#and who knows when i’ll ever be able to access the new app ever

[demigodofhoolemere]

Eek. The new Big Finish website is not even remotely intuitive or user-friendly. I can’t access the app right now but I’m hearing that’s in pretty bad shape, too. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, BF.

[fallenangelicss]

Can I Get A Kiss?

PAIRING | Rengoku Kyoujurou/Uzui Tengen

WORD COUNT | 1097

SUMMARY | Rengoku is on his way to teach a class when he is suddenly yanked to the side by his husband and fellow teacher. What could Tengen want so urgently that he must manhandle Rengoku out of the hallway? A kiss.

RATING | General Audiences

WARNING/TAG(S) | No Archive Warnings Apply

A/N | This is my first time partaking in a month-long prompt list so I'm going to do my best to keep up with it can get as many done as I can. It'll hopefully give me a reason to write more which I desperately need. Also, if you'd like to support me then you should consider downloading the Kinder World app with this link. My referral code is WV9K4X but if you need a new referral code then feel free to reach out!

EVENTS | @aug-kissed | Indirect Kiss

AO3 LINK | Read Here

“Tengen, you know you can’t do this while we’re teaching,” Rengoku whisper-shouted at the taller man who was currently caging him against a wall. With one of Tengen’s large hands placed next to his head, the other cupping his cheek as his head was tilted back to allow Tengen easier access to his lips, Rengoku was essentially stuck with nowhere else to go after Tengen had randomly grabbed and yanked him down a random hallway as students made their way to their next class. “What if a student sees us?”

“Screw the students,” Tengen groaned with a roll of his eyes, making Rengoku let out a shocked gasp and deliver a slap to his shoulder. A soft scoff tumbled from Tengen’s lips at Rengoku’s action, the frown that had morphed onto his face at the mention of the annoying twerps slowly lifting into a smile the longer he stared at Rengoku’s face. “Besides, what harm will a little kiss do them?”

“Have you ever heard of public indecency?” Rengoku accused him, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back into the wall and stared up at Tengen, their proximity making it so that they were already almost locking lips. It was already a struggle for Rengoku to go a day at school without spending every free moment with Tengen, wanting nothing more than to slip his hand into Tengen’s while they walked through the hall or were on lunch break. Being cornered by the taller man didn’t help. “We also don’t need another complaint filed against us by the staff or a student spreading rumours.”

“No one’s going to report us or start a rumour that we haven’t already heard before,” Tengen reminded Rengoku, the two of them having to deal with numerous amounts of rumours in the past, some directly linked to the other while some were completely unrelated. Unlike Tengen, Rengoku would be drained by them, too interested in what others were saying while Tengen used it for nothing but a source of amusement, only shooting them down when Rengoku was involved. Switching on a flashy smile, Tengen’s voice dropped as he said, “Come on, Kyōjurō, just one kiss.”

“Not at school,” Rengoku said, narrowed eyes as he smiled up at his husband, a hand coming up to separate his lips from Tengen’s and act as a barrier so he couldn’t try again. Rengoku could tell his smile was beginning to strain, the tips of his ears burning red from how Tengen had said his name. “You know the rules. Once we’re off school grounds we’re free to do whatever we like. There’s only one more hour until lunch and then the day will fly after that. Now get out of my way, you’re going to make me late for my class.”

“Ugh, you act so unflashy when we’re at school,” Tengen groaned, dropping his head so it rested on Rengoku’s shoulder, a position that surely wasn’t comfortable due to their height difference. Rengoku set a hand on Tengen’s waist and gave it a quick reassuring squeeze as if not being able to kiss truly pained him. The gentle touch finally spurred Tengen to get up and move on to his next class. “I’ll be waiting for you at our desks in the staffroom, make sure you’re not late for lunch.” 

“When have I ever been late?” Rengoku asked, a large grin pulling at his cheeks as he stared up at Tengen. Tengen wondered how the man was able to always smile no matter the situation. Even while he was asleep, Tengen had caught Rengoku with a soft smile on his face, making him look ethereal in the soft mornings they spent together.

“Is that a serious question?” Tengen deadpanned, eyes squinting down at Rengoku. Giving a small shake of his head, Rengoku pushed off the wall and began making his way to the History corridor, its direction the complete opposite of the Art. Despite this, Tengen chased after him, not quite done with the conversation yet. “Every time one of those little twerps comes up to you, you spend an extra ten minutes with them.”

“I promise this time I won’t get distracted,” Rengoku barked out, his loud voice echoing down the hallway and getting the attention of any stragglers who hadn’t yet made it to class. At the sound of Rengoku’s voice, they turned with large smiles to greet him but when their eyes landed on Tengen they quickly turned back around and hurried off. What had one of Rengoku’s students called it? Scary dog privilege?

“I’ll make sure to walk extra slowly and wait a couple of minutes to warm our lunch up,” Tengen clarified, coming to a stop at a staircase where Rengoku would have to go up. On any other occasion, Tengen wouldn’t mind walking Rengoku to his class but they had already wasted a good portion of the period messing around together so he would need to get back soon.

“I said I’d be there on time,” Rengoku rebutted, a bit of a whine filling his voice as he walked up two of the steps before turning around so he could face Tengen again, their height a bit more evenly matched now. Rengoku never tried to be late to lunch, just sometimes some of his students would ask him a few questions and he’d get a bit too invested in answering them. 

“And I know you’ll try your hardest,” Tengen teased, attempting to lean in to give Rengoku a parting kiss just for Rengoku’s hand to come up at the last second and take up the space in between them, blocking him off once again. Yelling into Rengoku’s hand, Tengen screamed, “Oh, come on!”

“I’ll see you during our lunch break,” Rengoku said, giving a soft smile before he turned around and made his way up the stairs, some haste behind his steps as he rushed to his class. Not looking back, Rengoku didn’t know if Tengen stood there for a few moments, still fuming at his missed opportunity to kiss Rengoku or had done the responsible thing and slunk off to class. Something told Rengoku that he went with the former, watching with a pouty glare as Rengoku made his way to the classroom of kids who were waiting for him. 

What Tengen didn’t see though once Rengoku rounded the corner, was Rengoku lifting his hand to his lips and placing a kiss on the palm of his hand after checking no one else was in the hallway, touching exactly where Tengen’s lips had previously been. 

[silvermillenniumqueenneptune]

Personal vent [please do not reblog, although I would love some advice in the comments].

About five years ago, I met a neurodivergent man I’ll call Nick (portion of his real name that he uses as a nickname/online persona when he doesn’t want to use his real name) through a mutual friend of ours. He’s a very sweet man, early 30’s, bisexual and allegedly on his second civil union (he’s supposedly been married twice, both times to same sex partners). He also suffers from a condition called Reactive Attachment Disorder. Nick has told me a variety of colorful stories throughout my friendship with him.

Nick claims to work for a major technology company [not naming the company for privacy reasons] and once was able to get me a deal on a laptop from said company at a heavy discount. Ever since getting me the laptop, Nick frequently claims that he has obtained access to my laptop through the Get Help app on Windows. I’ve given him permission to do this once when I needed a quick tech support consult and didn’t have time to sit through a chat with Dell or Windows.

Recently, Nick has claimed to have “given” me several upgrades to my laptop, but now, I’m suspicious because a. I can see no proof that he’s accessing my computer when he claims to be, and b. I’ve found that most of what he’s asking is seemingly random, single keystrokes (usually the x or ; ) and I can see no evidence that he’s changed anything on my laptop.

I know that some of these keystrokes open certain things, such as device manager, but he claims he’s making all these changes to my computer. He also claims to be “an engineer who works on Windows updates for Dell” and often tells me not to install new Windows updates right away because he’s “still finalizing them” [but why would it be available to me from Windows if it was still being finalized? Also, why can’t I see any evidence of the updates being made?] Unfortunately, however, Nick is not my only issue.

I have another friend tied to Nick, Mandy, [portion of real name] who is always role playing with me to entertain Nick as he “works”. I would be fine with this, if it weren’t for the fact that Mandy has a seizure disorder, and her seizures often cause her to lose significant parts of her memory, which means that we end up, role-playing the same things over and over and over again. Mandy claims that she wants to post the role-plays as a story on the archive of our own website, but she refuses to write any of the scenes down, and she goes so quickly through them, often out of order because she wants to see how a particular scene will play out. This makes it impossible for me to write them down either. Even when I get to a point where we could write them down, she keeps flip-flopping on parts of the story and insisting we play them out again to change it.

Mandy has a host of mental and physical conditions, one of them being maladaptive daydreaming. So, we can be in the middle of a conversation about something totally unrelated to the role-play, and she will say “why can I see…” , And begin role-playing without even asking me. I’ve told her repeatedly that this is something that bothers me, and that she needs to ask me before role-playing, but it never seems to stick.  She claims she does this to entertain Nick, who struggles to read in English because it’s not his first language. If we’re not role-playing a fanfiction, she will lapse into wanting to role-play the story of a novel that she is allegedly, been working on since long before she met me. She made me a character in the novel, despite knowing that I hate the novel concept. She’s flip-flopped from claiming that she wants to publish the novel, despite believing that it will “get her killed because people are not ready for the diversity put into it” and wanting to burn it because her obsession with it upsets me.  I try to change the subject when she does this, but it briefly gets her back on track before she slips into it again. She claims that this is because she has a condition called maladaptive daydreaming.

Recently, we have been creating an In the Heights fanfiction together. In an attempt to get over her dislike of Latin men, due to mistreatment by her Latin father, Mandy paired herself with the main character , and changed his heritage to Afro-Latin to make him “more interesting”. This would be fine, if Mandy [who was raised by a white mother and barely has any connection to her Latin roots] was willing to do any kind of research. She claims she has, but a lot of what she’s coming up with does not make sense. I am fairly familiar with Latin culture, as I have a college degree in Spanish. I’ve actually called her out on several inaccuracies. I noticed this is a habit she makes with her fan fictions, which is irritating, because most of her favorites are related to historical fiction [The Tudors, etc]!

As if that wasn’t enough of a problem, Mandy gets so into her characters that she has been posting on Reddit, pretending to be one of her characters from one of our role-plays. People became so incensed by her posts that they believed the story was real, and Mandy gleefully claims her Reddit account was banned from the r/aita forum.

It has now reached a point where neither Mandy nor Nick will allow me to hang up on our Skype calls without protest. I can barely even go to the bathroom without leaving them on a call, which is difficult for me as I have a disability that makes simple, everyday tasks take much longer. (a disability that Mandy also shares, so she should understand).  I’ve tried speaking to both Mandy and Nick about this, and it always gets better for a little while, but then gets worse again. I really don’t want to walk away from the friendship but I would love advice.

Is there any way that I can get through to them? I tried avoiding them, but it always seems that Nick manages to find some way to contact me or make Mandy do it for him.

[heroic-endeavors]

Here is (hopefully) a quick update.

I still don’t know exactly when I will be moving. Mom had bought a bed for me which came in not too long ago. It has yet to be set up. I’ll be sharing the space with an aunt who is planning on getting her bed sent in next Saturday.

Power is still out. So I do still have to be somewhat careful with power but with it being the weekend I have access so the van so I can stay plugged in. But I still don’t feel too comfortable with doing a lot of role play at the moment even if I really want to do so.

So for those waiting for replies I thank you all for your patience and understanding of my current situation. I promise that once I am able to I will get to everything waiting for me.

For those who have plot ideas they want to start with my muses feel free to tag me in a starter or send a message. Even though everything will take a few weeks I’ll get to everything.

Now to actually get to what I wanted to talk about. I started moving some of my things over to the new place. So far it was mainly my computer plus a few other items. I wanted to get the computer first.

One thing I’m pretty happy about is I might be able to have a second monitor right away. Another aunt has a computer and she might. It be able to take it with her where ever she ends up so I’ll be able to take monitor. (This is a different aunt.)

It would be so great to get to access the things I’ve once taking for granted before. To be able to shower regularly with hot water. Air conditioning. A place to put my clothes. Not losing my clothes so easily.

The place I’ve been living is in awful condition. It would cost too much to even attempt to repair or renovate. It’s something none of us can afford to do. The the amount needed to do everything needed to make that place actually a decent house it would be cheaper just to buy another house. We’re letting the bank take it and moving in with someone else for the time until different arrangements can be done. Either moving to a town house a tiny house or something else. Though I do probably have the option to stay in the place I’ll be moving if I really wanted.

I never really complained about my shifty living situation openly because I felt it was pointless. I felt it wouldn’t help and thought it might come across as me begging for money or something. I have a hard time asking for help even if I needed it. Heck, I probably could use money to help the move go smoother yet I’m not going to ask.

Though perhaps I could make an Amazon wishlist to help me get over my issue with asking for help. I don’t want to deal with cash apps so if anyone did want to help I think that would be a pretty good option. I have not decided if I would do it or not.

So what I’ll have to do would be to a pack some clothes. Mostly going to fetch the bare minimum. Or at least pack my favorite things. Going in with a soft reset. Take the bare minimum and buy some new stuff as I go.

Then there are the remainder of my books, plushies, and video games. I’ve already got quite a bit packed up and out into storage. I don’t really have a lot left that I need to pack.

Then to make sure all the other computers get packed along with that monitor

Anyway, this post ended up being longer than I was hoping. I once again want to state how I appreciate everyone’s patience at this time. (I might end up making the list. Maybe for fun include some kind of fic challenge to do later. Just bouncing ideas. I can’t really sleep though it’s 2:37 AM.

[hillbillyoracle]

Rural Accessibility Matters

We really do not talk enough about how the move to streaming and banning local copies absolutely screws over rural folks so much. 

It’s one of the reasons that for the things I make available for free, why I do not make them read only copies. I always try to make it so you can save it to your personal collection. It’s part of why I provide the vast majority of my writing for free because I know it’s expensive as hell to develop and maintain a library of local copies. It’s part of why I prefer to work in mediums that don’t require special knowledge to copy and save - written and visual. 

For years I did that as someone who had grown up rural but moved to a city out of consideration for the strong ties I still had in the country. 

But now I’m looking at having to move back. 

One of the first things my parents mentioned when we discussed moving in with them was that the internet is generally very poor. There are times when there are none and even when they have it, the ability to stream media is incredibly limited.

At first, I wasn’t that concerned. I thought well I’ll just go back to what I used to do - store local copies. But it turns out, that it’s not only incredibly hard by virtue of there being very few and very limited store fronts to purchase them but most work arounds are illegal. So people who are denied access to good internet by monopolies that use the “there’s not enough people living here to merit the upgrades” excuse are also denied of media generally. 

Are there some options? Yes. But they’re nearly all expensive or toeing the line legally. 

I think what’s more frustrating than anything is that when I try to talk to people about this issue they act as if it’s natural. It is not. 

Other countries with similar economies have better internet speeds across the board and with far better rural internet access. This is a manufactured issue that providers depend on convincing you is “natural”. 

Why this is a rural specific issue is that when I’ve gone without internet in cities, it was pretty easy to walk or take a short drive into a place with internet and the libraries were close + well stocked. I could easily get to a place with free wifi, download stuff to my phone, and delete it to make space for more. Many apps would auto clear things I’d already listened to or watched but it wasn’t an issue because daily I’d walk down to the dentist office or the creepy strip mall or whatever I was near and grab more. 

It’s not as easy when you’re rural. With gas prices rising it’s expensive just to drive to get internet somewhere. Local copies provide a more stable turnover and are able to be stored in long term formats like external hard drives or local servers that don’t need to be cleared out to make room for new stuff nearly as often. Yes it’s nice that when I actually can get to a library I can download ebooks and audiobooks - but when they disappear after 2 weeks and there are more barriers to me getting back to the library - that impacts my access to books. A local copy can be read again and again in the meantime. 

What’s been especially frustrating to see is primarily metropolitan based artists who make providing no download options (paid or free) for their work the norm based on the argument that artists deserve control over their work. While yes, that’s true that artists deserve control, to not even provide a method for those who need local copies to get one, you’re ensuring your work will only ever be consumed by people who are also in areas that were deemed important enough for good internet and pushing people toward criminalized methods of obtaining that media - which artists love to shit on. 

You can call it stealing all you want, but if you make ads or small streaming kickbacks your only revenue stream and don’t even provide a way for people who need local copies to pay you...to me at least there’s always going to be an undercurrent of saying “sucks to suck” to rural folks especially. 

This mentality is always especially egregious to me from people in cities who are making work informed by folk traditions that originated in rural areas still deprived of internet access. Indie bluegrass/folk musicians are a great example of this. I don’t want to slam this artist by name but I was looking to see if I could pick up a CD or digital download of an older album by a indie folk artist I like and just could not find it. I don’t think it’s available. Unsurprisingly, when I checked, they live in NYC and are from a city in their home state. 

Compare that to folk musicians still living in Appalachia or the South - Appalshop works with so many musicians to not only help the record, mix, and master their music but makes local copies available for purchase for every artist I’ve seen them work with.

This goes for writing too. So many folks currently making work in genres with DIY histories have no DIY ethos anymore. If you’re blogging and putting your thoughts directly into the hands of readers, you are, to some degree at least, participating in a culture influenced by zine and DIY punk movements generally. 

It’s worth thinking about how those people thought of media - as something they wanted to get into as many hands as possible for as cheaply - both to producer and consumer - as possible. 

Read about anticopyright and copyright alternatives. Get familiar with critiques of permission culture. Consider what hard copies and digital local copies you’ll make available. 

You have decisions to make. Will you plaster your works with “DO NOT SAVE, DO NOT STEAL” disclaimers or will you openly let people know they’re welcome to save a local copy of your work? Will you depend on ads or will you make your videos + music + podcast available to saving locally (and let people know how to pay you)? It’s not simple or straightforward and it requires a certain level of knowledge folks who’ve grown up in the streaming era may not have. I know I’m still in the process of figuring it all out and I grew up in the era of ripping any and all CDs you could get your hands on. 

But how you answer these questions will directly impact rural access to your materials so it’s worth taking the time to consider.

And if you’re someone living in a “developed” area and you need a personal reason to care about this shift - the internet is no where near the given it’s being treated as right now. Governments around the world have effectively shut down or majorly limited internet at the drop of a hat. Natural disasters are not only more common but are taking longer to bounce back from when they occur in areas they historically haven’t (Texas Ice Storm 2021). Cyberattacks are escalating in what they target. 

These are issues that impact all of us and really we all should be looking at what we can do to build out our local file collection no matter where we live. It’s just that rural access tends to be the canary in the coal mine on these issues and it’s high time more folks started paying attention. 

All of this is to say that while I know there’s not such thing as universally accessibility, folks need to at least consider the needs of rural folks a whole lot more. 

