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cellophane-wasps · 1 hour ago

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Ok, this makes my "analysis" from a day or two ago look like a puddle of piss next to one of the great lakes. This is 10/10.

To add to this, there is something about his ending that really depresses me. He isn't spending his final breath raging. Throwing slurs. Thrashing about. He spends his last moment alive lamenting a love he thought he could have had. A life he thought he could have had with Waylon. Us as the player, and Waylon as the victim know that it wouldn't have been love. But in Eddie's mind, they really could have been beautiful.

I also don't see a lot of people talk about this side of things, but Eddie went from being the victim, to the sexual aggressor. Without the engine, he would've just been a serial killer.

No matter which way you slice it, Eddie is a sympathetic character. Which is incredibly strange when you parallel that with him being considered one of if not the most disturbing horror game antagonists. Funnily enough, I think his main competition is from the same series and is, this time, canonically queer. Val. Outlast as a series seems to focus in on a twisted amalgam of violence and gore, and sexuality.

I personally find Val a lot more disturbing, I think a lot of the fixation on Eddie does really come from cis men being so viscerally disturbed by his MO in the game.

In my analysis I went over why I think trans people and cis women seem to like Eddie. The internalized homophobia element should bring gay men in. And yet it doesn't. And I really think that is largely because of the castration.

Cis women and trans men don't have anything to castrate, and they are plenty familiar with the threat of an angry misogynist, so there's that tether between trauma and kink/fantasy. For us dolls, we are familiar with a very special brand of angry man, so we have that trauma to kink thing going on. And we don't fear castration in the same way cis men do. And for trans men, force femme is something a lot of them are into... Again, because for a lot of people, the trauma and kink venn diagram is a circle.

Last little thing, I do think there's a little something to be said about Outlast having the CSA survivor and (most likely) gay male character become a misogynistic, castrating sex pest, and the trans woman become a satanic rapist who has wet dreams about the murder of the children under her care... Remember divas, you can critique your favorite media. In fact you should. And outlast has fumbled the ball on sensitive subject matter quite a few times.

Please write an analysis about Eddie Gluskin!

So sorry this took forever but I really needed to get back into the analysis mood and some posts on tiktok reminded me of how much I love Eddie!

Anyways, Eddie Gluskin is a very interesting and layered character for me. It's very obvious that his base point of creation is to scare male gamers in the same way a man would scarr a woman in most cases. To force men into this uncomfortable vulnerability that seems rooted in sexual desire in some way. It's very easy to leave his story as one about male rage and sex based crimes on women but... there is easily so much more to him.

First to state, while many probably feel no sympathy for Eddie, including Waylon at his death scene, i genuinely believe that an important part of Eddie is utilizing him and his story to show that the enemy is not the man threatening to cut you in half, but instead the people that pushed him there. While the initial game, Miles is able to separate himself from the situation, make jokes, and often make sympathetic comments about the people trapped in the asylum... Waylon slowly loses that the longer he's in there. He's scared and too close to the situation, and he's also been given a similar dose of their "medicine", his empathy in not as strong during gameplay. However, through his gameplay, we as the players can see how terrible things would have been for the patients stuck inside under Murkoff's control. So from there is where we can talk about Eddie as a person and character.

Now as fun as it is to wax poetic about my headcanons for Eddie; how i think he's been in the medical system since an incident when he was 17, how I don't think his mother was able to help or handle him, how I think that his father is alive in jail, or how I personally believe that he was on the up for mental health until Murkoff got him due to his lack of family connections... That would be fun, but that's not analysis. Instead, I need to talk on this character sympathy we are meant to feel about him and why specifically on him. Simply put, it's because he is the hardest to feel sympathy for, but that's the point. Eddie is shown at the very start of Whistleblower, something i actually didn't realize on my first watch through, but he's the one at the start. In contrast to the initial game, Waylon's story allows you to see that everyone in this hospital, everyone you see as monstrous through the main game... they looked just like Eddie from the start of it. A little pale, a little gaunt maybe, but normal and scared. Oh is he so scared. They make a point of showing that Waylon is different, that Eddie can see the fact he could save him if he just got him out of there, somehow. Eddie has seen the same faces of these emotionless and uncaring doctors his entire time here, slowly given story after story by other patients that they're doing terrible things, that a terrible monster visits them, he's a massive man that needs many people to hold him back and yet, he's so scared. And not only does he fear this machine and the uncertainty, he very openly states that "they're going to rape me!" And frankly, that doesn't sound like something a man would randomly yell for no reason.

That's the first step to this in that... something seems very intense about this man and then we are aggressively shown just how the machine immediately hurts and changes the man. That it's not just some wack-job by Trager, that it's the machine that starts this mutation process. A tube shoved through his body, his mind torn apart, and his skin blistered like breaking cancer cells. None of it pleasant. Next we understand his panic and yelling, it wasn't just the idea of the tube being shoved through his body, but as Waylon finds himself in the presence of one of the doctors, Andrew, in the sake way a patient would, well it starts to makes sense. There's a rush to push him along in this moment, but he lack of care when people walk into him literally licking the aid of Waylon's face plainly states he's done this before... and we know there's no way Eddie was immune to this based on his life's luck. The final straw here is when we meet Eddie again, while it's easy to see it as just general 1950s style brainwashing of a man, the brutality of how he sees sex and how it sounds to him is very obvious. It's never once stated that he sexually assaulted women and we know this type of game would tell us, no... just a serial killer. All of this stems from one point in his life where his brain was unable to escape from even now, and papers confirm it, stating how he was actually the victim of assault by his own father and uncle. Pictures were taken, he was hurt and didn't understand at the time, and how he views everything as painful only reflects that. The doctors here pushed on every button they could to break this part of his mind back out and the riot shows that damage in full. A maniac aimlessly tearing people apart because he needs to fir a perfect.mold he'll never be and a child trapped inside a full grown man that has no idea love can feel good and thinks it's all based around pain.

Another reason I feel women and especially transmascs entirely connect with Eddie is this very on the nose portrayal of internal homophobia. Not only does he see the idea of men as disgusting, but also as just extensions of hia father and uncle. Men who hurt him and destroyed him when he was too young to understand. But he's also very obviously coded in a way to seem homosexual in every meaning of the word. The fact his focus in the riot is first clothing and creation that wouldnt be his job in a wedding, but someone else's. He sings and focuses more on how wonderful his mother is, he speaks on how disgusting men are as if he's been told over and over than he can't love something like that, how it all can easily seem like some weird 1950s fantasy man but something seems off. He's not straight, he never was, but he was hurt beyond recognition and if any therapy was getting him closer to healing before this point... Murkoff completely wrecked it and brought him back to square one.

I mean, what straight man would adore Sleeping Beauty as much as he does?

Now it's very easy to simply write this man off as a one note villain meant to scare men because he sees the player as a woman. I can see how many people don't look past him for that, and simply relate him to the idea of woman hating men that murder because they don't get what they want. But it's so obvious that in his twisting of emotions, his long disconnect from killing until halfway through the playthrough, his small notes and pieces of history that we pick up... that he's meant to be more than that. You're meant to think about him, to question that sure he did some terrible things but... did he deserve this? Was this experimentation okay simply because he was a serial killer? Or is it more likely that thinking that way makes you just as nasty as the scientists? Waylon let's tou see the true horror in Outlast from the perspective of a patient and Eddie extends that view. That's also why they're story is so connected and that while others get pretty wild death scenea... something about Eddie's feels different, don't you think? Like that one last chance for freedom for him was lost the moment the riot broke out, that he was trapped here to the end, that he had much more too him but... all Waylon can think in the moment was... to laugh. And it haunts him that he did, because he felt for him before the riot, he should have felt for him then too.

#eddie gluskin #my many blorbos

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foundfamilywhump · 7 months ago

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i get where ur coming from but i feel like “carewhumper” does just designate a specific type of abuse. my understanding is that a lot of real life abuse does encapsulate cycles of cruelty and kindness but whump is not a 1:1 w real abuse and so the cruelty tends to be exaggerated and constant. which is why it might be useful to have a distinction between purely sadistic and harmful whumpers w ones who seem to contradict that role and show some form of affection or intimacy. i think this meta is very interesting though id be interested in the other people who voted “no” in that poll and i appreciate ur commentary 🤔 do you think its actually dangerous?

i'm gonna start by providing some context about my relationship to these terms: to my understanding, words like 'whumper/caretaker/whumpee' are situational shorthand that describe a character's role in the scene or story being told. they are not all-encompassing, all-descriptive, and prescriptive of every action a character referred to this way takes. i do not know where the idea that they are supposed to be flat, reductive, 'this word means this character is All Good Or All Bad All The Time and they behave x way 100% of the time' came from, and i do not agree with it. that's not how i use those words, and it's not how i've ever perceived the intent of those words to function in the broader whump community.

that said, here's why i don't think 'carewhumper' is a distinction between 'purely sadistic and harmful whumpers with ones who seem to contradict that role and show some form of affection or intimacy', at least not the way i use these words, and why it's not a word that i will ever use or like. and why i think it's not necessarily dangerous per se - that's a strong word - but it is something i think plays into some harmful societal narratives about abuse and abusers.

you're right that whump isn't a 1:1 with real life abuse, and i definitely am not operating under the impression that it is or should be! there are a lot of extremes in whump, that's very true. but it's also true that the extremes aren't the only thing that exist, and they aren't the like. default setting of what 'whump' or a 'whumper' is. they might be to some! but i don't think that's the default for everyone, or even the majority. and i don't think a whumper behaving kindly sometimes makes them... not a whumper anymore. the way that 'carewhumper' as a term implies.

there are a lot of issues in real life about people thinking ‘oh so and so would never abuse anyone, they’re so kind’ or pointing out that an abuser cared for you when you were sick or something so it couldn’t have been ALL bad. abusers themselves point to their acts of kindness and care to confuse victims and excuse their behaviour. oh you can't cut that person out, what about all they did for you. oh you can't throw away your family/relationship, what about the good times. etc. they weren't All Bad. they didn't intend to hurt you, their intentions were good. these are things real life abuse victims, myself included, deal with on a daily basis.

obviously fiction is not responsible for this, but it can play into it. and when the term carewhumper comes up it really feels to me like something taking a really flattened, reductive concept of a whumper (who is bad and cruel all the time forever and intends to be) and a caretaker (who is good and kind all the time forever and intends to be) and saying ooooo what if it were ~more complicated and nuanced. when like… there are posts about intimate whumpers, manipulative whumpers, whumpers who show kindness, all the time. they don’t need a special word to contain that sort of variation. they all follow a common format of '[adjective] whumper' to denote a specific subtype of whumper. 'carewhumper' not only bucks the trend of how specific subtypes of whumpers are designated, but it combines that with another specific role that is not the whumper, as if to imply 'oh but they're not a whumper. they're Something Else. because they're nice sometimes. or they didn't mean to hurt someone on purpose (as if that is at all relevant to whether or not they did)'

and I don’t think it’s true at all that ‘whumper’ is generally accepted to mean someone who is only violent all the time. whump ISNT a 1:1 with real abuse but the way it’s discussed can mirror that, and saying that the presence of care or affection somehow moves a character into a category that isn’t a ‘pure’ or ‘total’ whumper but instead is something else - something mixed with a role that is shorthand for a positive, caring presence, not interpersonally and diagetically but narratively - makes me personally very uncomfortable as an abuse survivor in the whump community. it's mixing the roles of caretaker and whumper in a whump narrative when those roles are, BROADLY SPEAKING, meant to convey 'this is the person causing active harm' and 'this is the person whose presence is meant to contradict/combat that harm and promote healing and safety'.

