#anyone elses? well I guess we'll see about that lol

[ahgasegotarmy116]

It's Hard to Believe | Jungkook One Shot

Summary: Getting pregnant with your best friend's baby definetly wasn't a part of the plan... Pairing: f!Reader x Jungkook (fwb, f2l) Word Count: 2.7k Warnings: A tiny bit of explicit and suggestive language but nothing crazy a/n: This is something I started writing at like midnight and it's kinda shit but I thought I might as well post it since I haven't posted in a while (Like five days short of a month wtf?!?!? How has it been that long?!?!) (I just barely checked rn lmao my bad 🥲) p.s. I kinda wanna do a full on series on a concept like this but it'll be different and less fluffy but that won't be happening for a long ass time but yeah lol Requested by a lovely anon 💜

"How am I supposed to tell him?" I ask my friend Sam for the millionth time since I found out. "Y/n just tell him. You guys have been friends for how long?" she asks and it's like I'm having deja vu from both of our responses. "Like ten years" I mumble and pull my sweatshirt sleeves down over my hands in an effort to stop my nervous fiddling but it only makes it worse. 

"Right and you guys have been messing around with each other for over a year now, maybe even more...I don't wanna know" she says while holding her hand up in a way to assure me that she doesn't need the details. "Just tell him. If he's as great of a guy as you keep on telling me he is then I promise everything will be okay" she says and places a hand on my shoulder before she gets up off my couch. 

"Where are you going?" I ask while she shrugs on her jacket. "Didn't you say he's supposed to be here around five?" she asks and I nod my head, checking the clock and seeing that it's already 4:30. 

"Yeah...are you sure you don't wanna stay and say hi?" I ask and she glares at me. "Let me know what his response is to that bun in the oven and then we'll talk. I wanna figure out if he's an asshole or not before I decide to waste anytime on him" she says while lacing up her shoes. 

"Promise me you'll tell him tonight?" she asks and lifts up her hood, getting ready to shield herself from the pouring rain outside. I nod my head reluctantly, that being way more progress than I've made for the past few weeks since I found out. "I promise" I utter under my breath and she smiles, pulling me in for a bone crushing hug. 

"Text me if you need me" she says, worried for what might happen but hoping for the best. "I will...thanks" I whisper and she nods her head before walking out of my door and turning slightly and waving to offer me one last farewell.

I close the door after I see her get into her car and lean my back up against it, steadying myself for a second and taking deep breaths, trying to stop my racing heartbeat before pushing off of it and tidying up before Jungkook gets here to distract myself. 

Sam has been the only one I've been able to count on and honestly the only person I can trust since I haven't told anyone else. She was the one I called when I missed my period and she's the one who brought me a pregnancy test...and then when out and bought me ten more because I couldn't actually grasp the concept that I was pregnant...am pregnant.

Jungkook and I have always been careful and taken all the necessary steps to keep this from happening but I guess we got careless this time. 

Through out this whole arrangement we've made it very clear to each other that we're not sleeping with anyone else but neither of us are looking for any sort of commitment either so that's why this has gone on for so long. 

Like it or not though we're going to be committed to each other in one way or another no matter what because I'm keeping this baby. No matter what he says I'm keeping them. 

Jungkook is my best friend, the one person who has been there for me through everything. He's seen me at all of my highest highs and especially at my lowest lows and no matter what he's never made me feel shitty about it. I know he's not the kind of guy that'll turn on you because of something like this but I can't help but still feel terrified. 

This wasn't supposed to happen but even if this child wasn't made with love from his side...it was made with love from mine. 

I don't know how long it's been since I fell in love with him but I know I shouldn't have said yes to this whole fuck buddy ordeal. I just couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else so when he offered up the idea I said yes.

I figured that if this was a way to prevent him from getting his heart broken by all those sorry excuses of girlfriends he's had in the past then I guess I'll be okay with breaking mine.

He's been acting different lately though. He's been a lot touchier, asking to come over more often, going out of his way to help me with things, offering to feed me all the time and all of it is making me feel like he already knows. 

Does he know? Have I started showing already? I haven't really noticed a difference in my body yet but he looks at me naked a lot more often than I pay attention to myself naked so I mean I guess he could've noticed right? 

Only one way to find out though...

A half an hour later I hear him take out his keys and unlock my door and soon I'm greeted with a smile that tugs at my heartstrings. 

"Hi baby" he says, using that pet name he's become very fond of since this whole ordeal started. The sound of it after finding out I'm pregnant with his baby has made me a little uncomfortable though since I haven't told him yet. 

Don't get me wrong I love it when he calls me that but I can't help but think that if this goes south that he won't ever call me that again. 

Maybe the hormones have started to scramble my brain already because those uncomfortable feelings are quickly thrown away when I take in the sight of him after he shrugs off his rain coat. A simple black baggy hoodie and jeans engulf his form and the comfy sight just makes me want to curl up in bed with him and forget about everything and everyone.

Just him and I, it's always been him and I. I just don't know if this little one is going to change things. 

I place a hand on my stomach for a second as a way to gain some strength from my itty bitty baby before finally working up the courage to greet him.

"Hi" I greet him softly, walking over to where he's stopped to take off his shoes and when he looks back up at me he smiles again and kisses me. I sigh into it, savoring it for just a little bit longer and when it finally breaks he looks down at me with concern now written all over his face. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, sensing that something's off right away from the just the small change in the way I kissed him. I hesitate for a second then simply hold out my hand for him to take and he does, following behind me as I lead him over to my couch. 

Getting this over with sooner rather than later is my best option right now so there's no reason to delay. 

He needs to know, he deserves to know.

We sit there in silence, longer than he would like us to since I can tell how tense his body has gotten in a matter of minutes. "Y/n you're scaring me" he whispers, not wanting to pressure me but relaying his feelings. 

I take a couple more deep breaths before finally starting. "I need you to listen to me and I need you to please not speak until I'm finished" I say while looking down at my lap, not being able to meet his eyes. 

He murmurs a soft 'okay' and waits for me to continue, taking one of my hands and placing it in his lap. He needs some form of physical contact to keep him grounded since he's not too sure what to expect and I let him, knowing I need some reassurance too. 

Even if I don't know what his reaction is gonna be, in this moment I need it more than ever.

"I guess there's really no right way to go about saying this because this wasn't supposed to happen so I'm just gonna come out and say it..." I start off and he squeezes my hand, encouraging me to keep going. 

"I missed my period...over a month ago...and I haven't had it since then" I say and finally look up at him where he has an unsure expression. It's not one that's mad or disappointed with what I've said thus far which is a good thing but more like he's trying hard to hold himself back so he can keep that promise. 

His hold on my hand hasn't loosened, in fact it's gotten even tighter and that gives me hope that we'll work this out so I take another deep breath before continuing. 

"I tried to kid myself into thinking that it was late but when another week passed by I got nervous. I asked Sam to get me a test and it came out positive. I didn't believe it and thought it was a false positive and so to ease my mind she went a bought ten more from a bunch of different brands and...all of them came out positive" I say and he still looks at me with that same expression, waiting for me to give him the okay to speak and so I do. 

"How long have you known?" are the first words out of his mouth and although they're not negative they aren't necessarily positive either. "About a month now" I say and he nods his head, taking another second or two to formulate what he's gonna say next. 

"I'll support you no matter what you decide" he says and I let out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding in. "I wanna keep it" I say and he nods his head and smiles softly at first and then as the seconds go by it gets wider and wider making my heart beat faster. 

"Am I allowed to get excited now?" he whispers and I can't help but chuckle as tears start to prickle my eyes and give him a nod. "You're excited?" I say, my whole being slowly overcome with emotion. 

"How could I not be?" he scoffs playfully but that answer has me confused. "But Jungkook we're not together. I mean we're not in a relationship, we're just friends" I explain and there's a playful glint in his eyes after I say that that's making me even more nervous.

"You wanna know what I thought you were gonna tell me?" he offers up, slightly changing topics but I look at him in a way to urge him to continue. "I thought you were gonna break up with me" he says and I smile, "Jungkook we're not together. How could I break up with you?" I chuckle in disbelief. 

"Correction, I thought you were gonna break up with me before I even got the chance to ask you to be my girlfriend" he says with a grin and my jaw drops, the dots all connecting as to why he's been acting so different lately. "You were gonna ask me to be your girlfriend?" I utter quietly as if we were in a crowed room and I had a secret for just the two of us.

"I had actually planned on asking you tonight" he explains, walking over to where he had placed his backpack on the floor, taking out a bouquet of slightly squished flowers. "Sorry they're all beat up. I forgot and rode my bike over here so I didn't really have any other option but to put them in there" he says almost as if he was nervous, rubbing the back of his neck and it's then that I notice how pink his ears have gotten. 

He is nervous

I take them from him and smile, waiting for him to say it but he simply stands there and admires me and I can't help but laugh. "What so funny? I told you what happened to them" he utters through pouty lips which only makes me laugh more. "No, no it's not the flowers it's just that...don't you have something to say?" I ask, calming down my chuckles and when he looks at me with the same confused expression I have to try my hardest to keep the laughter at bay. 

"Do you have something you would like to ask me Jungkook" I rephrase it and after a second his lips go from a pout to the shape of an 'O' as he's figured it out. "Oh um, yeah, right. Well I um" he starts off, rubbing the back of his neck again while stuttering and trying to find the words and after struggling for a second I decide to poke fun at him again. 

"Jungkook I am literally carrying your child and you're too afraid to ask me to be your girlfriend?" I laugh, giving him a slight reality check which he scoffs at before responding. 

"I was trying to remember what I had rehearsed to say to you but now that you're being a little brat I guess you'll never get to know all the nice things I was gonna say" he retorts, his voice suddenly taking on a darker tone that sends a shiver through my body and he smirks when he sees my reaction to it. 

He cups my face and rubs his thumb along my bottom lip, making them part and he leans in as if he was going to kiss me but stops just shy of my lips. "Will you be my girlfriend?" he whispers, nudging his nose against mine and making me smile. 

"I'll have to think about that" I play coy with him which he chuckles at. "You know if you weren't pregnant right now I would have thrown you over my lap for that smart mouth" he warns and I smile before leaning in and kissing him for just a second before pulling back. 

"Yes I'll be your girlfriend" I say and nudge my nose against his as well and before I can register it my back is on the couch and his lips are pressed against mine, the kiss not rushed but full of so many words that have yet to be said and he gives in, not being able to hold it in anymore.

"I love you" he says, pulling back and looking down at me to see my expression which is completely dumbfounded to say the least. "You what?" I ask and he chuckles, "Is it really that hard to believe?" he points out and I guess now that I think about it it really isn't.

"I guess we've both been in love with each other for a while now huh?" I smile and his eyes light up at my round about confession. "Say it" he says, and I can feel my cheeks heating up. I hadn't planned on actually saying those three words to him even though I've felt them for so long but I don't want to hold them back anymore. 

"I love you" I whisper and he smiles, "Say it again" he repeats, clearly not believing it just yet. "I love you Jungkook" I say and the little switch up with attaching his name to the end darkens his gaze. "I guess there's no chance in me getting you pregnant a second time right now huh?" he asks, sliding his hand up my thigh and I giggle. 

"No I think that's pretty much impossible but the odds are never zero" I say and he rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to tell you that I wanna hit it raw" he states the obvious while rolling his eyes. "I know I know...and the answer is yes Daddy" I tease, testing to see how that word affects him now that he knows.

He tongues his cheek at that making me bite my lip, knowing that's gonna be even more of a trigger word for him from now on. "Daddy huh? Well I guess that title is a little more fitting now isn't it?" 

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @coralmusicblaze @whoa-jo @00frenchfries00 @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater (Rest of the tags will be done in the reblogs 💜)

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

[pissclump]

This Is Gonna Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Chapter 2

Sorry if this chapter seems kinda rushed, I wrote it at 2 A.M. LOL Anyways, I hope you enjoy! I'll try to update again soon.

"There were three of them? And what exactly did they look like?"

"Well, uh... I didn't really get a look at their faces. They were all hidden."

God, how you wanted this to be over already. The stress from last night's events was becoming almost unbearable, and having to retell the whole story at your local police station definitely didn't help.

"Covered? So you didn't see them at all?"

You sighed and shook your head. "No. The one who tackled me... He had on a white mask. The lips and eye sockets were painted black. Kinda looked like some creepy porcelain doll."

"And the others?"

"One of them had on these giant goggles with orange lenses. And his mouth was covered by some kind of mask thingy. And the last one... I only saw him for a split second before they all left. But he had on a black ski mask with a red frown on the face of it."

The officer in front of you jotted down all of your words onto the small notepad in his hands. "Your case is certainly strange. And you can't think of anyone you know who could have reasons to pursue you?"

"No. Not at all. According to the white-masked freak, I wasn't even their original target."

This caught the man's attention. He looked up from his notepad and made eye contact with you, a quizzical expression on his face. "Is that so? Then what made them attack you?"

"I guess they thought I was someone else. White-masked freak said that I've 'seen too much.' That's when he attacked me."

He turned his attention back to his notepad, jotting down a few last words as you spoke. He slipped the notepad into his pocket before clearing his throat. "Thank you for your time, Miss (L/N). We'll contact you upon any updates. If you see any of these men again, you know who to call."

You hurriedly made your way out of the police station. The memories of your attackers replayed through your head almost constantly. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up to you, but you were too afraid to let your guard down long enough to rest. Who were they? If you weren't their 'target,' then who was? What was their motive? Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your ringtone and a soft buzzing coming from your pocket. You reached into your pocket to retrieve your phone to see that you were being called by... Kimberly's mother? You accepted the call and lifted your phone to your ear.

"Hello? Mrs. Allman?"

"(Y/N)! It's been a while, dear. How are things holding up?"

Something was off about the way she spoke. She sounded slightly panicked and her words were shaky. Maybe now wasn't the time to talk about how things had 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 been holding up.

"Oh, um, things have been going decent. Is everything okay?"

"I was actually wondering if you've heard from Kim lately."

"Kim? She left for home yesterday morning... right?"

"Well, yes but..." She paused from a moment and took a deep breath. "She never showed up. She should have been here a long time ago. She won't answer my calls and texts, and I'm just worried sick, (Y/N). So, I'm guessing you know nothing concerning her whereabouts?" Her voice began to crack as if she was on the verge of crying.

You were speechless for the next few seconds, worry making it's way into your body like some deadly disease. Was Kimberly really missing? You didn't even think to call or text to check on her while she was on her way. What kind of friend were you? What if she was in trouble? What if she was hurt? "No, I'm... I'm so sorry, Mrs. Allman. I don't know anything. I'll try my best to get in contact with her."

Hanging up the phone, you began to breathe heavily. Where could she have gone? Was it too soon to report her as a missing person. No, surely Mrs. Allman would take care of that. You stared at the screen of your phones and dialed Kimberly's number with shaky hands only for it to only go straight to her voicemail. You then shot her a few texts, praying to get at least some sort of response. You buried your phone back into your pocket before making your way to your car. As if you weren't already stressed enough, now your best friend was missing. You gripped the steering wheel as tightly as you could, holding back a sob. Twisting the keys in the ignition, you suddenly froze in place as you felt something cold and metallic pressed against the side of your face.

"Drive."

You didn't even have to look to see who was holding a gun to your head. You saw the familiar yellow from the corner of your eye and tried as hard as you could to keep yourself from hyperventilating. Your thoughts were jumbled and you couldn't get your body to move at all. The metal was pressed further into your face as he repeated himself.

"Can you not hear me? I said drive."

You hesitantly pressed your foot against the gas pedal and made your out of the police station's parking lot. It was hard to focus on traffic in your current situation. Your mind was becoming more and more foggy by the second.

"Go home. The others are waiting for you. We have some talking to do."

What. Those fuckers were 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 for you? Your nerves were already a wreck. The LAST thing you needed was to be face to face with the men who had tried to kill you just last night. You survived them once just out of pure luck. Surely you could pull it off again, right? You didn't say another word and obeyed his demand. It wasn't a long drive back home, but being held at gunpoint the entire time made it feel like hours. He didn't yield his weapon until the car was in park. You reached to open the door, but his voice stopped you.

"Wait."

He scanned the area and you assumed he was looking for other people. It made sense considering it was the middle of the day. What kind of serial killer would be careless enough to let themself be seen in broad daylight? He gave you a nod, signaling that the coast was clear and exited the vehicle. You followed after him and led him up the stairs to your apartment. You were barely able to make it up the staircase due to how shaky your legs were. Your trembling hands fumbled with your keyring, searching for the door key.

