#and to focus less on “is this the right thing/amount to be eating” and more on “am I going to feel full and satisfied”

[stop-stealing-my-username]

I'm bored and it's like 2AM so here's some mid/low effort food, mostly cause I hope it helps someone but also so I can have a list I can reference quickly when I don't know what to cook/get in a slump and can't put much effort into cooking

Broccoli and rice

- Cup of broccoli (or more, I like more)

- Butter (salted or unsalted or margarine, just some kind of oil, whatever you have lying around)

- Some kind of instant rice (I usually use minute rice for rushed meal prep so keep that in mind during the instructions)

- Curry powder

- Boullion cubes

- Optional; garlic powder, onion powder, and parmesan

1) Start making your rice (minute rice usually has a 1:1 ratio of water and rice)

Add curry powder (measure with your heart) and boullion cube to the hot water before the rice (for the cubes I use, one cube = about 2 cups of stock, so I cut them roughly into quarters to adjust when cooking only for myself)

Leave it alone. Seriously leave it alone until you are done cooking do not touch it you don't need to touch it.

2) Cut or rip apart your broccoli into bite sized chunks

3) Heat a pan over medium heat

Melt some butter (again, measure with your heart. Mostly because I genuinely did not and never have measured this; the important thing is making sure you have enough so nothing sticks)

Chuck in your broccoli

Cook until most of the broccoli is crispy and browned

Take off the heat (add garlic powder, onion powder, and parmesan here)

4) Chuck broccoli and rice onto a plate or into a bowl

*Asparagus is really good cooked like this too if you want to add it or sub out some of the broccoli

Tortilla Pizza

- Tortillas (Two large tortillas is what I usually have lying around and is a meal for me, this is surprisingly filling for what it is)

- Pizza sauce

- Grated cheese

- Optional; literally any other topping you have the time and energy to prepare

1) Set oven to 350°F

2) Spread sauce on tortillas; add cheese and any other toppings

3) Bake for about five minutes

*I'd put this on parchment paper and just bake directly on the rack of your oven; idk about you but I don't have a pan that comfortably fits two large tortillas

*Keep an eye on this while it bakes; you may need to go a little longer, but don't let the edges get too brown, tortillas burn easily

Meat and Cheese Board (Grownup lunchables/"Whatever I had in the fridge")

- Block or sliced cheese

- Fruit (Apples and grapes immediately come to mind)

- Jam/jelly/marmalade (World's your oyster; I like fig marmalade and dandelion jelly, they go well with apples and cheddar)

- Crackers

- Deli meat (Turkey/chicken breast slices my go to; even better if you have real turkey/chicken breast leftover from another meal)

- Crackers (Any kind; triscuits, saltines, melba toast, pretzel crackers, crusty bread, whatever)

- Optional; peanut butter, cream cheese

1) Measure ingredients with your heart; what can you/want to eat?

2) Cut fruit and cheese into bite sized pieces

3) Put any jam, jelly, marmalade, or other spreads/dips into bowls (or drop directly on your plate/cutting board for less cleanup)

4) Put everything either on a plate or the cutting board you used

*Yes this is a valid dinner, it does not matter that it's just a bunch of random shit thrown on a plate. It has fruit. It has protein. It has carbs. It has fats. It has things you like. It is both body nourishing and soul nourishing. It is a good dinner.

*Sub out or add things where you see fit. Peanut butter can become almond or soy butter, apples can become pears, add some vegetables, use any kind of cheese you want/have at home, if you have leftover meat from last night use that instead, don't use meat at all; this is my favourite "I don't know what to make" meal because you literally can't fuck it up and best case scenario you only have to wash a knife, a cutting board, and whatever utensils you used to scoop out any jam or peanut butter

Mason jar noodles

- 1L Mason jar

- Rice noodles (I use the ones that are already separated into single serves because I cannot for the life of me accurately measure how much rice noodle one person can eat

- Vegetables (frozen or fresh, whatever you have/can manage today. I like broccoli, baby corn, and peppers)

- Cooked chicken breast, shredded or cut into chunks

- 1 tbs low sodium soy sauce

- 1 tbs sriracha

- Chicken stock cubes

- Minced garlic (maybe like a teaspoon or two? I never measure this)

1) Cut vegetables into bite sized chunks and chuck them into the mason jar (if they're frozen and already bite sized just go ahead and chuck them into the jar. Measure with your heart, only you know how much vegetable you want)

2) Put sriracha, soy sauce, garlic, stock cube, and chicken into the jar and mix everything around. Rest rice noodles on top (as mentioned before, my stock cubes would make a lot more chicken broth than I need; I usually cut them in half but it usually ends up being a little too much)

3) Close up the jar, store in fridge until ready to eat. When it's food time, pour in enough hot water to cover the noodles (I eat straight out of the jar with chopsticks but it's a lot easier to pour them into a bowl if you can

*Bring your jar to room temperature before eating; I am begging you to not subject your glass jar to thermal shock and end up with glass in your hands

*Disclaimer that I heard this one from a dietician on YouTube (Nutrition By Kylie), and that this was intended to be meal prep and eaten at a later time, but nobody stops me from just chucking everything into a bowl and eating it then and there so nobody is going to stop you (maybe take some time on a good day/a day you aren't busy and prep a few of these ahead of time so that you can just pour boiling water into a jar and you have food ready to go on days you just can't cook for one reason or another)

Chicken Wraps

- Chicken strips (or nuggets, or chicken burgers, or leftover chicken breast; any chicken that you don't have to do much with, I just like crispy chicken so that's what I wrote)

- Tortillas

- Lettuce

- Sauce of choice (I like caesar or ranch)

- Shredded cheese

- Optional; bacon and tomato

1) Cook chicken strips according to directions (or cut/shred and reheat chicken breast)

2) Tear or cut lettuce into shreds (or just use the whole leaf, I don't bother cutting it half the time)

3) Put everything on a tortilla; roll it up

*Obviously not the end-all-be-all of chicken wrap possibilities, change whatever you want about it, this is just a reminder that you can do something ~different~ with and add to your chicken strips if you're getting sick of them

Yogurt (Hey, sometimes the simple stuff escapes us when we're overwhelmed)

- Cup of vanilla greek yogurt (or whatever you have lying around, my family just always has greek yogurt and it has a decent protein content)

- Berries (blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries don't need to be cut; strawberries don't *need* to be cut but I'd suggest it if they're a decent size)

- Granola (crush up a crunchy granola bar if you really want to)

- Optional; honey, dandelion jelly, some kind of jam, etc.

1) Put yogurt in a bowl

2) Sprinkle on granola

3) Throw berries and optional honey/dandelion jelly/jam on top

*I use enough granola to make a layer on top of my yogurt but I also love granola a little too much to be normal; one serving for most store bought granola is roughly 1/4 cup

*I cover about half of my bowl with fruit

*Home made granola is also 1000x better than store bought and if you have not made your own before please try it at least once

Ready Made Food

*Also a perfectly valid thing

*They aren't the best nutritionally but the important thing is that you are eating

*If all you can do today is put pizza pockets in the microwave or open a lunchable, you are still eating and that is good

*Focus on eating consistently first we can worry about nutrition later

*Do not feel bad over canned ravioli

[help-itrappedmyself]

Danny Punches a Clown Part 6

Masterpost

Danny, after many promises and assurances, lets Red Robin take him to the batcave. They travel by car, and as fancy as it was, Danny was almost scared to touch anything inside it. Red was a much better driver than his father though, so he just closed his eyes and focused on trying to keep his healing up.

The Batcave turned out to be an actual cave, underground, with actual bats in it. He was whisked to a medical area too quickly to see much of anything else besides some other vehicles and a giant computer set up. 

Someone was waiting in the medical space with a tray of tools and bandages ready next to the bed, Red introduced him as Agent A. They were quick to lie him down on a cot and set him up to a heart monitor and that had Red and the A frowning immediately.

“It’s a medical condition.” Danny blurted, and both pairs of eyes shot to him. “My heartrate is naturally very slow, temperature runs cold, pale skin, slow circulation so I can't have a lot of different medications." Not that any medications would really work, but better safe than sorry. Them not working would be suspicious, and Danny does not have the energy or focus for trying to keep straight any real explanations right now.  "It’s fine, I promise.”

Agent A nodded slowly. “Is there anything else we should know before we start treatment?”

“Just can't give me any medicines, I think that's the only relevant bit.”

“Alright, I will keep that in mind. Please lift your shirt so I can see the wound.”

Danny does, and they manage their expressions quite well on seeing it. Agent A goes immediately for creams and bandages.

“What burned you like that?” Red asked.

“Gun.” Danny was starting to slur. He did not want to sleep right now, with these people here.

“A gun? What kind of gun causes burns?”

“New blaster, parents made it special.”

“Your parents make guns?”

Danny shrugs, turning his head to look at Red instead of the far off ceiling of the cave. “My parents make lots of things. They're scientists, inventors." Danny waves his arm around vaguely. "The gun was new though, hadn’t been shot with that one before. The earlier versions were much less powerful.”

“Are you saying that your parents are the ones that shot you?” Red asked gently, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. “It wasn’t just their gun that was used?”

Danny frowns. “Well yeah.”

