#and we were both still children
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me: why am i having nightmares
me: why is this person recurring in them
my facebook memories: oh by the way 9 years ago today …
#weird how it’s been almost a decade#and i still have such conflicting emotions about it#like right after it happened i didn’t believe anything was wrong bc i said okay#but jenna’s mom took one look in my eyes and with no context was like oh. she assaulted you#i had the same look in my eyes after#and like how could she do that if it wasn’t really assault#but i still didn’t believe it. bc i said yes#and then paige hit me years later with the hey. i’m sorry. that was fucked up#i was considerably older than you and insisted on you taking pills i had given you and then wouldn’t take no for an answe#and that was all the validation i needed for all the fear i had felt in the moment i said yes because. she knew. she knew it was fucked up.#and then i just never spoke to her again#until my mom died#and she reached out with the absolute kindest words and advice that helped so well i still use it regularly to this day#the only person#actually#who gave me advice that helped#and now she’s in my nightmares every night and my facebook memories every day#and i still. don’t know how to feel#bc other people have assaulted me or been questionably pushy#and that’s easy#not that there’s a ton but they’re all undeniably bad people#paige was. the first person to show me family or otherwise i could be treated kindly#paige and her mom gave me somewhere to go when my mom was throwing me into stools and rock walls and jean was doing meth#and paige also told me several stories of being drugged and assaulted as a child#and we were both still children#what do i do and where do i stand when the person who did something horrible to me is still a good person?#it’s funny. everyone knows who duane is. but no one who wasn’t around even knows i dated a girl named paige.#and yeah a part of me just doesn’t wanna talk about that night or any of the fucked up things that lead up to it#but also. to be honest. i don’t wanna hear paige slander.#today marks nine years and here i am. still protecting you. even just from the opinions of people who will never meet you or see you
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In my Zeus bag today so I'm just gonna put it out there that exactly none of the great Ancient Greek warrior-heroes stayed loyal and faithful and completely monogamous and yet none of them have their greatness questioned nor do we question why they had the cultural prominence that they did and still do.
Jason, the brilliant leader of the Argo, got cold feet when it came to Medea - already put off by some of her magic and then exiled from his birthland because of her political ploys, he took Creusa to bed and fully intended on marrying her despite not properly dissolving things with Medea.
Theseus was a fierce warrior and an incredibly talented king but he had a horrible temper and was almost fatally weak to women. This is the man who got imprisoned in the Underworld for trying to get a friend laid, the man who started the whole Attic War because he couldn't keep his legs closed.
And we cannot at all forget Heracles for whom a not inconsiderable amount of his joy in life was loving people then losing the people around him that he loved. Wives, children, serving boys, mentors, Heracles had a list of lovers - male and female - long enough to rival some gods and even after completing his labours and coming down to the end of his life, he did not have one wife but three.
And y'know what, just because he's a cultural darling, I'll put Achilles up here too because that man was a Theseus type where he was fantastic at the thing he was born to do (that is, fight whereas Theseus' was to rule) but that was not enough to eclipse his horrid temper and his weakness to young pretty things. This is the man that killed two of Apollo's sons because they wouldn't let him hit - Tenes because he refused to let Achilles have his sister and Troilus who refused Achilles so vehemently that he ran into Apollo's temple to avoid him and still couldn't escape.
All four of these men are still celebrated as great heroes and men. All four of these men are given the dignity of nuance, of having their flaws treated as just that, flaws which enrich their character and can be used to discuss the wider cultural point of what truly makes a hero heroic. All four of these men still have their legacies respected.
Why can that same mindset not be applied to Zeus? Zeus, who was a warrior-king raised in seclusion apart from his family. Zeus who must have learned to embrace the violence of thunder for every time he cried as a babe, the Corybantes would bang their shields to hide the sound. Zeus learned to be great because being good would not see the universe's affairs in its order.
