#and to focus less on “is this the right thing/amount to be eating” and more on “am I going to feel full and satisfied”

[deranged-girl52]

your guide to losing weight (Ramadan ver)

For all my fellow Muslim girlies! Here’s how to make Ramadan work in your favor for weight loss and restriction rather than eating everything in sight,lol. Happy Ramadan Kareem!

step 1 - skip suhur

I know,it sounds CRAZY but think about it. No 4n4 girly has a day where they don’t overeat accidentally,or binge right? Imagine you eat food at suhur AND overeat when breaking your fast? Instead,drink about 1-2 liters of water and a bunch of Diet Coke! It’ll keep you full till you wake up later. I know it may be hard especially if you hav coool or college but trust me,your savage will show such good results later!

Step 2 - eat mindfully when breaking your fast

start by drinking some water or Diet Coke,maybe then some tea and finally try to eat soup. It’s light in your stomach and quite high in fiber. If you like eating soup with bread,just cut all the crust and allow a minimum of 2 breads and a maximum of 4. Most likely you’ll have 100 calories for about 4 breads with no crust or a bit less and for the soup, only pour 5-10 tablespoons. According to that amount,you can have anywhere between 70-100 calories. Then accordingly,pick how much bread based on th soup you have. You’ll most,liek have less than 200 calories JUST for breaking your fast.

step 3 - working out

it can be before or after you break your fast. Try to burn about 200-300calories on the treadmill. This way it cancels out the 100-200 calories of your soup and bread and now you’re in a deficit!

step 4 - eating dinner

for dinner try to eat something satisfying. Now that you burn off your breaking of fast then you can finally eat something yummy and sweet. This is going to prevent you from thinking about sugar or other foods you like because guess what,you’ve already satisfied yourself and worked out so no binges! My personal fav has been eating things like French toast and syrup,or a hoe made burger. It can be pasta or rice or even half a bag if taxis. Don’t worry about it because you’ll be fasting for the next. 12-17 hours,your body will burn that. On average during fasting,your body burns 1700 cals just by existing so don’t worry about indulging more! Your stomach will be flat when you wake up the next day anyway!

focus on your Quran,reading your books\fanfics,praying,some studies and of course you’re favorite movies and shows!

and THAT is how you slay Ramadan losing about 10-20 kg,reaching your goal weight ,being able to indulge snd maintains it. Ask me if y’all want a how to not binge on Eid or maintains the Ramadan wl post or hide later!

[stop-stealing-my-username]

I'm bored and it's like 2AM so here's some mid/low effort food, mostly cause I hope it helps someone but also so I can have a list I can reference quickly when I don't know what to cook/get in a slump and can't put much effort into cooking

Broccoli and rice

- Cup of broccoli (or more, I like more)

- Butter (salted or unsalted or margarine, just some kind of oil, whatever you have lying around)

- Some kind of instant rice (I usually use minute rice for rushed meal prep so keep that in mind during the instructions)

- Curry powder

- Boullion cubes

- Optional; garlic powder, onion powder, and parmesan

1) Start making your rice (minute rice usually has a 1:1 ratio of water and rice)

Add curry powder (measure with your heart) and boullion cube to the hot water before the rice (for the cubes I use, one cube = about 2 cups of stock, so I cut them roughly into quarters to adjust when cooking only for myself)

Leave it alone. Seriously leave it alone until you are done cooking do not touch it you don't need to touch it.

2) Cut or rip apart your broccoli into bite sized chunks

3) Heat a pan over medium heat

Melt some butter (again, measure with your heart. Mostly because I genuinely did not and never have measured this; the important thing is making sure you have enough so nothing sticks)

Chuck in your broccoli

Cook until most of the broccoli is crispy and browned

Take off the heat (add garlic powder, onion powder, and parmesan here)

4) Chuck broccoli and rice onto a plate or into a bowl

*Asparagus is really good cooked like this too if you want to add it or sub out some of the broccoli

Tortilla Pizza

- Tortillas (Two large tortillas is what I usually have lying around and is a meal for me, this is surprisingly filling for what it is)

- Pizza sauce

- Grated cheese

- Optional; literally any other topping you have the time and energy to prepare

1) Set oven to 350°F

2) Spread sauce on tortillas; add cheese and any other toppings

3) Bake for about five minutes

*I'd put this on parchment paper and just bake directly on the rack of your oven; idk about you but I don't have a pan that comfortably fits two large tortillas

*Keep an eye on this while it bakes; you may need to go a little longer, but don't let the edges get too brown, tortillas burn easily

Meat and Cheese Board (Grownup lunchables/"Whatever I had in the fridge")

- Block or sliced cheese

- Fruit (Apples and grapes immediately come to mind)

- Jam/jelly/marmalade (World's your oyster; I like fig marmalade and dandelion jelly, they go well with apples and cheddar)

- Crackers

- Deli meat (Turkey/chicken breast slices my go to; even better if you have real turkey/chicken breast leftover from another meal)

- Crackers (Any kind; triscuits, saltines, melba toast, pretzel crackers, crusty bread, whatever)

- Optional; peanut butter, cream cheese

1) Measure ingredients with your heart; what can you/want to eat?

2) Cut fruit and cheese into bite sized pieces

3) Put any jam, jelly, marmalade, or other spreads/dips into bowls (or drop directly on your plate/cutting board for less cleanup)

4) Put everything either on a plate or the cutting board you used

*Yes this is a valid dinner, it does not matter that it's just a bunch of random shit thrown on a plate. It has fruit. It has protein. It has carbs. It has fats. It has things you like. It is both body nourishing and soul nourishing. It is a good dinner.

*Sub out or add things where you see fit. Peanut butter can become almond or soy butter, apples can become pears, add some vegetables, use any kind of cheese you want/have at home, if you have leftover meat from last night use that instead, don't use meat at all; this is my favourite "I don't know what to make" meal because you literally can't fuck it up and best case scenario you only have to wash a knife, a cutting board, and whatever utensils you used to scoop out any jam or peanut butter

Mason jar noodles

- 1L Mason jar

- Rice noodles (I use the ones that are already separated into single serves because I cannot for the life of me accurately measure how much rice noodle one person can eat

- Vegetables (frozen or fresh, whatever you have/can manage today. I like broccoli, baby corn, and peppers)

- Cooked chicken breast, shredded or cut into chunks

- 1 tbs low sodium soy sauce

- 1 tbs sriracha

- Chicken stock cubes

- Minced garlic (maybe like a teaspoon or two? I never measure this)

1) Cut vegetables into bite sized chunks and chuck them into the mason jar (if they're frozen and already bite sized just go ahead and chuck them into the jar. Measure with your heart, only you know how much vegetable you want)

2) Put sriracha, soy sauce, garlic, stock cube, and chicken into the jar and mix everything around. Rest rice noodles on top (as mentioned before, my stock cubes would make a lot more chicken broth than I need; I usually cut them in half but it usually ends up being a little too much)

3) Close up the jar, store in fridge until ready to eat. When it's food time, pour in enough hot water to cover the noodles (I eat straight out of the jar with chopsticks but it's a lot easier to pour them into a bowl if you can

*Bring your jar to room temperature before eating; I am begging you to not subject your glass jar to thermal shock and end up with glass in your hands

*Disclaimer that I heard this one from a dietician on YouTube (Nutrition By Kylie), and that this was intended to be meal prep and eaten at a later time, but nobody stops me from just chucking everything into a bowl and eating it then and there so nobody is going to stop you (maybe take some time on a good day/a day you aren't busy and prep a few of these ahead of time so that you can just pour boiling water into a jar and you have food ready to go on days you just can't cook for one reason or another)

Chicken Wraps

- Chicken strips (or nuggets, or chicken burgers, or leftover chicken breast; any chicken that you don't have to do much with, I just like crispy chicken so that's what I wrote)

- Tortillas

- Lettuce

- Sauce of choice (I like caesar or ranch)

- Shredded cheese

- Optional; bacon and tomato

1) Cook chicken strips according to directions (or cut/shred and reheat chicken breast)

2) Tear or cut lettuce into shreds (or just use the whole leaf, I don't bother cutting it half the time)

3) Put everything on a tortilla; roll it up

*Obviously not the end-all-be-all of chicken wrap possibilities, change whatever you want about it, this is just a reminder that you can do something ~different~ with and add to your chicken strips if you're getting sick of them

Yogurt (Hey, sometimes the simple stuff escapes us when we're overwhelmed)

- Cup of vanilla greek yogurt (or whatever you have lying around, my family just always has greek yogurt and it has a decent protein content)

- Berries (blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries don't need to be cut; strawberries don't *need* to be cut but I'd suggest it if they're a decent size)

- Granola (crush up a crunchy granola bar if you really want to)

- Optional; honey, dandelion jelly, some kind of jam, etc.

1) Put yogurt in a bowl

2) Sprinkle on granola

3) Throw berries and optional honey/dandelion jelly/jam on top

*I use enough granola to make a layer on top of my yogurt but I also love granola a little too much to be normal; one serving for most store bought granola is roughly 1/4 cup

*I cover about half of my bowl with fruit

*Home made granola is also 1000x better than store bought and if you have not made your own before please try it at least once

Ready Made Food

*Also a perfectly valid thing

*They aren't the best nutritionally but the important thing is that you are eating

*If all you can do today is put pizza pockets in the microwave or open a lunchable, you are still eating and that is good

*Focus on eating consistently first we can worry about nutrition later

*Do not feel bad over canned ravioli

[help-itrappedmyself]

Danny Punches a Clown Part 6

Masterpost

Danny, after many promises and assurances, lets Red Robin take him to the batcave. They travel by car, and as fancy as it was, Danny was almost scared to touch anything inside it. Red was a much better driver than his father though, so he just closed his eyes and focused on trying to keep his healing up.

The Batcave turned out to be an actual cave, underground, with actual bats in it. He was whisked to a medical area too quickly to see much of anything else besides some other vehicles and a giant computer set up. 

Someone was waiting in the medical space with a tray of tools and bandages ready next to the bed, Red introduced him as Agent A. They were quick to lie him down on a cot and set him up to a heart monitor and that had Red and the A frowning immediately.

