gender anyway, NB Mitaka FTW 5EVER!), or they’re just married/together and no one bothers them, in whichever AU or UA, I’m not picky (since canon is not going to give us this, and that’s why I love all of you fic-writers, seriously, thank you for fixing the canon!)Bonus points for a daughter that is basically a Hux 2.0 and/or a gaggle of cute af children that constantly follow Mitaka around

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Hux loves being the big spoon and Mitaka loves being the little spoon

what is their favourite non-sexual activity: Making music, Mitaka plays the Zither (he can also sing), with Hux I can’t really decide if it’s “just” singing, hammered dulcimer, piano or violin. (Or it’s just the electric organ, idegaf, I just want Hux to play a funny and/or awesome instrument!)

*) She’s not related to Armitage by blood since he’s biologically not Maratelles son (she DID marry Armitages mother tho (Who I STILL have no name for, (shame on me!) please send me name suggestions!) after she divorced Brendol and obtained that Armitages mother got the custody over Armitage, Serana is the daughter of Maratelles older sister Karina

[djinmer4]

Movie Night (Demon General AU)

Spoiler character from later in the plot.  Everything is under the cut if you want to finish the series first.

“I don’t get it.”

TJ finished up her popcorn while the credits rolled and side-eyed her father.  Kitty looked up from where she had settled on the floor between the two blue mutants and also looked skeptical.  “What don’t you get?  The plot seemed pretty obvious to me.”

“The part with the blonde twins, whatever their names were.  Jaime and . . . Shorsha?”

“Cersei.”

“I understand why the fact the fat King wasn’t Joffrey’s father was a big deal.  You humans always put way too much weight on your paternity.  But what does it matter that she was sleeping with her brother?  The important part was that Joffrey wasn’t the king’s son.  Other than that it doesn’t matter who the sperm donor was.”

“It’s because incest is wrong!” burst out Talia.  “The fact she was cheating was bad; the fact she was cheating with her brother is worse!”

“Aber warum ist es falsch?  Everyone says it’s wrong, but no one ever explains the reasoning behind it.  They’re two consenting adults, they can make their own terrible decisions.”

“It’s wrong because it’s immoral.  And it produced Joffrey, who you have to admit is a monster.”

“I lived with monsters all my life, you’re giving a bad name to them.  And what does morality have to do with it?  It was perfectly fine when the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt practiced it, but suddenly it’s wrong if other people do.  Morality is so inconsistent.”

“And what about Joffrey?”  Kitty reached up, and the father and daughter each grasped a hand to help her stand.  “What about him?”

“Well,” Seir took a moment to reflect, light glinting off his fangs as he bit down in thought.  “He was terrible, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it was due to the incest.  The other two kids seemed pretty normal, so Joffrey’s whatever was probably more due to how Shorsha-”

“Cersei”

“-raised him.”  He looked over at his daughter.  “And if your only other reason is that incest is immoral, I’d like to point out I slept with your half-aunt for years and no bolts of lightning came to incinerate us.”

Nocturne crossed her arms and huffed.  “It’s still wrong.  And creepy.  And I really did not like the fact you felt perfectly fine to hit on me even after you knew I was your daughter.”

“I was just seeing if you were interested.  It’s not like your an ugly girl, Talia Josephine.  You’ve surely had that happen to you before.”  The youngest mutant ducked her head and might have flushed, though it was difficult to tell with her skin color.  Below her breath, she muttered.  “Would have liked it more if it was Kitty.”

“TJ, why don’t you take the dishes to the sink, and I’ll explain to your father some good reasons to avoid incest.  I think that’s the best way to do this without ending up in an argument.”  Kitty had one hand on Seir’s chest and the other on Nocturne’s arm.  The younger girl nodded, collected the plates and bowls and disappeared into the kitchen.

Seir raised one dark brow at the young Jewish woman.  “I hope you're not going to lecture me about morality either.  I won’t believe you any more than I believe Nocturne.”

“No, you’ve made it clear before that you find our notions of ethics quaint and antiquated.  No, I’ll give you a couple of concrete reasons.

First, a lot of incest happens with at least one non-consenting partner.  You say Cersei and Jaime are adults, but most relationships in the real world, they involve an older partner: a parent, aunt or uncle, or older sibling taking advantage of a child.  It wasn’t the case here, but for most people, that’s what they’ll think of when they see that.  It’s only fiction, but it will still make people very uncomfortable.

Second, incest can have terrible consequences for any children produced.  You say Joffrey’s insanity was nurture, not nature.  But just the fact he was the product of a brother-sister relationship means that the chances that something went wrong in his head biologically have gone way up.  Children of first generation incest generally have low fertility rates, damaged immune systems and are sickly in general. ”

“How much?”  Confused grey eyes looked up at him.  “You stated that the probability of a genetic mishap goes up for incest, but by how much?”

“For a relationship in the first degree, like brother-sister or parent-child, the probability of a bad gene expressing itself rises by 50%.  As soon as you get to first cousin relationships, that drops, with the risk still increasing, but only by 8%.  It continues to fall from there until by the time you reach relationships between third cousins it’s would be like having a child with a complete stranger.”

“So you would be fine having a relationship with your cousin?”

“I don’t have any cousins, I was an only child of only children, all the way back to my grandparents.  Well, grandpa Heinrich and grandma Josefina both had siblings, but they didn’t survive the camps.  But even if I did have cousins, I’d still be a little leery about having kids with them.”

“Why?”  Seir had settled back down and tugged the younger woman onto his lap.  Kitty rarely talked about anything from before the X-Men, so this was a good chance to learn more about her.  From the side, he could see that Nocturne had come to listen in, but he didn’t alert his companion to her presence.

“One cousin to cousin marriage is fine.  But when you do it over generations, you can actually end up more inbred than if you’d been the product of first generation incest.  That’s what happened to King Charles II of Spain.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“All you need to know is that he was inbred and it caused him to be sickly and badly deformed.”  Seir raised one three-fingered hand as an example.  “Worse than that.  You and Nocturne can function fine on everyday tasks.  He couldn’t.”

A brief pause in the conversation.  TJ returned to the kitchen and Seir could hear the water start running.  “So what I’m getting from this is that you’re fine with incest relationships as long as it involves two consenting adults and doesn’t produce kids, or if the two adults are cousins at the closest.”

Kitty punched his shoulder lightly.  “I’m giving you the reasons why most people, including myself, don’t like incest.  What you decide to do in your spare time is up to you, but I don’t want to hear it.”  She ducked her head a little.  “Besides, I’m never having kids.”

That went from light-hearted to dark fast.  Seir’s tail touched her chin and lifted her face until the young woman was looking at him again.  “Why don’t you want kinder?  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you seem like you’d make a good mother.”

“Oh, I would like to be a mom someday.  Not right now, but I’d like to adopt children in the future.  I just can’t have kids biologically.”

“You’re sterile?”

“No . . . “ Kitty took a deep breath.  “I mean, I’ve got an implant that should last for another two years, but I’m otherwise normal on that front.  What I meant is that I won’t have children.”

“Again, why not?”

“You don’t know why people disapprove of incest.  You probably don’t know what Tay-Sachs is either?”  He shook his head.  “It’s a genetic disorder that destroys nerve cells.  A baby can be born perfectly fine, and then six months later, they stop developing.  They can’t crawl or sit up anymore.  They have seizures.  They go deaf.  Eventually, they can’t move anymore and then they die.”

The X-Woman curled herself into a tiny ball and shivered.  Seir embraced her, rubbing her arms and back, but she was not comforted.  Indeed, she seemed to have forgotten he was there at all.  “Cameron was so beautiful.  So tiny and perfect and my parents were so happy when he was born.  By the time he died, he was a wasted little thing that didn’t seem human.  And he was so scared.  You could see it in his eyes, he didn’t understand what was happening to him.  And there was nothing we could do to save him.”  

Talia had come back and had taken Kitty’s hands in her own.  “Back when I was born, genetic testing wasn’t a universal thing yet.  But after Cameron, the whole family got tested.  My parents were carriers.  So am I.  I’m never going to put a baby through what my little brother had to go through.”

Seir didn’t know what to say.  He’d never lost someone he cared for in that way.  When Draco had occurred, he had killed dozens of his half-brothers and sons and even Jillian and not felt the least bit of guilt for it.  He still didn’t.  This wasn’t something he could help her with.