Tim is very concerned at the tone he just used, like getting shot at by your parents was normal. “Do they shoot at you a lot?”

“Fair amount I suppose.” Red could see Danny thinking really hard about something. Dany’s head was really starting to hurt. His brain was fuzzy and he knew he should be concerned about something, but couldn’t figure out what. His parents shooting at him was nothing new, considering. “Like, they did it more than Vlad but I don’t see him as often, and they’ve done it longer than the GIW, but since the GIW has started they’ve been about equal I guess. I mean, sometimes all the defense systems in the house target me but that wasn’t technically intentional. Took forever for us to figure out how to get them to stop that.”

“Danny, when was the last time you slept?” Red asked gently.

Danny wasn’t sure if his blip earlier this morning counted. He didn’t think it lasted more than an hour, but the last time he slept before that was before his fight in Amity, escaping through the ghost zone and running around in this dimension.

“It’s been awhile.” Danny landed on. True enough for medical history he supposed.

“Right.” A finished the last of the bandages and tugged Danny’s shirt back down. “Well, why don’t you do that now, while we go and find you something to eat.”

“I’m too tired to fight food right now.”

Tim shared a look with Alfred before turning back to Danny. “Okay then. Maybe sleep first and then eat?”

“I will go start making something now that you’re all set up here Mister Danny.” Agent A states, walking past the medical curtains and shutting them behind him. Red pulled out a tablet and started tapping on it. He noticed Danny’s eyes on him after a moment.

“You going to sleep?”

“Strange place, strange people. Not sure that’s the best decision here.”

Red looked up from his tablet.

“You trusted me enough to come here. Trust me enough to sleep. I will make sure no one but me or A comes in before you’re ready.”

[weaselle]

RECOVERY

I spent a lot of my life depressed without admitting it to myself and then i spent a year so depressed i could hardly make myself do the bare minimum to keep my body alive, and now it's about 3 years since i got up from that lowest point and while i am still struggling with myself things are objectively a lot better.

and i just want to put a couple things i've learned, both to remind myself of how far i've come, and in case any of what i've experienced helps anyone else.

You can't run from the darkness

When you're super depressed it's easy to focus on how much you don't want to be depressed. When everything is darkness you tend to wish you could escape that darkness.

but you can't. The darkness is all around you. You can't run away from it without running deeper into it.

instead, follow the light.

don't think of it as escaping depression, think of it as seeking joy. Don't run away from the darkness, walk toward any lights you can see.

At first it will be very small things. The taste of a food. The way your favorite color looks. A smell you like. For me one of the first things i could find to remind me of joy was the way a warm shower feels.

I would just stand in the shower and lean into the tiny, tiny joy of that feeling. I would describe it to myself, how it felt good, what about it felt good. It didn't cure me, it didn't make me less depressed, but it was a little point of joy to focus on, to breathe into like a tiny candle flame in my darkness.

I would memorize that feeling, so that later, when i felt like nothing ever brought me joy anymore, i could think, no, that's your depression lying to you, you felt joy, however small, right there in the shower just yesterday. And, maybe there is more somewhere else.

Even today, it's been a hard week, i'm feeling a lot of hopeless and helpless feelings clamoring away at me, but... i have spicy soup. And spicy soup is a NEW joy. I found spicy soup joy as i was following any little light i could out of the deepest part of my depression.

I never put hot sauce in soup before then. But today i am drinking the broth of a very spicy soup and as much as everything else is complicated and difficult and scary and dark, there is a bright mote of joy in this sip of spicy soup. And in the next one. And the next. I enjoy it, i love it, all the more that it is new, and if i had given up four years ago, i never would have known this small joy, this new favorite tiny thing.

Who knows what other little joys i may find?

If you have come to a place in life where you have lost the knowledge of how to feel joy, it is important to remember that feeling joy is like anything else in life. The more you practice, the better you get, the more of it you can do at higher levels.

And there are only so many minutes in the day. The more of them you spend acknowledging what feels good, the less of them will be left for feeling bad.

you can't escape the darkness by fleeing from it, but you can find the light by moving toward it.

Chop Wood Fetch Water

Another thing i learned was a truth about the exercise advice you always hear.

For where i am in my recovery now, common exercise has very little impact. I don't really get the endorphins people talk about, and i don't tend to feel better about myself after i work out unless i already feel pretty okay about myself to begin with. i don't mean to say there is no point in me exercising, but, i walk about ten miles a day holding onto 8 energetic dogs and i do a fair amount of lifting and bending and stuff for my job, and it's fine but it's not, like, doing a whole lot for me at this point in my recovery (tho i do think more recreational exercise will come back into play a stage or two on in my healing process)

HOWEVER

There was a year there where i was only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. When i was only able to force myself to eat just enough each day to stay alive because i'd made a promise to myself, and that promise was almost all i had left.

and the right kind of exercise is what pulled me out of that.

the RIGHT kind.

See, someone close to me needed help with a physical job. That was an important part and why this method is known historically as some variation of Chop Wood Carry Water -- it's intensely physical, which is important, but also, it helps the people around you. These days our personal communities tend to not need wood copped and water carried the same way. But you can get the same effect helping someone move all their furniture, doing all the yard work for your friends and/or family, volunteering for a charity that builds housing for homeless people, SOMEthing physically taxing that helps people.

In my case, my aging father needed help re-shingling the roof. So i promised i'd help.

So i got up every morning because he was expecting me. And i climbed the ladder because he would see me if i didn't. And i lifted and carried and hammered and worked hard. It took a week of six to eight hour days.

Right away, the fact that it was helping someone else made it not matter so much that it didn't feel like it was helping me at first. I couldn't deny that i was doing something good, that my existence had positive meaning, however small.

But very soon, it changed something fundamental in my state of depression. You can't do physical labor in the sun 7 hours a day without drinking a bunch of water. Without working up an appetite. Without getting very tired at the end of the day.

See, i had been struggling to make myself drink enough water, i was fighting to make myself eat even one small meal's worth of food each day, and i couldn't get a good night's sleep to save my life. And these things all made my depression much much worse. You think you get sad or angry from skipping a meal, consider being chronically undernourished. You think your mental state is worse after pulling an all nighter, think about what never getting a good night's sleep does.

But a couple days into this job with my father, and suddenly i was hydrated, i was eating full meals, and i was sleeping soundly at night.

THAT is what pulled me out of that deepest part of my depression.

So in a way, it was exercise that saved me. But not how people often say "have you tried exercising?" More like pushing myself physically to the point that my body demanded the things that previously i couldn't get it to want for itself.

Instead of forcing myself to eat i was craving food. Instead of staying up to all hours and then tossing and turning, i was physically exhausted and slept early and hard. (and, weirdly, being physically exhausted was somehow a relief from being emotionally/mentally exhausted)

Lastly

Healing often isn't noticeable while you're doing it

"healing is a process" is something you hear a lot, but i think it's more helpful to say something like

"Healing is like growing your hair out from short to long. You can look in the mirror every day and not notice it happening. And even when you can tell for sure it's longer than it was, you still can't really do anything with it, and it may seem pointless. But then one day you can tie it back in a ponytail and you realize how much it's grown and how many options are open to you now and you're really glad you stuck with it"

Now excuse me while i go meditate on the joys of my remaining spicy soup.

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆

organization: i know it's the most trivial advice in the world, but i swear it works. before doing anything, i take my planner and review everything i have to do, i divide the study by subject, amount of things to study and review spaces for exams. realistically, you can't expect to do it all in one day, but a good plan could almost allow you to sleep at night!

a clean workspace: i can't fucking concentrate if there's a mess aroud me, i get distracted easily, even by dust, so before i start studying i always deep-clean my desk. i know that not everyone can afford a personal and quiet place to study in their houses, so try to find yourself a small angle where you can really focus.

go to study in a library / café: i didn't believe it at first, but it's actually useful. if you have the opportunity to go to a library or a café after school ( or near your house ) do so. being surrounded by people who are studying like you really helps to focus, you'll be less inclined to get distracted and procastinate. i would feel uncomfortable using my phone in a library with other people who are doing their work while i'm sitting there scrolling on tumblr.

breaks: ik ik, not very blair waldrof, hermione granger, spencer hastings, rory gilmore of me, isn't it? but is it worth it. sometimes i end up having really bad headaches from studying and, even if i keep studying, the quality of my work decreases significantly. breaks are fundamental. i would not recommend using social networks for your beak, because they litteraly drain your attention, rather do your skincare, prepare yourself a snack ( eating is important! it's what makes you focus ), read 10 pages of your book, dance a little bit in your room, do stretching, go outside and buy some mint chewingum, something like that.

