#and they asked if id dissociated into a different part

[soggypotatoes]

ugh ok so like

I dissociate a lot, have my whole life, but a few days ago I experienced a complete switch over for the first time and it's still ongoing

like. I had therapy that day and I walked in and was like. acting very normal, because I can do that, and she pretty quickly asked '...have we met before?' and I've seen her every day since then so we're trying to work it out

I honestly thought at first that I'd died and been reincarnated into a living body by accident... but after seeing her a few times and trying to figure out who I am I see what's happening. it was scary but I'm adapting. I don't think this will last much longer. apparently something extremely triggering happened on Sunday and I actually passed out and woke up like this. I'm ok though. this is happening to keep me ok. like I'm totally fine, not really stressed about things, except for the fact that I'm dealing with a lot of fatigue.

still not sure who I am or why this is happening. but there ya go.

✌️

[gofishygo]

price x trans ftm reader who started his transition later in life? like just thinking... they served a tour or two together before reader transitioned. had a little fling going on, potentially on the way towards more. but after whatever mission/tour theyre on is over, reader slowly stops keeping in contact with price.

years down the line, the reunite during some sort of mission. price recognizes readers last name or callsign but the face he's met with is different. this man is happier.

price and reader get to talking in some downtime and decide that once this is all over (the mission they're on), they'll try and take some time together to make up for all the time they'd lost together. and price gets to meet the real you.

[PRIDE MONTH- WEEK ONE] : through green hydrangeas (my heart lies) price x ftm reader (part 1/2)

notes : (somewhat innacurate) descriptions of military, injury, brief outlines of smut (no explicits mentioned), gender dysphoria, reader gets outed towards the end. this may be edited later on.

wc- 1.8k

urzikistan- take down six targets aligned with al quatala, all terrorist backgrounds. a mission where location and timing and team were everything, pointed into maps and plotted into files, handled with fine-cut secrecy, knife-point precision, landed directly into price's aged hands. And now, at the final stretch, he'd been handed a few recruits at his expense. Fought with laswell against them, argued that his team could run through the enemy.

(and by god, how can he focus on the task at hand when he sees the shine in that operator's eyes, the curvature of his face? warm and familiar, the mother's milk suckled by a pup.)

It’s odd, having to work with a man so similar to her. narrowed eyes and sharp teeth, even sharing the same gun hed swore he gifted her- considers for a moment that maybe she’d changed, now baring a different name on id’s and passports, records crossed out and scrawled over. stole her last name as well, and before he’d even met you, he had already considered asking laswell to ship you off to whatever pmc would accept you.

but at the same time, he bites his tongue, wire muzzle to some refectory dog.

you seem to truly be alive, words barked with flame, spilled from your stomach, full-toothed smile instead of the sleazy grin she wore. you are her and aren’t her- and sometimes, maybe, he lets himself think youre better. sweeter. hates the way he still gives you the same greeting as he did to that woman, selfishly using a subordinate to fill out some cavity in his chest. but he can’t have it any other way, doesn’t want to have it in any other way.

a world where slowing down didn’t mean stopping. had a nice ring to it.

-

it's 0400 on the day of deployment. there's brittle crust in the ducts of your eyes that you hadn't been able to wash of in the changerooms, and now you are holding onto gun and hanging onto the sky by plane, listening to the clicks as you load and unload the magazines. missions like these, capture-kills with enemies that outdid your measures of brutality and lived for the beliefs of bloodshed in liberty; they weigh in your chest, some layers of adrenal fear smuggled under the layers of methodical, stoical behaviour. the buzzing headache that never left as a child, the feel of pressure wrapped around crevices of the cerebellum, tightening.

in these plights, you'd used to knock on price's door, hands itching to roll into fist- turning the fear you'd guide like a shepherd into the spit in stout-littered kisses, how you pulled off his clothes like the vulture to a corpse. the way your body moved against his was the nicotine you'd smoke on long nights. it was sickening, at first, how much control that you revelled in, the way that his name had found its place under your tongue. the way that he grabbed at the bone in your hips, worshipping, devotee. taken to his body like addict to a drug, the dissociation between you heart and the fat-filled mounds on your chest washed out by lust. he makes it feel like the ache was never there, that you could scream with the voice that had been trapped beneath high-strung vocal cords, unfortunate biology. and you let yourself beg to god; why, oh god why, why were you given a body at the cost of your life?

but now, navigating through some twisted buildings under the cover of night, clearing rooms in the hotel, you know that you're changed. the revelation behind the woman beneath price's sheets all those years ago, who'd stolen your skin and your eyes and your face- it could cost you your life, could have you shunned and dying like a dog on the streets. and yet, you still hold a weary head up and dream about-

Johnathan price. he still festered in your ribcage, face slipped away into the back of your skull, the bug you'd yet to squish as you drive military blade into an enemy's neck and muffle their mouth through dying thrashes. He nods, gruff sound muted behind mutton chops, murmuring an audible 'clear' through the fizzle of comms. And you let yourself wonder, if maybe those prismarine eyes can find yourself in the body now known as home. (He swears that your smile matches the woman he'd fell for through sparring matches and facebook posts. that old face he'd barely managed to blot out with cigars and whiskey and downed with bourbon and-) your team proceeds down the hallways,

‘all stations on right wing, target four is down. I repeat, target four is down. zero KIA.’ and your mouth quirks up a little. ‘deems that Ghost’s aim still doesn’t fail,” you muse. His eyebrow raises- only slightly- at the tense of your words. still.

“certainly doesn’t,” and you want to drink the strain in his voice until its ache is gone.

another few minutes of clearing the building. the repetitions of breaking open the same doors with the same crowbars, gun peeking through the side of the frame. So similar, practiced in recon and real-world situations, yet never being comfortable, safe. it’s almost automatic at this point, reducing your phycology to nothing more than the gun that you wield- deciding, acting. but looking over at price- the look in his eyes know’s you’d been injured. Bubbling fire deep in your marrow, fear bittering the air around you; foul, unappetising, yet it feels the captain wants to swallow you whole.