Looking up he saw Talia’s expression.  She might not have cared about the death of dozens of half-siblings and half-uncles she had never known existed.  But she’d lost her mother and that at least gave her some experience with the same type of grief Kitty had.  Making a decision, Seir moved closer.  When Talia looked at him, he nodded down at Kitty.  For once they seemed on the same wavelength because she nodded back and opened her arms.  Seir carefully maneuvered the little ball of sorrow into his daughter’s arms, then moved away.  Far enough that they could both pretend he wasn’t here, but close enough to help should they need him.

He couldn’t help Kitty with her grief.  Maybe his daughter could.

[speaknowslut13]

Hi honey bunches!

I really appreciate that! I’ve always kind of thought no kids/no marriage, and then I went through an identity crisis and finally came to terms with my sexuality in my early 20s and then I was like “yeah definitely no” haha. So many people are like “you’ll definitely change your mind” and I find it rather obnoxious. And while I’m pretty sure I don’t want biological children, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about becoming a foster parent, and would love to get to a place in my life where I could do that.

Feel free to talk about the complicated family situation if you want! (Or not, totally no pressure, but I definitely understand having a complicated family.) my parents also did a courthouse wedding and I honestly love their wedding photos, they’re so cute! Do you have any pictures of your dress that you can/want to share?

Gosh that sounds awful! I’m glad you were okay though. Out of my sibling/cousins (there’s 5 of us and all pretty close!) I’m actually the only one who *hasn’t* been in a major wreck. I still vividly remember getting a phone call from my sister after she rolled her pickup (she was thankfully okay, somehow walked away without a scratch even though the car was totaled, and this happened like one week after she’d gotten her drivers license.) but on to happier things!

I love that though, I think it’s so important to actually *like* your partner haha. What kind of video games do you like to play? And what’s your go to movie for movie night? And that’s literally the sweetest thing that you do his nails and makeup 🥺 how are things with the pandemic in your area?

Panic! puts on a great show, I saw them in Seattle during their death of a bachelor tour in 2017 and it was so much fun. I hope you get the chance to go! Who else is on your concert bucket list?

Omggg okay I will have to add Rijeka to my list of stops 👀 if everything goes according to plan, I want to do a road trip down the Croatian coast starting in Zagreb and ending up in Dubrovnik. My birthday is mid august, so it would be end of august to be a birthday trip! I love Munich, it’s only a couple hours from me by train so I’ve been there several times since I moved here! Because of travel restrictions, I haven’t been able to visit some of the places like Dachau yet, but I really want to. That history is heavy but so so important.

I adore the PNW, and I was originally planning on moving to Oregon for grad school before I ended up in Europe haha. I have a lot of good friends in that area and I can’t wait to be able to visit them in again! Where in Canada would you like to end up? The polar express thing sounds soso cool, honestly might book a seat for myself hahaha.

I think a lot of writing poetry is just accepting that a lot of it is going to be bad and then going from there haha. Like one of my professors told me, it’s always easier to work with something than it is with nothing so I have years and pages worth of bad poems and then some that I’ve turned into really good ones. Ohhh those all sound really interesting! I especially like the idea of a paranormal mystery. Do you have a particular tag that you post your writing under?

That sounds like an excellent weekend! What kind of project? And do you have your own pool or do you go somewhere? What a crazy coincidence for us to be paired together!! I actually didn’t start marching until college, my high school wasn’t big enough to have a marching band, just a pep band, and then I got involved with the music program for fun when I started college and ended up marching my sophomore through senior years. It was a lot of fun, but also a lot of hard work!! I can definitely understand how that could cause burn out. Mono sounds horrendous in the best case scenario, let alone what you were dealing with. Oh the EMT thing sounds like a cool program though!

Hahahaha yeah my sister is an amazing singer but it just missed me. I do perform well in the shower, when I’m out hiking in the woods, or alone in the car. Well I think you’d do well even without knowing everything single instrument ahdjshs i believe in you! ✨

Hope your week is off to a great start! 💖 Drew

Let's get the family stuff out of the way. Chase and I met in September of 2013, got engaged in January of 2014, and then married February of 2014. His brother was not pleased with that. There was a massive fight and its the only time I've seen Chase really truly angry. They were living together at the time and when we told him we decided to get engaged and that I was essentially moving in he flipped out. He was also drunk that night. We were excited, our parents were excited for us. We hadn't planned on getting married until May of 2015 but that didn't matter. He said some pretty horrendous things to Chase and then to my face. So Chase kind of snapped. After that, Chase wasn't sure he wanted to tell his family about the ceremony. He didn't want to rock the boat any more than he already did. My BIL moved out quickly after that fight. Chase and I always planned on having a ceremony with everyone later. That never worked out. Its something we regret, not inviting his parents. His Dad passed in 2016 after I found out I was pregnant. So he'll never get to have that. Even though we all moved past that, in that last year things have gotten tense between them again. I try not to get involved. My BIL eventually apologized and we all got really close especially when my FIL got sick. Even though we've both forgiven him, I don't know if Chase will ever really forget the hurt that situation caused me and him. It didn't stop us though. We knew our minds. We're both Taurus signs. So there really was no stopping us.

We didn't mean to get married on Valentines day. I had just been fired from Express for the stupidest reason, partly because of my relationship. We just decided on a Monday to get married that following Friday. When we went to get the license, that's when we realized it was going to be Valentines Day. We laughed pretty hard about it. We still do. I joke that because I always had such a rough time on Valentines Day, the universe made up for it.

Even though we jumped head first into commitment, we waited on expanding our family. And it wasn't an easy journey for us. Now, its a completely unrealistic option for me to carry another pregnancy. So, if we ever change our minds about having another kid, we'll adopt. I grew up with a messy extended family and so my tolerance for the behavior I've seen of late is non existent. I don't need that negativity. I don't have enough spoons! So, we keep our head down and mow our own lawn, so to speak.

I will make a post of pictures under my tag themodren . All of my personal posts are under that tag because I reblog a lot. However, the story excerpt is also under the tag brownandgreenandgold because it corrresponds to a poem I wrote. I'll put that one up for you too. Some of my other tags are: renreacts , folklorethemusical , and relativelyricalanalysis . I've started these tags hoping to follow up on them with more content but I haven't yet. You can find them all under themodren though. I'm trying to talk myself into sharing more.

Chase was really into WOW. I prefer games that are RPG in nature. I've played Castle Crashers, Baulder's gate, Torchlight, and currently Portal. I like Pokemon. Chase really grew up around video games. I didn't. He's so good at them. He's great at figuring out how things work whereas I'm the player that spins in circles.

I'd like to move to Vancouver or anywhere around that area. It looks so pretty.

The EMT program was amazing and I had a real knack for it. I was originally going to go pre-med. I wanted to be a Doctor. But I was thrown some curve balls and ended up in a Fashion Design program that no longer exists. Didn't finish that one either because I got pregnant and my postpartum period is where my autoimmune disease really jumped out. If I thought I could handle it, I'd go back and finish the nursing program I was going to go through, too. Or ideally I'd just go do pre-med again. Unfortunately I don't think that's in the cards. I'm still struggling to get my body under control and stress has a tendency to deplete my spoons quickly. The pandemic really hit me hard because I wanted to help but couldn't.

I try to focus on the good in my life. I try to remember to honor my limitations. I tell my husband that I feel like a ten cylinder engine that's being forced to only use four. It can be frustrating. So I laugh at myself and try to focus on other things. Like the recent succulent collection I've started. I might have a problem. We have a pool in our backyard. It was out of order until recently. I'm enjoying it a lot since that last few years I haven't been able to. Despite my struggles, my life is incredibly blessed. I always feel weird talking about the pain and disappointments of my life because I feel ungrateful.

The pandemic feels stale here. I'm sure the numbers are going down because there are so many people being vaccinated now, but unfortunately there is still too large a number of vaccine resistant or hesitant people. That frustrates me. Both my husband and I are vaccinated now, but we still wear our masks. We also avoid interacting with others outside our circle because our daughter hasn't been vaccinated yet. Hopefully come September that will change. Our state lifted mask mandates too soon, I think. We're a mostly republican state. I wish that didn't matter but it does. People are starting to act like the virus isn't still an issue even though it definitely is. Its been especially rough on my kid. She's been in virtual preschool for a year. She goes back in person in August, which I'm very nervous about. She has an IEP for speech therapy, so she needs to go, otherwise I'd find another solution. She doesn't get to go out much either. Its been tough on her. Her safety is of utmost importance though. I've heard too many horror stories of mom's acting like this virus isn't just as potentially life altering for children as it is for adults. At the beginning, parents were even hosting "covid parties" so all their kids would catch the virus. Horrified would be an understatement in describing my reaction to those articles.

The project is a memorial for my grandma. She passed recently. Its okay. She was old and we were expecting it.

