#and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have
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connorcampbel · 3 days ago
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There was also one thing that went in the other direction in GoT. Despite a lot of foreshadowing, a large chunk of the audience set expectations for Daenerys Targaryen that they shouldn’t have. I may have posted about this before. In any case, I have a friend who moonlights as a film critic, but his day job is social worker. He called what would happen to Daenerys at the end of season 2. At the time, no one wanted to believe him. Even I was skeptical, though I had to admit the argument was a compelling one.
His argument? Look at it from the point of view of a social worker who has seen – in real life – some of the worst situations humans get into. I’m paraphrasing from memory, not quoting.
We have a subject, one Daenerys Targaryen. She’s from a family with a very long history of congenital mental illness (comparisons can be made to European royal/noble lineages). Onset of the family mental illness is usually very quick, “sudden” according to those who’ve witnessed it. Her father, “The Mad King”, was a victim of this mental illness. Orphaned at a young age after her father was killed during a rebellion, “Danny” was raised by her sole surviving older brother, who abused her physically, emotionally, and sexually. Constantly on the run and having to watch out for assassination attempts, she learned not to trust anyone. She was married at a young age to a “Khal” (Horse-Lord) against her will in order to secure an alliance and troops to regain the throne for her brother. She learned to love this Khal, and the relationship was not damaged when her brother was killed right in front of her by the Khal due to bad behavior brought on in part by the family’s congenital mental instability. Her life became more stable during her marriage, until her husband the Khal was killed. When the rest of the Dothraki Khals made it clear to her that her life as she knew it was over and that she would be expected to stay with the other widows of Khals who had passed away, over her protests, she resolved the issue by mass murder of said Khals by way of arson. Fire – fascination with it and using it to cause harm – have been a recurring motif in the family’s mental instability.
And that’s just where we were at the end of season two. As time went on, it became clearer and clearer that Daenerys was heading in the same direction, though some of the signs weren’t clear until after the fact. Every time she was confronted with an obstacle, she was likely to burn the obstacle to the ground. She would listen to advisors but increasingly adopted a “my way or the highways” mentality. Everyone kept cheering her on because she was powerful – both personally and politically – and the people she was going after were “bad people”. The magicians who just wanted to exploit her. The slavers. Criminals. Despite good advice about not crucifying all the nobles on the way to Mereen, she did so anyways. This sowed the seeds for the rebellion that would take place later. By the time the episode “The Bells” rolls around, she’s lost most of her closest advisers and friends – some she drove away, some have been killed (in a few cases by her), and some have been left behind. She’s lost one of her dragons, her “child”. She’s literally burning people who won’t swear fealty to her.
The fact that when her closest friend is killed right in front of her by Cersei it “flips the switch” and causes her family’s congenital mental issues to surface, where she uses fire to burn most of King’s landing shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone. In fact, it wasn’t a shock to me by that point. I may have been throwing peanuts at the screen going “don’t do it, fight it” but the fact was that I already knew what she was going to do when the bells started to toll. A lot of people didn’t put the pieces together. They didn’t see the signs, they didn’t have a social worker to warn them in season 2, they loved the character. Apparently this blindness happens in real life – people don’t see the danger until afterwards.
my 10 holy grail pieces of writing advice for beginners
from an indie author who's published 4 books and written 20+, as well as 400k in fanfiction (who is also a professional beta reader who encounters the same issues in my clients' books over and over)
show don't tell is every bit as important as they say it is, no matter how sick you are of hearing about it. "the floor shifted beneath her feet" hits harder than "she felt sick with shock."
no head hopping. if you want to change pov mid scene, put a scene break. you can change it multiple times in the same scene! just put a break so your readers know you've changed pov.
if you have to infodump, do it through dialogue instead of exposition. your reader will feel like they're learning alongside the character, and it will flow naturally into your story.
never open your book with an exposition dump. instead, your opening scene should drop into the heart of the action with little to no context. raise questions to the reader and sprinkle in the answers bit by bit. let your reader discover the context slowly instead of holding their hand from the start. trust your reader; donn't overexplain the details. this is how you create a perfect hook.
every chapter should end on a cliffhanger. doesn't have to be major, can be as simple as ending a chapter mid conversation and picking it up immediately on the next one. tease your reader and make them need to turn the page.
every scene should subvert the character's expectations, as big as a plot twist or as small as a conversation having a surprising outcome. scenes that meet the character's expectations, such as a boring supply run, should be summarized.
arrive late and leave early to every scene. if you're character's at a party, open with them mid conversation instead of describing how they got dressed, left their house, arrived at the party, (because those things don't subvert their expectations). and when you're done with the reason for the scene is there, i.e. an important conversation, end it. once you've shown what you needed to show, get out, instead of describing your character commuting home (because it doesn't subvert expectations!)
epithets are the devil. "the blond man smiled--" you've lost me. use their name. use it often. don't be afraid of it. the reader won't get tired of it. it will serve you far better than epithets, especially if you have two people of the same pronouns interacting.
your character should always be working towards a goal, internal or external (i.e learning to love themself/killing the villain.) try to establish that goal as soon as possible in the reader's mind. the goal can change, the goal can evolve. as long as the reader knows the character isn't floating aimlessly through the world around them with no agency and no desire. that gets boring fast.
plan scenes that you know you'll have fun writing, instead of scenes that might seem cool in your head but you know you'll loathe every second of. besides the fact that your top priority in writing should be writing for only yourself and having fun, if you're just dragging through a scene you really hate, the scene will suffer for it, and readers can tell. the scenes i get the most praise on are always the scenes i had the most fun writing. an ideal outline shouldn't have parts that make you groan to look at. you'll thank yourself later.
happy writing :)
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sylusonychinus · 20 hours ago
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Episode Ten: The Ring and the Accusation
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The next morning, while Reader was busy at work, Caleb found himself wandering into a jewelry store at the mall. The bright lights reflected off rows of sparkling diamonds and precious stones, but his eyes were only focused on one thing—finding a ring.
He told himself it was just for show. Just a prop. Something to make their marriage look real. Nothing more.
Yet, as he scanned the displays, his fingers hovered over delicate bands, ones that seemed to suit Reader perfectly. He hesitated before pointing at a silver ring with a small but brilliant diamond.
“This one,” he said.
The store clerk beamed. “Excellent choice, sir! Is this for a proposal or a special occasion?”
Caleb’s jaw tightened. A proposal? His heart stuttered at the thought. No, that wasn’t it. He cleared his throat and nodded stiffly. “Something like that.”
When the small velvet box was placed into his hands, a strange warmth settled in his chest. He shoved it into his pocket and turned to leave, shaking off the unfamiliar feeling. He had a flight to catch.
What he didn’t notice, however, was Marissa and Liana standing a few feet away, their eyes wide as they watched him walk out of the store.
“Did he just… buy a ring?” Liana whispered, her tone breathless with excitement.
Marissa smirked. “Looks like it.”
Liana flipped her hair. “It must be for me.”
Marissa rolled her eyes. “Obviously. Caleb would never waste that much money on someone like her.”
The two exchanged a knowing glance before Marissa’s lips curled into a wicked grin. “I think it’s time we reminded everyone exactly where [Reader] belongs.”
At work, Reader was busy reviewing incoming flight schedules when Marissa and Liana suddenly stormed in.
“There you are, you thief!” Marissa’s voice rang through the office, making everyone turn their heads.
Reader blinked in confusion. “What?”
Marissa stormed closer, dramatically waving her left hand. “[Reader], I can’t believe you would do this! I was looking for my wedding ring all morning, and guess where I just found it?”
Before Reader could even react, Liana crossed her arms, smirking. “In your bag.”
The office fell silent.
Reader’s heart pounded. “That’s impossible.”
Marissa reached into her purse and pulled out a large diamond ring—the kind only someone like her would own. “I checked my things before I left them in the break room. So how else would my ring end up in your bag?”
Whispers spread across the room.
“She stole it?” “That’s embarrassing.” “She’s probably broke.”
Reader’s stomach twisted. “I didn’t take anything.”
Marissa scoffed. “Then how did it get there?”
Liana smirked. “Come on, just admit it. You’re not exactly swimming in money, so maybe you thought you could sell it for some extra cash?”
The words stung, but before Reader could respond, another voice cut through the tension.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Caleb.
He walked into the room, his sharp gaze flickering over the scene before settling on Reader. His expression darkened when he saw her standing stiffly between Marissa and Liana.
Marissa immediately switched to her damsel-in-distress act. “Oh, Caleb! It’s awful! [Reader] stole my wedding ring!”
Caleb’s jaw tensed. “She did what?”
Liana pouted. “We found it in her bag. What other explanation is there?”
Caleb didn’t react right away. Instead, he let out a slow, unimpressed scoff.
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
Marissa blinked. “W-What?”
Caleb folded his arms. “You seriously think I’d believe [Reader] would steal from you? If anything, you two are the most suspicious people in this room.”
Marissa’s face paled. “That’s not true—”
“Security,” Caleb called out. “Pull the footage.”
Marissa visibly stiffened. “That’s not necessary—”
“Pull it.”
Minutes later, everyone stood around the security monitor. The footage played.
And there it was.
Clear as day.
Marissa slipping her own ring into Reader’s bag while no one was looking.
