#and when the negative thoughts come in
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I feel like I could fly. 😍 so there's this guy that I've had a mild crush on for awhile now and I've finally gotten the courage to talk to him everytime he comes in. Dude I'm pretty sure this guy was trying to get to know me today and asking me about my hobbies and interests and then legit was saying he would love for me to help him out when I told him I want to be an editor and I love helping edit stories and such and it felt so much like a he wanted to see me along with the help him thing and I may be reading into it but also I'm like wow 😍 I'm trying to not let my negative self talk in because I'm trying to be better about it but at the same time I'm like this good looking guy is talking to me and paying attention to me? What is going on? 😅
#jen talks#it feels like an airport in my stomach and heart#crush talk#hes so handsome#his smile#his hair#his eyes#like wow#and he seems to have a great personality#and when the negative thoughts come in#im like im a swamp troll#legit ugly af#whats this gorgeous man want with a big ugly girl like me?#but i keep trying to remind myself to stop#and obviously#im not ugly af to him#or at least hes looking for friendship#who knows#time will tell#regardless#im squeeing#im a little fangirl over here#because wow
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Intrusive thoughts
#nothing like thinking about how it’d be to murder your homie. we all do that aaaall the time right#a passion of mine is writing dialogue in a way that you could interchange who says it and it’d still make sense when it comes to Vashwood#they both get insane intrusive thoughts and that’s a matter of fact#they are turbo traumatized so it’s even worse at times. this is what I would say one of the tamest instances if that means anything#Vash would feel so guilty abt them too. bc they don’t feel like his thoughts. it’s almost as if it was someone else’s#they have pointed their guns at each other but never shoot. the thoughts have lost another day <3#Vashwood is: having thoughts and rarely do anything abt them (positive and negative)#everybody who has intrusive thoughts say hell yeah. HELL YEAH!!!#gentle reminder that intrusive thoughts are just that and don’t define you as a person. they are. I’m fact. intrusive#intrusive thoughts#cw intrusive thoughts#tw intrusive thoughts#for those who may need to filter those out#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#lenssi writes#because I wrote the lines first and THEN I did the drawings#still fixated on Vash’s eyes btw if you didn’t notice
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(Like or reblog if you wanna use)
#also read the “shit on her for no reason” as misogyny#it might come as a surprise but in order to write interesting female characters you gotta give them negative traits#ngl there are times when even writes do them dirty#but a)you can always write headcanons and “fix-it” fics.that’s what fandom is known for#and b)considering how some ignore the aspect of bad writing and continue blaming the woman characters-#-even though they aren’t real#-makes it seem like they just enjoy projecting their shit with no consequences#shower thoughts#meme#arcane#mel medarda#<= im not mildly interested but rather obsessed with her actually#but she still applies#gf mabel#tfp miko#avatar korra#atsv gwen#gwen stacy#spider gwen#ghost spider#idk i probably forgot some but oh well#mia winters
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you'd think a timeloop of mouthwashing would go so hard but unfortunately i think to remain true to the source material. the crew member stuck in the time loop WOULD have to be jimmy
#opposite of a 'fix it' fic#'i didn't think it was possible for things to get worse but you keep proving me wrong' fic#mouthwashing#sorry i have a lot of thoughts about this#i think so much of curly's character is tied up in like. you knew something was wrong and you didn't act and now you can't.#like it's not a coincidence to me when the printout for the asteroid warning comes out. you had a heads up about the asteroid#you had a heads up about this man. and you didn't act and now you can't.#so I don't think a timeloop would work for him. it WOULD fix him but it would not fix his character. iykwim#anya and swansea would get too much done. all you need is one time where you have access to the scanner to get the gun#and you can just start killing jimmy. and they would. good for them#i would feel too bad to do that to daisuke. im not sure what he would learn other than exactly what swansea points out#abt learning and coming out worse#unfortunately mr bob the builder wannabe WOULD think he should be in a timeloop and it would match his character /neg
