#and who is learning ASL (actively!)

[nqathan1]

I found humans are space orcsblr.

I have always liked Humans are Space Orcs. It is funny.

But so many posts are like

Alien: *notices weird thing about human* Alien: *asks about it* Human: *responds as if normal activity* Alien: wtf

And I just can’t help but unsuspend the universal translator disbelief. Like, yeah, it’s easy to say you could change one sound to another so that aliens who physically couldn’t make human language sounds can still communicate, but consider:

Aliens who can’t make noises at all.

Aliens who can’t see so sign language isn’t a thing.

Aliens with no sense of touch so even haptics are impossible.

Imagine aliens who communicate by smell (something that happens on earth with some animals) or taste. Aliens who sense different kinds of radiation and communicate that way. Imagine humans are completely incompatible with alien species because we don’t have the organ that senses gamma rays. Like, we take ears for granted because everything on earth can hear (if not disabled). But in the void of space, there is no sound—what if no one is listening, not because they’re not there or because they don’t care, but because we’re talking at a blind person in ASL?

There are so many cool options for communication for aliens—temperature, pressure, microwaves, electric signals, you name it. Like, imagine a species that communicated by the physical sensation of wind.

And, like, you might think, “how could an alien communicate in radiation? There’s radiation all around and we don’t sense it. Plus, there’s so much of it, there’d be no way to tell it apart from natural radiation!” But then consider. We communicate in vibrations of fluids. There’s vibrations all around, and we can sense them all—yet we still manage to pick out human sounds from nonhuman sounds, and distinguish between!

Imagine in head.

Alien, learning how use a sound interpreting machine, being excited with being able to identify a human sound from a mess of nonhuman sounds. Then, realizing that not only can we do this effortlessly, we can tell one human’s sounds apart from another, even if we’ve barely met them. We can make patterns of this incomprehensible gibberish, much in the same way our alien can determine which of their friend’s protons are being reamalgamated.

Then.

Humans have their own unique “voice” in other alien languages, much in the same way aliens would still make sounds just from moving around. Or reactions we didn’t even know we had because we can’t sense them, like alien purrs they couldn’t tell they were making because they don’t have ears.

Just something to think about.

[thebeast-dennis-etcetera]

First Impressions

Based on this requested prompt: Reader is friends with/related to Rossi in some way (niece/neighbor) and goes to visit Rossi at his house after he recently got in injured etc in the field. Rossi is looking after Jack for Hotch when he suddenly realizes something about the case so leaves Jack with reader etc. Jack finds out that reader teaches ASL for a living and Jack asks for her to teach him something and she asks what he wants to learn and it's along the lines of "you are my superhero dad, I love you". Aaron's reaction to meeting reader, having been ready to be angry or something bad to have happened but instantly liking and being attracted to her and his reaction to Jack signing to him.

Note: Loved everything about this request by the way. 🥰🥰

"Knock knock uncle!" you announced boisterously as you unlocked and opened the front door to your favorite relative's house. Him being your only uncle had nothing to do with that of course, you only liked him for his funny wit and cringy dad jokes.

"In here Gioia Mia!" his voice replied from the kitchen. Once you rounded the turn, you spotted him, dressed in a cooking apron, injured arm in a sling, trying to open a jar of tomatoes.

"Zio, you're gonna either drop the jar or hurt your arm again by doing that, let me help."

It wasn't until you went over to take the jar from him that you noticed a little boy no older than 6 sitting at the kitchen island, drawing on some scratch paper. You remembered your uncle occasionally mentioning watching his boss' kid from time to time but never actually got to meet him.

Smiling, you gave him a little wave when he looked up at you. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Jack," was all he said. He was polite but clearly shy. After opening the jar and handing it back to your uncle, you took a peek at what he was drawing.

"My name's Y/N. Rossi is my uncle. Whatchya drawing?"

Pulling his marker away, he slid the paper for you to see. "Superman."

You were honestly impressed with his artistic ability. From the flowing cape Superman wore to the big cartoon like letters that spelt out HERO he included, you knew he must be a very smart boy.

"Oh wow, that looks so good. I actually really like Batman," you told him, trying to relate.

"Batman is cool too." He didn't look you in the eyes when he said it, but there was a hint of a smile on his face as he went back to drawing. Turning your attention to your uncle, you watched him walking back and forth from the stove to the pantry, grabbing different spices and ingredients for whatever it was he was making. All while checking his phone every 2 seconds.

"Got a hot date?" you teased, taking a plum from the little fruit basket on the counter.

"Ha ha. No, I'm actually waiting for some very important details to a case the team is working on."

You squinted your eyes in suspicion, which he caught onto and huffed. "I'm not doing any strenuous activity fragolina, I'm just helping out where I can. I staying out of the field, I promise."

"Yeah, and you opening jars and cheffing it up in the kitchen like a madman isn't strenuous?"

He made at you to pass him the salt by your hand, which you handed over. "Not when you compare it to breaking down doors and arresting criminals."

You couldn't help but laugh a little at his dramatic comparison. "Yeah, ok Zio. When's the last time you broke down a door? Isn't that the job for that Morgan guy you talk about?"

"Yeah. Well who do you think tells him to break the door down? Me."

He taste tested what you assumed was sauce he was making before adding a heaping load of garlic powder to it. You decided to not to bust his chops anymore and took a seat next to Jack.

"May I borrow a marker?"

He grabbed the pack of colorful tools and placed them in between the two of you before also handing you a proper piece of paper instead of the bill envelope you were planning on doodling on. Your heart melted at his caring act. The two of you scribbled together as you made small talk with your uncle before his phone rang. As he talked with the person on the other line, you noticed a shift in his disposition.

"Are you sure? No, don't worry about it, I'll head over there myself."

Ending the call, he looked around the room as if to gather his bearing and go over a plan in his head before speaking.

"Hey fragolina. I need to leave real quick to just check on something super imperative to the case. Anyway you can watch my buddy here for a little bit? I'll be back within a half an hour."

You glanced over at Jack who was looking at the both of you, a confused look on his face. You tried sounding as least bit intimidating as possible. "Yeah of course. Only if it's ok with you Jack. I know we just met."

"Jack, you can trust her, she's my closest friend. And I'll be back quickly," your uncle added while turning off the stove and removing his apron.

"Sure," was his short reply. It was a reply you could tell he wasn't completely sure about but said it to be polite, knowing his friend needed a favor. You gave him a smile and handed over the purple marker for him to finish coloring in his planet.

"Alright. I'll be right back. Y/N, you have my number, call me if you need anything."

"Sure thing Zio."

Walking around, he gave you a kiss on the head and an affectionate rub on the head to Jack before grabbing his keys and leaving.

The room was quite for a second as it settled in that the two of you were alone but continued drawing, not too bothered by the silence. When you absentmindedly signed for the color blue, he gave you a look of bemusement.

"What was that?" he asked, looking at your hands. Then it hit you that you had signed to a 6 year old boy who was still learning English vocab, let alone ASL.

"Sorry, it's a habit I have sometimes. I teach sign language for my job and when it gets quiet, I sometimes sign instead of talk."

"You know sign language?"

He asked the question with enthusiasm which surprised you. "I do. Do you know how?"

He shook his head. "No, but there's a kid at school that does. It looks cool."

You smiled at his answer, happy that he didn't think it was weird. Most 6 year olds wouldn't be so interested in the matter.

"Would you like me to teach you something? Anything you want."

He nodded excitedly and then took a second to think about it before speaking. "Can you teach me to say, you're my superhero dad, I love you?"

You could've cried right then and there if it wouldn't have made you look like a crazy person. How sweet this little guy was that he thought of his father instead of some silly inappropriate phrase any other boy would have asked for.

"Of course I can!"

So for the next 15 minutes or so, you two sat there and went over the motions, him mirroring you as well as he could which was quite well if you were being honest. It had taken way longer for some of your students to learn one word, let alone a whole phrase like Jack was doing.

"Ok, now I'm not gonna show you this time. You show me," you instructed, having all the faith in him. Slowly, he began signing each word slowly, focusing hard on what motion came after the next, looking down at his hands, practically getting it completely correct by the end of it.

"That was so good Jack! Wow, I'm so impressed. You are so so smart."

He beamed at your compliment, meeting you halfway for a high five. You both ended up moving into the living room and you watched one of his favorite cartoons. Wanting him to be more comfortable with you, you made sure to ask a bunch of questions about the show, loving how his personality was starting to come out the more he talked.

It wasn't much longer that you heard the front door open and multiple voices ring through. One particular voice that you didn't recognize, called Jack's name.

"Dad!" Jack hopped off the couch so quickly, Flash would've been proud and ran over into the arms of who you assumed was his father.

"Hey buddy," his dad greeting, looking over at you with a neutral expression. He was dressed in a full suit that fit him quite well and sported an expensive looking watch. You stood up from your spot on the couch and walked over, feeling a bit nervous at his intense vibe.

"See Aaron, I told you everything was fine," your uncle spoke, giving you a comforting wink. Wanting to be as polite as possible to your uncle's boss, you extended your hand out with a genuine smile.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, Rossi's niece. Everything's been good here, Jack is such a great kid."

He returned the handshake with a professional smile, taking a second to look at you, no doubt profiling you entirely, deeming whether or not you were a right choice to watch his son.

"Aaron Hotchner. Thank you, he is great. What did you guys get up to while we were gone?"

Thankfully, Jack ended up answering for you, saving you from falling over your words while trying not to crumble under his dad's strong gaze.

"She taught me sign language dad!"

He looked down at his son, a look of surprise on his face.

"Here, let me show you."

Everyone watched as Jack began signing to his dad, that same adorable concentrated look on his face. By the end of it, his dad was actually grinning. Teeth and all.

"It means, you're my superhero dad, I love you," Jack explained.

His dad's whole demeanor changed, becoming a whole lot softer and inviting as he bent down to hug his son. It took everything in you not to tear up at the loving interaction.

"That was awesome buddy, I love you too."

You caught a look from his dad, this time a bit more favorable, you now assuming he had made the decision that you were alright. Afterwards, Jack's dad told him to gather his things so they could leave as your uncle went into the kitchen to start the oven, leaving you and Mr. Hotchner alone together.

"I apologize if I seemed a little rude earlier. I'm just very protective of Jack," he explained.

You smiled and waved him off, not admitting that he did have shaking in your boots a little at first. "Oh, you weren't rude. I totally get it, he's your boy. I'd be the same way if he was my kid."

The minute that passed by as you two waited for Jack to return, you could feeling him looking at you again. This time you weren't sure if he was still sizing you up or what but it didn't prevent the raise in blood pressure and slight tinge of pink in your cheeks.

Soon after, Jack came running back, his jacket put on half hazardly and his superman drawing in hand.

"Here. I want you to have it," he told you, handing over the piece of paper. You noticed that he had signed his full name on the bottom corner with a little smiley face. It was definitely the best gift you had gotten in a while.

"Thank you so much Jack. I will put this up in my class so all my students can see how talented my new friend is."

He just smiled in return, taking his dad's hand in his. With his available hand, Mr. Hotchner offered another handshake accompanied with a small friendly smile.

"It was good meeting you. I'm sure this won't be the only time we meet."

You knew he meant it as a cordial statement but you couldn't help but let your girly imagination run wild. I mean the man was tall, professionally accomplished, and downright handsome. Every woman's dream.

"I hope not Mr. Hotchner. It was nice meeting you and spending time with Jack."

"Please. Call me Aaron."

You could've screamed. But instead, you held it together, just smiled and watched them leave, yelling a goodbye to your uncle before closing the door behind them.

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding and fanned your face.

"Setting up playdates already?" you heard your uncle tease from the kitchen entryway. Being a profiler himself and you a terrible keeper of emotion, he knew what was going through your mind.

"Not another word Zio."

He laughed and threw an extra kitchen apron at you. "C'mon. Help me with the zucchini, lovebird."

[lostinlovingrevery]

Angst with a very sad reader who is deaf, she wished she could hear Logan, or be able to talk to him with her voice she can’t use, so he comforts his girlfriend

Hands

Logan Howlett X Deaf! F! Reader

Talking to Logan is different for you

A/N: The way this actually made me cry while writing this. A lil self healing. I'm not completely deaf, but I've grown up being left out of conversations, unable to hear or understand people, sounds, music, etc. I've actively worried about what it would be like having a partner having to "put up" with my hearing loss. Also it could be any Logan! I just used DOFP here bc he's so pretty <3 I hope you enjoy nonny!

Warnings: A bit angsty, reader is deaf, and uses ASL to communicate, feelings of loneliness, sadness, being left out, Logan being so babygirl <3

It was the same story as always

You sat next to Logan as you were in another outing with your friends.

It was a new place that opened this past week, a mix of a bar and a cafe. Filled with vibrant colors and pop culture references of the decades. The menus were filled with pun-named drinks and greasy meals.

You quite adored the atmosphere, and you were enjoying the Friday night outing after an incredibly long day. It just that your group of friends and Logan, were knee deep in a conversation that seemed incredibly funny- judging by their laughing faces, and Logan's usual thin-lipped smile when he's amused; and you had no clue what was being said.

He glanced at you, and you gave him a big smile. Reassuring that you were okay. He quirked a brow, about to say something before someone called his attention, turning his head, your smile faded, as you watched him converse with your friends. He finally leaned back to you again, noticing your drink was low. He tapped your knee, grabbing the glass off the table and signing refill?

You smiled and nodded, and he got up, taking his own glass too, as he walked over to the counter. You adjusted where you were sitting, waving for a friends attention. He turns and smiles, and you ask him for the context of the story.

"Oh-" You lipread, while he also signs. "It's not a big deal." He smiles shaking his head. You paused, and then nodded, leaning back into the sofa that looked like it came straight from the set of The Brady Brunch.

Dejected, but not surprised.

Logan came back, handing you your drink, leaning forward to peck you on the cheek, before putting an arm around your shoulder. One of your friends start talking to Logan- and from what you could tell was updating him on the parts of the story he missed.

You looked at Logan instead of bothering trying to pick up what was being told.

You watched his smile lines increase as he grins, the corner of his eyes wrinkling as he begins to laugh. Handsome, as always. You leaned into him, feeling the exertion of his chest as he laughs with each breath. You watch his lips move, and wonder for not the first time at what he sounds like.

He's told you that his voice was always described as deep and low. A friend has jokingly told you that it was the sexiest sounding thing ever.

Which both irked, and disappointed you.

You could pick up just by lipreading that he was talking about you. A funny story that happened to the both of you at the grocery store the other day. A small smile on your face, he looked at you. It was like it suddenly occurred to him you didn't hear what was going on. He moved, turning his body towards you, and began talking and signing, telling the story to both you and your other friends.

Your smile grew as you watched him, but the sadness inside you filled deeper, as you watched him sign- remembering the symbols and the placements, while also talking to your friend. He pauses, hesitates, and you help him with certain signs- wishing you could just say that words yourself- that you knew how to say the words yourself.

He's quite good at sign language, but as with learning any new language, there's room for a little inaccuracy here and there.

It isn't always like this, feeling lonely when you're surrounded by people who love you. A lot of the time when you hang out one on one, your friends full focus is on you, the speaking between you and the other is non-stop as you gossip about anything and everything. In outings like this though, you assume that maybe it's just too much, trying to focus on talking to a group- and remembering the words to spell out with your hands and talk to you simulataneously.

You never say anything. Just sit in quiet silence. It's an acceptance you found long ago. Being left out of conversations, or others not wanting to put in the work of including you, conversing with you, even if they already have the ability to do so.

When Logan came around, and you found yourselves entangled in the usual story of romance, you couldn't be happier. He was always patient, worked diligently at learning to communicate with you. He learned how to properly get your attention, to speak directly to you. He never once made you feel left out. Mostly because he wasn't a talker himself- at least with his voice.

You knew better, but you couldn't help but feel like it's work to communicate. Not just for you, but for Logan. Having to always find a way to get each others attention. You watched him struggle to remember certain words, and he'd have to say it to you and you lipread in order to translate properly. Moments you usually thought were cute - but this time felt bittersweet.

On the car ride home, you both sat in silence. Logan's hand rested on your thigh, his thumb brushing over the fabric of your pants soothingly. You looked at the radio- noticing it was on. The number you recognized as a talk station Logan has told you he liked to listen to. You turned to look out the window, and noticed street musicians performing on the corner.

The car was stopped at an intersection, so you got Logan's attention, and pointed, before signing,

Music?

He looked at what you pointing at. He nodded, before rolling your window down, and he tilted his head, listening. Then signed back to you.

"Rock." He says, and you make a motion as if you were playing the drums, he smiled and nodded. You turned to look back at the musicians playing. Curious.

He let off the brake and the car began moving. You left the window down, letting air blow over your face. You wondered what the talk show hosts were saying.

When you both got home, he followed you to the bedroom, getting your attention with taps to your shoulder.

"Hey-" He signed. You looked at him. "I'm sorry, I didn't speak- directly to you sometimes. It was loud and a little chaotic in there but I didn't forget you I just..." He shook his head.

Your face fell and you looked away. Then looked back up at him. You responded,

It's okay. I know it can be work to try to communicate with me.

He blinked as he watched your hands and shook his head, he stepped closer.

"It's not work to talk to you." You watched him say. His brows creased. "Not for me."

You purse your lips, as you felt emotion swell up inside you. An ache in your chest, as you let out an exhale.

I just wish I could hear you. That I could speak to you. That we could talk, normally.

He shook his head, "This is normal, baby." He paused, his hands in the air, as he seemed to be searching for his next words. "This." He motions the sign language, "Does not bother me. I like that we can talk like this."

You looked away, but his hand came up to your chin, making you look back at him, his expression firm as he stares into your eyes. For a moment, you softened, the focus and care he held in his hazel eyes for you.

How does it not bother you? You have to put more effort into speak with me. Everyone does. Isn't it tiring?

"No." He shook his head. His hand came up to cup your cheek, a small sigh escaping him. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours. A tear left your cheek, and he collected it with his thumb. Stepping back, and returning to signing. "You have given me a way to use my hands without violence. The way we can talk to each other, makes me feel closer to you, than just using my voice to talk to anyone."

Your lip quivered as you watched him play out his words.

"I never been good at talking." He grinned. "This though, I'm good at. I'm glad we can speak like this. It makes us...Connected. More than I ever been with anyone." he continued. "I feel like you and me...We can connect because we don't need words to understand each other. You look at me, and you just know me."

A few more tears escaped, rolling down your cheek as you nodded, you signed.

I wish I knew what you sound like.

His face softened, as he stepped closer again. "I...Know this isn't the same but..."

He reached for your hands, bringing your fingers to his lips, and your other hand to the base of his neck- where his collarbone met. You didn't need him to sign the next words for you to understand.

"I love you"

Tears streamed down you face, as you felt his lips move against your fingers. The muscles of his throat moved and vibrated against your other hand. He repeated it, over and over, allowing you to memorize the feeling of his words on your hands, the vibrations of his throat. It felt warm, and deep. You couldn't imagine sound, but closing your eyes made you picture his leather jacket, the curls of his chestnut hair, the weight of him on top of you. Maybe it wasn't his voice, but it was him you were feeling.

He only stopped saying those words when you reached up to kiss him, but you felt his lips brush over yours as he spoke it again. You moved, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him. He squeezed you in an embrace.

Maybe he was right, maybe this was nice. It still saddened a part of you that you couldn't hear his voice. Yet, another part of you appreciated how Logan still felt connected to you this way. He was right, in your entire relationship, he may have struggled with his hands,

He never struggled communicating with you, though.