Gasps filled the office.
Marissa’s face turned as white as a sheet. “I—I—”
Caleb stepped forward, his voice dangerously low. “I don’t want to hear another word from you. Security, handle it.”
The guards grabbed Marissa’s arm, leading her out.
“Wait! It was just a joke! I didn’t mean—!”
Her voice faded as she was escorted away.
Liana, realizing the situation was falling apart, quickly held up her hands. “I had nothing to do with this! It was all Marissa’s idea! I swear!”
Caleb shot her a glare. “You’re not fooling anyone.”
Liana swallowed nervously but said nothing more.
As the office returned to normal, Caleb turned to Reader. “Are you okay?”
She took a shaky breath. “Yeah. Just… tired of their crap.”
He nodded. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“The garden,” he said simply. “You need some fresh air.”
They sat in silence in the quiet garden. Reader stared at the sky, hugging her knees to her chest.
Caleb watched her carefully. He had never seen her look so exhausted before.
Just as he was about to speak, his phone rang. He sighed, pulling it out. When he saw the caller ID, his stomach dropped.
His mother.
He hesitated before answering. “Mom?”
“Caleb, sweetheart!” His mother’s warm voice filled the line. “I was just calling to let you know—I’ll be stopping by after work today to check on you and [Reader]!”
Caleb stiffened.
Reader looked at him curiously. “What is it?”
His grip on the phone tightened.
His mother was coming over.
And their rooms weren’t even together.
Shit.
“We’ll be ready,” he said before hanging up.
He turned to Reader with a serious expression. “We need to go home. Now.”
Reader blinked. “Huh? Why?”
Caleb ran a hand down his face. “Because we need to make it look like we share a room before my mom gets there.”
Reader blinked again. Then realization hit.
“Oh, crap.”
And just like that, the two of them rushed home to rearrange everything before Caleb’s mother arrived.
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Taglist: @jinwoosbabyboo @kithyyy @mcdepressed290 @nezuswritingdesk @elegantdeerlady @yuuuumii @duhgurl @lumieresdreams @bidisasterforevermore @i-messed-up-big-time
@that-one-scoundrel @justpassingdontworry @ansbobcar @nagireos @auriuswolve @bookworm1999 @sickleddreamer @heeknow
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columbusfirefighterdiaz · 3 days ago
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Over the course of their friendship, there was no way to keep track of how many times Buck and Eddie had touched each other. They were both naturally tactile people who were naturally drawn to each other, so it wasn't uncommon for there to be a lot of physical contact between the two of them. However, feeling Buck's hand wrap around his neck was a whole different experience. If just Buck's fingers dragging against his neck caused this much of an extreme reaction in Eddie's body, he couldn't even begin to imagine what Buck's lips would feel like. Luckily for him, he didn't have to wait too long to find out just what the other man's lips did to him as Buck finally gave in to Eddie's pleading.
While Eddie had kissed several people in his life, he never understood what the big deal was about kissing. He thought it was nice, but he was never one that could spend 'hours' kissing someone. Kissing the stranger at the club was a bit better, so Eddie at least knew that part of the issue was the fact that he'd only kissed women. Kissing Buck though... it was like the switch was suddenly flipped on. Things got even better when he felt Buck deepened the kiss, so Eddie made match Buck's intensity.
His whole body was buzzing with excitement and arousal which only amped up when Buck pushed his hand under his shirt, which made Eddie lament that fact that they were both wearing entirely too many clothes. He was so tempted to throw his leg over Buck's lap and straddle him right then and there, but there was something nagging him that he felt like he needed Buck to understand before things potentially progressed. His body just refused to pull away and stop something that he'd wanted for so long, but Buck made the decision for him. "So much better..."
Every instinct of Eddie want to dive back in and get his hands and lips back on Buck, but he needed to be honest with the other man first before things got too out of hand. "Before this goes any further, and fuck I really hope it does... I need you to know that I can't do casual, not with you. I'm not asking you to make a life-long commitment right here and now but this means something to me, Buck, so I gotta at least know that it's over with Tommy if we continue. I could barely handle the thought of you two together before all of this, but now..."
The hand on his thigh nearly made finishing explaining impossible. Though Buck didn't know exactly what it was to convey, he didn't think Eddie would touch him if he was utterly disappointed in Buck and no longer interested in doing anything with him because of this. Yeah, his brain really did picture that kind of extreme. It also told him that just because Eddie was a) gay and b) telling Buck he wanted him to try domming him, he might be misreading the situation. He could totally mean it in a completely non-sexual way, right? Wouldn't it be just like him to let his mind run away with him and assume Eddie wanted him like that?
However, no matter how much he worried that he was just jumping to conclusions because of how badly he wanted it, the way Eddie reacted to him speaking, touching his face... well, there wasn't a whole lot of room for misinterpretation. Even if there was, all proper thoughts evaporated from his brain when Eddie started to shift toward him like he'd been unable to help himself. If Buck had thought he'd been dizzyingly turned on just from Eddie looking at him from across the club, it was nothing to the feeling that jolted through him when it was clear the other man's eyes dropped to his lips.
Sucking in a breath, Buck could feel his heart beat thrumming through his entire body, heat in the pit of his stomach, blossoming, rushing to his cock. It was the second time that night that he felt like he could pass out from the rate at which his blood moved through his body, a feeling that was so far associated only with Eddie. Since Eddie's physical reaction was building up his confidence that he wasn't completely reading the signs wrong, he allowed himself to graze his thumbs over his jaw as he waited to hear him ask, his own eyes dropping to the other's lips.
He licked out at his own in anticipation and felt a small body shudder when Eddie's own beautiful lips parted. Two "please"s. Buck had to stop himself from immediately surging forward, instead giving a soft nod, saying, "Good..." feeling the sentence wasn't quite complete, but they hadn't had time to discuss what Eddie might like to be called, plus Buck had meant it when he said he didn't really want to dom Eddie yet. Not when he had so many other experiences to have first. Buck had imagined this so many times, the thought of kissing Eddie, he felt a little breathless that he was getting his chance now. Was this even real? Was he going to wake up and find out all of this night had been a dream? Well, he wasn't going to fucking waste it, dream or reality.
Sliding one hand from Eddie's jaw around to the back of his head, into the hair on the nape of his neck, time seemed to slow as he leaned in to close the distance between them. He couldn't even feel embarrassed about the noise that ripped from his chest when his lips closed around and against one of Eddie's, like a short, choked out moan. The kiss was slow and steamy at first, a level of experimental, almost tentative. However, something seemed to click, the fact that he was allowed to kiss Eddie, at least right now, and it was like a dam broke open. Every reservation he might have held was forgotten as his other hand dropped and wrapped around Eddie's waist, pulling him in tightly to his chest like he suddenly couldn't bare it not to have every inch of their torsos pressed together.
Eddie's lips tasted like bliss and it wasn't long before Buck's tongue was seeking entrance, claiming his mouth like he'd go to war for it, determined, as he said before, to taste every inch of Eddie, starting with his mouth. His arm, firmly pressed against Eddie's side, dragged down a little so his hand could slip under the back of his shirt and splay on his lower back, the feeling of his skin feeling so intimate, making Buck feel raw, overcome with need. He briefly broke the kiss to quietly gasp for a breath, keeping his head right next to Eddie's, knowing he'd be able to hear him as he whispered, "Even better than anything I've ever imagined..."
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strohller27 · 24 days ago
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#after two nights of not being able to sleep very well#I’m just remembering what my most recent therapist said - and boy was he ever wrong#‘everything gets easier once you’re in your 30s’ does it? ‘yeah it’s like a switch flipping’#like. buddy I’ve been in my 30s for a few years now. just what is supposed to get easier exactly?#now you’re right. there *are* certain things I care less about. HOWEVER that doesn't mean everything's better/easier#like why make a claim that is absolutely impossible to back up#you had no idea what political bullshit was going to happen when I was smack dab in the middle of my 30s#you didn’t know what challenges I was going to face. so why did you say that?#were you just trying to make me feel better? or was it merely a reflection of the secure stability you found at 30#which so many of my generation and gen Z-ers are going to be struggling to find for years?#were you just speaking from your place of priviledge as a cishet man#not knowing what us queers have to go through to find even a sliver of safe secure stability?#maybe don’t make promises that you can’t keep my guy.#although why am I surprised? I’ve been disappointed by such promises my whole life#‘​get an education or you’ll never make any money’ okay I have a master’s degree and I’m struggling to find work#you didn’t know AI was going to take over the proofreading business did you#like people have got to stop pretending they know so much#my resolution this year is just to learn how to sit back and say#I don’t know shit about shit. I’ve been kept in the dark about some things and I just haven’t had the chance or desire to learn about other#so I’m going to look at the world with the wonder of a child and allow myself to be amazed by the joys I find in it#and to be analytical about the horrors that I find in it#I know only one thing: I know nothing. and neither do a lot of the people who are running their mouths off like they do#so it’s time to approach life like a scientist: i don’t know about this. i have theories that I can test.#if I find evidence that I’m on the right track then it doesn’t mean I know it all. it means I know what questions to ask next
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united-under-skyfall · 1 year ago
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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I think I’ve been horribly burned out for the past year ahaha
#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was#I wake up at around 10:00 or 11:00 and loiter in my room until 2:00 and by that time it feels like I failed to start my day#and like everything is a waste so I do nothing#Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end#so I’m dehydrated from whispering#and for some reason I’m afraid to engage in all my hobbies#Tumblr isn’t a hobby#Reddit isn’t a hobby#They’re time killers#I don’t write whump on here anymore and I feel like a fraud keeping my username as it is#The only time I ever do things is when it’s for other people#and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have#because I won’t feel like I deserve the things I want to do for myself so I’m serially codependent apparently#and when I do try to help people; my best never ends up being enough and only exacerbates the situation#and everyone wants more from me than I can give#I just want one thing I do for someone to work right the first time and end cleanly so I can get some fucking satisfaction#And if I think it’s working smoothly; I never have proof that it came to fruition because I can’t read people’s minds#“There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” my ASS#I don’t like receiving either… it’s uncomfortable#besides I don’t want anything that can be given to me; I want freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms#that’s it#I will be happy if I can have freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms
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whokilledsamara · 4 months ago
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hii!! I saw you write for homicipher so i was wondering if you could write some dark/yandere sfw & nsfw headcanons for mr scarletella 🥹 thank you so much & take ur time!!
