#and they jsut think im their friend
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theenemyod · 6 months ago
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I can't really forget it even though I was eleven when it happened and she was also 11 or possibly even ten and didn't know what she was doing and didn't realise how much it'd hurt me and it didn't realise how much it was affecting me until months later and she still thinks I'm her friend and I don't want to tell her what she did to me.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago
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just wanted to make a color ref for Brain Therapist Magneto from 309 but i needed lights too for some reason
bonus The Flats Only Version
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#xmen#erik lehnsherr#magneto#xmen comics#snap sketches#why did half of my beginning tags just get neutralized. tf. now i have to retype them and this tag'll make no sense#anyway 'have you done literally anything but think about 309 since you read it' no . apparently vJARLKAJKL#BUT YEAH I JUST WANTED A COLOR REF IF IM GONNA DRAW THIS LOOK MORE OR WHATEVER#i dont know if i like the yellow dress shirt + pink tie combo ... that's inspo'd from his new mutants headmaster suit + tie..#why does he have to wear a suit under the coat huh .. the thing is i have no idea if he's supposed to be wearing a dr's coat or a trench#i mean he briefly wears his magneto suit when scolding charles so maybe it is a doctor's coat....#doctor makes the most sense to me considering the context so thats why i went all white but... now im not so sure ...#UGH stupid beautiful comic had to be in monochrome. or limited colors whatever#anyway i did start some doodles cause i wanted to post a few 309 doodles but. hm.#i think i might make a separate post for it ... it may be a lil inapropro !!!!#i wanted a color ref in the first place because i was thinking about making a 309 comic but like#now that i think of it if i do that i might jsut do the blue/black thing they did in the actual comic..#idk the thing im doodling now i might do in full color. just for fun#tbh maybe i wont do that comic after i doodle this.. no im lying i still will i still have visions i wanna put in front of my eyes#i can only fall asleep thinking about it so much i need it tangible#if i do draw it i prob just wont post it or ill just share it with select friends. aka like. one vjAELKVJEAKJ#but that's like months from now lbr ok ill still share crumbs with you all !!!!! gimme like. five hours vJALKJAKL#ok bye !!!!!!!!! please enjoy therapist magneto in the meantime#you will not get better as an individual you will get worse
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dizzybizz · 2 months ago
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mostly jrwi riptide but also @bardace's oc forts is here
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ganondoodle · 4 months ago
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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itgr · 7 months ago
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No actually I will say. The latest Marionetta episode is so good in its depiction of racism and colonialism. SOMEONE DID THEIR RESEARCH. You can tell Miriam learned a lot from Hooky because this whole scene was fucking hard to read and earth-shattering for me
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Its also the way Mama Yalizah compares Sahed to an animal that felt. Yeahhhhhh 😶
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I don't know. Its such a good depiction of growing up as a poc and constantly being expected to always behave and be palatable because if you weren't, you'd just get your humanity taken away from you for acting "animalistic" or "dangerous" (for being a kid)
I CAN NOW SAY I FUCKING ADORE SAHED. honestly Marionetta hadnt clicked for me quite like HOOKY yet but it's getting there. I liked Sahed but I didn't like him that much (also I feel like a lot of his fans tend to fetishise him a little which I feel like turned me off from him) so I've been more into Kamille and Rainah tbh
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Like yes there was that scene where Dotty was embodying white feminism by basically invalidating him and being high key racist and that scene hit and conveyed the feeling of being the only poc in the room well but outside of that. Nothing's really hit for me personally UNTIL THIS. LIKE WOW. JESUS FUCK. I actually adore Sahed so much oh my god. He's done nothing wrong ever ive decided/j
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adahlenan · 20 days ago