[riverbends]

Twin anon again

Imagine if one of the twins were like himself as a kid. I'm not all the way through, but in the clips I've seen, it seems like he's selectively mute, so maybe one of his twins talks with ASL and maybe only speaks to her sister and her mother when they're alone

Extra angst they were born while pope was in prison so they don't know him at all and he's doesn't know ASL so he literally cannot communicate with the daughter who is most like him 😭

God i have pope brain worms i swear

and i am eating the pope brain worms like it’s food for the soul. i think, obviously, he is generally awkward with most people but a little less with children. if one daughter is more than happy to interact with him and the other sort of just sits around him—legs swinging over the seat with her head in the clouds—he’s going to have the most excruciating time trying to pay attention to the chatty one.

you spectate the whole thing, probably on the porch while the three of them are engaged in some little activity and you can’t ignore the way pope is so removed from the conversation with his happy girl because his gaze keeps lingering on the quiet one, who won’t really even look back at him.

a lot of things keep him up at night but this has him pacing around the house like a madman and there’s nothing you can do to draw him back to bed. if there is ASL involved, he spends every night trying to teach himself and he won’t let anyone help him.

after some time, he does find her one morning and the signing doesn’t really seem to get through to her so he communicates in his own child-like way.

i imagine him drawing a picture for some reason. uses the girls’ crayons to scribble a messy but identifiable stack of pancakes or something. and then a chair and table beside it. he hands it to her and doesn’t say a word, just disappears into the kitchen and she’s left to look at what he tried to illustrate.

he’s in the middle of pouring batter onto a pan when he notices her standing by the kitchen island in her pyjamas, no taller than the countertop. her hair is untamed and she wears the straightest face as she blinks at him. he blinks back.

it’s enough to warm everything inside him. it’s more than enough. he knows he’s finally worked his way through their barrier as soon as she goes to sit at the table while she waits patiently for her breakfast.

he notices, later on, that she’s kept his drawing. she keeps every drawing he gives her over time and he continues drawing childish little scribbles for her months after they’ve learned to talk to each other properly.

yeah i’m sobbing now👍🏽

[cinnamoonblue]

Chapter VIII | The Beach

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP this story will contain descriptions of violence, 18+ only, contains explicit sexual themes and content, explicit language, use of alcohol, use of cannabis, use of nicotine/cigarettes, angst, hurt/no comfort, hurt/comfort, implied injury, family trauma, slow burn, destructive behavior, toxic behavior, illegal activities, NSFW, conflicted feelings, loneliness, pain, conflicted relationship, emotional distress, jealousy, suggestive themes, violence, substance use, mentions of death, mentions of suicide, mentions of depression, mentions of loosing a loved one, mentions of violence, PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE WARNINGS

Word Count: 20,2K

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NOTE: First I want to thank you all for the patience ♡ I now that it has been a month since I last posted a chapter, but I had a little writers block (and two more fics) and I wasn't exactly sure how I want to structure this chapter and what should I left for the next one, but the chapter turned out pretty long anyway, so at least next one will be out faster as I already know what I want to write about in it ♡ Just to add something quick for those of you who have watched the show 'Shameless' the house and the neighborhood where the ASL trio grew up is the exact same vibe. Also please note when you read the last part of the chapter that I have purposely referred to Reader as 'you' and not as 'her' as this is the first time where you have an interaction between her/you and Ace from mostly Ace POV, so it's not a writing mistake. I have some more things to say, but I will keep them for the end note as I don't want to spoil anything for you, so enjoy ♡

Twenty years ago

Walking into the house and kicking his shoes off the little kid with bloody nose grumbled as he heard his aunt talking loudly to someone, probably on the phone. Rolling his eyes the child tried to sneak in quietly through the hallway to go to his room, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

“Ace.” Dadan’s loud voice filled the house, causing Ace to roll his eyes. “Don’t try to sneak in, brat. I saw you coming from the window.”

Rolling his eyes again, the six years old child made his way to the kitchen. Walking in, his eyes landed on the tall overweight woman, who had a cigarette between her lips as always. Her curly long ginger hair was falling freely on her broad shoulders and her brown eyes were now fixated on Ace.

“Did you get in a fight, again?” She eyed him up and down carefully, waiting for the child to start speaking.

“What do you think Dadan?” Ace angrily scrunched his whole face as he looks at Dadan. Taking a long puff from her cigarette, Dadan just shook her head as she turned her attention back to the boiling pot on the stove.

“Go get clean.” She told Ace, who stormed out from the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his room. “Ah, Rogue. How could you leave me this son of yours, who is good for nothing.” She mumbled to herself. “This kid will end up like his dad one day.”

Going to the bathroom, Ace grabbed the little step ladder there and climbed on it to open the cabinet where first emergency kit was. Dadan had stopped cleaning his bloody nose long time ago as she got tired of him getting into fights every other day with the older kids in the street. That was why Ace had to learn how to clean his own bloody nose alone, along with the bruises on his body.

For only a six years old child he was quite independent mostly due to the fact that Dadan couldn’t manage with his behaviour and has given up on trying to discipline him. For his age Ace was a menace – too angry and grumpy for a kid. He got kicked out from kindergarten for bad behaviour and terrorising the rest of the children, for which Dadan was now stuck to stay home most of the time because leaving him alone would be against the law. Not like she did spend time with him, but in case someone calls the child services she must be around. It had happened once, they came to look at their home because someone’s mother from the kindergarten had called on the family, if you could call it one. Thankfully Dadan had connections with one of the heads of the social works and he saved her and Ace from being separated, but for this she must return him a big number of favours.

Sometimes Dadan wondered if it was worth it - yes, Ace was her beloved little sister’s child, but he had taken none of her kindness, the kid was a walking disaster and a copy of his father, the only thing he had from her sister were the freckles. That was why sometimes she was questioning if Ace would have been better off in some foster family or adopted by somebody else, but Dadan had promised Rouge that she would take care of him no matter what because it was her death wish. If Rouge was alive, Dadan was sure she would have taken better care of the boy, as Dadan herself was lacking all the mother instincts, something her sister always had and wanted.

Ace was a wanted child by both of his parents, but he would never know about this or even if he did, he wouldn’t believe it. He knew some things regarding who his mother was and how she looked, but when it came to his father, he knew nothing about him but that he was a well known and wanted criminal who died before Ace was born and from whom he has taken everything bad. As Dadan once screamed at him ‘You are good for nothing, brat. Just like the father of yours.’ These words have echoed in his ears since then.

Cleaning the blood off his nose, Ace stepped down from the small ladder and put it back to the side. Exiting the bathroom with a kick of the door, Ace went straight to his room. Opening and closing the door to it, he quickly locked it in case Dadan decided to come and bothered him.

The room was pretty small – with only a single bed and a small nightstand on the side and not so big wardrobe. Ace didn’t have many toys or books to begin with so the room wasn’t full of the typical things that other children might have in their rooms. Getting on his knees next to the bed, Ace reached with his hands for the little shoe box he has hidden under it. Inside the box was filled with things he had stolen from other children – Hot Wheels, which Dadan would never buy him until he would learn to behave and because of it Ace took it in his own hands to find a way to have them, some Lego pieces and his most recent and treasured of them all – an iPod with a pair of headphones.

Ace stole the iPod two day ago, from some teenage girl at the nearby park. He saw how she and her friends weren’t paying attention to their surroundings so the moment he spotted the iPod in the side pocket of her bag he was determined to have it. Walking closer to them he tripped on purpose and started to “cry” to which the girls immediately jumped to help him as who wouldn’t help a little adorable kid like him. While the girls were trying to cheer him up, he used the time to ask them for an ice cream and all four of them were quick to jump and run to buy him one, leaving all their belongings on the side. By the time they were back, Ace had left with the iPod and the headphones. The girl, from whom he has stolen the iPod, didn’t realise that it was missing until she was on her way home, but even then, it didn’t cross her mind that it was Ace who had stolen it, and it was probably her who dropped it somewhere.

The only problem that Ace had now was that the iPod was almost out of battery, and he didn’t have any charger for it, nor he was sure of how to charge it. Asking Dadan would lead to a fight with her, and she wasn’t very good with electronics so he must find a solution on his own. Placing the headphones on his head Ace started going through the songs on the iPod, luckily for him, the girl from who he stole it had a lot of songs on it, but not all of them matched his taste.

Music has always calmed him, and it also made him feel connected to his mom. He had seen many pictures of her holding a guitar while singing, once on a very old video tape he even heard her singing. His mother had a beautiful and melodic voice, one he could listen to for hours. Sometimes while listening to music Ace would catch himself singing along or humming the song he was currently listening to, which was very comforting for him. Not only he found something to connect with his mother, but also something that gave him the peace of mind.

Laying down on the bed with the headphones on his ears and some song he has never heard before, Ace closed his eyes, a deep exhale coming out of his chest into the air. The song was very old compared to the other ones on the iPod, which were more modern and with more fasten rhythm, but this one was slow and sensual.

Say my name Sun shines through the rain Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Listening closely to the lyrics, Ace was tapping with his finger on the bed following the rhythm of the song. He wasn’t a fan of love songs at all, let alone a love ballad, but there was something catchy about this one.

A whole life so lonely And then come and ease the pain I don't wanna lose this feelin', oh

Ace never knew what affection or love was. Dadan was never gentle with him nor affectionate, she was there for him to provide what he needed the most which was a roof over his head and a meal on the table. She had said it to him – “Don’t mistake me for a mother, I ain’t one.” And this has stuck with him since then. He has never ever even received a hug from her, not even on his birthday. Until he was four years old, Ace didn’t even know when his birthday was. One day he just woke up and was met with a cake in the kitchen and a ‘Happy Birthday, brat’ from Dadan and that was it, since that day he knew when his birthday was, but it was never something special, it was never something worth celebrating in their household.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling

A single tear ran down his round cheek and he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. Ace never cries. He couldn’t and shouldn’t – ‘big strong men don’t cry’, that was what he was told. And he was one - a big strong man, in the body of a six years old child who craved nothing but some affection. A child which needed someone to wrap their arms around his tiny form and tell him that everything would be alright.

The song was at its final chorus when Ace heard a loud banging on the door. He sat straight in the bed immediately as he heard Dadan voice.

“What are you doing locked there, brat? Open the door immediately.” Her loud and raspy voice from all the cigarettes she has smoked echoed through the house. Removing the headphones from his head, Ace hid them and the iPod under his pillow. Jumping out of bed quickly he went and unlocked the door, opening it with one swift move.

“What do you want Dadan?” The little boy asked with an angry voice and frown brows.

“Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs – Dogra and Magra are home now, and we have something important to speak about.” She said and left without waiting for response from the child. Closing the door once again, Ace made sure to put back the iPod in the box under his bed.

Going downstairs into the kitchen, Dogara – a short skinny bald man with a clean shaved face and Magra – a tall very muscular man with a long mustache and bright red hair shaved on both sides. leaving only some hair in the middle, were sitting on the round table. They were living with him and Dadan, since Ace could remember, so they were practically a family. Ace took his usual sit next to Dogara and waited for Dadan to place the food on the table.

Placing the pot of stew in the middle of the table, Dadan filled her and Ace’s plate and Dogara and Magara did the same. Ace tried reaching with his hand for some bread and Dogara saw his struggle to reached it, so he handed it to him easily.

“There you go, Ace.” He said with a smile as Ace snatched the loaf from his hands.

“Say thanks, brat.” Dadan was quick to scoff the little boy as he was lacking all kind of manners. He only rolled his eyes to her and took a big bite of the bread not carrying about what he was being told.

The adults on the table were having a conversation while Ace was just focused on his food not paying attention to whatever they were walking about.

“Listen, Ace.” Dadan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Moving his eyes from his plate to her, Ace fixed his gaze on Dadan. “From next month you are going to pre-school and this time you will behave, okay! You heard me clearly, brat?” She gave him a stern look which was met with Ace’s unbothered eyes. “Also, Garp came by two days ago. We are going to foster a kid your age from next week, which means you both are going to pre-school, and you are also going to share your room with him.”

Hearing this Ace whole face scrunched with anger. Why should he share? Why was Dadan fostering another kid when she was barely paying any attention to Ace? Why wasn’t he enough?

“I’m not sharing my room.” He yelled angrily at her as he dropped his spoon in the plate splashing some of the food around the table and on the floor.

“You have no saying in this, brat. Dogara and Magra are going to buy and build a bunk bed tomorrow in your room so make sure to clean around the shit you have.” Dadan had no choice but to raise her voice at him a bit, as he was stubborn as aways, never making things easy for her.

The chair on which Ace sat made a loud quacking noise on the floor as Ace pulled it away from the table and jumped off it, storming out from the kitchen. ‘Stupid Dadan, stupid house and stupid kid’ He was murmuring to himself as he was running up the stairs and going straight to his room. Closing the door shut after himself and locking it, he ran to the bed and pulled out the box under it, taking the iPod off it. Placing the headphones over his head and laying on the bed, he played the old ballad love song. Ace closed his eyes and turned around burring his face in the pillow, biting on it he tried his best not to let the tears fall from his eyes as his little fists were clenching the bedsheets. Soon the room was filled with the sound on his quiet sobs. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to have to share when he barely had anything to begin with. It wasn’t fair for another kid to come and live with them when Dadan didn’t even want Ace in a first place or did she only feel this way about Ace? Did she only not want Ace? Why didn’t she want him in a fist place? They shared the same blood after all. He was her sister’s child, she was his aunt – why was she never nice and loving towards him? Ace knew that he was very bad behaving child, and he didn’t like this, but at the same time he couldn’t help it, because it was only then when Dadan would pay him any attention. It was only then when he could get any attention from her. Ace didn’t want much, he only wished to feel wanted by someone, anyone. Yet, this wish seemed to be impossible.

‘You are good for nothing.’ The words echoed through the child’s mind again. Was this true? Was he never going to be good at something? Was he going to cause trouble all his life? Was he never going to find someone to love and accept him with all his flaws – not even a friend? Would he ever find a friend in this world? Why was he cursed to be all by himself and lonely?

A year later

Laughter filled the house when the two young boys burst in it after their first day in school. Kicking their shoes on the side and ready to run upstairs they were interrupted by Dadan’s voice calling them from the living room. With a groan the two kids followed the voice and walked in the room only to see her sitting on the very old and worn-out couch, but to their surprise next to her on it was sitting a little boy no older than three years old, with a runny nose and eyes filled with tears. Both Ace and Sabo looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

“This is Luffy, and he will be part of the family from now on, come on Luffy introduce yourself.” Hearing her voice being almost tender Ace was taken aback by the fact that Dadan could be this gentle towards a child. Not only the softness in her voice but also the way she was caressing the child’s back so gently made his eyes widen. She has never been this tender with him nor he could remember if she has. He has seen some of her calmer side with Sabo, but never this gentle, never this carrying. “It’s okay, Luffy. They will be nice towards you.” She encouraged the little child to look up and speak to the two older children. With a trembling lip he finally gained the courage to look up at them and as he was parting his lips to introduce himself, Luffy got interrupted.

“What the hell, Dadan?” Ace angry voice filled up the room.

“Watch your tongue, brat.” Dadan yelled at him with a warning tone.

“Why are you fostering another kid?” Ace’s little fists squeezed and his brows frowned as his eyes were moving between Dadan and the cry baby next to her. He might have been only seven, but Ace knew how much they were struggling financially and that they were barely making the ends, with this kid around the house this was only going to worsen things even more.

 “None of your concern, brat.” She cut him off and turned again to Luffy. “Come on now, don’t mind those two, especially the brat one.” Dadan side-eyed Ace with a warn in her eyes to behave.

“I-I’m Luffy a-and I-I’m three years old.” Said the little boy with hair as black and messy as Ace’s. Even his eyes were a similar colour to his, if they were to stand next to each other, someone might mistake them for brothers. Dadan clapped with her hands and congratulated Luffy for being brave by introducing himself.

“Now you two.” Her tone completely changed for Ace and Sabo.

“Hey Luffy, my name is Sabo, and this here is Ace.” Sabo, the blonde boy who Dadan took in her home a year ago, smiled at Luffy and pointed with his thumb towards Ace who just scowled at Luffy. “We are both seven years old and we just started elementary school.”

If Ace was a grumpy menace, then Sabo was almost the same – he was just smart enough to hid it from Dadan and other adults around, in front of them he was just a sweet polite child, which even in their household was barely receiving a “no”.

To everyone’s surprise it didn’t take long for Ace and Sabo to get along, in fact they were the same when in came to mischiefs, but it was mostly Ace who was taking the blame for it. Sabo usually would get a scold while Ace would get scold and yelled at the same time. But Ace was telling himself that this was okay, after all he was carrying the cross of the black sheep in the family on his back.

“Luffy is going to sleep in your room. We al-”

“What? There isn’t any space left, you old hag.” Ace yelled and got closer to Dadan and Luffy.

“Who are you calling an old hag, you brat.” Dadan yelled back at him and got up from the couch. Her tall form casting a shadow over Ace, but he didn’t even flinch, this encounter between them was something typical.

“This cry baby is not allowed in my room.” His eyes moved to Luffy who was looking at him with widen tearily eyes and then back to the angry woman in front of him. Turning around angrily, Ace stormed out of the room.

“This is not your room only, brat.” Dadan yelled after him. “Sabo, take Luffy with you and show him the room.” She turned then to Sabo as she grabbed Luffy’s small hand and made him stand up from the couch. Sabo just nodded and took the little kid’s hand in his and lead him upstairs to their room.

Entering the room both Sabo and Luffy’s eyes widen from the sight in front of them – the bedsheets and the pillow on the bed, which was placed next to the window and prepared for Luffy, were torn apart and threw on the ground. Kicking the pillow right in Luffy’s face Ace stepped closer to him, his eyes full of rage.

 “You are not welcomed here little shit, keep this in mind.”

Nine years later

It was a nice warm autumn day and music was blasting from the garage and could be heard from any corner of the streets. The two sixteen years old boys were playing music in there – Sabo, now grown up, his face slowly changing into more mature one but still very boyish, covered with some acne spots on his chin and cheeks, something typical for this age, was hitting the drums, while his brother Ace, who like Sabo has grown so much in the past almost ten years, now taller, but with face a little bit more boyish than Sabo’s, attitude still the same but now a little bit under control, was playing the guitar.

“Hey, hey Ace.” Sabo yelled at his brother who continue playing some melody on his guitar. Hearing his yelling Ace stopped and focused his attention on him. “When is Law coming? Wasn’t he supposed to be here like an hour ago?”

Law was Ace’s classmate and best friend who also taught him how to play the guitar, which lead to them three playing together in the garage almost everyday now. Ace’s brows knitted as he looked at his watch, it was true, his friend was supposed to be here by now.

“Ye, I’ll text him.” Pulling the broken screen phone from his pocket, Ace started typing with one hand while with the other he was holding his guitar. “He said he is on his w-” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw his little brother Luffy running in full speed towards the house and storming in, while holding his left cheek like he was hurt. Looking over his shoulder at Sabo to make sure that he saw the same thing as him, the two brothers exchanged confused looks as Luffy aways comes to them first thing first when he comes back home from school or anywhere in general.

“Should we check?” They both said at the same time. With just a nod Ace removed the guitar from his shoulders and Sabo dropped the drumsticks and they ran inside the house.

“Luffy.” Ace screamed as they entered their shared room, but their little brother was no where to be seen.

“Maybe he is in the bathroom.” Sabo placed his hand on Ace’s shoulder and pointed with his head towards the end of the hallway. The two boys made their way to the bathroom door and heard the water running. “Hey, Luffy. Everything okay?” Knocking on the door, Sabo waited for his response, but nothing came.

“Luffy, come on. Say something, we know you are here.” Ace leaned on the wall next to the doorcase as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his brother’s response.

“G-go away. Both of you.” A trembling voice yelled from the other side of the door. The two older brothers rolled back their shoulders and straighten their postures as they heard the voice filled with pain.

“Yo, yo Luffy. What the fuck is going on?” Ace raised his voice as he wasn’t the most patient person to exist. Sabo hit him on the chest with the back of his hand as his blue eyes shoot at his brother’s deep brown ones with a warning look telling him without words to calm down.

“Come on, Lu. Did you get beaten up at school again?” Sabo softly chuckled. Sometimes some of the older kids in his school bullied him in school, for which Sabo and Ace made fun of him from time to time, but they were also ready to back him up if he just said so. “Open the door, we won’t make fun of you.”

“Much.” Ace added with a smirk which caused Sabo to snort, but he was quick to compose himself.

“No, Luffy don’t listen to Ace.”

“Ye, Lu. I was messing with you.” Ace’s voice became a little softer now as he tried to assure his brother to come out and speak with them.

“Go away.” Luffy screamed again, but this time the sob that escaped his lips was heard by his brothers.

“Luffy, if you don’t open this door I will.” Ace warned him as his patience was wearing thin.

“And so, will I.” Sabo added.

One of the doors in the hallway opened and from it came out Dogara – still short and bald, he looked at the guys in disbelief.

“What are you three yelling about this time?” He screamed at the two boys who were ignoring him. “I’m talking to you two.” He screamed again as he walked closer to them.

“Shut up.” The two brothers, now so much taller than Dogara, screamed in unison causing the short man to flinch.

“I’m telling Dadan.” He murmured going back to his room determined to call their foster-mother.

“Luffy this is the last warning, open the door or we will.” This time it was Sabo who warned the youngest of them three.

“I’m fine. P-please, go away.” Tears were falling down from Luffy’s eyes mixing with the blood coming from under his left eye. The twelve years old kid was trying to find something to stich himself from the first aid kit they had in the bathroom, but luck wasn’t on his side so the only things left in the kit were some bandages and plasters, none of which would help ease the pain or stich the knife cut under his eye.

Luffy didn’t want his older brothers to see this, because he knew they would go and do something crazy and bad to the person who did this to him, especially Ace. Ace was always the one who jumped head first when it came to protecting his younger brothers, even if he was only a few months older than Sabo, Ace was considered by them as their big brother as he was always the one to jump and protect them no matter the situation or if they were in fact the one who did wrong, he was always there for them. He was always there for the people he loved and cared for, even if he wasn’t the best in expressing his love and affection with words, he aways made sure to prove it by actions.

The two brothers on the other side of the door exchange a quick look with a nodded and with one kick at the door, which has received many kicks since the three of them have been living in here, opened wide. Luffy immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late. His older brothers’ eyes widen from the side. The whole sink was covered in blood and so was the towel which Luffy was pressing on his face.

“Luffy are you okay?” Sabo was first to come to his senses and immediately stood on his knees next to his younger brother. Taking the towel from his hands he removed it from his face to see what was causing so much bleeding, which cause him to slightly gag at the sight of the stab under his eyes.

“Luffy... who did this?” Ace’s voice was cold, almost emotionless. He was standing leaned on the door facing away from his brothers. The only thing they could see was his clenched jaw and fists. Luffy didn’t know to whom to response first – one was extremely worried, the other extremely furious.

