#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit

[ducktracy]

reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)

if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop

[pekoposting]

most of my pekoyama headcanons (for now)

(also standard disclaimer: I do not automatically perceive all of these as canon, they're just how I like to think about her.)

(+ at the beginning = i have written at least 1 fic that incorporates this hc. ++ = i have written a fic that centres around it // = i am planning to write a fic about it)

generally:

Much of her power comes from the fact that she is simultaneously able to be a Dog Person and a Cat Person

++Touch starved? No. TOUCH FAMISHED

I like the idea of her not really using make-up, so her knife-sharp eyeliner is completely natural.

+ //The reason why she doesn't have glasses in any of her 'growing up' pictures (in the collage w/ Fuyuhiko at the end of chapter 2) is because she assumed her blurry vision was a her problem, and just learned to get around it. Fuyuhiko only realises after she makes an off-handed comment about everything in her near-sight being blurry.

Pretty good cook. Her best ability in it is being resourceful (and her knife skills, but that's fairly obvious.)

Is fairly good at any skill that a servant would be required to do, really (e.g. cleaning)

+Very good baker, and loves baking (the latter is semi-canon according to the description of her on her 'relationships with the others' page in that one book (linked)). Part of this is because of Fuyuhiko's sweet tooth, and she simply enjoys making him happy

Multilingual (the greatest gift I can give to any of my favs. More specifically, she probably knows at least Japanese, Mandarin and English)

+ //Bisexual (multiHC alternative: demiromantic bisexual)

Autistic (someone please teach her what stimming is)

++Sometimes if I'm in a gender mood they're nonbinary in my head (whether they're full on agender more like a demigirl depends on my mood)

+Siberian (cat breed) lover

//SPHINX CAT HATER

Watched a movie about the dog Hachiko once. Cried so hard that she refused to ever watch it again, and has been wary of media with animals in them which are sad ever since.

+I know this is fairly common but big tea enjoyer. Particularly black tea. By extension, enjoys matcha a lot.

+Favourite dessert is cha dango (matcha flavoured dango)

//I think I lean towards her being actually able to enjoy lactose. Mainly because I think she'd really enjoy the fluffy Japanese cheesecake (and watching Fuyuhiko go through the silly emotional turmoil of 'I want to see her happy but I REALLY FUCKING HATE MILK' would be funny)

+Terrible at any video game that isn't a fighting game / isn't kinda similar to the real deal (like the shooter games at arcades that give you a fake gun)

//Has a guilty pleasure for reading manga, in particular magical girl manga

my most obscure headcanon: would enjoy Gábor Szabó's 1968 album Bacchinal. Her favourite song on it would be 'Theme from "Valley of the Dolls"'

post-sim (aka angstier):

++Due to the stress of her execution in the simulation (it's mentioned in optional dialogue that her entire body was destroyed in her execution), she loses a lot of coordination for a period of time after she leaves the simulation, and she never quite returns to her pre-sim self physically. (It's tough for her to come to terms for at first.)

+Also gets phantom pains all over her body for the same reason

+Has scars all over her body due to her time as a Remnant (namely because she had to fight more powerful enemies to protect Fuyuhiko, and because she fought more recklessly)

++Finds comfort in water due to her execution (she could have never of run from the Monokuma samurai and escaped into it because of social pressures, but maybe, just maybe if she had, could she had been spared..?)

+Feels guilty for being raised to be so physically apathetic to gore and violence (i.e. no automatic physical response of fear, anxiety, hesitation, etc. to it), partially because it makes her feel like less of a human, and partially because she's afraid of what she could do without any physical responses to hold her back.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: 6x18 was the third time the audience watched their relationship movie

Several people have commented on 911blr, other social media platforms and post-mortem interview articles about the way the audience saw this movie before at the end of season 4 with Buck/Taylor and Eddie/Ana. However, the truth is, it’s the third time the audience has witnessed their dating fiascos.

Buck always follows Eddie’s lead which makes it seem like Buck is waiting on Eddie to let him know he’s an option.  If Eddie’s not dating or attempting to date neither is Buck.  Buck starts dating the very next episode after Eddie does and it’s happened three times and the timeline below proves it.

In 2x7 “Haunted” Buck finally let go of Abby in the same episode that Eddie reconnected with Shannon. Then in 2x8 “Buck Actually” Buck started dating Ali.

Neither of them dated in season 3.

In 4x6 “Jinx” Eddie started dating Ana and in 4x7 “There Goes the Neighborhood” Buck got back onto the dating apps and had a disastrous date with Veronica.  Then he started to heavily pursue Taylor in 4x8 “Breaking Point” but she friend zoned him until after Eddie was shot and she told him she wanted him in 4x14 “Survivors”.

Neither of them dated in 6A.

In 6x14 “Performance Anxiety” Eddie’s aunt set him up on a blind date and in 6x15 “Death and Taxes” Buck said Natalia sees him followed by Eddie giving him a look filled with hurt.  So, Eddie started pursuing Marisol because he thought Buck rejected him again just like he thought Buck did after the will reveal in 4x14.

Once I realized this, I remembered Karen’s comment to Hen in 5x17 “Hero Complex”, “Once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern”.  Their relationship fiascos with these one dimensional women keep happening and this is the third time which means it’s a pattern.

Does this mean they’ll be together in season 7, PROBABLY NOT but isn’t it interesting that even though the creators and more than likely the showrunners knew they would be cancelled after season 6 but they chose not to make them CANON?

Since they knew they were going to be cancelled they didn’t have anything to lose if they had made Buck and Eddie a CANON couple unless they wanted to stall/delay it yet again.  Therefore, it could mean they were already in talks with Disney months before they told the cast about the switch from Fox to ABC.  Let’s be real for a minute because a deal like that doesn’t happen overnight since there are a lot of legalities and financials that have to be sorted and decided which could mean the 9-1-1 creators and Disney were in talks for months.  Also, it’s possible they were required to sign an NDA (Non-disclosure agreement) stating they wouldn’t release the information until May 1, 2023 when the official announcement was made, hence the reason why the cast wasn’t notified until two hours before the 9-1-1 Fox Cancellation story was released.

This speculation doesn’t dismiss the creators’ or the showrunners’ actions/agendas for 6x18 but all of this seems to be very suspect.  Also, viewers can voice their constructive criticisms about the show they enjoy watching on their own blogs so the creators of that TV show will know their audience isn’t happy and that’s the goal of my posts regarding my lack of enjoyment with season 6 overall.  Since it’s evident they’ve been reading fanfics, it’s possible they read posts and comments too, otherwise how else would they know what the audience thinks about the show they created for entertainment purposes?

Being frustrated with the outcome doesn’t mean anyone should be rude to the actors, actresses, writers and producers because they don’t have the final say.

Disclaimer:  I’m UNSURE if I will watch season 7 and to be honest if I do, I WON’T watch it live.  I won’t know for a while because I’m still reeling from the things that happened in 6x18 but after last night’s dust finally settled (for me at least), I read some wonderful speculation posts here on 911blr this morning and the users analyzed a lot of things I missed during my live watch because I was SUPER PISSED.  I didn’t even watch the last few minutes because it felt so RIDICULOUS and I won’t rewatch that episode again.  LIKE EVER!

For me, season 6 ended at 6x13 “Mixed Feelings” so when and if I feel like writing fanfic again (I probably will because I love writing it but I’ll take a few days to decide) I will act like 6x14-6x18 never existed.

[thechaoticreader]

Popular Books I Read and HATED

*Disclaimer: If you like any of these books, slay! I'm happy for you! These are just my own consumer choices, and imo negative book reviews are just as helpful as positive ones!*

This list is not long because I don't actively dislike many books that I read, and I have a very good sense of what I will and will not like, but there are some I had to read/were misled into reading so here we go:

1. Tender Is The Flesh

by Agustina Bazterrica

My rant review is above if you want more details but recently I've seen a few videos that articulate my feelings in a way that I couldn't before so im going to add a few reasons here that were not included in the original post:

It gave very Qanon and general antisemitic vibes: i.e blatant conspiracy made up by the "wealthy liberal elites" to encourage cannibalism for their own enjoyment (I know she's Argentinian however that doesn't mean im not allowed to get the ick from it)

Purposefully inaccurate depictions of meat industry and disrespect for farmers (context: im a vegetarian from farm country with a roommate who works in the cattle industry - Angus beef if you're curious - so im very familiar with the process and cannot say in good conscious that it is all bad -> just support local farmers <3)

world building makes little sense

COWS DO NOT EQUATE TO HUMANS NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO !!!!!!!!

the "disease" doesn't make sense (even if its made up who would believe it)

No themes were treated with the depth nor nuance they require (capitalism, feminism, veganism etc.)

I think thats all I haven't covered but this is the only book I have ever read where my hatred of it continues to grow with each day. I went out of my way and deleted it from my reader and get annoyed every time I see it. And for the record (because yes i'm salty) I didn't hate it because it was too disturbing, in fact I've read and loved worse and ive been an avid horror reader since I was (admittedly too) young. I hate it because there wasn't a well done story underneath the gore. I'll say it loudly for the people in the back GORY HORROR BOOKS STILL DESERVE A GOOD/INTERESTING STORY, especially if you want to try to put complex themes in it. If you cannot write a deep story but you're good at and enjoy gore, write yourself a lil 100 page splatter punk and we can all have a good time <3

Unlike with Tender Is The Flesh I don't have a ton of thought out critical reasons for the rest of these soooooo I'm going to give my highly subjective reasons -> I totally understand why some like them <3

2. The Handmaids Tale

by Margaret Atwood

hated the writing style

It didn't keep my attention

disliked the ending so much I actually threw it across the room <3

3. The Hobbit

by J.R.R Tolkien

hated the writing style

male centered fantasy is not my vibe

my ADHD cannot handle long incredibly descriptive sections in books -> I physically fell asleep multiple times while reading this book

honestly even with the movie I fall asleep every time

0/10 book I want to read

10/10 bedtime story

4. Lord of The Flies

by William Golding

hated the writing style

hated most of the characters (and not in a slay anti-hero way)

was forced to read it in high school and it single handedly sent me into a 4 year reading slump... I missed so many good books because of this and will forever hold a grudge

5. Romeo & Juliet

By William Shakespeare

I'm too jaded and gay to enjoy this -> every single character is so painfully stupid

tbh im just bitter that his (imo) better plays get less love than this one, its way over hyped

but I will give it points for boring me so much that I wrote my first fanfic (Romeo x Mercutio if you're curious ... no its not posted anywhere and it never will be <3)

sidenote -> Shakespeare plays I love incl:

Hamlet (duh im a depressed emo gay on Tumblr)

Macbeth (also duh, witches and female manipulator... need I say more)

Othello (a slow burn for the true crime girlies)

Measure for Measure (absolutely underrated, please please please look into this play -> I saw a production of it and it was incredible)

[nagichi-boop]

My thoughts on the Knuckles series

I want to preface this by saying that if you haven't watched the series yourself and have the means to do so, I suggest watching it yourself and forming your own opinions on the series. The episodes are about 25-30 mins long, so it should take about 3 hours. But if you'd rather give the show a pass, I understand, especially given that so many people have given rather mixed reviews on the series. I don't think I have much to say that hasn't already been said, but I thought I'd share my personal thoughts on the series.

I will be discussing spoilers in this post, though I won't be breaking apart the plot per se. I just want to discuss some thoughts on the series, good and bad, since I know some people have been very harsh on this series. And as a disclaimer, these are personal opinions rather than outright critiques.

For a tldr rating though, I'd give the series like...6.5/10?

Things I Liked

I really enjoyed the plot of the first episode or so. The scenes with the Wachoski family was probably some of my favourites for the series, even if only brief. I wasn't sure that they would include the other characters, so it was nice to see most of them. I wasn't super keen on the GUN agents necessarily, but I thought their story parts were the most enjoyable. I enjoyed watching Wade scheme to save him and immediately fumble the bag, but ultimately sort of recreate his plan? I also appreciated him using the siracha to free himself from the GUN agent since it was starting to wear a little that he seemed utterly incompetent - more on that later.

I once again appreciate the references to the Sonic universe. I only really noticed the Knuckles hat (which if I'm not mistaken is a reference to the OVA cartoon?), but I also saw someone mention Sonic 06 before watching it, which helped me recognise the reference to the game (both Knuckles' power and the creature that I assumed to be Iblis). I also saw a Reddit post pointing out that the alien attack mentioned by the bowling tournament announcers took place 50 years ago, which could be a reference towards Shadow, but it's not outright stated to be that.

