#and this week is sorta my break

[why-the-heck-not]

me, a responsible being, working on the coding project as I should vs. me, a dysfunctional shithead, getting distracted by reading about brains (once aGAIN damnit (it's my favorite "I need to study my field but bc I should do that it's an impossible unthinkable feat now, so I'm reading about something else to fool my brain I'm still being productive"-topic))

[bacchuschucklefuck]

[quinns-art-box]

rarepair week day 2: running away/death

i’ve drawn so much cute fluffy art of them (definitely more to come in the future) so i wanted to give them something more thematic and sad!! they make me go a little bananas ok…… the tragedy of it all…….

@dr-rarepair-week-blog

[mokeonn]

One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.

The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[a-pheonyx-manifesting]

I had a dream that I pulled a beta fish from a tank. I tried to see if I could save her. She had pale yellow eyes, I watched them go so glassy. I watched the reddish purple scales face to white. I held it in my hand and dread engulfed me. I almost didn't remember the dream when I woke up but, upstairs the white kitchen reminded me of the medical room I was in, in the dream. I was wearing a lab coat. How could I see so well without my glasses?

When I woke up I was scared and I rolled over onto my back. My cat came onto me, and purred on my lower abdomen. I know my body feels like it's deteriorating more than usual- I think something might be wrong. I can't afford to have my body sick right now, I have to keep up. I rested all of today and it cost everyone.

In the dream before, I was Alice. In court, growing taller above the rest but, never hitting my head. Everyone else was in Singular school desks (with the chair attached). Except the queen who was nowhere to be found. I looked around and started asking how they could be so cruel and corrupt. My words caused black and white scratch marks to animate around the edges of the room. I did not shrink back down as the words left my mouth. I didn't go overboard I said exactly as it was, I stayed tall and watched them all try to run from their desks in a panic, though I stood still and watched.

[mushratting]

i think procrastinating my work and playing video games for six and a half hours might have fixed me unironically

[sun-e-chips]

I wanna drawwwwwwwwwwwww

I have songs in mind that I want to draw the dca with the lyrics in because it fits them so well and I have these scenes all played out in my head but I don’t have the time!!!!!!

I want to draw emotion and energy and have it look good so you can really visualize yourself in Y/N’s shoes!!!

[bcneheaded]

HI HELLO if anyone's wondered where I've been....... its been either work kicking my ass lately OR.... elden ring. JJFJDFSD

[autism-disco]

congratulations for surviving the weekend once more! now for the weekbeginning

[crvstybowlofcereal]

this is a really specific vent(?) post. im processing things by putting them in words. its not serious, feel free to ignore me lol

i just want to say that a couple years ago when i was in the beginning stages of researching autism (and would soon realize i am most likely autistic) i was in a relationship. and communication in a relationship is So Very important to me. I would constantly ask how he was (obviously it was more specific to whatever situation was going on) and he would always say he was fine. If I had even the Slightest hint that he wasn't actually Fine (like 19 times out of 20) i would continue asking if he was sure and if he wanted to talk, and he continued to say he was fine. half the time i assumed he meant it and i read the situation wrong, the other half of the time i assumed he didn't want to talk about it.

he ended up breaking up with me because i

"didn't pick up on some things"

"what kind of things?" i asked

"idk, just, things."

and he had been talking to my friend (U) about our relationship, and telling her that i wasn't picking up on things. she got mad at me and we had a "fight" for a short time, she thought i was being a bad partner, and her sister (M) (who is toxic and possessive) felt like i wasn't spending enough time with her, so she complained about it to their mom, who got mad at U for it for some reason? so U also brought all that up, telling me M felt left out. (i wasn't leaving M out of anything, i was sitting with my partner at lunch half of the time, she was welcome to join, but didnt, looking back i think M has RSD and maybe i should have been more direct when moving to a new location to explicitly invite her) (U was also not in school at the time due to covid, so its not like i was spending more time with her over M, which is something M would get so upset about if she perceived it to be that way [she was incredibly possessive of me as a friend and the extent of it made me feel like an object tbh])

U never brought up the issues my partner talked about, because that's how we are, we don't make it known someone was venting to us, to respect their privacy, but it fueled her emotions during our "argument" so i really only heard her being mad at me for not including M, (which i later learned is because M's emotions were made to be her problem when they shouldn't have, this has been a running problem so it wasnt that surprising to learn) so i started spending more time with M, but it was school, and i had work, so schedules only allowed so much time, and any time I was with M (lunch and one class) was when i was also with my partner, but i had other classes with him so i assumed it was fine, but he started drifting away (also around a time i attempted to communicate something important about our relationship, which ended up making him uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything about it until we had a conversation after breaking up)

i was stuck in a place where i felt like no one around me communicated how they felt and still expected me to understand them and do what they wanted me to do

U and i recently reflected on this and realized my ex was a shitty communicator (he and his next partner also broke up because he didn't say how he felt and expected them [also most likely autistic] to... just kinda know ig?) and that she should have gotten my side of the story (she had no idea i was frequently checking on him and trying to get him to talk to me)

and that she wasnt actually upset at me about M, she was upset that people were making it her problem, and she was especially upset during this reflection to learn that M was not being left out at all, she was just doing That Thing again where she wanted me to be Her friend and Only Her friend.

U AND I ARE NOT MAD AT EACH OTHER FOR ANY OF THIS, I WAS NEVER MAD AT U AND U WAS ONLY MAD ABOUT HER PERCEPTION OF THE SITUATION, AND ONLY FOR A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, EVERYTHING IS FINE

so basically i went like a year and a half thinking that people were rightfully mad at me and i was too self absorbed to pay attention to other peoples' emotions and i started learning how to read people again (clearly my body language research from middle school wasn't cutting it anymore) only for me to realize i just need people to be a little more direct that allistic people typically are, and those specific people were just being dogshit at communicating, (even for allistic people, relative to my needs)

anyways highschool post-covid was Really Fucking Weird and socially stressful for me

TL;DR reflecting on my communication needs not only not being met, but being far undershot for even a "normal" persons needs and how i was convinced I was the problem because of circumstances

[roseband]

a short list of how the rose are trying to nuke their idol image from orbit:

banana boys

the tour bus question (2 beds, 4 grown ass men)

smoking (sammy)

vaping and talking about wanting unlimited vape fluid (hajoon)

living off of sour candies (looking at you sammy =_=)

one of them wearing a fucking ring on his ring finger during backstage meet and greets (seen by 3 fans now, will not mention which member)

uploading a vid of dojoon yelling at a roadie (but like... guys sound has to work)

every single time ws flips everyone off

[ronanlynchbf]

i literally will never understand casual dating like wdym i give my heart to someone & open up to them & be vulnerable with them and then we break up after a few months there's no way. Die for me or don't hit me up at all 🙄

[noxtivagus]

i shld sleep oh my god

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[banahbanah]

Having a little self-pity party ahahaha