#and we work together which makes it really complicated to actually bring up

[fairybumpkin]

ooo love is kinda complicated ain't it. wasn't expecting it

[drchucktingle]

reverse call out post

i have noticed that SOMETIMES it really bothers folks to discover i am sincere and not playing a character. that tinglers are deep artistic expression. i think it  because these few buckaroos are often kind and even politically left but had problematic ways just a few years back

these buckaroos are forced to confront their previous assumptions about neurodivergence and queerness, which is bound to happen as time trots on and cultural landscape evolves. but this sudden realization they have about themselves apparently MUST be ignored and pushed away

theres BIG TIME buckaroos on this very platform who publicly made fun of and gatekept my autism. these posts are STILL THERE. folks questioning my bisexuality. and these are buds who at one time worked with chuck and were pretending to ‘like me’ in way that i now see was irony

these are a previous generation of liberal ‘comedy forum’ buds who laugh and laugh at ‘ridiculous bad erotica’ and wrote as a money scheme. those who would later say with concern ‘chuck tingle is homophobic for making fun of queer erotica’. the same THEY might gleefully write

and i think their reaction is a way to deal with truth that THEY were doing these things ironically and have ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT that someone else couldve been creating joyful queer neurodivergent art during the same timeline with sincerity instead of irony.

so now as chuck gets taken more seriously they have to confront something. question of ‘wait, was i laughing at a real person the whole time? was i calling someone homophobic when in reality it is much more homophobic to MAKE that accusation, because queerness is not a monolith?’

old posts calling out chuck as fake, dehumanizing me, gatekeeping my place on spectrum of autism AND sexuality are still up. they wont be addressed because these folks cannot ever acknowledge they treated someones very existence as a joke. they will not admit THEY needed to grow

and honestly buckaroos, I FORGIVE THEM. nobody is dang perfect and the internet is swirling with irony poisoning. those folks on old forums were BATHING IN IT DAILY. it does not bother me because it is the past, but pondering on it during moments like this i am compelled to write

i do not bring this up to punish for past, but to hope buckaroos remember lesson in the future: you do not need to gatekeep. you do not need to make yourself the arbiter of others lifestyle and identity. you do not need to score online points as a way of proving your goodness.

proving love is complicated sometimes, and a big part or that complicated journey is accepting there are some unique buckaroos out there, buds who actually ENJOY making neurodivergent art and expressing their queerness in unique ways. who need time to learn THEMSELVES through art

it is my belief and suggestion that buds allow others this space. to accept them as they come. to TROT WITH THEM INTO THE FUTURE. thats a heck of a way to prove love is real. i think we can make this trot of sincerity together and DANG am i looking forward to it. LOVE IS REAL

[ennn]

Things I Liked About the Agatha All Along Finale - Initial Thoughts

Wooooo boy. Hey look I'm a bleeding heart shipper but I'm old and have been in enough fandoms. Let's process shall we?

Alice! Alice echo-ing what so many fans are saying about her lost potential. Rio actually being kind in reminding Alice her death did have purpose. "You're a protection witch, you protected someone."

The development of Billy's extremely complicated relationship with Agatha. Kid's not loyal to Agatha, he's understanding her, or starting to at least. He sees her being a relationship with Death and he's curious about the story there. He cares enough to connect the dots and see Agatha as a full person. And we see that developed as the finale goes.

"That's it? That's all the time that I get?" The show reminds us that death sometimes just happens – "Sometimes boys die" – I wonder if one of these writers is a Sandman fan because I immediately clocked a parallel to Death of the Endless taking a baby's life in her first comic appearance.

Death of the Endless is of course much kinder than Rio is with her (iconic) reply to that eternal question. "You lived what anyone gets... A lifetime."

That whole convo we got in the preview clip. And then them just sitting down and talking more? Albeit with layers of manipulation but y'know that's them.

Agatha telling Rio that she'll hand over Billy if Rio leaves her alone: essentially making Rio once again choose between her duty and her feelings towards Agatha. The deepest cut Agatha could make – which we see echoed with "If you do this I'll hate you forever." They know each other and the best ways to hurt each other.

I laughed waaaay too much at Agatha ragging on Jen's last vegetable name.

Jen's unbinding ritual was powerful and a fantastic moment for the character. She recognised and embraced her power. Agatha's mask slipping a little at the end as well. Amazing. Sasheer killed it.

The whole scene with Agatha working with Billy to bring Tommy back was beautiful and emotional and well put together and showed the side to Agatha that cements her as a great mentor (when she's not being the biggest murderous asshole).

Agatha using what she learnt from her Alice and Jen – and what Lilia told her – to hold her ground with Rio... okay it lasted like 10 seconds but it was a nice callback! Agatha's such a shameless survivor.

Incredible kissing. We knew Hahn and Plaza would deliver and they did. When it comes to kissing women, these two absolutely go for it.

Rio looking absolutely gutted with having to take Nicky away. Plaza really delivered with Rio's pain in these eps. Agatha calling her "my love", cursing and then begging.

Rio being soft about Nicky despite her job. Nicky willingly going with her with no fear, no hesitation – suggesting that they did bond somehow? Nicky knew she was a friendly face and trusted her. It was really a good death, all things considered. He wasn't sick, he wasn't in pain, he wasn't scared he simply fell asleep and just went.

Rio reminding Nicky to kiss his mom goodbye. She cares so much, as much as a personification of death can. It's funny how some people thought Rio was going to be this manipulative big bad but no, Agatha's the more toxic one in this relationship.

Okay like imagine Agatha finally dying and just straight up BOOKING it before Rio pops up. Rio hates ghosts. The number of times Agatha deliberately pissed her off this finale was amazing.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you for... whatever you did." Aw Billy is a good kid. Just like Nicky was. Agatha needs that reminder, that anchor to not be the Worst.

Chemistry aside, Agatha and Billy being mentor-pupil makes a ton of sense because these Maximoffs do the most fucked up shit (unintentionally) with their magic and Agatha's got the knowledge, charisma, cynicism, and the morals of a spinning compass to support him.

Alright when are they announcing the sequel / spin-off? I know there's a rumour of it happening. Rio's got 2 abominations and one endlessly aggravating ghost of an ex to deal with now.

[afterglowsainz]

the prophecy | max verstappen

summary: you and max can never agree on the same topic of conversation and it might be the thing that breaks you up

warnings: angst, some yelling

word count: 805

the tortured athletes department series

you love max. you really do. but you hate when he brings up the same topic of conversation that you'll never agree on.

“i’m not moving to monaco.” you say for the million time.

“i’m just saying it would be way easier for us.” he answers unbothered while eating his dinner.

you avoid rolling your eyes at his comment and just decide to ignore him. since you got together, distance has been a complicated issue for you both. with max flying almost the whole year for races and then going home to monaco and you working and living in new york, the two of you only saw each other during breaks and when you could occasionally fly to see him race.

and yes, maybe it would make it easier if one of you just moved, but why did it have to be you? living in new york has been your dream since you were a kid and saw it in the movies, and now that you finally got a job that you enjoy in the city of your dreams, are you really gonna leave it? hell no.

“why don’t you think about it?” he insists.

you drop the fork you were holding on the plate creating an exaggerated noise.

“would you do it for me?” you ask, exhausted. “would you move to new york for me?” he shakes his head and went back to his dinner.

“is not the same.” he says. 

“why don’t you move to new york?” you ask instead. this caught his attention and he finally moved his eyes from the food to you. “what is it to you anyway? you’re traveling the whole time, i on the other hand, actually work here.”

“you can get a job in monaco.” he replies like he always did when the topic came up.

“i don’t want a different job!” you raise your voice. “and i don’t want to move to monaco.” he didn’t said anything, fearing that whatever came out of his mouth would disturb you more than you already were. “if you wouldn’t do it for me, why would i do it for you?”

you regret it the moment you said it, but it was too late now, it was out there. you could recognize the pain in max’s face from miles away and you felt a little guilty that you were relieved when you said it so you didn’t have to hide your thoughts on the topic anymore.

“because that is what people in relationships do, y/n.” he answers, his tone rather harsh. “you sacrifice things for each other.”

“why do i have to be the one to sacrifice things?” you couldn’t stop now that it was out there.

“why are you being so immature about this?” he exhales, a tired expression on his face which only made you angrier.

“i’m not acting “immature” about this.” you attack. “you just ask me to give up my whole life to go live in a complete different continent for you and i said no, period.”

“so what are we supposed to do, y/n?” he raise his voice at you also. “what are we doing here? playing around?” you frown, nodding your head in disbelief. “i love you too much but this long distance thing is killing me.” he admits.

to be fair, you weren’t the biggest fan of long distance either, but there was no other choice. it was either that or broke up, and you definitely didn’t want to break up.

“look, i know it is not perfect but what else can we do?” you ask, even though the answer was right there, it was obvious that neither of you was going to give in.

