#perverted bond

[phantom-fleetways]

I need Surge and Kit to have a messy break up before getting back together in the most heart wrenching way possible, and no I'm not joking.

I need them to have this messy breakup cuz Surge kept insisting and insisting and INSISTING that Kit needs to break from his programming. Kit being so hurt about the fact that she doesn't trust that he wants this. That he wants HER.

Then I need them reuniting after a month long period or so. Surge has spent the better half of that time spiralling and realizing how DEEP she needs Kitsunami to cope with reality properly. And Kit has spent the better half of that time trying to be so good... But stalking Surge cuz... She really is his everything.

When they finally reconcile, it's messy and a bit weird. A lot of Surge telling Kitsunami never to leave again, telling him that his only goals in life is to be there for her. Most likely with her so visually livid and Kit just... Hugging her and softly affirming he won't leave again. Leading her to physically untense and fall limp in his arms. Just muttering soft "I'm sorry"s and "please don't leave me again"s as Kit just cradles her.

Just UGH GOD. They don't gotta kiss, I just need to see them break up and then go back to being partners and having Surge acknowledge that Kitsunami is her EVERYTHING. Like how she is for him.

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

💘Happy Valentine's Day to some of my OTPs!💘

💙💜

💙💛

💜🤍

🖤💙

❤️💛

🩵🧡

💚🩵

💜❤️

🩵🧡

🖤🩷

[phantom-fleetways]

I FUCKING CALLED IT.

Sonic the Hedgehog #72 Preview

Script: Evan Stanley (@spiritsonic/@evanstanleyportfolio) Pencils: Aaron Hammerstrom (@aaronhamm) Inks: Matt Froese Colors: Reggie Graham (@ziggyfin) Letters: Shawn Lee Associate Editor: Bixie Mathieu Editor: Thea Cheuk Production Design: Johanna Nattalie

[qwainte]

People are so weird about Halsin and other characters, I hate fandom sometimes.

[garland-on-thy-brow]

Famous wicked stepmothers of Roman literature:

L. Aelius Sejanus.

[rickyrainfrog]

ethel cain releasing an ambient drone album…. finally some tunes i can recommend to my father

[phantom-fleetways]

Listen, listen, listen.

They could be EVERYTHING.

Especially sonkit to me!

My personal favorite concept for them is that Surge & Kit and Sonic & Tails are on a mission together end up having to split up. And because Either Sonic or Tails refuses to trust Surge won't just bail with Kit, the two agree to split up in a unique pattern.

Surge with Tails and Kit with Sonic. This leads to a funny string of events. Starting with Surge telling Kit to behave and listen to Sonic almost as well as he does to her. Kit being low-key angry while also being a giant suck up all at once... Imagine the delicious tonal whiplash Sonic would have to deal with!!

And Surge with Tails is nothing but chaos and arguments in the most slapstick inducing ways. Surge is used to a full blown enabler, not this half enabler half keeping her in line thing that Sonic and Tails do. They would be worsties and barely tolerate each other until the literal last few hours together.

Of course I have an alt idea where it's merely more like Since and Kit end up stuck together post issue 50 and Surge and Tails end up stuck together. Both groups looking to be reunited with one another. (Well... More like Tails looking for Sonic and Sonic looking for Tails. While Surge and Kit are dragged along accompanying journeys.)

we have kiturge. we have kitta/ils. we have sonurge. we have sontails.

now where the fuck is the sonkit and the surgails. hm? huh?

the people wanna know!

[phantom-fleetways]

Thinking about THEM. ❤❤❤

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

One day

One day I hope people realize that Kitsunami already "broke through his programming" back by issue #56 of Idw Sonic

He had an entire mini arc where he dealt with being without Surge for the first time, and in the real world. He met Sonic and his friends directly, tried to work out what his purpose would be without Surge in his life (gave it a shot trying to devote himself to Sonic, seeing him as the next best thing after Surge). And when it was all said and done, he decided after experiencing more that at Surge's side is where he wanted to be.

As of the recent IDW issues, Kit isn't sticking with Surge "because of programming" and "because he just needs for other characters to friend him and turn him into a better person". He is at her side because he wants to be. He protects her and aids her because he cares about her, not just because he's serving the strongest guy in the room. And he's not interacting with others because he's decided not to give a shit about anyone else other than Surge (because from his pov, even the "good guys" are fake. From his pov, everyone is someone trying to lie and manipulate their way into pulling him and Surge to their side)

Kit already has decided what he wants to do with his life. And he decided it on his own. Not because of anyone else's wants or wishes. That's the whole point of his speech at the end of #56.

