#leave IT ALL TO BIG SIS TO DEAL WITH AS FUCKING USUAL

[bluebellhairpin]

my dad swore he'd never turn into his father! but he is! he's so much like my grandpa already! it's driving me insane!!!

[neptuneiris]

True Intentions | (One-shot)

Be the only one or be an 'sometimes'?

pairing: modern!aemond (best-friend brother) × fem!reader

summary: even knowing his reputation, you've always had a little secret crush on the most popular boy in school, Aemond Targaryen, until it becomes impossible to hide it when your brother Cregan makes friends with him and you begin to see him more frequently.

word count: 9.0k

I'm very excited about this!

I hope you really like it, I loved writing this even though it took me a while, but here it is finally:) comments and reblogs are appreciated beautiful people, thank you so much for reading!❤

warning's: language, slight angst, mention of alys, sexual content, spanking.

You always hated it when your brother Cregan brought his friends over to your house when your parents were away, whether it was to watch soccer games, play video games or have some fun at the pool.

You especially were never the type of sister to bring friends over, rather you were the type of sister who preferred to go to friends' houses, as you never mentioned your house as an option.

It just wasn't comfortable for you.

And apparently it wasn't enough for your brother and his friends to see each other almost daily at school that they also had to go to your house.

But you couldn't really do anything, he's the older brother and it wouldn't make any difference to accuse him to your parents since logically there's nothing wrong with him inviting his friends over, besides they work almost all the time and probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

So you can only lock yourself in your room with food as a provision, put on your AirPods and wait for them to leave.

And that's what you do, all the while Cregan and his friends prowl around your house. But you reach your breaking point when again Cregan plans a pool party.

"Are you serious?" you inquire, clearly annoyed, "I swear to God, Cregan, this is not going to happen again."

"Oh come on," he gives you a tired look, tossing balloons and animal inflatables into the pool, "Live a little, sis."

"No! You always do this, the same old shit!"

You reproach him as you follow him back into the house, where at the kitchen island is a stack of beers that he begins to store in the fridge completely disinterested to your clear dissatisfaction with it all, as he just doesn't care.

"Last time everyone was coming into the house like it was nothing to leave the whole floor wet, they also left a mess all over the kitchen, pool and garden," you remind him annoyed, "Not to mention we had complaints from the neighbors for all the fuss you made."

"Fucking Hell, will you relax? I'll take care of everything," he says looking at you wearily, only increasing your anger more, "The guys won't be long and I needed everything to be ready."

"That's what you always say but I'm the one who ends up cleaning everything up in and I'm the one who deals with the neighbors because of you fucking fault!"

"Fine!" he exclaims in exasperation, looking at you, "You have my word, I'll take care of everything this time, yeah?"

He looks at you seriously to get back to dealing with the beers, but you don't believe half a word he says.

"Now do you want to help me turn on the pool lights? Also lock the upstairs doors, just in case."

You slowly shake your head in his direction with your arms crossed with your completely serious and annoyed look in his direction.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?"

You don't wait for him to say anything back nor do you say anything else, you just annoyingly turn around and walk upstairs to your room, preparing to be another long night confined to your four walls.

And this is what happens every time your parents aren't home, having to put up with the liberties Cregan takes to do whatever he pleases around the house.

During the week he usually doesn't invite anyone over, except for a few times he invites the Velaryon brothers, Jace and Luke, over to play video games after school.

The weekend is when it really bothers you that he throws big parties without your parents knowing.

It's not until one day when you get home from your music lessons at almost seven o'clock that when you open your front door, you hear a lot of voices and laughter.

You close the door hard enough to announce your arrival and look into the living room as you head for the stairs, when then, you see them.

And they see you too.

With handsome faces and infectious smiles, besides their unusually silver hair and blue eyes that steal the breath of every girl in the school, Aegon and Aemond Targaryen, the kings of the whole school and also the most players, are in your living room having a few beers and smoking with Cregan.

And Cregan is the first to react.

"Guys, the lady of the house is here," he says, "So let's take this to the pool, shall we? Before she starts screaming."

You watch him with a completely serious look on your face as you see Aegon let out a small chuckle to himself. And without a word, you avert your gaze and continue on your way to the stairs, feigning disinterest.

However, you don't leave without one last look at him, Aemond Targaryen.

From your single couch and with a cigarette between his long fingers, gives you back an intense and burning look that makes you feel a strange sensation all over your body.

And just like all the other girls at your school, you can't help but feel equally captivated and attracted to him, Aemond.

But it's not something you really go around telling everyone, let alone something you want your brother to know now that he's apparently become friends with him.

However, you should have expected him to notice.

And it happens when Cregan again throws a pool party with all his friends and him too, where you don't confront him much about it like previous times and that's what gets his attention.

"Which of the two is the one you like?"

He asks you suddenly with a curious expression and a hint of suspicion in his voice, making you watch him with confusion on your face.

"What are you talking about?"

"The Targaryens."

He points at you with his gaze, crossing his arms and looking at you again attentively and suspiciously.

"You haven't caused a scene since the two of them have been coming around often and you certainly don't look upset when it used to be a problem with anyone coming around, so you definitely must like one of the two of them, so tell me, which one?"

Your whole body tenses up completely upon hearing your brother's words and you inevitably start to feel terribly nervous, as well as your heart starts to beat too fast, especially because of his suspicious look on you.

But you feign innocence and confusion, only to stare at him with your most incredulous face of all and try to evade him.

"You're talking nonsense."

"Oh, am I?"

"Cregan," you observe him seriously, "Have you ever seen me talk to either of the two of them here or at school?"

"Hmm," he says for a moment, thoughtfully.

Still he doesn't look entirely convinced and analyzes you with a completely intent and penetrating gaze, making you feel more nervous but you control him well.

"Still I find it odd that you don't complain about them when they come."

"Then maybe you should think about the fact that I just got tired of telling you the same old thing over and over again," you persuade the subject, "No matter how many times I complain, you'll still do what you want," you tell him seriously, "Besides, you assume that as if I didn't go to the same school as you and didn't know the Targaryens."

"That's exactly why I'm telling you," he says instantly, just as serious, "Do you think I'd like to see you start dating one of them?"

"And why do you care?"

"Why do I care?" he repeats incredulously, "I'm your brother, of course I care."

"As if I care about the girls you date," you tell him just as incredulously.

"Well, at least I have a good reason here," he insists, "I know them, both," he clarifies, "And I don't want you to get hurt, that's why I'm telling you."

"Stop being ridiculous," you tell him with your clearly annoyed tone, starting to head to your room, "And even if I will start dating one of them, it's none of your business."

You sentence to finally leave him behind, leaving a tension in the kitchen, while inside, you finally stop feeling tense and nervous, but Cregan continues with his suspicion.

He almost had you, almost.

And after that conversation, automatically the Targaryens come to your house more often, even more than usual.

Even after school, Cregan invites them over, the two of them and also the Velaryon brothers, where they all together invade your house and you start to witness the personality of him that he is mostly known for.

And it happens one day you're making yourself food and you hear them all talking from the living room.

"Oh, this fucker is texting Savannah," you hear Aegon's excited and amused voice.

"What!? Savannah Williams!?"

"Yeah, since yesterday. I saw her name on his phone when she texted him."

"So what do you say, dude?"

"Not much, actually," you hear his voice.

"But haven't you gone out with her before?"

"Yeah, but you know, it was casual," he explains, "Just now she told me her parents aren't home."

"Oh dude, if I were you, I wouldn't waste the opportunity," your brother says excitedly.

"But what happened to that girl at the party last week? What was her name? Emily, I think."

"Ah Emily… yeah, we had a thing but it was casual too. We only met once after that party."

"She was so hot, but Savannah is hot too."

"Yeah, I know," you hear his nonchalant voice.

"So will you go see her?"

"Yeah, I think so."

You hear them continue to talk, but you tune out and sneak off to your room unnoticed.

It's not the first time you've witnessed these conversations, though. It also happens when they are in the pool and you find yourself back in the kitchen preparing food.

But you can't concentrate because through the glass of the huge windows you see Aemond's bare chest marked. This is a distraction but you try to ignore it as much as you can, but to no avail.

When then the movement and sound of him emerging from the water catches your attention and that of Cregan and Aegon.

"Where are you going?"

"To Cerelle's," he announces, with his phone in hand and his towel over his shoulder.

"Yo! Cerelle Lannister!?" exclaims Cregan in surprise.

"She's so sexy," Aegon says, grining.

"She told me she's home alone and wants me to come over," he explains, as you watch him quickly move his fingers across his phone screen.

"Good luck, dude!"

You feel another pang of disappointment when you hear all this and also when you see how he smiles and starts to make his way over here without taking his eyes off his screen.

This immediately makes you react to quickly go to your room so you don't cross paths with him.

Even though you know his reputation and how you are aware of his numerous 'adventures' with other girls, you can't help but feel a knot in your stomach and wonder if he might ever be interested in you.

Not in that way, since you really don't want to be another girl on his huge list, but be something more genuine and real to him.

But that's totally ridiculous and impossible.

You tell yourself in disbelief, seeing the reality, as it's clear he's not looking for something serious and you don't want to be a 'one night stand' for him if you'll be ignored, forgotten and to some extent humiliated afterwards.

One day, taking advantage of the fact that Cregan is not at home on the weekend and neither are any of his friends, much less your parents, although that is actually no surprise, you decide to make this day for yourself, relax and enjoy your own company.

You decide to stop paying attention to your phone and with your towel in your arms, you leave your room and go down to the pool.

But just as you finish walking down the stairs and are about to turn down the hallway, the doorbell rings.

You stop with a tired expression as that alone has slightly disturbed the zen zone you now find yourself in, but having no choice, you turn around and head to open the door, thinking it must be Mrs. Arryn to ask you for sugar, as usual.

But when you open the door, it is not Mrs. Arryn, but rather you come face to face with Aemond, taking you by surprise and takes your breath away for a moment.

If he is surprised to see you, he doesn't show it, just raises his eyebrows slightly and you notice how he shamelessly runs his eye up and down you, making you embarrassed and nervous as you remembers your outfit, which is a cute black two-piece bikini.

And you quickly try to cover up a bit with the towel in your hands, although in reality this shouldn't embarrass you, since you're at home and you didn't expect to see him, besides this bikini doesn't leave much to the imagination.

Or so you think.

"Hey."

He says to you dispassionately in greeting mode, with a look that you can't really describe but that makes you feel more nervous and you feel your heart beating too hard.

"Hi," you try not to stutter, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else."

Aemond watches you with a little mischievous smile barely visible and a spark of amusement in his eye.

"No worries," he tells you in his soft tone.

"Hum…" you place your confused face, "My brother is not here," you let him know, still finding it strange that he doesn't know that.

"Oh," he is silent for a moment, watching you intently, "He's not?"

You shake your head.

"He said he was going to Alysanne's, but he left hours ago," you explain and he hums in understanding, "Did you tell him you were coming today?"

"No, although I should have, I was just passing through and decided to come," he explains to you as well, shoving his hands into the pockets of his silk jacket, "I left my wallet here last night," he tells you later, getting your attention more, "That's why."

"Oh," is all you say, not knowing what else to say for a few seconds, "Well, I'm not sure what time Cregan will be back. But if you want to go up and get it, I'll be at the pool."

You allow him passage, as it's not as if he's a complete stranger and it's not as if he doesn't hang around here often either, it's as if he and Aegon live here too, being the brothers Cregan wished he had.

"Okay, thanks," he tells you as you step aside and make room for him to come in.

"Just close the door when you leave," you tell him, still feeling your heart beat too fast against your chest.

Aemond turns his gaze back to you, nodding in your direction.

"All right."

You give him a small smile and without saying anything else to him, you walk past him, hurrying to get out of his sight and urgently needing, now more than anything else, to get your whole body into the warm water of the pool that will make you stop feeling so tense.

And this is why you don't feel Aemond's piercing, burning gaze on you as you pull away, admiring your bare skin and having a perfect idea of your naked body to the imagination.

And with that alone, he feels himself getting hard at the sight of your smooth, long legs, as well as getting a good look at that ass of yours jiggling as you pull away.

He wets his lips and with a little grin, finally makes his way to Cregan's room, thinking about little things since you're here alone…. now with him.

Meanwhile you, wanting to forget that Aemond Targaryen is in your house right now, submerge yourself completely in the water, where you immediately feel a sensation of freshness and relief.

The water caresses you and envelops your body completely, while you let out a small sigh of pleasure and begin to get used to the new temperature, letting the revitalizing sensation envelop you completely.

Then you emerge with a slight jump, remove your wet hair stuck to your face and begin to swim elegantly, where your arms and legs move at a steady pace and the water takes you in all directions.

You submerge again for a moment and watch the horizon, as your house is on a hill and you can see the lights of neighborhoods below, being a beautiful sight when the sun sets and also when the sun goes down.

However, again your zen zone is disturbed when you hear the movement of the kitchen glass doors sliding, so you turn around in confusion and again feel all your nervousness wash over you.

Aemond makes his way over here, but what strikes you more than anything else is how he has clothes in his hand and also one of the many clean towels Cregan has in his bathroom.

You look at him confused face and he looks back at you with his intent gaze.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

The words get stuck in your throat, watching him still confused, feeling really very nervous and not understanding what he is doing here since he was supposed to go get his wallet and then leave, while he stands at the edge of the pool, watching you.

"Hum…" you say not really knowing what to say, "Are you going to wait for Cregan?"

He averts his gaze from yours, then drops the towel and clothes on a chair with dispassionate movements, to return his gaze to you.

"Yeah, I can do that too."

You watch him warily and with a slight distrust, but not in a bad way, it's simply nerves.

"And what are you actually here to do?"

He looks at you slightly amused.

"To keep you company, of course. Unless you don't want me to," he hastens to clarify.

And here your dilemma begins.

Being alone here with Aemond, in your house, in your pool, was a scenario you longed for and feared at the same time. You longed for because that's how your mind works when you're attracted to him, but feared since anything could happen.

And knowing his reputation, maybe when the moment happens, if the moment happens at all, you don't know if what will come next will be bad or good.

Also, you don't know if Cregan will arrive at any time or even later, so if he arrives in a couple more minutes and sees you alone here with Aemond, you don't even want to imagine the scandal he will make.

You don't know if Aemond has considered that possibility too but if he has, he doesn't seem to mind.

"So?" he looks at you expectantly.

But you again, can't utter words.

You don't want to look bitter by telling him no, that it will be best for him to leave, but you also can't find another way to politely decline.

And on the other hand… there is that inevitable emotion in your being that begs you to invite him into the pool with you.

You let out a long breath and swallow hard before responding, trying to hide your excitement and nervousness.

"Hum… yeah, sure, if you want," you say acting nonchalant, averting your gaze from him and distracting yourself with the water.

Aemond can't help but put on his smirk again and right in front of you, wanting to give you a show, he takes off his shirt, to which you watch him helplessly out of the corner of your eye and make sure he doesn't catch you admiring the view.

He's wearing that usual silver chain around his neck that makes it stand out against his skin, making him look only even sexier when he doesn't have a shirt on and God, you don't know if you can survive this, thinking it's a bad idea.

Then you watch as he pulls on a pair of Cregan shorts, secures his hair in a low bun and finally steps into the water.

In a nonchalant way you make yourself more towards the shore, unobviously avoiding getting too close to him as he swims towards the center of the pool, making it more impossible for you not to watch him as it's getting dark and the last orange rays of the sun beautifully illuminate his skin that glows slightly from the water and his face.

And then feel his intense gaze on you, while you try to distract yourself with your eyes, trying to focus only on you.

But it is genuinely impossible.

However, he doesn't make any effort to talk and neither do you, which you are grateful for, to continue to feel the calmness and relaxation throughout your body, although it's a little hard for you being here alone with him.

And it's a bit awkward since neither of you are talking, but is there anything to talk about?

He's one of your brother's best friends and you're just the sister, the two of you don't really know each other, so it makes sense. But still you feel the slight tension between the two of you and you don't even know why.

You wonder if he feels the same way too when suddenly his low, amused voice almost makes you startle in your place.

"I've always wondered why you're so quiet when Aegon and I come over."

You look at him with a slightly surprised expression, not expecting that, feeling again how your heart is beating too fast from nerves, for what are you supposed to tell him?

You should tell him that you have a crush on him and that your brother warned you about him?

"I know it's your house and I come with your brother but… you look like you hate me or something."

Oh God.

You think, only making you feel more nervous, especially since it's really impossible not to see a part of his torso and pectorals that looks almost glowing from the water and sunlight, not expecting to hear those words either.

And you force yourself not to turn your back on him anymore to watch him while they talk, adopting a relaxed and confident attitude, just like him, when actually inside you are shaking with nerves.

"You just said yourself, you come with my brother, not me," you say softly.

And while he watches you and listens attentively, he also struggles just like you not to see too much of your breasts confined in that black bikini of yours that makes you look too sexy, especially the way the wet fabric looks and your skin on your chest and collarbone too.

"And I don't hate you," you clarify, slightly amused and absurd, "We just don't talk, that's all."

"Because you haven't given me the chance."

You look at him expectantly.

"I don't remember a single time you ever tried to talk to me."

"That's exactly why," he tells you softly, "Because you run away before I can try."

Now it is you who watches him completely attentively, while you feel your heart beating like crazy and you look away from him for a moment, not knowing what to say or do since he is right, feeling really very nervous, especially when he starts to swim slowly towards you, with a determined look.

And you for insisting, you start to back away, watching his slow and calculated movements with some trepidation, having an idea of what he intends to do and you know it's not a good idea at all.

"See? You're already running away," he points out to you with his amused and satisfied look.

And you don't miss his determined look, how his head is slightly tilted as he continues to slowly advance towards you, with the corners of his lips twisted upwards in a small smile and his blue eye glowing, while his prosthetic eye remains the same as ever.

And you still don't want to agree with him.

"That's not true, I'm not doing anything," you defend yourself in a weak and pathetic attempt.

"Oh no?" he raises his eyebrows expectantly at you.

And you start to lose it all when he's already in front of you, cornering you.

"Aemond," you call him in a sigh in warning mode, fully alert, leaving his name in the air as you become very nervous of his intense, dark gaze on you.

"What's wrong? Are you afraid of me?"

You watch him with a slight expression of surprise and even more nervousness, as you press your lips together and try to say the right words.

"No," you reply softly, "But I know you're no good either," you confess.

And he frowns, watching you interestedly.

"What do you mean?" you are silent for a moment, as you give him a sad look, serious and obvious at the same time.

"We both know what," you tell him softly, without much detail.

And at this, Aemond can't help but feel annoyed, immediately noticing how you clench your jaw and look away from yours for a moment, serious and thoughtful.

You know he shouldn't have to be upset with you for implying a truth you both know, especially him, but still you can't help but hold your breath, hoping that maybe you haven't gone too far.

All the while thinking that maybe you've ruined the first chance you've had to talk to him by telling him that he's no good by reputation, since that's not your concern, but at least you make it clear that that's not what you're looking for now.

"And you don't even want to try?" he asks you quietly, turning his gaze back to you, attentive and completely willing.

You stare at him, completely speechless, as you feel your whole body tense and your eyes are slightly wide open, your lips parted, not having the slightest idea what to say at the same time as a million questions invade your mind.

And just at that moment, Cregan's words come back to your mind.

"I know them, both. And I don't want you to get hurt, that's why I'm telling you."

So you know.

Aemond is not like you and the only thing he wants is to fill his list, no matter with whom, not even if it's the sister of one of his best friends, who are supposed to be 'forbidden', somehow.

And that's why you decide to answer him truthfully, no longer caring if you hurt his feelings, even though you doubt it very much.

"And be just another girl on your list that you never speak to again and suddenly pretend she doesn't exist anymore? No thanks."

Not wanting this to go any further, since you knew all along that letting him stay was a bad idea, you move as fast as your body in the water will let you, walking away, wanting to keep your distance again.

But just as you pass by him, he's faster and you feel his big hand grab your arm and twist you in a demanding motion back towards him, slamming his chest against yours, locking you in his arms, making you gasp in surprise.

His face is above yours, completely close, causing you nerves and you try to free yourself from him, but he doesn't let you, even having that determined, attentive and dark look.

"Do you ever stop running away?" he asks you in a low, husky tone.

"What do you think you're doing?" you hiss nervously.

"You're not even letting me explain."

"There's nothing to explain."

"Oh no?" he asks, "Did I say I only wanted you for one night?"

"That's what you do, Aemond, with every girl," you say absurdly, "Am I suddenly going to be the exception? How am I supposed to believe that?"

However, any further protest gets stuck in your throat as Aemond grabs one hand from your cheek and the other places it on your bare waist, pulling you closer against him in a possessive grip.

And you know you're losing the battle when he brings his face closer to yours, where your noses brush lightly and your breathing becomes more rapid, having no idea what's going on.

But Aemond does.

And as he strokes your soft, wet cheek with his thumb, watching you intently and with understanding, his next words make you reconsider the situation completely.

"You won't be just another girl on the list," he murmurs softly to you, "I won't hurt you. I promise."

You shudder completely at his words, but also at his touch and closeness, being impossible not to look between his violet eye or his full lips, which Aemond notices, also peering between your eyes and lips hungrily.

And you don't even think or discuss it anymore when he leans his face towards you and kisses you with need, without even giving you time to react.

You moan into his mouth in surprise and he pulls you roughly to him, lowering his hands to your body where he makes you wrap your legs around his torso, then makes room between your lips with his tongue, making you gasp.

You immediately bring your arms around his neck and deepen the kiss further, a passionate kiss, where you barely give each other time to breathe properly before desperately bringing your lips together again.

A slight tingle of desire is felt between your legs as you move your body and legs to hold his torso tighter, where you perfectly feel the hardness of his cock under your ass.

You moan as you feel one of his hands grip your thigh and the other caress the skin of one of your ass cheeks, making you gasp against his mouth, closing your eyes in delight as he pulls his lips away from yours and begins to leave soft kisses on your neck.

"I fucking knew it," he murmurs in delight too in his husky voice, running his tongue over your sensitive skin, "I knew you wanted me too."

You squint completely as the hand on your ass reaches lower and nonchalantly rubs his palm over your covered, moist center.

"Aemond," you moan.

"I know, baby, I know," he coos, smiling in the middle of your lips as he kisses you again.

But it's there in that moment with his hand caressing you right at your nerve center that your brain for an instant seems to react, realizing what's really going on and you stop kissing him abruptly, watching him in surprise and slight fear as he watches you slightly confused.

"W-we can't," you say in a trembling voice, "We can't do this, t-this is wrong. Cregan—

"We can't do it or we can't do it here?" he inquires expectantly.

You let out a sigh.

"Both," you say with a certain embarrassed tone, "But I'm more worried about Cregan. If he sees us, he'll go crazy."

"Come on, Y/N, you're not a little girl anymore."

"I know but he warned me about you and your brother," you tell him hopelessly, "And you're one of his best friends."

Aemond is silent for a moment, watching you and nothing else, where he is aware and so are you of the hardness in his shorts, while in his thoughts he bets that you too must be spilling your juices between your legs.

Honestly he understands your concern, but he also understands that Cregan is really no one to tell you who you can and can't date, as the decision is totally up to you.

He doesn't want to have problems with him either as he also considers him one of his best friends but you... you simply drove him crazy with seeing you in this black bikini and now he is even more so for you, wanting, needing more of you, no matter the consequences.