“this cannot be the thing that breaks us up.” he whispers but you heard him.

“of course we’re not gonna break up, max.” you say. “that seems extreme.” a grimace of sadness appeared on your face.

“well, i’m not sure what else…” he didn’t continue. “i’m not moving to new york.” he says with a serious tone. “and it seems like you’re not moving to monaco. and none of us wants to do long distance.” you kept quiet, trying to wrap your mind around what he was implying, praying that your conclusions were wrong.

“so?” you ask somewhat fearfully.

“so… i don’t know.”

“you want to end things?” you question straightforwardly, not wanting to wander anymore where his mind was.

“i don’t.” he answers. “but can we continue how we are?” his face was of true despair. 

“is it really this serious?” your voice was seconds away from breaking but you didn’t want to look shattered in front of him.

“you tell me.” he says with a lump on his throat.

you couldn’t help but wonder if this was always how it was going to end.

[itsbenedict]

How would you make mario a villain?

Huh! Tricky one. I mean, there's tons of Newgrounds parodies about how fucked up it is that Mario goes around crushing turts all day, and there's the obvious "silent scary henchman of the image-conscious dictator" angle. Tricky to cast him as the villain rather than the muscle, though...

There's only one thing that notably motivates Mario, and that's Princess Peach. Extreme devotion, there. For him to have agency, she needs to be removed from the picture- and I think that neatly answers the motive thing, too. Peach hasn't been kidnapped, this time- there's something more permanent. But what? "She's been killed and he's out for revenge" is a little 3edgy5me, and also if Mario sets out to get revenge I think he just gets it. His antagonists have rarely put up the kind of fight that would require him to concoct a villainous scheme.

Who's the protagonist, if not Mario? What is Mario doing that requires someone else to go on an adventure opposing him? How do we make this something that Nintendo would actually consider releasing?

...Okay, what's Mario's usual M.O.? How do we make that villainous? He... goes to dangerous places, nimbly circumvents all obstacles in his way, and claims powerful, usually star-shaped magical objects, in order to rescue the princess. This time... he isn't really concerning himself with who the rightful owners of said magical objects are.

It's a Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego situation. There's been a rash of heists committed by a strange masked phantom thief, and the protagonist's job is to find out how the relics were stolen and where the culprit hid them, and get them back before their clients suffer dire consequences as a result of missing-magic-item-itis. You investigate crime scenes, pick up the phantom thief's trail, chase him down, and bop him one but good to recover the relic and save the day.

This is complicated somewhat because this phantom thief is in league with Bowser, who keeps causing trouble in ways that the phantom thief takes advantage of to get past security. The Koopa Troop often assists the phantom thief in his getaways. Why are they working together???

Flash back. Mario standard plot- Bowser has kidnapped the princess. This time, he's done it using some magic item or invention doohickey whose provenance he doesn't quite understand, which has turned Princess Peach to stone. True to form, Mario goes through several another castles and thrashes Bowser and breaks his evil doohickey, and... uh. This fails to rescue the princess. She is still a statue.

Bowser doesn't know why she's still a statue, and both of them panic. How do they fix this?! They need to try something- find some new magic thing that'll bring her back! They've heard of the Sacred Star of Healing in one of the neighboring Kingdoms (which exist in infinite supply in the Mario universe to be adventured through precisely once and then forgotten about forever), and agree to work together to steal it and use it to restore Peach.

It doesn't work. They ditch it somewhere. They follow up on another rumor- the Golden Coin Spirit in the Treasure Kingdom or whatever, and that's a bust too. And after a couple of these, the international community is forced to call in an expert to catch this thief and bring him to justice.

So who's our protagonist? Who in the Mario universe is a famous detective who specializes in guarding star-shaped magical relics from would-be burglars? WHAT IMPROBABLY LARGE-BRAINED PENGUIN COULD POSSIBLY THWART THIS MASTER CRIMINAL?!?

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

I always thought it was strange that Philip donated his diary to the library. The book literally contains information on how to create a portal.Luz was only able to create a defective portal, but still a portal, imagine what would have happened if it had fallen into the hands of a very intelligent witch. That would have complicated his plans even more. I know that the book was stored in the Forbidden Stacks with other forgotten books and that the chances of someone getting the book were very low. But the risk was still very high, and we're talking about the super genius who discovered quantum mechanics in the 1700s.

Philip Fucking Wittebane: I'm going to donate my diary with important information on how to create a portal and I mentioned the existence of an unknown entity to a bookstore that is run by the vile creature that I hate so much for no apparent reason! It's not like there are intelligent witches who can steal your life's work to cause trouble!

I understand that Luz needs the diary to advance the plot, but a puritan witch hunter donating a book with important information to a library with beings he hates for unknown reasons is very difficult to digest.

The only theory I've heard that could explain this is the Stable Time Loop one: Philip needs Luz and Lilith to go back in time to look for him and help him get the Collector disc. This means that in Elsewhere and Elsewhen, he realizes that the Crab Maiden and Aunt Gertrude are actually time travelers who used his diary, they help him obtain the disc, so to ensure that the duo arrive in the first place, Philip has to leave his diary in a public yet secure setting, hence the library.

It is a risky move, especially since at any point in time it could've been lost, stolen, or as you said, used to build a different portal. And as we saw in the show, the echo mouse ate a good chunk of it. Fortunately, it was an echo mouse and not some other critter. But I guess that was a risk Philip knew he had to take.

My problem is that the narrative ties in ALL of Luz's season 3 arc to this one episode and how she feels guilty about it when she really shouldn't. Within the episode itself, Lilith did most of the work by solving the puzzle, Luz was just bait. Philip had been working on getting the Collector disc for probably months and he even had a complex teleportation glyph to get to the Titan skull. This guy was prepared, he just needed people gullible yet smart enough to help him. If it weren't for Luz and Lilith, then someone else would've been the sacrifice. The Collector disc would still be found. He already found 3 of the 4 glyphs (which apparently, Titan magic is incredibly rare and difficult to see!), so Luz showing him the light glyph doesn't really have any long term effects.

The same is true for her "helping" find the Collector. It was bound to happen eventually because the narrative ties everything evil back to Belos while the other characters are mere victims of him. All she did was save him time and effort and frankly, that's not enough to justify 3 long episodes of wangsting. All it is is a convoluted way to make the hero "help" the villain while still making them the purest example of victimhood possible.

Lastly, the narrative NEVER brings up Lilith's involvement; there's never a moment that the two realize that they were played and how terrible they would feel that they played a part in the Collector's destruction (only for Eda to conk their heads together, tell them to stop moping, and take this Collector kid down).

It's all about how Luz feels and then is given 4 different conclusions that she apparently doesn't learn from: Hunter tells her it's not her fault because Belos always uses people (the fact that the boy who was just possessed and had his best friend killed has to emotionally support her is sickening to me), her mom tells her it's okay to make mistakes and that she made a mistake in not allowing Luz to be who she was, (to which she responds that all she wanted was to be understood. Not sure how that connects to her guilt but whatever), Luz thinks her friends secretly hate her for helping Belos so she might as well be him (but then she snaps out of this when Puppet Amity misquotes Azura.........ok then), and finally, Papa Titan validates her by calling her a Good Witch and that Belos is just a big ol' meanie.

This isn't an arc, this is a series of characters coddling her but she doesn't take any of their words to heart until God herself intervenes. There's this huge imbalance between what the character did and how they react to it and the narrative wastes so much time on an arc that just makes Luz feel selfish and just serves to demonstrate how little she's grown as a character.

