#and tomorrow is dads birthday too.
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oh. today is the first birthday both of them have been gone.
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//LOUD INCOMPREHENSIBLE POINTING//
#marvel#xmen#avengers#marvel rivals#wanda maximoff#scarlet witch#snap sketches#//sneaks capricorn constellation into her hair because i can and ITS MY BIRTHDAY//#HEHEHEHEHEHHE i had to draw her too.....#AND put effort or whatever i REFUSE to have her cringe father out glam her#i never play dps tbh im always glued to tank or support but i will now be. SOMETIMES playign dps#again 90% of the time a game has 5 dps but yk ... sometimes.....#OK BYYYYYYEEEEEE my birthday in like 12 minutes .... diabolical...#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE I WIN#wait crying every time i think of rivals wanda i just remember this one 'what your main says about you' vid#and for wanda its like 'youre probably bi and if this is how you find out im sorry'#i think thats funny because i always get hit with bi allegations every couple years. unfortunately i am not im sorry 😔#moving on. gonna go to the city tomorrow get some good food maybe some comics and see my dad ... it'll be rad ...#anyways !!! ima go play rivals .... byyyyee....
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They said I couldn't do it but I surpassed their doubts and am more depressed for my birthday this year than ever!!!!!!!
#puffer talks#i need to figure out fun things to do tomorrow#or something#i can't smoke a joint at 10:21am unfortunately#its also too windy#hahahahahh#for context i share a birthday with my dad who has passed away
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It's a bit late but HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPLATTER!! (Sept 30)
If she aged according to the real world she would be 7 now I think!
As for how old she is now? Still 9! Yeah she only ages when I say she does :3
Happy birthday my goober! Thank you for coming into my life and altering my brain chemistry :3
#utmv#my blorbos#splatterutmv#splatteroc#splattertale#my OCs#sketchingstars art#love her sm#tomorrow is her sibling (PJ)'s birthday too#and the start of her dad's drawing challenge month#ooo boy!#utmv oc#ocs
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First night went okay. I just had a hard time falling asleep because I was covered in goosebumps. Heat can cause more skin irritation, so the specialist advised me not to turn on my heated blanket.
Today will be another 'sit as still as possible on the couch and crochet to distract myself' kind of day.
Countdown: 22 hours until removal of the patches.
#allergy test#birthday was... well- my friend and even my dad thought my birthday wasn't until today so they almost forgot to congratulate me#i miss birb and babe too.. i won't see them until thursday or friday because i have to go back to the specialist tomorrow & thursday morning#i'm staying at my parents' because the hospital is closer to them#they were working as well so i spent most of my birthday by myself. i won't celebrate with family until the weekend & in two weeks#it didn't feel like a joyous day- let's keep it at that#sorry for the tag rant#xoxo
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theres birthdays in my family today you know what that means ☺️
#wind howls#my parents are at each others throats because my dad wants to invite his siblings over (its the twins birthdays not his own)#and my mom doesnt want to invite anyone over bc the house is a mess and so is the yard bc of construction work !#or renovations i guess. regardless its really awesome. i hate it here#and its worse bc i understanf both their points. my dad likes having an excuse to see his siblings and have fun and drink with them#and theres nothing really wrong with that ! i think if i didnt live with most my siblings id like to have a concrete excuse to see them too#but my moms point makes sense too. my dad tends to pull this kind of stuff often and suddenly#and instead of spending the time over a good couple days to make sure the house is ready to welcome guests#he tells us day of so we have to scramble like mad to make the house look presentable.#not to mention one of my uncles in particular likes to stay late and drink lots which my parents cant afford to have today#because my dad travels to peru tomorrow and they have to drive to the airport at 5 am. my uncle staying until 2 would be irresponsible#however they are both so block headed and solidly convinced that they are in the right for their own position that they just#yell at eachother instead of weighting the pros and cons like normal people would. or should rather. its fantastic.#anyway now i have to scramble to clean this stupid house just in case (although im almost certain my uncles and aunts are comin over)#sigh
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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Me: starting to make lunch in the kitchen
Mother: comes in after me and makes it VERY clear that *i* am in the way
Also mother: gets pissed off when i say i'll make my food later