"Then we have to be careful and not to say anything to him," he tells you softly, in solution, "Only if you want to," he clarifies, "But if you want to stop now, just tell me and I will, before we take this any further."

But you don't really have to make a decision when you are already here, in his arms, feeling how much he wants you and you also recognizing how much you want to keep touching and kissing him, no matter what.

But he still gives you that option, to make you see that he really doesn't want to hurt you and that he respects your decisions, since you are the one in control of all this and you are the one who puts the stop, at any time.

And when Aemond sees how you are watching him intently, with indecision in your gaze, holding back your true desires, thinking fast, he cocks his head to one side and watches you curiously.

"Or do you really want me as much as I want you, princess?"

Something snaps inside you and not just from hearing that nickname for you, but from having him so fucking close and his lips being a complete invitation to you and in fact all of him.

So you think no more and again crash your lips against his, resuming what you were doing before, to which Aemond responds with the same rudeness and fervor.

And then without stopping kissing you, he carries you to the edge of the pool along with him.

Soon enough, he is sitting on the edge of the pool and you find yourself sitting on top of him, your arms around his neck as you press yourself against the hardness of his shorts.

You move your hips in circles on top of him, rubbing your needy center against his hard cock, while he caresses your thighs, your ass and all the skin he blindly finds without stopping kissing you, feeling his breathing just as ragged as yours.

Then he brings his hands up and starts sliding the strings of your bikini over your shoulders, sending fiery electricity throughout your body.

"What was it you said? That we couldn't do this here?" he murmurs hoarsely against your skin, leaving wet kisses on your collarbone and neck.

You moan, as your bikini top piece is loosened completely by Aemond's fingers and you involuntarily wiggle your hips more intensely.

"You just can't resist, can you?" he asks you amused amidst all the sensuality.

"Shut up," you whine pathetically into his lips.

This time he kisses you again, softly and tenderly, deep, as he with his hand pulls away the piece of your bikini top that covers your breasts, freeing them, causing him to groan at the sight in front of him.

"Fuck," he murmurs, "Such a pretty tits, princess."

He says to you with his eye fully dilated and watching you hungrily, then you moan as he brings his mouth to your hard, wet nipple and begins to caress it with his tongue and lips, sucking on it, while he kneads the other one with his hand.

"Oh yes," you moan, pulling your breasts closer to his face.

You continue to move your hips on top of him, desperate and needy to feel the friction his cock gives you against your swollen clit.

When you least expect it, you begin to approach your limit, as your whole body tenses and his caressing hands only add to the pleasure.

"Mhm," he moans against your hard nipple, then gives the same attention to the other, still kneading them as he pleases.

"Fuck, Aemond, please don't stop," you say under your breath.

But that's exactly what he does, he releases your nipple with a wet sound and captures your lips in a sensual kiss, making you moan and groan at the same time from the attention on your breasts.

And you sigh as he again distributes kisses all over your neck and his teeth grind against your sensitive skin.

You feel the moist heat of his mouth and hands all over your body, as if he wants to mark you with each firm, possessive touch.

You arch your neck and moan, clinging to him completely, needing more of him, driving you completely insane.

"Remember we have to be careful, baby," he suddenly murmurs hoarsely in your ear, feeling his warm breath, "And we don't want your brother to see his innocent little sister getting the fuck of her life if he comes back, do we?"

Despite all the desire you're feeling and you're dripping completely for him, his words reach your brain and scare you a little, so you force yourself to be patient and you both go up to your room.

And soon enough you find yourself lying on your bed, with Aemond on top of you, spreading your legs for him, watching with his dilated eye and gently biting his bottom lip your wet pussy ready for him.

"Seven Hells," he growls, running his fingers all over your entrance, "Look at you, you're dripping, princess."

His cock pulses in pain for release, watching you in complete delight as you moan with every movement of his fingers that collects your juices, spreading them all over your pussy, making you wiggle your hips against his hand.

"Aemond, please," you cry, needing to feel it inside you, now.

"What is it, baby? Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to fuck this pretty pussy hard?"

He teases you, running his fingertips over your hole, making you moan, sigh and groan.

"Please, just fuck me, fuck me with your cock," you implore him.

"Yesah? Is that what you want?"

"Yes, please!"

"Only because you asked nicely."

He joins in, leaving you needy and trembling on your bed, spread wide open for him, watching as he removes his wet shorts and boxers, completely freeing his entire erect, heavy, hot, hard cock, just for you.

Your mouth waters at the sight and he proudly holds it in his hand, turning to make his way back to you, thrilling and scaring you at the same time as you've never had a cock like Aemond's inside you before.

"Do you take control pills? I don't have a condom."

"Yes, I take them, don't worry," you assure him instantly and he grins.

"Eager, huh?"

"Aemond," you groan and moan at the same time.

"Someone's acting like a little brat," he croons, starting to rub the tip of his cock against your pussy, making you shudder and moan, needing him inside you, "Behave yourself, princess. I'll give you exactly what you want."

"Stop teasing," you whine between whimpers.

When suddenly Aemond enters you in a single hard, firm movement that makes you release all the air in your lungs, moaning loudly at the rough intuition as he pulls it all out of you again.

"What did I say? Stop being a little brat and behave yourself," he warns you.

"Yes, yes, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I promise."

You plead desperately and moan as he slams the tip against your pussy, to again enter you fully in a more careful and slower way, letting you feel all of him, making you moan.

"Oh fuck, Aemond," you moan his name, drunk with pleasure, closing your eyes tight.

"Yeah, just like that, squeezing me so fucking good, baby," he murmurs hoarsely in delight.

He stops once he's all the way inside you, letting you get used to his size, while you feel him pulsing inside you and all his heat flooding through you.

When he rolls his hips in a grunt and his tip touches exactly your swollen clit in need of release.

He leans fully into you, kissing your hot, sweaty skin, just like him, then slides all the way down to your bottom, where you feel every inch of his long, hard cock, moaning into his mouth, as your whole body trembles.

His hands run along your waist and thighs as he lifts both of your legs and places them around his torso, feeling him sink more easily inside you.

"You're so hot, baby. So fucking perfect," he growls against your lips, closing his eye and rests his forehead with yours as he begins his swaying hips back and forth.

"You're so deep," you moan, clinging to his back, lightly digging your nails into his pale skin.

This makes Aemond grunt and feel more desperation as he begins to penetrate you with more rhythm, all the way in, with hard movements that hit exactly that spot inside you that makes you squirm beneath him.

"Yes Aemond, right there," you moan.

"Yeah? Do you like it, baby?"

"Yes, fuck, yes."

You both gasp into each other's mouths, where then his dark gaze returns to your features and he watches you intently, never ceasing to slam his hips hard and deep against you.

"You're mine now, you know that, don't you?" he asks you in a low, husky tone.

His words only make you clench tighter around him and you feel yourself slowly reaching your limit, each onslaught sending delicious waves all over your core that soothes your needy pussy.

"Say it," he demands forcefully, only this time to plunge your cock back into your wet pussy with a hard onslaught that knocks the air out of you, "Say you're mine."

"Yes," you gasp, "Yes, Aemond. I am yours," you manage to say it, "I am completely yours."

He smiles complacently and contentedly, never ceasing to move for a moment.

"Yes, you are," he croons, "You. Are. Mine," he rams you hard to the hilt on every accentuation, not giving you time to anticipate it, making you moan loudly in pleasure and pain, "And I don't fucking share."

He brings his lips back to your skin, marking and sucking on your breasts and neck even with his heavy cock inside you, fucking you hard and grunting against your ear telling you how tight you are.

He takes you completely over the edge, where your mind goes blank with each thrust, filling you completely, swelling inside you, as both you and he begin to gasp for breath, but he doesn't slow down or change his pace, continuing to penetrate you and press you against your bed.

Until finally everything inside you explodes, you see stars behind your eyes and Aemond's warm semen fills everything inside you, coming with an almost painful grunt in your ear and with a last strong thrust that leaves you drunk with pleasure and makes you forget everything for a moment.

Things didn't end with Aemond there, not at all.

He was honest with you when he told you that he wouldn't hurt you or make you just another girl on his list, just as he was honest in telling you that you are now his and he doesn't share.

After that day in your room, the little secret affair began.

When Aemond comes to your house along with Aegon, you both behave towards each other as you were before, completely indifferent.

You don't even speak to each other and avoid as much as possible to look each other, where no one suspects the two of you. And at school it's the same, although especially there you have to be more careful.

However, you and especially he are not entirely patient, so once you reach your limit, he secretly intercepts you in one of the empty classrooms or labs and you take advantage of that little moment as much as possible.

Even in the library, you both find a secluded corner between the shelves of books and can't keep your hands off each other, where Aemond makes you come on his fingers and sometimes you also dare to suck his cock, hoping not to be discovered.

As far as you know, he has not been seen with other and his usual girls, since almost all the time the two of you are texting each other and sometimes, when Cregan is not at home, you let him know and he comes as fast as he can, not missing the opportunity.

Already being in the four walls of your room, the two of you can do whatever you want without fear of being discovered, where Aemond fucks you against your mattress in all positions.

And sometimes, when things have not been in favor of either of you, he climbs through your window at midnight and unable to hold back any longer, he fucks you silently, silencing your moans with his mouth, hands or cock, since Cregan's room is at the end of the hallway.

And this lasts for a while, all in secret, where you look for small moments to share intimate moments, hidden caresses and soft whispers in your ear that only you and he can hear.

But of course, the good things can't last forever.

Jason Lannister, a friend of Cregan's, throws a Halloween party at his house and practically the entire school has been invited. So you see this as an opportunity to be able to be with Aemond for a few moments of the party.

Cregan dresses up as a wizard and you choose to dress up as a sexy sailor girl with a skirt that exposes your legs, a simple white blouse, you put on your tie and also your hat, and then you and Cregan head off to the party.

You immediately look for Aemond, but he is nowhere to be seen, even though you meet Aegon and his younger brother, Daeron.

However, not to be obvious, you start pouring yourself drinks and talking to your friends, starting to get into the same mood as everyone else because of the music with twinkling lights and also because of the whole decorated house.

You see Aegon talking to Cassandra Baratheon, dresses up as a vampire and she as an angel, then you see Alysanne talking to your brother, dresses up as a bunny, and then you keep looking around the party, not understanding where Aemond is.

You are about to send him a message, when you look absentmindedly towards the kitchen and then, there he finally is, only he is not alone.

Dresses up as a pirate, Aemond is chatting with his ex-girlfriend, the gorgeous Alys Rivers, dresses up as a witch.

You had been enjoying the party, but your mood inevitably changes and also without being able to help it, you feel a twinge of jealousy all over your insides, watching them intently.

They both talk, she occasionally laughs and places her hand on his chest, playfully smacking it, both of them too close, while you see Aemond's grin on his lips at all times, making the knot of jealousy in your stomach tighter.

And, you mean, you can't even blame him, she's Alys Rivers.

When then at that moment your gaze crosses his casually, who slowly wipes away his smile, but you quickly avert your gaze from him as you bite the inside of your cheek, trying to act nonchalant.

But too late, he's already noticed your annoyed look.

However, you quickly make room with Aegon, Cassandra and Daeron, simply to dissemble in front of them and him as well. Then Cregan and Alysanne join in and of course so does he, but you don't even notice him and continue drinking.

You notice how he wants to approach you slyly on a few occasions, but you don't let him, you continue to laugh with Daeron, ignoring him altogether, not wanting to talk or be with him anymore.

Until the hour starts to get late and taking advantage of the fact that one of your friends is already leaving, you ask her to drop you off at your house and she accepts. You just tell Cregan, who nods and you leave the party with your friend.

And once you get home, you take off your costume, take a shower and get ready to sleep, although you should have expected Aemond to start calling you, but you send it to voicemail.

He calls you a couple of times more where you don't answer and you also get severe messages from him that you don't read, to finally leave your phone on mute and try to sleep.

But you barely last a few minutes with your eyes closed, suddenly you hear some sounds at your window.

You sit up confused in your bed, looking at your window, instantly knowing what it is or rather who it is, since only one person has the habit of doing this and you let out a long resigned breath.

Reluctantly you open your curtains and the window, where the figure of Aemond stands down there, watching you confused and attentive.

"What are you doing?" you reproach him sleepily.

"You're not answering my calls or texts," he tells you with some anger in his tone of voice, "And you ignored me the whole party."

You press your lips together in anger as well.

"It semeed to me like you were too busy," you can't help but say with some bitterness.

He lets out a sigh, lowering his gaze for a moment.

"It's not what you thin—

"No matter. Go home. I want to sleep," you cut him off, intending to turn away from your window.

"I swear to God Y/N, I'm not leaving until you listen to me," he warns you.

"It's after midnight!" you reproach him.

"Open the door," he demands.

"No," you say firmly.

"I'm not going to repeat myself."

"I don't care."

"Y/N," he warns you again.

"Stay there all night, I'm not opening for you."

You sentence and finally move away from the window, close it and close your curtains as well.

Feeling no remorse, you settle back into your bed, ready to sleep again, but only a few seconds pass when you hear noise again.

And that's when you realize you should have locked your windows.

You startle and turn your head to watch how Aemond is entering through your windows with the same agility as always, with a serious and threatening look, jumping into your room and you look at him angrily.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?"

"You don't know what you just got yourself into," he says as he makes his way towards you.

"Fuck you," you spit back at him.

"Oh yeah, I just pretend to do that, princess."

"Alys wasn't available at this time that you decided to come and play with me?"

He lets out a long breath, rolling his eye.

"You're getting it all wrong—

"Oh I am?" you inquire, "She's your fucking ex, Aemond. I'm not stupid."

"In fact yes, you are being stupid right now, " he says, coming towards you.

And just before you can escape, he catches you, instantly grabbing you by both wrists, cornering you between him and your bed, climbing on top of you with a mischievous, menacing grin and his pupil fully dilated.

"Let go of me," you gasp, trying to shake him off.

"Listen to me—

"I mean it, get off me and get the fuck out of my house!"

He cocks his head.

"Where did this bratty attitude come from, hm?"

"Aemond," you plead, "Stop it."

"Oh baby," he croons, bringing his lips to your ear, "Can't you see? Can't you see how fucking crazy I am about you?" he murmurs hoarsely.

You try to fight your own urges, telling yourself that you shouldn't let yourself get carried away by him, that he can talk and fuck whoever he wants, while you are only exclusively for him and these are just empty words to convince you.

"Alys and I ended on good terms, we're just friends, it's nothing to worry about," he says earnestly in your ear, as your breath is cut short when you feel his knee make its way between your legs.

"Aemond," you whine.

"But if you want me to stop talking to her, fine, I will," he murmurs in understanding, only to feel his knee press lightly into your pussy, making you moan.

"Oh, A-aemond-" you try to say, feeling so good.

"Yeah, baby? What's wrong? Does it feel good?"

You can't formulate words, especially when he puts more pressure and makes you gasp more, just that making you feel good, only to then feel him drop almost his weight against you and now positioning himself between your legs, he starts rubbing his hard cock inside his pants against you, making you shudder.

Now he gasps along with you, as he lets go of your wrists and slides one of his hands under your shirt, kneading one of your breasts with ease as you sleep without a bra.

You arch your back against him and bite your bottom lip as he begins to leave soft kisses down your neck, never letting go of your touch and never stopping rubbing against you.

"Please, Aemond, please," you beg him, needing him.

He marks the skin of your neck, sucking and sucking, then brings his lips back to your ear.

"Now do you get it, princess?" he says hoarsely, "You're the only one who can make me play this fucking game of hide and seek with your brother and everyone else."

He says honestly, making you moan as he puts more pressure on his hips.

"But you know what? I've had enough and I don't fucking care if Cregan bothers or not. I don't give a shit."

You bring one of your hands to his face and turn him towards you, kissing him with need and depth where he responds in kind, where you are completely delighted by his caresses and words.

And that night Aemond fucks you from behind, hard and fast, while you hold the sheets tightly under you and avoid shushing your sobs and moans too loudly against the pillow, as every time you do, Aemond gives you a hard spank with his hand on one of your ass cheeks as a way of punishment for your bratty attitude earlier.

And he doesn't give you a chance to silence your moans as he gathers all your hair into a fist and makes your back arch, while his other hand takes it to hold your throat firmly and rests his cheek against yours to fuck you with more accessibility, fast and deep, bringing you to the peak several times.

And when it's all over, you melt into the arms of your perfect, official boyfriend.

thank you so much for reading!❤

[cinamun]

Now, by no means do I endorse teen sex, but teens are going to be teens and I raised two of them and I've never shied away from these topics with them. I was explicitly honest. You have to be, especially today. I didn't want them to do it not because they weren't 18 but because they weren't mentally mature enough to handle that responsibility. Teenagers think the world revolves around them and their worlds crumble at the slightest agitation. Everything is a big fucking deal at that age. Especially if you've been sheltered or have some privileges. The patriarchy started this shit by tying their worth as men to their wallets. Instead of just being kind and decent humans. We didn't set the standards, they did. Listen, truth be told my standards weren't as high as Indira's. Looking back, I wish someone would've pulled me to the side and told me. If they want to run game, make them pay. Only broke men get salty about the game anyway. Is it right NO, but it is what it is. And while I'm being honest, I would absolutely let Bishop fold me up like a pretzel. He can pull these dreads and do a little choke on the neck too. H's fine and looks like he smells goodt, I'd run my fingers through those curls and let him make me holla. Then leave whatever 5-star hotel we be staying at and block his number. Sometimes you just want to fuck the ain't shit nigga and then get the hell on.

"Sometimes you just want to fuck the ain't shit nigga." -Rich

Y'all sign up for a tee shirt in the back room. They're $25 dollars, come in black and white and sizes XS-XXXL. All funds received will go to restock the wings and cognac.

For my thesis I wrote about brain development and how the brain isn't fully mature until age 24. And the LAST to develop is the area of the brain that understands consequence. As Hope Diamond taught us, that's the prefrontal cortex. So while all these horny ass teenagers are running around cortex-less, fuckshit is BOUND to happen. Sometimes you get lucky and find a guy who sticks to his word and holds you accountable on top of the roof of the wrekka sto on prom night (and then you have twin babies with him). And sometimes you have to learn the game early because the patriarchy taught these niggas that you have a price and as long as they are hypermasculine with deep pockets, you belong to them (a certain OC whose name rhymes with windya).

Coming with the factuals as per usual, sis!

[mariatesstruther]

thinking about maria miller having severe iron deficiency anemia!!!!!!!!!

ft. good husband tommy and, more importantly, good boy buckley

- she had really intensely cold hands and feet as a kid and would be the type to tuck them under her dad’s thighs whenever he was sitting next to her

- she was constantly, constantly chewing ice well into her teens, to the point where it drove her parents bonkers. she is partial to the crescent shaped cubes, because she is also bonkers

- she would constantly get sick with cold and flu, and currently in jackson she deals with chronic fatigue

- after she hit puberty and started menstruating, all her symptoms got more intense and she started having fainting spells. following the third, she was finally diagnosed by a doctor who cared and put all her symptoms together. from then on, she would take on iron therapy supplements

- her dad was That Guy and kept not only emergency survival packs but extra bottles of iron pills in his car, so after The Day Everything Went To Shit, maria is actually pretty set meds wise for a couple years. she basically rations them by saving them for periods when it was tough to find food

- by the time they get to jackson, she is and knows people skilled enough to be able to get her iron from the red meat of wild game

- after her father dies, no one in jackson is left to know about her deficiency—because she doesn’t tell anyone. she’s not used to nor comfortable with people besides her dad caring and worrying about her, so she doesn’t expect anyone to want to know. she doesn’t think it’s useful information for the community, so why not just keep it to herself, right??

- wrong

- tommy and jackson residents definitely find out because, one day when it was a little too hot out she just, like, FULL ON fainted while tommy’s repair group was working on a weak part of the wall. tommy caught her before she fell because he was right there flirting with her because at this point he only has a big big BIG crush that everyone in jackson can see, and everyone is like??????? YO???? MARIA??????? SOMEBODY GET THE MEDIC WTF???

- she wakes up a few seconds after and is just like “sorry yall :) happens sometimes” and everyone is like WHAT THE FUCK. MARIA. tommy and her bestie talia (dina’s older sis) very pointedly do not leave her side for like two days

- from then on, tommy and talia (along with the rest of the entirety of jackson) are on self-appointed Iron Duty. they make sure to always save her a plate of eggs because she’s always is late to breakfast due to getting caught up in with work way way way too early in the morning

- tommy remembers sarah had to start taking iron and other vitamins and shit after she started her period, too, so he knows what foods are rich in iron and works with jackson’s cooks/farmers to keep what they can get on deck

- he finds a lil whistle randomly on a patrol one day and makes a clip/keychain thingy so that she can keep it on her person at all times. he tells her very, actually seriously to “whistle for him if she’s ever feeling faint,” and it’s so stupidly ridiculous that she laughs straight in his face. still, it’s charming, she takes it and promises to use it anyway

- after they get together, tommy is the one to rub warmth into maria’s hands and feet, and heart

- he’s just there for her in all the ways a partner should be, getting to know maria so well that he can spot in an instant if she’s goin fatigued (which is useful because she’s gotten so used to working through it that it’s hard for her to tell, sometimes)

- he’s always trading for extra blankets and beanies and gloves for her, and one of his favorite things in the world is when she lets him bundle her up layer by layer and tuck her in to sleep. this is bittersweet, of course, because usually she only lets him do so on a particularly Bad Body Day

- after they get buckley, tommy trains him to to go over to maria’s feet and lay down over them on the command of “buckley, bundle up!”

- the one time maria faints after that, it’s of COURSE when she’s fresh out the shower and tommy isn’t home. buckley is, though, and he ends up sending a majority of jackson into panic on his way to tommy, barking and yowling and running faster than anyone’s seen him. he tracks tommy to whatever rando house he’s working on and leads him home in maybe 2 minutes flat. by the time he gets back, maria is completely okay aside from being a bit weak and disoriented. tommy is so thankful to buckley that the super awesome amazing very good boy gets big juicy pieces of jerky everyday straight for a month

[psychreviews2]

Meditation in Daily Life (Pt. 2)

Conventional Happiness and its Restrictions

The insight learned about conventional happiness is the required need for great tension to manufacture an intense pleasurable release later on, when the goal is achieved, but what if that release never comes? Even further, there's a requirement that we choose which targets that we want to tense ourselves against, which is why hobbies are so enjoyable, but unfortunately the workplace is usually quite different for most people. Jobs we like, for example, require just enough skill to deal with the moving parts given to us to work on, where we need a very strong acceptance of what we're handed to avoid falling into a grind, and a thick skin for rejection. A recent movie, Kinds of Kindness, by Yorgos Lanthimos, addresses the tension ambitious people are under for most of their day.

The reality is that, unless you are able to save enough resources, what common parlance is called "fuck-you money," you are dependent on employers for your lifestyle. It's not a great position to be in when authority figures make most of the decisions of your life. Just like how the powerful easily make good decisions for themselves, they cannot find the energy or won't extend that empathy towards others, especially if it's a decision that would put you in a better position than they are in. They have the power to withdraw rewards, leaving all your goods and your home contingent on their preferences and goodwill. This of course is connected with the banking system, especially when you need a mortgage to find a home fast enough for your biological clock to fill them with children, and especially if there's consumer debt used to keep up with the Joneses to avoid rejection from an important friend circle.