-

and now it rips through you- feels like your insides are pouring out, scrap of kidney and intestine pooling out at the starburst entry point. some pained shriek ripped out of your throat. at one point, you waited next to the doorframe of a room, (sixty-four left wing, is it?) and the next, some enemy operator had opened a hole in your stomach.

whatever moment between that is an animated blur, dismal and discoloured where sound pools in your ears instead of song. a captain- your captain, tackling the man to the ground in a double-leg-takedown, throwing down the gun at their side, the high wail of shots fired ringing into your ear while a teammate -the milky white patch on her face makes you assume it might be nova- drags you behind the wall as cover, your teammates taking position to cover for price, but also rip through the inhabitants of the room. and for the first time in the mission, you let fear curdle in your throat alongside the blood clinging to it’s walls, drip into your bloodstream and bury itself into bone. cant tell if the shadow hazing your thoughts is the predecessor death or subdued panic finally breaking though it’s confines . and you find it bitter, stupid, wholly in your heart, that even as your stomach spills onto the floor of a home that wasn’t yours, that part of your brain still festers. a possibility that the only man who could make your heart beat- john price, and his affair with the woman who’d stolen your soul and locked it behind flesh. Letting out some bitter laugh, feeling blood trace your lips whilst some stray bullet manages to hit the skull of an enemy, heard by the ungodly gurgle and tear of bullet through flesh, confirmed by the hum of your comms. “target two on left wing down, one broken-” price, now next to you, lets hard eyes settle against your form, dying star. “-seems to need medic.” another voice fizzles to life on the radio- laswell’s, you presume. “team delta, split to d1-d2. d1 continue to clear left wing, d2 head to rendezvous point.”

you can only really groan, blood bubbling to your throat when price hauls you to face his side, hissing out some curse as you hold shaky hand to where the blood seems to be leaking from. “easy there soilder-“ john grunts, wrenching your hand out of the way with a firm grip- a bear gripping her cub the scruff of it’s neck, holding it so tenderly between her teeth. one of your other teammates- cant identify them, head too filled up with adrenaline filled cloud and the haze to blood loss to register their shape- seems to toss over a roll of bandages. and if you had breath left, you would have barked out some half-assed remark about how strategically awful it was to tear off the gear and pull off the shirt of your uniform, but the nerves of the paled scars below your chest being revealed to cold air had your mouth shut, jaws locked, like wired muzzle to a dog. trying not to choke on the blood and jerk away when his eyes meet the placement of the wound.

it's diasporic, shaped like a dying star above you tattoo you’d had engraved deep into your dermis all those years ago. the 141’s old symbol- jagged sword without the skull, olive branches extending through its frame. a part of you far more distinctive, more tolerable to remember than thought of the girl who had decided to have it etched into her skin. And now your captain can see both of those on you- in you- and shamefully, you let lurid fear bite into you, thoughts snapping with teeth, breaking down the glass bars that composed the cage you made. Price may never kiss that tattoo again during the long nights, now look at the memories you’d made with a lens tinted by hatred. “nice to put a name to the face,”

he murmurs, wrapping the bandage to compress the wound, once, twice, thrice around your waist. Hauls your arm around his shoulder and begins the trek to the rendezvous point. one arm was pressed just above where he knew your tattoo rested, no mind to whatever blood trickles in the cracks of his fingers. “ill see you back at burningham, love,” its like your submerged in water now, eyes blurry with seawater and ears deafened by the tide filling their crevices. with the last of your energy, you tug yourself towards price, fingers tangled in his, doubling over and feeling the bandages settle under the layer of fat and muscle on your ribs. letting yourself dream of him for what seems to be your last time, fingers tangled together, pretending that your gasps for air were nothing more than laughter echoes against crashing waves on british shores, letting fresh saltwater air tangle you hair and travel your windpipe.

by the time the captain scoops you up, you’re far too deep in oceanwater, back against rocky seafloor. “stand strong, soldier,” and even through his gruff voice, you still notice the way it almost begs, song of prayer tucked away deep in his voicebox . some words he had hidden. price pulls you closer with his arm, fingers clawed and desperate, and the world crashes against you all at once.

[ghost-of-a-system]

Hey, could I ask for some pointers on how to identify if one is a system? I know it's not a one size fits all thing, but I'm just trying to figure things out, no pressure tho ^^ <33

every process is different, but this is how we went about it! we are personally self-diagnosed but we have had conversations with a few therapists regarding our suspicions (but they weren't the best therapists, and we weren't able to continue working with them) this post is from our lens/a traumagenic lens

the main thing people always say is research, research, and, more research, but it honestly is the best first step. we personally used websites like did-research.org, although it wasn't as useful for us, as someone with OSDD1b :') but that site did introduce us to the various different types of "dissociative identity" disorders, such as DID, OSDD1a and OSDD1b (particularly this page https://did-research.org/comorbid/dd/osdd_udd/did_osdd which was helpful in comparing each of them in an understandable way. this was the first time we read something and really had it "click" with our experience.)

i feel like sites like that are a good place to start/try to figure out what "type" resonates with you the most, and i feel that sometimes makes it easier to research from there! but it can always be helpful to do further research into the other types just to get different ways of explaining it/perspectives from those that have it.

one of, if not the most helpful thing, for us, was talking to other systems. we specifically spoke one-on-one with diagnosed & medically recognized systems who also had our suspected type (OSDD1b) (not to discredit self-diagnosed systems, coming from one, but we wanted to get a "for sure" concrete opinion). our conversations usually involved lots of question-asking and trying to lay out what we were experiencing, our concerns, etc. and comparing some of our basic experiences to their's.

it is also very very important to research disorders that could be misunderstood as DID/OSDD or have overlapping symptoms. i feel this is an extremely vital step in any self-diagnosis. things like personality disorders such as BPD, autism, even schizophrenia, etc. it's been a while since we have personally researched this so i can't name many off of the top of my head lol. but i feel this is very important. of course, it is always possible that there is a presence of several of these alongside DID/OSDD. personally we are diagnosed with autism and have an extreme suspicion that we have BPD as well.

all of these are not something that can be easily done overnight, or even in a few days, or even weeks, in our experience. it's very thorough and i believe it helps to leave a lot of time for you to just first research, have the knowledge of what to look out for in your head, and start making observations or notes about what you experience over time. that may help things become more clear.

as always having the support and assistance of a therapist/someone qualified in these disorders is the best option, but we know that it isn't that easy for everyone. not everyone is able to have access to these things for a variety of reasons, such as money or location, for starters.

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

How to Plan for a Difficult Time and Reflections to Help With Planning for Difficult Times from Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation

[image ID: How to Plan for a Difficult Time

If you know of an upcoming time that will likely be difficult for you in some way, begin early with inner reflection and communication among parts of yourself. Reflect on what happens for you during those times, noticing what you feel and think, how your body responds to the stress (for instance, freezing or agitated), and how various parts of you react. The awareness you gain from reflection allows you to make different choices instead of feeling hopelessly captive in your experience.