Chase and I will watch things that we've wanted to watch for awhile. I haven't seen all the Marvel movies yet and there are a slew of older movies he's seen that he wants me to see. So, we typically pick something we haven't seen.

Lorde announced music today! So once she starts touring, I'd like to see her. Honestly, I'd like to see Twenty One Pilots. Halsey is another. I like Halsey. My best friend likes Marianas Trench, so it'd be fun to see them with her. If N'Sync ever toured again, I'd go see it. I would have loved to see Prince in concert. There's just so many different musicians I like that I'd love to see.

Are things getting any better where you're at, Drew? I hope your week goes well!

[didanawisgi]

“When I became an anarchist I was 18, depressed, anxious, and ready to save the world. I moved in with other anarchists and worked at a vegetarian co-op cafe. I protested against student tuition, prison privatization, and pipeline extensions. I had lawyer’s numbers sharpied on my ankle and I assisted friends who were pepper-sprayed at demos. I tabled zines, lived with my “chosen family,” and performed slam poems about the end of the world. While my radical community was deconstructing gender, monogamy, and mental health, we lived and breathed concepts and tools like call-outs, intersectionality, cultural appropriation, trigger warnings, safe spaces, privilege theory, and rape culture.

What is a radical community? For the purposes of this article, I will define it as a community that shares both an ideology of complete dissatisfaction with existing society due to its oppressive nature and a desire to radically alter or destroy that society because it cannot be redeemed by its own means. I eventually fell out with my own radical community. The ideology and the people within it had left me a burned and disillusioned wreck. As I deprogrammed, I watched a diluted version of my radical ideology explode out of academia and become fashionable: I watched the Left become woke.

Commentators have skewered social justice activists on the toxicity of the woke mindset. This is something that many radicals across North America are aware ofand are trying to understand. Nicholas Montgomery and Carla Bergman’s Joyful Militancy (JM), published last year, is the most thorough look at radical toxicity from a radical perspective (full disclosure: I very briefly met Nick Montgomery years ago. My anarchist clique did not like his anarchist clique). As they say, “there is a mild totalitarian undercurrent not just in call-out culture but also in how progressive communities police and define the bounds of who’s in and who’s out.”

Montgomery and Bergman see radical toxicity as an exogenous issue. They do not wonder whether radicalism itself could be malignant. As a result, their proposed solutions are limp and abstract, like “increasing sensitivity and inhabiting situations more fully.” Perhaps this is because the solutions all exist beyond the boundaries of radical thought. As Jonathan Haidt has pointed out, “morality binds and blinds.”

Unfortunately, toxicity in radical communities is not a bug. It is a feature. The ideology and norms of radicalism have evolved to produce toxic, paranoid, depressed subjects. What follows is a picture of what happens in communities that are passionately, sincerely, radically woke, as seen from the perspective of an apostate.

Faith

Commentators have accurately noted how social justice seems to take the form of a religion. This captures the meaning and fulfilment I found in protests and occupations. It also captures how, outside of these harrowing festivals, everyday life in radical communities is mundane but pious. As a radical activist, much of my time was devoted to proselytizing. Non-anarchists were like pagans to be converted through zines and wheatpasted posters rather than by Bible and baptism. When non-radicals listened to my assertions that nazis deserved death, that all life had devolved into spectacle, and that monogamy was a capitalist social construct, they were probably bewildered instead of enticed.

Instead of developing a relationship to God and a recognition of one’s own imperfection, we wanted our non-anarchist families and friends to develop their “analysis” and recognize their complicity in the evil of capitalism. These non-anarchist friends grew increasingly sparse the longer I was an anarchist. They didn’t see how terrible the world was, and they used problematic language that revealed hopelessly bad politics. Frustrated with them, I retreated further and further into the grey echo-chamber of my “chosen family.”

Trent Eady says of his own radicalism in Montreal, “When I was part of groups like this, everyone was on exactly the same page about a suspiciously large range of issues.” When my friends and I did have theoretical disagreements, they tended towards the purely strategic or to philosophical minutiae. Are cops human? If we pay attention to the few white nationalists in town, will that stir them up? Is polyamory queer, or privileged?

Deep and sincere engagement with opposing points of view is out of the question. Radicalism is like a clan too suspicious of outsiders to abandon cousin marriage, and, like incestuous offspring, radicalism’s intellectual offspring accumulate genetic load. Narrow theories must perform increasingly convoluted explanations of the world. For example, Montgomery and Bergman describe Michael Hardt and Antonio Negri’s use of the term “Empire,” in their book of the same name, as both a miasma that “accumulates and spreads sadness” and an anthropomorphized figure that “works to usher its subjects into flimsy relationships where nothing is at stake and to infuse intimacy with violence and domination.”

No worldview maps reality perfectly. But when a worldview encounters discordant knowledge, it can either evolve to accommodate it, or it can treat it as a threat to the worldview’s integrity. If a worldview treats all discordant knowledge as threat, then it is an ideology. Its adherents learn to see themselves as guardians rather than seekers of the truth. The practical consequences of such a worldview can be devastating.

Fear

When I became an anarchist, I was a depressed and anxious teenager, in search of answers. Radicalism explained that these were not manageable issues with biological and lifestyle factors, they were the result of living in capitalist alienation. For, as Kelsey Cham C notes, “This whole world is based on fucking misery” and “In capitalist systems, we’re not meant to feel joy.” Radicalism not only finds that all oppressions intersect, but so does all suffering. The force that causes depression is the same that causes war, domestic abuse, and racism. By accepting this framework, I surrendered to an external locus of control. Personal agency in such a model is laughable. And then, when I became an even less happy and less strong person over the years as an anarchist, I had an explanation on hand.

There is an overdeveloped muscle in radicalism: the critical reflex. It is able to find oppression behind any mundanity. Where does this critical reflex come from? French philosopher Paul Ricœur famously coined the term “school of suspicion” to describe Marx, Nietzsche, and Freud’s drive to uncover repressed meaning in text and society. Today’s radicals have inherited this drive by way of Foucault and other Marxo-Nietzscheans.

As radicals, we lived in what I call a paradigm of suspicion, one of the malignant ideas that emerge as a result of intellectual in-breeding. We inherited familial neuroses and saw insidious oppression and exploitation in all social relationships, stifling our ability to relate to others or ourselves without cynicism. Activists anxiously pore over interactions, looking for ways in which the mundane conceals domination. To see every interaction as containing hidden violence is to become a permanent victim, because if all you are is a nail, everything looks like a hammer.

The paradigm of suspicion leaves the radical exhausted and misanthropic, because any action or statement can be shown with sufficient effort to hide privilege, a microaggression, or unconscious bias. Quoted in JM, the anarchist professor Richard Day proposes “infinite responsibility”: “we can never allow ourselves to think that we are ‘done,’ that we have identified all of the sites, structures, and processes of oppression ‘out there’ or ‘in here,’ inside our own individual and group identities.” Infinite responsibility means infinite guilt, a kind of Christianity without salvation: to see power in every interaction is to see sin in every interaction. All that the activist can offer to absolve herself is Sisyphean effort until burnout. Eady’s summarization is simpler: “Everything is problematic.”

This effort is not only directed at the self, but also outwards. Morality and politics are intertwined in this system so that good politics become indicative of good morality. Montgomery and Bergman skewer this tendency mercilessly: “To remain pious, the priest must reveal new sins … The new Other is the not-radical-enough, the liberal, the perpetrator, the oppressor.” Because one’s good moral standing can never be guaranteed, the best way to maintain it is to attack the moral standing of others. As Montgomery and Bergman point out, this is also a thrilling and actionable alternative to the discouragement that haunts radicals after each loss in conflict with capitalism and the state. This is how cliques and status games emerge in communities that purport to be opposed to all hierarchy, turning people into what Freddie DeBoer once dubbed “offense archaeologists.”

Bland friendships and events are the result. Conversations are awkward and tense as radicals contort to avoid the risk of hurting each other. As an anarchist, I did not engage with individuals as individuals, but as porcelain, always thinking first and foremost of the group identities we inhabited.

Escape from the paradigm of suspicion is hindered by kafkatrapping: the idea that opposition to the radical viewpoint proves the radical viewpoint. Minorities who question it have internalized their oppression, and privileged individuals who question it prove their guilt. The only thing radicals are not suspicious of is the need for relentless suspicion. As Haidt and Greg Lukianoff write of similar norms on campuses, “If someone wanted to create an environment of perpetual anger and intergroup conflict, this would be an effective way to do it.”

