#but no obviously im the fucking problem
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Me: starting to make lunch in the kitchen
Mother: comes in after me and makes it VERY clear that *i* am in the way
Also mother: gets pissed off when i say i'll make my food later
#I WAS THERE FIRST#cCLEARLY GATHERING INGREDIENTS#but no IM the one getting in HER way#for fucks sake its my birthday tomorrow she abandoned me during an asthma attack i had to get her to call me a fucking ambulance for#and today shes fucking aggro bc i was IN *HER* WAY????#and after i fixed her fucking tv EVEN AFTER SHE WOKE ME UP o fixed her fucking app she was having issues with she RUINED the chicken stock#i was trying to fucking make last week AND SHE INVADED THE FUCKING KITCHEN WHILE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE FOOD#but no obviously im the fucking problem#also bought her a fucking mini waggle maker bc she cant eat the big ones i found 4 more kdramas for her to watch AND shes put zero effort il#into my birthday#like i spend the entire year picking presents for her and my dad and my sister and ALL THREE OF THEM COME TO ME FOR THEIR PRESENTS TO EACH#OTHER and she fucking refuses to put any effort into gifts for me#just hands me cash#“its too hard i dont know what you like” even when i fucking made a list of gift cards she could get AT THE FUCKING GROCERY STORE#and we always fucking eat where anybody fucking else in the family wants to eat#nevermind its supposed to be my fucking birthday#anyway turns out im still bitter and angry that my birthday has never been about me#time for my annual Birthday Self Pity to start#at least i organised my own birthday cake this year#so im actually getting what i want#since last year the dessert she made i cant fucking eat#bc im fucking allergic to eggs#and the year before that she wasnt speaking to me so i bought my own present#jokes on her that was my best birthday in decades#bc i actually got to do what i wanted which was fucking nothing#she didnt force us to go out for lunch AND THOUGHT SHE WAS PUNISHING ME#and the year before that i put my fucking foot down and said i wanted fish and chips at home#but she had to choose the fucking fish and chip place and she chose the fucking chinese restaurant so it was shit#i have forced myself to stop caring about my birthday bc it's just retraumatising myself every time i care
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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Do you think Saix' emotional co-dependence started as a Nobody or did it start as human Isa and just grew to an unhealthy degree?
#i like to think it started as a human partially bc that would make the most sense to me#(as xemnas/org xiii likes to use its members established weaknesses against them and saix/isas attatchment to axel/lea would be very easy to#manipulate him)#but also it furthers the parallels between saix' jealousy and rikus arc in kh1#which i think is fun#obviously it wouldnt have been nearly as big a problem back then as it ended up being later on#partially bc isa wouldnt have been manipulated and gaslit so much but also#bc he wouldnt really have any fuel for it like saix got#no super-important super-secret mission they have to do#no forced emotional distance#and the idea of being 'replaced' would have been much more fueled purely by anxiety than any actual possibility of happening#oh and he also would have at least one other friend (subject x)#even if its one he wouldnt be able to talk to all the time#anyway im rambling. saix/isa got fucked up bad and i hope he gets loads of therapy bc god does he need it#isa#saix#lea#axel#leaisa#akusai#it feels kinda wrong to tag their noboy names when its them as a kids#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts birth by sleep#kh#kh bbs#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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WINTER BREAK
much like marriage matches, the stakes are pretty high for getting into the cardinalate. you might be a little on edge if the brother that's been earmarked for the role isn't really jazzed about the whole thing, in addition to trying to convince the pope that it's in his best interest to let this happen.
A Renaissance Court: Milan Under Galeazzo Maria Sforza, Gregory Lubkin
eventually I'm going to get the whole cast of sforza siblings drawn. there's just. a lot of them.
#in true oldest sibling/head of the house fashion galeazzo will continue to bring up ascanio's early clerical life up until he dies lmao#anyway ascanio's got a weird thing going on with fathers. there's that portrait story and also whatever the fuck was up with#ludovico like i get that it was probably his way of going heyyyyy! look at me! i'm just a little guy! i'm not a threat! but it's also very#veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. something#italian renaissance tag#komiks tag#lmao i finally decided to bite the bullet and make a whole separate blog for a future sforza comic like at this point im locked in and#committed to the sforzas.#MOVING BACK TO ASCANIO it's kind of. uh. sometimes i'll read a chapter of the biography and it'll describe something that's#very obviously a major depressive episode and i'm like. man. look at that. you gave a perfectly good would be dynast a major#depression disorder. imagine the problems he would've caused if they had anti depressants back then
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was listening to music while driving, as one does, when my brain, the silly little thing goes:
wouldn’t it be funny if dick grayson killed the joker (who stays dead because he deserves to be) for killing jason and goes through a whole breakdown over whether or not jason would approve of what he did, ultimately deciding that no, jason the happy robin would not be happy with his big brother, no matter how strained their relationship may have been before his death, killing a man out of revenge
cue jason as red hood, pre identify reveal, asking nightwing about what happened to the joker (because of course bruce had it covered up, because in his twisted little mind, a vigilante permanently taking out the mass murderer who is singlehandedly the number one cause of death in gotham would break the gothamites’ trust in them). nightwing admits, because since the joker is dead jason doesn’t have a reason to push the dramatics as much, he’s just fucking with the bats and keeping crime alley safe, and jason has his turn at a breakdown because he just found out someone actually avenged him
emotional reunion. everyone is happy. the end.