For example, if you are aware a part of you always criticizes you during these times, you might be able to communicate more with this part of yourself to understand why. Perhaps this part believes you will fail and criticizes you in the hopes that you will try harder, or perhaps it uses anger to avoid shame or fear about the situation. If you know you always freeze, you might be able to begin to notice and to change that physical reaction instead of being stuck in it. If you can be aware that you are feeling hopeless, you might be able to provide yourself with comfort, meaningful contact with others, and inner support for parts of yourself.

You may dialogue with parts of yourself, write in a journal or on the computer, or imagine an inner meeting. If you find these tasks difficult, ask your therapist to help you. Do not wait until the day before to communicate internally about upcoming difficult times. Give yourself sufficient space to think it through, to reflect, and to make a plan that will help you, so you can "deal with it before it happens." Even if you do not have "direct" communication with parts, you may already be aware of certain activities, people, foods, and so forth that might trigger you, as well as some ways to help yourself be more comfortable and safe.

In the next section you will find some questions that will help you reflect on how you, including all parts of you, can best plan for difficult times. Find a quiet time at home to reflect on these questions. Try to take into account thoughts and ideas from as many parts as possible, because various parts of you may perceive the situation differently from each other.

Reflections to Help With Planning for Difficult Times

What times tend to be your most difficult?

When you have a difficult time, what happens? For example, what do you feel and think, how does your body react?

How do you usually make a plan? For instance, do you think it through, avoid it, prefer to be completely spontaneous, talk about it with others?

What obstacles do you encounter while planning? For instance, beginning a plan, identifying the steps needed to complete a plan, getting lost in too many choices or details, inner criticism or conflicts among parts, trouble completing a plan.

What techniques and skills do you already use to help yourself with planning? You may also check on the Internet, look for books on planning (and executive functioning), or ask for help from your therapist or other supportive people.

What has helped you in the past with difficult times?

List any triggers for which you know you need to prepare yourself.

What are the fears and concerns of various parts of yourself about a particular time?

How might you ensure your emotional and physical safety during this time?

What obligations might you have to others during this time? Do these obligations conflict with your own self-care?

Are there relational limits or boundaries that you need to set? If so, what would help you set them?

Are particular parts of yourself especially vulnerable during this time? If so, what do they need to feel safe, supported, and cared about by you?

Notice whether you prefer activities with other people during difficult times or if being alone is more helpful. /end ID]

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey!! Do y'all know where we can find any resources/symptom lists/etc specific to osdd-1b?? We've been questioning whether or not that might be a thing we have going on, but when we try to look into it, most of what we're finding groups DID and OSDD together and emphasizes memory gaps, which we dont really have.

Hey, we’re not a clinician or expert, but from what we know about DID and OSDD:

- there’s really not a huge amount of difference between these two disorders. The differences may be minor or arbitrary, and honestly the difference in diagnosis may vary vastly from clinician to clinician.

- that being said, there’s likely even less of a difference between OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b. We’re not a clinician and we have trouble sometimes understanding clinical language, so researching the differences between these subcategories (without turning to community-created content) has been difficult for us. Vaguely, we understand OSDD-1a to mean a dissociative disorder with amnesia but no parts/alters, and OSDD-1b to mean a dissociative disorder with parts/alters but no amnesia.

These things being said, we’ll include the information we could find. Please don’t disregard resources that have information on OSDD along with DID! Like we said, these disorders are closely linked, so it makes sense that they’re often grouped together.

Trying to find accurate, reliable info on OSDD-1b if anything reminded us how horribly under researched dissociative disorders are. We couldn’t find much that isn’t unsourced in a wiki or written on a personal blog.

^ this is an ask we answered in the past. A lovely system reblogged it with their thoughts and info regarding OSDD 1a and 1b

^ we really love the CTAD clinic! This video may be useful, though the clinician speaking here does advise against self-diagnosis and proposes renaming OSDD as “minor DID” which we don’t entirely agree with.

Please use critical thinking and your best judgement when exploring these links. You know yourself better than anyone else!

We’re sorry we couldn’t find more up-to-date, reliable, and accurate information for you. This might be something best brought up in therapy or with a qualified professional. Still, we hope something in this list of resources might help you.

💫 Parker and 🐢 Kip

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

we've seen a lot of people with DID and OSDD hate being a system. most of us dont hate it per se, its more of the bad parts we hate. i, host, suffer much more mental pain from other disorders we have, not just DID- thats probably the smallest part. for us, our biggest cause of mental pain is bpd and denial of trauma/our posttraumatic disorders- so what were about to say will probably sound biased.

also a note, i only suffer the really dramatic drastic disorienting dissociation everyone with DID online complains about (and claims they have 24/7) only half the time or less. most of the dissociation i experience as host is dissociative amnesia, theres not a day i dont experience that but its usually of the past ill never remember or milder forms like "oh i did that? hm dont remember" "oh they said that? i only remember the interesting parts of the conversation and i cant even remember it verbatim", or emotional/mental detachment and emotional numbing (especially if my mood is too unstable), and staring off forgetting what to do or not knowing how to do it and having to mentally yell at myself

now, for the parts of having DID id absolutely get rid of right now and never want back.

i hate when im trying to do something, i wanna do it alone, i wanna have privacy, wtv. and boom, an alter suddenly appears out of nowhere invading the front. i dont wanna be rude to them because theyre a part of me and more than likely a trauma holder or protector i wouldnt be here without, but i want to have some privacy in my own head. have some things just to me. i am annoyed, i know they feel that. and for that, i feel guilt. for being annoyed by the presence of someone else inside my head, and the guilt gets even worse if its a little, understandably, or a trauma holder whos been through enough rejection already, or a protector who i wouldnt be alive without. i have to show common courtesy to a large group of selves inside my own brain, every second im awake. and that gets tiring. no wonder im always so mentally drained.

having to work around what alters want. this often goes hand in hand with them randomly intruding the front. ill be in the clothing aisle, just to get a simple grey shirt- and an alter will come out when they see a shirt they like. if i refuse to get it, they might feel hurt, and ill feel guilty. and if i look through a whole clothing aisle, more than one part will come out and make me feel drawn to the different clothing they like (sometimes a few alters making me feel drawn to a few different clothing styles at once) i get a headache from that and dont like how i feel pulled into many different directions by my own brain. (id experience that before i even knew what plurality was or really knew my alters or even remotely felt plural and it caused me a lot of mental pain and headaches)

feeling like a stranger to myself now because i realize how much i was a stranger to myself, i didnt even know i was abused, and i didnt even know a lot of things i did. and feeling guilt for not knowing i was a stranger to myself for most of my life. i should have known but i didnt. i was too dumb to pick up on the clues that someone inside me ran away with my body and my life. theres even small things i didnt know about myself i discovered years later. example, i didnt know i asked for a get-well card for a doll when i pretended it was sick until i discovered it about 8-10 years later. and theres big things i never knew. some of these things were people. when i was little, i was around people i should remember, i was around them enough. but when i see them again in 2019, i think its the first time even stepping foot in the place, and seeing the people. i only knew that i knew them when i was little because i was told that in 2019. i also dont remember an entire year, minus a small snapshot memory. i cant be sure if the memories i think i have of it are real. which leads me to the other part about DID i hate and if i could get rid of only one part of it, this would be it.