caretakers can fuck up. caretakers can be complex and nuanced and angry and imperfect and busy and tired etc etc etc. that doesn't somehow make them not caretakers, though i know there are a bunch of people who for some reason insist the mere act of calling a character a caretaker is somehow reductive and dehumanizing and making their whole existence revolve around the whumpee. falling again into the idea that these words are meant to be concrete intrinsic character Types and not a situational shorthand for a role they are fulfilling in a specific story so that you don't have to explain in every single generic post who tf this person is. caretakers being imperfect or not all helpful or all good all the time doesn't make them not caretakers or not a positive force in the story. the same is true for whumpers. someone who punches you in the nose and then cleans up the blood and tucks you into bed is not somehow less violent and cruel than someone who stops at punching you in the nose, and implying that they are or that their acts of care somehow meaningfully dilute their violence and cruelty is deeply, deeply troubling to me. 'whumper' is not a nuanceless term unless you make it one and i don't know why you'd want to make it one.

and 'carewhumper' to me is not describing the complicated feelings a whumpee might have to a whumper who displayed kindness, either. because these words are not referring to diagetic interpersonal relationships. they describe an external meta-narrative role that a character is fulfilling within the perspective of the story being told. a whumpee having complex feelings about a whumper doesn't mean they aren't a whumper anymore.

there are plenty of posts around about whumpees feeling complex things about whumpers - missing them, loving them, trusting them, being devoted to them, etc. the ‘carewhumper’ thing is just to me at best superfluous and annoying to the part of my brain that is like. that’s just a whumper with a particular type of tactic and there’s no special word for any OTHER kind (captivitywhumper? superwhumper? etc?). and at worse it’s actively conveying the message that ‘if someone is sometimes not completely violent and cruel 100% of the time then what they’re doing isn’t actually As Bad and they’re not - NARRATIVELY SPEAKING - the Bad Guy. they’re ~nuanced and complex. as if everyone isn’t. as if that can undo the harm they did.

again, im not the cops im not anyone's mom. i hope i dont come off sounding aggressive or like im trying to police what anyone is writing about. i don't judge anyone writing dark things or writing about common abuse dynamics - me of all people lmao. i am 38k into a fic right now about rape and abuse that is pretty graphic and deeply deeply upsetting and triggering. but what i do care about is the way that these things are talked about. i do think it matters when these implications are popularized uncritically, and i think that 'carewhumper' is not a good term, especially if people are intending to merely convey a type of whumper and not a character who isn't 'wholly' a whumper at all. if that's what people mean, i would suggest affectionate whumper, intimate whumper, manipulative whumper, etc. something that aligns with other language commonly used to refer to specific subtypes of whumper rather than directly implying a different category of role altogether, and one that mixes that role with something that is generally accepted to be positive/good.

#gav gab #long post #gav answers #please do not yell at me about this i know this community can be very reactive #when they feel like they are being criticized and i am not trying to criticize anyone #i am just trying to point out an issue i have with some popular language and the way it's used #from the pov of someone in this community who is an abuse survivor #and thinks the way we talk about these things does in fact matter #because of what it reinforces on a societal level #like idk if you want a distinction about the TYPE of whumper that is what '[adjective] whumper' is for #this is a whole different word entirely

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rabbit-is-wise · 8 hours ago

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honestly ive never thought about this! but you bring up an interesting point for sure (at risk of sounding like a discussion post)

personally i have always viewed seizing and vialism as separate things that the bishops then twisted together. i also always assumed dema, or at least most of it, was built by the bishops (or was taken over by them very early). i cant imagine anyone else would build a city like that in trench of all places. and the earlier the bishops have control, the easier it would be for them to fake a history that isn’t there. i do really like your thought on the statues’ permanence vs neons’ though, that’s a super cool detail!!

i talked abt what i think vialism was in the rbs, but the short explanation is that i think it was a religion built around the themes in vessel and meant to celebrate life coming to an end (achieving glorious gone) after spending your life as a vessel for a greater message.

i think seizing is dissonant to this—by taking control of a dead body, you are directly violating the sacrality of death and finally being laid to rest. but if the bishops have twisted vialism into solely focusing on the death and encouraging self destruction, they could now impose seizing imagery onto vialism to cover up what they’re actually doing (since based on what clancy writes, he had no idea what seizing was, and presumably no citizens do before he tells them either).

and i think the fact that the neds and the bishops are entirely separate could support this, since we know they know about each other (besides the fact that bishops have at least one set of antlers), but the neds are not tied to dema/vialism in any way (even physically, they are on a separate island). clancy remains the connection between them, as he does for every other aspect of the story, since the neds represent his imagination and the bishops represent his fears AND ofc his status as the only living non bishop who can seize/be seized. he’s the only character to directly encounter both of these entities, but outside of him, the neds and the bishops never deal with each other.

last thought, i don’t think there’s any way to get around seizing being a darker aspect of the story. no matter what angle you look at it from, or how you frame it, it’s kind of a horrifying power, even if clancy has to use it against the bishops. and i think this is broadly representative of clancy having to accept all aspects of himself (including that he is tied to the bishops) to break the cycle he’s stuck in. he can’t view things as black and white, he has to be the uniting point of trench/the banditos, dema/the citizens, the neds, and the bishops—all of these aspects, without exclusion.

but thats just my thought! i really do like what you pointed out lmao

hi guys im back to be really fucking annoying abt lore again

upon a rewatch of the “i am clancy” video, i caught a line i think people have glossed over. when talking about the creation of sai, he specifically says “they made me entertain the people. lie to them.” and you know what the big message behind scaled and icy was? clancy is dead. he fully tells us he was lying. like we already knew it was propaganda, and that the bishops were filtering everything he said, and then he outright says “i lied.” of course, this only holds merit if you believe what he says in this video (no im not bitter people think he’s lying in it. youre crazy)

also, just other thoughts—i think people are way too hung up on the tyclancy debate. besides the fact that i don’t understand why it’s still a debate at all, the stuff he talks about in this video goes so far beyond that.

first of all, he mentions his friends (“i can feel my friends rolling their eyes”). he has friends dude. i cant fucking get over that. he even laughs a little when he says it too. guys he has real friends besides torch. i think we moved on from that too fast. tell me more about your friends catboy

second of all and more importantly: “i am a citizen of an old city. well, they say it’s old, but there’s just no proof.” this was also hinted at in two of the fpe letters (transcriptions from ciancyisdead on twt)

and clancy also says vialism is a “hijacked religion”

WHY do we not talk about this more often. guys theyre faking a whole history within dema and manipulating a religion to keep the appearance up. we have no idea what vialism used to be before the bishops got ahold of it and began twisting it to fuel their seizing ability. the bishops’ corruption runs so much deeper than just clancy. his importance comes from his status as an exception and escapee, but like, the bishops are doing a lot outside of him. he has a personal connection that is the center of the story, as it should be, but like. there is so much more. why don’t people ever talk about vialism dude it’s so frustrating to only see the same couple of things constantly debated, especially because half of them have already been laid out, people just refuse to believe the information theyre given

okay leaving this here now bc one of my fics updated

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foreverppl · 2 years ago

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Moodboard for my MC Evander for @uroboros-if

I so enjoyed playing this demo last night and have been having many Thoughts about it.

#it was so tough finding pics i thought would fit what i have in my head but this will do for now #i was up thinking abt this IF for soooo long it’s unreal #what is eternity?#unending time but also timelessness #like what does it mean to be the container for something that has no beginning or end?#the container is rendered useless obvi #but here the MC stands so there MUST be something to that right?#maybe it just means they must act as a witness to it all.#they are resigned to an existence of knowing and seeing things others do not and being unable to impact those things in any meaningful way #like an echo #like a black hole that is packed so densely with matter but appears to be little more than a void. Nothingness (capital N)#*me muttering to myself while reading and making this mb*: the symbols the symbols the cycles the void the echoes #the fact that when mc is summoned into existence one of the first things we can choose to have them do is replicate a smile (echoing)#idk if i’m explaining this well. tried to talk to my sister abt it without sounding like a madman and suffice to say that didn’t work out #i’m really losing it #those quotes from house of leaves: ‘divinity seems defined by echo.’ + ‘and where there is no echo there is no description of space or love #there is only silence.’#that bit from disco elysium #‘how do you measure something that doesn’t exist?’ ‘easy. you measure it by the world around it.’#evander is fond of mortals. they are humanity’s echo in the truest sense.#they are therefore in a very unique position for the conflict that is about to come #of course these are all just my interpretations and thoughts #my mcs #mb #mc: evander (uroboros)#if: uroboros #meta

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catcatb0y · 3 months ago

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Every time Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel has a glimpse of genuinely GOOD WRITING, I go insane. Both of these shows feel like edging to me, like they will tease me with these bangers and then leave me to dry EVERY DAMN TIME.

#everywhere it's all 'Blitzo and Stolas' character development' 'Stolitz is back baby' 'I love to see them so healthy'#boring. bland. blah.#I mean yeah it's TECHNICALLY ''character development'' but not really?#and it's not good either #their sudden healthy bs came so far out of left field and it makes literally no sense #their current dynamic is SO obviously only like it is because the plot needs it to be that way #there's no actual subtance and their characters haven't GROWN they just Magically Got Better #I DO really like Blitzo learning to really desire a family and working on actually using his ability to empathize #the lovey scenes with him and Stolas would have hit more if they were more clumsy or awkward #he's just... too perfect? which is just so surface level it feels like a cop-out at LEAST give him some paralles #like if he was copying the family they refused to kill? Cinema. if he was awkwardly copying Mox and Mills? Real Good.#suddenly pulling out this gorgeous Perfect Lover rizz? eh. next.#BUT let's talk about the LOOK that Blitzo gave Stolas when he said Octavia hates gim #the realization that Stolas not only gave up his life but the ONE THING that made him happy- and also the ONE THING Blitzo has wanted so #SO badly because he and Loona never really... got that sort of a father/daughter thing since he adopted her when she was almost an adult #the whole ''I love you. dad'' honestly felt out of character for Loona given how awfully she's been towards Blitzo this entire time #it felt so blatantly like an insert to make Stolas realize JUST how badly he fucked up #and he DID like he WON'T admit it but he's always treated Octavia and her happiness like a backburner #she's been simmering in her own feelings this whole time and he forgets about her again and again and again #if Vivian weren't just kind of awful at fleshing out characters and repeating the same storylines until things Magically Get Better #the fact that we as an audience know next to nothing about Octavia would be borderline genius level writing #showcasing just how effort little Stolas actually puts into his relationship with her that a narrative centered around him all but entirely #neglects his daughter and how she was right that she will get older and he will only know her name #because he just does not actually put in that effort (no matter how much he wants to or thinks he does)#but that opening wound isn't just about Stolas it really feels like it's about BLITZO #and I feel like this would be an INCREDIBLE aspect of his character to genuinely flesh out #as well as giving Octavia more actual interaction and interwoven character dynamics #like Blitzo has SEEN the damage that he is able to do with Verosika and Fizzarolli but he still doesn't /really/ understand his own damage #and I think this would be perfect to flesh him out more as well as perhaps FINALLY add some character nuance to the series to finely put:#yes Stolas is right for chasing his heart. but YES Octavia is right for being upset!!!

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tommyssupercoolblog · 35 minutes ago

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Ok do all of those but also identify why the specific unhealthy coping mechanisms you HAVE are appealing for you.

Like okok. Here's one of mine. Sometimes when something bad happens or I see a bad discourse take, I zone out and start thinking and imagining about awful things happening because of that thing or take, and getting worse and worse and worse as I spiral until I have a panic attack over a thing I MADE UP. I do the worst case scenario and "and then and then-" with the worst case scenario for THAT worst case scenario and keep going down the line of the most unrealistic, awful chain of events possible where every single thing goes as wrong as possible at every single opportunity. This makes me!!! WORSE!!!!!!

The reason I do that is because- little autistic fact about me- I hate unpredictability and I have this NEED to feel secure and safe and prepared. It scares me when I'm not prepared for things, or when I feel like I don't know what's going to happen; especially if it could be something bad. So when I'm upset, the first thing I do is seek reliability and a sense of knowing what's going on next.