The wonderful thing about sympathy is that we never run out of it. There's no rule stopping us from being sympathetic to multiple plights at once, there's no law that necessitate things always exist on the good-evil binary. Yes, Zeus sentenced Prometheus to sufferation in Tartarus for what (to us) seems like a cruel reason. Prometheus only wanted to help humans! But when you think about Prometheus' actions from a king's perspective, the narrative is completely different: Prometheus stole divine knowledge and gifted it to humans after Zeus explicitly told him not to. And this was after Prometheus cheated all the gods out of a huge portion of wealth by having humans keep the best part of a sacrifice's meat while the gods must delight themselves with bones, fat and skin. Yes, Zeus gave Persephone away to Hades without consulting Demeter but what king consults a woman who is not his wife about the arrangement of his daughter's marriage to another king? Yes, Zeus breaks the marriage vows he set with Hera despite his love of her but what is the Master of Fate if not its staunchest slave?
The nuance is there. Even in his most bizarre actions, the nuance and logic and reason is there. The Ancient Greeks weren't a daft people, they worshipped Zeus as their primary god for a reason and they did not associate him with half the vices modern audiences take issue with. Zeus was a father, a visitor, a protector, a fair judge of character, a guide for the lost, the arbiter of revenge for those that had been wronged, a pillar of strength for those who needed it and a shield to protect those who made their home among the biting snakes. His children were reflections of him, extensions of his will who acted both as his mercy and as his retribution, his brothers and sisters deferred to him because he was wise as well as powerful. Zeus didn't become king by accident and it is a damn shame he does not get more respect.
#ginger rambles#ginger chats about greek myths#greek mythology#It's Zeus Apologist day actually#For the record Jason is my personal favourite of these guys#The argonauts are extremely underrated for literally no reason#And Jason's wit and sheer ability to adapt along with his piousness are traits that are so far away from what usually gets highlighted#with the typical Greek warrior-hero that I've just never stopped being captivated by him#Conversely I still do not understand what people see in Achilles#I respect him and his legacy I respect the importance of his tale and his cultural importance I promise I do#However I personally can't stand the guy LMAO#How do you get warned twice TWICE both by your mother and by Athena herself that going after Apollo's children is a bad idea#And still have the audacity to be mad and surprised when Apollo is gunning for Specifically You during the war you're bringing to His City#That You Specifically and Exclusively had a choice in avoiding#ACHILLES COULD'VE JUST SAID NO#I know that's not the point however so many other members of the Greek camp were simply casualties of Fate in every conceivable way man#Achilles looked at every terrible choice he could possibly make said “Well I'm gonna die anyway 🤷🏽” and proceeded to make the choice#so hard that he angered god#That's y'all's man right there#I left out Perseus because truthfully I don't actually know much about him#I haven't studied him even a fraction as much as I've studied some of the other big culture heroes and none of this is cited so i don't wan#to talk about stuff I don't know 100%#Anyway justice for Zeus fr#Gimme something give me literally anything other than the nonsense we usually get for him#This goes for Hera too btw#Both the king and queen of the skies are done TERRIBLY by wider greek myth audiences and it's genuinely disheartening to see#If y'all could make excuses for Achilles to forgive his flaws y'all can do it for them#They have a lot more to sympathise with I'll tell you that#(that is a completely biased statement; you are completely free and encouraged to enjoy whichever figures spark joy)#zeus
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Aelin.
He had no voice here, but he spoke her name. Threw it across the gulf between them.
Slowly, she turned to him.
It was her face—or it would be in a few years. When she Settled.
But it wasn't the slightly older features that knocked the breath from him.
It was the hand on her rounded belly.
She stared toward him, hair still flowing.
Behind her, four small figures emerged.
Rowan fell to his knees.
The tallest: a girl with golden hair and pine-green eyes, solemn-faced and as proud as her mother. The boy beside her, nearly her height, smiled at him, warm and bright, his Ashryver eyes near-glowing beneath his cap of silver hair.
The boy next to him, silver-haired and green-eyed, might as well have been Rowan's twin.
And the smallest girl, clinging to her mother's legs ... A fine-boned, silver-haired child, little more than a babe, her blue eyes harking back to a lineage he did not know.
Children. His children. Their children.
With another mere weeks from being born.
His family.
The family he might have, the future he might have. The most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
Aelin.