“Answer Luffy!” Both screamed at the same time. Luffy bit on his trembling lower lip as he focused his eyes on Ace. Both of his brothers were way taller than him as puberty has hit them already two years ago which caused Luffy to feel even smaller as he was towered by them now, more specifically by Ace.

“Ace, please.” Luffy cried out. “It was an accident. They didn’t mean it to get this far.”

“Did it happen at school? Was it the older kids?” Sabo was quick to ask, as much as he was worried, he was also enraged as Ace, but still he had to keep his cool for now and think rationality because before they go and take care of whoever did this to their little brother, they must take care of the wound first.

Luffy’s eyes were moving between Ace and Sabo, not sure and scared of how they would react and what would come next. After all they had grown up in the worst aera of Grand Line city. They were ghetto boys, who didn’t grow up with much they grew up almost with nothing, but they always had each other. Their childhood wasn’t easy, but the moment they became brothers, life started to have some meaning, some colour. Life stopped being so lonely, especially for Ace.

“Ye, Lu. Come on, tell us.” Ace finally turned to his little brother and faced him, which scared Luffy because across his older brother’s face was placed a gentle smile. Ace never smiles like this. Ace has never been this calm out of nowhere. But Luffy was just a kid, and so were his brothers, but they have made a vow that Luffy will have a childhood unlike them. They have made a promise that no matter what Luffy wouldn’t bare the pain of loneliness or sadness the same way they did, and Ace had made a promise to himself that no matter what he would try to do the same for Sabo.

“I-It was... it wasn’t kids from m-my school.” Luffy hiccupped. “It... it... it was Teach... from your school Ace.”

Hearing this Ace just looked one last time at Luffy and then Sabo and before any of them had the time to react, Ace has run off to find Teach. He was two years older than Ace and since day one, he had tired to picked on Ace, but it was no successes as every time they would get in a fight, Marshall D Teach would get his ass beaten at the end. Ace and Sabo didn’t attend the same high school, because Ace was kicked out for bad behaviour from it and that was how he ended up in a different one, but thanks to this he had met Law.

Sabo screamed after Ace, and so did Luffy but it was pointless. Holding the bloody towel to Luffy’s face, Sabo grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled his best friend Koala. He quickly explained to her that he needed her help and that she must take his little brother to the hospital as soon as possible. Koala told him that she would come with one of her father’s drivers to pick Luffy up and get him to the hospital, and with this the conversation ended.

“Okay, Luffy now listen to me.” He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and made sure he focused on him. “Koala will be here soon, meanwhile you will keep pressing the towel to your face and wait for her on the porch.” Sabo held Luffy’s hand to his face where the wound was and made him press as blood continued to come out of it. “I must go after Ace before he does something crazy, so please come with me downstairs now and don’t come after me, wait for Koala, am I clear?” Sabo’s blue eyes were filled with worry for both of his brothers – one hurt and the other one crazy. “Luffy promise me that this time you will listen to me and do what I’ve told you.” He pleaded as he stood up and grabbed Luffy by his hand, running with him downstairs.

Sitting Luffy on the stairs at the front porch, Sabo was ready to run after Ace when Luffy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Is Ace going to be in a big trouble because of me?” His brown eyes were filled with worry and guilt.

“Luffy, you are not the one to blame, okay?” Sabo was fast to reassure his little brother that this wasn't his fault even if he still didn't know what cause the stabbing, he knew that picking on twelve years old in such way is unforgivable. Especially if the twelve years old happened to be his little brother. “Ace is doing what every big brother would do in this situation and so do I, we won’t get in trouble, I promise you.” He gave a small smile to his kid brother and ruffled his messy black hair before he ran off.

Ace knew where to find Teach, so he wasted no time running to one of the old outdoor basketball courts close to their neighbourhood. Teach could pick on him as much as he wanted, but not Luffy. Especially in such way, he could have taken his eye off or worst kill him, and for what? Only to angered Ace?

By the time Ace reached the court he was all covered in sweat. Seeing some of Teach’s friends there he yelled his name. The moment his friends heard Ace’s furious scream, they started to run but Ace was fast to catch one of them by the collar of his shirt.

“You better tell me where your piece of shit friend is or you gonna get all the beating for him.” Ace hissed in his face.

“He... he ran a-away s-somewhere m-man. W-we haven’t seen h-him since.” The guy’s voice trembled with fear, but Ace wasn’t buying it, so he just punched the guy’s stomach making him writhed in pain.

“Think again. Where is Teach?” Ace pushed the boy’s body on the ground and was ready to kick him when the guy put his hands out to stop Ace from colliding his foot with his stomach.

“I-I swear m-man. H-he ran off. H-he probably is ether at home or y-you know his uncles g-garage spot?” The guy waited for Ace’s response. Ace thought for a second before nodding, he knew where the place was. “H-he must be there, a-as y-you know h-his uncle i-is into s-shady things so he must have gone there to hide.”

Crouching next to the guy on the ground, Ace grabbed his hair in a fist and pulled it.

“Listen carefully now.” He started with a low warning tone. “If I go there, and he isn’t there as you’ve said, I’ll come back and you will need to pick up every single tooth you have off the ground, am I clear?”

“I swear, Ace he is either there or at home.” The guy cried out.

Ace let go of him and stood up. All he could see and hear was red. Marchall D Teach was going to pay for almost blinding his little brother. He could mess up with Ace as much as wanted but today he crossed all lines, and he was going to learn his lesson for that.

Despite his appearance, Ace was quite strong for his age. His skinny and tall body was durable to fights, but he could say that it was thanks to the fact that he grew up on the streets, after all the area where the brothers came from was know as the worst possible place to live in Grand Line.

Leaving the basketball court, he heard a well familiar voice calling out his name. Not turning back as he knew that Sabo would catch up to him, Ace continued walking. He felt Sabo’s hand on his shoulder as he held him back for a second, while he tried to catch his breath.

“Ace, wait.” Sabo said in between breaths. “We must come with a plan or something or even better just call the police.” He wanted and tried to reason his brother.

“The plan is we find him, I kill ‘im, and then we continue with our lives.” Ace jerked his shoulder from Sabo’s hand and continued walking.

“Ace be rational for just a second.” Sabo screamed at his brother as he pulled his blond locks. “I’m as mad as you are, but this will lead only to more problems.” Ace continued to ignore him, which only fuelled Sabo’s irritation with his own brother. “Listen to me when I talk to you, you bullhead.” Sabo stood in front of him and placed his hands on Ace’s chest to stop him from taking any step further. “Let’s call the police, for this he can even go to prison as he is of legal age.”

“He hurt Luffy.” Ace screamed in his brother’s face. “And he is going to pay for it. Now you either move away or I’m going to beat your ass as well.” He pushed Sabo away, hard enough to almost making him trip.

“I’m trying to safe your ass from making a big mistake.” Sabo screamed after Ace.

“I’m doing what is right.” Ace spatted without even turning to look at him, all he could wanted was a revenge. With a sigh, Sabo ran after him one more time. If Ace was going to get in trouble he wasn’t going to do it alone. He understood his brother’s reasons, and even if he didn’t agree with them and how he wanted to handle it, Sabo wasn’t going to let him do it alone, after all Luffy wasn’t only Ace’s little brother, he was his as well and as such they must revenge the harm that was caused upon Luffy. Mess with them, but not with their little brother.

“Are you sure he is here?” Sabo turned to Ace as they were now standing in front of the old garage where Teach’s uncle clamed to repair cars in it, but it was well known that this was a lie and he was hiding some shady business behind the whole ‘car repairing’ thing.  

“Should be.” Ace replied as he nodded his head towards the garage, indicating to Sabo to follow him.

“So again, you have any other plan than beating him?”

“Ye, beating him to death.”

“Your heart is too pure for this Ace.” Sabo knew his brother very well, no matter how much Ace wanted to be seen and perceived as the ‘bad boy’, the ‘nonchalant’, ‘not giving a single fuck’ guy he was neither of these things. His brother was too good for this world, but the world wasn’t so nice to him. Ace has carried the most of their family’s burden and Sabo didn’t want him to add another one to the list.

Ignoring Sabo’s words Ace was the first one to approach the big old garage which was wide opened and inside were some older men in their late forties. Teach’s uncle was the first one to notice the approaching boys.

 “Dadan’s boys, what brings me the privilege to be honoured by your visit?” The nasty smile on his fat and oily face bloomed on his lips as he eyed the two young boys. It was clear from where his nephew was coping the nasty manners.

“Where is Teach?” Ace wasted no time but getting to the point.

“I don’t know.” His uncle brazenly laughed causing the other three men to do the same. “Why you need him, Gol’s boy?” It was a well-known fact around this area whose Ace’s biological father was and how much he denied him as such.

“I’m Portgas.” The young boy corrected him as his dark brown eyes pierced the arrogant man’s ones.

“Ha, you heard that boys? The brat is Portgas.” His loud and nasty laughter filled up the space around as everyone started to laugh at the boy’s statement. “You know, your mother Rouge used to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen... it’s sad she died so young.” The man sarcastically clicked with his tongue.

This was the name you should never mention in front of Ace with such dishonour, especially if you were a nasty disgusting man like Teach’s uncle. Just before Ace could say anything, Sabo interrupted.

“We really need to speak with Teach.” He held on his brother’s shoulder and tried to keep his behaviour unsuspicious.

“I don’t know where he is blondie, probably home or somewhere out in the streets, I don’t care much where the brat goes, so now take your bastard brother and get the fuck out of my shop.” The man spatted at the brothers as he wasn’t a fan of their family nor them.

“Who are you calling bastard, you ugly pig.” Ace yelled at him, but Sabo was fast to hold on him and stop the fight that was about to erupt.

“Ace, come on.” Sabo called out his brother. “This sad fuck isn’t worth it, let’s go find Teach.” He literally needed to drag Ace out as the uncle continued to pour oil into the fire.

“Mention my mother’s name one more time and I will kill you.” Ace screamed after him only to be met with another round of brazenly laughter. Taking him into one of the alleys near by Sabo tired to calm his brother. “Let me go Sabo, I will kill this pig and his nephew as well.” Ace tried to fight his brother’s strong hold, but the blonde boy held him in one place with all his power.

“Ace, I understand your rage, but this sad low life isn’t worth it, now let’s go back to search for Teach, just calm down.” Sabo tried to reason him for a thousand time today.

Buring his fingers in his dark locks, Ace pulled his hair by the roots and screamed with frustration.

“Fine, fine.” He yelled in Sabo’s face. “Let me go before I lose it completely.” Sabo took a step back, while Ace tried to calm himself a bit. “I’m sure he is there.” Ace said after a few deep breaths.

“Should we wait a bit here?” Sabo had a similar feeling to Ace’s, the uncle had to knew at least that his nephew was hiding from them. Ace just nodded in response.

A few hours passed by and the sun started to settle, the twilight has taken over the sky and if it wasn’t for what had happened earlier today, maybe it would have caught the brothers’ attention and they would have admired it, but not today. Sabo had received a message from his friend Koala that she has taken care of Luffy and that the wound was stitched, and their little brother would be okay. Hearing the news about it, Ace only nodded not moving his eyes from the garage. He was a hundred percent sure that Teach was there hiding and won’t leave until it was dark.

And he wasn’t wrong. Soon Teach’s uncle left with his friends, but he didn’t close the garage, everything inside was still lit on and the door wasn’t closed. Which meant only one thing – there was someone inside.

“Let’s check out who is left in the garage.” Ace said to his brother and they both quietly and cautiously made their way to it.

Walking inside they started to look around carefully. They reached the end of it when they heard some bucket falling at the entrance. Turning their heads towards the direction where the sound came from, they saw the person who they were looking for trying to escape.

“Oh, you are dead.” Ace murmured to himself and started running after Teach, closely followed by his brother.

Both boys were in advantage catching up Teach as his clumsy and fat body couldn’t outrun the two brothers. Caging him in the same alley they waited until now, Teach had nowhere to run as it was a dead end one.

“Care to explain why my little brother came with a stab wound under his eye today?” With slow steady steps Ace was getting closer and closer to Teach’s trembling from fear body. He was aware that today he fucked up a lot by stabbing the kid, but it was an accident, he just wanted to scare him off, but the brat moved while he had him on a chokehold and in his attempted to calm him down, he accidently pressed the knife in his face too hard. He shouldn’t have even held up a knife to a twelve years old but he did it for the jokes of it and now he is about to pay the price for it.

“Now, now Ace it was just for the joke of it.” He said with a chuckle which only fuelled Ace’s anger.

“For the joke? You could have killed him!” Sabo yelled at him as he got face to face with him and grabbed him by his white shirt collar. “You fucking pig.” He screamed in his face and punched it.

Ace was fast to get in between his brother and Teach as he didn’t want him to get in trouble and this was something that was between him and the low life who was now on the ground.

“Let me punch him one more time Ace.” It was funny and strange who fast their rolls change as now it was Ace who tried to calm Sabo not the other way around.

“Fuck you, Sabo.” Teach spatted as he tried to stand up, but he has no luck as Ace was fast to kick him in the face. Blood started to run from Teach’s mouth as Ace’s foot collied with his chin. Without wasting time, the two brothers jumped on him. They knew that it wasn’t a fair fight, two against one, but Teach wasn’t playing fair as well earlier as he pulled a knife on a child and now he was going to pay.

Sabo was the first one to pull away, while Ace was lost, he couldn’t see or hear anything, all he could think about was his little brother’s face covered in blood, and for what – for a joke? Well, here was the joke now, the biggest joke of them all laying under him almost unconscious. Coming to his senses Sabo tried to pull Ace away.

“Ace. Ace, come on this is enough.” He yelled at his brother as he tried to pull him away. Teach’s whole face was covered in blood and swollen from the brothers’ fists as he was choking on his own blood. With all his power Sabo pulled Ace away from Teach’s body but the moment Ace was back on his feet he decided to do one more thing before they leave. With all his power Ace stepped on Teach’s right knee which cause it to break. An agonizing scream left Teach’s mouth as his whole body twitched from pain. Sabo’s eyes widen from the scene in front of him. “What the fuck Ace?” Sabo screamed at his brother as he jerked Ace by the hand to look at him. “Ace what the fuck man? You know how much trouble we will get in for this now?” But Sabo’s screams were worthless as his brother didn’t care and as of right now, he couldn’t think straight.

Without saying anything Ace just pulled his arm away from Sabo’s and started walking away. Not knowing what to do and now scared for Teach’s life, Sabo called an ambulance for him, only giving Teach’s location and lying that he found him on the street by chance. After he made sure that the asshole was going to get help and not die, he ran after Ace.

“Ace you idiot. Now we are going to be in a big trouble.” Sabo pushed his brother on the back once he caught up with him, making Ace almost trip. Turning to him Ace pushed Sabo back.

“I will get in trouble, okay. You will be fine.” Ace said as he turned once again and continued making his way home.

“Did you really need to go that far?” Sabo asked, his heartbeat increased as he tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless, they were going to be sent to juvenilefor this.

“Luffy is going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life, it was only fair for me to give this fat fuck one as well.” Ace responded calmly as in his mind this was a fair exchange.

“Ace we can get sued for this or worst send to juvenile.”

“I can get sued or sent to juvenile not you, so calm the fuck down before I smash your face, too.” Ace’s tone was stern and warning, he would take all the blame for it if Teach decided to speak to the police. “Also, we don’t know if he will speak to the police.” He shrugged.

“He will, Ace. He will and then we will be in trouble.”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times I need to say that I’ll take the blame and you and your perfect record will be fine.” Ace turned around and screamed in Sabo’s face.

“That is the problem, why you should take all the blame?” Sabo screamed back.

“Because I’m the shitty one of all of us three, okay? So, if one of us must go down it would be me, not you, not Luffy – it will be me.” Ace was screaming on top of his lungs with anger and frustration as this was something his brother would never get. Ace was the cursed one, not they. His whole face has gotten redden from all the screaming and frustration build up in him and Sabo was only adding more fuel to it.

“Why Ace? Why?” Sabo’s voice broke mid sentence. It has always pained him how his brother viewed himself as some monster as some low life who didn’t deserve to be alive in a first place let alone to deserve good things in life. “Why it has to be always you taking the blame for us?” He didn’t receive any answer to his question.

“Let’s just go home.” Was all that Ace said.

Entering the house and stepping into the hallway they heard voices filling up the living room and Luffy’s voice calling their names. Looking down on their bloody knuckles both guys made their way upstairs to clean their hands. It took some time for the blood to wash away but it did eventually. Sabo was the first one to go downstairs while Ace closed the door behind him and locked himself in the bathroom. He set his palms down on the sink with his head hanged low. There was still some blood from earlier on the floor and all of this for what... a joke?

The realisation of what had happened today and what Ace has done hit him like a truck. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down he started to curse under his breath. He was going to be in serious trouble, one where he wasn’t sure how he would be able to come out of.

“Good for nothing as aways.” He murmured to himself before he left the bathroom.

Walking into the living room Ace was faced with everyone – Dogara and Magra sitting together on one of the old armchairs they had which was quite big and on the couch were siting Dadan, Luffy and Koala, Sabo’s best friend and big crush, which he hasn’t confessed yet. Seeing Ace, Luffy jumped from the couch and ran to him, locking his arms around him in a hug.

“Are you better now, Lu?” Ace softly asked his brother as he ruffled his hair. Looking at Sabo and then to Dadan, Ace could tell that she already knew what they have done, and his gut was telling him that she didn’t know from Sabo, she knew from somewhere else. Getting up from the couch Dadan nodded with her head for him and Sabo to follow her in the kitchen to speak in private. Pulling away from Luffy, Ace promised him that he would be back in a second but first he must speak with their foster mother for a second, so he sent his little brother back to Koala on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen where Dadan and Sabo were already, Ace stood next to his blonde brother. Dadan’s eyes were in a tin line as she had crossed her arms across her chest, in her eyes could be read a lot of emotions – from anger, to sadness, to disappointment.

“You two realise what you have done, right?” She finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you call me immediately or the police?” None of the boys said anything at first. “Answer me!” She screamed at them.

“Because what he did needed to be revenged.” Ace hissed at her, his eyes filled with anger once again. “And don’t scream at Sabo, it was all my fa-” What happened next has never happened before in this house. Dadan was many things, but she has never raised her hand to her children, until today. The smack across Ace’s cheek echoed in the kitchen as his head even turned to the side from the impact of her hand.

“You foolish boy. You never listen, you never think before you do something.” Her voice was filled with anger and pain. Her eyes, something that none of the brothers have seen before were filled with tears. “You really are your father’s son. Aways searching for fights and problems, you took nothing from her, nothing. My sister died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.” These words cut like a knife Ace’s heart. Looking up at Dadan and meeting her eyes, same colour as his mother’s made him swallow hard the words he heard and the pain they caused him. “You wanna know how your mother died exactly? She died screaming and begging the doctors to save you over her and till this day I swear that was her biggest mistake.” Tears stared to run down on her tired face as she spoke the words with bitterness and pain over the memory of her dead sister. Ace took a step back as he realised how much he had messed up today and how much this would affect their so-called family.

“Dadan, stop talking to him like this!” Sabo couldn’t stand and listen to such nonsense. He could see that their foster mother was pissed, and she was right that they had fucked up badly, but Ace didn’t deserve this treatment, after all it wasn’t only him who fucked up.

“Shut up Sabo!” She screamed without even looking at him. “Having that piece of shit’s uncle calling me and telling me that we will be sued for money we don’t have because you two decided to beat the shit out of his nephew was my final straw with you, and especially you Ace.” She pointed her finger at him, her whole hand trembling from the frustration. “Why couldn’t you call the police? It was going to be his nephew to be taken away not mine good for nothing one. But no, you had to play it bad boy don’t you, brat?” She yelled once again in his face, but Ace didn’t say a word.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, mind clouded with thoughts. ‘She died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.’ The words were on repeat like a broken tape recorder. He didn’t kill his mom, he would never. He didn’t even ask to be born, why it was his fault that two people sixteen years ago decided to make a child together and it just happened to be him.

“Look at me and listen carefully when I’m talking to you, Ace!” Dadan grabbed his shoulders and shook him. With a clenched jaw and redden eyes Ace locked his focus on hers. “The moment the police come, you will go out now and turn yourself in and you won’t mentioned that Sabo was there with you, am I clear?” She took a step closer to him and Ace only nodded. Hearing this Sabo tried to fight Dadan over it, but she called for Dogora and Magra to take Sabo away as she wanted to be left alone with only Ace. Sabo’s attempts to fight Magra, who was extremely strong, were pointless as he easily lifted the boy and took him upstairs, locking him in his room.  Once they were left alone Dadan turned to Ace again. “Why Ace? Tell me, why are you the way you are?” Instead of answering Ace just asked her a very simple question.

“Why you hate me so much?” His voice was quiet. Ace was tired. He was tired of screaming, tired of fighting. He just wanted to know, why the only blood related person he knew and had in his life hated him so much.

