#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was
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I think I’ve been horribly burned out for the past year ahaha
#Let’s be real: I‘ve been burned out since fifth grade… but it’s worse now than it ever was#I wake up at around 10:00 or 11:00 and loiter in my room until 2:00 and by that time it feels like I failed to start my day#and like everything is a waste so I do nothing#Can’t use the bathroom without interviewing myself in the mirror and whispering for hours on end#so I’m dehydrated from whispering#and for some reason I’m afraid to engage in all my hobbies#Tumblr isn’t a hobby#Reddit isn’t a hobby#They’re time killers#I don’t write whump on here anymore and I feel like a fraud keeping my username as it is#The only time I ever do things is when it’s for other people#and when I do things for other people it’s like a switch gets flipped and I instantly want to give them everything I have#because I won’t feel like I deserve the things I want to do for myself so I’m serially codependent apparently#and when I do try to help people; my best never ends up being enough and only exacerbates the situation#and everyone wants more from me than I can give#I just want one thing I do for someone to work right the first time and end cleanly so I can get some fucking satisfaction#And if I think it’s working smoothly; I never have proof that it came to fruition because I can’t read people’s minds#“There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” my ASS#I don’t like receiving either… it’s uncomfortable#besides I don’t want anything that can be given to me; I want freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms#that’s it#I will be happy if I can have freedom and peace of mind and thunderstorms
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