#the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen was Aelin#Chapter 5#the prophecy she saw#the life they should’ve had#the fact the one kid has Elena’s eyes#they both dreamed of this#and with him she wanted a family#the shadows and nothing without her#He tried to scream. Tried to get off his knees to find some way to them.#They were still staring at him as it swept them away too.#break my heart#read along#read with me#cry with me#Kingdom of Ash#EoS#KoA#no spoilers please#first read#Sarah J. Maas#Rowaelin#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#their children who represent the Forrest’s and mountains and better world and omg imagine them with chaorene bb’s & lil abraxos bb dragons#Their children pressed closer to her the eldest girl peering up to Aelin in warning.#I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all#let this be foreshadowing please#that song in his blood the dream#the ashryver eyes and terrasen green#A dream. That same dream
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[mild tw for marital rape/forced 'consent' its only referenced a little, but it feels necessary to mention it]
imagine Alicent only standing up for herself when Aegon is in the picture. Imagine her talking her son to her chambers cause he's fussy and won't go down for bed and was asking for his mum, and she has him tucked close, blissfully asleep, and Viserys calls for her.
she knows she can't refuse, but she tells the servant he had sent to make him aware of Aegon's state. he still demands that she be brought to his chambers and that the babe go back to his nursemaid. she looks down at her baby, who's now woken due to the disturbance, who is staring up at her with soft tired eyes, a little yawn escaping him.
she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to be forced to take her husband, to pleasure him at her own discomfort. she doesn't want to leave her son, to have him sent back to bed where he will remain restless and in the care of someone who is not his mother. she had never want to refuse more than she did in that moment.
she hesitates, her facade falters. Aegon is still looking up at her as tears well up in her eyes. he quirks his head at her, fingers reaching for her cheeks as if to comfort her. with a sudden conviction, she takes him in her arms, rising from the bed, requesting a robe and a blanket. when her servant looks at her in question, she clarifies that she will be taking Aegon with her and does not wish to rouse him in attempts to dress him. they look at her with shock, but don't voice the concern written on their faces.
they bring her Viserys's favorite robe. Alicent recognizes it from her time with Rhaenyra and Aemma. she's worn it before, Viserys has made sure the servants bring it to her every time he requests her. she hates the way it feels against her skin, knowing why he makes her wear it. she wraps aegon in his blanket, soft and royal blue, his hands beginning to play with its golden tassles as she tucks him inside her robe, pressed to her chest with care.
even as fear bites at her heels, anxiety churning her stomach, she walks to Viserys's chamber with her held high. she knows she is only asking for her husband's wrath; she knows she should just obey him, but she just can't. her son will not suffer a sleepless night and horrid following day all because her husband feels the need to use her body once more. he will not suffer at his father's hands tonight, even if she has to endure Viserys's anger for it.
she enters her husband's chambers, finding him in bed, in a white night gown, clearly ready to use her; he was never subtle when he asked for her, not even the first time.
she pauses in the doorway, pulling back the robe slightly, making him aware of Aegon's presence. she watches his face fall, barely muted anger. she holds onto Aegon tighter. part of her fears he may hurt her for this disturbance, but more of her fears he will hurt Aegon on her behalf.
"I told the damned servants to take him," his voice is warped and cruel, just an angry scowl of sorts.
"Aegon is not well, dear husband... I could not leave him," she admits before he can say anything else. she puts her foot forward as a mother, hoping to claim mercy from the man who made her one.
he mutters something in response, not quite loud enough for her to hear. she has a feeling she is grateful for that.
"what was it you needed, my dear?" she tries to sound sweet and kind, in attempts to abate his anger, "I'm sure I could still attend to it."
"you know what I wanted," he yelled. it had been the first time he'd truly raised his voice to her. she couldn't help but gasp, stepping back one step, than two, stopping when Aegon began to fuss, curling around him instead.
"Please Viserys, the baby." she ducks her head down to press her against his whispy white hair. her son his huffing, as if about to cry, and she's sure if she could see his face, his little cheeks would be red and his eyes would be crinkled and wet, his lip puckered. she begins to rock him slightly, still afraid to move.
"your'e dismissed," he grunts, but his tone gives it away. she knows he doesn't mean it, the if she leaves she will be in more trouble. she questions staying, calling a servant to take Aegon and giving him what he wants, but decides against it. he would not come before her son, not now, not ever.