EAT!: girls, boys and theys, we know. i honestly think that almost every person that craves academic validation ends up developing a sort of eating disorder. it's not even the food, is the fact that you are too busy studying that you forget to eat, ignoring stomach cramps, or the fact that you didn't get that answer right and now you don't feel like you deserve the lunch. i understand bc i AM like this, like you. but think about it: you need to do it in order to survive ( but this is secondary to the grades, right? ) and to keep your brain active. you can't walk around with blurred vision because you haven't eaten or drunk for fourteen continuous hours. i swear that eating like a normal human being helps you to keep going.

sleep: same thing as eating, but with our terrible sleeping schedules. i know that school is toxic so we end up finishing our homeworks at 2 am everyday ( if we're lucky ) but when you have the chance, take a nap and recover.

repeat things as if you were explaining them to someone: this is litterally the fastest way ever to learn fundamental concepts when you're studying. imagine that you're talking to a friend that doesn't know anything about the subject that you're studying and try to explain the topic to them. finding simple words for a difficult topic will help you understand it thoroughly, on this basis you can then build an articulated and more academic speech. repeat things out loud, doesn't matter if you look crazy, you already are <3

check and organize your notes the same day: i never have time to take proper notes in class, so i review them as soon as possible, with the lesson still fresh in mind. it really helps me understand the subject and makes the further study much easier.

watch youtube videos: youtube is my favourite class. sometimes teachers are dumber than students and you, who don't have a degree in that subject and are tackling a topic for the first time, don't understand a damn thing. ofc not!! sometimes professors are terrible at explaining stuff, but fazal from pakistan isn't. i passed my physics class with a 10/10 thanks to an indian guy on youtube. documentaries and yt videos are a simple and nice way to understand better topics and do insights for extra credits.

delete social media: i'm gonna do another post specifically for this.

"STUDY!" wallpaper: last but not least, the dumbest yet the smartest advice, set as lockscreen a white / black / whatever background with a big fat "STUDY!" written on it. everytime you're about to pick up your phone and procastinate the wallpaper will scold you.

hope this was useful or at least fun to read byee

[vampiriccreature]

Dmc 3 Dantes design is AMAZING in a storytelling aspect but does NOT work outside of dmc3 AND I’M SICK OF SEEING IT USED IN CROSSOVER MEDIAS !!!!!!

Long ass yap under cut

Dante has always been one for over the top outfits and designs. In the dmc1 novel one of the first sentences is talking about how Dante is flamboyant. At the end of dmc3 we see he has his dmc1 outfit on with all the layers and vest and everything. NOT shirtless.

At the start of dmc3 bro was getting out of the shower, like you hear the water and the shower faucet. You see the water droplets and steam coming off of Dante. And when he answers the phone he says the shop isn’t open yet. Dude was having a lazy day.

Dante did not have time to put on a shirt, he wasn’t planning on going out anywhere or doing anything, he was just eating pizza and chilling. I see SO MANY people (including cannon media like the dmc3 manga) just assume he regularly does not wear a shirt…. like he does! he just didn’t have time to put one on before Arkhams bitchass showed up with his demons.

Don’t even get me started on those pants…. light brown has never been a part of Dante’s color scheme so light brown pants definitely seem weird right? Also he had no belt despite clearly needing one.

Like look at this render, you can see how far his hip is from his pants. He probably just threw on some old pair without thinking about it. And with no belt too, every other version of Dante has at LEAST one belt. So seeing Dante in light brown pants, alone with no belt is definitely strange.

Yet it WORKS SO WELL for the overall design in 3. Reducing the amount of black in his color scheme to better focus on the red and establish him as a much lighter character compared to Vergil ties in perfectly with the dark reflection trope Vergil and Dante play into.

The most iconic thing about Dantes design has always been that red coat. No argument there. So taking away the rest of Dantes more extravagant parts of his design to better focus on the coat is perfect especially for dmc3. Another thing that ties back into the dark reflection trope of Dantes and Vergil is that cutting down on Dantes design makes Vergil and Dantes personalities reflect in their designs so much more. Vergil is very well kept, with a much more complicated outfit and slicked back hair. So Dante being the opposite of that with a lack of shirt, pants that don’t match, no belt, etc. (while still being flamboyant with that red coat) shows their differences in maturity.

You look at this guy and you KNOW he put so much time and effort into his look. He exudes elegance and effort. Meanwhile Dante’s just thrown on a coat and called it a day.

My point is. This design is great for the storytelling aspect of dmc3 as well as the symbolism and metaphors in dmc3. However, we know Dante doesn’t usually dress like this. He wears shirts. So I get personally annoyed when I see Dante portrayed as that one dude who never wears a shirt. I head cannon that around the shop when he has nothing planned he won’t wear a shirt (saves money on the water bill cuz less laundry) but if he plans to go out or have the shop open or whatever, he’s putting on the full fit. Shirt, belt, coat, and plenty of other accessories.

Also here’s the second paragraph from the dmc1 novel cuz I just love how he’s described not only as flamboyant but also adorned with a lot of jewelry:

[is-this-yuri]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[audhd-space]

Hi. Do you have any tips on how to be productive and how to stick to a routine? I create routines but can barely stick to them, and it's stressful trying to stay on top of schoolwork and other extracurricular activities. Thanks!

Hello, been away to focus on my health.

I’ll try to keep it simple: so a lot of the times people with ADHD fail to stick to routine or have difficulty forming habits is mostly due to our object impermanence.

So taking account object impermanence when forming a routine means :

1. Creating ADHD friendly space at home.

• some people with ADHD have struggles with teeth cleaning / brushing teeth, so what you can do is place it near your bed

• some people with ADHD have problems with misplacing items, so what you need is not to be more vigilant, BUT YOU NEED VISUAL CUES, and place the items where it is EASY TO SEE AND REACH. If putting it in the middle of hallway is easy for you to take it every morning (even if it is odd place), then that’s the routine that works for you!

• same as eating, if you have problems forgetting to eat, having a few snacks/ready to eat food placed in front of you will reduce the amount of energy/spoon you need to take in order to get food.

• some adjustment I made to make my home ADHD-friendly is to have a lot of label stickers (at door, at switches, at kitchen). I also switched to transparent container so my items can be seen and easily found.

2. Your body already has its own routine, you just need to tune in and listen to it.

• What is automatic for you? Observe your one week and track the pattern. What is the best task you have ever completed and why is it so engaging? This is not going to be straightforward, but it shouldn’t be because everyone is different and unique.

• If you have ever felt guilty for playing games while eating, then that’s also how your ADHD brain trying to keep you engaged and focus doing your routine (eating).

• same as if you need to do your homework while watching a documentary or listening to podcast, sometimes adding more distractions can help people with ADHD concentrate better.

• if your body relies and thrives on novelty, then you have to find ways to keep improvising your daily tasks. Don’t feel bad for not being able to stick to routine, you probably thrive more from sticking to your routine from variety of places or working with different people.

3. Always gamify your task and keep it fun.

• this is how I try to keep daily tasks and routine less daunting.

• it sounds weird but do your routine/daily task with the craziest approach you have right now.

• just like in games, it works better if you have a buddy or enemy you need to squash in order to tackle the tasks!

Most important lesson, for me with ADHD, is ACCEPTING THAT I HAVE AN EVER CHANGING ROUTINE.

It is part of how I move, it is part of how I get things done.

[mantisgodsdomain]

Falling victim to madness in the Chilaios Discord part one (with a link to the post mentioned at the end). Part 2 linked here (note: slightly more nsfw text). Transcript below cut.

A Discord conversation between three discord users - us, nicknamed Speculative Vore Cookbook, Cup of Chilaios Soup, and Oh Kay! (wormlette).

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Experiencing the impulse to rewrite the changeling chapters for fun and profit. Do you think that considering that half-foots apparently see dwarves as Extremely Attractive Laios sparks some kind of Thing in Chilchuck as a dwarf

Cup of Chilaios soup: GRABS YOU PLEASE CONTINUE

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Listen considering Us there will be spec bio about this but. Listen. Since we've been doing the species as "uncanny-valley-type not quite Like You" for the most part with just a little bit of increased compatibility within "families". Do you think that it would be fun if he can suddenly see all of Laios's features in this new light of this particular species. Where all of the tallman features abruptly come into focus in a format far more recognizable and all of a sudden he can draw some Very Certain Lines to someone who is abruptly several times more recognizably attractive rather than, like, would be very attractive if it weren't for the subtle distortion of species.

Cup of Chilaios soup: my third eye has opened

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Do you think being a tallman himself would help with that? An abrupt distortion of the brain. Do you think he would be able to draw back those memories to abruptly have the uncanny-valley barrier splinter under the force of, y'know, he knows precisely what that translates to, and with the added perspective it seems much less alien, and much more "for the love of god he's not supposed to be getting crushes on the job"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We need to make elves Weirder for this also. They're like the only race on the chart right now that Doesn't have a close-relation group where things like attraction translate more easily we need to make them more fucked up Absently rotating the idea of dwarves having an excellent sense of smell compared to their other close relatives both for enhancing their appreciation for Good Food (a surprising amount of taste is tied up in your sense of smell) and for underground navigation & communication And Laios will absolutely be Weird About It

Cup of Chilaios soup: Laios: wow Chilchuck why do you smell so breedable (gets crushed by a rock)

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Walks up to Chilchuck and starts sniffing him unprompted so he can deliver a food-critic review of his scent Breedable waits for whenever we actually get ourself to do sex pollen heatfic and can also do cool spec bio stuff but like with reproductive cycles Still rotating the idea of making DM tallmen Weirder. We already know they're taller than IRL humans we need to add like some extra fuckshit in there We've got to do the speculative biology first you see. Make it more fucked up. We've already set it up so they're fairly closely related to orcs we might as well add some fantasy bullshit in there.