[saintsenara]

Some will say that where there's beef there's sexual tension. Let's hear it for Sirius/Molly?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

now, obviously, the easy way round this pairing is to make it a sort of hate-sex thing, in which molly and sirius fire themselves up for a night of passion by arguing over who's right about harry.

the easy-and-also-degenerate way round it is to connect it to sirius' - well, let's just say - complicated relationship with his mother...

but a hill i'll die on is that this fandom really overestimates the tension between molly and sirius in order of the phoenix [and also, to be quite frank, ignores that neither she nor sirius is completely in the right or completely in the wrong, which is why their beef is so juicy in the first place].

and so the fandom ends up overlooking the fact that their relationship can actually be explored really interestingly without the idea that they hate each other.

while we know that molly conducts missions for the order, her primary role in the period 1995-1998 is a domestic one. she's the person who's responsible for things like making grimmauld place habitable and feeding the collected members of the order. the importance of domestic and caring work within resistance organisations is really overlooked - because of misogyny! - but it's something which is absolutely vital to those organisations being able to carry out their aims. the revolution is not hungry.

and the series does actually show us this - even if unintentionally. order meetings frequently take place in the kitchen around mealtimes. the domestic spaces of grimmauld place and the burrow serve not only as organisational bases but also as centres of support and community for order members [tonks coming round to see molly for tea and sympathy; lupin being asked to christmas at the burrow; snape's refusal to eat with the order being considered further evidence that his loyalties are not really with dumbledore, and so on]. the difficulty molly has with bringing grimmauld place under control also serves as a metaphor for the order's struggle against voldemort.

which brings us to sirius during order of the phoenix.

one of the things i think is often overlooked when we think about sirius' depression and feelings of uselessness while he's confined to grimmauld place is that these stem from him holding the belief that the only viable way of helping the war effort is to take a combat role.

which is to say, the adult sirius is reckless, but his recklessness isn't, as is sometimes asserted, caused by carelessness or stupidity - he's an observant, precise, intelligent man.

it's caused by the fact that he can only see value in being someone who fights, who's out and about, and who's putting himself at risk for the cause. he's unable to consider himself useful to the order outside of that context - which is why he chafes so much against the idea that staying in the house and remaining safe is crucial work, not only in that the fact of him living protects harry, but because domestic labour is worthy and fulfilling and revolutionary in and of itself.

you can do so much with the idea that - once the kids are back at school - the only people rattling around grimmauld place all day every day are molly and sirius, and that she spends her time trying to chivvy him into recognising that the housework she'd quite like his help with is really the only thing holding the rag-tag order together. he's not going to give a shit at first, but he can learn...

and food and clean clothes and swept hearths exist on the other side of a coin marked love, don't they?

[rihnely]

Side hustles to make extra money? 💰

So we all see those posts/videos about side hustles that most of us can’t do or don’t want to do. So far I’ve tried 5 Side hustles that work really well & are easy.

1.Homeaglow this is a cleaning site, I’ve only had to clean 1 really nasty bathroom and the rest of the clients typically just want a little cleanup when they can really just do it themselves. I started at $21 an hour then increased to $25 this has been a great side hustle. Payments can be instant or weekly based on what you decide. There’s a lot of clientele in my city & I have had zero complications. It’s best to have a car to carry all your supplies, but if you don’t take a train or something, ask clients what they would want you to bring beforehand so you know if you should accept it or not. Don’t be lazy or cancel on a client though because this app will kick you off. Do your research, do a good job. Follow the directions etc. You could even start a cleaning business like I plan to do and gain clients from here.

2. Instacart delivery this is so much better than Uber because Uber has like $3 orders which is bull. Instacart has between $10-$43 deliveries at least from my experience this is great, you can make $20+ in 30 minutes or so if you’re fast enough. As well as depending on the size of the order.

3.Uber although those small orders are annoying they’re still orders and not all of them are small.

4. Task rabbit. I also use this for cleaning. You can do other things for example “waiting in line for tickets” errands, etc.

5.BIGO it’s a live streaming app you can do on your phone. You need to do your research. There’s a lot of provocative women on there but not everyone is or has to be. You sit there and live stream and people can send you “Beans”. Which is just the currency on there. You can make thousands or hundreds if you’re entertaining, engage with your audience and of course attractive. The app has a bad rep but celebrities have been featured on there such as Nicki Minaj, Ray Jay, Michael black son, Big Ed (from 90 day fiancé) Natalie Nun from bad girls club/baddies) and more. This app can be draining though and sometimes has very dry days, but can be worth it if you wanna make money from your room. You can also find men on there who will give you money outside of the app. I met a guy who ended up giving me over 10k because he fell in love with me, never did anything s@xual with him ever. A lot of men on there are like that if you give them attention for a week or too & aren’t acting desperate for money. This can be great if you want to get into “sugaring” which is something I personally don’t do but might be fitting for someone else. A lot of instagram models & video vixens are actually on BIGO and use it to grow their male following & make money. Some people make even more than 10k a month with consistent streaming. The most I made in a month was 3k

These are all productive easy ways to make money.

I’m being realistic here so these are the 4 I have for you that I have personally tried. You can even do these full time all together depending on your expenses. If you are aiming to be a stay at home girlfriend I’d suggest still doing one of these to put money aside because like I said you should never be solely dependent on a man without marriage & a plan.

📸instagram: @anarihn

🤳🏽

[tearwolfe]

Okay, that's good to know. I might have other questions later as I think about things more/these Au's progress, but these are the ones I can think of atm. And please don't feel obligated to answer any of these, I just thought I'd ask.

(Also, I realized that all of these questions are somehow related to Leo/need? That was entirely unintentional, lol, my bad)

Cyberidol au- Does Saki and/or Leo/need exist in this AU? Do they play a part in the plot at all?

Maybe Saki doesn't show up physically in the current story events, but perhaps she's the one who inspired IdolKasa's initial, now-forgotten dream (like in canon), somebody he had pushed away for the sake of (or even due to) his desire for fame, and whose previous importance/presence in his life and her current distance from him will come to haunt him, now that everything he's worked so hard for (and his entire world view, hopefully) is starting to crumble.

Or maybe her role is more like Emu's- she loves her brother so much, and she's trying to push him down the right path and make him remember, but he just isn't not hearing her, no matter how hard she tries. Or maybe she's also stuck in a similar position in the entertainment industry along with the rest of Leo/need, or maybe they're in similar roles to Ruinene. So many possibilities.

(Wherever she is, I hope the Tenma's get to have a heartfelt reunion once Tsukasa gets his shit together.)

Seal Rui au- How exactly did the human/sea creature hybrids come to exist? It's been stated that Rui and the other sea people were kinda just born like that, and the humans are... Well, humans, but where did people like Honami come from? Were they also just born like that by chance, or are they the hybrid offspring of humans and sea people, or is it some secret third thing I haven't thought of? Is there an explanation at all?

Starshine au- You said in an earlier post that Saki, Toya, Haruka, and Kanade would also be little alien things along with Tsukasa (and you also said that this AU is RuiKasa centric, so I get it if you haven't thought about this at all), but what are the rest of Leo/Need up to? Do they still exist as a group just without Saki? Are Ichika, Honami, and Shiho not in a band/not friends at all in this AU? Do they act as hosts that Saki feeds off of like Tsukasa does to Rui? Are they also squishy little alien thingies?

Are all the other units essentially going through their own version of "what if this very important group member never actually existed as a human?" in the background while we focus on RuiKasa/WxS?

I highly doubt any of these things will ever come up in these stories proper, but I'm very curious about these things, lol. Thank you for responding <3

(Also, not a question, but if I had a nickel for every time Tsukasa in one of your au's was hiding from Saki that he was dating a nonhuman (seal Rui and vampire Rui), only for Saki to also be dating a nonhuman without him knowing, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's funny that it happened twice, lol.)

leo/need's role is similar to rui and nene's. i think it'd be fun if one (or more) of them were ex-idols (or formerly in the industry, if not an actual idol), but currently they're not. saki is estranged from tsukasa. i don't have much thought out for what's going on between them?? they do still care about each other, but tsukasa's head is so far up his own ass that saki has stepped back from trying to deal with him. it's very complicated between the two.. they'll still message or meet for birthdays/important events but it's Very Tense. and they're both secretly upset about it.

honami is the result of a human/sea creature hybrid! thus, she has legs.

the rest of leo/need exists in starshine, but they're not a band. they're former childhood friends.. funny enough, like in canon, saki does bring them together. she feeds off of all of them, just clinging to whichever one is currently feeling the worst. she doesn't really have to do much to manipulate any of them since she has three whole hosts. she's doing it better than tsukasa... but yes, pretty much! minori is haruka's host, akito is toya' host, mafuyu is kanade's host (though kanade doesn't really have to do much), and i'm thinking about also making an a little alien creature thang, with kohane as her host. because i think the vivids could still form without akitoya, and i cannot let that happen.

some things about AUs i have in my mind but never really talk about (since it's often not that relevant) so i'm always here to answer any questions <3

[nam-the-nacho]

I love your work critiquing the anime’s art style because it’s so weird and needed to be pointed out!!!

I have some thoughts on it that I think might kinda help?

I think the anime’s art style is in the uncanny valley were it’s not the mangas art style but it’s not far enough away that the general fandom will critique it but it’s far enough away to be weird.

Like for example: can you imagine the anime models of Akane and Aoi in chapter 69? Isn’t that weird to picture??

The anime is like the manga except the color palette is lightened (which affects some characters more than others). And the edges are less sharp? Like look at Kou, Teru and Akanes hair for example it’s rounded compared to there manga counter parts. Also the eyes on all the characters are just larger and some of them just straight up different from the manga counter parts. Also I don’t really know how to discribe this but there hair just looks thicker, and less wavy, namely in Aoi and Nene. Mostly Aoi however, I just feel like her hair looks stiff in the anime.

And this needs to be spoken about because it plays a big part in lightening the overall tone of the anime! Which is one of its big issues and why I’m a firm believer in reboot over just season two! The lighter colors and rounded edges just come across as more childish, and with the cut arcs and added humour tbhks tone is very different in the anime and manga.