So in my head, my brain was going "uh oh a bad thing happened!!! What if bad things keep happening??? We need to prepare ourselves for these things that might happen!!! Quick, brainstorm bad things so we can know they're coming before they happen!!!!!"

But instead, I can make myself feel secure and prepared and like I have an idea of the future by asking Seán (or a calm person in general, but he's usually calm and he's always right there. If he was freaking out too tho I'd pick my mom or smthn) about it and having a discussion on what could happen because of whatever the thing is. And because the other person is calm, they can think more logically and shoot down things that wouldn't work IRL. They can tell me what's actually most likely to happen, and why. They can work through the "what if"s with me and help me understand the actual reality of what's going on.

Sometimes when people are mad at me I worry they hate me, want me dead, and are actively trying to murder me, and will successfully both find me, travel to where I am, attack me, and kill me, and then I'll die helplessly while they cheer about it. All of those are huge leaps, and anyone there to talk w me about it would go- "hey, actually, let's pause for a minute because those are big jumps and don't make sense."

Seàn is the best at doing this because he's my husband so he knows me and how I think very well, and has the most practice, and also because he's naturally very smart so he does good logics and explainings, but it's also just. Important no matter what!!! Being able to run through possible futures in a way that's actually grounded and isn't just my worst nightmares fullfils my need to feel like I know what's going on without making me MORE upset and panicked.

So what YOU CAN DO is list all the unhealthy coping mechanisms u have, go down the list for each and figure out what need/desire you're relying on that specific one FOR, and find a way to fullfil that needs WITHOUT hurting urselfs!!!!! You don't have to make a literal list either, just think with your thinky brains!!!

I hope this helps :DDDDDD!!!!!!

why do all the alternatives to unhealthy coping mechanisms fucking suck. does anyone have things that actually work because Im finally pulling myself away from something I know isn't making anything better but I don't know what to do instead

#i made a textpost

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tonycries · 10 months ago

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FIVE! - C.K.

Synopsis. Five hours - it’s all it takes for Choso’s baby fever to take over. After all, you’d look so pretty with his kid - five of them, in fact.

Pairing. Choso Kamo x Reader

Content. MDNI, fem! reader, established relationship, unprotected, bréeding, Choso with rings + a tongue piercing, creampíe, mentioned kids, cúmplay, he goes feraI, oraI (fem receiving), Itadori family shenanigans (mild spoilers for unc-kuna), overstím, fíngering, pet names, swearing.

Word count. 5.9k

A/N. Will I ever write a Choso fic without the Itadori family? No absolutely not.

4:37PM.

“Ooo, Cho can we check that place out?”

And, listen, just because Choso would give you the moon right along with his heart doesn’t exactly mean he’s jumping with joy when he follows your gaze to that gaudy little shop tucked away in a corner of the mall. Flashing a loud, glittering sign reading, “FORTUNES: FIND YOUR FUTURE!”

Traitorous memories flash through his mind with each step you drag him closer. Of all those fortune shops he’d frequented years ago, trying to figure out whether you’d say yes to a date - before even thinking of actually asking you.

He won’t ask anything, Choso reassures, stepping through the heady, curtained doorway. Probably not anything, he’s musing, pulling out his wallet to pay for your session. Well, maybe some things, he concludes, eyeing the sprightly old woman that takes a seat opposite you two, peering down at her dramatically large glass ball on the table.

But that doesn’t mean he’ll-

“Babies.”

“Huh?”

“Yes.” the woman gives a solemn nod. “Five of them.”

Both of you let out a squawk of surprise, much to the amusement of the fortune teller. And Choso can feel his palms getting sweaty against your own as he manages to croak out a low, disbelieving, “Five?”

All but toppling out of his seat in suspense as she takes a moment to scrutinize her orb once more. And, surely glass balls can glitch, right? Mix up fortunes or something? Because while he knows you’ll be by his side in this life and every other one after - kids were a whole other responsibility that neither of you had talked about, yet.

At least, that’s what Choso was trying to convince himself right before the woman lets out a thoughtful hum, “Well, you-” pointing a wisened, accusing finger right in his flushed face. “-want more - about eight - but, of course, your future wife says no.” Gesturing to your giggling figure, “Honestly, young man, learn to keep it in your pants, the poor dear!”

Shit, he was going to run away, do something to end up on the national news - and judging by the way you squeeze his hand, you could tell, too.

Subconsciously, Choso’s eyes scan the wall for any hidden cameras, wondering what type of strange prank this was. It had happened once four years ago - and just-so-happened to be what made him give up and finally ask you out - but, hey, it made for a pretty great first date story, right?

Finding none, he sighs, barely opening his mouth to ask before she plows on, “And of course there’s only so many your uncle can piggyback at once, right? No matter how much that grump says he doesn’t like it.”

Right.

Of course.

Oh god, he thinks he could faint.

Choso doesn’t dare say anything for the rest of the session, nor does he look directly in your eyes. Save for that one time to admire your delighted laugh when the fortune teller prattles on about how your kids will “fight his needy self for your attention.”

Not until the two of you are stepping back out into the too-bright mall, your fingers intertwined with his, voice sweet in his ear as you continue with your forgotten mission to find the good brownie mix for the family dinner tonight.

“Eyes like yours and hair like mine.” You sigh, repeating what you’d heard mere minutes ago. Hooking a finger subtly into his belt loop, smirking, “Sooo, five, huh? You’re this worked up over that?”

“N-no.” Choso replies hastily, but the heavy gulp he takes is a dead giveaway he can’t stop thinking about tiny combinations of the two of you running around. Face too-hot, hands jittery, brows furrowed as he decides for the second time in his life that, yeah he’s never stepping foot inside a fortune shop again.

You notice - of course, you do.

Especially when he pulls you into the nearest changing stall, knuckle-deep inside your drenched panties, rings cool against your cunt, lips kissing at your throat. Ignoring your teasing complaints about “getting late”, despite how you’re letting him have his way.

He feels the vibration of your voice under his hot tongue, laughing - even when he gives your pretty clit a little pinch. “Five.”

And through it all, he can’t help but think - hypothetically, of course, that he hopes they all have your laugh.

---

7:16PM.

Honestly, the one thing that made the Itadori residence more of a home to Choso was having you there. Even when you’re standing with him outside the front door, letting out a sigh as you glare at your sad excuse for brownies.

“Ugh, Cho, we totally burnt them.” you grumble up at your boyfriend. “Your dad is gonna hate it and Sukuna’s gonna make fun of me and-”

“Sukuna can try.” Choso hits the doorbell once more, sure that the ruckus inside was too loud to even think over. “And he probably will.” Before turning back to your adorable pout, and ah he can’t stop himself from cupping your face, smoothing over that furrow in your brow. He leans in to give your lips a chaste peck, “But, he’s still gonna steal some. N’ dad’ll love it, and you already know gramps is gonna sneak in some even though his doctor told him not to.” He’s getting out through kisses, pulling your giggling face closer to his. “And we’ll be lucky to get any before Itadori inhales them.”

He ends his little speech with a slow, lingering kiss. Sliding his soft lips across your now much happier ones. Dancing a hand down to pull your hips closer, murmuring throatily, “N’ most of all, I’m gonna love ‘em, baby.”

You gasp at the feeling of his long fingers pressing just at the hem of your panties through your dress, “You’re- you’re too much.” You hiss, but it comes out more breathless than you intended. “But, the brownies really are-”

Slam!

“Yeah yeah, Jin, the brats are finally here, jus’ fucking on the porch!”

If there’s anything Choso’s learned from all the times you’ve had dinner with his family, it’s that 1. Yes, the brownies - as burnt and questionable as they were - will always turn out to be a hit in the Itadori household. 2. You were really, really too perfect for your own good, even amidst the chaos.

“Oh no, let me.” you flash Jin a beaming smile, taking over the well cleared-out plates to the kitchen. Only to be followed by an enthusiastic Yuji almost tripping over his own feet to help you out.

“You got a good one there.” Choso snaps out of his soft stare to whirl around at where his grandpa was seated next to him. He tips his head over to where you were chattering animatedly with the younger boy taking your load of dishes. “Real lovely. Though, the desert I’m assuming you helped out with.”

Jin pipes up, “Bah! I thought that liquorice was great.”

“They were…brownies.” Face burning, he stammers, knowing full well that you were the one that forgot them in the oven. “And uh y-yeah, you got me…”

And, of course, because it’s a family dinner, Sukuna has to lean over to rile him up. Interjecting teasingly, “Then you best wife that cute lil’ thing up before those baking skills of yours make ‘em run off n’ find someone that can bake.” He smirks devilishly, eyes flitting to the view of the kitchen, “And…”

“And?”

“-is fuckin’ great with kids, too.”

Several things happen at once - the words are barely out of Sukuna’s mouth before he’s being swatted over the head. Hard. After all, being the nicer of the two doesn’t make Jin Itadori forget his roots as the older brother.

And Choso’s jaw is dropping into a soft oh! Not at the unusual display of strength, no, instead it was at the heavenly scene before him.

He swears, the lights grow just a bit brighter and the world becomes a little rosier at the sight of you teaching an eager Yuji the correct way to scrub strainers. Gently guiding the boy until that confused furrow between his brow disappears. “Yeah, just a bit more on the side and you’re done!”

He gives you a very soapy high-five, “You’re literally a lifesaver, Kugisaki was just making fun of me for this the other day.” Moving onto the rest of the workload, “‘Can’t do shit’ gonna show her, seriously. Thank you mom- uh-”

Yuji freezes. You freeze. And it seems that everyone in the world might’ve frozen, except for Sukuna who was still rubbing that bump on his head.

And you, of course, promptly cutting off the flurry of apologies that looked like they were about to burst from Itadori’s lips. Smiling at the flustered boy softly, “Well…good job, Yuji.” you bump his hip. “And now onto the blender.”

“AW, MAN.”

Suddenly, everything was normal again. Except for Choso - definitely not Choso.

Mom?

So utterly, completely not Choso when everyone’s still talking downstairs, and he’s not. Making some cheap excuse about a ‘bathroom break’, which really didn’t explain why he covertly drags you behind him by the hand. All but shoving you into his childhood bedroom, shutting the door as quietly as he could without alerting anyone of your tryst.

“Ch-Cho-” you squeal when he pushes you against the wall, dropping down to his knees with a fervor that makes you wince. But if it hurt, then Choso doesn’t show it - doesn’t show anything but pure need when he bunches your dress up at your waist. Soft tongue darting out to glide along your drenched slit, “What’s gotten- hngh- into you?”

The only response you get is a murmured growl of something you can’t bother deciphering. And he doesn’t give you any other, either - sluggishly nudging away your panties to admire your glistening cunt.

So close. Just hovering over your puffy folds, smiling at the way they only get wetter at his hot breath, “Five.”

Too close. Glossy pink lips falling slack to wrap around your clit and-

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Though, it was more of a bang. And an even louder voice from outside, “OI, you brats better be decent, gramps found some dusty old albums n’ wants you two down.”

---

9:02PM.

“Awww, this is from his first fight with Yuji- yes, Choso so what if I took a picture?” Jin excitedly points to a photo on the page, “Yuji was the one with a bruise, but Choso was the one bawling.”

You titter at the glossy picture, a confused-looking Yuji as a toddler, being smothered by his older brother in a hug - big, fat tears running down his pouty cheeks. Adorable. And somehow that encounter with the fortune teller today rings in your mind - wonder if your kids would have those same eyes?

“As cute as ever, huh?” your gaze dances across all the gems of childhood on the page.

“Disagreed.” Sukuna leans over, no matter how much he’d like to pretend he wasn’t interested in these albums. “Look how attached the lil’ anklebiter used to be.” A painted nail pokes at one of Choso on his uncle’s shoulders, tiny fists happily gripping onto pink hair - much to his disgruntlement. “And then I look over at him now and-” He glances over at the man in question, very much unamused. “Well. That’s disappointing.”