“I don’t hate you Ace.” Dadan took a step back as she turned around walking to the dining table and pulling one of the chairs to sit on it. She placed her elbow on the table and started massaging her temple with her fingers. “I don’t hate you, but you are so hard to love. I pity the woman who will end up with you one day. Poor girl, with a man like you she will probably end up the same way my sister did, six feet under the ground.” She looked at the boy standing in front of her in the middle of the kitchen and her heart broke. She knew she has failed to raise him properly and mostly it was her fault, but blood couldn’t turn into water – at the end of the day he had one of the most wanted criminals’ blood running in his veins, the kid was doomed from the start. Looking at Ace all she could see was Roger, even if he has taken after his mother’s beauty and freckle skin, there was only range and madness in his soul, something that Rouge never possessed, this was all Roger or she wanted to believe that it was all him as she never really got to meet or know him. Her sister aways kept her away from her personal life, but still Dadan loved her regardless. “If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too. Try to push her away or something, as much as it pains me to say this... your father’s blood line must end up with you. Whoever ends up with you will suffer.”

Since that night these words never left his mind, they were tattooed, engraved in his brain. What Dadan has said to him was cruel and she regrated it the moment she saw her nephew being taken away by the police. This child who has full of love and life, and she could see it that he had so much of it in himself but never learned how to express it because Dadan herself never showed him how to, would now forever lock himself from the outside world. Because of that night and those words Ace sat his mind on one thing – he would never fall in love and if he did, he would do anything in his power to make the girl who would steal his heart hate him, hate him so much that she would never want to be near him or even hear his name would make her feel disgust. Maybe after all he was meant to be lonely in this world. Because who would love a cursed boy like him?

Seeing (Y/N) jumping out of the car the moment he stopped it in front of her building made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt her, let alone make her cry. It took him all his willpower to not run after her and just wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn’t do this. The moment she put her hand on the back of his neck and ran her fingers in his messy locks while Big Jet Plaine was playing on the background felt like he was hit with thousands of kilowatts of electricity. It was like the Earth stopped spinning and that he was levitating for a moment – all of this by a simple touch by her. And because of it the words which his aunt has told him almost ten years ago echoed in his mind “Whoever ends up with you will suffer and end up like you mom, six feet under.” Ace didn’t want her to suffer because of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain to her why they were better of like friends, even if this was becoming such a cliche.

Speeding through the empty streets at this late hour of the night it didn’t take him long to get back to his place. Ace was mad. Mad at himself and the world, but not at (Y/N). Walking to his apartment and locking the door behind himself he threw the keys on the side not even paying attention that they dropped on the floor. Kicking his shoes on the side he made his way to the living room and sat down on the couch. Inhaling and exhaling deep he laid down and looked at the ceiling. His mind was running wild once again. He messed up big time with her this tonight like never before. He made her cry which pained him the most of it all.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his nose as he ran his hands through his hair and pulled it. “How you’re fixing this now deep shit?” Hitting his jawline with his fist Ace cursed once again. He wasn’t sure if he should even try to fix it. She has a date tomorrow, maybe it was for the best that tonight turned out this way.

After all what could Ace offer her? Love? He has never experienced it himself, he didn’t even grow up loved so how could he love another person if he was never taught how it worked. But this wasn’t love, this has to be just lust and nothing else. He couldn’t be in love with her, she couldn’t be in love with him. It has to be a mutual lust, he was aware of how much she wanted to be kissed by him tonight and not only tonight, but he couldn’t allow this. There was this part of him that was afraid that if he crossed this line with her there wouldn’t be a turning back from then on. Trying to gather his thoughts he got up and went to his desk. Before he sat down, he opened one of the big windows in the room to get some cold air in, hoping that it would make him cool off a bit. Pulling his pack of cigarettes out he lit up one and dragged a long smoke from it.

It was like she had engraved herself in his mind as of recently she was always in his thoughts. And it was always the small details about her – they way she would scrunch her nose before she disagrees with something, the way she bit on her lower lip all the time or when she played with her fingers every time, she was nervous. The way that she was always shy the first few minutes when he was around her, only to relax after a few and act like they have been knowing each other for a lifetime when in fact it has been what – three, almost four months now. But the thing that was amusing him the most was the fact that she happened to understand and get him all the time, sometimes even without words, it was like she could see past his bullshits but chose to ignore it instead. But why? Did she feel something more than lust towards him?

This thought made Ace’s blood run cold. She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She could do so much better than him, after all he was good for nothing, and she... she was everything. She had this uniqueness, this mixture of a pure heart and beautiful mind, there was something way to innocent about her that Ace was afraid if he touched it, he might destroy it. That was why he was calling her – doll, because she was perfect in any sense – perfectly craft from the outside and so beautiful from the inside. There was even a moment where Ace was afraid of developing some Madonna Whore complex for her, but with the unholy thoughts he had in mind and all of them involving her, this fear was out of the window as fast as it came.

Finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray he had on the desk, he knew that he needed something stronger than cigarettes right now. Going into the kitchen and opening one of the top drawers he picked a bottle of whiskey which was half empty. He usually didn’t have hard alcohol at home, but this one was from the last time when Luffy and Zoro had come over to play games and drink booze. Grabbing the bottle he didn’t bother with taking a glass and drank straight from it. Going back to the living room and taking a sit on the chair in front of his desk he put the bottle to the side.

He needed to cool off, to distract himself but even now, with a pen in hand and a note in front of him all he could think about was her. His eyes were reddened, but not from sadness, it was because of fatigue and despair. Massaging his temple with the tips of his finger, he reached with his left hand for the bottle again. The bitter taste of the alcohol burning down his throat, but he didn’t mind it. Putting it down, he started writing on the note.

I've been callin' you "friend," I might need to give it up

He really needed to give it up. He must give up on whatever it was between him and her before its too late. The ache in his heart came back and his whole face grimaced with pain.

“Fool... how could you let yourself fall...” He whispered to himself as he buried his head on his forearms, his body hunched over the desk. Ace didn’t want to fall in love. No, he mustn’t fall in love. ‘If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too.’ These words by his aunt had become very vivid in his memory in the past few weeks, and especially now.

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

He couldn’t allow himself to tell her how he felt, but he could always write her a song, or two, or hundred. Ace didn’t want to admit it to himself until now, but she had become his muse, his medicine in a way, but that was where he would draw the line.

Waking up today felt like the hardest task someone could possibly make me done. I was exhausted. From the moment I left the car till probably three or four in the morning I couldn’t stop crying. Lifting my head from the pillow, I sighed when I saw that the whole pillowcase was stained with makeup.

“I doubt this will come off.” I whispered to myself.

Reaching for my phone on the nightstand to see what time it was I saw I had some messages. None of them were from him. They were all from Dave and one from Shanks. I didn’t even manage to unlock my phone when it died as I didn’t put it to charge last night. Sitting up in the bed I looked for my charger and when I saw it, I plugged the phone and let it charge.

My whole body felt tired, no I felt tired, even thought I slept for almost ten hours. Getting up from the bed I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Seeing the state of my face in the reflection of the mirror wasn’t a big surprise for me – puffy eyes and face covered in smudged makeup and hair all over the place. A tired sighed once again left my lips. Taking off whatever was left of the makeup, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face didn’t took away the puffiness and so I decided to take a quick shower.

Stripping down from the clothes I still had on from last night I got into the shower. My body was trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an emotional mess or because today was surprisingly cold in my apartment. Adjusting the water and making it almost boiling hot I tried to relax my body. Closing my eyes and letting the water run down my body I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything from last night played vividly in my mind, from the moment he picked me up to the moment he dropped me off. I bit on my lips as I felt a new wave of tears falling from my closed eyes as I tried to stop the sob which was threatening to leave my lips. Why was he doing this to me? Was this some kind of a sick mind play? One second, he was all nice and carrying, and the next he switched to a cold uncaring person, and it was like this every time, and I had enough of this. Opening my eyes I took a deep breath in and decided to focus on something else and try my best to think of everything else but him.

Getting out of the shower and changing into more comfortable clothes I laid in my bed again. Seeing that my phone had charged a bit I unplugged it and checked all the messages I had. The one from Shanks was him asking me if I want to take some shifts at the beginning of the year to which I responded with yes and it also hit me that New Years is in two days. Then I moved to the messages from Dave. The last one of the many he had sent was ‘If you don’t want to go let me know :)’.

I felt so bad. Dave was such a nice person, especially to me, and he didn’t deserve such behaviour from me, for which I typed a quick message: ‘Sorry for the late response, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so I felt asleep super early and just woke up. Ofc, we are up for it. Send me the address and what time I should be there ^^’. Even though I wanted to spend the whole day buried in my bed away from everyone and everything, I had made a promise and I was going to keep it.

He responded almost immediately, and we agreed on meeting at six pm as the screening starts at seven. I couldn’t stop myself but thinking of last night and what certain someone told me – ‘Go on the date. Give the guy a chance.’ and maybe I should do this, but this wouldn’t be fair for Dave. Unlike the person who had engraved himself in my mind and hear, I could not lead someone on, not someone who I actually consider a friend and mostly someone I cared for.

Dave greeted me with a hug as aways and I tried my best to fake my smile, not because I didn’t want to see him, but because my mind was elsewhere. Seeing Dave didn’t bring any type of excitement in me even thought I wish it did. He was a very good-looking guy, and he was so nice on top of it, he was the full package, but the spark wasn’t there. But as the guy who had not just caused a spark in my heart but had caused fires in it said – give the guy a chance, so I was determined that tonight I would try to look at Dave in a different light, even if it would be the hardest thing to do due to the fact that certain someone shattered my heart not even twenty-four hours ago, despite this I would try.

“How have you been? You look tired.” Dave said as we pulled away from the hug.

“Oh, yes. I’m just pretty tired, I’m helping my uncle with his bar and yes long shift.” I took a deep breath in and then out as I chuckled. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Good, spending most of my time with family and friends.” He replied with a big smile on his face. “Um, should we get inside? We can grab something to drink before the movie starts.” He pointed with his thumb towards the cinema entrance, and I nodded. Lifting his arm slightly to me I got the hint and wrapped mine with his and we made our way inside.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks as and sat in the cinema bar chitchatting about everything and anything. It was very easy to be relaxed and calm around Dave, he was a pure sunshine, but he had to call me out all the time because I just kept zooming out.

“Dave, I’m so sorry, I promise you I listen.” I apologetically smiled at him.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I can be mad at you.” He said and his fingers gently brushed mine. But there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement.

“Of course you can.” I protested. “I have been a very bad friend to you in the past few weeks and yet you are always so nice to me.” I meant every word that I said and knowing that he had feelings, and I didn’t was killing me from the inside. I couldn’t fake something that wasn’t there in a first place. I couldn’t fake a feeling.

“Um, yes actually there is something I want to speak with you about or well more like something I have to tell you.” He gave me one of his charming smiles as his tawney skin got a slightly heated. Running a hand through his curls he was struggling with finding the right words. Panic took over me as I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready for it and because of it I interrupted him.

“My God, look at the time, we should go. I love watching the trailers before the movie starts.” I jumped from the chair and grabbed the popcorns Dave bought. He was a little surprised by my sudden outburst but laughed it off and followed me with the rest of the things. I had three hours to gather my mind and find the best way to tell Dave that out feelings weren’t mutual, and I was praying to whatever power was out there that he was just having crush on me which hasn’t developed into something more and deep, because I didn’t want to shatter his heart the same way mine was.

“Sh, it’s okay.” Dave had his arms wrapped around me as we were still siting in our seats ten minutes after the movie finished as I was crying my eyes out. I was always a crying mess after watching ‘Interstellar’ but today was probably the hardest I have cried on this movie, but it was clear to me that the reason to cry this much wasn’t only the film. Lifting my head from his chest he cupped my face and wiped my tears away. “Come on let’s get going before they kick us out.” He laughed and I agreed with him.

It was dark and even colder outside than when we came. Dave was holding me close to him as he noticed how I was trembling from the cold.

“Please, you declined my offer to pick you up at least let me drive you back home.”

“Are you sure? You live five minutes away and I live like thirty.” I didn’t want him to waste him time with dropping me off and then getting back home. “I can get the metro.”

“No, please (Y/N), I insist.” He squeezed my shoulders like he was silently begging me to let him drive me home.

“You won’t take ‘no’ as an answer, will you?” I chuckled and he shook his head, making us both laughed in unison. Playfully rolling my eyes I nodded with my head and made him lead the way to his car.

On the way to my place, we were talking for the movie mostly but then we switched to more personal subjects like I never knew that he had a little sister and a big brother, for which I joked with him that as a middle child it did explain why he took on becoming a filmmaker and we laughed about it. Then I told him a bit about my family, and this made me realise that until now, all we have ever talked about was movies or school things which were again related to films and filmmaking. We never got to know each other on a personal level until now. Which made me sad in a way that maybe if I have had the opportunity to get to know him before I met a certain dark raven-haired man, maybe just then these feelings Dave had for me would have been mutual.

“Dave.” I said his name and took a deep breath. He was stopping the car in front of my building, and I wanted to speak up first, because in my mind it was better if I tell him that I see him as a friend only before he tells me whatever he has in mind.

“Please, before you say anything I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

“Dave, no.” I pulled my hand back and cursed myself as I knew what was coming. “Look, I... I didn’t know that you view this as a date until... until last night honestly.” I was struggling to find the right words after I saw how his whole face and mood changed. “And I didn’t want to believe what I have been told that you have crush on me, and I do hope that it’s only a crush because I swear Dave you are the last person I want to hurt.” My voice cracked at the end from seeing the way sadness took over his features. “I... I just don’t see you in this way Dave and I’m so, so sorry. If I leaded you on somehow, I’m... I’m sorry Dave, but it wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” Tears started falling from my face again. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how guilty I was feeling to not share the same feelings as his or because I knew how much it hurt to be rejected by someone you like.

Dave took a deep breath in and turned to look at me. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach the corner of his eyes at all. Then he reached with his hand and wiped away my tears.

“I understand.” He quietly said as he took away his hand from my cheek. “It’s partly my fault, I could see it that your mind was, and I suppose is still somewhere else and... well...” He clicked with his tongue as the bitterness of the rejection was filling his heart and mind. Silence took over as neither of use dared to say something or move. “With risk to overstep my boundaries with you... is there something I could do to change your mind?”

I tilted my head on the side a bit confused by his question, but before I could response he reached with his hand once again and pulled my head closer to him. His lips gently crashed on mine... but there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement. My skin didn’t get any goosebumps, my heart wasn’t set on fire, my mind was somewhere else... my mind was on somebody else. I tried to return the kiss, but it was pointless, and Dave felt it too. Breaking the kiss, he just gently caressed my cheek and then let go of it.

“You didn’t feel anything, did you?” His voice was quiet, and I could sense the pain behind it.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” I whispered.

“And so am I.” He whispered back and then cleared his throat. “But hey, cheer up. I still want to be your friend, and I will be if you want me to.” He gave me a sincere smile one that reached the corner of his eyes as usual.

“Oh, Dave.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him in a very tight hug. “I want to and I love having you around, but I know how much it would hurt you and I don’t want this for you.” My head was buried in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

The past two days have exhausted me so much emotionally – first Ace, then Dave. It was like my life has turned into some soap opera, the kind of series I hated the most and on top of it I was the main character. At the same time there was something ironic and comedic in the whole situation – while I was rejected by a certain someone in a very unspoken way, I kind of did the same thing to somebody else, for which I guess was my own karma.

Since I woke up in the morning today my head was killing me as I haven’t stopped crying. Everything in the past two days was too much for me to take. The worst part was that I was left in the dark. Since last night so many questions have arisen in me – did Ace really didn’t feel anything for me? Did he only saw me as a friend? And if he did – why the pet names? Why the small gestures? Why have we had so many intimate moments which all of them almost ended with a kiss? I might be very bad with getting hints, but I doubt that ‘regular’ friends or even ‘best’ friends have had such shared moments.

The questions were too many and yet the answers couldn’t be found. I was mad at him. I was hurt by him. I wanted to confront him so bad, yet knowing myself, I knew that I would crack the moment I face his deep brown eyes that I have fallen in love with. I knew that the moment I see him again and he calls me doll or whatever he comes up with, no matter how much pain and distress he has caused me I would be willing to forgive him. Which led me in this situation in a first place. He had turned himself into a soft spot for me which led to all of this happening, because he knew, he was fully aware that I was ready to forgive him easily the moment he sweettalked me again. But not this time.

“Fuck.” I cursed. This wasn’t the first time I have had promised myself this, I was like a broken record, repeating the same thing and then do the exact same thing over and over again. I was like a broken record. “Fucking Ace.” I cried into my pillow.

As I was lost in thoughts my phone vibrates, indicating that I have received a message. I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a message from Luffy - ‘Wanna go for a walk later?’. That took me by surprise. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of the month when we went to the club together. But it didn’t matter, I wasn’t in a mood to go out today at all. I needed a day by myself – isolated from anyone and anything. I quickly responded to him that I wasn’t feeling very well so we should leave it for some other day, but he wasn’t having it. He started spamming me with messages until I agreed, but I told him that it would be after seven pm as I didn’t want to go out now while it was still some sunlight outside. ‘YES, see u around 8pm then – I’ll wait for u outside ur place :D’ was the last message he sent me.

It was almost eight pm when I got up from bed and dressed myself in some leggings and a hoodie, I didn’t bother putting a makeup or fixing my hair, even though I looked like a mess with puffy eyes and dark cercles under them, after all we were going to just take a walk in the park near by. I put my jacket and boots on and went out as I received a message from Luffy that he was downstairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he said to me when he saw me exciting the building. “No, sorry (Y/N), I meant it like – are you okay?” He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I swallowed hard before I replied that I was fine.

“Come on you blew my phone off to go for a walk, let’s get going.” I tried to fake a smile when we pulled apart.

We slowly made our way to the park. Luffy was babbling for anything and everything and I tried to focus on the conversation, but it was very hard. My mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to be present here and now, but it was an impossible task.

The park was almost empty as it was quite chill outside, the only passing by people were the one who had their dogs out for a walk or the one who were doing their evening jogging. Despite that it was dark already and something in the night air felt super heavy. I wasn’t sure if it was from the headache I had from all the crying in the past few days, but it felt like I had a bad lucid dream. Everything was like in a slow mode and my mind was just not present.

“(Y/N), hey (Y/N).” Luffy waved with his hand in front of my face. I shook my head as I realised, he had been calling my name and looked at him.

“I’m sorry Luffy. What were you saying?”

“Wanna sit for a moment. You don’t look good, have you eaten today?” He nodded with his head towards one of the benches in the park and wrapped his arm around my shoulder leading me there to sit.

“Yes, I did.” I lied. “I’m fine Luffy, just tired that is all.” I gave him a small sincere smile as we sat down on the bench. Luffy took a deep breath in and exhaled as he propped his elbows on his legs and looked at me from over his shoulder.

“You are not fine, you don’t need to lie to me.” He looked me in the eyes and shook his head. “And I’m sure this has something to do with my brother.”

“Wha-... why are you... like no, it has nothing to do with your brother.” I tried to brush it off, but Luffy just clicked with his tongue.

“I might be not as bright or smart like them and I know that I’m usually super goofy and even childish at times, but I’m not stupid, (Y/N).” He winked at me as he straitened his posture and chuckled. “Ace made me check up on you.” My eyes shoot wide open when he said this.

“What?” I wasn’t sure that I heard him right.

“Ace texted me today to check up on you but didn’t give me any explanation why for but judging by the state you are right now...” Luffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know that something is obviously going on between you two and knowing my brother... he is fucking it up big time.” He took my cold hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But he does care about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me check up on you.” Hearing this I couldn’t help but laughed out loud.

“If he cared so much about me, he would have come himself not sent you.” I could feel the tears treating to fall from my eyes again.

“I guess you are right, but Ace... well, Ace is Ace, and he does care believe it or not, but I know my brother and h-” I didn’t let Luffy finish his sentence as I interrupted.

“Luffy.” I took a deep breath before I continue because I was on the verge of a break down. “You know your brother as your brother and not as... as... God I can’t even find the words to describe what your brother is to me.” I pulled my hand from Luffy’s and buried my fingers in my hair pulling it a bit as I was losing my mind.

 “(Y/N) please calm down.” Luffy’s deep brown eyes so similar to the ones I fell in love with and filled up with worry. “God, I shouldn’t have told you this at all. Ace is going to kill me.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to know that he sent you?” I snorted out a bitter laugher. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. Before Luffy had the chance to answer I got up from the bench and started walking fast towards the metro station. Luffy immediately got up and followed me, calling me to stop.

“Please (Y/N) wait.” Luffy caught up to me and made me stop by grabbing my arm. “Calm down first and where are you going? Your place is in the other direction.” He gave me a confused look.

“To your brother’s place.” I replied and jerked my arm from his as I started walking fast again.

“You don’t even know if he is home or not.” Luffy screamed after me which made me turned around and look at him.

“Is you brother home Luffy?” My patience was wearing thin.

“I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t lying I could see that he didn’t.

“Well then I plan to find this out.”

I'm sick, and I'm tired too I can admit, I am not fireproof

Ace was hunched over his desk with his head propped on his palms. The headache he has had in the past two day was killing him, but he didn’t plan to do anything to fix it. The floor around him was covered with crumpled or torn apart paper. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, not like she has left it ever since they cross paths for a first time but in the two past days it was different.