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But I'd rather not remind myself and leave it all behind And I've tried so hard to fix it all but nothing seems to help
#anyways!#Gposes#FFXIV#FFXIV Dominik Dekah#Daine sicarius Occasus#toxic yaoi redemption arc (not really)#Daine absolutely TORPEDO'd everything when he killed Niki in a shortsighted 'just following orders' betrayal#he did LOVE Niki. The only man he's ever loved. but he would rather stay at rock bottom than have something good and lose it later#so he self-sabotages and constantly self-destructs just to keep it that way#Except he *really* regretted killing Niki. Enough to keep Niki's necklace around his neck ever since he killed him#then Garlemald went to shit and he didn't even have to do it himself! and Niki got resurrected and now hes fucking PISSED bcs bro??#but Daine never really stopped carrying that torch for Niki despite it all. And Niki realizes that Daine is the ONLY mf who can handle him#and Niki (regrettably) does love Daine. but yknow its hard when the guy KILLED YOU IN COLD BLOOD AND TRIED TO PULL 'its not you. its me <3'#but all this time later when theyre hiding out in S9 they sometimes let themselves play the game where theyre lovers again.#just like nothing ever happened. and daine has to deal with the fact he'll NEVER get that back no matter how bad they both want it.#what if he HAD chosen Niki over some stupid orders and let himself be happy?#Home would still be ruins. but he would have Niki still. What if he chose to love Niki?#He wishes he did. He can never say it out loud. but he wishes he chose Niki over selfish gain.#oh yeah i forgot these tags#Friend's characters#My characters#i couldve done way better onthe text or layout but ugh i was sick of setting this up tbh i jsut wanted it DONE.#its a mirror to the original photoset i made of them actually.#just this time its rectangle borders and cool tones instead of oval warm tones <3#but i think im the only one who notices that LOL
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neolxzr · 1 month ago
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hello tumblr dot com hope you have been well. if youve been wondering what ive been up to in my absence the answer is turning me and my friends into mha characters. so whoever was betting on that please collect your check
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alterouslyinlove · 1 year ago
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how to get validation without seeming annoying or making it obvious that you need validation to survive. puter do you hear me
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captainshyguy · 3 months ago
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[pacing] no but actually what did they put in close wars maul to make him so hot like what was that
#like the answer is passion obviously (and sam witwer voice) but it still makes me climb the walls lol#like its genuinely insane to me watching the maul episodes like i said this to my friends bu like#everything with him feels so indulgent#the animation the expresions the voice acting the delivery the Everything#like it feels like these peopel are just as excited to show us him#idk jsut like AUGH. AUGH [GNAWS ON THE BARS OF MY CAGE]#its interesting how like...hmmm how do i phrase this#i love rex more- obviously. but in the back of my mind with his animation im lwys kinda sitting here like#'you do not look 20-26 like ur supposed to man' and like dont get me wrong. still hot (though without the helmet mayb like post s3 ehehe)#(side note rex is just as hot with the helmet. sometimes hotter. sometmes the other way around but like. sometimes hotter. im right)#still [stares at him carnally] but i think the him in my minds eye simulatneously looks like show him but a little younger looking lol#whilst i dont have that caveat with maul i need no compartmentalisation (however small)#so instead i just watch like eeeoeuouoguhouogeuouuhh#(which to be fair i do with rex too but maul is in a lot less episodes so they really drive him in. so it feels like big induglent treat)#luke rambles#god im gonna tag this for archival purposes but ik this'll end up in the tgs KGDNSGJSGDS ah well#sw#tcw#maul#i will also say specifically tcw maul like rebels maul is fine but he loses a lot of his cuntiness and eatability persoanlly#which is fine its mostly the rebels animations fault lbr
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sorrowsaint · 9 months ago
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if you arnte playing scrimp music i dont wanna HEAR it.