Choso rolls his eyes, “What’s disappointing is how you’re this old but still can’t find a-”

“Ooo look this is from when he’d run away during bath time!”

That album is snatched so fast out of Jin’s hands that you wonder whether it might just be your imagination. But you look over at a red-faced Choso, seeing him hold it way above your heads. Muttering out a hasty, “I think that’s enough photo time.”

Amidst the collective groans of disappointment - even Sukuna lets out a low huff, you hadn’t gotten to those ugly matching Halloween costume pictures yet - only Yuji speaks up, “Do you think I’d be like that, too?”

Sukuna scoffs, “What? An emo bastard? Might just work out for ya, kid, the dumbass look isn’t doing you any favors.”

Yuji juts his chin in indignance, “No- we already have Fushiguro for that.” Tilting his head over to the album still tight in Choso’s clutches. “Do you think your kids would like me? Would I be that cool favorite family member?”

“No way, brat. It’ll be me.”

Choso’s grandpa also chimes in as well, “Huh? No, I’d be the favorite.”

“Gramps-”

“Says who?”

“DISRESPECT TO YOUR ELDERS!”

“Hey!” Everything turns to Choso, startled at his sudden outburst. Tension crackling as he pokes a thumb at his chest, “I’d be their favorite. For all five of them.”

And you knew a fist or two to be thrown, hell, you half-expected the album to be used as some type of weapon. Because before you knew it, Sukuna was on Yuji, and both Yuji and Choso were on Sukuna. Falling to the floor in a tangled pile while his grandpa sat on the sidelines, chanting an elated, “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Ah, it’s times like this that you wonder how Jin Itadori really had the patience. Because with all the grace that was lacking in the current scuffle on the living room floor, he claps his hands loudly. “Alright. Perhaps Choso’s right, that’s enough photo time for tonight.” He plucks the album out of a dazed Choso still gripping onto it, before moving to walk out. “And for the record-” Flashing you all a devious smile which suddenly had you remember that shit, him and Sukuna were twins, after all. “-I’d be the favorite.”

The arguments that followed were ones you had to record on your phone to giggle at later. And, yet, through it all, the only thing you could truly focus on were Choso’s words - all five of them.

Fuck. You were truly, irrevocably so fucked, and one sideglance at the pretty pink blush burning at the tips of Choso’s ears told you he wasn’t faring any better.

You jolt when his hand wraps around your waist - nothing out of the ordinary - but what was was the way he strayed past their usual perch at your hip, trailing slightly above to just caress your stomach. Something so electric in those eyes when they catch yours briefly.

All five of them, huh?

---

9:37PM.

SLAM!

“Cho, why’d you-”

“Shut up.”

You don’t know what’s hitting you first - his lips crashing against yours, or the realization that this was Choso. Dark eyes half-lidded, skin burning, breaths heaving with the fervor he was drinking you in with.

“What-” you yelp when he pulls away lazily to suck on your lower lip. “What got-” Only to come clashing back down again, drawing out all the air in your lungs as he blindly shoves the two of you against the nearest wall. “What got into you this- mmpf-” And again it’s like Choso didn’t want you to talk - could bare another word in your sweet voice for fear of poking some deep, visceral part of himself awake.

This time, not even daring to break the kiss, he pants into your open mouth, “Shut up.” So bruisingly sloppy, “Please.”

And oh he was so very determined to have it that way, because all you can do is let out breathless gasps when his hands dance down your body. Handling you so rough with the way he snaps the neckline of your cute lil’ dress, kneading your breasts, your hips. Everywhere and anywhere he could reach until he makes his way down to cup your already-damp cunt through your panties. “-because tonight m’gonna have her talking.”

Choso pushes his hips against yours with a strained grunt. Lips curling into a sinful leer when all you can do is gasp at the outline of his thick erection through his pants. Grinding down onto his palm subconsciously, dragging your sloppy pussy.

“Shit.” Choso immediately brings his hand up to admire - now all glistening with a sheen of your syrupy slick. Looking you right in your glassy eyes as he pops a wet finger into his mouth. His own rolling to the back of his head, “Oh shit.”

Oh, he was going to enjoy this. So very, very much.

“Turns out…” he trails off, cutting himself off by dropping to his knees. Hard. Large hands groping your ass closer to his greedy mouth, “-she says we got some unfinished business.”

You whine when Choso hooks an index underneath the mound of your drenched panties sliding it along your puffy folds. All the way up until he was nudging at your pretty clit, then down, down, down until you were just coating his fingers.

“Ngh- Cho-” your knees weaken, when his hot breath hits your pussy. And he notices - of course he does. Circling his muscled arms around your legs to hold you up, “Oh my god s’too much.”

Too much? He’s barely even getting started. And he tells you that - slurs it between his sharp canines biting down on the thin fabric of your panties. He tugs with his teeth, “M’gonna- fuck you smell so heavenly- m’gonna ruin you.”

You whimper in disbelief. Knowing he was too entranced with your cunt to tease you again, you mewl, “Wh-what’s got you this- fuck- worked up, Cho?”

The only response you get is a throaty growl - like the mere idea of the answer to that has Choso losing his sanity.

And, honestly he feels like he’s lost it already. Instead, taking his time to watch the way your slick beads through the see-through fabric with each passing second. Breaths coming out in little puffs as he pulls your panties back every-so-slightly and-

“Fuck!”

And then he’s pulling - ripping your poor panties to shreds. Cock twitching wildly at the strings of slick connecting your pussy to the fabric. Mouthwatering.

Your panties lay in tatters on the floor. The cold air hitting you right along with his steady stream of saliva. Once. Twice. Smearing it across your folds with his thumbs as Choso repeats a single, jagged whisper, “Five.”

But you barely even have the time to register his response before he’s diving nose-deep into your dripping cunt. You don’t even know if he took the time to breathe - hell, he was kissing your puffy folds like he didn’t need to breathe.

“Shouldn’t have taken me to ngh- that fortune shop.” his lips mesh sloppily with yours. “Shouldn’t have gone to dinner, too.” Licking down your folds, the cold metal of his piercing making your head spin. “Fuckkk we shouldn’t have. Ohhh we shouldn’t have- ”

He can’t help but let out a guttural, fucked-out little grunt at the sight. Looking right up into your glassy eyes as the tip of his nose bumps against your throbbing clit. On purpose.

You buck your hips deeper into his pretty face, mewling. “O-oh. Fuck- fuck fuck fuck-” Letting him lick so filthily all over your clit - your folds - just barely dipping into your hole like he couldn’t decide. And it finally sets in that just maybe you weren’t getting off easy this time. “Five?”

And fuck you can feel the way Choso grins against your pussy, wrapping his now-glossy lips around your clit to suck so harshly.

“Mhmmm.” he moans, cheeks hollowing as he tugs on your poor, ravaged clit. Rolling his tongue - the ball of his piercing - right across the sensitive bud in just the way he knew you liked. “Shouldn’t have put those thoughts in my head, baby.”

Oh.

Oh, shit. Five.

You definitely weren’t making it out alive today.

The same sentiment seems to ring in Choso’s pussydrunk head as he pulls away with a lewd squelch to grin up at you. So fucking pretty with his eyes miles away, hair messily framing his smudged eyeliner. Lips all puffy and glistening, your slick covering the lower half of his face, his chin - some even on his jaw like Choso was trying to get messy on purpose. “Ya finally got it, baby? I could feel her gettin’ wetter.”

You did. How could you not?

You jump when Choso reattaches his lips, this time bullying his tongue past your folds, into that first, feeble ring of resistance. Stretching out your sopping entrance on his tongue in persistent, rough pushes. “Seems she hngh- really likes the idea, hm? Of me breeding this lil’ cunt?” he moans, muffled with the way he was thrusting his tongue deeper and deeper with each second. Roaming for those cute sensitive spots he knew so well, “N’ who am I to say no to the fuck- mother of my kids?”

“There! Oh my god there-” you cry when his piercing just hits at your g-spot. “I-I thought you ngh- didn’t want kids, Cho–”

As if to prove you wrong, Choso’s only curling his tongue deeper into your walls. Squeezing past your walls to fuck you exactly the way he wanted to with his aching cock right now. Hitting that magic spot again and again and-

“Oh yeah? Seems-” Like he was fucking addicted, Choso surges forward again. And again. And again and again so deep that you could feel the curve of his chin, each and every movement of his jaw. “Seems the last five hours were a bit- eye-opening. Fuck- you’re squeezin’ me s’fucking- mmf- tight”

And it was true - your walls were milking Choso’s tongue so hard you half-lucidly wondered whether it didn’t hurt. Whether his tongue wasn’t cramping up at this point, lips aching.

But if they did, then Choso acted the exact opposite. Nails leaving neat little patterns on the plush of your hips as he makes you ride his face harder.

“Cho!” you buck your hips wildly when that wasn’t enough for your needy boyfriend either. Big, fat tears of overstimulation rising up to your eyes when he swipes his thumb across your pulsing clit. Rings cold against your cunt when he starts to draw urgent, messy little circles in time with his tongue.“Oh fuck-”

“Five.” he’s spitting into your cunt when your thighs start trembling beside his head. Jaw sagging open so lewdly as he gets faster - sloppier. Fuck any rhythm or reason. “Five.” he moans, sounding as strained as you felt - as taut as a tightrope right now with each drag of your sloppy cunt over Choso’s ravenous mouth. Greedier - letting your slick run all the way down his wrist now with how messy he was getting. “Five.” he whispers, when you finally cum.

And shit, you’re such a vision when you do. Tears springing to your eyes, fingers tightening on Choso’s hair. Letting out such cute sobs of his name, hips moving out of control all over his mouth while he still pulls and pushes his tongue into your gummy walls. Fucking you so obscenely through your high.

“Yeah? You all done with the first one, baby?” he rasps, giving your sensitive cunt one, last peck at your delirious nod - and another extra, just to watch you squirm. “Then-” Choso does the same up your body, pressing his lips to your stomach, “-you can-” the valley of your breasts. “-take responsibility.”

That’s all it takes for Choso to easily throw you onto his sculpted shoulders like some ragdoll. Taking long, urgent steps towards the nearest flat surface - that just so happened to be your couch.

“Cho- slow-” you squeal when he throws you onto the cushions. “-down.”

And he does anything but. Barely paying attention to your zipper when he pulls off whatever’s left of your dress, throwing it god-knows-where behind him. “I’ll buy you a new one when we go pregnancy shopping.”

Choso lets out a long, strained groan when he unbuckles your bra. “Gonna be so pretty as a mama.” Large, soft hands coming to knead and guide your pretty nipples into his mouth, “Gonna be- fuck- so pretty with these all full.”

And you can only watch, jaw-dropped, as Choso sucks on your tits. Eyes rolling to the back of his head with how harsh he was - as if he was trying to get out milk. Needing to feel it - to taste it on his tongue.

“And this- oh this-” A hand sneaks its way down to splay out over your stomach. Pressing down, hard. “So round and full with my kid.” He manages to grit out over the metal clinking of his belt, “They’ll look at you and all they’ll see is me.” He pauses, feeling something crinkle in his pocket - a shiny condom. One that Choso chucks along with your dress, “Fuck, they’ll see me. Know how I ruined you. Me me me me-”

Fuck-

You’re so caught up in Choso’s sinful little mutters that you barely even noticed he’d pull down his pants - just enough for his rock-hard erection to spring free. And he looked so painfully hard, such an angry red at his weeping tip, leaking all the way down, down, down those prominent veins.

Twitching upwards at the mere sound of your voice, “Why don’t you p-prove it then, Cho?”

You broke him. You were sure you broke him.

The words have barely left your lips before Choso’s fist is squeezing at the drenched base of his cock. Angry. Desperate.