He's burying whatever his and Surge's past is and moving forward with his conviction to be with Surge because it's what he wants.

[fuckfriday]

tw stepcest

stepdad!kento catches himself one evening at the bathroom door as you're showering. his wife, your mother, is out for the evening and he's been tasked with trying to bond with you—his moody stepdaughter who has yet to warm up to the prospect of a man in the house.

everything you did seemed to be to spite the poor man. he had dedicated so much of himself to this marriage, and still you can't offer him even a chance. he had planned on sitting you down this evening to watch through a movie with him—he'd make popcorn and let you choose whatever dumb film you pleased. but he knew that would get him nowhere.

because you hated him. at least, he had thought.

but as he had walked past the bathroom to find the door cracked and the softest of humming sounding over the running water, kento started to wonder if your actions have been from a place of hate or from somewhere else entirely.

like that one time last week in the kitchen. he had been holding a tall glass of water, and you deliberately walked right into him, making him spill it all down the front of your thin pyjama top. you made such a drama about him watching his fucking step, but as kento thinks back on it he can't quite remember your expression. he had been staring, albeit unintentionally, at the way your nipples hardened through your now wet and now see through top. and you didn't say a word about it.

kento shakes his head. he's just being perverted: you have no intentions of riling him up in any capacity outside of innocent displeasure. you're not some horny young woman with eyes set on her step father, and kento is a nasty man for even entertaining the thought.

until you moan his name.

a sweet and prolonged "kentooo," that drips down the shower walls and reaches his ears just as his blood rushes south. is he hearing you right? maybe you're calling out for his help. maybe you're shaving and you cut yourself bad. or you fell and he was too in his own head to hear it.

that's the justification he comes up with in his head when he decides to push the dor open just a little wider and peek in. if you were hurt, he'd be decent about it: cover his eyes the best he could and treat you with the modesty you so deserve and—

you have the shower head tucked between your legs. with your free hand, you run your fingers over your perfect tits, tweaking a nipple here and there as you arch into the jet-setting that pulses against your clit so perfectly that you almost don't need to imagine it's your stepdads tongue instead.

but you do, and you moan his name like a bitch in heat because he brings out a part of you that makes you feel like exactly that.

poor kento can't help himself either. what kind of man is he, to stand behind an ajar door with his cock suddenly hooked out of his slacks and being stroked at a punishing pace as he watches his stepdaughter pleasure herself. how filthy is it that you pine after him: that you have no clue he's watching you stimulate your needy little clit to the thought of him? he wonders what you think about, whether it's detailed or a vague taboo that keeps you going.

he wonders if your mind reels at the dinner table when his feet accidentally brush against your legs beneath. he wants to know what you think when you greet him in the mornings, and he's stretching out and showing off his happy trail and mussed blond hair...

he wonders if he's going to hell for this. or if a divorce is right around the corner. his wedding band feels cool against his otherwise searing hot length. god, this is bad.

your mother would flip. you would too, if you knew he was only a few feet away and peering around the room in search of your discarded panties. if you knew he was contemplating the merits of sneaking in and stealing them to jack off into later. would you scream? call him every name under the sun? tell your mom?

or would you meet his eye sin the bathroom mirror, like you are right now, and fucking smile.

he thinks his heart stops. but again it beats and your eyes don't leave his in the reflection, and your hand doesn't pull the shower head from your sweet little pussy and kento doesn't stop fucking his fist in return.

it's straight eye contact. it's the exchange of everything wrong with whats happening right now until the two of you build into a mind-blowing shared climax that has kento biting down on a moan and you letting one rip raw from your throat.

so you don't hate him.

he hates himself, though. guilt weighs him down as he, still without breath from his heavy orgasm, steps backwards and leaves you wondering if you really saw your stepdad in the mirror or if your wishful thinking has just become too much these days.

and he cleans up in the master bathroom with a headache and a newfound urge to read the fucking bible again. you join him later that night for the promised movie night bonding experience—just to put on the cheesiest film you can and insist on sharing a blanket to save the energy of going to get another.

and he keeps his eyes locked on the film the whole time. and you pretend that you don't see the sliver of your lace panties poking out from his pocket.