Kinds of Kindness | Official Trailer | Searchlight Pictures - Yorgos Lanthimos: https://youtu.be/NGOL2_mI9Hw?si=nm3K6jRVKqm129i3

Kinds of Kindness Explained (Ending & Full Breakdown) - Spoilers: https://youtu.be/zpeu-NYnxzc?si=hRxhNF0hHseVUBcB

When you want something, you have to think of how many hours you have to work, and how much taxes you have to pay in order to get that thing that will give you only temporary satisfaction. If you're in a high powered job, you also have to think about how far you will fall if you have to leave it, because it's not assumed that another firm in the same industry will take you on. One of the big fears for professionals is falling into the working class service sector when a profession has ended for them. Expectations and entitlements can cause a lot of suffering in a big fall. Intimate relationships are also contingent on expectations. If those expectations are not met, or if the goal posts are moved, as one partner develops past another, then rejection is likely. Even spiritual communities can create rules, even inane ones, that will lead to excommunication. The R.M.F. character in that movie is the closest to thing being Zen during all that eventfulness. Realizing that relief is ultimately more accessible in oneself, releases some of the dependence on always going outward for comfort, so that when there is renunciation it is more authentic and less miserly than forcefully suppressing oneself.

Her - Samantha Leaves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXTQwRf7iRg

This lack of independence is deeply embedded in culture and the information that we consume. Our alliances are to the paycheque and most conversations have truth blunted by some form of gaslighting and fake worlds built up on a tissues of lies, to allow hierarchies to go along to get along. Being candid, truthful, and honest is scary for people because it can threaten power nodes, and let's face it, people are addicted to their lifestyles, and losing your standard of living, and possibly your family, are a whole lot of withdrawal symptoms to contend with in the survival brain. Yet at the same time, people yearn for independence because freedom has a felt sense of reduced repression and increased opportunities to choose your own challenges, which leads back to conventional wellbeing. Being able to develop yourself is already a political act that at least involves moving beyond viewpoints from your parents, and eventually people have to assess the political spectrum and all authority figures that directly restrict life.

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/AQxZ1zl8o2c?si=sKxz9RbQDP36-Nsm

The Cure for Insecurity in Relationships - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/X7OwLAONIm8?si=BdcjEcGocGs6ABlb

Meditation: Bringing Expectation to an End - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/EggOerFxWi8?si=LXjfATlig-TPyh5r

One of the best intersections between restriction and freedom of speech, between power and consent, and those scary partnerships between governments and corporations, is the role of journalism. In an interview between Tucker Carlson and Glenn Greenwald, they talk about the life of trying to be a journalist. It should be all about criticizing exploitation, power and corruption, but when the journalist needs to feed their kids, how much of this is possible?

Glenn: "One of the things you have as an adult, I think is the greatest obligation, is to go back and reevaluate what you were trained and indoctrinated, inculcated to believe, and not just reflexively continue to believe that in adulthood, because it was indoctrinated, but to reassess whether or not those really are your views as a result of your own critical analysis, or whether you have different views, including the role of our own country. All of these things are so important, to not being a propagandized kind of automaton...I've had success in my journalism career. I'm at the point where I feel I don't ever need to be captive of my audience or feed them what they want to hear. I have always tried to cultivate an audience that knows that they can't come to me and expect to hear what they want to hear. At times, they are going to hear things that they violently disagree with...but that's part of what I hope they're coming to me for...But for a lot of people in journalism, especially with the destruction of jobs and the erosion of job security, as you know, every major media is laying off people in huge numbers and it's kind of a collapsing industry. The pressure and need to conform is greater than ever, because most people don't have that privilege or that security that you and I both have at this point in our lives and career."

This skepticism that Glenn had, as one example, towards the Russiagate scandal, was echoed by others in legacy media, but he asked them "why aren't you expressing it? But I know why. Because if they did, even one time, they'd become the target of the liberal mob on Twitter, that would put pressure on their editors to fire them. They'd be the first to get laid off, the last to get hired. And so our journalism profession has become one where conformity is by far the highest value. And I think for those of us who aren't quite as vulnerable or as insecure in terms of our career position or need to keep a job, it's almost like you have an obligation to create that space." In the end, when you are talking to people in a professional context, you're mostly getting a response that is colored by the fact that this person represents a brand that feeds their families. It's hard to really get at what they truly think about anything.

Glenn Greenwald—Tucker Carlson: https://youtu.be/LT6kEK02_V4?si=3TJjClNUtDnQ0alk

Now some people have the ambition to be super successful, because they have the energy, the skills, and the opportunities to do so, but these are low probability situations for most people. It can cause a lot of consternation for people who realize it will never happen, but Francis wants to remind people "to be a celebrity, to be loved by others, to be rich, are not really sought for the sake of being powerful, wealthy, famous, but as a means towards happiness. The sad discovery, that we all have to make at some point, is that these recipes don't work."

"So many celebrities are miserable, die of drug addiction. Powerful heads of states, cabinet members, politicians, are also miserable. I had the opportunity to look closely at politicians. They weren't happy. [Instead of indirect happiness], why not try to find the place of happiness and aim directly for it? What can be understood is what it is that doesn't deliver happiness. What we believe, that objects or events, that we desire, if we acquire them, or if they happen, will make us happy. If we closely investigate what happens, upon the acquisition, for example, of a long desired object, instantaneously the desire, [or lack] disappears. It vanishes. Experientially, happiness is the experience of the desireless state. Pretty soon a new fear, a new desire comes up, and happiness disappears, vanishes again. Through the acquisition of objects, or the actualization of events we can only get fleeting moments of happiness, and there is a very heavy price to pay for these acquisitions. A lot of toiling."

'How to find the direct path to happiness' - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/FpTHP12YKDA?si=S00Fx4o0d6a-24Ki

This reassurance may still not be enough, and many people at a retreat will tell a teacher like Rupert "I'm still not happy." That's because they haven't experientially rested their awareness enough to disengage from the search. There is still a continued exhausting search for the ultimate intellectual food, yet the intellectual side also needs to rest. They don't realize that their habitual preferences are still very strong, as well as the identity self associated with them. The more preferences one has, the more inflexibility, the more misery accrues, as well as boredom.

"Everything that you say Yes to in your life makes you happy. Everything you say No to makes you unhappy. The Yes is the nature of awareness. We do not have to struggle to change our resistance into welcoming, but rather to see that it is the nature of awareness. Awareness cannot resist experience...We are liberating awareness from these residues of feeling and the more awareness is liberated from these feelings, the water of awareness becomes clearer and clearer. Awareness increasingly tastes itself as it is...That awareness is the shining of happiness. No feeling is unbearable. Awareness can bare everything." When there's indecision, we can "make a decision that comes from the deepest possible place in our self and that is not influenced by the local, temporal elements in the situation...It is not our circumstances that take us away from Being, it is we, who lose ourselves in our circumstances...Don't lose yourself in the world. Allow the world to lose itself in you..."

Saying Yes to All Experience - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/KeMwYSVOxbQ?si=XnckU5_B8k3IBiQg

How Can I Taste Happiness at All Times - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/26_GZW6g400?si=cNHcePGerz0xq8JX

The Tantric Approach to Difficult Emotions - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/3BleEfETm2Y?si=Vkpxh5_eonvwnmzm

Clarity in Making Decisions - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/wRwU8CmuLbk?si=7L2gnCAzHqdkx7d4

Understanding The Voice of Intuition - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/5aYfL7-PkqY?si=72f-74b8R5MELGDl

Guided Meditation: There Is No Path or Journey to Undertake - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/hgyJNJ-0jTQ?si=PGniEnHKBGjE6ChS

Guided Meditation: Let the World Lose Itself in You - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/MSkMwzFu48k?si=Fiy9ZJVOCq0kiy0Y

Guided Meditation: Stop Practicing Mindfulness! To Meditate, No Need to Concentrate - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/15BxTqozA0I?si=oOBYqh6Gue4ydvKv

Non Duality Meditation: Suspended in PURE LIGHT - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/VKN9ireUIh0?si=HSY3csRTS2ARGnjK

Find the One Who Focuses Their Attention. HINT: You'll Never Find Such a One. All is a Cosmic Event. - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/QlbNhw6F7Ss?si=P0aLNjLuNFCiiwFd

Non Duality Meditation: SURRENDER & Letting Go of the Controller - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/0gK8Xl4pUhM?si=fWD6Z1GRNSQ-VroN

Non Duality Meditation: Can I Contemplate The Sense Of Lack? - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/smYYlrDK5-I?si=yTeR1FkU8nNJOWZc

Don't Allow Yourself to Know What You Are - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/_vIbjmZWQ9A?si=XyarKkK5H90NWXvy

Francis Lucille: Finding Your own answers: https://youtu.be/TDzIhENGZK0?si=ci-Z9aZp1O3QJQr2

Collapsing the Distance Between God and Ourself - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/VizTr68p2v8?si=AQpBxI4V4XWqkzJB

A Natural, Effortless, Vanishing Direction Towards Presence - Francis Lucille: https://youtu.be/xsWP6WVksAc?si=z5T1_6_Xk3Lk0Izz

Guided Meditation: From the Many to the One - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/iPDT-l9ac8g?si=HZUUcJS0tK5jYnIb

As one begins to act more in more accordance with a learning mentality, as opposed to rigid identities, the separation between daily life and spiritualty collapses, where survival reactions are used more when it's practical, instead of wasting energy in inappropriate situations. "Situations increasingly lose their capacity to veil this innate peace." A practical balance between four dimensions, boundaries and the absolute are negotiated. Although, an acceptance of some forms of anger and outrage can be integrated, but not to defend a fictitious "I" but to defend the body itself. "You shouldn't feel that because there is something in me that is unharmable, therefore I should be able to tolerate any kind of behavior. Don't allow yourself to remain in an abusive relationship."

How Do I Remember Myself When Facing Challenges? - Rupert Spira: https://youtu.be/WDldXF2VEmU?si=Cz415Y9_UELSMXeo

Expectations

As skills develop, habits begin to change for two reasons. Partly because of discontinuing impulses, as Francis notes, and also because new programs are being installed. "The way a program gets erased, it's through our forgetting it, by which I mean, our not repeating it. Over time, these patterns, if we don't repeat them, will get erased. There is also a proactive way to erase a file, as we know, is to replace it with a different file, in which case, all the information that was previously recorded gets erased." In some situations, there are psychological hang ups, like personality disorders, whether mild or severe, that may not get so easily erased. The need for psychology and different modalities that go in depth with a person's very particular symptoms becomes a priority when meditation hits its limit.

Don't listen to this unless you are ready to meditate | Francis Lucille:https://youtu.be/luaRszcNxvk?si=1-e8U2dZeWGwSdT7

OCD / Nonduality will not fix the character - Lisa Cairns:https://youtu.be/30PP7sTC504?si=8veik9nClziIX_-m

Effort is also now practical, in that the subconscious is automatically seeking to reduce effort where it's not needed. Closing one's eyes in meditation becomes more optional. Often when there's a lot of relief accrued, the meditator may start to close their eyes when they begin to feel some discomfort, and then feel that they actually don't need to. They are not hiding in a psychological location when awareness pervades all experience. Self-esteem appears now to be a thought impulse, a verb instead of a noun. Tight muscles around the sense doors can be relaxed, because no control is required for their operation. One can stay with the vibrations and get on with life.

When advertising beckons, it's understood immediately that the awareness itself is the priority for happiness. Tension and release is seen to be addictive and so going directly to release can be a method to weaken those bonds, as well as concentration practice can be used as a replacement activity for tension and release that's typically sought in acquisitions, curated experiences, and substances. When you are dependent on the air you breathe and the food you eat, the individual identity conceptually expands to include vital situations required for your survival. You can also see the interdependence of others so that when you want to strengthen your health and wealth, it's easier to produce more, than trying to grow at the expense of others. You are conceptually understanding the interconnection with the universe. Deep awakenings for Stephen allows for "our self-identity [to become] transparent. We can't see it, we can't experience it. There isn't a sense 'I'm doing this,' there isn't a 'me' driving it, or organizing it. There's no personality involvement."

Contrary to Francis, Stephen says that the depth of Kensho and Satori can be measured by "how long the sense of self is suspended before it reengages. Some Kensho can be a moment or two. The more deep experience, the absence of self, would be present for weeks if not months, before the sense of self would assert itself with any strength. When the sense of self arises again, it's not quite the same...A deeper awakening is called Satori. The difference between Kensho and Satori is the 51% rule, which is how much of consciousness has realized itself as the absolute. The absolute awakens to itself."

"How much of the individual consciousness does that awakening land in? Once it's the majority of consciousness, then what happens is the foundation, the sense of 'this is who fundamentally who I am shifts from the sense of self, the normal sense of self that everyone in the world holds, it shifts to true nature, to the qualities of the absolute in you...We can touch in and feel the qualities of the absolute in our experience, in our sense of self. It's sort of tied up into that. As long as one maintains meditation practice, that foundation remains. The third significant awakening in the Zen map is Daigo-tettei, which means final or full awakening. It really isn't final in the sense that there's no further awakenings or realizations to happen. Those continue forever as long as one is practicing. There's no end to the mystery that can be revealed in the absolute. Two significant events happen in that realization. [The sense of self] doesn't see and experience itself as a distinct being. It believes it's part of the whole. The caregiver and the baby, from the infant's perspective, are one...The worthlessness within, the core wound. The personality is constructed on the core wound to hide others attention away from the sense of valuelessness, worthlessness, unlovability, the bad, broken, unfixable, all of that."

"The realization highlights whatever's not matching, whatever is incongruent with the realization, with the understanding from the realization. So we are constantly working our personal material, refining who we are, becoming a better vessel for the absolute, and that's when the Daigo-tettei realization can happen when we're ready to resolve the core wound. We're ready to go into it to find out what's true about it and to drop what's false. In the Daigo-tettei realization, the reason it's called the final enlightenment, is because the sense of self falls away and doesn't return. I only know a handful of people, maybe five or six. I've had a couple of students who've had this experience and I have a couple that are working on this realization, it's approaching. So it is happening, it's just very rare, because you have to work through a lot of the personal material, and many people aren't willing to work and move into that deep vulnerability, asking 'maybe I am worthless, maybe I am broken, unfixable?' That's what we have to be willing to witness."

The Zen Map of Awakening - Stephen Snyder: https://youtu.be/LyTwsPkwLHg?si=6QxBSQfNnu1y1H9c

Unconditioned Love Challenges Our Conviction of Being Broken - Stephen Snyder: https://youtu.be/kj00qOCqZVg?si=5V73msaXbS2sMUzP

In all psychological modalities we have to witness our own cringe at a deep sensate level to discard what was unreal and adapt to what is real. Broken human beings need to do this if they want to test out and see if they can adapt and learn beyond the old conceptual imitations and identities. When we check in with the absolute, the incongruencies between the old self-image and that peace can also open opportunities for conventional self-development. The lack of deservedness for satisfying cravings that are natural can disengage unnecessary renunciation, allow new skills to be developed, and let go of rigid identities and habits for inappropriate desires for one's age, health, or personal situation. This is kind of like when society gets you down with harsh judgments that are permanent, merciless, and unbending, and you are able to prove those people wrong in a shocking way. It can be done by creating new identities, but it's even easier to do when you're not trying to prove anything. You're just learning and developing until others notice that you're skills and health appearance has improved.

Self-sabotage: a nervous system & unhealed trauma perspective - Irene Lyon: https://youtu.be/sMzHgLivReY?si=HANJF3EPZm3eUtWB

Self-images can still arise, because we have to think about the past and future, and it includes our involvement in them, but it goes more towards adaptivity. Collaborator with Stephen Snyder, on Practicing the Jhanas, Tina Rasmussen learned the balance between adaptation and awakening in that "it's particularly helpful looking at those deeper layers and also getting some space from them. This is part of what we're doing in practice is getting some space with identifying with these patterns or with the self-images around the pattern, 'I'm a smart person, I'm a dumb person, an athletic person, I'm a clumsy person.' We have tons of self-images that are the building blocks of the 'me' of the personality, of the ego-self that is possible to thin out and digest, but these are also what blocks us from really having direct experience of our deeper nature which is where the real freedom lies. It's when that can start shining through, and in most psychology a healthy ego is the end point, and that's an extremely worthwhile goal, because if we have a healthy ego-self it's much more able to withstand the pressures of a spiritual path where we're actually thinning the 'me,' but on the spiritual path we're looking at going beyond that, going beyond the healthy ego-self and really understanding what we are that is beyond that."

Tina Rasmussen - Using the Enneagram as a Tool on the Spiritual Path: https://youtu.be/CkKd-PjxG5s?si=XVCN--firUfDK2IW

Expectations also have to be checked with reality, in that most people will find progress to be gradual. This is why there are so many scandals, especially sexual scandals, in Buddhist organizations. With a giving up of some inhibition, there will likely not be enough disenchantment to prevent people from trying to mix their genetic material with others, as Guru Viking queried to Tina, especially when power differentials between master and student can trigger mutual temptation. The reality is that results with these practices are there, but people will get off the train at different stations and the vast majority of practitioners will be far away from achieving 4th path, for example.

"I'll go back to the Theravadan four stage model. To me it's practical and that's what I like about it. The first stage in the Theravadan model is that there are three defilements, so this is like the core personality patterns which happen to map on with the Enneagram, which I love, our desire, so wanting things, aversion wanting to push things away, also fears and then delusion, where we're just basically unconscious to ourselves and other things. Those are the core patterns, and those will at the first stage drop by like twenty five percent, and the belief that I'm a personality, that's really what I am at the core, being totally identified with the personality, that goes away permanently. To me that's what's significant about the first stage because you never see what you are the same way again, and even if you forget or fall into delusion you never really forget what you are, and the reduction in suffering, and also like in Buddhism, you don't believe that doing rituals and rites and ceremonies is really going to cause awakening."

"So a 25% reduction of suffering, that's pretty good, and also your behaviors would improve theoretically 25%. Second stage it goes down to 50%. Third stage 75%. In full Arahant you just aren't driven by those core personality patterns anymore at all. So to me that's kind of a useful model, and this also explains how people can have really genuine deep awakenings, but they're still acting out the instinctual drives of self-preservation, the sexual drive, the social drive. Those aren't completely subsumed under the Enlightenment drive yet until Stage four, so I mean to me it's like the idea that sexuality is somehow wrong, that's not really part of it, it's more am I doing harm? That's really to me more of the question, am I doing harm in life? How much am I identified with the ego self? That to me is a way of understanding the stages that's much more neutral."

Ep22: Jhana Master - Tina Rasmussen Ph.D - Guru Viking: https://youtu.be/Z9gr7aqGsOw?si=046_09mFg3cxEJRq

Renunciation not as sacrifice

Life in any world is incomplete, insatiate, the slave of craving ~ MN82

Some of the unexpected highlights of spiritual renunciation is the relief that happens when you've gotten rid of vices and all the people surrounding them. A good question to ask is how strong are the desires of the conceptual self versus the needs of the body? Is it out of balance? Sometimes people can only really test themselves with renunciation when they go on a retreat when they have no choice. That kind of sampling can motivate a minimalistic lifestyle afterwards. Rob Burbea explains how it can also help practice at home. "So if we think about the path and we think about factors of the path, and there are all these lists in Buddhist teaching—there are seven of this and eight of that, and four of this and whatnot. And renunciation is one of them. But these other factors of the path, they have a mutually feeding relationship with renunciation. What that means is that developing renunciation, inquiring into that, opening into that actually feeds, develops our equanimity, our love, our joy, our mindfulness, our calmness, etc. And similarly, equanimity, mindfulness, joy, calmness, all that, feeds, nourishes our capacity for renunciation. So that kind of two-way causality is really common in the Dharma. Positive qualities tend to feed each other."

Rob goes onto a list benefits, including spaciousness, because the environment in the home reflects directly the habits in the mind. If you have less things to take care of your mind is less burdened by all that maintenance. If you are chasing after less things, your schedule is more open providing a lightness of being. It's also easier to make priorities when there's simplicity and clarity with what we choose to keep as our possessions and our goals. The clarity is a little scary at times because it points towards facing death, because the sense of legacy of what we want to leave behind usually gets buried in distraction, but now it comes into clarity. Developing practice when you're younger also creates a stress buffer that allows one to face death with a host of habitual skills to put to use when it inevitably approaches. All these things add to a sense of confidence that one can live without a lot of things, and if our priorities are being taken care of and life has purpose, then nothing is really missing.

There are also spiritual goals that can be touched at when more time is available to cultivate a meditation practice. You can easily watch movies and TV shows ad nauseum in today's cornucopia of content, but they often skim the surface of these spiritual topics and lots of wonder, beauty, peace, and love is left unexplored and undeveloped in the mind. It's hard to find great art that doesn't dull the mind. "Sensitivity is another aspect. There's something about this whole path that moves towards a deepening sensitivity. When we indulge or overindulge, what happens to the sensitivity of being? Does it get dulled? What happens to our joy and our capacity for joy when our sensitivity is dulled? What happens to our sense of spiritual urgency, our sense of there's something deep and available in life? There are beautiful, deep, rich things available to all of us. And sometimes we feel that, and we feel it deeply as a deep hunger. And sometimes it gets clouded over. It gets dulled because the sensitivity is dulled. What dulls it? Indulgence and that kind of being caught up in acquisition."

Rob didn't mince words when he talked about the sense of lack in regular consciousness. It's not an easy thing to get over, partly because of biology and partly the momentum of habit. "I think from a Dharma perspective, it comes from fundamental delusion, from Avijjā. When there's this belief in a self that's real, and really separate from others and the rest of the universe, then automatically, just in that proposition, there's a sense of having to defend oneself, having to look out for oneself, having to feed oneself, which is also a biological necessity. All of that, inherent in that sense of separateness, inherent in the sense of this self being something real which I have to look out for, and all that. In its very finiteness, in its separateness, there's going to be a sense of lack there."

The difficulty is the dullness that creeps in that makes people restless and the search turns from material to spiritual. There is more on offer if one is willing to look. "There are different kinds of happinesses in plural. If I walk down Newton Abbot high street, there's an Arcade. So I could go in there and play the slot machines, and there's a degree of happiness. Compare that with the happiness of however it's felt when the mettā [loving-kindness] has felt good for you." He then quoted a Rumi poem that reminds us of the freshness that we all want which typically only happens after a deep sleep, but can be tapped into with meditative skill."

When it's cold and raining, you are more beautiful.

And the snow brings me even closer to your lips.

The inner secret, that which was never born, you are that freshness, and I am with you now.

I can't explain the goings, or the comings. You enter suddenly,

and I am nowhere again. Inside the majesty. ~ Rumi

Renunciation and Joy - Rob Burbea: https://dharmaseed.org/talks/12860/

The Freshness - Rumi: https://www.best-poems.net/rumi/the_freshness.html

Deepening Into Emptiness (Question and Answer Session 4) - Rob Burbea: https://dharmaseed.org/talks/12520/

Contemplative Practice: http://psychreviews.org/category/contemplativepractice/

[shmothman]

pacing alone in my room talking to myself (posting my entire story for my mushishi SI on tumblr dot com)

They are… more or less a cryptozoologist, although they’d never call themself that. They’re a biologist, it’s just that not everyone believes the species they study are real. It doesn’t help that most of the literature on them is at least a hundred years old, and now is relegated to the sphere of rural folklore and folk medicine—and the occasional eyewitness accounts of strange phenomena, not unlike cryptid and ghost sightings. The paraphyletic group known as mushi are just undescribed fungi and protists, they insist, and are repeatedly laughed at by every institution they pitch their research to. (They’ll show them, they think.) Angry and running out of options, they take a field trip on their own to a rural mountain in Japan. They’ve always been described to appear in areas less touched by humans. (They can’t see the mushi all around them, but they’ve accidentally stumbled upon a large branch of the light vein.)