Cup of Chilaios soup: Tallmen have slower metabolisms maybe? And they need to at A Lot to support their mass? You are so correct eat A Lot*

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to initial message): wait hold on holy fuck man.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: So far what we have for them as their Thing They're Known for is like. Endurance. Tallmen Specifically are known to be able to walk for hours without growing too tired. Not quite as strong as orcs or ogres, of course, but they're tall enough that they practically eat up ground with every stride, and they just don't stop moving.

Cup of Chilaios soup: passing the braincell around like it's a joint KINGS OF TIRING THEIR PREY OUT

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Orcs and ogres are ofc known for their brutal strength, which is Significantly Less Pronounced in humans - but all that strength burns energy, and they'll tire out far faster. Humans just keep going, far beyond what they really should be capable of.

Cup of Chilaios soup: guys who will climb a fcking mountain and be like ":D wanna walk back to town on foot"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that the Big Thing People Know for elves would be their magic but we think that the magic thing is less about being naturally predisposed to it or whatever and more on the fact that enough of their society circles around it that pretty much any elf you meet's been deliberately raised to cultivate their magic, We think that their actual primary feature, like, physically, would be like. We're basing them on ungulates, right? Elves have long, willowy limbs, especially compared to their bodies. Look very graceful as adults who have had centuries of experience walking around and like wretched ganglebeasts at any point when they haven't gotten the hang of it yet. ABSURDLY fast in a sprint, because those long-ass legs are useful for Something, and that Something is being on runnable stilts. Not much stamina, though. (we are returning to this because we are fond of Marcille and we want her to be, like, Weird but in a way where they pass it off as Normal Elf Weird until the Changeling Thing happens and they have to cope with the fact that actually, elves are way weirder, and Marcille is weird in how close she is to other races as opposed to. Uhh. That Fucking Setup

Speculative Vore Cookbook (replying to Cup of Chilaios soup": "guys who will climb a fcking mountain"): Tallmen will climb a mountain carrying equipment on their back and need like a thirty minute breather tops before they're back up and at it like "okay now time to go down the other side" We think it's fun if it's a thing like the half-foot/dwarf/gnome cluster's enhanced senses, where the Absurd Stamina is part of what their other close relations have going for them, but whereas orcs and ogres have it to a Reasonable degree, Tallmen specialize really hard into doing this One Thing and get it in spades. Much like how half-foots spent all of their stat points in their ridiculously sensitive senses, to the detriment of things like strength and durability, tallmen have stupid amounts of stamina. Don't have to be as strong as your close relatives when you can simply outlast them!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to Speculative Vore Cookbook "returning to this because we are fond of Marcille): really like learning abt elf weirdness in the context of marcille, specifically as a half elf. really liked how that reveal was handled, since fionil is also a half-elf i didnt notice for a LONG time that she was perhaps different than other elves. i really like that!!! tall-men just have a lot of stamina. basically canon re: how much shit laios carries around. particularly in a good dog RIP they're like. alaskan mal specced. they just keep going and going forever

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that her, like, subtly softer features and such get Very Fun especially with the potential familiarity aspect vs what full elves have going on if we go full weird on elves because we fucking love how Absolutely Fucked ungulate anatomy is and it scratches a little itch in the back of our brain to let the Graceful Forest People overlap with, like. You Know The Specific Flavor Of Creepypasta Beast

Oh Kay! (wormlette): ^forever comparing everything to dog breeds

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We casually mention that Falin's wrist bones are shorter than elf wrist bones in Drain Your Well Dry and we really need to elaborate on that some day Marcille is like the shetland pony of elves in that she's got like WAY more just… bulk, compared to an elf that's normally like 98% gangle 2% meat And she's still, like, insanely boney compared to human standards. We like to think she has the build of a greyhound. Insanely long for no reason.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "casually mentioned Falin's wrist bones are shorter): I NOTICED!!! I LUV THAT… marcille studying ennervation and everything… it kills me… i always thought of her as so carefree looking in her little spellbook and walking around and now im haunted by like. how much of it was her studying human anatomy for what she feared was inevitable!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "like to think she has the build of a greyhound"): oh yeaaaag sighthound build would be GOOD for elves.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: But she still looks… More Similar To Other Races, y'know. You can see the similarities to her and other races and it makes it a tiny bit easier to slowly feel more at ease around her. Elves are weird and you don't see them often, but y'know, you've been around This One Elf long enough to start picking up on stuff, y'know? She's not that different from you, when it comes down to it, and sure she's a bit childish but that's probably normal for longer-lived races who're in the first halves of their lives, honestly. Aging slower and all. You can draw the lines if you pay enough attention, you've spent enough time socializing with other species that you can figure out the basic key, and though there are some things in there that really throw you off, as with any other race, it's not like you're handling an entirely new skull structure like with kobolds, right? It's readable, with enough time. Similar enough to tallmen that you can use your experience there and then fill in the gaps. And then you meet full-blooded elves when the Canaries come knocking and these guys are WAY more offputting than you thought actually. What the fuck is up with them? What the hell?

Cup of Chilaios soup: They have the reflective deer eyes from those horror edits

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Putting elves as a weird isolated branch in the humanoid evolution tree was a galaxy brain decision for us tbh. Their whole Weird Superiority Thing very much gets worse when they're the only people who don't have close relatives they can reference from. The other long-lived races seem to mingle FAR easier than them, and though we know it's The Attitude and such, it's fun to make them just… offputting.

Oh Kay! (wormlette): your miiiind

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "not like reading an entirely new skull structure like kobolds): btw dont you love the thingie about kobolds having a vocal chord structure that doesnt realy support them speaking common. so no matter how smart they are they seem "animalistic" to humans. i love that a lot it's like. hmm. i really like when it's not body horror by itself but put into a societal context, it BECOMES horrifying. u know? it would be fine. except the dehumanization it leads to

Speculative Vore Cookbook: YESSSS it slaps so hard. We think that there should be more bonus subtle differences with just random other races we think it's SO fun when biology fucks you over just as firmly as society.

Cup of Chilaios soup: SO TRUE KAY Rotating all these thoughts in my mind

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's not that something is wrong with you. It's that you weren't built for this world the same way that everyone else was.

Cup of Chilaios soup: The parallels,,,,, the themes,,,,, Biting my leg

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Anyways do you think that part of the reason Kabru is so Like That is because he went from normal human body language to a bunch of elves with the same general bauplan but next to no shared body language vocabulary, Do you think he had to like manually learn how elves express social emotions with a race so isolated that they're probably developing whole separate methods of socialization completely divorced from anything the short-lived races even do and then had to relearn how to act like a Human when he went back into the world.

Cup of Chilaios soup: OH MY GOD Also sorry but Idk how far some of the peeps reading the manga are, perhaps it would be nice to spoiler the Kabru thing:0 BUT I AGREE THIS IS SCRATCHING MY BRAIN KABRU MY BELOVED THIS HEADCANON IS SUCH GOOD BRAIN FOOD

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We love making fantasy races like just a little bit more fucked up

Cup of Chilaios soup: As you should!!!!!!!

Speculative Vore Cookbook: TBH it widens the gap between species if they're, like, similar enough that you think you Should be able to interpret the signals they're giving off because they look Just Similar Enough that they should emote and socialize and such like you, right? But the similarity is, as they say, mostly just skin-deep, because it does so much more to widen cultural differences when the cultures also work on different biology. Anyways we think half-foot communities should be really dense in population because they descended from an ancestor with the Meerkat Strategy of having a fuckton of people with very sharp senses all looking out for the same colony in such a way where there's always at least one person awake to raise the alarm and we think it's fun if half-foots are set up for a significantly more tactile & densely-populated community than most other species.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "part of the reason Kabru is so Like That): I DO. I DO THINK THAT. DO YOU THINK THAT tallman socialization feels so coarse and simple and easy-to-read by comparison.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's cool & fun if Chilchuck has to deliberately avoid almost all forms of touch to avoid being demeaned and seen as Lesser And Childish while also being wired to have like minimum five hours of skin contact with colony members per day tbh. Touch starve that man in ways that are difficult to understand for his party that he will actively have to muffle if he wants to be taken Seriously because most other races see it as Childish to cling

Speculative Vore Cookbook (quoting Oh Kay "I DO THINK THAT"): YES and we think it's very fun if him having to manually relearn tallman socialization also makes it so he finds it easier to interpret other races because he already has to like work out what Everyone's thinking from a pre-prepped body language dictionary and it's just so much easier to interpret when he doesn't have to re-invent the wheel every time

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "childish to cling": @_@ im so FUCKING normal

Speculative Vore Cookbook: :333 The changeling chapter constantly lives rent-free in our brain we think it's fun if like anyone who gets half-footed starts experiencing the intense skin hunger cravings like less than an hour in and have no idea what the Fuck it is because they've never lived in a body made to be that Social before and Chilchuck has to like take over to offer a bit of touch even if it's undignified since. Y'know. He knows how it feels. No reason to subject them to that, even if it's gonna cost a bit of dignity. It'll cost them more dignity if they start freaking out over it. It's efficient :333 Dealing with senses cranked up so high that you can tell when someone's moving around clear on the other side of the building probably makes it a whole lot harder to handle even More stimuli in a normal and dignified manner Something something we're grabbing a cool post we made

[klausysworld]

Heyy I love your work I was wondering if you could do a klaus one we’re the reader is a bit chubby and all of a sudden she started wearing long sleeve and oversized stuff and nobody rlly noticed until they had a party or smth and she wears a dress and when they see here there all rlly shocked cause they didn’t notice how she a lot or weight in like a span of 2-4 weeks and she hasn’t eaten for like 2 days before the party

This one-shot will contain triggering content around eating disorders including both anorexia and bulimia. Please don’t read this is you feel it may upset you or harm you mental health. I’ve had personal issues around this area and know it can be hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍

Too much or Not enough?