I used the example of chapter 69, because Akanes the most clearly changed in the anime, and because of the gory bits of that with him being injured, but think about can you really imagine any of the more serious scenes from the manga in the anime art style? The severance, Nenes death reveal? It looks off doesn’t it? Is this just me?

Anyway in conclusion I hate the anime’s art choices and the manga is very pretty and I love you for calling the anime out on this bs

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●

First of all, thank you for asking and supporting me! This genuinely made my day :`D.

The anime's art style looks the way it does because it's and amalgamation of the different art styles through the manga, which sounds fine and normal until you realize that they choose selectively.

The eyes at the start to the manga are simpler, with less sparkles and complicated shading, so the anime choose those.

The hair as of right now in the manga is simpler, the fine strands are rounded (+there are fewer) and the line art is thicker, so it's the anime's favorite.

Actually, as you pointed out, the hair looking as it does is probably most to blame on the budget. With higher budget anime, such as Oshi no Ko, Demon Slayer, or Komi can't Communicate, the animation studio has the money to animate individual strands of hair, and really bring it to life, a privilege the tbhk anime does not have. The only other choice is to "group the hair together", making it look thick and stiff, only "flowing" at two fps in the *really* important scenes.

This is also true for the shading, we'll never truly get the anime as if it was beautifully animated official art:

(Yeah the hair thing looks worse then even I remembered, there was meant to be wind in this scene, which the anime did not like)

It's painful for me to imagine the rest of the manga with the anime's current art style, but at least we can look forward to the voice acting (;-;).

After I make sure tbhk characters get the respect they deserve, I'll probably move on to redrawing screenshots from the anime, wish me luck 〒▽〒

Thanks again!

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●

[still-a-morosexual-help]

I'd love to hear your thoughts about Dad!Lucifer actually. Pretty please?

Okay okay but Lucifer;

who gives MC a key to the house because it's their home too

Who gets really happy when Mammon talks about how much he likes Lucifer

Who can't help but cave to his brothers when they plead for something

Who is worried about Asmo even though Asmo is upset with him

Who gets a tiny pleased smile on his face after MC calls them family

Who goes whenever Mammon calls him to hangout

Who breaks the pastry/treat he got from the place he was working at and gave MC the biggest part

Who introduced Levi to anime

Who has a general idea about what's going on in the anime Levi is currently watching

Who shares his coat with MC because it's cold

Who complains about his brothers but gets protective when someone else says something about them

Who finds it adorable when Mammon slips up and accidentally calls him dad

Who takes candid pictures of his kids

Who pleads with Diavolo to let him handle the punishment the one time Mammon pushes too hard and genuinely pisses off Diavolo

Who complains about them but still tucks his kids in when they tire themselves out after a party

Who arranges a family trip to see flowers which are supposed to make people who see them together get lucky/be happy or something like that

Who orders take away for his family when he goes out to eat without them

Who sometimes brings home his kids favourite food

Who arranges picnics for his kids

Who buys train tickets for Mammon, MC and Luke even though he said he wouldn't

Who picked up the oddballs of the Celestial Realm and encouraged them and helped them to grow

Who picks up Mammon's shifts at Hell's Kitchen so that Mammon can study

Who was willing to give up a part of his life for Beel with 0 hesitation

Who, according to Mammon, despite being free/less stressed after losing his memories will never be truly happy because he loves his family too much to be happy living a life where he's forgotten them

Who is more than willing to villanise himself to his kids if that means they won't cross the line & get hurt like Lilith did in the Celestial Realm, and so now thinks and accepts that they all dislike him

Who went to Diavolo so that Mammon could get the car in the colour he wanted

Who is genuinely shocked and upset whenever he's confronted with the way his words and actions have hurt his family (he managed to give all his kids issues and is just so confused whenever they bring it up, this is such a real life situation that it makes me want to throw up)

Who tells his family not to get carried away and hurt themselves or someone else when they start playing around in public

Who doesn't want to be perceived as a boring stick in the mud but also wants nothing more than to go on a factory tour

Who acknowledges that MC is strong enough to look after themself but also that won't stop him from worrying about them

Mammon calls him 'old man'

Who does genuinely believe in all his kids and what they can achieve but says it so infrequently that when he does express that they all malfunction

Who helps Asmo choose his accessories and says that if Asmo wanted to spend time with him he could just ask

Who says he believes in Mammon and then helps him re-write the proposals

Who takes the things his kids forgot at home and gives it to them at school

Who always has a proud little smile when MC shows how much their magic has grown

AND THIS IS ALL CANON! These are all things he's done in canon, he drives me insane, I'm obsessed

Okay look - he's absolutely terrible at times. Like genuinely there are times when he makes my blood boil, specially during S1, the S1 era devilgrams and the pre-canon devilgrams but he's such a complicated character? Who gets character development and we get to see how he softens after being reassured that what happened to Lilith won't happen again (which I've spoken about in detail in another post)

This asshole probably packs lunches with little notes for all his kids whenever it's his turn to cook on a RAD day

He'd absolutely throw hands if an outsider says shit about his family even though just seconds ago he was cussing them out

If it's one of the days where he actually makes it to bed instead of sleeping at his desk he first has to check to make sure all the kids are safely tucked in bed

He probably goes to every one of Beel's fangol matches

If he drove it'd be a minivan

He's got 7 adopted kids in total and 1 biological kid and he loves them all to death & back but he's got so many issues that he has no idea how to properly show it, so only the emotionally intelligent kids know it but even they have their doubts sometimes and it's all a huge mess but holy shit is he trying

He's my favourite grouchy old bastard and one of my favourite parts when writing fics is sprinkling Lucifer just being a Dad into them whenever I can

[dual-domination]

I was reading the most recent chapter of In endless mist and rain, and I reread the tags for possible updates, but so far Weilanxie doesn't appear listed as a relationship, just its three side/inner ships. Avid fan here, I'll continue following the fic regardless of how the ships form or break up, but out of curiosity: does the lack of the Weilanxie tag indicate that there won't be a polyamorous relationship between them? Because despite the most recent events, I don't think this configures a love triangle in any way and the fic doesn't have the tag either. Can you talk a little about what to expect from the ships?

Even though the answer doesn't contain explicit spoilers, some parts are plot revelations in some way, so long text under the cut.

This is actually a very complicated question. Does this fic have polyamorous relationship? Off screen, if you count V shaped Xiao Hua/Hei Xiazi/Zhang Qiling, yet it’s only hinted that Xiao Hua is part of this relationship somehow/more than a friend, than yes - off screen because Xiao Hua doesn’t appear in any scene along with Xiazi and Xiaoge so far and as both Xiazi and Xiaoge are my characters, I’m not planning on having any scene like that, so it’s more a ‘their relationship may or may not be polyamorous/probably is platonic’ - is left for the reader’s taste and interpretation. Why am I including them in the answer of an ask about Weilanxie? Because Idk if having or not polyamory in a fic in general is the issue here or not.

We do have one(1) main character that is, in fact, polyamorous (the label never appears on screen, but the identity is there). One of them is not, like, definitely. We (me and @tazzy-ace) noticed a while ago that this character has the opposite feelings of a polyamorous person, yet he circumstantially finds himself in a very different mindset of a standard (western) monogamous person. I treasure the way I build my characters and I’m not willing to change him, so maybe he’ll end up being the the impeding factor of actual polyamorous relationship happening (or being the endgame here). We don’t have A THING outlined, we write out of vibes, this is how we made this fic work, so we don’t really know the ending of this. We have the goal of bringing a happy ending, and considering that this is a romantic story in the first place, a happy ending includes at least one ship staying together - will this happen? Maybe not, maybe the best ending for them will be to stay all apart (Eh, probably this won’t be the ending skjjsskj this is me being dramatic, but it’d be more likely to happen than the 3 of them ending in a polyamorous relationship). But what about a V shaped one? Not impossible, I’d say, exactly because the characters and the vibes both me and Deputy Chief have when writing new content for this fic is what decides the plot. So I don’t believe we’ll have the Weilanxie and the Happy Ending tags until the day we write the last chapter for real to know.

About the Love Triangle - elements of traditional love triangles such as rivalry, unrequited love and jealousy are not present in the story, we could say that no, it’s not a suitable tag/label. But in the sense that one of the characters will be somehow romantically involved with the two other ones for a while - which doesn't exactly constitute cheating, but I can't explain further without giving spoilers - so yes, somehow you could say that a love triangle exists. 

What to expect from the ships? Each one, you mean? Everything gets much worse before it gets any better, with all of them. With some, things get much worse more than once - we’re working hard to provide more Angst than we already had in this 125k posted.