Failure Modes

Radical communities select for particular personality types. They attract deeply compassionate people, especially young people attuned to the suffering inherent to existence. They attract hurt people, looking for an explanation for the pain they’ve endured. And both of these derive meaning for that suffering by attributing it to the force that they now dedicate themselves to opposing. They are no longer purely a victim, but an underdog.

However, radical communities also attract people looking for an excuse to be violent illegalists. And the surplus of vulnerable and compassionate people attracts sadists and abusers ready to exploit them. The only gatekeeping that goes on in radical communities is that of language and passion—if you can rail against capitalism in woke language, you’re in.

Every group of people has some mixture of stable, vulnerable, and predatory individuals. That radicals have a poor mix does not doom them. However, radicals also dismiss longstanding norms that would protect them, in favour of experimental norms. They are built with the best intentions and are aimed at solving real problems. But intentions do not matter if one does not consider incentives and human nature.

Abusers thrive in radical communities because radical norms are fragile and exploitable. A culture of freewheeling drug and alcohol use creates situations predators are waiting to exploit. A cultural fetishization of violence provides cover for violent and unstable people. The practice of public “call-outs” is used for power-plays far more often than for constructive feedback. Radicals value responding to claims of harm with compassion and belief. But abusers exploit this the way children exploit parents and teachers—crybullying becomes a way of punishing opponents or prey. While norms such as “believe claimed victims” are important in families and close friendships where trust and accountability are real, they become weapons in amorphous communities.

One particular practice illustrates this well. The accountability process is a subcultural institution whereby survivors can make demands of perpetrators and the community must hold them accountable. Radicals are hesitant to report abusers and rapists to the police, for fear of subjecting comrades to the prison system. But turning victims into judge and jury and shared friends into executioners is a recipe for injustice that satisfies no one. And in light of the instant truth-value given to claims of abuse, accountability processes are an oddly perfect weapon for actual abusers. As one writer for the zine the Broken Teapot says, “The past few years I have watched with horror as the language of accountability became an easy front for a new generation of emotional manipulators. It’s been used to perfect a new kind of predatory maverick—the one schooled in the language of sensitivity—using the illusion of accountability as community currency.”

Entanglement with such an individual is what finally broke me from my own dogmatism. Having somebody yell at me that if I didn’t admit to being a white supremacist her friends might beat me up and that I should pay her for her emotional labor, was too much for my ideology to spin. The internal crisis it induced led to gradual disillusion. In the end, however, this was the greatest gift I could ask for.

Flight

What is the alternative to radicalism, for the disillusioned radical? She could abandon the project and commit talent and energy elsewhere. Flee the cult. As Michael Huemer says, “Fighting for a cause has significant costs. Typically, one expends a great deal of time and energy, while simultaneously imposing costs on others, particularly those who oppose one’s own political position … In many cases, the effort is expended in bringing about a policy that turns out to be harmful or unjust. It would be better to spend one’s time and energy on aims that one knows to be good.” Slow, patient steps are a more reliable road to a better world than dramatic gestures that backfire as often as not. Conversation is less romantic than confrontation, small business ownership than Steal Something From Work Day, soup kitchens than vandalism. If an individual wants to end suffering, she should think hard about why she’s joined communities that glamorize violence, vengeance, and anti-intellectualism. Having left that scene, I am amazed at how much effort we put into making the world a more painful and difficult place than it is in service of a post-revolutionary utopia.

Radicals should take stock of the progress liberal democracies have made. As Steven Pinker points out in The Better Angels of Our Nature, nobody in the West has an argument for wife-beating or denying women the vote anymore. Infant mortality rates have cratered, and extreme poverty rates are falling precipitously. With trends like these and more, liberal capitalism appears less like the arch-nemesis of humanity, and more like a miracle machine. It could even be improved by the compassion and devotion of former radicals. It is worth noting that this progress does not mean that exploitation and oppression have been solved; but it does mean that our current society is the only one to have made significant inroads against them.

Most of all, radicals should learn to abandon false truths. The only way to escape dogmatism is to resist the calcification and sanctification of values, and to learn from the wisdom of different perspectives. As Haidt argues, there are grains of truth in opposing political positions. Radicals do themselves a disservice by seeing the world of thought outside the radical monoculture as tainted with reaction and evil. There is a rich diversity of thought awaiting them if they would only open their minds to it. One of the achievements of liberalism has been a norm of free speech wherein individuals can both share and consume that spectrum of thought. Every new and challenging school of thought I discovered after anarchism rocked my worldview, as somebody who formerly thought that wisdom could only be found through “the struggle” or in esoteric French theory. Even if opposing views are not assimilated, the ability to contend with them on the intellectual field instead of silencing them is a sign of a seeker of the truth, not a guardian.

Young adults often become radicals after they realize the immensity of the cruelty and malevolence in the world. They reject a society that tolerates such suffering. They sanctify justice as their telos. But without truth to orient justice, seekers of justice will crash and crash again into reality, and will craft increasingly nightmarish and paranoid ideological analyses, burning out activists, destroying lives through jail or abuse, and leaving the world an uglier, more painful place. To paraphrase Alice Dreger, there is no justice without wisdom, and no wisdom without surrender to uncertainty in the pursuit of truth.”

Conor Barnes is a student, writer, and poet. His writing has also appeared in Areo Magazine and the Mantle. You can follow him on Twitter @ideopunk

[nirah10]

From Zain,

‘The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.&

Could that because they themselves think they are special? Are they religious? These siblings who say stuff like that? I know you are an atheist but I don’t think you mentioned if your siblings were or not. Sorry, I’m fairly new here so you might have in the past.

Just the phrase: 'The whole family is really hung up on the idea of people “just wanting to be special” and it drives me nuts.’

As I come from Islamic family who moved to the united states before I was born.

My family is pretty religious. And I have a HUGE family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins and ten siblings and the whole entire extended family have all ended in America as they followed each other here early thirty years ago, before I was born.

Growing up in a pretty white, pretty non religious place, a lot of my siblings bece very proud of us being Muslim.

My sisters wore the hijabs and seperated themselves from the other women where we are living through their clothing. And the frequent praying and strict dietary requirement add to that kind of atmosphere of seperation from the masses.

Being religious seems to mean you think you are speical.

That you have a special relationship with God/Allah that only a few in your community get to have.

It is a feeling of us vs them. Us against the world.

I have a feeling Christians aren’t that different to Muslims like that.

My family thought I was 'juat trying to be different’ when they found out I was gay.

I didn’t tell them. Fuck that.

I was out at the mall with my boyfriend, a town over from home as I didn’t feel comfortable shopping with my boyfriend in my home town in case my family saw.

A cousin saw us holding hands. I didn’t see him. He followed us, taking a bunch of photos on his phone including a damning one of my boyfriend kissing me as I leaned into a wall.

I got home and fifteen of my family members were waiting in the lounge.

With those fucking photos. I still feel anxious just thinking about it. I can feel my heart racing even writing this. 

My father was ranting and raving, and slapped me accross the face. Then two of my uncles held me down and whipped me with a belt until I was bleeding. I feel have the scars. I hate the scars so, so much. I feel so J when I see them in the mirror. 

I was then locked in a bedroom and told I could not come out until I agreed to an arranged marriage with a family friend.

I was in that bedroom for three days, pissing in a bottle before I realised they weren’t going to let me out until I agreed to marry that girl.

The bedroom was on the second floor and deadbolted shut. I smashed the window open in the middle of the night, jumped off the roof and fucking RAN.

I broke my foot when I jumped but I didn’t even notice until later. My boyfriend thinks it must have been the adrenaline.

But anyway, made it to the place my boyfriend was renting (he was from our of town but we had met when he came to town for a short term job contract.)

I still remember how horrified he was when I turned up looking half dead on his door in the middle of the night after moving contact for nearly three days. Surprise.  Not a great start to a new relationship really.

He wanted me to press charges, I refused as I did not want to see my family again. He left his job seven  weeks  early, forfeited a month’s rent and he called his mom that night and had her buy us airline tickets to fly to her state a day afterwards. I was a absolute mess.

To the extent I refused to let my boyfriend take me to the hospital as I was terrifed of my family looking for me in the hospitals.

I wore a long sleeve top on the plane, despite it being summer to cover up the cuts from the glass and walked on my broken foot. Making it worse. Some people say it is impossible to walk on a broken foot. Bullshit. Not if your as terrifed as I was.

I went to the hospital when we were safe in my boyfriend’s state.

I transferred colleges to go to one near where my boyfriend’s mom was living and we both ended up living with her for four years until we got a place of our own.

I love her. She is a mother to me.

Lucky for me my family knew nothing about my boyfriend, so have no idea what state he is in.