Y/n had struggled with weight as a child, and as a teenager. As a result she had a difficult relationship with food and clothes.

She was naturally a little curvier, but what some people saw as gorgeous another saw as an opportunity to poke fun. And so she grew up hating herself and those around her who would highlight her insecurities.

As she grew out of adolescence and into adulthood she lost a little weight. She went to the gym excessively and ate barely anything. It was unhealthy but in her eyes it was her best option.

She still had her curves but they were complimented more than they were judged but even when people said ‘good’ things about her body, she just saw it at mocking. She would have kept losing the weight but she ended up passing out at the gym and having the paramedics called. They told her she needed to keep a balanced diet and take care of herself and as much as she didn’t want to, the fear of being that embarrassed again haunted her.

So she ate some what regularly for a while but ended up with two fingers down her throat to get it all back out.

She would have carried on that way if it weren’t for the Mikaelsons.

She had ended up being wrapped into the supernatural world and suddenly there were so many other problems in her life that food was almost forgotten.

Between a temperamental pregnant Hayley, overly dramatic Rebekah, pissed off Elijah, furious Marcel, war raging Klaus, power-hungry witches, territorial werewolves and bloodthirsty vampires, Y/n didn’t have much time to focus on herself. Especially not after Hope was born.

The stress seemed to make her hungrier, she would go days without any food and then eating as much as she could to ‘keep herself going’.

She didn’t really realise she had put her weight back on, she assumed running around after everyone would have been enough exercise.

And when Klaus had shown interest in her, when he had kissed her and laid her heart out on his sleeve well she assumed she must have looked good. Someone like him wouldn’t go for who she used to be, right?

And so she gained a small amount of confidence until the supernatural communities began to calm down and it seemed people were more attentive.

Y/n was able to go out more, whether it was with Hayley, Rebekah, Davina or just by herself. And that’s how it circled back.

One or two comments on her figure from men made her wear baggier clothes. An awkward moment with Hayley and Rebekah when the girls went shopping and Rebekah unintentionally made a quip on y/n’s size. Apparently a dress that looked good on Hayley wouldn’t be nice on ‘someone like Y/n’. She had brushed it off and told Rebekah it was fine when the blonde began apologising but inside it was anything but fine.

Even if she hadn’t had any malicious intent or meant it in any offence, it tore up old wounds and brought back something much deeper rooted.

And then when things started to kick off again and Klaus payed y/n less and less attention or affection, she assumed it was because she was no longer attractive to him. Had she gained that much?

So she did what she knew would work.

She forced herself to the gym as often as she could for as long as she could. Drank as much water that was available to her and ate the bare minimum to keep her conscious. Throw up anyway meal that she did happen to consume and have a packet of gum handy incase she got too hungry.

It was even easier to do once Hope was around more, Y/n was often asked to look after the baby while the rest of them took on the new foes and unexpected family members.

When Klaus, Elijah and Marcel had announced there would be a party to celebrate the defeat of a common enemy, Y/n began to worry. The last time she had to dress of for one of those things she was much bigger than she had thought. Looking back on pictures of that evening persuaded her to gag and cough up to the point where she was only throwing up water and blood form how she had torn her throat inside.

Even Hope could sense the change in Y/n’s behaviour when she looked after her. But nobody else did, everyone was too busy to realise.

Klaus had barely looked at her let alone touched her to realise that she had done down 2 clothing sizes and yet was wearing t-shirts triple the size they would need to be. None of the girls payed enough attention to see the bags under Y/n’s eyes or to notice her absence each morning when she would struggle on a treadmill for hours on end. Only Hope, someone who wasn’t even a year old, would give Y/n the hug she so desperately needed.

———————————————————————

It was the day do the party, Y/n stared aimlessly at the dress she had chosen the week before. If she were honest she planned on not going at all, nobody would notice anyway. But then Rebekah came in all bubbly demanding that she know what colours people were wearing she they didn’t clash in photos.

Photos.

Y/n learned to despise them. “The camera adds 10 pounds” she was told by her mother when she was young and it was something she reminded herself every time a flash went off.

So she needed to make sure she looked okay.

She scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, shaved every last hair from her legs before moisturising them and the rest of her body. She avoided any full body length mirrors and focused on her face, covering every flaw possible. Her hair was pulled to be half up half down, leaving pieces to frame her face and still give her enough volume.

She managed to get the dress on that was now a little loose on her, which she should have been worried about but she couldn’t help but feel relieved. The zip went up effortlessly but even so, she didn’t want to step outside of that door. So she stayed on the edge of her bed, her nails licking at the material of her dress as she hoped the night would pass by without her.

She had no such luck when Hayley came knocking on the door

“Y/n? Are you okay? The party started a while ago” she called through the wall and Y/n pinched her own skin desperately

“I don’t think I’m gonna come down…I’ll just keep an eye on Hope” she replied

“Hope’s dressed up and downstairs with Klaus at the moment, you don’t need to watch her, come have fun!” She told her brightly and Y/n could feel herself getting hotter as the nerves poured in

“Parties aren’t really my scene” she responded softly “maybe next time okay?” She tried again but Hayley was getting persistent

“Oh come on, there’s music, drinks, food. Have you eaten yet? Come on we’ll go get something” she encouraged but that only made it worse. Y/n had made sure not to eat anything the last 2 days so that there was zero chance of any bloating and she wasn’t about to ruin that.

“I ate earlier” she lied and Hayley sighed

“Try make an appearance? If not for me then for Rebekah or Klaus” she asked and Y/n could have scoffed. As if either of them had cared less that she was there.

Well so she assumed.

Unfortunately for her she was proven wrong again when the door hand was twisted and pulled, a frustrated groan coming from the other side of the door when they realised it was locked

“Y/n?” Klaus questioned “come out” he ordered and she had the sudden urged to suffocate herself with a pillow.

“I’m going to sleep” she mumbled, though she was still dolled up and sat against the headboard but it wasn’t like he could see her.

“We can fix that, open the door and I’ll grab you a dress” he told her and she pinched the bridge of her nose

“I already have a dress” she muttered in defeat, Klaus wouldn’t walk away as easily as Hayley.

“Perfect. Put it on.” He grumbled “Rebekah needs you in the photo” he added and she nodded, of course they needed to keep their image up.

“I don’t want to be in the photo anyway” she murmured and he groaned

“Just do it” he complained and she reluctantly stood up.

She plodded her way to look in the mirror and yet despite the makeup on her face, she just looked tired. It didn’t matter anymore though, she looked bad in pictures either way, may as-well know it this time.

Just as Klaus was reader to break the handle off the door, it was clicked open and Y/n was looking up at him through glassy eyes.

Klaus’s expression dropped almost instantly when he looked at her. The dress was loose around her body in all areas, her arms thinner than usual making him frown and reach a hand out to grab ahold of her wrist. His eyes locked on hers and his lips parted in shock.

She assumed he was thinking she looked awful, was the dress too small again? Was she too big? She could feel her face heating and her eyes filling with tears. Her breathing grew more laboured and her hands began to ping at the fabric around her to make it seem baggier.

Klaus quickly pulled her into his room so nobody could look up the stairs and see them. He stroked her hair gently as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to stop any tears from falling.

“Sweetheart” he whispered quietly, guilt beginning to rise in him. People didn’t loose this much weight this fast. He knew he had been distant the last month but that was to keep her safe not to make her sick, was she I’ll and not told anybody? Or was this something much more?

He feared for the last one as he rubbed her back soothingly while small sniffs lift her and panicked apologies flooded form her lips.

“Why are you sorry my love?” He murmured gently.

“I just wanted to be pretty” she uttered and his heart ached for her. “I tried really hard” she whispered “it wasn’t enough”

“Y/n…” he murmured as his arms held her a little tighter “you’re always pretty, you’re beautiful and bright” he told her “don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else ever”

“I did it for me too” she mumbled and he nodded hesitantly

“Yeah but…this isn’t the way” he whispered and she sniffed

“It’s the only way that works” she argued

“Love, what have you been eating?” He asks and she frowns

“Why does that matter?”

“Because there’s a difference between eating healthily and not eating enough” he told her and she began to grow more upset at his tone

“I eat too much” she utters and he sighs, he placed both hands on her shoulders and looks down at her

“Nobody thinks that” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers as though it would make her listen better. “Not eating at all is as bad as eating too much, we can find a good balance” he persuaded

“I’ve tried balanced diets, it doesn’t work” she shakes her head frustrated

“I’ll find you a better one” he decided and she lets out a laugh

“Why because I suddenly matter enough? If you only just realised that I’ve lost the weight when we live in the same home then Im clearly not worth-“

“Stop” he whispered, a crack in his tone “do not do this to me and do not do this to yourself” he let out a breath “I wouldn’t ever want this to happen to you, I care about you. I was just leaving you out of all the darkness and the pain, you weren’t supposed to bring it to yourself” he snapped. His eyes were hard though he didn’t mean to appear so angry as tears freely flowed down Y/n’s face and a sob let her lips.