"It's already unlocked. Go in."

How do these psychos keep unlocking your door? You twisted the doorknob and made your way inside, the hooded man just inches behind you. Sitting on your couch were the other two men that you feared with everything in you. The goggled man, or "Rogers," as you had heard his comrade call him, was the first to speak.

"H-hey, princess! I told you I'd buh-be seeing you again s-s-soon! Don't mind M-Masky, he's still pissy about being drenched in m-milk!" As he spoke, his head twitched to the side a few times, his neck making a stomach-churning 'crack' sound.

The other man, "Masky," wouldn't even look in your direction. Wow, he really is pissy. The hooded man made his way over to the couch, taking a seat between the other two.

"Sit down. We have questions for you, and it would be in your best interest to comply."

His threatening tone only intensified the feeling of dread in your stomach. It almost made you sick. You hesitated, but decided to listen, clinging onto the hope that maybe, just 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦, you could get out of this alive. You sat down on the recliner across from the couch. You wanted to keep as much distance from them as you could. You stared at the ground, fidgeting with your hands. Your mind was spinning in circles and it took everything in you to not just bolt out the door and never look back.

"First of all..." The man in the yellow hoodie began to speak and unfolded a small piece of paper. "Do you know who this is?"

You extended your arm to grab the paper from him and stared at it. Staring back at you were those familiar hazel eyes you had grown to love so much.

"Kim... She's my best friend, of course I know her." You were tempted to lie, but your life depended on giving these guys the information they wanted. And they made sure you knew that. The man in the white mask was the next to speak, his voice cold and stern.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't." Your voice began to tremble.

"Bullshit!" He stood up from his seat and towered over you.

"I'm serious! I DON'T KNOW! She was supposed to be staying with her parents for the weekend, but she never showed up. She won't answer my calls or texts. I have no clue where she is."

Rogers let out that same eerie giggle that's been haunting you since your first encounter with him.

"Sounds like she's trying to h-hide from us!"

Your mind was racing with questions. Why were they asking you about Kimberly? What did they want with her? Was 𝘴𝘩𝘦 the target they had mistaken you for? You were pulled out of your thoughts as the hooded man began to speak again.

"You live with her, correct? When was the last time you saw her?"

"I live with her, yes. I haven't seen her since yesterday morning. That's when she left."

Masky sat back down, seeming to have calmed down a little. "She knows we're onto her. There's no other reason she'd just disappear like that."

His words confirmed your suspicions. Kimberly was definitely the person they intended to kill that night. But why? Why HER of all people? Your fear was soon replaced with anger. You shook your head and stood up from your seat.

"Kim? You're targeting Kimberly Allman of all people? WHY?! She's never been anything but good to everyone around her! What reason would ANYONE possibly have for wanting her dead! You're all fucking sick!"

Masky stood up once again, his face just inches from yours. "Watch your fucking mouth, whore! WE'RE the ones who get to ask questions, not you!"

"Are you serious?! First you break into my apartment and try to fucking KILL me, now you're telling I don't get to ask questions when I find out that YOU WANT MY BEST FRIEND DEAD?! You're all idiots if you think I'm gonna let you get anywhere near her!"

Your screaming match was interrupted by the hooded man. "Calm down. Both of you. (Y/N), there are things you don't know about Kimberly. I can go ahead and tell you that she is definitely 𝘯𝘰𝘵 your friend."

How did he know your name? Scratch that, you probably won't like the answer to that.

"What? What are you talking about? Of course she's my friend!"

"She r-really is clueless. It's kinda c-cute!"

You really couldn't handle all of this right now. You were so worn out both physically and mentally. Your head was starting to hurt from both the stress and the never-ending questions that plagued your mind.

"I don't understand... What the hell are you talking about?"

Masky scoffed. "Are you slow? Kimberly is planning to kill you. Has been for a while now."

It took you a moment to process the words that came out of his mouth. "No. You're lying. You're a fucking liar! YOU'RE ALL LIARS! She wouldn't... no, she would never. Kim would never even dream of hurting anyone, let alone her best friend."

"She's a great pretender, I'll give her that. But you're being naive. She's trying to get as close to you as possible to make getting rid of you easier."

"I think sh-she's in denial! It's okay p-princess, as long as you're useful to us, w-we wont luh-let her get to ya!"

You were still hesitant and debated if you should even believe what the men were telling you. "I just don't get it. Why? Why would she want to hurt me?"

"We c-can't tell ya that much. But as of right n-n-now, she's still our main target."

You finally snapped, no longer able to hold yourself together anymore. You buried your face in your hands and began to sob. You tried to speak, but nothing came out but pathetic cries.

The hooded man stood up suddenly. "Masky. Let's go. I think that's all we're gonna be able to get out of her for the time being. Rogers, keep an eye on her for tonight. Give her some space for a while. She's got a lot of processing to do."

With that, he took his leave, Masky following behind him. You were left alone with Rogers, but you weren't able to focus on his presence due to the intense mental strain you were currently experiencing. You hoped with everything in you that he wouldn't actually be there for the rest of the night. But you weren't that lucky today.

[suzukiblu]

Parasite WIP is so good and I desperately want more of it! I voted for it in the poll and I’m so sad it didn’t win

Friend, I appreciate you asking after it because it really is one of my fucked-up faves that I really need to work on more, so uh . . . have all 4500 words of the prose so far all together, hahaha. Yes, yes I DID reformat this whole thing into Tumblr-friendliness all for you. THAT IS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR APPRECIATION, FRIEND. ( so definitely we are gonna need that read-more down there, lol. )

Clark wakes up. 

Clark didn't even know he wasn't awake. 

"Superman," Bruce says with absolute neutrality. He's wearing the cowl. Standing in rubble. Clark is . . . not standing in rubble. 

Laying in rubble. That's what Clark is doing. 

Bruce is looking down at him very, very carefully, and seems . . . reserved. 

Reserved for Bruce, even. 

"What happened?" Clark asks, trying not to concentrate on the little seed of dread that the sight of that reservation invokes in him. He can hear the heartbeats of other League members, here and there in the wreckage of the street around them. Hear civilians and city noise. Hear Lois and Jon, distantly, and Ma and Pa, even more distant. And . . . Kara–both of her–and . . . 

"We'll go with 'electrocution', but I think we can safely say just about anyone else would've been virtually incinerated," Bruce informs him, distracting Clark from his mental rundown of people he's currently worried about. "Or just exploded."

"Ah," Clark says with a grimace. Well, that explains why his head hurts so damn bad, he guesses.

At least it was him, then, and not any "anyone else"s. 

He pushes himself up. Looks around. He . . . isn't sure where they are, exactly, except that it's probably somewhere on Earth and within the continental United States, judging by the architecture and signs he's seeing and the accents and languages he's hearing. 

He has absolutely no idea how they got here, though. The last thing he remembers is . . . 

. . . he's not actually sure what the last thing he remembers is. 

Not a great sign, that.  

Bruce is watching him. Like he's . . . expecting something, almost. Clark would ask, but there's an odd feeling distracting him. Something's . . . off, somehow. 

Missing. 

Bruce's utility belt is a new design, he notes absently. J'onn is down the street a bit and his costume looks a little different too. And Diana . . . 

Diana is over across the way, and her hair is a couple inches longer than he remembers it being. 

Clark would assume he was mistaken, except for the eidetic memory and all. 

"Hm," Clark says. 

"Hm?" Bruce says. He still sounds faultlessly neutral. 

"Trying to figure out if I'm in the right reality. Things look a little off," Clark replies, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes in concentration. No unexpected sounds or scents. No particular feeling of disorientation that can't be accounted for by being apparently electrocuted. No additional pains past the dull pressure in his head or any immediately obvious peculiarities beyond the minor little scattered differences here and there in his teammates. 

But something is–

"I can't hear Kon," Clark realizes abruptly. He doesn't usually especially keep an ear out for the kid, at least not deliberately, but . . . 

Bruce . . . pauses. 

"You can't," he says, very carefully. It doesn't sound like a question. 

It sounds like something, though. 

"I can't," Clark confirms anyway, glancing around again. He still doesn't know where this is. "Where are we, exactly?" 

"What's the date, Kal?" Bruce asks, and Clark's heart sinks. 

He answers the question. 

Bruce's mouth thins. 

Hell, Clark thinks. 

"We're currently in Keystone City," Bruce says, very carefully expressionless. "We've been here for three days. The date you just provided me was a full fourteen months ago. And Kon-El has been MIA for roughly thirteen and a half of those months." 

Hell, Clark thinks, and doesn't let himself process anything past that. 

"We need to get a scan of your brain," Bruce says. "For starters." 

"For starters," Clark agrees tightly. 

Bruce tells Diana they're leaving, then abandons the rubble and takes Clark up to the Watchtower. Clark goes. He doesn't ask what electrocuted him or who's died in the past fourteen months or if there's anything immediately urgent that he should know. Bruce would've already told him, if there was. 

And he thinks he'd choke on the question if he tried, anyway. 

They go to the med bay. There's a total stranger standing in it who smiles at them when they step through the door. 

"Haven't seen you in here in quite a while, Superman," the stranger observes in amusement, tapping a pen against the clipboard in their hands. "You still haven't been in for that checkup I owe you, you know." 

"He doesn't know you," Bruce informs them evenly. The stranger blinks. 

"Sorry?" they say. 

"He was electrocuted," Bruce says. "Now he thinks it's fourteen months ago. We need a brain scan. Immediately." 

"Hell," the stranger says, their eyes widening in alarm. 

Clark gets the brain scan. 

He and Bruce wait in a convenient exam room for the results, which seem to be taking a while. Bruce seems a bit more guarded than usual, which means Clark is standing next to goddamn Fort Knox right now. He sighs to himself. 

"Suppose at this rate I should call and tell Lois and Jon I'll be late for dinner," he jokes wryly as he folds his arms, no real humor in the comment, and Bruce goes very, very still beside him. 

. . . hell. 

They're not dead. He knows they're not dead, he heard their heartbeats before they left for the watchtower, Bruce would've already told him if either of them were–

"They aren't expecting you," Bruce says with absolutely no intonation whatsoever in his voice. "You moved out eight months ago. The divorce is already finalized." 

"Ah," Clark says, very slowly. He doesn't let himself process, again. Not–just, not yet. "What happened?" 

"You left them," Bruce says, and Clark . . . blinks. 

"I left them?!" he demands incredulously. Leaving Lois is one thing, horrible and impossible a thought as it is, but– "Not just–I left them both?!"

"As you explained it to me, you were no longer interested in maintaining the . . . 'persona' of Clark Kent," Bruce replies carefully, looking just past him. "You said you couldn't stand the screaming anymore. That you appreciated us . . . humoring you for so long, but you couldn't just keep walking around making excuses and lying to everyone while people were suffering and dying just because you had to pretend to be human for a while. So yes. You left them. Haven't visited since Lois finally signed the divorce papers. Haven't spoken to your parents either. You've been . . . erratic. Since Kon-El's disappearance. When we couldn't find him . . . when we couldn't even find out what happened to him . . ." 

"Oh," Clark says, and his heart sinks again. 

He doesn't understand, though. Kon is–he cares about the kid, obviously. Cares very deeply about him. He's pretty sure he even loves him, at this point. But he's not . . . 

It feels terrible to think it, but Clark doesn't understand why Kon disappearing like that would affect him enough to stop being Clark. It's awful, and he still hasn't let himself actually think about it happening at all because he really can't process it right now, but that awful? Really? Awful enough to abandon being any semblance of a normal person? Abandon Lois and his parents entirely? 

Abandon Jon entirely? 

Apparently, yes. 

"Technically you're on unpaid sabbatical from the Planet," Bruce tells him. "We thought you might . . . reconsider, once you'd grieved properly, so Lois pulled some strings with Perry White. He thinks you're having an early mid-life crisis and your co-workers think you're off finding yourself in South America with a bad cell phone plan." 

"I guess I don't believe in satellite phones?" Clark says, trying for wry again. It doesn't work, but he tries all the same. 

"This is unfair of me, but I'm going to take advantage of your current mental state," Bruce says. He's looking at the wall, though there's nothing there to actually be looking at. Not even anything on the other side, at least not according to X-ray vision. "Try to remember how you feel right now, when your memories of the past year return. Try to remember who you are right now, when those memories return."

"Why?" Clark asks, watching him carefully as he does. The corners of Bruce's mouth tighten. Just barely, but undeniably. 

"You've been . . . gone, Clark," Bruce says slowly. "You won't even answer to 'Clark' anymore. You aren't the same man that I . . . that we all . . ." 

The stranger comes back before Bruce has to admit to too many personal feelings or Clark can figure out what to say to any of that, which might be a mercy but might also be–

The stranger looks . . . strange, Clark notices. Nauseated, almost. And definitely distressed. 

"I haven't done brain scans on Superman before," they say, their grip on their clipboard concerningly close to white-knuckled. "And my predecessor apparently hadn't done any in a while either. Last ones in the system are over two years old." 

"What's wrong?" Bruce says, narrowing his eyes. Honestly at this point Clark figures a kryptonite brain tumor would really just be the icing on the cake, and frankly would probably explain some of his apparent behavioral changes and current memory loss. That genuinely makes more sense than anything else, really, even with grief and guilt to contend with.

More sense than abandoning his own damn kid does, at least. 

Although a tumor's the worst-case scenario, obviously. And it can't be any worse than that, really, or any worse than anything he's apparently done to his family this past year, so at least he's braced for–

"There's an . . . organism," the stranger says, swallowing uncomfortably. "In your brain." 

"What?" Clark says. 

"A dead organism, now," the stranger clarifies. "But it looks like it's been there for a while. There are . . . roots. And . . . lesions, too." 

"An organism," Bruce repeats very, very slowly. "In Superman's brain." 

"Yes," the stranger says. 

"I don't . . ." Clark trails off. 

"We need more scans," Bruce says. 

"I ran it four times on two different machines," the stranger says. "It's organic. It's not giving off any recognizable life signs. It seems like it might've been . . . you mentioned electrocution, before?" 

"You think the electricity killed it," Bruce realizes. "And then Superman forgot fourteen months?" 

"I'm not sure Superman ever experienced those fourteen months to begin with," the stranger says tightly, gripping their clipboard even harder. 

Clark was in no way whatsoever braced for this. 

"Fuck," Bruce says. 

More scans happen after all. A lot more scans, a lot of specialists, and a lot of arguing. Everything's a bit of a blur, in a sense. Clark absorbs very little of it, and mostly leaves things to Bruce unless he's asked a direct question about his medical history. His judgment might be compromised right now, after all, whether the . . . organism is dead or not. 

The emergency OR gets prepped. The red sun lamps get set up inside it. 

"Should we contact Lois?" Bruce asks as Clark's shrugging into an ill-fitting hospital gown and preparing himself to possibly die in pursuit of getting a dead who-knows-what out of his brain before it can start to rot there and potentially kill him that way. "Or your parents?" 

"No," Clark says. "Just get this damn thing out of my head." 

If he doesn't survive the removal process . . . 

They don't know what's been going on. What he let happen to himself, somehow.

He isn't going to tell them he's back just to immediately take himself away again. 

He records something for Jon, just in case. It's not enough, but it's–something, he tells himself. It's something. 

It's all he can bring himself to do. 

He leaves the disk with the recording on it with Bruce and asks him to have Dick deliver it, if it's necessary. 

Things proceed from there, and Clark wakes up again a week later in a private room in the med bay, connected to half a dozen machines and needles and tubes and directly facing the sun. Diana is dozing in the chair next to his bed. Bruce is pacing at the foot of it. They're both in costume. Clark feels weak and groggy, but he can hear half a dozen other heartbeats lingering in the hall, so presumably they were expecting him to wake up around now. 

"Mm," he says. Diana snaps awake. Bruce stops mid-step. 

They both look at him. 

"The operation was a success," Bruce informs him. "Textbook. Or as textbook as removing a mind-controlling parasite of unknown origins from a Kryptonian brain can get for mostly-human surgeons, anyway." 

"Do you need anything?" Diana asks. "Would you like us to call your family yet?" 

Clark shakes his head, then closes his eyes and sleeps for another week. 

"Sleep", he supposes, counts as something that he needs right now. 