“It’s a medical condition.” Danny blurted, and both pairs of eyes shot to him. “My heartrate is naturally very slow, temperature runs cold, pale skin, slow circulation so I can't have a lot of different medications." Not that any medications would really work, but better safe than sorry. Them not working would be suspicious, and Danny does not have the energy or focus for trying to keep straight any real explanations right now.  "It’s fine, I promise.”

Agent A nodded slowly. “Is there anything else we should know before we start treatment?”

“Just can't give me any medicines, I think that's the only relevant bit.”

“Alright, I will keep that in mind. Please lift your shirt so I can see the wound.”

Danny does, and they manage their expressions quite well on seeing it. Agent A goes immediately for creams and bandages.

“What burned you like that?” Red asked.

“Gun.” Danny was starting to slur. He did not want to sleep right now, with these people here.

“A gun? What kind of gun causes burns?”

“New blaster, parents made it special.”

“Your parents make guns?”

Danny shrugs, turning his head to look at Red instead of the far off ceiling of the cave. “My parents make lots of things. They're scientists, inventors." Danny waves his arm around vaguely. "The gun was new though, hadn’t been shot with that one before. The earlier versions were much less powerful.”

“Are you saying that your parents are the ones that shot you?” Red asked gently, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. “It wasn’t just their gun that was used?”

Danny frowns. “Well yeah.”

Tim is very concerned at the tone he just used, like getting shot at by your parents was normal. “Do they shoot at you a lot?”

“Fair amount I suppose.” Red could see Danny thinking really hard about something. Dany’s head was really starting to hurt. His brain was fuzzy and he knew he should be concerned about something, but couldn’t figure out what. His parents shooting at him was nothing new, considering. “Like, they did it more than Vlad but I don’t see him as often, and they’ve done it longer than the GIW, but since the GIW has started they’ve been about equal I guess. I mean, sometimes all the defense systems in the house target me but that wasn’t technically intentional. Took forever for us to figure out how to get them to stop that.”

“Danny, when was the last time you slept?” Red asked gently.

Danny wasn’t sure if his blip earlier this morning counted. He didn’t think it lasted more than an hour, but the last time he slept before that was before his fight in Amity, escaping through the ghost zone and running around in this dimension.

“It’s been awhile.” Danny landed on. True enough for medical history he supposed.

“Right.” A finished the last of the bandages and tugged Danny’s shirt back down. “Well, why don’t you do that now, while we go and find you something to eat.”

“I’m too tired to fight food right now.”

Tim shared a look with Alfred before turning back to Danny. “Okay then. Maybe sleep first and then eat?”

“I will go start making something now that you’re all set up here Mister Danny.” Agent A states, walking past the medical curtains and shutting them behind him. Red pulled out a tablet and started tapping on it. He noticed Danny’s eyes on him after a moment.

“You going to sleep?”

“Strange place, strange people. Not sure that’s the best decision here.”

Red looked up from his tablet.

“You trusted me enough to come here. Trust me enough to sleep. I will make sure no one but me or A comes in before you’re ready.”

[growinglou]

A recap of Maximum muscle growth response tactics for anyone looking to grow lean mass

💖 This is also looking to max lean muscle tissue outcomes but an important part is do what you want with your body for whatever look you dream to have💖

But if the laser focus goals is as much LEAN muscle tissue as possible then these hold true and every huge bodybuilder and Pro I know does it this way when also using PEDs/ Roids but even Naturally

TIME TO GROW

Starting point :

Be as lean as you can that's sustainable for you but Abs and Lines veins are ideal

Why :

1. Digestion

💪🏾When Lean your Digestive system is ready for the amount of food you will need to push over time

💪🏾So being lean in the first place would point to being in a calorie deficit

💪🏾So now the gut is ready you will benefit most from a growth phase the longer you can keep it going being lean gives you that time to push and push before you slowly start to get soft but with that you have likely maximized muscle gain

The softer you get the less effective the body will want to put on muscle tissue

If you can't digest your food because your digestion has already slowed down then you have limited your muscle growth potential

The scale going up and up means nothing if it's not the weight we want

2. Insulin sensitivity

When Lean again because of your pancreas being more rested as well as little fat tissue being stored in your body your insulin response to food and the nutrients within can be moved very efficiently to where it's needed so training performance and recovery will jump up a notch or 5

The same things apply here to the softer you get and the more fat that gets stored will result in reduce insulin sensitivity

Pushing all that food and you don't have the insulin to utilize it then it's a waste and that food will start to be stored as more and more fat

The scale is going up ! But again it's not lean mass

✌🏾 these Just being 2 of the reason ✌🏾

A good way to look at this all and some may not notice because they are not interested about stepping on stage and that's ok doing you is good but

It Is that very fact each year or so these guys getting ready for the stage that results in this crazy physiques that keep on growing

That very lean condition for stage sets them up for this incredible anabolic window as mentioned above

This is some of the reason why guys seem to explode in size year after year

A Forever BULK is fun and I understand and love the look myself BUT it's very inefficient in the long term this also includes JUMPING right up to 5000 cal a day

"EAT BIG TO GET BIG BRO" is true but half the story

TO GET BIG BRO EAT BIG AND EAT SMALL*

*(depending on starting point if your lean and skinny then moving into EAT BIG is the start if your holding more fat tissue then a better starting point then is EAT small to get BIG later is more accurate)*

As soon as I followed these steps above my muscle growth has just taken off I have been much heavier in the past but i was too fat and my body was not in an effective muscle building anabolic state

💪🏾📈💪🏾 so Go Get Huge this year 💪🏾📈💪🏾

[ineffectualdemon]

TW for weight loss talk but not diet talk

I am a very fat person

I also happen to have lost weight over the last year

Not intentionally. I wasn't seeking to lose weight and I only know because I dropped a clothing size and I happened to accidentally over hear my weight at a doctors appointment in January and again in October. In 10 months I lost roughly somewhere between 22 and 30 lbs. I don't know exactly because it's been awhile and I'm not keeping track of my weight. But I did drop a clothing size in that time. And 22lbs seems about right because that's 2.2lbs a month which is a healthy weight loss rate.

And here's what's interesting

What has changed in the last year is that I have eaten MORE

I struggle with eating and with getting myself to eat so this January I went to see a dietician for advice on how to eat more regularly despite the times I find it hard due to my autism and issues with disordered eating, and how to eat a bit heathier. Not because I wanted to lose weight but because I feel better if my diet is a bit more veg heavy

She recommended I eat my ready meals and pre prepared food and snacks if that's what I needed to do to eat

And I did

I bought a smoothie maker because sometimes solid food is hard and I hate soup 90% of the time (it's a texture/Temperature thing)

And I add chocolate spread and whole fat milk and loads of strawberries when I make a smoothie because it's trying to get nutrients into me

I eat ready meals several times a week

True I choose veg heavy ones because I like those more but it's still ready meals

I have had more instant ramen but with tofu and frozen stir-fry veggies added

I eat more food more often

I eat consistently

I eat food that tastes good and makes my body feel better and not worse

I attach less shame to what I eat and I worry less about it

And because I'm eating consistently and in a way my body appreciates I've been able to move around a little more and do a very moderate amount of stretching and physio to try and strengthen my body

I am still very fat.

I'm probably going to remain very fat. I don't expect I will lose a great deal more weight

But I find it very interesting that I lost enough to drop a clothing size by eating MORE food and, more food marked as "bad" like ready meals, because I cared about making my body feel better and a little less ill then I did about mu weight

And guess what? I'm still going to focus on my how much body feels and giving it energy then on punishing myself because of my body shape

I am fat and that's morally neutral. Losing a little weight did not change who I am. But it did expose how fucking stupid diet culture is

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗱𝘆

organization: i know it's the most trivial advice in the world, but i swear it works. before doing anything, i take my planner and review everything i have to do, i divide the study by subject, amount of things to study and review spaces for exams. realistically, you can't expect to do it all in one day, but a good plan could almost allow you to sleep at night!

a clean workspace: i can't fucking concentrate if there's a mess aroud me, i get distracted easily, even by dust, so before i start studying i always deep-clean my desk. i know that not everyone can afford a personal and quiet place to study in their houses, so try to find yourself a small angle where you can really focus.

go to study in a library / café: i didn't believe it at first, but it's actually useful. if you have the opportunity to go to a library or a café after school ( or near your house ) do so. being surrounded by people who are studying like you really helps to focus, you'll be less inclined to get distracted and procastinate. i would feel uncomfortable using my phone in a library with other people who are doing their work while i'm sitting there scrolling on tumblr.

breaks: ik ik, not very blair waldrof, hermione granger, spencer hastings, rory gilmore of me, isn't it? but is it worth it. sometimes i end up having really bad headaches from studying and, even if i keep studying, the quality of my work decreases significantly. breaks are fundamental. i would not recommend using social networks for your beak, because they litteraly drain your attention, rather do your skincare, prepare yourself a snack ( eating is important! it's what makes you focus ), read 10 pages of your book, dance a little bit in your room, do stretching, go outside and buy some mint chewingum, something like that.

EAT!: girls, boys and theys, we know. i honestly think that almost every person that craves academic validation ends up developing a sort of eating disorder. it's not even the food, is the fact that you are too busy studying that you forget to eat, ignoring stomach cramps, or the fact that you didn't get that answer right and now you don't feel like you deserve the lunch. i understand bc i AM like this, like you. but think about it: you need to do it in order to survive ( but this is secondary to the grades, right? ) and to keep your brain active. you can't walk around with blurred vision because you haven't eaten or drunk for fourteen continuous hours. i swear that eating like a normal human being helps you to keep going.

sleep: same thing as eating, but with our terrible sleeping schedules. i know that school is toxic so we end up finishing our homeworks at 2 am everyday ( if we're lucky ) but when you have the chance, take a nap and recover.

repeat things as if you were explaining them to someone: this is litterally the fastest way ever to learn fundamental concepts when you're studying. imagine that you're talking to a friend that doesn't know anything about the subject that you're studying and try to explain the topic to them. finding simple words for a difficult topic will help you understand it thoroughly, on this basis you can then build an articulated and more academic speech. repeat things out loud, doesn't matter if you look crazy, you already are <3

check and organize your notes the same day: i never have time to take proper notes in class, so i review them as soon as possible, with the lesson still fresh in mind. it really helps me understand the subject and makes the further study much easier.

watch youtube videos: youtube is my favourite class. sometimes teachers are dumber than students and you, who don't have a degree in that subject and are tackling a topic for the first time, don't understand a damn thing. ofc not!! sometimes professors are terrible at explaining stuff, but fazal from pakistan isn't. i passed my physics class with a 10/10 thanks to an indian guy on youtube. documentaries and yt videos are a simple and nice way to understand better topics and do insights for extra credits.

delete social media: i'm gonna do another post specifically for this.