They aren’t expecting to more or less trip and fall into it.

As if in a trance, they walk toward it, step into it—until a voice calls out for them to stop, a hand pulls them back. He has white hair and an eye of pure darkness.

And when they wake up, he’s still there, telling them to wake up, coaxing them out of strange dreams.

(Mushi can totally make time travel happen. Shhhh it’s magic.)

Now, missing most of their memory (at least about who they are, they remember things about the world in the 21st century as a whole) they have to adjust to life in Meiji-era Japan, and as interested as Ginko is to figure out how this happened (he’s a nerd. he’s a big fucking nerd be honest with yourselves), he’s a little less stoked that he’s stuck with a brash, confusing, time traveling idiot until the two of them can figure out how to get them back to their own time, or until they can figure out a way and a place to stay as he moves on. (I think you can see where this is going.)

There’s a bit of Gender Stuff that goes on with my SI, and they end up deciding to “pretend” to be a boy bc they don’t want to be seen as a woman, and also it makes it easier to believe that they’re his “apprentice” (which ends up being their go-to excuse), but Ginko’s take on all that is “well, none of my business.” And he doesn’t really care, anyway. Doesn’t stop him from falling in love, at least. You’ll pry my demisexual headcanons out of my cold head hands, as per usual.

Despite pretending to be his apprentice, they can’t… actually see mushi. They didn’t gain that ability by falling into the light vein. They do come to be able to feel them, in a vague sort of way, though they’re always asking Ginko to draw them for them. Luckily, dealing with unseen things is basically what a microbiologist does (though they can’t even see mushi under a microscope, damn) so they can fake it well enough when they need to. And Ginko can’t help but feel quite a bit proud when they start being able to identify mushi by description, and sometimes even by feel.

They travel together for months, become close friends, and against their better judgment, they both get attached. Fall in love. But they can’t… they’ll both have to leave sooner or later… My SI falls first. They know it can’t be, and they know he can’t see them that way, but that doesn’t stop the feelings, the hopes, the imagining. And then he goes through the same thing. He’s much better at repressing his feelings than they are, though 🤣 And he’s much quicker to figure out that they like him. I mean, it’s pretty goddamn obvious. To literally everyone. (Well, anyone who doesn’t think my SI is much younger than him—I HC him as 34ish and I do have. A baby face—and also a boy. Although… even then. If You Know, You Know. There were gay people back then too.)

So cue the Sef-mandated months of mutual pining while they gallivant around japan solving mushi mysteries together and generally getting into Will-They-Won’t-They scenarios until even I, the real life version, am sick of the slow burn.

Until they come to a village where my SI just… fits in. Even in the couple days they’re in town, it’s clear that the villagers would accept them, help them make a life there. My SI is having a great time, though they have no actual intention of staying; it’s just nice to make some friends. Attend a little village party or something.

And they wake up and Ginko’s gone.

No note, no nothing. He just left.

They’re hurt beyond words, but at this point they know him. In his own way, he’s trying to give them the one thing he can’t have or provide: a normal life—or, as normal a life as they could have now. But of course he didn’t ask them what they wanted. (He knew what they’d say—after all, he knows them, too.)

Angry and hurt, they run after him, but they choose the wrong way at a fork in the road, and they lose all hope of finding him again.

And they know they should cut their losses: he left for a reason. But they’re stubborn and mad and quite frankly, he’s the one thing they have in this goddamn world and they’ll be damned if they’re gonna lose him without doing everything in their power to make him see reason.

So they find their way to the town where Adashino lives. Sooner or later, Ginko will show up there.

It’s still many months before he does.

Months for them to rehearse what they’re going to say to him, months to grieve and try and try and try to get over him. (They end up spilling the whole thing to Adashino too, bc the two of them end up being buddies, and even Adashino is like. C’mon Ginko.) And they think they’ve got it all figured out. They’re going to yell at him. They have every right to!!

And then he finally shows up at Adashino’s doorstep, and they look at each other, and my SI just starts to cry.

Let it be known that Ginko is also angsting the entire time they’re apart, some real sad boy hours. This cover is playing in the bg the entire time, basically. But this is how his life has to be. They have a chance to be happy, so he has to make sure they take it. And now he’s staring them in the face again, and he hates that the only thing he can feel is relief. Thank goodness, you’re back. Thank goodness, he doesn’t have to wake up and get disappointed that they aren’t there. Thank goodness, he can pretend it’s a nuisance when they sidle up to him in the cold even though it’s all he wants them to do. But they’re crying. And he knows he hurt them. He just… he assumed they’d chase after him, then lose heart when they couldn’t find him and return to that village to go live their life.

He should’ve known better. He knows them.

They… talk. And then they kiss. And then they fuck.

And they leave together.

There’s trust that needs to be healed, and feelings they both have to work through, but… they can do it together. And continue to get each other out of mushi-related scrapes constantly. And keep each other warm as they hike through the snow in winter.

There’s no way back to their time, but even if there was, they wouldn’t take it.

Anyway this is my ginko selfship playlist PEACE

[linafinsterwald192]

GHOVIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!! my feelings about it

omg i have so much to say y'all. SPOILERS. SPOILERSS.

Holy shit. HO-LY-SHIT- I went to Berlin for that (it's like, 2 hours away from me so not that big of a deal BUT i have social anxiety) and the train station and the unfamiliar cinema and all that made me anxious, but I had to be there on time, so I didn't have time for that!! I made it and i am so glad that i did and i am glad to know that copia would be proud of me. Also the tickets were ridiculously cheap. I made almost the same for the ticket AND my cinema menu, which was just mid-sized nachos with a mid-sized pepsi and two dips??? Also yes I know Berlin cinema snacks are expensive, but I paid almost 12€ (compared to around 16 for Ghost) on Avengers Infinity War tickets a few years ago, and that one I watched in a shitty small town cinema. The fans were awesome. One of them came as a ghoul(ette?) and another gave out bracelets. I now have a Mummy Dust bracelet. Picture my excitement when it played in the movie. The lightning was fucking fantastic. It was BEAUTIFUL and brought out the faces and the jackets and oh my god everything was so close and so cinematic and i fucking loved it. I expected the movie to basically be one big Chapter, so it being essentially one big concert was a surprise to me, and it took me a while to realise that this the concept of the entire movie - but I loved it! I do not have the mental equipment to go to a concert since I get overwhelmed with crowds and such, so it was amazing getting to see a Ritual on the big screen. I love the character arcs. I love Copia standing up to Nihil, questioning what he has ever done for him. I love Sister's absolute SASS when congratulating Nihil for finally being a father at last. I love Nihil actually being a father, if for like... 10 combined minutes xD I love the characters in general. I can absolutely understand that C wants to stay and it's so interesting to see Seestor trying to let him down gently - as compared to... you know... stabbing the others when it was time? I love the relationship between Sis and Nihil. Clearly in love but still nagging (for good reason). I loved the whole cartoon-y clip. I think it conveyed their relationship perfectly and while I'm not usually a fan of i like you/Go away relationships, I absolutely ship them. They match each other's crazy for real. Also the coffin kiss is part of my Roman Empire now. I wish we could have seen how Sister and Nihil felt about Sister's death. I wish we could have seen Sister looking forward to being on the same plane as Nihil again - and I want to know if they can hug and kiss again now! I was kind of grateful that they didn't include this since it leaves more room for headcanons, but I do wish Sister had gotten an on-screen death. I loved all these small funny moments. "Do you think that's air you're smelling?" was fucking hilarious, as were the eye movements with Nihil crossing and... (what is the opposite of crossing here) his eyes - i bet the actor was very proud of that one xD I liked Ashley, and I'm glad to see Copia still has Mr. Saltarian by his side. I'm SUPER excited to see if we get more chapters, now with Copia as Frater Imperator. Also, the twin thing???? Very fucking excited for that! It was also very funny to see the ghouls so well-behaved on stage. Papa, too. 12/10. would watch a million times more. the audio for the concert portions was so clear, the jackets beautiful, and my babes were rockin'.

[goldenworldsabound]

💕 for Pkmn Aura? 👀 gimme the juicy LORE (dragonsmooch)

@dragonsmooch (and @kissgoodknight who was interested!) I was like OH I BET I DID A BIG WRITE UP ABOUT THEM ALREADY and then surprised Pikachu I didn't??? I do have this art though hehe. Also fun fact, have written three entire chapters of their story and never posted for some reason.

Poke'mon Aura (using they/it pronouns) is suffering, basically. Aura is Golden's older sibling. However, until...idk mid twenties, late twenties...? not entirely sure, they were kept as a Team Rocket experiment.

The experiment was to inject them with Mew DNA. They were around as a young child during the Mewtwo experiment phase Team Rocket went through, and so it was only natural that this was the sort of experiment they were used for. When Golden's grandma broke into TR's base to rescue Golden, she unfortunately wasn't able to rescue Aura.

Fun fact: Golden was subject AU54, and Aura was subject AU53. Grandma named Golden "Golden" because AU is the chemical symbol for gold. Emmet dubs Aura "Aura" because AU53 looks close enough to Aura he just rolls with it cause he's NOT calling them AU53 that's...no. Dehumanizing.

Aura is honestly not fully aware of what experiments were done on them. There is an electronic device in their neck that limits their powers. Team Rocket did succeed pretty well - they managed to give Aura many of the powers of a Mew (access to all Poke'mon moves), and when feeling strong emotions Aura will gain Mew-like features, including the tail and ears and sometimes even a more full transformation to be covered in fur and everything, but it usually doesn't go that far. They don't have good control over the powers or even a grasp on the fact that they have powers. Again, with strong emotions they might trigger them accidentally.

As Golden begins taking down Team Rocket, Aura begins to be forced in and out of stasis as Team Rocket tries to deal with the situation. This totally fucks with their perception of how much time has passed. Eventually, TR is taken fully down, or enough that this experiment is fully abandoned. Aura is in stasis for a long time. Once the lab begins to finally run out of power, emergency systems kick in and wake Aura up. Aura realizes they are alone and is terrified and totally fucked up about this. It has a LOT of trauma and no concept of ever being alone, even if it was only shitty scientists who talked to them in the first place. Cue a panic attack, cue triggering teleport and...

they end up in the Nimbasa subway (on the tracks fdkjshaf). And, as a note, at this point, Ingo (and Golden) is in Hisui, leaving Emmet depressed and lost in life. Which is where the fics start, mostly.

Aura is an SI who is an expression of trauma, and the point of their story is recovery. Recovery alongside Emmet, who is suffering for other reasons. Not being able to fix each other, but being there for each other the best they can, and enabling the other to grow and change. These traumas and pains are etched into their very souls - they cannot be taken away. But that isn't the point - the point is supporting each other.

And, ultimately, I have it becoming a gardener. Taking care of plants. Something gentle. They can understand Poke'mon and are very strong themself - but they don't want to battle. They don't want to fight. They want to be gentle, which is something they were never afforded itself. It's proof to them that they are more than just a vicious, violent experiment. That it is a person.

I should get to posting those fics sometime. It's a deeply meaningful SI and story to me!

[cakeboxie]

Okay so this is really out of date bc I hadn’t actually finished 2.2 yet but also. I might keep it as an au where I ship Dmtryo with him instead of (my si, not his sister) Robin

I’m thinking about Sunday selfship lore this evening, minor spoilers for 2.2 (I talk extremely vaugely about some things we learned, no details)

Particularly like- the overall path of their relationship, bc the nice thing with my hyv s/I is that he’s a travelling merchant who never actually stays around, and he doesn’t have an address to send mail to (in genshin- in star rail you could text him but he likely won’t reply) so once he leaves he’s pretty much unreachable. So I get to write fun endings and very quick intense relationships that don’t necessarily fizzle out, so much as get cut short.

Fun fact, all my hyv ships happen in the same universe, like- all my genshin ships (not that there’s many) have happened in one guys life.

I’m off topic

Anyway

Lore?

The idea is ??status?? turned partner turned unwaveringly loyal thrall turned ????

The beginning and end elude me (I’ll probably figure out the end post 2.2 with the things I know thus far)

But like

The beginning.

We know about him and robin’s childhood, but also not enough for me to be confident adding yk? Bc I am unfortunately a bitch who likes to be lore compliant. So I don’t want to go the childhood friends route

I considered, briefly, the idea making my s/I a part of the family (particularly a low ranking member of the Alfalfa family) but that isn’t viable with the rest of his lore unless I make an AU specifically for shipping w sunday and I don’t. Want to do that. I also don’t want to deal with someone inevitably saying something fucking stupid about him being a pepeshi like what happened with Charlie and zevlor (I *still* get nasty asks about him sometimes)

The rest of his lore being that he’s a travelling merchant and a member of the intelligentsia guild, who is more inclined to accept books and information for in exchange for his wares in place of credits or local currency

There’s more to it but like, that’s what’s relevant here.

I’m also trying to figure out how to justify getting him into penacony in the first place, bc this man is perpetually broke (re: doesn’t usually sell his goods for money) so he’s definitely not paying for a room.

It’s not like he’s getting an invite if he shows up around the charmony festival, he’s literally Just Some Guy, plus then I’d have to hash out how he would manage to interact w Sunday and Robin without getting mixed up with the express folks bc he’s not set to meet them until later. (As per his lore w welt and joining the express.)

… okay wait actually I’ve had an idea.

Someone offered him a voucher for a week in penacony in exchange for ????? Something high value man idk. I’m thinking it was some rich collector after something niche that he happened to have.

So he’s on penacony now, I think he lept at the chance to visit the moment of sol (has a big ass museum of penacony’s history, big library, big school.) and ends up spending the vast majority of time there.

I think he meets Sunday through Robin bc of an incredibly convoluted string of events- shits fucked but they’re friends-ish. They’re at that weird point where they’ve spoken enough times and know too much about each other to be acquaintances but not enough to really be friends.

I was originally gonna go the route of {Event} forces them to engage more but bc of the limited time I like the idea of Robin playing matchmaker and making them spend more time together more. Also I think Robin and March would be the world’s most obnoxious (/pos) bffs.

[summercreolefanfictioner]

😲📸 can i ask for a aleksi and maya first time interaction? it'd be so complex to they meet to me

Here's a gift to my followers, especially those that crave badass women vibes

alexandra and maya sakamaki: the beginning of the end of the beginning

Hmm if I'm being honest, Aleksi and Maya's relationship kind of mirrors Loid and Yor's dynamic from Spy x Family (just make it platonic big sis-lil sis friendship and imagine them working together)

It's like spy x assassin combo right there

So yeah as mentioned from @besnella 's post of how Aleksi first saw Yui, it was also the same time Aleksi met Maya and guuurl the height difference between them is so large, Aleksi looks like her big sis (I want a big sis omg)

Just imagine Aleksi's 185 cm height vs Maya's 145 one. Go figure.

Aleksi thought "ah this girl's cute" cause Maya has this Japanese standard look on her, ya know long coal hair, sharp doll eyes, pale skin, the works (she actually reminds Aleksi of those Japanese kokeshi dolls, ya know it's like Japanese matryoshkas)

On the other hand, the only thing that comes to Maya's mind when she saw Aleksi was "fire" and "power" (Alexa, play Girl on Fire)

Aleksi heard of Maya being a former human who turned into an incomplete vampire bcos of a blood transfusion spell, then was later on sired by one of the Sakamaki's and married her to seal the deal.

Yeah, as if Karlheinz wreaking havoc in the demon and human world is not enough, he had to make his spawn man child (this is Kanato but let's pretend we don't know him) wed the poor doll.

So one time Aleksi was becoming the queen of the night, enjoying the party to bliss when she nearly had her fall and someone was pouring wine.

Good thing, Maya managed to save her, catching her by the arm before matters got worse.

And yes, some obnoxious gaslighting vampire noble became the victim of that pouring wine but we don't care abt them cause they just think of us humans as blood bags anyway

That was just the beginning.

One day, Aleksi was assigned on a mission, but not just a mission where she kills and retrieves info then go.

The thing is, she can never be caught. Like she had to make it seem like the vampire drug den and all the people did not exist. And even though it's relatively easy, Aleksi cannot move hastily.

Because one, the den was located in the human world and the person behind it was some famous personality sht. It's like Karlheinz being Togou Sakamaki in that world.

Pft. Fucking asshole

But she was just informed that someone is backing her up from the shadows so she just needs to do her usual work.

So yeah the mission went smoothly. Aleksi murdered the mastermind, got the files she needed from their inventory room, etc. She was about to leave the damn place when she heard a man scream from the hallway.

The next thing, the fvcking sht was crawling his way towards her.

Aleksi made a stance, readying her gun to end his poor fate when the man suddenly stopped in his tracks then died, blood spilling from his mouth.

After a few minutes, Aleksi saw Maya enter the room casually, unscathed like nothing happened while holding her silver bow and arrow.

Maya bowed to her in respect.

"Thank you for your work, miss. I will handle the rest."

Aleksi didn't expect that but oh well

And the next thing, Maya summoned all her skeleton familiars from the demon world to fix the mess in the den. Like the den has to be freaking empty, to a point that no one had been there.

"Have you been doing this for a long time now?"

Maya nodded. "It's quite hard to clean blood once it has dried up so I've been fixing things before they get quite difficult."

And that's how they bonded. Turns out, Aleksi will prob have missions involving Maya since the vampire doll is tasked to ensure no mythical beings (esp vampires) are causing havoc in the human world.

Aleksi "So do you just cover up their mess or you kill them?"

Maya "Depends. Most of the time, I just kill them in the dream world so they would die of natural causes."

It was purely a strict business relationship between the two... until Aleksi started sending her snake familiars to Maya so they can bond over other things like shopping, spa, salon etc

Like there was one time Maya was serving snacks to the Sakamaki bros when a small snake appeared and wrapped itself around her hands

I swear Ayato freaked out and thought their family doll has a secret pet snake. Even Reiji was so ready for his lecture when Maya just casually told them

"It's a snake familiar sent by a business partner."

But yeah Aleksi taught Maya things like dressing up for the mission, what kind of makeup she should put on during disguise. Even taught her how to wear a wig properly so Maya won't have to deal with tons of hairstyle accessories just to make her hair different for every mission

"Just dye your hair, Maya-chan! I bet you'll look pretty in blonde."

"... I still don't want to."

Sometimes they would bond during training sessions, especially when Maya wants to vent out abt the Sakamaki bros, like when they screw up somewhere and want her to clean up their mess.

"I swear I will kill Ayato-san if he weren't my husband's older brother." 💀💀💀

But yeah overall they trust each other completely with their life, and it's evident by how they watch each other's back during missions.

If Aleksi was the one fighting the battles, Maya will work in the shadows to ensure no one gets in her way.

[griffintail]

Hello!! I has a request can we have some wholesome younger sisterinnit? (Reader) like toddler and he is streaming so she goes into his room tearing up because she missed him?

Sisterinnit

Pairing: Tommy x Sister! Toddler! Reader

Warnings: None! :D

A/N: I made this now because we’re literally swamped with angst requests and ideas for a while and I got very excited reading this prompt so we’re doing it now damn it! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Tommy didn’t talk about his sister on stream or his channel; she was only a three-year-old. He didn’t want people talking about her all the time and her face all over the internet. It weirded him out a bit to think of people doing that with his little sister.

        Call him a bit over-protective, it was just weird enough to see his face everywhere let alone hers.

        So, he never talked about her and kept it a private affair between himself, his family, and close friends. His closest friends like the Sleepy Bois and Tubbo knew about her but he didn’t spread much further.

        He liked playing with her, enjoying the big brother role when she got old enough to actually play rather than chewing on the ears of her toys and screaming constantly. Sometimes, he’d have her sit in his lap and they’d “play” games together, or more he’d play and she’d pretend to play. She loved hanging out with him and she was very vocal about it.

        Today was a longer stream day, he was goofing off with Wilbur and Tubbo on the Dream SMP after its big takeoff with the L’Manberg war. He probably would have been able to stop the door opening if he hadn’t been laughing loudly at Tubbo’s random declaration and hadn’t noticed. He was calming down when he heard the sniffling and went into full panic mode.

        He whirled around in his chair as (Y/N) spoke.

        “Tommy…”

        “Shhhh-Sugar.” He quickly corrected.

        “Did you just not swear?!” Wilbur called out in surprise.

        Tommy pointed the webcam at the desk but the damage was done though. He’d have to deal with that in a moment. Right now, (Y/N) was standing there with her little dog plush, that he had bought her for her birthday, clutched to her chest as she had tears on her cheeks. He took off his headphones and muted himself, before coming over to her.

        “What are you doing in here (Y/N)? What’s wrong?” He asked as he crouched in front of her.    

        “I missed you…”

        He laughed quietly, shaking his head as he wiped her tears away.

        “I was going to wrap everything up in a minute, alright? We can play after I’m all done. We’ll even play on the computer, sound good?”

        She gave him a hug and he hugged her back, patting her on the back.

        “Yeah, alright. I love you too, sis, but I need to go finish up a few things then I’ll be out. Go wait with mum.” He told her.

        “Take Friend.” She held up the plush to him as he let go.

        “Ok, ok.” He nodded, taking the little dog plush. “Now come on.”

        He had her leave the room, shouting to his mother that she was coming to her before going back to the computer. Running a hand through his hair, he put the plush next to the computer and fixed his webcam, grinning. As he put his headphones on though, he paled slightly seeing he had muted on Discord, he hadn’t muted the stream too. That would explain all the awes in the chat.

        “Fuck.” He muttered. “Alright chat! Do not clip that! You’ll ruin the brand!”

        He knew there was no way to slow it down now. Too many people were here for that. He just had to play along for now and talk to his parents about talking about her.

        “What was that about?” Wilbur asked the second he unmuted.

        “I’ll tell you about after. I got to start wrapping up.” Tommy scratched the back of his head, chat exploding in more awes.

        …

        Tommy had talked to his parents about what happened and they talked seriously about letting him bring her onto stream once a while. He did get a bit weirded out when indeed people had clipped him talking to her and the few seconds, she had been on camera but at least he’d be able to control when they’d see her.

        So, today, he set up his stream as usual as (Y/N) sat in his lap excitedly with her kid headphones on that had little dog ears on the sides. He had specifically asked to go shopping just for them.

        “Ok. So, you remember what to say?” Tommy asked her.

        She nodded eagerly.

        “Ok, here we go.”

        The camera was off for the moment as he started the stream. Everyone in chat was confused about where his webcam was as he played his music.

        “Welcome back to stream boys! No webcam? Darn thing must have died.” He lied as he leaned over.

        Everyone in chat started spamming their confusion about his censor. Then he turned on the camera and nudged (Y/N) and she grinned as she threw her arms up.

        “Sub with pwime!” She cheered.

        He laughed, chat going nuts as he hugged her.