Weilan and Shenxie share the place under the spotlight when it comes to ‘screentime’ and relationship development (or ruining relationship too kjssjjk). We didn’t make any of the relationships simple and if you thought that romance between one of the Guardian mains + any grave robber from DMBJ is already unlikely to happen/hard to develop with them being their canon selves, for canon reasons, believe me, we made it even harder. You can expect pain and smut. More pain than smut, I’m sorry. (Yet this fic is rated E and properly tagged about its sexual content, there’s not even one sex scene that happens for the sake of smut in itself, all sex is contextual and meaningful, no matter how horny it is, we put extra efforts in the emotional part of this).

Polyamory to be depicted as realistic, is a delicate thing, and as I said above, one of our main characters is not polyamorous, one of them is (and the third one ehh I won’t reveal rn), so you can expect to see both sides of it: someone comfortable about how he feels and how he sees his (supposed/potential) relationships, as well as someone who’s confused, trying his best, but in the end, really uncomfortable about the possibilities. No side/identity is portrayed as being better than the other, or as being more correct than the other. But the ‘polyamory is the solution for love triangles’ is definitely not what we want here. Because polyamory can’t be forced, being polyamorous is NOT a decision (if you’re queer, you know what I mean). At the same time we’ll have the picture of a polyamorous person being happy in a monogamous relationship (or with only one partner, if you prefer), we’ll have someone that doesn’t have as lifegoal a romantic relationship (except if it’s WITH ONE VERY SPECIFIC PERSON). Could he be read as aro? No. (But you can read him like that, if you want). His lack of romantic interest in general is part of his upbringing, the part of his culture that his life is based upon, and some more circumstances, but it’s not an identity. Could he be read as ace? A bit, but not really. Same explanation about the aro identity. We had long discussions about how these labels are useful HERE, but they wouldn’t be the case depending on a person’s culture and upbringing.

So yeah, this character that is not polyamorous won’t be labeled as this or that, he’s just himself, that’s all. I’ll leave to the readers to see what they want to see there in him (and please, don’t try to push on me - an ace and married person - this harmful idea that aro and/or ace people can’t/shouldn’t be in a romantic/sexual relationship).

All that said, this fic is not about polyamory, like some of my other fics and several of Tazzy's other fics. That's not part of the central themes, it's the identity of one of the main characters and may or may not influence (for better or worse) their relationships in the future.

[polyamorousmood]

Hi! I'm rather new to poly and have found your blog to be a source of reassurance. I was wondering if I could ask for some advice-- no worries if you can't respond!

My partner and I opened our relationship about half a year ago. I don't really like my meta as a person; there isn't anything particularly wrong with her, our personalities are just too different and her energy stresses me out a little. Think grumpy cat and hyper puppy.

We share a friend group and this friend group does a lot of events together so we often share the same space. For context, she's known some of them for longer than I have, but I have become more enmeshed into the group since I joined. Hinge and I also live together (with two of said friends). Because of that, I always let her spend time with hinge whenever we have a gathering because I get to see hinge more often than her. In fact I almost actively avoid hinge and hang out with other people to give them space. Afterwards, I sleep on the couch so she can sleep in the (hinge and my) bed with hinge.

I feel like I'm doing my best to give her/them space but I can tell she isn't happy. The group went out to a restaurant for my birthday and when I walked into the lobby where she was waiting with some of the others, she started crying at the sight of me and had to excuse herself. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I had just had a date with hinge and we walked in together so maybe I forgot to stop holding hands with hinge (?) Maybe she saw my phone screen which was a picture of me and hinge (?) (A normal picture of us hugging not anything too intimate)

I feel awkward now and like I have to watch myself to make sure I don't "slip up" again. I don't think I should need to hold myself to such strict standards but perhaps I'm wrong. It feels like walking on eggshells around her and if I show hinge any affection then she'll be upset. The other day hinge sent a picture of us to the group chat and I think she's unfriended me on socials since then.

What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything? Was my mistake really that bad?

😬😬😬

I'm just going to put the read more here

TL;DR: yeah, you should do something. I don't think its all on you for not adhering to 0 affection in front of the girlfriend ever though.

This brings up a lot of personal struggles for me. I am going to present as best I can a good faith reading of all parties here, but know that my bias favors you, dear asker.

For clarity, the asker will be called you, the partner will be called Hinge, and the meta of the asker will be called gf/Girlfriend.

I think Girlfriend is not actually 100% okay with polyamory, and is doing her best to smother those feelings because she's so fond of Hinge.

In fairness to gf, I am making a lot of assumptions (limitations of tumblr asks and limited information), its still fairly new, and its a really complicated place to be in for her. You're all friends so god only knows what would happen to the dynamic of the friend group if she couldn't make this work. If she breaks up, that makes things really awkward, if she enforces a stricter thing about keeping your lives separate, that makes things really awkward. Basically every move she makes here risks ramifications for her whole (or at least a lot of) her social life, not just her relationship with Hinge (and you).

Based on what you've said, I would be surprised if gf's done the work to confront the reality of what polyamory will look like for y'all and make peace with it. Or renegotiate that reality until its something she can make peace with. I say this because in most healthy dynamics I have seen, it should be expected for a partner to give you attention on your birthday. Girlfriend not being able to handle whatever it was that set her off, to me is proof she wasn't preparing. Now once she was at that junction, gf did the right thing by excusing herself, but I can only imagine how much that killed the vibe. On your birthday 🎂🫤.

So to your questions: "What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything?" I do have some things you could do, but not a lot. The first of which is to ask her wtf that was about (but very gently) assuming its recent enough to do that. I would come at this from a place of confused concern a la "I just wanted to check in with you after the dinner. You seemed really upset and I wasn't sure why. I really wanted you to have a nice time for my birthday".

And then the paths diverge. Maybe she says "it was fun, sorry, it was just hard seeing you laughing with Hinge" but maybe she says "My Aunt just died and I was trying to keep it together and I couldn't". I'm operating off assumptions because I have to. But you don't have to. Confirm that shit one way or another. Then, you have three options

You can ignore it (not recommended).

You can go for a heart-to-heart.

You can ask Hinge to work with gf on this.

For both 2 and 3, you're going to have to have an idea of what's acceptable to you and what isn't. How much (more) are you willing to compromise and realistically able to do? If you're making Hinge the go-between (which might be the good move if you and gf don't really get along!) you will have to lay it all out. Make a whole speech about why you're concerned, what a better for you set-up would look like, how you'd like Hinge to help facilitate that, and how long shit like this is something you're able to handle. Go into it as a problem solving endeavor seeking Hinge's input and support, with the understanding this is for gf's sake too. Talk about a how things would look in a few months. If you do ask Hinge to handle this, you two need to agree on what is reasonable, on what timeframe, and that Hinge will present it to gf as something they're concerned about too so as not to paint you as a snake in Hinge's and gf's garden

Because I only see a few things that can happen

Nothing changes. It goes on like this forever. Its always kinda weird, you probably start dreading inviting her to things for fear of a repeat of your birthday, but you all just kinda grin and bear it and its not ideal but its good enough.

You can separate more. Like, all three of you are never in the same room together. This will likely make things really weird with the friend group! Every group activity will require people to choose whether its you who gets the invite or gf. Friends also have to be on board with not talking about shit you did with Hinge. Hinge will probably have to kind of "live two separate lives." How does that work given that you live with Hinge? haha, good question! It will necessary limit how much time gf has with Hinge, how much time you have with Hinge, and how much free time outside of you two for the rest of his life Hinge has. All this is workable, but it will probably be difficult and kinda weird for a good while.

Girlfriend can pony up. She can go through the gut-wrenching process of desensitizing herself to seeing you two show affection and accept that you are always going to be there, too. I expect you and especially Hinge would do what you can to help her, and there will be benefits, too! but its still just going to be really hard on her for awhile. This can put Hinge in a pinch if your expectations and Girlfriend's aren't lining up, and since this is mostly on her, you don't have as much control.

Someone breaks up with someone. This doesn't need further explanation.

I will now show my ✨ biases✨. I don't know how long Hinge and Girlfriend have been together, but assuming its the full 6 months, and assuming the issue IS she's just not okay seeing you two like each other, ever... personally, that's "push comes to shove" time for me. Are you in or are you out? Is she actually okay with polyamory, or is she forcing herself into something that's making her miserable for love? Y'all's timeframe might look different, but if you don't address this soon, this sounds like shit that could force one of you to a point of ultimatums. Most people need good time to acclimate to polyamory! but if its six months and she is indeed crying about you two briefly holding hands... that's not acclimatization. And maybe you're Built Different💪, but I could not handle a those restrictions with those consequences long term. Personally, I'd sooner die than not be able to hold my partner's hand, so I think you're being very accommodating, and if gf can't handle human slip-ups, that's not on you.

[ennn]

Initial Agatha All Along Ep 6 Meta Thoughts + Reactions

You good? I think I'm actually pretty good with what we got.

One of the struggles I've had so far with Billy is that Joe Locke always seemed more likeable than Teen but this episode convinced me that was because the boy wasn't being really himself.