All but cumming on the spot when he glides his fat head along your slit - letting your cunt drool all over him before-

“F-fuck-”

“Shhh baby, I know I know.” his mouth crashes against yours in a messy, open-mouthed kiss. Sucking on your tongue while he bullies his massive cock into your snug cunt. Inch by fucking inch. And whatever’s remaining of Choso’s sanity knows he should slow down, let you breathe, maybe stretch you out more - but how could he when he physically can’t. “Fuck- too- too good. God, I have t-to do this more often.”

Your raw cunt too heavenly that he genuinely can’t stop his hips from splitting you apart deeper, from spreading your thrashing legs so far apart it burned.

From feeling the way you’re torn between taking more and flattening your feet to push away- Letting out a strangled groan, “No no no no no- don’t you take this pussy away. How else will I breed her?” He runs his delirious mouth, strong arms just dragging you across the couch back onto his mean cock. “Need this- need this so bad. Fuck-” Choso throws his head back as your cunt sucks up his leaky tip. “-oh god think m’gonna die if I don’t get to breed this pretty pussy. To give her my kid.”

Pushing in small, sharp jabs to bully himself inside, having your puffy folds bulge so obscenely around his cock. Quivering and struggling to take him all. Not even a quarter of the way in yet he was pushing in and out in and out in and-

“Oh- please-” you claw down his toned back, his waist, onto the biceps that were pushing your knees up for easier access, all the way until they were at your tits. Folding you into a tight mating press, “Cho–”

Ah, that little nickname always did things to him. And Choso nuzzles the crook of your neck gently - the exact opposite of his hips, leaving faint, dark streaks of eyeliner on your skin. “What is it? What do you hngh- want, baby? I’ll give ya anything.”

And maybe you were a mastermind. Maybe you were an idiot. Because you hum into his ear, sending goosebumps rising down your boyfriend’s spine, “Wan’ five of them.”

If you thought you broke him before then you fucking ruined him now.

Because in one, harsh thrust he’s bottoming out - feeling like he was pushing all the way into your lungs, your hazy brain. And the stretch - fuck. You could feel each and every dip and curve of Choso’s girth, thrumming against your plushy walls. Still pushing inside you despite bottoming out, stretching you out like such a slut.

It was all Choso could do to echo, over and over like some type of mantra. “Finally- Five, huh? Five- Fuck!” Leaving little bruises on your thighs from spreading them apart so hard. “Gonna give you five- fuck- five.”

Each word was punctuated by a long, mean thrust, not daring to reel back until Choso could feel his fat head kiss your poor cervix, and his heavy balls smack against your ass.

It was starting to take a toll on your ability to speak in coherent sentences - as expected, of course.

“Oh- ngh- Cho, s’too deep. Too- ah-” you blubber tearily, heels digging into his shoulders. And he only fucks you harder into the couch. Bouncing you so rough on his swollen cock.

“Too deep?” Choso mutters, sounding genuinely surprised. As if to confirm for himself, he trails up a hand to feel for where he knew he was leaving loving little marks on your cervix. Pressing down. “How are ya- hah- how are ya gonna let me breed this cute cunt if even this is too deep, huh?”

You don’t have the ability to answer even if you wanted to - because Choso starts to toy with your still-sensitive clit. Sending flashes of white-hot pleasure with each roll of his ringed thumb over it. Tiny, incessant circles.

He coos over your lewd ah! ah! ah! “Awww. My baby can’t s-speak anymore?”. The curve of his dick fucking you so dumb, massaging your tight walls, hitting sweet spots you didn’t even know you had. “S’alright, jus’ let me hah- take care of it, okay? Jus’ let me paint this oh- heavenly pussy white.” Choso’s knees dig into the cushion as he angles his hips ever-so-slightly to hit that one-

“Fuck! Oh fuck- Cho–”

Found it.

“C’mon, baby.” Choso moans into the valley of your breasts, hips out of control now. Free hand coming up to squish your cheeks together, forcing you to peer into his dark gaze. “L-look at me. Fuck- look at the future father to your kids.”

All while his thick tip hit your g-spot over and over and-

And oh how he loved how fucked-out you looked already. Capable of only giving him bleary, cockdrunk heart-eyes as he milks himself on your sloppy cunt. He couldn’t think straight - doesn’t think he’s been able to since five hours ago.

Since he’s been wrecked with thoughts of how he’d do their hair and you’d pick them up from school. And how Yuji would be the best uncle and- Fuck, how he wanted those five kids with you - maybe even more-

“More?” you gasp. And Choso lets out a guttural groan when you clench so sinfully around him in surprise. Fucking you so filthy, “M-more kids?”

Choso only drawls out a low, “Mhmmmm.” Pinching your clit faster between two fingers to shut up those cute whines because shit- he could cum from just how tight you were squeezing him. But refuses to before the mother of his kids. “Ya don’ ngh- wan’ me to? Don’ want me to fuck a baby into you?”

You’re crying out harder when he speeds up. Rocking your sloppy cunt so harshly, making sure your poor pussy will remember him for a long, long time. Just trying - needing - to make himself cum. To fill you up with his seed till you can’t take it anymore. “I- ngh- do!”

And it takes everything in Choso to pull away from your ravaged tits, connecting his sweaty forehead with yours. Whispering, “How many?”

“As- fuck-”

“Mhm?”

“As many as you want- hngh-”

That’s all it takes for Choso’s body to bow, teeth digging in right above that rapid pulse on your neck so hard you wondered whether it drew blood. Hips stuttering, giving your sensitive spot one last, harsh kiss.

This time, when you cum you see white flashes behind your eyes - or maybe that was just Choso. Because the sight of you falling apart on his dick was all it takes for him to as well. Hard. Almost painfully so.

Eyeliner running down his cheeks now with each thick, hot rope of seed he was filling your snug cunt up with. Those cushions below the two of you the last thing on his mind right now as he holds your trembling hips still, fucking his cum deeper and deeper.

The hand on your stomach pushes down, watching awe-struck at how your bloated cunt just coats him in cum. Dribbling down the side of your puffy folds, forming a creamy ring at his base.

“Oh!“ your jaw falls slack at how animalistic it felt. At how slutty your overfilled pussy felt, drooling all down your legs - and his. Onto Choso’s painfully squeezing balls as he fucks you like an animal. Again. And again and-

Again. He was speeding his hips up again.

Then it’s like something snaps - Choso’s restraint, your sanity, and the couch. Fuck, his hips were so harsh that the couch was sagging entirely too much on your end.

This time, wrangling your legs around Choso’s waist, lifting your limp body up into Choso’s arms before you can react - squirming at the way he still doesn’t bother to pull out. Letting your cum gush all the way down his still-hard dick.

Hands spreading your puffy folds apart, making such a mess of cum down below as he drags himself across your walls. Like he was marking you from the inside out - and he was.

“Didn’t think we were ngh- done, did you?” Choso’s lips graze your swollen ones. “After all, I did promise five.” Softly pooling a stray tear onto his tongue, piercing burning into your heated skin. “N’ we gotta practice for that, too, right?”

---

“The photo albums, really? Honestly, dad, you might as well have just gone and just outright told them.”

The older man only waves a hand dismissively, turning back to his favorite late-night show, “I’m not getting any younger here. N’ I’d like to see some grandkids before I see the pearly gates.”

Jin only sighs, but doesn’t disagree - after all, he couldn’t deny his father what he himself has been dreaming about ever since Choso finally plucked up the courage to actually ask you out. Yet he persists, “But honestly, Sukuna - you were teasing him a bit too much.”

Sukuna grunts, “Teasing? What teasing?” Crossing two big arms across his chest, “From the way they ran outta here, I suspect he should be thanking me.”

“Well, the true MVP - as the kids say - is this one-” Grandpa Itadori points at a rather oblivious Yuji. ‘Real nice improv to the plan, kid.“

Who only shakes his head before looking around the room for any answers, “Huh, wait. What plan? Did I miss some plan?”

“Ahem- no. Nothing.” Jin coughs, swiftly moving along the conversation above Yuji’s confused protests about what secret plan there was and why. “But, really, it should be that fortune teller you hired, Sukuna. Bit over-the-top honestly, but Choso was telling me all about her and you must’ve gotten a real convincing actress.”

Rolling his eyes, “Huh, I didn’t hire her, I thought that was the ol’ man’s work?”

“Now why would I go looking for actresses, my wife would just haunt me from the grave.”

The silence that follows is a heavy one as it slowly dawns upon everyone in the room - except for a still-floundering Yuji - that this was in no way a creative improvisation to the aforementioned plan. Not at all, really.

Oh.

Wow. Five…really?!

“GUYS WHAT WAS THE PLAN?”

A/N. This got wayyyyyy longer than I expected lmao.

Plagiarism not authorized.

#choso x reader #choso smut #choso x you #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk x you #choso kamo x reader #choso kamo smut #choso kamo x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk #jjk fic #jujutsu kaisen #choso #tonywrites #choso kamo

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cinnamorollcrybaby · 7 months ago

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Doting

Tags: jjk men as dads, tooth-rotting fluff, comfort drabbles

Synopsis: How the JJK men treat you while pregnant (spoiler warning- they dote on you.)

An: This is my formal apology for writing Nanami angst on the “Baby’s first words” post 😔 it will never happen again (can we stop with the death threats now?)

SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA • NANAMI

SATORU

Oh, your loving husband is all over you while you’re pregnant. He genuinely has such a cute fascination with all the changes your body is going through. He seriously thinks you’re so strong for carrying his heir.

He loves rubbing your bump. In fact, he will always be touching it in some form or fashion while you two are together. When he’s away on missions, he has you send him pictures and updates on your pregnancy as if anything major has changed in a couple of days.

You best believe he is ready to indulge you on your every craving, no matter how strange. It’s three a.m and you’re crying because you need that specific brand of chicken wings and a can of whip cream? He’s heading to the store immediately to fetch whatever you tell him to.

He genuinely worries about being a good dad. Many nights he lays his head on your bump and talks to you about how teaching didn’t come naturally to him. He wasn’t born knowing how to meet people where they’re at. He use to expect people to be able to meet him on his level. He worries that he may inadvertently put a lot of pressure on his kid, and that’s the last thing he wants due to how he was raised. He just wants his kid to be a kid.

He’s the best, most loving and compassionate dad to your baby, more than you could ever hope for. Even if teaching didn’t come to him naturally, being a father did.

SUGURU

He’s such a “sit down and let me do it for you” while you’re pregnant. He cooks, cleans, works, and tends to you completely throughout your pregnancy.

Suguru gets hyper fixated on your health during pregnancy. He only feeds you the yummiest and healthiest foods while you’re pregnant. He encourages for you to sit on the yoga ball and do (very) light exercises. He just wants the best for you and his baby.

Whenever I said he tends to you, I genuinely mean he tends to you. He’ll gently brush your hair at night time, rub your back when your belly is becoming heavy to carry around, serve your breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, carries around emesis bags and breath mints for if you get morning sickness while you two are out.

This man is the king of enforcing your boundaries to people when they don’t listen. That really annoying family member that insists on being there for the birth even though you’ve already explained to them that you want this to be an experience for just you and Geto? Yeah, he’s made it very clear to them that they will not be at the birth if they want to be in your kid’s life.

He is absolutely not afraid to hurt feelings if it means his wife and future child are safe and cared for. He really don’t give a fuck who anyone else is. You and his child are first priority.

TOJI

Toji is definitely the type to express his love and devotion for you in other ways than the most conventional methods.

He is so incredibly gentle while you’re pregnant. He doesn’t rile you up as much or play fight with you anymore. He constantly reminds himself that you’re carrying another life inside you and that you have enough on your plate.

This man… whew does he love seeing you pregnant. Toji’s the type of man to feel so feral when he looks at you heavily pregnant with his kid.

He adores your body. He’ll rub lotion all over you and oils to help your skin accommodate to the stretch of carrying a kid. He massages your body and absolutely worships it while he’s rubbing the lotion and oil on you.

Your breasts are sore? He’ll gently massage them until they feel better. Your back hurts? He’d be the type to lift your bump up and take the weight off you for as long as you ask him to so you can feel relaxed for a few minutes.