        “You heard the lady! Don’t forget to sub with prime boys!”

        She clapped her hands and he grinned the rest of the stream. He couldn’t wait to do this more. One, because he had never seen more subs in his life! But two, he truly could care less about all the subs she got him, he just liked being able to play with and it was a rather fun time being on stream with her.

        “She’ll be the first girl in the Sleepy Bois before you know it chat!” He told his chat, thinking about more streams he could do with her.

[enthusiasticharry]

the one where you and harry are keeping a secret from your brother, who happens to hate harry’s guts. 

author’s note : hello everyone! i'm back with another fic, one that i can't believe i wrote so quickly to say the least. this is part of @harrystylescherry​‘s playlist challenge. i chose drive on by miss charlotte clark because it is an amazing song, and i can only hope that i’ve don't it justice.  

word count : 13.9k of a lot of angst, smut and only a tiny bit of fluff. i really don't know what happened to me. 

please talk to me about drive on here. let me know what you think :) 

But if we parted I'd be half-hearted So I'll leave the light on

As you were getting ready that evening, you knew that you were going to have to try your hardest to not show that you were absolutely dreading what was about to happen. The light sounds of Fleetwood Mac filled your room as you finished making sure that you looked okay. It seemed as though the longer that you looked at yourself in the mirror, the more you started to doubt that you actually looked okay. 

You tilted your head to the side as you looked in the mirror, running your eyes up and down your own body as if to check that you’re at least presentable. Your outfit wasn’t too out of the ordinary, just a pair of black, flared trousers and a white knitted jumper because you knew that it is going to be quite chilly and you are going to be outside for a large portion of the evening and you make sure to pair it with some white trainers, ones that match so you start to feel a little more put together. Even though it certainly wasn’t the most out there outfit, it was okay and you had to keep reminding yourself of that. 

Walking down the stairs, you could hear the mumbling of your brother, Isaac, in the kitchen, along with someone else’s voice that you immediately recognise as Daisy, your best friend. You’re not exactly surprised at their discussion, because whenever they’re alone in a room together you know that it doesn’t usually end up with them discussing sunshine and rainbows. The more you think about it, the more you struggle to determine which one out of the two of them is more stubborn, because they both are just as stubborn as each other. 

“Baby sis!” You try not to roll your eyes at your brother’s greeting, “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” 

“We’re coming with you.” You respond, walking forward so that you can greet your friend with a hug. You knew that it was going to be a long shot of him letting you come with him, but if Daisy was too you knew that he wouldn’t be able to say no, and that’s why you go with her every single time. It’s how you’re cheated the system of having an overprotective brother. 

“I thought you were going to Daisy’s for a sleepover?” He questions, and you nod your head. 

“I am.” You smile, “But after.” 

You walk over to grab yourself a bottle of water out of the fridge because you know that if you look at him in the eyes he’ll be staring at you in a way that you could do without. You know that he’s only saying the things that he is because he’s protective of you, but you also have to keep reminding him that it wasn’t the first time that you had gone out and been to a race with him, and it certainly wasn’t going to be the last. 

Chugging down a bit of the water, Daisy extends her arm out to you and you pass the bottle to her, watching as she takes a sip before passing it back to you so that you can put the cap on. Even though you have been to the races before, that certainly didn’t meant that every time you did go you found yourself being more and more nervous for what you’re going to witness. It’s dangerous, and sometimes you feel a though you’re the only one out of all of them to notice that. 

“Every fucking time.” Isaac shakes his head and you smile. 

“Thank you.” You had an obnoxious grin on your face as you say the words, and you know it. 

“Yeah, well. . .” He shakes his head, “Just come on and let’s get in the fucking car.” 

The first time you went to one of the races, you remember not being able to focus on anything other than the fact that anyone could get really injured, or even die, at any second if they’re not careful. Maybe you were just too overly cautious, and you couldn’t ever find yourself focusing on the thrill and excitement of it all because you were too worried that someone was going to get hurt. It was even worse when the person you were worried about was someone you cared about like you did your brother. 

“One of these days you will take me without putting up a fight.” You say, following him towards his car, “I don’t know when it will be but I can feel it.” 

He looks at you as he opens his door, “That’s never going to happen. For one, I hate that you even come to where the races are held, more so that you stand and watch them.” 

You shrug and climb in the car, “Mum and Dad don’t know that you race, and if they’re not able to be there and worry about your safety then I am going to be the one to do so. Can’t have you risking your life and at least not one of us being there.”

He shakes his head and tuts, “I’m not risking my life. It’s just competitive driving.” 

You furrow your eyebrows and you hear Daisy chuckle, “You’re delusional.” 

“Says you.” 

The two of you hear a tut coming from the back seat, “I know the two of you are siblings, and this is just what I have to deal with, but sometimes I really do wonder whether or not you’re children hidden in fully grown bodies.” 

“I’m not the child.” Isaac’s quick to say, “If anything, you’re the child!” 

“Really?” You shake your head, “You must know that you saying that basically proving everything! You’re the child, Isaac.”

“God, I wish I’d never said anything.” Daisy shakes her head and you cross your arms over your chest, pouting slightly but trying not to make it too obvious because you really were trying to be the adult in this situation. 

You and Isaac weren’t the closest of siblings, to say the least. The two of you never did much together and if you did it wasn’t voluntarily, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t care for each other because you certainly did. The two of you would protect each other without any hesitation, in any situation because that was the type of siblings that you were. That didn’t mean that you were friends, though, because you didn’t have to be. You loved each other, and you cared for each other, but you didn’t have to be friends with each other and you were both okay with that. It was was though you both had an unspoken agreement that you’d look out for each other in this way. 

Turning onto the ever so familiar field, you know that it isn’t going to be long before your heart rate is going to feel as though it is beating out of your chest and your palms are going to start to get sweaty. You believed that you brother was good at what he did, he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he had if he didn’t, but even if someone is as good and as talented as he was that didn’t meant that accidents don’t happen. 

There isn’t just that fact that your brother is good at the sport to contend with, but also the fact that some people who do it may not be as good as he is, and they could be reckless, and in drag racing, recklessness gets people in trouble. You knew that, he knew that and everyone who participated and watched knew that. You knew that there were some people there just to watch the race whilst getting drunk with their friends and you didn’t mind that because that was what it was there to do, but you couldn’t stand the people who were there in hopes that something did go wrong, just to see a little bit of action in their boring day to day lives. 

You supposed that a part of your worry for these games were because you weren’t just worried about your brother, you were worried about somebody else also. Isaac stopped the car so that you and Daisy could get out but you hesitated before doing so. You looked at him, and he nodded at you so you nodded your head and again and got out. You stood and watched as he drove away, making his wear to where all of the participants line up their cars before it starts. 

Your eyes follow him, all the way along the man-made little road on the field and to where the other cars were. That’s when you see him, stood in exactly the same place as he was a few weekends before this one and a few weekends before that, leant against his car and his arms crossed as he chewed some gum. 

The insides of your stomach flutter, and not in nervousness but instead in the complete opposite way. He catches your eyes straight away, raising his eyebrows at you as you smile at him. You nod your head, trying hard not to let too big of a blush cover your cheeks and he nods back. That’s as far as your interaction with Harry can go at the moment, because if anyone saw the two of you communicating you knew that all hell would break loose and you certainly didn’t want to be around to see that. 

The race was going to start any second, and you made your way over to where Daisy was stood, knowing that she would have saved you a spot next to her so that you didn’t have to try and manoeuvre your way through the crowd to get a good spot to watch. You were relieved that you had arrived here not early enough to have to wait hours like you had before, because it was in the time like that where the overpowering feeling of worry was able to slip into you like nothing else and you would try really hard to overpower it but the majority of the time you never felt as though you could. 

What YN worried about the most though, was the fact that whoever could be injured in the race, or something worse, were both people that YN loved. The two of them for different reasons, of course, but it was still love and all of the love you felt for them was important. You watched as they both sat in their cars, driving towards the starting line with such an ease that you wondered whether or not they’d be able to do it in their sleep. You wouldn’t be surprised if they could. You know that Harry has raced in hundreds of races, and you also know that your brother is quickly catching up to that, but that doesn’t make it any easier, for them or for you. 

“Ready racers?” A woman walked in between the cars and held up a flag. Both her brother and Harry respond by a roar of their engine, “3! 2! 1! Go!” 

You look down slightly once you hear their cars start, going along the man-made path and over all of the hills and round all of the bends. You only look down for a second before looking up and watching as they drive away from you. The people around you cheer, and Daisy even cheers from the side of you but all you can make up the courage to do is clap your hands slightly. Every time you stand and watch a race, you always say to yourself that you’ll never do it again because you don’t think that you’re heart will survive it, but then you always come back to watch the next race because you physically can’t keep away. Not when two people you love are doing something that you know could end badly. 

They drive around, the two of them doing anything they can to try and throw the other off track but you know that it probably won’t work, because it works with everyone else but hardly ever with each other. You know that whoever wins will do so because of their speed, because that’s how it always happens when the two are up against each other. You stand there watching them drive for what feels like hours, the cheers only getting louder as the two of them fight for the first place prize. 

As the finishing line draws to a close, they’re playing cat and mouse with each other, and you know whoever is next to cross in front will win. 

It’s Isaac. Isaac won. You’re happy for him, but at the same time you know that Harry isn’t going to be the happiest but you’ll just have to remind him that he won last time and that he has to let other people win at some point. Your brother was cheering when he got out of his car, and you could see his friends bouncing over to him with smiles on their faces and drinks in their hands. You and Daisy make your way over, but you aren’t as excited they seem to see him. 

“Are you two leaving now?” He asks and you and Daisy look at each other before nodding, “Satisfied?” 

“Very.” You nod, “Well done.” 

“Thanks.” He raises his hand up and points at you, “Am I picking you up tomorrow?” 

You shake your head, managing to keep your cool as you did, “Daisy said she’ll drive me back. I don’t know whether you’ll be at work by the time we’re ready.” 

“Sounds good. See you tomorrow.” 

You physically let out a sigh of relief when you walk away and he believed you. You hate lying to him, you really do, but you just don’t see any other option to do what you’re doing without lying, which is horrible buy you really don’t know another wine. 

Daisy slips her arm into yours as you walk away, “Where’s he meeting you?” 

“In the usual place.” You nod, “I couldn’t see him when we were over there so I think he’s already gone.” 

“Okay.” She nods, “I’m catching a ride with Dennis, will you be okay?” 

“I’ll be fine.” You smile. 

“Call me if you need anything?” 

“You know I will.” 

“Good.” She wraps her arms around you before pulling away, “See you soon?” 

“See you soon.” 

The walk to the edge of the field, just behind a row of trees that hide Harry’s car from the watchful eye of others isn’t a long one, and you can feel the butterflies bubbling in the pit of your stomach the closer you walked to it. Just as every time you did this, your stomach was in twists and turns tightly in your stomach until you have to place your hand upon it as though it would calm it but it doesn’t. It doesn’t calm down until you see the back of the man you loves head, a slight cloud of smoke around his head and his leather jacket on his body. A smile immediately broke out over your lips. 

You bound over to him, immediately wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your cheek against the leather of his jacket. You can feel him tense underneath your touch slightly but once you hear and feel him chuckle, his whole body relaxes.

He hums, “Who might that be?” 

He grabs your hands and lightly pulls them away from his body so that he can turn around and place his hands around her back. You grin and place your chin on his chest, laughing softly as he leans down and places multiple kisses around your face, “Harry!” 

“What?” He grinned pulling away from you, shrugging his shoulders, “Do you not like my kisses or something?” 

You chuckle, “I love your kisses, but don’t you think they can wait until we’ll out of public. Away from my brother.” 

He pouts, dropping his head to your shoulder, “I suppose.” 

Harry walks over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for you. As you walked towards him, you placed a kiss to his cheek and slipped into the car. The nerves were back in your stomach as you watched Harry walk around the car and slip into the driver’s seat. The two of you don’t get to see each other as much as you’d possibly like to, so nights like these were special to you, and you hoped that he was just as excited and nervous as you were. 

The second Harry was sat in his seat, and had started the car, his hand was on your thigh, squeezing the flesh through your trousers at you sat there. You really had missed feeling having him touching you, even though it hadn’t been that long. If it was up to you, Harry would be with you everyday and you would be able to kiss and touch him everyday without any issues, but you knew that just wasn’t the case. 

You and Harry had been together for a little shy of three years now, hiding your relationship from literally everyone apart from a few trusted people on each side of you. It wasn’t that you wanted to hide, but you both knew that you just had to if you were going to be able to have the relationship that you had. When you were younger, Harry and Isaac were best friends. You could always remember sitting in the back of the car after behind picked up from school and being squashed into the door because the middle seat was always taken by Harry. You can’t quite remember why the two of them fell out, but you did remember that it happened when the three of you were around fifteen or sixteen. 

It was a shock to everyone, because the two of them had been friends for the longest of times and Isaac did seem to be in a rut once it had happened. You had tried to talk to him about it a few times but he never said anything, so you turned to the one other person in the situation who might have to been able to help you. Harry. At first, he seemed to be completely shocked when you walked over to him one day after school and jumped into his car. He actually looked quite taken aback, but when you started asking questions about the falling out he just went quiet.

To this day you still don’t know what had happened between the two of them, but you do know that was the day that you relationship with Harry turned from being the generally acquaintances because you’re friends with my brother to something more. Harry was somebody who you had grown up with, and yes you could admit that he was handsome, but you’d never thought of him in a romantic way up until that point. A part of you wished that you had picked up on it early because you may have been able to kiss him sooner than you had but you were happy, and the two of you were now three years going strong. 

The fact that your brother and Harry had fallen out, and when the two of you got together it was really rocky between them, you both decided that the best thing to do was just not to tell him, which led to not telling anyone. You had said that when things improved between the two of them you would tell him, but once the Drag Racing started, there was no way that it would ever improve between the two of them, and you just had to accept that. 

Arriving at Harry’s apartment, it was almost as though your body was working on auto-pilot when Harry opened the door and you walked through. You kicked your shoes off by the door, walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water and made your way into his bedroom. Harry was already stood in the small room, placing his jacket in his wardrobe. You quickly started to undress, swapping your clothes for one of Harry’s shirts and a pair of your pyjama shorts. You walk into the bathroom to take your makeup off and brush your teeth. 

“Have you had any more thought into our anniversary trip?” Harry called from the bedroom. 

“I’ve thought about it.” You say, running your make up wipe over your eyes, “That’s about it.” 

You can hear his sigh even from the other room, and your inside’s twists in not the good way. The anniversary trip had been something that the two of you had spoken about for a long time, and it would be coming in a few months and Harry had been on your back for a long time so that they could get it booked, but you were thinking about a lot of other things rather than booking a holiday. You did hate that you didn’t have anything more to say to him, because you knew that he was disappointed, but there was only so much that you could say. 

“I’ll need to book time off of work soon, YN.” He appears only in his boxers in the doorway, leant against it with his arms crossed, “I need to know the dates.” 

“I know.” You sigh, turning so that your hip was leant against the counter, “I still just need to figure out what I’m going to tell Isaac.” 

Harry sighs and runs his hand over his face, “I know. We can think of what to say to him later, but as soon as possible can you tell me the dates.” 

He walks over and places his hands on your waist and you nod, “I will. I’ll check when I get home.” 

“Good.” He presses a kiss to your cheek. 

You hated hiding things from Harry, you really did, because that man really was your soulmate and the person in this world that you told everything to, so it felt horrible to be hiding something from him. Hiding things from Harry felt like ripping your heart from your chest — you just couldn’t do it— but here you were, doing it without anything happening. 

It had been a long night for the two of them, and you knew that even though Harry had a brave face on, you knew that inside he probably wasn’t too happy that he’d lost. The thing about Harry, and your brother for that matter, was that they are so competitive, especially with each other, that when either one of them loses they try to seem like they don’t care but they do. When you walked back into the room, Harry was already in bed with his arms crossed and his face in a sulk. 

You sighed and walked over to your side of the bed, pulling the duvet back and slipping under. Harry didn’t even turn to look at you, so you wrapped your arm around his waist and placed your head upon his chest so that he couldn’t help but look at her. You knew that the main thing that you needed to do right now was try and get him out of the rut. It could spring on him at any point but it was never anything that was easy to get him out of. You sighed and pressed a kiss to his bare chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You mumbled against his chest. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He mumbled and you shook your head, lifting your hand up to push some of his hair out of his face. 

“There obviously is.” You sighed, “You’re in your rut. Talking about it takes you out of it. I know that, you know that, but you’re just too stubborn to realise this.” 

“I’m not too stubborn.” He pouts and you shake your head with a roll of your eyes, raising one of your eyebrows at him, “I just. . . fucking hate loosing to him. Talking about the anniversary, and I know why you haven’t said anything about it yet, baby, just reminded me. I’m sorry.” 

You hesitate for a second before smiling at him, “I know you are, H, don’t worry. It’s my fault. I should’ve told you.” 

“Don’t.” He shakes his head and leans forward, placing his hand upon your cheek, “Don’t apologise. I get that it’s hard for you, I know. I just. . . wish that I could take it all away from you. It’s my fault that you’re having to keep secrets from your brother.” 

You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. I promise that it isn’t your fault. There’s been hundreds of times in the past three years when I could have told him.” 

“It’s not just you. We need to tell him.” 

If you needed anything else to love Harry for (which you really don’t because you love him with you’re entire being) you feel as though this would be one of those things. You couldn’t believe how understanding he was, and even though the two of you did have times where you butted heads on things, it was never over anything big like this. The two of you made sure that if you ever did have a problem that you needed to sort, there would be some arguing and shouting but there is in any couple, but the two of you always made up before it ended up turning ridiculous. 

You turned your head to Harry and placed you lips on his, pushing his shoulders down with your hand so that he’s on your back. You move slightly underneath the duvet that you were both under, manoeuvring yourself so that you were hovering over his body, the two of your lips never separating. You were straddling him, your hands resting on the pillow by Harry’s head. Your hips ground against his boxers involuntarily, and you can feel him smiling against him. Harry moaned into your mouth, and you could feel his bulge growing harder and bigger beneath you. 

Pulling away slightly you lean forward and place your forehead upon his, smiling as you place a small kiss to his nose. The hard and stern face of your boyfriend that you had seen earlier when he was racing had completely disappeared, and it was now replaced by his soft and flush features that he only ever saved for when he was with you, and you loved it. You could still feel his hard-on rubbing against your thigh, and you leant forward and placed your lips back on his. His arms wrapped around your waist and back, slipping them down until he could squeeze and knead the flesh over your pyjama short. 

“You know I fucking love you, right?” He mumbles against your lips and you nod. 

His hips continue to buck up to yours, whilst you grind yours back down to him. You pulled away and leant your head upon his forehead again, “I know you love me. You know I love you?” 

He responded you flipping you over, his body now hovering over you. He gave you a boyish smile and nodded his head, leaning his head back down to place his lips on your neck, pressing small little kisses to the skin. 

“I know you love me.” He mumbles against her lips, “Do you wanna feel me, baby? Have you missed me?” 

You responded with a moan, the sound of his raspy voice goes all the way from your ear, all the way down your spine to the heat between your legs. You wouldn’t be surprised if your panties were completely ruined by now. 

“Of course I’ve missed you.” You mumble against his lips, your cheeks flushing as you admit it to him. For years you two have been this close, but it didn’t stop you from being nervous every single time that you are near each other. It’s always how it had been, and probably how it will always be but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me.” He kissed down your neck, and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed you face as he did so, “Don’t hold back, baby.” 

You threw your head back as he moved downwards, threading your fingers through his hair as you did so. You just hoped that it made him feel better than it was. 

Walking home the next morning, your entire body was relaxed and happy in a way that it only ever is after you’d spent time with Harry. If you passed anyone in the street, you smiled at them and there was a slight bounce in your step. There was an excitement that there hadn’t been in you for a long time because you were going to look over your schedule and finally get yourself sorted for your anniversary trip with Harry. Walking through the door that goes into kitchen, you immediately walk over to the fridge to take the orange juice out. 

“Morning little sis.” You jump out of your skin and turn around, leaning your back against the counter and lifting your hand up to your chest as it beats in your chest. Looking at your brother, it seemed as though he had just got back from a run, since he was all sweaty, he had his running shoes on and his headphones around his neck. Immediately your heart started to beat in your chest quicker, and the relaxation that you had felt before had immediately left your body and you feel back on edge as you do a lot of the time recently. 

“Morning.” You grin, turning back around to open a cupboard to grab a glass that you could fill with the orange juice carton that you were still holding, “Been for a run?” 

He nods his head, walking over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water. When he wasn’t looking directly at you, a sigh escaped your lips. It was quickly over and he was looking at you again, leant against the counter across from you with his arms crossed. 

“Woke up with the want to go for a run.” He explained and you furrowed your eyebrows, looking at him and he chuckles, “I know, totally unlike me but I really did just feel like it.” 

You nod, your fingers tapping on the counter slightly, “Did you. . . did you go on your normal route?” 

Isaac shakes his head, “I met up with D’Angelo. We went to the lake.” 

Just like that, the worry that was in your body had left. The lake was on the other side of the town to where Harry lived, and where Isaac normally ran meaning that he couldn’t have seen you leaving Harry’s house which was good. You were starting to realise that the more you had to make sure that your brother hadn’t seen or didn’t know anything about you and Harry, the harder it was becoming for you to keep track of everything. The lie of staying over at Daisy’s had worked for years now, but the older that you got and the more that situations were changing for the two of you, it was harder to keep it as a lie. 

“Was it busy?” You ask, trying to make conversation that made it seem as though everything was normal and nothing had happened. 

He shakes his head, “Not really.” He hesitates for a second before looking up at you and tilting his head to the side, “I did see Daisy and Dennis though.” 

And just like that, your whole body was back to being on edge and nervous. The only way that you could describe how you felt was a mixture of both shock and immediate nervousness. Isaac continued to drink from the bottle in his hand, with no malice or shock on his features at all. If he did know something, he would’ve had said something by now and you knew that because of how well you knew him and that’s in one of the ways how you were both similar — when you knew something, you couldn’t keep it a secret. 

It was something that you had grown up with, your inability to keep secrets and you were honestly and truthfully so surprised that you and Harry had managed to keep your relationship a secret for so long. This wasn’t the first time that you had thought that Isaac had found out about your relationship, and it wasn’t the first time that you hadn’t been able to figure out how to get out of it but you knew that you would be able to get yourself out of it. You hoped that you would be able to get yourself out it. 

You were started to get quite nervous though, with sweaty palms and a heart beating directly up against your chest. Your mind spiralled and you hoped that you were going to hear something that would stop your chest in the next few minutes. 

“Did you?” You cleared your throat to make it seem as though you were more put together than you were. 

He hums, “Yeah. They explained that you were walking home and that Dennis’ arrival was out of the blue.”

You nod and smile, your heart stopping to beat so quickly the second those words escaped her lips, “Yeah. He appeared and asked her to go on a walk before work later. I said that I’d just walk home so that Daisy could go. I think he’s going to ask her out soon.” 

Isaac scoffs and crossing his arms over his chest, “I hope so. They’ve only been dancing around it for the last few years.”

You nod, “We’ve all said it. I don’t know how many times we’ve told her but anyway, I’m going to get in the shower before getting ready for work.” 