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[cherryredstarz]

Panties 🎀

Cw: NSFW, pervy nasty Caleb being NASTAYYYY

Caleb’s a pervert. He’s incredibly aware of the fact—he’s been like this for a long while. Ever since he was a teenager, when he’d first discovered porn. He’d jerk off in the middle of the night, once he was sure you and Grandma were fast asleep. Fisting his dick, he’d watch videos of girls…that looked like you.

It’s unsurprising; Caleb has liked you since you were babies. He feared, however, you’d only always see him as an overprotective brother figure and not something more.

Then, he joined the Farspace Fleet and rose to the rank of Colonel. When you attempted to infiltrate the Farspace Fleet and learned Caleb was alive, you both knew he wasn’t the same kindhearted boy from your childhood. But your bond was renewed—you both became closer than ever.

You were Caleb’s girl—you both knew it and were crazy for each other.

Often, you stayed the night at Caleb’s apartment in Skyhaven—you’d sleep with him on the couch, in bed, even on the floor (sometimes it just feels better).

Currently, you are fast asleep, snuggled up with one of his pillows, in his bed. You slept over so often you had your own drawers of clothing in his room; of which he was taking full advantage of.

Quietly, Caleb opened your pantie drawer, and pulled out a lacy little pair you’d bought to surprise him with. It was a miracle he hadn’t ruined them while on you. But he was in the bathroom, holding that damned pair of underwear to his nose, inhaling your scent deeply before fisting the panties around his dick. He moaned quietly, going until his body was twitching and the lacy scrap of fabric was soaked with cum. He’d tuck it away in his laundry basket; you wouldn’t have to know.

[phantom-fleetways]

Happy Birthday to the best two dorks in all of IDW!!

Gotta be my favorite pair of imposters!!💖💖💖

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I need Surge and Kit to be insufferable about it

Any time they sit down anywhere, Kit sits right on Surge's lap and gives everyone the death stare. Surge always has a hand on one of Kit's thighs. Eating? In a meeting? Doesn’t matter

When they're some place like the restoration building or in an alley near people they know (Sonic's friends), Surge should pull Kit aside just out of sight and start making out with Drippy sloppily, just loud enough for people to hear.

While stuck in a conversation she doesn't want to be in, Surge occasionally just choosing to snap her fingers and loudly tell Kit that they're leaving. Kit wraps his hydro coils around her (tenderly) and airlifts them both out in style

Neither Surge nor Kit taking no for an answer when people try to separate them (because they're a package deal!), no matter what they have to do to get their way

I need someone like Vector to point at their asses in public and go "is that allowed??" only for someone to tell him "just ignore them. They're just like that. If you point it out it'll only get worse"

They should flex on Sonic about how much better partners they are than him and Tails, just to get under his skin

[rodolfoparras]

A Man Can Dream (or so he’s been told)

+18 MDNI +18

Synopsis:

In which he doesn’t mind the age gap

comments, not at all

Cw: top male reader, dom male reader, age gap, exhibition kink, someone thinks he’s your dad and he likes it, Valentine’s Day date!

Thinking about dating an old man who isn’t bothered about the age gap comments matter of fact he finds that he enjoys them, especially when he comes across someone who thinks you’re his son, and the two of you just happen to have a really close bond

“Raised him right” of course, taught you how to keep a cock in your mouth, brought you to your knees and stretched your throat just right til he was sure you carried an indent of his cock on your tongue.

“Like father like son,” the words echo in his mind as he watches you spit into the palm of your hand, eagerly stroking his tip, before spreading it to the rest of his dick, just like he had showed you when you first fucked him.

Those people probably think he’s a pervert , a disgusting old man taking advantage of someone so young and innocent, walking hand in hand with someone who could be his son or something

But they don’t know how’d you’d willingy bend him over in front of those very same people, spreading his legs so wide you’re sure to give a show to whoever’s behind, force his hand behind his back before driving up into him.

He’d beg and plead: for you to slow down your brutal pace, to spare him the embarrassment but you wouldn’t listen to him, only using him as a hole to sheath your cock in, all while grinning at the people watching.