And look this is probably TMI but like, if you got a clogged milk duct due to breastfeeding, Toji would unfortunately be the type of man to fix that issue with his mouth. i’m sorry but he would.

Final thing is, you better believe that he doesn’t allow anyone to get too close to you. He is so unbelievably protective over you while you’re pregnant. If he could, he’d lock you up at home to prevent anyone from getting close to you.

SUKUNA

On the outside, he acts very nonchalant and unbothered by your pregnancy. On the inside, he is constantly plagued by the thought that your body may not be able to carry his heir. The thought of losing you or his child haunts him.

He will secretly observe and take notes on your body and how it is changing. If he catches you expressing any sort of short windedness, he will immediately send you off to bed rest. Though, you’re usually able to convince him to take you off of it by the next day.

The only servant he trusts to tend to you is Uraume. No one else in his court is allowed to be anywhere near you unless he gives specific instructions. Still, he hates leaving you in the care of Uraume. He trusts them, but he wants to be the one to take care of you.

He loves holding your body close to him at night. All four arms are wrapped around you and holding you closely. Since he doesn’t need much sleep, he will stay awake rubbing on your tummy all night long. One time, he felt the baby moving in your stomach while you were asleep. He was so intrigued that he woke you up and told you to “make them do it again”.

Now, he will randomly approach you at any given time while you’re heavily pregnant and hold his hand out so he can feel his baby moving around inside of you. It soothes his worry.

During birth, Sukuna was a complete mess. The amount of blood lost during birth fucking terrified him. He was panicking and yelling at anyone to do something to save you, even while everyone was assuring him that you’re okay and this was natural.

After 9 long excruciating months of extreme worry and constant fear, he finally feels peace when he’s cradling a newborn in his arm and a sleeping wife in the other arm. All of his hard work to protect you paid off he thinks.

NANAMI

Oh, to be pregnant by the king of domestic love himself.

Nanami is the type of man to immediately start working on a nursery for you as soon as you reveal to him that you’re pregnant. He immediately changes the guest bedroom into a nursery that you design for your little baby.

He reads up on all the parenting books and articles. He’s constantly compiling things to either do or to not do during pregnancy and even while raising a kid.

Like Geto, he tends to your every need. He is a total house husband all while working 40 hours a week. When he’s at work, he is constantly calling and texting you to make sure that you’re okay and taking care of yourself, but let’s be fr he literally did everything for you before he even left for work (meal prepped for you, set out your clothes for you, put out all your self care items in case you want to bathe).

When you express concerns of your body getting bigger to him, he does everything in his power to show you that he loves and respects your body for creating life. He literally cherishes and worships your body for hours if you let him.

Like Toji, Nanami is protective over you. He constantly has an arm around you if you two are in public, and he watches everyone who dares to get close to you like a hawk. If he gets a bad vibe about anyone, he’s immediately stepping in front of you and taking over the conversation.

Nanami is the best partner to have during birth. His reading of articles during your pregnancy really paid off. He is supportive without being overbearing. He listens to your needs and tends to you without question. Constant praise and encouragement while you’re giving birth. The moment he gets to snuggle with you and the baby is the moment he realizes that he cultivated the life of his dreams. He has the family he always wanted.

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itsrlymine · 28 days ago

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How Many Times Do You Need To Be Told It Already Happened To Know It's Done Now?

Make it simple because it is. Remember it already happened because it did. When we manifest something, WE LITERALLY BEGIN TO TALK ABOUT HOW IT MANIFESTED SO DO THAT SHIT NOW!!! When something happens, we all naturally recount it. We explain it to ourselves afterwards in whatever way we can. If you want something to happen, tell yourself that it did. I want a new job. Omg I love my new job. I want to receive tons of money. No way I just received so much money wow. I want a new apartment. Omg I love my new space. The physicality of a thing isn’t what makes it real. It’s your perception that does. I don’t need to know what device you are reading this on to know you are reading. I don’t need to know when you started, how you pronounce the words, I don’t need to know anything but I know you are. It’s the same with everything else.

Your mind’s eye sees EVERYTHING FIRST. That doesn’t mean it “takes long.” If you just saw something in your mind, IT HAPPENED. If you just thought of something you would like to experience, YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IT NOW. The only reason you “aren’t” is because you say so. Literally. Again, when you think about memories, you experience them within you. You can feel like you are experiencing past feelings or thoughts by thinking about them yet you don’t question it. Now when it comes to things you do want, you act all weird about it??? Make it make fucking sense. This whole entire thing is just about whether or not you trust yourself. Whether or not you believe in yourself. To believe in you is to believe in everything because you are everything. There is nothing outside of you. No power or being dictating whether or not you are worthy of something. The power is you. I wanted to hear from someone I hadn’t heard from in years last night and then I had to remember “umm?? I’m pretty sure we just got off the phone what the heck.” They called me and we spoke as if there hadn’t been any time that passed at all between us. It had been over 3 years but should I have let that determine if I’d hear from them? NO. It doesn’t matter. The story you tell about yourself is the experience you live. Think back to before you found out about the law (you). You can literally see how your thinking and who you thought yourself to be created situations you were in as a result. There’s no need to sit and beat yourself up about the past because it’s also now just what you say it is. �� Give yourself that peace you want. Give yourself the stress free space to enjoy life. There is nothing you can’t achieve as long as you have an open mind. The world is constantly showing you who you say you are and what you believe about it. Whatever you say you are, you are. You’ve accepted the fact that you can read and understand the words on this post so what’s stopping you from accepting the fact that you now have what you previously wanted. Be still and fucking know. It’s yours already damn.

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valeriehalla · 9 months ago

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actual writing advice

1. Use the passive voice.

What? What are you talking about, “don’t use the passive voice”? Are you feeling okay? Who told you that? Come on, let’s you and me go to their house and beat them with golf clubs. It’s just grammar. English is full of grammar: you should go ahead and use all of it whenever you want, on account of English is the language you’re writing in.

2. Use adverbs.

Now hang on. What are you even saying to me? Don’t use adverbs? My guy, that is an entire part of speech. That’s, like—that’s gotta be at least 20% of the dictionary. I don’t know who told you not to use adverbs, but you should definitely throw them into the Columbia river.

3. There’s no such thing as “filler”.

Buddy, “filler” is what we called the episodes of Dragon Ball Z where Goku wasn’t blasting Frieza because the anime was in production before Akira Toriyama had written the part where Goku blasts Frieza. Outside of this extremely specific context, “filler” does not exist. Just because a scene wouldn’t make it into the Wikipedia synopsis of your story’s plot doesn’t mean it isn’t important to your story. This is why “plot” and “story” are different words!

4. okay, now that I’ve snared you in my trap—and I know you don’t want to hear this—but orthography actually does kind of matter

First of all, a lot of what you think of as “grammar” is actually orthography. Should I put a comma here? How do I spell this word in this context? These are questions of orthography (which is a fancy Greek word meaning “correct-writing”). In fact, most of the “grammar questions” you’ll see posted online pertain to orthography; this number probably doubles in spaces for writers specifically.

If you’re a native speaker of English, your grammar is probably flawless and unremarkable for the purposes of writing prose. Instead, orthography refers to the set rules governing spelling, punctuation, and whitespace. There are a few things you should know about orthography:

English has no single orthography. You already know spelling and punctuation differ from country to country, but did you know it can even differ from publisher to publisher? Some newspapers will set parenthetical statements apart with em dashes—like this, with no spaces—while others will use slightly shorter dashes – like this, with spaces – to name just one example.

Orthography is boring, and nobody cares about it or knows what it is. For most readers, orthography is “invisible”. Readers pay attention to the words on a page, not the paper itself; in much the same way, readers pay attention to the meaning of a text and not the orthography, which exists only to convey that meaning.

That doesn’t mean it’s not important. Actually, that means it’s of the utmost importance. Because orthography can only be invisible if it meets the reader’s expectations.

You need to learn how to format dialogue into paragraphs. You need to learn when to end a quote with a comma versus a period. You need to learn how to use apostrophes, colons and semicolons. You need to learn these things not so you can win meaningless brownie points from your English teacher for having “Good Grammar”, but so that your prose looks like other prose the reader has consumed.

If you printed a novel on purple paper, you’d have the reader wondering: why purple? Then they’d be focusing on the paper and not the words on it. And you probably don’t want that! So it goes with orthography: whenever you deviate from standard practices, you force the reader to work out in their head whether that deviation was intentional or a mistake. Too much of that can destroy the flow of reading and prevent the reader from getting immersed.

You may chafe at this idea. You may think these “rules” are confusing and arbitrary. You’re correct to think that. They’re made the fuck up! What matters is that they were made the fuck up collaboratively, by thousands of writers over hundreds of years. Whether you like it or not, you are part of that collaboration: you’re not the first person to write prose, and you can’t expect yours to be the first prose your readers have ever read.

That doesn’t mean “never break the rules”, mind you. Once you’ve gotten comfortable with English orthography, then you are free to break it as you please. Knowing what’s expected gives you the power to do unexpected things on purpose. And that’s the really cool shit.

5. You’re allowed to say the boobs were big if the story is about how big the boobs were

Nobody is saying this. Only I am brave enough to say it.

Well, bye!

#text #writing

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5sospenguinqueen · 2 months ago

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Toy Cars | Fernando Alonso x Mum! Reader

Summary: Fernando boasts about his step-sons to anyone who will listen. So, when you realise you want more, he's confused why your little family is no longer enough.

Warnings: angst, slight age gap. i pictured reader about 35

Requested: no

just a short one compared to the others

F1 Masterlist

next.

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fernandoalo_official just posted

liked by astonmartinf1, aussiegrit and others

fernandoalo_official not been an easy weekend so far but it’s made easier when one of my favourite people is in the paddock

14,114 comments

jensonbutton but i’m not working this weekend?

→ lance_stroll we all know i’m his other favourite person

→ fernandoalo_official no, the twins are

→ user1 step dad nando has my whole heart

→ yn_ln mine too!

user2 a hug from fernando would heal me

→ user3 a hug from y/n would heal me

yn_ln weekends where i get to see you are my favourite

→ user4 i will never be normal about these two

→ user5 it’s the fact that he watches the f2 races because it gives him an excuse to hang out with y/n

astonmartinf1 our favourite couple

user6 need fernando to win now that he’s had his good luck hug

yn_ln just posted

liked by jensonbutton, lance_stroll and others

yn_ln back on track for the twins. both my boys did a wonderful job with high position finishes… oh and they were visited by an enthusiastic fan 😉

5,343 comments

fernandoalo_official i’ll be getting you in one of those karts next

→ yn_ln that’s going to take a lot of convincing, nando

→ fernandoalo_official i can think of a few ways, mi vida

→ landonorris ew

→ user7 mi vida!! i will never be normal about these two

aussiegrit how’d he get his hair that tall

→ astonmartinf1 it’s so full of secrets

fa_alonsokart calling the boss an enthusiastic fan is such a power move

→ user8 the fact that he let her and didn’t comment on it tho

lance_stroll they'll be taking his seat soon enough

user9 love how supportive fernando is of his step-sons

→ user10 he literally started a karting school so that he could help their karting careers

→ user11 the dad that stepped up

user1 what’s your favourite fa14 fact? mine is that he fell in love with y/n l/n, realised she had twins and immediately started enacting project alonso

→ user2 no because the twins were 11 when he met them and now they’re 15 and looking at f3 seats

user3 this is what i’ve been saying. fernando doesn’t just love y/n, he loves her children just as much, if not more

user4 fernando alonso puts all other step-dads to shame because he is always there for them, no matter how busy his life is

user5 i really need fernando to hurry up and propose because that is his family

→ user6 yes! he needs to make project alonso official by giving them all his last name

→ user7 and then more babies!