the dissociative amnesia (mostly of trauma) and its effects. i dont remember majority of my early childhood, and i only remember about half of my mid childhood, maybe a tad more than half. the memories i have, its like im watching an eerie, dark tinted movie of myself. i dont remember being abused in any of the memories before around 8, and very few are of me being unhappy. i think to myself, "if i was abused, id have memories of it or be unhappy." i didnt feel anything. i just... existed. no feelings, maybe an artificial happiness, but no feelings outside of that. its like i was a robot in control of my own actions. i tell myself i dont have trauma and im just holding onto the "impossible possibility" i was abused as a small child as an excuse for being this way "because i cant accept i was born broken, i dont have an excuse to be this way." then, someone comes along who explains to me what i did in the memories when i was little and throughout my entire childhood was a sign of abuse, and i feel valid and confident about myself because im reassured im not born broken scum, but then i realize that means someone violated my body and ill never know who did first, how old i was, where it first happened. and ill never know what all my body has been used for either. then ill feel disgusted with my body and want to escape it or self harm. and i live with a person who flip flops between being emotionally abusive/manipulative and being nice and shes used my dissociative amnesia against me before, used it to say things didnt happen and the memories were planted, and to say i did things i didnt do. other people used my dissociative amnesia against me before too. but the most painful part for me, is im stuck in a vicious, mentally draining cycle- feeling like my trauma isnt real and hating myself because i feel like i was born broken, just wanting to know i was abused, then i find out and i feel uncomfortable in my body, i cry, i feel alone because the only people id allow myself to seek comfort from arent around, and sometimes self harm.

for me, im fine with being a system. i wouldnt trade most of my alters or the memories weve made together since i found out i had a system and met them. they taught me what family really is. they taught me what community means. its the parts that make it disordered id gladly get rid of. sure, we want our own bodies, id like them to have their own bodies too, but im fine with them just being in my head when theyre not intrusive.

DID isnt fun, but it isnt always living hell 24/7. not for every DID system. not for us. but its still not "friends in your head" and even when you are friends with some of your alters they can still intrude on you when you want to be alone and you'll still have the distress from having DID. its not always fun but its not always hell.

[llatimeria]

I hope there's never a part of me that forgets that if I wasn't born lucky I'd be dead or homeless by now. there's no way I'd ever be able to exist independently in a society run like the one we're in.

like. in a perfect world, or even just a slightly better one, I'd manage. I'm able to feed and bathe myself, I can get my shit just together enough to pick up some pills every month. I'd find things to do, stuff to occupy my time, I'd go places, et cetera, whatever. but I don't think I'm ever going to be able to GET a job, let alone hold it down. especially not when I was even younger -- teenage me at literally any kind of job would just be asking for disaster.

Like, my ID has been expired for like, a year, because I didn't notice when it expired and by the time I realized it was too late for me to renew it online, so now I have to go through the whole thing of getting an ID again - a process that would be way easier if I knew where my passport and social security card were, which I don't. So I can't get a job until that's done.

I sometimes dissociate so much when I get behind the wheel of a vehicle that it's dangerous, so i have to wrangle another person into following my schedule or rely on public transit. But I can't walk very far, either, so I wouldn't be able to get a job unless I have my own private valet who will never have a scheduling conflict (because if i call out too much i could get fired) or it just so happens that the bus route has a stop directly outside of my house and directly in front of my workplace.

sometimes i can't get my shit together enough to pick up my pills in a timely manner so I go a few days without -- imagine if I needed something more serious than antidepressants! and God forbid I need different pills, because that'd mean i would have to set up a doctor's appointment, and get there, and actually receive a treatment that helped. if I got an antidepressant or other such med that made things even slightly worse there'd be no way for me to get my shit together enough to go to the doctor again to get a different medicine.

I'm scraping by on the skin of my teeth 24/7 WITH a support system and money, lmao. if it weren't for that heavensent jackpot lottery birth I had I'd probably just crumble to dust

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hey!

So, i read your post about you having difficulties recollecting memories from the past.

Allow me to share my thoughts. I feel the same.

A part of the reason why I feel incapable of remembering my old self and certain memories is because I personally went through some major emotional trauma and mental instability. And during those times, I felt like a big cloud was hanging over me.

And I started to notice i would stop myself and ask "did i take a shower today morning? Did I eat breakfast?" And that freaked me out. So I started journalling then & there, just to remind myself I did this today.

Couple of years later I got to hang out with my college friends (I lived with them for over 5 years), and they were sharing memories and stories of stuff we all did together or something I said or did which made them laugh and missed me more while we were away. I felt SO BAD and embarrassed that I couldn't recollect these so called memories I shared with my friends. It felt like I only existed in a version of it, i can't recollect anything from my perspective. Even with photos I took when we were all together in college, id send it to them and ask "hey what were we doing here?" like I lived a whole life and was not able to recapture it in my brain.

So I started journalling harder. Every day I would write down stuff I did that day, even my good dreams, nightmares, the coffee i tried from a different cafe, something that happened at work (good or bad), and also started stapling movie tickets in my journal of the movies I watched.

I still feel dissociated. I randomly decided to flip through my current journal and read an entry from 2 months back, and I read something I wrote in August. I dont remember the memory, but there is proof I experienced it, and that makes me feel a little better.

My friends also noticed certain areas of empty spaces when I share something I remember from the past. But they now help me trace it down slowly.

Journalling helps. It really helps. I remember my Bestfriend asking me why do I have to write down everything when I should be living in the moment. I remember telling her " I want to experience it, as well as document it in proof, so my brain will know that I lived in that moment."

Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me this 🥺

This sounds terrifying, but it did make me feel a little less scared, knowing it's something people do go through and something people fight and cope with 💙

I'm glad the journalling is helpful. I'm a visual person, and writing is a tool I use for coping with emotions (not memories) so I stick to photos. But you are right. Proof is so helpful indeed.