"I'm sorry, my dear, another night, when I do not have Aegon to tend to," she forces some cheer into her tone, "he is still so young, so helpless. he needs his mother. I'm sure you understand?"
"he is not the only one in need of you." he had not lost his anger yet. not even for the sake of his son.
"yes, of course. forgive me. only he is not as understanding as you, my love." that wasn't the truth, Aegon was more kind and understanding at a year old, than viserys was in all of his years. "I will leave now. I am sorry for the disturbance."
she pauses for a moment, waiting for her husbands reaction. when he doesn't lash out at her, she breathes a quiet sigh of relief, feeling as though she has evaded a great beast. her heart calms in her chest, slowing from its fluttering and her stomachs stops its dizzing ache. she questions turning and running, fleeing from his presence before he can change his mind, but knows better.
she hurries to his side, eyeing him all the while, each step calculated, avoiding cracking any eggshells, until she is close enough to kiss his cheek. he allows it, and gives Aegon grace when he reaches out for him, letting him play with his finger a moment, before pulling it away, not even turning away fully before sneering. she takes that as her cue to leave, this one being much more genuine than the last.
"goodnight dear husband." he says nothing. she takes Aegon's little hand, waving it slightly, "say goodnight Aegon."
her son tries to imitate her, though unintelligible, as a toddler would. she continues to smile and coo at him even when his father ignores him, not letting him feel his father's scorn, quickly turning towards the door and back to her own chambers.
the second the door is close she feels herself sag, she would have fallen to the floor right then and there had there not been kingsgaurd watching. instead she holds her head high once more, walking calm and steady, like a queen should.
Aegon settles his forehead against her collar, giving a great yawn against her skin. she smiles at him fondly, kissing his brow, earning a tired little giggle from him. it hits her that he is unaware of the trouble he just saved her from. she feels equal parts relief as she does terror; she hopes he never knows, never understands, but is so so thankful for it none the less.
the second she steps into her chambers she pulls of the robe, setting it aside carefully despite the pain it brings her, respecting the memories it carried. she pulls back the covers before smothering her and her son amongst them. he's quick to curl against her, quite tuckered out after their harrowing adventure, even if he was unaware of its true weight. she herself still wanted to cry, but was similarly too tired to keep her eyes open for another moment. tomorrow, she tells herself, tomorrow will be difficult, but tonight you have your son, tonight you have a chance to rest.
so she does, she holds him close, tracing fingers over the gold threaded patterned of his blanket, feeling the shifting of his chest as he breathes and the tickle of his hair against her neck. all is well in that moment. she drifts to sleep at the thought.
#omage to Aemma's robe that we see alicent wearing in episode 3 (I believe. it was when she was helping bathe viserys)#cause I know he made her wear it cause he's a monster#this is set prior to Helaena's conception. aegon is tiny. and alicent is still naive to the true extents of viserys's abuse.#especially to the fact that despite all of the love she holds for her children and how badly she wishes to always pick them first#his abuse and the stockholm syndrom that follow it will turn her against her children. aegon in particular.#maybe not against. but acrid and foul. her pain overtaking her love. she still tries so hard to protect them though. if you get what I mean#its otto's fault too and they should both die#anyway#I'm just in my feels with these two#we didn't get enough scenes of them together especially when they were both young and I wanted to give alicent a moment were she fought bac#she refused to give him what he wanted. she chose her child over him. she stood up for herself and what she wanted.#she earned that moment#I know she was choking through those “my dears” and “my loves” but she had to for formalities sake#angst in the front fluff in the back#even if the fluff is laced with angst#letting alicent be soft and love her son#I needed it#aegon targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#alicent hightower#anti viserys i targaryen#pro team green#hotd#house of the dragon#I love them your honor
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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anyways, i'm just dropping by to say fuck jk rowling and that snape being romantically in love with lily is really stupid when it would be more narratively and thematically consistent (and, frankly, more compelling) if his love for her was familial
#harry potter#hp#severus snape#lily evans#lily potter#anyway when i first read the series i interpreted it as platonic and found it deeply moving#and then i entered the online fandom space and everyone elses read was... vastly different than mine#come on though!#like juxtaposition between severus and petunia who both in their own way loathed lily's son??#and likely for tragically similar and yet different reasons#and his patronus being a doe? well hey guess what the only other times two people have shared the EXACT SAME patronus#(not just matching or representing)#its been between close family members#(based on what i know from the original books. idgaf about recent material to be frank)#also. they were childhood best friends who stopped associating in their mid teens#whether he had a childhood crush on her or not (and i favor not)#can we PLEASE just let that love be innocent and pure?#they were literally children so like why do some people talk about it like it was something weird and disturbing#?????#like oh no how dare you have a crush on your childhood best friend and then grow up to still care about her#shame on you! for shame!!