The animation was surprisingly good. Part of me thought the animation quality would be off, but it was more or less on par with the movies from what I could see. Some scenes were a little off, but I can't really fault it since they're trying to incorporate an entirely CGI creature interacting with everything, but for the most part it was awesome.

Things I Didn't Like

I think one of my bigger issues with this series was the humour. That's not to say I didn't find it funny, but the constant surreal/cringe humour eventually wears on you. It worked at the beginning because Knuckles and Wade alternated being the 'straight-man', but for the most part, the characters fell into the same 'I'm dumb' type of humour. I don't quite know how to explain what I mean by this, so I guess I'll give a few examples to illustrate what I mean.

There's Knuckles himself, whose 'stupidity' mostly comes from him not fully grasping human culture. There's also Wade Whipple, who is portrayed as an idiot or loser, something he's called by the other characters. There's Jack Sinclair who acts intimidating while still being dumb behind his seriousness, and was the kind of character that seems threatening until they're dethroned, by which time they start wailing like a baby. We see this mostly when Wade is captured and 'duels' with him, only for him to lose and plead with Wade not to take his clothes this sounds really sus out of context. I didn't particularly care for him, which made some scenes drag as Wade's story with him was being addressed, but he's more of a stepping stone character for Wade's development.

I thought Knuckles and Wade themselves were funny for the most part, but it does begin to grate a little when their goofy humour is pretty much all you get. I get that Wade is the underdog guy, but it didn't feel much like he actually grew as a person. I thought perhaps he would learn to be more self-reliant and competent, but even at the end of the series, he mostly just stalled for Knuckles. This sort of ties into the complaint a lot of people have that the series focused less on Knuckles and more on Wade, which I agree with. It was set up at the start that Knuckles was looking to find his home and purpose, but it didn't feel like that was fully explored. It was sort of implied at the end that the Whipple's were his home, but it felt like a lose end more than a solid conclusion. I also wouldn't have minded if Knuckles actually spent time training Wade, but that didn't really happen either. Most of Wade's 'development' happened away from Knuckles, which made Knuckles feel more like a bit character a lot of the time.

And then there's Wanda Whipple. I'll be honest, I really disliked her character. For the first few minutes it was fine, but the entire scene with the Whipple family dinner just felt awkward and annoying to me. It felt like I was watching two children argue, which I suppose was the point, but watching a grown woman act like a child was just uncomfortable and felt like it was dragged out for ages. I think the only scene I found her funny in was towards the end when she dislocated her thumb, but that was about it. Every other scene she was in felt unenjoyable for me, and frankly I hope she's not in the third movie at all (or if she is, please make it short).

I suppose I could sum this complain up as there being too many comedic relief characters without there being straight-man characters to balance out the chaos. The beginning worked well because Sonic, Tails and Maddie worked as straight-men for Knuckles, so it was funny to watch him be a menace since we could see everyone else's reactions. But for the rest of the series, it was mostly just silly humour. Even the 'adult' jokes weren't particularly funny to me (thinking specifically about the metal detector scene), but maybe I'm just not the right demographic for this kind of series? Who knows.

I watched the series with my dad, and I agree with his thoughts on the series. He felt it could have been done in a movie instead of having a tv series that seemed to drag on a lot. I do agree that some scenes felt like they were going on for too long, which at times felt like I wasn't even watching a Sonic series at all. I guess they want to flesh out the characters unique to the movie universe, but it felt a bit weird to have Knuckles barely involved in the plot given the series was named after him.

It's unfortunate because I think that they initially set up something interesting. I thought they'd focus on the GUN agents pursuing Knuckles, with Knuckles training Wade along the way. But the GUN story got shelved almost immediately to focus more on the bowling stuff - Wade and Jack had an awkward sword dual, and Wade had a bowling match with his dad? I honestly thought The Buyer (that ex GUN weapons guy) would be Wade's dad, but instead we randomly got introduced to Pistol Pete...I dunno, it felt weird to me. It felt like they mashed three unfinished stories together into one weird amalgamation.

I feel like they could have focused more on the GUN agents plot. Perhaps they could have clashed a few times with Knuckles and Wade, but ultimately fail over and over. Wade would have learned indirectly from his warrior training to be strong enough to defeat Jack at bowling and show his progression. The GUN agents would be replaced by The Buyer after he grows tired of waiting for them to fulfil their deal, and who would be more of a threat. While that's happening in the background, we could watch the bowling tournament with Jack losing instead, then have The Buyer crash the party like he did in the actual series. But this is all just me brainstorming what I would have done.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. It's a shame since I love the Sonic movies a lot, but I'm not too worried about Sonic 3 based on this series. Jeff Fowler (the writer for the movies) only wrote the first episode of the series, which was arguably the best episode, so I am confident that Sonic 3 will be good. Admittedly it has me a little worried, but I'm trusting them to do Shadow justice with his debut.

Sorry this is such a long rambly post, but hopefully it's cohesive enough to follow for anyone actually reading it.

[sevicia]

give me the movie recs instead! scary is ok

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Under a read more cause I looove talking, and the sections are ordered by like, priority of recommendation if that makes sense ... I also tried 2 actually rank them but I am not very good @ that LOL

Personal Enjoyment ONLY!!!:

No theme besides personal enjoyment "just for fun"/not relatable edition:

The Batman - I love it I just love it. I watched it bc my sister put it on and my pen's battery had run out. I was CLUELESS

Spree - That's my attention whore wife that would kill me for views !!!!!!

Jacob's Ladder - The best fever dream anyone could ever ask for !!! Everything about this movie is perfect. And this doesn't really matter TOO much ....... BUT …….. !!!! Tim Robbins in short shorts towards the end .......... save meeeee .................

Antiviral - I rewatched this one just before writing this LOL. It made me crazy when I first saw it back in 2022 and it makes me crazy now too!! The entire movie feels cold & sterilized but it's still Completely Sexual. Syd March I know what you are. OH also I like to think Mr. Cronenberg Sir is proud of his son bc this ruuuuules

Martyrs - This is like the ultimate "can't rec it as-is" movie bc of the amount of people that are genuinely disturbed by it & don't get me wrong I am one of them!! But there's just something here that has me thinking about it so often. The violence is amazing and the feeling in my stomach is horrible every time !!

No theme besides personal enjoyment mental illness edition:

Pulse (AKA Kairo) - Extremely close to my heart, the way loneliness relates to the internet & technology in general is such an interesting topic it would be enough to make this movie stand out for anyone, but I have such a personal fondness for it because of how much I felt it understood me. In a few ways.

Pearl - IDGAF how many people have gone "just like me fr" cause I am also one of them. I don't get the whole "female rage" thing that gets mentioned a ton (on account of me being some guy), but the theme of never being able to escape a life you hate ??? Absolutely fucking terrifying & hits super hard for me specifically

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? - The RESENTMENT, the ANGER, the DESPAIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It resonated w/ me a lot more in the past but not so much anymore, which is good LOL

HORROR!! YAY!!:

Horror SERIOUS edition:

The Thing - certified classic I legit think everyone should watch this one at least once in their lives. The practical effects r amazing, the story is GRIPPING & many of the actors r hot. Literally what else could u ask for…..

Hellraiser - Huge DUH ….. The short story is so good too Mr. Clive Barker I owe you my life !!!!!

The House That Jack Built - Pretentious, yes! But also really fun/satisfying to watch. I've seen some people comment on this kinda movie being typical for the director? But IDK who that man is & I don't care either. Like at all.

Ringu - Just a classic. So creepy I have to hype myself up to watch it LOL

Persona - INSAAAAANE INSANE INSANE. I saw someone say it's toxic yuri which like. Yeah I think. But also it left me confused in a rly good way

Noroi: The Curse - honestly should be self-explanatory @ this point. GENUINELY scared the shit outta me

Repulsion - Also a drama (besides a horror), the way the main character's paranoia escalates is just .... haunting, I think is the word. There's some degree of irony in here, because of who the director is, that I can't really articulate.

Gorefest / not too serious:

Creep - INSANE found footage about a guy making decisions that seem questionable if not stupid to most people, but not to me. I understand him. (disclaimer that this one could also go in the prev. category ..... I don't knowwww)

Intruder - I was on a slasher kick a few years back and this was one of the better ones. The convenience store setting is so much fun & something I'd never seen before! Or since.

Rec - SOOOO anxiety inducing, there's a lot of moments where people r talking/yelling over each other & the part towards the end that explains the whole thing is just. 0_0. to me. Bc it's among the top 3 things I do NOT fuck with !!! (same disclaimer as w/ Creep).

Hostel - I actually really like this one & don't understand most of the criticisms besides the obvious misogyny. It irks me a lot that it gets called "torture porn" so often when it's just … not that bad ? As edgy as that sounds !!

Cube - go there. in the cube? go in the cube.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes - Zero excuses for this one, you just gotta embrace your shit taste sometimes

Terrifier - Separate from the 2nd one cause that one is different in more than a few ways ..... but this one is just like charming to me in a weird way. It 's fucking filthy like, visually tho cause of the abandoned building & other such things ....

Terrifier 2 - This one I also enjoyed a lot though it IS really really long, I found it fun! The whole family aspect of it I liked a lot bc fictional siblings my beloved :3 though Art's backstory is still rly muddy (4 me at least) I do think it's like, a fun silly slasher if you've got 2 hrs and a lot of patience LOL

Just fun overall!!:

YAY!!!!!!!!!:

ROBOTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Oh my GOD I love this movie. I love this movie so much it's probably my favorite childhood movie. It's funny as fuck, really pretty AND has a good story. IK it may sound like nostalgia's involved but I just truly believe it's an amazing movie<3

Birds of Prey - This one is just a serotonin machine for me I love Harley so so muchh

Wendell & Wild - Visually insane I looove the look of this movie. It's also just rly enjoyable, I watched it multiple times at one point since it's on Netflix I think ? My mom got sick of it LOL

Bottoms - Absolutely bonkers it's such a fun movie. Gay and untalented and ugly and yet one of the most lovable movies I've ever seen ?? They need to print more of these

A Trip to Infinity - This one's actually a documentary on um. Infinity. Which is lovely because watching scientists be enthusiastic about their work and gush about it is just so good for my brain + it made me cry

The nostalgia I have 4 these ones is craaazy:

The Butterfly Effect - this was on TV SO OFTEN it was insane. I watched it so many times as a kid I always insisted on not changing the channel

The Voices - SO fun & silly I think of it so fondly .....

Paranorman - I love this movie so so much forever it's just so beautiful & funny

Zombieland - It's just fun man IDK what else to tell u

Sucker Punch - Another one that was often on TV, it's just embedded in my memory forever. I learned what a lobotomy was bc of this movie!!

MISC!!!:

These are dramas !!:

Parasite - Just watch it if u haven't. Everyone says you should watch it and they're RIGHT !!!

The Devils - I love horny church stuff so much

Let the Right One In - fucking loved this one. Freezing cold, very pretty AND probably the best vamp movie I've ever seen. Though I haven't seen a lot

Girl, Interrupted - insane behavior from the girls here but they're literally in a psych ward so who cares

These r good but I don't remember them much SOB:

The Eyes Of My Mother - this one gets called slow/boring a lot but I really don't gaf I still liked it

Wolf Creek 1 + 2

The Descent

Phenomena - The 1st game of the Clock Tower series was based on/inspired by this movie! Nothing else 2 say I just think it's cool lol

American Mary

A Clockwork Orange - I watched this nearly an entire decade ago but it goes here because of the fact that sometimes I still hear that dumb cunt Alex DeLarge go "I've suffered, and I've suffered, and I've suffered!" inside my head a lot. Also I have to mention that he did look good beaten up despite everything going on w/ him.

[dimpledpran]

~ getting to know your BL mutuals ~

Rules: answer the questions and @ some people. Include the tag ‘g2ky BL mutuals 2022’ on your post so we can find everyone’s answer.

Thank you for the tag @morkofday​ ! As always, i enjoy reading your thoughts. Not al all surprised about how VV is basically your personality at this point.

Disclaimer: I am going to talk about series that I watched this year, and not just those that were released this year. I really didn’t watch all that much this year.

What have been the BLs that took you by surprise this year?

Bad Buddy: Really went into this with no expectations, and honestly I still don’t understand what made me watch this halfway through while it was airing, but best decision I made. (Well I kinda do regret not watching it from the start) It just completely consumed me. I love Patpran so much. They have taken over my brain and heart. I love how this series has such a good mix of humour, angst and is also more real/relatable with the issues they address.

Not Me and The Eclipse: Lumping this together here because I really did not expect any BLs that would address such heavy themes. I just wish they were handled a bit better.