You’re quick to walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs with your head spinning. The entire time that you’re getting ready, showering and doing your hair, standing in front of your mirror and looking at the marks that Harry had left over the entirety of your skin before putting your work uniform on, you’re thinking about what you’re going to do. Today you were going to book some time off work from the café during the week of your anniversary, and even though that Daisy would know why you were doing that, you didn’t have to tell anyone else there. When it came to being at home, and telling your brother why you were going to be leaving for a month whilst Daisy stayed at home was going to be hard to explain to say the least. You were going to have to think very carefully about what you were going to say. 

Walking into the small café you worked at not that long later, you were happy to finally be in the place where anything else that happened in your life went to the back of your mind and you could focus on making drinks and serving customers. You had worked at the café since the day you turned eighteen, and you had worked there ever since. It wasn’t what you wanted to do forever, working in the little café with your best friend and your boss that is just an absolute asshole, but you just haven’t got the funds or was it the right time for you to try and get your dream going. 

Your dream, albeit a big one, was to one day own your own café that sold your own treats that you made and looked the exact way that you wanted it to. You had been planning your own café and telling everyone you knew about it since sitting in your maths classes in middle school when you realised that school really wasn’t for you. You were okay in school, and you got good enough grades, but none to get you to what you wanted to do in life. Over the last three years, many of your conversations with Harry had been about your café and how you would work there whilst he would take over his father’s mechanical shop. 

That was the plan for the future, but first — you had a shift to do and you had a lie to think of. 

“Afternoon.” You mumbled as you walked into the small café, Daisy’s eyes immediately widening as she takes a look at you stood there, “How are you?” 

“I’m sorry.” Daisy blurts out, not being able to stop herself from doing so, “I really didn’t know that he was going to be there, if I did I would have never gone there, you know that.” 

“I know.” You walk over and wrap your arms around her shoulders briefly, “He doesn’t know, it’s fine. I shouldn’t be relying on you so much, Daisy, I know that. I’m trying to figure out what to do.” 

“It’s okay, YN.” She mumbles, placing her hand upon your shoulder with a smile, “I know why you’ve done it, but I’m glad you’re finally coming to your senses. It’s three years too late, but at least you’re here.” 

“At least it’s happening now.” You sigh, widening your eyes as you look at her. 

“You’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.” 

You sigh and nod your head, hoping that she was right. 

You heard Harry’s car before you could see it, pulling up outside of your house in a quick stop so that you could quickly duck out and get it. Isaac was out for the night, doing another race in another town that Harry couldn’t do because he had work, so they had decided to spend the night together. Due to Isaac being out of town, they decided that they might even be able to go for a meal, to a restaurant, like a normal couple would. 

You gave him a small smile and a peck on the lips as you sat in the car. There hadn’t been much discussion between you and Harry that week, not since you had left his that morning. It was odd, because the two of you spoke everyday, even if it was just to check that the other was okay, but the conversation this week had been limited to you asking him to come for a meal and him replying saying that he would. You always knew that this day would come, where the unspoken issue between the two of you had become too much for you to handle. 

You had tried five times over the last week to say something to Isaac, trying to drop it in to normal conversation but you always dived away from it, as though you couldn’t allow yourself to say what you wanted to say to him. You had never been as nervous before in your life, and all you had to do was tell him about a secret that involved the one person that Isaac hated most in life and his twin sister. You just had to try your hardest to remind yourself over and over again that it was the best thing to do, and that you’d be happy if you were able to get the words out, but you just couldn’t. 

The two of you arrived at a restaurant on the outskirts of the town you lived in, one that meant you would be safe if Isaac did return home and one that the two of you also knew would serve good food. The car ride continued without any words spoken between the two of them, and you tried your hardest to not feel the nerves bubbling inside of you, but you also knew that there was a reason why you were going to have this conversation with him, and there was a reason why you needed to feel nervous for it. 

Sitting across from Harry in a booth that sat at the front of the restaurant, you couldn’t even bring yourself to take your eyes off of his face. There hadn’t been a lot of times during your relationship with Harry where you had felt like this, and it was usually always when the two of you were discussing the exact topic that you knew that you were going to be now. Whilst you couldn’t take your eyes off of Harry, it seemed as though he wanted nothing more than to not look at you. 

“Hey.” He didn’t look up from the menu that he had in his hand, “Are you going to even look at me?” 

You watch as he doesn’t even move a muscle, never mind do the thing that you wanted him to do which was look at you, “I’ve looked at you.” 

“Not since we’ve sat down you haven’t.” 

You watch as he sighs and drops the menu down so that it was rested upon the table between you and lifts his eyes up to look at you, “Happy now?” 

A small smile breaks out your face, a sarcastic one at that, but a smile nonetheless, “Very.” 

Harry rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. You look at him with your eyes widened. Why this was happening all of a sudden, you didn’t know, but you had a slight suspicion that you weren’t going to be able to argue your way out of this one with him like you had done in the past. The first thing that led you to believe that was the fact that you were in a public place, where you had to do your best to make sure that you were going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. 

As a whole, you were ashamed of your actions over the years, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to apologise for everything that you had done in the past but you could at least try. Everything had changed now that you had your three year anniversary coming up, and you realised that there was so much more to life than trying to hide a stupid secret from your brother. 

“Harry.” You start, a sigh immediately leaving your lips after, “I’m sorry. I really am.” He nods his head, “I don’t expect you to accept my apology, and I certainly don’t expect you to forgive me for the shit that I’ve put you through these last couple of years, but, I want to let you know that I am trying to fix things. I promise you.” 

He sighs, “I don’t know how you can, YN. I’ve thought about it a lot recently, in the past week, since our conversation last week.” 

“I have too.” You nod, your fingers messing with the hem of your jacket, “I have too. I’ve tried so many times, to tell him, but I just can’t and I don’t know why. He can’t do anything, I’m a grown ass woman and he’s just my brother. He can’t tell me who I can and can’t love, and I do love you Harry more than anything, but there’s a part of me that just can’t tell him.” 

Harry cleared his throat and sighed, “I never told you the reason we argued.” 

You shake your head, “Neither of you did.” 

“Do you want to know?” He asked. 

You shrugged, “I don’t know. . . if it will help, than yes.”

Harry sighed and nodded his head, running his finger over his bottom lip the way that you knew that he did when he was nervous, “We were in Eugene’s basement, having just watched one of his races and he had some shit, and we decided to take it. It was just us, everyone else had gone to do something else or get high somewhere else, and we were just sat.” You were hanging off of every word that he said, “We were taking about, I don’t know, life and all the shit that we usually do when we’re high and we got onto the topic of you.”

Your eyes widen, “Me? Why were you talking about me?” 

“He mentioned you and how you wanted to do things with your life and how he was fed up that all he had to do with his life was race.” Harry chuckled and shook his head, “I couldn’t even help it, I just blurted out that I liked you and that I was going to ask you on a date, thinking that he would be happy for us, but instead, he punched me in the face.” 

Your lips part, “He what?” 

“He punched me.” Harry runs a hand through his hair, “And then he just started screaming at me, saying that scum like me wasn’t good enough for someone like you. The more he said it, the more I believed it and I believed it all the way until you got in my car and asked me to tell you what had happened. I didn’t, and I didn’t for a reason, because if I had told you maybe you would’ve thought the same as him, that I wasn’t good enough for you, so instead I asked you on the date, just like I had planned to.” 

You let his words sink in for a while, the sound of them bouncing around in your head for a while as you look down at the table in front of you. You couldn’t lie and say that you hadn’t thought about what had gone down between them, and what had been said to make them despise each other as much as they did, but you certainly hadn’t expected it to be about you of all things. It started to all make sense now, how when you had asked him, after your first night together at his house, if he was okay that you didn’t tell your brother about the two of you being together, and he agreed. At first you had thought that it was odd, seeing as though this man didn’t know your motive behind why you were saying that, but at the same time, you didn’t know his motive behind why he said yes. 

It all made sense. 

You sigh and nod your head, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I would’ve understood. You know that I would’ve.” 

He shrugs his shoulders, “Why didn’t you tell me about what you had been thinking? And what you had been trying to do?” 

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know.” 

“It works both ways, YN.” He shrugs, “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you but a part of you has to realise that there was a reason you didn’t tell me and you didn’t tell him. I understand a part of you was trying to keep it calm between us, but there had to be more than that.”

You can feel the tears starting to brim within your eyes, and the more that you thought about it, the more that you knew you were going to struggle to hold them back. You start to blink quickly, lifting your eyes up to look at the ceiling. It worked, and you managed to make sure that no tears slid down your cheeks. 

“A part of me did do it because I knew that it would be easier for you, that you didn’t have to tell him that you were my boyfriend. I knew how hard that would’ve been for you.” You explain, lifting your hand up to scratch your forehead, “So I decided that for a little while, I just wouldn’t tell him. At least not until things had calmed down between the two of you. After a few months of waiting was going to say something to him, just drop it into conversation and then walk out of it with my hands up but then I realised that it wasn’t going to be that easy. The day that I was going to do it, he walked into my bedroom with this big news that he was so excited to tell me.” You take in a breath and sigh, “It was the news that you were starting to drive, and that he was going to beat you that night and I knew that if I had told him, he wouldn’t have just beat you in the race.” 

“I can stand up for myself, YN.” 

“I never said that you couldn’t.” She shook her head, “I just didn’t want you getting hurt because of me.” 

“I wouldn’t be getting hurt because of you. I’d be getting hurt because of something we did.” He explains, “Just like you can’t blame this all on me, and me on you, I’m not going to let you blame this all on yourself either.” 

“Harry.” You sigh and lean back in the chair that you sat in, “We’re going to have to tell him.” 

He shakes his head, “He’s not going to like it.” 

“I know.” You agree with him and hold your hand out, “But we’ve got to tell him.” 

“I know we have.” He grasps your hand in his.

It turned out that you and Harry didn’t have to wait for too long to tell your brother, because when Harry pulled up outside of your house, your brother was already sat there on the steps of the house, waiting for you to arrive home. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing if you were completely honest, and a part of you realised that this was it. You turned to look at Harry slightly, a sigh leaving your lips as you did so. 

“You still want to do this?” He asked, pulling his keys out of the ignition as the car came to a complete stop. 

You sigh and lean over to place your hand upon his, “I don’t think we have a choice, now.” 

“We do.” He turned his head to look at you, squeezing your fingers as he did so, “I could just drive away. Ignore him.” 

You chuckle and shake your head, lifting your connected hands up to place a kiss to the back of his hand, “Come on. He might explode if we keep him waiting any longer.” 

You certainly couldn’t lie and say that your brother looked like he was handling everything well, because he certainly wasn’t. His jaw seemed to be constantly clenched the entire time that you walked towards him, and you definitely saw his hands that were clenched by his sides in fists. You knew that he was going to be annoyed, and you expected that there would certainly be some shouting involved with this, but, she certainly didn’t want this to become physical at any point. In your opinion, it certainly wasn’t worth it. 

“YN.” You stop in front of him once he’s spoken your name, and Harry is just a few steps behind you. Having him there really brings a comfort that you don’t really feel unless you’re with him, so if anything, you were happy that he was there, “What are you doing with him?” 

“I’m—” You start, looking at him for a second before letting out a sigh, “He’s—”

You can’t find the right words to say what you want to say. You knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to explain to your brother, but you at least thought that you’d be able to get past the first words without choking up, but it seemed as though that wasn’t the case. 

“Isaac—” Harry takes a step forward, so that he was directly next to you but before he could say anything else, Isaac holds his hand out to stop him. 

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Harry clamps his lips shut, and you can tell that he’s trying to hold back so many things but at least he isn’t making the situation worse which you knew that he possibly could. Isaac then turns to you, “I was asking you the question. What are you doing with him?” 

Letting out a sigh, you shut your eyes for a second to calm yourself down, “I’m. . . we’re together, Isaac.” 

He lets out a sigh and shakes his head, tutting slightly as he did so, “When Eugene told me, I didn’t believe him. I said that you’d never do that to me because you know that I hate him more than I’ve hated anyone in my life before.” 

At first you listen to the words that he was saying and you nod along, as if you’re understanding what they’re saying, but you quickly shake your head and cross your arms over your chest. 

“I’d never do what to you, Isaac?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you say the words you were speaking, “I’ve fallen in love with someone, Isaac, I don’t think that involves you at all.”

“But you know I can’t stand him!” 

“Still here, you know.” Harry mutters, lifting his hands up and walking away from them slightly. 

You turn over to look at Harry and glare at him slightly before you turn your attention back to Isaac, “Why do you think I didn’t tell you? I knew that you’d react like this.” 

“What? I’d react completely sane, YN?” Isaac scoffs and shakes his head. 

“Sane?” You physically can’t believe what you’re hearing, “Isaac, you don’t have the right to act like this over who is my boyfriend. Yeah, I understand that you don’t like Harry and he isn’t particularly fond of you either, but you don’t have a say in that.” You stop slightly and let out a sigh of relief when you realise that you’ve got him listening, “I would completely understand if you were upset about me not telling you and lying to you, but that is what you can be mad at.” 

He looks at you but then he shakes his head, and you know that everything that you’ve just said has gone and he couldn’t care less about it now. 

“YN.” You know that tone of voice anywhere, and you couldn’t believe that he was still acting like this, “It’s Harry. You don’t know the shit that he said, and you don’t know what it was like to sit and listen to him saying everything he said about you.” 

This time, it’s you who lets the words that he’s just spoken sink in for a while. If what Harry had said to you earlier was true, that all your brother had to be upset about was him saying that he liked you and wanted to ask you out. Now, you’re not exactly sure how the male mind works, but you’re pretty sure that Isaac can distinguish between someone saying that they like someone and something else. You turn to look at Harry and he looks down at the floor, and that’s when you realise very quickly that there was something else to the story that you didn’t know. The mere thought of it made you feel sick. What had actually been said that night?

“Isaac.” You turn back to look at him, “What was said?” 

“YN.” He shakes his head, scratching his forehead slightly, “I don’t want to tell you.” 

“Tell me.” Your words are harsh and you can tell by the way that Harry backs away from you that you’re about to be in for a real treat, “Tell me!” 

“When we were in high school, we had this list.” Isaac starts, and you know that what he is saying is probably really important context but you just want him to get to the point, “And on this list, we’d rank who we thought were the most fuck-able girls in the school.” 

Your entire heart plummets to the pit of your stomach, “That’s disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourselves.” 

“I am, don’t worry.” Isaac nods, “Harry never got involved with it, and we all knew why, because he was the good one who never cared about those things and everyone just accepted that. I certainly did.” 

“Just get on with it, Isaac.” 

“Well, we were in Eugene’s basement and we were high and drunk and everything was just a little blurred if I’m honest, but I asked Harry a question. I said, best friend to best friend, if you were to pick one person to go on the top of the list, and just be his one person and nobody apart from us would ever find out, he turned to me and said: you.” 

You can’t figure out what your angrier at. You can’t decide whether it’s because Harry had actually said those words to your brother, degrading you in such a way that you had never ever expected him to or the fact that he had lied to you about what had actually happened. In honesty, you do think that thing that has upset you the most was that he didn’t tell you the truth. He could have told you what had actually happened earlier on in the day on you wouldn’t have cared, because you knew that he was high and drunk and he probably wouldn’t have meant it but the fact that he lied, made you feel sick to your stomach. It made you question whether or not he had lied to you at other points and you just hadn’t known because you were too naïve to see it. 

You turn to look at Harry and he’s looking directly back at you, not at the ground and not anywhere else but directly at you. 

“Harry.” You can already feel the tears start to form within your eyes, “Tell me it’s not true.” 

Harry shakes his head and looks down at the ground, and you shake your head to try and back the tears. You know that if you open your mouth words will tumble out that you really don’t mean, and you know that you can’t let that happen but you’re in such a state that you know that you’re mind would be clouded with how upset you are. 

“He knows it’s fucking, true, YN.” Isaac says from behind you, “That’s why we fucking fought and punched the living daylights out of each other.” 

You shake your head again, the tears involuntarily spilling down your cheek, “Harry. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I thought—” He starts but then he shakes his head, “I didn’t—”

Just like you couldn’t find the words to say, it seemed as though Harry couldn’t either. You really didn’t care about what he said, and you wouldn’t care about what he said. There were things that you’d said when you were younger and in high school that you certainly regretted and you would hate if anyone was to bring them up but you wouldn’t lie about it. You had lied in the past and done things in the past that you didn’t agree with, but it wasn’t as though you were doing it for any other reason but to protect the relationships that you had made with people. 

“Harry.” He lifts his head to look at you, “I think you should go.” 

“YN. . .” He takes a step forward towards you but you hold your hand up. 

“Just for tonight.” You nod your head, “We’ll speak tomorrow. We all just need to. . . calm down.” 

“But YN. . .” He takes another step forward but you shake your head. 

“Please, Harry.” You close your eyes, “Just for tonight.” 

He doesn’t seem very happy with what you had said but he nods at you once before walking over to his car and getting in. He slams the door closed behind him, and you flinch when he does so. You watch through the window as he looks at you one last time before starting the engine and driving. 

He drives on, and he doesn’t look back, not even one last time and you watch as his car disappears off the street. Once you know that he’s gone, you start walking towards the end of the drive and down to the pavement. 

“YN—” Isaac starts but you turn to look at him and shake your head. 

“Not now.” You run a hand through your hair, “I’m going to Daisy’s. I’ll be fine.” 

With that, you walk down the street and towards Daisy’s house, the thoughts of what had just happened dancing around in your head. You knew that this was going to happen at some point, and it would all blow up in your face, you just hadn’t know that it would be like this.

The next day you return home with bags underneath your eyes and yawns escaping your lips. You would say that you’re nervous, but after being up all night with worry in your stomach, you’re pretty certain that you’re just a little anxious but the thing that overwhelms your brain more than anything is the want for all of this to be over. You needed to sort things out with your brother, so you could go back to being siblings that annoy each other more than anything, and then you need to sort everything out with Harry. You knew that it was going to be hard, and you knew that your emotions were going to be high but you needed to get it over and done with. You weren’t going to allow your life to be like this for longer than it needed to be, and it didn’t need to be at all. 

When you walked through the front door of your house, you didn’t know what you were expecting to see, but you really didn’t expect what you saw. Isaac was laid across the couch, with empty beer bottles on the table in front of him. You knew why he had done it, and you hated that it was your fault that he had done it but at the same time he was a grown man, just like you were a grown woman, and he knew that this wasn’t the right way to go about things. 

With a sigh, you walked over to the sofa and picked up one of the cushions by Isaac’s feet and threw it air his head. He groaned and moved around and that was when you nudged his legs so that you could sit down. He groaned again but moved them away, and you heard him yawn and felt his body lift up from beside you so that he was upright. 

“How’s the head?” You mumble, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in the seat. 

He groans and does the same, “It’s been better.” 

You chuckle and close your eyes, allowing a slight calmness to wash over your body. If there was one thing that you missed about getting older, was not being able to have the stupid conversations with him that made absolutely no sense to anybody but the two of them. But, something that you did know was that even when this was all sorted and everything went back to normal, you wouldn’t be surprised if not everything went back to normal between the two of you. It was something hard to understand, but you just had to accept it because you wouldn’t be surprised if it took years to fix. 

There’s a silence between the two of you for a while, but you quickly realise that isn’t going to help you in your situation so without really thinking you collect yourself and let out a small breath that you didn’t know you had been hiding for a while. 

“I’m sorry.” You say, the words coming out of your mouth stronger than you had expected them to. You thought that they would at least be broken, but they weren’t, “I’m sorry for everything, but most importantly, I’m sorry for lying and keeping it from you.” 

You don’t know what Isaac is going to say, and the fact that you don’t does make you worry slightly but you know that you’d be able to handle whatever he was going to say. You would be able to handle it because you were strong, at this point you needed to be. 

“I accept your apology.” He says, and you turn to look at him with tears in your eyes. He nods at you and smiles, “The more I thought about it, the more I understood why you did it. If the shoe was on the other foot I would’ve done the exact same thing. I wouldn’t have even hesitated to.” 

You nod your head and close your eyes, a few tears falling from them but you’re quick to lift your hand and wipe them away. He reaches over and grabs your hand, and you squeeze his as you do so. 

“I shouldn’t have lied to you though.” You shake your head, “We don’t lie to each other.” 

“Oh.” Isaac shakes his head and you furrow your eyebrows at him, “We don’t lie to each other but we certainly keep secrets. The amount I’ve kept from you. . . you’d probably kill me.” 

Your lips part in shock, “Are you going to tell me them?” 

“No.” He shakes his head, a chuckle leaving his lips, “I maybe will later, but right now, you’ve got somewhere to be.” 

“Have I?” He taps his hand on your leg and stands up, and all you can do is furrow your eyebrows in response. 

“You have.” You watch as he grabs his jacket and places it on his body, “And I’m going to take you there.” 

You know straight away that Isaac is talking about going to see Harry, and just the fact that he was going to take you made you want to burst out into even more tears that you had been before. You didn’t though, because you were able to keep your calm and just smile and nod along with him, but it was certainly hard for you to do. It felt as though you were getting acceptance from Isaac and although you knew that you didn’t really need it, it sure felt good to have. You offered him a quick smile and got into his car, driving you to Harry’s and leaving you there with a squeeze of his hand. 

Even though you weren’t that nervous when it came to talking to Isaac, speaking to Harry was a completely different thing. Whereas you and Isaac had a sibling bond that could never be broken, you and Harry had a bond, one that was love to the highest degree, but it was still a love that could be broken. You just hoped that this wasn’t it and you hadn’t met the point of no return just yet. 

You palms were sweaty as you knocked on his door, and your heart felt as though it was going to beat out of your chest but you knew that this was the right thing to do. You could hear shuffling behind the door, and then it swung open, and you wanted to sigh in relief just at the sight of him stood there. He looked like he hadn’t slept, but you hadn’t either so it was something that you both had in common, and he had his joggers hung low on his hips in a way that you always found so endearing whenever he did it. 

“Hi.” You say, the corners of your lips tilting upwards slightly, “Can I come in?” 

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then he just ends up nodding his head and opening the door wider so your body can slip through. It looks exactly the same as the last time you had been there, and it felt comfortable and like your home. It certainly was your home away from home, and living with Harry would be something that you wouldn’t mind doing in the future if time permitted you too. You had to remind yourself to take a few steps back and look at the situation ahead of you, and how you had a lot of things that you needed to talk about before anything else in the future could happen. 

Walking into the apartment, you hear Harry shut the door behind you. You knew that he wasn’t too far behind you, so you turned around.

“I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” He muttered, shrugging his shoulders, “I thought you’d need a few days.” 

“I said I would talk to you tomorrow.” You smile and nod your head, “I’m wasn’t about to go back on that.” 

You swear you can see the slight lift of the corner of his lips, and it’s the first sign to you that everything might actually end up being okay. 

“I know you think we have things to talk about but I actually just have one thing to say.” He says, taking a step forward towards you. You watch as he hesitantly reaches out and grabs your hand, and you smile at just the feeling of his skin on yours again, “I’m sorry, That’s all I can say. I’m sorry that I said those things all those years ago, and I’m more sorry that I didn’t tell you about it when I had the chance. It was stupid of me, and I can understand if you want to. . . if you want to.” He physically stops and you can tell that he’s struggling with something, “If you want to break up with me.” 