The next time he wakes up, he's alone in his room and disconnected from the machines and just feels . . . normal, really. Like nothing was ever wrong at all and he didn't just have major surgery that was, essentially, the equivalent of multiple traumatic brain injuries. His hair is already starting to grow back from where it was buzzed down for the surgery, and there's not even any bandages on his head. 

There's no noticeable scarring, Clark observes when he makes it to the little ensuite bathroom to take a look in the mirror. The surgeons told him there probably wouldn't be, given both the methods they'd been intending to use and the nature of his own physiology, but seeing the total lack of proof of what happened to him is just . . . strange, somehow. 

It feels almost like a cheat. Like it should be obvious, in some way. 

There was a parasite in his head. Something controlling him. Pretending to be him. Passing for him. It could've done anything it wanted. 

It did do things that Clark still has no idea about. 

So many things. 

He couldn't even fight it. Wasn't conscious or aware enough to, or just not strong enough to, or just . . . 

He couldn't even fight it. 

And he doesn't know what it did. 

The door opens. Diana walks in. 

"Would you like us to call your family now?" she asks. 

"Yes," Clark says roughly, curling his fingers around the sides of the sink in front of him. "Please." 

"Of course," Diana says with a terrible and merciless gentleness. 

Clark sits down on the lid of the toilet and just . . . cries. Just for a minute. 

Or twenty. 

Diana kneels in front of him and holds his hands in her own. 

Fourteen months, Clark thinks, all twisted up with grief and pain and so, so much regret. He missed so much. He wasn't there for Jon or Lois or his parents. He wasn't there for Bruce or Diana or the League, for either of Kara, for . . . 

For Kon. He wasn't there for Kon. 

Wasn't there for Kon when the kid needed him. 

Kon completely vanished, and who knows if the damn parasite even pretended to help look for him? If it did anything at all for him? Who knows if Clark could've found him, could've saved him, if he'd still been himself at the time? 

. . . who knows if the parasite isn't what made Kon disappear to begin with? 

It took fourteen months of Clark's life, and Kon . . . Kon disappeared two weeks into those fourteen months. 

If nothing else, the timing is a screaming red flag. 

Clark abandoned his son and might've murdered a kid who only ever looked up to him, a kid who he was never really able to fully understand but literally named, and he can't do anything to bring Kon back or to make up for the year that he wasn't there for the rest of his family. 

Their family. 

God, what has he done? What has Clark done, and did Kon die feeling afraid or shocked or terrified? Did he die feeling betrayed? Did he think it was Clark doing it, however it happened? 

Did he die thinking Clark wanted him to die? 

Clark doesn't even know what happened to his body. 

There won't be another resurrection.  

Clark chokes. Diana squeezes his hands. He grips hers like a lifeline and shudders through it. The grief is a terrible, ugly thing. It's one of the worst things Clark's ever felt. 

The guilt is worse. 

"Lois," he murmurs finally, feeling like the weakest man alive. "Could you call . . . Lois, please, and just . . . ask if she'll come. I'll explain it all to her, just–could you call her, please." 

"Yes," Diana says, squeezing his hands again. "Of course." 

"Thank you," Clark says. 

He pulls himself together, more or less, and Diana goes to make the call. She comes back a few minutes later and tells him Lois agreed, but needs to find a babysitter first. Clark in no way blames her for not bringing Jon along and frankly is surprised she's willing to come at all. 

He's not sure what he could even say to Jon right now. 

What can he? 

Diana makes sure he eats something, then leaves for monitor duty. Clark tries not to overthink things. Tries not to think too much at all. 

He spent fourteen months not thinking at all, though, all of it lost in one oblivious blink, so that doesn't work out all that well for him. 

An hour later, he hears the Zeta platform activate on the opposite side of the base, and hears Lois's heartbeat appear inside the watchtower. 

Clark exhales, very slowly. 

He waits. 

Lois comes to the med bay. She doesn't stop to talk to anyone on the way. Doesn't talk to anyone except that stranger Clark still doesn't actually know the name of, who tells her where to find him. 

And then a minute or a millennium later she's standing in the open doorway of his room, and Clark is looking at her. Her expression is neutral, and her hair is shorter than it was the last time he remembers seeing her–the last time he was the one actually seeing her. An inverse bob, not shoulder-length anymore. He recognizes the blazer and heels that she's wearing, but not the blouse or the pants. Not the earrings or the necklace, either. 

And there's no wedding ring to recognize either way. 

Clark wonders what happened to his. 

God, but she's still the most amazing woman he's ever seen, and he's still never once deserved a single part of her. Not even a fraction of a part. 

Especially not now. 

"Kal," she greets, tone just as neutral as her expression, and Clark aches. 

"Clark," he says, just a little too abrupt, and Lois–pauses. 

"Clark," she amends casually as she tucks her hands into the pockets of her blazer, and if he didn't know her quite so well he wouldn't have even heard the crack in her voice around his name, super-hearing or not. "Never seen your hair this short. I kinda miss the curl, not gonna lie. It has charm, you know? Very boy scout next door." 

"I had emergency brain surgery," Clark says. Lois pauses again. Tilts her head. He keeps talking. "Two weeks ago, now. Just woke up again fully today." 

"What?" she says, just staring at him. "You–what happened?" 

"It's . . . unclear, still," Clark replies slowly. "But as far as we can tell, roughly fourteen months back an unidentified alien parasite moved into my brain and . . . took me over, essentially. I don't actually–I don't remember any of that time. At all. Then two weeks ago I got electrocuted in Keystone and the parasite died. The surgery was to remove its body so my brain could heal from the damage it did without it rotting in there." 

Lois keeps staring at him. 

"Fourteen months," she echoes very, very carefully. 

"I'm so sorry," Clark says tightly. "Bruce told me I left you. Left you and Jon. That I stopped being . . . myself. I can't imagine how difficult that was, or how it must've felt." 

"I can't imagine how waking up and hearing that none of us even noticed you were gone felt," Lois says. 

"You never do pull a punch, do you," Clark says with a weak attempt at a smile. 

"I'm sorry," Lois says evenly. "I should've known." 

"No one did," Clark says, then . . . hesitates. "Or . . . we think no one did." 

"You think that's what happened to Kon," Lois says, because of course she's already done the math, and of course she's already had the thought herself. Obviously she would've. 

"The timing is . . . likely, at least," Clark says. "And really, if anyone was going to see my face and notice that a different person was wearing it . . ."

"You have a point," Lois murmurs. She steps into the room. Clark wants to hold her. He also wants to bury himself in the coldest, darkest place that he can find and never, ever let himself see the sun again. 

He doesn't deserve it anymore. 

"I'm so angry that I want to cry," Lois says, her voice very distant and her eyes locked on his. Clark can see her hands fisting in her pockets. "I'm so . . . god. I should've known. You never would've left Jon. Not like that." 

"Bruce made it sound like the parasite was . . . very convincing," Clark says. It convinced Bruce, who may just be the most paranoid mind on the planet, so . . .

"It was," Lois agrees, still without taking her eyes off his. "But I still should've known." 

Clark blinks a little too quickly. Lois tightens her jaw. Takes her hands out of her pockets and leaves them at her sides instead. Clark never thought he'd see them without her wedding ring again. 

"It's been–months, I know," he says, hating himself for thinking he even deserves to say this. "For you. But I still . . ." 

"I love you," Lois says. "Come home." 

There is no possible world in which he could tell her "no". 

Med bay makes him wait for another two hours of observation and runs some scans, but then they let him go. Lois waits with him the whole time. She doesn't call anyone or send any texts. Doesn't leave the room. Barely says a word. Hardly even takes her eyes off him, like she thinks if she blinks he's going to disappear. 

Clark can hardly keep her heartbeat out of his ears, so he doesn't blame her. 

He doesn't blame her at all. 

They go to Smallville. Bruce had said he'd send Dick to pick up Jon from the babysitter's and get him to the farm, and as much as Clark had wanted to go straight to him himself . . . 

Ma and Pa first, he reminds himself. This is going to be upsetting for Jon–most likely traumatic, once it all sinks in. And definitely disorienting. It'll be best if as many of the adults in his life as possible know what's going on in advance, so he can go to whoever he needs to go to; get whatever comfort they can prepare themselves to offer. 

Clark doesn't know how to do this. 

He doesn't . . . 

They don't take two steps onto the farm before a familiar blur is crashing into him head-on. 

"Oh," Clark manages, and Krypto barks excitedly and flies up to lick his face, tail wagging wildly as he jumps all over him. Like he's missed him. Like he's been waiting for him. 

Clark nearly cries again.

"Good boy, Krypto," he tells him, quiet and rough. "I missed you too, boy." 

He scratches Krypto's ears. Strokes his back. Krypto nearly bowls him over in delight. 

Clark buries his face in his neck and cries a bit after all. 

Lois watches. 

Waits. 

Clark spends . . . maybe a little bit too long crying on his dog, and then they all head up to the house. Ma and Pa are both standing on the porch; presumably they heard Krypto barking. They both look a little bit startled and a little bit confused and a lot more pained at the sight of him, and Clark swallows painfully and stops just before the porch steps. 

He looks at them, and he loves them so desperately. Everything they ever did for him, and everything they've ever been to him, and . . . 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I just . . . there was . . ."

God, the way this hurts. 

"It was mind control," he says. "The past fourteen months or so. I was . . . I wasn't. Wasn't here. Or . . . anywhere." 

"Oh," Ma says, and her eyes are instantly wet with tears. Pa blinks very quickly, his hand curling against the porch railing. 

"I'm so, so sorry," Clark repeats tightly, his own hands in useless fists. "But I'm–back now. I'm home." 

"Oh, Clark," Ma chokes, and then they both throw themselves at him. Clark's been hugged by people with strength far past superhuman, but it's never felt . . . 

No. It's never once felt the same way as when his parents do it. 

They cling to him. He clings back. Krypto barks again and swoops around the knot of them, wagging his tail hard enough to nearly knock Lois over with the force of wind it stirs up. Definitely some of the porch furniture gets displaced. 

Clark feels so much. 

They sit together on the porch, Krypto sprawled contentedly across Clark's lap and Lois on the steps beside him. Clark gives Ma and Pa what explanation he can–tells them everything he knows about Keystone and the electrocution and the watchtower and the surgery and waking up. They watch him just as intently as Lois does the entire time. 

He doesn't . . . he doesn't mention his suspicions about what might've happened to Kon. Not . . . not yet. 

He doesn't know how to. Not to Ma and Pa. Not after he brought the kid here and left him on their doorstep with no real direction and . . . 

Just–he'll tell them. He'll tell them soon. 

Just . . . not yet. 

It's not a very long talk, in the end. Ma and Pa take in everything he says and just take it all in stride, just like they always have. Baby in a spaceship? Kid with superpowers? Son who thinks he can save the whole damn world? 

Of course they take it in stride. 

Clark loves them too much to even define. Too much to even wrap his own head around. They're the best people he knows. The best people he's ever known. 

They don't even think there's anything for him to be sorry for. 

It's . . . painful, a little, when Clark realizes that. 

Or a lot. 

So, so damn painful. 

Clark hears the definitely-not-a-Batmobile coming, far down the road. Three heartbeats inside it. Dick, Damian, and . . . 

Jon. 

Obviously. 

Clark strokes Krypto's ears one last time, then gets up. No one asks him why, but he supposes the look on his face must be answer enough right now. 

He steps off the porch and goes to wait by the driveway. 

It's not that long a wait, but it feels like the better part of eternity.

[kpopbestie96]

Looking for you - Bang Chan Cinderella story

Hi lovelies! I know I said I was on a break but I was watching Cinderella with my little cousin when I came up with this short story. So I just wanted to do a quick write, it took me like two hours. So please don't judge it, it was something fun I made because why not. If it's stupid just scroll past it. If you like it...well I hope you do❤❤

Its kind of long, so I separated it by chapters. Hope you all enjoy!

Pairing: Bang Chan x female reader

Notes: When you see italicize, bold it means they're speaking in Korean.

Warnings: cussing, multiple parts, very delusional. Please don't take any of it seriously, it's just for fun.

Chapter One:

"There was an error with your ticket, I'm sorry," your friend Sarah said with a pouty face.

"What do you mean??" You panicked as it was you and your two friends Sarah and Melissa on face time the night before going to see Stray Kids in concert. "I already took off work, we have an outfit planned together, we-."

"I know, I'm sorry," Sarah interrupted you as Melissa sat quiet on the other end. "For some reason I'm only seeing two tickets in my Ticketmaster."

"Did you try calling or emailing them??" Your head was thumping, making it hard to think properly.

"I did! And they gave me an excuse, saying they couldn't do anything." You heard her voice go high pitch, an indicator that you know she is lying as you saw Melissa put her head down. Are they seriously lying to me?? You three have been best friends for years and know every little detail about them.

You stared at your outfit that sat on the chair in front of your vanity, waiting to be worn tomorrow. We were all going to match wearing their case 143 outfits but guess that's not happening now.

"Are you okay?" Sarah asked as you were too pissed to even look at her through the phone.

"Yup..." Is all you could let out before piercing your lips tightly together, trying to hold yours tears from falling.

"We'll talk to you tomorrow..."

"K...bye." You hung up the phone and let the tears stream down, frustrated and confused. You tossed your phone away from you, couldn't stand to look at it right now.

Why didn't they want me to go? There's no way there could have been a problem with the tickets...this fucking sucks...

A ding went off, grabbing your phone to see Sarah sending your money back since you paid for your half. And we had floor seats too...this whole day is fucking ass.

You turned your body around and stared up to the ceiling, wonder what you could do. You figured if you go on to the websites, tickets will be marked up to a crazy amount. Let me see if there's a person out there selling tickets online... There's always another way.

You went on to Facebook in the Stray Kids group chat that was purposely made for the city you live in, where they were performing. You typed your question, seeing if anyone was selling tickets for tomorrow night. You even posted your question on Twitter as last resort.

A few hours go by while you tried watching TV, reading A03 stories just to past the time away when you finally heard a notification from your phone, quickly checking to see if it was someone from the group.

Gabby: Hi there! I saw your post in the Stray Kids group chat and I actually have an extra ticket if you're willing to sit with me and my friends. We can get a little loud lol

You: Hi! 🙋🏻‍♀️ That's not a problem at all! I'm ready to fan girl! I don't care where we are sitting but how much?

Gabby: so they're $589 because we're on the floor with sound check. Our friend couldn't make it because she got sick and didn't want anyone else to catch the flu. Is that something within your price range?

You: Yes! I can send you the money. But just want to make sure you're a real person. Lol 😅

Gabby: 😂 I understand! Here, we can face time that way I can tell you what time to be there and everything!

You: sounds good!

You fixed your hair a tiny bit, wiped away the tears that were left and saw her using face time through Facebook messenger.

"Hi there!" Gabby waved.

"Hi, thank you so much for reaching out! And I love your hair, you're so pretty!" You complimented her hair that was black with dark blue highlights.

"Of course! And thank you! I got it done just in time for the concert," she laughed. "Here are the tickets, since I bought them." She held up her laptop, showing them.

"Cool, what's your Venmo so I can send the money?" She told you her Venmo as you typed it in, "thanks!"

"Of course! But may I ask why your asking for tickets so late?"

You could tell she was being sincere and you didn't know why but before you knew it, you were explaining everything that happened.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, that's fucking terrible! They're not good friends."

"Yeah...im realizing it now. It's just...they're the ones who got me into K-pop. My other friends could care less about the music."

"Well, consider us your new friends! We're going to have a fun time! I just got your money...so can't wait to see you tomorrow. Lineup to check in is at 10 and sound check is at four. I'll send you my number so you can call me when you get there. We're planning to arrive at like 9:30 since the seats on the floor are assigned."

"Okay, perfect. Sounds great! See you tomorrow morning!"

You hung up and threw your body back on to the bed with a smile on your face, couldn't believe someone so nice reached out to you. And not with any ticket...but floor seats, plus sound check! Great, I'll run into Sarah and Melissa. You rolled your eyes annoyed but knew you were going to ignore them and have the best time of your life.

You looked over at the outfit you had originally planned, making you think of something else.

You got up, threw the outfit into the hamper and searched your closet for a last minute outfit.