[floraltypes]

Owe Me a Coffee

who - gibbs x reader 

tw - mentions of sex, fires, blood, beatings, death

an - I took french for two years, but I’m not fluent and had to use a translating app so I hope it isn’t too bad ! Request something as well, I finally got them working :)

uneditied :/

“Damn you DiNozzo,” You cursed, staring at the man and moving your hand to smack him up besides the head.

You couldn’t help but think back to this morning, getting stuck with the annoying, cocky, flirty, obnoxious, co-worker. Doing a undercover mission with him definitely wasn’t your first choice, you’d rather do paperwork at this point.

“Huh?” You looked at Gibbs like he had just said a alien had landed down at the NCIS building asking for you. “You want me with Tony?”

“Yeah, did I say it in some other language? You and DiNozzo are going undercover, found a marine’s wife dead, along with her killers. Abby was able to access their computers and found out they were doing hit man work, and the director wants us to locate their boss. But since the two are dead now, we need some people to go undercover, you two,” He reminded you, reading the case the five of you were all taking on now.

“Oh, ho, ho!” Tony laughed, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him. “Looks like little Y/n finally gets a chance with the Tony master.”

“Tony master? Is that another cocky Tony name to make him feel better about himself?” Ziva wondered.

“It’s what my last babe called me, the master, so why not add Tony in front of it?” He smiled, getting smacked in the back of the head by Gibbs.

“You’ll be undercover, not as yourselves. So, refrain from the names DiNozzo.”

“Got it boss!” He exclaimed, shooting you a wink before you turned back to your computer.

“L/n, Elevator, now.” Gibbs commanded, and you quickly stood up to follow after him.

“Do you ever wonder who Gibbs is getting it with?” David asked, standing beside DiNozzo and McGee as they watched you and Gibbs enter the elevator.

“It’s ‘getting it on with’ and yes, I think we all do.” Tony corrected her. “But I doubt he is, because if he was, he might be happier.”

“Well, just because you go to school, it doesn’t make you smart. A perfect example is you, Tony,” David turned towards the man with a smile and pinched his cheek, Tony slapping the hand away.

“I actually get some, doubt Probie has ever had any.”

“Well, I actually-“

“If you have to say ‘actually’ while talking about sex it’s probably a lie. So, probie, just dream out your fantasies without getting them mixed up with real life,” DiNozzo smirked, smacking his back while moving to his own computer.

You were on the elevator, looking at your boss who clicked the ‘Emergency Stop’ button, causing the transportation to pause its route.

“Yeah, Gibbs?” You leaned onto the back of the elevator, a small smile playing out on your lips as you smiled at the man.

“I’m putting you on because I need someone convincing. So, put on your acting skills and make it work,” He mentioned, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, yeah. I took drama for two years in high school just for this moment,” You joked. “You’re going to owe me a nice, creamed, coffee because of this.”

“And if I don’t? Right now, I’m your boss, I can’t be your boyfriend.”

“Good to know, boss.” You moved in front of him and unlocked the button. “I’ll keep that in mind for my acting, I just hope you don’t mind, boss,” The doors soon opened and you exited, walking into Abby’s area.

“Ah Gibbs! L/n! What do I owe this pleasure?” Abby greeted, taking a large sip of her drink.

“Are you running the prints on the gun found by the female hit man?” Gibbs asked as you took a seat on one of Abby’s chairs.

“Of course!” Abby hopped up and moved over to her machine, pointing to it, showcasing that it was running. “Working on it right now. But, I don’t think you’ll find much luck with it considering it was the same gun used to kill the commanders wife.”

“Well, we don’t know that for sure, so work on that. L/n,”

“But I want to chat with my dear friend before moving on,” You whined, while he shot you a stern look in return. “I’m going,” You quickly stood up, following the man out.

“I want you to go upstairs and get ready with DiNozzo,” He demanded and you just nodded.

“Right. On my way!” You yelled, running to the elevator. “I’m thrilled for this, but even more thrilled to finish this mission and go on a date,”

“Have fun with that.”

“I will! Hopefully Palmer will as well,” The elevator doors shut and Gibbs continued to make his way down to the Autopsy room to speak with Ducky. Now, not to thrilled at the mans assistant.

You arrived back upstairs, looking at the agent who had his feet on his desk and talking on the phone.

“Who is he chatting with? Gibbs wants us ready,” You commented, moving by Ziva and McGee who were watching him.

“Some girl, someone named Louis,” McGee answered.

“That sounds like a older woman’s name,” Ziva added.

“Yeah. Hey, McGee,” The man looked up from where he was watching DiNozzo and turned to face you. “Remember when you gave me food poisoning, and felt so bad you promised you give me a favor. Well, I want to turn that in now,” You smiled at him, writing down a note on a piece of paper and handing it to him.

“What are you up to?” Ziva asked as McGee left the two of you, heading to his own computer.

“Having some fun with a certain co worker who is going to ruin my night,” You got up from Ziva and moved over to DiNozzo. “Who are you chatting with?”

“A babe,” He mouthed, smiling as you could hear the little rambles on the phone.

“Gibbs wants you ready to go in twenty. And I know it takes you thirty to just do your hair, so, maybe you should cut the phone call.”

He put his hand to cover the speaker on the phone, taking his legs off the desk, and leaving in closer to you. “And you need forty to suck in that gut,”

You laughed, reaching over to grab the phone and putting it to you ear. “Tony! I got you your superhero costume, sweetie! We can now go and dress up together, but not in those tighty whities,” You voiced into the phone, slamming it down and looking at his stunned face. “Never comment on a woman’s weight, now, get ready for tonight because I’m not easy to please.”

The man mocked you for a moment and then left his desk, you turning to look back at Ziva.

“Impressive,” She complimented, walking by you and patting your shoulder.

“Thanks, I’m just starting,” You smiled at the girl, grabbing your gun and sticking your knife into the pocket inside your custom made boots.

You soon got yourself ready in a nice short, red dress that fit your body well enough that you were comfortable, and able to hide a knife around your thigh area.

“Ready yet Y/n?” DiNozzo knocked on the door, fixing his tie and suit.

“Wow Tony, you do know how to clean up,” Ziva commented, coming up behind him, in front of the restroom door, with McGee.

“Thank you, Ziva,”

“Well, besides the tag sticking out in the back. Are you really that cheap? I thought you took, uh, pride in your choice of clothing,”

“I don’t see the point on wearing something very expensive to a undercover date,” He told her back.

“You also missed a spot when shaving,” McGee pointed out, pointing to the far right side of Tony’s face.

“Shut it Probie. At least I didn’t need mommy to help me shave in highschool,”

“Abby told you about that?”

“Well, now she did,”

You opened the door and flattened your dress, then fixing a ring on your pointer finger and smiled at the three other special agents.

“Tony, didn’t you need your mom to help you do your laundry in highschool? Not one to speak,”

“You look well. Didn’t know you were even able to-” You whipped out your knife from underneath your dress and pointed it at the man. “You look stunning, great, nice.”

“Looks like you’re on a thin glacier, Tony,” Ziva laughed.

“I think it’s thin ice,” McGee corrected.

“Same thing!” Ziva threw her hands in the air. “Y/n, I didn’t know you had those moves,”

“Yeah, not a lot of people do. I like to hold some secrets with the team, and my past career is one of them,” You smiled.

“Let’s go,” Tony gripped your hand and intertwined it with his. “My love,” He gritted through his teeth.

“Not too convincing DiNozzo,” Gibbs walked over, smacking the back of his head. “You don’t treat a lady like that. Grip the hand like this,” He smoothly let his hand move its way to yours and he gently connected it with yours. “Even McGee knows this,” He smiled at you and let your hand go.

“I-I know how to do it, boss. Just- nevermind,” He grumbled, loosening his grip.

“I’m starving, care to escort me to the car, Armon?” You got yourself ready to take on your character, smiling at the man besides you with one as if you were really happy with the situation you were in.

“Anything for you, Belle,” The two of you made your way out of the building. Your fellow co-workers watched as the two of you walked away, yet, you were both still messing with each other and hitting while walking out.

“My last wife tend to do that,” Gibbs commented, soon making his way after you two to get into his own undercover van.

“Is that a normal thing for American couples?” Ziva asked McGee.

“Well, I’m not sure. But I have seen plenty of married couples do that, so they’ll fit right in,” He answered, the two then leaving as well.

Once arriving to the hotel, you waited for DiNozzo to open your door and grab your hand to lead you out of the car and into the new building. While clutching your purse and waiting behind a few other guests who were trying to get in, you turned to fix Tony’s glasses and clicked the ‘on’ button.

“Looking swell, honey,” You smiled at him as he placed a arm over your shoulder.

“Thank you. I’m thrilled we were able to get these reservations, dinner should be delicious tonight. You’ll be getting the salad, like normal, correct?” He looked down at you and you stepped on his foot as the line moved forward.

“Oh my! I’m so sorry! I always have the most trouble in heels like these, oh the line, hurry up now!” You voiced, walking into the hotel and following everyone else into the dining area.

“We should look for our names now,” He told you, sneaking up from behind as the two of you searched the tables for little cards with your last names on it. “Bingo! Right next to the Lezarres,”

“Oh and the Garndels are here as well. I’ve heard some things about them,” You added, letting Tony pull out a chair as you took a seat.

The both of you introduced yourself to the other couples and went through the night engaging in some small talk about politics and the food. You and DiNozzo had done a swell job at it and you retreated to the rest room at the end of dinner to hear any new news.

“So, what’s the update?” You asked into the little microphone hidden in your bracelet.

“There’s a hotel room in your name, bought out by your boss and, uh, boss wants you two to stay in there,” McGee told you into the ear piece which was located in your right ear.

“Great, more time with that stupid bastard. He couldn’t shut up about himself at dinner, like always, I’m really contemplating divorce,” You muttered, fixing your lipstick as another woman walked out, moving to wash her hands.

“I know just how you feel, best of luck,” She mentioned before walking out.

“Thanks,” You spoke back to her before turning your attention back to the mirror. “Do we think this boss of mine is going to go after the commander of that wife?”

“Yeah, Gibbs want you to stop him before he does. We have no clue who the boss is but he will be visiting the both of you tonight,”

“Got it,”

“Y/n!” Gibbs spoke now into the earpiece on the other end.

“Yeah?”

“If he got the hotel room, expect it to be bugged. So, you better act,”

“No worries. I’ve had to act in the bedroom before, and past boyfriends sure believed it,” You walked out of the bathroom and stood next to Tony. “Hun, my feet are killing me. I think it’s time we head to the hotel room and rest,” Tony nodded and stood up from his seat. The both of you said a goodbye to the couple and got your key from the front desk, soon getting into the elevator.

“So, a hotel room? Really want to sleep with me tonight, huh?” Tony laughed to himself as you positioned yourself in front of him and kissed his cheek, soon moving your lips closer to his ear.

“Room could be bugged, even the elevator, time to act,” You whispered, pulling back and placing a small kiss on his lips.

“Oh dear, if you really want me no need to ask,” He moved a arm around your waist, pulling you into his side a bit.

“The bags should already be in the room,” You smirked at him, and were soon at your level, the both of you getting off the elevator.

Once getting into your room you took off your heels and placed your bracelet on the table.

“I’m going to take a shower, care to join?” You commented, moving to the bathroom and starting the shower.

“It would be my pleasure,” He walked into the bathroom and started to unzip his pants.

“Babe, be patient,” You slapped his shoulder. “Turn around now, you know how self conscious I am,”

“That’s why I warned you not to eat that cake at dinner, my piece too,” He grumbled, turning around and lifting up his shirt as you took off your clothes and stepped into the shower.

“It was just so good! Being the loving, husband you are, I knew you wouldn’t mind,”

“Yeah, anything for you,” He stepped into the shower while your arms were trying to cover your breasts and vaginal area.

“Don’t look, just act,” You quietly scolded. “And try to cover your, uh,” You subtly moved a finger to point in the downwards direction and he quickly moved his hands there.

“Need another hand to help cover yours?” He joked, moving a little closer.

“I’ll kill you,” You mumbled. “Oh! Armon!” You moaned, Tony sending a sly smile and grunting. “You look like you’re enjoying this,”

“Might want to cover up that breast a little better,” He removed one hand to point at your left one.

“Damn it,” You did just that and reached for a towel which was on the toilet lid. “Ah, soap in the eye,” You voiced louder, just in case the man was listening and skeptical about it. You turned around from Tony and wrapped it around your chest area, then moving both hands to block your other.

“You really think they’re listening to us in here?”

“A good boss would. Especially if he is in this type of business.”

“I hate to know about some of your previous bosses,”

“Oh! Right there! Right there!” You yelled. “Yeah, you would. Most of them are dead though, so you won’t have to worry about that,”

“Old age, huh? What’s with old men being bosses anyways?”

“One was, but that’s not how he died. Man was a perve, had it coming,” You shrugged.

“You killed him?!”

“No, no. Not for that reason,” Tony’s mouth dropped. “Ah!” You yelled loudly, then making your breaths sound loud. “Gosh you are one messy man, good thing we did this in the water,” You smirked at DiNozzo who just mocked you.

“And you still are the easiest to ge-”

“I’m getting out now, you should too,” You removed the towel and let it drop to the floor of the shower, covering your breasts and looking for a robe, soon wrapping it around you.

While leaving the bathroom to grab your shirt and pants you heard the phone in the room start to ring and quickly rushed to it.

“Hello, Belle,” The man on the other line spoke into the phone. You could just imagine what he looked like, some rich guy with a cigar in his hand wanting some job done.

“Bonjour Monsieur,” You spoke, grateful that your mother had taught you french when you were young. “C’est qui je pense?”

(Hello, sir. Is this who I think it is?)

“Oui. Retrouvez-moi dans le salon. À neuf heures,”

(Yes. Meet me down in the lounge area. At nine o’clock.)

“D’accord. Au revoir,”

(Okay. Goodbye)

You placed the phone down, and grabbed your clothes, quickly changing into them as Tony emerged from the bathroom with his wet hair clinging to his forehead and a new, comfortable outfit on.

“Who was that, dear?” He asked, sneaking over by you.

“Un ami,” You smiled at him, tapping his nose.

“Uh, yeah,” He nodded, clearly not understanding and you just tried to stifle a laugh. “You know, grandpa, uh, Gibbs, he wants us to figure out when we should have dinner with him,”

“Ah. How about we go over for a breakfast at nine. He just got his living room refinished not too long ago, correct?”

“Sounds good. And never call me a grandpa again, DiNozzo,” Gibbs spoke into both of your earpieces.

“It’s almost nine already. I should go and ask for a extra pillow, sweetie. Get the bed ready for us, can you?” You grabbed your hotel key and put on your special boots. “No need to dress so fancy for getting something so simple,”

“DiNozzo, go with her,” Gibbs commanded. “David and McGee are heading to the lounge area now,”

“You sure you don’t want me to come with?” DiNozzo asked you.

“I’ll be fine. It’s a silly little pillow, nothing too much,” You kissed his cheek and quickly left the room. While walking down the hallway to the elevator, you took a quick look around to make sure you weren’t being followed.

Once waiting for the elevator, you fixed your boots a bit and entered when the doors opened. There was no one inside, so you pressed the ‘1st level’ button. When getting near the ‘2nd level’ the elevator stopped, indicating someone was going to get on.

It was a staff member in their normal uniform. He smiled at you with blankets in his hand and entered.

“Puis-je vous aider avec quoi que ce soit, mademoiselle?” He questioned, pulling out a gun from his side and opened the elevator door once again for two new men to appear.

(Can I help you with anything, miss?)

“Oui. En me alissa the vivre,” You told him, one of the man entering the elevator and pulling you out, the man in the staff uniform having his gun pointed at you.

(Yes. By letting me live.)

“Tsk. Ne peut faire. Vous souvenez-vous de moi?”

(No can do. Do you remember me?)

“Vous n’avez pas l’air familier,” You spoke, getting dragged down the hallway as someone reached into your ear and broke the earpiece.

(You don’t look familiar.)

“Enough of this french,” The man who was dragging you sneered. “I want to hear this bitch speak,”

“Fine,” The one in the staff uniform sighed. “I don’t think you’re the person we’re looking for. It’s a shame you think we were that stupid to not know what our employees look like,”

“You’re just so intelligent,” You commented, getting kicked in the back of the leg.

“I was speaking. You really played it off, the whole sex thing. But it’s a shame you won’t have anymore time with him, he won’t get his little pillow. At least I won’t have to worry about the real couple anymore, they knew too much and I couldn’t let that get out. All I have to do is deal with you,”

“That will be harder than you think,” You told him, the grip on your arm tightening.

“I’m always a fan of having some fun,”

“They’re going to find the bullet your men used to kill the couple. You knew we were here since the beginning,”

“Correct,” One of the men opened the door and you were led in. “With you posing as the couple, you were able to gain a connection with the couples you were seated with. That way, we could then swoop in and learn more about them, giving us the opportunity to hack into their phone and get the passwords needed,”

“You’re stupid to tell me this. I could’ve figured it out on my own, my team probably already has,” One man then put you in a chair and started to tie you up, the one in the staff uniform kicking you in the gut so you fell backwards.

“Lift her up again. I want to have my fun before she must go, I hope you don’t mind the heat,” The second man lifted your chair up and a few more punches were landed on your body.

“Tu es une racaille,” You mumbled, trying to move your arm in the tight ropes.

(You’re scum.)

“Let’s go,” The head man told the other two. One of them grabbed a gas can nearby and started to pour it on the bedsheets. The head man grabbed a match from his pocket and lit it, throwing it on the bed for the flames to begin. “Au revoir,”

They left the room and you struggled to try and move one arm.

Meanwhile DiNozzo was in the elevator with his gun in pocket, going down to the lounge area.

“Y/n can’t hear us anymore,” DiNozzo voiced into his microphone. “Did she make it to the lounge?”

“No. Damn it DiNozzo, I told you to stay with her,” Gibbs spoke, looking at DiNozzo once the elevator door opened. “David, Mcgee, take the back entrance me and DiNozzo will take the front and head up,” He demanded.

Everyone split up. Ziva and McGee ran to the back to catch two men rushing out. They quickly aimed their guns at them and announced their presence, only to receive some shots at them.

Ziva was able to shoot down on of the men and the other surrendered, McGee cuffing the one and letting a police who arrived take care of them.

“We didn’t call for backup,” McGee muttered to Ziva.

“Yeah, uh, someone called into 911 about a fire,” The police pointed to a window on the hotel building. “People should be evacuating the building now, firefighters are on their way,”

McGee’s mouth dropped as he stared at Ziva.

“How odd it happened tonight,” Ziva mumbled.

“It’s obviously intentional!” McGee exclaimed.