Fallin' again I need a pick-me-up

His last two days were like hell – all he did was stay at home and smoke away his brain. His bandmates had blown his phone with messages and calls, but he only bothered to text Deuce back and let him know that he wasn’t going to rehearse with them this week. Which caused another wave of messages from mostly his brother Sabo, but Ace just ignored him. Still, he had opened the message app so many times as he has typed so many messages to only one person, just to delete them before pressing send. Ace knew that he fucked up badly with her and he was torn apart between trying to fix things or just let it be. His mind was telling him to just let go and not bother her ever again, but his heart... his heart wanted nothing else but her.

Guilty was eating him alive. What was he thinking when he took her out? Why did he take her out in a first place? Even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Ace did it because he was jealous. Hearing that this guy, David or Dave whatever his name was, was planning to take her out and confess his feelings for her struck a never in him, that was why he acted spontaneously the moment he saw his friend Yamato’s story on Instagram. Which now he realised it was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. Ace didn’t think it through back then but by any means that “hang out” two nights ago was a date by all definitions. And now he was suffering and made her suffer the consequences of his jealousy and indecision. Indecision because he couldn’t let himself have her but also the thought of another guy having her was killing him. How was he supposed to let her go and move on with his life when she had him on such chokehold?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace cursed loudly as he hit his jawline with his fist. Hitting himself wasn’t enough of a punishment for making her cry, for hurting her.

Earlier today he had texted his younger brother to check on her as he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was aware that she was mad and probably hurt by him, but he wanted at least to know if she was okay and taking care of herself, but he was also curious – did she go to the date with that guy? And if she did, did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy it more than any of the times she had spent with Ace? All these questions were circulating in his mind, and he hoped that Luffy won’t fuck it up and get them out of her, but he wasn’t aware of the date so the only thing Ace would find out was if she was still sad or not.

I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you I hope I don't murder me, I hope I don't burden you

Luffy had texted him an hour ago that he was waiting for her outside her apartment building to go for a walk and apparently it took him a long time to convince her in a first place to even go out.

“You better not fuck this up Luffy.” Ace murmured as he knew how bad his brother was with keeping his mouth shut sometimes but he was his only option right now. For a first time ever in his life Ace felt like a coward. He didn’t have the courage to face (Y/N), because what was he going to tell her – “hey I’m kind of in love with you, but also can’t be with you for your own good, so we still can be friends, right?” Friend? Even he couldn’t buy this lie anymore. They were never friends to begin with, but calling each other such was the only option, which now was out of the window.

It has started to rain outside and the streets were dark and foggy. Ace was standing next to the window as he was smoking probably his fifteenth cigarette if the day. The cold air coming from outside was blazing his skin as he had only a pair of grey sweatpants hanged on his hips. The circles under his eyes were dark, even as a person with narcolepsy he had barely slept these days. He was impatiently waiting for a text from his brother to know how their walk went and most importantly how was (Y/N). Closing his eyes shut he leaned his head on his arm which was propped on the window as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it out. Just as he threw the cigarette his phone buzzed, it was a message from Luffy – ‘Don’t kill me, but I fucked up…’

Swim with me I think I can see the beach I know what's underneath I need you here with me but we're out in the open

Ace was about to throw his phone angrily across the room when he heard his doorbell ring followed with a loud bang on it and froze on the spot. This better not be who he thought it might be. Another determined knock and ring followed which made him shake his head and head to the door. Opening the door he didn’t have time to react or say anything as he was met with a slap across his face. ‘I deserve this.’ He thought to himself as he could recognise the softness of these fingers without even looking at the person in front of him.

“You fucking asshole.” You yelled in his face. He was standing by the door with his head a bit to the side as you have slapped it. Slapping him across the face was something you didn’t want to do but the moment he stood up in front of you just couldn’t control yourself. He just opened the door wilder and pulled you in before closing it. Then he finally dared to look at you.

There you were. Standing in front of him, soaking wet from the rain with your hair messed up from it and eyes red and puffy. Your whole body was trembling from the cold, but also from all the emotions bubbling inside of you. You looked like a mess.

“What are you doing here, doll?” His voice was quite and very raspy as he hasn’t spoken in days, in fact he hasn’t, the only words that have left his lips was when he was cursing himself out.

“Don’t you dare calling me this ever again.” Your voice was full of rage and pain, and it hurt him to hear it like this. It was always like a sweet melody to listen to it, but now hearing you for a first time ever like this, it made his heart aches mostly because he was the reason why you were in such state. Instead of saying something Ace just turned his back at you and walked away as he couldn’t bring himself to face you. “Don’t walk away you coward.” You called after him as you followed not even bothering to take your boots off as you entered his living room.

If I meet you in the middle, maybe we could agree You make me feel little how you're looking at me

He was a coward and you had all the rights to call him such. Standing in the middle of the living room with his back facing you he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, not when you were looking at him like this. You had never looked at him with so much rage and mostly disappointment. But he deserved it.

“Look at me, Ace.” You said to him as he was just adding to your rage when he was refusing to face at you. “Stop ignoring me and look at me when I’m talking to you.” Your heart was tearing apart, even now when you were standing in front of him, you had to beg for his attention which was only adding to his disrespect towards you. You grabbed his hand trying to make him turn around only for him to yanked it away from you. “You will not make a joke out of me again.”

Feeling your fingers on the bare skin on his hand made his whole-body burn, but hearing your words was like a stab in his heart which made him turn around immediately and finally face you.

His eyes were as tired as yours. Now when he was finally facing you, you were able to take better look at him. You have never seen Ace in such state, he looked defeated and lost at the same time, there was no trace left of the usual cocky playfully and confident man you knew, this… this wasn’t the Ace you were used to see and this caught you by surprise.

If I told you that I loved you Tell me, what would you say?

“I have never ever made a joke out of you nor disrespected you, doll.” A little spark of anger crossed his eyes as he slowly said this with a very stern tone. How could you say this? How could you even think of such thing? Him disrespecting you? Making fun out if you? He would never do such thing to you, not you of all people.

“Oh, you have never done such thing?” You laughed in his face as you took a step back as you needed some space from him to breathe. “You, of all people, have done the biggest fool out of me by your actions Ace.” Your voice was raised loudly again. “Sending your brother to check up on me? Are you fucking kidding me? And, and you- ” you pointed out your finger at him. “You dared to send him, to check on me because you are so, so worried about me that you don’t fucking bother to be man enough and do it yourself?” You have never screamed at a person before, but there was aways a first time.

Ace was just standing in front of you. You were right, he wasn’t a man enough to check up on you and not only this he wasn’t a man enough to even tell you why he couldn’t. He wasn’t man enough to just say fuck it and grab you in his arms and tell you to calm down and just kiss your pain away. Maybe after all he wasn’t as grown up as he thought he was. Maybe after all he was still a lost child who had no idea how to deal with love, let alone how to show or voice it. Instead, he just stood there frozen if front of you while his mind and heart were going crazy. His heart was screaming, no it was begging him to just pour out itself to you, yet his mind was telling him that the best thing he should do was to break whatever you two had between each other and move on. But how could he do this? Which was the right thing to do?

“Say something you fucking coward.” You cried out. Tears started running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold them anymore, it was too much and with him just standing there not saying anything, felt like someone was burning you alive.

Hearing your cry, Ace finally looked you in the eyes. It took all his willpower to not reached with his hand to wipe away the tears falling from your them. The tears that he caused. Because he knew that if he did this, he would break his act, and he couldn’t afford to do this. Swallowing hard he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Look, doll I-”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed at him.

“(Y/N).” He took a breath in as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry if I made you feel this way, but do-” Ace stopped himself as he was about to call you ‘doll’ again. But that was the thing – you were his doll, because in his eyes there were no flaws in you just like porcelain dolls, which were so perfectly crafted, yet one rough touch and they might break, for which he was afraid that he would break you if he dared to bare his soul and heart for you because his hands weren’t clean and he wouldn’t dare to destroy something so perfect as you, so he must admire you from afar. “(Y/N), I’m sorry if I messed up our friendship and mostly if I made you feel this was, but I swear, I would never ever even think of doing such thing to you.”

“What friendship, Ace?” You bitterly chuckled. “Were we ever truly friends?”

He didn’t know how to respond to this question – no, he didn’t want to respond to this question, not that he didn’t know the answer to it.

“I don’t have any other ‘friend’ or should I specify a male friend that calls me ‘doll’ or even ‘baby’ from time to time. I don’t have friends who takes me out for…” You were afraid to say it out loud, but you had nothing to lose anymore tonight, you were determined - tonight was the night where all cards from your side were coming to the table. “Fuck this I’m calling it what it was, this ‘hang out’ two nights ago was a fucking date, wasn’t it?”

The moment you called it a date he looked away. It was hard enough for him when he had to admit it to himself but admitting it to you was something he wasn’t ready to do. He didn’t do dates, he didn’t go to dates until you. Actually, he haven’t done even one bit of the things he had done for you for another girl ever, but he wasn’t going to admit this to you.

“Fucking coward, you can’t even admit this.” You laughed through tears as you clicked with your tongue. “I’m done pretending, Ace.” Lifting your hands in the air and dropping them down defeatedly you took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore… no, I… I can’t be your friend. God, I never wanted to be your friend, but I tried to, I swear I tried but… but…” Tears were blurring your vision as you knew that from what you were about to say there was no coming back. “The only reason why I can’t be your friend is not because I don’t want to, but because I’m in love with you.”

If I told you that I hated you Would you go away?

These words cut though his heart like a knife. Usually when you hear that the person who you also happened to have feelings for shares them you were supposed to be happy, to be on cloud nine, weren’t you? But Ace wasn’t like most people, he was he and this alone was his biggest punishment. With what he said next, he knew that not only your, but his heart would break as well.

“Look, doll.” He started not daring to look at you. Ace had his eyes locked on the wall where the big sideboard with pictures. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or made you think that there would be something more happening between us, but…” He could feel his heart breaking, he didn’t mean any of these words, but he had decided – he was going to listen to his mind and not his heart, which meant only one thing – breaking yours. “But it’s not mutual, okay?”

Tears had stopped falling from your face as you were carefully listening and observing him. His jawline was clenched and so were his fists, his whole body was tensed and you could see and clearly hear that he was struggling with his words, and most importantly… he didn’t dare to look at you while saying this.

“Then why have you done so many gestures towards me? Hell Ace, let’s not act like we haven’t almost kissed so many times.” You were going to dig deep into this. Tonight you were going to get your answers.

“Have you seen yourself, doll?” Ace chuckled sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief as he heard your question. “I’m a guy and you are an extremely attractive girl, of course I want to fuck you, are you crazy?” He laughed out loud as he tried to hide the pain behind his words. It wasn’t like they weren’t true, but he would have never said it in such vulgar way if he didn’t try to push you away.

“You could have done it many times.” You answered with bitterness as you have never heard him speak so vulgarly with you about you, but you were honest with him. If all he ever wanted from you was a quick fuck he could have done it already and move on with his life not play friends with you.

“Could’ve, should’ve but I never did, thanks Luffy and his friends as if you haven’t been their friend I would have used you already and forget about you.” He turned away from you when he said this. He didn’t mean it and he wanted to kill himself for saying this to you. But he had to let you go.

“Use me?” You whispered in disbelief. This couldn’t be, he couldn’t have done such thing – no, the Ace that you knew wouldn’t dare to say such thing to you, he might have been an asshole, but this… this was crossing all the lines. “Is that why you were calling me doll all the time? Because you saw me as nothing more but a girl with whom you can play your twisted mind games?” You didn’t get any response as he was still facing away from you. “I don’t buy this bullshit, Ace.” Taking a few steps towards him you moved to stand in front of him and didn’t let him face you away. He was lying. He must be lying. “Say it to my face.” You were looking at him, eyes focused on his, yet for a thousand time tonight he refused to meet them.

He couldn’t bring himself to do such thing. It was hard enough to say it without looking at you, but to look at you and say such words, he could never. He just hoped that you would break up any second now and leave his place and him for good.

“I don’t believe you, Ace.” You repeated yourself. “I don’t believe that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck, especially when you had the opportunity many times.” Placing your right hand on his face you had to use a little bit of a force to make him look at you, but he finally did. You were so close to each other once again. His deep brown eyes were pierced in yours and in that moment an idea and the courage to say it out loud came to you. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” You asked, eyes not moving from his. He didn’t reply as he was waiting for you to voice your ‘deal’. “Kiss me.” Was all you said which made him push away your hand and take a step back as he looked at you as you were out of your mind.

“What the fuck? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve told you?” He couldn’t believe that you really asked him this, off all things, everything else but this.

“Yes, I did.” You took a step closer to him again.

“Why should I kiss you? Where is the deal in this?” A puff of air left his lips in a makeshift laughter. Where were you going with this?

Rolling your shoulders back and straightening you posture you swallowed hard before you speak up again.

“It’s super simple.” You said. “You kiss me and if you feel nothing, not even the slightest but of a spark then… then I’m gone and we pretend that this has never happened… that this whole ‘friendship’ or whatever it is, was, has never happened and.. and…” You bit on your lips hard as you needed a moment before you could finish your sentence. “And we become strangers.” Saying this you looked away from him as you were afraid of what was to happen next.

Both of you stood frozen in the middle of his living room. None of you dared to move or looked at the other. Ace couldn’t bring himself to kiss you as he knew if he just tasted your lips once he wouldn’t be able to stop and he would be craving more and more of you. He licked his lower lip as he glanced at you – you looked so broken and defeated, and he was the one who had done this to you. His heart ached like never before. He had never felt such pain, but there was a first time for everything. A deep sigh left his lips as he shook his head.

“Just go home, we are done here.”

“No, Ace we are no d-”

“Yes, we are done. I don’t want you, okay. This shit is not mutual get it your pretty head.” He was grateful that you didn’t dare to look at him when he screamed at you as you had your head facing the floor. Ace didn’t want to startle nor scream at you, but he had no choice, because he could feel it in himself that if you stood a minute longer here he would break and not only kiss you but just take you in his arms and carry you to his bedroom and show you how much you mean to him.

He had never yelled or acted like this towards you which took you by surprise. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware that Ace had a dark side, but he had never showed it to you. Maybe you didn’t know him that well after all and maybe you were wrong – he might not be lying after all. Maybe he did not feel anything towards you and all you were to him was exactly a doll – something he was having fun with whenever he felt like it.

“Now fucking leave (Y/N).”

Hearing your name leaving his lips meant that he didn’t need to tell you twice. With a trembling lip and eyes full of tears once again you ran away. You opened and closed the front door of his apartment, but the loud sob that threatened to leave your lips escaped before you were able to close the door behind you. You called for the elevator and thankfully it took a few seconds to come. You couldn’t believe it. That was it. That was going to be the last time you and Ace see each other, because after tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to see him ever again. If two nights ago he shattered your heart, then tonight he just ripped it out of your chest and broke it into a million peace. Entering the elevator, you leaned on the wall of it and pressed the palm of your hand to your lips as the moment the door closed another agonised sob had left your lips.

You ran pass him without looking at him, but he did look at you and he could feel his breath leaving his lungs from the sight of your pained face. The sob that left your lips a second before you shut the front door close didn’t slip his ears. Ace could feel his own heart breaking from the pain he had caused you. This was for best. You were going to hate him now but be thankful later in life that he didn’t let you fall further. Right?

But if he was so sure that he had made the right decision then why did he found himself running down the stairs trying to make it in time to the first floor before the elevator hits it. Why did he run out of his apartment so fast and was running down the staris, skipping more than one step at times only to make sure to reach you in time. If he was so sure that he had made the right decision not even a minute ago, why was he standing in front of the elevator’s door waiting for them to open in less than a second from now?

Swim with me I think I can see the beach Just don't look underneath us I need you here with me but we're out in the open

The elevator’s door open and your breath got caught up in your lungs. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hurt you enough? Both of his hands were propped on each side of the elevator as he was trying to catch up his breath, his chest raising and falling fast with each breath while his head was hanged low. The elevator door started to close but Ace put his hand and stopped it and finally looked at you.

It was like his body was working against his will and mind, like his heart has taken control over it and he couldn’t control himself anymore. Before you could say anything as you part your lips with a questionable look written all over your face, he cut the distance between you two and you were in his arms. Pinning you against the elevator’s mirrored wall with his whole body pressed on your, he had one hand on your waist and the other one on the back of your head. You didn’t have a time to react or protest when his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen on the spot, shocked from this sudden turn of events, but your hands quickly found their way to his dark messy locks and you buried your fingers in them. His lips felt soft and warm on yours making you melt under his touch. The kiss was burning with passion, the way his lips had captured yours, so aggressively and desperate, yet softly and needy. With your lips parted slightly it allowed his tongue to slip inside causing a little gasp to escape them. He pulled you even closer to his body as if it was possible to get any closer than this and deepened the kiss.

He couldn’t stop. Your lips were like a drug, and he just tasted them for a first time, yet he was already addicted. All his sense everything in him screamed and begged him to pull away from you, even his lungs as they were out of air, but he couldn’t. It was so wrong, yet so right. You in his arms with your lips pressed together while your tongues were met in a burning desire of bottled-up feelings. He could taste the salty taste of your tears on your lips caused by him. You were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you.

‘Whoever ends up with you will be cursed.’ His aunt words echoed in his mind again. This alone made him pull away and break the kiss apart. Ace opend his eyes and found you with your eyes still closed as you were left breathless with your now puffy lips. He didn’t want to let go of you. Not now, not ever. Not when he has finally done what he was dreaming of doing since that day you two had met. With one hand holding you still steady and close to him on the back of your waist like if you decide to run away, he would not let you go, he moved the one from the back of your neck to your cheek caressing it gently. The skin of your face was so soft and even in your worst state you were still flawless and breathtaking for him. He ran his thumb over your lips – tracing the shape of them and feeling the softness of them, making sure that he would remember it good as the moment you opened your eyes, he let go of you and took a step back.

“A deal is a deal.” He said as he leaned with his hands on the mirror caging you between him and the wall, but his eyes weren’t on you. Ace was looking at himself as he could speak with hatred only at himself. Swallowing hard he spoke up again. “I felt nothing, doll.” His voice was quite and raspy.

He might have not been looking at you, but you were looking at him. Why was he doing this to you? To himself? To you both? You weren’t stupid and he was obviously lying. Because his body and face didn’t match his words. He was in pain, and you could read it all over him, you didn’t need to look in his eyes to know this. But what gave away was the way he kissed you. You didn’t kiss someone with such passion, such need and desire if you didn’t feel anything for them – and Ace kissed you with all this and more. His kiss was burning with desire, not lust – desire. So why was he lying? Why was he hurting you both?

“Liar.”

END NOTE: Damn... what a roller coaster of feelings, hu? I hope you don't hate me much ♡ But this scene and this turn of events have been in my mind for a long, long time so you must understand I had to make it this way, but now as you have read about Ace's past I'm sure that you understand why he is and acts the way he does, because all he needs and wants is love, yet he is been told all his life that he isn't worthy of it... ALSO I GOT MY ELEVATOR, which I just added one sentence in chapter 5 where it says that it was out of service that first time Reader went to his place. Anyway I really do hope that despite the pain these two went through in this chapter you enjoyed reading it and as aways feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me regardless what you thought of it ♡ Thank you for reading my works once again ♡

writing, format & dividers © cinnamoonblue fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©cinnamoonblue, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[steviewashere]

Okay, I'm getting on here to be a little bit pissy. I'm sorry in advance.

I am so in love with the headcanons regarding Steve's hearing, whether it be that he's hard of hearing, actively in the process of losing his hearing, deaf with a hearing aid, or just completely deaf—every version is fucking fantastic. I'm hard of hearing myself, it's fucking great that this representation is being written or drawn. I love it.

However, I'm going to hold your hand as I say this, stop using language such as "when he learns to lipread" or "eventually learns to lipread." Please stop.

He shouldn't have to learn to lip read. That shouldn't be an eventual skill he learns.

And, gonna give you a little bit of history here, it's historically ableist to require a deaf/hoh person to learn lip reading. From the late 1800s and into the late 1960s, there were literally programs across America that would force deaf children to write, speak, and lipread English—they were punished for signing to others in their schools, in public, in their dorms. And that didn't change until "Total Communication" was brought forth as a possibility, a philosophy that declared children would learn better using their preferred communication—whether it be oralism (the practice of writing, speaking, and lipreading) or via signing. However, oral schools that implemented total communication into their core programs had sign language that was structured with English grammar, this is commonly known as Exact Sign Language, or Exact English Sign Language. It's not American Sign Language.

Also, children who were approved for Coclear Implants in the early 1990s, were sent from residential deaf schools into day schools (public schools) that had a primary focus on oral teaching; pushed into day schools with little to no support, were discouraged from signing with even their parents. This was due to the fact that it was believed that signing at home would slow down their learning.

I am such a fan of deaf Steve or HoH Steve, but you have to be careful the language you're approaching his character with. If he has a sign language interpreter, then he most likely already knows sign language and will, also, most likely rely on an interpreter for communication with hearing people. If he is going deaf (maybe because of head trauma, maybe he gets into a traumatic accident, maybe he gets sick and just loses his hearing, maybe he listens to music too loudly and damages his ears that way), Steve will most likely already have the skills to write and speak in English, but lipreading is a skill that's difficult to garner.