You found a thin yellow long sleeve shirt that your mom got you one year and have only worn once. Paired it with a washout denim short skirt that sat on your thighs and found your light brown Dr. Martens boots that made your a bit taller from the thick bottom. I'll add some jewelry in the morning and I'll be good to go. Maybe I can stop at the store in the morning to get a can of blue hairspray to match his from the music video?

You got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep, excited for tomorrow.

Next Chapter >

[high-qualitymoron]

Deep Space Discounts trailer breakdown? i guess?

In celebration of episode 1 releasing next week! (can you believe it guys? dsd, just a week away! /reference) it’s really just my thoughts on stuff in order it appears. but there are quite a few thoughts so Long Post Warning!!

‘congratulations!’ from previous video, 'deepblueink gets blackmailed.' idk how i didnt notice that sooner lol

I assumed deedee's head was a robot head and they're a robot, but i also noticed that it has what seems like an opening around the neck, so it might be a helmet of some sort. idk

INCARCERATION ALTERNATIVE PROGRAM in all caps, obviously significant. i also have the thought that what if this is in universe. because i think it'd be funny

the scribbly thought bubble. deepblueink moment

deedee looks at camera when thought bubble says deep space discounts. idk if that’s important or anything but i noticed it!

Deedee is so suspicious. they are most definitely evil. However. they are also wearing a uniform. different than the others but still with the glowing armband which i assume is significant. So like, maybe they just work here too and have weird vibes?

walking scene. they all have different walks which show their personalities well and. augh i love the animation dbi did so good

shoutout to gub's arms moving more smoothly/wiggly-ly (??? in a wiggling manner) instead of normally like everyone else. because slime man

multiple shots of immy being stressed and doing weird stuff. idk what to say about this

another shot of the team walking, this time dancing! again, they all do it differently, with much personality! (except immy who is just walking normally/stressed)

but also where is clayre in the dance scene. i’m worried about them. and also who is this robot guy???

shots of characters doing stuff

clayre throws some guy across the room (good for them), gub is on drugs i think??, vee gets some sort of message from deedee and is sad after, and immy looks into space

voice actor reveals! if only i knew voice actors lol. anyway im going over all of them with the note 'its interesting that this is what they those to define the character'

immy is holding some kinda critter i think? we'll see them again later. vee is also there

vee is in... bed? to me it looks like they're lying down in bed with how they grip the thing in front of them, but its probably not. idk what it is

deedee talking to camera. guy (mannequin?) in front of deedee has 'i <3 dsd' shirt on. probably something they sell?

honestly idk what kip is doing. some weird hand motion

gub looks like they're whining about being told to do something. based on surroundings probably cleaning the bathrooms?

clayre is about to throw something again i think. they like to do that it seems

i was saying that deedee has a uniform and armband so i think they're less suspicious. yknow who doesn’t have a uniform or (visible) armband? xancis. they are also no where else in the trailer, and all they do is turn towards the camera. even more obviously evil than deedee

immy holding the weird creature-thing again. it moves a bit and others in the background have reactions. clayre and vee look pretty happy, but kip and gub seem upset

another walking loop, not on screen long enough for me to tell if it's the same one, and deedee winks at the camera

the end!

thanks for reading so much, and also sorry. my phone wasn't loading anything else one day and a whole class period with nothing to do but watch this on loop may have driven me a bit insane (positive). also um does anyone know these character's pronouns. do we have that officially anywhere? because i dont want to assume

[differenteagletragedy]

Cove isn't the stepdad, he's the dad who stepped up, Part 3

A third part (lol) to a story in which Baxter gets you pregnant during his summer in Sunset Bird and then ghosts you. You eventually get together with Cove and fall in love and you're getting maaarried, but Baxter is the wedding planner and isn't that awkward?

Here, you get into the planning process and wouldn't you know it, there are some hiccups with this massively uncomfortable plan.

Part 1 here aaaaaand Part 2 here

When it came to you, Cove was accommodating to a fault -- to the point where you're pretty sure you could murder somebody and he'd say, "Well, I'm sure you had your reasons."

That's why it wasn't a surprise to you that when you had a heart-to-heart on what to do about Baxter, he was comfortable leaving everything entirely up to you.

"I trust you," he said simply. "I'm with you with whatever you want to do."

And then, after you'd called the main office where Baxter worked and they'd told you that it was wedding season, they didn't have anyone else available and you wouldn't get your deposit back if you broke your contract now, he was just as understanding.

"Look," he told you quietly, keeping an eye on Dylan playing with his soccer ball as he stroked your back. "We can make it work. We always do. He can be our wedding planner ... or if you want, he can be more."

"What do you mean?"

Cove paused, scrunching up his mouth a bit, then said, "Like if you want him to meet Dylan. If you want him to know him. That's ok if you want that."

You groaned, but when your son looked up at you curiously, you put on a smile for him.

"I'll just see if he'll still be our planner, I guess?" you said. "Not really loving the idea of losing the deposit."

He laughed and squeezed your shoulder.

"It'll be fine, I'm sure of it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A couple of days later, the two of you were back at Baxter's office, waiting for him to show up for your appointment. You'd texted him, all business, and he agreed to go forward with the planning without another word about Dylan.

You were starting to think that this may actually work out as you sat by Cove on the couch, giddily whispering about your wedding, but when Baxter came in the room, it was almost like all the air left when he closed the door behind him.

"Hello again," he said curtly, sitting in his desk chair without meeting your eyes. "Are we ready to get things underway?"

"Yeah," Cove answered, then glanced over to you. You nodded.

"Very well," Baxter said, then leaned over to his desk to grab a notepad and a pen. "I have a series of questions to ask you about your plans for the ceremony, we can take care of that today, when we'll go from there if that sounds agreeable."

He was definitely holding you at arm's length, which was fine. But every now and then, you could tell how much that pained him.

Like when he brought up the topic of surnames, and Cove explained that he wanted to take yours so he could share a last name with you and Dylan, that earned a barely perceptible bristle.

Or when your soon-to-be husband described proposing to you on the beach in your old neighborhood -- you caught his hand shaking slightly when he took a quick break from taking notes to smooth out his jacket.

"One of the services I offer for my clients is dance lessons leading up to the reception," Baxter explained at one point. "It's a bit of an edge I offer over competitors, if I'm being honest, but I do understand if you'd rather not --"

"We'll think about it," you told him, cutting him off before he could actually say how awkward things were, and he nodded.

"About the dance though," Cove began, looking at you pointedly.

"Hmm?" Baxter asked.

Knowing where Cove was going, you put your hand on his leg and spoke up for him.

"We want to have our son come in for the first dance, towards the end," you said. "And we want him to stand with us during the ceremony too."

Baxter did look at you then, really looked for the first time that day. Again you were taken aback by how much of Dylan you saw in his face, how your little boy's eyes were a perfect match for the ones staring at you now.

"Charming," he said shortly, looking back down at his notes. "I would advise then bringing him to a rehearsal so you all can get a feel of what that would look like."

"He'll do great," Cove said, almost defensively.

"I'm sure he will."

When Baxter got all the information he needed -- or when the room got too stifling to bear, you weren't really sure what came first -- he stood, bringing an end to the meeting. He offered his hand to Cove, who looked at it for a moment before accepting the handshake. He then held the same hand up to you.

He had a tiny little mole low on this wrist, you saw. You couldn't remember if you'd noticed it back then, but Dylan had one in the same spot.

You shook his hand, not expecting it to be as hot as it was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And that's how the next few planning sessions with Baxter went. They were never exactly comfortable, but they got a little less weird, and you always found a sitter for Dylan. Whenever you had to speak with Baxter over text messages, you both kept things strictly business. Beyond that first day, there was no mention of the little boy that bonded you together.

The wedding kept creeping closer and closer, and one day, about a week before the big day, Cove brought up a difficult subject while you were washing dishes together after dinner. Your son was off for a sleepover in Sunset Bird -- a preliminary sort of thing to get him ready for the few days you and Cove would be gone for your honeymoon -- and you had to admit, the whole thing felt a little orchestrated.

"So, I've been thinking," he began, then trailed off.

"Is that the whole story?" you teased.

He gave you a playful glare, then cut right to the chase.

"I think it would be a good idea to have dance lessons. With Baxter."

"Huh?" was all you could manage.

He rinsed the last dish and set it in the drainer, then wiped his hands on his pants and turned to lean against the counter and look at you.

"It'll probably be awkward, I know that," he said. "But ... it's our wedding. I can handle an awkward dance lesson so I don't look dumb when we dance together."

"You wouldn't look dumb," you said quickly -- you were fast to defend you darling soon-to-be husband against anyone, even himself.

"I really would."

You took a moment to gather your own thoughts, drying your hands on a dish towel. You wanted Cove to have the dance lessons if he wanted them, of course, but you couldn't figure out a good way to explain how it made you feel to think about either of you spending extra time with Baxter.

"It's not just that it would be awkward," you said finally. "It's just such a complicated kind of dynamic, you know? What if he wants to know about Dylan? What if he asks to meet him?"

Instead of answering, Cove surprised you again with "I think you should take a dance lesson too."

This time, a "huh" wouldn't even come out of your gaping mouth.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, obviously," he said, moving to take you in his arms. He pulled you close to his chest and rested his chin on top of your head. "I won't either if you don't want me to."

"Where's this coming from?" you asked.

"I just think ... we're about to be married. Forever. And I don't think it's a good idea to leave anything unfinished."

You pulled back to look at him, bewildered and a little bit mad, if you were being honest.

"Cove, things between me and Baxter have been finished for a long time," you said. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know, I don't mean like that," he told you, cool and confident enough that you didn't have trouble believing him. "I just mean for Dylan. I know it's hard, but you need to talk to Baxter about him. What if when I try to adopt him he fights it? What if he tries to go to court or something?"

You hadn't thought about all of that.

"We should just get it out of the way, I think," he continued. "So we can move on without having to worry about it."

As much as the idea bothered you, he had a point.

Later that evening, Cove held your hand, and you texted Baxter that you'd be taking him up on those dance lessons after all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baxter had planned it so that both you and Cove could have individual lessons with him the same day -- he'd work with Cove in the afternoon for a few hours, then you'd come in in the evening.

When the day came, you dropped Cove off at Baxter's office building, then you and Dylan were off to run errands. Later, while you were taking your lesson (and maybe having a heart-to-heart with your ex-boyfriend days before you got married), they were planning on a visit with Derek.

"Mommy, is it almost time for the big cake?" Dylan asked as you pushed him in a cart through the grocery store, stocking up on a few snacks you needed for home.

"Almost, baby," you told him -- the concept of a wedding wasn't very interesting to the four-year-old, but the big cake? Yeah, that was worth a countdown.

"Is Daddy gonna sneak me a big piece?" he asked next, obviously not very concerned about the concept of sneaking, either.

"Probably, yeah."

Your son smirked proudly at that, and you felt a little tug on your heart.

Baxter disappearing at the end of your summer together was hard, having his child while he wouldn't even answer your calls was harder. But having this precious little boy that you loved more than life itself sporting that smug smirk that his biological father probably could have patented?

Well, that was a special kind of difficult.

When you drove back to Baxter's office building to switch off with Cove, you found felt anxiety begin to really gnaw at you. You tried to put it aside as he hopped in the passenger seat for a moment and turned around to greet Dylan, but Cove knew you better than anyone.

"It'll be all right," he told you softly. "We'll be back before you know it."

You looked at the clock. Time to go.

After telling Dylan goodbye, you got out of the car to switch places with Cove. He hugged you and gave you a kiss on the forehead and told you he loved you, almost like you were going off to war.

It wasn't that dramatic, but it did sort of feel like it.

You made your way to the room where Baxter had told you to go -- he'd given you directions and they weren't difficult to follow. You came to a set of doors, pushed them open and saw him standing by himself in a large room, looking over some papers.

"Hey," you greeted softly, your anxiety only growing.

"Hello," he replied. He gave you a small smile you could tell was genuine, if not a little nervous -- a good sign, at least.

Without further discussion, he pulled a remote out of his pocket and turned on a stereo system somewhere in the room. A slow song started playing, and he wordlessly offered you his hand.

All at once, it was like you were transported five years back in time. You were 18, didn't have a care in the world, and a weird but adorable boy had moved in across the street for the summer and stole your heart in the process.

It wasn't that you wanted to be with Baxter -- Cove was the love of your life, you'd never been as sure about anything as you were with that. And you wouldn't take back the little family you'd created together for anything.

You just wished that parts of it -- like this part right now, reconnecting with Baxter -- weren't so hard.

You took his hand, and he pulled you closer, placing his other hand on your back. You put your free hand on his shoulder, and away you went.

After a few moments of not-so-comfortable silence, you asked, "So how did Cove do?"

"Splendidly," he answered, looking up from your feet to look you in the eyes. "You're very lucky. Both you and your son."

And there it was.

"Why did you have to leave like that?" you asked, the question out of your mouth before you really had a chance to fully process what you'd said.

He took in a shaky breath and you felt his body tense, but he answered. It was more of the self-flagellating insecurities you remembered him being filled with back then -- he didn't want to be important in your life, he didn't think he was. He thought that he could have a nice fun summer with you and that it wouldn't matter to you if he left without a trace.

You'd hated it then, and you hated it now, but this time there was an extra layer to it.

"I honestly don't know what I would have done if I'd known ... about him," he said, moving you around the room as a bit of an afterthought. "I've been thinking about it, and I'm not sure. Part of me likes to believe I would have stepped up as Cove did, but Cove is a far better man than I am. So if it's any consolation at all, I do believe I would have failed you both either way."

"It's really not," was all you could think to say.

"Yes, I didn't suppose it would be. Still, I'm left wondering, as I'm sure you are, where do we go from here?"

You looked at him deeply. It was a good question.

"You're going to meet him, I guess," you said. "At the rehearsal at least, or at the ceremony."

"I've thought about that," Baxter admitted. "I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with, of course. I do find myself interacting with children when they're involved with the ceremony, but ... if you don't want me to speak with him, I will respect that."

Tears sprung to your eyes at the thought -- you knew that since Dylan was going to be in the ceremony, he'd at least come into contact with the wedding planner. But seeing everything come together like this, being faced with the reality of it all, was even harder than you'd anticipated.

"He doesn't know anything about you," you told him. "He doesn't know that Cove isn't ... he's his dad, that's not ... he doesn't know that there's anything to know, I guess is what I'm trying to say."

You'd meant to clear the air with Baxter -- to actually talk about things, really talk about them, and settle them once and for all. But instead, you found yourself dancing around an empty room with him, crying while he held your hand a little too tightly.

[crownofefflorescence]

How does the one bed trope go over with the RO's?

GASP.

My favourite romance trope!

The "empty reply" tumblr invitation is a temptation this time, lol...

Unfortunately I can't put just anything because this ask does lie in the realm of spoilers. However, not in the way you might think! If you've read the intro post for Garden of Bones you'll be able to guess why this could be a very alarming situation for the ROs...

That's all I'll say for now, although you may get a chance to experience this trope - depending on how you define "one bed" - in the game.

But fret not, Anon!

I'll answer to the best of my ability, because whether platonic or romantic, it really depends on your MC's personality and how they choose to respond. Are they awkward about it? Flirtatious? Flustered? Eager? You're going to get a different response from both of the ROs...

Because this is usually a romance trope, not a friendship trope (and more's the pity because it has so much platonic potential!), we'll frame it as a flowering romance with some mutual trust established, and I'll choose whichever MC personality I think would be the funniest.

ヾ( ˃ ᴗ ˂ )◞ • *✰

Thank you so much for the fun ask!

U + Bold MC + One Bed Trope

With a shy MC, U might be more inclined to press their advantage and manipulate the situation somehow, but with a bold MC who has openly flirted before, U's face turns a slightly deeper shade of its usual moon-kissed bronze.

They immediately strip the blankets and one of the pillows, claiming the empty mattress, and will toss MC the rest to make a nest on the floor, thinking to avoid a display.

U is not so lucky.

Your MC now has a chance to make a compelling argument for sleeping in the same bed. If it's flirtatious enough, MC might end up inadvertently sending U into a corner with a single pillow - undignified (they will protest against this description) but far better than the alternative.

If MC's argument is more practical, entrapping them with logic, and U doesn't see a way to disagree without looking weak or cowardly, then MC has the privilege of falling asleep beside a motionless U who glowers silently at the ceiling...

...and awakening the next morning to find they haven't moved - never closed their eyes once! NOT EVEN TO BLINK.