“I know that. I hope those guys don’t die,”

DiNozzo and Gibbs started to rush up the stairs, they could feel a bit of the heat from the room and were able to catch the man in the staff uniform in the stairway.

“Sir, are you alright?” DiNozzo stopped, grabbing onto his shoulders softly. “NCIS,”

“I’m fine, just startled, I need to get out of here,” He waved his hands and tried to slip away from DiNozzo’s grip.

“DiNozzo, that’s him,” Gibbs quickly told the agent who soon put the mans hands behind his back. “Where’s our agent?”

“She won’t make it, a fire like that, no one would,” He smiled and DiNozzo led him down the stairs.

Gibbs continued to rush up them, into the hallway that was catching more and more on fire.

“L/n! L/n!” He yelled, looking around to try and find your figure.

He saw you emerge into the hallway, bloodied and bruised, some of your shirt on fire, and a knife in your hand. He rushed to your side, letting you lean on him.

“Y/n, can you hear me?” He asked and you shook your head a little, letting him fully help you down the stairs and out of the building.

He guided you to the ambulance who tended to most of your wounds, but you refused to be transferred to a hospital.

“You need to go,” McGee tried to convince you, standing by your side.

“It would probably be for the best,” David chimed in.

“Hopefully, they can fix your hair too,” Tony laughed, looking you up and down.

“Damn you, DiNozzo,” You stood and smacked the back of his head, while he just laughed.

“Go home you three, I’ll make sure Y/n gets home alright,” Gibbs came over, waving the three agents off who spared a small goodbye or hand wave. “You ready to go, idiot.”

“I almost died, and you’re calling me a idiot,” You chuckled a little. “Help me to your car?” You asked and he let you lean on him once again.

Once the both of you were in the car it was a very quiet ride. You didn’t talk to each other, just letting silence from the long day overtake each other. He truly was nervous for your safety, thought the two of you hadn’t been dating long he felt a lot of compassion regarding you and wanted to continue your relationship smoothly. 

“I really was worried. I told you not to go alone, you should’ve let DiNozzo go with you,” He finally spoke, once you were both in his driveway, sitting in the car, in the dark.

“I’m alive. Just got kicked around a bit, I’m super grateful I always carry that knife in my boot,” You softly told him. “Don’t worry about me too much, I may be younger than you, but I have experience.”

“I know that, just don’t be so stupid last time and take the help.”

“Fine,” Gibbs got out of his seat and moved around to your door, grabbing your hand and helping you out of the car. He smiled at the factor of how easily you trusted him to care for you. “I didn’t doubt you would get me for a minute.”

“Good, you should know that.”

“Only because you still owe me a date, and I did say I would let you pick this one out,” You looked up at him with a goofy grin. It amazed him that even with being beaten up a bit, and almost dying in a fire, you could make jokes with him. 

“I say we have the little date here,” He leaned down a bit to place a gentle kiss upon your lips, smirking into it a little bit, and then moving the way you were leaning on him so he would be able to pick you up. 

“Someone’s excited.”

“Let’s watch a nice movie on the couch. I bought some creamer, so, I can make that creamed coffee you wanted because now I’m your boyfriend but still pissed you made a stupid and life threatening decision in there,”

“Good enough. Palmer will have to wait. Poor kid,” You commented as Gibbs lead you to the couch and helped you rest on it, soon moving to his kitchen to start brewing a pot of coffee. 

“That idiot will be fine.”

“Yeah, luckily for him, though I won’t be able to atend, I do have a friend that will,” You smiled to yourself, imagining how that would be going right now. 

While you lied on the couch with your boyfriend who was, secretly, doting on you, giving you his undivided attention. DiNozzo was at a bar, chatting with someone while looking around for them. 

“She said she would be at this booth,” DiNozzo whispered to himself, wallking to the booth in the corner for where they shall meet. “God, she looked so good in her profile picture, I’m so- Palmer?!”

“Tony?” He looked up from his seat. “You’re Y/n’s friend? I guess I didn’t specify the gender, and she didn’t say a specific name.”

“Y/n? She’s not that good at compute- Damn, probie.” 

[tsrookie]

Always In My Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: On today’s episode of ‘I have no idea wtf I’m doing’, we have something that I cooked up because I had terrible WiFi and no other app but Google docs would open up.

Trope: Fluff, but a tiny bit of angst?

Rating: General

Word Count: 2.3K

Warning(s): Mentions of character death

Summary: Their son has a very important question to ask.

——————————

The delicious aroma of chicken and rice wafted through the Brooks-Ramsey household. The couple worked side by side in the kitchen as they had all those years ago, the only difference being that it was now a dinner for five and not just two.

Allison Dolores Brooks-Ramsey came into their lives nine years ago, and while it was earlier than they would have wanted, they didn’t regret a second of their lives ever since they first heard her voice.

The twins on the other hand, were planned, but nothing had prepared them for the chaos that Nathan and Natalie would bring. A new broken object every week, a dozen fights for the TV every day, and yet were nothing short of tiny tornadoes when they joined forces.

It couldn’t be more perfect.

“What time did Jackie and Emilia say that they would bring the girls back?”

“6:30, I think.”

“Ah. So we have time till 7:00.” They shared a knowing smile. Two aunts taking their nine and six year old nieces to the mall meant a complete raid of the toy store, and a new guitar.

“You need to stop letting everyone spoil the girls just because you have a soft spot for them, Ethan. Ally’s grown old enough to understand that she has her daddy wrapped around her finger, and we don’t need Nat coming to that realisation as well.”

“I don’t- I can’t believe you would accuse me of not loving all my children equally!”, he exclaimed in mock offense.

“Mhmm. So why did I have to come up with an explanation to tell Nathan why his dad wasn’t on board with ordering dessert when he asked for it, but relented once his sisters kept bugging him for another five minutes?”

He opened his mouth in protest, but decided against saying anything for his own good. “Well what can I say? They’ve inherited their mother’s persuasiveness. And I can’t really say no to you, can I?”

Alyssa’s lips curved upwards at that. The playful look in her husband’s eyes caused her to finally break into a grin. “At least you’re self-aware.” Stuffing the rice into the bird she added, “But I can’t exactly tell our son that his dad is too in-love with his mom that he sees her in his daughters and hence can’t say no to them. He’d gag in disgust.”

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. “That he would. Alright I’ll try a little harder to resist their charms. Wouldn’t want my only son to end up hating me.” He said it without a hint of worry over it becoming true someday. Over the years, he’d learned to put aside his fears of not being a good father, and with the help of some therapy, and Alyssa’s unwavering love and support, he’d locked up his insecurities in a box and let it sink to the bottom of the ocean.

They took the stuffed chicken and put it in the oven, washed their hands and plopped down on the couch for some rare downtime.

“Crap.”

“Everything okay?”

“Fred’s mom got called in, so she’s dropping Nate off on her way to work.”

Ethan sighed. “There goes the hour I planned to spend with my wife, who I barely get to spend enough time with these days.”

“I swear, you were never this busy when you were chief. I have no idea why my workload’s ten times bigger.”

“I do.” Ethan smiled with pride. “One usually does have a lot of work when they’re at the front lines of the battle for making free healthcare accessible for every single person in the country. My brilliant wife, though she could choose to leave most of the work to her very competent team, opts to take it all upon herself. So that’s probably the cause behind all the extra workload she complains about.”

She smirked and perched herself onto his lap. “Well your very brilliant wife also knows that you called my team very competent just to avoid hurting my feelings, and that you and I both know that they’ll be running around like headless chickens without me taking care of things.”

“I know, love. But you can still make them do a little more instead of working yourself to the bone while still making sure that you have at least one meal with the kids every day.”

She sighed. “Yeah, to make sure that they don’t forget what I look like.” She leaned in closer. “Besides, are we really going to spend our last few minutes of peace talking about work?”

Just as she uttered the words, the door burst open, and Nathan kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the couch as Alyssa slid down from Ethan’s lap. She shot him a look that very clearly meant What did I just say?

Ethan gave her an apologetic look and ruffled his son’s hair. “Hey buddy. How was your day at Fred’s? I know you wanted to spend more time with him.”

“I did, and we were just about to open his new LEGO set when Mrs. Watson told us that she had to run up to her office for some emergency meeting.”, he pouted. “But it was a nice day. We watched Thor: Ragnarok and Luca, and we would’ve watched another movie if his dad didn’t tell us that two movies were enough for a day.”

Alyssa shot him a mildly stern look. “Well he was right. You’re too young to have movie marathons just yet. Two are more than enough, unless you want to have a headache.”

“But mom, I’m not too young! I’m a big boy! I can swing along the monkey bars at the park faster than Natalie, and soon I’ll swing across buildings just like Spider-Man!”

“Well Spider-Man got bitten by a yucky spider before he swung across buildings. Do you want to be bitten by a gross and poisonous spider?”

“Mommy, not all spiders are gross and poisonous. Dad told me that when I was four and got scared of them at the zoo.”

She rolled her eyes. Leave it to her husband to convince her kids that insects were anything short of creepy and disgusting. In reality, they were, but as someone who ran a mile away at the sight of a butterfly, she wasn’t going to accept that.

“That’s right, Nate. Some of them are certainly very poisonous and dangerous, but that doesn’t mean that you should be scared of them. If you maintain your distance and admire them from afar, there should be no problem at all.”, he said with a pointed look at Alyssa, who just huffed in annoyance.

Nathan giggled, his brown eyes lighting up with amusement. He loved watching his parents playfully bicker. It was way better than seeing them- ugh, kiss.

“We were pretending to be superheroes and Fred used his full name for his pretend name cause it sounded cool, and it is. Fredrick Anthony Watson sounds like something from that show you and mom watch with the guys in the stuffy suits.”

“When did you see us watching the show with the guys in the stuffy suits?”, asked Ethan with a slight hint of concern. Whatever he and Alyssa watched on their free nights was definitely not kid-friendly.

“I don’t remember. Maybe a few months ago.”

Their year old puppy, Ivy, woke up from her nap and bounced into the living room to jump onto her favourite person. Nathan squealed with joy as the fluffy hair of the dog tickled his nose.

Ethan and Alyssa smiled at each other. Getting another dog after Jenner was a decision that took a lot of convincing, but their kids were responsible enough and it was impossible to say no after two years of constant pestering.

“Fred told me that he was named after his great-grandfather William, and that he was this really cool guy who saved a bunch of guys from getting mugged in a dark, dark alley.” He turned to look at his parents as Ivy snuggled into his lap. “Who was I named after mom?”

The question caught her off guard, and she glanced at Ethan for backup.

When they knew that they were having a boy, they immediately knew what to name him. They hadn't, however, anticipated Nathan Daniel Brooks-Ramsey to ask such a question this soon.

Seeing his wife at a loss for words, Ethan spoke up. “C’mere Nate.” He pulled him closer and pressed a kiss atop his head. “We once had a friend named Daniel. He worked at the hospital as a nurse, and he was close to your mom and Aunt Sienna when they were interns.”

Having found her voice, Alyssa joined in. “He was an amazing friend. He was the only nurse in the hospital who helped me out when things got messy, and cheered up Aunt Sienna when no one else could. He’d join us for picnics and movie nights, and you could always count on him if you needed something at the hospital.” She took a deep breath, and Ethan nodded. “Things were going well, but then in my second year, something really bad happened.”

“Oh no.”

“There was this bad guy, who wanted his revenge on another bad guy, and he was ready to risk his own life, and the lives of everyone around him to do so.”

“That’s horrible! Who would want to do something like that?”

Ethan smiled wistfully. “A lot of people in this world actually do. You’re a good person, so you know that it’s wrong. But some people aren’t, and they don’t care about other people getting hurt because of their actions. That night at the hospital, Danny tried to tell the bad guy that it was wrong, and to think things through. But he didn’t listen, and did something that hurt both himself, Danny, Uncle Raf, another friend of ours, and your mom.”

His little eyebrows creased with worry, Nathan asked, “What happened then?”

“He… he died. Along with our other friend, Bobby. Do you remember what we once told you about an autopsy?” Nathan nodded his head. “Well Danny asked for his body to be autopsied, and thanks to him, we were able to find out what was wrong with mom and Uncle Raf.”

He fell silent for a moment, remembering the horrors of the day, and how eternally grateful he was to Danny for being the reason he didn’t lose everything. He couldn’t imagine a life without the love of his life and his children, and he wouldn’t have either if not for the sacrifices that were made.

He looked up at Alyssa, and she squeezed his hand in support. “We’ll tell you more when you’re older, but to make it short, you’re named after a hero too. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have you, your sisters, or mom here with me.”

Nathan wriggled out of his dad’s arms, and set Ivy down so he could hug his mom as tightly as he could.

“Well… if you can hear me Mr. Daniel, I just wanna thank you. Thanks for saving my mom. I love her so much and I’m so thankful that I got to meet her because of what you did. I wish I could’ve met you, you sound like a really cool person, and I’m sure you were. So yeah, thanks. A lot.”

Alyssa’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears, and she held her son as she expressed her silent thanks along with Ethan.

What they had was precious.

Fifteen years had passed since they first met, and yet each day they fell in love a little more like they did when they held hands for the first time in the dim light of the NICU watching over little Ethan, or when she finally got to see the real him the first time she visited his place; the first time in years he let someone know a little of the worries residing deep in his heart.

With all the odds against them, it was a miracle that they survived, even more so that they managed to raise three perfect children who had more love to share than they could ever comprehend.

And they’d never forget all the reasons that made it possible for them to survive.

Ding!

The timer on the oven went off, and they got to their feet to get the chicken.

“Was he a good cook dad?”

“I… don’t really know, Nate. Your mom knew him better than I did.”

“Well there was this one time where he helped Aunt Sienna bake an amazing cake, so I guess he knew his way around the kitchen.”, Alyssa recollected fondly. It was for Jackie’s birthday, one of the few nights where the competition was completely forgotten about.

Nathan’s face melted into a glowing smile. “I love cake. So I guess I really would’ve loved him.”

She mirrored his radiant expression. “You definitely would’ve.”

“Why don’t you go play with Ivy while mom and I get the food ready? You can help us with the dessert later.”

“We’re having dessert?!”

Ethan grinned at his son’s excitement. “You bet we are.”

“Yay!” They watched as Nathan ran off to go play fetch with Ivy in their enormous backyard.

Ethan pulled Alyssa in for a sweet, lingering kiss as soon as he was out of sight.

“You’ve been wanting to do that for a while now hmm?”

“Something like that.”, he murmured as they broke apart.

She could see the ever-increasing strands of silver in his brown hair, and the faint wrinkles along the sides of his forehead, but his clear blue eyes were just as loving and devoted as she remembered from over a decade ago.

“We have a pretty good life, don’t we?”

Ethan kissed her again. “No, we have the perfect life.”

——————————

A/N 2: Aaaand I’m going MIA again. Honestly though, to everyone who’s read so far, thank you so much for sticking around. Means the world💙

P.S: I finally chose Chyler Leigh as my face claim!

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[softluci]

hello yes can i just say i l o v e d your gen z hcs and may i acquire more

for starters, i am not religious, but i am PRAYING you don’t think i was ignoring your ask. i’ve been thinking about it since i got it, it’s just that i’m a college student with worms for brains, so hopefully you understand. this is something that i’ve had on my mind for a long time [i’ve been at this on and off for months], and it most definitely can be associated with/attributed to gen z. 

for a fleeting, wonderful period of time, there was a trend on tiktok that went, “buss it, buss it…” are you familiar? 

that should be enough of a summary, right? ah—for future reference, “o7” is like a saluting emote, for anyone who might not know. reader is g/n as usual, enjoy!

[a/n: so because this is so long, this part is going to be, like, the lore, and then the actual headcanons will be right here]

trendy 

the two things most corrosive to the human spirit are easily named—capitalism and boredom. while it would be easier and less taxing to explain the former, the latter was the problem at hand. it’s not that there was nothing to do in the devildom—quite the opposite, actually—it was just that you wanted some time to yourself every now and again. the trouble with trying to take time for yourself in a completely new location, the residents of which are always enamored with you in one way or another, is that there isn’t anything to do. the house was full of adventures for you to take—the trap door under the rug in the library, the other trap door under the dining room table, the small door behind the couch in the living room, and whatever other poorly hidden doors your seven roommates thought you didn’t know about. 

trouble was, you didn’t want to leave your room. you, intelligent creature that you are, knew that the chances of you running into mammon or satan or beel or asmo were all too high, and even higher were the chances of you agreeing to spend time with them if they asked, and you knew they would. what were you to do? 

you stared at your ceiling from your bed, d.d.d. resting on your stomach as you let your mind wander. your d.d.d. was full of things for you to do, the devildom’s ethernet at your fingertips, but you weren’t interested in finding new things right now. you wanted something familiar, like—like your phone. 

what was the point of lucifer taking your phone, anyway? it’s not like you could use it—being here rendered it a useless brick of glass and metal, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal if you still had it. it was funny, though, that you couldn’t use your actual phone when it was still possible to access the human internet from down here. 

at least, you assumed so. 

how else would levi be able to keep up with his human idols, get tickets for their shows—the works, you know? luckily, you were fully capable of asking. 

d.d.d. now in your hand, you rolled onto your stomach and found your messages with levi, nails clacking against the glass as you tried to reach him.

hey, you texted, can you help me with something?

his reply came faster than you expected: ?? what do you need 

how do i access human websites and apps, you asked, rolling onto your side. you know how to, right?

lololol, it’s not possible :p

a grunt, more aggravated than you’d care to admit, escaped from the back of your throat.

don’t lie. 

a few minutes passed with no response, and you wondered if you were too harsh. 

“he’s a sensitive guy,” you mumbled, inhaling deeply. “i probably came on too strong or something.” 

just as you started typing out an apology and a, “forget i ever said anything,” you got a response. 

a vpn and a proxy site. 

a smile crept onto your face as air came out of your nose, the closest thing to a laugh you could muster. 

can you set it up for me? 

after another few minutes of no response, you sit up, wondering how you could’ve possibly fucked up a second time, your d.d.d. buzzed. 

levi sent you a file and a link, with a host of instructions. 

click on the file and it’ll take you to the vpn you need to download. don’t worry about bugs or anything, i made it myself. 

you let out a low whistle, flopping onto your back once more. 