Dew The Movie: I did not know anything about the movie going in, so watching what happened really threw me off. But it was a nice/wild ride.

Kieta Hatsukoi: Aoki and Hashimoto really stole my heart. I love how chaotic and hopeless they are. They were so dramatic but also quite relatable! 😂

What have been the BLs that you felt a bit disappointed with this year?

KinnPorsche: Maybe it’s because I had too much hope going in, or because it was so hyped up. Or maybe because I had a lot of personal stuff going on when it was airing, but I just couldn’t get involved with the series. The finale ended up confusing me instead of giving me conclusions, and I’m not really a fan of that. Thanks to friends on discord that helped me understand it a bit better. Though this series introduced me to Jeff Satur and I’ll forever be grateful for that!

The Eclipse: This series started out with so much potential! The pace was brilliant, the cast was incredible and they really were trying to address the hard topics in a metaphorical manner. But towards the end, it really started to show that they didn’t have enough time with the planning and post-production. It felt like such a rushed ending and was honestly disappointing. It could have been the top of the year if handled better.

What has been your favorite BL (watched) this year?

Bad Buddy: This is my ultimate BL at the moment. Not even for the year, but generally speaking. I Fell in love with PatPran. Pran is so damn relatable, like I’ve never identified with a character as much as I do with him. I can go rambling for days about BB, so I shall stop her and not bore people with my BB brainrot.

Vice Versa: As much as I am mad that we didn’t get a proper development/conclusion for TessTun, I still enjoyed this series. It was all the more enjoyable with all the screaming with Vish. But also as a very visual person who loves colours, this show stole my heart. I loved the colours and the visuals in this series. The locations were all so new and beautiful! As a sucker for a soulmate AU, I loved their twist on that trope! And of course Jimmy and Sea stole my heart.

The Eclipse: Yes, i know I said I was disappointed with it, but I also really enjoyed it. The ending did feel very rushed. But other than that, it was a really good series. The cast did a brilliant job! Like I knew they can all act, but honestly I was so impressed with their skills!! Khaotung and First had the most beautiful breakdowns, Khaotung also sold the bad boy attitude in the first 5 minutes when I was so used to seeing him as the sweet little brother character, and it was so refreshing to see a new side to Neo! So yes, I’d watch it all over again just for them! Also they did deliver a few surprises, so that was interesting.

Not Me: Again, I feel like the ending could have been more polished. It really showed that they were rushing with the filming and airing. GMMTV needs to stop rushing them and airing shows while they are still filming. It really destroys the quality. But it did well to address the heavy topics! Of course I love seeing OffGun in anything, but they truly had an amazing cast. I couldn’t stop looking at Mond, Sing, First and Gawin. Also I Fell in love with Film. This series also felt so real because it showed how life is very unjust, and it showed the problems of the common people. So it was very refreshing to watch.

Semantic Error: I loved how chaotic and awkward this was. Sang Woo is my precious child and I will protect him. It’s a simple plot, but they did well with it. Loved the balance of humour and drama. Also loved the editing in this show.

Badhaai Do (Technically not a BL, but it counts):

3 Will Be Free (Again not technically a BL, but it counts):

Favorite BL couples (not just of 2022)?

Patpran (Bad Buddy), Wangxian (CQL), PeteKao (Dark Blue Kiss), Gao Shi-de and Zhou Shu-yi (We Best Love), Wenzhou (Word Of Honour) [Is it obvious that I have a type? ]

What’s your non-BL favorite (watched) this year?

55:15 Never Too Late:

10 Years Ticket:

[soobberries]

also babes I’m tryna get into cix, any songs you would recommend?

Hell yeah!

Alright a small disclaimer though: In my experience, all of Cix's songs are growers. If you aren't feeling it initially, you will totally vibe after the next few listens.

Also, some of their songs are very heavy in the sense that the content can be rough, and perhaps a little angsty but I mean... Their meanings are pretty solid at least.

Let me start with their title tracks since, most of those are bangers ngl.

These aren't recommendations per se but I'll give you a sloppy description and you can probably gauge what might be worth listening to.

[the red and blue ones are the main ones that I'm technically recommending or they're my faves.]

I hope this helps? lmao-

Movie Star - It's sultry and kinda groovy; reminds me of lucid dream by aespa and some of vixx/sf9 songs. (one of my favorites for sure).

Jungle - straight banger, pretty moody though, somewhat slow bpm and is 100% a grower. the more I listened, the more things I noticed within the song that just accentuates the overall song.

Numb - the break at the chorus is pretty solid, not my first recommendation but can definitely be enjoyable if you like a mix of noisy sounds and what I'd describe as 'sleek' sounds lol.

My New World - This is their Japanese release and ... I'm starting to realize their overall sound tends to be smooth and steady... powerful sounds that make you feel like a main character that's trying to overcome some great evil. So that's the main essence of this song lmao.

Wave - pretty feel good, relaxed. Reminds me of the view by stray kids.

Off my mind - has as rich rythmic instrumental, pretty sultry/groovy sound. Nothing stand out but a solid song. The chorus has an engaging beginning.

Pinky Swear - Another Japanese release that is very wholesome and just feels like someone is telling you things will be alright.

Save me, Kill me - It makes me oddly nostalgic. It has this bittersweet sound to it. It's basically a tragic song but you can do a dramatic contemporary dance to it that would slay-

Bad Dream - I really like this one so much but again, it has that main character fighting their inner demons or something. It has the coolest break though. It's so like, 2010's club sound in a good way.

458 - banger, pretty moody as well, but gosh the chorus just GOES HARD ngl.

Tesseract - The ultimate movie song lmao. Picture someone walking in this vast desert-like terrain with a sword in hand, and then they plunge it into the ground causing shockwaves into the ground, absolutely annihilating the enemy in style. That's all I'll say.

Cinema - I really was underwhelmed with this initially but then I found myself humming the chorus. It has a light feeling to it. A simple song you can play in the background and it makes your chest less tight.

Okay, I think those are the title tracks.

Overall I'd recommend their album "'OK' Prologue : Be OK" just because it's a pretty solid glimpse into their discography OR their EP "HELLO Chapter 1: Hello, Stranger" jeez their names....

Then there are some that I find myself liking:

What you wanted - has some cool melodies. again, has a mix of sleek and noisy sounds. The chorus is sleek and the verses are what's noisy. Reminds me of Exo.

Like It That Way - Those chilled tropical vibes that were really popular a while back.

Move My Body - IT BANGS IDK WHAT ELSE TO PUT. It's the type of song that feels like a guilty pleasure. Like you play it at 3am and dance in your room but you won't outright play it for just anyone.

Black Out - Solid noisy goodness (It gives NCT 127 vibes)

Round 2 - It reminds me of Dean's music. Idk if it classifies as rnb but definitely has that laid-back vibe.

[readsbymoonlight]

Book: The Orphan Keeper

Author: Camron Wright

Rating: 🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕

Recommended for: Kids, young adults, adults, EVERYONE

Published: 4th October, 2022

So, time to spill the beans—I didn't actually realise this version is for younger readers despite knowing there's another one already published with the same title. For some reason, I totally justified it as yeah, okay, they're just republishing it, nbd. But okay, I can see in hindsight that how it's likely been pared down and with some very moral of the story bits. Even so, I think it can be consumed by readers of all ages and I actually feel like reading the adult version too. Not now, though. Maybe some day.

Perhaps it's tough to imagine how getting kidnapped as a kid and shipped off to be adopted by parents of a completely different ethnicity and background half a world away can be made into a palatable story. But lbr we've read darker things as kids. But Camron Wright is an amazing writer who managed to balance humour and solemnity excellently. Personally, it took a bit of time to get immersed in the story, but once I did, it was a lightning-fast read. Well, compared to my reading speed this year, at least. I thought the way the book was written was very fragmented and pulls you out of the flow of the story. However, these elements tie up beautifully once you reach the end. Even though it was slightly jarring, the staccato beats of some seemingly unrelated anecdotes can be considered as setting the tone, laying groundwork, injecting flavour. So it's fine.

The book might better be served if split into two sections since that was essentially how the story-telling went. There's a huge gap between the time our protagonist, Taj Rowland, just arrived in the US and when he's grown up and graduating high school and beyond. It's like a movie style fast forward without the convenient scene change/montage. At the same time, I'm not very sure how the introduction that says "some of it is fiction" affects the experience of other readers. For me, it made me feel prejudiced against it for some reason. While I understood that it's unfair to claim that stories like these are purely true or purely fiction considering it's a lived experience by people and people forget things, I still got influenced by the idea that it should be more black and white. Which was very wrong of me, and it affected my own enjoyment of the book. Thankfully, I got over that quick.

When it comes down to it, this book is a great read because it's real. If it served as the basis for a completely fictionalised story, I think it would still be amazing because, at its heart, it is about life and how it can be sometimes. There's no easy happy ending and every turn prompts you to give up. But in the end, that's exactly what makes the resolution worth it, especially because Taj could have very well failed to find his family despite trying so hard. But he did and we can all witness his journey.

Disclaimer: e-ARC obtained from NetGalley, photo found on Google

[iwhisperinthedarkness]

Okay for once I'm actually passionate enough about this to write something!!

So I fully went into the two movies expecting to prefer Barbie because I'm in my girly phase and I had a whole friend group that was super hyped for that movie and yeah!! The trailers looked really cool.

Slight spoiler warning for my reviews!

Because of scheduling I did end up seeing Oppenheimer first and while it isn't that rewatchable for me I surprisingly REALLY enjoyed it!! Now to be totally transparent I am a physics grad and went to see Oppenheimer in a physics summer academy which was really special and cool. But I wasn't bored for a second in that movie, I actually really enjoyed the cinematography and the acting and thought is was overall well done. However I did think the nudity was unnecessary (I mean sure Florence Pugh looks great but why would you need that in a historical movie about the making of the atomic bomb?) and while I'm not super knowledgable about the accuracy on the topic I did think it was annoying how some of the people I went with treated it like a history lesson/ morally super complex and interesting topic. I also felt it was kind of overdone with the Oh how could he be on board with the bomb in the beginning but not in the end/ not with the hydrogen bomb I just don't see the moral paradox there at all.

Now onto Barbie (with the probably important disclaimer that for me Barbie wasn't that big of a part of my childhood):

I went into it really excited and while it was a fun time and I did actually like a lot of the characters and (surprisingly to me) the fourth wall breaks. The acting was great as well and a lot of the jokes landed really well! (Might also have been impacted by the people I went with :D) The beginning mirroring Space Odyssey 2001 was ofcourse iconic as well. However I felt like a lot of the meaning of the movie, especially in the end, fell flat. It seemed to me like the movie couldn't really decide if it wanted to be an actually heartfelt feminist film or a satirical, almost cynical piece or a childrens movie.

The ending with how the Barbies overthrew the Kens again, I can't quite put my finger on why but something about it did rub me the wrong way. I guess I thought it was kind of disappointing that they didn't give the Kens any role in dismantling the patriarchy. But yeah this isn't completely fleshed out in my head yet!!

The treatment of Mattel in the end also managed to put them in a very positive light- you might argue they were ridiculed which yes but still, I feel like they managed to spin it really well. In portraying themselves as ridicoulus and full of contradictions they managed to seem self aware and reflected (without actually having to change anything ofcourse) while still avoiding criticism for portraying themselves in a good light. I also think it was interesting how they avoided dealing with the (to some extent valid, though I get its a hotly debated topic) criticism of barbie as promoting unrealistic body standards etc. by having her break down crying and thus simply evoking sympathy. The mother/daughter story line also didn't hit that hard for me but I have a kind of unusual relationship to my mom so I get it might be much more impactful to others

But just to be clear!! I still thought it was an enjoyable, fun, rewatchable movie. Just not as much of a revolutionary/new way of thinking piece as I feel some people make it out to be (or I had wished for it to be I guess). So yeah! That was kind of a long essay wow.

Tldr: I voted Oppenheimer because I really enjoyed it and was kind of disappointed by the Barbie movie while still thinking both movies are great and very much worth watching!

Now that I've seen them both I want to know what everyone else thinks. Please only vote if you've seen both movies and reblog widely for a large sample size! Also feel free to include reasoning in the tags I wanna read that.