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professionaljester · 3 months ago
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love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time
#abc shut it#im tired of fighting it and trying to participate in life when it feels like i dont exist#love being lonely and then being told its due to my bad mental health so i pretend it doesnt affect me and i try and be myself#and no one likes me and i dont exist unless i remind people im a person so its kinda like#at a point where its not just suicidal ideation#its just a situation of /when/ and not if haha#ive been alive for 26 years and 20 of those have been exhausting as hell im ready to be done#exhausting and lonely and isolating im sick of it#i try and i try and my life doesnt get better or anymore worth living#and when i vent abt it i get told i need to try harder and im not trying at all and i need to stop being so depressed#its hard to not be depressed when the universe gives everyone around me a better experiences than me#i feel like im screaming that im here please pay attention#and nothing#i talk and my voice gets ignored or i get talked over#i post online to try and start conversations or make friends and i just get ignored#like do i exist at all to anyone else but myself#im trying to reach out and make friends but none of the ppl i wanna make friends with seem interested in having a conversation with me#i add all these people to discord and message them all the time#but nothing gets passed me sending them messages no one ever fucking messages me first#it feels like no one thinks about me and i dont matter#literally no one gives a fuck what i have to say#or anytime i talked im corrected on SOMETHING i say or i get a belittled in response#i cant do this shit anymore i cant#no one gives a shit about what i have to say and its really coming across that no one likes me#bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all#why am i in the wrong feeling like im alone and have no friends when im the only one reaching out ever if i wanna have a conversation#and when i do feel like im allowed to talk i just talk and talk and talk and know the people dont give a shit abt what i have to say#i jsut feel like im here to be talked at and do things for other people and nothing more#that whenever i have an emotion its wrong and i need to bottle it up#and i dont eve get a chance to learn how to manage my emotions bc it feels like im going to get scolded or belittled for feeling things
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flamboyant-king · 11 months ago
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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dizzybizz · 1 year ago
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sleepy gill and gill with the bubbled evil cat
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todayisafridaynight · 5 months ago
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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the-pea-and-the-sun · 4 months ago
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chat what do u do when it kinda seems like a girl likes u
#“ermmmm ask her out” *INCORRECT BUZZER* its not that simople#i feel like once i got a bit of self confidence i started realizing this actually does happen sometimes#but everytime i realize i dont do nothing abt it so nothing happens#and tbh im bad at reciprocating#learned to tone down my rabid love and attraction to my friends but now i think i went too far in the other direction#it isnt even just “how do u pull” question either its more like. hey do u like me if not no problem if so#then i like u too but maybe not the way u like me. but not like jsut friends either im just not really a boyfriend type of guy#not that im not into doing bf things im just probably no substitute for a boyfriend yk. unless you dont want a boyfriend then im perfect?#umm but not like in a im not capable of affection type of way i can be affectionate. too affectionate even. um#idk man. the convo wouldnt even start w “do u like me” i feel like id have to start with “do u know what a qpr is”#theres so many layers to this onion man. id like to just be friends first an see where that goes#but i kinda feel like ive fumbled like five hot people that way#at least im still friends w some of them :) BUT NOT ALL OF THEM !!#basically its like. should i pursue long term friendship or short term fun. also really really dont wanna hurt anyones feelings#is this a vent. im not rly upset im just kinda down bad and frustrated#also im high 👍 and the heatwave is slowing my cognitive functions i think
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databent · 8 days ago
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me whining about unimportant stuff under the cut as per usual
really cool of this one cisgender person i went to high school with and never fucking talk to to come to me a while back asking for Gender Advice because she was questioning if she was trans or not and im the only trans person she knows and then ultimately to immediately quit talking to me the second she decided she was still cis and not even like tell me or anything. like ok so you just wanted to use me for my transgenderism? im just a free transgender advice machine to you that you dont even have to pretend to treat like a friend once im no longer of use to you????? cool cool awesome. i literally only found out she came to the conclusion she wasnt trans because she told her cis dude friend instead of me and he just happened to mention this in passing because he knew id talked to her about gender stuff. even though i spent hours and hours being as open with her about my experiences and as supportive and helpful as i could. its so hard to feel like any of the people i know irl actually value me as a friend when they ALWAYS give up on even trying to talk to me the second i stop having something they can fucking use me for
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