“this guy gets up to more than i thought,” you said, eyebrows raised. “someone get this man some physical affection.” 

you continued to read, growing more fond of him with each sentence.

once you install it, pick the country whose network you want access to. from there, you’ll have a list of that country’s most used applications available for you. again, don’t worry about bugs. 

what’s the link for? you asked, excitement getting the better of you. 

for when you download internet applications. it’s added security, paste the link in before you search anything or you’ll trigger the firewall alarm. 

you blinked. 

you’ll trigger the what? 

i’ll trigger the fucking What? 

levi’s response was the fastest one yet: the Fucking Firewall Alarm. barbatos’ design. he has no idea i know how to bypass it. just do what i said. don’t try to solve any potential issues on your own, come to me for everything.

roger that o7, you replied, thanks levi ^_^

yeah, yeah. come to my room for a hxh binge tomorrow night.

you snorted. what a fucking nerd—in the greatest way possible. 

of course bestie :] ily

ily2 normie -_- 

in his room, unbeknownst to you, levi felt like he made a mistake of some kind. it’s not that he didn’t trust you, it’s just that you had a tendency to end up in undesirable situations, even if it wasn’t always on purpose. he was probably just worried over nothing, or so he tried to tell himself, but whatever. this isn’t even about him.

you sat up once more, this time leaning against your pillows as you started setting everything up. everything went so quickly that you barely wondered if all of this—subverting hell’s firewall, personally designed by a man eerily similar to a 2D crush from when you were in middle school—was worth accessing a few silly apps from the human world. 

a few minutes later, your d.d.d. now a much, much cooler copy of your phone, any and all thoughts of regret and hesitation were absent from your mind. 

your first order of business on your upgraded d.d.d. was logging into your tiktok account, however surprising it was that you even remembered the password. you put your headphones in and adjusted your volume, going back into the dumpster fire that is your for-you page with open arms. 

after around half an hour of stifled laughter and small, offended gasps from being targeted by the algorithm, you came across a rare dancing video. the person on your screen was in casual clothes, making minor, silly dance movements as the music dwindled, only for them to drop into a squat in time with the music, suddenly dolled up. you shot forward, taken aback by their transformation and by their dancing post beat drop. did you watch it on a loop for a few minutes? well, that’s nobody’s business but yours. you clicked on the sound in hopes of finding similar videos, and much to your relief, there were plenty. about ten videos in, a smile still on your face, you got an idea. 

you slipped your headphones out, arbitrarily looking around your room, before whispering to yourself, “i could—i could do that. i could totally do that.” 

and you were right. you had nice clothes and makeup from various shopping occasions with asmo. your room had led strips, courtesy of levi ordering the wrong ones and being so kind as to give them to you. you could do it. 

levi was the only person you’d spoken to since you retreated to your room a few hours ago, and the lights have been off the entire time, which meant that if you worked quietly enough, everyone else had reason enough to assume you were asleep. good! how could you possibly explain what you were doing getting all dolled up at, like, 11:00 on a wednesday night? you couldn’t, even a little bit—not in a way that convinced anyone, anyway. 

come midnight, you were sitting cross legged on your bed, watching your final product. not to be vain or anything, but you were looking very respectfully at yourself. since when could you move like that, anyway? the wonders of being alone, you supposed. 

you didn’t post it publicly, electing to save it as a draft just so it would save to your d.d.d. maybe you’d post it once you were back in the human world, when your friends wouldn’t swarm your comments asking where the fuck you were. 

yeah, lucifer told you, “everything was taken care of,” but regardless of whether or not you believed him, you knew it wasn’t a good idea to risk finding out if he missed something. 

boredom creeping up on you again, you elected to go through the messages on your d.d.d. it would be better to make yourself laugh before you were fully bored again, right? you stood up and stretched, opening the group text with the adults. luke doesn’t know about it; he thinks the one with everyone is the main one, and everyone lets him think that so he feels included. 

walking around your room in small circles, you scrolled up to the older conversations and read through them, rolling your eyes and chuckling to yourself. very rarely did they talk about anything of importance. it was mostly diavolo, barbatos, and simeon making quips and jokes at lucifer’s expense for everyone to see. it was gold in its purest form. 

you contemplated sending one of the many cursed things sitting in your camera roll, just to keep them on their toes, but just after opening your gallery, you resigned not to, figuring it would be best to leave him alone. 

you stretched again, the hold on your d.d.d. a bit looser this time. it nearly slipped out of your hands, but you caught it, tossing it onto your bed. as soon as you resigned to start getting ready for bed, you turned back around and picked it up. 

there was no rhyme or reason to your actions; if someone in that moment were to ask you why you did it, you would’ve said, “just ‘cause.”

human intuition is a wonderful thing.

your d.d.d. was still on, still open to the group chat. you’d sent something, evidently a second ago, as indicated by the time stamp. the thumbnail was of you, in casual clothing—the casual clothing you were wearing before you got dolled up, actually. huh. 

huh. 

the weight of your mistake came crashing down on you in full force, a chill sinking into your skin and running up your spine.

you were suddenly acutely aware of the concept of time, how it was of the essence and you had absolutely none to waste.

what were you to do? it wouldn’t be long before your favorite person saw it. you had to do something. 

you could say nothing. you could tell the truth and say it was an accident and that you were embarrassed, but that was even worse than saying nothing because it meant you were set to be the target of teasing you didn’t even wanna try to imagine. you could say it was an accident and be confident about it, telling them, “enjoy!” but that was a dangerous game to play, and you knew it. 

well, i do admire you for taking time to think, but, unfortunately, there was a checkmark next to your message. oh, a number as well—eleven. you just can’t catch a break. what were they all doing up at this time, anyway? it was a school night🤨. 

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Accidental Feminist Icon

Between my own headcanon Barba becomes a very niche viral celebrity for being a mix of feminist icon giving one liners on the news and handsome/well dressed and the DJ Khaled post, this happened. 

“Counsellor, are you listening?” Olivia asked as Rafael Barba looked at his phone again. It had been months now since he started trying Manhattan SVU’s cases, and she hadn’t seen him this distracted before. 

“I just- why do I have rapid fire Twitter notifications? Over one hundred and fifty?”

“You have Twitter?” He rolled his eyes, not proud of the admission. But he liked to follow politics and music and satire. His colleagues would have discourse on legal proceedings and theory. But when he opened his notifications, the sea of professional headshots making up the icons in his notifications window were replaced by cartoon avatars and selfies. Handles like @Bradley_GreedADA were replaced with @feministkilljxy. 

What was happening?

Why were there GIFs of him now?

“Rafael?” He was snapped back to attention by Olivia’s hand passing over his phone screen, and he shook his head, holding the screen out to her. “What am I looking at?”

“Why have a couple hundred- are these all teenagers?”

“Are they following you? Or tagging you?”

“Both?” He scrolled through the mentions.

“Both.” A questioning look.

“Have I gone viral?” he asked herr, eyes wide and his tone disgusted. Twitter was where he posted law books, nice dinners out, homemade dinners in, and the nicer scotch he drank. Sometimes even pictures of himself; some of his friends enjoyed fashion as well, and their twitters all had a heavy thread of their suspenders and ties. Suddenly, he was having photos he’d posted to flaunt his ability to mix patterns retweeted in appreciation of something more than the color scheme.

“I think you have. What have you said now?”

“The girl whose tweet I keep getting tagged in mentioned Jocelyn Paley and the Adam Caine case.”

“That was seven months ago.”

“I’m very aware. I have to get to the office. I’ll get you that warrant.”

He continued to scroll as he walked, alarmed by the number of followers he was gaining and going to open a direct message from a friend to see a wall of messages from names he didn’t know. Once he was able to find Bradley’s message, he saw it was series of tweets with videos and GIFs of him on the courthouse steps. They were all from the same case, he assumed the Adam Caine case. He clicked the video of he and Rita Calhoun.

All I can say, today's Grand Jury indictment is the first step towards achieving justice for Jocelyn Paley. 

The DA's office is desperately trying to distract from their recent scandal with a high-profile case. 

Don't give me that--whether you're a john in the South Bronx or a $3-million-a-year talk show host, no means no. 

 He could remember the exchange now, and it had apparently been retweeted thousands of times. Cameras always made him determined to distract, determined to drive home a point. And now, he was seeing some group of teenagers had clung on to his words, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about becoming recognized enough by that demographic to warrant this rapidly increasing follower count. 

“Carmen, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Mr. Barba. Need coffee?”

“No,” he said plainly, shaking his head and showing her his feed. “Is this normal?”

“They found you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Haven’t you seen the posts?”

“I don’t branch out on Twitter often.”

“I see it mostly, like, on Instagram with captions and people post clips of you on vine.”

“What’s vine?”

“A six second video app. Teenagers and young women post you. Vine is normally comedy. But people are obsessed with you. Niche, but sizable number. I think it’s mostly New York girls who see you on the news. But that means the vines went viral a couple months ago.”

“So now they’re all following me on Twitter?”

“You’re viral for being attractive, dressing well, and prosecuting rapists. Embrace it.”

“I can’t post my clothes anymore.”

“Just continue like usual. Don’t respond to DMs.”

He spent a few weeks terrified of this new following, but after three days, things calmed down. The number of followers he gained was weird and confusing to him, and he decided to listen to Carmen ultimately, keeping the profile the same and pretending nothing had happened. She did stop him one day, showing him that there had been people making fake accounts, yet another thing that was insane to him. She primarily told him because these accounts were attempting to take advantage of the fact young girls were the ones following him. He awkwardly slid the handles to Olivia, and Carmen filled out an application for Twitter verification that left him mortified. Even worse, it was approved. 

He was swept away in a case soon enough. Lindsay was assaulted by a whole fraternity at Hudson. They uncovered a previous victim in a hospital, a fraternity known for being a rape factory, and a dean helping create a culture that buried these attacks. It was becoming higher profile than he expected, and it wasn’t easy to try. He’d had to shut off his notifications on his phone during these cases. When Lindsay committed suicide, he accompanied Rollins when she went to arrest the dean. What he didn’t expect was for two of the women they saw to approach him, asking if they were here about Lindsay and thanking them when he said he couldn’t mention it. Then they asked for a selfie. Rafael was mortified but obliged. 

“We recognize you from Twitter.”

Well, now he knew he needn’t accompany the squad out anymore.

When he got tweets from the kind of scum that supported the fraternity, it took a concerted effort not to respond. That could jeopardized the case. He’d already had to tell the two girls they couldn’t post about him being there. He tweeted a disclaimer for if people saw him out, feeling like an asshole. Twitter was now becoming a liability, but he could balance it and refused to give up the feed. Slowly, the GIFs and stills of him on the news were collected, and he only got embarrassed again when mami’s students had discovered him and realized he was the guy in their principal’s pictures. Now Mami had a Twitter, and she followed people who praised him joyfully, though he’d managed to convince her not to interact in private messages or respond to people insulting him. 

The Jenna Miller case caused another leap in his follower count, and he had developed a little sense of pride instead of embarrassment when his followers jumped from people who mattered in New York to people who mattered elsewhere. A congresswoman from Ohio. Artists. Activists. He’d texted Olivia when Lady Gaga followed him. Plus that woman from True Blood. God, she was beautiful. Plus the hot boybander that had probably made him realize he was bisexual. It was weird, and he was unwilling to publicly acknowledge any of it. Unless they were on twitter, he certainly didn’t tell anyone he knew other than Olivia. Soon enough, someone had made a t-shirt on Etsy of the moment he’d turned on his heel. The media had called after Jenna, the olympian, and he’d told them no questions. Then the had the gall to bring up her sex work. He’d stopped on the steps, turning on his heel and announcing “Except for that one. Paid or not paid, no means no. Consent can be revoked at any time.” And now, Etsy users were profiting on it. This group was niche, but it ran deep. Luckily, he noticed the shop only had a few dozen sales.

Everything was fine until Rafael Barba lost his ability to maintain his composure. Up until now, he’d monitored his name, mentions, and a few hashtags people used with him. It was usually just the GIFs and stills and soundbites. He participated in some banter after the first couple of years, boundaries firm enough he felt he could. But he still didn’t bicker. Carmen said he got a following for being a good guy, and he thought it was gross openly condemning rape seemed to be all it took to be a good guy. But then through his lurking, Rafael Barba saw a tweet about DJ Khaled. He’d had to google who the hell that was, unsure who all of Twitter was piling onto, but he found the tweet objectionable enough to respond.

“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said, eyes sparkling with amusement as she came in to see her boss still scrolling through his phone. “You really decided this is the time to get involved on Twitter? You only ever respond to what people say to your stuff or your friends.”

He should’ve known she’d be on top of it. He’d given her access when notifications went through the roof the second time, and Carmen helped filter through DMs he didn’t want to see. But now, that meant her phone was vibrating like his in response to his first tweet in response to a stranger or someone who wasn’t in a thread under his own post.

“What? I’m supposed to endorse consent but not enjoyment?”

“You’re going to end up in a Buzzfeed article, sir.”

“If this is my legacy, so be it.”

“Your legacy? Taking it seriously now?”

“This is serious.”

Carmen’s phone buzzed in her hand, and she knew he’d sent another tweet. Her own account got notifications so she could monitor him. She sighed heavily, unlocking the phone and looking at it. 

“Mr. Barba, does your mom know you’re bi?”

“No, why?”

“She follows you, idiot.”

“Shit. Well, I suppose it’s time.”

“If you tweet Smash Mouth, I’m quitting. These kids are already thirst tweeting you. They must have tweet notifications on for you.”

“Who’s Smash Mouth?”

“How the hell are you culturally relevant?”

“According to Liv, I’m a feminist icon.”

“Don’t get arrogant sir. I help run this twitter.”

“I’ll change the password. I do all the posting.”

“I won’t tell you if Evan Rachel Wood slides in your DMs.”

“Why would I care?”

“I know why you watched True Blood.”

“Touche.” He paused. “Do you think she will?”

“Give me the phone. I’ll bring it when Liv calls.”

“Why would she call?”

“She made a Twitter, sir. Followed you last week.”

“Shit,” he said, eyes wide. “I posted pictures of my food. She saw me acting like a Twitter guy.”

“You are a Twitter guy.”

He rolled his eyes, ending with a retweet of his new favorite addition to the conversation. 

@mia-liz @chasingeverybreakingwave @thegirlwiththemaleficient-tattoo​ @teachingpanda​

[lardguz]

The Aegis's Master Plan

I'm posting this story from the mobile app because I can't access my laptop until later today, but! I've been chipping away at this stupid story for months now, I started it way before the last story I posted. I kind of wrote myself into a corner by getting both Mal//os and J//in at sizes I had never really written before and then... Kept going. So it took me a really, really long time and lots of writers block to finally figure out how to finish it. But, I did! I think. I can't remember if I ever like, wrapped the story properly because the file is so goddamn big. ^^;

Regardless, I hope you guys enjoy two very homoerotic antagonists stuffing each others faces!

The Monoceros. A huge mechanical marvel of a warship, unlike any other that the nations of Alrest used for their transport. This metal beast of a ship didn’t rely on Titans to move, instead roaming the Cloud Sea unfettered by any lifeform. Within the black metal armor of the craft lay the secret base of the Blade terrorist group, New Torna. The leader of the ragtag group, the Flesh Eater named Jin, was currently preoccupied with matters other than freeing Blades and Core Crystals from those who would abuse them.

 

The long-haired man stood in the Monoceros’s kitchen, cooking up a storm. Three serving carts piled high already with his culinary crafts, he was working on loading up the fourth and final cart with the last of the dishes he had planned for the evening. This much food was usually only prepared for huge feasts for royalty, or small armies, but Jin had only one dining partner this evening. Said dining partner was currently heckling him from outside in the mess hall.

 

“Hey, Jin! How much longer is dinner gonna take, anyways?! You’d think 500 years of perfecting your technique would make you cook faster than the average human child, hah!” called the loud, brash voice of Malos, the Aegis himself, and Jin’s second-in-command in leading New Torna.

The white-haired Blade groaned as he plated some Gormotti Sashimi, and called back in an even tone that didn’t betray his frustration with his partner. “I’m almost done, Malos, would you please be patient? You requested a lot more food than I am generally used to preparing at once.”

“Well, what can I say?,” the sarcastic voice bellowed back, “Regaining my full Aegis powers made me really damned hungry. And you do not want to be on my bad side when I’m hungry, so HURRY IT UP.”

Jin sighed and resigned himself to his position, when a brilliant idea struck. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small pouch. The quiet man had stolen this appetite-enhancement powder out of the barracks of the Ardainain warship he had stormed on his own a while back. Some private must have stashed it away to help gain muscle mass in training exercises. Maybe I could use this to get back at Malos for all the shit he’s constantly putting me through… thought Jin. Without missing a beat, he opened the pouch and began sprinkling its contents liberally over every single dish he had prepared for the evening. His cunning plan now in motion, Jin began wheeling the massive feast out to the dining hall, where Malos sat waiting for him.

 

 The darkly-armored Blade sat reclined in his wooden chair, his boots kicked up on the banquet table. He sneered as Jin began putting all the beautiful dishes he’d spent all day cooking on the table. “So this is the best food Alrest has to offer, huh? Certainly doesn’t look like much, Jin. You sure this will please an Aegis like me?” Jin nodded, respectfully and impassive, refusing to reveal his intentions with his expression. Malos chuckled, and pulled a plate of Ruska Dumplings toward himself. “Guess I’ll just have to see for myself, then!” Grasping a dumpling in his armored hand, he popped it into his mouth, chewing contemplatively. His eyes opened slowly, and he spoke around the dumpling. “Hey, that’s not half bad. I think I’ll eat the rest of these if you don’t mind, Jin.”

 

“No, go ahead, Malos. Feel free to enjoy until you’re satisfied.” Jin responded softly, as he began moving some more of the plates within reach of the hungry Aegis. He observed silently as Malos demolished the plate of dumplings and immediately moved onto the next dish, a plate of grilled salmon with herbs, without even making any of his usual sarcastic comments. That powder really shut him up, Jin silently mused, when he noticed something else. It seemed like his appetite wasn’t the only thing the powder was effecting. The Aegis’s once-strong and muscular body seemed to be growing softer before Jin’s very eyes. As Malos polished off the salmon and moved onto a plate of Cinnopon Rolls, some of the armor plating his body snapped off and clattered to the floor, allowing his partner to get a better look at his growth.

 

The first thing Jin noticed was that Malos’s stomach was much, much larger than it was before. The soft, flabby mass was resting comfortably on his thighs, the stretchy bodysuit he wore under his armor not doing anything to hold it back. His thighs were also softening considerably, and Jin couldn’t resist pinching the plush fat that now coated them, nodding approvingly as his fingers sunk in about two inches deep. The Aegis’s ass, once well-toned and round, was now squarish in shape, the cheeks losing their form and squishing into the back of the dining chair, threatening to droop off the edges along with his fat thighs if he kept up the rate he was devouring his solo feast. His arms were also getting bigger and softer, and his formerly toned pecs were now budding into a magnificent pair of breasts, resting comfortably atop his growing gut. His Core Crystal was nestled comfortably between each moob, and Jin wondered how visible it would be in a few hours. Malos’s face, which not long ago was rather sharp and intimidating, now undeniably had a certain rounded softness to it, his cheeks puffing out just a little bit, and a double chin peeking out any time he chewed on his food. Jin began massaging his boyfriend’s shoulders softly, feeling the fat between his fingers and getting an unexpected thrill of delight from it. He realized this was no longer about payback, but wanting to get his partner as big as he possibly could, and knowing he was an Aegis, that was probably a pretty high ceiling to reach.