I'm so glad you have supportive friends. My family and friends mostly make fun of me when I don't remember stuff 🥲

I hope I start to love journalling more - it's difficult for me to write directly about myself - and I hope to do it more often.

I admire you so much. Sending love 🧡

[kkoct-ik]

kottik i think ive already said it before but i SO so appreciate your perspective and attention to detail with dissociative stuff. trying to wade through scattered info on the internet for reliable resources feels like an impossible task sometimes lol so having the DID writing guide + your alter worksheet definitely helps a lot! 

feedback on the guide itself: i loved it!!! the only parts i didn’t personally find relatable were the parts discussing later stages of healing/recovery (since im not quite there yet) and some of the functional neurological symptoms, but everything else felt like it was describing my own journey and experiences with DID perfectly. i also really appreciated the section on amnesia and different types of dissociation, plus the lesser known symptoms, since a lot of the time i see conflicting and confusing info on that + i feel like a lot of writers who try to write DID and describe how amnesia feels miss out on that stuff and just skim webmd or something for their info. and honestly even in online And offline discussions of DID ive seen other people try to describe how it really works and feels and its… not always described well lmao . but that’s a whole other can of worms etc

i think, though it’s just a writing resource, it was also very affirming to see it all laid out like that. like Oh shit yeah i do all of that. that’s my life on the page!!! the whole time i read it i was like ‘i knew this stuff already, but i never knew how to explain it properly.’ and it’s definitely the kind of thing i wish id been able to see when i first started noticing my symptoms. many years of misinfo and confusion have messed w my perception of myself n my disorder for a long time so it feels like a breath of fresh air to see someone else pushing against that and actually doing their research to try and clear things up. not to mention how clear your descriptions are + how easy it is to comprehend your explanations, while still being concise and to the point. so great work!!! 5 star rating, will definitely be recommending it to others :3 hope to see more from you + hope that it helps others write cool stuff!

i missed this ask!!!! sorry for missing this yesterday

thank you!!!!!! mwa mwa mwa. im so glad. so happy yaaaay

yeah, i definitely relate with the struggling to articulate experiences, being muddled by things online, and feeling like other people really dont quite get it when trying to represent whats going on. it makes me happy i can help with that!!

i feel like i'm in a good place that i've read a Lot of DID & CPTSD lit and i've been stabilising in treatment (processing some stuff, working on myself, getting a better understanding of therapy practice). i think it's given me a lot of perspective on my disorder that i wouldn't really have otherwise, and that a lot of people might not have either.

(rambling...)

cuz yeah. i think trying to understand DID on the internet is a monumentously difficult task. on one hand, you have personal accounts from people with DID, and on the other, you have doctors and generic websites. both don't quite give a full or reliable picture.

if you try to understand DID by listening to individuals, you're vulnerable to being incredibly confused and misled. and most of the time it's not intentional - it's hard to communicate what your symptoms are when you think half of it is normal and the other half is conflicted and fragmented - but it can give others very strange ideas about what the condition operates like at large.

it might also seem respectful to take everything we say at face value, but that ends up meaning that our flawed / misguided perceptions of ourselves and our symptoms become solidified as fact. we are mentally ill, we are not necessarily educated, and are a patient base prone to daydreaming and suggestion. we can get things wrong, and we can emphasise the wrong things.

when people take our unreliable accounts as fact (vivid recounts of psuedomemories, venting about feeling like seperate people, or expressing any number of mistaken symptoms), our experiences can start to sound like fantasy. suddenly DID sounds like a disorder you could not fathom having or ever truly understand, rather than a disorder that is simply inherently confusing to live with.

that said, if you try to avoid that by learning about DID soley through medical accounts and websites, you will only ever hear about reported symptoms, the most extreme & notable case studies, patient observations, and generic criteria, leaving a Lot to fill in the gaps (when you try to deduce what it feels like to live with it / be in our brains), that leads to other kinds of inaccuracies.

(for my health i'm not even going to try to touch on hollywood and online influencers that sensationalise the condition for clicks and thus dominate the algorithm. but obviously they are a factor too. pop culture is a powerful thing.)

the internet is a mess! and while not everything that is misleading is untrue, it can be very easy to just, not quite get it, or misunderstand things fundamentally, in any number of ways.

so yeah, it makes me happy that between my life experience, therapy, and obnoxious amount of pages read, i can actually make what goes on somewhat digestible. i want to help contextualise medical criteria, pull out relevant snippets, and point people to some really good resources.

it's not to say i'm a spokesperson or expert. i am very much just a huge nerd who happens to suffer from a disorder and is very invested in understanding myself. but the positive feedback does reassure me that i haven't gotten anything heinously wrong.

ty again :)) yaayy

[bfpnola]

IMAGE DESCRIPTION UNDER THE CUT.

A new task force! Admittedly when we first discussed this, we were a bit upset, knowing how passionate we were to start up a new media literacy workshop for the summer. But upon further thought, honest conversations like these need to happen in every organization, ones where we admit our current capabilities and limitations so as to best protect everyone's time and energy while simultaneously continuing to fulfill our mission statement.

Further, we've already noticed a weight lifted amongst our volunteers! We utilized yesterday's Sunday meeting time to discuss BFP's history thus far, what it means to be a 501(c)(3), the nonprofit industrial complex, why we utilize a horizontal organizational structure, and then the best part? Our core beliefs! We only got to the first three (the right to organize, intersectionality, and educational equity), but the conversation was SO productive! Youth were given the chance to openly ask and answer questions with fellow activists around the globe. Even with just those three topics, we were able to cover: organizing tips, COINTELPRO, the gamification of politics, elite capture, epistemic injustice, the infantilisation faced by those at the intersection of transness and disability, equity vs equality, and accommodations in school! So much!

Next Sunday we'll continue this educational dialogue, so feel free to join us on Zoom (link available through our Discord server as well as college and career mentorship, peer support, mutual aid, private channels for marginalized communities, and the space to openly ask any social justice related questions without shame)! And once we eventually cover all of our core beliefs, BFP will officially begin designing a specific mission and timeline for this new task force, ensuring that all of us fully understand what our nonprofit stands for before making concrete decisions. Genuinely so excited to see how our little family transforms as we have already learned so much from one another in just one meeting since making this decision :)

[P.S. We do have bots in our server that can translate text messages for our non-English speakers, bots for those with dissociative identity disorder so their alters/fronts appear as different accounts with different names, bots for our nightly studying and music sessions, nonverbal emotes, and more!]