I'll say, too, lipreading is fucking difficult because hearing people are so used to speaking (most of the time. I'm not talking about non-verbal hearing people in this conversation)—hearing people will typically talk fast, which makes lipreading muddy and indecipherable. I've been trying to learn this for years and I'm fucking over it, I can't do it. I speak and write, but I also use ASL, too.

Saying that Steve needs to lipread, that's ableist. Saying that he eventually or finally learns to lipread, that's ableist. Fuck it, I'm gonna say this, too—requiring or not giving Steve the option to decide whether or not he wants a hearing aid or implant device is also inherently ableist. Deaf people are (and should be) allowed to have a choice on having to hear. My own sibling made the decision recently to stop using the cochlear implant they've had their entire life because they weren't even given the choice to get one in the first place (and decided they were done with it), they hated the feedback the cochlear had, and it was just irritating in the sense that it would fall off, the volume control would change all on its own, and they just didn't like it. That's their choice. It's important to give a character that choice.

I let this get away from me, but I despise how people talk about his options for communication sometimes. It just rubs me the wrong way. And I think it's best we all reanalyze how we approach his characterization, especially how we can approach crafting the characterization without alienating a group of people.

*this post has been approved by my deaf sibling (who was born deaf), and obviously by me (somebody who can only hear out of one fucking ear. seriously be careful about volume control on your ear buds. and also wear ear plugs at shows. it hurts like hell to damage your ear drum.)

Here's a whole Wikipedia article about deaf education in the US (just in case you wanted another reason to hate America, but also if you're curious. definitely something everybody should learn).

[zebulontheplanet]

I really hate how people treat people. How people are ableist, and how people treat their own friends who have disabilities that differ from them.

I had a friend (not friend any more of course) say that our Deaf Mute friend, was dumb because he couldn’t speak. Of course, I was appalled. And of course, I called her out.

We haven’t really spoken since, and the whole thing is a mess and drama filled because I REFUSE to move on and be friends with someone who views someone like that.

I cannot stand people who think that it’s ok to think these things and say these things to me. I am NOT the person to even JOKE about stuff like that too. You will learn real quick. I don’t understand hearing people who say these things, and then actively try and learn ASL and/or involve themselves with the Deaf community. Why are you even NEAR the community if you believe these things? I don’t understand it. And I hate people with these beliefs.

Stand up for people if someone says oralist or ableist shit. Don’t stand there and let it happen. Call them out. Especially people who are the most vulnerable.

[faggot-greg-house]

back with more house autism moments lets go

- when he has meltdowns or gets overstimulated he locks himself in his office with all the lights off and just throws his ball against the wall over and over again. the only person who knows and can tell when he's hurtling over the edge is wilson, and sometimes wilson lets him curl up on his couch with one of wilson's jackets over his head and wilson just quietly does work on his computer so house can listen to him breathing

- house has so so many stim toys because he actively destroys them by accident. he prefers stuff he can spin or manipulate the pieces of (and obvs his ball) but he has to keep such a surplus because he will fucking ruin them or lose them in a moment of stress

- he also uses his gameboy to stim, he's played all of his games so many times he barely has to think about it and having his hands moving keeps his mind straight

- when house is overstimulated or having a meltdown he is dead silent. he was trained into being "normal" by all the ppl in his early life so he just shuts down entirely except for scratching himself or digging his nails into his skin. it took wilson time to recognize this as him melting down but now wilson can recognize the look in his eyes nearly instantly

- house learned asl and forces wilson to learn some too so they can a) talk across the balcony and b) communicate when he's non verbal. he often uses asl to cause fucking PROBLEMS for wilson

- @greghatecrimes posted a bunch of good autistic thirteen stuff and i'm shamelessly piggybacking off of them to say that thirteen learns asl too and then they shit talk the other fellows in front of them. the main purpose was for talking when one of them was nonverbal but then

- house alternates between no eye contact and aggressively too much eye contact. it depends on how he feels but he is unashamed of either. he will kubrick stare you to death

- house uses elaborate metaphors that make sense to no one because idioms and metaphors ALREADY dont make sense to him so why not make up his own

- house's office is meticulously arranged and he can tell if something is different the Minute he comes in. he can also tell with wilson's office

- the reason house doesnt go to department head meetings is because he gets very understimulated and starts acting up! he hates sitting and having to listen and not being able to do any of his stims and he decided its just not worth it

- house is very hypersensitive to smells. hospital smells dont bother him because theyre Familiar but if someone wears too strong cologne or if he's near a candle its all he can think abt

[sir-pentiouses-egg-boys]

1 Bruce headcanon for each kid

Dick: Bruce fully trusts Dick, loves him, believes he's better than him, and that he's the heart if the family. And once Dick, as Robin first joined Bruce stopped having Nightmares. He was also had either in paper or on the Batcomputer every piece of Nightwing news saved.

Barbara: Bruce didn't want his Friends daughter to join him at first. However after she almost died, he relented and if she wasn't going to stop, might as well make sure she's safe. When Barbara and Dick started dating, Bruce had feelings, however I like to believe secretly hom and Gordon had a talk about it, Bruce not having to be to much on Brucie Wayne since Gordon knows already since he's not an idiot. Once Barbara was paralyzed after Jason was killed it hit Bruce... A lot. However 2 weeks after Barbara was paralyzed nearly everywhere has wheel chair accessibility because of Bruce.

Jason: Once he moved in he wasn't skinny, but packed nutrients. And Bruce also due to Alfred learned to cook to help Jason. Nothing fancy basic meals still helpful. Bruce tried his best to curve Jason's more violent tendencies. Once he died Bruce began keeping a picture of him in his gloves. He kept Dicks picture in the utility belt. Once he came back as Red Hood, it caused Bruce to spiral all over again, caused Alfred, Tim, and Barbara to convince Dick to talk to him... He'd never admit it but the words Dick said meant more than anything, Bruce desperately wanted Jason to rejoin but on Alfred's ask, he gave Jason time.

Tim: Bruce was very out of his depth with Tim, and felt bad for his mental state he had to deal with. And him having Parents still. When Tim's parents died, it was the only time Batman didn't appear for 2 days as he had to help Tim Grieve. Due to tims... Photography habits, and his preference of camera in the beginning causing Bruce to make a Red light room in the batcare for his pictures. Bruce still has a lot of them, hidden somewhere in the Cave. He also actively taught Tim stuff about more detective work when he was a robin, as the others weren't as interested in it as Tim.

Cassandra: Bruce taught the entire family (minus Barbara who knew it already) ASL. He was the most protective of Cassandra, and along with Barbara had to spend a lot of time teaching her stuff. Bruce, Cass and Barbara have an odd unspoken bond from this. Bruce Wayne started started more programs for the mute after this as well.

Damian: Bruce DNA tested him 3 times, through 3 different means. He did t regret that night with Thalia... He loves Damian. Bruce would never say it, but he had a striking resemblance to his father. Bruce was unnerved by Damian at first... He even nearly startled him, he got used to it. Bruce also did not enjoy watching Damian befriend others like Jon, and absolutely didn't love seeing his rivalry with the others once he mellowed out.

Stephanie: No matter what she did, hell even once she died... Bruce knows she was good for the family. She helped a lot of them come together, and got lots of people out of their shells. Bruce also is happy Cassandra watches out for her.

[leebrontide]

I ever tell y'all about the South African nun I used to work with?

She's the only nun I have ever personally known. No idea how good of an example she is. I'm guessing she's an outlier in many respects.

She had a masters in social work, and worked very hard at the addiction counseling center I used to work with. All her paycheck went to supporting the order. She was, indeed, a bit severe for my taste sometimes. I guess she followed the stereotype in that way.

But I was under the distinct impression she joined the order to help protect her from retribution for her anti-apartheid activism. Don't get me wrong, she was a big fan of Jesus, but she also used to sneak out of the convent when she was young to go clubbing. The met the Pope in jeans.

When I decided to be a good ally to deaf folks by being honest when I couldn't make out what someone was saying (lol. That was a learning experience) she was the first person to offer to tutor me in ASL. (First of 4. Turns out I'm kinda deaf.)

She was AGGRESSIVELY pro queer. Like if someone said something homophobic in her presence they were IN FOR IT.

And one time, she was called in for jury duty, and she was gone for over a month. Which, to be fucking honest, was a massive pain in the ass for the rest of us, who had to cover her work. At the end she came back, looking absolutely smug. Apparently they'd put her holy but on a jury looking to convict a young trans woman of something that, if you listened to anybody but the cops, she was obviously being framed for.

The prosecution pushed hard. Several jurors were willing to convict.

But this sweet, holy troll not only gave her entire paycheck from her work to the convent, her entire living came from her order. Which meant, out of the whole jury, she was the only one who could sit there in deliberation indefinitely without loosing a cent. And she sat her ass down and argued and protested and refused to budge until this girl was officially not guilty.

None of us were irritated for her being gone so long.

She didn't always know the right words, and she didn't understand everything, but she knew the main thing- take people at their word, and trust that they know their experiences and their selves better than you do. And she was always very kind about asking me questions that might irritate.

The final thing that won her my heart tho, actually came after I was fired from that job for, frankly, being disabled. Which you'd think would be illegal but since the manager had kindly offered me what looked like a good deal, to let me go contract instead of salary, for more flexible hours, they'd talked me into signing away many of my worker's protections. So, they could get away with it.

And this nun marched right into my boss's boss's office and blasted her with the full force of her catholic guilt beam. Or however that works. I don't know. I'm not Catholic. Boss-boss was reportedly in tears. As frankly she should be! Ableism in a therapy setting is a special level of evil. Common, but still evil.

I have no point, I was just thinking fondly of her this evening, and how sometimes your allies aren't where you expect them to be.

[multiheadcanons]

REQUEST: BILINGUAL MERCS

pyro: when pyro finds out that ASL exists it’s over for you bitches. they are on that shit like white on rice. they dedicate a solid year to learning it, and almost forces the team to learn as well, because it is, without a doubt, the most optimal way to communicate with pyro. everyone is still very slow, and limited in what they know of ASL, but the more pyro practices, the more the team practices, and the faster everyone becomes. at least the people who regularly interact with pyro, on or off the field.

demo: i’m including demo because scottish gaelic is cool, and more people should learn it. it is an endangered language, and more people should learn it to keep it alive. demo would not consider himself fluent in gaelic, but he has knowledge of it and can speak a few sentences. enough to get a bottle of liquor and directions to the bathroom. he’s trying harder to learn it because it bothers him that the language is endangered. he’s too proud of his heritage to let something as easy as language slip away from him.

heavy: heavy’s first english sentence that was grammatically correct was “what are we talking about”. he started learning english in his mid to late twenties. he got a russian to english dictionary and would look at things and recite it to himself. he kept that dictionary on him, in his pocket for another decade. anytime he had a spare moment, he’d pick a page, pick a word, and recite it to himself. it was a slow start, very duolingo-esque; but once he got the hang of english he had already spent so much time just listening to english speakers that learning sentence structure was easier that he thought it would be. by his mid thirties he was fairly fluent, if only a slow talker.

engineer: engie is a native english speaker, but he knows some spanish! one of his favorite restaurants was run by a lovely hispanic couple, and instead of forcing them to learn english he embraced enough of the language to confidently order his food and make very… very small talk. he doesn’t use it often, so he’s losing it as he ages, but he and spy enjoy calling each other “amigo”. he would not fare well being dropped in the middle of mexico, but he can do just fine if he runs into someone who speaks spanish. as he interacts with the bilingual members of the team, he picks up on some words, here and there. mainly the cursing.

medic: medic remembers his first english sentence, technically! he was at university with his mother, and a few of her classmates asked him who he was here with in their english course before class started. he, being five or so, very confidently said “my mother!”. it was very cute, according to him. medic (technically) was brought up in a bilingual household, though german did dominate the house. when his mother studied, he would study it with her. hardly knew or understood most of it, since he was also still actively trying to learn his mother tongue, but he found joy in their connection of learning a language together. he grew up knowing enough english that if he got dropped in the middle of utah he could introduce himself and ask for directions to the airport and the bathroom and some water. he could understand it as a language much better than he could speak it, so when he put his mind to it in grade school it was actually a fairly easy class! german and english sentence structures are… remotely similar, and he took it and ran with it. he was fluent in english before he went to university.

spy: spy canonically has voice lines in english, french, spanish, and italian, and i’m gonna say out of those he’s only truly fluent in french and italian. english was a hard language for him to wrap his head around as he attempted to learn as a teenager, he did not become confident in english until his early thirties. the noises needed were too strong, too gruff, not sophisticated enough like the romantic languages he was used to. and sometimes, very rarely, he will still lose english words. they will be on the tip of his tongue and as he goes to speak it it disappears. it pisses him off so much it’s kinda funny. when he found out engie knew a little bit of spanish it excited him, because he didn’t want to lose the knowledge he had of spanish, so he was gravely disappointed when engie told him he doesn’t know enough to converse.

[pnfc]

todays timefilling activity was trying to list all the ways perry's status as an animal has bearing on his circumstances/character. since a lot of these ideas crop up when im thinking about au or human versions of him

unique effects of perry being a platypus:

prefatory notes: -these aren’t all hard canon, they’re a blend of canon/speculation/my personal preference -some are inconsistent in the show, eg perry being banned from riding a bus but allowed at a casino / dubiously allowed to drive a car. these are potential challenges, not universal ones -some of these circumstances can be wielded strategically for perry's benefit (eg perry exploiting assumed mindlessness) so everything listed isn’t 100% negative -some of these can be superficially mapped onto a human version of perry (eg inability to speak), but they’ll have different nuances if he’s not an animal

note i’m not arguing that any one of these points is fundamental to perry’s character, although they do add up to a set of life circumstances with significant bearing on who perry is in the show. this isn’t a case for the eminent superiority of a canon compliant perry over any au version, which is a matter of personal preference. you could similarly list out all the human-specific qualities of an imagined human perry, and you could find that version of the character more or equally compelling -- but these are qualities unique to the canonical platypus perry. (and i do think all of them are fun to explore, on their own and in the context of him having a rship with doof)

note also there ARE canonical au versions of perry for whom these conditions don’t apply, due to him having a different rship with the flynn-fletchers or owca or doof, or him being a different species! e.g. agent p from ‘temple of juatchadoon’ doesn’t appear to have any relationship with the flynn-fletchers ; parable the dragonpus could have any number of physiological differences, like a massively extended lifespan ; the star wars version of perry likely doesn’t face the same kind of judgment/scrutiny over his species or over interspecies relationships

ok

neutral or positive qualities related to perry’s species:

best most immutable aspect of perry being a platypus: he’s a platypus. ie a cute lovable little animal guy with all these cool platypus features like his swimminess and his electro-bill and his whappy tail and his soft warm fur <3

2nd best (debatable) aspect of perry being a platypus: doof thinks all of the above daily

being an animal means he can communicate with / ally with other animals when he wants to

being an animal who isn't a common pet can occasionally yield specialized treatment, e.g. he gets more respect than a cat or dog in some public spaces, he can 'pass' for a human more easily, and many people can't identify what he is

has a unique rship with the flynn-fletchers and especially phineas&ferb -- they named and raised him, are functionally his parents, even if he catches up to / outpaces them developmentally. he gets to experience a loving parental dynamic from them.

also has a unique rship with monogram and carl, who brought him up through the academy. (based on the owca book, and perry’s current dynamic with mono in particular, this was probably less than wholesome/loving treatment)

no standard human education: is educated/propagandized at owca, and is otherwise self-educated or learns through osmosis

has no known biological family

(i like to assume) born/raised in danville, so isn't actually australian

would face less/no prejudice specifically along the axis of him being trans or intersex, it’s more invisiblized for him (otoh him being in a gay rship, less invisiblized)

is an endangered species

physical limitations/difficulties due to perry’s species:

is unable to speak human language (specifically because he’s an animal; he can make platypus sounds -- his rship with muteness would change if he was human) and (as far as we see in the show) is untrained in asl, so his communicative abilities are restricted

produces dangerous venom that he has to be careful of

very short and tiny (which he CAN use to his advantage but can also disadvantage him in human society, or in general - him trying and failing utterly to pull lyla up the train, lol)

likely has limited understanding of his own anatomy/physiology

(realistically) more vulnerable to heat than a human, potential dietary restrictions, less professional medical support available, seasonal hormone fluctuations

societal judgment/restriction of perry based on his species:

forbidden from accessing some human spaces / doing certain human activities

assumed to be mindless or unintelligent, assumed to be non-autonomous and a pet. generally disrespected (even doof is not innocent of this)

can be treated as a child, due to his young age (tho he's a mature adult in platypus years)

perceived by some as less-than-a-person, worth less than a human

by extension, heinz or any human partner/friend faces judgment for prioritizing/being in a rship with him as an animal (even a platonic one)

ways perry’s role as an owca agent is fucked due to his species:

raised as a child soldier, groomed into his career/given no choice in it, and in his short time on earth has had no opportunity to question or escape from it (due to the host family placement which effectively blackmails perry 24/7)

unclear if he has a right to his own person (owned by owca? and/or superficially owned by the flynn-fletchers?) or a legal government presence (e.g. can he legally own assets? he gets an income, but as an animal does the government acknowledge him as the owner of whatever accounts? is he forced to assume a false human identity? is he a citizen? can he rent?)

raised outside of his species, so quitting and living in nature among his own is not an option for him, he is forced to live in a society not built for his species

estranged from his fellow agents on the basis of species, esp. since the majority of them exhibit more instinctive/untamed animal behaviors that perry finds frustrating/unrelatable

forced to hide his intelligence/personhood/capacity for love and complex relationships among his family (much more severe than just hiding a secret job)

also: they make him eat canned worms and use a litterbox, and we know perry finds this humiliating :(

he has limited autonomy around his family -- is subject to the whims of their travel plans, etc. is technically always performing his job, since he has to maintain cover at home. down-time where he can openly express himself is extremely limited.

not legally protected on the level of a human, so if he dies owca likely will face no consequences - they perform animal experiments on him

has limited (if any) job prospects outside of owca - and doesn't get human worker protections

problematic aspects to perry’s romantic prospects:

literally a minor. literally a 41 year agegap with heinz. obscene

more to the point: ppl assuming perry can’t be in a healthy/consensual rship because he’s an animal

has limited life experience and no romantic experience. heinz is his first romantic connection, and there’s a huge imbalance of experience there.

has severely limited and complicated romantic prospects outside of heinz due to his species (an issue heinz does not share)

(presumably) can’t legally marry heinz, and even if he did many people would not regard him as a serious romantic partner (or stepdad, etc)

his natural lifespan is about a third of a human’s, so he and heinz probably have disparate time left, by a matter of decades (additionally, perry will probably die before most people he knows)

how the heck do a human and a platypus have sex… i’m gonna have to think about this one (more to the point: there’s no established precedent for a romantic and/or physical rship between their species, they have to figure it out on their own. that includes negotiating any imbalance in their sex drives)

[sparklecats2009]

Just like that, my time freelancing at South Press has ended. The people I met and lessons I learned here will be with me forever. I made an entire new FURRY brand for this coffee shop over the last 9 months and sold a whole lot of merchandise with my art on it! Some of you even visited me 🙀!

Here's to hoping for more amazing collaborations. If you'd like to support me while I look for my next gig, consider signing up for my mailing club!

Though that is very exciting for me, the South Press + Knox Pride staff are the reason it happened. They not only trusted me, but gave me support. They gave me my sweet tea and muffin and I would draw kitties and make menus for them. Nothing will ever replace the time I spent here- there are so many stories to tell. It truly does not feel real. For those of you who never visited- Google will say it is a coffee shop. It was much more. The employees of this shop helped community members raise money for name changes, flood victims, overdue rent, car repairs + other crises weekly. They hosted crafts, drag shows, open mic, karaoke, ASL trivia, sensory-friendly disco... every event under the sun. They worked extremely hard every single day. South Press did not close the doors due to being a failed business. South Press closed because it was not designed for a broken system. Capitalism rewards high profits, understaffed or overworked employees, and utilitarian emptiness. South Press, on the other hand, had baby dolls hanging from the ceiling. The current environment not only ignores small businesses, minorities, and working class humans- it actively punishes them. South Press was a beautiful mix of everything, queering the future possibilities of what could be. It was not a quirky business in a walkable area. It was a space owned by trans people. supporting working class people. in a red area. on the side of chapman highway. Joslynn, the owner, believed my designs would support her business, but she is an amazing designer. She designed a space that rewarded community, creativity, collaboration. In all of these areas, South Press was ahead of it's time. Getting to collaborate with her everyday made me feel so lucky. Thank you.