 

Jin leaned forward to whisper in Malos’s ear from where he stood behind the growing Blade. “Are you enjoying the meal, Malos?” he asked softly. Malos laughed around a mouthful of roasted poultry. “Hah! What, can’t you tell? This food is suiting my needs just fine, Jin. Why, d’you want some too?”

Jin hesitated. “Oh, no, I’m fine. I made this all especially for you, remember?”

Malos nodded, taking another massive bite of the drumstick in front of his face. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But I feel like you really earned this, ya know?” The Aegis chuckled darkly as he made his move.

 

With alarming speed for one as fat as he was, Malos spun around in his chair and grabbed both Jin’s wrists, forcing him to the floor. Jin let out a yell of surprise that was cut short as Malos landed on top of him, his massive weight pinning him and knocking the wind out of his lungs. Malos smirked deviously. “You really thought I didn’t notice the food was off?! You idiot, I’m the Master Blade, of course I noticed you messed with my food! Which means…” Malos reached for a plate of Lovemerry Cake, grabbing a fistful of the sweet confection and shoving it into Jin’s open mouth. “You’re gonna be enjoying this lovely meal with me, Jin! It’s just not fair for you to not get to taste your own delightful cooking too, after all! If I’m gonna be a total fatass, I’m taking you down with me, asshole.” After shoving the entire cake, handful by handful, into Jin’s desperately resisting mouth, Malos hoisted his bulk off of his boyfriend, delighted to see a slight bulge of a new tummy growing on the Flesh Eater’s abdomen. Jin shakily rose from the floor and automatically made his way towards the other end of the banquet table, pulling the nearest plates close to him and immediately digging in without comment. Malos snorted and sat back down in his seat, the wood creaking under his already sizable ass. “I’m not letting you upstage me in this one, though, Jin. You’re never gonna outgrow an Aegis.”

 

The two men feasted in silence, the only sounds the scraping of silverware on plates, the loud smacking of lips, and frantic chewing as the appetite enhancing powder caused their stomachs to scream for more and more food. Jin was mostly gaining weight in his lower half, his titanic thigh rolls and enormous ass cheeks seemingly swallowing his wooden dining chair whole, their flab overflowing and dangling over its edges easily. His gut, which was still large but not nearly as big as his beanbag-sized cheeks, oozed over his tree trunk thick thighs, seeping between them and forcing them further and further apart. The white-haired Blade’s clothes were ripping at the seams all over his growing form, as he stared across the table at his partner. Malos was a Blade of his word, to be sure, and was not letting Jin catch up to his growth at all. The massive man had surpassed a double chin and had moved to triple, his cheeks starting to droop into fat-laden jowls that ruined his once-menacing expressions. His neck was lost under a ring of fat that looked like a small tire around his face. Malos must have fully burst out of his bodysuit a while ago, his mountainous bulk no longer able to be contained within its confines. His breasts sagged down either side of his triple-decker gut, each one larger than any female Blade’s boobs in existence. His arms were covered with jiggling fat that drooped off his biceps, slapping heavily against his numerous side rolls and his moobs every time he brought food up to his fat mouth. His gut was split into three rolls, which cascaded down his front and pooled in his wide lap. The dark Aegis’s flabby gut was definitely his largest asset, even the topmost roll large enough for a Tirkin to sleep on comfortably after only a few hours of feasting. The middle and bottom rolls split where his belly button once was, the fat from the middle roll folding over it and making a crevasse that would only get larger and deeper the more he ate. His meaty love handles stuck out to the sides of his massive belly, the side rolls they formed impeding him from placing his pillowy arms straight down at his sides, forcing them to rest at an angle in the brief moments he wasn’t stuffing food into his greedy maw. While his lower half wasn’t nearly as large as Jin’s would be when he eventually caught up to his current weight, Malos’s lard-laden ass and dimpled thighs still overflowed out of the tiny wooden chair he was in. He actually registered in his mind that his enormous asscheeks were almost definitely stuck in said chair, which was creaking and groaning constantly under his prodigious behind. He suddenly had an idea to keep the chair inevitably breaking under him from being an issue and heaved himself onto his feet.

 

Malos waddled his way out of the mess hall, leaving Jin behind to continue eating on his own. The round Aegis had to shuffle his massive thighs past each other with each step, the inner rolls rubbing against each other no matter how far apart he kept his legs. The lowest roll of his stomach slapped against his knees as he wandered around the halls of the Monoceros, looking for any of the other Torna members. Unfortunately for Malos, the first one he found was the one he least wanted to see right now.

 

Mikhail, the blonde skirt-chasing scoundrel of their group, was leaning against a terminal, punching something in on the keyboard. Hearing the huffing breaths coming from a bit of a ways down the hall, he turned toward the noise's source and saw Malos’s morbidly obese form and couldn’t hold back a snort of amusement. “Whoaaaah, Malos?! What happened to you? You look like you must’ve ate an entire Ardun by yourself!” Malos groaned. “Mikhail, please. For once in your life, shut the fuck up.”

Mikhail looked playfully hurt by this statement, and cried back in response, “Boss, I’m hurt! I was just saying you look even bigger than last time I saw you! Why are you being so mean to m—GAAAH!!” The blonde man didn’t get to finish his sentence as Malos made his move, pushing his entire body against Mikhail’s and using his massive gut to pin the smaller man to the wall. He leaned his blubbery face in close to Mikhail’s and snarled, “I told you. To shut. The fuck. Up. Got it?” Mik nodded, his cheeks flushing bright pink as he felt Malos’s body enveloping his own. “Good. Now here’s what I need you to do. Go grab two benches from the storage room. The ones meant to sit four people. Bring them to the mess hall as fast as possible, or so help me, I will crush you like the worm you are, got it?”

 

By the time Malos managed to waddle his way back to the mess hall, the benches had already been brought in, and Jin was planted firmly in his. To Malos’s disgust, he realized that Jin had surpassed him in size while he was gone. The white-haired Blade’s enormous, shapeless ass was already starting to get close to overflowing the bench he was sat upon, with the fat of his massive thighs making his legs look roughly the size of a particularly old Puzzlewood tree from Gormott. Malos moved as fast as his overburdened legs could take him to his bench and began stuffing food into his face at double speed, chewing frantically to make sure his boyfriend didn’t end up larger than him. They kept feasting long into the night, even after the benches shattered beneath their respective bulks, leaving them to shift their nearly-immobile bodies onto the table so they could continue reaching the food with their fattened hands. Being Blades, and incredibly powerful ones at that, they retained movement in their arms for much longer than most, long past when they both were immobilized by their own corpulence. Their multitude of chins and neck rolls blended seamlessly into each other, their drooping jowls wobbling and smacking loudly every time they chewed, and their cheeks so fat that they started to impede their vision slightly. Their massive moobs pressed into their neck rolls, giving the impression that their faces were sinking slowly into their own fat. The only thing hindering their powerful Blade arms from accessing food readily was the fact that their fattened hands were starting to sink into their fat as well, their flabby pillows of arm fat starting to absorb them at the wrists. Their legs had already done the same to their feet, the dimpled lard of their calves already collapsing over their ankles about an hour ago, preventing either of them from being able to even waddle ever again. Even if their feet were visible, though, they wouldn’t be able to touch the ground. Even Malos’s comparably small ass was still a veritable mountain of adipose, lifting him off the ground by about half a foot already, each cheek the size of a couch and steadily spreading out under him. His massive gut spread even further, its numerous rolls spreading out underneath him as he strained his overencumbered arms to try and reach the dishes that were closer towards the middle of the banquet table. Jin’s gut was nowhere near as huge as Malos’s, but his massive ass cheeks pushed him about a foot and a half off the ground, making it just as difficult for his fat-covered arms to reach the tantalizing feast near the center of the table. Both Blades soon surrendered, wobbling futilely as they fell back, unable to move anymore due to the lard encasing their once-powerful bodies.

 

Malos was wheezing for breath, the strain of leaning forward even too much for him now. His boyfriend was in a similar state, face flushed crimson as he huffed to regain his composure. The Aegis breathlessly spoke to Jin from where they both sat with the table and its forbidden meal between them. “H-hey, Jin. I think… haah… we might need… huff… to ask some of th-the others… haah… for h—urp, help… finishing this.”

Jin tried to nod in agreement, but with his face and neck caked in fat the way they were, all he could manage was wobbling his face fat instead. “Yeah, th-that sounds… huff… like our b-best… haah, haah… option, Malos. Should I… hnngh… call for them?”

Malos only belched in response, which Jin decided to take as a “yes”, and he sent out a mental signal to Mikhail and Akhos to come to the banquet hall at once. As soon as they both arrived, to quell any sass or small talk from the two particularly condescending Flesh Eaters, Malos cast a quick Monado Enchant on them and gave them their new instructions: to feed himself and Jin the rest of the many plates of food on the table in silence. Akhos immediately moved to grab plates and began climbing his way up to where Jin’s face was being slowly buried in between his breasts and back rolls, while Mikhail did the same for Malos’s mountainous form.

 

The two men continued to grow and grow the more they were fed, their hands now long ago absorbed into their arms’ fat rolls. Malos’s titanic stomach overtook the table, crushing it underneath its enormous weight. Thankfully Mikhail and Akhos had already moved the remaining plates onto the guts of their two leaders, which had long since become large enough to be used as a table anyways. Jin, with five crab skewers in his fat mouth at once, realized that he could feel his rear pressing against something, but since his face was so sunken into his own fat, he couldn’t even begin to move his head to see. Even if he could turn his head, all he would have seen was his boulder-sized ass cheeks and his cascading rolls of back fat that led down to them. His gut, while smaller than his partner’s, was still enormous, and was slowly getting pushed under Malos’s much larger and more expansive stomach rolls. The Aegis currently was having an entire four-tiered cake shoved into his mouth piece by piece and loving every second, reveling in feeling every inch of his flab creeping further and further across the room. He felt more powerful than he had ever felt in his life as the Aegis.

 

After hours and hours of feeding and eating, finally, the two Torna leaders were finished with their feast, and sat in the aftermath of their massive gain. The only thing Jin could see past his flabby cheeks that took up most of his vision was the ceiling directly above him, as everything else he could see was his own soft pale flesh. His miniscule face was nestled deeply between a valley of his massive jowls, his flabby back rolls, and his cascading chins and neck fat. His breasts sat atop his enormous gut, each one larger than the table that he originally placed the feast on was before it was crushed under his and Malos’s combined weight. The rings of fat next to his breasts that were once his arms contained no signs of once being able to wield a katana expertly, now uselessly huge with his fingers and hands swallowed up beneath the rolls of adipose covering them. His gut was mostly eclipsed by Malos’s enormous stomach rolls, but Jin’s ass and thighs were his biggest asset by far, both of which were so massively obese that they spread across the room and pressed firmly against the metal walls and ceiling of the Monoceros’s mess hall, threatening to crush them under the weight of his titanic ass fat if he ate any more food.

 

Malos was in a similar state, though he had definitely surpassed Jin in sheer size. Not that it really made a difference when both Blades were huge enough to fill the entire mess hall between them. Malos’s blob of a body towered over Jin’s, his wobbling mountain of a gut covering almost every inch of his side of the room and squishing up against Jin’s comparably-smaller stomach rolls, waves of pillowy flab spreading all over. The Aegis’s core crystal was nestled between his two boulder-sized moobs, still perfectly present despite the sea of soft fat around it. Malos’s face, however, was much less visible, the once-sharp and intimidating features now buried between enormous flabby jowls, rippling chins and neck rolls, and hefty rolls of back fat that already threatened to crash over onto his face. The black haired man wiggled his fingers from where he could feel them buried under the incredible amounts of lard that coated his arms, chuckling deeply as he realized he could still move them despite his hands being absorbed into his arm fat hours ago. Suddenly, his core began glowing with a purple light that enveloped the fat rolls that were once his arms, which then flowed over to his partner, Jin, covering his entire corpulent form with a glow of dark energy.

Jin groaned as his body started wobbling, every fold and roll rippling and slapping against each other loudly. Suddenly, the light dissipated, and the white haired Blade felt… strange. He almost felt lighter, despite being thousands of pounds overweight now. He squinted his icy blue eyes, trying to peer past his overfed cheeks to look at his boyfriend, Malos. He could make out the pale blob that was now the Aegis’s body across from him, and he heard deep, almost maniacal laugher coming from the mound of flab, which sent the entire expanse of fat wobbling all over.  Malos spoke, his voice deepened significantly by all the fat caking his neck, and his words slurred from his incredibly flabby cheeks and pudgy lips making talking all the more difficult.

“Sho… Jhin… Hah doesh ih—hnnnnhhhh—feeuhl… tuh hahve—nnnnghhh—th’ pohwehsh… ohf an Aegish…?” Malos had to pause frequently to wheeze between words, the weight of his body making speaking and breathing at the same time a difficulty. Jin grunted in confusion. What did he mean, the powers of an Aegis? Malos laughed again, his drooping breasts wobbling like pendulums with each booming sound. “Youh… hahven'… fihgurhed ih—haaaaah… haaaahhh…-- ouht? Shtahnd… uhp… Jhin… an’ cohme… tuh meh…” The Aegis stopped talking, opting instead to gasp for breath, exhausted from exerting himself by just talking for a few seconds. Jin sat there in shock, wondering how the hell Malos expected him to stand up at his size. But then he remember that he did feel lighter somehow after Malos did whatever it was he just did, so the Blade attempted to move his presumed-useless legs.

 

Jin was surprised to find that his legs did in fact move, and he was easily able to shift his room-wide bulk into a standing position somehow. The resulting movement of his enormous rear end slapped both hills of lard into the wall of the dining hall, making the entire room echo with the sound of their bulk clapping against the cold metal. Jin hesitantly began shuffling his bloblike body towards his boyfriend’s immobile form, inching his carriage-sized legs past each other painfully slowly, the entire expanse of his body rippling with every slight move he made. His stomach, leg rolls, and ass cheeks all dragged along the floor, making the journey all the more difficult even with the strength of an Aegis making it possible for him to move at his incredible size. Eventually, Jin stood at the base of Mount Malos. He heard his boyfriend’s voice, smug as ever even with the weight affecting his speech, echoing from above him. “Haaaaah… ekshellehnt… Naoh… Ah—hnnnngh—neehd youh… tuh… clihmb uhp—hhhhhnnn—tuh mah… mouff…” Jin grunted in confirmation, moving his fat-swaddled arm rolls experimentally. They responded to his movements despite being disgustingly overfed, his hands still buried under their rolls, but it was enough for Jin to be able to climb the massive, wobbling expanse of Malos’s stomach rolls. It made for very slippery going, with one not-insignificantly smaller blob of a man climbing another one. Jin’s oversized arms and legs sank deep into Malos’s soft belly, the leader of New Torna feeling like he was going to fall into a crevasse of body folds and never be found again. Their fatty bodies slapped against each other loudly as Jin slowly ascended, every inch of their bodies shifting endlessly with waves of movement. Finally, Jin found his blob of a body perched atop Malos’s chest, gazing into his boyfriend’s cold gray eyes, surrounded by the sea of fat covering his entire face. Malos grinned, his eyes almost disappearing behind the creases of fat that formed when he did so. “Sho… naishe—haaaah—tuh shee yuh… agaihn… shekshy—hnnnngh—Reahdy tuh… fihnush thish?” The Aegis said, looking almost ecstatic that his plan had progressed this far, whatever it was. Jin nodded, or did as close to a nod as he could manage at his size. Malos explained through wheezing breaths that the true power of an Aegis granted him the ability to make whatever he wanted reality. He had given Jin some of that power to help make him bigger than any Titan or even the World Tree itself, so that he could fulfill his desire to destroy Alrest by crushing it beneath his own continental sized body. Jin agreed, lifting his sagging arm rolls and conjuring a flow of food to enter Malos’s waiting mouth. The Aegis moaned in satisfaction, readily gulping down anything that came near his greedy maw.

 

Rex and his companions were visiting his hometown of Fonsett Village to recuperate after their last encounter with New Torna. The Driver of the other Aegis, Mythra, sat on the overlook that he and his friends from the village had jumped off of into the Cloud Sea an uncountable number of times, watching the sun set as it bathed the clouds in a golden glow. Rex heard footsteps in the grass behind him and turned to see who was approaching. His eyes met those of the Gormotti Driver, Nia, who he’d been traveling with since the very beginning of his journey. The brown-haired boy grinned at her and patted the grass next to him. “Oh, hey there, Nia! C’mon, come sit and watch the sunset with me! Fonsett has the best sunsets you’ve ever seen!”

Nia scoffed, rolling her yellow eyes, her cat ears twitching with amusement at the boy’s enthusiasm. “I swear, Rex, yet such a kid sometimes! But, sure, why not? Sunsets ain’t really a thing I ever got tae enjoy much in my life.” She sat down next to him, crossing her legs beneath her and placing her hands on her knees.

Rex looked over at her, examining the look of quiet concern on the girl’s face as she stared at the clouds below. He piped up gently. “Nia, is something the matter? You look like somethin’s botherin’ you.” She closed her eyes and smiled wryly before responding. “Aye, nothin’ gets past ye, does it, Rex? I was thinkin’ about Malos and Jin.”

Rex tilted his head a little in confusion. “Jin and Malos? Why? Are you worried about ‘em or something? Do you miss ‘em?”

“Miss ‘em?! Pfft!” Nia snorted, “Of course I don’t miss ‘em, they were a right couple’a tossers. I was jus’ thinkin’ that somethin’ don’t seem right. I feel like they might be up tae nae good. I just feel somethin’… off in the air I guess? Somethin’… big?”

Rex clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth a few times before replying. “You know, I was thinking the exact same thing earlier. I feel something off in the air, too. Like the flow of ether energy in the air is… growing? Or maybe shrinking? I dunno. But maybe you might be right, and it’s something to do with them.”

Nia was about to theorize some more when she stopped, her ears perking as she looked off on the horizon. “Oi, Rex, d’ye see that there off in the distance?” She pointed to a large shape flying high above the Cloud Sea. Rex looked, squinting to see it better as it was so far away. “Is that… The Monoceros?!” He exclaimed in shock. Nia nodded. “Aye, that’s what I thought, too. Doesn’t it look a little off tae ye, though?”