[ID: All 10 slides are a very pale mint green with a white circle made of diagonal stripes inside of a white tilted square made of thick dashes as the background. In the foreground is a white rectangle with curved edges meant to mimic an iPhone's "Notes" app with the bold, italics, underline, strikethrough, numbered list, and bullet point icons pictured at the bottom of the rectangle. Which icon is being highlighted shifts with each slide depending on the formatting of the text. At the top left corner, it reads "Notes" with a small arrow pointing left. And at the top right corner, "@bfpnola."

The slides read as follows:

"Honoring our dedication to transparency, this is BFP's current state of affairs:

Developing proper onboarding

Activity & Retention Task Force

Nonprofit Industrial Complex"

BFP was originally founded in 2016 by a team of 12 year olds in New Orleans, Louisiana. As the organization grew internationally and the work became more complex, we began to lose volunteers almost immediately as they joined. Why? We didn't have a proper onboarding process, aka a clear and efficient orientation and trainings for newcomers! As kids ourselves, none of us had entered the workforce yet so we weren't even aware that "onboarding" existed. Because of this, new hires would either become overwhelmingly confused and leave or be thrown straight into the work and burn out. As young adults now, we aim to create an efficient onboarding process and share our discoveries with other youth organizations in the future!

Due to that confusion, BFP has become incapable of hosting any more large-scale workshops, as we have failed to thoroughly prepare our newer volunteers with clarity. We owe it to those directly impacted by coercive hierarchies to do better. So, what's next for us? On 03/26, we decided to create a cross-committee Activity & Retention Task Force. This team will be dedicated to expanding our audience, maintaining the family that we've curated thus far, analyzing the success and failures of our work, and most importantly... Emphasizing BFP as a safe space for marginalized youth globally. With such a diverse team, we are always learning from one another and we'd like to continue sharing that opportunity with as many people as possible. But there's something we'd like to keep in mind!

The Nonprofit Industrial Complex. We are aware as a 501(c)(3) that organizations' radical missions can often become co-opted either by their donors or distracted by their own maintenance. If BFP ever becomes too focused on its own survival rather than that of the oppressed… We will take that needed step back. Community should always be our focus. This task force is meant to broaden youth’s access to political education and peer support, not necessarily propel BFP within the nonprofit industry. The people must come first and foremost.

More concrete steps will be released soon to hold ourselves accountable. We look forward to improving this organization so that BFP can put out the work that y'all deserve and that we know we are capable of producing. Thank you for reading! Check the caption for more information."

End ID.]

[treekianthia]

HIIII

Do you have any lore about your 13SAG ocs? I am very interested! I love them!!!

Oh!!! I’m so glad to hear somebody is interested in my 13SAR children! What started as a silly thing for me turned into something a little bit more extensive, so there is quite a bit for me to say about them!

As there will be spoilers for the game, I will be putting this answer under a cut!

I’ll talk about them in the order I created them!

First up is my OG Boy, Atsuhiko Ide!

Atsuhiko is a young, mysterious half-Japanese, half-American teen who seems to be able to jump between the different sectors without any known reason behind how. When he is first introduced, it is as an upperclassman and a friend of Shu Amiguchi. At first he seems like a bit of an airhead, but in reality he has a vast knowledge on programming and computers. As the story progresses, it is revealed he is also friends with Tomi Kisaragi, with her showing shock he has also ended up in the 1985 time period. It is also shown very early on he has a crush on Miwako Sawatari, but she seems to be oblivious to his advances.

He is the only person to ever acknowledge Shiba as existing and shows hostilities towards him.

In reality, he is an AI known as AIDE: Assistant Intellectual Developmental Entity. He is the AI who was originally in charge of Universal Control, but after the Deimos attacked in the first loop, he was locked out and unable to re-access it. As he is part of Universal Control, however, his AI was able to be reinstated with full memories after each loop. Due to his inability to access Sector 0, however, he is left unable to do anything to protect the compatibles from the attack.

Him being an AI part of universal control is why he is able to “see” Shiba, but in truth he can only sense him. The reason he shows hostility towards Shiba is because he considers Shiba as an error in the coding, knowing very well he should not exist.

In the final battle of the final loop, he is able to access Universal Control once again, but sacrifices himself in order to help Miyuki’s plan succeed. Post-game, his AI is patched up in the simulation and he starts a relationship with Miwako.

He does not have a DNA counterpart as an AI, but his appearance is based off a member of the 2188 Colony Member, Aiden King.

Next up is the girl who came to me in a dream, Irene King!

Irene is fully American, with Atsuhiko claiming to be her older-half brother through their mother. At first, she attends Sakura High as a transfer student alongside her brother, but quickly has to drop out due to a mysterious illness that causes her headaches and dissociative spells. Before her illness, she is in the same class as Natsuno Minami and Megumi Yakushiji. After her illness, Atsuhiko can be heard saying on multiple occasions he cannot stay late after school in order to care for his sick sister. She appears in the stories of other characters every once in a while, first as a healthy teen girl, and later when she is having dissociative spells.

She’s rather reserved, with her often keeping her thoughts to herself. This only grows worse as her illness runs rampant in her body. In most cases, she does not speak unless spoken too first, with her sentences making no sense during her dissociative state.

The second year student Yasuhiro Nakayma is always asking Atsuhiko about her, as before her illness, the two were dating. She can sometimes be seen asking for Yasuhiro during her dissociative spells, but Atsuhiko always finds her before Yasuhiro can.

Later on, it is revealed Irene is a compatible from the now desolated Sector 1. She was infected by a mysterious illness that started to develop during Sector 1’s destruction that made her unable to fight during the final battle. It is later revealed the cause of the illness is genetic.

She is the pilot of Sentinel No. 24, an experimental sentinel with the power of generation one sentinels but the lightweight properties of generation four.

Her 2188 counterpart is American Scientist Irene King, pupil to Professor Chihiro Morimura. Her focus of study was AI, with her wanting to develop an AI to aide in Project Ark during the simulation phase. The AI she was planning to develop would take on the appearance of her younger brother, Aiden King, who passed away from a genetic disease while on the Colony. Unfortunately, she passed away from the same disease before she could finish the AI. As a result, Professor Morimura finished it for her.

The AIDE AI Atsuhiko sees both Professor King and Professor Morimura as motherly figures as a result of their efforts in creating him, even referring to Chihiro as mother when he sees her.

Post game, Irene’s genetics have been modified in order to slow the progression of her illness.

Lastly is the newest edition to the gang, Yasuhiro Nakayama!