[beatcroc]

tl;dr+disclaimer: this is NOT intended as some kind overarching review or analysis, just my thoughts on various things, and while i am absolutely enthralled by nge’s narrative tone/style/execution, i dont really give a shit about what the narrative is actually saying. This is not a writeup on its plot or themes, but rather the way they are presented and explored. [actually mostly a lot of obsessing over small details and side characters].  the end of evangelion movie is not included here and will have its own post.

secondary disclaimer: apparently nge has a fuckload of cultural context and stuff about How it exists as a commentary or subversion of stuff of its time or whatever. rest assured i know neither jack nor shit about any of it, and am just seeing how it functions as its own thing in a vaccuum.  alright here we go.

earlygame evangelion was absolutely nothing like i was anticipating, and as a person who Generally Does Not Enjoy Anime, i cannot stress enough how much this was to its benefit. first thing i noticed was a distinctive Lack of those ‘anime visual gag’ type of character expressions/reactions; refreshing just for my own petty disdain for them, but also notably important to its overall tone. eva’s tone is absolutely one of the best things it has going for it; i’ll get into specifics as i go, but even before i would get to seeing how it strengthens both individual plot beats and the narrative at large, it was by far my biggest draw to the earlygame.

i think i can best describe it as “contemplative”. there’s very little real dialogue in the sense of characters having 2-way conversations. there’s a lot of emphasis on weighted silences, a lot of minor exposition delivered through background noise/chatter like radio broadcasts, a lot of just... the world moving around and contrasting with the characters as they Exist. The ep where shinji runs away definitely has the biggest focus on this, but it’s noticeable as a unique tonal thing right out of the gate. I feel like anime often tends to explain things too directly, whether it be story or lore; or a character's feelings or intentions. here, you rarely get more than a simple zoom in on a character’s face to denote They Are having Thoughts About This. No internal monologue rambling walking you through their whole thought process, It’s left to just their expressions and reactions. evangelion’s execution of “show, don't tell” still holds up pretty well in 2022 imo. maybe not the best out there these days, but definitely still effective. I’m far from well-versed in media like this, but i’d still say eva’s fairly standout, and anything that manages to do that after nearly 30 years deserves some kudos

Very related to that, “Doing a lot with a little” i think is the best way to sum up all of eva’s strengths. The subtleties and things left unsaid, as it were. Aside from the obvious jab at their making do with a nonexistent budget, this sort of thing comes through in its somber and down-to-earth tone, its character writing, and most especially, its support cast.

Both in the handling of the characters themselves and their dynamics with the main cast, the nge side characters are really, really good; like, probably the actual best i have encountered in any media ever. Each of them in their own way provide perfect backings and contrasts to everything the main cast has going on, they’re laser-focused efficient to enhance the others’ characters and arcs and the overall narrative messages--and yet they never feel like plot devices and are still really solid and wholly enjoyable as their own individual Characters, all without overstepping their boundaries AS support cast in terms of both screentime and narrative presence/influence. suzuhara and akagi demonstrate this best from very different angles and from here out this thing is pretty much just gonna be a breakdown of thoughts by character, but i’m doing suzuhara first because his being much more narratively dynamic means he gets to shine in a plethora of ways, so most of the Cool Narrative/Tonal Shit i wanna say about nge can be said by talking about him.

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you’d think the character whose introduction is “beating up the kicked puppy protag because he’s pissed” would be pretty one-note and uninteresting; i still wouldn’t really call suzuhara deep, per se, but….well, again, they do a lot with a little.

usually for this role you’d get something like “i’m gonna bully shinji because he’s stupid and lame ”, and it’s not like this would be misplaced because like... shinji IS lame, other kids DON’T like him, but suzuhara’s motivation being his hospitalized sister instead of anything with shinji himself changes the entire dynamic here to a pretty profound degree. it’s still a really simple and understandable motivation, but it lets him say a ton more than you usually could with this kind of role. the overt message still just sits at “we’re gonna make shinji hate himself life a little more“, but instead of just, like, making him feel shitty because there’s Mean People who will beat him up even though he’s trying his best or whatever, the implied message is more along the lines of “you’re hurting people you can’t see, but they’re still people who mean something to somebody, and they can damn well see you.”, and it’s for sure noticeable this is the kind of stuff that’s weighing on him the next couple eps. It’s not that he’s afraid of some random bullies that could jump him at any time, it’s that he’s now acutely aware the consequences of him messing up are exponentially larger than he can see.

it also gives suzuhara much easier room for growth! He doesn’t need some huge distracting character-altering event, he just needs to see that this is all way bigger than him and that he was out of his lane and being a shithead. getting caught face to face with an angel is a pretty effective way to do that, i’d say! Being saved by shinji specifically and having to see his trauma firsthand is an especially great note coming out of that too, realizing that shinji is neither a cocky asshole nor some incompetent coward, but that he’s really just. Yknow. Trying. I also think it’s a really…. Idk, cute? detail that while the scene in the cockpit clearly Affects him, he doesn’t apologize or offer comfort right away and just spends the next few days kind of sulking/angsting about it instead. Just a fun little humanizing err for him i think. 

not a lot happens with him for awhile from there but i do really like him and his little nerd friend as just background pals for shinji. Comic relief isn’t usually a very…esteemed title in terms of narrative value, but in this case he’s earned it. Which isn’t something you’d usually say about comic relief characters! So good for him i guess.

The Fourth Child stuff coming into play is what really made me pog at this guy and his handling though. Just like. the framing of it. not telling the audience directly but showing that it’s someone all the other main characters already knew+the persistent scene cuts to him after someone brings up or asks who the fourth pilot is.

The character familiarity is cool mostly because of how small eva’s cast is overall. Like there are really not any random passerby citizens ever shown, let alone given dialogue, that they could have tossed in to use. Everybody who could be considered even remotely important/main cast is already occupied, and seeing that both asuka and katsuragi recognize him, it’s gotta be someone they would have met fairly recently–most likely someone we’d already seen on the show–and not some random guy from their backstories or something.  They had my curiosity but i wouldn’t have guessed it! At least not without the scene cuts lmao. They do this like 4 times it’s really funny. Oh yeah the 4th pilot? Yeah we won’t say who but heyyyyy check This guy out.

my favorite bit from this is seeing the change in his demeanor in these cuts before vs. after he gets the news; his usual cheeky self in the first couple versus his going out alone to stare forlornly off into the distance in the latter few. I am like such a huge fan of this ok. Once again, things left unsaid: there’s so much he could be thinking about here and refusing to have him say any of it in itself speaks volumes.

What’s in there? Regret? Apprehension? Resignation? You’d need a monologue half as long as this damn post to really get into all the different angles of him unpacking the idea that he could now be the one unwittingly dropping a building on someone's little sister + reflecting back all the fears that he’d left shinji with after that little beatdown, but simply Not Saying It leaves a much stronger impression of the sense that it’s just A Lot for him to be thinking about. very cool in other characters’ reactions to it too; suzuhara himself never explicitly verbally confirms his being a pilot, but everyone notices he’s acting different. Hell, they even used SHINJI to point it out, and he’s usually the guy who’s worst at noticing these things.

small side note but there’s also a delightful bit of last minute  rubbing salt in the wound with how bad his nerd friend wanted to pilot eva….seems like that kid is about the only other one who didn’t realize suzuhara is the 4th pilot too, which. lmao.

anyway then he gets in the eva and doesn’t really get to do anything. i don’t have any comments on that it’s the pretty obligatory “oop we gotta have our Angel Encounter for this ep”+”gotta find a newer and more powerful way to traumatize shinji” quota. There’s really good character moments here for some of the other cast which i’ll get to later but uhhh yeah suzahara just gets his shit fucked.

ok now full disclosure here i’m actually a huge bitch about character deaths like this, it is quite possibly my biggest pet peeve when characters go through something that is 100% presented as fatal or a killing blow, only to Not Actually Have Died At That Moment; either so they can give some kind of Emotional Speech:tm: and then die anyway, or by revealing they actually only got wounded or something bc of some kind bullshit plot armor. i thought eva might possibly be the kind of thing that’s brutal and/or disregarding-of-dramatic-narrative-flair enough to actually just leave it at him being dead there in the mech, but to an even bigger surprise i think this is maybe the only thing i’ve seen that’s played “they didn’t actually die in that horrific scene” to a way bigger impact.

The following hospital scene is already pretty interesting just with neither shinji nor suzahara knowing why the other was there; Shinji never learned who the fourth pilot is, and toji shows no animosity for the fact that shinji[’s eva] just beat the shit out of him so apparently he just wasn’t conscious for anything after his mech got taken over? and it’s just kind of like, spooky, to have what has every right to be an emotionally charged character reunion amount to nothing more than vague confusion between them. They don’t even get to talk to eachother! i don’t often see the thing of “audience knowledge vs. character knowledge” used like this; usually it’s the Characters who are sad or angry beause of some knowlege they lack, and You know that things are actually better than it appears to them; in this case you know things are way worse than they look and the characters are spared that burden. it’s weird and cool and potent but it’s not even my biggest takeaway from this. You know the thing that really fucks me up here?

we never see suzuhara again after this.

he isn’t given any sort of real farewell, he’s just gone. not dead, but gone. i’ve never seen that done before!!! it’s like....haunting to realize a guy who had been a minor but consistent constant is just not part of the picture any more, and it’s an especially odd feeling since you can’t really notice until it’s too late. now yeah, part of it was also that the plot had kinda moved beyond having time for side characters, but most of them do still make brief appearances, and we’re also specifically shown a brief scene in the schoolroom where all four pilot kids are conspicuously absent. their friends comment about how the main 3 are missing, and suzuhara is still never mentioned.

i genuinely feel more strongly about suzuhara’s narrative death than anything else in the show. i dont even care that it doesn’t mean anything this is my hill to die on. i love this dude and i love how every single beat with him makes me ape my shit.

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rei is the other end of Stuff Eva Is Really Good At. i mostly want to talk about her Big Reveal here but i do also want to give kudos for their committing so hard to the whole uncaring/ambivalent thing with her. feel like a lot of stuff that tries to do ‘emotionless’ characters chickens out and still gives them like one specific personality trait or thing they’ll react to or care about, probably for the sake of still making them relatable or enjoyable or something. granted, the context for this kind of character matters all the more when they’re Supposed to be empty, but even so this kind of thing is usually done to show there’s something Off about the character; rei’s being so aggressively, blatantly nothing and nonreactive about literally everything is just like. oh there is something OFF with you. Her and asuka’s exchange of “i bet you’d even kill yourself if they asked“ “i would, yeah“-said not out of devotion or depression, but pure disinterest, is probably about the strongest extreme you can take this idea to. 

The whole series she’s such a powder keg waiting to blow and they let you smell its smoke in the flashback with akagi’s mom where it seems to be revealed that she’s 1-possibly a clone, and 2-apparently got killed the same day as she was unveiled, which obviously feel like pretty significant revelations but then they move on from it with zero fanfare and i was like huh. Wait. no wait hold on go back. i had actually intended to go back and rewatch that scene just to i’d actually make sure i’d clocked it properly because it was just that was chilling* and disorienting to have left it sitting pretty much unacknowledged for several episodes, but then it comes to ep23 after her dying for real in the eva and she says “i think i’m already the third one” as a soft confirmation and you’re like OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT but then theyre still not done blowing up everything with the actual reveal and it all comes out in the following scenes and it’s just like oh this is all so much worse than i could have imagined. all that was my peak of being Affected By Evangelion. i kinda just sat there In A State for a solid 30 minutes afterwards, just, rotating the series as a whole in my mind. man.

the scene with 01′s awakening is done with a pretty similar structure to this, and even though i actually knew about the twist of eva units being Literally Humans before going into the show, that scene was....hoo. like the knowledge does not prepare you for the presentation. I credit this mostly to its tone as well; there’s something really awesome about how evangelion can pull huge fucked up twists like this, yet the raw shock value of the scene itself [which should not be understated!] never outweighs the gravity of the situation as a whole. Like the takeaway from 01’s awakening isn’t just “oh shit!!!! The government is making fucked up mechs full of blood!!!”, it’s “these measures may be extreme but they are a necessary price to pay for survival[though is it really worth it?]”. And also maaaaybe a little “mankind is hubristic as fuck and we Love to fuck around and find out.” but that’s kind of just the deal throughout the whole series

Coincidentally, it’s also rei’s brief first couple appearances that i think initially help establish that gravity.  very often when a character is badly injured it’s only really used to change how either they or another character engage with a situation; usually to remove them from it and/or spur another to action, which IS exactly what her role in e1 was for shinji. Thing is, unless the injury itself is a plot beat to be built upon, it just sort of gets swept under the rug at soonest convenience -so seeing her still really beat up a few episodes later, for pretty much no real purpose other than to say “yeah no that’s gonna take her a bit to recover from” was defintily a striking moment to me.