Rex peered at the battle ship of New Torna and realized it looked… misshapen. The metal hull seemed to be bulging weirdly in places, and it also seemed like its flight path was sinking slowly, like something was weighing it down from within. “That’s odd. Why’s it look like that, do you reckon, Nia?” The girl shrugged. Rex looked back and noticed, now that it was a little closer, that some of the metal plating of the hill was coming apart at the seams, and something pale and soft was oozing out of the gaps. One panel fell off entirely, and in its place burst out a wobbling pillow of soft material, almost like a bubble of some kind. The two young Drivers looked at each other in confusing and worry as they watched the Monoceros fall apart piece by piece as it sunk closer and closer to the clouds below, revealing more and more of the strange, pale mass contained within the ship. “That definitely wasn’t there when I was still with Torna…” Nia murmured, “What the ‘Ell is goin’ on…”

 

Suddenly, the air was split with the shriek of breaking metal, as the entire remains of the Monoceros burst open, sending two indistinct shapes, one at least twenty times larger than the other, plummeting into the Cloud Sea. The smaller blob-shaped object landed on top of the much larger one with a resounding meaty slap, sending rippling shockwaves all over its form. The enormous wobbling mass floated suspended in the clouds, while Nia and Rex tried to figure out what it was. That was when they realized the shape was growing larger at an alarming rate. Rex looked at Nia, his eyes panicked. “Uh, Nia? We should probably evacuate everyone in Fonsett to safety. Whatever that thing is, it’s getting bigger by the second!” Nia nodded and the two ran off to the village to gather everyone together.

 

Jin sat on top of his boyfriend’s uncountable chins and neck rolls, thrilling in the feeling of his own massive expanse of rolls sinking into the even softer and ever-growing fat of the Aegis himself. One wouldn’t even be able to tell the acres of soft, pale flab were a Blade unless they got very, very close. Malos was completely unrecognizable, any semblance of a humanoid form long buried beneath tons upon tons of adipose. His gigantic mountain of stomach rolls spread for miles and miles across the Cloud Sea, blanketing the thick, puffy clouds with even thicker, softer, heavier fat rolls. Malos’s monumentally sized ass cheeks, each one now bigger than any inhabitable Titan, stretched out behind him for almost as far as his incredible gut did. The mounds of adipose that were once his legs were ringed with soft, dimpled fat rolls, completely unrecognizable as anything that once resembled a leg. His piles of pudgy love handles had reached the hundreds now, looking like a stack of floppy pancakes leading up to his enormous chest. Malos’s breasts were astonishingly huge, large enough to crush the entirety of Alba Cavanich under just one of them easily, each one weighing at least over ten tons. His face was barely visible anymore, between the boulder-sized jowls drooping down the sides of his face and impeding his vision greatly, his rings of hundreds of flabby, wobbling chins and neck rolls, and the cascade of back fat that was crashing down on his face from above. The Aegis’s mouth was constantly occupied with an endless deluge of fattening foods conjured up by Jin’s new powers, Malos’s mouth constantly stretched to its limits by the sheer amount of dishes crammed between his overfed cheeks,. He had no time to talk anymore, not when he was eating constantly to grow larger and larger and eventually crush all of Alrest beneath his massive blob of a body, but then again, why would he ever want to waste time talking? Becoming the largest Blade in all of Alrest was truly a calling worthy of the Master Blade himself.

[rubyleeray]

MARS RED Review

Hey All! 

It’s been a while (way too long!) but I’m back! And I’m here with something extremely exciting!

A couple months ago, the good folks at Favary very kindly reached out and offered me the chance to be part of a beta test for their new game - MARS RED: Edge of the Nightmare based off of the Stageplay turned Anime of the same name written by Bun-O Fujisawa. 

Regretfully at the time, I was completely unfamiliar with this story/universe but that didn’t matter for long because as soon as I saw vampires - I was immediately on board. Not to mention the stellar cast featuring so many of my favourites!:

The Story

I want to start by saying that I’m not 100% certain as I have not seen any of the original source material yet, but I believe this is a new original story that continues/expands upon the existing MARS RED universe. 

You play as Yastufusa Yuki, a newly-turned reluctant vampire that is spiralling into an existential crisis. One day he encounters Organization Zero (a group of good vampires that hunt bad vampires) and discovers he holds a unique and rare ability to mentally recreate and perform crime scenes. With their help, Yatsufusa sets out to realize both his life and afterlife’s purpose while simultaneously helping fight crime.

Even if you are someone who has had enough of/doesn’t particularly like Vampire content (can’t relate!) - you will still enjoy MARS RED. Yatsufusa’s journey into self discovery in the afterlife is a more human story than you may think. If you have ever felt lost, lonely, confused, depressed, and/or unsure of yourself you will be able to relate to Yatsufusa in some way. And if that still isn’t enough to convince you, there are so many hilarious and touching moments, you will never be bored.

And the scene with the baby sparrow just completely melted my heart:

Gameplay

MARS RED is already unique to me in the sense that it is the only non-romance game I have on my phone but it’s also a Mystery/Crime/Horror Visual Novel which is such a great combination! I am not sure if there are any Good Ends or how many there may be yet (the story is still in development) but I have come across a couple bad ends. These were easy to go back and get for me because they involved choosing the options that no one earnestly playing a heroic protagonist should pick 🤣. They were quick and funny and are very obviously the wrong choice so if you haven’t hit one yet, you’re on the right path! If you want to get a bad end, go to the end of Chapter 1 and refuse to help.

Now, I don’t know if it’s a pandemic thing or just a me-getting-older thing😬, but I have almost no patience for games with checkpoints that I have to grind/spend like crazy for. All I really want to do these days is interact with a good story. MARS RED is the game I’ve been searching for for so long! Everything centres around and furthers the story which is super refreshing because for some reason that’s becoming increasingly rare in this genre (and industry in general🫖). Not only is it a solid, mysterious, supernatural crime story, it’s also super fun to play! I absolutely love when a game has mechanics that actually exist to serve and support the story and experience as opposed to just shamelessly providing the player with another reason to spend.

Here’s another confession: I hate most gachas. There, I said it. Why? Because for the most part, I only want/like stories. I don’t want avatar clothes or duplicates of N items that I have to go in and manually delete constantly. I just want to have more content of my faves without spending my entire pay cheque. Is that so much to ask!? MARS RED thinks not! I saw there were two current gachas even in beta: one limited and one not. I was excited because I love everything about the game already but I was also skeptical because I have a long history of being burned to a crisp by all gacha games. I was expecting to see an offering of the typical beautiful and virtually unattainable rainbow rare prizes like cards that are essentially useless (but damn are they pretty!).  However I am thrilled to report that MARS RED has blessed me with my dream gacha. STORIES GALOR-IES! 

The rainbow rare item was a story with a cg and I managed to pull it on my second 10-pull and OMG I loved it. It was so wholesome and pure and a great length that made it feel as premium as it gets! 

Aside from the story, there are three other major mechanics: Investigating, Inferring, and Exploring. 

Investigating is so much fun. It reminds me of my childhood days reading iSpy books and playing Spot the Difference games. To investigate, you simply tap on items in the scene to read about them. 

Each item offers their own unique clues and context and you better remember what you see because you better believe someone will ask you about it later and that’s called “Infer.”

During the Infer portion, you are given a limited amount of time to make assumptions and come to conclusions based on what you found during the Investigation portion. If you are like me and love playing Investigator - you will love this!

During the Explore portion, you don’t actually have to do much other than pair up 2 people and choose a location. They will Explore on their own and level up/earn you the money and points you’ll need to progress later on in the process. You can also earn rewards called “Murmurs” which are little short anecdotes between the guys.

Cons

My only “con”/criticism is that I wish there were more cgs. I hardly came across any and there were so many fantastic moments that would have completely blown me away with an accompanying CG. But for the record - the CGs I did see were gorgeous! 

Random Thoughts

I feel like this would make an excellent BL game - where are my fellow YatShu, YatSuwa, and/or YatDe, shippers?! XD

I love Yatsufusa. He is my son and I want nothing but the best for him and his vampire/human friends. If anything happens to him...I WILL become a vampire myself and avenge him. I already want NEED a little plush doll of him. 

This game is generous without spoiling the player and it’s user-friendly without making me feel like a child. I really appreciate that especially since I feel that most recently released games cram a million mechanics in without ever connecting them to the story. (Have I talked enough about how bothered I am by a lot of recently released games 🤣?)

HAS TUMBLR ALWAYS HAD A 10 PIC LIMIT?!

Closing Thoughts

If you’re looking for a game/story that you can actually enjoy without stressing over - give MARS RED a go! The world needs joy now more than ever and Yatsufusa’s smile is pure serotonin! Go get yourself a boost and download this game available now on both Google Play and App Store! 

Thank you for spending some time with me! I hope you are doing well and keeping safe & happy. I’m off to go play more of this game (Chapter 7 just released!) while finally checking out the anime! Stay safe and healthy and I’ll see you soon!

***Disclaimer: I was provided early access to this app for the purpose of reviewing it by Favary. I have not been nor will I be compensated for my review, but I received a small in-game sum of points to complete the story in the beta. This does not mean my opinions or words were bought and paid for. These are my honest thoughts and feelings and Favary entered into this agreement with me requesting and expecting nothing but.***

[sourstiless]

@houston-we-have-a-problem-bro

sorry this is gonna be a little long so i’ll put everything you need under the cut. it’s a little detailed, probably more detailed than you anticipated but if i can help any editors or people who wanna start editing, i want to. so this is for everyone, and my experiences with different softwares.

tl;dr: if you want a good app/software you’re probably going to have to be willing to drop a few bucks (especially if you want to get rid of a watermark) which is super unfortunate. the only completely free app i think is capcut. i recommend videostar bc that’s what i use, but you will have to pay. any professional softwares like after effects are very pricey i absolutely do not recommend looking up how to download them for free if that’s something you want

so unfortunately most of the good editing softwares aren’t free. a lot of them you’ll have to pay for if you don’t want the watermark, or if you want a good app/software. i have after effects on my laptop, but the version i have was pirated so i didn’t have to pay. definitely DO NOT pirate professional editing softwares. after affects is super pricy since it is a professional software. unless you do what i did, you probably aren’t going to find a cheap computer editing software. the big computer softwares do include sony vegas pro, final cut pro and after effects. but definitely DO NOT illegally download them for free.

if you’re looking for something easier to start with on a phone, i personally use video star. video star is only compatible with iOS though, so it won’t work if you have an android. there is an app for android that i can get into later. video star is technically “free” but you can’t really do anything super advanced without buying extra packs in the app. good news, the standard individual packs are pretty cheap and typically range from 0.99USD-1.99USD when i bought them, and it’s a one time payment, so you’ll have them forever. they can be more than that, but it depends on how creative you wanna get and how much you’re willing to pay. i don’t think i’ve ever paid more than $3 for individual packs, and i only bought 4 or five of them, and i’ve used them all since 2017, which is a lot cheaper.

then another option is to buy the all access pass. it’s 29.99USD/year, 12.99USD/every 3 months, and 4.99USD/month, and this gives you access to all effects, however it can get super pricey, which is why i recommend buying the packs you want individually, because they’re generally pretty cheap and you get to keep them forever. (i paid using itunes gift cards so if you have those it makes paying for them super easy). i recommend individually buying as well just because chances are you won’t be using all of those packs that come with all access, so i only bought what i thought was necessary for me, and i’ve been using the same packs for years.

another one i’ve used is cute cut pro. there is a free version, but unfortunately that one does have a watermark. you can buy ccp for about 7USD if the price hasn’t changed since when i bought it. it’s a very simple app, great for learning. it’s the one that i used when i was starting out, and there’s a ton of tutorials on youtube on have to do more advanced transitions.

there’s imovie, which is about the same price as ccp. from my experience you can’t really do transitions like slides, and zooms, and other basic transitions, which stinks, but i’ll still throw that one out there and i’m sure there are tutorials online on how to do those.

i haven’t used this one, but i know a lot of people on tiktok use capcut, which is an entirely free editing app if i’m right, but anyone correct me if i’m wrong. i hear it makes pretty good edits, i think it may have also added graphs recently, which help make your edit smoother. and it’s ages 12+ so it should be relatively easy to maneuver. i’ve seen capcut edits on tiktok and i’ve been impressed with what it’s able to do as an editing app that’s free, so you can also start with that.

there’s also funimate and vinkle, which are free with in app purchases. i’ve never used them so i can’t say for sure what you can do without having to pay, but i do know that they have pre made edits and templates, and you can just stick photos in them and the edit is basically made. that’s not personally how i like to edit but if that’s something that interests you, then you can take a shot at them. you can also do you own transitions as well, if i am correct.

and then for the app compatible with android, it’s called alight motion, and it’s also available on iOS. it does have a watermark so you’d have to pay to get that removed, but im pretty sure that’s a one time payment. i think it operates pretty similarly to video star in the in app purchases category.

i hope that helped, but if you have any more questions feel free to ask !!

[whimsicallyreading]

The Death of Me

Part Two-

Danika stares at the gelatinous pony on her bedside table with empty eyes. It’s lifeless gaze kept a constant vigil that she found strangely comforting, especially after Ruhn Danaan ordered her ass home.

Now she was basically a prisoner in her own room. Sabine and the 33rd had already wrung all the information they could from her. Bryce’s piece-of-shit father hadn’t even bothered to show up at HQ.

She would rake him for that.

To ignore your child in life is one thing. But to ignore your daughters death and allow the CC Media to run wild with the stories as they have been? It was disgusting. It made her ill. He would pay for his negligence.

But first, she had to talk to Ember.

~~~

Lunathion’s Party Princess gets taken down a peg!

Notorious partner in crime, Bryce Quinlan massacred in the up-and-coming Alpha’s mutual residence.

~~~

Danika new it would be a rough phone call. She knew that the woman on the other side of the phone would be grieving. That grief makes people act out and say things they don’t mean.

Still, the guttural cries on the other side of the line shocks her. It evokes the first twinge of emotion she’d felt outside of her own pain in days.

Guilt.

“What happened, Danika?” Her surrogate mother sobs over the speaker. “They won’t tell me how it happened. I don’t even know when they will release my daughter’s body for burial.”

The weeping increases in intensity, as Danika bites back her bitter thoughts. Ember would likely never get to see her daughter’s remains. There was nothing left. No fixing the damage done to Bryce’s frame. She was cracked like a shell and vacated, the autopsies they would need to perform would only further ruin her flesh.

“I can’t tell you anything yet,” Danika consoles. “There’s a lot I don’t know, but I will find out the details. In the mean time...I know this is a lot to ask-“

Danika chokes over the words. Emotions were never her strong suit. On an average day it didn’t matter, people knew it was her nature to be blunt. They took no offense to her crass personality. Even if her words hit a mark, who would say anything to her?

Ember was different. She cared for the woman who’d loved her like she was flesh and blood. Who mothered the person that was her soul friend. Danika didn’t want to cause Ember any more pain than she was already going through, but this request would not land lightly.

“What is it?” Ember’s voice rasps over the phone.

Danika pulls air deeply into her lungs and closes her eyes. “I need you to stay away from the city.”

Silence.

“It’s dangerous right now. I don’t know why Bryce was targeted. If there is any link between you and the killer whatsoever I don’t want you in their line of fire.” Danika knows she rambling, but her composure couldn’t exist in the blanketed quiet.

“I promise I’ll take care of everything. I’ll figure out where Bryce is and make sure she gets home to you. Paperwork, medical issues, I’ll take care of it all, Mama Ember.” The promises she makes are big, she’s not even sure she can fulfill all of them. “Just please, stay back and keep safe.”

More silence. Danika’s stomach is rolling and she’s not sure if Ember is ever going to reply when a new voice sounds from the device.

“Danika, it’s Randall. We understand what you mean. Ember is just- processing right now.”

The loving, vibrant man who mailed them chocolate croissants, and could out shoot every member of the city’s aux units sounds hollow. None of the normal jovial inflections or calming vibrato. Randall sounds like he’s been choking down glass. “We will stay in Nidaros.”

Danika’s shoulders curl in relief. “Thank-“

“On one condition.” Randall cuts her off commandingly. “You bring whatever is left of my babygirl home, Danika. We don’t want her body dumped in that river.”

He wetly sniffles and something shatters in the background.

“I promise,” Danika whispers, feeling like a small child again. “I promise.”

~

Bryce Quinlan’s questionable lineage could be to blame!

Could halfbreed Bryce Quinlan’s vanir parent play a roll in the brutal death she received over this weekend?

“A bastard daughter is never a good look to a powerful vanir,” says councilwoman Sabine Fendyr

~

Connor and Bronson had a grip on either of her arms as she tries to refrain from clawing her mother’s face off.

“You bitch! You had no idea what you were talking about,” Danika spits, and it only makes her blood boil further when it misses the mark.

Sabine was too poised for a woman who’s daughter was actively trying to kill her. She fiddled with the rip that Danika’s claws left in the shoulder of her expensive suit, and raised a manicured brow. “I only spoke the truth. Are not most young demifae deaths due to domestic disputes with the vanir parent?”

“For children, yes!” Danika can feel her wolf pushing under her skin, begging to take control. “Bryce knew her father, he has no interest in her whatsoever. You are distracting from the actual killer.”

“Danika, I know this isn’t what you want to hear,” Sabine steps closer, only to stumble back as Danika’s wolf releases a throaty growl. “It looks like a home invasion. Things are missing from the apartment. Quinlan was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“No,” Danika half growls, half whimpers.

“Someone wanted a token from one of the most powerful alphas in all of Midguard.” Sabine continues. “Bryce, with no magic to her name, no way to defend herself got caught up in the mess. It’s unfortunate.”

“You called her a halfbreed,” Danika can’t force the tears back anymore. They run in rivulets down her cheeks, and Connor leans his face against her shoulder as he cracks too.

Sabine shakes her head, “It’s what she is. I raised you to be more logical than this, Danika. You can leave when you regain some semblance of composure.”

The door clicks behind her. She’d locked them in her room. Danika growls and storms over to the door, grabbing the knob with clawed hands. The wood gouges, and the hinges creek as she shakes the lock.

It doesn’t budge.

Bronson walks up beside her, currently the calmest of the three of them but equally downtrodden. He eyes the door, and with one swift movement, kicks the door and sends it flying off the hinges.

“Screw her,” Bronson mutters under his breath.

Connor is sitting on her bed, head in hands. “They are dragging her name through the mud.”

Danika purses her lips, but she can’t disagree. The headlines were only becoming more inflamed.

Bryce Quinlan’s History of Public Indecency

~

Reed Redner claims that Quinlan attempted to solicit him for a chance to stick her hands in the family fortune!