Yasuhiro Nakayama is a second-year in the same class as Ryoko and is Irene King’s boyfriend. He transferred to Sakura High early on, with it being implied he knew Irene before she and her “brother” transferred to the school. The two quickly connected, starting a relationship before she had to drop out due to her illness. Atsuhiko does not approve of the relationship of Yasuhiro and Irene, often commenting that Yasuhiro is a nuisance. As a result, Yasuhiro and Atsuhiko often butt heads.

He is extremely intelligent, with his strongest subject being math. He plans to attend Tokyo University after he graduates, with a hope of going into engineering and physics. He is also often getting in trouble with the school due to him refusing to cut his hair, which he keeps tied up in order to keep it out of his face. He also has a bad habit of misplacing his glasses during important moments of the story.

He is revealed to be a compatible at the same time as Irene, with him also being from the now desolate Sector 1. The two fled together with the help of Atsuhiko, and though Yasuhiro is grateful for Atsuhiko’s help, he thinks that Atsuhiko is too overprotective of Irene. In reality, Atsuhiko is just trying to protect Yasuhiro in case the illness can spread. This is later proven to be impossible, allowing Yasuhiro to reunite with Irene.

He is the pilot of Sentinel No. 25, an experimental sentinel modeled after the second generation but with generation four’s lightweight properties. He does not fight in the final battle, however, choosing to instead protect Irene when the citizens of Ashitaba are transferred to Sector 3.

His 2188 counterpart is Theoretical Physicist and Engineer, Doctor Yasuhiro Nakayama. Before the nanomachine infection, he was a teacher at Tokyo University, where he met and later married Professor Irene King. The two had one child together, but both he and their child were killed when the nanomachines spread. Professor King was able to sample the DNA of her husband for Project Ark but unable to get a useable sample from their child due to the genetic disease in Professor King’s family.

Before his death, he was also close with Irene’s younger brother, Aiden.

Post-game, he and Irene are the last of the compatibles to have children. This is a result of them wanting to find a temporary solution or cure for Irene’s disease.

(Originally, I developed Yasuhiro as another AI, but somewhere down the line I made him another compatible.)

Thank you so much for the ask! I hope you find them as interesting as I do!

[rin-and-jade]

thank u for answering my ask! I appreciate u. im going to share some of my experience if that’s okay!

It feels like my identity is constantly clashing, like they are fighting for dominance over each other. How I see myself and how I want others to see myself changes. Sometimes I find myself feeling and acting younger, and other times more mature. However, these different states feel like completely different people. Two main ones in particular I’ll give fake names bc anon. I typically define them as Zach being more mature, powerful, maybe angry and sexual and having this whole other aesthetic/likes dislikes/species and age than Ruffy. Ruffy coming off younger, soft and cutesy, also having his own separate aesthetic/likes dislikes/species. Sometimes I feel other ways that I’m not sure if I should attribute to ruffy and Zach or a different identity. They each want the body to look different ways as well.. Their appearances clashing. It leads to confusion about who I am and what I should be like and look like. If I try to use the name Zach if I’m not him, it won’t feel right until he comes back around and I guess takes “control.” It would also feel very wrong for zach to be called ruffy since they are so different. Like calling someone by the wrong name. I can’t force myself to be someone. Sometimes it’s hard to define which I am. I also have nonhuman identities and as a whole I id as non physically nonhuman otherkin/therian but I also wonder if the different nonhumans are similar to ruffy/Zach as in kinda like their own individuals bc it can feel like sometimes each have their own self t them but I’m unsure. Sometimes I also speak in a voice that sounds younger and another like a speech impediment (not on purpose) and people tell me in general my voice is very fluid and changes a lot. idk if that is just something that singlets get or what like why do I have something sounding like a speech impediment and also baby voice that comes and goes

BUT it’s so confusing bc I know singlets can have a lot of different aesthetics and parts of themselves. so I’m rlly not sure if it’s typical singlet behavior of me or if it could indicate something else and systems could relate to this? rn I currently feel a wave of feelings id moreso attribute to Zach or something wash over me.. strong feelings. but those are always there. and also I looked into p-did but I’m unsure how to tell if something is passive influence or full switches if u have any insight on that? and also yea I have dissociation trauma all of that just unsure about amnesia and have absolute no communication with anyone it seems (If anyone is there). I know u can’t dx me !! but idk this is why I asked the question earlier.. is any of this relatable as a system? or like do u have any thoughts/advice or something? I’m going to bring what I said here up to my therapist and see how it goes.. but I can’t help feeling like I’m faking/dramatizing normal behavior. also I’m not sure what “taking control” feels like.. to me if I am switching its more like non possessive switches where “oh now I’m (name) and I’m no longer (other name)” like I will feel like someone else .. is that what a switch can be like?

"is any of this relatable as a system?"

I'd say, yeah it is. No singlet has a huge shift from names to speech or even the gender and having species orientation.

"do u have any thoughts/advice or something?"

I don't have anything else except suggesting you to explore a bit more meanwhile, that won't hurt. Maybe you'll discover something else that can help you.

"is that what a switch can be like?"

What you described sounds close to a normal switch between other alters to become the fronter, but i am not entirely sure because you only provided little details. Non-possessive switch is more like a shift in yourself rather than actually a shift in identity, as in going to a different mood state or energy levels.

- j

[brigatebajor]

so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.

so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.

(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.

i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.

my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3

on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working

and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).

anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing

[harbingrs]

Need to recharge, light from the stars Won't really reach anything, will it? Binary capsules of all human culture Science and history and headless sculptures Stories of monkeys and digital religions Like a note on the ankle of the last living pigeon

Bell. he/him. 30ish.

About me:

Bell / Rue

bi²

He/him by default (but any pronouns are fine)

30-ish years old

White & not from the US

Part of a DID system (I don't do syscourse and don't find it relevant)

Disabled (physical and mental)

Sideblogs:

s******s - System sideblog

welcomedtohome - Interiors/aesthetic sideblog

itsgonnabeagreatgiorno - Animal Crossing sideblog

Image ID: A four-panel Peanuts comic featuring Snoopy the beagle typing on a typewriter. Text reads: Gentlemen, I have just completed my new novel. It is so good, I am not even going to send it to you. [Pause] Why don't you just come and get it? End ID.

About this blog:

Mostly reblogs. Tags to look at or block as needed:

Personal posts [#posts]

Music [#music]

Poetry/quotes/etc [#muses]

Disability & chronic illness

Family trauma

Religious trauma [#exvangelical or #ex christian]

Therapy abuse [#therapy abuse or #psych abuse]

More graphic NSFT posts and images are tagged, but suggestive jokes or general references aren't. Basically, I follow the original guideline of "things that may get you in trouble if someone looks over your shoulder at work". This blog is not intended for minors.