MR. SCARLETELLA HC {N/SFW}
a Mr. Scarletella {homicipher} x reader n/sfw hc list.
{thank you for your support and nice words! :3}
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warnings! : stalking, non-con, dub-con, hardcore, marking, slight gore, rough sex, violence, rough fingering, biting, cunnilingus, blowjobs, smut, murder mention, somno
{an : i didnt quite get what you meant when you said "dark" so hopefully this is what you meant. this is really hardcore. to the soft hearted people and people who cant handle ACTUAL freaky stuff, i wouldnt recommend reading this. there is a small section underneath the regular nsfw hc with a cw on it, so if you cant handle certain topics, there is still an nsfw section without it. he is my favorite character from homicipher ommggg hes so hot. id give him my name HAPPILY.}
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SFW HC
sfw relationship/meeting him hcs
when you first meet him alone, he is very unexpected. his presence and constant facial expression is unnerving to say the least, but as long as you can manage that you will be fine.
if you end up "accepting" him, the relationship would be very weird.
he would be a wonderful partner despite the obvious other reasons, but dont think he wont be watching you constantly.
he will bring you daily gifts, consisting of anything he can find that he thinks you will like.
as for touch, he will let you touch him. usually he wouldnt let anyone even accidentally touch him, as he would teleport away, but one you are in a relationship with him, most boundaries he had before are gone.
he is rather fond of holding you. whether that be in his coat {for some reason} or just in general.
in Japanese culture {from my research, i am NOT Japanese!!} holding an umbrella with someone is a sign of love and acceptance. therefore he always likes you to hold it with him.
he isnt one of those "down-lo" kind of people. he makes it known everywhere that you are his.
he will do whatever it takes to please you. you are literally his princess/prince. even if that includes killing someone {he does it anyways}
if he catches anyone staring at you, or even remotely close to you, he will either teleport you away {if you are friends with the person} or kill them on the spot.
no matter how much he seems to be emotionless, anything involving you in pain or discomfort, it will flip a switch in him.
he has to be near you always. whether you know it or not, he will be there.
he hasnt quite grasped the concept of kissing or "romantic" things, but whatever you do he goes along with it. he rather enjoys hand holding or pressing his face into your neck.
he is the delulu type {this whole fandom knows it} and anything you do he will take as flirting. dont deny it though, hes too obsessed to care
he has a big thing for the height difference. he is a little over 8 feet tall, and feels a need to protect you at any cost.
any cost.
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NSFW HC
what its like to have sex with him.
starting off, this man is a BEAST during sex.
he is a quick learner, and whether he is using his hands, mouth, or any part of his body, he will find those spots that makes you squirm.
one of his favorite things is you riding his thigh in public. say he was talking with Mr. Silvair, and happened to be sitting down. he would want you on his thigh "discreetly" getting off. bonus points if you cum.
he wouldnt be opposed to a threesome, but he has to trust the other person. a rare occasion.
anything you want to do, he will immediately comply. need him to go down on you? hes on his knees. even in public. need his fingers inside of you? absolutely. need his dick? against the wall you go.
he has a big dick, and luckily he knows it. he wont force everything inside at first, but eventually he will. you can take it. he thinks
he loves your body, and he makes sure you know it. even in his strange language, you can understand the things he is saying because he is touching you while he is doing it.
he makes little to no noise during sex, but not because he isnt enjoying it. he LOVES sex with you, but he prefers to listen to your noises. he would have it on repeat if he could.
you could look like anything and he would still find you to be the most attractive person on earth {or his earth, whatever}
for afab, he isnt one of those guys who has a hard time finding your clit. in fact, he doesnt even have to look. immediately his fingers will be circling that little nub that he loves so much.
he is a very dominating person, but it probably wouldnt be hard for him to let you dominate him. i say let because in no situation do you actually have control.
his fingering sessions are borderline violent, the pads of his fingers hitting that perfect spot with every curl.
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cw! its about to get very dark and possibly triggering! viewer discretion is advised!
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if you are one of those people who get off on your man killing for you, then he is the man. he will torture people in front of you as you touch yourself.
his sex isnt even borderline violent, it IS violent. if hes angry especially, he doesnt care if he hurts you.
afab, he will bruise your cervix and make you bleed. his tip hits so hard with his brutal thrusts that you will.
on certain occasions, {tw!!!} he will force himself on you. while it is rare, r...pe can happen, so be careful and dont piss him off.
he doesnt need sleep, so if hes horny enough then he will fuck you while you're sleeping. if you explicitly ask him not to, then he will just jerk himself off over your sleeping form.
dont expect to walk away from a rough fucking WITHOUT marks all over you. he makes it a mission to bite, claw, tear, any part he can. he wants you covered in blood, it gets him off faster.
will probably brand you with something
if you have a trauma kink he WILL use it to his advantage.
thats all bye bye!!! :3
{ made by @whokilledsamara }
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enhani-ki · 21 days ago
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fuckboy!ni-ki x reader part ii
warnings: smut, nsfw, bullying, cursing, etc.
read part one here!
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✶ fuckboy!ni-ki likes to give you gifts or something matching with him.
he loves spoiling you. small gifts, some things to match with him, or just something that made people notice you were his.
"are you really giving me this?" you asked, twisting the shining ring on your finger while lying on ni-ki's chest.
he pressed a quick kiss to your temple. "you don't like it?" he asked, a bit worried.
"i love it." you admitted, admiring how it caught the light. "i just look like i'm married." you laughed, holding up your hand next to his.
ni-ki grabbed your hand, flipping it over in his palm. "you're so small." he said, resisting the urge to squeeze just to see how fragile you felt. "love you." he kissed the back of your hand, his lips stayed there for a second longer than usual.
you smiled, heart fluttering... until he suddenly pressed your hand against his bulge.
"ahhh!" you yelped, pulling your hand back as he burst into laughter.
you shot him a glare but still couldn't help the small smile forming at your lips.
your boyfriend is so naughty.
ni-ki smirked. "so what if it makes you look like you're married?"
you sat up, crossing your arms. "i'm literally (your age)."
he raised his eyebrows as if to say, so? and?
rolling your eyes, you leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.
sweet, generous, handsome… how did you get so lucky?
✶ fuckboy!ni-ki's girlfriend is being bullied.
the closer you got to ni-ki, the more others began to notice and... not all of the attention was positive.
it started small, just a comment here or a whisper there. few student would tease you, asking if you did some witchcraft, wondering aloud what someone like him saw in you.
it was easy to brush off and laugh it away with ni-ki by your side. girls rolled their eyes whenever you passed by, loudly commenting on how "desperate" you looked or how "out of his league" you were.
in class, notes with cruel messages were left on your desk, scribbled in handwriting you don't recognize. during lunch, someone will "accidentally" spill their drink to you and liquid will come splashing onto your bag.
you tried to hide how much it got to you but ni-ki wasn't stupid. he noticed the way you slightly flinch when someone laughed a little too loudly behind you or the forced smile you gave when you claimed you were fine.
one afternoon, as the two of you walked home, he finally brought it up. "baby, they're just jealous, you know?" he said casually wrapping his arms on your shoulders, hugging you from behind.
you removed his arm, trying to play dumb. "w- who?"
he stopped and turned to face you. "you know who. those idiots at school." his tone was calm but there was a slight of irritation in his voice.
you sighed, looking down at your feet. "it's not a big deal, ni-ki. i can handle it."
he frowned, taking a step closer. "you shouldn't have to. tell me who it is."
everyone.
you looked up at him, surprised by the seriousness in his tone. "i said it’s fine..."
"it's not, though." he replied. "just… don’t hide it from me, okay? if it gets worse, you have tell me right away."
you nodded reluctantly.