~

Does Jesiba Roga’s apprentice manage her dark dealings in Lunathion’s Meat Market?

~

Leaked! A photo of Bryce Quinlan with Prince Ruhn Danaan. Secret lovers or vengeful baby daddy?

“She’s going to pull the aux units off the case,” Danika breathes out. “She is already setting up an alternative story to pacify the media and her family.”

Connor shakes his head, “her family will never go for the home invasion shit.”

“They won’t,” Danika agrees. “If she pulls the wolf aux off the beat, that only leaves the Fae or the 33rd looking into this.”

“So we gave to work with the 33rd or the faerie squad? Great.” Bronson rubs his face. “Just great.”

They would have to work with one or the other. When Sabine pulls them, they will lose access to all of the research equipment and aux recourses. Danika would not sit idly while Bryce’s death was swept under the rug.

“Let’s start with the Fae. Ruhn is as invested in this as we are, he may be of some assistance.” Danika pulls out her phone to texts the rest of the pack.

Fury Axtar- Danika. What’s going on? yesterday at 8:07

Fury Axtar- I heard. I’m coming. yesterday at 8:10

“Well, it looks like Fury is on her way. We’ll have more help than we thought,” Danika texts Fury to come to the packhorse, not the apartment.

“Do you think she could do something about these articles?” Connor gritted through his teeth, his phone white-knuckled in his hands. Alerts had been popping up on their news apps all day. They’d tagged everything with Bryce’s name thinking something useful may come up, but it was all gossip and slander.

“That’s not really Fury’s expertise,” Danika thinks out loud. “Declan Emmet may be able to help with that.”

“Anything to get this shit taken down,” Bronson’s wolf flashes in his eyes. “Her family doesn’t deserve to be bombarded with this shit.”

“Bryce wasn’t like this,” Connar rakes his hand over his scalp. He was already looking sallow from lack of rest. There was a hollowness to him, that Danika could feel echo in her own soul. Neither of them would forget what they’d seen

“She wasn’t. We will fix it,” Danika makes another promise. “All of it.”  

Bronson and Connor tip their heads in respect. They trust her as their alpha to lead them. Bryce was honorary pack. All of them are grieving and looking to her for guidance. To avenge the lost member of their family.

All Danika can do is assure them and hope she’s telling the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@cursebreaker29

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[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

Hello! If you don't mind me asking, are you planning on watching House of the Dragon? I'm personally unsure about it. I was cautiously optimistic about it since D&D are not involved, but the recent casting news have been ugh disappointing imo. What do you think?

Hey anon! Sorry to say I kind of mind you asking because my inbox is still closed (to everyone except my secret Santas, which is why the ask page is accessible at all), but then I realized it’s possible if you’re on the mobile app only, you haven’t seen said note in my askbox, or my FAQ, or anything of the sort. And with older metas of mine being reblogged recently, it’s possible you may be confused. (I hope you’re on mobile only and not just ignoring my requests.) So I wanted to inform you of that... but also, y’know, I kind of wanted to make a post about the HotD cast anyway? And this ask is as good a prompt as any... so, you’re lucky, but please don’t push your luck. ;)

So, straight up: I currently have no plans to watch House of the Dragon. HBO is not getting any of my goddamn money, I don’t trust like that. And hunting down illegal livestreaming sites is a pain in the ass and I regret ever doing it for GoT, as well as regretting getting drunk every weekend enough to dampen my senses to ever tolerate that show. Yeah it’s different showrunners and writers, I know. It’s still (mostly) the same executives at HBO and even if the pervert producer is gone (or is he?), you know they still just want to sell sex and violence and dragons to an audience that thinks fantasy is for geeks.

Also, considering that Fire & Blood’s story of Dance of the Dragons has very little actual narrative or dialogue, and the historical record is deliberately untrustworthy, that gives them pretty much full rein to do whatever they like with the story and characterization and words without even being slightly obliged to GRRM at all. Furthermore, since the story is wholly political with virtually none of the magical side of ASOIAF (excepting dragons), and honestly does not have much in the way of themes or depth that main ASOIAF or even D&E has, I think it will be very hard for an adaptation to show even those brief sparks of quality that used to make me wistful GoT couldn’t be that good all the time and eventually just made me frustrated and depressed. Note I do like the history and characters of the Dance despite myself, despite its many many many textual issues, but I don’t need to see an adaptation, I have a very visual imagination. I don’t watch a lot of television to begin with, I don’t see why I should start again with this.

However, I’m not going to avoid spoilers or discussion, and I’ll probably follow the show the tumblr way, through gifsets and video clips and people bitching on their blogs etc. If, somehow, by some miracle of good screenwriting and acting, the show manages to transcend its source material, I’m sure I will be informed. And then, if and only if then, I may try watching. (Without, of course, giving HBO any of my goddamn money.) We shall see.

(Though I certainly don’t know why anyone in Targ standom would ever watch a Dance adaptation considering almost every Targaryen and everyone else in the story is terrible except Helaena and the kids, and considering how the story ends, unless y’all are gluttons for punishment? (I do not comprehend hatewatching, sorry.) It’ll probably be fun at first to see the adventures of those “precious silver douchebags” (to borrow a friend’s tag), but eventually rocks fall, everyone dies, including the girlboss you know you’ll hope the story will be changed enough that she succeeds. Just letting you know now, she won’t.)

That said. I’ve been following the casting news and I think the hate/fear/wild screaming is entirely overblown. Yeah, I know, but wait, just listen. On Friday I officially welcomed @naomimakesart to the “favorite character is now played by an actor who looks nothing like most fanart and is mostly known for wildly different roles” club. I still remember that day in September 2009 when my brother texted me “yarp”... and that right there is the thing. Yeah. Rory McCann looks very little like most pre-GoT Sandor fanart... but many fans grew to love him anyway. (There are some who never did, of course. And yeah the character went off the rails by the end, but truly, who didn’t. Having seen his audition, having spoken to him and heard him wistfully talk about book scenes he loved, I’m convinced if Rory had only been given Sandor’s actual scenes and such, he would’ve killed it. Sigh. Deep, deep sigh.)

And Rory isn’t the only one. Neither of the actors for Jaime and Cersei were considered “beautiful” enough at first. I recall very clearly people bitching about Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (about his nose particularly?) because they had wanted Tarzan-era Travis Fimmel to be Jaime. (Seeing people bitch because current-Fimmel isn’t playing Daemon made me laugh out loud for both BEYONCE?! meme -type “why would you ever cast him omg he doesn’t fit my headcanon Daemon at all”, and amazing amounts of fandom flashbacks.) Lena Headey was “too square-jawed”, “too mean-looking” (since at the beginning you should never be able to guess she’s evil), “too dark-complected”, “too mannish”, not at all attractive enough. (Tricia Helfer was the most common “but I wanted” for Cersei, btw.) And of course “they don’t remotely look like twins, ugh!” Note, there’s receipts for all of this, none of it is made up. (Unfortunately.) Those two actors are just the ones whose casting wank I recall most clearly, particularly because oh how the turn tables.

Also. You know, there’s a post with Matt Smith and Mark Simonetti’s TWOIAF Daemon going around with shrieks of horror... and I’m finding it maddening in a “am I crazy? am I  the crazy one???” way, because Matt looks like the painting. Their features are not that dissimilar.

Same deepset eyes. Same cheekbones of doom. Same thin lips. Same protruding chin. Same high forehead. Same invsible eyebrows ffs. Matt has a squarer jaw, and a longer more rectangular face, and a wider nose, but considering that Daemon’s features are not described in the text, and this is the only official ASOIAF artwork that shows Daemon’s face straight on, I can for sure see why he was probably shortlisted to begin with. And that’s not even getting into to his role in The Crown, which I’ve heard is very well played with politics and palace intrigue... and if you doubt Smith can play seductive/roguish and/or evil (depending on how you LARP as a Westeros historian), or look good with long hair... well. I do not want to watch the movie, but this trailer is disturbingly enlightening.

And as for Rhaenyra... y’all know this show is starting at the beginning of the story, right? When she’s a teenager? Not a voluptuous MILF? Yeah, Emma D’Arcy doesn’t look like a Magali Villeneueve painting (though who does, good lord), but you know who she does look remarkably like? Harry Lloyd.

Same jawline. Same nose. Same thin lips. Same sharp cheekbones. Notably, same kind of sharp cheekbones and deep-set eyes as Matt Smith. HBO evidently has a concept of a “Targaryen look” that’s a little bit quirkier than supermodel-Greek statue-gods on earth, yeah, fine. But it’s consistent, and they look like family, and that-- that is good casting.

And yeah, in a few months to a year or so, you’ll see them in costume and wigs and makeup, you’ll see them in motion and speaking lines, and go Oh. That’s different. Never mind. And while people will make fanart of the show depictions of the characters and those will probalby get popular, they’ll also keep doing fanart of their pre-show headcanons, and those too will be popular. (God knows when I draw or visualize book!Sandor, Rory does not come to mind, lol.) Either way, there’s no reason to panic. We’ll live.

(Though will we live well? Got to wait on the writing and showrunning for that, alas.)

[five-rivers]

Long Night in the Valley chapter 9

“But what if it’s the hospital?” Inko asked, still staring at the phone, cheek cupped in one hand.  “What if it’s an emergency with one of your patients?  It could be important.”

It wasn’t.  Mostly because nothing could possibly be as important as dealing with Midoriya Inko.

Without a doubt, the woman was the most difficult to deal with person in the entire world.  It was no reflection on her personality, of course, but rather on her unique position.

Garaki could cope with rabid villains.  He had handled heroes cursing him.  He could even converse normally with All for One.  

But then, compared to this woman, All for One was easy. As long as she wasn’t part of the picture, all Garaki had to do was follow orders.  When she did, every interaction became a balancing act between All for Ones previous orders and not upsetting her.  

Garaki was too valuable to All for One for the man to kill him, which only meant that Garaki had been on the receiving end of some truly creative punishments in the past.  

Also, Midoriya Inko once threatened to pull his pancreas out of his nose if he ever spoke ‘like that’ to her son again.  Truly, she was a match for All for One, who had threatened much the same thing only hours later, despite the fact the results presented had been ordered by him.  

This was truly a terrifying situation, and he had to face it without even little Johnny at his side.  How pitiful…

“Really,” said Inko, “I think you should answer it.  Maybe it’ll give you some idea about how we can help Izuku.”

That seemed unlikely at best.  Even so, it would be unwise to go against the wishes of All for One’s chosen queen.  

He smiled tightly.  “I’ll have to step out,” he said.

“Of course,” said Inko, nodding.  

He stepped out if the dining room and checked the phone.  It was Shigaraki Tomura.  Because of course it was.  Normally, he would have scrambled to answer, but…  He looked over his shoulder, to make sure Midoriya Inko hadn’t spontaneously appeared there.  

One way or another, he feared, he was going to die today.  

No, he told himself, focus on the positives.  

For example, Midoriya Inko seemed to have taken quite well to the longevity quirk All for One had slipped her while they were dating.  Very well indeed.  He’d already known that, of course, but it was good to see it in person.  All for One’s youngest son was now in conflict with the heroes, even if he was still clinging to All Might’s emaciated skeleton.  The call from Shigaraki Tomura meant that Gigantomachia hadn’t killed him while Garaki was distracted.  

Overall, this day was going wonderfully.  

He answered his phone.  

“You f—”  

Ah, so it was Shigaraki Tomura.  

“How did you and Sensei manage to lose an entire-a—” And there he went again.  “—ing feral child?”

Wait.  Garaki knew about Midoriya Izuku.  How did Shigaraki Tomura?  “Er, what feral child?”

“The green brat!  Except he’s not green anymore.  He died his stupid puffball hair white—”

“—honestly, I always thought it was more broccoli—HA! He’s a cauliflower now-!”

“Shut up, Twice!  He was wearing a suit, using Eraserhead’s quirk.  Did you guys think I was stupid or something?”

“What?”

“Do you not have the news in your crappy lab?”

“Erm.”

“What are you even doing, that it took so long for you to pick up your phone?”

“Well…”

“Never mind.  We need a fast travel out of here.  This place is crawling with heroes, and the giant boss is going to wake up soon—”

“I can’t,” said Garaki.  “I’m not in my lab.”

It wasn’t quite silent on the other side of the line.  

“What do you mean, you aren’t in your lab?”  A pause.  “What are you doing, old man?  Where are you?”

“I have to go, now,” said Garaki, feeling oddly detached.   The phone beeped as he hung up on Shigaraki Tomura. He opened his news app.  

Masterfully, he avoided crying as he read through the top local stories.  The real shock was that All for One hadn’t broken out of prison yet.  

Oh, and Eraserhead’s quirk, because he absolutely shouldn’t have been able to do that.  The quirks of the past users, yes, fine, that made sense.  The mechanism between All for One and One for All was presumably sufficiently similar.  But Eraserhead’s, that was a different story.  

Unless…  The remnants…

Garaki found that he was very afraid.  

He replayed the video of the incident.  Mentally calculated the trajectory of All Might and the younger Midoriya.  Perhaps… perhaps rather than taking a phone call, he should be making one.

.

“’S like Ragdoll,” explained Izuku, as the pair of One for All members limped through the forest.  “Shiretoko-san, I mean.”

“Mhm,” said Toshinori, lifting Izuku over a spot that would give his sprained and swollen ankle some difficulty.  

“Even though she can’t use Search anymore, there’s still remnants.  She can- She can keep track of a lot more objects at once.  Her organizational skills, visual acuity…  Some things have actually improved, now that she’s not using that part of her head.  The point is, not all of the support structures disappear when the quirk does. And I think- I think not all of the quirk itself goes away, either.”

“I’m not sure I follow you on that part.”

“It’s—It’s a, um.  All for One, I think, physically, obviously, there has to be psionic component as well, the way it works is by destructively copying the quirk and the quirk factor of the target individual.  It’s like—Like if there was a copier in a shredder?  I guess?  Can’t copy without destroying the original.  But, yeah.  There has to be a mental component.  So, my—So, what, I mean, I mean what I—Hmmnnng.”

“My boy?”

“My head hurts.”  He swiped ineffectively at his sluggishly bleeding nose.  

Toshinori pressed his lips together, concerned.  Izuku rarely admitted to feeling pain, no matter how beaten up he was.  This must be serious.  

“We have some painkillers,” said Toshinori.  

“No,” said Izuku.  “I’m okay.  What was I-? I was saying…  Quirks.  My quirk when he—There’s still remnants, and the emergent behavior—” He took a deep, shuddering breath.  “The bits left behind when he took my quirk, with One for All—assuming that’s what happened, and they’re not wrong—they let me access the past users’ quirks, and also since Saito-san’s quirk seems to interact with quirk ghosts, at least partially, it can use that to pick up Aizawa-sensei’s quirk.  Probably could get the others’ as well, although I’m less confident about mutant quirks like Iida’s.”

For a moment, they let the conversation lapse.  

“I think we’re handling these revelations very well,” opined Toshinori.  

“I know, right?”  Izuku giggled like someone at the edge of a very tall cliff.  “Anyway, One for All uses more of a passive copying mechanism, but I’d guess there’s something wrong with its writing mechanism, unless the stockpile quirk just takes up all its time, or something, or there was a problem with interpretation?  Or, or! The others are wrong about me ever having a quirk, and it’s really just One for All finally processing and writing in the other quirks.  Maybe because I’m genetically closer to One than any of the others?” Izuku’s breath caught.

“Izuku?”

“Toshinori,” he whined, “it hurts…”

“What does?”

“Everything,” said Izuku.  “My head.  My eyes.” He’d mostly relied on Toshinori’s vision while navigating through the forest.  Since using Aizawa-sensei’s quirk, he’d barely opened his eyes.  

“We’ve made some distance since we landed,” said Toshinori. “Why don’t we rest for a little while?”

“We can’t,” protested Izuku.  “We’re still too close.”

“Izuku, you’re suffering from quirk exhaustion.”

“Oh,” said Izuku.  “Oh. I guess I never felt—Never felt it before?  Because I’d just break my bones first.”

Toshinori visibly cringed.  “If I understand what you just said correctly,” he said, taking Izuku by the shoulders and guiding him gently towards a fallen tree, “what you did back there with young Aizawa’s quirk was akin to running a race with a broken leg.”

“W-well, I mean, only if—only if—they’re right about it being my quirk.  And n-not just something One for All can do.”

“Mm,” said Toshinori, dubiously.  “Even then, it isn’t something quite natural for you, is it? And this right after receiving Float.”

“It,” said Izuku, frowning, and letting himself be directed. “Actually, it felt…  Good?  Right before it started hurting.  Like… satisfying, almost?  Like when I used One for All for the first time…  Well, before I realized all my bones were broken.”

“It wasn’t quite all of them, was it?”

Izuku shrugged.  He blinked slowly as he sat down on the log.  “It’s cold.”

“It is December,” said Toshinori, unzipping his coat.  “Let me see here, I had some winter clothing for you in here somewhere…  and we should take a better look at your ankle.”  He sat down next to Izuku, who immediately leaned towards him, not quite touching.  

On impulse, Toshinori wrapped the open edge of the coat around Izuku, pulling him close.    

Izuku rested his head against Toshinori’s chest and brought up his knees to hug them.  “This’s warm,” he mumbled.  

“How about,” said Toshinori, “you just rest for a few minutes. Then we can sort everything else out.”

“Okay…”

.

“Well,” said Recovery Girl, entering the conference room the hospital had lent them, “no one is in any danger of dying.”

“But?” said Hitoshi, bracing himself for bad news.  

“No but.  They’re all fine, beyond not waking up, but you all already knew that.  So.”  She hopped into a seat at the table they’d all squeezed around.  “What have you found out?”

She directed the question to Hizashi, who had his head in his hands, his elaborately styled hair almost hitting Jirou and Kaminari, who were seated across from him.  

“Midoriya has a sentient quirk and no one bothered to mention it.”

“I’m not sure Midori knew,” said Tsuyu.  “It does seem like something he’d mention.”

“I don’t know,” said Kaminari.  “He’s, like, weirdly cagey about his quirk.”

Tokoyami crossed his arms.  “Hm.  He may have been hiding it.  Possession of a sentient quirk casts one into the shadow of the commission’s regard.”

“Huh?”

“People with sentient quirks are monitored by the Hero Commission,” said Hitoshi.  “Just like people with ‘villainous’ quirks.  

“He was not hiding, mes amis,” said Aoyama.  “That’s absurd!  He was simply a late bloomer, like myself.”

“Does it really matter if he knew or not?” asked Jirou.  “Everyone has stuff they’d rather not tell other people.”

“She’s right,” said Kayama-sensei.  