"STUDY!" wallpaper: last but not least, the dumbest yet the smartest advice, set as lockscreen a white / black / whatever background with a big fat "STUDY!" written on it. everytime you're about to pick up your phone and procastinate the wallpaper will scold you.

hope this was useful or at least fun to read byee

[audhd-space]

Hi. Do you have any tips on how to be productive and how to stick to a routine? I create routines but can barely stick to them, and it's stressful trying to stay on top of schoolwork and other extracurricular activities. Thanks!

Hello, been away to focus on my health.

I’ll try to keep it simple: so a lot of the times people with ADHD fail to stick to routine or have difficulty forming habits is mostly due to our object impermanence.

So taking account object impermanence when forming a routine means :

1. Creating ADHD friendly space at home.

• some people with ADHD have struggles with teeth cleaning / brushing teeth, so what you can do is place it near your bed

• some people with ADHD have problems with misplacing items, so what you need is not to be more vigilant, BUT YOU NEED VISUAL CUES, and place the items where it is EASY TO SEE AND REACH. If putting it in the middle of hallway is easy for you to take it every morning (even if it is odd place), then that’s the routine that works for you!

• same as eating, if you have problems forgetting to eat, having a few snacks/ready to eat food placed in front of you will reduce the amount of energy/spoon you need to take in order to get food.

• some adjustment I made to make my home ADHD-friendly is to have a lot of label stickers (at door, at switches, at kitchen). I also switched to transparent container so my items can be seen and easily found.

2. Your body already has its own routine, you just need to tune in and listen to it.

• What is automatic for you? Observe your one week and track the pattern. What is the best task you have ever completed and why is it so engaging? This is not going to be straightforward, but it shouldn’t be because everyone is different and unique.

• If you have ever felt guilty for playing games while eating, then that’s also how your ADHD brain trying to keep you engaged and focus doing your routine (eating).

• same as if you need to do your homework while watching a documentary or listening to podcast, sometimes adding more distractions can help people with ADHD concentrate better.

• if your body relies and thrives on novelty, then you have to find ways to keep improvising your daily tasks. Don’t feel bad for not being able to stick to routine, you probably thrive more from sticking to your routine from variety of places or working with different people.

3. Always gamify your task and keep it fun.

• this is how I try to keep daily tasks and routine less daunting.

• it sounds weird but do your routine/daily task with the craziest approach you have right now.

• just like in games, it works better if you have a buddy or enemy you need to squash in order to tackle the tasks!

Most important lesson, for me with ADHD, is ACCEPTING THAT I HAVE AN EVER CHANGING ROUTINE.

It is part of how I move, it is part of how I get things done.

[vampiriccreature]

Dmc 3 Dantes design is AMAZING in a storytelling aspect but does NOT work outside of dmc3 AND I’M SICK OF SEEING IT USED IN CROSSOVER MEDIAS !!!!!!

Long ass yap under cut

Dante has always been one for over the top outfits and designs. In the dmc1 novel one of the first sentences is talking about how Dante is flamboyant. At the end of dmc3 we see he has his dmc1 outfit on with all the layers and vest and everything. NOT shirtless.

At the start of dmc3 bro was getting out of the shower, like you hear the water and the shower faucet. You see the water droplets and steam coming off of Dante. And when he answers the phone he says the shop isn’t open yet. Dude was having a lazy day.

Dante did not have time to put on a shirt, he wasn’t planning on going out anywhere or doing anything, he was just eating pizza and chilling. I see SO MANY people (including cannon media like the dmc3 manga) just assume he regularly does not wear a shirt…. like he does! he just didn’t have time to put one on before Arkhams bitchass showed up with his demons.

Don’t even get me started on those pants…. light brown has never been a part of Dante’s color scheme so light brown pants definitely seem weird right? Also he had no belt despite clearly needing one.

Like look at this render, you can see how far his hip is from his pants. He probably just threw on some old pair without thinking about it. And with no belt too, every other version of Dante has at LEAST one belt. So seeing Dante in light brown pants, alone with no belt is definitely strange.

Yet it WORKS SO WELL for the overall design in 3. Reducing the amount of black in his color scheme to better focus on the red and establish him as a much lighter character compared to Vergil ties in perfectly with the dark reflection trope Vergil and Dante play into.

The most iconic thing about Dantes design has always been that red coat. No argument there. So taking away the rest of Dantes more extravagant parts of his design to better focus on the coat is perfect especially for dmc3. Another thing that ties back into the dark reflection trope of Dantes and Vergil is that cutting down on Dantes design makes Vergil and Dantes personalities reflect in their designs so much more. Vergil is very well kept, with a much more complicated outfit and slicked back hair. So Dante being the opposite of that with a lack of shirt, pants that don’t match, no belt, etc. (while still being flamboyant with that red coat) shows their differences in maturity.

You look at this guy and you KNOW he put so much time and effort into his look. He exudes elegance and effort. Meanwhile Dante’s just thrown on a coat and called it a day.

My point is. This design is great for the storytelling aspect of dmc3 as well as the symbolism and metaphors in dmc3. However, we know Dante doesn’t usually dress like this. He wears shirts. So I get personally annoyed when I see Dante portrayed as that one dude who never wears a shirt. I head cannon that around the shop when he has nothing planned he won’t wear a shirt (saves money on the water bill cuz less laundry) but if he plans to go out or have the shop open or whatever, he’s putting on the full fit. Shirt, belt, coat, and plenty of other accessories.

Also here’s the second paragraph from the dmc1 novel cuz I just love how he’s described not only as flamboyant but also adorned with a lot of jewelry:

[luckbr1nger]

I am so sick of myself

Recently, I saw a video that said something along the lines of, if you haven't changed yet, it's because you aren't sick enough of who you are. Thinking about being in the same situation once again next year sent me into a panic, I cannot let this happen again.

This is going to be a long ranting post about where I'm at now and what I want to do to change it. Maybe you're in a similar position, this is a no-judgment opportunity for us all to finally make the changes we need to be happy with ourselves <3

TW: Disordered eating, self harm, mental health

What I Want to Change

Health

I am probably suffering the worst with food recently than I have in years. I have slipped back into bad eating habits where I will restrict myself, binge and then purge. I recently lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and when I started to stagnate, I spiralled to try and keep losing the weight and it all just got worse and worse.

I have PCOS and insulin resistance so weight loss has never been easy for me, and I have never been thin. Last year, I managed to lose enough weight to leave the obese BMI category, but I am still overweight and I would like to be safely in the middle of the normal range. This is important to me because of my PCOS, there is an increased likelihood of other health issues being overweight.

I would also like to exercise more and start to build muscle, I am so unfit and muscle is so important for supporting your bones and physical health. Because of years of disordered eating, I have quite severe vitamin deficiencies, especially Vitamin D and B12 which has resulted in incredible fatigue leaving me unable to exercise. I have had a course of B12 injections and I take tablets 3 times a day and I'm hoping this allows me to have more energy and exercise more.

I also finally passed my driving test and when I get a car I am going to be able to go to the gym regularly!

Finances

I have a long history of self harming and reckless behaviours due to my BPD and CPTSD. I have been clean from self harming for about a year now, but I struggle a lot with other forms of harm such as overspending, shopping addictions and other harmful addicting behaviours but spending is the worst currently.

I have gotten myself into a lot of debt on multiple credit cards, a loan and unregulated credit like Klarna/clearpay. It's something I am so ashamed of and I am constantly in a cycle of having to pay hundreds a month to repay my debts. I want to be out of this cycle and I want to learn better coping skills for managing my mental health that doesn't involve destructive behaviours.

Hoarding

This goes together with the above, but because of my overspending, my surroundings are so cluttered. I live with my parents and my room is so tiny, I don't already have space and yet with my spending, I keep buying more and more and more and my room keeps become more cluttered and more unliveable.

I would like to downsize, I am by no means a minimalist and I have no real desire to become a minimalist, however I do not want to continue the level of consumerism that I have been. I would only like to buy the things that I need, and I would like to use up the things I have first and stop feeling attached to objects I don't need so that I can finally declutter.

Other

The areas above are the most important to me right now, the most pressing areas that I would like to sort out. However, there are some 'smaller' less dire areas I want to work on.

Hobbies: I want to focus on the hobbies I am already working on and stop picking up every hobby I hear about

Socialising: I struggle a lot with social anxiety, but I would like to slowly try and socialise more, whether it is meeting up more with my friends or trying to make more friends and put myself out there more!

What am I going to do about it?

I have some overarching, large goals for these that I am going to write down here to work towards making my life better, at the beginning of each month, I will break down my large goals into smaller goals and then at the end of each month I will do a review of how things went, anything that went well, what maybe didn't go well and my goals for the following month off the back of that.