He wonders if they’d realize then that you’re the perverted one here, that he’s tried to reject you multiple times, thought the very same thing as the onlookers are thinking now but you wouldn’t give up, practically cornered him riled him up til he was painfully hard in his pants and couldn’t do anything else but shove his cock into your mouth, letting someone who could practically be his son give him the best blowjob he’d ever gotten.

He’d continue to watch the onlookers and the flurry of emotions on their faces : the look of surprise that turns into disgust before something else bleeds into it, something he’d almost dare call desire. The sudden realization would make him tightening around your dick which in turn would fasten the brutal pace you have on him. Eventually he wouldn’t be able to ignore the heat coiling in his groin, and he’d realize belatedly he’s fucking himself back onto your cock, even though his body aches in protest and his thrusts are nothing but sloppily and sporadic.

Somehow you’d find it in yourself to show him mercy: slightly shifting your positions to give him a bit more leverage. In that very moment he’d be sure the sky had been cracked open, pearly gates of heaven practically welcoming him, stairs cascading right at his feet. But the sudden white light that flashes past his eyes would blind him, the pearly gates disappearing as something else is presented to him: his orgasm, washes over him in violent waves til he forgets all about god angels and heaven , cock spurting ropes of cum til he’d feel like he’s been wrung dry.

God, heaven and angels be damned.

“Love? Love?“

Suddenly a voice breaks through the daze. Mellow and sweet. Had an angel decided to wait around for him?

But when he blinks a couple of times, he sees your concerned face staring back at him, the aroma of coffee surrounding him, a half finished coffee cup clinging onto his fingers it’s almost hurting him

“Are you okay?”

Right.

Coffee shop. Date. You. Him.

“If it’s about the waiter from earlier..”

Right. Waiter. Curly hair. Warm eyes. Thought it was sweet that you were spending Valentine’s Day with your dad, like that very same man wasn’t palming your cock under the table, like he hadn’t sucked you off before you got to the coffee shop, like he wasn’t fantasizing about all the ways you could fuck him in front of these people.

Dad. Dad. Dad

Suddenly he springs up in his seat, mutters something about needing the restroom before scurrying away from where you’re sitting.

Jesus christ.

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Demon x Gloomy! Reader

As much as you'd like to spend the rest of your life secluded away from the world, you need money. Conveniently enough, a new detective agency in town is hiring, and the salary is ridiculously good. The catch? Oh, you'll see once you sign the contract right...here. Congratulations! You've sealed a lifetime bond with their one and only employee, a demon from the depths of Hell!

Content: female reader, monster romance, dark humor, perverted goat demon yandere, based on ‘Yondemasuyo, Azazel-San’

[Part 2] [Monster masterlist]

There’s still enough time to go back, you think. It’s loud and crowded and you’d rather be home. The temptation is beginning to creep its tendrils over your mind, so you quickly pull out your phone and check your bank account. The numbers remind you why you’re here in the first place: if you don’t get a job soon, you’ll run out of savings.

Come on, it can’t be that bad. In fact, it’s the best offer you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Minimal interaction with humans, short hours, and absurdly good pay. A new detective agency opened in your town and they’re looking for an assistant. A regular person would most likely be put off by such shady circumstances. There must be a catch, but you couldn’t care less either way. What are they going to do, kill you? Sell your organs on the black market? They’d spare you the time to plan your own demise.

You climb the stairs and knock on the door. A deep voice tells you to enter, and you sheepishly make your entrance. The office is rather small and somewhat cramped, with stacks of papers scattered over the floor. Behind the desk sits a man – maybe in his thirties? – with messy black hair, sunken eyes, and an irked expression. Is this the detective? He looks like an angry thug. Not that you’re one to judge, given your overall gloomy aura that deters passersby with ease.

“Yes?” he asks curtly, not even looking up from his book.

“I’m here for the job offer. The assistant role?”

“Ah, yeah. Completely forgot about that.” He rummages through his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper, slapping it on the desk. “Here’s the details. Same as in the ad. Here’s where you sign. Do you have questions?”

“Hmm, I guess not.” You hum, indifferent, and scribble your name.

The man finally glances at you, faint intrigue on his face.

“This went unexpectedly smoothly. What if it was a scam?”

“Then what?” You stare him in the eye with a flaccid smile. “There’s nothing to take from me. If it is a scam indeed, you’ll be the one disappointed in the end.”

His eyes narrow in an eerie grin, and he stands up.

“Perfect match.”

“Excuse me?”