#yes it was If I Killed Someone For You by alec benjamin that brought this on#yes i almost made myself cry while i was DRIVING#yes i know it’s unsafe. no my brain doesn’t know that. obviously.#dc fanfiction#dc fanfic prompt#nightwing#dick grayson#jason todd#red hood#the joker dies. fuck him.#i should write that. try my hand at a little angst#but for now it will exist as this silly little prompt and make people suffer on tumblr#both from the story and from the fact that it doesn’t (as far as im aware) exist in fic format#fanfic prompt#music makes my brain go brrr#overactive imagination#its a problem at this point#but lets ignore that
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The fact that after Dr Moumita was brutally raped and killed, yet to recieve a smidge of justice and evidence was even purposely destroyed to deter the investigation, people went to porn sites to search her name and find photos/ videos of her last moments alive. Recently found out this apparently happens everytime a case of someone being sexually assaulted/ killed goes "viral".
The thing is that its not exactly shocking to me, but it still makes my skin crawl. People are out here protesting and trying to get her justice, meanwhile others are doing this.
#also the amount of pure racism coming from this case#i actually have so much to say on it. i know that south asian culture has a fat misogyny problem HOWEVER.#i think the amount of rapes/ crimes against women is so high more because of corrupt government. them being unwilling to pass/ enforce laws-#to protecy women. that also obviously has links to misogynistic culture but that's not an excuse for racism at all.#every single cultire is misogynistic and racist and homophobic ableist etc in some way#like if the laws in the west were the same as the laws in india for example. are we really going to be so naive as to say that because#the culture is different.. we wouldnt have the same/ similar rape statistics??? (or just crime against women stats)#idkkkkkkkkk#again im not diminishing the role that culture plays in it at all. or that south asia needs to fucking work on it CUS WE ABSOLUTELY DO.#im not even indian btw#anyways
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People say "if your biggest problem is people being mean to Paul McCartney on the internet then you must live a charmed life" but actually if your biggest problem is people being mean to Paul McCartney on the internet then you must have way bigger problems you're trying to avoid thinking about and I feel the exact same way and I think everyone needs to be nice to him too
#let me avoid my real problems in peace 😭#passionately defending someone who doesn't give a fuck about you is arguably a pretty healthy coping mechanism im not even kidding#like obviously it's dangerous and self destructive to identify yourself with/have stan feelings for ppl with real power#but if it's just a stupid has been celebrity or really any stupid celebrity then honestly who gives a fuck#this all applies to being a hater too btw that's just significantly more embarrassing for you#op
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i love qsmp because it forces me to like. actually work on my language skills. like so often i find myself watching content in portuguese with spanish translations. so im watching content in the language im trying to learn with subtitles in my second language and i know that my brain is actually working and learning yippie
#do you guys ever think about how fucking cool the qsmp is#and how its united people from all different places who never even would have met in the first place#and not just the content creators themselves. the fans too#i have beloved mutuals whom i never would have crossed paths with without qsmp. because of language barriers and stuff#i just think its so fucking cool.#and like. ive spent years watching english and spanish mcyt content but i never really FELT like part of a community like i do with the qsmp#idfk man im so sick and feeling over emotional#i just think quackity made something so special#and like. obviously this fanbase has some problems and stuff and im not ignoring that i just.#i love my mutuals and its so cool how our mutual love of silly cubitos has created a community like ours#qsmp#sorry im raving and insane im feverish and wretched and have been lying in bed sick all day
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ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him
#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga#but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep#like yeah laios is obviously autistic#and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable#but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him#specifically for his autistic traits#and their bullying is almost always a joke#not a single person defends him#literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him#well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far#maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts#but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well#you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking#but nothing else does#the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh#'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you'#and not a single person defends laios#or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is#like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends'#maybe you could COMMUNICATE.#but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice.#i don't have a problem with the scene.#i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile.#i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios.#dungeon meshi#maybe ppl will start treating him better#i would like to continue reading#but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man
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ah. well. alas, i tested positive for covid today (my second time getting it; 1st time was outdoor college graduation.) send ur boy some positive vibes pls.
#im still masking too but it's been so damn humid my masking has not been... great. ugh. anyway#not to self-blame obviously it's a systemic problem with healthcare and work etc but i wanna do better...#this is really fucking sad! i'm usually the ONLY person masking on public transportation!