At the sound of her cries, Klaus’s bedroom door was opened rather suddenly. A concerned Elijah stepped inside, his eyes falling to Y/n and his brows furrowing as he noticed his brother trying to apologise. Then he noticed the differences from the last few times he had seen her and he picked up on what was happening pretty quickly.

He closed the door behind him and came forward, coaxing Y/n out of Klaus’s arms and into his own.

“Would you like a smoothie my dear? We’ve stocked the kitchen with fruits recently” Elijah murmured softly, his chin on top her head as he glanced to an upset Niklaus. Y/n frowned in confusion at the offer and at the calming affect Elijah seemed to have over everyone. He wasn’t really the hugging type but it was nice to experience one. She didn’t reply but he kept talking “how about I go and get you a smoothie while Niklaus helps you out of this dress? I’m sure you can wear one of his shirts for bed hm?” He lifted her chin up to look down at her. She blinked at him unsure as he tried to convince her further “I’ll bring Hope up as well?” He offered and she nodded slowly.

Elijah gave a look to Klaus and both brothers began to move. Elijah rushed off downstairs and Klaus grabbed one of his henleys. Y/n kept her eyes on the ground as Klaus’s fingers gently undid the dress

“I’m sorry my love” he whispered as he let the material drop down to the floor making goosebumps arise across her skin. His lips pressed to her shoulder softly before the warmth of his top was pulled over her head and her arms were pulled into the sleeves. His arms slid round her waist gently and his nose buried into her hair.

She kept quiet, eyes down as he unclipped her curls and let it all fall loosely around her face. Soft kisses planted their way up her face as Elijah returned with a smoothie and a straw.

Both brothers guided her to sit up on Klaus’s bed before sitting either side of her. Gently she was pulled into Klaus’s lap and the straw was brought to her lips

“The cup is only half full, the rest of it is in the fridge for tomorrow if you should want more” Elijah tells her with a reassuring smile

Klaus brushed his hands along her sides gently as she reluctantly drank what she was given. Both brothers continued to speak of random topics to keep the attention off of her as she took small sips as slowly leant back against Klaus’s chest.

15 minutes later Hayley came by and dropped Hope off, both she and Elijah left, leaving Klaus, Y/n and Hope to snuggle up together with the silent promise that at least Klaus and Elijah and most likely the rest of the Mikaelsons would be helping Y/n find a happier,healthier state of mind and body.

(I hope this was what was wanted, I didn’t go too deep into the topic and still wanted it to have a relatively happier/promising ending. If a darker message or ending was wanted then I would be okay with trying to write something similar for anyone out there. I understand the struggles with eating disorders and also with self harm and just mental health in general so feel free to message or request, anything at all :))

[bitchfitch]

idk my stained glass post is going around again and a lot of people are saying it's inspiring them but they're still hesitant to start whatever craft has their fancy rn, so here's a dipshit's guide to getting from horsey to whale when you're starting out a craft

Step 1: skim a tutorial.

don't take notes, don't pay all that much attention to it, give it like. at max 10 minutes of your time. Just get the general shape of the process into your head along with any relevant safety precautions.

the point of doing this is to stop yourself from forming expectations. Expectations are the motivation killer. Strangle them to death.

Step 2: Tool time

You may want to start right in on a project, you might even have one in your head already.

Don't. Stop that, see the point above about expectations. Your first project is going to suck major nuts, it doesn't matter what you do, so you simply must plan to make your first project as nut-sucktastic as physically possible. Burry your expectations so deep in the ground that you will leap over them by simply faceplanting.

So here's what you do instead, gather the necessary tools and materials then set aside an amount of material that you are ok with just pissing away. just absolutely wasting. If you went right in and got discouraged enough to drop a project while doing it, youd be wasting the materials anyway. Might as well get the wasting over and done with Before it eats hours of your mortal life.

Ok, now pick the first tool and associated skill involved in your new craft and just practice That. Don't try to make anything, just learn the motions and teach yourself how things move or break or bend or etc etc etc. all the real basic boring parts that don't produce anything.

Then move onto the next steps associated skills and tools. Connect them back to the product you got from practicing the first step if you can, then the third and so on, so that at the end of this ordeal you too can have a horrible abomination you can pretend looks like a horse.

Step 3: nap

With that done, fuck off and do something else for a bit. like for at Least a few hours if not a full day. Take a nap. do some drugs, play a hentai gatcha game, fuck if I care man. Just don't do the craft. This is the best way to kill expectations: fuckin forgetting what you're capable of.

step 4: learn it right this time

Actually watch/read that tutorial now. like. for real. give it your full atten and take notes on where you fucked up and how you struggled back in step two. like actual written/typed notes. You're going to be focusing on those areas and having a neat list to keep thing orderly in your head can help.

at this point it's also a good idea to try to find other tutorials that explain the Thing, but have a different person explaining it. or tutorials that are more granular. like ones that talk about the skills involved in a single step instead of the whole process. having that little bit more detail can be a game changer.

step 5: visualization

Come up with the easiest and most basic project you can think of while referring to that list of areas you struggled. You want this project to primarily focus on those weak spots and give you room to practice and improve them. ok. and now scrape the top 10% off the project. Make it easier make it smaller, make it less detailed, find a pattern instead of making your own, whatever just simplify it that little bit more.

Step 6: just do it

actually do that project while referring to your tutorials and notes.

Let yourself fuck up. Let yourself waste shit. And then move on. Don't get tangled in expectations, or let your perfectionism strangle you. Look it in the eye and strangle it back, make your shit uglier just to spite it.

Skills take time to develop. Give yourself that time and don't let your brain issues take the joy of creation from you. It's fuckin hard, but you've Got to do it if you want a modicum of happiness in this hell world. the vibe is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but done with pure violence and vitriolic hatred of what your own neurosis are trying to take from you.

step 7: aw shit it's a never ending cycle

repeat step 5, but go for something a bit harder, then step six until you find a new muse to start over at step 1 with.

[ravenrune]

Ahhhh. A request for an anon I had already been working on before I got their message. Thanks for the reminder, anon! Domestic stuff. Contains Carlos, Leon, Ethan and Luis. Edit: I think I fixed the issues with dark mode?

Going On Vacation With The RE Guys Headcanons

Going on vacation with Carlos will involve a lot of activities. He doesn’t like sitting around all day, so he’ll want to try out some new things with you. The destination doesn’t matter much to him, as long as there is something fun to do.

Do you want to learn how to surf? You can do that with Carlos. You want to go bungee jumping? He’s in for that sort of thing, too. Skiing, parasailing, rock climbing; he’s willing to try all of these things. 

Are the aforementioned activities a bit too extreme for you? That is completely fine. He will happily go camping and hiking with you. And if you don’t like sleeping on a shitty mattress, he’ll opt for glamping instead. Nothing wrong with a bit of comfort, right? 

He just wants to be out and about with you. And come on, you gotta admit, sleeping under the stars is pretty damn romantic.

Feel free to suggest anything you’d like to try out on vacation, because he’ll love it when you take initiative. Bonus points if you surprise him by dragging him along to do something fun without telling him what it is beforehand. 

Leon just needs peace and quiet on vacation and will absolutely drag you away to go on a cruise with him. The further away he is from his job, the better. And as a cruise ship is always on the move, Leon feels it’ll be less likely he’ll get called into work. 

He wants to go north because he’s always wanted to see the northern lights. He thinks it will be romantic, and can’t wait to share the experience with you. You’ll probably end up somewhere in northern Europe.

On the days spent at sea, he’ll want to make the most of it. Spa days, swimming at the pools, eating at the best restaurants and checking out the onboard entertainment are a must in his opinion. If you need some time away from people, he’ll happily cuddle up and watch a nice movie with you. There will be plenty of snacks, of course.

When the cruise ship docks in the countries you pass along the way, Leon will want to do some sightseeing and take a copious amount of pictures. He won’t just take pictures of the scenery, he will be taking a lot of pictures of you, too. 

Later on, when he’s back at work, he’ll be looking at them whenever he’s not feeling great. Seeing you having a good time will always put a smile on his face.

Ethan wants a normal vacation. Nothing too crazy, nothing too hectic, nothing too special. He’s in need of feeling like a regular human being, so he’ll take you to a typical tourist destination.

Ethan loves to go for walks. It doesn’t matter where. He can walk for hours, just chatting to you about everything that crosses your minds. He’ll take the occasional picture, but his main focus is on spending time with you in a place he’s never been before. A place where nobody knows who he is, and where he’s just another tourist.

He will book the most luxurious hotel room available, because he thinks you both deserve it. He goes out of his way to surprise you with the most wonderful date nights. He puts a lot of thought into them, making sure they’ll blow your mind in the right ways, but never make you feel uncomfortable. 

Ethan will get lost on occasion. Just make sure you’re in charge of how to get places, or you may accidentally end up in a whole other country if you happen to stay near the border of one.

Luis will plan the most romantic vacation you could possibly think of. He doesn’t care much for major tourist attractions, but will instead look for the more obscure spots your destination has to offer. 