Goals

General

Each day, do one thing I don't want to do, but need to do

Before each week, write a post on my tumblr about how the last week went and my goals for the upcoming week

Each month write a review of the last month and my goals for the coming month

Health

Reach 100-110lbs (I know it's fairly low, I'm very short, and this weight is healthy for my height)

Create a regular workout routine where I am weight training 3x a week

Reach a point where I am doing yoga at least 5 times a week, I notice I am calmest and my mental health is best when I have a regular yoga practice

Remember to take my B12, multivitamins, inositol and antidepressants regularly (I am so bad at this)

Be able to run a 5k (my cardio health isn't great, so I would love to reach a point where I can do this)

Only having takeaways when my boyfriend is down (he lives far away and when he is down it is a treat for us to get a takeaway)

Finances

Pay off my credit card debts (Current total: 3259.30)

Pay off my flexpay credit (Current total: 1297.70)

Pay off my loan (10744.47)

Low Buy 2025 (more details in another post)

Save 1k

Each week, write down what I'm spending and log it

Each month, take this and see where my money is going

Hoarding

Declutter 1 area of my room each month until I am happy with it

Other:

Hobbies

To stop myself from picking up a million more hobbies, I've included some goals for the hobbies I already have to keep me busy

Complete the colouring books I already have before ordering more

Sew an outfit for myself!

Start up ice skating weekly again

Read down my TBR (current number of unread books: 422)

Go on a photography day out

Create a language learning plan I will stick to weekly

Once Dad has sorted the herb garden, choose some seasonal plants to plant

Begin writing again, I have so many ideas and get too worried with perfectionism, but I need to put that aside and just write!

This isn't a 'New Year, New Me' project, these are continuous, ongoing habit and behavioural changes. If you want to join me, please do!! I want this to be a safe space for people who want to better their lives, and we can all support eachother <3

[sitkowski]

when it's time ( noah sebastian x nick folio )

pairing: noah sebastian x nick folio

cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️  a massive amount of fluff and holiday related cliches. new boyfriends, first time, making out, hand jobs, anal sex, marking/biting, praise kink.

word count: 4.1k

author's note: happy valentine's day pals! bless everyone who gave a hand in this one, they know who they are. title comes from the green day song. divider by @saradika-graphics 🩵

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || read on ao3

Nick finds the box of candy hearts in his bunk. There’s nothing special about it, just one of those little pink cartons they have out in every grocery, convenience store and gas station around this time of year. The colorful candies rattle around in the box noisily as he picks it up and eyes it almost suspiciously. It takes a few minutes to click that this is the first time ever he’s had a significant other on Valentine’s Day. He’s been used to Noah leaving him little presents for a while even before they began dating; an obscene enamel pin for his leather jacket, a hat he found at a truck stop in some no name town between shows. But somehow, this little box of candy means something else entirely.

This thing with him and Noah is so new, he can count on one hand the number of dates they went on before the tour began, and they haven’t exactly had the time to put much focus into their new relationship with the album doing so well and getting more shows booked. They were in a freaking bus now instead of their van, and it felt like it had come out of nowhere that they were on the rise that they were on going from the van to hotels to the bus. Nick felt secure with Noah, but he still saw the box of candy at some sort of sign. Instead of going to him and asking him about it, Nick goes to the person who knows Noah best.

“What does this mean?” he asks Nicholas, holding out the box to him.

“It’s candy, Folio. You eat it.”

Nick squints at him, contemplating chucking the box at his head. He’s only got so much time before Noah and Jolly are back from the interview they were doing. “No, I know that, genius. But Noah left them for me.”

“Oh,” Nicholas nods almost solemnly. “Well you see, when a boy likes another boy very much—”

His words are cut off when a candy heart hits him square in the forehead. 

Nick reminds himself that it was Nicholas who set him and Noah up in the first place, and he’s just being difficult because it’s his right as Noah’s best friend. That’s the only thing that keeps him from throwing another. He waits almost patiently while Nicholas stares at him in mock offense before he grabs the candy from where it had landed on his shirt and pops it into his mouth.

“Look, we’re gonna be at a hotel that night. Take him out, or get something to eat and watch some movies. He’s not gonna be expecting some big thing.”

As far as advice goes, it’s exactly what Nick needs to hear but he’s still not entirely convinced. “He won’t think that’s boring?”

“Believe me, all he’s going to care about is that he’s with you.” Nicholas laughs at him, not unkindly. “You’ll be fine.”

It takes everything Nick has to just nod and believe him. Things have been perfect with Noah, and he’s sure that he won’t need to do something big or elaborate when they haven’t even made this exclusive yet and he isn’t even sure if Noah actually likes the holiday beyond leaving him a little treat that cost him less than five bucks. And honestly all that really matters is that they’ll have a day off that he can spend with Noah. He can’t stop thinking about how well the two of them fit together. The holiday is irrelevant to whether or not they—Noah and Nick, Nick and Noah—work as a couple.

When Noah finds him later, he’s sprawled out on the back lounge sofa, watching reruns of Man vs. Food. Noah’s nose wrinkles as he watches the guy shovel half a pizza into his mouth just to win a t-shirt, before he finally turns his attention to Nick. He’s still got the candies, absently eating them as he watches the show. Some of them taste gross, but he still eats them because Noah gave them to him.

Nick doesn’t ask about the interview, just moves the box out of Noah’s way and sits up long enough to pull him down on the couch with him, until he fits himself into the space between Nick’s body and the sofa cushions. Nick twists around so that they’re face to face.

“Hi,” he says softly.

Noah gives him an amused look. “Hi yourself. Are you comfy now?”

“Yep,” Nick fishes around in the box and pulls out one of the green hearts, holding it up for him to read. It says kiss me on it in bright pink letters. “Hm, good advice.”

The first thing Nick ever heard from Noah when they met was his laugh, and he’s pretty sure he fell in love with him even if he didn’t know it at the time. Noah lets out one of those delighted laughs now, taking the candy from between Nick’s fingers before leaning over and kissing him like it suggested. It’s impossible to avoid the pleased noise that escapes him as Noah’s fingers gently curl around his jaw; Nick will never ever get tired of this. The taste of the candy still lingers on Noah’s tongue as it brushes against his and Nick reaches up to push Noah’s hair behind his ears, only for it to fall right back into both of their faces.

He slots a knee between Noah’s legs, if only to get closer to him. He’s content to just lay here and trade kisses until his lips are tingling and Noah’s practically half asleep in his arms. He thinks he feels the bus start to move, but he doesn’t want to disturb this moment if he doesn’t have to.

“Thank you. For the candy.” Nick says finally.

Noah hums and taps his fingers against the side of Nick’s face. “You’re welcome, baby.”

The endearment lights up something in Nick’s chest and he nudges his nose against Noah’s cheek before pressing a kiss there. He brings the candy box back up from where it’s been crushed between them, and pulls out another heart. This one is purple, with the writing a little faded. The imprinted words are still visible enough.

“What’s it say?” Noah asks.

Turning it around, Nick lets him read it. He watches the way Noah’s eyes crinkle when he smiles widely. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Nick pops the heart that says I love you into his mouth.

Noah likes waking up with Nick. He’s been doing it for years since they started touring, before they even thought of getting together. When they’d slept in the van, or crashed in someone’s basement after a show. They can’t really sleep beside one another in the bunks, no matter their height difference it just doesn’t work out comfortably. But when he wakes up alone, he’s confused and a little disappointed for a few seconds. He sees all of Nick’s stuff still tossed on the second bed with his and when he sits up, he finds the note stuck to the lamp shade that Nick had left. Relief settles in him when he realizes that he’s only gone to get breakfast.

When he hears the thudding knock against their door, he crawls out of bed. Nick’s on the other side and Noah blinks at him when he realizes that he’s loaded down with not only a tray of coffees for them, but food bags and a few plastic bags from the Walgreens down the road from the hotel. Nick leans up to drop a kiss on his cheek as he walks in, sitting everything down on the table by the window.

“I see you got more than breakfast,” Noah observes.

Nick pulls a coffee from the tray and hands it to him. It does something to Noah every time he notices little things like Nick having memorized his coffee preferences. The first hit of caffeine burns his tongue a little, and he looms over Nick’s shoulder as he starts to pull food out of bags.

“What else did you get?” he asks, eying the stuff from the drugstore. “If I had known you were gonna go on a shopping spree I’d have gotten up to go with you.”

Nick’s cheeks are pink when he picks up one of the bags and holds it out to Noah. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Whatever is in the bag is soft, and Noah drops back down on the bed to start going through it with excitement. He pulls out a variety of plush animals, each holding a little heart or having a saying on them. There’s an otter that says U R Otter This World, and a puppy with a bone that says I Woof You. Noah holds up a stuffed lamb with a t-shirt that says I Love Ewe, and he realizes he can’t stop smiling.

“I didn’t know which one you’d like, so I bought them all.” Nick mumbles.

“You are too fucking cute,” Noah sits aside his coffee and tugs on Nick’s hand, pulling him down onto his lap and kissing him softly. “Thank you. I love them all.”

Nick looks proud of himself and he tucks Noah’s hair behind his ears, bumping his forehead against his.

“There might be some other stuff in one of the bags for later.”

“Later, huh?” Noah grins and Nick’s face gets even more flushed. “You got plans up your sleeve for me, Nick Folio?”

“I…I meant candy, you perv,” Nick says but Noah knows that’s not entirely true. “C’mon, let’s eat breakfast before it gets cold.”

He squirms his way out of Noah’s lap and pulls him over to the table. Noah would tease him more, but the food smells good and he lets himself be distracted. He’s also completely enamored with Nick getting him breakfast and cute little gifts for the holiday. It’s not lost on him that he’s Nick’s first boyfriend. He likes that about him, and maybe there is a tiny part of him that is selfishly happy to be the first and hopefully the last.

“What do you say to getting a shower and doing some sightseeing?” Noah asks after they’ve finished eating.

“I’d like that,” Nick says and Noah gets up from the table. He holds out a hand and Nick gives him a look. “Oh, we’re showering together. That’s environmentally friendly.”

Laughing, Noah tugs on his hand, “Yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking about, water conservation.”

As soon as they’re in the bathroom, Nick strips out of his shirt and reaches into the shower stall to turn on the water. The bathroom fills with steam quickly and Noah tugs off his own shirt. He feels Nick’s eyes on him as they take off the rest of their clothes. He plants a hand in the middle of Noah’s chest, guiding him backwards until they’re both stepping into the stall. He can’t take his eyes off of him as he tips his head back under the spray. Nick’s watching him too, and the corner of his mouth tilts up as he runs his hands through his hair.