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comments

user8 why was this the cutest thing said by anyone ever. like those are his boys

user9 wait, so does this mean he doesn’t want kids?

user10 the way he cut that interviewer off because that his family whether they share blood or not

→ user11 i read it as he didn’t want to talk about it any more because he doesn’t want more kids and maybe he and y/n haven’t talked about it yet

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yn_ln just posted

liked by kellypiquet, alexandrasaintmleux and others

yn_ln an empty house for the week makes me realise that i miss hearing about cars

2,343 comments

user1 aw are the flowers from fernando?

kellypiquet max keeps trying to convince me to get another cat. don’t let him see this

→ maxverstappen1 too late

user2 wait, why isn’t she spending summer break with nando?

→ user3 because he’s on holiday

→ user2 without her?

→ user4 they don’t have to spend every minute together. he’s allowed to have a break

user5 guys, y/n and fernando don’t follow each other anymore?

→ user6 i thought you were lying but then i checked and it’s true :(

→ user7 oh that captions hit extra hard

user8 no because her entire life is racing and now that it’s not there, she realises she misses it

→ user9 she misses him

user10 i’m so confused. they were so in love like two weeks ago. what happened?

user11 no because i can’t imagine seeing fernando without y/n

user12 is he still going to support the twins?

user13 but you were supposed to get married to fernando and have lots of little alonso’s

→ user14 maybe one of them didn’t want that

→ user15 can’t imagine it being alonso, he thinks the world of the twins

→ user16 true. he does mention them in almost every interview

user1 when i remembered f2 were racing this weekend, i was so happy because that meant y/n and nando content and then i remembered they’d broken up

→ user2 all the tweets on here are tearing my heart out as well

user3 they’ve not spoken to each other once today

user4 yes she walked straight past him but there’s clips of her entire face crumpling as soon as she’s past him

→ user5 yes! i saw that. her colleague had to usher her into the garage before she started crying

user6 the fact that fernando spent the entire time watching her though

→ user7 even when people were talking to him, he was full on staring at her

→ user8 brokenhearted lover boy made no attempts to hide it

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Baby Fever Angst Series

Love that I mentioned request for Esteban once and I already have 5 requests 😂 I didn't realise there was that much love for Ocon considering I can never find any fics for him

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paarksunghoon · 8 days ago

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resignation (2)

SUMMARY: For the last six years, you’ve dedicated your career to ensuring Park Sunghoon never misses a day of work in his life. But you’re tired of endless days that seem to blend together, and seeing him living his fun, luxurious lifestyle makes you think about what else you might be missing out on. When Sunghoon finds your resignation letter on his desk, he does everything in his power to convince you to stay.

WORD COUNT: 4.7K

NOTES: still could not tell you a single thing about this plot but who knows!!!! perhaps I’ll make a whole serious out of it (??). will probably be smutty eventually.

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: slightest bit of sexual tension.

SERIES PLAYLIST + SERIES MASTERLIST

masterlist

let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any future chapters :)

***

The party is already in full swing by the time the two of you arrive. Sunghoon beats his driver in opening the car door for you after insisting that you stay put for him to do so. It seems a bit much, especially since Sunghoon has never held the door open for you in this manner, but you’ve learned not to stop him from pursuing what he wants. You feel a bit awkward when he holds his arm out for you to grab as you attempt to exit the car nonchalantly. It’s not commonplace for your boss to assist you in such a manner.

Your fingers drum against the leather of your bag as the two of you walk inside. For the first time in six years, you haven’t got a clue as to why Sunghoon needs you here. Being his “plus one” usually entails business negotiations or seeking out potential connections. He’s never asked you to accompany him for the hell of it. There’s always work to be done and Sunghoon isn’t above having you put your weeknights into your work agenda.

The venue is glamorous. A large chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and the staff carry around trays of alcohol and expensive-looking appetizers. You decline a glass of champagne but accept a small savory bite with loads of caviar on top of it (you don’t want to guess how much was spent on this dish alone). Sunghoon, on the other hand, grabs two champagne flutes and holds one out to you just as you shove your food into your mouth.

“I’m good,” you say through a mouthful. Sunghoon chuckles.

“Let loose. You’re gonna be gone in two months. You might as well enjoy the perks while you can.”

“Are you accepting that I want to quit?”

“Absolutely not.” He pushes the glass towards you until your fingers curl around the long stem. “But I am trying to get you to have fun.”

“I know how to have fun.”

“You’re always on work mode when we come to these things. You could learn to relax your shoulders and not talk business all the time.”

You roll your eyes. “That’s my job, Sir.”

“Sunghoon.”

“That’s my job, Sunghoon.”

“Not tonight. Don’t think about work. Matter of fact, if anybody talks about anything work-related, direct them to me or give them my email.”

You look at him curiously. “Since when do you care about how much fun I’m having to the point of burdening yourself with extra work?”

“Since my favorite assistant decided she wanted to quit.”

You don’t respond. He’s naturally a forward person, but he’s never commented on the nature of your working relationship beyond praising you on a job well done when you’ve clearly earned it. Sunghoon believes in proving oneself without any handouts, especially since his nepotism granted him the work he does now. You know it was significantly easier for Sunghoon to work his way from an intern to managing partner because his family legacy is Park Inc., but all of his accomplishments are on him. It’s why he believes in giving everybody a fair shot and kicking those who don’t perform well to the curb, even if their family is considered “well known.”

When it comes to your job and the work you’ve done for him, Sunghoon keeps his praise to a minimum. He is polite and doesn’t forget to thank you if you’ve completed a task for him, but he keeps his praise to himself until you do something that truly amazes him. You could probably count all of these stellar moments on one hand, and it took you years of working alongside Sunghoon to stop seeking his validation so much. When you focus on your work and not his praise, you seem to get more tasks done efficiently. But all you’ll ever be to Sunghoon is his assistant. Despite all of the work and knowledge you’ve acquired through your years of working at Park Inc., you doubt you’ll work your way up to become a managing partner like him.

Lee Heeseung and Park Jongseong, two of Sunghoon’s business partners and closest friends, provide a welcomed distraction when they approach the two of you with champagne flutes of their own. They both look just as prim and polished as Sunghoon in their tailored suits and reflective black shoes. You wonder if their assistants are here tonight.

“Always good to see you,” Jongseong says with a quick hug when he sees you before greeting Sunghoon.

“Didn’t realize you were coming.” Heeseung looks at your boss. “I thought Hana was accompanying you tonight?”

Sunghoon waves them off. “Nah. Asked my trusty assistant to come with me instead.” Heeseung looks at your hands.

“And you’re…drinking?”

“He told me it was fine,” you said, gesturing at Sunghoon. Heeseung smiles and steps forward to pull you into a short embrace as well, hands kept as a respectable distance while balancing his own drink. “Where’s Jake?”

“Business trip to Brisbane. It’s doubling as a family vacation since he hasn’t been back to Australia since he started his career,” Jongseong explains. “He’ll be back in a week.”

“I’m sorry,” Heeseung interrupts. “I’m stuck on the fact that you’re actually drinking and not pretending to so people don’t give you a hard time about it.”

“I told her to let loose and not think about work too much.”

“If she doesn’t, who will?” Jongseong snorts. He turns at you. “Are you going to grace us with your presence on the dance floor, or is Sunghoon making you butter everyone up until they inevitably do what you say?”

“She’s here because I needed a plus one and she’s here to have fun,” Sunghoon responds for you. Jongseong chuckles and stuffs his hands in his pocket.

“Well, God knows she needs a night off. You make her work too hard.”

Sunghoon tuts. “I do no such thing.”

“He can’t be worse than Daon. No could ever be,” says Heeseung.

“I guess you’re right.” Heeseung glances between you and Sunghoon before speaking again.

“If she’s here to have a bit of fun, you won’t mind if I took her to the face floor, would you?” Something unreadable flashes across Sunghoon’s face.

“No,” he says with his jaw fixed. Heeseung grins.

“Perfect. Shall we?”

You give Sunghoon your champagne flute and don’t look back, enjoying the idea of entertaining your awful dance skills with somebody you’ve known for nearly as long as you’ve known Sunghoon. Heeseung is charming in all of the right ways and you can see why most of your colleagues harbor small crushes on him. He’s extremely charismatic and good at getting what he wants. It’s a quality you wished you could possess.

Heeseung’s hand rests on the small of your back while the other gently holds your hand as he sways the two of you to the rhythm of the music. You’re not one for the theatrics of dancing the night away like Heeseung is, but it’s nice to forego your professional duties and scuff up your heels for a change.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Heeseung says, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry. I guess I’ve made a habit of being on the go when I come to these things.”

Heeseung tuts. “Sunghoon’s pushing you to your limits, but I can see why you’re the only person he trusts to get things done.”

“I remember the days when he barely trusted me to get his coffee order right.”

“Well, you’ve come a long way since then.”

Heeseung winks and places one hand on the middle of your back before you find him hovering above you. He doesn’t let you linger for much longer and pulls you back into his chest. The two of you have always had a friendly-yet-playful friendship, but something about him spontaneously asking you to dance and making you break your normal, party-going habits has you blushing. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“Sunghoon told me you’re quitting.” Your hand on his shoulder tightens for a moment.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to be thinking.”

“You’re not the type of person who can just let things go.”

“I hate that you know me well.”

Heeseung winks again. “My assistants and I have learned to count on you more than we can count on Sunghoon. I’d like to believe I know you better than you think I do.”

“Well…I’ve worked alongside him for so long that it’s making me wonder what else is out there for me, you know? Don’t get me wrong, I am so lucky to have been able to travel and learn alongside him, but it’s never because I want to. I don’t want to be a career assistant.”

“What do you want to do instead?”

“I don’t know,” you frown. “I’ve spent so long cleaning up after him and catering to his needs that I’ve never spent enough time thinking about what I want to do with my life.”

“He seems choked up about it.”

You scoff. “I handed him my resignation letter and he barely acknowledged it.”

“Jongseong told me he picked you up from your apartment.”

“He accompanied his driver.”

Heeseung waves you off. “Same difference.”

“And, well…he told me to stop calling him by his title and to start calling him by his name.”

“Oh?”

“I know. It’s weird, isn’t it? I don’t think I could ever address him by ‘Sunghoon.’”

“You call me Heeseung, though.”

You swat his chest. “Yah. That’s because I don’t work for you and you threatened to get me fired if I treated you like a stuffy higher-up.” He grins at that.

“You’ll be missed, you know. I can tell Sunghoon’s starting to spiral about it. He doesn’t call me often to talk about himself, but he spent our entire meeting discussing his weekend golfing plans.”

“He’ll function without me.”

“I don’t know if he can.”

As it stands currently, your personal life barely exists. It’s hard to find time to do things by yourself when you’re constantly on call. Sunghoon is respectful of your personal time as much as any high power venture capitalist can be, but you often find yourself sitting with him during late night working hours and in the early morning when he asks for your presence. It’s not a terrible job, certainly not for the pay and how it used to give you a sense of purpose in life, but it’s starting to feel like the days and months are blurring together. You don’t think you could recall what day it is without looking at your calendar.

Your working relationship with Sunghoon is near perfect. He can be a bit of a charmer when he wants to be and knows all the right ways to get you to say yes, but you can’t say you’ve had a horrible time working under him. Sunghoon is a fair boss who trusts you far more than you trust yourself. He’s given you incredible opportunities to learn and grow as a businessperson, and it’s far more than you can say for anybody else in that office. Sunghoon values his personal time, which leads him to valuing when you take time off (and, to be honest, is rarely ever). That is something you know you’ll struggle to find elsewhere.

But this job has seen you work over the typical forty hours to the point where you lose yourself in it. You try to balance your time in and out of the office, but it’s hard to keep up a personal life when you care so deeply about your job. The projects you work on are important to you, as is contributing to businesses that have since become successful thanks to you and Sunghoon. It gives you a sense of fulfillment to know you can be part of the reason why a local eatery becomes a celebrated chain restaurant, or why a crowdfunded product becomes internet famous for all the right reasons. It’s your job and it’s your life, but that’s what you’re afraid of.