"i have to admit something though..."
you looked at him. "what's that?"
ni-ki sighed. "the girl behind us..." he paused. "be- before we got close, she liked me. but i didn't like her back, but i guess i… led her on a little."
you narrowed your eyes and ni-ki panicked. "we didn't do anything! i promise." he smiled and chuckled nervously. "i didn't realize how serious she was until it was too late, i guess."
you sighed and wrapping your arms on his waist. "thanks for letting me know and it's okay, i love you."
ni-ki cupped your face before kissing you. "i love you, too."
the bullying didn't stop and to your dismay, it started affecting ni-ki too. it wasn't obvious before, just small petty things but soon you started noticing it too. people would switch his test papers, putting nonsense answers and making it seem like he hadn't done his work.
you even saw it happen during a class one day. someone snickered as they slid his paper to the bottom of the pile, replacing it with a blank sheet. your heart sank when the teacher handed it back, a bold zero marked at the top.
ni-ki didn't seem fazed, though. he calmly explained the situation, the teachers believed him of course and gave him another chance to take the tests.
he also had some people investigated, he got some help collecting evidence to prove what they're doing and make them take accountability for their actions.
honestly, he wouldn't care at all. but he has you now and he won't let you get hurt even more just because of him.
such a cool guy.
✶ fuckboy!ni-ki loves your mouth.
it was obvious in the way his eyes stared at it whenever you spoke, how he'd watch your lips move like he was barely listening to a word you were saying.
"you talk too much," he said, thumb tracing your lower lip as he leaned in.
you rolled your eyes. "then stop making me talk."
he chuckled, thumb slipping into your mouth just enough to press against your tongue. "what if i just keep your mouth busy instead?"
he loved teasing you. pulling your lip between his teeth, running his thumb across it, and watch you get flustered.
he'd stare whenever you absentmindedly bit your lip, waiting for the moment you noticed him watching.
the way he reacted when you licked something off your fingers?
"you're doing that on purpose, aren't you" his voice was always rougher then, his eyes locked on your lips like he was seconds away from losing control.
you smirked. "doing what?"
it doesn't matter if you were just eating ice cream, drinking from a straw, or just licking your lips because they were dry... he'd make it a thing.
he devoured your lips, pressing hard, stealing every little sound you made. his hands always found your jaw, keeping you still, deepening the kiss like he needed to 'cause he's been starving for you.
then he would pull back to admire the way your lips were swollen, glossy from his kisses, "so pretty," he whispered, "i think i'll keep going."
ni-ki never wants to let it stay innocent.
he groaned, voice rough. "fuck, baby… i just wanna put it in your mouth."
you couldn't help the blush creeping onto your cheeks, feeling him already hard beneath his pants.
"tsk, you're so impatient." you teased, slowly unzipping his jeans. "don't you want to watch the rest of the movie first?"
"no... fuck that movie." he panted, his fingers tucking the strands of your hair behind your ears.
he needs that pretty mouth on his cock like, right now.
chuckling, you pulled out his generous length, ni-ki watched you spit out your saliva, where it dripped down on his cock, you gave it a long, slow lick from base to tip.
he hissed, head falling back against the couch.
you didn't even know how to give blowjobs before, you just took your time experimenting until he says "just like that" and now suddenly you just might be an expert already.
you kept sucking at the head, tracing the thick vein underneath. you enveloped him in your mouth, heart pounding at his rich, masculine taste.
ni-ki let out a strangled noise, his fingers tangling in your hair.
you relaxed your throat and sank lower until his cock hit the back. his hips jerked up, forcing you to take him even deeper.
and even though you're gagging and there's tears forming at your eyes, you didn't stop, you kept bobbing your head in his lap.
and to ni-ki you're gorgeous like this... your lips stretched around his big dick. bet the neighbors could hear you gagging as he really fucked on your face.
you moaned, sending sweet vibrations through his shaft, swirling your tongue as you picked up the pace.
ni-ki panted harshly, his abs were clenching.
"shit, i'm already close..." he said, eyes rolling at the back of his head.
you gently played with his balls and with a few more quick sucking and thrusts, he reached his climax, spurting jets of hot seed down your throat.
you swallowed it all, not letting a single drop escape so ni-ki wouldn't complain.
and as he came down from his high, ni-ki pulled you close for a kiss, his tongue roamed into your mouth then he groaned in approval. "i'm a lucky bastard. right?"
you smirked against his lips, then he laughed breathlessly. his cock already starting to stir again.
"can you sit on my face?"
✶ boyfriend!ni-ki is no doubt protective.
ni-ki leaves to order food at a small café, leaving you seated at a table by yourself. and while he's away, someone approaches and starts hitting on you.
he returned to the table holding a tray, his eyes immediately caught the unfamiliar figure leaning close to you. his relaxed expression hardens as he watches you visibly uncomfortable, trying to politely brush off their advances.
he calmly approached them, his height and presence alone was enough to make the stranger falter, stepping between you and the person, his hand held the back of your chair. "you need something from my girlfriend?"
the stranger stammers, "oh, i didn't know-"
"now you do?" ni-ki cuts in, eyes narrowing slightly. he wasn't loud but it is enough to make it clear that they should back off.
"you okay? did they say anything weird?"
and when you assured him you're fine, he clicked his tongue, annoyed. "can't even leave you for five minutes without someone trying something."
you looked at him in disbelief. "now you know how it feels when i'm with you!"
he just smiled smugly and sipped on his drink.
✶ boyfriend!ni-ki is cute when upset.
you didn't text him back all day and he was NOT happy about it.
now, standing in front of him, you could feel his disappointment. his arms were crossed and his lips were slightly pouting like a duck...
"oh, come on… you're not actually mad, are you?" you sighed, reaching out to touch his arm but he moved away, making a show of it.
"dunno," he muttered, "guess i just thought my girlfriend would care enough to answer me."
you blinked. "ni-ki, i was busy..."
"yeah, i know, busy ignoring me." he shot back, still refusing to look at you.
you groaned, stepping closer, "babyyyy, don't be like this."
nothing. not even a glance. he was really milking this.
so, naturally, you had to step up your game.
you wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek against his chest. "ni-kiii, i said sorryyy!"
silence.
you looked up at him, blinking sweetly. "please, forgive me?"
ni-ki exhaled, his lips twitching like he was trying not to smile. but stop, he wasn't going to let you off that easily.
"you're not convincing me enough." he sighed, still acting all moody.
you smiled, tiptoeing to kiss his cheek, then his jaw, then his lips...
"better?" you whispered, smiling against his skin.
his hands finally found your waist, pulling you in closer. "hmm… getting there."
you rolled your eyes but kissed him properly this time, slow and sweet, his grip tightening as he finally gave in.
and when you pulled away, he pouted at you. "you know you could've just texted me back saying you're busy, right?"
"yeah, but then i wouldn't get to do all this." you teased, wrapping your arms around his neck.
ni-ki grinned. "damn… i should get mad at you more often, huh?"
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a/n: hello, read part one HERE!
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 years ago
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UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.
1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.
2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.
So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.
Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.
He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.
Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.
Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.
I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.
He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.
I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.
OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.
Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world
PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox
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pathetic-gamer · 2 years ago
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me, an hour ago: "fuck, the stove is on! what do we do?" [immediately does all the wrong things]
PSA: What NOT to do when you smell gas
In this situation, we got home to a smell of gas throughout the house and discovered our gas stove was on without a flame. it was only a tiny stream, and everything turned out fine, but here's a brief list of everything we did wrong:
NOTE: this is for if you smell significant amounts of gas, not a blanket list for all possible gas situations. (If you aren't aware, the methane**/natural gas used in houses smells vaguely like sulfer, or rotten eggs - this is an additive, since it has no natural smell. It's a very recognizable smell, once you've smelled it once. It's not the same smell as gasoline.)
1. If your stove has an electrical/spark ignition, do NOT turn it off.
Spark ignitions often spark when turning on *and* off. Spark + Gas = Boom. Boom is bad. Avoid boom.
Instead, turn off the gas at the source, i.e. the physical valve at the meter. There may be a smaller valve near the stove. If you don't know where the shutoff is, the fire department will find it.
2. Do NOT turn on (or off) vents or fans.
In fact, don't flip any electrical switches - that includes lights, plugging in or unplugging appliances, etc. These cause sparks. Spark + Gas = Boom.
Also, don't start your car. obviously.
3. Do NOT open windows
counterintuitive, I know. This is mostly because you want to prioritize your exit, but it's also to keep the fumes from spreading outside, where you should be waiting for the ~professionals~ to come handle it.
4. DO take all people and pets outside.
Do this very first!! (one thing we actually did right - go us!)
This is obviously because you don't want to go boom, but you also don't want to suffocate. Gas is poison!
NOTE: the gas from your stove is probably methane (natural gas); carbon monoxide is what you get when methane burns, which is why your kitchen needs to be well-ventilated and the stove shouldn't be left burning for long periods of time, but the natural gas itself is *also* potentially deadly. Carbon monoxide detectors dont detect natural gas, so that's what the odorous additive is for.
Inhaling natural gas causes nausea, headaches, dizziness, and makes you just generally woozy, and eventually causes you to lose consciousness and potentially suffocate, just like carbon monoxide does. We don't want that.
5. DO call the fire department/emergency line
They'll check for other leaks, shut gas off if needed, then test for air quality and eventually clear your house for reentry. It takes like 1-2 hours for the gas to dissipate, generally.
Yay, you survived! Congrats!!