I’ve never tried to get in contact with them. I’m not a missing person as I told my college I was transferring but made it very clear I did not want my family knowing where I was going.

I kind of regret now not listening to my boyfriend and refusing to press charges. But I was a scared 18 year old kid. Now as a 26 year old I feel more confident. But then I really don’t want to open that can of worms again. As long as I never have to see them again I’ll be happy.

We are now engaged and thinking of co-parenting in the future with a lesbain couple who are very good friends of ours, we bonded as one of them went through something similar- one of the girls was locked into a room by her Christian parents when she came out at 21 and then shoved a male family friend from the church into the bedroom to “fix her”. Yep, her Christian parents had her raped. Unlike me my friend was brave and after she pretended to be 'converted’ she went straight to the police station and pressed charges. She hasn’t seen her family since the trial. We met in a support group for victims of family abuse. Our partners have become close friends too and we are excited about the four of us starting a family some day.

I’m happy but I am still affected my what happened and i sometimes hate myself for being weak. I’m paranoid and have even refused to go on Facebook and don’t let friends post photos of me online, as I am terrified of a mutual friend somehow passing a photo onto my family and finding me. I know it is a very slim possibly but I also thought getting seen with my boyfriend at the mall all those years ago was a silm possibility as well. 

But I’ll never forget my family thinking I was gay because I was trying to spite them or be different for them. religious people desire so much to see themselves as special the ready to accuse other people very easily of 'trying’ to be 'special’ or 'different’.

So yeah. I am an atheist from a religious family, and from your comment I’m guessing your family might be religious as well? And from the sounds of it you have had it really tough because of your sexuality with your family as well. I know it is hard and I am sorry you have to deal with that.

Sometimes I even come across as a bit intolerant towards religion as I kind of shut down when people talk about it. My mind just goes blank and I panic. My  friend from the Christian family feels the same.

So I am sorry for what you have gone through and being suicidal. I am sending you virtual hugs, as I know how lonely that can be and it does stay with you.

Dear Zain,

Wow! I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that and thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m very happy that you got out of that situation and that it sounds like you’re quite happy now. Regarding the scars, I read a little while ago that there are specialized tattoo artists who cover up scars and stretch marks in a way that just looks like your natural skin (rather than covering it up with an image) and the results looked quite impressive. If your scars bother you so much, perhaps that would be an option for you to look at?

My family are pretty well all Jehovah’s Witnesses--cousins, uncles/aunts, grandparents. My biological father was a very abusive man (who was removed from my life when I was 14) but the rest of my family aren’t abusive. They’re just really stuck in a certain way of thinking and can be unkind when faced with anything different. They’ve learned and grown a lot over the years but they could be quite horrible when I was younger. I started dating my current boyfriend when I was 17 and they were really awful to him because he’s an atheist (so they naturally blamed him for “corrupting” me once I became more outspoken about my own lack of belief) and they tried pretty hard to break us up. My mum even kicked me out because she said I was a bad influence on my younger sister (I had only had a few months of school left before my graduation and she at least told me I didn’t have to leave until I finished). I moved out and refused to tell her where I went because I was so angry about it and I didn’t really talk to the people in my family much for the next year or two. I think they eventually realized that we weren’t going to break up and they started being a little nicer so (ten years later) I now have good relationships with all of them, but the damage was already done for my boyfriend and he still feels really on edge around them. I also have a rather large family by the way. I have eight siblings, though almost all of my extended family live in either Alberta or England so we don’t see them much.

I have PTSD and religious talk is one of my main triggers. I can discuss religion just fine and learn about it, but I can have quite severe reactions when I hear people talking about it as though they actually believe it. Any kind of sermon or people talking about trusting Jesus or God’s law, etc. will get my heart rate going and I’ll start to panic. I just have way too many horrible associations with it, especially because my biological father would use scriptures to justify beating us (there’s a scripture about how parents should stone their disobedient sons--that was his favourite because he could tell us we were lucky we were even allowed to live). 

I think the weird obsession with “trying to be special” with my family is more to do with our upbringing than it is with their religion really. Although, now that you’ve mentioned that, I realize that JW culture is very big on how different they are from other Christians. I think it was a combination of there being too many children, everybody being freaking miserable, and my mother not believing that mental health issues were a real thing. There simply wasn’t time to see to the individual needs of nine different kids, especially since my father had absolutely no part in parenting, so my one of my mum’s favourite mottos was “if I can’t see blood or bone, I don’t want to hear about it”. We could actually get in trouble for crying if she couldn’t see a physical injury on us. She was one of those people (who thankfully has since learned how wrong it was) that used to regularly say stuff like depression wasn’t real and people who committed suicide were the most selfish people in the world. Pretty much any kind of mental health problem was just someone trying to get attention, like a kid throwing a temper tantrum to get what they want, and should be ignored or told off. It created a really horrible culture in our family where anybody doing or saying anything that was at all outside of the usual was just “trying to be special” and it was met with severe criticism and scorn. My mum saw cut marks on me once when I was 13 or so and her response was to tell me “if you’re gonna start up with that kind of nonsense, I’ll send you to the loonie bin” in a very threatening manner. She never asked why I was doing it or checked to see if I was still doing it. I just learned to use different methods that looked less obvious and continued with habits of self-harm for another five years or so.

I excuse a lot of my family’s behaviour (as well as some of my own at the time) as the lashing out of miserable people who saw no way out of their situation. None of us knew how to love each other properly or to show each other support because we had literally never experienced it before. My mum got married when she was 17 and was very quickly moved to Canada where she had no family or support system and I think she just accepted that adult life was supposed to suck as much as it did. Once my father was out of the picture, there were several turbulent years as we all learned how to act like normal people and how to treat each other the way that family should. I’m very grateful for the change that has happened, even if some people still have a ways to go.

Thanks again for sharing your story and I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing well now. Sending you virtual hugs back :)

[iswearimtoooldforthis]

I’m way beyond feeling like I’m a broken record...

Where to start... First things first. Back at the end of March I had to walk away from coaching and managing the new women’s football team here in Sacramento due to poor ownership. It was extremely hard for me to do because I felt like I was letting down my players but it was just an unhealthy situation and my gut told me it was the right thing to do. Turns out my gut was right because the team folded after only 2 games. I still keep in touch with most of my players which brings me to part of why I am starting to feel like a broken record... 