He walks towards a secondary room and waits for you to follow him. Once you’ve joined, he turns on the lights, and you immediately notice a strange seal painted on the floor: Geometric symbols resembling a pentagram, surrounded by words in a language you don’t understand. You’re carefully observing the strange sight, so entranced that you don’t sense the detective lifting your hand and casually piercing your finger with a small scalpel.

Before you can react to the sudden attack, he presses your hand onto the contract you’d signed earlier. You wince in pain and swiftly pull your hand away, glaring at the man.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” you demand angrily.

“I thought I’d already introduce you to the main tool we use to solve our cases.”

The sigil on the ground begins to glow and the edges move in a circular motion. A black ooze erupts from the center, rapidly expanding outwards. You glue yourself to the wall for safety, unsure of what is happening.

A clawed hand emerges from the cursed muck, grabbing onto the edges for support. Within seconds, a creature crawls its way out. A humanoid figure with curled horns and long locks, its body ending with goat hooves instead of legs, stands up and stretches before your terrified self. You tighten your jaw in anticipation.

“You always summon me during my best naps, damn it!” the demon barks.

The detective approaches the monster, completely unconcerned, and slaps its horns nonchalantly, earning a groan from the demon.

“Skip the unnecessary whining. This is our new assistant and your owner as of now.” He explains, dangling the contract before the horned creature and pointing a finger in your direction.

“The fuck? You said you’d end the deal if I completed that mission. You lied to me, you-!” the beast finally notices your presence and abruptly stops. “Well then, what do we have here?”

A wide, perverted smile replaces his frown, sharp fangs glistening with malice.

“Aren’t you a miserable one! You reek of apathy”, the demon exclaims, clacking his hooves in your direction. “Boy oh boy, I could just eat you up! Tell me your name.”

You open your mouth, but no sound comes out. You wonder if this is some bizarre dream after all. The demon clamps your lips back shut.

“Tempting offer, but I don’t need head right now. Save the gesture for later, alright? Let’s try again: Name!”

Your brows furrow in disbelief at his crass insolence.

“I-it’s (Y/N).” you finally manage to blurt out.

He strokes your head lovingly, as if he’s praising some house pet.

“Good girl. You can call me Zzy.”

For a moment, you completely forgot about the detective being in the same room. He places the demon under a firm hold and shoves him away from you, then hands you a thick, leathered book.

“This is his grimoire. Read it once you’re home. First day is tomorrow unless you need more time.”

“Tomorrow is fine”, you answer in a daze, fumbling to find the exit and ignoring the horned monster waving at you enthusiastically.

You’re lying in bed, still a little shaken from the events you witnessed earlier today. A detective agency that uses a demon to solve matters, and you’ve just been coerced into selling your soul for a lifetime bond with him. You sigh in exhaustion. At least the pay is good, you tell yourself as you trace your fingers over the old text of the grimoire:

“Great President of Hell, ruling three legions of demons. Brings insanity or great sorrow to any person the conjurer wishes. Feeds on sadness and fear. Causes people to end their life.”

Hard to believe that depraved buffoon holds such power. Although it does explain, at least, why the detective was eager to use you as a replacement. Or why the demon showed such intense interest.

“Who’s a buffoon?”

The voice is so close that you feel its hot breath on your ear. You scream and jump back in panic, tumbling out of the bed and scrambling onto the floor. You rub your eyes just to make sure: the half-goat creature is lounging under your sheets, gazing at you with a bored expression.

“Christ! I thought you’re not allowed to leave the office?” you inquire, baffled.

“That’s why I snuck this in your pocket!” he says as he procures a small coin. “I can track down cursed items. Hehe~”

As if remembering a vital detail, he throws himself up and joins you on the ground:

“Oh, but don’t tell Mr. Detective about it, or he’ll feed me to the dogs. It’s our secret.” he pleads, hands put together in a praying gesture.

“What are you even doing here?”

“I figured it’d be useful if we got to know each other as soon as possible, seeing as we’ll be working together from now on.”

“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Well…I also got really horny thinking of you and decided to just visit instead. How about a quick fuck?”

“Absolutely not. Eat a raw potato or something.”

“Don’t be like that! At least let me touch your boobs. Help a partner out, eh?”

Perhaps being scammed was not the worst-case scenario. You slap the demon’s groping fingers away and return to your previous spot in bed. It will be a long night.