You gasp at his words, taking a step forward and placing your hands on his cheeks, “Harry. . . no. Don’t think that. I’m not going to break up with you over that.” 

You can hear him physically sigh and you couldn’t even understand why he dared to think the way that he was, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know how you’d think.” 

“Harry.” You lean forward so that your forehead is on his, “I’m upset that you lied, but I did too. If anything, we’re just as bad as each other. That’s probably why we’re so perfect for each other, right?” 

“Right.” He chuckled, nodding his head, “We’re perfect for each other. I love you so much, I’m so sorry.” 

“I’m sorry too.” You close your eyes as you let the words sink in, “If there’s one way I know how we’re never going to go through anything like this again, is if we promise to never keep anything from each other again.” 

“We won’t.” He mumbles, “I won’t.” 

“Good. I won’t either.” Your hands grip onto his arms as they wrap around your neck, “I need you, Harry Styles. I do.” 

“I need you too.” 

With that you open your eyes so that you can look directly in his, a small smile breaking over your lips at the fact the two of you knew that he needed you just as much as you needed him. It certainly made this entire situation feel as though it happened for a reason, that it happened so that you could be stronger than you already were. You never doubted that he loved you, and that you loved him, but there was the doubt that everything would have caught up with you, and that was something that you knew would be your fault. All of this was your fault, for not being honest in the first place, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t find it in yourself to be honest now and get you and Harry through this. 

Without even the slightest hint of hesitation you lean forward and place your lips on his, and he didn’t wait to kiss back, his tongue moving against his bottom lip before pushing it through your parted lips. Your tongue met his in your mouth, and you pulled each other closer, grasping at each other with the want and need that never stopped when you were around him. The spark that you always felt when you were with him ran all the way down from the skin of your lips to the tip of your toes, fluttering all over your body. You had told him that you needed him, which was the truth, but you were soon starting to realise that there was more to the need you had for Harry than what met the eye. It was something that went past all of the words in the dictionary to actions that you needed to name, and that’s why you pulled away and rested your head on his forehead. 

“Harry.” You mumble, “Take me to the bedroom.” 

He pulls away and furrows his eyebrows, not expecting those words to slip from your mouth, “Are you sure? We don’t have to.” 

“I’m sure.” You mumble against his lips, “Never been more certain of anything in my entire life.” 

He presses kisses against your neck and shoulders as he places you down on the bed, his body hovering over yours. When he starts to put a little more pressure on your skin with his teeth, you can’t help the light moans that start to escape your lips. He starts to toy with the hem of your shirt, and you respond to him by lifting your legs and wrapping them around his waist. Your hips move in circular motions to his, and it’s his turn to moan into you. 

You pull away and sit up, pulling your shirt over your head and revealing your bra to him. It wasn’t the nicest bra you owned, but it got to the point in your relationship when you didn’t need to wear fancy lingerie all of the time to feel good enough for him, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t every now and then to feel sexy. Every now and then, though, just like you felt now, you realise that you don’t need to wear anything to feel sexy because just the way that Harry looked at you made you feel like that. The was his eyes raked up and down your body, across every inch of skin that he could see. That made you feel sexy. The way he looked at you made you feel sexy. 

“Missed this.” He leans over and places a kiss to the skin of your shoulder, “Missed you. You’re so fucking beautiful, YN, you have no idea.” 

You lean forward and capture your lips again on his, slipping your arm around his shoulder so that you could run your nails down his back, scratching lightly as you did so. He took it upon himself to slip his hands between the two of you and unbutton your trousers, pulling them as well as your panties down your legs. You remove your arms from around his neck so that you can unclip your bra and pull it down from your torso and throw it down on the floor with the rest of your clothes. This was how you loved it to be with Harry. You just loved it when the two of you were together, alone. You guessed a part of it was because that was all you ever knew of it. 

Harry was the most loving and beautiful person you’d met in your life, and you would have loved to be able to show him off to the world as the one you loved but it just wasn’t that easy, but now you had the slight suspicion that you might be able to, and a part of you was excited about that. 

Your hands extend back out to him, pulling his body back down so that he was hovering above you again. He places a single kiss to your lips before moving his way down your body, placing kisses to your chest before moving down to the top of your breast and then down towards your nipples. He moves from each of them, one to the other, giving each of them the attention that he always does. You smile and thread your fingers through his hair, running through the curls that sat on top of his head. You used it to pull his head back up and place his lips on yours again. He responds by immediately kissing you back, and he wraps his arms around you so that he could flip you over, so that you’re resting above him now. 

You pulled back and rested your forehead against his, “You want me on top?” He nodded and you smiled, watching as he slipped his hands into each side of his joggers before pulling them down his legs, as well as his boxers, revealing his cock. You manoeuvre your body so that you’re further down the bed and so that your head is at the same level as him, and you lean forward, pressing a singular kiss to the tip. The sound that emits from his throat causes you to not hesitate in leaning forward and wrapping your lips around the top of him, starting to bob your head at a slow pace that you know is seemingly working because you can see his stomach moving up and down at a quick pace. Groans tumble from his lips, and you know that he’ll be getting close but before he can do anything else his hands press against your cheeks and lift you back up so that he can kiss you again. 

“Don’t you wanna. . . ?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing as you look at him. 

“No.” He shakes his head, placing his lips on yours, “I don’t want anything but to be inside of you right now.” 

You watched as he moved backwards slightly, so that you were close enough to the wall that you could rest of your hand against the wall as you manoeuvre yourself over him. His cock slips between your folds, and words can’t describe how wet you are for him, dripping all over him. You place your lips on his again and start to move yourself up and down his cock. The groan that escapes his lips is unlike any you’ve heard before, and you can’t help the smile that dances across your lips. 

“You’re drenched for me.” He groans against your lips, “Fuck, I wanna be inside of you.” 

“Be my guest.” You grin, and you watch as he leans down to grab his cock in his fist and you lift up so that you can line yourself up with him. You grasp his shoulder as you slowly sink down on him, the familiar feeling of having him fill you up overwhelming you. You had been together for three years and no matter how many times you had sex, it still manages to overwhelm you more than words can explain. You whimper when he’s fully inside of you, hesitating for a few minutes before you press your lips to his in another short kiss. 

“So fucking tight.” He mumbles, “Best fucking feeling in the world.” 

You tilt your head back slightly with a smile crossing your lips, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” 

He chuckles but that’s quickly shut off when you start to move, bouncing up and down on his cock. Your nails scrape down his back as you move, and you can’t help the moans of profanities that leave your lips as you move. You knew you were squeezing yourself around him, it was always something that you did that caused him to clench his jaw, just has he was doing now. You quickly found a rhythm, swirling your hips and grinding them in a way that had both of you moaning out each others names. 

You tilted your head back when he hit a spot deep inside of you that sent a wave of pleasure rushing over your body. He didn’t even hesitate to lean forward and capture your nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the bud slightly before moving to the other. He wrapped his arms around your body and slipped them down your back, all the way until he grabbed the flesh of your ass and squeezed. His movements were harsh, but they sent a wave of pleasure through your entire body. 

“YN.” You hum, leaning forward and resting your head on his shoulder, not stopping the movements on his hips, “You’re never going to leave me, are you?” 

You move so that you’re sat up straight and look at him, “Why would you think that? I’m not going to leave you, Harry, never.” 

“Good.” He leans forward and placing his lips back on yours. Your movements don’t slow down, if anything, they speed up and a string of moans escape your lips. His hands are all over your body, and his lips are too, and the the feeling starts to rush over you. You manage to keep your hips moving at the pace for a while before you slow down, and Harry notices this and quickly flips you both over. You lay on your back with your head on the pillow, and Harry doesn’t even hesitate when he slips back into you. His movements aren’t fast, but they’re certainly deep. 

“So fucking deep, Harry. Feels so fucking good.” Your words only seem to egg Harry on, especially the way your nails scratch down his back, “I’m so close.”

Harry was hitting just as deeply inside of you as he had been when you were riding him, and the feeling tips you closer and closer to the edge. Your hands drop down to your sides to grasp the duvet cover, and you turn your head so that you can muffle the obnoxiously loud moans that you couldn’t help leaving your lips. 

“I know you are baby.” One of his hands slips through yours, “Don’t hide them moans though, let me hear them, baby, you know what it does to me.” 

You move your head back so that he can hear your moans, and he smiles as he continues to fuck you. It doesn’t take long before he’s tipping you over the edge and your orgasm hits you. It’s one of the most powerful you’ve ever had, and you have every reason to believe that it’s because of how high emotions are between the two of you at the moment. It’s intense and you can feel it everywhere, all over your entire body and more so in the pit of your stomach. Harry didn’t stop his movements, not until he hit his high as well and spilled into you. You didn’t care about anything else in that moment though, because you felt closer to Harry now than you even had been, and you never wanted it to change again. 

Once he pulls out of you, a whimper immediately leaving your lips due to the emptiness you now feel. He quickly cleans you up, and then drops into the bed beside you, and you don’t even hesitate when you wrap your arm around his waist and rest your head upon his chest. When your eyes close, you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Harry.” He hums, and you can feel the vibration of his chest beneath your ear, “I’m sorry I told you to drive away.” 

“Don’t be.” He mumbles, his fingertips dancing along the skin of your arm, “We’ve all done thing that we aren’t proud of, but we have a new start. One where we don’t have to keep this a secret.” 

You nod and smile, still not opening your eyes, “I love you.” 

“Love you too, baby.” 

[cinnamonest]

please spare more crumbs for the sex slave au with diluc and kaeya's meimei,,

Thank you for giving me permission to be more depraved this is from forever ago but I'm slowly getting the "forever ago" stuff done lol

I love the concept tho, especially Crepus buying a lil qt and having to teach them how to be good masters bc they’re both dumb clueless boys, bless.

TWs: slavery, implied incest or pseudo-incest, could give vibes as under//age (nothing is specified but I guess it could strike some people that way so I wanna be cautious), noncon/dubcon, mentions of anal, misogynistic, awful depraved and nasty -------------------------------------

God. The arguing. The rivalry. The chaos. Like, with some poly yanderes/owner/master relationships, the two work *together* and focus attention on controlling *you,* but these two are... not like that. They have a lot of rivalry going on half the time.

Now, this could be Crepus buying a slave and basically indoctrinating her as a meimei, but of course, if you actually are one of the boys' bio sis, the one is gonna claim some authenticity - you know, the whole "well she's my real sister, not yours, so I get to fuck her more" kind of thing. The other appeals to "well she's your real sister which makes you worse," and it devolves into arguing back and forth about whether or not the blood relation makes them more or less justified in sticking their dick in you and claiming more rights to meimei's time and attention. Not just to each other either, it's also directed at you -- the whole "hey, I'm your real big brother, so you should spend more time with me than him" kind of thing. It actually can get pretty annoying over time, you have to constantly be soothing not one but TWO egos in desperate need of affirmation. But here I’m going more with the idea of Crepus just buying them a sweet meimei. Diluc's more... patient. He teaches you "touch commands" -- little learned gestures, like a dog. Just the lightest touch on your spine and you know it's a clear message to arch your back, a hand under your chin and thumb pressed against it has you instinctively opening your mouth, a tap to the back of your neck and you kneel. Little gestures that can bend your body and mind with minimal effort. Despite that though, Kaeya is actually the master of The Look™ - the kind that can make you go quiet and apologize in a mere instant when given. But because you know it, expect him to be even harsher if you defy it. Sometimes in your little tantrums you get so mad that you'll have the audacity to ignore that look and keep whining or being a brat which does not end well.

Meimei is what you call free use - any time, anywhere. One of the most important lessons Crepus told you when he first got you/when you were old enough is that you are never to deny the boys any of your holes if they want it. This is just as important for the boys to learn as it is you, he's a big believer in the whole, "if you act like a good proper master, the slave will naturally fall into their role too" sort of thing, so he teaches them to be forceful and dominating, not hesitant to do what they want -- if they're clear on what they want and make known their expectation of your obedience (and the subtle implication of threat of punishments if not complied with), you'll fall into the submissive role you're meant for and naturally want to submit to them like a good little wife-sister-slave.

So, whenever one of them beckons you over, you smile and ask them how you can help. Your brothers work so hard, and it's the least you can do to take care of their needs. Sometimes they just want you to sit on their lap, wrap your arms around them, sit there a while in silence when they're sad, sometimes they want to vent to you about things when they're frustrated, sometimes they want to use you. Of course, the former two usually leads to the last anyway. You're... emotional support pussy. There's important rules and practices to be followed, it's actually rules for all three of you, several apply to them, actually, as Crepus taught you before he died, and it's become second nature for the boys (it works in their benefit, after all). #1. You can never be left alone. There's a lot of reasons for this, but primarily it's in your instinct to get fucked, all you know how to do is take cock, so if you were left alone you may very well go running off and jump onto the first thing with a dick, and they can't have that. So basically you either have to be with one of them, within their sight, or accounted for in some way - there's a couple of installed tethering hooks and the like on the walls  in several areas of the house you can be attached to. But, really, they're not usually necessary, with two very horny males running around you're busy most of the time, even if it's a more passive task. You spend a lot of time sitting on someone's lap, sometimes taking naps throughout the day with whoever decides they're tired at the moment. So, you spend more or less every waking moment with one or both -- well, every sleeping moment too, of course you don't have you own room. You alternate nights between the two just like you were told to. There's not really any task you do alone. Bathing? It's always gotta be with one or the other. Sleeping? Always with one or the other. Even when you're cooking -- because obviously you do that, they wouldn't even know how to, since you've always done it -- one is always standing beside you, talking to you, or sitting a ways over in a chair as they vent about their day. Oh, speaking of that, as aforementioned, you're there for emotional burdens too. When one has had a long day, what would they do if meimei wasn't there for them to vent and whine and complain to? You've always been taught to be a good listener. Don't interrupt. Listen to everything and don't zone out. Don't oppose their actions when they're telling you about their problems, always tell them they were in the right and comfort them. Smile while you listen. That's how you were trained to respond when one of them has some burden to unload on you. Always offer your body to make them happy. That's the last part, and they've never not taken you up on the offer. That being said, sometimes you have to... motivate them. Push a little bit. You see, you're just so sweet that sometimes your brothers might want to just spend the entire day in bed with you. So you have to motivate them to do their actual work. Tell them that if they don't go to work, if they stay in bed all day inside you, how are you supposed to clean the house and make dinner for them? So they sigh and accept you're right and go off to work after all. And, again, the rule is important for them too. You can never run off on your own, but they're also vigilant not to ever leave you alone. When you're first bought, Crepus had to constantly pull them back inside the house when they'd go to another room for something because see, you're leaving her all alone and she's going to go running off and it'll be your fault. So they had to be conditioned to communicate and make sure you were always accounted for, taught how to restrain you properly. If you were left in a room, Crepus would come by to make sure they remembered to lock you inside, would test the tightness of your leash if you were tethered to something, and sigh and chastise if one of them neglected to do it right. #2. No getting off on your own, this is a rule they have to help enforce. It's a waste - you have TWO big brothers, surely one of them is always going to be available and eager, so really, getting yours without either of them involved is pretty selfish, and worthy of punishment if found doing so. If for whatever reason they're all too busy, you have the option of asking permission to ride and grind on their thigh, but no cumming until they're done with their task and are available to properly handle it. Crepus is particularly adamant about this rule, as well as enforcing the same mentality in them, doesn't think it's appropriate for a girl to be so selfishly absorbed with pleasure when she should  be giving it to the men that own her. For one, a girl should be spending all of her time dedicated to serving her masters in some way, and two, they're both needy boys that would be eager to fuck you at any time. So really, masturbating is an act of defiance and will be dealt with as such. #3. No favoritism! There will be times where you may feel mad at one or the other, and sure you have different levels of how much you can tolerate certain behaviors... But, you have to train yourself against that. Meimei should have no limits of what she can tolerate - that's part of your whole purpose. So even when you're mad at one, you can't try to avoid that one and go to the other, you still need to divide your time, energy, and body equally. Don't talk bad about one to the other, don't try to spend more time with one or the other at any time. This also includes pitting them against each other through jealousy, it's a huge no-no. Don't try to make one jealous of the other. If they catch you doing that, sooner or later they'll realize what you're doing, and deal with it, usually harshly, since it's seen as a high-ranking offense. In fact, you really shouldn't be mad, ever. Your big brothers know what's best for you, so if you're mad over a disagreement, you just need to accept that they're right and you're wrong and that you need to submit to their will. Outwardly showing you're upset is bratty behavior, things like pouting or giving them the cold shoulder are punishable offenses. #4. You're also a peacekeeper. Diffuse fights. Both of your big brothers can be... stubborn, prideful individuals. This leads to pretty regular conflict over this and that. It's meimei's job to help with that, calm them down with a smile on your face. Or, if it works better, with some tears and a quivering lip. Please don't fight, you say with watery eyes, sniffling, and well, they can't help but feel bad, they both turn their attention to you rather than to each other and apologize for making you upset.  And if they're having one if their regular it's my turn kind of arguments, your job is to propose the easy solution of sharing. You have more than one hole to fuck, and can easily cuddle one on each side. It should be an obvious solution. Oh, and they fight sometimes over who gets to do what, who spends time with you, but doing different things rather than both wanting to do the same thing. One is sitting at his desk to work and he can't be expected to focus on work without meimei sitting on his lap and cockwarming him of course, but the other says he wants to take a nap and how is he supposed to sleep if he can't rest his head on meimei's tits? There is only so much of her to go around! But they will legit adjust their schedules to make sure they get alone time. And are very nitpicky about it -- wait why do *you* get an extra hour on Tuesday?? If you get that I deserve an extra hour on Thursday -- that sort of thing. You're supposed to be able to propose such ideas. It's your job to come up with solutions that make everyone happy. You can cockwarm one brother while he works and tell the other that hey, if he postpones the nap, you can just ride him until he cums and can sleep right? Things like that. #5 Actually isn't for you, it's for them, regarding punishment. When Crepus got you, the poor boys didn't really know how to go about doing it, so they had to be taught. It's important to be a good master and know how to do so adequately, you know? To not let anger get the better of them and go too far, since sometimes they might get too mad about something. In fact, a good trick, he teaches them, is to just tie you up, and go blow off some steam before coming back to punish you. That way they won't go too far, and you'll have to wait around in fear for a while, which just helps the punishment sink in better. But at the same time, don't go too light. No matter how much you whimper, he says, don't feel pity for her and go lax. It's intentional, it's just your nature to try and fake-cry to try and get out of it. You did something bad, so they shouldn't feel bad about it, even if you cry and squeal. It's the right thing to do. You're supposed to cry, you're supposed to say it hurts and whimper, that just means they're doing it right. But of course, there's some sensitivities to be taught. If they have you bent over a knee, they have to make sure to only hit your ass and the back of your thighs, make sure not to go up too high and hit your back, since that could cause injury. If they're gonna fuck your ass as punishment, make sure to use a certain amount of lube. Things like that, it's important to be good masters, just as much as it is your job to be a good little slave.

And to remember, of course, that meimei is... an inferior little creature. Don't get mad at her just because she's stupid and doesn't understand this or that, that's not her fault. She can't be expected to be smart or responsible, that's their job. But also, don't feel pressured to give her what she wants just because she wants it or anything. And, most importantly, don't start having self-doubt and ever think she might be right about something while they're wrong, because obviously that can't be the case. You might get defiant and try to insist you know better than them, act like you're just as capable of something as they are, or think your opinions matter or something, but in that case, they have a responsibility to remind you of your place.

[hikarimiyanaga]

Loving You (Part 4)

Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3

I want to celebrate since I just finished another exam... there are more to come but Wanda comes first so here's an update.

Warning : Omegaverse. Beta!Reader x Omega!Wanda Maximoff. Curse Words. Mentions of Bullying. S*x Talk.

Also, just tell me if I need to add more warnings so I can edit as quickly as I can.

Taglist : @mitchiesdungeon / @upsidedowndanvers

You wake up with a startle and pant. You flinch at the sound of your loud alarm and see that it was right next to your pillow.

“Jesus, what the fuck?” You took your phone and open it. You see the messages between you and Wanda. You grin and charge it before getting ready for school. Both of your parents note your chippy behavior as oppose to your usual calm.

“Morning, Ma, Mom!” You greet and grin as you get your breakfast. You eat quickly and get your bag with your phone on it. You put on your jacket and smile as you wave them goodbye.

-

You yawn as you trudge the halls, now on a mission. You see Wanda and notice that even though there is no scent coming from her, she’s not wearing a jacket. You take off yours and smile as you approach her.

“Y/N!” She smiles and you offer up your jacket.

“Want to-“ She takes it before you could finish and puts it on. “put it on?” She sniffs it and nods.

“I really like your scent.” You blush and your heart beat faster at her words. She smiles and takes your hand. “Thanks for the jacket.” You gulp and nod as she drags you to your own locker. You get your books from your locker when someone closes it with force. You manage to keep it open but glare at the owner of the hand. Janine. You get Wanda behind you.

“Y/LN.” She says and you roll your eyes. You get the last book from your locker and lock it.

“What the fuck do you want? Rumlow’s scent isn’t enough? Fucking him isn’t doing it anymore?” Janine glares and pushes you but you stay firm. Determined in not letting her get closer to Wanda.

“Shut the fuck up, Y/LN. You fucking Beta.” Wanda glares at Janine as Angel and Pietro go to her. They stop Wanda before she does something to Janine. You roll your eyes and sigh.

“Just say it and get it over with.”

“My friend, Nina is on your AP Class.” You raise an eyebrow as the said girl is dragged by Janine to you.

“So? The fuck that-“

“She needs to copy your homework. We were busy with practice and she hasn’t done it.” You look at Nina.

“What homework? Which class?”

“Um… Latin? The research one?” You scoff and shake your head.

“The one where I spent days on? The one where I had to hole myself up in the library? No fucking way. I can help with references but that’s it.”

“Oh? Really? That will be-“ Janine pushes Nina out of the way and grabs your collar. You make a face as you can practically smell her heat. Jesus, what the fuck? Compared to Wanda’s cinnamon and citrus scent. Janine’s overwhelming heat scent disgusts you. You gag and turn away.

“What the fuck, Rivera?” You open your locker and snatches a bottle from the box and hold it out to her. “At least do something about your scent! It’s making me want to vomit!” Janine growls and tries to grab you again but you dodge her. She faceplants into the ground and everyone gasps. You give the bottle to her friend and you get a piece of paper from your notebook. You write the references and give it to Nina as Janine groans and some of her goons help her stand. You sigh as she glares at you.

“T-thanks.” Nina manages to get out before running away. Janine growls and you roll your eyes.

“Want to get raped on the street? Used by asshole Alphas that have nothing better to do than prey on Omegas like you? Omegas who like to flaunt that they’re in heat and therefore can’t stop their primal instincts?” She stops and you get the bottle from her friend. You hold it out and she stares at it. “If no, then take this and spray it on yourself. I swear to god, your scent is overwhelming.”

“Rumlow wi-“

“You sure?” You cross your arms and sigh. You take her hand and put the bottle on it. “Spray it if you’re not. Trust me.” You turn and hold Wanda’s hand and you both leave as everyone just stares at you. You yawn again as you get to your first class.

-

Lunch comes and Wanda was waiting for you by the courtyard. You try to greet her but she glares at you.