Look I honestly usually don't give a shit about kid or teenager characters but this boy is winning me over. Dammit, show.

That "interrogation" scene was IN-credible and props to Joe Locke for holding it together for as long as he could. He still almost very nearly broke but who can blame him honestly.

Actually looking forward to the real Billy and Agatha bonding. Because they're both dumbass bitches. Both of them falling off things and failing at running? AMAZING.

I'm absolutely avoiding Twitter because I know some folks will be mad Billy got his boyfriend kiss but guys GUYS the odds of a kiss between Agatha and Rio happening later just got legitimately good

Will be genuinely upset if Kathryn Hahn does not get an Emmy for all of the work and talent she's showing off here, she's so full-throated in her performance and Agatha is such a captivating, complicated character

I mean, Agatha's being like a literal sad wet cat here but she's such a survivor and a performer. She will muscle her way through her trauma with the strength of her charisma and deal with it later thank you very much. She's so damn funny (and so sad if you stop and think about it)

Amazing consistent characterisation with Agatha being absolutely fascinated with powerful witchcraft and knowing her stuff. The energy she brings here is so similar to how she got studying Wanda's magic. The Detective Agnes character really isn't that far off from who she is. She's a nerd! She loves investigating. She's got big professor energy.

Crap, this show is making me want to rewatch Wandavision. Because people have told me that she always had a soft spot for Billy and Billy liked her and ugh damn this cross-marketing is working.

But like Agatha being honestly proud of him surviving, Agatha who's done terrible things to survive, knowing how witches have survived in a world that's not been kind to them. Agatha who's telling him that it's okay he did the things he did, because she's been telling those things to herself.

I was right! Rio was absolutely not physically there in person for those episode 1 house scenes given that the mirror was a painting. Among other things, it would have been weird for her to have gone into the house and then returned to blow up that door.

"You and your mother have a tell." "Which is?" "Convenient for me." -> Absolute zinger of a line. I love love love how Agatha, for all her pathetic loser energy, is being shown as smart and cunning. She always suspected! She knows things!

Also i think we've established by now that, in this show and universe at least, that witches are all some level of awful and can and will fuck up people's lives (intentionally or not).

This episode was designed to be kind of a tonal palette cleanser after all the angst and drama of Ep 5 and it worked, I think!

[always-sleeepy-headd]

Happy Birthday, Your Present Is Angst Because I'm Tired and Kinda Emo Inside

This was written for Cross's birthday ages ago and I'm only now posting it lol (Sorry!)

Summary:

It's Cross's birthday today, he wants to forget and he tries his hardest too. Although it never seems to work and just leaves him with more scars and more pain.

Cross is beginning to love that pain.

Notes:

Cross burns himself so if you don't think you can handle that I just wanted to let you know.

Also he purges and I know that's a sore spot for a lot of people including myself but I'm tiny bit of a masochist lol (I actually enjoy writing about things that have happened to me or to someone dear to me and projecting on my poor Crossyboo 😔✊)

Don't purge guys, it's not good and can seriously damage your body, and if you have before, I got you babes everything will be alright <3

Even if you're just going through a tough time right now remember everything is temporary, you and I, the world, sadness, you name it, we'll all make it through if we keep trudging on!

_________

Cross wasn't the type for celebrations, it made him nervous and want to hide under something while everyone just chatted it up like they weren't all dead.

He was sure nobody knew this year though, just like the last, and the one before that. A third unnoticed birthday is what he was hoping for when he checked the time this morning, he could go on with his usual day and hopefully not pass out again.

That was really close with Nightmare the other day, he was out training for an especially excessive time and Nightmare came in and had told him to take a break and Cross had barely registered him.

He had turned to the noise but all he heard was a ringing in his ears, he heard Nightmare's voice a second time and he was able to make it out then, "And take a shower or something."

As soon as he heard the door close he had stumbled and blacked out, it was only for barely a minute thankfully. When he got up he found himself on the floor and his heart beating quickly, thank the skies nobody had come in just then.

He had eventually managed to get up and take a shower before being called down to eat dinner, it was a very strange tradition for someone like the Bad Sanses, they always ate meals together. But honestly if you really think about it it makes sense, Horror needed to know everyone was eating, he could go into panic mode if not.

It also made it easier to figure out if something was wrong with someone, that's one of the reasons meals were dreaded in Cross's mind.

That and the fact he can barely handle eating the food, much less keeping it down, and don't get him wrong, Horror's an amazing cook... he just can't. Especially when he's already frustrated with himself.

He barely made it though dinner, Nightmare gave him a few looks but he must have chalked whatever it was up to low self worth and Cross overworking himself, which was what Nightmare thought were the only things wrong with Cross, making it so much easier for him to do what he does next.

Cross's nightly routine always starts hunched over a toilet throwing up his insides and silently crying while doing so, this was easy to do without Nightmare noticing because Dust almost always had at least a small freak out during this time of evening.

Then when he's done throwing up anything and everything he's eaten and kept down he collapses onto the floor and desperately rummages through his box of 'special' things, pulling out a lighter and lighting it across his bone.

The intensity of the heat calms him while at the same time making him restless, he needed something, something.

Anything.

He would burn and burn and he would even shed a few tears at the pain, just to do it again just to feel the heat of reality mix with fiction.

It was like a dream.

A terrible, awful, dream.

That would eventually bring him to today, he was putting on his overly complicated outfit again and would stare into the mirror as he splashed water on his face.

It was cold.

He wanted heat.

The pain of his burns hurt, he wanted more, more, anything for feeling and control, he would run them under cold water and this was the time of day Chara would say something to him. Chara would run off away from him to look for Killer to watch him play video games or mess with the others.

It was always along the lines of, "Cross, this is seriously getting bad," Or, "I think you should let that heal at least before doing it again..."

Cross didn't trust those words, not from Chara, not from anyone.

He walks down the stairs only to see an unhappy Nightmare and a on the verge of a panic attack Dust.

That was not a great thing to start his morning with, oh well he'll just ignore it at least means the attention will stay far away from him this morning.

Cross doesn't bother a good morning, he didn't feel like speaking. Nor did he really ever but that's life.

He walks into the kitchen to see how Horror's doing as he does every morning but Horror seems quite on nerve so Cross doesn't walk too far into the kitchen, it was a small gesture but very much noticed by the big guy.

"Good... morning Cross," Horror starts, sounding a little on edge, "The boss told me to keep everybody occupied this morning... although I know you usually train.. I was wondering if you'd help me out...?" He asks.

Cross was startled but he would never say no to someone asking for help, it's a habit he could never sway, he nodded but in a more 'are you sure?' way.

"Thanks... I asked Killer but... you know how he is..." Horror says, shuffling around, seemingly understanding Cross's not speaking as him not being up to conversation and handing him a bowl and some chocolate.

Cross gives him a questioning look, "Just... heat up the chocolate so it melts..."

"A-" Cross attempts but his voice fails him, "I- Is there a specific reason that I'm heating up... chocolate...?" Cross asks, they didn't usually even have chocolate in the house, let alone anything sugary but it seems Horror either had a stash or got this special to make something.

"Wanted... to make something." That was enough for Cross, he didn't care to question it any further, besides he really just wanted to get Horror's approval.

Cross, without a word, easily heated up the chocolate over the stove, it began to bring back memories of his AU he didn't want surfaced.

The sound of laughter, the taste of chocolate in his mouth, his arms didn't hurt, the worst he felt was a little sore. Speaking to everyone, not holding his tongue, no, actually feeling the urge to speak real words out loud.

The smell of chocolate cake, kind words he'll never hear again-

His palm burning.

Cross blinked in surprise and lifted his arm off of the stove quickly, he had accidentally set it down on the burner and hadn't noticed, the feeling already so normal to him.

Horror looked over at the sudden movement and asked him what was wrong.

Cross didn't respond.

The words were so caught in his throat, they refused to leave, he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to-

"Cross." He hears a powerful and commanding voice that was unmistakably Nightmare's.

Still he didn't speak but his hand fell from where he was apparently clutching it.

"Is something upsetting you Cross? I can feel your emotions you know, so it would be best not to lie, I will know." Nightmare asks, Cross barely understanding.

Nightmare wanted him to speak.

He didn't want to speak.

He turned towards Nightmare, but still he couldn't even manage to get his mouth open.

"Cross, respond to me." He says and Cross could barely even think, his brain suddenly filled with images of his family's death.

A death of his own, maybe.

And then, his lack of food and therefore energy caught up to him yet again, he stumbled and then blacked out.

...

When he awoke he lay on the couch with a damp washcloth on his head and a bandaged hand, he almost panicked but realized his arms had no such care, Nightmare hadn't felt the need to check for other injuries thank gods.

Cross sat up and took the washcloth off of his head, staring at his hand for a moment before a smell hit his nose.