[hyperref-lex-ia]

Things you can’t do when you’re mute (partially for the pnf community partially cause i was just thinkin about it):

- Phone calls (yes they have TTS apps that can do this but a) they cost money to remove ads that physically interrupt you and b) people are stupid sometimes and constantly ask if you’re still there even when you introduce with the fact that you’re mute and to give you time to type)

- Fast food drive throughs

- Communicating while carrying things

- Communicating while driving (unless you are with someone who can understand sign/one handed sign)

- Asking people if they need help quickly without stopping them and having them wait for you to type

BONUS, doable things that are just kind of annoying:

- Paying for gas with cash

- Buying things at a register instead of self checkout

- Really just paying for anything in cash

- People acting like I am deaf when I am actively listening to music with large over the ear headphones loudly and having to point to my ears and do a thumbs up (this usually get the point across)

BONUS TWO, things that are cool that have happened to me:

- A hispanic guy (this is relevant) came up to me at a gas station who had seen me paying for gas inside and I guess heard me blasting my music and started speaking to me in spanish. I understand enough spanish that i was able to get that he was asking if i was mute, then he asked if i understood spanish and i shook my head, and he switched to english and started telling me about a seminar he went to on mutism. He was very sweet and it made my day

- The woman who is always working at the panda express I frequent at my school learned how to say a few things in sign presumably because I go there a LOT

- A little girl at the summer camp I went to who connected with me heard another kid ask me why I was using my phone to speak and said loudly “Some people can’t hear and some people can’t speak its a disability”

- Another little girl at the same camp kept running out into the hallway and the teacher was older and worried more about keeping an eye on everyone than her comfort so I offered to watch her in the hall. I sat down with her and asked her if she was overstimulated (in a way a small child would understand) and she nodded. I don’t remember what I said next but she signed me too. I signed asking if she signed and she signed back “a little”. I explained why I couldn’t speak and she said she was the same. I nearly burst into tears for this child and the connection we had. I spent the rest of the day with her. She spoke quietly to other kids but with me she would just smile big and point to things she wanted to show me. We read some of her favorite books quietly sitting next to each other.

- Teaching kids the ASL alphabet, they are always so eager to learn

If anyone is mute or has recently gone mute or has non verbal episodes I am here with you. There’s nothing wrong with us. I love you.

[bahnloopi]

(LONG THREAD AHEAD)

I pitched the idea for "regional" Saiyans. Saiyans who evolve and adapt to their settled climates. Whis tells Goku and Vegeta that there are smaller Saiyan tribes that inhabit other less universes (not just U6).

These Saiyans inhabit a water/ice-based planet. They're based off of Japanese macaques or "hot spring monkeys". Naming system has been after bathroom products. They're super lazy but can inflict heavy damage if you engage a fight with them.

Planet Sento is predominantly an ice planet. The tropical hot springs are made from volcanic vents underneath that melt the ice of the surrounding area. Sentos have thick skin and fur and are accustomed to the scalding temperatures of the springs.

They're classified in roles: Therapies, Offense troopers, transporters, and Elders. Transporters are the Sento Saiyans with the thickest coasts who haul resources or thinner coat Saiyans to and from neighboring tribes. Offense Troopers are usually male/females with thick-enough coats who protect the Transporters. Therapies are females with thinner coats that can't venture through the arctic areas and they perform massage therapy on the troopers or transporters. If a Sento Oozaru is calmed enough from thrashing by soaking in the hot springs, Therapies swoop in to try and revert it back to base form using head scritches or giant leaf fanning.

Their courting/mating practices consist of top-tier acrobatic performances to impressing mates. Hetero/Homosexual relationships accepted.

They only really turn into Oozarus if you agitate them or they can't get access into the hot springs. Their skin and fur is thick enough to take the boiling temps of the spring but can scald regular skin. The spring has senzu-bean and muscle stimulator properties.

They don't really speak a lot since they sleep most of the time so they use ASL to communicate most of the time.

Powerwise I'd place them at SSJ3 level only when they're active fighting. They're fight primal style at ground-base. They cannot fly but can launch themselves in momentum. They can't sense energy but go by scent.

Main thing is Super forms. They do not physically turn into the forms. They learn to use the form's properties. (stamina\ki control\moveset). Think Ikari Broly. The only indicator of what form they're utilizing is eye color. If they're using SSJ, their eye color will change to the form's eye color.

In origins, there were a group of og saiyans that served under Vegeta's Great Grandfather and they decided to step away from the throne. They were exiled and accidentally discovered beings who could travel between universes at will. They had no desire to come back with Cold's regime active.

(There's a lot more information and I'll update the post again later.)

[ficsinhistory]

There's a criminally low amount of content about Wendy and man, I intend to take matters into my own hands! Her character is amazing, so here's my character analysis of Wendy's journey in the series, along with my two cents because her writing scratches my brain in the best possible way!

Spoiler for the entire Netflix series, Sweet Tooth.

Season 1

To begin with, after Gus, Jeep and Becky, Wendy is the most important character in Sweet Tooth. She, and by extension her mother, don't appear so early in the story for nothing. Not only that, but to talk about Wendy is to talk about other characters too, because her arc is intrinsically linked to the others. Even this season, where she appears relatively little.

As we already know, she is a hybrid girl found and raised by Aimee since she was a baby, which started the life of this woman in the story. Wendy is curious, likes to paint, loves her mother more than anything and helps her keep their little family of rescued hybrids safe and in peace.

What may go unnoticed, however, is how the PPreserve and rescue of hybrids as we know it only happens because of Wendy.

Aimee wanted nothing more to do with the outside world and was content to watch society burn, focusing only on looking after her daughter.

But Wendy listened to the people on the radio, realizing that they were afraid,andnot only felt sorry, but she also felt compelled to respond and help. She almost responded once and only didn't because her mother wouldn't let her.

Do you understand?

Wendy is such a youngchild, no more than nine years old, but she is already trying to take an active role in alleviating the suffering of others in the face of horrors. A fundamental characteristic of her character is compassion and that makes me so delighted!

 She's a child who should hate humans who aren't her mother. She should be selfish and only think about her life, and it would be normal because she's just a child.

 We have images of her in a peaceful life with Aimee. It could go on like this. But Wendy doesn't want to.

Because she has so much love inside her!

She loves her mom, her home, and these children she doesn't know but wants to have a safe place for. Which drives her to care for Bobby, even if her mother didn't let her.

This girl sticks to her ideals and acts on them because it's the right thing to do! She says that they have to help!

Wendy convinces Aimee to rescue hybrids, officially takes Bobby in, and assumes responsibilities as an older sister, taking charge of the Preserve with her mother. She learns ASL because not all her siblings speak. She knows what each one does and has been through.

Damn, the girl is a born nurturer! She's intelligent, brave and kind. So sociable and ready to put herself in a position to help that it's touching!

And it's not even for herself because we find out later that Wendy feels actively different from her siblings!

Probably because she's a highly developed hybrid and takes on too much responsibility to interact as an equal with the other children. Plus, she's not human either and doesn't see herself entirely as her mother either!

Wendy remains in this limbo that leaves her lonely and sad. A person who loves to be cared for but finds it difficult to let herself be cared for, and yet focuses not on her own feelings, but on others!

Things then get very ugly as the Preserve is discovered by Abbot.

And guess what? She wants freaking help, wanting to do anything she can for her mother and siblings, even though she's terrified, because sees herself as the leader of the place just like her mother!

Aimee decides that they need to run away, and Wendy needs to leave the place she has known all her life, separate from her mother and guarantee the lives of her siblings, all without losing control. After all, she's the big sister they trust with all their hearts, and they're her little brothers. And Wendy doesn't want to separate because, listen, it's dangerous for Aimee and she's worried that, more importantly, being alone might mess things up.

She is afraid of not guaranteeing everyone's life.

Wendy is fleeing the house she's lived in forever from people who actively hunt children like her and all she can think about is looking after the younger ones! It's an unimaginable amount of stress and tension that she handles like a champ! So much so that they make it to run with her leadership!

The problem was that the Last Men got there first, and they were captured. I can't imagine what a blow that must have been.

Her mother, the person Wendy loves most in the world, put her in charge of the family, relying on her intelligence and decision-making skills in her absence, and they were all caught. Not only that, with captivity leaving them incommunicado with Aimee, Wendy became "mom" until they were rescued.

And this initiates one of Wendy's main traumas and much of her arc in Season 2: her parentification in the mission of keep her siblings together and alive.

She really is Bear's sister, because like Becky, Wendy swallows her own feelings in the name of caring for a greater goal and does not process what she feels.

Because her mother has asked Wendy to be strong and she can't be wrong, afraid or insecure because it will cost her dearly!

She's a kid who's always felt responsible for others now having to really be the main support since everyone sees her as the person in charge, without Aimee.

To make matters worse, one of her siblings, Roy, is taken away and there's nothing she can do about it. A fact that haunts her all the time in captivity.

HOWEVER, when he's taken away, Gus shows up and GUESS WHAT???

WENDY IS THERE TO HELP THIS DEER BOY AND ADD HIM AS ANOTHER ONE SHE CARES FOR!!!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SHE SEES GUS AND SAYS: "YEAH, HE'S PART OF THE FAMILY NOW" EVEN THOUGH SHE ALREADY HAS SEVERAL OTHER CHILDREN TO LOOK AFTER AND DOESN'T NEED TO DO THAT!

THE GIRL HAS JUST LOST HER HOME, MOTHER, A BROTHER, BUT SHE LOOKS AT GUS FOR A FEW SECONDS SEEING THAT THIS BOY IS IN NEED OF A GOOD HUG AND SUPPORT AND PROVIDES IT BECAUSE WENDY IS KIND LIKE THAT!

Season 2

So much that her first scene of the second season is her personally taking care of Gus. He's having a nightmare and she goes there to get him out of it.

And boy, the second season isn't kind to Wendy at all (neither is the third, but that one isn't kind to anyone).

She and her siblings are stuck in the worst place in their old home and being treated like animals, with Wendy trying to maintain everyone's dignity. She doesn't want them to be treated like captive animals eating dog food, but her siblings need to eat and, with options scarce, she accepts her defeats.

The trials have only just begun, and she must feel like she's already failing because looking after her siblings is everything to her!

Even her name, Wendy, is significant in this respect.

Just like Wendy Darling from Peter Pan, the big sister who looks after the brothers well-being like a grown-up even though she's still a child. That is what she is! A child with a lot of pressure having to act like an adult because she's the big sister.

I think that's why she got attached to Gus so quickly.

He, like Wendy, is one of the few hybrids in the series who grew up in a loving home and was raised as an ordinary child since he was a baby. Gus is probably the only child in the series that Wendy has connected with on an equal footing, not being a sibling who needs her care. He's smart, brave and has this sense that they can't be treated like that too.

Gus understands and thinks similarly to Wendy, and she notices this. So much so that they both end up in this season as the "father and mother" of the hybrids in captivity, working and deciding on plans together.

Gus talks about running away and Wendy shows that them were already trying and failing miserably. She then officially introduces the rest of the hybrids to Gus, and we see how much she loves these children.

(And I have to say, I think it's really cute that the sign she chooses for Gus is his antlers).

As an older sister myself, I can say that Wendy is excellent. This girl knows everything about her siblings to the point of being able to tell Gus every quirk that he's going to have to deal with. She cares and tries to accommodate each one as best she can.

And then we're hit with Roy's reminder. And how everyone there is counting on her.

Because Wendy misses her mother, is scared and hungry as much as any of them but can't afford to just be like that. Because the others actively depend on her. To the point where Jojo asks when Roy is coming back, even though she's been in the same place as them the whole time.

 All the children see her as this figure of answers that Wendy isn't but needs to be.

Wendy is 👏🏽nine👏🏽years👏🏽years old👏🏽!

Then they manage to come up with a plan to call Aimee on the radio and thanks to Bobby's skills, they get the key and manage to escape. With Wendy taking the initiative by knowing how to operate by observation.

Except that she's starting to crack under all this pressure. And the most devastating thing is that it's not even about her.

It is for her family.

Wendy is👏🏽nine👏🏽years👏🏽years old👏🏽, is surrounded by bad people (so the possibility of dying is very real) but her concern is that if she doesn't make it her siblings will pay the price.

Like Roy. Because Wendy feels responsible, even though it's not her fault.

This girl doesn't even think about her own life!

And that's what makes Gus' support vital. Because, up until this point, no one was looking after Wendy apart from Aimee. Sure, her brothers care and love her, but she's still the mother figure, the leader, the nurturer.

But Gus is supportive and looks after Wendy just as she does him. He assures her that she will not only make it but will go with her to help. He brings optimism and perseverance to her care and caution.

Is very nice that, in Wendy's arcs in general, she always has to accept help in order to be able to help. She gets help from Gus and later from Becky. She doesn't have to deal with everything on her own. She's not alone. She gets as much love and care as she offers.

Returning to the escape, the two of them cross the zoo to the radio room, a sequence that cements their connection and how Wendy and Gus now work together as equals.

They reach the radio and Wendy has her confidence renewed with the help of Gus's reassurances (which is ridiculously cute by the way), warning Aimee. However, things start to go wrong.

They almost get caught, which forces them to hide again, and Wendy comes across her brother's formaldehyde-dipped corpse.

Do you realize how insane this is?!

 Wendy now has confirmation that Roy is dead, that they are in serious danger and more pressure as if didn't have enough already. Not only that, but their mother also doesn’t answer. They end caught and the few means been taken away from them, with Bobby on a leash and Jonnhy reinforcing security with cameras.

Not only that, but now she and Gus must tell the truth about why Roy isn't coming back.

... except that Gus lies without thinking twice and puts Wendy in an impasse that she does not see much way out of other than agreeing.

 We realize that despite the brief time they've known each other, Wendy trustsGus even though she doesn't agreewith him. The girl could have denied everything on the spot, but decided not to because the moral was already low and it was a lighter way out, although not ideal. Even though she knew deep down that it wouldn't work out and would come back to bite them later.

Even so, Wendy isstill going to have some much-needed words with Gus because doesn't agree and says that lying creates a rupture that will be difficult to mend. That's what her mother taught, and he's put that trust in check (and so has she).

But above all, Wendy is distraught by the whole situation.

And Gus understands. Because he sees that, although the lie is one of the reasons she's so angry, much of the anger comes from the guilt Wendy is carrying. Of being captured and losing Roy. And he shares his experiences to make her feel better. That he understands because he's been there. And that things will get better. They will not end up dead, and they'll all get out of this together.

And Wendy brings Teddy into the conversation, revealing for the first time what is really bothering her to Gus.

She doesn't know how to look after her siblings without her mother and maybe can't do it on her own.

She is being truly vulnerable for the first time since was kidnapped, expressing doubt and fear freely and being the comforted one rather than the comforter, to which Gus replies that she doesn't have to do it alone, because they'll think of something. And that she can do it because Wendy is clever (Jesus, they're so cute!).

And Wendy is accepting help from someone other than her mother for the first time, and it's lovely to see. Because, remember, Wendy is 👏🏽nine👏🏽years👏🏽years old👏🏽. She's just seen her brother killed, has to lie about it and can't mourn properly, having to look after the siblings left without their mother, who doesn't even know if she's alive.

Guilt, responsibility and family are major elements of Wendy's arc. And the series talks about how in order to deal with all of them in a healthy way we have to forge connections in love, experiences and mutual affection. Beautifully illustrated in this conversation.

Finally, she has a foothold again...which is immediately ripped away from her.

Seriously, as soon as these poor kids have finished talking, Gus is taken out of Wendy's hands. Literally. She's still fighting it, but there's no way.

Man, the look on her face when Gus is carried off can only be described as devastated, her eyes glistening with tears, and so absorbed that she doesn't even react to the guard's mockery.

 The first person who really understood her since the whole ordeal began is going to meet the fate that Wendy knows killed her brother.

This leaves her so shaken that her next scene is of her curled-up crying, hugging Bobby.

Dude, that's a hard blow! The girl lost her mother, her home, one of her younger brothers and now her new best friend in two days tops!

 Fortunately, Gus not only returns, but informs her that he has bought them some time and brought a nightlight for Teddy that Wendy had mentioned. This makes her incredibly happy and grateful, as well as making Gus accepted as another older brother by the rest of the hybrids.

So much so that when dog is found, Wendy and Gus are called in to see and organize the next steps.

A quick aside to say that I congratulate the writers for handling Wendy and Gus' arc like champs. Sweet Tooth is about Found Family, friendships forged in the face of adversity and I'm thankful every day that the most canon romantic subplot was Rani and Adi (and we know how that one ended).

 However, they've managed to translate Gus and Wendy's dynamic well in a way that makes it clear that they are best friends, but their connection is stronger and deeper than just friendship per se and different from what either of them has, and we understand well why they end up building a family together in the end. They are basically soulmates who decided to get married, having had a strong enough love from the start regardless of the form.

Anyway. Wendy now has the support of Gus in leading the children and everyone begins to organize for the escape with the signal given by Aimee and Jepp, who are together. However, they have nowhere to go, Gus still has his own traumas related to his return to Yellowstone and Bobby is on a leash. Not only that, but the lie about Roy is getting out of hand.

Jonnhy then shows up to take Gus away at Singh's request and everyone must wait alone with the others until he returns, at the same time as the adults get on the Last Men's radar. However, they couldn't reach the zoo and have to leave town.

And we get one of Wendy's stand-out scenes of the season.

Her mother is alive, but she's and Big Man aren’t coming back, and no one knows why they left or if they'll return. She is then faced with the harsh possibility that will be in charge not until Aimee rescues them, but from now on. She's going to have to be the "mother" for real now because waiting is no longer an option, she's going to have to act.  Wendy will now have to guide them and come up with an escape plan, a👏🏽nine👏🏽years👏🏽years old👏🏽!

 If before she was the mother figure with the only grace in all the pressure of keeping everyone together being the rescue of the mother, now she has to actively get them out without knowing when or if can see her mother again, taking on a position that no child should take on.

But Wendy is too brave and too full of love for her family to give up and disappoint them. Not when they are the ones she holds most dear. Even though she's overwhelmed, afraid and grieving.

Gus then returns, informed that the rescue has gone and that they are on their own, and brings exactly what was missing: somewhere to go. He brings hope and perspective, a light at the end of the tunnel. And we see how much Wendy values this and genuinely cares for him.

He then gives more details about Yellowstone and tells stories about Bear, this being the first mention of the sister Wendy has, even though she doesn't know it.

I have to say that she's a real one impressed with Becky and that it's amazing how alike these two are.

This little girl has just as much talent for leadership and strategy as her sister, and just as strong a temper. I mean, this nine-year-old unashamedly states that she hates the cell guard, is happy to hear about the death of the Last Men, has a firm and somewhat cheeky personality, as well as resorting to violence without blinking an eye. I am sure she'd have her own army under other circumstances too, lol.

Escape plans are being made when things start to go wrong. Gus is taken away again, and it's becoming apparent that things are different for him. 

The children begin to question Wendy about the obvious difference in treatment, asking why he can have some freedom and if wouldn’t ending up running away like Roy. Of course, she knows that Roy is dead, but that brings up something very real: Gus has different circumstances. Those bad people want him alive, a grace that she and the others don't have.

Wendy replies that they can trust Gus of course, but the doubts are already there.

Rani's visit bring some relieves, but rock bottom arrives when the cell guard reveals the truth about Roy and Wendy is confronted about the lie alone in a claustrophobic scene and she ends up folding under so much pressure and giving in to mistrust.

And I don't blame her.

To begin with, Wendy is alone taking onthe consequences of a lie that was Gus's idea, which she would never have told if it hadn't been for him, who goes against everything Aimee taught him. Her mother and the person she love most.

Now it is brought to light that the person who is helping her the most is also the one who is being "favored", no matter how much she wants to ignore it.

It is in this fragile state that we see how Wendy's trauma has left its mark on her.

She loves Gus very much but is so overwhelmed and worried that she chooses fear and distrust over her inherent empathy and goodwill.

Because Wendy is only nine years old and is a scared child, no matter how much tries to want to be more than that, tasked with a duty that's too big and too stressful. And what's a bigger breach of trust for frightened children than lying?

That doesn't make it any easier for her. On the contrary.

Wendy got attached to Gus, remember? She loves him as much as her brothers, he is her best friend. But her best friend also lied and came back from what was supposed to kill them.

Something that her worry and above all her guilt cannot let go of.

Because Gus always came back while Roy didn't. While none of her brothers would come back. And Wendy won't let it happen again.

She couldn't take it.

Even if this separation makes you more tense, stressed and lost, because that's how fear leaves you.

That's why I find it symbolic that Bobby is the first to trust Gus again.

Bobby is the embodiment of Wendy's love and empathy. The child she took in before his mother allowed it because it was the right thing to do. From her thought of having to help others hoping for the best, not the worst.

A thought she still has. It's just... buried under guilt and pressure.

So much so that when Wendy angrily confronts Gus about letting Bobby go, he just... apologizes.

Because he recognizes that his best friend doesn't really see him as different. Because Wendy is just desperate to keep everyone together, alive, and having a tough time with it, which affects the way she acts. And that yes, he had made things worse, despite his best intentions. That Wendy reacted like him after finding out the truth about Paba and Birdie because lies hurt. And this sincere response moves her so much that he manages to calm her down, even a little.

Because they're still friends, they're still each other's support. That's thetruth and it hasn't changed.

So much so that when Wendy is threatened, Gus doesn't hesitate to protect her, although he ends up panicking after learning what happened to Peter and the results of trusting Singh.

And Wendy supports him immediately after he returns from what was essentially a torture session with Abbot.

At that moment, we see her returning to the way she really is.

A brave, kind, empathetic and loving girl who wants nothing more than to help those in need and relieve their fears. Especially those she cares.

And Wendy ignores all the misunderstandings from before because Gus arrives frightened.

Her best friend is trembling, terrified, and she does not hesitate for a second. With the necessary space given, he says he's feeling guilty, afraid, and the roles are reversed.