*spooky, haunting, chilling, i’ve used these words for these turns a good few times now. I know it’s a bit repetitive, but there really is something just so… hollow, so empty about these scenes; something that you know should be there and just isn’t and it feels weird. nge is damn good at anticipating where its emotional beats should be, and then intentionally leaving you with nothing when they come up. You wanted hype? You wanted catharsis? No get fucked. In most situations this would feel cheap or like some kind of buzzkill but with eva’s tone being how it is it’s just sort of… humbling? i know this is a bit of a pretentious read, but eva seems to make it a point to never go to hard into this being A Story, rather than Just Life; in the sense that life doesn’t always have the satisfying narrative conclusions you can expect in a story. They know enough not to Always do this because then the whole show would be actually lame and unrewarding, but the times they choose Not to deliver definitely have…a palatable contrast.

Also i know i made the jokey post about this already but LITERALLY why did they make rei go to school? There’s no?? Practical advantage to this???  I mean obviously from a narrative perspective it’s just to help sell the illusion that shes a normal human child but like. In-universe. Whose idea was this. Shes not even learning or getting Involved with anything she’s just staring out the window the whole time. She’s regularly absent and they’ve always gotta have people go check on/cover for her, not to mention that she doesn’t retain memories between bodies and they have to cover for her deaths too so like WHAT is the goal here!!!! Literally there are nothing but downsides to sending ur godspawn kid out into the public. Ok anyway. Moving on

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why DO people meme so hard on ‘get in the robot shinji’?? coming into this i really thought it was gonna take him half the damn series to get in the robot and that that was gonna be some kind of Climax, but it actually just happens in the first ep, and no one ever really has to ask or force him do it again after that? yeah he tries to quit half a dozen times, but all it really takes for him to come back around for another go in the eva is a fresh perspective. it’s more or less always his own choice.

i’ve heard a decent bit about shinji being an annoying or difficult-to-like character, and i... don’t get that at all? hes literally just a dude. A fucking babychild. coming into this i understood that he was young but i didn’t know he was Literally Fourteen, good lord dude. he’s definitely not a ‘good’ or standard type of personality for an anime protag but that’s literally the point? Like that is entirely central to what we are doing with this show. I’m not gonna say i’m a shinji Enjoyer; he’s mostly only my fave of the pilot kids by default, since asuka is,,,,,,, well. i’ll get to her in a moment, and rei you’re not Supposed to have an opinion on; but i am a shinji Defender. he has a couple of fun and strong character moments, and doesn’t really do anything egregiously awful or obnoxious so like. Literally leave him alone hes doing his best???

do people dislike him for that little tantrum he threw when he threatened to destory nerv hq? that one i can understand, but personally that was his strongest character moment for me. i’m pretty much always in favor of characters taking bold action for themselves, even if said action is outright a terrible/destructive choice. i think he shoulda done it. i would have supported him. the fact that he didn’t get to though is so.... oof. his most impactful moment for me for sure.  Like he absolutely was not bluffing, and the ONE time he really gets it in him to take charge of his own life and surroundings and he just gets such a harsh reminder that he’s still not the one in control.

this is kind of just the whole show with shinji. A friend pointed him out as being “trapped in the narrative” and wow god yeah. It’s just a cycle with him. he goes out in the eva and something fucked up happens to traumatize him and hes like oh my god why am i doing this and then while hes out trying to sort that out something nice happens to make him accept whatever fucked up thing he had to deal with so he gets back in the eva again and then something fucked up in a totally different way happens and rinse and repeat. it’s pretty good at escalating the different types of trauma each angel inflicts on him; if i really cared about plot or thematic analysis it might be fun to pick apart what exactly each does, BUT i dont. The two final ones dealing with having to hurt other humans is definitely cool though.

the one part i felt his characterization was Questionable was when he was going up against the jaws sphere, it is like. Super not his deal to ignore orders and leap into action? Really kind of a ‘he’s gotta do this because the plot needs him in this position��� moment but it was ultimately pretty minor so whatever

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So yeah asuka……Hm. Asuka. good lord. i’m not a fan of the whole ‘tsundere’ thing in the first place, but that alone wasn’t actually grating just bc it plays up against the much more stiff shinji and rei in really fun ways, and it’s also extremely funny just knowing she’s The Progenitor for that whole Type. her concept is fine and she very easily could have been a thoroughly Fun character but uhhhhhhhhhhh. uh oh. uh oh. oh no.

as the unfortunate vessel for most of nge’s Awful Bullshit i can’t say i was ever looking forward to having her onscreen. in the beginning she wasn’t even instigating it they just loved shoving her ass in shinji’s face for no reason or doing the classic wind blowing up her dress and shit like that. now to be clear i know this wasn’t the first instance of Fanservicey Anime Bullshit in eva, but it was much easier to tolerate before because.. well, one, katsuragi isn’t fucking fourteen, and 2 even when that shit happened with rei she didn’t have a Reaction to it. I think its really the reactions that make it insufferable for me. the kyaa! pervert! nonsense and the self-conscious anime girl yelling and the characters being visibly humiliated, also the halting whatever else was going on at the moment to do all this. this also did not happen with the katsuragi ass shots since she was still just having a normal fuckin conversation and carrying on the plot BUT i digress. asuka did start saying weird shit of her own accord later in but i still didn't hold it against Her Character so much as just "the writers are being weird". Yknow like it would just feel so forced and arbitrary every time she made some comment like that. For the longest time the only thing i blamed her character for is being fuckin sexist all the time. ‘shinji youre a man arent you’ he is 14 and traumatized as fuck leave him alone you are making things worse >:| 

In the end though, and i cannot believe i am saying this,  i do think all of that was at least conceptually justified. Not in execution, because all that came through there is their insistence on shoving naked 14-year-olds in your face, but conceptually the idea of asuka’s desperation to be seen as capable and mature manifesting as forced aggressive sexuality is honestly really solid. She wants to be seen as an Adult, so she jumps to the first idea she has for Things That Adults Do, which i guess is sex. This is kind of a fantastic notion for her character because 1, it’s shallow-showing she’s A Goddamn Child who has no actual understanding of what adulthood really means, and 2, it’s loud-a very visible and hard to ignore thing which bolsters her all the more to stick to it. While portraying this is obviously a super touchy subject, i can’t help but feel it wouldn’t have been. All that hard to so without it being,,, this bad. Don’t show it to the audience? Literally just don’t show the audience. I get they need to make the other characters uncomfortable to land the concept but like. Dont put asuka herself onscreen while it’s happening jfc. i still would have been HARD side-eyeing at it that way too but just. anything had to have been better than this bro.

ANYWAY. that nonsense out of the way, she did end up being kind of fascinating for her own. i have never seen a character so extremely, terminally, self-damning as asuka. i hear a lot about shinji being hopelessly miserable, and like, sure, but asuka has it so, SO much worse??????? shinji is miserable because he’s directionless; he doesn’t know what he wants or how to get it, but he knows a glimmer of hope when he sees it and never squanders it. were he ever given direction or a way to Find his path to happiness–or to at least a way to care about finding his path to happiness, i’m sure he’d be able to chase it pretty easily.

asuka does not have a path to happiness, or at least not for the time presented in the show. While it’s true if half her issue here is just “being 14”, her “i’d rather be dead than pitied” ideology isn’t something that will automatically solve itself with age. It stays mostly out of the way as long as she never fucks up but as soon as she DOES make any kind of big mistake it becomes pretty much her entire character. damaged pride is one thing, but usually the remedy for that is just other characters lifting her up if she can’t do it herself. here, this is not only not an option but also actively detrimental. It’s already incredibly self-destructive on its own, but i still wouldn’t quite call it “damning” yet just because like. If you’re ride or die committed to your personal philosophy, you’ll still die, but there’s probably some kind of underhanded gratification in it to chase it to its end. The thing is though that she’s not committed to it, and it’s honestly kind of hard to say to what extent she even believes in it at all.

this, i feel, is asuka’s defining moment, especially after her extensive agonizing in previous eps about having to be rescued by both shinji and rei. She can’t live with being helped because she wants to be independent, and yet she can’t live without help- with being alone-because she’s desperate to be seen and regarded as worthwhile.  

both of these are damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situations! this kid is damned 4 ways ‘till thursday and the only way to get around it would be her undergoing some kind of minor ego death, and she is extremely not interested in letting this happen. shinji takes a blow and goes off to sulk for 3 days, has one positive interaction/experience, and gets a whole second wind. asuka takes a blow and falls into a pit of self-loathing [or really everything-loathing by the sound of it], aggressively refuses positive interactions, and tries to kill herself. It’s just like. Very telling i think that even though “everyone's depressed and miserable and dealing with shit Badly”  is a running theme in this show, asuka is the only one who attempts suicide.

If my interpretation of all this seems a little weird it’s because  “i’d rather be dead than pitied” is uhhhhhh unfortunately an ideology i’m very personally familiar with, and even though characters with that general idea aren’t too rare in media, i’ve never seen it BASICALLY stated verbatim, so. needless to say seeing asuka’s arc go the way it did did some things to me. whoops! anyway.

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i have to talk about katsuragi now ok. Ok. katsuragi is absolutely the hero of this show for me and it’s a little baffling she’s not like, A Recognizable Eva Character in laymen’s circles? Like coming into this I knew the pilot kid trio and a handful of the angels just from seeing stuff floating around the internet, and i could least recognize gendo from memes, but katsuragi? Entirely new territory here. what gives! She’s an incredible character and people should talk about her more because i am NOT about to be out here being the foremost katsuragi enjoyer in 2022. Come on

anyway man where do i even start. she’s everything. she’s got a cool car. she’s fiercely competent. she’s the man with the plan. she’s a domestic disaster. she notoriously cant cook for shit. she has a pet penguin [?!?]. she adopts two kids. shes a little bit crazy. She’s the butt of a lot of jokes. shes a rogue agent. she fucked her ex in an alley [??!?]. She has a drunken breakdown and needs help to get out of it. she hates her father. she has complicated feelings about her father. she’s on a vengeance quest. She accidentally gets attached to the kids in her care. she fucked her ex for government secrets. She’s sick of the expectations on her. she’s petty and emotional and weird, and most of all, she’s allowed to do all this without ever undermining her skill and authority, and the respect other characters have for her. im going to be real i don’t quite think all of her traits and flaws were intentionally written to be enjoyable but damn if i didn’t enjoy them anyway. Katsuragi has this real edge of emotional roughness to her that i feel like most female characters aren’t allowed to get into, and i really just??? Love her for it???? I thought i was gonna have a ton to say about her but honestly it all just comes back to “i really really really like how her flaws are written/handled alongside the rest of her character”.

I don’t have anything to like dissect about this line i just really like it. Eva had built up a pretty good bit of goodwill through its first 7 eps, and this really put a point on it. unfortunately it would then be ruined immediately in ep 8 BUT i did want to bring it up just because it was like. an ‘oh ok i can be justified for liking these characters’ type beat.

Also as far as the series ending goes i do have to be an apologist about her sorry. She literally has not done anything [more] wrong [than any of the other characters]!!  they wanna go through and list out all these characters’ insecurities and flaws and they go after katsuragi to slutshame her like  “Oh you're lonely so you use men to chase simple pleasures” and like. no?

First of all, every character’s breakdown was “you're lonely and/or afraid so that manifests as x”!!!! if she wants to fuck about it that’s her business! There is nothing inherently wrong with that! this COULD have still easily been a fatal flaw, like they could have presented it as a bunch of partners she’d had in a sort of use-and-abuse fashion and i’d have been like ok yeah this is an issue for you but they didn’t do that! the ONLY thing they talked about  was her less-than-stellar relationship--and subsequent messy breakup with kaiji**. Even if said breakup was largely her fault, she already acknowledged this and recognized the issues that led her to it! She has already apologized and openly admitted her fear to him, and that fear was explicitly why she ended the relationship! That is not intentionally “using” someone!!! you cannot call this a fatal flaw without more evidence. she had one messy relationship and she likes to fuck. That's a normal human flaw, try again. 