#I WAS THERE FIRST#cCLEARLY GATHERING INGREDIENTS#but no IM the one getting in HER way#for fucks sake its my birthday tomorrow she abandoned me during an asthma attack i had to get her to call me a fucking ambulance for#and today shes fucking aggro bc i was IN *HER* WAY????#and after i fixed her fucking tv EVEN AFTER SHE WOKE ME UP o fixed her fucking app she was having issues with she RUINED the chicken stock#i was trying to fucking make last week AND SHE INVADED THE FUCKING KITCHEN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE FOOD#but no obviously im the fucking problem#also bought her a fucking mini waggle maker bc she cant eat the big ones i found 4 more kdramas for her to watch AND shes put zero effort il#into my birthday#like i spend the entire year picking presents for her and my dad and my sister and ALL THREE OF THEM COME TO ME FOR THEIR PRESENTS TO EACH#OTHER and she fucking refuses to put any effort into gifts for me#just hands me cash#“its too hard i dont know what you like” even when i fucking made a list of gift cards she could get AT THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE#and we always fucking eat where anybody fucking else in the family wants to eat#nevermind its supposed to be my fucking birthday#anyway turns out im still bitter and angry that my birthday has never been about me#time for my annual Birthday Self Pity to start#at least i organised my own birthday cake this year#so im actually getting what i want#since last year the dessert she made i cant fucking eat#bc im fucking allergic to eggs#and the year before that she wasnt speaking to me so i bought my own present#jokes on her that was my best birthday in decades#bc i actually got to do what i wanted which was fucking nothing#she didnt force us to go out for lunch AND THOUGHT SHE WAS PUNISHING ME#and the year before that i put my fucking foot down and said i wanted fish and chips at home#but she had to choose the fucking fish and chip place and she chose the fucking chinese restaurant so it was shit#i have forced myself to stop caring about my birthday bc it's just retraumatising myself every time i care
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IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF
#me when the plans i had are messed up and my heater broke and i cant get this stupid song right and i have work to do tomorrow and#my dad was in my room for way too fucking long and i was forced to talk to him And my friends stupid birthday is tomorrow and#Because My Plans Are Fucked i cant fucking get them anything#and my hands are sweaty and they never Fucking stop sweating and my body is uncomfortable and i fucked my knee up today and GOOOODD#I FUCKING HATE TALKING TO PEOPLE OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UURUGHGHGHGHGHHGRH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM FUCKING HYSTERICAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and all anyone ever does is speak to hear their own fucking voice#just fucking talking to talk. theres no fucking point behind it#like fucking god. shut the fuck up for once in your life . your fucking voice is annoying as fuck too#god just shut the fuck up#and i cant fucking LEAVE everything because id be making a scene . id be overreacting#like jesus christ i need none of you people. and none of you need me . None of you even fucking like me#so . fucking . Whatever ! Whatever !
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you know how in the first hunger games book when katniss sleeps in the cave and it’s mentioned that in the dark of the cave she is allowed to move her face how she wants without having to put up a façade for the cameras. yeah that’s kinda fucked up. anyway I consider the shower and my bedroom the only ‘safe’ places where I can emote/do whatever without fear of being watched/judged by others which is kinda pathetic
#when I say I’m going to bed I’m not always going to sleep right away.#usually the period between ‘going to bed’ and ‘going to sleep’ is where I just. breathe. and i can take off the mask for a mo#i feel bad tho#cuz my dad was confused as to why I was heading to bed so early#and of course my mom was in the room too so I can’t admit that I want this stupid fucking day to be over with asap#and the sooner the she-devil’s face is out of my sight the sooner I can feel a little calm#then my parents had the balls to talk about me driving to my therapy session tomorrow#which made my heart start beating faster and suddenly I’m more stressed out than before#this day has sucked ass#and i just want to cry and fall apart in someone’s arms#but. there isn’t anyone I can do that with. not in this house at least.#nearest person I can think of is one of my friends and frankly he’s better off without my whining#I just want to die#or at least fall asleep and have a nice dream and never wake up#I. I don’t really want to wake up tomorrow?#only thing keeping me going is a birthday party for my friend and ayaka banner on the same day#and chewie#other than that…idk.#vent
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#[ I intend to get to replies soon! I’m off work today and tomorrow but mainly for me and my dad’s birthday so#I might be doing some stuff today but won’t be too much; thanks for the patience! ]#OOC
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Hm, okay. Disappointed.