Now Gus needs to be comforted. And Wendy acts like him, bringing her experience to make him feel better. Assuring him that they will make it and make it stronger. Together.

Because they are friends. Family. He is one of them.

This attitude restores their bond and marks Wendy's choice of friendship, love and connection over fear and mistrust.

The day of the escape arrives, and we see this bond cemented when she entrusts one of the most important parts of the plan to Gus. Not only that, but she also openly supports him when doubts about him threaten to return.

After all, this is the boy who protected and helped her, Wendy doesn't need to fear. No need to give in to fear and anxiety.

She's only nine, but she's already chosen the right path more than most adults.

The plan is put into practice, the guard is subdued, and everyone escapes. A hilarious scene with a little personal revenge on the guy.

However, the soldiers are alerted by the flare that Jepp throws, and Teddy almost gets caught. Gus sets himself up as a distraction for the others to escape and guarantees his friend's life, providing a scene that shows just how important he is to this Wendy.

She is simply paralyzed by Gus leaving. We can see her conflict clearly because she loves Gus as much as her brothers. She doesn't want them to be separated. And only the reminder that this is the chance at his request for everyone to be okay that keeps her going.

Because again, Wendy is full of love and compassion, feelings that overflow in everything she does and even inspire everyone around her.

It inspired Aimee to rescue other children. Rani to see hybrids as more than wild animals. Gus to talk and fight for everyone's life.

Wendy is a symbol of this. How no, it's not easy to maintain empathy, kindness and a sense of community in the worst of times... but it is possible. It's necessary. Because we only really live when we love and connect. Otherwise, it's just survival, which turns you into a shell of what you once were and fought for.

And all the kindness she shows is reciprocated in a beautiful domino effect of positive consequences in which Gus refuses to leave with a newly arrived Jepp without the others, which saves her siblings, makes her reunite with her mother because she refused to leave her best friend behind and ultimately generates a successful escape.

Wendy got everything she wanted thanks to her love, empathy, and resilience. Gestures that could be described as naive or weak, but which turned out to be her greatest asset.

And she can be a child with her siblings and mother in a new home once again. All because Wendy decided for the love and unity that allowed connections with like-minded peers.

... Unfortunately, that doesn't last long.

Because Aimee gets the Sick and Becky finds her.

The end of the second and third seasons dealt with the same arc of community, siblinghood and family that has always been Wendy's hallmark, albeit from a perspective of mourning, maturing and new beginnings.

They finally arrive in Yellowstone, their new place to call home. Life seems to be working out again.

Her mother is there. Her brothers are there. Gus is there. They're eating real food once again. She can go back to drawing. Everything is fine, she made it. They've made it. She even has new friends, Becky in particular who is always genuinely nice to her.

And then her mother calls her to talk, and Wendy finds out that Aimee is going to die (not only that, I dare say that Wendy was the only child who knew, as the only one who didn't wish her mother well when they separated).

The person who has always looked after Wendy, the person she loved most in the world... is simply leaving and will never come back. With one last request from her mother in front of the fire for her, for everyone, to explore a world that is theirs. After everything she's been through.

And this beginning of the end comes with Tiger's warning that Abbot is coming after them.

The children need to hide, and they split up.

Wendy is only nine years old and has to say goodbye to her mother for good after all she's done to find her again and keep everyone together. Not only that, but her best friend is also falling behind, and she finds herself in the worst position she could want: unable to do anything to help.

 And she doesn't take it well at all. Wendy is numb to the facts, still doing the best to maintain order, but her mind couldn't be more disturbed. She wants to go back and fight. To help Gus and, especially, Aimee.

And Becky, poor thing, is trying to console her as best she can.

Except that Wendy gets progressively more impatient and irritated because still has no idea who Becky is, only that the warrior tells her to wait while all the people she loves most in the world are risking their lives. To stay safe.

For a girl who has never done anything but take risks and fight for those she cares about regardless of the danger.

Even though Becky still tries to appeal to her siblings, Wendy jumps in and runs off into the chaos. Which, considering everything she'd done so far had been for them, shows that this girl has a lot of personality.

However, she ends up being caught, taken back by Becky and discovering that they are sisters.

...at the worst possible moment, because between her grief and the urge to do something, Wendy is overwhelmed and ignores Becky. She only comes to her senses when she is saved from bisons.

Reality finally hits. She has a sister who loves her and has searched for her for years, and who she genuinely feels is there... but doesn't know. Becky is not familiar.

Nothing about it is.

Wendy has been the big sister all her life. The one who protects all her life. The leader of the hybrid children and whose care came from her mother. Now Becky arrives, with Aimee on the verge of death, and has her as precious family. Wendy is on the other side this time. The protégé instead of the protector.

This girl is nine years old and her whole reality is disintegrating.

Fortunately, she manages to arrive in time to have one last conversation with her mother before she passes away with a final promise of consolation.

Then we have the funeral scene. Not just of Aimee, but of Wendy's childhood and innocence. Poignantly represented when she stops wearing her bow on her head.

A symbol of childhood.

So much so that in the next scene she appears reading a story about...growing up.

Because she'll never be the child she was. Life has taken a lot from her. Now it's up to what she's going to do with all these changes. With all the numbness of grief and the new relationship with Becky.

We also see that she is going to accompany Gus, choosing to help him as his brothers are safe. It makes sense, he is one of the most important people in the world to her and they've been through enough trauma bonding and life connections to seal that Gus is as much a priority to Wendy as her mother was. They find Birdie's possible location and they go after her in Alaska.

Season 3

Things start off lightly with a car ride, one of the few scenes in which Wendy and Gus are children. The two are even much more in tune this season, clearly being a rock for each other, providing mutual support, wearing complementary colors and all.

We also see Becky trying to be a good sister and ensuring the safety of her dear little sister and Jepp struggling to be a father of three.

It is also remarkable that Wendy's grief for Aimee still affects her and her relationship with Becky, for example when she sniffs out a family killed by The Sick.

They arrive at a casino and, a few puns later, the children sniff out food, get caught in a trap and end up meeting a group of elderly people who run the place. They deny the necessary supplies and in the middle of the conversation, death is brought up once again. Which, for the nine-year-old girl who has just lost her mother, is obviously too much.

She hasn't fully processed Aimee's departure and this pain has a bearing on her ability to form bonds with her new sister.

Because, ironically, although deeply empathetic, Wendy it is extremely difficult to be vulnerable.

Which comes to light with his relationship with Becky.

 In the whole show, this girl has so far only been able to connect with her mother, who raised her from the cradle, and Gus, who is her best friend and basically kindred spirit. Wendy has always felt out of place and had trouble relating, ever since the first season.

Having an older sister is not familiar in any way to Wendy. On the contrary, it puts her in an uncomfortable position, even more so with her mother dying, and the opposite of everything she has lived through. Even the fact that Becky is human puts her in a different position from Wendy.

That's why Gus is the one who can console her.

As I said before, the writers were goats at working out Gus and Wendy's connection. They look alike and this similarity illustrates their connection with flying colors. Gus understands what it's like to lose the person who's looked after you all your life. That's all Wendy needed to hear. That it wasn't fair, that it never stops hurting. And that they dealt with it together. Which is familiarity and support enough for Wendy to pull herself together.

Although this leaves Becky feeling powerless.

Things at the Casino don't work out and they have to go without supplies.

Wendy is obviously irritated by the petty behavior of those idiots, and she reflects on old age together with Gus, promising to be better when it's their turn. It's a cute scene, especially because they're children in a world that wants them dead (dying too) and reaching that age hasn't been possible for many, both hybrids and humans.

And once again, Wendy thinks of others in the moment, reinforcing her empathy, her bond with Gus and some very well done foreshadowing (I'll never stop finding it endearing how Wendy just decided that yes, Gus will be around until her old age and they'll still be close and that's that, after stealing one of the boy's coats. Soulmates are soulmating).

However, an avalanche hits and the group narrowly escapes. And mortality surfaces once again, this time for her sister.

 Becky and Jepp may be dead and Wendy panics. She and Gus have barely escaped, and he can't hear them. However, Gus manages to calm her down and they find them both.

Then we see that Wendy really does love Becky, she just doesn't know how to deal with the change. Which is understandable. After an intense exchange between Gus and Jeep, they manage to get to Idaho and rest...

...for a few moments before Dr. Singh appeared.

I love how Wendy immediately calls him out for killing Roy! That's it! My girl holds grudges and it's iconic! No one messes with her family and gets away with it! However, Gus agrees to bring Adi with them, and they all escape thanks to the wolf boys who found them. They make their way to a house and meet Ven.

He won't let the children in because they are hybrids, forcing Wendy and Gus to wait outside while the others help his wife give birth.

During the wait, Gus asks if Wendy is angry about bringing Singh. It's sweet that he worries about it. After all, Aditya murdered her brother and that's not taken lightly. On the other hand, it's also sweet how Wendy isn't angry per se, even though she obviously can't stand the doctor's presence.

Trust has always been the basis between them, and she trusts Gus' decisions, only questioning whether he believes Adi is telling the truth. This shows how the pair have evolved over this long road.

That's when they spot a human child and Wendy decides, bless her sociable little soul, that they should talk to the boy (who just for the record was running away from them and yet she decides yes, new friend spotted lol).

They then meet Theo, Ven's son, and the rooster Kirby. Wendy is thrilled to meet another child, taking the initiative to introduce herself and interact. This girl doesn't have a bad bone in her body and her hobby is collecting friends at the end of the world, which is why the rooster approves of her.

She and Gus talk more about the hybrids, and we realize that Theo is a genuinely nice boy, but clearly misguided. He thinks they can't read, that they eat people and that they're not normal, basically. Thoughts that are misguided to say the least, but which the pair don't take to heart because it's a clear influence from their parents.

Theo loves to fly. He loves flying very much. And it doesn't take long for Wendy to connect the dots, her intelligence and observation skills highlighted once again. With a bit of gentle prodding from her and Gus, Theo reveals that he's a hybrid too. It's just that he suffers from self-loathing because of what he's been taught, hiding his animal characteristics thanks to his family.

We have a powerful moment of him learning from a speech by Gus that no, that doesn't make him abnormal, but special. That no one, whether someone else's opinion or his parents, can take away what makes him special. Theo then tells Ven his plan and the three of them go to stop him hurting his newborn son.

They succeed, but Ven hands them over to Zheng, but not before Theo gives them a van.

I feel this was one of the hardest trials for both Wendy and Gus. Both were raised by loving parents who nurtured their nature as hybrids, but seeing how they are more the exception than the rule has certainly touched them. Especially Gus, who is in the very arc of taking responsibility for everything and everyone.

And once again, we see how these children are rocks in each other's lives with Wendy assuring them that they'll be fine, even if Theo didn't accept the invitation to come along. Both holding hands in support.

They get to the beach to catch the ship to Canada, but everyone has already left. As the journey progresses to a point of no return, Wendy begins to get anxious.

She can't stop thinking about her siblings and above all, she can't stop thinking about Becky. Wendy can resist Sick for being a hybrid and escaping from hunters because that's what she's been doing for the last few weeks.

But her older sister is more likely to get hurt. And although Becky thinks Wendy is distant, here we see that it couldn't be the other way around. She has finally gotten used to her sister and is afraid of losing her too, especially with Aditya's predictions that humanity is on the brink of extinction.

So much so that when they discover that the new boat will not fit everyone, I believe Wendy had already decided not to go to Alaska.

 Because she didn't want to put Becky in danger. Not after hearing that she could lose her too. She wants to try to build that bond. Wendy is nothing but a family person, after all.

So much so that she gives Gus one last gesture of support by fixing his antler as a reminder and saying that she believes in him no matter what. Because he can handle. Gus is smart, immune and has Jepp with him. But Becky only has her and needs her more.

This is reinforced by the conversation with Coral.

When Rosie arrived, her mind was made up. Seriously, you could see the certainty and confidence in that girl's eyes. She knows that Gus can do it and that now her sister is the priority.

I believe Wendy's original plan was to return with Becky to Yellowstone and wait until Gus and the others returned, taking advantage of the time to get to know each other better and take care of the others.

...except that they are attacked by one of the wolf boys and Becky narrowly saves Wendy by accidentally killing Bruno, a hybrid, which shakes her to the core and creates guilt in her for going against her mission.

She is captured and Wendy's new focus is to save her sister. The teenager just appeared in her life and no way losing her is an option.

Becky is not having a good time. Captured and questioned by Zheng, I believe she believed that Wendy had left her. That's what she asked for.

Becky's character is at the height of her trauma here. She's lost the animal army; her sister apparently doesn't accept her as family and now she's killed a child she swore to protect. As well as being tricked by Jordan and revealing where Gus and Jepp are going. She has no purpose anymore.

This teenager no longer has any impulse to fight and, in short, has lost the instinct for self-preservation. Everything she did was for Wendy, who in her mind was safe and could go back to be with the kids she loved. And soon Gus and Jepp would be back, and everything would be fine.

The face she makes when she is taken to Alaska is that of someone who has accepted her own end. At most, Becky would stay alive for Wendy, not for herself. I think she gave up on herself a while ago, in fact.

She just didn't count on the unconditional love and iron persistence of Wendy who, once again, made the right decisions and achieved positive consequences. Choosing her sister only allowed her to show Beckey that she loved her, reignited the teen will to live and later guaranteed the support behind the curtains that Gus would need.

Wendy sets off for Alaska by getting on Zhang's plane, hiding in the same car Rosie was using and listening to the transmission with the plans, meeting the wolf boys (the first hostile hybrids she has ever met), staying safe thanks to the protective screen and infiltrating the enemy base.

Bear is not having a good time once again with Jordan making fun of her. Seriously, this guy gives me the crepes! He gives me the vibe of a kid who doesn't have his life under control and in order to get some, he ruins other people's lives because he feels like he's in charge. This jerk uses the Animal Army against her, threatens her with Helen's whole plan about births (remembering that Becky already said she didn't want children) stopping only when Rosie arrived.

Rosie questions her and Becky manages to make a connection by seeing that she loves her children, something the grieving mother didn't expect. Ginger then needs help, leaving the way open for Wendy to get her sister back and Becky with the opportunity to escape.

Jordan picks her up and is a weirdo once again when Wendy invades and chooses violence! This little girl is nine years old, but she's going to move heaven and earth in the name of the one she loves. It was so satisfying for me to watch her wipe the floor with Jordan, you have no idea!

It's lovely to see how far Wendy has come with her acceptance of her sister. She has overcome her grief for Aimee and accepted Becky as family and someone to care for. She has matured and grown up, ready now to be the support her older sister needed, returning the affection she received.

This was essential not only for Wendy but also for Becky. She did everything for her lost sister and after the two reconcile, this traumatized girl can begin to heal too.

With the rescue successful, Wendy sets out to help the rest of her family. It's in Alaska, in fact, that we see the best of her leadership and strategy skills. Position of the guards, where to go and where not to go. I can't help but laugh when she asks Becky why she didn't fight.

Wendy has no chill when it comes to the people she loves. A menace!

They take a car and head out into the blizzard after Gus and Jepp but end up getting lost. They stop and we finally see how Becky feels: she has spent so much time finding and looking after Wendy that she has forgotten to look after herself. She thinks she has no future or expectations in becoming an adult. Just as Aimee thought, that for humans, death is inevitable and hybrids are the future. That her little sister shouldn't waste her time or risk her life to save humanity and her.

And Wendy sees guilt, self-sacrifice and the conformism of the end, things that she herself and even Aimee had. And she says no. Becky doesn't deserve to die just for being human. She and the others are not inherently better for being hybrids. Rosie's wolf boys would tear her apart if they could, even if she was one of them.

Nor for being a bad human for defending herself. The fault lies with Zheng, who made them feel lost and like war machines. For pushing them, all of them including Becky, to extremes like death. Wiping Becky's face as she finally cries for the first time since the Animal Army dies.

But there would be good people to help guide them. Like Aimee was for Wendy, and Wendy would be for Becky.

This scene of consolation between the two of them cleansed my skin, watered my crops, and cured my anxiety. Because finally Becky is feeling Wendy's love back, seeing that she can have the bond with her sister that she always wanted.

They continue with the help of the constellation that Aimee spoke of before she died, finding Jepp in Birdie's old house, but without Gus. Which can only mean that the boy was outside.

The sisters send after him and stay to help stop Zhang and retake the base from the Alaska survivors who are also there before the polar night. With the plan in place, of which the two were also the leaders, everyone goes into action.

At the Alaska base, Becky and Wendy manage to break in and seize control of the wolf boys thanks to Nuka and Siena. To fulfill their part of the plan, the two need to lure the wolf boys and trap them, then stop a large station machine called the Beast, which Jordan has been assigned to drive.

Everything narrowly goes wrong when Rosie manages to figure out the plan, but the sisters arrest them, not without attracting the attention of Zhang's people in the process.

Much chaos, destruction and death ensue, especially after Rosie's children are freed by their mother and Zhang arrives at the tree-antler, ordering the Beast to come. Siena says there's one last chance to stop the Beast, since getting to the garage isn't working, by going to the greenhouse.

Opportunity presents itself when Wendy picks up and throws a Molotov into flammable oil barrels at enemy personnel. Seriously, this girl chooses and is great at violence. Her sister is proud and so am I.

(Man, I love my unhinge sisters who canonically have a body count).

However, it wasn't enough to stop the machine and Jordan heads off to the cave with Rosie, Ginger and Tex. Fortunately, Nuka thinks of a plan to stop the machine with harpoons, and they all leave too.

I'm not going to lie, the scene of the invasion of the Alaskan base is one of my favorites. Seeing Becky and Wendy being leaders together and having sisterly synergy is everything to me. These two are so alike and that shines through here. As well as relieving the parallel cave arc that...well, is not making Gus have a very good time to say the least.

In the chase, Wendy and Backy hold Rosie back from shredding and Siena harpoons the Beast's fuel tank, but Becky has to jump it to speed up the leak, much to Wendy's dismay.

Things get worse when one of the wolf boys almost catches her, but with her spirits renewed thanks to her conversation with her sister, Becky manages to subdue the boy in a non-lethal way. She tries to convince Jordan to give up, but he's too stuck in his convictions that forces Becky to make a drastic decision and turn into the Beast.

And man, if Wendy was scared before, she's terrified now. This nine-year-old girl has already lost her mother and now her sister may have died too. Certainly, one of the worst moments in Wendy's life, even more so with Sick being released because of the exposed sap from the tree.

She had everything stolen from her: the house she lived in, her mother, her childhood, innocence, freedom and now she could have lost her sister.

 Wendy is indeed very brave and kind because this girl had extraordinarily strong reasons to hate everyone and everything. After Gus, she is easily the child who has suffered the most in the entire series. But Wendy has nothing but good faith and love in her body and if that isn't an example of resilience, I don't know what is.

I think that's the word that most defines Wendy: resilience. She persists and maintains kindness in the face of a world that hates her because there are people in it who love her and whom she learns to love, like Aimee, her brothers, Gus and Becky, who survives the accident.

The two sisters meet, reaffirming their love for each other and what a moment, my friends!

That's when they hear one of Rosie's children. Wendy, being Wendy, releases him without further ado, using her empathy to calm the boy down. Rosie even goes as far as to threaten them, but she's clearly only doing it to defend her son and no longer sees any point in such senseless violence.

Especially as finally recognizes that Becky is just like her when she realizes that the sister she talks about so much is also a hybrid and sees that everything has changed since that day. Ginger goes into labor, and everyone goes to help her.

Gus and Jeep finally get out of the cave and the group has an emotional reunion. The journey ends with confirmation that the hybrids are the new dominant species, but humans remain will be able to live without fear. Gus thanks everyone, asking for some time with Jepp and Wendy continues down the mountains with Becky.

The trials are officially over, and everyone finally has peace. Wendy, Gus, Becky and (for me, for the sake of my future fics and psychology) Jeep return to Yellowstone where they build a community based on peace and a respectful remembrance of the past.

Becky can finally stop having to take on a fighting role and have a lighter life, helping to look after the children and her sister while honoring the Animal Army's original mission to protect the hybrids by now looking after them. As well as getting some peace and beginning to heal, watching her little sister become a leader in her own right.

 Jeep can finally grow old calmly, taking care of his new children, and making amends for the past with a new perspective. No more fighting or pushing the boundaries.

Gus can now have full freedom with his questions answered, settling things with nature itself and bringing the cure he and his mother wanted. Being able to concentrate on living and taking care of this new community that he so longed for in a more peaceful world.

And of course we have the character of the review: Wendy! She made peace with Aimee's grief, bonded with her sister and was finally able to take care of her family and the hybrids as she wanted. Finding support in Becky and Gus, whom she eventually marries and, even after they've grown old, are still each other's rocks.

In a future that promises nothing but good things.

Final considerations

And that was the analysis!

Wendy is my favorite character, and it was great to do this analysis! This girl is very underrated, and it was great to give her a bit more love!

 You can't approach her alone because her character has always been about community. It makes me happy that she has achieved one, with a secure family and honoring her desire to help other hybrids as she always wanted and her mother's desire to see and inherit the world.

Wendy received as much love as she gave and was never alone as a result, from childhood to old age, even when it wasn't easy.

And if that's not a good message, I don't know what is. Thank you for reading my thoughts.

Please share what you think, I would love to hear it!