**this is actually a blessing in disguise, as it’s most of why i’m willing to look the other way when it comes to interpreting the more, uh, questionable aspects of her dynamic with shinji in nge. Like if the possible sexual implications there had been a Serious Deal for her character/portrayal i feel like it would have been brought up here, but since it wasn’t im happy to sweep it under the rug so it doesn’t ruin a character i otherwise really love. i do have a decent bit to say on this, but i’m saving it for the eoe post because it’s more relevant there and because, unlike eoe, my feelings towards nge are mostly positive so likewise i want to keep this post mostly positive. 

only thing she doesnt get a pass on is the alley sex like come on at least ONE of you has to have more class than that?!?!? It’s gotta be cold and dirty out there you are ON THE CONCRETE GROUND and there is VISIBLY A TRAIN GOING BY someone one is gonna see you!!! You’d have been better off fucking in a goddamn bathroom at that point

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akagi is the other unsung hero of this show, but in an in-universe way. this woman is holding this whole damn operation together. i don’t have much to say on her narratively, she’s got a very small presence, but as with suzuhara i think her lessened involvement really shows how eva lets simplified characters shine. I’m not gonna break down all of her appearances like i did for toji, but she has the same general “every time she’s onscreen they make excellent use of it” thing going on. she’s known the other NERV mainstays pretty far back and they’re really good at showing that familiarity through her dynamics with them. they just Know Things about eachother, and it’s played in a very natural and non-exposition-y way to inform stuff about the other characters’ pasts or motivations or how they’ve changed through the years or something like that. it’s good. she’s good. Always a delight to have you ma’am

Also im gonna say it. She should have been a lesbian. she has the vibes and it would have saved us all from... whatever that lategame nonsense with her and gendo was. c’mon girl LITERALLY anyone but gendo i know you have better taste than this. also x2 her dynamic with katsuragi is already great but i think it could have been even more interesting with some Subtext:tm: at play, even if unrequited. also x3 there is literally official art for this.

its literally right there. come ON

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also on side characters i never learned suzahara’s little nerd friend’s name but he’s really good too. his scene with shinji in e4 is wonderful and i think his being a dweeb does a good bit to enhance suzuhara’s character too, again just showing suzuhara isn’t an indiscriminate bully going after people who are ‘weird’ or lame or whatever since he clearly does not share this guy’s interest in military junk. also him cheerfully apologizing while suzuhara beats shinji up is just a great dynamic.

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I have to bring up penpen real quick just because no one ever told me theres a fucking penguin in this. hello? shinji just opens the door and theres a fucking penguin there and gets told thats his other roommate and we just have to accept that. I was looking at his wiki page and apparently 1. He lives in a spare freezer [very funny], and 2. katsuragi “took him with her from her previous job”  HELLO??? Did she steal a fucking penguin???? and what IS this thing’s level of sapience anyway. he eats out of a little doggy dish on the floor and doesn’t seem to have much capacity for communication, but knows how to use buttons and switches around the house, takes his own showers, and is apparently LITERATE???? lots of questions here but nonetheless i am very happy he exists. little guy :)

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kaji is.....*through gritted teeth*...........okay.......i guess. He does a lot of shit i want to kill him for but he also behaved himself at all the most crucial moments [providing gentle support when katsuragi was at her most vulnerable, and flatly ignoring all of asuka’s advances] so that makes him better than a lot of other characters. there’s a lot about him that easily could have gone way, way worse so ill take what i can fuckin get here. i don’t actually care about his narrative involvement at all sorry. i’m taking a petty point on this one. kind of glad he died just for getting to avoid the painfully obvious cliche of being the love interest katsuragi gets together with in the end, especially after treating her the way he does most of the time, and her still being really into him regardless for some reason. Would have felt like a really cheap and bullshit way to “justify” all of that. the most frustrating admission i have to make with this show is that "well, i'd rather it be between misato's tits, but failing that i'm choosing to die right here in my garden" is kind of unironically a fantastic line...he can have that one. That whole gardening scene was just really nice in general, and i do enjoy him as a sort of guide for shinji but other than that jesus christ dude.

i think he’s probably the most messy and plot device-y feeling character, though i recognize at least part of that is my general distaste for him so i have nothing else to say here.

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The little trio of field operations tech type guys…. Listen i know my fawning over literally every minor character is getting absurd at this point but like. I literally enjoy them. Ok. i think it’s really cool having a handful of just Actually Normal Guys along for the ride on this; seeing how The Horrors affect just the average joe kinda guy. For everyone else their own emotional torment is on pretty equal footing with all the impending physical threats, but these guys aren’t already super traumatized and have a much more surface-level relation to the horrors. Idk !i just think it’s neat seeing a different set of perspectives with them that lacks the tint of the Personal stakes/involvement the rest of the cast has with the whole situation; even if their reactions are pretty “generic” and could have been done with any random passerby in the city, i think it adds to it that it’s done with recurring guys, however minor. they are freshly Going Thru It but they persevere and i love them for this.

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gendo is notable just for how much he sucks. like it’s truly astonishing. i dont even mean in the abusive shitty father way. or, well, i do, because he IS also that, but even moreso he is just. so lame? he’s SO lame. all he does is sit there with his hands folded and say edgy ominous shit. some of that was definitely intentional and i think they also just couldn't afford more than one pose for the guy, but also....come on. Get a life loser.  even the peppermints guy somehow has more personality and intrigue than gendo and im pretty sure his only purpose is to sit in the bg to be intimidating and to mediate between nerv and seele.

anyway in ep18 he CLEANLY crosses the line from “obnoxiously distant and uncaring/nonreactive” to ”oh this guy is Actually evil”, in a... not really unexpected, but still very brutal way. given his interactions with rei it’s easy to think he’s still a somewhat benign dude overall and just hates shinji for being a failure son or whatever, BUT turns out actually shinji is the rule and rei is the exception instead of the other way ‘round. which, given what rei is... lol. lmao. [you of course don’t know that at this point though.] but no yeah this dude is just totally down to physically destroy some random kid by mentally destroying his own kid. oh and he also killed his wife. literally just astonishing how awful he is.

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oh yeah and kaworu exists. i guess. evidently people actually care about this guy? don’t get me wrong he’s a hell of a plot catalyst, but like as a character? Theres nothing there dude. he only exists for like 1.5 episodes and has zero agency, he’s just there to once again fill the quota of “new angel+traumatize shinji”. To be fair he is very good at this. But yeah i cannot give a shit about him, even as an angel. If i wanted to talk about individual angels i think i’d legit have more to say on that glowing one with psychic beams than the guy whose role is “suck up to shinji for an episode to make it extra painful when he inevitably has to die” i do think it’s insanely funny he shows up in so much of eva’s promo art though, what an absurd way to do a red herring.

--------------------------------------------- ok thats all the characters. umm a few other random misc notes

I moved this part out of the intro bc it’s a longer sidetrack but another thing that hooked me about the earlygame was actually the coverup explanation of the second impact as a meteor strike. It’s the first one you’re given, and a devastating natural disaster plays perfectly to the Somber tone eva thrives on. something unavoidable and unprovoked…. perhaps it is simply the bio nerd in me but the idea of earth and its life just trying to figure out how to exist again in the wake of something like that is awesome to me and did a ton to keep everything down to earth despite the giant robots and otherworldly horrors and whatnot. Definitely kind of a letdown to hear that’s just the cover-up explanation though, sort of turned it into your generic “humanity brought its own end” post-apocalypse thing, which may have been more novel at the time but it’s become pretty overdone these days. granted, eva’s a lot less overtly About said apocalypse than your typical modern post-apoc thing, and the�� circumstances for this cataclysm are definitely a bit different, but still. “You couldn’t have stopped this, you can only repair after the fact” is an angle i’m vastly more interested in, and also one i don’t see as much.

coming out of that, 8-17 are definitely the low stretch for me. the introduction of kaji and asuka their Anime Bullshit™, and the tone turning to a more standard monster of the week mech battle thing definitely killed my engagement there. whether there was actually more dialogue or i had just gotten acclimated to the Usual lack conversation i can’t tell, but all the aforementioned stuff put a pretty big hit on my enjoyment regardless. it picked back up HARD with the fourth child stuff though, and the plot motion of the Really Fucked Up Shit from there was plenty enough to outweigh my other gripes.

As far as the ending goes… yeah it’s good. It’s lame as hell in execution but like conceptually it’s fine and i can’t really be too mad about anything seeing as they were evidently Out Of Money. They stuck the landing effectively enough; really about as well as they could have given such strict limitations, and i do actually think it’s extremely cool that they were able to frame “removing backgrounds and colors and clean lines” and “we literally can only get this part out as storyboards” as a legit storytelling thing. Still sad about the dozen hanging lore threads ofc but getting any followup on those means acknowledging the movie so i’ll gladly cut my losses

I think this might fall under ‘fakedeep’ and ‘not actually good’ but i do genuinely appreciate that while nge looooves to have intentionally confusing presentation, when they Want to say something  it’s never really inscrutable and/or buried in metaphor and symbolism. This isn’t a narrative critique or anything i’m just not very smart so i like that it’s still pretty straightforward.

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Obligatory section about the angel designs. Yeah they’re good too. Anyone knows me knows i am allllll the fuck about creature design, and even though these aren’t as in-depth as what i usually go for[mostly due to budget stuff no doubt, judging by what they did with ramiel in the rebuild] [again i havent seen rebuild but hot damn rebuild ramiel my beloved], i still really appreciate just how diverse most of them are. They don’t stick to any particular type of design logic, and it’s rare to see something actually embrace an “anything goes” ruleset as well as this does. Like you got ones that are sort of just fantasy animals, ones that are a funky combination or suggestion of earth animals, ones that are just arcane imposing shapes, ones that are kind of abstract interesting shapes, some that are humanoid, some that are just and then like…whatever the fuck was going on with that dna halo thing. The humanoid ones do feel a bit samey but also anyone who knows me knows thats pretty much always the opinion i have on human/oid designs fdjsdjkfd. They have pretty funky and diverse sets of shapes which is rad, but their attack methods are all… Pretty boring. Pretty much all of ‘em just attack with their hands in some way and i feel like theres a million other things they coulda done there but oh well. Bland attacks are consistent across a lot of them though, like half were just “extrude something through the guy”, though i don’t think i can really be too mean about it because elaborate fight sequences would Also require money lmao.

Anyway my fave is the spider, followed by the weird fuckin orange splatter comet thing and the eel type guy

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i just have to say this as a standalone point but why do people not meme on the part where an angel starts fucking shit up and they just drop the hallelujah chorus oh my GOD. we make fun of the elevator scene and rightfully so even though that wasn’t the only instance of a single frame lasting over a minute, but like. idk maybe they thought the hallelujah chorus souned cool and dramatic or something but it just made me lose my shit when it came on. asuka is going fucking through it and the most sanctimonious singsongy music is playing.

another really funny thing is how every time they do a scene with an eva unit they’re like “oh no! something is going wrong! cut the power! aaah it’s not responding we can’t stop it!! oh no this is unprecedented!”. yes this is very precedented actually it happens literally every time. i know theres no suspense in an easy mission and they’re trying to drive that controlling the evas is janky as hell but you gotta have SOME standard of success/normalcy to compare to sjkdskdfdsf

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on the rebuilds....yeah no i don’t intend on watching them [unless it’s as a group with friends or something] If i’ve communicated nothing else in all this, i’d hope i got across that i admire nge mostly for the incredible efficiency of its narrative. It’s tight, focused, makes the most of that it’s got, and doesn’t go anywhere it doesn’t need to. i wouldn’t have been able to see a purpose for the rebuilds to have a new character in the first place, and after hearing a bit about said character’s evident production hell, uhhhhh. Lmao. i’d already think it loses something by not having by not having such tight budget restraints-since those no doubt factored into the way its tone was played here, but if they’re also adding shit just to add shit i Really don’t care.

that’s it i dont have a cool conclusion to all this or anything. i just needed to get all the thoughts out so i didn’t go insane. thanks for reading!

[ingravinoveritas]

Have you seen the gayest show on tv ever? Our Flag Means Death?

Gay pirate rom-com.

I would literally kill everyone on earth to see David and Michael in a show like that or Aziraphale and Crowley be that open and in love.

Anyways, it is on HBOMax and the last two episodes drop next week. Watch it and thank me later.

So, I’ve recently received these two asks about Our Flag Means Death, and between these messages and seeing my social media feeds blowing up about this show seemingly out of nowhere, I thought I would take the time to watch it (which I now have, all 10 episodes) and write about the show and my thoughts on all the discourse that’s popped up.

Before I get into the meat of my analysis, standard disclaimer that what follows are my opinions. What I think is by no means gospel, and I absolutely encourage folks to watch the show themselves and form their own opinions. At the same time, I was also very hesitant to watch the show initially, and I hope people understand that just because lots of GO fans or people you follow are watching the show and becoming fans, it doesn’t mean you have to, too. So if you don’t want to watch it, that is totally okay, and if you do want to watch it, that is okay, too.

All that being said, let me first list the things that I did like about OFMD, in no particular order (**Note: Spoilers for OFMD may follow, so read at your own discretion):

- Loved Ewen Bremner as Mr. Buttons, because I was immediately like “HI SPUD!” and let’s face it, Mr. Buttons is pretty much what Spud would be like if he were an 18th century pirate, albeit with less heroin and more cannibalistic tendencies. Bless.