NOTE: if you find the stove has been left on with a flame, or it's on with no flame but you don't smell gas, then you should be safe to just open windows and turn on vents and fans to air it out.
idk, this was actually pretty scary, especially when we realized how much of our immediate response was wrong and could have turned a dangerous situation into a real disaster.
tl;dr: If you smell gas when you shouldn't be smelling gas, just get all the people and animals outside, shut off the gas line, and call the fire department or gas company. don't fuck around with gas. you're not overreacting, you're taking the proper safety measures.
**CORRECTED FROM ORIGINAL VERSION. Original said propane, but it's very much not propane, it's methane. too much Hank Hill on the brain, clearly.
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ittybittyfanblog · 3 months ago
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Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 3
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Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a (now skeptical!) player. That’s it, that’s the plot. A/N: I’ve already outlined the entire thing–now it’s just a matter of writing it, so don’t worry! Even if some chapters take me longer to update, I’m gonna finish this one way or another. Promise. *fingers crossed* Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, strong language, reader thinks she’s losing her marbles because of a certain someone
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Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3 - Pt. 4 - Pt. 5 - Pt. 6 - Pt. 7 - Pt. 8 - Pt. 9 - Pt. 10
“Alright—okay, don’t be stupid,” You chant to yourself as you pace restlessly from the kitchen area of your studio, to the coffee table where you’ve set your phone lying facedown. “Just open the damn thing.” 
You’ve just arrived back at the condo a little past seven PM after a, frankly, productive—if not slightly distracted—day of running errands. You’re home, and you haven’t even got to unpacking the two paper bags (and a box) worth of groceries that were all but thrown carelessly on the kitchen counter, and already, you’re back to stressing over all the weird shit that's been happening to you.
Throughout the afternoon, you tried your hardest to resist the urge to check your phone, especially whenever you see the screen light up—whether it was in your hand or stashed away in your half-zipped fanny pack.
It’s at the most random times too, but always when you act on your unfortunate tendency to monologue your thoughts out loud. 
Sure, it could just be some random push app notifications. Text messages from the few people that hit you up on the weekends—invitations to hang out, maybe. A few newsletters you forgot to unsubscribe from if you’re unlucky. 
But you think the timing’s far too deliberate to be purely coincidental. 
“Do I get a dozen eggs or just half? What do I even need a dozen for?” (Phone vibrates)
“Oh, hey, Indomie’s on sale if you buy in bulk. How much for a box?” (Screen flashes. Twice.)
“Who the hell is holding up the line, damn–oh, it’s an old lady. Better hurry the fuck up, grandma.” (Screen flashes) “...Sorry! I didn’t mean that.” 
“Ughhh… my tummy hurty…” (Phone vibrates) “What—” 
“Everything’s perfectly normal. Just your average, sunny Saturday! You are an independent, capable adult… who’s fucking losing it.” (Screen flashes–after a minute interval) 
Of course, you have an inkling as to what’s—or who’s—blowing your phone up; in fact, he’s never left your mind since this morning.
So presently, you’re in the middle of having a small existential crisis over what that means, for you and your sanity. No big deal. 
You puff out your cheeks for a couple of seconds before letting out a deep breath. Don’t be a pussy. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation to all of this. You’re— you’re not crazy. 
Landing heavily down in front of the low table, you finally grab your phone, hand shaking with the teensiest amount of trepidation. Not giving yourself any more time to think and second-guess, you flip it over, switching it back to Ring mode as you swipe up to see—
—a barrage of notifications; one popping up after another. 
Some of them are what you’ve expected: plain, old push notifications from banking apps, others from varying socials. There’s one from your mom. A reminder to email her the flight tickets you still haven’t gotten around to booking yet. 
And. Six banner notifications from the game. From… from—him. It’s something you’ve already braced yourself for. It doesn’t prepare you, however, for what they actually said. 
A knot grows in your chest, spreading rapidly like slithering twine as your mind tries, and somewhat fails, to make sense of what your eyes are seeing. 
Grab a dozen, sweetie. It won’t add much to the total cost, and you need that protein every morning. Cereal’s not gonna cut it. 
You really ought to lessen your sodium intake, kitten. (and) Do NOT get the box. Stop. 
Haha. A feisty one, aren’t you? 
Mmm, poor baby.
I– we can talk about this later when you get home.
Each notification contains a completely unique dialogue you’ve never seen before. A play-by-play commentary specifically in response to you—to your personal remarks from earlier, spoken out loud—that there is absolutely no way anyone could still pass this off as simply being system-generated. 
A faint ringing echoes in your ears as you slowly draw back, putting some distance between the onslaught of text and… you. You can’t seem to tear your gaze away from the screen, though. Even if the back of your head bumps against the seat edge of the sofa behind you from how far you’ve already leaned back. 
Blinking in stunned silence, the only thing you could croak out is a strained “what the fuuuck.” 
... Ping!
Still mustering the courage to face me? Don’t keep me in suspense, darling. 
The sudden message jolts you back to reality. You suck in a deep breath.
… Despite everything, you can’t help but find his nonchalant response to your gradual spiral into hysterics—because he knows—a little amusing. Also rude. But mostly funny. 
(It’s also probably just your brain’s last-ditch effort to find some semblance of control, but whatever.)
At this point, you know that you’re merely delaying the inevitable. Swallowing, you press on one of Sylus’ messages and it immediately boots up the game. 
Instead of soothing your nerves like it usually does, the orchestral background music from the loading screen puts you more on edge; your anxiety builds up to a crescendo, harmonious to the heralding of what you know will undoubtedly change the trajectory of your life. 
Dramatic, but true. 
48%... 82%... 98%...
There’s a hollow drop in your stomach when the screen—finally—reveals the familiar sight of the café. The golden ambient light enters your field of vision for a split second before your eyes flit reflexively to the man standing in the middle of the screen, whose presence commandeered your full attention.
He’s wearing his motorcycle jacket—the black one with the red and white thorn(?) accents, paired along the pair of leather pants with the iconic double zipper. Aside from the black zircon studs, he’s not wearing anything out of the ordinary. Nothing is looking out of the ordinary, actually. 
Holding your breath, you wait for the other shoe to drop. 
“Are you waiting for me to say hello? Then–” Sylus muses with an amused lilt to his voice, sauntering closer to flick “your” forehead. There’s a beat before he continues: “That’s my way of saying hello.” 
… Huh? 
That’s—this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. You… you don’t know what you were expecting, but this wasn’t it.
The man in front of you doesn’t look any different from how he usually does; the way that his… character animation (Should you call it that? It doesn’t seem right, given the circumstance, but you don’t know how best to describe anything anymore) flows is so–-so infuriatingly… normal. As if it’s just like any other day that you’ve logged in the game. 
Where did the sentience go? Why is he reciting lines he’s programmed to say? None of it adds up.
Your mouth tries to form words, but nothing comes out. With wide eyes, you helplessly gape at him. Speechless. For a moment, you feel like you’ve actually gone mad. 
A small “what’s happening?” slips past your lips. Your eyes dart across his face, trying to analyze every microexpression, any hint of sentience on him—in his eyes, in his movements. 
You find none. 
Mechanically, you exit the game.
“What the actual fuck?” You whisper-shout at nothing in particular, and maybe to the biggest cause of your current disconcertion; one who you thought… Who you were sure was—
-
-
Fuck it. It’s time to put your detective skills to work.
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regal-rosebuds · 11 months ago
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ꔫHow to Voluntarily Age Regress
ꔫHi all! I wanted to post this, but I can't call it as much a "guide" as I usually would, since it is purely my anecdotal experience!
ꔫNonetheless, I hope this is helpful to you in your endeavors!
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ꔫTypically, when I am trying to regress, I start with age dreaming! This comes with a number of things, maybe it's:
Watching cartoons or another piece of media that I find comforting or that I've found puts me in the space
Coloring a picture or doing worksheets
Babytalking with my cgs, babysitters or other in-community friends
^Asking my cgs/babysitters to care for me as if I am already regressed
^^Generally interacting with other littles or friends I find comforting
Scrolling agere tags on here or ingesting other agere content
Using little gear like pacis, bottles, etc.
Playing with toys or playing video games that I've found put me in the space
Listening to a playlist that one of my cgs made me
Writing agere headcanons or making content of my ocs who regress
Daydreaming about agere outings, playdates, etc.
Going shopping and looking at toys
Cuddling, holding hands, getting my hair pet, etc.
ꔫThis is just a short list of things I've put together, there's a lot more that could be done, especially since it's extremely individual! This is just what works for me!
ꔫFrom there, I try to maintain this comforting and safe space by not taking on any work/responsibilities or really anything else not suitable for my small age.
ꔫAnd, it’s not like it’s a 100% success rate either! Sometimes, I’m just not feeling it; sometimes, I just continue age dreaming for the rest of the night! For me, you can’t really force it — it’s okay if it does happen, it’s okay if it doesn’t!
ꔫSome other helpful things:
I find it much easier to slip when I’m tired.
You might feel kinda silly being big and trying to do your small things, but that’s okay!
It’s not just a switch one can flip, so don’t be frustrated if it doesn’t come easily!
It’s different for everyone — for some people it comes really easily, for some people not so easily. Some people need to do a specific set of things and have a specific set of conditions to regress. Going further:
Not everyone can voluntarily regress, and that’s okay, but there’s no harm in trying it out!