Chocolate cake.

He couldn't handle this, not right now, not ever.

It was his birthday, a day that he dreaded every year now, October 10th, the day Cross was born.

A day he considers to be the worst day of his life.

Celebration was no more, he needed a way out, he needed to get his frustration out, he needed to burn every piece of bone on his body until it was unusable, then use it anyway.

"Cross, you're awake." Nightmare says, startling slightly.

Cross didn't say a word.

"What's going on, you've been strange all week, more so than normal. Your little nightly negativity bursts have been getting larger and more prevalent every night, I think now is when I interfere." He sighs and Cross almost gasps, Nightmare knew something was wrong.

He didn't want to speak, his body would not let him.

He wanted to cry, his body could not.

He wanted to burn, he wanted to burn, he wanted to burn, he wanted to burn-

"Cross. Are you listening to me?" Nightmare's voice suddenly bursts through his thoughts of self harm. "Cross I'm not kidding, have you suddenly gone mute?" Nightmare says, his voice turning stern but softening a second later, "I promise I won't judge if something is bothering you."

Cross manages to open his mouth this time, nothing comes out though. So he closes it, unsaid words threatening to spill out now and that scares him more than not being able to get anything out.

Nightmare sighs, "At least tell me what happened, Horror was terrified..." Nightmare mumbles.

Cross opens his mouth again, but this time it worked, "I... got distracted..." He manages to mumble, his voice hoarse from little use.

Nightmare sighs again, "Distracted how? You end up with a burn on your palm, which you should have noticed right away if you had your hand on the burner by the way, that's really weird and you might need to figure out what that is supposed to mean, Horror is concerned you haven't been eating enough and passed out due to lack of malnourishment, although I'm going to guess it was overexertion, but then again you just woke up-" Nightmare sighs a third time, "My point is, what the hell got you so upset?"

"Ch-" Cross coughs slightly, rubbing his throat, "Chocolate..." He muttered, "The smell reminded me of something."

"...Oh boy." Nightmare says, realizing this was probably a mistake.

"...What...?" Cross mumbles.

"I think I should just show you, follow me." Nightmare says, gesturing to a door.

Cross got up and followed Nightmare without a beat, anything to get his mind off of his-

...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY CROSS!" Mostly Killer yells, Cross is suddenly hit with a dump truck of emotions.

"I- I- H- How- I don't-" Cross whispers just loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You told me one time when I was upset about something." Dust says, who happens to be covered in colorful streamers.

"And you told me when I was half asleep!" Killer yells excitedly, he's covered in silly string and Cross realizes that Nightmare has a tiny piece of it on his shoulder.

This made him cry.

He didn't cry in front of others, it was so taboo in his brain.

It wasn't sobs, it was just tears, he barely changed expressions.

Everyone looked startled, they had been expecting Cross to say they didn't need to or maybe even get a small smile out of him, not tears.

Killer immediately ran over when he realized what was going on, "Hey, hey, what's wrong? I thought birthday parties were supposed to be happy?"

Cross couldn't explain so it came out in sobs, Killer grabbing onto him while Cross cried on his shoulder.

Killer caught Nightmare's gaze and gave him a panicked look and Nightmare just shook his head.

...

Once Cross had calmed down and there were just occasional sniffles every now and then, they had moved one of the couches, "So... is this why you've been acting strange this whole week then?" Nightmare asks.

"S- Sorry." Cross mumbles.

"Do not apologize for things you are not at fault for."

"Sor- uh."

"Poor Crossy baby, he can't stop being a people pleaser~" Killer says, smooshing his face against Cross's in a manner that could be taken as mocking but Cross knows Killer well enough to know it isn't, still doesn't stop him from shoving him off though.

Killer is undeterred, he just hugs onto Cross harder.

"...Are you... okay?" Horror asks, looking worried.

"...Yeah. I'll live." Cross mumbles an 'unfortunately' afterword that only Killer and Nightmare could hear, Killer squeezed a little tighter at hearing that.

"Why did you pass out...? Do you... know?" Horror asks.

"..." Cross can't bring himself to tell them the way he treats himself when they aren't looking.

"You do know, don't you?" Nightmare asks, his tone only slightly accusing, Cross flinches either way.

"Criss-Cross, are you doing something to yourself?" Killer asks.

"Yes." Is the only word that Cross can manage to get out of his mouth, everyone's frown deepens at the sound of it.

"What...? If I may ask." Nightmare says, even though it sounds like you have a choice, you'll have to tell him anyway, he'll just ask you when nobody is around.

"I can barely eat..." Cross whispers, "And when I manage too, I throw it all up, I can't keep food down anymore, I don't even need to make myself throw up anymore... I can do it on command."

"...What?" Horror says, looking horrified.

"I'm sorry..." Cross says and his voice starts to waver, tears threatening to spill again.

Suddenly Chara's voice pops in, "What about your arms?" They say, "I know you already told them some of your bullshit but every morning when I see them they get worse."

"That's not... the only thing..." Cross mumbles, clutching at his sleeves.

"Of course it isn't." Nightmare sighs.

"..." Cross slowly rolls up his sleeves and a series of gasps and exclaims are heard, one from Nightmare as well.

"W- What the hell are you even doing???" Dust asks, his horror not even hidden.

"Burning." Cross says.

"... How much is there?" Nightmare asks.

"All over my whole body... but mostly my arms." Cross says, wincing.

"I- I don't even know-" Nightmare says, seemingly astonished. "You know what? Come here, let me heal you."

...

Cross was super embarrassed the entire time Nightmare was healing despite Nightmare telling him that it was fine over and over.

It... went away.

The burn is gone.

He needs the burn, the painfully awful heat on his bones to stab at his regret and shove it so deep down it disappears momentarily.

Nightmare notices his... unhealthy... thoughts and lets out a frustrated sigh, "Cross, you do know you're definitely not allowed around lighters anymore right?"

"Okay." Cross says, his emotionless stature coming back, but Nightmare, being so close to him, could feel the addiction in his aura, the temptation and pain that Cross was so good at hiding.

Nightmare frowns at this.

"Come on, I thought we hit something and you wouldn't be an emotionless robot around us anymore." Killer grumbles and Nightmare sends a glare his way, Cross knew Killer was actually worried about him though.

Throughout his entire time at Nightmare's he's seen everyone but Nightmare cry before, Nightmare obviously has his own problems though, he's seen him flinch when he gets glared at or Killer and Dust's roughhousing gets a little too close to him and a hand goes up near him.

They never seem to notice though, they just keep going and Nightmare will sigh and tell them to be nice and that he's going to take a nap. He never does though, he goes and sits in his library and reads what are 'not' romance novels. Cross had seen it himself, Nightmare was reading a book that Cross had read and of what he remembers it was all schmoopy feelings and smut.

He leaned over and said, "Whatcha reading there?" He giggles as Nightmare flinches and turns his head around quickly, his face turning extremely confused as it was not normal for Cross to act like this at all.

"Sorry about startling you, I just recognized the book you were reading." Cross says, holding back giggles.

The horror that showed on Nightmare's face when he said that was unmatchable with anyone he's ever seen die at the hands of any of them.

"You. Didn't. See. Shit. You hear me?" Nightmare had said, Cross replying with a thumbs up and giggling a little.

Nightmare was interesting, although seeing Killer cry was the craziest thing Cross thinks has ever happened.

Killer was supposed to be emotionless, he wasn't supposed to feel anything at all.

And the funny thing about it was that Killer wasn't crying about regret, or his own sadness, or even for someone dead.

Killer was crying about a fake comic about two cats.

Nightmare's face when he heard Killer's sobs in the corner of the room was completely shocked, Killer per usual was sitting on the bright pink beanbag in the corner of the room that had been there as long as Cross has and longer.

As it was just Cross, Killer and Nightmare home at the time, they both had looked over immediately and seen Killer sobbing over his phone, Nightmare had run over as quickly as he could and asked what was wrong.

"The cat dieddd!" Killer responds, sobbing into Nightmare's shoulder.

"...What?" Nightmare had said, confused as ever.

This was also the first time Cross had heard of Color, apparently Color had sent Killer a link to this super cute cat comic about two cats who were siblings but then a human killed on of them near the end of the comic, Color had also apparently sent that 'watch this being back your emotions' and Killer had been like, okay, whatever I guess I'll read it.

But then the cat died and he started sobbing.

Cross had felt bad but then he realized the hilarity of the situation and started to uncontrollably giggle.

Nightmare had looked at him and given the most 'are you kidding me' face in the world and Cross started to laugh more.

Killer's face when Cross started to laugh was so...

Let's just say there was no words to describe the mix of hurt and then awe at Cross's laughter.

Cross didn't emote, that was how it was and how Cross thought it would always be.

Nightmare was the first to change that, then Killer started to hang out with him after that, Cross never realized how funny Killer was. It was hard to see through the insensitive bitchass Killer was when he first met him.