Sunghoon will never have to wonder what it’s like to worry about paying rent or utilities because his family comes from a long line of extremely successful venture capitalists. He could try his best to blow his fortune and wouldn’t come close to spending a fraction of it. You, on the other hand, budget wisely on your salary in order to be able to afford and maintain the lifestyle you have. Every cent is accounted for and splurging on things is a treat every once in a while, aside from the budget Sunghoon gives you when you travel with him. But even then, you’d consider yourself someone who doesn’t overdo it for the principle of it all.

Aside from having little to no hobbies that require stepping out of your apartment, you don’t meet people. You don’t hang out with anybody regularly enough to build connections or to explore romantic relationships. The people you see on a weekly basis are your elderly neighbors who praise you for being quiet during the nighttime, your colleagues at Park Inc., and Sunghoon. There is no time to settle down. While Sunghoon gets his fair share of taking women home and indulging in sex and dating, you find that you’re the one who he calls when he can’t seem to get rid of people who refuse to leave. The thought of explaining this situation to your date, and having them be okay with being a glorified babysitter, seems a bit far fetched.

You tell yourself that dating shouldn’t be a big deal. It isn’t, right? Not when you’ve learned to become independent and confident in the face of venture capitalist sharks that will eat you for breakfast should you falter. The thick skin you’ve managed to build feels more like protective armor than anything else. People who know you would say they’ve seen an immense amount of growth in how you carry yourself, and while you credit it to working in the environment you do, most of it is because you refuse to let yourself falter, even if for a moment.

Dating hasn't been on your mind for the past few years. You were young, and you still are, but the years after graduating university were dedicated to figuring out where you belonged. This job at Park Inc. was a great blessing. Having to focus on getting your job done and learning about the business took up more time than you anticipated, so there was no time to think about relationships. You were very much in the mindset of pursuing a career before indulging in boys. Perhaps it’s your hyper independence that led you to push any yearning for romance aside. But it’s bubbling to the surface like a vengeance in the present day.

And if you’re being honest, you feel incredibly silly. It feels stupid to watch movies or read books and wish you could experience the kind of love that leaves you breathless. You’ve never been one for the theatrics, but what if you were? What if you were the type to meet a guy and fall for him instantly? What would you be like if you were the type of person people naturally gravitated towards? If you were any different, would guys come up to you out of the blue and entertain you until one of you ultimately decided it isn’t worth it?

You don’t have the time to consider these things beyond daydreams. Your days are filled with project meetings, phone calls, scheduling, and anything else Sunghoon requires of you. It’s gotten to the point where you’re considering asking him to get a second assistant to help you with the tasks you’re drowning in.

You don’t have the luxury of meeting incredibly handsome men who want everything to do with you as Sunghoon does. People fall at his feet when he looks at them. With his warm brown eyes and devilish smile, he barely has to lift a finger to get people to fall to their knees. You’ve seen it one too many times, whether it be women who lunge at the chance to go home with him or potential clients who want his money for their business. Sunghoon knows how to sweet talk and he knows how to get what he wants without making the other person realize they’re submitting to his will. His charisma is admirable. You wish you could be a little more like that.

Thinking about how little action you get compared to Sunghoon feels like you’re losing your mind, too. You’ve had shitty dates and failed hookups in the past that leave you wondering if trying is worth it. It doesn’t seem like that’s the type of lifestyle for you, and while you’re not necessarily looking to settle down with the next person you meet, you desperately wish you could meet somebody who doesn’t disappoint you by the time the check arrives. It’s almost aggravating when Sunghoon walks into the office with a post-sex glow to him. It’s irritating when he calls you to take women out of his house and see him in all of his glory (shirtless only—you’re crossing so many boundaries just by helping Sunghoon in this matter but damn, his abs are chiseled by the gods).

You’d have to be completely blind to think Sunghoon isn’t attractive. Meeting him for the first time felt like you were meeting the child of Aphrodite. His hair naturally fell into all the right places and his suit was tailored to the nines. He was commanding yet soft, and his baritone voice felt like pure velvet the first time you heard him speak. Your knees nearly buckled when he looked at you and you imagine that’s what every woman must feel like when he gives them his attention. You know far too well just how charming and handsome Sunghoon is, and you’ve learned to push these thoughts and feelings to the very back corner of your mind.

Sunghoon always is, and always will be, off limits. He’s your boss, for starters. In the early days of your career, you’d find yourself fantasizing about him and his otherworldly looks when desperate times called and when bad dates left you wondering what life would be like if you weren’t Sunghoon’s assistant, but someone he took home. It always made you feel guilty and shameful, especially when you’d walk into his office the next day and make any sort of eye contact with him. That feeling ate at you alive to the point where you had to force yourself to view this as a professional, working relationship only. Besides, there was no chance Sunghoon would ever jeopardize himself like that. He takes work too seriously to ever mix it in with his private life.

Eventually, you learned to tune those feelings out and view him like your superior. Sunghoon’s always been a bit friendly with you, especially as your years of working together grew. You know so much about his family, where he lives, his goals and aspirations, to the point where you think you know more about him than you know about yourself. You’ve seen him stress over big projects and celebrate incredible milestones. You’ve been with him every step of the way for the past six years, and leaving his side is the scariest thing you’ve done in your life thus far.

You know he’ll be just fine. Sunghoon might have to get to know somebody all over again and get used to working a different dynamic, but it’s not as if you’re irreplaceable. That thought tends to keep you up at night every once in a while. Not a single person has ever made you feel like you’re worth fighting for and nobody has ever gone out of their way to show you how much they value you. It comes easily to Sunghoon to the point where you’d be surprised if people didn’t want anything to do with him.

Those kinds of things don’t happen for you very easily. Men don’t fall to their knees when they see you and they certainly don’t strike up a conversation with the hopes of scoring your number. You can count on your hand the number of times people have hit on you, and while it’s not a measure of who you are as a person, it does make you feel shitty about yourself when you start to compare your love life with your boss’s.

So you find yourself here, standing in between Heeseung’s arm, feeling like a shy school girl who got asked to prom for the first time. It’s ridiculous. You’ve known him for nearly as long as you’ve known Sunghoon, and Heeseung has always been friendly in a way a colleague should. He never oversteps nor makes you uncomfortable, but the feeling of his hand on your back makes your mind drift to a scenario in which you’re dancing with the love of your life. It makes you feel small.

“Mind if I cut in?”

As if on cue, Sunghoon’s voice pierces through your wandering thoughts.

“After this song, Hoon. I’m having quality time with your assistant.”

The song ends just as Heeseung is done speaking. It feels like the universe might as well be laughing at you.

“Would you look at that? The song just ended.” Heeseung steps away and winks at you before looking at Sunghoon.

“She’s all yours.”

Sunghoon resumes Heeseung’s position and every fantasy you’ve had of him from the early days of your career suddenly makes their way to the forefront of your mind. No matter how much you try to push them back in their place, these desires keep coming up like a canon of confetti at the end of a concert. Your heart rate picks up slightly and you hope your hands don’t feel as clammy as you think they are.

“Having fun?”

“I’d hardly count coming to a stuffy event as fun, but I’m not miserable.”

Sunghoon tilts his head. “You don’t like schmoozing with men who only care about money?” The two of you share a laugh. It’s so easy to let your guard down with him.

“Ha-ha. No, Sunghoon, I don’t typically imagine this as my ideal way of having fun.”

“No?” He pulls you closer to his chest as he brings the two of you deeper into the dance floor. It makes you help in surprise and Sunghoon doesn’t bother hiding his pleasure when he grins. “What do you like to do for fun, hm?”

“I…I don’t know.”

Sunghoon clicks his tongue. “It can’t be all work and no play, you know. That makes Jack a dull boy, or however the saying goes.” You roll your eyes.

“I’m too busy taking care of you, remember?”

“Ah, yes, and what a wonderful job you’ve done. Come on. Tell me something you like to do when you’re not with me.”

“I like to read, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I like to read. Better?”

“Much. What kind of books?”

“Depends on my mood. Sometimes I like reading fiction, sometimes nonfiction. I like thrillers a lot.”

“You’re one of those types who likes to see if you can unravel the plot before you get to the end, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Knew it.” He squeezes your hand placed in his. “Anything else besides reading?”

“I like traveling. I don’t do it much unless you request I go somewhere with you. But I like exploring places by myself without the pretense of work.”

Sunghoon frowns. “You don’t travel much?”

“No, not with the work I have to do.” You let out a small laugh. “I try not to be too jealous when you take time off work to go to Europe or America.”

Sunghoon nods once and spins the both of you as the song’s tempo picks up. “You’ll have more time to travel when you leave me, no?”

“Mhm.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Osaka sounds nice. I’ve only ever been to Tokyo for a few business meetings, but we’ve never had time to go elsewhere. New York sounds like a dream. Maybe I’ll visit São Paulo or Rome if I’m lucky.”

“That’s quite the bucket list.”

“I’m an ambitious woman.” He squeezes your waist.

“Don’t I know it.”

“You know, this is probably the longest I’ve talked about myself with you.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, I think so. It’s usually business talk first thing in the morning, and then whatever you’ve been up to.”

“I don’t ask you what you do on the weekends?”

“Sometimes. Mondays are usually our busiest days, though.”

He frowns. “I should’ve paid more attention. Maybe that’ll convince you to stay.”

“You’re funny.”

The song ends and Sunghoon doesn’t pull away like you think he will. He’s not somebody who generally enjoys spending time with his colleagues more than he has to, and that includes you. Part of you wonders if some innate guilt keeps him dancing with you, but you try not to think about the negative possibilities when you’re with him.

“What are you going to do when you’re free?” Sunghoon asks as the next song begins. “Are you booking a plane ticket to New York or Osaka?”

“I don’t know, honestly, but maybe I should. Who knows, I could find the love of my life on vacation and move to a brand new city if it works out.”

“Love of your life, huh?”

You shrug. “Dunno. I’ve been thinking about, err, my love life, or lack thereof, for the past few weeks. I don’t have time to date around when I’m at your beck and call. God, this is weird, isn’t it?”

“What is? Talking about your love life? Or, how did you say it, ‘lack thereof’?”

“If I’m being honest? Yeah. I’ve seen you hook up with so many women in the years I’ve known you but that’s what assistants are for, right? Helping you out of situations without asking any questions?”

“I suppose you’re right. You don’t keep to shy away from things all the time with me, though,” he reassures. “We’ve known each other for half a decade. I think that earns you the right to talk about yourself whenever you feel like it.”

“Seems like I'm crossing a boundary.”

“I’m telling you tonight that you aren’t. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about a boyfriend before.”

“Nope.” You tilt your head and keep your lips in a thin line when you smile. “Got my hands full with you.”

“Some would say you’re in a lucky position.”

He laughs when you roll your eyes. When you try to step away and take yourself out of Sunghoon’s grasp, he immediately pulls you back into him. It catches you off guard and you’re suddenly aware that he’s looking at you with those commanding brown eyes peeking through his bangs. It makes your breath falter for a moment.

“I appreciate you more than you know. I hope you know that.” His baritone voice nearly makes you knees buckle.

“Thank you for saying that.”

“I mean it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You look away. “I’m sure you could find someone else who’d be a better fit than me.”

“Don’t downplay yourself. You’re a fantastic assistant who’s kept my head on my shoulders for the past six years.”

“Sunghoon…”

“Say it. Say ‘I’m a great assistant.’”

“I’m a great assistant.” He grins.

“Good girl.”

Yeah. You must be losing it if hearing your boss say that makes you feel a little worked up. Those feelings from when you first met rise to the surface and you struggle to push them down. It doesn’t help that Sunghoon looks like a Greek God among mortals with his chiseled jawline and impeccable skin. You stare at him far too long to realize how long his eyelashes are and how he looks quite handsome when he’s looking at you like he’d do anything to make you change your mind about quitting your job.

Goodness, you think. I’m screwed.

***

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