An amused MC inquires if U slept well, struggling to maintain a straight face, but their mouth is irrepressibly curling upward: U has no choice but to answer truthfully or refuse any answer at all.

They turn their golden glare to MC. "As well as could be expected with such intolerable company."

It is up to MC to interpret what 'intolerable' implies.

U is used to handily maintaining an element of control in every situation, and now you, MC, have taken that away from them.

How dare you.

Z + Shy MC + One Bed Trope

A [REDACTED] Z thinks this is hilarious from the start.

They lead your flustered and red-faced MC on a wild dance through all possible sleeping scenarios, very calmly, entertaining every option and taking every single one of their suggestions onboard with hums and nods of agreement, and all the while their sparkling eyes never stray from MC's countenance as it turns many rare and delightful shades of crimson.

At last, when you are both 'overwhelmed' with dozens of possible solutions and your MC is quite out of breath, Z says with an exaggerated sigh, "This is far too much fuss over something so simple. I think we have overlooked the perfect solution, MC."

MC looks up (or slightly down) at them hopefully. "What's that?"

Z sits on the bed.

Pats it.

Flashes a very toothy smile.

"We'll simply have to sleep together."

If your MC doesn't pass out on the spot, then Z has the added pleasure of watching them find increasingly absurd excuses not to go through with their 'perfect solution,' until they begin to think it more pitiful than entertaining.

"I won't touch you," they promise. "I swear it."

From anyone else it would be empty words, but for Z it's a binding oath. Fortunately or unfortunately, if you manage to fall asleep together, you wake up with Z's arm thrown across your face at the very least and tangled together at the 'worst'; they certainly didn't mean to intrude on your personal space, but they are not a peaceful sleeper! Now, how to remove yourself from this increasingly awkward situation?

Good morning and good luck, flustered MC.

[snowthedemonfox]

okay so i need to put my thoughts somewhere before i forget so uhhh heres a quick theory about what ep 6's adventure might be

(i could be extremely wrong though so glitch if youre seeing this and thinking about how wrong i am: i cannot wait to be proven wrong bc i am hyped for episode 6 either way)

so in the ep 4 trailer we can see this suggestions box, and based on Caine's conversation with Zooble in ep 3, i think all future adventures will be based on requests from the cast. like episode 5 being baseball themed. we saw an unfinished version of the stadium in the s1 teaser, and in ep 4 we can see Ragatha with a baseball. if ep 5 is the baseball episode, it'd make sense if she was the one who put that adventure idea in the suggestions box

so then i think we can safely assume the spudsy's adventure, even if it does seem to be rushed by Caine, might've been suggested by Gangle. why? not sure, im guessing we'll be told that in the episode itself, but if she did, then that means that yes, future adventures will be suggested by the character the episode is about

since episode 5 is the last episode that was teased in the s1 teaser, we have little to no info on episodes 6-9. i think its still a bit too early for me to guess what will happen in the final 3 episodes, but i think based on some other things we've been told i can make a safe guess about ep 6

i think it might be a dance themed episode. which, okay, hear me out, i have some more things i want to share with the class:

ONE: this would not be the first time one of Goose's "wait and see" answers would hint towards a future episode's adventure. back in september, before the s1 teaser released, someone asked her this:

which, as we know, a haunted house adventure DID happen in ep 3

(there was also this one, which if the ep 4 theories about someone being high are to be believed, then this one could also be a hint of something we didnt know about at the time. but take this with a grain of salt because ep 4 isnt out yet at the time of writing this)

TWO: "but why would Jax's episode be the dance one?? he wouldnt suggest something like that!!"

well, yes, he probably wouldnt let anyone else see him suggest something like that for an adventure, but who said you had to sign your name on the suggestions? couldnt he do it anonymously without anyone knowing who suggested it? doesn't seem like he's the kind of person to admit something like that

maybe in the episode, someone figures out it was him (maybe recognising his handwriting, since episode 4 has shown us what the cast's handwriting looks like on their spudsy's nametags), and that's what starts to cause problems. the point of the episode isn't the adventure itself, it's about Jax and his issues

THREE: this is the weakest piece of evidence here but im just thinking like, it kind of makes sense that a dance episode might feature a lot of different outfits. maybe Goose was talking about a later episode, but again, i have 0 ideas on what might be happening in those final 3, so my safest bet is that this was referring to episode 6

the only thing i DONT have an answer for, is why ep 6 would be described as "guns":

unless this post was made before the episode 7/8 split (which resulted in a total of 9 episodes), i have now idea how "guns" fits into this theory. we know thanks to the fandomcon QnA that Jax's weapon of choice would NOT be a gun, and would be revealed in canon to be something else. if Jax isn't the one with the gun, why is episode 6 described that way? i have 0 answers for this, and this one word could be the thing that destroys this already flawed theory lol

anyway uhhh post over thats my game theory i hope Jax continues to get worse <3

[serial-serializednovelreader]

Nova's Notes - North and South - Chapter 3

Last time we saw our heroine Margaret, she had just received word that Henry Lennox had come to call on her. Let's see how it goes!

So, she is excited to see Henry, as she has just been thinking about him and his promise. Margaret is a little surprised though, since he's supposed to be off with Edith and his brother on their honeymoon.

*record scratch* Hold up, he was accompanying them on their honeymoon??? I know right! And not just him, but his uncle as well? What kind of monster is he?

Well, five seconds ago, I would've agreed with you, but I was able to find this article that points to this being a fairly common practice in order to ease the woman into the marriage (not exactly an academic source, but the first one I found). So, he's not intruding or third-wheeling, but instead helping grow the marriage. What a nice guy, right? Well...avid readers of this will know I'm not Henry's biggest fan, and in the first few sentences he -- again -- says something that raises my hackles a bit.

“'Oh!' said he, more lightly, 'our young couple were playing such foolish pranks, running all sorts of risks, climbing this mountain, sailing on that lake, that I really thought they needed a Mentor to take care of them. And indeed they did: they were quite beyond my uncle’s management, and kept the old gentleman in a panic for sixteen hours out of the twenty-four. Indeed, when I once saw how unfit they were to be trusted alone, I thought it my duty not to leave them till I had seen them safely embarked at Plymouth.'”

Oh no, our couple has done the horrible problem of -- *checks notes* -- having fun on their honeymoon...? If their version of a "prank" is ditching their relatives to get some alone time -- uh, yeah, I would too!!! I mean, I guess I can see where he's coming from on some of these points if they truly are taking dangerous risks, but it honestly sounds like they're trying to sneak in some alone time here and doing fun couple activities together. It's not good that the uncle is panicking, but his brother is in the army. Surely he's prepared for things like mountain climbing and saying they're "unfit to be alone" is quite ridiculous. If he's worried about them doing...other kinds of activities while alone...I hate to tell him, but they're already married so that ship has sailed (literally). If he's truly worried about "danger," how is he -- a lawyer -- more prepared to face it than his brother who's in the army? (Not that lawyers can't face danger, considering Jonathan from Dracula is a lawyer and he just climbed a castle wall not too long ago, but that's a different book/genre lol). Also presenting himself as a "Mentor" (capital M) is HILARIOUS to me considering a) he's younger than at least one of them and b) mentor to what? Being married??? Henry???? He probably means climbing or sailing, but my version is funnier -- just saying.

I guess he might also be kidding about some of this, which is something I should have considered but didn't because I don't pick up well on social cues (I'm like Margaret in that way: we'll get there :D). So if he is kidding, sorry about that, but if I'm to take what he's saying at face value here, he just sounds like a nuisance to the couple. He says he's now "relieved of many responsibilities" but it just sounds like he put those responsibilities on himself.

He then gives her a note from Edith and she doesn't want to read it in front of him because she "half wish[ed] to read it alone and unwatched". I find this interesting that she has to make up an excuse to get away from him here, just to do so! Is it because Margaret doesn't feel comfortable reading letters in front of people in general, or because Henry specifically causes the discomfort? Gaskell doesn't elaborate, but I'll keep an eye out for if she feels comfortable enough to read a letter in front of anyone else in a future chapter, because either could be valid.

Henry begins to look around the room in "his scrutinizing way" and notices how "poor" the place looks, even when the light is hitting it, which should make it looks its best. Then he says this (with a sigh):

"'The living is evidently as small as she said. It seems strange, for the Beresfords belong to a good family.'”

Oh, no! You've just activated a red flag!!! This whole reply is a red flag, but I want to highlight the main problem area (in my opinion) -- the "as she said". What's the problem with this?

To me, this indicates he didn't listen to her when she told him how small her living was the first time around. He assumed she was downplaying it and would come back to find something more like Harley Street. I suppose that was the fashion back then -- to act of more humble means than you were -- but here's the thing: Margaret isn't like that. She says thing as they are and if he knew her as well as he thinks, he would've taken her words at face value. I know that just from three chapters of reading about her!! If he doesn't believe this one thing she says now, how is that going to work later if they foster a relationship (again, we're getting there)? I also just don't like that Henry is pulling a surprised Pikachu face here!!! And while I know good family = wealthy in this time period, still not a great thing to say. Like, hmm her family is poor that's weird :/. He's acting like he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas or something. Definitely not the reaction I would want from a potential partner.

Margaret, meanwhile, is dealing with a problemTM. Namely, her mother. Apparently she gets into moods where everything is an Issue and Henry is considered an Issue -- so, she refuses to see him. This is a dilemma, because Margaret had told Henry that her mamma would LOVE to meet him and will meet with him shortly. I may not know much about etiquette, but I know this is a snub if she refuses to meet with him now. Plus, her dad can't help because he was already in a bad mood (seems like something we'll unravel later) and Mrs. Hale made it worse by commenting *once again* on moving, which caused him to ask her to please stop speaking against the place. So yeah, this isn't going well!

Margaret "listen[s] patiently", but she has to figure things out somehow, so she pulls a problem-solving move. She proposes that after a quick meetup with Henry and her mom (as for it not to look weird), she and Henry can go out sketching, which will mean less interaction for her mother to worry about. Then, even though they only have cold meat for lunch, they can still make that work for the meal, since light food was usually expected at the midday meal (from what I could find -- correct me if I'm wrong) and Henry will expect it that way. That's when Mr. Hale will join them, having had enough time between 10:30 and 2:00 to compose himself.

I love seeing this side of her! We've already seen glimpses, but I think it's the first time we've truly seen her go into what I would call a "problem-solving mode". I would definitely add that to her list of qualities!

"He evidently expected to be asked to spend the day, and accepted the invitation with a glad readiness that made Mrs. Hale wish she could add something to the cold beef. He was pleased with everything; delighted with Margaret’s idea of going out sketching together; would not have Mr. Hale disturbed for the world, with the prospect of so soon meeting him at dinner."

I wonder if it's apparent to everyone involved Henry wants to be asked to stay the whole day, or if it's just Mrs. Hale? It makes sense that he wants to since he said he would be checking up on what Margaret does all day. I don't know much about calling hours or social etiquette in the Victorian era, but from what I could find, he's making a "morning call". Usually a man in this situation should leave after 20 minutes. However, he's family, so I believe this allots for staying a few hours, including dinner (again, correct me if I'm wrong -- I tried to find sources for this, but there wasn't much available for a morning call from family). Does it seem interesting how eager it is how "pleased" he is by everything just after he thought about how poor the family is? Yep! But we don't have time to unpack all of that just yet.

"'Now, please, just stop here for a minute or two,' said Margaret. 'These are the cottages that haunted me so during the rainy fortnight, reproaching me for not having sketched them.' 'Before they tumbled down and were no more seen. Truly, if they are to be sketched—and they are very picturesque—we had better not put it off till next year. But where shall we sit?' 'Oh! You might have come straight from chambers in the Temple, instead of having been two months in the Highlands! Look at this beautiful trunk of a tree, which the woodcutters have left just in the right place for the light. I will put my plaid over it, and it will be a regular forest throne.' 'With your feet in that puddle for a regal footstool! Stay, I will move, and then you can come nearer this way. Who lives in these cottages?'”

I feel like this conversation parallels their awkward interaction from chapter one, though now the shoe is on the other foot. And by "shoe", I mean the whole "shutting down the conversation" thing. To be fair, this is probably Henry joking and being lighthearted, but again -- I'm having trouble reading it that way. She's trying to sketch two cottages that she thinks are pretty, but he's kind of mocking them for how decrepit they look. Fair, I guess, but the fact that she chooses to mock him by saying he's "come staight from chambers in the Temple" (which I believe is a reference to the Temple in Jerusalem and to me, signals she's mocking his loftiness) says she's not entirely happy with this either. Plus, yeah, he just spent time in the Highlands, shouldn't he be used to forest by now? And when she wants to make a "throne" out of a tree stump, he comments on the puddle on the ground. Chivalrous to ask her to get out of the way, but he's not playing along with her game of pretend like he seemed to want her to in chapter 1. I wonder what's up with that? Or maybe I'm reading this all wrong and they're both enjoying this banter -- I don't know, it's really hard for me to tell!! Keep in mind, I'm biased and don't really like Henry, so everything he says annoys me. It's a problem I'll try to work on 😂😂

She goes to talk to one of the men at the cottages, and Henry quickly takes his opportunity to add her to his sketch. Afterwards, she notices and comments on it. He replies:

“'It was irresistible. You can’t know how strong a temptation it was. I hardly dare tell you how much I shall like this sketch.' He was not quite sure whether she heard this latter sentence before she went to the brook to wash her palette. She came back rather flushed, but looking perfectly innocent and unconscious. He was glad of it, for the speech had slipped from him unawares—a rare thing in the case of a man who premeditated his actions so much as Henry Lennox."

I will admit, this is rather cute: him taking the opportunity to sketch her and then saying something without thought! It's a sweet moment and I think I would like the two of them together if they had more moments like this.

When they return back, both Mr. and Mrs. Hale are in much better spirits. Margaret sees her father and while she stresses that he's put aside his worries (they're not taken care of), she can't hide her pride at seeing him because he's always able to impress other people! What a sweetheart, love her for that.

Mr. Hale sees their sketches and when Mr. Hale sees the one Henry drew, Henry comments this:

“'I should say that a likeness you very much wish to take you would always succeed in,' said Mr. Lennox. 'I have great faith in the power of will. I think myself I have succeeded pretty well in yours.'”

I may not read social cues well, but this one I do get: I like you and want to draw you well. However, I know that because I've picked up on it after seeing Henry's inner thoughts. I'm not so surprised she doesn't get it because, as we'll see later in the chapter, she doesn't see him that way. So this compliment -- while nice -- wouldn't mean to her what he's trying to communicate. Why is this important for me to emphasize? Well, listen to what this guy says next:

“"A regular London girl would understand the implied meaning of that speech,' thought Mr. Lennox. 'She would be up to looking through every speech that a young man made her for the arrière-pensée of a compliment. But I don’t believe Margaret,'"

Lol, lmao even. HENRY, buddy, we've been over this -- you should know her better than this by now. I'm not trying to pull a "she's not like other girls" thing, but you started it. She doesn't have the same communication style as the "regular London girl[s]" you're thinking of! If you want to communicate something, you're going to have to be more blunt.

Also, if we continue with my thread of Margaret being neurodivergent-coded (and Henry being neurotypical-coded), this comment is something a lot of NTs often get frustrated by: that NDs don't pick up on the nuances of their interactions. This comment right here really cements this dynamic for me.

To me, it’s understandable she wouldn't pick up on this being flirting because it's subtle to begin with and ND people often have trouble picking up on social cues like this. I do find it interesting how he also expects her to be picking apart his speeches for compliments. Also "arrière-pensée" means "a concealed thought" or "ulterior motive", by the way!

Quick note: the quote is cut off deliberately like that for a reason, he doesn't finish his thought.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on your view), he decides to try a different tactic. She has been gathering roses to "adorn her morning gown for dinner" and he takes this opportunity to help her with some she can't reach (relatable!) and puts a couple in his button-hole. While this isn't exactly a declaration of love, I do think this is another sweet moment. This could almost be a better show of affection than words for some.

Dinner is a very nice affair, with everyone talking very agreeably, enough so to make Henry forget his feeling of "disappointment" of Margaret's living being so small. Like she had told him. Ugh.

However, there comes a bit of a hitch when dessert comes around. Mr. Hale becomes fixated on the idea of dessert -- which must be pears from the garden. However, they already have dessert served behind him: biscuits with marmalade. Mrs. Hale worries that this pear idea will make their life seem "impromptu" and dessert "unusual" (which will not shine a good light on their living situation, I imagine).