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saw that new article that was like "hacks is the greatest romcom on tv but in a totally platonic way because deborah makes fun of ava's hands being big all the time and would clearly never be dtf" and i was like "we are watching this show very differently"
#haven't you ever heard of NEGGING?????#do you remember the scene where she taunted ava by paying attention to another young comedienne's HANDS?????#dollsome's deep thoughts#hacks#anyway. i'm coming to understand that i'll never get what people mean when they draw strict romantic vs. platonic boundaries in fiction#i feel like the fun of hacks is that there's a genuine frisson of attraction in there frothing away with the 9 million other things#going on between deborah and ava in any given split second#that might not be the central thing that draws them to each other or a priority for either of them#but i think it's definitely there on purpose#ava x deborah
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ngl im fucking terrified of how the fandom will act when the asian ccs get added and they are confronted with asian customs such as honorifics, asian cultural norms, and the language itself (ie words that are common in one language that sounds like a slur in another) and i know most of the fandom will be open and welcoming but idk im probably being way too pessimistic as someone who is asian and has seen the bs that people can spew esp regarding things like stereotypes
#qsmp#im being really negative rn cause im just really scared#im excited to see asian representation and i really hope to be proven wrong in my pessimism#but i will dropkick anyone who purposefully tries to misinterpret or villainize or sexualize or whatever my culture#its on fucking sight for those kinds of people#even people that just associate one thing for one culture ie japan with anime or korea with kpop#like i swear these countries and cultures are more than just that so please be open to learning more and not just make assumptions#also i am so very scared when it comes to cultural norms esp because qsmp is so damn western ethics and morality focused#i have many thoughts about this in particular but theyre way too complex#but yeah i really hope this event goes well and the new members feel welcomed
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Me when I start to write a negative post but then remember I'm supposed to be more conscious of my words, thoughts, and actions so that I can maintain a positive and loving disposition:
The New Teen Titans (Vol. 2) #32
#admittedly i'm still not the best when it comes to tt lmao#but from now on i'm trying to be more... sigh... loving...#turning my negative thoughts into positive ones has been funny though#and i've found myself laughing more bc of it so yeehaw
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Y’all ever think about if Sora falls to darkness that inside his heart will look like the Destiny Islands falling again
#i do a lot#kingdom hearts#one of the biggest reasons i think we’ll see something like this in canon. briefly at least#not only would parallel ddd w ven’s heart/armor no longer there to protect sora#and roxas and xion gone from sora’s heart too. so sora would be alone#and actually there as opposed to in the RoL/awake when riku dives in#but also there is no way nomura’s gonna pass up the chance to bring us full circle like this. he loves making his characters revisit/relive#worlds and memories like this to make a point. and sora’s heart was sunset in ddd… following kh1 the dark and stormy night comes next#The thought of sora and riku reaffirming their love and friendship here when it broke the first time the islands fell#both of them having to in a way relive this horrible night for the final time#but riku doing the total opposite of last time. trying to save sora trying to stop the darkness from consuming everything#being totally honest with sora. reaching his hand out for sora but this time he’s not being consumed by darkness.#he’s become the light in the darkness. and they finally reach each other they finally grasp hands. I’m chewing on glass#i don’t think sora would ‘fall’ to darkness in the traditional sense#thematically i think it makes more sense for him to be faced w another martyr choice#though his own negative feelings would still be tangled up in there. and this would parallel kh3#and if sora chooses to let darkness into his heart to save others it’d also parallel kh1 w riku choosing to open the door/let the darkness#into destiny islands at the risk of others#god it’d be just like kh1 but we’d be playing as riku and he’d be the one looking frantically for sora#a reversed dynamic. but now they understand each other’s pain and feelings so they can reach each other#figuratively and literally#i love parallels i love symbolism i love themes kick my ass !!!!
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Hmmm....