ꔫWhile this isn’t as educational as my other posts, I still hope that you are able to find it helpful!
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fishnapple · 17 days ago
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How do they love you? How does their love feel like?
(Future spouse/partner/lover)
This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.
Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐
About me | Masterpost Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)
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CUBE 1
There's always something to look forward to when you're with them. Life never stands still for the two of you, no, it doesn't mean your life together will be hectic and full of fast movement. On the contrary, they will take things slow with you, but you're always sure of their attention and how they see a future for the two of you. They will be very protective of that future, almost stubbornly so. You will hear them talk often about plans, they will ask you how you want to go at things, what's your comfortable pace, what do you hope for the future, what do you expect of them, of the relationship, they will also frequently joke or talk seriously about the vision of a retirement life together with you. There's just this sureness about the future with them, also hope and excitement.
But they also like to reminisce about your memories together. They probably will like to take a lot of photo with you, just daily activities, small beauty around you, and then like to spend some nights, sitting comfortably on the couch with you, warm blanket wrapping around you two, flipping through the physical photo album or the one in their phone. They like to remind you of your many "first" memories together. How you first met, how you first confess, your first kiss, the first sunset watched together. Things like that. They will also like to tease you about it but also want to recreate that memory again someday.
They might have to travel a lot for their work, and overseas trips can be frequent. You will sometimes feel that your house lack a little warmth of their presence. But when they're with you, they will make it up to you when they're home, by staying home with you lazily, just the two of you relaxing together, enjoying simple moments. But they will surprise you now and then with romantic dates, travelling to some far away lands for some changes of scenery. You once said to them absentmindedly how you wish to do something, go somewhere? They will make that happen for you, unexpectedly, they like surprise gifts. These instances are when you can feel their playfulness the most visibly.
Other times, they will remain a practical and dependable person. They will make sure that you feel safe in the relationship. So they tend to hide a lot of their worries and doubts. If they're quiet or not communicative, it's likely that they're worrying about something. If you ask them what's wrong, they probably will brush it off and assure you that nothing is wrong. Just let them be for a while to collect their thoughts. They will come around and discuss it with you, with a clearer mind and trust.
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CUBE 2
They will be a tease alright. You might sometimes be puzzled by their behaviour, are they just a bully, or are they being playful? This person has two sides to them, I think it's likely due to their upbringing or their environment that requires them to be accommodating and mild manner. Strangers, acquaintances, or even those who work closely with them will find them very charming, patient, and hard working. But when it comes to the person they love romantically, it's like something switched up inside them. They can act a little childish,snarky, and passionate around you, poking you here and there just to get a reaction. They love playing pranks on their lover. But not to the point of angering you or in a mean spirit way. For all their jokes and pranks, they do fulfil your desire for a perfect partner and also a friend. I think the way they act playfully like that is to match your energy. Whatever they do, they do it in consideration of you, so they never take the teasing too far, just enough to rile you up a little.
They like to ask your opinions on everything, purposefully create a debate with you, even when you share a similar viewpoint. They want to include you in every decision that they make, always a team, especially when the future of the relationship is concerned. If you have any dilemmas, they will always be there to help solve them with you.
You guys might be the couple that giggle with each other in public, sharing inside jokes and exchanging looks across the crowd. They would love to lean in and whisper to your ear. Their display of affection in public can be restrained and moderate, nothing offensive to the eyes of lonely hearts around you guys. But in general, they prefer to stay at home with you rather than go to a public place. Almost like being secluded with you, muting out all the noises outside. It's because they work a lot, they can be too absorbed in their work and spend many hours working. So when they can get off working, they want to relax with you. Your home together will be like a sanctuary to them.
They can act like a fixer sometimes, always eager to solve your problems for you. If you have some bad habits, they will push you to get rid of them, sometimes it can feel heavy-handed. But usually, the way they do it is sincere and charming enough for you to listen to them without resistance. One of their habits that you might be a little worried about is their spending habit, they have a loose attitude towards money, spending on whims. If they see something they fancy, they will not just buy it for themselves but for you too, they love matchy-matchy. Luckily, they don't act like that towards just everyone, only to the person closest to them.
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CUBE 3
Your domestic life with this person will be so peaceful and fun. They just give a very stable and dependable energy without being rigid or overbearing. You will feel spoiled by them a lot. They will put you on top priority, trying to make life easier for you in every aspect. From small daily chore to important decisions like moving home or changing jobs, they want to be there for you and support you in everything. This person likes to share the workload with you, there's just no definite role in your relationship where one person is the bread winner while the other is the one who takes care of the house. Your relationship will be balanced, if one person is working, the other will do the housework, and vice versa. But they're especially proactive in making the mundane details comfortable for you, I think they're someone who enjoys doing chores around the house and taking care of their person. They like to iron your clothes for you, preparing meals, cleaning the house while you lay there relaxing.
But in that scenario where they're cleaning the house and you're relaxing, they'd like that moment to be when you guys can have some fun banter together. There's maybe a sense of duty when they're doing the work, but it's actually because they enjoy these small peaceful moments with you. They like to joke and tease you a lot. Talking with them will feel so easy and free flowing, you guys will never run out the things to talk about. Reminds me of birds chirping together on a branch in springtime. But they can also dive deep with more serious topics. The things they say are never superficial and shallow. What they say is what they do and what they think deeply about. They probably won't say something if they're not sure of it. You will feel like their words are the most dependable pillars. They're also very strategic, taking care steps in whatever plan they're executing, appraising the progress, and making adjustments when necessary. So life with them will feel like a sturdy ship that can weather any storms and still sail to the bright horizon ahead.
They have a strange blend of tenderness and passion. You won't have to doubt their desire for you, they'll be just very straightforward with you. But they're creative and flexible in their display of affection and they know various techniques to melt your heart. One moment they may act like an excited child asking their playmate to hang out with them. Other times, they act all assertive and self-assured that you feel like there's no one sexier. Another time, they will be silent and attentive, listen to your every dark thoughts that are clouding your mind. You will believe that as long as you're with them, nothing can hurt you, that you can relax and just be cosy in their arms, even when the world is cold and dangerous outside.
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CUBE 4
This person could have some deep wounds that they hold in their heart for a long time. These wounds made them become cautious and value their independence a lot. They're not willing to sacrifice their personal values and autonomy for just anyone. So you might have a hard time getting closer to them in the beginning. The frustrating thing is, they're very charming as a person, they can say all the right words that can melt your heart in no time, they're a great conversationalist and a visionary, but only as an individual, in relationship, the more messy and problematic side will rear its head and make itself known. There's a very strong mental energy here. If you're the kind of person who values mental connection above all else and tends to lean on the logical side of thinking, you might not see much problem with them, for they can be a satisfying mental opponent for you. But if you're more sensitive and seek an emotional connection, both of you will have to compromise a lot to make it work.
You could feel that sometimes, their approach to the relationship with you and life in general can be aggressive or pushy. They like to take control of the situation and take charge of everything, including the small details of your life together. They want to do everything on their own, not exactly because they don't want you to lift a finger, but more because of the desire to take everything into their own hands, for efficiency. You will never have to doubt if they pay enough attention to you or not, sometimes, you might even wish that they don't give you so much attention, because it can feel a little antagonistic at times.
Communication is very important in your relationship. With your honest and straightforward feedback, they will slowly curb their impulsive tendency and be more gentle with you. The relationship with you will change their mindset a lot. They could be more high-strung and anxious in the past, but they will learn to relax more and be more appreciative of peace in the relationship. When they're relaxed and trust you more, they can be touchingly tender and romantic with their words. They probably like to go on many trips together with you, exploring the world around. You will feel that other people won't be able to understand the dynamic of your relationship and the unique experiences you share together. So you won't feel the need to compare your relationship with other people's, sure there are problems, but you wouldn't trade it for any other kinds. There's a strong element of getting out of the storm together, seeing each other's dark side and helping each other see the light.
They have a hidden passionate and wild side that's sleeping underneath layers of caution and anxiety. Their display of physical affection can be subdued and not too spontaneous, especially in the presence of other people. But they tend to talk or boast about you a lot in your absence. They will feel like loving you is their biggest victory, victory over their own limitations and fears. And they like to express that sense of pride with people, especially their friends.
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cloverapple · 21 days ago
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How To Let Go
First things first; drop the idea that reading this will magically make you shift. If you’re here thinking “Oh, I’ll read this, I’ll let go, and then I’ll shift” stop! right! there! I know you want to shift, I know you want to get your desire, but you are missing the whole point of why you want to let go in the first place!
Second if all; there’s no one way to let go because there’s no one thing you’re letting go of. And that’s where most people trip up. You hear it everywhere:
”Just let go!”
“Release!”
“Detach!”
Like it’s some effortless switch you can flip on command regardless of how your unique mind works 😑
And then when you can’t, you start to feel like a failure, like you cannot accomplish this very basic thing that everyone seems to be doing so effortlessly.
Well my darling, listen to me: this is not your fault. You not being able to let go has nothing to do with how capable you are, how lucky you are, or how “primed” your mind is. None of that.