Killer had... changed in his eyes a lot since then, like right now, with Killer hugging on his arm that had already been healed to the best of Nightmare's ability.

Like right now? Killer was the cutest thing Cross thinks he's ever seen.

Killer and Cross weren't dating, neither of them were good enough with their own feelings to deal with eachothers. They liked each other, maybe.

That's how it was and Cross didn't mind, Killer wasn't as much as a bitchass as he'd first thought.

"My apologies about all the festivities Cross, we just were excited that we finally found out when your birthday was and didn't think about how you hadn't said anything for the past three years, or how it might have painful memories attached to it." Nightmare says, finishing with his other arm.

"... I'm fine, I just..." Cross sighs, "My birthday was never a bad thing before... It's not like I have these terrible birthday memories, it just reminds me of... my AU." Cross says, stopping himself before he says family, he couldn't call them that, it hurt too much to think of how they were gone.

"I understand, if you want us to ignore it from now on we will, but I think it might help if your memories of your birthday are not all of things that cause you pain." Nightmare says and Killer nods and whispers.

"I got you a special present." he says in Cross's ear, seemingly excited about it.

"Okay," Cross says, talking feeling so much easier than usual, "I think you're right..."

"Yay!" Killer exclaims, "I can't wait to show you what we got you~!"

Cross exhales and smiles a little at Killer, who sees it and his eyes light up in a triumphant way. "I knew you could smile." He says, getting in Cross's personal space a little.

Suddenly, Cross knew everything would be okay.

[emotelizardrambling]

Okay, so the idea was what if the BitterSweet Trio were friends as kids.

Because I have an all-consuming need to make things more complicated, my brain decided to come up with an entire alternate storyline to BitterSweet, where the roles are kind of reversed, and then build a childhood friends/rivals, to pining ot3, to lovers plotline...

This is the first part of it.

CW: mentioned domestic abuse, mentioned drastic personality change of romantic partner, mentioned (implied) mental illness requiring medication, cursing

Notes:

Background written up in a post here, but short version is:

SB was best friends with Seth and Frenemies with Alphonse when they were growing up.

SB was forced to leave without saying goodbye to Seth or Alphonse and remained separated from the two until sometime (less than a year) after Al's parents died, when they ran into Seth.

Shit with Derek didn't happen in this universe.

Seth and Al never worked for the gang in this universe and are still together after Al takes over the shop. (They still had some dealings with the gang and did meet Charlie through those.)

SB has an emotional support cat named Shade who is absolutely best boy and very smart.

While SB, Shade, and SB's partner are my brain children everyone else is from YuuriVoice's BitterSweet series. So all rights are his.

No beta we die like Derek did before he had a chance to fuck up the boys' lives in this universe.

End notes.

“Hello, this is the Corner Store.”

It's strange to hear a voice on the other end that sounds so much like Al's dad, but also clearly isn't. It sounds nothing like the boy they knew as a kid, but…

“Alphonse?” SB asked hesitantly, not certain they had even remembered the number correctly. 

“Speaking,” he responded, and SB was relieved for a moment, until he asked, “who ’s this?” 

“I…” SB suddenly realized they had no clue why they actually called the shop. What were they even hoping anyone could do for them? This whole mess had nothing to do with Al or Seth or anyone else, but at the same time SB couldn’t bring themself to just hang up. They searched for words, “I…. I’m sorry… I don’t,” SB was cut off by their own sob before they even realized they were crying. Shade rubbed against their foot trying to soothe his person. “I… he broke my phone… I … I don’t know any other numbers,” they tried to explain. 

“Okay, hey, it’s okay,” Alphonse spoke gently, “just take it slow, take a breath.” 

SB tried, but only managed a cough that made their cat urgently nudge their legs. 

“Slow breaths. In …. Hold…. Out… with me okay.”  Al talked them through enough breaths to ease their panic a little. They also crouched to pet Shade which helped.

“That’s it, can you tell me your name?” he asked more hesitantly this time. 

With their breath mostly back they couldn’t really control the torrent of words they let out. “Fuck. I’m sorry, I call you out of nowhere and I’m just crying like an idiot, standing in an old phone booth that smells like weed and piss, with my cat at… I don’t even know what time it is, and the only person I can even call is my childhood best friend’s boyfriend, ‘cause I never bothered to memorize anyone’s phone number and even if I did I…”

Alphonse cut them off. “Boo?” It had been years since they had been called that. You play the ghost dude a few times in Mario Kart… but they had to admit, right now, they welcomed the familiar nickname.

“I… yeah… it’s me. You can hang up if you want. I… fuck I don’t even know why I called to begin with. I mean even if Seth was there or something, what would either of you even do? I should have just waited till he calmed down, or, or left or something.” SB continued to ramble until Al cut in again. 

“Woah,  hey, Boo!” he called for their attention. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m not gonna hang up on ya, just… what the hell is goin’ on? ‘Cause what I’m hearing is that you’re hiding out from somebody in a phone booth with your cat.” 

“I… well… kind of, yeah. I’m not really hiding, I just,” they attempted to clarify but trailed off knowing it would sound bad. “How did it get to be such a mess?” they ask themself. They were still processing the last half hour or so in their head. Their partner had been off for weeks, his brother was fairly sure he stopped taking his medication, and when SB tried to ask him about it he would just insist they drop it. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” 

“I… I went a few blocks and this is like one of those phone boxes with a door, I figured I could put shade down without worrying about him running away or something. I had some change in my pocket but I couldn’t remember any phone numbers…”

“I mean, before that. Why are you in a phone booth with your cat? Are you hurt? Is someone trying to hurt you?” 

They took a few more breaths, They didn’t want to explain it all to Al, Seth had talked about how much Al had grown up since they were kids, so they didn’t really think that he would be an asshole about it, but they knew if it had to do with them, Al would tell Seth. Seth who, ever since elementary school, looked out for them as if they were family, who may well assume the worst case scenario, considering his own experiences. “I’m not hurt… or, well, not really…” They absently rubbed their arm. My partner… he isn't like this. He stopped taking his meds, and then, tonight, he saw that I was texting Seth and somehow he thought that meant I was cheating on him, even though I told him about Seth before, and even that you two were together.” 

“Did he try to hurt you?” 

“He… I don’t think he meant to, but I’ve never seen them like that before. There was yelling, and he threw my phone down. Then he grabbed my arm and I panicked, Shade scratched his leg and, before he could do anything else, I grabbed Shade and locked myself in the bathroom. I… I don’t do well when I feel trapped though, so I climbed out of the window and made it a couple blocks before I even stopped to think… I don’t even know if he realizes I left.” 

“Fuck, okay, look I’ll… shit it’ll take me at least half an hour to get there.” 

“What? No you don’t have to do anything I just…” 

“Even if you hung up right now I’d be heading into the city to look for ya, you shouldn't have to be alone after something like that.” he must have sensed they were about to argue, so he added, “And let’s not even mention what Seth would do if I told him and didn’t already have a plan for getting you out of there safely. He'd probably rather go get you himself, but I can’t imagine that cat of yours would enjoy riding a motorcycle.” 

“Look I appreciate it, but it really isn’t that big of a deal.” 

“Well if it isn’t a big deal I’ll just drive over there and check on you. Or,” Al’s tone wavered a little, “I mean, if this is about me being… well… me, I can get Seth to…”

“No!” SB cut him off. “I mean, it isn’t that. I don’t mind you. I just…” 

“Great, is there anywhere nearby where you could hang out for half an hour? Somewhere that maybe doesn’t smell like piss and weed? A public place, a coffee shop, or restaurant?” 

“I… I doubt it, and even then I have Shade, and I don’t have his harness or carrier or anything.” 

“Right, okay, where are you? 

“I… I’m near the corner of 8th and Kennedy drive.” 

“Okay, listen, I got a… well, I know a guy. Pretty sure he still lives around there and he… he’s kinda a rat bastard to be honest, but he’s harmless and scared shitless of me n’ Seth. He owes us a few favors too so, if you’re okay with it, I could call him to meet up with you. I don’t like the idea of you sitting alone for so long, and I can ask him to find something to keep your cat from running off so you aren't stuck in a phone booth.” 

The last part was the most enticing. It really did smell and SB didn't do great with really strong smells. “Yeah, okay. I mean you really don’t….” 

“I want to help. Hell, even if I didn’t owe you for all the dumb-ass shit I did when we were in school, you’re Seth’s best friend, and I know you deserve a lot better than all this. Now I'm gonna call my guy and let Seth know what’s up. I’ll be there in a little over half an hour. If that ‘partner’ of yours shows up you call the fucking cops on his ass or something. You hear me?” 

“I… Yeah. Thank you, Alphonse.” 

“No problem Boo. I’ll see ya soon alright?” 

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.” 

—