I know I am different. I’m not a “typical” female by any means. It has also taken me almost all of my life to finally be like “Fuck It” I don’t care what others think, I’m going to be true to myself and who I know I am as a person. With that being said, I’ve recently needed to explain my sexual orientation and how I identify repeatedly over the last few months. I’ve even been given a new term of endearment which is “Gaydar Killer” and I honestly find it quite a bit confusing as I do funny because after 26 years, I thought I had heard them all (oh, and there is a list). As always, I make no apologies for who I am or the things I have done in my life. I own every decision/choice I’ve made, good, bad, or indifferent. Most of my close friends are very aware of this and know that I have no reason to lie about anything but most of all, which sexual orientation I identify with. Trust me I completely get where the confusion comes from. I’m not an idiot. I know that the way that I look, dress and present myself falls into a typical stereotype. I’ve said it before in earlier posts. It doesn’t offend me. I’m flattered when a woman hits on me. Unfortunately, I have honestly never felt real sexual attraction toward any female in my life (except for a few times when I thought they were guys but we will get to that later). I think women are beautiful, gorgeous even, and I’ve been jealous of some of their bodies but I’ve never felt that sudden flush, butterflies in the tummy, or the ache to be with a woman. Please, don’t say “You won’t know unless you try” because I have and all the times I tried, I just felt like I was going through the motions or better yet, like I was acting in some sort of play or movie disguised as my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done the same with guys more times than I would like to admit but with women it just never developed or manifested into the feelings I get when I’m with guys. In all honestly, being true to who I am, it puts me at a disadvantage because guys tend to not want women that look and act like I do but I’m aldo at the point in my life where I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not in order for someone to want to be with me. But I digress, back to being with women. In the end I just felt bad and like I was using these women for my own personal experiment and by no fault of their own, I just felt nothing toward them in a romantic or sexual way. Ok, to be super honest... I felt like a complete asshole because if a guy did to me (they have) what I felt like I had done to them (they did), I would be pissed (I was). It was not my proudest period in my life and I didn’t set off to do it intentionally but a lot of alcohol was involved so my inhibitions were just about non-existent and I didn’t even know that a few of them were women until clothes started coming off. Not that I’m saying that my misconception about their gender was an excuse for my behavior, because it wasn’t, and I still went through with everything after the fact (which in my personal opinion made me a huge dick). It was a total dick move on my part and I own up to it. I’ve been on the receiving end of that dick move a few times myself (my marriage being one of them) and it is just not a cool thing to do to someone. I felt dishonest. Part of me at the time even hoped that doing it would trigger something inside me, flip a switch so to say, that would awaken the part of me that wanted to be with women because at least then other aspects of my life and personality would start to make better sense. It sucked feeling the need to explain this part of my past to my players that were CONVINCED I was a lesbian but like I said, I own up to the things I’ve done. So again, with that being said, the question I was asked today shocked me because it was from someone that I’ve had in depth conversations with (recently even) only this time it wasn’t my sexuality that was being questioned but my identity. Today was the first time I was asked if I was transitioning... and the shocking part was not that I was asked but how much the being asked stung me. Just to be crystal clear... I was not offended by the question but the reason it stung was because this person honestly thought that I hated the gender that I was born. I have trans friends that I love dearly. Some I knew before and after they transitioned and others I only got to know after they transitioned but from them I know how very personal their transitions were. I love being female. I don’t love my menstrual cycle or being told I can’t do something because I’m female but I don’t feel that I was born in the wrong body (even if one of my cousins swears that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body). I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to look at oneself in the mirror and see anatomy that contradicts what you feel it should be. One of the most depressing moments of my life was being told by my doctors that I would more than likely never have biological children of my own (that needs to be covered in a separate post) because the one thing I’ve always wanted to be, my entire life, was a mother. So, I had this very in depth conversation with this friend today and she explained why she asked. Why I’ve always “confused” her. Why am I like the way that I am. Most of which we had talked about before in one form or another and like usual I didn’t have a cookie cutter response to give her for the “why I am the way that I am.” I don’t know why. I’ve never been able to give any answer except I am the way that feels true to me. I feel that I don’t fall in the typical “straight” category because I am not feminine at all and never really felt comfortable pretending to be but I don’t fall within the LGBTQ category either because I don’t feel I am the wrong gender and so far I’ve only been sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I’ve always felt that I was in this grey area or where the two circles overlap. I feel more comfortable around my LGBTQ friends because my outward appearance, personality and traits mesh better with them than with my “straight” friends but my sexual orientation still keeps me on the outside to a certain extent with them also. It does hurt me to an extent because I never really feel like I fit in with either side completely but if I change any part of myself just to fit in one way or another, that would be false and to me living that lie would be worst. It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand where they are coming from. I do. If the terms I use in this next bit are not politically correct, I apologize in advance but I’m going to do my best in order to explain why I understand where my LGBTQ friends are coming from. The best way I can put it is like this. Just because I have black friends, and I dress like them, talk like them, hang out with them, that doesn’t mean that I know what its like to be a black person in America. I don’t know what it is like to be LGBTQ in America. I’ve caught passing glimpses because people assume that I am LGBTQ when they look at me (especially when I worked concert security) and have been called things and even escaped a few attempted “gay” bashings (I have this problem with not backing down and tend to fight back) but at the end of the day, I always identified as heterosexual. I never had to live in fear that I could be fired for falling in love. I never had any doubt that I would be able to marry the person I fell in love with. Or if the time came when I need to adopt in order to have a family, I wouldn’t be discriminated against because of the person I loved and chosen to have the family with. But some of my friends did have to worry about those things and that wasn’t okay to me. I didn’t care if it alienated me from my entire biological family or my new adopted family I married into, when it came to supporting and fighting for my friends and family to obtain the same rights as I had, I did it loud and proud. 

Dude, she and I went DEEP during this conversation and it was emotionally draining. This is finally how I put it and I think she understands for the most part (wait until you read her response at the end to see if you agree)... At the end of the day, I believe with my entire being that love is love (among consenting adults). You fall in love with the person you fall in love with and when you truly fall in love with someone, they become your every sexual desire. At least that is how it is for me. When I fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t my typical “type” by any means but when I fell for him, I fell hard and completely. In my life so far, I have only felt that way toward men. Does that mean that I won’t one day meet someone that is a woman, trans, or however they identify, that will make me feel the same way... I honestly don’t know. Because of what I believe love to be, I can’t definitively say that it won’t happen nor can I say that it will. All I can say that as of right now, it hasn’t. One of my favorite scenes from a movie is when Holden asks Alyssa in Chasing Amy “why him and why now” and she replies “... The way the world is--how seldom you meet that one person who gets you--it’s so rare. My parents didn’t really have it. There was no example set for me in the world of male/female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person--to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender... that just seemed stupid. So I didn’t. But then you came along. You--the one least likely; I mean, you were a guy... And as I was falling for you. I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remember why I opened the door to women in the first place--not to limit the likelihood of finding that one person who’d complement me so completely. And so here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms--because I got here on my own terms, and have no question that there was someplace I didn’t look. And that makes all the difference.” And after hearing all this, my friend said... “Ok, based off what you just said about how you feel about love and just how you are, I’m just gonna say that you are queer and leave it at that because you said there still maybe a possibility.” FACE-PALM... I was like fine, if that’s what it takes to end this conversation so be it.

In all honesty, I’m so sick of having this conversation over and over again (sometimes with the same people) because I really don’t care at this point in my life. I’ve been through so much and have battled against what my family tried to turn me into for so long, in all reality I hate labels in general (except “tomboy” because I always felt it adequately described me) . A girl is suppose to dress a certain way, do certain things, only have certain interests, and is to be defined by the man she is with... BULLSHIT! A girl/woman can dress anyway she wants, do anything she wants, have what ever interest she wants... and she can love who she wants. The most important part is the “she wants” part and that is how I choose to live my life as long as it doesn’t intentionally hurt anyone else. 

It is way past my bedtime and I swear that I should be TOO OLD for this...

[the-record-newspaper]

Unsolved: Murder at Jumpingoff  Place Part XX

  The Brandi Bare Going Story (Con’t)

Dorothy Jenkins and daughter Brandi Lynn

                                                                                By LARRY J. GRIFFIN

Special Reporter for The Record

Brandi Bare Going was eight months pregnant with her youngest child when she learned that her mother had been involved in a serious automobile accident in Wilkes County.  

On Saturday, May 18, 2013, Dorothy “Dottie” Jenkins Staley hit a van head-on — a collision in which she and the passengers in the other vehicle were seriously injured.  

“I didn’t know about the accident for like a week after it happened,” Brandi recollected.  “[I] really hadn’t spoken to her in over a year when it happened….She was injured pretty bad and was in ICU for a while at [Wake Forest] Baptist [Medical Center].”

The nature of Ms. Staley’s substantive injuries necessitated the performance of a tracheotomy, requiring subsequent restorative therapy at a health and rehabilitation facility in Davie County.  Fortunately, according to Brandi, that intervention proved successful.  

 Apparently, Dottie Staley was not charged with the accident.  “No, which was really bizarre,” her daughter explained.  “It’s like it all disappeared because she was hurt so significantly.”  

The relationship between Brandi Going and her mother could be plotted on a social/emotional scale between non-existent to challenging-at-best.  Ms. Going has attempted—unilaterally—across miles and years to forge a relationship with Mother Dottie with only a modicum of success.  Ms. Staley’s substance dependency seems to be the salient impediment to the development of a healthy mother/daughter bond.  “150 percent.  Yes! Without a doubt—that and her denial!” Brandi exclaimed.  “…I don’t deal with her much.  She’s always had some drug problems—her drug problem that she ‘doesn’t have’ makes her act crazy; [but] she’s still coherent when the drugs allow….”

By any measure, Dorothy “Dottie” Jenkins Staley has had her share of trouble in life.  A listing of her June 19, 1967 birth can be found among Iredell County records. However, Dottie was actually born in the Catawba County town of Newton, to Patricia Ann Pierce and Clyde William Jenkins.  “I am not certain if my Mom’s parents were ever married to each other,” Brandi mused.

Ms. Going has in her possession a photo of her Mother on her first wedding day.  In the foreground stands the petite bride—bedecked on either side by her Mother, Patricia “Patsy,” and her step-father, Alan Coley.  “Both of them have passed away, as well as my Mom’s biological dad who committed suicide sometime in 2003-2004, when I was in my early 20s,” Brandi recounted.  “He was old and sick and just couldn’t take it anymore…I was living in Catawba County at the time—just a few miles from where he lived—and attended his funeral. [His death] didn’t affect [my Mom] at all.  She had nothing to do with him [in life] or the death.”  