The mind fixates. That’s what it does. If shifting is a huge desire for you, you don’t just drop it overnight. If your DR is playing on a loop in your head, of course you’re going to latch onto it. If every time you go to bed, you secretly hope to wake up in your DR, your brain is still holding on. And yeah, it sucks. Because suddenly your dedication feels like a burden. You start asking “Why can’t I just let go? What’s wrong with me?”
Been there, felt that.
I’m going to tell you exactly why letting go is something anyone can do, and how you can start immediately—without the mental stress that usually comes with it.
But first, let’s clear something up: Letting go is not a quick fix for shifting. It’s not some miracle pill that guarantees success. For some people, yes, letting go is the missing piece. But for others, the real problem isn’t that they need to let go—it’s that they need trust and patience in themselves. And because they’ve been told that “letting go” is the thing to do, they beat themselves up for not being able to do it. When in reality, they were fine all along.
So first of all, figure out if letting go is what you actually need in your journey. If it's not, and you suddenly remember that you’ve found success while holding on, great! If not, let's move on.
So, what does “letting go” actually mean?
A lot of people hear it and think it means quitting, cutting shifting out of their lives, turning away from their DR, walking away completely. And yeah, that is one way to let go. But it’s not the only way. Let’s break it down the different ways there are to let go:
• Letting go of trying to shift – A.K.A what I talked about in this post. You still think of your DR, you still daydream, maybe you meditate at night with no intention to shift, you go about it like you already have it because you do. Stop it. Stop trying to shift.
• Letting go of expectation – You keep doing your methods, you stick to your routine, but you drop the pressure. No more “when will it happen?” You do it just because you enjoy it. You stop putting a deadline on shifting. You let go of when it will happen and just let it unfold.
• Letting go of your DR – You still shift, but you step back from your DR itself. Maybe you try a different DR for fun, maybe you explore WRs or fun, relaxing realities. You turn your focus elsewhere.
• Letting go of shifting itself – You stay in tune with expanding your awareness, but you do this by focusing on lucid dreaming, astral projection, or any other practice for a while. You take the pressure off shifting entirely by trying something new.
• The ‘fuck this shit’ mentality – You throw your hands up and stop giving a damn. Ironically, this one works better than you’d think.
• Letting go of perfection – You don’t need to do everything perfectly, follow every method flawlessly, or maintain some imagined “high vibrational state” 24/7. Stop striving for an ideal and just exist.
• Letting go of comparison – Stop looking at other people who claim to have shifted and measuring yourself against them. Their journey is not yours, and comparison only fuels frustration. Can you imagine driving your car, on the way to go pick up your brand new sport’s car, but you keep looking out the window because someone in the next lane is already driving a sport’s car?? YOU’RE GOING TO CRASH. EYES ON THE ROAD.
• Letting go of guilt – If you feel bad for not shifting yet, for wanting a break, or for feeling stuck, release that guilt. You don’t owe shifting anything. Shifting is you. You don’t owe yourself anything other than peace, trust and love.
• Letting go of attachment to results – Focus on the process rather than the outcome. Enjoy the journey, the experiences, and the growth that come with it. This is the thing I wish I knew at the very start of my journey, not because it would have made me shift faster, but because in hindsight, there’s so much fun in figuring out what works for you, discovering yourself, and the excitement pre-shifting to your DR.
• Letting go of fear – Fear of failure, fear of missing out, fear of doing something wrong, fear of shifting (which warrants another post in itself). Releasing fear allows for a more open, relaxed mindset.
• Letting go of overthinking and self-doubt – Stop analyzing every little thought, feeling, or experience. Your mind doesn’t need to be in constant problem-solving mode. You already know how to shift. You already have your desire/ your desire will manifest in the 3D. You are a creator. You are the god of your reality. If overthinking and stressing out solved anything, no one in the world would have problems.
• Letting go of rules – There are no strict guidelines for shifting. You don’t have to follow what someone else says. Make your own path.
But how do you actually let go?
When you let go, you do so from one of three places: peace, exhaustion, or indifference. To truly let go, you need to lean into one of these.
1. Peace – If what your mind craves is peace, you let go by accepting that your desires are either already yours or inevitably coming. You trust your ability to create and shift, so you stop chasing and start relaxing. Letting go from this state means stepping back, breathing easy, and knowing there’s nothing more you need to do—just be.
"Oh, easier said than done!" Yeah, that’s why we have the next two.
2. Exhaustion – If you’ve reached the point where you’re just tired, use it. Letting go through exhaustion means recognizing that you physically and mentally can’t keep stressing over this anymore. You’ve burned yourself out, and the only thing left to do is stop. Stop trying so hard, stop overthinking, stop forcing. Let yourself collapse into that exhaustion and let go because you have no energy left to hold on.
3. Indifference – This is the "fuck it" approach. Letting go through indifference means deciding that you simply do not care anymore—about shifting, about waiting, about the whole damn thing. Not in a bitter way, not in a frustrated way, just… whatever. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, you’ll be fine. You’ve got a life to live, and you’re not about to waste it worrying over something that isn’t here yet.
No matter which one you lean into, the result is the same: freedom. You stop gripping so tightly. You stop making shifting feel like a desperate struggle. And in that space—wherever you land—letting go happens naturally.
There’s no right or wrong way to let go
Think of it as a spectrum. You let go at your own pace, in a way that feels right for you. Because here’s the truth—holding onto your DR, staying in the cycle of frustration, it hurts. But it’s also comfortable. It’s familiar. And the mind loves familiarity.
Everyone has something different they need to let go of. For some, it’s their attachment to results. For others, it’s the pressure to be perfect. Maybe it’s the need to control the process or the fear of what happens if they succeed. Letting go isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution/It’s about recognizing what is keeping you stuck and unhappy, and making the conscious choice to release it.
So, instead of forcing yourself to drown in the ocean of your desire, because you thought throwing youself in would force yourself to know how to shift, just grab a floatie. You already know how to swim. You just have to remember, and until you do, relax and let go.
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strangersteddierthings · 18 days ago
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"You just can't handle the fact that these people aren't falling all over themselves to get your attention for once in your life!" Eddie growls, arms thrown in the air in exasperation.
"I don't care about getting their attention, Eddie!" Steve says once again because it feels like they've been arguing in circles forever when it's really only been about half an hour. Steve wishes he could say that he didn't understand how they got here but he does.
Eddie and his new friends. Friends that don't like Steve and go out of their way to make sure he knows that. Friends that throw snide remarks that Eddie chuckles along with. Friends that make Steve feel unwanted in his own home.
It's infuriating and frustrating and hurtful that Eddie just lets them talk about Steve like that, lets them talk to Steve like that.
"Right, so you've said," Eddie scoffs and rolls his eyes, like Steve's the one being immature.
"Well, since you think I'm fucking lying or something, what do you think this is about?" Steve's says, hands on his hips as he stares down Eddie at the other end of the tiny galley kitchen of their apartment.
Eddie works his jaw, the way Steve's seen him do when he's holding back a comment he thinks is particularly scathing. It's been a while since Steve's been on the receiving end of this.
"Just say it, Eddie! We're never going to end this argument unless you do," Steve goads. If Eddie will just say the thing, they can talk it out. They can work through this. Steve can fix it, but only if Eddie tells him the truth.
"Maybe it's just fucking karma, Steve!" Eddie yells. "Maybe you just can't handle that I have friends who think you're not cool and they aren't going to pretend you are!"
Steve's jaw drops, the infuriating-frustrating-hurt feeling intensifying into what feels like a lead ball in Steve's gut. Karma. Karma? "Karma? Like because I was a self-centered asshole in school that I, what, deserve to be treated like trash by your so-called 'friends'!?" Steve goes as far as to make air quotes around the word friends.
"Yeah, maybe," Eddie says, quick and even like he... like he really believes that.
Like he really believes that this treatment is what Steve deserves.
"This situation is not the same," Steve shouts back.
"Seems the same to me. The group majority against the minority. It's not like you ever stood up for anyone when Hagan was trying to give everyone swirlies, or when Perkins would knock shit out of people's hands and fake laugh an apology. You just can't handle it now that you're the minority."
"That's not the fucking same! I didn't know you in high school!"
"Well, they don't know you, either!"
All the fight drains from Steve at those words. It's like Eddie has flipped the switch in his brain to see what is happening. To see it from Eddie's point of view. Or, if Steve is being kind, the point of view of Eddie's friends who don't know Steve because they refused to get to know him.
"So, what, they're allowed to treat me the way you think I treated you?" Steve asks, voice quiet and matter of fact.
"Yes," Eddie says and then his face pinches as he actually processes what Steve said. "Wait. No. That's not- It's not exactly like that. It's just, like- the guys were saying it was status quo or something."
The guys. Eddie's 'friends'.
It's strange how 'the guys' went from meaning Jeff, Gareth, and Grant to this new group of friends and Jeff, Gareth, and Grant have become The Band. A separate, new category, othering even them from Eddie's new friends.
"I- Are you even hearing yourself right now?" Steve says in disbelief. He can see Eddie getting worked up again, so he barrels on. "I'm not just some jock you don't know. I'm your boyfriend. Your fucking boyfriend, Eddie! If you were my boyfriend in high school, I wouldn't have ever let my friends speak to you the way you let them talk to me!