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DUET SPOILERS!
Did anyone else do the 3rd season quest for Duet yet? Cause holy hell. I was not expecting things to get that intense. Poor Celloist 😦
I hope they both died at the same time so they didn't have to watch their childhood friend (and maybe lover) die.
Also the appearance of spirits is VERY interesting timeline wise as someone who's only half caught up with the order of seasons. I was not expecting to see the abyss spirits. Kinda expected them to be "the last people standing" type deal at the end of the world. Considering their scavenger nature + the state of the abyss ruins.
I wonder if the shards raining down on aviary will be the catalyst as to why The Steward/Dusk Ember makes the journey towards eden. Watching two people die in front of an audience and having to flee creatures of darkness would certainly be a motive... poor baby
#spoiler#spoilers#their grand performance was their last#how tragic#id start crying if i watched my friend and/or lover die on stage next to me#after we did our final bows#curtain close the show is over everything is over our lives our over#i like to think that she was looking at her broken cello as a spirit#the second that shard hit they were both dead#they didnt make it out of that performance alive#so sad!!#headcanon rambling#but also kinda not#sky cotl#sky children of the light#ok yeah its mostly headcanons#but whatever#still bawling#coatl rambles#text
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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man... rhoam's "redemption" in aoc really sucked, huh?
like botw SHOWED us, several times, how much pressure rhoam put on zelda to unlock her powers, despite her telling him, several times, that it wasn't working. he got angry and banned her from doing not only something she saw as useful, but something that she was clearly very interested in and passionate about because she "wasn't dedicating enough time to her prayers." yes, his diary expresses regret for it, but at the end of the day, if zelda saw that it wouldn't mean much to her. the actions rhoam took, and the way zelda grew up under so much pressure that she nearly died as a child in one of the springs (this is in urbosa's diary, iirc) mean so much more than his regrets and his intentions. it took him nearly 10 years to realize that he fucked up, and by that point it was too late. the calamity had returned, and rhoam had lost any chance he had at making things right with zelda.
meanwhile, in aoc, all that's there is some half-hearted scene in the temple of time that's supposed to make everything better? yes, aoc had a very different and arguably better outcome than the calamity that led to botw, but the damage was still done by rhoam. it's still the same hurts and abuse and trauma that he put his daughter through all because of the prophesized calamity.