Thematically i kind of liked that.
But man that plot was... not good.
#Doctor Who#DW Spoilers#Doctor Who Spoilers#Empire of Death#DW Negativity#(another rare tag in case anyone wants to avoid)#might be my least favourite finale tbh#sorry but need to do some random ranting (and I'd rather do it here than in a full post of negativity because that's not my vibe)#like... the champion of life teases#the meaning we put into things#those were ok#the callback to 73 yards was neat#plus the connection to the perception filter#as were all the references in general#but Sutekh has been hanging on to the TARDIS for that long?#and the TARDIS / House just never noticed him in TDW?#they make it sound like he latched onto the TARDIS immediately after Pyramids so doesn't make sense#when did he hide in the Void?#the Time Vortex is linked to the Void but they're not actually the same thing#also when did he “evolve”?#the reason why Ruby/her mother were so powerful/resistant doesn't actually make sense without some other influence#especially with time literally changing#there's a lot of mysteries in the universe - what makes this one so important?#also no elaboration on the memory TARDIS?#I thought we'd at least get a nod to Tales#also how does Sutekh being pulled through the vortex undo what he did?#since everyone actually seems to see the consequences / partially remember it - are there just piles of sand all through history now?#the TARDIS has some laser weapon system now!?#(come on RTD why not just make it the heart of the TARDIS or something?)#also the genealogy thing still doesn't really make sense either
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i feel like we need to really start rioting over the lack of body diversity in a lot of games, just in general.
#t#this thought it abt fom but is not exclusive to it#more than just character creators. are there fat npcs? how are those npcs characterized? is their being fat a negative trait? etc etc#i still plan to get fom and i do appreciate that unlike stardew there is more thought put into diversity#but they have unfortunately fallen into this trap when it comes to the romancables. idk
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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ok fellas this post is really different from my other stuff so i'm putting it under the cut for people who don't care and also because i'm slightly embarrassed
ok so. is it unusual for a girl to want to have a deep voice and a flat chest and a more square face and also feel slightly jealous of men and want to sound like them and look like them
and also is it unusual to want to be all that, but also simultaneously not be very bothered very much by how you look right now or by being referred to with she/her except for sometimes when you think about it too much. because i usually don't think about it except for sometimes where i suddenly just get really sad about being a girl or i'll always have this faint feeling that i am just unhappy about it
and also is it unusual to try to ignore it and go about your life being unbothered by it even though deep down it does kinda bother you but you can't really. like. say anything to anyone because your family won't react well and neither will your friends because they'll think it's weird and uncomfortable. i feel afraid to ever feel this way because i know the people in my life won't react well to it
so like. genuine question please lmk wtf is goin on because i'm unsure if it's normal and i've felt like this for a long time and it's confusing me and i don't even know what i'm going to do with the information once i know i'm just sort of lost LMAO
#vent#ig???????????#it's not even funny (it's a little funny) how the only reason i've like. thought about this was because i am becoming#more and more jealous of actors in the musicals i watch#greaseball when i get you. when i get you#like i know it IS possible play as male characters in musicals or something as a girl if i ever wanted to#but the thing is i want to look like them and sound like them and i want to be masculine#this is me questioning my gender on my fucking cats the musical tumblr blog everybody point and laugh#might delete later depending on how embarrassed i get ARGH#I FEEL SHEEPISH#had this in my drafts for a long time but i'm caving in and posting it because i had a bad night last night thinking abt it#and i need to know. also i'm lying in bed having to get up and i don't wanna so i'm making excuses#anyway again. i'm embarrassed feel free to ignore this is so stupid#ok. being brave about this#i don't like being negative on here. idk if it's negative but it might come off that way and i don't want to be awkward#also idk how sharing it here will help. but i don't really know what else to go to#if nobody got me i know tumblr got me can i get an amen#keep adding tags to this like it's going to change anything. post the damn thing idiot#why am i adding so many tags like i'm hyping myself up in the mirror JUST POST IT