So I had this fight with my dad and his partner in fucking July.
They shouted at me to shut up because they didn't like my soft pushback/opinion on their slightly homophobic opinion
They haven't apologized or in way contacted me since. My therapist agrees that it's not on me to apologize, that I have nothing to apologize for
In any case, I'm sad about it, obviously. But they've made it pretty clear that they don't care about me or what I have to say
Partner's birthday was the other day and I decided as a show of good faith, I'd send her flowers. Made sure they arrive on the day and all, wrote a card
So usually, I thought, people would at least say thank you for receiving flowers. Right?
So far, nothing.
And they complain about my sister not staying in touch...
#Personal#family troubles#And I'm usually the one texting first#So many instances where they were like ''oh we'll tell you (x) this week'' or ''i'll tell you tomorrow''#And then nothing#Like last year dad said partner wanted to take me to dinner for my birthday and she'll be in touch#I said sure! I'm awaiting her text!#Nothing ever came#Or she wanted to give me an appointment for a service she provides ''i'll tell you tomorrow when I'm free''#I asked after a week of silence#And like#I have ADHD I get it to an extent#But after a certain number of these instances#I can't help but feel unwanted#They also didn't tell me that the cat they cared for that I had grown up with for 17years#Fucking died#Only a week later ''oh I meant to tell you''#And then lamenting that they spent a week going to the vet#Like??? And you never thought to tell me???? When I told you to tell me????#Poor cat must've been scared and feeling alone#And it's just#I'm trying#But I can't#I have my limits too yk#It's only so much until you feel unloved and unwanted#Like a burden#Like a stupid child they're stuck with having to care for#Which they don't
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When I have to bail, does it make people feel better if I tell them how I had to cancel other plans I was excited for?
#my dad just called up and tried to make plans for his birthday tomorrow and i was like#uhhhhhhhhhhh I don't have ANY energy#i feel really crap about it#i did pretty much the same thing to my mum too earlier in the month
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I have finally received $100 of the $300 I was promised as a birthday present from my various grandparents. it is nearly two months late 😭
#I don’t wanna complain bc they’re being very generous#but I planned to use that money for like. my trip last month.#I had to pay that shit off with my normal savings which is fine but it had my bank account looking pretty bad#and I don’t wanna be an ass or seem greedy or what have you!#but $300 is a lot to me rn like that’s huge. and until literally today I had seen none of it#and I’m still missing most of it#like hhhh maybe this makes me seem entitled but I planned shit around that money yknow#and up until last week I was still job searching bc I was not making much money besides that#so when I think I have wiggle room bc I’m taking my fun little trip as my birthday present#and then don’t bc the promised money never comes#it’s stressful. bc money suddenly becomes way more tight than I planned for it to be and my credit card is looking pretty bad#and like I’m glad I’ve gotten some of it now#and my dad says he’ll look into the rest of it from his parents for me bc I told him I felt bad negging them again#but gah. it’s been so long. my credit card is coming due and my next paycheck isn’t for two weeks#thank god I start my new job tomorrow. that’ll help too god knows#maybe it’s good I didn’t get it until now. I think I need to get my brakes done and that’ll be a pretty penny#I can use the money for that#anyway. I should go to bed I gotta get going extra early tomorrow
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christ my mother just cant catch a fucking break and i have no way of helping her kms this is so unfair
#i get it that her brother is normally working and that now he's on vacation but she shouldn't fucking be#the only person taking care of her father especially now that he's ill and with fever#she was the one who took care of their mother and then she took care of her husband and now she's supposed to care for her dad too????#and ive been telling her for YEARS to get a nurse or someone who takes care of the elderly professionally and she never fucking listens#because she's idk feeling guilty or sth and it's her birthday today and im defending my stupid fucking thesis in 6 hours#and now i cant fucking sleep because im too anxious thinking about how i can help her#and i wanted to go to the pride march tomorrow but jesus christ i guess i cant. i guess ill just have to go to toruń and help her#ffs i hate everything about this stupid fucking life this is so unfair why do all those horrible fucking things happen to her#this is ridiculous.#im losing my fucking mind here jesus christ
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