“Well? Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna come closer? I thought we were sharing water.”

Noah doesn’t hesitate to fit himself into his space, putting his hands on Nick’s hips to turn him around so that he’s the one beneath the water now. Nick presses a kiss to the underside of Noah’s chin before grabbing his shampoo. They take turns beneath the water, not getting too distracted at first. But once they’re both rinsed off, Noah can’t help himself.

“Can I touch you?” he asks softly, pulling Nick close.

Nick answers him with a quick nod, before wrapping a hand around his wrist and guiding it down until Noah’s fingers close around him. His cock twitches in his grasp and Nick grins with a soft exhale. Noah moves his hand slowly, every sound escaping him shooting straight to his gut. He dips his head down and kisses his neck as he jerks him off, slow and easy.

"Fuck, this is so good," Noah murmurs with his lips against Nick's skin. He runs his hand up the length of Nick’s cock. "This is already so good."

“Noah,” Nick sighs out his name, hands coming up to grab onto the sides of his face and pull his mouth to his. His hips rock into Noah’s hand, the water falling around them starting to cool. Noah backs him up against the glass door and Nick whines against his mouth. “Please—”

“Okay, I’ve got you,” Noah promises, stroking him faster. Nick’s eyes clench shut and he knocks his head back against the door. “You’re so good, baby. So good for me. Just let me take care of you.” 

He pulls Nick’s full bottom lip between his teeth, nipping him just so and Nick groans, coming all over his hand. The water washes everything away and Noah leans back in to kiss him senseless. He pulls away, panting for air as Nick gets a hand between them, getting his hand on Noah’s cock. Unlike Noah, he doesn’t try to draw it out, fist moving fast enough that Noah’s knees nearly buckle. It shouldn’t surprise him how fast he’s able to find a rhythm, even like this.

“Do you want more?” Nick asks, still a little breathless. “I could—”

Noah cuts him off, shaking his head. He isn’t going to expect that from him when he’s never done something like this before. “No, this is perfect, just like this.”

“Okay,” he says lightly, even as he runs his thumb over the head of Noah’s cock, hard and steady. “You are gonna let me suck you off one day though, right?”

Noah lets out a disbelieving moan, his head falling forward to Nick’s shoulder. His answering laugh tickles Noah’s ear, and he turns his head to sink his teeth into Nick’s neck in retaliation. This only makes him stroke his cock faster, and Noah wonders what kind of publicity they’d get if he slipped and broke something in the shower while getting a handjob from his boyfriend slash bandmate on Valentine’s Day.

He’s already so close, just from this and from getting Nick off first. Noah brings one of his hands down, over Nick’s, guiding him. Nick tips his head back against the glass again, using his free hand to tug on Noah’s hair until he gets the message and kisses him. Every noise that Noah makes, he swallows down. 

“Are you gonna come for me, honey?” Nick asks.

Noah doesn’t answer with words, he simply comes, just like that.

Nick hasn’t been able to stop staring at Noah. They’ve been out wandering the town for a few hours, and it’s probably pretty shady of him that all Nick can think about is getting him back to their hotel room later. Every time he lets himself think about it, he can hear the sounds Noah was making in the shower, and Nick cannot turn his brain off. If Noah notices how twitchy he is, he doesn’t say anything. They’re sitting together in a quiet park, and when Noah catches him looking this time, he lifts their joined hands together and presses a kiss to Nick’s knuckles.

Nick fucking swoons.

Before he can say anything, an older woman approaches them. “Flower for your valentine?”

She’s got a basket of vibrant red roses hooked over one arm, and Nick gives Noah a little smile before reaching for his wallet. “How about two?”

He probably pays too much for two roses, but she hands them both one with a smile before heading off. Nick likes the way Noah lifts it to his nose and smells it. He laughs that laugh that Nick fell in love with.

“What’s that look for?”

Nick looks from his face to the roses again. “I just love you.”

“I love you too, Nicky,” Noah leans in and presses a quick kiss to his lips. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

They leave the park and go get lunch before they finally make their way back to the hotel. Nick can’t help but think of the things he’s got tucked among the candies in his shopping bags. And maybe he waits until Noah’s a little distracted before he starts lighting the little candles that he bought, placing them around the room. He’s hyper aware when he’s finally being watched.

Noah’s mouth twists. “You know my history with candles right?”

“You won’t be touching the candles, you’ll be touching me.”

“In my defense, I wasn’t touching the candle then either—”

Nick grabs Noah by his shirt and kisses him until he stops talking. He manages to put out a hand and find the light switch, leaving the room lit only by the candles. Gently, he shoves Noah down until he’s sitting on the end of the bed.

“You’re gonna fuck me in this bed,” he declares. “We’ll order some room service for dinner, watch some trash tv and maybe you can fuck me again in the morning before bus call. If that works for you.”

Noah’s mouth opens and then closes, and he draws in a deep breath before trying again. “Yeah, that works for me.”

Nick nods and tries to step back but Noah latches onto his hips and yanks, until he falls into his chest and they both fall back onto the mattress. Nick squirms impatiently but lets Noah kiss him, until they’re both out of air and then they start pulling at each other’s clothes.

“Have you ever done this before?” Nick asks as Noah’s leaning back to tug off his jeans.

“Once or twice. It’s been a while though,” Noah looks up at him, raking at hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes. “This might sound incredibly cliche, but it’s different with you, Nick.”

“I believe you.”

They manage to get out of the rest of their clothes in a comfortable silence and Nick watches as Noah backs away long enough to grab the bottle of lube from the bag. He didn’t think to get condoms, but he trusts Noah enough to be okay with that. When Noah turns back around to look at him, Nick can see the love in his eyes and it makes it hard to breathe.

Crawling back over him, Noah brushes his fingers over Nick’s cheek and rocks forward so that their cocks slide along each other. It draws a gasp from Nick and when his lips fall open a bit, Noah leans in to kiss him. He presses him further into the mattress and distracts him with kisses again, hips rolling into his every now and then. He cups a hand under Nick’s jaw, tipping his head back so he can drag his mouth down his throat, sucking bruises here and there as he goes.

“I’ve gotta get you ready, baby,” Noah murmurs into his skin, and Nick nods rapidly. “Just relax for me.”

 It takes him more than a few minutes to actually relax, but Noah’s so patient with him that it almost brings tears to his eyes. He lets Noah ease his legs apart and he only twitches a little when he hears the snap of the lube bottle cap. The first brush of fingers against his hole makes Nick jolt, but Noah strokes his free hand over his thigh, whispering calming words to him as he slowly presses first one finger into him, and then a second when he starts to relax more.

When he curls his fingers against Nick’s prostate, Nick reaches down and grabs at the sheets, arching up into it. “Another,” he begs and Noah does what he asks without question, adding a third.

Nick’s pretty sure he could come like this, and Noah would probably let him. But that’s not what he wants. He thinks about begging, about promising him that he’s ready for more, but he knows that Noah won’t give him what he wants until he’s sure.

“You gonna tell me what you want again?” Noah asks, slowing his fingers down.

Nick makes a desperate noise, back arching off the bed. “I wanna come on your cock.”

If he’d been looking at Noah, he would have seen the slack jawed expression that came across his face hearing those words, but he’d closed his eyes up until the moment that he pulled his fingers out and crawled back up Nick’s body, kissing him hard.

“Turn over for me,” Noah says, and Nick blinks up at him. “On your side.”

Nick moves how he wants him to, his breath coming out in harsh pants as he looks back over his shoulder and watches Noah slick up his cock. He spoons up behind Nick, pressing his face into his shoulder. One of his hands reaches down to push Nick's knee up and over, and he lets out a surprised moan because he didn't think it could be like this, the way Noah's opening him up now, nudging into him slowly. He can feel himself shaking and he fights the urge to grind back against him. Noah clamps his arm over him to keep him still as he pushes all of the way in.

"Hang on baby, stay still for me," he mutters against the side of Nick's face.

"Noah," he gasps, reaching up to grab onto the arm wrapped around him.

"I know, I know. I've got you."

Noah holds him close and rocks into him, slow and deep. His face presses into Nick's neck again, his hand sliding up to hold onto the underside of his jaw, pulling him back into his shoulder. A whine stutters out of Nick and he reaches down to wrap his hand around his own cock. It isn't easy but he manages to match the slow movements of Noah's cock moving inside of him.

It's not lost on him that they're not fucking, they’re making love.

"More, Noah," Nick begs, and he hears Noah choke on a breath behind him.

"Okay," he murmurs and that's all the warning he really gets.

Noah pushes at Nick's hip, changing the angle, and he drapes himself over him, hips snapping into his as he fucks him hard and deep. Nick squeezes his eyes shut, a moan forced out of him on every thrust. The tension in his stomach pulls tight like a string and then snaps, and he comes all over his fist. Noah fucks him through it, pushing him over onto his stomach. Nick moves pliantly, unable to do much more than grasp the sheets between his fingers and press his face into the bend of his arm as Noah's thrusts turn desperate and unsteady.

"Can I come inside you?"

Nick hadn't even thought about it, but he finds himself begging Noah to do so. He feels Noah press into him and go still, a jagged whine escaping him as he does exactly what Nick tells him he can. Nick can feel it and he reaches back to grab onto Noah’s hip, holding him there until he stops coming.

After, Noah presses kisses along the back of Nick’s shoulder, keeping a hand on Nick’s hip as he gently pulls out. Nick can’t help but squirm a little, but then he feels Noah’s weight settle into his back and he twists around as much as he can to kiss him.

“We should shower,” He makes a negative noise against Noah’s mouth at his suggestion, wanting nothing more than to keep him close. Noah laughs, and Nick melts. “Come on Nicky, I’m pretty sure there’s still room service and trash tv in this plan of yours.”

He relents, letting Noah pull him from the bed and towards the bathroom.

Noah wakes up with Nick pressed into his back, making him the little spoon. He squints at the time, trying to do the mental math of how long they have until bus call. It’s still a few hours away, and he remembers Nick telling him something the night before about having his way with him before they leave the hotel. His eyes catch on the two roses in a glass of water on the nightstand, and he can’t help but smile before he turns over in Nick’s arms. They can sleep a little longer.