Henry actually steps up with a solution this time: they should eat pears in the garden in order to give them the full experience. Though Mrs. Hale doesn't quite like this idea (she wants to end dinner the ceremonious way), Mr. Hale doesn't give her time to argue: he simply gets up. This shows me that Mr. Hale is probably still not in the best of moods, and likely put out with her as well for what she said in the morning. Either that, or he's so absorbed by his own worries that he isn't thinking of hers. Eep, not good.

So Mr. Hale, Henry and Margaret go out into the garden to enjoy some pears. While Mr. Hale grabs the ripest pear (to get over his anxieties -- relatable), Henry makes eyes at Margaret 👁️👁️. He then takes her to stroll while Mr. Hale sits on the garden bench. Oh no! What can this mean? Well, for Margaret, she just thinks this is a friendly chat. Hmm....

He immediately starts by idealizing her country life and scorning his "city life" (comparing himself to a Cockney), ending with insinuating he would want to live here as his "reward" for all of his hard lawyer work.

She replies by shutting down the fantasy (lol), that the beauty he sees isn't always there and besides, didn't he mock her village before and call it out of a tale? Once she makes it clear she saw it as disrespectful, he "warmly" states he'll never do it again.

I do like that she's comfortable enough with him to feel able to tell him she felt disrespected by his words: that's a good sign, at least. And while he doesn't exactly apologize, he does back down once he realizes this was genuinely negative to her. Gotta take our wins where we can!

""I could almost wish, Margaret——' he stopped and hesitated. It was so unusual for the fluent lawyer to hesitate that Margaret looked up at him, in a little state of questioning wonder; but in an instant—from what about him she could not tell—she wished herself back with her mother—her father—anywhere away from him, for she was sure he was going to say something to which she should not know what to reply. In another moment the strong pride that was in her came to conquer her sudden agitation, which she hoped he had not perceived. Of course she could answer, and answer the right thing; and it was poor and despicable of her to shrink from hearing any speech, as if she had not power to put an end to it with her high maidenly dignity."

I love this passage for so many reasons. For one thing, it has that relatable feeling one gets when you have that one guy friend who hits you with the "I have to tell you something..." and even when you don't know what they're going to say, you also know what's happening...

But I love that she has that scared moment and then she's like -- wait a minute? This is me -- Margaret Hale -- we're talking about and I will say what I want and it will be right because I make it so. I will not shrink from any speech coming my way and if I have to, will put an end to it with my high 👏 maidenly 👏 dignity 👏 . What an ABSOLUTE QUEEN FOR THAT!!!!! I aspire to be like her; why wasn't I told what an absolute girl boss of a role model this fictional character was? And I don't just mean like before I read this (I was given some notice), I mean like why isn't she given more love in pop culture just for this passage alone? (I could speculate why, but I don't want to get sad about that lol). If I didn't already love her, this right here would've made me love her. This passage is definitely something I will be remembering when I feel anxious about difficult conversations! Just, WOW, chef's kiss.

Forgive me, it's going to be a lot of passages from here on out, but I really want to analyze the exact wording here.

"'Margaret,' said he, taking her by surprise, and getting sudden possession of her hand, so that she was forced to stand still and listen, despising herself for the fluttering at her heart all the time; 'Margaret, I wish you did not like Helstone so much—did not seem so perfectly calm and happy here. I have been hoping for these three months past to find you regretting London—and London friends, a little—enough to make you listen more kindly' (for she was quietly, but firmly, striving to extricate her hand from his grasp) 'to one who has not much to offer, it is true—nothing but prospects in the future—but who does love you, Margaret, almost in spite of himself. Margaret, have I startled you too much? Speak!' For he saw her lips quivering almost as if she were going to cry."

Okaaaaaay, that escalated VERY quickly -- Margaret didn't even get time to put a stop to it!!! I can't blame her, he's not giving her the chance to speak. So, the fact that he grabs her hand so she's "forced to stand still and listen"? Yikes. Her heart is "fluttering" and she hates herself for it? Also yikes because I doubt it's fluttering from liking him. I could be wrong, but I'm like 99.9% sure her heart is like that out of nerves.

Not to mention his speech: Henry starts off by being upset she likes Helstone and seems happy there -- you know, the place where her parents are??? Her hometown???? The place he just yapped on and on about being the best place ever and seemed like a reward to him? What happened to that? Swift 180 turn to me. Oh, and let's not forget he doesn't like seeing her calm and happy -- uhhhh...ok?

Now I know what he's trying to say here: he doesn't like seeing her happy here in Helstone because he wants her to be so miserable that she'll want to come back to London (and be with him). If she's miserable, it'll show she cares for him. Here's the problems I have with that logic:

Who's to say she doesn't miss her friends and she's just hiding it? Some people are better at hiding their grief than others.

Margaret is a very "live in the present" type of person; it's not that she doesn't miss Harley Street, but tends to just kind of live in the moment. Him not realizing that -- or wanting her to be miserable despite knowing that -- shows that he probably doesn't know her or care for her as much as he says he does a couple of sentences later.

She hasn't lived with her parents for years and spent most of her childhood without them being a large part of her life (I'm assuming from the limited text we have). Why doesn't she have the right to be calm and happy while living with them? It's pretty understandable she would be more happy with them because if anything *they're* the ones she was probably "more miserable" without. I'm sure she was fine at Harley Street, but she really seems to love her parents and her first night at Harley Street as a child seemed difficult: I'm not surprised she's happy at Helstone! This guy has some audacity to be like "aren't you miserable without me though 🥺" when like -- SHE'S VISITING HER PARENTS???!!?!?! It's been three months, calm down dude.

Let's imagine a world where Henry's completely right (a world I'm glad we don't live in, personally) and she's totally miserable because -- oh, Henry's not at Helstone 🥺💔. Even so, when you visit your friends/crush/whatever that you've missed and you haven't seen for a while, do you act miserable and talk constantly about how much you miss them? I mean, I don't! I usually try to keep up appearances if I am sad, but I actually almost always brighten up around the person I'm with because they make my day better. I get excited and in my element; to the outside person, you'd never know I'd be totally upset when they left because that's how happy I am! Of course, I'd say I miss them or whatever, but I wouldn't make a scene like he seems to want her to.

Going off of that, if you truly cared for someone, wouldn't you want them to be happy? Like he tells her he loves her but starts off his whole speech before he gets to that point with "I wish you were less happy and more miserable because that means you'd miss me and give me a chance" and that's...I don't even know what to say to that. I didn't think you could get worse than Mr. Collins or Mr. Darcy's failed proposals, but I think that beats it. In Mr. Collins's case, at least he starts off with compliments (though they're backhanded and he doesn't really mean them, lol) and at least with Mr. Darcy, he starts off with "I love you" and lists the reasons before he starts insulting her family!!! I guess it's a "pick your poison" thing, but seriously, what a way to start off a love confession speech/proposal.

Then -- and this is what really gets me here -- he notices her trying to get him to release her arm: another sign she's not enjoying this. Now, she's doing this in a quiet but firm way, not wanting to make a scene -- but not backing down, either. Instead of doing the decent person thing and letting her hand go, he keeps his grip and tells her to listen more "kindly". He takes this as yet another sign she didn't "miss him enough" and WOW. Um...I don't have much to say to this; I think it speaks for itself. I will say, everytime I read it I'm filled with an immeasurable amount of rage, if that tells you anything.

He also ends his very touching and heartfelt speech (/s) with saying that he loves her "almost in spite of himself". Aaaaand we're back to Mr. Darcy with his whole "yeah your family is below me and an insult to the human race and I actually wish I could stop thinking about you but in spite of all of that I love you whoops". I think he means this in more of a "I'm not a feelings person, so for me to be in love with you is a big deal" (we'll get to that speech of his soon), but it still comes across wrong to me. If you're going to say that, please clarify what you mean!!!

And THEN -- as if that's not bad enough -- he sees her lips quivering as if she's going to cry and after asking if she's startled (not the emotion I'd be asking after, but ok), he commands her to speak. As someone who gets overwhelmed easily, I would actually hate someone doing that to me!

And if we continue the thread of Margaret being ND, what if she's not able to speak because she's too overstimulated from whatever the heck that just was? I know she just hyped herself up -- and that's amazing, don't get me wrong -- but it could very well be difficult for her to communicate using spoken language and the fact that he wants her to speak right now is a bit reminiscent of how NTs will often force NDs to "act neurotypical" in difficult situations (e.g. "make eye contact, speak on this" etc.) and it's heartbreaking to read using this lens.

Even if we don't read it in that vein, who sees someone about to cry and goes "Speak!"? Get a grip, man.

"She made a strong effort to be calm; she would not speak till she had succeeded in mastering her voice, and then she said: 'I was startled. I did not know that you cared for me in that way. I have always thought of you as a friend; and, please, I would rather go on thinking of you so. I don’t like to be spoken to as you have been doing. I cannot answer you as you want me to do, and yet I should feel so sorry if I vexed you.'”

I feel for her here: I’m glad she takes a moment to be calm, but I imagine it must cost a lot of emotional effort to do so. If I were in her shoes, I don’t even know if I could manage it!

Also, her speech itself is a masteclass in kind — but firm — rejection, in my opinion. Notice how she answers his last question first: that yes, she was startled. That is easiest to answer, so she focuses on it. Then, she expounds on it by letting him know she wasn’t aware of his deep feelings, which caused her to be startled.

That’s when the boundary-setting starts! She sets two of them: in order to “keep thinking of him as a friend”, he will need to discontinue his advances and then she states she doesn’t like the way he has been speaking to her — aka, all of the ways he just offended her in that last paragraph? Stop it immediately.

She ends it by affirming that she cannot give him the answers he desires, but does not want to “vex” him. Just to be sure I was reading her meaning correctly, I looked up the meaning of vexed:

“to bring trouble, distress, or agitation to”

So, she’s worried about troubling him. Yes, distress is in there too, but I think it’s interesting she uses that word to describe how he will take her not returning his feelings. Historically, women do have to worry about how men will react to them not returning feelings -- sometimes to an extreme degree -- and it can feel as if it’s more of a case of them being troubled/agitated rather than distressed. I can’t speak for everyone of course, but it sucks that women have to feel so responsible for men’s happiness to the point of saying “sorry for the trouble” if the feelings aren’t returned! (And yes, I know this issue can happen regardless of gender, but I’m focusing on this dynamic since that’s how it appears here.)

So, how does Henry react? Does he reassure her that he isn’t entitled to her feelings? Asks for space to deal with his own emotions, perhaps? Nope!

“‘Margaret,’ said he, looking into her eyes, which met his with their open, straight look, expressive of the utmost good faith and reluctance to give pain, ‘Do you’—he was going to say—‘love any one else?’ But it seemed as if this question would be an insult to the pure serenity of those eyes. ‘Forgive me! I have been too abrupt. I am punished. Only let me hope. Give me the poor comfort of telling me you have never seen any one whom you could——‘ Again a pause. He could not end his sentence. Margaret reproached herself acutely as the cause of his distress.’”

It’s interesting to me that Henry decides not to ask if she loves anyone else because he doesn’t want to insult “pure serenity” of her eyes. Some may call this nice, I call this asking for a punch in the face. It rides a bit too close to the “purity culture” line for me and I don’t like it. It seems as if Henry thinks she has too much good faith to ever be “unfaithful” to him by even entertaining the thought of someone else. Perhaps I’m wrong, but this is how it reads to me.

Then he asks for forgiveness and says he’s been too abrupt (ok, good start) but says he’s punished. Punished how? Punished for what? If you mean she’s punishing you for speaking to her a certain way by not returning feelings — just NO. That’s not what’s happening here!!!! She doesn’t return your feelings because she doesn’t like you, just accept it.

That’s when Henry really drops the hammer of “can you give me hope and return my feelings one day 🥺” which — oh, boy. On one hand, I can feel for him here, but it’s strange to me that he also wants her to promise that she’s never seen anyone that has caught her fancy. It’s a very “if I can’t have you, no one can” mentality. It even causes Margaret to get mad at herself for “causing” him to be so upset — which, again, he is not entitled to her feelings and she is not responsible for his happiness.

“‘Ah! if you had but never got this fancy into your head! It was such a pleasure to think of you as a friend.’

‘But I may hope, may I not, Margaret, that some time you will think of me as a lover? Not yet, I see—there is no hurry—but some time——‘

She was silent for a minute or two, trying to discover the truth as it was in her own heart, before replying, then she said:

‘I have never thought of—you, but as a friend. I like to think of you so; but I am sure I could never think of you as anything else. Pray let us both forget that all this” (“disagreeable,” she was going to say, but stopped short) ‘conversation has taken place.’”

Ok, so I’m going to take Henry’s side for just a second on this — hear me out. I think it’s a little mean for her to call his feelings just a “fancy” as if he thought of it one day and, on a lark, decided to confess his feelings. I don’t think that’s fair of her to say to him. You can’t help your feelings and it’s not entirely fair of her to expect him to keep it bottled up inside. While his confession speech has been pretty abysmal (sorry it’s true), I don’t blame him for having those feelings, just the way they’re expressed.

On the other hand, I’ve been in Margaret's exact same situation and have almost wanted to say the exact same thing! Like “we had such a good thing going and this came out of nowhere; what’s up with that?” I didn’t though, because I realize that’s kind of invalidating to hear. I also think that’s her being blunt and not filtering her thoughts, which is understandable given the heightened emotions (and even more so, if we read it in the lens of her being ND).

Henry insists on the point of her being able to love him romantically sometime in the future, to which she has to think about. I’m glad she actually takes the time to examine her own feelings before answering. She already knows the answer, but it’s good to be sure and honestly give it some thought.

That’s when she drops a hammer of her own: she has only thought of him as a friend, does so now, and is certain she can only do so in the future. She also wants to set this conversation behind them — almost calling it disagreeable in the process. She stops herself short, but I believe she makes a face or something in her demeanor registers it as such, because Henry picks up on it. Again, she’s being blunt, but this time she’s able to catch herself and spare his feelings a little.

“He paused before he replied. Then, in his habitual coldness of tone, he answered:

‘Of course, as your feelings are so decided, and as this conversation has been so evidently unpleasant to you, it had better not be remembered. That is all very fine in theory, that plan of forgetting whatever is painful, but it will be somewhat difficult for me, at least, to carry it into execution.’”

It’s telling that he becomes cold once he realizes she’s serious about staying friends forever. It’s sad that this 180 degree turn from Henry is still so relatable in today’s age! He does agree to her wishes, albeit reluctantly due to it being difficult for him. This I can understand; once you confess your feelings for someone and are subsequently rejected, it's a bit hard to just "forget" the entire conversation and go back to normal. Unfortunately, that's the consequence you have to face if you're going to confess to your friend like that; I think he was just so confident she'd return his feelings, he assumed this wouldn't happen.

“'You are vexed,' said she, sadly; “yet how can I help it?' She looked so truly grieved as she said this, that he struggled for a moment with his real disappointment, and then answered more cheerfully, but still with a little hardness in his tone: 'You should make allowances for the mortification, not only of a lover, Margaret, but of a man not given to romance in general—prudent, worldly, as some people call me—who has been carried out of his usual habits by the force of a passion—well, we will say no more of that; but in the one outlet which he has formed for the deeper and better feelings of his nature, he meets with rejection and repulse. I shall have to console myself with scorning my own folly. A struggling barrister to think of matrimony!'”

Her grief does cause him to realize that he needs to stop making her feel bad about this -- or, at least, broadcast a facade of good cheer -- if they're going to have any hope of keeping the friendship. After all, they're still in Helstone's garden with Margaret's dad not too far off!!!

However, he's not able to cover up his "disappointment" entirely and it shows as "hardness in his tone". He doesn't apologize for giving her grief, but instead asks her to make "allowances" for him. I don't like this for a lot of reasons (why does she have to make allowances for you when you don't seem to give the same respect back?), but what's even worse is that he says one of those allowances should be "for the mortification...of a lover..." UM??? If I’m reading this right, he wants her to allow for him feeling like he was her lover and now having to deal with her rejection of romance. Henry, let me break it down for you: you were never her lover -- ever. If you felt like her lover, that is your issue, not hers, to deal with. The fact that you're admitting that aloud is appalling and the fact you want her to allow for that problem is even worse. It’s almost like he kept up a pretense of friendship and all the while imagining they were lovers. That’s so weird!!! And again, remains relatable (unfortunately).