According to a 2004 court document, Ms. Staley did not graduate from high school, perhaps owing to the fact that she was only15-years-old when she conceived her daughter—with her 18-year-old boyfriend—around February of 1983. And when Brandi Lynn was born in the Fall of that year, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, Dottie was almost 16½-years-of-age.  Less than two months after she gave birth, she found herself—through no fault of her own—embroiled in a murder case, one in which the father of her newborn was implicated.   “I can’t imagine having to deal with something like that at 17-years-old.  It started out bad for her,” Brandi concluded.

And circumstances did not improve.  The early imbroglio with Lynn Bare notwithstanding, Dottie’s rap sheet is littered with a litany of arrests for various violations involving: cocaine, worthless checks, communicating threats, robbery, etc.  Most of the aforementioned transgressions were committed in Iredell County in which she lived at the time.

In 1988—about three years after Lynn Bare’s escape from the Wilkes County Jail and the same year in which Lynn’s sister, Linda, married Richard Copus—Dottie married Dale Evans with whom she resided in Iredell County.  Together they had two children:  Jesse Dale and Ashley Nicole.  “Ashley was born with cerebral palsy and died of natural causes in 2005.  Jesse had a four-wheeler accident that broke his neck and killed him instantly in April, 2006.  Both were only 16-years-old,” Step-sister Brandi recalled.  

But Dottie’s marriage to Evans was less than ideal; in fact, it was problematic.  Ms. Going remembered her step-father as a “…druggie and a very violent man.  He used to beat the crap out of my Mom.”

Finally, in March of 1995, the couple divorced, and the question of child-custody had to be determined.  The court awarded primary custody of their children to Dale Evans.  Brandi, who was taken from Mother Dottie in 1992 because of drug addiction, noted that dependency had once again cost her dearly. “She lost everything because of drugs.”

“I have no idea what Mom did after the divorce.  I was in foster care at the time,” Ms. Going recollected.  “I just remember seeing her once in a blue moon when she’d show up for visitation.  She had many opportunities to get me back, but could never successfully do the things she was supposed to do.”

On Thursday, August 26, 2004, Dorothy Jenkins Evans and Michael Keith Staley were married at the Wilkes County Courthouse by Magistrate Mary Louise Canter.  It was the second marriage for both the 37-year-old bride and groom who resided in North Wilkesboro.  Brandi Going recalled knowing Michael when she was a child.  “He was a friend of [my Mom’s] and Dale [Evans]….They are still married and crazy...[but] Michael has never abused her.”  

Ms. Staley has been employed as a waitress most of her life—off and on—and at one juncture earned a CNA certification.  “But the 2013 accident disabled her, and she can hardly walk… because of lack of correct physical therapy.” Brandi maintained. Additionally, Dottie sustained an injury to her prefrontal cortex that may have had life-altering cognitive consequences.  In her Daughter’s judgement, she, “…hasn’t ever completely been ‘normal’ again….”

Last year, Dottie Staley celebrated her 50th birthday. The years, however, have taken their toll, according to her Daughter.  “You’d think she’s older.”  And this day and time, Brandi has difficulty getting her mother to even answer the phone.  “She picks and chooses when she answers the phone….You never know from one day to the next how she will act…She works my nerves worse than a child,” Ms. Going laughingly exclaimed.  

Yet Daughter Brandi is not indifferent to her Mother’s circumstances and recognizes that her incessant struggle is real.  “…Her life has been rough…But she never tried to make it better, because I have tried to help her…But she’s definitely had a lot of help in creating her mess…I have never realized how my dad’s [allegedly] murdering this lady could have impacted her life until now.  I am sure the incident with him had to do with her spiraling out of control—as well as a family who didn’t really care like they should and support her through everything,” Brandi averred, before poignantly punctuating her asseveration with this sad note; “she has no life….”

However, persistence repeatedly rebuffed devolves into discouragement before dissolving into resignation. Recently in an observation proffered to her cousin, Winter, Brandi referenced her incalculable unsuccessful efforts to bond with her Mother over the years, before lamenting, “I’m tired of trying at this point.”

And then, with a forthright ease characteristic of her resiliency of spirit, Bandy Bare Going spoke of the nature of her relationship with her father, Richard Lynn Bare—Next week, as the her story continues….

[demonac]

Island Dwarves - Creative Make-Up for Sunday Morning Heroes

The Patreon Preview of TDDC Extras #40 is up; if you're a supporter, ask your questions there!

But in the meantime, did you catch my last Creative "Make-Up" video?

SCRIPT (Raw transcript):

So for this week's creative exercise, I went back to basics a little, and looked at designing a dwarven city - not for the world of Tales From My D&D Campaign, but like a lot of the places in that world, I want it to have familiar elements that fit in well with the oldschool, Tolkeinesque feel most D&D players are used to, but with enough of new or unusual elements - or in this case, elements from other viewer suggestions - to make it a little more interesting. So if some of you listen in, you may find your idea. I'm not drawing the map, or choosing the population size, number of clans and guilds, because this is all an excercise in brainstorming, and in designing an RPG setting to make sure there is plenty of potential for exciting conflict.

Baiyin A'chala is an old Dwarfhome; a mountain tunneled into for mining, then expanded from a worker's barracks to a small town, until many long dwarven generations later, it has grown into a full city and fortress, with families, farming, industry - its own art, history, and politics. In this case, it's not just a mountain - it's effectively an island, as Mount A'chala was separated from the mainland by Loch Dubhan - a quarter-mile of water. Now by island, I don't mean there's like a beach, or flat land - it's really just a mountain projecting up from below the water-level, with a chain of tiny barrier isles - mostly just weather-worn rocks - out to either side.

Old mined-out tunnels are re-purposed as living space, but also as mushroom and lichen farms to help feed the population. The water also helps provide for the city with fishing, though they never built a serious harbor, so their surface trade has remained fairly limited. The old rule of a Dwarfhold still stands; build nothing outside the mountain that can't be abandoned the moment the alarm is sounded. In practice, some of the fishers have built themselves floating shacks by their light docks to live closer to their trade, as the times have been relatively peaceful, but the rule is still - dwarves won't defend any external structures. If enemies fall upon the Mountain, you must get inside. That's why you won't find more than a hermit-or-two willing to camp out on the tiny rock isles.

In Baiyin A'chala's prime, they delved a tunnel beneath the shallow Loch, connecting them with the underdark, and thus to many other subterranean places, including other, distant Dwarfhomes and some of the more reasonable races that lived in the depths of the earth. For over a century they were able to trade with other dwarves via the Underway - it was always dangerous, requiring heavily armed caravans, as the darkness holds many strange creatures, both monsters and violent humanoids. But there came a day when an army of Derro assaulted the city from beneath, trying to breach the heavy metal gates and other layered defenses. The Derro are like pale, sadistic shadows of dwarves, and they fought with deadly abandon (and weakening poisons), but the defenders were stalward, led by Undercaptain Balgair, and though they quickly lost the first Gate to the surprise attack, they rallied and held fast at the Second Gate against many waves of attackers - even against the pair of carrion crawlers unleashed by the Derro. But one of Balgair's scouts reported back that the tunnel was still filled with the pupilless white eyes of the dwarves' mad cousins, and far worse, he had spotted the taller colwed form of a Spider-priest; a Drow.

Balgair realized that if the dark elves were behind this, there was no winning; it meant the Derro had been tricked and were merely being used to probe and wear down the Dwarfhome's defenses. Whether they won or lost, a Drow Legion would surely come next, and to stand against such enemies, one would have to be as mad as the Derro themselves. And so Balgair ordered his men to fall back to the Last Gate, and to destroy the columns, for there was only one tunnel into Baiyin A'chala, and its final defense was the Loch itself. With the gate sealed, the dwarves smashed the columns, allowing the mass of stone and water above them to collapse the Underway, crushing the attackers in a calamitous flood of seawater and rubble that none survived, and forever branding the Undercaptain: Balgair the Sunderer.

Some called Balgair a hero, but to many he had destroyed the future of the Dwarfhold by cutting them off from the world, and to this day there are some who hold a grudge, or at the very least a disdain for The Sunderer and his descendents. They would argue that seeing one Drow was hardly enough evidence on which to irreversably bring down the Loch, but to debate it was pointless; it was done.

Not long after, the Council passed an Edict banning any delving down to the level of the Underway or below, to avoid opening new routes to the Underdark or exposing the mountain to new dangers from the depths, but it did not take long for the Mining Guild (and all metalworking craftsdwarves) to balk at this limitation, for they knew there were richer veins of ore deeper down. And within a generation, they began to question how much more mining could be done at all within the confines of the heavily tunneled stone of Mount A'chala.