If you need something specific tagged (or tagged differently), please let me know directly, as I may not see (or remember) based on your bio.

Important to know:

I have (moral) OCD + ADHD + dissociative memory issues. This impacts things like:

What information I can put on a public bio

What I can and can't reblog/boost/etc

Remembering usernames I shouldn't reblog from

Remembering even 'obviously problematic' artists/bands/etc

Being able to personally add image descriptions to posts

tl;dr - Please be nice enough not to assume the worst. If you have concerns or questions, feel free to send a message or ask (anon is fine)

More detail on what to keep in mind:

I don't have a public DNI or list of my personal ideologies in my bio. I do block people I'm uncomfortable with interacting or following (and yes, that's probably along the lines of 'general DNI criteria'). Nothing is a secret, so if you need to know anything that's not listed here to determine if you're comfortable following me, feel free to send me an ask or message (genuine).

I'm chronically offline, so I'm not involved in online discourse subcultures or in the loop with a lot of things. I'm not involved in system discourse or ship discourse so I'm not 'aligned' with anything. Ditto with knowing who is problematic on Tumblr. I also have significant memory issues and struggle to remember even "obviously problematic" usernames, so if I reblog from someone I shouldn't, just let me know - it's not on purpose.

I can't typically "boost" posts or reblog things because I "should" be talking about them. It doesn't mean I'm not paying attention or don't care. This is not a minor thing where I'm 'prioritising my mental health' so I don't feel sad - this is losing my ability to work/survive because I can't regulate my thoughts/actions and level of engagement. As an example: I can't personally add image IDs to reblogs, because if I start doing it just 'sometimes' or 'when I can', I quickly have to do it all day every day, on every post, even if I'm missing work to do it. Yes, that sounds ridiculous, but OCD is ridiculous. I wish I was in a better place with it - but at this point in my life, I'm not, and I can't 'bootstraps' my way around it because something is important, or the right thing to do (because with moral OCD, that's exactly why it has that effect on me).

Posts and reblogs are grounded in my personal experience - for example, my traumatic experiences with therapy/the psych industry and Christianity. If that isn't your experience, that's okay! Any kind of "anti psych" post is intended to critique the industry as it currently is, and speak honestly about the loopholes and pitfalls that cause it to fail or harm many people, even when it helps some. The goal is not to dissuade people from 'getting help' or remove access for those who find it genuinely helpful. Instead, I think everyone is entitled to a positive, safe experience when seeking support with their mental health - including those who are most vulnerable and/or have stigmatised conditions. -- *If "not remembering" sounds like a copout - things often aren't distinct to me with any certainty. A username will sound familiar, but I don't know how or why. Basically, this disclaimer is here to avoid my brain telling me I need to thoroughly vet the OP of every post I reblog, lest I fall prey to Moral Badness (because believe me, I do not have that kind of free time).

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

Tips for Effective Planning from Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation

[image ID: Tips for Effective Planning

Put your plan in perspective. The need to plan is usually not an emergency, so you do not have to do it urgently. Give yourself time to think and to check in with yourself.

Try to let go of the belief that there is only one single “right” solution or choice. There are almost always many "right" pathways, and if you make a mistake, you can deal with it. Many plans involve a combination of pros and cons, so often there is not a "perfect" solution, but rather one which likely requires some compromises

Most importantly, include all parts of yourself in your planning. Attend to their concerns, needs, and desires without judgment.

Listen to both your head and your heart, that is, reflect. Sometimes your logic and your emotions (or “gut") tell you something entirely different. Various dissociative parts typically base a choice either on too much feeling or on avoidance of feelings and needs, and they often do not know enough about the present. If all parts of you can work together to learn more about the present, acknowledge feelings, needs, and wants, and offer inner empathy and support, making plans can be a lot easier and clearer.

Think before you act. Take your time, even if you feel "urgent." Imagine being in your safe space or use a relaxation exercise to get yourself in an alert, calm space. Let all parts of yourself know they will be acknowledged and considered as you make your plans.

Imagine how your plan will affect you and parts of yourself. You are learning how to take care of yourself, which means you need to take yourself into consideration, as well as others. This is not selfish, but rather good self-care. After you anticipate how the plan will affect you and other parts of yourself, then you can take others into consideration.

Ask trusted others for feedback, but make your own plans, taking their advice into consideration.

Be willing to modify your plans if they are not working. Making small changes along the way often helps you accomplish your final plan better than rigidly sticking to a plan. /end ID]

[multiplicity-positivity]

hey, were a system whos been dealing with an unfamiliar experience lately where we periodically feel like someone previously unknown for a while, look around and go "this place is weird" then leave, it usually happens where well feel like a fictional character but the people dont really repeat so we cant tell if its like unknown sysmates or fragments or smth or if were just dealing with a different dissociation/dpdr than we usually do

also, as im writing this, i dont know who i am or if i could be new- do you have any advice on questions to ask myself to figure that out or any insight with the first thing? thanks!

Hiya! So for figuring yourself out in general and like having questions to ask yourself, you might get some use out of this template we made for getting to know system members! No pressure with answering all the questions or even answering each question accurately! It’s just for you and your system to help y’all learn more about yourselves and each other! :3

It certainly sounds like this could be some good old fashioned depersonalization! Our own system experiences moments where we can’t recognize ourself or our surroundings or we feel like someone or something we’re not… here’s a lil infographic Kip and Parker made about our experience with DPDR! Maybe it could help you determine if that’s part of what you’re experiencing :3

We’re not too educated about kinning experience and terminology, but maybe you’re experiencing kin shifts or something like that when you notice these differences? We’re not sure if it’s possible to have a kin shift that doesn’t come back… but if so, maybe this could be kin related!! Maybe you have fluctuating kintypes, or multiple kintypes which affect you in different ways at different times! :3

If these experiences are headmates or fragments, it might just take some time and patience trying to get to know them before you can get a clear idea of who they are. That’s okay and normal! It’s just fine to take some time trying to get a feel for new headmates - they’re not always vocal and clear-cut straight away! Hopefully a little patience could help y’all figure this out if that’s the case >w<

No matter what’s going on with y’all, we’re wishing you peace and comfort and we hope it doesn’t impede y’all too much in your lives! Good luck with everything, and thanks for reaching out!! :33

💚 Ralsei and 🌸 Margo