The other allowance, which I mentioned earlier, is that he’s not a big “feelings” person and since he got carried away by his passions, she should understand why he feels crushed that the one time he’s swept off his feet by romance, the feelings are not returned. I hate to tell you, Henry, but just because you’re more “worldly” than the rest of us doesn’t mean you’re going to get a girlfriend faster: just a pro tip!

Both of these allowances are quite silly, in my opinion. Yeah, so you have a crush for the first time and you thought of her as your girlfriend and the feelings weren’t mutual. What is she supposed to do, give you a cookie? I’m being facetious, of course, I know what he’s actually hoping is for her to change her mind and be like “I had no idea I was your first crush 🥺 wow, since I’m so special to you, of course I’ll court you!!! 😍❤️” which — ugh. I want to say he doesn’t understand how women work, but I’m hard-pressed to see how this would work on anyone!! Maybe in his head it would work on one of those “regular London girls” (which I’m beginning to think is just a made up notion in his head of women anyway), but I’ve said that Margaret is not one of those women (if they do exist) and never will be. The fact that he thinks he can make her be one or she will become one in time is concerning: what would he be like if they did court? Would she be expected to change for him? Or even if he does like her as is, would she be expected to “act differently” in front of his friends and other relatives? Again, reading this in a NT/ND lens really adds another layer of meaning to how this would affect Margaret’s mental health in the long term.

He ends this by saying he’ll have to “console himself by scorning his own folly” and scoffing at the idea of a struggling man in his job thinking of marriage. First of all, she has literally said nothing about your profession — you brought that up briefly before in your confession (I didn’t mention it because I didn’t have anything to say on it) — but she never said “I’m not going to court you because you’re a lawyer struggling to make ends meet”. Of course, you’re going to think that because it’s easier to think of her as shallow (only after men for their current money) and the “problem” as something you can fix (he can fix a money issue, can’t fix her thoughts of him being a friend), but really: how in denial can you be?

Secondly, this is the first time he’s brought up marriage. Of course, in the Victorian age that’s where courtships were supposed to lead, but still. It’s interesting that he waited until now to drop that last bit in; it almost seems like a last-ditch lament to be like “woe is me! How could I think anyone would ever marry me 🥺💔” which would pull at the heartstrings. Of course, I’m likely reading too much into this because I’m reading it in the tone of him doing anything to try to get her to court/marry him, even using manipulation and guilt tactics to do so. Is it likely he’s just upset and saying whatever comes to mind? Sure. But some people will do anything to get their way and so far he hasn’t shown himself to be very graceful in dealing with rejection.

“Margaret could not answer this. The whole tone of it annoyed her. It seemed to touch on and call out all the points of difference which had often repelled her in him; while yet he was the pleasantest man, the most sympathising friend, the person of all others who understood her best in Harley Street. She felt a tinge of contempt mingle itself with her pain at having refused him. Her beautiful lip curled in a slight disdain.”

I suppose I’m not the only one getting bad vibes from this last speech. Margaret sees the worst parts of him — the little things that had always bothered her about him — and while she still feels bad about hurting him, she can’t help but visibly show “disdain” for the way he’s talking to her now.

Suddenly, they come upon Mr. Hale and Margaret feels as if she's had an out-of-body experience, comparing it to an Eastern tale of a king who went through an experience of a lifetime just by dipping his head in a magical basin of water. In other words, she is not the same as she was when she last saw her father!

Of course, due to the amount of emotions with everything that has just taken place, she is quite unable to speak and lets Henry and her father do most of the talking. Henry notices her quiet and morose look and:

“"I am not so indifferent to her as she believes,' thought he to himself. 'I do not give up hope."”

Oh...oh no. Henry, literally just accept the no. She told you no -- JUST ACCEPT THE -- ok, I need to calm down. This man is fictional. The problem is there are men -- nay, people -- who think like this. Who will hear a "no" and then see the person's face and have such a cognitive dissonance IN THEIR BRAIN that they're like "nah, they actually totally want me, THEY just can't see the truth yet." As if they know better.

It's really hilarious Henry thinks he knows Margaret's thoughts and feelings better than *she* does considering he doesn't even know how to talk to her without her shutting him down because he accidentally disrespected her small town (rhyme not intended but a pleasant surprise). How does he think a relationship with a foundation like that? I realize they are good friends and get along in other ways, but it is sooooo telling to me that the *second* he flirts, she either becomes uncomfortable or straight up doesn't get it (or pretends not to, depending on how you read it). How could they be married like that??

So yeah, unfortunately, Margaret is not even allowed to look sad without Henry jumping on the chance that she'll want him someday. I'm almost 100% sure this would've happened regardless of the facial expression she had. Happy (from trying to keep up a cheerful facade)? "Oh, she's actually super happy I confessed my feelings and will love me soon, just watch." Mad? "She's actually mad at herself for refusing me." Confused? "She doesn't know what she wants, she'll choose me eventually." That's just the kind of person we're dealing with here.

"Before a quarter of an hour was over, he had fallen into a way of conversing with quiet sarcasm; speaking of life in London and life in the country, as if he were conscious of his second mocking self, and afraid of his own satire."

Ok, so this passage is really hard to decipher for me and I might need some help figuring ot out! From what I'm able to gather, he's mainly mocking both the country and London, but maybe in also a self-depricating way as well (this is the main part I'm stuck on)? What I do understand is why he's doing this; Henry is a man who's default is to mock and be sarcastic. It's his coping mechanism for when things get too "real". We haven't seen him be as such yet because he hasn't needed to be around Margaret. However, now that he's been thrown off by her rejection, his way of dealing with it is to slip back into empty sarcasm.

Mr. Hale notices this change and is quite put off by it, even being relieved when he has to leave. He notes the change from the "lighter, clever, more worldly man" he saw earlier and at the wedding breakfast. It's interesting how a lot of people tend to use sarcasm to seem more clever and worldy, but Gaskell sees through this and contrasts them as opposites in this chapter! What a callout! She's so real for that.

At the last moment, Henry Lennox’s real self broke through the crust. “Margaret, don’t despise me; I have a heart, notwithstanding all this good-for-nothing way of talking. As a proof of it, I believe I love you more than ever—if I do not hate you—for the disdain with which you have listened to me during this last half-hour. Good-bye, Margaret—Margaret!”

First of all, describing the weird sarcasm thing he was doing as a "crust" is funny and interesting to me -- I didn't know that could mean "harsh" or "surly": the more you know! Secondly, love that he calls out his own coping mechanism while still having done it -- progress, I guess? And third -- best of all -- Henry, my guy, my dude, why on earth would you tell her you love her while also saying you might hate her because she hasn't been happy with you for the past 30 minutes???? I am truly baffled. Has this man ever wooed a woman in his life? For the sake of the female population, I truly hope not because if THIS is how he does it -- YIKES!!!! Luckily, he probably hasn't considering his whole "i'M a lAwYeR wHo dOeSnT hAvE bIg rOmAnCe fEeLiNgS" speech.

And that's the way the chapter ends, so I'll end with a couple of points I want to make clear.

I know I've been super hard on Henry and -- to be fair -- I think he's deserved some of it. But I don't think he's a bad person. So far, Gaskell has written all of her characters with a complexity and depth that shows you're supposed to root for these characters (more or less), while also understanding their flaws. There were times I pointed out when Margaret wasn't at her best either; while she isn't entitled to return Henry's feelings, she was sort of trivializing them and I wouldn't like that either. I think the problem with Henry is that he's used to getting what he wants and when he doesn't get it, he gets upset and lashes out the way he did with Margaret. I do honestly think he needs to work on himself and not think of romance right now because it sounds like he has deeper problems going on; if Margaret's rejection causes him to act like this, it's not just her rejection that's bothering him. I noticed that he talked about how he's currently struggling in his job and I think that can also account for him getting upset -- perhaps he had hoped for this to be a "good thing" to focus on instead of his work that isn't going well. I'm glad Margaret didn't return his feelings in that case because having one person the sole source of your happiness is never healthy and running away from your problems won't fix them! So yes, while I'm hard on him I do still think he has good moments and can be better: we're just seeing him at his worst. Still, that doesn't excuse his behavior, just explains it.

I also want to clarify for those who think I'm being too harsh on Henry and am doing so because I "don't understand what it's like to be rejected romantically". As a quick personal aside: I've been on his side of a romantic confession and was also rejected by someone who was my friend. And it hurt -- badly. Especially because there were many "signs" I read too much into as romantic (flirting, holding hands, etc.) so said rejection was not what I saw coming, much like Henry. However, when I realized that this person only saw me as a friend and wanted to keep it that way, I immediately told them "ok, I understand" and then took some time to myself to sort through my feelings. These were mainly embarrasment, shame, sorrow, and anger -- not at the person, but at myself for potentially ruining the friendship over this.

My main problem with Henry is that he reacts to Margaret's rejection with disappointment, anger, frustration, and hurt. These don't seem like the kind of emotions that come with an unselfish love, I hate to say it. I know there is likely more feelings bubbling beneath the surface, but if he's going to react that way and realizes he's hurting her in the process (which he does), he should ask for space while he sorts himself out. I get that wasn't "the thing" back then so I guess it's a bit harder for me to say "oh, Henry should've just left!" when no, he can't just abruptly leave like that and "oh, Henry should just work on his mental health" when that was very much not talked of. I'm just trying to think of ways he could've better handled this situation; he can't help his feelings, but he can help how he acts on those feelings. And it's not fair to Margaret to continually pressure her into a relationship she so obviously does not want. Additionally, the way he makes his confession/proposal frustrates me too because he mainly makes it about himself and his feelings. He wishes she wasn't happy at Helstone, he loves her, he's not a romantic person so it's a big deal for him. I mean, he doesn't even talk about her good qualities or what he likes about her: even Mr. "and what excellent boiled potatoes" Collins did that!!!!!

As a final note, if you're reading Dracula Daily at the same time as North and South Weekly, you may have noticed a few parallels between this failed proposal and Jack Seward's failed proposal. I want to dive into them and why I respect Seward's more than Lennox's, but I don't want to do it here because this post might be my longest to date and I'd rather make it a separate post anyway!

So yeah, another great chapter, excited to see what happens next week!

[zmediaoutlet]

dean/crowley and sam/crowley

ahaha well --

dean/crowley

technically you don't have to 'ship' things that are canon. :)

that said: I mean, come onnnn. D/Crowley has mUch more canon basis than just about any other "okay, I guess they didn't technically show us kissing" ship in the show. I mean the fivesome alone! But also the obviously canonical pining from Crowley, the way Dean threatens a lot but you can't ever actually imagine him really going through with killing Crowley (because he's soft with guys who've fucked him <3), the way Crowley always Gets what's going on with Dean in a way deeper and more fucked up than anyone else -- even Sam -- even maybe Alastair. The spectator sees more of the game, as they say, and what's interesting about Crowley is that he would never, ever expect to be #1 -- but what he can get at as #2 might be just as useful.

what's also fun about D/Crowley is like -- while it's obviously a mistress ship to the side of the main canon event, it's very... free? Dean doesn't have to pretend to be anything other than what he is. Of course he does, because he wouldn't be Dean without a little gloss of pretense, but like -- Crowley knows him. Crowley knows his worst shitty parts. Crowley probably has a spreadsheet with how many souls Dean shredded in Hell and has polite comments arranged for every one, which he Will Not Say but they both know he could. Dean's guilt encompasses the whole planet but Crowley doesn't give a shit about that guilt, except how he can manipulate it to his own ends, and they both know that, and it's like... all the cards are on the table, you know? In that way it may be a little bit of self-harm for Dean, sure, but he's going into it with eyes wide open and knows exactly what he'll get out of it and it's. Well, 'free' is the only word I can think of. A little corrosive maybe but lots of things have been worse.

also the dude died for Dean, which we should always appreciate as the ultimate simp move. Dean's got a bodycount stacked much higher than Sam's dick. Why isn't the meme about Dean's murderous puss?

sam/crowley

would Crowley attempt to seduce Sam? Sure he would. Would he try to get him into a place where Sam might really consider saying yes to it? Of course. Would Sam actually say yes? lolno, not unless LITerally every other option (potentially including his own death) were wasted, because--

unlike the previous ship in this ask, Sam has self-respect. rip Crowley but Sam already learned his lesson with skanky demonsex and like. He's just not that sad. Plus there's zero zero zero interest or closeness from Sam -> Crowley, and Sam's a lot of things but I really don't think he's a 'self-punisher with sex', and he obviously just finds Crowley fucking irritating, lol. He's also never gonna kill Crowley because the network wouldn't let him, but where with Dean you can hear the shouted threat as very empty, with Sam you can hear that he would REALLY LIKE TO and keeps getting thwarted. Crowley might be useful but he's not Sam's friend, and---while I fully believe that Sam can have hatesex---Crowley doesn't feel like an option he'd ever choose. Not least because he knows Crowley would try to use it as a card against him, and he's smart enough to not let that happen.

As an interesting codicil to all this, I also sorta suspect that Crowley respects Sam more than he does Dean. He'd still use the opportunity if it were given, but where with Dean it's a fun way to needle him (we'll ignore his subsequent schmoopy pining, the dope), with Sam, it feels like Crowley would really just find it a disappointment. Like, he expects better. Adds a cool element to their dynamic.

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

reminder that there's actual stuff on the patreon once again, link in the pinned post :)

@capitalismdisruptedmybarbeque added an [image description] for blanket, thank you!

also thank you for all the boops, what a good website feature.

@optimus-jetpack asked: What is your favorite Kirby game? Probably asked before but I'm new to Tumblr and I love your drawings

my actual favorite is epic yarn, but if we're talking mainline only it's either crystal shards or forgotten land! I grew up with crystal shards and the design in forgotten land is super charming (as is the design in epic yarn lol). and thank you!

on [do not fuck with me] @nogoinghomegame said: roman reigns

how does it feel to be the funniest person on this website? I still think about this and it's been 2 months.

on [quicksand] @graycoin said: Yeah...that sounds like a rough day. :/ I hope all that leads to something better, at least.

thanks. I'll get the rest of the paperwork turned in this month and then we'll see I guess -n- (and thanks for all your other supportive words too)

on [pudding] @xurkitreeking said: I want to eat your art, i feel like it would make a satisfyingly cronch like one of those puffed air chip

omg that's so nice??? like puffed rice or something yeah, I can totally see what you mean

on [pudding] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I know things like spills are technically so small, but when you’re already at the end of your rope it’s fascinating how something like this can send you into a crying fit. you held it together so well for so long, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back

ugh yeah sometimes when there's already So Much you just look at it and you're like. haven't I already been through enough. but it's like, kind of a "safe" thing to get upset about? because it's obvious to anyone there that it happened and that it's unambiguously negative, even if it is only minor, and it's also not like you're taking space away from someone else or whatever.

on [reborn] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m not allowed to watch any more, after I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack

that's so tragic, this world is in shambles

they also did a delightful [expansion] of [outline] that's just so fun honestly, I love that every single object has the same gormless expression that kirby already had lol

on [bug] @theraphos said: me irl, literally i was about to clean the tub earlier and noticed this baby spider that was seriously just a fuckin. dot. i somehow managed to get it in a cup unharmed

whenever there's a spider in like, the shower, or the sink, I always worry so much about it going unnoticed and getting drowned until I know it's moved somewhere safer (we are a pro-spider household)

on [injection] @fakejtwelve said: I hope new meds work well for you 💜

thank you! so far I feel about as bad as usual except that my nose is finally not congested. which I guess is something. (it usually takes a couple months to really kick in so there is still grounds for hope!)

on [ghost] @11-eyed-rook said: this purple is a good purple thank you

there are many good purples in the world :)

anonymous asked: what is kirby's favorite swear word

honestly I think he's partial to "fuck", it's just got a good arrangement of consonants in it. easy to apply forcefully to a variety of scenarios.

on [eyebrows] @joekingv1 said: *asks baby what is their secret*

they definitely do not have a brown marker hidden behind their back :) don't bother checking you can trust them :)

on [pumpkin] @beardedhandstoadshark said: oh my god. Look at the lad. so round, so happy, so pumped (ha) to be here. no candles in and already glowing. happy halloween to everyone but especially this pumpkin (also as someone who can't cut circles for the life of me, let alone small ones, this seems genuinely impressive)

thanks! tbh my partner just handed me a steak knife and let me go, I smoothed it out some by just kinda like, jamming a finger in there to mush down any particularly jagged parts. it was a small pumpkin which probably helped.