#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#hyrule warriors age of calamity#sorry i just. i don't know what nintendo meant to do with rhoam#i guess they were trying to make him into a guy who did bad things for a good reason but still#i think the action matters more than the reason because the action is what impacts others the most#when someone is hurting and they lash out what people remember most is them lashing out#that scene in aoc really felt kinda empty and half-hearted (even kohga crying during the scene kinda felt forced)#yeah i guess they were trying to make him into a stern father who we were meant to sympathize with because he didn't want to do#what he had to do. but it kinda... fell flat?#i don't think he was a good king either. he wasn't a tyrant for sure but also what kinda king puts the fate of his entire kingdom#on the back of like 6 people. 4 of whom are considered kids or young adults by their society's standards#(urbosa also mentions this in her diary and she hates that she and daruk are the only seasoned warriors of the champions)#(her diary is full of worldbuilding gems because of her relationship with zelda and its worth a read if you have the DLC)#don't think i forgot about link in all of this either. he was like 12 when he pulled the master sword and he wasn't much older than zelda#if he was older at all. and he was already a knight as a teenager. he was a child soldier who rhoam personally appointed#because he was able to wield the master sword#and maybe revali has a point there. maybe he didn't deserve any of it but not in the way that revali thinks#i don't think that's a writing mistake. revali is a very flawed character and he's young and brash and impulsive. he's very harsh on link#because he thinks he's being overlooked for his skills while link gets all of the pomp for doing the bare minimum#which isn't true but there's also not really anyone proving otherwise to him. link himself doesn't talk a lot#BUT I DIGRESS this post is about rhoam not link and revali#yes i have sat on this for 3 and a half years. what of it#i think rhoam could have had a redemption if he didn't like. deliberately lie to link at the beginning of botw. several times.#like.... these are flawed characters and it would take a LOT for rhoam to shift his world view like that#if he had come to the conclusion he did earlier and listened to zelda maybe things would have been a bit different#but he didn't. he missed his chance to speak with his daughter and tbh the fact that it took him about 10 years to realize this#says a lot about his character i think#post brought to you by the copious amounts of hades i've been playing (zagreus and zelda are an interesting point of comparison in my mind)#(like yeah rhoam and hades are two completely different parents but they both had similar outcomes with their children)
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what do u think seans experience in reform school was like?? apparently the punishments were….well.
OH ANON!!!!! YES let's talk about this!!!!
So, a majority of the reform school horror stories that at least I've been hearing over the past few years have been largely been about schools that operated in the 20th century and into the 2010s at the latest, like the Dozier school or Elan. Then obviously there's the rest of the troubled teen industry but that's a more modern thing. Anyway, there's not a whole lot to go on for the late 1800's BUT I did manage to find a website which has a model for reformatory rules and regulations in 1890's Britain, which if nothing else, gives us something to go off in terms of what conditions could be like.
To start with, I think the fact that Sean was sent to reform school instead of other options interesting. Reform school was for delinquents; criminal children. Most likely, this means Sean was involved in criminal activity alongside his father - though, alternatively, it could mean whoever had to deal with Sean in the aftermath of Darragh's death, took one look at him and decided reform school was where he had to go.
Of course, Sean would never make life EASY for the officers and teachers of the school he was sent to. Not only is he there against his will, but those people and that place would, in his mind, all belong to the same entity which orchestrated his father's murder. That boy CAME to school with the intent to escape.
I think, with my HC of him having ADHD and dyslexia in mind, paired with his undoubted lack of respect for whatever authority figures that'd be at the reformatory, Sean would be singled out as a troublemaker from the get. It'd be one of those 'living up to expectations' thing from there, Sean making enemies out of the adults who were supposed to care for him and definitely coming up with ways to make their lives harder.
Sidenote; I definitely believe the little laugh Sean has after remembering his time in reform school was him reminiscing about all the pranks and shit he pulled to harass the workers there lmfao.
Of course, that also means he saw a LOT of the punishments they doled out. On the website they linked above, corporal punishment was VERY much on the agenda and I think Sean def saw the worst of it. I think an important aspect here is the understanding that once these things are seen as acceptable punishments, there's nothing stopping the person doling them out to up the severity of them despite regulations. A flogging shouldn't exceed 18 strokes nor a caning 8; but this offender has had several in the past few weeks and still keeps making trouble, lets add a couple extra just to get the message across.
I think the same goes for the punishments regarding isolation and meal deprivation; you can't tell me a young Sean already doesn't know the feeling of skipping meals out of necessity by the time he arrives at reform school - losing ONE meal as the regulations say with the assuredness of the next would do nothing to dampen Sean's spirits, nor a day in isolation.
Idk, Sean was truly desperate for money/food after 3 days, like that was when he tried to kill someone for it. Personally speaking, I go more than 12 hours without eating and I'd probably try to kill someone too. The 3 days speaks to a familiarity with hunger.
And idk, I definitely think Sean is used to being alone!!! It's why he likes being around people so much!! He grew up with only his father to rely on in the whole wide world, who probably HAD to leave Sean alone for prolonged amounts of time to do what he did as a Fenian & criminal. His scene in RDO also speaks to this; he gets lost and is on his own often!! It's not that he prefers it, but he is definitely used to it, and a day in isolation would probably make 0 difference to him fr!!