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Insane to me that theres this weird consensus that women sleeping with a lot of men are morally less and somehow more promiscuous than men who sleep with a lot of women women because “sleeping with men is easy”. My brother in christ. You’re calling men easy. Literally in the same sentence you’re implying men being the promiscuous gender is what grants women access to sleep with more of them. What is your point here. ??? Am i missing something
#OBVIOUSLY i dont hold these beliefs im just pointing out this ass argument#literally what youre implying is that men will throw themselves at any woman ever#to me that doesnt sound like the womens problem#what i get from this is that men are more promiscuous in nature and less people want to fuck them#literally i feel like this argument was made by manwhores and incels to make themselves feel better
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kiburi x ushari but specifically doomed kiburi x ushari. more than anyone else in the army they believe with full sincerity that scar's plan HAS to work because they can't succeed without him
#they don't even have to be romantic i just think. about them a lot#bc i'm writing my sections abt them in the BFTP essay#i can't express how tragic it is to me how much they had to believe scar would give them what they wanted#kiburi is absolutely an asshole in canon and doesn't have redeeming qualities yes. but consider this#scar knew that he wouldn't give ushari and kiburi what they wanted because ofc he wouldn't. but they didn't know that#i swear to god it's not just ushari who had so much devotion to scar. sure scar scared or pissed off kiburi but#have you noticed how much kiburi brings up scar in like every battle#he puts so much into the belief that scar is the answer. as does ushari#they would turn their backs on EVERYONE if they thought scar could win#which they did#with kiburi helping to double cross janja and ushari not giving a fuck when the skinks sacrified themselves just for the plan#scar's plan was everything to them#and what happened because of it? ushari died#kiburi couldn't give less of a fuck after scar was gone but i have multiple problems with the rushed-ness of the outlanders after that#like kiburi would NOT immediately allow ANOTHER animal to boss him around y'know#sure he said that jasiri wouldn't boss his float around anyway because they'd take care of themselves but#it's just. not my interpretation of his character#kiburi x ushari is canon divergent anyway obviously lmao but. i just think there's angst in them#like im sorry but kiburi would not give up fighting makuu that easy HFHJDJ#he may not have beef with the pridelands specifically because scar isn't making him attack them since he's gone but#he hasn't got what he wants. why would he stop#completely and utterly an au idea but. kiburi wanting to take over the pridelands because their actions led to ushari's death#reptiles deserve better or something like that#oh god i've rambled so much#this is just to get my thoughts out it's not coherent at all but yeah.#there's my doomed yaoi for you /silly#rambling in tags#spinny rambles#kiburi x ushari#< i kinda love them :[
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gonna need all the luck I can get to destroy my brother in mario kart 8 (switch) wii rainbow road time trials
#little side quest my brother and i have is taking turns beating each other in time trials#and rn this mf has a really good time for rainbow road and currently im less than a second behind him#and we are ~7 seconds behind the world record#so really good but obviously not world record good#and i have a fucking excel sheet to keep track of my lap times and adding up all my bests can beat him#the problem is i can't do it all in one run#im so close yet so far RAAAHHHHHHHHHH#apple lady words
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could never understand the ppl that cant pronounce native amer. words bc the town that im from was just . surrounded by dozens upon dozens of cities & towns with misc native amer. names. you guys dont like keokuk? maquoketa? yall dont like the wapsipinicon river????
#how do yall live not be able to pronounce these.#like just how did you survive#like im obviously biased bc. well. its fuckin iowa. but? come on? for real?#thats fucking embarassing for you. like genuinely#anyway. nooo rbs just bc i dont want people to be annoying in my notes.#sorry you cant handle maquoketas swag. NOT my problem.#speaking.mp4
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btw in case you havent seen my twitter this is my "this user still thinks julian casablancas is a shithead" note appended to every post about him in spirit. hes right in some ways and really stupid in others and is either way very annoying
#sophaerostxt#like fucking obviously the two party system is a nightmare but what makes you think you can vote for literally anyone without blood#on your hands#hes so frustrating and somehow naive#also frustrating are the people arguing their case extremely badly and the fact that he only ever replies to those people and not#comments with actual well reasoned arguments#god whydo i want to put this man under a microscope#his fucking high horse about independent media and parties. ur beloved independents arent free from corruption and shitty policies either#but in any case i also want to make it clear here that third party voters arent the biggest problem. the dems clearly cucked themselves#massively to say nothing of the actual literal neo nazis who voted red#sorry to the mutuals who have seen this on twt already several times over i just needed to make it clear here too#im soo sick of thinking about this. and of the twt users dickriding him#some twt users have been fine. others much less so
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To all the people writing fanfiction about bg3 , you REALLY are underestimating how fucking annoying being out in the woods really is
#bg3 fans get shipped out to the fucking river challenge as a writing exercise#bg3#astarions soft shirts and shinny hair my ass#baldur's gate 3#from my posts you can obviously tell im stuggling here#my hair got slightly dry without proper care and im making it tumblrs problem aparently
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