He’ll drag you through the most beautiful little towns he could find on the internet, and he’s full of facts. He knows a lot about the history of the places you’re visiting, and he loves sharing this information with you. 

Luis manages to find all the best restaurants and won’t spare any expense. You can order whatever the hell you like, and he’ll happily pay for it.

He’s not too fond of splitting the bill, so if you’re the type of person who is, prepare to argue with the man on occasion. 

While his main concern is spending time with you, he would like to visit a pub now and then. Just to have a drink together. And if you’re willing to sing karaoke with him, you’ll definitely make his day. So... just do it, okay?

Tag list: @i-write-stories-not-sins-bitch ... did that work?

[zhivaoverdrive]

Pirska-2, Chapter 4 (interlude)

This story was on hold for a long time. I promise I am attempting to take it somewhere interesting, if you eat your vegetables first it might turn into a good story. Chapter 7 is being finalised. Chapter 4

And so she walked through the dark snow of Vladok.

Having neglected to take one of the stupid coats, not out of principles, but they had developed their own aura.

Being cold was the better alternative.

But she was alone now, barely a car on the street much less a person to be seen.

In this solitude, the long tail of the Pirska began to rattle around, the thoughts were harder to block, but didn't seem to sting as deeply.

Something had almost made sense back there.

Hana tried desperately to untangle her problem, all while the counter-balancing force waned and the fissure beckoned.

Candy didn’t seem to live much of a life, it seemed to contain only sex, tragedy and helplessness.

Perhaps it was the right idea, wrong execution. Perhaps the ramblings of a drug addict.

Hana stopped by a parked car, not a bad looking one either.

Oh well, cars are warm. It’s a long way back to my hole too..

Hana kicked the window in. The alarm blared but she knew what to do next, this wasn’t new.

The first wave of nausea hit, the snow she saw began to shift to static, pulsing with the blare of the alarm.

Hana strained and shut the alarm off, barely able to see, operating from muscle memory.

She could just make out the controls, but she started the car, then cranked the heater and the auxiliary gas turbine.

She set off on a slow directionless cruise.

The nausea hit again, fortunately she was sitting down.

Feeling around in her pocket, Hana retrieved the practically worthless collection of Alpha.

It wasn’t worthless, in fact it was worth a good amount of money. But only to people who were complete.

Vaporising Alpha barely made a dent in the static, it was likely killing her too. Maybe less than worthless.

She wound down the window and threw the cassette of Alpha out. She’d never be able to find it, even if she wanted to.

Hana tried to establish a loop, think about driving, obstacles, and make it home.

But it wouldn’t stick.

She shifted uncomfortably in the seat, the nausea and static may have been bothering her, but something more concrete was poking into her hip.

She stopped the car and began fumbling around for whatever useless crap was poking into her. The things people leave in their cars…

But when her hands opened the hidden pocket, a familiar scent escaped. It smelled like Candy.

Her hands shaking, Hana removed the Pirska-2 vials and vaporiser from her secret pocket. In an instant she understood how they must have got there.

She screamed, but no-one heard.

“That… fool. Helpless fool” sobbed Hana

“She’s given me her secret supply. And the vaporizer. She’s… ”

Hana tried to clamp the thought down. The selfless actions of the doomed Candy.

Doomed to be an incoherent rambling mess, until that man ‘saved her’ once again.

Hana wasn’t done crying yet, but she loaded up the vaporiser.

She’d have one, then think. Maybe she’d find a way to go back.

Moments later, the scene came back into focus.

She saw the snowy ground, the haphazard way she’d “parked” the car.

Her thoughts slowed down to a pace she could deal with.

It just… was not acceptable to waste this act of kindness. It must be repaid.

Hana thought and thought. She WOULD go back.

A movement outside interrupted her, a lone figure in a long coat, walking to a car.

“The fucking coats…” she muttered to herself, the Pirska-2 controlling what may have otherwise been another episode.

It was undeniably one of the men from the alley. A Heavy. A Heavy from the club.

Like slipping back into a comfortable pair of shoes, Hana let her instincts take over.

She cut the lights and turbine, she slunk down in the seat.

“Let’s see where you’re off to”

—

It presented little challenge for Hana to follow a goon like this.

Even on the quiet streets of Vladok, it was no obstacle.

She hung back, even when the trip took her far beyond the city, beyond the port she’d called ‘home’.

By the time the Heavy reached his destination, her first vial was beginning to wane.

Hana parked in the darkness, some distance off, she would have to move quickly now.

But the direction was clear, the hulking mass of a wrecked container-ship was hard to miss, out here in the middle of nowhere.

It may have been waning, but Pirska-2 propelled Hana through the actions she’d performed so many times before.

She’d closed the distance and made her target in no-time.

The trunk of his car left ajar, he walked a strange, indirect path through a clearing, heading towards the gaping mouth of the ship.

Remaining hidden would pose a challenge without nanotech, but her instincts were there.

Silently taking her final vial, she understood this was a definitive moment.

*Make something happen. In an hour you’re done for*

The minefield would be no trouble, she had observed the safe path.

Hana felt the blade in her hand, silently retrieved from the Heavy’s trunk.

Make something happen…

—

It took a few hours, but the only two people inside the container-ship covered a lot of ground that night.

Uncovering of the huge Pirska-2 stash.

Threats, captivity. Violence.

Discovery and demonstrative use of an experimental anti-nanotech explosive.

Even explanation of motives and subsequent offer of absolution.

But Hana and J.Q left the ship with an understanding of each other and what lay ahead.

[jpegjade]

spencer blurb - reader OCD

this turned out to be actually cathartic. (my therapist suggested i write about it in this format so here i go...) and yes, my therapist knows i write spencer fanfics and supports it as an outward creative release. inspired by my most recent breakdown.

spencer was the first to tell you had ocd, even though you didn't say anything to anyone but Hotch.

the organization, sure, but it was more than that. it was the counting. it was the steps. it was the particular way you had to have a number of sugars, time in increments, washing your hands for a specific amount of time or it wouldn't be right. you would have to do it over again. you had to eat counter clockwise every time. it had to be right. it had to be in the right order. it was hell wherever you went. every day. it wasn't fair.

"good?" spencer said, waiting outside the bathroom door for you. not in a creepy way, he promised every time. he just didn't want you to feel alone. he knew what that felt like. the intrusive thoughts. the fear about the consequences. he knew what happened when he shook hands with someone. the germs were one thing. it was different when he touched the wrong thing and all of his thoughts became obsessive. wave. who cares if they think he's weird. he can't do it. something bad happens when he does it.

"thanks." you said, getting a small smile from spencer as the two of you fell into step. every time. one. two. three. always a three. never more. pause. spencer always paused with you. he never walked faster, never lagging or speeding past you. never huffed. never complained. short distance because you were shorter but his steps shifted. you weren't sure why but he was there in step with you.

"do you want lunch?" spencer asked, his desk across from yours. you were tapping your pen, click click click. you couldn't stop until you it 27. 3 more to go and then you could answer him. you couldn't stop or something bad would happen.

spencer waited. he always waited. never rushed, wouldn't mind repeating himself on the rare occasion that you would not hear him because the thoughts made you focus on the problem. it was fine for him to wait. he didn't mind if it meant you were able to keep the thoughts at bay, even for a moment. something bad won't happen if you could just get to 27. no more. no less. no interruptions or you have to start over.

"you don't have to get me food." you said, finally hitting your number. one more thought down. you looked at him, his kind eyes looking at you when you eventually met his gaze. he was the only one who could watch and count.

"i know. but you need lunch. you need a snack. you need something to eat." he said, tapping his foot. you started counting. 3. 6. 9. 27. freeze. it was like he knew what you were thinking.

"Okay." You said, getting up to walk with him. The intrusive thoughts were coming back but you had to control them. you had to write it down in your phone, like your therapist said. you had to stop thinking spencer will die if you step on the same crack in the sidewalk outside of the office.

he stepped over it with you. he knew. he just new and didn't make fun of you or think you're weird. he just... let you be you and took it one moment at a time. you counted your steps, watching spencer fall in line with you. he didn't ask. he never asked. he just knew.

[meraki-yao]

Some people say Nick posts about mary & george when there is something about Taylor because he wants to show that he has real jobs and shift the focus to real projects god, they're so evil

Jesus Christ, fuck them. They're stirring drama for drama's sake. That's their FUCKING JOB. M&G is literally 2 weeks, 14 days away, why wouldn't Nick post about M&G? Like they didn't choose for these dates to collide, it just did.

So yeah you're right, those people are fucking evil who can't leave a good thing alone.