So, better up the ante to truly get those punishment across.
These are based on the British regulations for the time, mind! I couldn't find anything similar for the US, and I doubt there'd been a federal standard at the time, so I honestly imagine the punishments were more severe from the get, for Sean. Of course reform schools were supposed to be focused on reform over punishment, but when you're dealing with someone as possibly incessant and unyielding in their misbehavior as I imagine Sean was, punishment WOULD seem like the only option, with the knowledge they had at the time. I think he probably got the worse end of a LOT of it, because he wouldn't capitulate to the will of the reformatory very easily.
I don't think Sean stuck around for very long; around a year at most, I'd think. I also don't think he aged out of it, as the age of majority was 21 and it was more common for reform schools to set them up for some sort of legal work after 'graduating'. So yeah, he ran away, and promptly buried a lot of the bad shit he went through, as he is prone to do.
Thank you for this ask, anon!! I had a lot of fun thinking and reading about this, yall are REALLY indulging me here lolol
#I think reform schools were very individual based on the people who worked and attended there#especially when they were still in their infancy. they only really became a thing in the 1870s and onwards#but considering what the standard of treatment of children was at the time. that still means in general there was probably a lot of#bad shit going on even at the very start. before the power hungry abusers came in and started up schools like evan and dozier#dozier opened in 1900 did you know! evan in 1970 lol#they both closed in 2011 though. bcz of you know. all the deaths and abuse#anyway!! thank u anon for letting me theorize a lil on what reform school mightve been like for sean!!#obviously the answer was always gonna be BAD but yknow. sean is a trooper and a survivor in a lot of senses so#here we are!!!#sean macguire#red dead redemption 2#rdr2#rdr2 meta#teki talks#rdr thoughts#asks#meta asks#rdr asks
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why am i having to hold a gun to googles head to show me articles on the long term effects of hormonal birth control on the endocrine system in adult patients who began usage as a teenager
#barks#i just wanna know if having a hormonal iud as a teenager fucked with my shit or not#causeeeeee i switched to copper a few years ago and everything was gucci in the coochie until a bad summer hit#lo and behold i call the gyno and she puts me on nuvaring because my symptoms were a sign of hormonal imbalance#meaning i got my ass fucked up from the first iud. right?#fuck if i know i wish they didnt make it my responsibility and then not actually give a shit as to what really happens#the absolute hell you can go through both on and off of birth control is out fucking rageous#'cool my cramps arent as bad but im a raging bitch i want to rob a bank and i want to kill everyone and then myself'#can you please for more than five fucking seconds think about the actual effects these things have on us that arent 'harder to get pregnant#also never listen to anyone that tells you you cant get your tubes tied and still be able to have children down the line#they always wanna bitch and moan about it but its literally reversible just like a vasectomy. not as easy but still possible!#do we get mad at and blame the kitchen counter when a baby smacks their head against it? no. the baby is at fault#tell me why something i have no control over is the reason i have to bear the cross#instead of the dipshit baby that cause the issue in the first place being at fault?????????????????????#im going to burn this world down i swear to god i hate it more every day#the beauty is evident but the horrors persist#hi if you read all of this
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My ship now (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pajama Sam#Florette#Luke Wigglebig#Flukette#I decided that since I'm the only one on the whole internet shipping these two that I could make up my own ship name lol#What do you /mean/ no one is shipping these characters from a children's game from two decades ago who barely speak to each other???#Lol#I know what I'm about#These were mostly getting-used-to-again doodles since I haven't drawn them in like a year ahhh I've missed them! More than I realized#Still using Luke's classic design rather than my constrast-maker on his jacket haha#It's fun and looks good but it can be a pain to draw sometimes lol - simple is the way to go!#They've both got that in spades ♪ Cute to-the-point designs :D I always wish for more Luke in the game tho...You don't even rescue him....#Anyway lol mostly silliness! The first inspired the second can you tell lol#What if Florette was tall but not actually lol#To be fair she probably could've been tall - broccoli isn't naturally short! That's the supermarket precut version!#She could be leggy for all we know lol - I do like her height difference with Luke tho#All the better to pick her up and give her a smooch!#Or in the case of her having arms - the jacket returns! Although I think I only posted the original to my alt :0 - then to drag him down >:3#Get him on your level!#Why is she threatening to kill him? Banter (lol)#She's a real threat now that she has access to limbs#And a slightly more friendly drag him down ♪ I love reaching towards each others ahhh <3#He can rest a hand on the ground and still be upright to kiss her lol#To be fair it's probably a pain to stand from sitting or laying when your ''leg'' is just a continuation of your torso#And then a last couple chibis <3 I'd like to make some Humongous Entertainment style pixel art based on them ♪#Also ft. their design swaps! Which were also posted to my alt lol#She's just so cute with those big cartoony eyes gazing up at him ♥
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migi n dali just keeps getting better. ep 10 was crazyyyyy i was on the edge of my seat the entire time, and if i wasnt it was just so sweet or hilarious. this show is the perfect blend of emotions honestly.