"And I can't even defend myself because then everything they're saying is fucking true! That I'm a bullshit dumb jock just waiting for a chance to get violent. And I'm not! I'm not a jock anymore. And I'm not dumb! And I'm not bullshit!" Steve's vision gets blurry, and he knows he's crying but he doesn't really register it. The hurt he's feeling is leaving his body and he's just feeling numb now. "Jesus Christ, Eddie, I would never let someone talk to you the way you let your friends talk to me, and about me! Because beyond it just being the goddamn decent thing to do is not let people speak about others like that, but I love you and I can't imagine ever allowing someone to treat you the way your friends treat me. Why do you like them more than you love me!?"
Eddie's face is doing something complicated, like it always does when Steve cries. Like Eddie wants to sooth him but isn't sure how.
And that's all it takes. Something in Steve crumbles but not in the way he wants it to. Steve was hoping that if they talked this out that they could be okay. They could figure out a way forward.
Because here is Eddie's face, showing how much he loves and cares for Steve and wants to help him, but all Steve realizes is that Eddie might love him, but not enough to tell his friends to treat Steve with some basic respect and kindness.
He can't be here anymore. He can't be in this kitchen and see his hurt reflected on Eddie's face. He can't be in this apartment that used to feel so cozy and comforting and now just feels like a prison. He doesn't know if he can even be in this relationship if Eddie doesn't love him the same way as he used it.
How did they get to this point? How did they get to a point where Eddie is just okay with people treating Steve this way? How did Steve let it go this long without addressing it sooner?
When did Eddie decide that the approval of his new friends was more important than his feelings for Steve?
"Steve, I-"
Steve doesn't stick around to hear whatever it is Eddie's going to say. He turns on heel, speed walking to the door where he pauses just long enough to grab his jacket from the coat rack before fleeing the apartment.
-
Inspired by @novacorpsrecruit's fic, It’s lonely at the top. Which has a happy ending, so you should read it.
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dunmeshistash · 10 months ago
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How do you feel about Milsiril? Like what do you think of her interactions between the canaries, her goals, her intentions and morality? I keep seeing people with mixed feelings about her, some saying she's just toxic or morally grey or doing bad but with good intentions or that she's just a mentally ill and literally so much more, also with the comic about Otta calling Milsiril love for her children/Kabru as just love for a pet, I always saw people take it at face value and say yes, Milsiril did love them more as pets instead of children, did she take up raising/adopting non-elf children because she felt like none of them could ridicule her like the elves did because they didn't know what an elf was supposed to be like (and also because they were children) or did she inherently view them as less? I mean the canaries and I'm pretty sure almost all of the cast in dungeon meshi have some sort perspective on different races especially because how they were taught about them, i just think it was interesting to finally see someone interpret it as Otta just misinterpreting Milsiril, I'm just really interested in her, i think shes neat, sorry for the rant!
Ooh, well to preface this, I hadn't really realized Milsiril was such a controversial character before my last post, I kinda live under a rock. She's really not a character I had given much thought besides what I wrote there before it, but I can do my best to express what I have thought since, with sources for it. I'm not sure what order to go thru so I'll just go by manga appearances and then extras, this will probably be quite a long post
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This is the first time she shows up in the manga (ch55) Kabru is wondering about what future they might have if the elves take them into custody because of the ancient magic, he thinks about Milsiril as a get out of jail card, and mentions "There's a chance they would make us become permanent resident of the elven lands." with the image of Milsiril holding him. I don't think that means she would be the one to not let them leave, since this would probably be an legal issue, and the fact Milsiril lives away from other Elves. It does set up that Milsiril is quite overprotective tho, with Kabru's reaction to her teary hug. (rest is under a cut)
The next time she shows up is in ch61 right after Kabru falls down the dungeon along with Mithrun, he faints and has this flashback
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She's being her overbearing self treating Kabru's small injury as if its something you need to be in bed for, hand feeding him like he's a toddler, and when he insists he wants to learn how to fight and be strong like her, she hugs him revealing to us for the first time her arm scars, she's cleary in distress too, so you wonder "what has happened to her?"
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It continues in the next pages, as she tells him to stay there, where it's safe and there's cake, and describes the bad things he might encounter. Until he tells her he will go with or without her help
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Honestly this is a Kabru we don't see often, this is the version of him that is usually in thought bubbles, he's blowing out in frustation over being smothered and demanding straight up what he wants, instead of trying to manipulate Milsiril, very blunt for him. Milsiril seems to flip a switch into battle mode, when she decides to train him for real.
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I really thought this was funny, the visual of these cuddly toys and this Mom that was being so soft just a second ago completely flipping into something menacing is very amusing to me. She says "I'll give you an exhaustive, thorough training in how to use a sword... until you finally decide that you're ready to give up." although it sounds cruel, it seems she really trained him as best she could to make sure he would survive the dungeon. If he couldn't take the training with her there was no way he would be able to take on the dungeon, but he could, so much so that he managed to make her let him go. I can see this being seen as her trying to prevent him from going but to me it seems more like some tough love from a traumatized war veteran in this case.
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The last thoughts he has is admitting his Mom was right, "Not only were there plenty of traps, monsters, and malice... but there were times when I felt so hungry and cold that I couldn't stand it."
And he concludes with "I never once thought that I wanted to go back there. That room where I could eat all the cake that I wanted..." While I can understand the interpretation that he means he would rather go thru all this than go back, perhaps cause he hated it there, I think it's rather a statement to how committed he is to defeating the dungeon, the visuals show him in rubble vs him in a soft big bed, the rough reality he fought to be able to face and the comfyness of what his life could be. Plus is mirroring exactly what Milsiril said to him. Admitting she was right about the bad things but that he won't give up for the safe easy life he had.
After that visuals of Milsiril are used while Kabru tries to sus out Mithrun but she shows up again in Mithrun's backstory.
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Here she's straight up called Gloomy, which wasn't really the version of her we saw so far, gotta remember this is also how Mithrun saw her and that she was called gloomy as a way of bullying. Kabru mostly cuts off her part in the story until the end, when she's the one to find Mithrun after he was eaten by the demon
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She doesn't really care much for Mithrun as we see in some extras, and she was ready to mercy kill him, but she is also the one to spare his life. This could be seen as her thinking he can still be of use, and it's how it sounds with how Kabru tells the story, but I do think this was also a merciful act, Mithrun was in rehabilitation for 20 years after being saved, by the time he was actually useful for anything Milsiril had already left the canaries and adopted Kabru.
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Now for extras... About Mithrun/The Canaries, Milsiril was cleary someone that hated the people around her. This is her extra in the Adventurer's Bible
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Milsiril seems to be the type that hates "popular kids" so to say, her description says she was bullied by other elves for being so introverted so I believe she holds a grudge against people like Mithrun that seem to have succeeded where she failed. But realizing he was a twisted person like her seemed to make her feel more sympathetic towards him, that's why I think she really did act with mercy when she saves Mithrun, he's now someone she sees as similar to her, she sees he also suffered like her
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Her decription also mentions she left the canaries specifically because she was disgusted with how the Utaya situation was dealt with. Yet it seems like she came back to help Mithrun with his rehabilitation once she quits.
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There's an interpretation to be made that she did this only to get "revenge" on the demon since she just saw the destruction of Utaya, and that she's using him. On the other hand maybe she wants to help him find a motivation to live, she's no longer a canary and she has time to actually help him now. I don't know which one is the truth but it's not obviously something self-serving if you ask me. Especially in the context that right before this scene Milsiril admits she wishes they could have talked before.
My interpretation of her relationship with the canaries and other elves is that she's someone depressed that was mistreat for her 'quirky' side, the dolls are clearly one of the ways she used to cope with anxiety/depression but it only caused her to be bullied by her own kin, she's the daughter of an important family and it's shown in other extras, including one about Mithrun, that nobles often send out the kids they don't want around to become canaries. It's an easy way to get rid of someone undesirable and I think it was the case for Milsiril. (Pattadol even assumes her parents love her less than her sisters for sending her to join the canaries).
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No wonder than that now that she's finally free from the canaries she chose to seek her own happiness away from the society she felt she could never fit into, she clearly likes to take care of children too, I think it's mean to assume she only likes them because she feels superior to them when there's no indication that this is the case.
And I don't think it's a coincidence she's so overprotective of Kabru after Utaya, it's literally the tragedy that was the breaking point for her, and he's a surviving small child from that tragedy, Milsiril cares about Kabru and wanted him to have a comfortable safe life after everything he went thru...
This ended up getting way too long so I'll make second part tomorrow about the rest of the extras and Kabru, and some other things I've seen said about Milsiril, but to answer the questions...
I don't think she treats her children as pets, Otta is just salty she was called out for dating like Leo Dicaprio.
Every single dungeon meshi character can be called morally grey because they all have flaws that in our world can be considered unforgivable, but they don't live in our world. To me Milsiril is doing her best in the context she lives in.
Who even is neurotypical in dungeon meshi, Milsiril is yet another flavour of a neurodivergent traumatized character among so many.
I believe she thought of the other canaries, especially Mithrun, as the same type of people that were cruel to her, probably because some of them really were, but that she generalized it to the point she thinks of all of them as bad by default. You can only get hurt so many times before you assume everyone will hurt you.
Part 2
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