- Loved the relationship between Lucius and Black Pete, and how the latter carved a new finger for the former after he lost his, and the depth of emotion from Pete when he was giving it to him (”I’m used to death, but, um...not your death”).

- Loved that Mary didn’t even blink or blanch when Stede said, “Ed. His name is Ed” after she asked the name of the person Stede had found who makes him happy, and that she was so supportive of him even after all they’d been through. 

-  Taika Waititi’s entire goth daddy pirate aesthetic as Blackbeard/Ed gave me life. The whole look was very Michael Sheen as Lucian from Underworld on the high seas and normally I am not here for a giant beard, but when he shaved it off in a later episode, I was nearly bereft.

- And yes, the burgeoning relationship between Stede and Ed was and is adorable, but something about which I continue to have somewhat mixed feelings (more on that in a minute).

Overall, Our Flag Means Death was a cute show (if a bit gory at times) and enjoyable on its own. But where I start to struggle is with the repeated comparisons to Good Omens (and especially to comparisons between Michael/David and Rhys/Taika, which is what I think I have the most problem with). And here’s why.

When I become specifically, intensely interested in something, whether it’s a movie or a band or a TV show--and this may have to do with my being autistic or just who I am--I am only interested in That Thing. For the past three years, Good Omens and Michael and David have had my heart, and so my initial hesitation in watching OFMD stemmed from seeing what I perceived as fans jumping on this bandwagon and rushing to replace Aziraphale and Crowley with Stede and Ed.

Now, I am aware this is not the case for most people. I know a lot of folks are filling the void between now and when season 2 of GO comes out, and this doesn’t make them love GO any less. But for me, there is something very special and unique about Good Omens and the characters of Aziraphale and Crowley and what they have all meant to me personally. So when I started seeing the comparisons between GO and OFMD, I wasn’t sure how to feel. What I mainly feel now, however, is that the comparisons do a disservice to both Stede/Ed and Aziraphale/Crowley, because while these relationships may seem similar on the surface, underneath they are very different.

The number one thing I have seen folks talking about on social media is the kiss between Stede and Ed in episode 9 of OFMD. I did think the kiss was sweet, but also a bit stiff--and not because of it being a first kiss. In talking about this, I think we have to mention acting and chemistry, both of which hugely influence how a relationship reads on screen, and Rhys and Taika do indeed have chemistry in the show. But when I saw them kiss, what I immediately saw was the acting. When I see Michael and David together, I see them being. It’s the difference between acting chemistry vs. people chemistry, embodying Aziraphale and Crowley from the inside out, as opposed to from the outside in, and having that relationship informed by the powerful bond between Michael and David off-screen.

So when I saw that kiss, I couldn’t help thinking that a kiss between Aziraphale and Crowley would be completely different from the kiss between Stede and Ed. (For many reasons, which would necessitate a longer discussion about representation and Michael/David (especially Michael’s) fearlessness and entire lack of hesitation in playing queer roles and the parts of him those roles represent.) But mainly because that chemistry and connection between Rhys and Taika doesn’t hold a candle to the chemistry and connection between Michael and David. And the presence of a kiss between Stede and Ed does not automatically mean they have romantic chemistry in the same way that Aziraphale and Crowley do, despite the absence of a kiss between them.

This is also the reason why I had to do a double-take when I saw a post here on Tumblr putting Michael and Georgia/David’s Twitter interaction side-by-side with one of Taika and Rhys’ and saying it had the same vibes:

For me, these two examples could not be more disparate. Again, it’s that thing where on the surface there appears to be a similarity, but when you look closely, there is a difference. Right off the bat, Taika qualifies his tweet by using the phrase “onscreen crush,” thereby drawing a clear line between him and the character of Ed/Blackbeard. But for the past three years, Michael has done nothing but the complete opposite, entirely blurring the line between him and Aziraphale, saying how David is very easy to fall in love with, calling David his lover, directly referencing fanfic by saying it is about he and David having sex, and countless other examples I have chronicled on my blog. (This isn’t even getting into how David has reciprocated outside of social media, albeit in his more reserved, David Tennant-y way.)

To go back to the example above, in contrast to Rhys and Taika’s exchange, the “other wife” comment--along with Michael’s response--is referencing something that has nothing to do with anything onscreen. We saw the first reference on Georgia’s birthday, and the tweet above continued it. But these references (#MugGate 2020, the use of the phrase “other partner” prior to “other wife” becoming a thing) have been going on for TWO YEARS now, so there is a history to this and a very high probability that it’s alluding to so much more than we even know about. So it seems like that takes things far beyond the realm of one very specific, narrowly-defined Twitter exchange, and is for me the reason why they are so completely different/not in the same realm.

All of the above being said, watching OFMD made me think of many things, but in particular, it made me think of season 2 of GO, and what could be in store/what I hope is in store. I know I have said previously that I am okay with Aziraphale and Crowley kissing or not kissing, and while watching OFMD has certainly tipped the scales in favor of “kissing,” what I hope is that that chemistry between Michael and David will be utilized to maximum effect, in whatever form that may take.

I hope Neil will see what they’ve brought to Aziraphale and Crowley in the first season and not let it go to waste, because the chemistry between Michael and David is truly a once-in-a-lifetime find. Like you, @blueberrysconematurity, I would also love to see Aziraphale and Crowley being that open--or at least being open in the way that is right for them--and putting to rest any of the absurdly still-lingering doubts about the love that is between them.

I hope that we can acknowledge and respect that there is room for all sort of queer representation in the media landscape, and that though there may be parallels, the relationships between Aziraphale/Crowley and Stede/Ed are not completely alike, nor should they have to be, to be viewed as representation.

And I hope that, for the sake of both Good Omens and Our Flag Means Death and the creators and cast who worked so hard to make these shows happen, the comparisons will eventually die down. I feel they shouldn’t be compared, but rather appreciated for the individual, unique shows that they are, with two relationships that are worth celebrating without casting them in each other’s shadow.    

So those are my thoughts on OFMD, and I hope this post helps some folks out who have been wondering about the show. Thanks for writing in! xx

[caramelcal]

Request:  Luke x reader? Luke tries to distract reader throughout the day (like he did to Julie) especially when she tries to talk to Nick? Which reader gets mad about and starts to ignore Luke (because she’s been trying to distract herself from her growing feels for him) and he eventually poofs into he room to talk to her about it?

Word Count: 2k

a/n: hi! sorry this took so long, instead of sitting down and working on one fic i’ve been working on five at the same time. incredibly stressful, i’ll try not to do that again lol especially considering it meant it took me ages to write them all...also someone pls give me something to name this lmao ty, and thank you for the request! 

also just in case anyone asks i will not be making a part 2 sorry ! :(

disclaimer: I do not condone the use of my work/writing without my permission. The only place this has been posted is on my (rosemoonmist) tumblr account. This has not been posted on any other platform either. If you see any plagiarism of my work please let me know! <3 People work hard on their fics, so don’t steal them ty.

Masterlist

“So y/n I was thinking,” Luke starts, popping up out of thin air beside you whilst you walk along the corridors. At his unannounced presence beside you, you jump and let out a surprised squeal, gather attention from other students.

Looking around, you notice all of their stares and a blush coats your cheeks. They couldn’t see Luke, you knew that, so they thought you jumped at nothing and your squeal definitely didn’t help. Your head ducks down in embarrassment, trying to avoid the gazes of the students as you start to hurry to your locker.

“Y/n! I’m trying to talk to you here? Hello!” Luke shouts, following your quick, embarrassed walk to your locker. He leans against the locker beside you, arms crossed over his chest, “Y/n, stop ignoring me please.”  

“You know Luke, normal people don’t sneak up on others so you definitely shouldn’t,” You mutter quietly, trying not to attract any more attention from those near you. You had already embarrassed yourself enough, you definitely didn’t need to be caught talking to yourself.

Luke watches you as you get your textbooks from your locker with soft, hazel eyes, shrugging his shoulders before he speaks again, “I don’t see what’s wrong with coming to share my ideas with you.”

“When you practically ambush me in the middle of the halls and embarrass me in front of my classmates then there’s something wrong,” You whisper harshly towards the teenage ghost, who gives you a playful smile in return.

“Don’t worry about it, I think your little scream was cute,” Luke tries to playfully comfort you, but you only end up more embarrassed. Ducking your head, you clear your throat, not meeting Luke’s eyes, “Plus, if I don’t talk to you then who is? Flynn and Julie aren’t here.”

“I have friends other than Julie and Flynn, you know,” You replied with a small smile, rolling your eyes at the boy whose eyes go slightly wider in amusement.

Leaning closer to you, he whispers, “Yeah, one of ‘ems behind you right now.”

With that he pulls back, his amused smirk going wider when he sees your eyes widen in panic. At least he’s getting some enjoyment out of this because you certainly weren’t. It was almost as if you were unfrozen, whipping around after several moments of doing nothing and just standing still to see him there.

“Heyyy y/n,” He says, trying to mask the slightly judgmental look he is giving you but you notice. At this rate, you just want the ground to swallow you whole, melt into the floor or just disappear.

“Nick! Hi,” You say, feeling your throat close up as you look at him. You try to keep your eyes on him, but they quickly stray when Luke appears behind him.

“You alright, L/N?” Nick asks, looking at you strangely with concern etched into his voice.

Waving your hand about weirdly, you nod your head wildly, trying to act natural but very much not. Luke glances at you with a judgmental glance, one that he wants you to see as you laugh, “Of course I am! Why would I not be?”

“I don’t know, you’re just acting a little strange.”

“Me? I’m always strange,” You try to wave it off, hoping that soon enough this nightmare would be over and you could go back home. This has to be the most embarrassing day to ever exist, for anyone. You would give anything just to disappear right now.

“Uh oh,” Luke’s voice sounds from behind Nick, his voice teasing as he looked at you with a smile, “has someone got a crush on Nick?”

“What! No!”

Your eyes snapped over to Luke, his smile growing wider. You know that he’s messing with you, but you couldn’t let him believe you had a crush on Nick of all people. No way. You already liked someone else, Luke, so to let Luke believe that you liked Nick was not going to happen. Your eyes hesitantly look back towards Nick, where he looks at you with a confused look.

You know that you can’t explain you were talking to a ghost, he’d think you were even crazier than you actually were. Giving him an awkward laugh you rub behind your neck, “Sorry, Flynn is across the hall and is trying to be distracting.”

“Flynn isn’t even in scho-”

“Sorry, Nick! Nice talking to you but I gotta go, bye!” Cutting Nick off quickly, you wave your hand before whirling around, walking in the opposite direction. A pair of shoes caught themselves up with you, and you knew who it was. The black and white vans were kind of a giveaway.

“I think that went well.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

. . .

Thankfully, your bad and embarrassing day didn’t get much worse. You managed to get through your first classes without Luke trying to annoy you anymore, which meant that you didn’t embarrass yourself even more and when it came to lunch you holed yourself up in the library. Being in the library meant that there was no one around to embarrass yourself in front of.

Your last class rolled around and you were trying to get your head down and do your work so that you could go home and forget that this day ever happened. It wasn’t going to get much worse than it already is considering the day was practically over, so you were just waiting for the time to pass by.

“Y/n, psst,” You hear a voice whisper from in front of you, making you look up. Maybe you spoke too soon, because there Luke is, sitting on the desk in front of yours, that was thankfully empty.

You knew that Luke just liked to talk to people other than Reggie and Alex from time-to-time and you were normally a good option but not in school. And especially not after the embarrassment that happened earlier on in the morning; that’s why you ignored him.

However, it seemed that Luke really wanted your attention and was willing to do anything to get it. Whether it be constantly talking to you, distracting you from doing your work, or humming new songs, he seemed to be doing anything to be annoying.

“What do you think about this one, n/n?”

Often, you were used to Luke just using your first name, so the sound of your endeared nickname falling off of his lips effortlessly caused your heart to flutter. Luke frowned a little, he knew you were listening, he could see you press your pencil down a little harder on your paper every time he spoke, almost as if you were trying to restrain yourself from answering him.

A smirk lit upon his lips, he knew exactly what to do. Jumping off of the table, he made his way over to your desk, taking the pencil out of your hand. Your eyes went wide but you knew you couldn’t make a big deal about it, imagine they seen you jumping after a floating pencil.

Looking up at Luke, you mouthed ‘Luke, put the pencil down’ with a glare, but Luke simply smirked at you. At this rate, you thought that Luke was just trying to get you grumpy. He brought the pencil down to your level to tease you but you caught onto it, tugging it closer to you.

