#and then that triggers the SI

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

The whole ignored vs forgotten poll is so interesting and ended up prompting me to reflect upon the thought process behind the bpd for me

Like I'm not fine with being ignored, but it hurts less because I can choose to ignore them back and cut them off and it's a "I left you before you left me" type of situation

Vs being forgotten that indicates that they never really gave a shit and that I've already been abandoned and then that ultimately triggers the SI and I'm just like 👁👄👁

[chewy-jeeby2]

look who's back bay bees

[mortemlifeness]

I think, the thing about ships with Mukuro is that if you force her to choose between a romantic partner or Junko, she won't choose the former. She'll either choose her romantic partner and Junko (because they're important people to her), or just Junko (her twin sister is more important, especially after being absent from her life for so long).

[emirrart]

:)

[alukaforyou]

im letting an anime man influence my style 😐

[stuff-diary]

The Frog

TV Shows/Dramas watched in 2024

The Frog (2024, South Korea)

Director: Mo Wan Il

Writer: Son Ho Young

Mini-review:

Wow, I didn't think I would enjoy The Frog so much. I guess I was in the mood for a dark, propulsive thriller. I've seen some people say it's 'slow', but like... where? This kept me glued to the screen from the very first episode, and it got more and more intense throughout the next ones. It even ventures into psychological horror territory from time to time, which made it even more fun to me. The writing isn't perfect (some of the characters aren't as well developed as they should), but the directing and the acting more than make up for it. Go Min Si turns in a particularly strong performance, and it's clear she gave it her all. I'm not gonna say this is the best thriller k-drama I've seen, but it was definitely enjoyable as hell.

[leverage-ot3]

sorry to keep personal posting but my day fucking SUCKED and ended with me dropping one of my brand new earrings from a set that I just finished cleaning down the drain, took the sink apart and still couldn’t find it 🙃

if y’all feel like asking a leverage/misc question for thoughts or headcanons I’d love to answer them in the morning! or even if you just want to say something about your day- I just like hearing from you guys 💖

[teddybearty]

A quick Hifumi bc I’m getting back in the swing of things!! 💜

[nicollekidman]

oh my god shut uppppppppppp shut up

[never-not-ever]

So follow up to that recent post.. and trigger warning in advance. It's a little scary knowing how much more thought I've given it. I still believe that I will take myself to the ER before acting on anything but tonight was a realization that nothing has changed, if anything things have just gotten worse.

I mumbled the words "I could actually kill myself" out loud as I got off the highway near my cousins house. I was crying as I realized this because it was just so sad and this was after thinking of my cats and my ex. I was thinking of writing two notes, one to my Nana and one to my ex which is just mainly for my cats.

****Just another reminder*** .. As much as I think about and type about and vent about, I made a promise to my doctor and I don't know what it is with my lovely fucked up attachment shit with her but I'm not going to break that promise. If the thoughts get too loud I'll go to the ER. I'm always so paranoid that someone is going to do a repeat of the past like when the cops showed up at my house... I just need to vent... but if you're not in a good place right now then you might not want to keep reading..

It wasn't until last night that I started thinking more of the bridge. Then on the way home tonight I took the bridge again. I could have taken the tunnel. I actually did take the tunnel. But that was in the end. I took the bridge, driving on the lower deck, the part that I must have driven over 50 times this past summer, memorizing details, making up a plan that I later talked about to my old therapist who told said to me "that's a very public plan".

This bridge is in the next town over from where I live and last night I started thinking what if I walked there in the middle of the night and walked up the "on ramp"... So last night I got off the bridge and immediately went and got back on taking me back into town, taking me on the upper deck, a part of the bridge I'm not that familiar with. The lower deck, I knew where the pull off parts where. My therapist used to live in nearby towns. It was almost like she was trying to persuade me against this plan when she said how there was always a state trooper on the pull off parts and I without hesitation told her that in the month and a half since I've been out I've only seen a trooper once and I think I was driving over that bridge at least once a day. This was back in September.

Last night I realized not only is the ramp going on to the bridge very long but it is also very well lit and the chances of someone noticing a pedestrian walking and calling 911 is very likely. I noticed last night and I double checked again tonight and on the upper deck there is a pull off spot but it's a bit harder to navigate. As much as I fantasize about this bridge I doubt I would ever have the guts to actually do it. The fear of failure.

I've always told my team that I wouldn't kill myself because I couldn't hurt my Nana like that but then my mind just started wandering off thinking of how old she is and how she's probably going to end up passing away soon anyways. How my in and out of the hospital is just more added stress to her. How much of a disappointment and a burden my life has become.

My boys used to bring me so much happiness and joy but lately not so much. They deserve a better home. Someone, or a couple who will always be there for them and won't disappear for weeks or months, wondering if they'll ever see their owners again.

I keep thinking of this one line, imaging others saying this about me and it's true. "She made one mistake at work and it messed her up for the rest of her life".

I know it's so black and white but right now it's my truth. I will never recover from this. I will never forgive myself for this. I had an amazing job and I made a difference and I had a reason for living, my life meant something. I was a part of an amazing, loving, caring family and I lost that.

Now I have no one. Sure there's some. A few family or friends who will quickly get over it.

Ugh I feel like I'm just going down a rabbit hole. Is that even the term? You can't convince a chronically suicidal person their life is worth living and they need to stay. You just keep they safe. So how much longer can I remain in the outside world before I'm no longer safe?

[bluebellhairpin]

my dad swore he'd never turn into his father! but he is! he's so much like my grandpa already! it's driving me insane!!!

[harmonizewithechoes]

.

[truly-quirkless]

[ @refrxctedprism || Replied for an Event starter!]

"Young Miyamotos! I must speak with you." Yagi had raised his hand as he dismissed his class. He and Fin had already spoken at length of what they were planning to do. Anyone who was too close to the situation was to be warned- and for Kage and Hikari, possibly, relocated. The risk of either being harmed (or worse, killed) was too much not to warn. "Please, stay just a few minutes."

[whsprings]

I dont think the "permanent solution to a temporary problem" thing ppl say in regards to SI is particularly helpful for a good amount of situations, esp chronic mental illness and SI?? for us it's like. well we don't see things changing so it's moreso seeking permanent relief from an endless problem. I totally understand the sentiment and I do think that things can and usually do improve if given a chance + effort but it's also missing the point? idk

[stuff-diary]

Squid Game (Season 2)

TV Shows/Dramas watched in 2024

Squid Game (Season 2, 2024, South Korea)

Director & Writer: Hwang Dong Hyuk

Mini-review:

I didn't quite see the need for more Squid Game; despite the somewhat open ending, the first season was a thoroughly satisfying watch. And now, after seeing the new one, my opinion hasn't really changed. The first half is basically a rehash of the concept and themes, with a slowed-down pace to drag the story out into two seasons. On top of that, more than a few of the new characters are ridiculously annoying (and it doesn't help that half of the cast is made up of awful people). That being said, the games remain thrilling and entertaining, easily the best part of this installment. I'm still curious to see how the story ends, and most of my favorite characters managed to survive, so I will be tuning into the final season next year.

[alukaforyou]

screaming abt this pink piano but my current apt is too shitty for this AAAAA ONE DAY!!!! SHE WILL BE MINEEEEE!!!!