Of course, they nearly miss bus call. They’re the last ones across the parking lot and they shove their stuff into the bay before making their way up the steps. As soon as their friends see them, they’re met with wolf whistles and catcalls. It doesn’t help that Nick’s got a spectacular set of hickeys above the collar of his hoodie and Noah’s shirt is on inside out. He’s also got the stuffed animals from Nick tucked beneath the strap of his carry on against his chest.

“I see you took my advice.” Nicholas says as Nick goes past, knocking fists with him.

Nick looks back over his shoulder, giving Noah a smile. “Something like that.”

⇉ taglist

@ladyveronikawrites @circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke @dominuslunae

@rumoured-whispers @cookiesupplier @kinseysucks @collapsedglasshouses

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@collidewiththesavannah @sorrowsofsilence @fadingangelwisp

@kait16xo @wonh0z

if you ’d like to be added to the taglist, you can find the form at the top of this fic! thanks for reading/reblogging 🩷

[3lliesan]

"Move."

Time.

Yuu didn't have much time.

They realized this after the Dwaf's Mines, the running, the fight, and the trip back from Crowley's office. Ever since that black ink sunk beneath their skin, there was no way to stop it from slowly killing them even faster unless they somehow found a way to release it.

Even before all of that, Yuu knew that their 'heart' was weak. Not having as much strength as when 'she' lived.

Yuu was almost fine with just being invisible. A passing wind, that a few would notice, and forget just as quickly when they're gone. That would leave less pain and bitter tastes...

...

But...

That feeling.

The running with a purpose to achieve something.

The trust in each of their hearts to continue living.

Going against the odds even if things seemed hopeless.

The victory.

A glimpse of any color will do. Just as it did back then.

drip. drip. drip

ba-dump. ba-dump.

There were drums in Yuu's ears right now. No. Heartbeats. Everyone was doing their best to keep themselves alive and find ways to do damage to the Blot creature behind the bloody red queen, and a close friend of one of the people involved.

[Doodle Suit] can only hold out for so long, about half the people fighting were only first-year students, and that incompetent excuse of a headmage was probably too busy to hurry up and get reinforcements to arrive.

Though, most importantly..

"...fuck--!"

Yuu was currently having a problem of their own right now.

Riddle's spear pierced their arm, pinning it to the ground.

And it took a lot of effort for them not to scream.

It stung more than any ordinary arrow. Like a parasite, it was eating away at their limb. Flesh dying black the more time passes. The ones that noticed wanted to help, shouting out in concern, but unable to do much since they needed to focus on fighting for their lives, with Yuu, the one leading the whole thing down.

Is this really it? This was how I'm going to die? What can I even do if Trey uses his unique magic? I doubt it'd lessen enough damage for anything to be done. Am I going to see the fight til' the end at least..?

Sounds went back and forth like a broken record. Yuu tried to block out the entire world with the sound of their heartbeat.

bam. bam. bam. bam.

bam. bam. bam. bam..

Is there really nothing that can be done? Come on, think! Anything!

---

"There's ghosts in the mines?!"

"You've got to be kidding-"

---

"What, you a chicken or something?"

"Who are you calling a chicken, huh?!"

"idiots- do you want to live through this or not?!"

---

"Here's the plan..."

---

"I don't know how we're still alive! Hah- haha!"

"... Bahaha-"

---

--

-

"Oi, Yuu- or should I call you prefect now~?"

"Say that again and I'll show you a demonstration with the word, defenestration." Yuu retorted without hesitation. It was still too early in the morning, they hadn't had coffee in two days, and being addressed formally never failed to weird them out.

"...You look like a pretty guy, but you're freaking scary, you know that?" Now what is that supposed to mean?

Ace sighed, making himself right at home on the previously dusty sofa. "Anyway, as I was saying. I've been wanting to ask this for a while."

"What's up with that sword? You've been keeping that thing with you since the entrance ceremony, and it's not even in good condition."

Ah, right. You've been bringing that broken blade around in its sheath. Now that both Ace and Deuce know that it's only half a sword, that makes it seem even stranger.

"What, is it a family relic? Ya trying to look cool or something?"

"That's.. uh..."

... Well, it's not like Yuu could say anything about it being the one thing tied to their past or something. The atmosphere would turn weird.

---

.

.

.

Yuu's eyes locked right at the unsheathed red blade, in its usual purplish glow during battle. Ever since Yuu figured out how to convert blot to magic power in small amounts, they thought that they'd never need to use the same weapon again from the previous world.

tick. tock.

They pushed their body up with their left arm the best they could, ignoring the pain from the other side.

tick. tock.

Their vision getting blurry, crawled with any remaining strength they had.

drip. drip.

There was no time to have any fantasies of an miracle to appear, nor was there any time to drown in the despair of the current reality.

. . .

. . .

The muscles were begging to stop. The fight was still ongoing. Sounds of running, dodging, clashing, and casting was heard.

There were also an air of anxiety, tense, unnerving feeling in the air.

Along with fatigue.

...

Oh, right.

I'm tired.

Taking a small nap should be fine, right?-

No, I would definitely pass out, or worse..

Give up.. then what would all that be for..?

Why am I... even trying...

----+----

"W-We did it?"

There was a moment of silence as the three tried to process what had just happened.. If the dead monster on the ground was an indication of anything.

"We won..."

"Hooray!"

"We did it!!!"

...

what is it?

Was it because we won? We survived it together? Was it the thrill?

As Yuu started having strange thoughts, they stared at their friends for a while, broken weapons loosely held, still dazed... but not from the same thing as the two boys, too happy to notice how uncharacteristic it was.

Yuu couldn't pinpoint it in a few simple words to brush it off as something cliche. No matter how many literary works they could find to somehow find a way to describe it, it wouldn't feel right...

And for the first time. Yuu wasn't sure if they wanted to figure it out whether it was a good or bad thing.

...

'I want more of it.'

----+----

"...Damnit!"

Reaching out to the purplish hue, so close yet so far, nameless continued ignoring the pitch black crawling up their skin.

drip. drip.

"Just a little... more..!"

Crawling up the neck, pulse dimming bit by bit, soon syncing with the booming of the chest.

drip. drip.

"Move."

A glimpse was all that was needed. Even if You became one with the abyss. A single strand of color in a monochrome plane was enough.

So.

Drip. Tap.

"Move, damnit!"

As soon as Yuu clenched the weapon...

-BOOM!

"...Eh? The attacks..."

"They're all dissolving and gathering towards one place...?!"

So I may or may have not decided to dump any ideas here as practice until I get back on ao3 since something is better than nothing... haha- Yea, this is brain vomit. Please do the same whenever you read what I make THANK YOU! :DDDD

(P.S: Could you tell that this is one of the few times I'm describing atmosphere and feelings? It's so complicated. And I'm going cry :'D)

@twisted-drawritings @karmicpunishment @mellosdrawings

[is-this-fascism]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[mantisgodsdomain]

Falling victim to madness in the Chilaios Discord part one (with a link to the post mentioned at the end). Part 2 linked here (note: slightly more nsfw text). Transcript below cut.

A Discord conversation between three discord users - us, nicknamed Speculative Vore Cookbook, Cup of Chilaios Soup, and Oh Kay! (wormlette).

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Experiencing the impulse to rewrite the changeling chapters for fun and profit. Do you think that considering that half-foots apparently see dwarves as Extremely Attractive Laios sparks some kind of Thing in Chilchuck as a dwarf

Cup of Chilaios soup: GRABS YOU PLEASE CONTINUE

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Listen considering Us there will be spec bio about this but. Listen. Since we've been doing the species as "uncanny-valley-type not quite Like You" for the most part with just a little bit of increased compatibility within "families". Do you think that it would be fun if he can suddenly see all of Laios's features in this new light of this particular species. Where all of the tallman features abruptly come into focus in a format far more recognizable and all of a sudden he can draw some Very Certain Lines to someone who is abruptly several times more recognizably attractive rather than, like, would be very attractive if it weren't for the subtle distortion of species.

Cup of Chilaios soup: my third eye has opened

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Do you think being a tallman himself would help with that? An abrupt distortion of the brain. Do you think he would be able to draw back those memories to abruptly have the uncanny-valley barrier splinter under the force of, y'know, he knows precisely what that translates to, and with the added perspective it seems much less alien, and much more "for the love of god he's not supposed to be getting crushes on the job"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We need to make elves Weirder for this also. They're like the only race on the chart right now that Doesn't have a close-relation group where things like attraction translate more easily we need to make them more fucked up Absently rotating the idea of dwarves having an excellent sense of smell compared to their other close relatives both for enhancing their appreciation for Good Food (a surprising amount of taste is tied up in your sense of smell) and for underground navigation & communication And Laios will absolutely be Weird About It

Cup of Chilaios soup: Laios: wow Chilchuck why do you smell so breedable (gets crushed by a rock)

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Walks up to Chilchuck and starts sniffing him unprompted so he can deliver a food-critic review of his scent Breedable waits for whenever we actually get ourself to do sex pollen heatfic and can also do cool spec bio stuff but like with reproductive cycles Still rotating the idea of making DM tallmen Weirder. We already know they're taller than IRL humans we need to add like some extra fuckshit in there We've got to do the speculative biology first you see. Make it more fucked up. We've already set it up so they're fairly closely related to orcs we might as well add some fantasy bullshit in there.

Cup of Chilaios soup: Tallmen have slower metabolisms maybe? And they need to at A Lot to support their mass? You are so correct eat A Lot*

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to initial message): wait hold on holy fuck man.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: So far what we have for them as their Thing They're Known for is like. Endurance. Tallmen Specifically are known to be able to walk for hours without growing too tired. Not quite as strong as orcs or ogres, of course, but they're tall enough that they practically eat up ground with every stride, and they just don't stop moving.

Cup of Chilaios soup: passing the braincell around like it's a joint KINGS OF TIRING THEIR PREY OUT

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Orcs and ogres are ofc known for their brutal strength, which is Significantly Less Pronounced in humans - but all that strength burns energy, and they'll tire out far faster. Humans just keep going, far beyond what they really should be capable of.