#migi to dali#looooved how they did the twin reveal. they just randomly both show up.#i actually rewinded because i noticed it was migi at the table and then right after dali responded. and i was like. huh. are they switching#rlly fast or something. but no. they were just both there lmaooo#AND MARUTAAAA AAAAGH#karen and maruta was so cute actually.#and i love love love that hes their friend now. they did it so well and believable. like thats just a kid.#i rlly like how the kids are written in this. like even if theyre super genius or whatever. they never actually are#but the other kids think so. theyre smart in the kiddie sense. but their reactions and thoughts are still very childlike#and i think its. so sweet how dali is still scared and unsure of how to move on from all the shit that happened to them#but migi is there for him every step of the way... wah... ;-;#also cannot forget my boy akiyama. always ride n die for his bestie hitori(s)#AND THE BE BIRDS.... so good. love these strange furry children.#cant believe we still have 3 episodes. i feel so blessed#tedpost#tedtalks#next ep we'll finally learn abt metry. so excited.
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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losing respect for Alicent after blood and cheese and not sorry about it!
#like hey girl what made you think yeah let’s help Criston get ALL OF THE GUARDS OUT OF THE ROYAL QUARTERS SO WE CAN HAVE SEX#LEAVING THE QUEEN THE HEIR AND THE PRINCESS UNPROTECTED. WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!#shame on criston and Alicent both I hope the guilt eats them alive#Alicent betrayed helaena in that moment. helaena has always come to her for protection and Alicent knows exactly why and still she took it#away for her own selfish desires. WHERE IS DUTY WHERE IS SACRIFICE MISS GIRL#and helaena just looks her dead in the eyes and knows exactly why there were no guards protecting her and her children#because her mother and the captain or whatever are sleeping together and purposefully emptied the corridor to do so!#and Alicent immediately must know that’s it’s partially her fault her family wasn’t protected#sorry but Alicent is not a great mother to helaena#nat20.txt#helaena running down the halls looking for help and can’t find ANYONE except the one guard sworn to her children herself and her husband in#bed with her mother#GUILTY ON SIGHT GET THE DRAGONS#god I hope Aegon rips them both a new one I hope Aegon knows exactly why
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older siblings on this website r soooooo annoying but also i know my experience is not universal 💆🏻♀️💆🏻♀️💆🏻♀️
#older siblings beat the shit out of their siblings six years younger than them then go ‘but i baked a frozen pizza for you 🥺’#like for me.. my oldest brother’s ’light slaps’ and ‘play punches’ turned into actual abuse as we both got older#he terrifies me still. his addiction + the real beatings with real bruises started when i was so so so young and i thought it was my fault#he hit me so hard this year my eye is permanently damaged. the decade of abuse i endured was enabled when i was just a small child with#‘play fighting’ and ‘small hits’#like oldest children are old enough to know not to hit. sorry idgaf how ‘parentified’ you were.#sensitive subjects idk idk#they don’t all turn out to be possessive domestic abusers i know. i’m an outlier. but like#don’t be surprised when your little sibling grows up to fucking hate you. quit directing your anger at your parents towards them#anyways.txt#abuse tw.#domestic abuse tw.#delete later
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