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The trans experience of getting lucky with a new primary care provider who doesn't care about your transness or transition so long as you're getting the proper care
Manifesting this for every trans person because I finally felt like a normal human being going to a doctor
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#i have avoided doctors for like... four years now because of how awful they are toward trans people 🤩 (sarcastic star-eyes emoji)#i thought i didn't have anxiety anymore until i made a first appointment with this new primary care provider i have...#...and when they were doing my vitals and got to the blood pressure screen i was shaking (which i normally am tbf)#i will be fair and say i have had more negative experiences with mental health providers though#but since i've avoided doctor-doctors i haven't had the time TO have negative experiences#my dad was actually really kind and asked if my doctor tried being transphobic and i realized... NO! he didn't even try!#my dad's first question was if dr. [redacted] tried to talk me out of testosterone and i was like shit... no he didn't!!#and i felt like a normal person seeing the doctor albeit with a lot of anxiety but i was treated normally :)#it feels SO nice after feeling like a lab rat or like in the movies where a psychiatrist comes out to explain what transsexuality#explain what transsexuality is*
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Hii! I have been recently getting more and more obsessed with your art and webcomic and was wondering if I could use your art as like a profile picture? (With credit!!) If not that's perfectly fine! :)
yeah you can use my art for whatever as long as you're not stealing it or selling it
I don't mind if people print my art out for themselves either. I do sell prints, but it doesn't bother me either way
In general I don't post anything that I haven't made my peace with all that comes with sharing my art publicly! So feel free to use it as you please pretty much.
Giving me credit for the things I've made is respectful and helps me in my career, and I would hope that most people intend to respect my work... And the people who don't respect my work were never going to whether I asked or not.
I make my work for other people to enjoy it, I want you to enjoy it!
#I sort of have a general thought process that like.#the main thing of my work is... my comics!#and thats my writing and my drawing and its these huge longform things#that to be quite honest. would be a ton of work to steal LMFAO#but theyre more intrinsically connected to me#knowing the name of the comics and the characters#looking for more. it's me. like it's always gonna come back to me...#But I also in general as a person... I sort of hate the concept of copyright#it plays at the idea of benefitting artists but the intent is to benefit corporations#and artists get screwed out of owning their OWN WORK for the benefit of said corporations...#The things that copyright are meant to protect are things that wouldnt matter if we werent living in CAPITALISM!!!#I wouldnt CARE if someone stole my stuff if I didnt have to worry about potential lost customers#so. I just try to lead my life and my art in ways that reflect my ideals#which is like... yeah go ahead. use it for whatever#I expect you to respect me and if you don't then I know it doesnt matter what I ask for. because it wasnt going to be respected anyways.#if you feel bad taking my stuff or printing it out yourself or whatever you can throw a couple bucks my way#helps me pay the bills lmao#but if you don't its fine. I'll be okay and it won't ruin me.#asks#anon#this isnot me saying yeah go ahead and steal my art LMAO#this is just like yeah as long as you arent saying or implying you made my work#or selling it when I am selling that same thing (stealing my money from me)#then. like. whatever#doesnt affect me negatively at all. I made my art for other people to enjoy it#I want you to enjoy it!
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So people are really out here believing Rhaenyra is the product of Daemon and Aemma, thereby making her a bastard, and also her husband her father, huh? People are really out here saying that and thinking it’s not insane.
#idk what to tell you but there is 0% chance of this happening#i’m sorry team green is misogynistic and that’s the only thing they can give as a reason for why aegon should be king#but that’s the story. they’re not going to retroactively make rhaenyra a bastard and render her claim meaningless#they’re just not#hotd negativity#hotd critical#anti team green#i’m not really except when it comes to weirdos but i don’t want this to end up on people’s dashes who are team green#cuz that’s rude#miri’s thoughts
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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