Cup of Chilaios soup: guys who will climb a fcking mountain and be like ":D wanna walk back to town on foot"

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that the Big Thing People Know for elves would be their magic but we think that the magic thing is less about being naturally predisposed to it or whatever and more on the fact that enough of their society circles around it that pretty much any elf you meet's been deliberately raised to cultivate their magic, We think that their actual primary feature, like, physically, would be like. We're basing them on ungulates, right? Elves have long, willowy limbs, especially compared to their bodies. Look very graceful as adults who have had centuries of experience walking around and like wretched ganglebeasts at any point when they haven't gotten the hang of it yet. ABSURDLY fast in a sprint, because those long-ass legs are useful for Something, and that Something is being on runnable stilts. Not much stamina, though. (we are returning to this because we are fond of Marcille and we want her to be, like, Weird but in a way where they pass it off as Normal Elf Weird until the Changeling Thing happens and they have to cope with the fact that actually, elves are way weirder, and Marcille is weird in how close she is to other races as opposed to. Uhh. That Fucking Setup

Speculative Vore Cookbook (replying to Cup of Chilaios soup": "guys who will climb a fcking mountain"): Tallmen will climb a mountain carrying equipment on their back and need like a thirty minute breather tops before they're back up and at it like "okay now time to go down the other side" We think it's fun if it's a thing like the half-foot/dwarf/gnome cluster's enhanced senses, where the Absurd Stamina is part of what their other close relations have going for them, but whereas orcs and ogres have it to a Reasonable degree, Tallmen specialize really hard into doing this One Thing and get it in spades. Much like how half-foots spent all of their stat points in their ridiculously sensitive senses, to the detriment of things like strength and durability, tallmen have stupid amounts of stamina. Don't have to be as strong as your close relatives when you can simply outlast them!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (replying to Speculative Vore Cookbook "returning to this because we are fond of Marcille): really like learning abt elf weirdness in the context of marcille, specifically as a half elf. really liked how that reveal was handled, since fionil is also a half-elf i didnt notice for a LONG time that she was perhaps different than other elves. i really like that!!! tall-men just have a lot of stamina. basically canon re: how much shit laios carries around. particularly in a good dog RIP they're like. alaskan mal specced. they just keep going and going forever

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We think that her, like, subtly softer features and such get Very Fun especially with the potential familiarity aspect vs what full elves have going on if we go full weird on elves because we fucking love how Absolutely Fucked ungulate anatomy is and it scratches a little itch in the back of our brain to let the Graceful Forest People overlap with, like. You Know The Specific Flavor Of Creepypasta Beast

Oh Kay! (wormlette): ^forever comparing everything to dog breeds

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We casually mention that Falin's wrist bones are shorter than elf wrist bones in Drain Your Well Dry and we really need to elaborate on that some day Marcille is like the shetland pony of elves in that she's got like WAY more just… bulk, compared to an elf that's normally like 98% gangle 2% meat And she's still, like, insanely boney compared to human standards. We like to think she has the build of a greyhound. Insanely long for no reason.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "casually mentioned Falin's wrist bones are shorter): I NOTICED!!! I LUV THAT… marcille studying ennervation and everything… it kills me… i always thought of her as so carefree looking in her little spellbook and walking around and now im haunted by like. how much of it was her studying human anatomy for what she feared was inevitable!

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "like to think she has the build of a greyhound"): oh yeaaaag sighthound build would be GOOD for elves.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: But she still looks… More Similar To Other Races, y'know. You can see the similarities to her and other races and it makes it a tiny bit easier to slowly feel more at ease around her. Elves are weird and you don't see them often, but y'know, you've been around This One Elf long enough to start picking up on stuff, y'know? She's not that different from you, when it comes down to it, and sure she's a bit childish but that's probably normal for longer-lived races who're in the first halves of their lives, honestly. Aging slower and all. You can draw the lines if you pay enough attention, you've spent enough time socializing with other species that you can figure out the basic key, and though there are some things in there that really throw you off, as with any other race, it's not like you're handling an entirely new skull structure like with kobolds, right? It's readable, with enough time. Similar enough to tallmen that you can use your experience there and then fill in the gaps. And then you meet full-blooded elves when the Canaries come knocking and these guys are WAY more offputting than you thought actually. What the fuck is up with them? What the hell?

Cup of Chilaios soup: They have the reflective deer eyes from those horror edits

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Putting elves as a weird isolated branch in the humanoid evolution tree was a galaxy brain decision for us tbh. Their whole Weird Superiority Thing very much gets worse when they're the only people who don't have close relatives they can reference from. The other long-lived races seem to mingle FAR easier than them, and though we know it's The Attitude and such, it's fun to make them just… offputting.

Oh Kay! (wormlette): your miiiind

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting "not like reading an entirely new skull structure like kobolds): btw dont you love the thingie about kobolds having a vocal chord structure that doesnt realy support them speaking common. so no matter how smart they are they seem "animalistic" to humans. i love that a lot it's like. hmm. i really like when it's not body horror by itself but put into a societal context, it BECOMES horrifying. u know? it would be fine. except the dehumanization it leads to

Speculative Vore Cookbook: YESSSS it slaps so hard. We think that there should be more bonus subtle differences with just random other races we think it's SO fun when biology fucks you over just as firmly as society.

Cup of Chilaios soup: SO TRUE KAY Rotating all these thoughts in my mind

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's not that something is wrong with you. It's that you weren't built for this world the same way that everyone else was.

Cup of Chilaios soup: The parallels,,,,, the themes,,,,, Biting my leg

Speculative Vore Cookbook: Anyways do you think that part of the reason Kabru is so Like That is because he went from normal human body language to a bunch of elves with the same general bauplan but next to no shared body language vocabulary, Do you think he had to like manually learn how elves express social emotions with a race so isolated that they're probably developing whole separate methods of socialization completely divorced from anything the short-lived races even do and then had to relearn how to act like a Human when he went back into the world.

Cup of Chilaios soup: OH MY GOD Also sorry but Idk how far some of the peeps reading the manga are, perhaps it would be nice to spoiler the Kabru thing:0 BUT I AGREE THIS IS SCRATCHING MY BRAIN KABRU MY BELOVED THIS HEADCANON IS SUCH GOOD BRAIN FOOD

Speculative Vore Cookbook: We love making fantasy races like just a little bit more fucked up

Cup of Chilaios soup: As you should!!!!!!!

Speculative Vore Cookbook: TBH it widens the gap between species if they're, like, similar enough that you think you Should be able to interpret the signals they're giving off because they look Just Similar Enough that they should emote and socialize and such like you, right? But the similarity is, as they say, mostly just skin-deep, because it does so much more to widen cultural differences when the cultures also work on different biology. Anyways we think half-foot communities should be really dense in population because they descended from an ancestor with the Meerkat Strategy of having a fuckton of people with very sharp senses all looking out for the same colony in such a way where there's always at least one person awake to raise the alarm and we think it's fun if half-foots are set up for a significantly more tactile & densely-populated community than most other species.

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "part of the reason Kabru is so Like That): I DO. I DO THINK THAT. DO YOU THINK THAT tallman socialization feels so coarse and simple and easy-to-read by comparison.

Speculative Vore Cookbook: It's cool & fun if Chilchuck has to deliberately avoid almost all forms of touch to avoid being demeaned and seen as Lesser And Childish while also being wired to have like minimum five hours of skin contact with colony members per day tbh. Touch starve that man in ways that are difficult to understand for his party that he will actively have to muffle if he wants to be taken Seriously because most other races see it as Childish to cling

Speculative Vore Cookbook (quoting Oh Kay "I DO THINK THAT"): YES and we think it's very fun if him having to manually relearn tallman socialization also makes it so he finds it easier to interpret other races because he already has to like work out what Everyone's thinking from a pre-prepped body language dictionary and it's just so much easier to interpret when he doesn't have to re-invent the wheel every time

Oh Kay! (wormlette) (quoting Speculative Vore Cookbook "childish to cling": @_@ im so FUCKING normal

Speculative Vore Cookbook: :333 The changeling chapter constantly lives rent-free in our brain we think it's fun if like anyone who gets half-footed starts experiencing the intense skin hunger cravings like less than an hour in and have no idea what the Fuck it is because they've never lived in a body made to be that Social before and Chilchuck has to like take over to offer a bit of touch even if it's undignified since. Y'know. He knows how it feels. No reason to subject them to that, even if it's gonna cost a bit of dignity. It'll cost them more dignity if they start freaking out over it. It's efficient :333 Dealing with senses cranked up so high that you can tell when someone's moving around clear on the other side of the building probably makes it a whole lot harder to handle even More stimuli in a normal and dignified manner Something something we're grabbing a cool post we made

[zhivaoverdrive]

Pirska-2, Chapter 4 (interlude)

This story was on hold for a long time. I promise I am attempting to take it somewhere interesting, if you eat your vegetables first it might turn into a good story. Chapter 7 is being finalised. Chapter 4

And so she walked through the dark snow of Vladok.

Having neglected to take one of the stupid coats, not out of principles, but they had developed their own aura.

Being cold was the better alternative.

But she was alone now, barely a car on the street much less a person to be seen.

In this solitude, the long tail of the Pirska began to rattle around, the thoughts were harder to block, but didn't seem to sting as deeply.

Something had almost made sense back there.

Hana tried desperately to untangle her problem, all while the counter-balancing force waned and the fissure beckoned.

Candy didn’t seem to live much of a life, it seemed to contain only sex, tragedy and helplessness.

Perhaps it was the right idea, wrong execution. Perhaps the ramblings of a drug addict.

Hana stopped by a parked car, not a bad looking one either.

Oh well, cars are warm. It’s a long way back to my hole too..

Hana kicked the window in. The alarm blared but she knew what to do next, this wasn’t new.

The first wave of nausea hit, the snow she saw began to shift to static, pulsing with the blare of the alarm.

Hana strained and shut the alarm off, barely able to see, operating from muscle memory.

She could just make out the controls, but she started the car, then cranked the heater and the auxiliary gas turbine.