 When it comes to Dwarven politics, each dwarf is born into a clan, which is your extended family, and effectively a political unit. Most dwarves are also part of a guild, based on their profession - like a combination union and marketing board. - Smiths, Miners, Stonecarvers, Alchemists etc. There are marriages both inside clans, and between them, so families and lineage are still tracked carefully within a clan, but if you ask a dwarf who they are, they'll more likely mention their clan and guild before getting into their biological family.

The ruling council - known as the Greybeards - is composed of two representatives from each clan, and one from each Official guild. A council vote is required to make a guild Official (adding their seat to the Council); by tradition, a guild becomes official at 100 members, but a smaller guild can also be given official status if they perform a great service for the city, as have the Alchemists and the Mages' guild. The Priests are not a guild, but they have their own special representative as well.

As a GM, if you don't want to run a political game, the Council is just a bunch of authority figures, suitable for questgiving, villainous scheming - being rescued or kidnapped or assassinated. But it you want it, the council allows for all kinds of politics:

If somebody wants to get something done (or stop something from being done), they have to find out which council members are undecided, and which ones could be convinced to change their votes; convinced, bribed or threatened.

There are always conflicts between guilds, looking for advantages over one-another. Some guilds might feel like their areas overlap, and may want to merge, but they can only do so if both sides agree, and a lot of pressure of various forms may be required - especially since the combined group may be a lot stronger in other ways, but would go from two seats down to one on the Council.

The Council can strip a guild's Official status, removing their seat, but the threshold for the vote is 2/3, rather than the usual 51%. Politically, the traditionalists, especially from the larger guilds, would never strip the vote from a guild that meets the minimum size. But the smaller guilds, like the Alchemists, could be vulnerable to some kind of political machinations - especially if they were blamed for some disaster or outrage.

Smaller clans have the same two council votes as the larger ones, and they have still have their great halls and their vaults; their own resources. So while larger clans obviously have more power and wealth, there is a natural incentive - call it market forces. At a certain point, a shrinking clan becomes small enough that what it does have is concentrated into fewer hands, such that marrying into it becomes a good value proposition. That doesn't mean they all balance out to be equal, by any means, but a clan that is dwindling tends to bounce back closer to the average within a generation or two.

--- Remember, people (and the occasional wagonload of goods) can still get to and from the city by boat; the lack of harbor just prevents them from using larger vessels - you can easily send a party of non-dwarf Player Characters there. So if you were using Baiyin A'chala, or a similar Dwarven city in your game, what sorts of things might be going on?

There's always a movement by the Mining Guild, usually supported by other major guilds to revoke the Edict that prevents them from mining straight down below the mountain. "The old connection to the Underdark was through the mainland", they argue, "if we remain in the roots of this mountain, the chances of reconnecting are minimal." After all, centuries have passed since the trouble, plus the supply of new ore is becoming tighter and tighter - something has to give.

But there are still some who hold up Balgair the Sunderer as a hero for cutting off the underdark, and many many more who fear that if you delve deep enough, its inevitable that you would reconnect the city to the Derro, or the Drow... or worse.

Others (usually in opposition to the miners above), say they should finally build a permanent harbour, suitable for heavy ferries, or even oceangoing vessels. Big ferries (and the facilities needed to load and unload them, and to defend the docks) would let them multiply their overland trade, and blue sea vessels would open up whole new avenues for trade - both new wealth and a great deal more food variety is out there for the taking.

But, a lot of traditionalists are against changing the very ancient Dwarven rule against major construction outside the mountain, and more importantly, the comitment to defend something outside, in the open - where they lose the tremendous defensive advantage of enclosed spaces with hundreds of years worth of intense fortifications. They point to the attack just a few decades back from a ship of Gnoll pirates, who killed 2 fishermen, but took heavy casualties and fled the island with their tails between their legs without setting a single foot within the tunnels of the city. With the proposed harbor, either far more lives would have been lost fighting outside the mountain, or the Gnolls would have run off with every crate of cargo and stolen or burned every ship at the docks.

Both of the above expansion plans make great political struggles, either for active involvement by the players, or more likely in the background, leading to many smaller-scale and more direct interpersonal and interfactional problems and disputes for the PCs to get involved - to debate or to smash. Ultimately, if you had a campaign focused on this city, you probably want one or both of these changes to happen, to enable oversea or underground invasions or exploration.

 With the harbor (maybe even before it's finished), I would aim to send out some heroes to explore the nearby coast and islands for possible trade routes before considering any invasion (which would seem to justify the councerns of the anti-harbour dwarves).

Similarly, if they decide to dig deeper and more greedily, I'd be inclined to start with more insidious threats before big direct challenges. They breach a series of caverns or ancient lava tubes, and somebody needs to explore them to find out if they are self-contained, or if they lead into other new areas which might connect to the greater Underdark. Whether or not they've breached the Underdark, they may find a few big nasty thing(s) to fight, but in the city weird things start happening... in the form of individual, sneaky monsters creeping into the city, acting more like a serial killer that has to be tracked down and captured.

What else is going on? Whether the deep mining prohibition is lifted, or whether the problem is just the lack of space left within the mountain itself, an anti-mining movement may form. They are strictly non-violent; but they get together, pick a spot where mining is happening, and they barge in and force out the miners, barricade themselves in, and then go to work on the stone, what they call "Facing" it - smoothing it, carving reliefs, engraving patterns - crafting the tunnel itself into a work of art so that when the owners (via superior numbers, possibly threats and thugs, possibly with barristers and having the activists jailed) when the miners force them out, they have to either tunnel around the area, or deface it. And defacing works of art will enrage a certain percentage of the population who may otherwise be more sympathetic to the mine owners.

Do the activists hire the PCs to make a distraction in one mining tunnel so they can take over another? Or do the miners hire the PCs as mercenaries and "outsiders" to protect their business? OR does all this happen without player involvement, but the tension leads to other nastyness; does overmining collapse a residential area? Was it sabotage by a more extremist wing of the activists, or a 3rd party like a tunneling monster? Does one side send thugs against the other, kidnap a leader? All great options.

This has gone on pretty long, but some more shortform plot ideas:

A number of dwarves are behaving very oddly; it turns out they've been experiencing some kind of hallucinations.

It turns out the common thread is which farm - which tunnel - they've been getting lichen or mushrooms from. Turns out the farmers had bought some foreign plants.

They could have gotten some Myconid seeds by mistake, and a small colony of the fungus-people hypnotized the farmers to ignore them. You could smash them... but it may even be possible to negotiate? ...Somehow?

OR were they sold tainted Lichen intentionally by an outside force? Who's responsible, are they inside or outside the mountain? Track them down and find out!

There have been reports of a rash of pickpockets in the arcade (the old arched part of the market, though the market has expanded over time, and shops have popped up in all sorts of places).

Some witnesses claimed to have seen dwarven children fleeing the crime, but not one has been caught or even identified

It turns out they are actually small, crude-looking, temporary flesh golems (but in clothes they could be mistaken for children), who last just long enough to steal something, then run off and dissolve through a sewer grate, leaving the loot to be picked up by a servant of their creator

Are they being created by a rogue alchemist? Or a priest of some weird religion? Or some spellcaster or monster that has snuck into the city (possibly disguised as a dwarf)

What are they after? Just money to try to fund a proper golem? Or are they after something specific... keys to something valuable, or spell components for voodoo... or evidence of some conspiracy or crime (would that make the golem-maker a good-guy?)

Bottled up in this mountain, with less and less minable space (particularly where there is likely to be ore), most of the Mining Guild is falling on hard times... but one clan or company is making a fortune. Where are they getting the ore?

The obvious assumption would be they are breaking the Edict, mining down too low, but there's no evidence of this; they have hardly any claims in the lower levels.

It turns out they are getting new ore from an extradimensional source!

Did they find (or through some dangerous ritual) create a portal to another plane which they are mining? What new dangers are they exposing the entire city to in the process? Alien creatures? Or could the ore itself be dangerous?

Did they make a deal with a Devil? Or some other being? Or a devil pretending to be some other being, like a Djinn? At what cost?

I hope that gives some ideas, particularly to those of you suggesting ideas about dwarves.

I want to thank all my generous Patreon Patrons for helping me keep making videos of all sorts, particularly Gandurk, Pericles, Syldari, Lord Eibon and Tyrano McG and Zombi - the members of The Organization.

Make sure to make suggest your own weird or interesting ideas in the comments or on twitter @TalesDDC; and don't get too overly specific, because you never know what you'll get. Brainstorm away, whether for RPGs or for any fiction. Of course, if you want to see a lot of my crazy RPG ideas in action, check out the epic illustrated Tales From My D&D Campaign!