Luke didn’t seem to want to let go, finally glad to get your attention but it shouldn’t have been a good thing, because he was just angering you even more.

Finally managing to yank the pencil off of Luke, you heard a voice whisper beside you, “Hey y/n, are you planning on actually doing any work, or are you gonna continue to cast spells with your pencil?”

The day definitely couldn’t get worse after that.

. . .

After that, you were determined to ignore Luke by any means necessary, even if he stole a pencil and let the class believe that the class was haunted. Thankfully enough, Luke realized that he shouldn’t push your buttons anymore and left you alone. On your walk home you practically wallowed in self-pity and embarrassment and found yourself swallowed in a hole of blankets and pillows watching a movie when you got into your bedroom.

You did not want to go back to school, and you found yourself dreading it more and more with each passing moment. After Luke realized how embarrassed you were the first time, he should've stopped, but he didn’t. Maybe he just liked to torture you and embarrass you in front of all of your peers.

It was a well-established thing that you liked Luke, not that he knew, of course, you knew he didn’t like you back like that. And after today, you struggled to believe he would ever see you as more; it was like he didn’t care about your feelings.

“Y/n, there you are,” Speak of the devil, “I need opinions on these new lyrics-”

“No, Luke. I’m busy.” You snap, eyes keeping on the screen. You hoped that he took the memo and stopped talking and left, but he didn’t, they never do.

Walking towards your bed, Luke sat beside you and grabs the remote that was tucked in between two blankets, holding it up to you, “No you aren’t, you’re only watching a movie. I’m sure you could stop it for two seconds.”

“What if I don’t want to?” You reply sassily, reaching for more popcorn that sat in the small bowl in front of you.

“What’s up with you?” Luke asks, his voice slightly annoyed as he looks at you. He seems confused like he’s completely oblivious to everything that happened today.

“What do you think is up with me?” You ask, finally turning to look at him, e/c eyes meeting the hazel ones you were so fond of.

Luke stares back at you with the same intensity, eyes looking over your blanket-covered figure before realization dawned on his face. Yet, with the realization, annoyance seemed to follow closely behind, “Is this because I embarrassed you in front of your crush?”

“I don’t have a crush on Nick!” Your voice is slightly louder than you had intended, but you don’t bother to apologize anyway.

Maybe you were both overreacting, and you were getting a little too defensive but you couldn’t help it. Luke didn’t seem to listen to you, you had already told him you didn’t like Nick, couldn’t he just listen to you for once in his life?

“Why are you shouting? I’m just asking a question,” Luke says, his voice calm. You had never expected the day where Luke would be the voice of reason between the two of you but here we are.

Eyes looking back up to meet Luke’s, a frown falls onto your face. Sighing, you feel guilt pool in your stomach, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

“It’s alright, y/n. I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in the first place. I’m really sorry,” You’re pretty sure that’s the first time you have ever heard Luke apologize to anyone, and you’re surprised at how sincere he sounded. Maybe Luke does care about your feelings more than you expected him to.

Soon enough, the calm and comfortable atmosphere you have created in the room because uncomfortable as you both sit in a silence. You don’t know what to say, or what to do but thankfully, Luke saves you from that.

“Listen, I- uh,” Luke hesitates to speak, feeling nervous when your attention is turned back to him. His gaze looks down at the bed before glancing back up, looking very fidgety under your gaze, “I’m sorry for what I did this morning. I don’t know I just seen Nick, and I thought you guys liked each other and I didn’t like it so I embarrassed you in front of him and that’s not okay.”

“You didn’t like it?” You ask with a smirk, quoting what Luke said as your smirk goes a bit wider. Noticing your words, Luke’s eyes go a little bit wider as he starts to stutter but you quickly end his stuttering, “Were you jealous, Patterson?”

It takes him a few moments to respond, your full body turning towards him when you begin to tease him. You had hoped that he was going to get embarrassed in front of you but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

“Maybe I am, what are you gonna do about it?”

[woundthatswallows]

fav super gorey bloody movies? i can neverrrr get enough blood and guts <3

ohh yes absolutely.. i'm the same way body horror n gore r my fave parts of horror i got you <3 i have A Lot so here we go. (this got very long and i got quite passionate in my commentary whoops!)

possession (1981) duh. gore doesn’t kick in for a bit and isn’t super long and gorey but it’s SO GOOD when it does

deathgasm (2015) was sooooo fun and gorey and bloody and campy. very much an ode to evil dead.

OH and if you haven’t seen evil dead that too!!! i like evil dead 2 a lot more than the first but both have good gore

basket case (1982) so fun

the loved ones (2009) really gorey really fun really cool horror role reversal. i ❤️evil teenage girls. felt martyrs (2008)-esque in some parts, which i will talk abt later in this post

IMPETIGORE (2019) !!!!! literally one of my favorite movies ever it’s SO underrated and was soo good and gorey and literally everything i could want in a horror film.. fucked up lore, nature and graveyards AGH it was so good. it’s a shudder original but i think you should be able to find it through other means if u dont have shudder

the autopsy of jane doe (2016) much more a medical gore type situation but i loved it

the dentist (1996) super fun mouth themed horror / gore. felt like a fever dream and a drug trip combined. the second one was also really fun

audition (1999) literally need to say nothing about this

the hellraiser series!! I’ve only seen up to 5 i think but 1 + 2 are so good. (2nd is my fave)

the saw franchise is all great gore!!

raw (2016) so good. cannibalism. weird sisterhood. need i say more

may (2002) was so damn good!! i think you would really love this one, there's a milk + blood moment in it!! and weird creepy dolls!!

suspiria (1977) and the 2018 version were so good! the 2018 one wasn't so much a remake as more than a retelling and expansion. i personally did the 2018 one first and then the 1977 one upon a recommendation so that you can go into the 2018 one without comparing it to the original, which i felt helped in my enjoyment of it a lot.

house of wax (2005) i have some mixed feelings on this movie as i do think it plays into the “omg people who look different than us are sooo evil and fucked up horror trope” but. the gore is amazing and the soundtrack fucks so hard.

the descent (2005) literally there’s a lake of blood. and very very very few men god bless.

american mary (2012) incredible amazing outstanding show stopping never been done before

revenge (2017) no idea how i feel about this movie but the gore was good

okay and now the cronenberg section of the reclist. i recommend everything of his so here are his more gorey ones ranked by my faves (dead ringers isn’t gorey really but it gets an honorable mention as my fave cronenberg)

videodrome, shivers, the fly, rabid, the brood, scanners (these are more body horror than pure guts n blood but they are great nonetheless)

okay and now my two really fucked up but amazing recs that i have to give a disclaimer these are Intense and not-for-everyone-recs

martyrs (2008) is one of my top 10 movies ever i adored it so much and it’s so gorey and gross and wonderful but as i said, quite intense and stomach churning.

and then the nekromantik series. these are quite a bit of meta commentary films, i.e why would someone watch this because they really are gross and insane. nekromantik 2 was my favorite. but yeah big big warning for these in general. definitely hard stomach churning watches, and makes you question why you are watching them, but still amazing. but yeah. proceed with caution with them if you watch them.

[rainbowsky]

Hi! Would you like to share some of your fav RPFs?

Adding a cut, because this list will continue to grow as I update it.

Disclaimer: My recommendation does not serve as an endorsement of everything that is said in these stories. Rather, it’s simply that I’ve read and enjoyed the stories listed.

Here are my top 10, all worthy of multiple re-reads (updating as I go along so check back):

听候发落; As You Wish by piggycat, translated to English by sunsandships - This story completely blew me away. I can say without hesitation that this is the best GGDD fic I’ve ever read. It’s a very long fic and I read it in one sitting. That should give you an idea of how good it is. I love the realism of it. It doesn’t read like a fairy tale, yet has all the qualities of angst, sweetness, etc. that make those fairy tale-ish ones so enjoyable. The author wrote some excellent companion pieces that really add to the story, which were also translated by sunsandships.

Epiphyte by feenwitch - Beautiful slow burning story where DD has retired somewhat and helps GG who is really burnt out.

Fixtures and Fittings by ella_minnow - DD is a famous motorcycle racer, GG is an interior designer hired to remodel his home. The mood of this one has really stuck with me.  

The Scent of Happiness by vesna - Beautifully told. DD is famous in this story, but GG owns a bakery/cafe.

With Joy and Purpose by feenwitch - A heartbreaking space story where DD is an android stranded on a distant planet that GG crashes onto.

forehead kisses, break my knees by kinkywrists. - One of those angsty, sad stories with a lot of emotional depth. Well written, very engaging.

小偷玫瑰 · Voleur de Roses - This is a very angsty, heartbreaking story from the Chinese fandom, by AbyssJIN, translated by Fefedove.

if you would only let you by gdgdbaby - GG and DD take a road trip.

Victorian AU by vesna - Memorable, sweet slow burner set in Victorian London.

Finding Yibo by vesna - Adorable, infectiously charming tale where DD turns into a small child that GG has to care for.

Cut to the Feeling by vesna - DD is a PA and a dance instructor, GG is an idol. Interesting story, different atmosphere from the usual.    

Pretty Dead by Verona95 - Detective GG and student DD come together during a murder investigation. Interesting and suspenseful, with a very unique atmosphere. So good.

Others I recommend:

yesterday, tomorrow by sophiahelix - GG and DD are filming a movie on location, and working through relationship issues along the way.

Stripped by vesna - GG is an art student and English tutor, DD is a dance student and part time nude model. Very cute, often humorous story.    

you can take my heart by ThirtySixSaveFiles - Another space story where DD is an android and GG is a pilot/mechanic.

a bar at the folies-bergère by Anonymous - GG is a painter and DD is a bartender. Short but very sweet.

A Weekend in Sanya by biscutpoo - Excellent story. Highly recommended.

aubade by ThirtySixSaveFiles - A sweet, mildly angsty space story where GG and DD are on opposite sides of a diplomatic negotiation.

citrus, cypress, sandalwood, sage by ThirtySixSaveFiles - Very sweet story where GG is a witch and DD is a model.

Close Your Pretty Eyes by DeviyudeThoolika - Angsty, heartbreaking story with some truly gutting romantic dialogue.

Satisfaction Brought it Back by feenwitch - DD turns into a cat and is given to GG to care for. Very sweet story.

you, in every world by Deinde - A heartsick DD is hurled into the world of the Untamed, where he meets WWX and LWJ. There is a sequel where both GG and DD return.

Venus by brooklinegirl - Short steamy story on the set of the Bazaar photo shoot.

Mystery Dance by vesna - DD is teased for being a virgin.

Doctor, Doctor by feenwitch - Short, sweet space story where GG is ship’s doctor caring for the flirty, wild DD through his various adventures.

Love In the Afternoon by DeviyudeThoolika - Angsty, lovely story where GG is a therapist helping idol DD deal with insomnia.

Making my loneliness small by becka - A very sweet, at times slightly melancholic, story where DD is an idol and GG is a graphic designer turned farmer.

to love you well by timelykey - One of my absolute favorite tropes; ‘taking care of a sick friend’. GG is sick and DD comes to the rescue. Really enjoyed this one.

I enjoy the skill and care that goes into these stories. They are infused with sweetness and warmth. Some of them are more ‘realistic’, some of them are set in other universes, but they all share an obvious love for GG and DD. None attempt to ‘intrude’ into their actual lives. These are works of fiction.

I think we might all hope to be loved enough that people would want to write this sort of sweetness about us, and that we could be so in love as to inspire it.

More of my thoughts on RPF can be found here.

Also, I’m always happy to get new recommendations!

Here are some of the things I enjoy:

Angst (although not gratuitous angst)

Hurt/comfort, especially grief, or taking care of sick/injured

Enemies to lovers

Stupid, oblivious pining

Hilarious, ridiculous idiots

"But I thought I was straight"

Modern AU preferred, although I'm open to really good fic from any setting

I prefer 'realistic' stories over fantastical ones (vampires, etc), but I'm open to anything well-written

15k - 150k preferred, but open to others

In case you're new here, I don't gaf about top/bottom (my only preference is that people stop making such a big deal about it)

Here are some things I'd like to avoid:

Mpreg

Gender switch

ABO (although Dom/sub is fine)

Incest

Fandom crossover (with anything other than people/characters directly connected to GGDD)

I prefer stories that aren't overly fluffy

I don't read WIP, but if you have a good one to recommend, do so and I'll mark it for when it's complete.

My WangXian fic recs can be found here.

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

 -you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality. 

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime. 

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that. 

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances. 

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted. 

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile. 

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy. 

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche. 

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed. 

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms). 

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him. 

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does. 

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene: 

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff. 

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention. 

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?