She set off on a slow directionless cruise.

The nausea hit again, fortunately she was sitting down.

Feeling around in her pocket, Hana retrieved the practically worthless collection of Alpha.

It wasn’t worthless, in fact it was worth a good amount of money. But only to people who were complete.

Vaporising Alpha barely made a dent in the static, it was likely killing her too. Maybe less than worthless.

She wound down the window and threw the cassette of Alpha out. She’d never be able to find it, even if she wanted to.

Hana tried to establish a loop, think about driving, obstacles, and make it home.

But it wouldn’t stick.

She shifted uncomfortably in the seat, the nausea and static may have been bothering her, but something more concrete was poking into her hip.

She stopped the car and began fumbling around for whatever useless crap was poking into her. The things people leave in their cars…

But when her hands opened the hidden pocket, a familiar scent escaped. It smelled like Candy.

Her hands shaking, Hana removed the Pirska-2 vials and vaporiser from her secret pocket. In an instant she understood how they must have got there.

She screamed, but no-one heard.

“That… fool. Helpless fool” sobbed Hana

“She’s given me her secret supply. And the vaporizer. She’s… ”

Hana tried to clamp the thought down. The selfless actions of the doomed Candy.

Doomed to be an incoherent rambling mess, until that man ‘saved her’ once again.

Hana wasn’t done crying yet, but she loaded up the vaporiser.

She’d have one, then think. Maybe she’d find a way to go back.

Moments later, the scene came back into focus.

She saw the snowy ground, the haphazard way she’d “parked” the car.

Her thoughts slowed down to a pace she could deal with.

It just… was not acceptable to waste this act of kindness. It must be repaid.

Hana thought and thought. She WOULD go back.

A movement outside interrupted her, a lone figure in a long coat, walking to a car.

“The fucking coats…” she muttered to herself, the Pirska-2 controlling what may have otherwise been another episode.

It was undeniably one of the men from the alley. A Heavy. A Heavy from the club.

Like slipping back into a comfortable pair of shoes, Hana let her instincts take over.

She cut the lights and turbine, she slunk down in the seat.

“Let’s see where you’re off to”

—

It presented little challenge for Hana to follow a goon like this.

Even on the quiet streets of Vladok, it was no obstacle.

She hung back, even when the trip took her far beyond the city, beyond the port she’d called ‘home’.

By the time the Heavy reached his destination, her first vial was beginning to wane.

Hana parked in the darkness, some distance off, she would have to move quickly now.

But the direction was clear, the hulking mass of a wrecked container-ship was hard to miss, out here in the middle of nowhere.

It may have been waning, but Pirska-2 propelled Hana through the actions she’d performed so many times before.

She’d closed the distance and made her target in no-time.

The trunk of his car left ajar, he walked a strange, indirect path through a clearing, heading towards the gaping mouth of the ship.

Remaining hidden would pose a challenge without nanotech, but her instincts were there.

Silently taking her final vial, she understood this was a definitive moment.

*Make something happen. In an hour you’re done for*

The minefield would be no trouble, she had observed the safe path.

Hana felt the blade in her hand, silently retrieved from the Heavy’s trunk.

Make something happen…

—

It took a few hours, but the only two people inside the container-ship covered a lot of ground that night.

Uncovering of the huge Pirska-2 stash.

Threats, captivity. Violence.

Discovery and demonstrative use of an experimental anti-nanotech explosive.

Even explanation of motives and subsequent offer of absolution.

But Hana and J.Q left the ship with an understanding of each other and what lay ahead.

[catty-words]

the way devi engages with her heritage is an important part of the text because anything that helps make up devi's identity - or crisis of the same - enhances the bildungsroman nature of the story. it's also hugely important for the way it establishes the tension in devi and nalini's relationship.

from the very first scene, mother and daughter are at odds over the value of being indian. devi is praying to their gods, sure, but she's asking for a more classic american teen high school experience. she wants to go to parties and have boyfriends but less body hair. she eats meat with abandon.

(sidebar, but i've always found this quiet, subtle bit of storytelling fascinating -

nalini and mohan are clearly at odds, too, about how heritage should fit into devi's upbringing. mohan feels a certain amount of pride/amusement/affection over devi being all-american, yet nalini disapproves and is even disgusted that this bit of ingrained respect for animals is being violated by her family.)

devi's textbook, then, is imbued with narrative significance where this through line is concerned by the following exchange:

nalini: devi, are you still praying? our gods have other stuff to do, you know?

devi: i was about to ask for good grades.

nalini: now, grab your textbooks. we need to go.

nalini: devi, that textbook has been blessed. if it touches the ground, i have to take it back to the priest. i don't have time to go to rancho cucamonga today!

it wouldn't be apparent to first-time viewers, necessarily, but there's a frustration at the lack of responsibility here that becomes indicative of their season one dynamic, right? nalini wants devi to take praying seriously, she wants her to take the blessed textbook seriously, and she doesn't have the capacity to patiently guide devi toward valuing that seriousness. she herself is grieving and working a demanding job that supports her family and expending more time than she really has to assert the importance of their culture's rituals on devi's life has put a strain on their relationship.

of course, on devi's side of things, she feels this pressure from her mom and the pressure to be accepted by her peers as diametrically opposed forces in her life. being indian only ever alienates devi from american normality, which is why kamala straddling both worlds with what devi perceives as effortlessness gets under her skin so easily.

the show further weaves these threads together - nalini's desire for devi to have a closeness with and respect for her culture and devi's tetchiness over letting her mom down being at odds with her need to be seen as normal - using the textbook in the following dialogue.

devi: how long is kamala gonna stay with us?

nalini: as long as it takes for her to finish her studies. why?

devi: she's just so... [with embarrassment and mild disgust] indian.

devi: like, the other day, she said she was gonna open the tv instead of turn on the tv.

nalini: devi, she is family. she's bettering her life, you could actually learn a little bit from her.

the way devi handles the blessed textbook symbolizes a disconnect with their culture for nalini, and nalini's focus on how it nearly touched the ground even though it didn't symbolizes an impossible standard she'll never be able to meet for devi.

it's obviously significant, then, that at the emotional climax of the episode, devi flings the textbook out of her window.

she's been made to feel fragile by her closest friends who, let's be real, devi was taking comfort in being cooler/more normal than up until the moment she finds out about eleanor's boyfriend. stressed about the way this sets back her misguided plan to paint over her grief with a shiny coat of popularity, devi lashes out at the symbol of these conflicting pressures on her life. she's never more at a loss about her own identity than when she smashes the window with the blessed textbook and lets it hit the ground.

but you know what? that complete lack of control motivates devi to seek out an actually healthy outlet for her emotions, i.e. a talk with her therapist. devi starts rebuilding herself immediately, and that tenacity and strength of spirit is something nalini will acknowledge as a pillar of her daughter's identity when standing up to rhyah two seasons from now.

[bitchfitch]

idk my stained glass post is going around again and a lot of people are saying it's inspiring them but they're still hesitant to start whatever craft has their fancy rn, so here's a dipshit's guide to getting from horsey to whale when you're starting out a craft

Step 1: skim a tutorial.

don't take notes, don't pay all that much attention to it, give it like. at max 10 minutes of your time. Just get the general shape of the process into your head along with any relevant safety precautions.

the point of doing this is to stop yourself from forming expectations. Expectations are the motivation killer. Strangle them to death.

Step 2: Tool time

You may want to start right in on a project, you might even have one in your head already.

Don't. Stop that, see the point above about expectations. Your first project is going to suck major nuts, it doesn't matter what you do, so you simply must plan to make your first project as nut-sucktastic as physically possible. Burry your expectations so deep in the ground that you will leap over them by simply faceplanting.

So here's what you do instead, gather the necessary tools and materials then set aside an amount of material that you are ok with just pissing away. just absolutely wasting. If you went right in and got discouraged enough to drop a project while doing it, youd be wasting the materials anyway. Might as well get the wasting over and done with Before it eats hours of your mortal life.

Ok, now pick the first tool and associated skill involved in your new craft and just practice That. Don't try to make anything, just learn the motions and teach yourself how things move or break or bend or etc etc etc. all the real basic boring parts that don't produce anything.

Then move onto the next steps associated skills and tools. Connect them back to the product you got from practicing the first step if you can, then the third and so on, so that at the end of this ordeal you too can have a horrible abomination you can pretend looks like a horse.

Step 3: nap

With that done, fuck off and do something else for a bit. like for at Least a few hours if not a full day. Take a nap. do some drugs, play a hentai gatcha game, fuck if I care man. Just don't do the craft. This is the best way to kill expectations: fuckin forgetting what you're capable of.

step 4: learn it right this time

Actually watch/read that tutorial now. like. for real. give it your full atten and take notes on where you fucked up and how you struggled back in step two. like actual written/typed notes. You're going to be focusing on those areas and having a neat list to keep thing orderly in your head can help.

at this point it's also a good idea to try to find other tutorials that explain the Thing, but have a different person explaining it. or tutorials that are more granular. like ones that talk about the skills involved in a single step instead of the whole process. having that little bit more detail can be a game changer.

step 5: visualization

Come up with the easiest and most basic project you can think of while referring to that list of areas you struggled. You want this project to primarily focus on those weak spots and give you room to practice and improve them. ok. and now scrape the top 10% off the project. Make it easier make it smaller, make it less detailed, find a pattern instead of making your own, whatever just simplify it that little bit more.

Step 6: just do it

actually do that project while referring to your tutorials and notes.

Let yourself fuck up. Let yourself waste shit. And then move on. Don't get tangled in expectations, or let your perfectionism strangle you. Look it in the eye and strangle it back, make your shit uglier just to spite it.

Skills take time to develop. Give yourself that time and don't let your brain issues take the joy of creation from you. It's fuckin hard, but you've Got to do it if you want a modicum of happiness in this hell world. the vibe is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy but done with pure violence and vitriolic hatred of what your own neurosis are trying to take from you.

step 7: aw shit it's a never ending cycle

repeat step 5, but go for something a bit harder, then step six until you find a new muse to start over at step 1 with.