“Well,” said Yaoyorzu, “we’re going to try to help him, aren’t we?”

There was a murmur of agreement.

“But how?”

“Overthrow the government?” suggested Jirou.  

“Start a social media campaign?” said Kaminari, at the same time.  

They looked at each other.  

“And you call yourself an anarchist,” scoffed Jirou.  

“In my defense, I have never once called myself an anarchist.”

“As much as I like the idea of overthrowing the government, the social media idea is probably more doable,” said Hitoshi.  “I mean, there’s only fourteen of us here.  What are we going to do against the government?”

“As much as I hate to say it,” said Kayama-sensei, “we do have more resources than just the people in this room.  Like the person who sent us to extract you in the first place.”

“You mean,” said Shouji, voice hushed, “the rat god?”

Kayama-sensei blanched.  “Where did you hear that?”

All the students, including Hitoshi, pointed at Hizashi, because, really, she should have known that.  Actually, wait, one of them hadn’t and had instead buried his face in his hands.  That was… Kouda.  Yeah. Kouda.  

“What’s up with him?” asked Hitoshi.  

Mineta snickered.  A baleful collective glare was turned on him.  

“What?” he whined.  

Aoyama sighed.  “Midoriya once asked him if he could control our fantabulous Principal Nezu, since Principal Nezu is technically an animal.”

“Ever since then,” continued Yaoyorozu, “he has a crisis whenever the principal is brought up.”

“Man,” said Kaminari, nodding in Hitoshi’s direction, “I bet that if Midoriya was here, he’d be asking you if you could control Principal Nezu, since he’s not human.”

… That was a good question.  

“Speaking of Midoriya,” said Satou, as if they hadn’t been doing exactly that all along, “I don’t think we can overthrow the government without him.  He’s our plan guy, usually.”

“Even with Nezu?” asked Hizashi.  

The members of class 1-A seemed thoughtful.

“Maybe.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” said Mineta, “we’re serious about that? I thought it was a joke.”

“Okay,” said Yaoyorozu, “perhaps we should discuss our other options first.”

“Oh!” said Aoyama.  “We could become vigilantes!”

“What…  What would be the point of that?” asked Hitoshi.  

Aoyama did not have an answer.  

Hizashi’s phone started ringing.  “Oh, no,” he said, “it’s him.  Does he know I’ve been calling him the rat god behind his back?”

“Probably,” said Kayama-sensei, “but I don’t think that’s what this is about.”

Hizashi answered his phone.  “Heeeeeyyyyyy, Principal Nezu, what-?  Oh!  Oh, yeah, yeah, we were planning on that, but we weren’t sure—yeah, yeah, I’ll tell them, and –” He went pale.  “You already knew about that, huh?  Haha, yeah, yep, okay, okay.  See you soon?”  He cringed as he hung up.  “He wants us all back at school before the commission decides to interrogate us. Also, he said to check the news.”

“It’s just going to be more slander of Midoriya,” said Jirou, looking at her own phone, “why both—Oh.”

“Still can’t believe they think Midoriya kidnapped All Might,” mumbled one of Shouji’s free mouth hands as Hitoshi unlocked his own phone.  

“I know.  Do you remember when he came into the cafeteria to ask Midoriya to eat lunch with him?” asked Kaminari.

“Which time?” asked Dark Shadow, cackling.  

“It was cute, kero,” said Asui.  “I have pictures.”

“We can use those for the social media campaign!”

Hitoshi’s news app loaded.  He looked up and met Jirou’s eyes.  Judging by her pale face, what he’d seen wasn’t a hallucination.  

.

“Am I a dog, a mouse, or a bear?” chirped Nezu as he answered his phone.  “One thing’s for sure, I’m Principal Nezu?  How can I help you, Mr. Hero Commission President?”

“I’m sure you’re following the news,” said the president.

“Of course,” said Nezu, patting Eri’s head.  She’d been staring at his phone like a predator faced with prey since he answered.  They had, indeed, been watching the news.  

“We need Midoriya Izuku’s medical records and the blood sample you have from him. You should have it ready by the time our investigators arrive.”

“Oh?  Investigators?”

“To search Midoriya Izuku’s personal effects for clues. You should also prepare Chisaki Eri, Togata Mirio, and the teachers involved in Midoriya Izuku’s education for questioning.”

“Thank you for giving me a heads up, Mr. President.”

There was a suspicious silence on the other end of the line.  “What are you planning?”

“Nothing at all!”

“You aren’t going to win this fight.”

“What fight, Mr. President?  Aren’t we both on the side of heroes?”

“If you get in our way, I will make sure your precious school goes down with Midoriya.”

“Oh-ho!  Is that a threat, Mr. President?”

“A promise.  Public opinion isn’t something you can think your way out of, and UA has been on thin ice since the attack on the USJ.”

“I see,” said Nezu, fighting against the urge to bare his teeth and snarl.  “In any case, I will not stand in the way of the law.”

“Good.”

The line went dead.  “Oh, dear,” said Nezu.  “He really doesn’t understand me at all.”

“What areya going to do?” asked Eri.  

“Follow the law,” said Nezu.  

Eri scowled.

“Bothering by the book, sir?” asked Togata, who had been hiding in Aizawa’s kitchen, baking.  

“Oh, yes.  The good heroes who were here earlier had the authority to request a piece of Midoriya-kun’s clothing, but what Mr. Hero Commission President is asking for is quite different.”  

“How?” asked Eri.  

“They need certain forms and paperwork in order to force me to do so much as let them in the front gate.  Which cannot, of course, be opened to outsiders by teachers without my express permission.  And if I am involved in an emergency involving one of my wards at the time…”

“That’s me!” said Eri, bouncing on the couch.  

“Indeed, it is.”

“So,” she said, “I’ve got to be an em-er-gen-cy?” she asked, carefully sounding out the word.”

“You don’t need to do anything,” said Nezu, “except say that I was occupied with you when the commission representatives arrived.”

Eri nodded very seriously.  “Can we watch Deku kick the bad guy again?”

Nezu chortled.  

“Did I say something funny?” asked Eri, her face pinching again.  

“Not at all, not at all.  I’m just imagining how others might react to you calling Hawks a bad guy.”

“He’s fighting Deku, so he’s a bad guy.”

“Immaculate logic, young lady,” said Nezu, patting Eri on the head.  

.

Izuku walked through Nana’s misty memories, searching for her and Suzuki.  

Hopefully, Nana hadn’t reached through the dream to kill the guy in real life.  He didn’t like Suzuki.  In fact, he pretty much hated him.  But murder was still, well, murder.  

He had some things to talk to Nana about.  

The far more comprehensive connection he currently had to One for All, thanks to Saito-san’s quirk, meant that he knew far more than he usually did, about One for All, the others, All for One, and even himself.  Enough that he was twitching for his notebook and pencil, because he was afraid he would forget once the quirk wore off.  

One of the things he knew now was that One for All had usability adaptations.  Little things that tweaked the user’s body and subconscious in such a way that made the quirk actually viable.  Required secondary powers, to use an older term.  

A common one was the heat and burn resistance most fire users had.  Bakugou had lighters in his palms to set his sweat off.  Tokoyami had amazing night vision.  Hagakure was resistant to cancer.  

One for All read the DNA of potential recipients, to see if they could handle the quirk.  One couldn’t go shoving quirks into random people all willy-nilly, even if the quirk in question was One for All.  That’s why the noumu were so messed up.  All for One didn’t have that compatibility-checking adaptation.  

But since compatibility here was a function of both mentality and DNA… that meant…

“Were you ever going to tell me that we’re all related?” he asked Nana.  “Speaking of which.”  He pointed at the memory-shade of a young Gran Torino.  “How is it that everyone I’m related to is so tall?  Why are Mom and I midgets?  And where did the green hair come from?  I’m having a crisis.”

Nana chuckled, but it was a sad sound.  “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, kiddo.”

(The effect would have been better if her boots weren’t stained with blood.)

“Okay, but seriously,” said Izuku, sitting on the railing next to Nana.  They watched the memory play out.  “You guys all knew.  Why didn’t you say anything?  I think Toshinori’d be happy to be related to you, even if it’s only tangentially.”

“But would he be happy with the other part?”

“Huh?”

“Being related to him.”

“I think he’d overlook that.  I mean, One was related to him, too.  So it doesn’t really matter.  And I’m…”  He faltered. They had yet to confront this particular thing.  

“You should talk to One and Four,” suggested Nana, gently. “Their perspective is probably closest to yours.”

“Will I have time?”

“As long as we’re with you, eventually,” said Nana.  “This,” she gestured at the dreamscape, “changes things.  You know this feeling, now.  You won’t forget.”

Izuku nodded.  “Should I call you grandma, now?”

“That makes me feel old.”

“You are old.”

“Ouch, kid.  But sure.”

“That aside, I do want to know where the green hair comes from.”

Nana sighed.  “It’s from me.  I used to dye my hair.  Then I got a stylist to permanently change it with a quirk.”

“But… why?”

Nana slumped sideways.  “The kids at my school…  They were always saying, ‘Oh, Nana, you’re so green.  Just like your name.  Green Vegetable Nana.”

“Name related trauma is something we have in common.”

“Unfortunately.”

“So.  Suzuki.”

“Under that rock.”  She pointed to a massive boulder.  

Izuku sighed.  “What are we going to do with him?”

“Your call,” said Nana.  

“Does it have to be?”

.

Gigantomachia shrugged dirt and trees from his shoulders and sniffed the air.  The radio around his neck crackled as the doctor stopped transmitting.  This, he decided, catching the scent of the Little Lord, was a joyful day.  

Only once before had he received the privilege of smelling this scent.  That day was eternally carved into his memory.  The Little Lord had been so small, but so smart!  So cunning!  So much better than Shigaraki Tomura!

Machia wondered if he would still be small, or if he had grown up to be as big as Lord!  Or even Machia!

Probably, he would not be as big as Machia.  Still!

How wonderful!  

Machia wondered if the Little Lord would smile at him again. That had been nice.  

[charlietheepicwriter7]

All’s Fair in Love and Larceny

Summary: All Kaito wanted was to get Hakuba off his back about the Phantom Thievery... and mess with his favorite detectives’ love lives.  AO3 Link

@not-a-hope-in-hell    ‘tis I, your secret santa. It’s not exactly what you wanted, but I think it’s pretty good. Happy Holidays~!

Also, @dcmksecretsanta

Shinichi blinked, staring at the white form perched outside his bedroom window. He blinked again. No, KID was still there. Sighing, he unlatched the lock and pulled the glass up. “What do you want?” he asked the thief.

“My darling princess—”

“Not a princess—”

“My darling prince—” KID snatched one of Shinichi’s limp hands and kissed the air above it—“Would you please giving me the honor of escorting you this lovely evening?”

“…KID, it’s two am.”

“Very astute of you, detective! Unfortunately, I am very well aware of the hour.” There were dark bags under KID’s eyes, Shinichi noticed, previously mistaking them to be part of the shadow from his hat. “Alas, I have neither the time nor patience to visit you at a more respectable hour.” His voice dropped. “Please, Tantei-kun. I’m desperate.”

Alarm rose in Shinichi. KID wasn’t one to ask for help; even now, years after his return to the spotlight, there was only one suspected assistant to the criminal magician. Hakuba, Shinichi’s… friend and fellow Kaitou KID chaser, had even confided in him about a suspected dark organization trying to kill KID. A pit opened up in Shinichi’s stomach. If it was a branch of the Black Organization that he had failed to capture…

Shinichi opened the window more and stepped away. “Well? Get in.”

KID rushed inside, uncharacteristically tripping on his cape as he did. It seemed as thought whatever was bothering him was truly upsetting to the thief. He quickly straightened, brushing off his suit as if it had never happened. “Thank you kindly, Tantei-kun.”

Shinichi shut the window behind him and closed the blinds. “What’s wrong? Are you in danger?”

“The only thing in danger, Tantei-kun, is my dignity.” KID sighed. “A mutual acquaintance of ours, one Hakuba Saguru, has decided to make himself a menace. So, I’m calling in that favor you owe me.”

Shinichi’s heart skipped a beat. Hakuba… it was rare that Shinichi could work a case with the strict foreign detective, but he enjoyed their time together. Hakuba was brilliant, with an excellent taste in literature, and apparently, a big enough threat to KID that the thief would use the one favor he gained helping Shinichi with the Black Organization. He swallowed. He couldn’t exactly say no, not after KID had helped him so much. “And what, exactly do you want me to do?”

KID grinned, but to Shinichi, it was nearly a leer. “I need you to come with me. Once we arrive at our destination, I’ll tell you.” He clearly could see Shinichi’s discomfort, so he added. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing illegal. But your pride… might not survive.”

Shinichi gulped.

***

Saguru glared. Kuroba, two rows to his left and a seat ahead, didn’t notice. Or he pretended not to notice in order to get Saguru off guard. Saguru in the perfect position to watch his prey, yet frustration rose in him. Despite over a year of surveillance, he was no closer to definitively proving that Kuroba Kaito was the Kaitou KID, a fact that irked him most severely. It had even gotten to the point where Saguru had managed to arrange for a police officer to dodge Kuroba’s every move to no avail. Though if Saguru’s suspicions were correct, the likely thief certainly had other methods of leaving his house, but he didn’t have a warrant to search the residency yet.

It didn’t help his mood that morning that Kudo Shinichi was once again reported missing.

Saguru thumbed through the missing person’s report on his phone in between classes. Kudo was reported missing by his neighbor’s ward, Haibara Ai, a child he distantly remembered being a friend of young Edogawa Conan before he moved to America. There was no sign of forced entry, usually indicating that Kudo had left his residence himself, but none of his clothes were missing, his phone and keys on his bedside table.

A conundrum. A very worrisome one at that. Saguru still remembered what happened last time Kudo mysteriously disappeared.

He hoped it wasn’t his fault. Saguru enjoyed Kudo’s company, to a degree that would likely be thought as inappropriate if voiced aloud, and he didn’t want his fellow detective hurt. Especially if it was his fault. Kudo had already been forced to track down one villainous organization, and Saguru had been the one to inform him of the people trying to kill Kaitou KID. Kudo could very well be trying to apprehend them at that very moment, and there was no telling how injured he might become.

His phone vibrated once. An unknown number had sent him a message. A scam? No, it was a picture, though his particular texting app required he download each image before they appeared. Impatiently, he clicked it. Did another fangirl get ahold of his number…!

Saguru nearly broke his phone. There, on the screen, was a photo of Kudo, still in his night clothes, tied to a chair and gagged. A white arm was wrapped around his neck, connected to a white thief, holding his head up for the camera. There was early signs of bruising on Kudo’s cheekbone, and a dazed look in his eye that screamed concussion.

His eyes flicked to Kuroba. He didn’t have his phone out; timed messages from a burner then? Before he could confront his classmate, another message came, just text this time.

Did you wake up to something missing, Tantei-san?

Nearly shaking with anger, Saguru typed his response.

This is a new low, even for you Kuroba.

The reply was instant.

Kuroba? Do you still think I’m your classmate? Besides, I wouldn’t call this a “new low”. More like… a different branch of my current low.

Saguru paled, barely paying attention to the teacher entering the room. That was no stock reply, it couldn’t have been a timed message. And Kuroba’s hands were visible.

He couldn’t be wrong, could he?

To make sure, he sent another message.

You’re not going to get away with this. Return Kudo now.

Or what? You’ll take “drastic” measures? I’m terrified, Tantei-san.

Another photo. This time, Kudo was clearly in KID’s arms, restrained with an arm across his chest. One of KID’s hands was secure around Kudo’s throat, while the other was dipping into his shirt.

His phone cracked under the sudden pressure of his grip. His eyes flickered to Kuroba who still was, maddeningly, not doing anything.

Why are you doing this?

Why? Tantei-san, you didn’t think that you were the only one interested in our favorite detective, were you?

Is this merely an attempt to incite me? You figured out my feelings and decided to mock me for them?

The confession made Saguru feel nauseous. Because he did like Kudo, romantically although he would never speak aloud about it. There was no evidence that the other detective thought of him as more than a friend and Saguru was… well, he wasn’t happy about it, but he could be content.

But how did Kuroba—KID—realize the extent of his feelings?

Mock? Tell me, Tantei-san, is there anything to mock?

I don’t know how you discovered the extent of my feelings for Kudo-kun, but I promise you, you will regret this, Kaitou KID. Kudo means more to me than you’ll ever know, and if there’s one bruise on his body, you’ve stolen your last jewel.

There was a pause in the writing, and Saguru took the moment to try to calm down, when—

Then I advise you announce your feelings soon, Tantei-san. Otherwise, I might decide to keep him.

The third photo, Kudo being forced to sit on KID’s lap, his sleep-shirt unbuttoned, lecherous grin on KID’s face, one of the thief’s hands reaching for—

He slammed his phone down on the table, the screen cracking.

“KUROBA!!”

“Hakuba-san, sit down!”

***

Kaito hummed merrily as he unlocked the entrance to his KID-cave, the threat to his secret identity now safely defeated. Sure, he nearly got choked out by Hakuba, but the teacher had put a stop to that, giving the detective detention too. And with that detention, Kaito was sure the Brit’s father would no longer allow Hakuba access to his manpower, since it was only because he thought Hakuba “mature” that he had the officers to stalk him everywhere.

Finally, he could relax—

“Are you going to unchain me?”

“Tantei-kun!” Kaito smiled brightly at the detective he had chained in his basement. Kudo was easily able to get up from his armchair and move around—the chain connecting his leg to the chair long enough so he could get to the bathroom and minifridge—but unable to escape. Kaito was a considerate kidnapper after all, especially since he had to sneak Kudo in through the sewer entrance to avoid the police outside.

At Kudo’s side was the cell phone used to aggravate Hakuba. Kaito had gotten a glance at Kudo’s work after pickpocketing Hakuba and it was good. At least, it sounded close enough to KID and worked Hakuba up into pseudo-confessing, so score.

Kaito bowed. “Thank you very much for your assistance in today’s trick. You made a beautiful assistant!”

“So long as you delete those photos, I don’t care what kind of assistant I was.” He tossed the phone at Kaito. He caught it with one hand. “When you asked for my help, I thought it would be for something more serious.”

“This was serious!” Meddling in the love lives of his favorite detectives was extremely serious! With how emotionally repressed the two were, they’d never end up confessing. Speaking of which, Kaito leered at Kudo. “So, did you realize why you were so effective in enraging Tantei-san?”

Kudo looked away, face stoic but there was a light flush on his cheeks. “…I did.”

Kaito smiled, satisfied. “Then my task is complete. Just make sure to name one of the adopted babies after me~!”

The comment was totally worth the soccer ball to the face.