@edgywithaheart asked: opinions on terminalmontages kirbo ?

excellent shape, excellent face. not all the jokes are For Me but clearly others enjoy them.

[land-of-holly]

Rings of Power Season 2 Episode 5 Liveblog

Ooh nice landscape shot over the Misty Mountains

The Seven!

Is all of King Durin's bling also gonna fall victim to the Ring's jealousy?

Narviiiiiiii

The King's just going mad with power, nothing to see here

He may have brought the light back, but it's still an OSHA violation

THE DOORS OF DURIN!

If this is all we get of the Celebrimbor/Narvi teamup I will be disappointed but LOOK ANNATAR!

Tyelpe is on to him!

Love the conflict over the rings for Men. This is the kind of development upon previous work I look for in an adaptation. It fits well into the previous themes.

Annatar had NO SENSE OF PERSONAL SPACE

Well obviously Annatar isn't just going to take no for an answer.

NO he's just going to make them himself?? Just disregard Celebrimbor entirely?

Ooh, here comes Pharazon's Elf envy

Damn this guy is hardcore, who says that to their own son?

I do see why people ship Miriel/Elendil, damn

Oh girl, you don't really believe not fighting back is the answer. I can see it. You wanna fight back so bad.

Mass resignation?

Oooh, nope

I love the father-daughter conflict! It's a role women don't get to play very often in this exact way

Political unrest in Numenor!

Just because Pharazon is anti-elf doesn't mean he's anti-power lol

Dead...fish?

Normally I'm against disparaging the wielding of a perfectly useful tool to attain valid goals as "cheating", but one, I can't contradict my wife Disa, and two, that ring is obviously super sus

New taxes??

An extended scene of ball chasing is a little silly but I am not immune to DISA LEGS

She has echolocation??

More dwarf extras!

Okay now King D's just getting nasty

I've made peace with Early Balrog. It's not like they have a 3rd age timeline to fuck up, after all

I guess not even a ring can separate a dwarf from his bling, it's still there

Forge is haunted.

Aw damn he nerdsniped Celebrimbor

Wonderful convo between Celebrimbor and Durin

So Mirdania did see Annatar's true form, and he admits it, but he convinced her not to tell an adult like a FUCKING CREEP

Oh THAT'S why everyone was talking about Annatar rizzing Mirdania up, JESUS

DON'T TOUCH HER

Damn, Kemen, you shouldn't have cultivated such a punchable face

And Valandil, unfortunately, shouldn't have let himself been named after a canon character's future canon kid

The dropping of 'Faithful' and 'King's Men' felt clunky to ME but it's possible I'm biased

Annatar once again proves to be made ENTIRELY out of red flags. Protip, kids: if someone is all "Well now we've been bad together, we have no choice but to never talk to anyone else about this or we'll be in trouble"--RUN

(Seriously)

Elf extras!

Oh no now he's just sinking more cost, trying to make things right. Poor Tyelpe.

Oh, right! What's Adar up to?

Oh the elf armies need help? Whoever could come to their aid?

Everyone wants Galadriel on their team!

Wow there was a bunch about this episode that I liked a lot. Annatar continued to be the absolute star of this show, the fucking creeper

[darling-gemini]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Thank you for the tag @ablatheringblatherskite !!

How many works do you have on AO3?

10! I would have more but I've orphaned a few fics when I was younger for reasons I no longer understand. Rip mafia au.

What's your total AO3 word count?

66,282! Which is so wild, ghost au is a little more than half of that.

Top Five Stories by Kudos

New Year's Eve (BuzzFeed Unsolved)

hide and go seek (Wednesday)

treading water (Wednesday)

sweet nothings (Lockwood & Co)

Wolf Out (BuzzFeed Unsolved)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! I'm usually pretty quick about it too for the most part. I like getting back to people on their comments, especially if it's a longer one. I wanna let them know their words are appreciated!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Well, the ending hasn't been written yet but I would have to say my ghost (where'd you go?) is the angstiest thing I've written, except maybe if he's a ghost, I can be a phantom which is an orphaned BuzzFeed Unsolved fic now 'cause I was embarrassed to have a fic where Shane tortures a guy, but not anymore! Have at it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Hmm, probably either sweet nothings or treading water, both are more on the subtle side of happiness though I'd say.

Do you write crossovers?

I did a loooong time ago for a few BuzzFeed shows (Unsolved, Worth it, Unsolved Sports) but haven't attempted one in quite some time!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Come to think of it, no I haven't. I guess I haven't "made it" just yet lol

Do you write smut? If yes, what kind?

I've written one smut fic, hide and go seek, and it's based on the prompt of primal play!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be so fucking cool genuinely.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Co-created, but not co-written, what was called the mafia au for BuzzFeed Unsolved! But other than that, no I have not. Would absolutely love to though, am a big fan of collaborative writing!

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I fear I have to say my ghost 💀 idk the vibe of it is just really dark and dismal and I don't know if I'll ever be in the right frame of mind to finish it, but we'll see!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Don't ask me why but Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable came to mind and tbh I'm sticking with it. Generally speaking though I'm a big fan of best friends to lovers, though, several of my favorite ships fall into this category.

What're your writing strengths?

I would think it'd be characterization and maybe dialogue? I've been told I do good with dialogue, which fascinates me bc I would not have said that for myself but regardless appreciate the compliment!

What are your writing weaknesses?

I would definitely say pacing and poeticism. I tend to feel like I rush through scenes that deserve more breathing room, and I also feel as though my writing can come across very plain even unintentionally.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

I desperately want to put together my Dorian Gray au for Coriolanus Snow but I wanted to go through and read/annotate my copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray before I did so, and reread tbosas as well. Uhh I also really wanna do something for Payneland (Dead Boy Detectives) but that may take some time. Their voices are incredibly difficult for me to get a grasp on, as evidenced in my palasaki fic this little light of mine. Hence, minimal dialogue haha

What's your favorite fic that you've written?

Ohhh this is such a hard question, but I think it's probably sweet nothings. It's such a lovely lil drabble and is probably my most close-to-canon fic that I've done, I just think you could slip it into one of the episodes and it would work just fine. It's very dear to me.

Tagging: @thelovelybookworm and @nouklea , and anyone else that wants to!!

[shitrusfruit]

hella bored

1)Are you really ready for 108 questions? yes I'm hella bored, but also 108 seems like a really oddly specific number???

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? uhhhh, never really been. why is there no 3?

4) Who did you last say “I love you” to? probably my best friend in a platonic way because like, see above. never really been

5) Do you regret it? why would I?

6) Have you ever been depressed? I think I get angry more than sad.

7)Are you a boy or girl? girl

8)Who is your best friend? it's still Angie

9) What is your relationship status? single

10) How do you want to die? peacefully of old age???

11) What did you last eat? an orange

12) Played any sports? no.

13) Do you bite your nails ? sometimes

14) When was your last physical fight? does it count if you hurt them but they don't fight back because they're a coward???

15) Do you have an attitude? yes

16) Do you like someone? um. no comment

17) What is your real name? uh, what IS it? author keeps fucking changing it. I don't think it's Lottie anymore. it was Azalea for a bit which was cute. now Polly I think??? we'll go with Polly

19) Are you gonna get high later? that's not something I do

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? again, no comment

21) Do you miss someone? .. no COMMENT

22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? twirl!

23) Do you tan a lot? I don't think my pasty ass skin is capable of that

24) Have any pets? wish I did but don't

25) How exactly are you feeling? bored and pissy

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? cars...... again with author changing stuff. :| not sure if my current iteration lives in a world with cars.

27) Ever made out in the bathroom? no

28) Would you take any of your exes back? never had any

29) Are you scared of spiders? no, used to think they were annoying I guess? but now I've heard a certain someone go on and on about how beautiful they are if you really look, so now I feel weirdly compelled to like really observe them like a nerd :|

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? ......... maybe.

31) Do you regret anything from your past? maybe the way I treated someone.

32) What are your plans for this weekend? books, tea, sleep

33) Do you want to have kids? I guess. I get along well with kids but would also be fine with not having them. honestly if I was at that stage in my life now I'd let my currently nonexistent spouse decide whether or not they wanted kids

34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M? no, that's oddly specific

35) Do you type fast? I think so

36) Do you have piercings? .How many? just basic ears

37) Want any more? not really, even though a certain someone keeps telling me I should get more

38) Can you spell well? yes

39) Do you miss anyone from your past? didn't we already ask if I miss anyone

40) What are you craving right now? potato leek soup.

41) Ever been to a bonfire party? no where's 42

43) Have you ever been on a horse? yes

44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck? again with cars/trucks lol

45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart? um. yes

46) Have you ever been cheated on? never been in a relationship

47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? she's not my girlfriend. 48? you keep skipping numbers. this isn't really 108 questions then is it???

49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? yes, how else would you know if you mesh with them well enough to marry them

50) What should you be doing? don't even know

51) What’s irritating you right now? what isn't?

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? uh.

53) Does somebody love you? unfortunately

54) What is your favorite colour pink!

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? stop asking about vehicles

57) Do you have trust issues? yes now you skipped 3 whole numbers, quiz maker. please learn to count

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? .......... sort... of?

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? she's not my ex

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? her :|

64) Do you give out second chances too easily? hell no

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? neither.

66) Is this year the best year of your life? I hope not

67) What was your child nick name didn't have one

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no!

70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I hope not

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night peed -.-

73) What is bothering you what ISN'T

74) Have you ever been out of your state? I don't think I've ever existed in a setting that included states in its world building

75) Do you play the Wii? I think I would have if it existed in my setting

76) Are you listening to music right now? no

77) Do you like Chinese food? setting equivalent of China has pretty good food

78) Do you know your fathers b- day? uh. oops

79) Are you afraid of the dark? no

80) Is cheating ever okay? no

81) Are you mean? yes

82) Can you keep white shoes clean? no

84) Do you believe in true love? I don't know?

88) Do you like the outside? not really tbh

89) Are you currently bored? YES

90) Do you wanna get married? uh. maybe

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? no.

92) Are you hungry? yes

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? that sounds dumb

94) What makes you happy? not having obligations

95) Would you change your name? I don't really get a choice about that now do I :p

96) Ever been to Alaska? no

98) Do you watch the news? it's important to know the news

99) What’ s your zodiac sign?. Leo

100) Do you like Subway? I think I would if my setting had that

101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? :|

102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? he does :| but the opposite sex doesn't do anything for me anyway

103) Do you talk like your friends? I guess?

104) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? of course

105) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? no.

106) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Reyne -.-

107) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? smoking is gross

108) Can you count to one million? no.

[make-me-ur-aphrodite]

guess who finally finished chain of thorns over a week later 🤩 my completely unorganized thoughts for the general public anyways chain of thorns spoilers ahead bros

- ghostwriter is the relationship i love them more than i love my life it's just like the cute little moments between them like when lucie was nervous before her parabatai ceremony with cordelia and he was holding her and comforting her i melted

- i honestly think james and matthews relationship was dealt with really well we know nobody is ever gonna top jem and will but i think they were written really well and them in edom together was so emotional to me

- tell me why i was so heartbroken when christopher died but i only cried when grace sent that fire message and wrote that it was created by kit 🥺lol i'll tell you why it's because we got zero real reaction about it

i wanted anna's pov as her baby brother died in her arms

i wanted cecily and gabriel seeing their sons body taken into idris and realizing what happened

where was sophie and gideon who also lost a child comforting them?!?!?

honestly i think that since christopher did die there was a lot of potential there

-i hated the love triangle and felt awful for matthew the entire time cause like didn't we all know jordelia was endgame i meannnn

literally love jordelia tho and i we'll never not think of james saying "sod that" and shooting the door open like sir 🫣also them traveling is something that is so personal to me i am in love with the idea of james and cordelia going all around the world and then taking their kids with them 😍

-after this book i feel like grace is a lost kitten and i want literally nothing more than to adopt her also did anyone else catch at the end when they said that grace doesn't talk much idk but i would like to give her a home

-the thomastair content 🤩🤩🤩 i love them so much i love that they're moving in together i love alastair with his baby brother i love eugenia saying she's gonna renounce her family if they don't accept thomas when he came out. every scene with them was a masterpiece

also alastair's personality like my boy is sassy and sarcastic and i would die for him

-i think the anna and ari's storylines progressed really well and they've come so far since we've first met them 🥺

-anyways my #1 ship matthew x sobriety came true and i could not be more thrilled

the moral of my rant here was that i really loved it and i think it's just cause im so in love with each of the characters but i loved almost every second of this book and didn't want it to end my only complaint would be how christopher's death and other potentially emotional topics (will and tessa crying when they found out the kids were stuck in london) were kind of just glossed over but overall i was in love with them all and i don't think i can accurately describe my feelings so that was my jumbled mess of thoughts

also can we talk about the fairchild twins please

[henshin-4]

Look, I yell that I hate the BT and DZ fandom (and honestly the Jrock fandom in general) a lot. Not everyone tho, my friends are BT and DZ fans, they are the evidence to me that not everyone is trash. And I have spoken to some people online that... well the chats die or we don't really get along too well but they weren't bad people at all, not getting along isn't enough for me to scream they suck cause sometimes stuff just doesn't work and that's fine.

I wanna explain what I mean when I yell about the trash of the fandom. I won't be giving names (except one), but I will be giving reasons.

We have:

Clowns who go "minors DNI" but will send and request nudes when in contact with 17 year olds AND UNDER or write insanely sexual stuff around them. (17 is still a minor, pedos, and everything under that age is even fucking worse)

People who claim Atsushi was abusive towards his cats cause the cat pics are "clearly" just for attention... like bruh, there are quite some cat pics, sure, especially of Tsubaki... but do you even realize for how many years this man had cats? Compared to those years, there aren't many pics at all... that is like just a few pics per year, probably not even once a month. If he wanted to "exploit his cats for attention" he would have made a social media where he would show content of his cats daily doing the weirdest shit with them. Did he? No. He wasn't abusive.

Fuckers that claim Atsushi was a predator, especially towards young girls... uhhuh, look idk if you've seen this man before but if he would go after anyone it'd be your grandparents.

We have some hypocrite clowns who will indirectly call your work or art trash or will otherwise offend you and then yeet a "lol" behind it.

Clowns without a personality who just copy whoever the fuck they last spoke to, different person every week the fucking mysteryboxes of the fandom and sadly they often copy someone from the rest of this list.

People who want to share content but if the content is already online, will bully the other uploader to take it down (have heard too many stories about this, too many people had it happen to them but haven't seen it myself. Yet, Ive heard it more than once so I believe it)

Ableists... yeah people, autism and ADHD really do exist, other mental illnesses can also make people be a bit weird sometimes, some of us are really struggling with it... it's not fake news -_-

Stalkers.

Art thiefs.

Hypocrites (will complain about what someone else did and then do the exact same like it isn't an issue anymore suddenly)

And as much as I want to avoid names... if I have to explain this one we'll be here for a month so uh... if I say "Gekka Reijin" most people will understand what I mean cause holy FUCK get professional help...

Like I am also not a fan of gatekeepers, people who are insanely quickly offended even if you didnt mean to offend them and they won't forgive it no matter what (like bruh I say sorry and didn't even mean it the way you all see it but whatever I guess. Why did this happen several times I am literally trying to be careful about what I say and how I say it. Idk what to do anymore about this), people who will fight you over having a different opinion and people that just suddenly ignore you while you don't even know wtf happened (like wtf just tell me what your problem is cause idk what I did)... but they aren't necessarily bad people, I just don't work with them but they are NOT what I mean when I'm bitching about the fandom... even tho I don't like em. It's the disgusting fuckers that I yell about.

Anyway my DMs are open ONLY to people who do NOT identify with this goddamn list. If you are like any part of the list, please do not speak to me.

Minors can talk to me but not about NSFW topics.

P.S. I'm also not a fan of the VK war fighters. BT is VK or BT isn't VK. Toll said they aren't VK but if someone wants to believe BT is VK then whatever... no need to start a whole war about it. Also other Jrock related social wars like just let people be... like you can yell about it, sure, but omg don't scream at people specifically and call them names just cause you don't agree with em.