But honestly, I'm amused by this "argument"/"criticism", and I'll tell you why (warning: discussion of real-person shipping under the cut, please don't read if you're uncomfortable with the subject)

Also warning, I ended up with a short-essay, because I'm me lmao

As I mentioned before, for rwrb I'm mostly active here; but I also look at the posts and opinions of the Chinese rwrb fandom (i don't post there though, I don't have nor want to have Chinese social media accounts)

and the thing about shipping culture in China is that RP shipping is almost DEFAULT (and I can write a whole dissertation on this phenomenon if anyone wants to read it) like, if you ship a pair in a show/movie unless the actor/actress is publicly in a long term MARRIAGE, not just relationship, MARRIAGE FOR LIKE AT LEAST FIVE YEARS, the audience will automatically ship the actors too. So much so that this is part of THE MARKETING STRATEGY of all locally-produced streaming shows

Also, when I say ship, I don't mean "aww that's cute they're cute together", I mean tin hatters. I mean they genuinely try to find snips and bits in photos that might serve as proof that they're together. We call it 嗑（磕）糖 ke tang (Eating/Drugged by Candy), because in Chinese weddings candy (called 喜糖 Xi Tang "happiness"-"candy") is given to guests, and because it's sweet. The "evidence" is called "candy", and the act of looking and finding "candies" is called "eating candies".

all this to say, nearly all rwrb fans in China ship Taylor and Nick together, and they're genuinely convinced that they're together. I've seen my fair share of "candy"/"evidence" and they keep coming. (some of those i genuinely think they're trying too hard but there are really some that I see and go "...damn.")

now finally back to this ask. Nick posting when Taylor has an event, what the people mentioned in the ask is bitching about, IS CONSIDERED A CANDY. EVERYBODY IS GIGGLING AND GRINNING OVER THE FACT THAT NICK AND TAYLOR POPPED OUT TOGETHER IN THE PAST COUPLE OF EVENTS LIKE THE GQ, THE ACADEMY GALA, MILAN AND TODAY. IT'S LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE END OF THE SPECTRUM.

a last little tidbit from me and my opinion on the whole shipping thing for now: personally I don't entirely agree with the default real-person shipping, it has proven to be problematic in the past and honestly I hate how monetized it is, but 1, it's such an "everybody in the country does it" thing that I... would be lying if I said I'm not influenced by that mindset at all, 2, I know where this mindset came from and it has stuff to do with the societal pressure of young adults in the country and rebellion against traditional concepts of marriage and stuff. It's a sociology phenomenon, and when I look at it as an outsider, I find it kind of fascinating.

As for my opinion on the boy's relationship, I don't...care? I know they have a good relationship and that's all I want for them. As for what type of relationship they have, I don't really mind/care, and I don't think we should look too much into that. That's their relationship for them to define and them to publicize if they want to. I know for a fact, that they are great friends. Are they more than friends? That's unfalsifiable, and that's no one's business but their own. So that's my stance.

But I had to choose one extreme fan's reaction, rps is a much less harmful thing than the sheer amount of hate and deliberate drama-stirring I've seen. So there.

[wayfayrr]

I can't quite believe this was first in my drafts in feb and I've only gotten to actually writing it these last two weeks.

This fic was based off of five songs from spotify shuffling one of my playlists which was an idea inspired by @trulytiredhermit and then it kinda just went from there

the songs that I based it on were: To my enemies - Saint motel, stalker’s tango - Autoheart, meet me in the woods - Lord Huron, The red means I love you - Madds Buckley and Bitter water by the oh hellos

You know they say you're nobody until someone wants you dead, and I can't help but feel like it's morbidly accurate for everything that's happened to me recently.

That weird shadow brought me here for whatever, most likely because it wants my head for some reason. and then all of a sudden?

I'm one of the most important people to the heroes of Hyrule, brought here by fate for whatever reason and they all love me… although love might not be the best way to describe it. If you were to ask any of them they'd say "It feels so wrong it's right" Heh how ridiculous to be that obsessed, so I ran as far as I could, lost in a world that isn't my own and one that shouldn’t exist out of fiction. Those boys that I once cared for; who promised me they'd find me someway home, but talk is cheap after all and it's oh so effortless to lie when it brings you so many benefits.

The situation was so incredibly strange, I don't think there's any amount of time where I could've gotten used to it despite what they would say. it started, well I can't say normally as nothing about this is normal, but it started well. they were themselves, they were still sane. but then they started to slip letting me out of their sight, less and less and less until it was like I had to be in at least one of their line of sight at all times, they wouldn't let me talk about my home, wouldn't let me focus on things that weren't them always trying to justify it whether it was to me or themselves I could never tell. Perhaps it was both?

This little journey I’ve taken into the unknown?

Oh, I’ll go back changed, I wonder if those I cared about would even recognise me at this point. How long have I been away at this point, it feels like ages yet my phone says it’s only days. Well in the games back home the games always ran on a much faster time scale, it wouldn’t be impossible that I’m still running off of real-world time; if anything it makes more sense with how I’ve not needed to eat or sleep for days on end. I’ve never been away from the links for this long, not since I started travelling with them that is. They’re probably worried sick at this point; it’s probably only a matter of hours until they do manage to find me. Until Wolfie sniffs me out, Sky uses Fi to dowse for my signal, or even Wild traces me with his slate.

“[name]?”

And with that last thought it’s as if I’ve jinxed myself and my hiding spot. The one thing I can be glad for is that it’s Sky who found me, while his anger is terrifying it’s not on the same level as Time, Warrior or Light forbid if Legend was the one to find me. Sky is oh-so-nice compared to them, even if he is a yandere with a strange fascination, a near-obsessive infatuation.

he still treats me like I'm a person though, so there's that. He, I think if I were to end up with any of them it would be him. 

"oh by Hylia, [name] are you alright? you've been missing for so long, we thought you were kidnapped, but by the looks of it, you've managed to escape them! even, even if it did leave you hurt"

his smile doesn't look right. he's lying, lying straight to my face... 

but it's not like he's lying to me. No, it's like he's trying to convince himself that's what happened. His concern is sweet despite how misplaced it may be; I can't bring myself to break it to him that it's not what happened. Unless...

I couldn't, could I?

oh, but I could.

"link, I- I wasn't kidnapped. I was scared of how the others are acting, I didn't feel safe so- so I ran as far as I could"

This affected me more than I thought, seeing as I could barely finish the sentence without stuttering or coming close to bursting into tears, I hope he reacts the way I want him to and by the look of it, he will.

His face instantly fell when I said that, filled with pity and something else I can't quite put my finger on, the closest thing I can think of is pride but even that doesn't seem right, is, is he smug? Why would he be smug that I’m scared of the others when I…

“Oh my dove, you don't need to be worried now, I'm here. I'm the only one you trust after all; the only one of us you need. you're my betrothed, my one true love until the end of time"

his"betrothed", when did he- how would he- how didn't I realise? Is Skyloftian culture so different to my own? oh, what am I saying of course it's that different. why is he reaching for - the feather? he proposed when he gave me that earring, didn't he?

"I knew I made the right choice when I chose you as mine, we’re perfect for each other can’t you see? And I know I shouldn't love you, I know I shouldn't love you but I do and nothing will separate me from you again as long as I draw breath.”

And isn’t that the truth, that look in his eyes, that stupid lovesick look. I’m not a fool entire for I know exactly what it means. The idea that even if I somehow made it home…

He would find me.

And he would never let go.

How are you even supposed to respond to something like this? This declaration of ownership, that no matter what I do I’m his. To think how I idolised him when he was nothing more than a game character, how naive was I?

Even still I can’t bring myself to hate him, even if he’s a walking red flag. Even if he’s someone I should run from in fear - It’s still Sky, still the only one to welcome me with open arms, the only one to treat me ever so kindly when I was petrified of everything.

Part of me is telling me to leave, to do what's smart and practical. But another part is pulling me towards staying, following my heart even if it means taking a risk. I know I’d have regrets either way for I would be losing something I care for no matter my choice and I’ll need to say something soon to him, even if it’s a lie. I can’t bear to see him so worried, even knowing where that worry is from.

I don't know what the right choice is, but I know that I have to make a decision. And no matter what I choose, I'll have to live with the consequences.

[actualbird]

beware cuz tw disordered eating, tw smoking addiction posting ahead but like.....

the thing about smoking vs eating is that. smoking is SO MUCH EASIER TO DO.

eating has so many steps. make food (AUGH), put food on plate, sit down and focus to eat food, food enters mouth, must chew, must swallow, must ignore constant low-level nausea to keep food down, repeat until food on the plate is gone. currently im so low-energy and fatigued that this whole process of eating is exhausting to me, and at the end of it i get a tummy ache anyway and risk vomiting all of it out, so theres always a risk of all that hard work (it is...objectively not hard work, i know, but right now in my Mental State it feels like climbing a mountain every time i have a meal) being all for naught.

meanwhile the steps for smoking are Marginally Much Less. it's: get cigarette, light cigarette, inhale, exhale, repeat until cigarette is done. and usually once im done, i wont feel hungry for another half hour because nicotine does that to me.

but it's short-term benefits vs long-term benefits because obviously after enough cigarettes-instead-of-eating, the effects of Not Having Eaten And Smoking Instead stack up to hit me with one hell of a whammy of acidity and Even More Nausea and like

i am Well Aware im trapping myself in a cycle of self-destruction every time i reach for a cig instead of sitting down and eating but smoking is just. easier. and it relaxes me instead of stressing me out, and eating sometimes does stress me out because of the amount of work and focus it involves

this is all horrible by the way, im not endorsing this behavior im just airing out my thoughts. in fact, i am a case study in all the things you should Not be doing to your body

but addiction is just a really crazy thing lmao. like what the fuck do you mean i prefer killing myself slowly rather than having a filling meal. thats crazy. no sane person would have those priorities in that order

and yet