“Why did you help her?” You raise an eyebrow… is she jealous? And who? You tilt your head and she scoffs.

“Who?”

“Janine.” Ah. Your bully. The one who tried to ruin your life on several occasions but never succeeded.

“Ah.” You shrug. “I meant what I said. Omegas should get help when they’re in need.”

“She-“ You hug her and smile as her scent and yours combine and hit your nose. You like this combination. You rub her back in comfort and she clings to you. You hum and carry her to the bench. You kiss her forehead and sit besides her. You take her hand and kiss it.

“Wanda. I won’t ever stop even if a person did bad things to me. Omegas deserve to be treasured. It’s unfair that they’re the only ones who get heat. That you suffer for it. So even if Janine did bully me doesn’t mean I won’t help her.” She sighs and hugs you. You rub her back.

“Why are you so nice?” You chuckle.

“I’m not nice… just.” You pull away and you get the lunch you brought for the both of you. “Let’s eat?” She knows you’re avoiding the question but shrugs it off. You’ll tell her when the time comes.

-

You’re in your final class and just like yesterday, Angel sat besides you.

“And so the project for our midterms will be in pairs.” You can hear several groans but you and Angel stay quiet. “Y/LN and Garcia.” You both turn to the professor. “You can both do it so-“

“No.” You both reject the idea and shake your heads. The professor sighs but relents.

“Okay. Dismissed.” You gather your things and Angel waits up. You stand and look at her as she holds her hand out.

“Partners?” You and Angel are the top students of this class, no doubt, so it seemed cheating to the others if your partnered up… But she’s the only one willing to pair up with you so accept it. Everyone else is either an Alpha or Omega and you’re the only Beta in this class… in Any AP class, for that matter. You take her hand and shake it.

“Deal.”

“Baby.” Natasha calls out and you both turn to her. You both go outside. Angel hugs Natasha as you get your phone out.

“Put in your number so we-“ Before you could finish, Natasha has already pushed Angel behind her and is growling at you. You raise an eyebrow and Angel can’t decide if your stupid or brave… or both… tired can be there too. It’s a known fact throughout the school that you don’t mess with any of the Avengers because of their families and each other.

“BACK OFF.” Natasha’s voice can be heard by everyone and they all stop and stare as you sigh. This is one of the things that you hate. Having attention when it’s not at all needed. You try to look at Angel but Natasha pushes her away from your line of sight.

“Romanoff, this is for our big project.” You try to reason, she still is an Alpha and you would probably break several… many bones if she did attack you. Your eye twitch as she doesn’t move. “The one where at least a quarter of our grade rides on?” She’s still growling and you groan. You couldn’t stop yourself as you cursed. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE!” No one has ever heard you shout before. Not the angry one, at least. Not even your siblings or parents did. You avoided being angry because you knew it would make the worst of yourself to come. They all flinch and Natasha gulps. Angel holds Natasha’s hand and gets to her side. “I’m not stealing Angel! She’s all yours!” You run a hand through your hair. You turn away and take deep breaths to calm yourself down. Angel pulls Natasha away and approaches you.

“Y/N.” You turn to Angel with a glare but she doesn’t get fazed and she holds out her hand. “Your phone.” You give it to her and she quickly saves her number. “Text me.” You nod and she leaves with Natasha. You sigh as you leave for the library. Everyone else disperses but with more murmurs.

Wanda spots you as you enter the library. Thankfully, with no Angel around but you seem tense. You sigh as you sit beside her.

“Are you-“ She didn’t even get to finish before you cling to her arm. You breathe in her scent and you already feel calmer. You smile as you let her presence wash over you.

“Sorry. Need to calm down.” Wanda nods and you relax as you breathe her in. After a few more minutes you pull away and sigh.

“What happened?” You groan as you put your arms on the table and lean on it.

“Natasha got jealous because I was getting Angel’s number.” Wanda tenses and you flick her forehead. “Because of a project. Don’t get jealous too.”

“Oh. What did you do?”

“Got angry and yelled.” She raises an eyebrow and closes her book.

“And?” She’s curious now.

“It’s not something I usually do.” You answer simply and look away. It was something you didn’t like talking about and Wanda picked up on it.

“Ah. Are you okay now?” You nod and smile at her.

“Thank you, Wanda.” She smiles and kisses your hand.

“You’re welcome.”

-

You hum as you get inside your house. You would stay up all night reading but you remember you made plans for tomorrow.

“You seem in a good mood.” You turn and see… both Valerie and Alsie eating with your parents. The hell are they doing here? On a Friday, no less? The hell is going on?

“Al? What?”

“Came to visit, sis. Hey.” Alsie waves at you and you nod.

“And Val?”

“Came back too. I kinda forgot something.” You sigh as you realize.

“You know.” They all flinch and look away from you. You run a hand through your hair. “How?” They all look at Valerie who groans.

“I was going to pick you up so we can follow Ma and Mom on the fancy restaurant when that girl asked… no demanded.”

“Her name is Wanda. And yes, we’re going on a date tomorrow.” Alsie cheers and you shake your head. You go to your room to change. You get down and you see that all of them are looking at you so you tell them all about her.

How she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. How her scent and presence can calm you right down. How she’s a reader like you. How you can talk to her about everything.

“When are we going to meet her?” Alsie asks and you choke on your dinner. Val chuckles and Zale glares at her as Dahlia helps you.

“Why?”

“Because? First friend and possibly girlfriend. Maybe even soulmate.”

“How do you know?” You ask and Alsie raises an eyebrow at your question.

“Know what?”

“That a person is your soulmate?” Valerie groans and Zale smacks her in the head. Alsie smiles at you.

“Simply put, sex.” Zale shakes Alsie while Dahlia looks murderous. Alsie is trying to calm Zale down while Valerie is holding in her laughter.

“She is right.” Dahlia sighs. “When two people have sex, do you know of knotting?” You nod as you finish your food.

“When an Alpha cums inside of an Omega or a Beta. Their penis gets larger and would need at least half an hour or an hour to get it back to normal before they can take it out.”

“How about marks?”

“When a person bites their partner’s neck during sex.”

“Yep. There are two kinds of marks. A mate mark and a soulmate mark. And even though only one person bites the neck. The two will have it at the same time.”

“A mate mark is smaller and would only stay for either a day or a week. It’s kind of a brand.”

“Like this.” Valerie shows hers and you hum.

“Is that from that girl?”

“Yep.” Zale sighs and Valerie sweats as she looks away.

“A soulmate mark is a permanent one.” Zale takes off her shirt. A bigger and clearer mark is on her chest and you gulp. “Like this, Your Ma gave it to me.”

“While you were making me?” Zale glares at Alsie who raises her hands.

“It appeared during our first time. It never disappeared.”

“And also, every mark is the same if it’s the first time between two people, only time would tell if they are soulmates or not.”

“So… if Wanda ever marks me… or if I even have the courage to ask her to do it with me then if it doesn’t disappear means-“

“She’s your soulmate.” You groan.

“I can’t ask her to do that! I don’t want to!”

“And that’s totally fine!”

“Are you an ace?” You glance at Valerie who is serious and you sigh.

“No. I don’t think so… but isn’t it too early for us… we haven’t even-“

“Feelings is a good indicator as well.”

“Yep. I just felt like the world stopped when I first saw Venus it was amazing.” Alsie smiles and you reciprocate it. She just looked so in love and happy. “She was just so beautiful then she smiled and I felt my heart burst. That was when I knew I had to chase her.”

“Chase?”

“Something an Alpha does whenever they find someone attractive.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Venus thought I was annoying but decided to give me a chance.” You chuckle and Alsie ruffles your hair. You grunt as she grins at you.

“Good luck tomorrow sis.” You sigh. Good luck indeed.

-

You put on your clothes for the date and hum as you get ready. You get your phone and the flowers you bought earlier that day.

“Looking good, Y/N.” Alsie says in approval when you got down.

“Thanks.” You look at the time and go to the door. “Bye, sis!”

“Yep. Bye!” You wave goodbye before leaving and closing the door.

-

You arrived at the spot 10 minutes earlier than the agreed time but she was already there and wearing your jacket.

“You’re early.” You grin as you approach her. She sees the bouquet in your hand and her heart beats faster. You smile and hold it out. “For you.” She takes it and smiles as she smells it.

“Thanks.” You hold out your hand and she takes it.

“You ready?” She nods with a smile.

-

It was a standard date. Movies, in which you both watched a new released rom-com. Then a dinner inside a diner that was your personal favorite to go to. You’ve decided to walk her home.

“Did you enjoy our date?” You ask nervously and Wanda laughs. You stop and she grins at you. “I’m serious.”

“You’re seriously dense.” She says and moves closer to you.

“I want to know.” She hums and grabs your jacket.

“I seriously enjoyed it.” She pulls you closer and you hum.

“Out of 10?” She laughs and pushes you away while you grin. Her laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ve ever heard.

“Seriously?” You shrug and she rolls her eyes.

“100.”

“Oh.”

“Just spending time with you can equivalent to 10 and you showing me your favorite places is just icing on the cake.” You take her hand and kiss it.

“Good.” Before you both knew it, you were both standing in front of her house.

“This is me.” You hum and look at the house.

“Pretty big house.” She laughs and you smile.

“I hope we do this again?” She asks and you nod.

“I sure hope so.” You let go of her hand and kiss her on the cheek. “I like spending time with you.” She pouts and before you know it, she pulls you by your jacket and kisses you. After your initial shock, you kiss her back. She tastes like the chocolate milkshake and omelet that you both ate earlier. You pull away slightly and she smiles.

“You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting to do that.” Your heart who was beating faster than usual feels like it’s in a race. One where you chase her.

“Good. I would love to do it again.” You kiss her again but you both pull away as Pietro calls her name. You look up and Pietro waves from his room.

“Hey, Y/N!” You wave at him back.

“Hey, Pietro.” He laughs.

“Wanda, was it a nice date?” You both blush at his question and Wanda groans.

“Pietro! Get inside!” He laughs but complies. She sighs and turns to you. “Sorry about him. He ju-“ You cut her off with a kiss. You grin as you pull away.

“Good night, Wanda. I’m looking forward to that next date.” She nods as you turn and walk away.

“Nice one, sis.” Wanda turns and Pietro was at their porch.

“Shut up, Pietro.” She grumbles and gets inside. She takes off your jacket and goes to her room. She smiles as she touches her lips. God, you were such a good kisser. And your hand… felt so right against hers. Her phone pings and she checks it.

You: How does Wednesday sound?

She laughs and replies before changing. She can’t wait to see you again on Monday.

-

As soon as you open the door, your family was up and front in your face. They were all asking different questions but only one thing was on your mind… Wanda. Okay, two things, how annoying your family is.

“Guys! Stop!” You say loudly and they all stop. They look at each other and chuckle. They were just so excited to see you go on a date. The day you knew that you were a Beta, you kinda swore to them that you won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of your grades… They didn’t knew back then that you were going to be a loner or you would not be socializing but Wanda changed that.

“Sorry, little one.” Zale ruffles your hair and smiles. “We just got excited.”

“And happy.” Dahlia hugs you and you hug your mother back. Everyone joins in and you can’t help the smile on your face.

“Thank you.” For being my family, for loving me and for accepting me. You didn’t voice the rest but hoped you could let them feel your gratitude.

-

A/N:

I just searched up the Eternals.... and I already got a fic idea. Damn. I'm now wondering if I could do it for Natasha... or Wanda.

I haven't even finished this sequel and yet my head is full of ideas.

Thank you for Reading!

[startanewdream]

Summary: Padfoot helps, James makes a fool of himself and Padfoot interrupts.

Or Lily's job as a dog walker is eventful.

_____________

“PADFOOT, NO!”

All in all, that’s the thing that Lily has been saying the most every day since she agreed to walk over that little beast that was released from hell exclusively to torment her.

The worst part is that this beast looks cute. Extremely cute, with the darkest and shiniest fur she has ever seen, warm brown eyes that look hugely sorry whenever he does something wrong (which seems to be all the time). Lily adores him except when Padfoot is misbehaving.

Again, all the time.

Every day since the first time she walked Padfoot, Lily has promised herself that she will inform his owner that she can’t do it anymore. But every day his owner looks at her apologetically, pays twice what they agreed on and winks at her as if asking “can you come back tomorrow, pretty please?”

Now, the double money is nice, Lily needs that job, the dog’s owner is not bad on the eye, but what makes her go back the next day is that Padfoot, that insufferable hellhound, comes back to nudge her with his wet nose, looking at her with his adorable eyes, and he looks so innocent that Lily agrees before she can think better.

But this is it. Seven days later, Lily is ready to finally give up, because Padfoot has done something graver than forcing her to change directions in the middle of the street so he can chase after pigeons, weirder than making her invade a house so he can chat with the cats and worse than invading a flower shop so he could sniff the flowers (and destroying half the plants in the process).

Padfoot pulled her towards a stranger.

For all his size, Padftoot isn’t an aggressive dog; but for all his size, when he is set into something, Lily and her one hundred and forty pounds can’t hold him, so before Lily can do anything more than scream (“PADFOOT, NO!”), Padfoot is running down the park, dragging her along, jumping towards a man and throwing him in the ground.

A second later, a full second in which Lily has time to reconsider every choice in her life that leads to this moment, the momentum throws Lily over the man in the ground.

And then for five very good seconds, Lily forgets all about Padfoot—if she thought about him, she might even thank him—because of every man in the world the dog could choose to jump over, he chose someone absolutely gorgeous. Lily notices first his face, his widen hazel eyes shining behind rectangular glasses, and a few wisps of his dark messy hair falling over his sweaty forehead. Then she sees his tanned skin, from his face to his chest—and when her eyes drop to his chest, she realizes he isn’t wearing any shirt, only some jogger pants, and she is thankful for the bright summer day because gods, he is fit.

Her hand over his chest twitches, and Lily swears she can feel his quick heartbeat—or perhaps it’s her pulse that is running quick, and Lily knows it was not the adrenaline of before.

“Wow,” he whispers, his voice mellow and deep and talking to her, and there is only—

Only a dog between them, licking the stranger’s very beautiful face, taking his glasses out.

“Hey, hey,” he says, laughing, and Lily remembers her current situation.

She jumps apart, knowing her face is deep red (and that embarrassment is only half the reason).

“I am so sorry!” she tells him, trying to pull Padfoot away. The man sits (damn those abs), hugging the dog, letting him keep his ministrations. “He has never—”

“That’s okay,” he tells her, grinning at her (damn this smile). “You are not a good boy, are you?”

Padfoot barks happily, looking very proud of himself.

“I’m really sorry, he doesn’t usually attack people and—” she looks at his dishevelled state (she is not admiring his body once more, she is not), with grass on his hair and dirt on his pants, not to mention all the drool over his face. “You are all dirty—”

“I was already in need of a shower,” he says distractedly (stop imagining him all wet). “I—oh.”

He doesn’t seem very concerned, but he turns his elbow to reveal a scratch from when he fell.

“Fuck, I’m so—”

“It’s no big deal,” he assures her easily. “I—”

“His house—I mean, his owner’s house is just across the street, let me help you.”

“Hm.” He seems strangely bashful. “Actually, I—”

“Just let me help you, please. I’ve been fixing his mess all week.”

“Hmmm.” He still seems opposed to the idea, his good hand scratching Padfoot’s hair almost absently. The dog looks very innocent there, standing with his mouth open, breathing fast. “I am James.”

“Oh,” she smiles at him, and his whole face alights with a grin of his own. “I’m Lily. Now that we know each other—”

“I’ll let you fix this mess,” he agrees, nodding, and when he accepts her hand to help him up, Lily tries to pretend she doesn't feel all the sparks.

_________

Because Padfoot always knows when he did something wrong, the return to his house is quiet and peaceful. He walks pompously, the image of the most behaved dog in the world, seeming glad about something that Lily can’t see.

Not that she is paying much attention, to be honest.

“So, what were you doing back there?” she asks, keeping her voice nonchalant.

“Meditation,” he says, and under her surprised look, James chuckles. To Lily’s dismay, he has picked up a shirt out of his bag, though he still looks very well. “Si… my best friend told me I had too much energy, I should try something to ease my mind.”

“Did it help?”

“Not very much. I was almost relaxing, but then there was this lady screaming and a dog—”

“I am so—”

“I’m joking! You really need to ease your mind too!” He throws her an amused laugh. “And what were you doing in the park?”

In answer, Lily shakes the leash in her hand. An adorable blush spreads over his cheeks.

“Yeah, of course, forget that I asked.”

Lily giggles softly. “Well, you may have hit your head,” she teases, though she is sure he didn’t.

“I hope so,” he whispers, and when her gaze meets his, the red in his cheeks intensifies. “I swear I don’t make a fool of myself usually. So—do you work with dog walking for very long?”

“Just one week actually—my first job is this little beast here.” In answer, Padfoot barks once more, proudly, agreeing with her.

“Padfoot is a nightmare,” James agrees, only fondness dropping from his voice as he stares at the dog.

Lily frowns. “How do you know?”

“'Cause he jumped over me?”

“No, how do you know he is called Padfoot?”

James blinks. “His tag?”

Lily nods slowly. “I guess… We are here.”

James has already stopped even before she says anything, but Lily doesn’t notice, busy opening the small gate to the backyard. Padfoot jumps once more, and this time she lets him loose, knowing he will only be running towards his favourite toys.

“You can wait there,” Lily tells James, indicating a few benches under a parasol in the backyard. “I’ll find some medical kit.”

James sits where she showed him, and he seems to struggle with something for a bit before— “I’d try the guest toilet, first drawer.”

Lily nods; it’s where she had thought first. She opens the door to the house with the spare key that Black has lent her—he won’t be back until seven, if she isn’t wrong—and finds her money over the kitchen table (double plus some more as if he knew that his dog would misbehave once more—very likely given his historic). But she moves forward, going to the toilet in the hall and, in the first drawer of the cabinet she finds a first kit aid.

James is waiting patiently for her, while Padfoot carefully offers him each toy for James to throw.

“He really likes you,” she tells him, sitting next to James. “It took me two days of bargaining to make him let me grab one of his toys.”

“I am a trustworthy person,” James says playfully. “You seem to think so.”

“I do?”

“Well, you just brought me here.”

“I trust Padfoot, he has good instincts. And I am sure Padfoot would defend me if you tried anything,” she says.

“I better not do anything then,” he says, and Lily bits her lip. She hadn’t meant like that.

She cleans his wound, using it as an excuse not to look at him. “Anything bad. After all, he threw me all over you today, so who knows.”

“Well, I’m not complaining,” James says, even as he grimaces when Lily applies alcohol over his wound. “Actually I’d consider rewarding him.”

“You hated meditation that much?” she teases, now bandaging his arm.

“Nah, you were just the most exciting thing that happened to me today. This week. This year—not that I was excited, I mean, not that you wouldn’t make me—I just mean—”

“James? You are babbling.”

“Making a fool of myself, sorry.”

“It… it was actually cute.”

“Oh.” He looks at her, his eyes shining. “Do you enjoy making men fool themselves around you?”

“That's exclusive of you, actually.”

His grin seems to radiate joy now. “So… how much of a fool I would be if I asked you to dinner with me tonight?”

“No dogs to disturb us?”

“No dogs allowed,” he says, and Lily swears he is getting closer.

“That seems perfect,” she agrees, her gaze falling to his lips (full and they look so soft)—

The backdoor opens violently and then Padfoot jumps from the place he had been quietly waiting on the floor.

“Missed you too, Pads!” Black cries, kneeling to accept his dog’s attention. Then he looks ahead and his gaze goes from Lily to James, his mouth opened in surprise.

Lily jumps, suddenly aware of her situation. At her side, James is shaking his head. “Mr. Black! I am so sorry, I can—”

“Sneaking around, James? Thought you wouldn't be back until Sunday!”

Lily blinks. “You know each other?”

“Ah—”

“Ah, Evans! That’s my best friend!”

“What?”

James lifts his hand, running through his hair. “I was going to tell you—”

“So… so that’s why Padfoot ran to you?”

“I didn’t know you’d be there—”

“And you just let me make a fool out of myself?”

“Lily—”

“Hmm, can anyone tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m out. That’s what's going on. I’m leaving.”

“I'm so sorry, Lily, I didn’t mean, I just—”

“No, just… no.”

She shakes her head, walking away, and as she reaches the gate, she feels something brushing her leg, and Lily lowers her eyes to find the familiar black dog glancing at her.

“I haven’t a clue what the hell is happening, but you’ll be back tomorrow, Evans?” she hears Sirius asking, and Padfoot bends his head to the side as if he is asking her the same question.

Lily touches the dog’s head, caressing him under his ear, and his tail swings hopefully for her. His pupils are huge, looking like the most adorable dog in the world, and he barks softly at her before turning his head; Lily follows his gaze to see that James is looking at her, looking very sorrowful and as pleading as Padfoot.

She turns away.

“No, you’ll need to find someone else,” she says and forces herself to close the gate without looking back.

(to be continued. Don't hate me)

[its-me-im-coraline]

Curiosity Killed the Cat // Thomas Raggi

words // 1179

warnings // small sexual scene, subby thomas, me trying to be poetic ig

pairing // Thomas Raggi x Gender Neutral Reader

author's note // i haven't written smut in yeaaaars omg I feel so rusty. let me know if this sucks or if you liked it. big thank you to this amazing person, @tabi-toast for proof reading this cause I suck at proof readin so yay (although you might want to read it again cause I might have changed it in a spur of inspiration last night 👀)

request // yes, here

summary // Thomas and reader find themselves in quite the compromising position for the poor eyes of a band member. Seems like the lines between work and personal life are quite blurry for the two.

It all started during the summer; a hot June day, to be clichè. I had just started working for the group Måneskin, as part of their PR team. It has been quite the interesting job for me, being new in the city of Rome and whatnot, coming to be part of the team for a music group seemed magical at first. Key word: at first. As they gained more and more popularity my job became relatively hectic, my anxiety rising like a virus latched onto my brain and never letting it go. Thus how I found myself in this predicament.

Being around the band meant creating bonds with them, some more than others. It is not that I don't like it, but rules are a thing; rules that put my job on the line over the risky looks or the racy touches here and there. But some rules are just made to be broken. Any feelings like that were bound to be hidden and never been seen by anyone but him.

The first time I got caught up in Thomas is a blur. There was some drinks, some celebration happening, and neither of us truly wanted to be there. At first the balcony felt like a good idea, with the fresh air and allowing him to take a smoke as we spoke. Maybe it was the young of our age, or maybe is the deep attraction we have for each other, that kept us talking as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe it was the wine, or the whiskey, that led us to sneak out of the venue. No one knows what it was neither how it happened.

The next morning was a blurry dream. Bleary eyes opening up in an unfamiliar enviroment, the light shining in my eyes and the soft breaths of someone. Saying it was a shock is an understatement. My heart was beating out of my chest. They can't know. But I do, and it is enough to fill me up with guilt. So I got up and left, just like that, forgetting about that night, or at least trying to.

The thing is that I could not get him out of my head since that event. His hands on my body or his begging, begging for something to happen, to be given to him. Every sinful move of my body on his was clouding my mind, day in and day out, for weeks. It was a never-leaving thought, a film I tried ending so many times. But the truth is I need it; I need him, and as it seems he needs me, too. That night was just the start of an addiction.

About a month later, it happened again, but this time we were both fully sober, only being drunk on each other. We both wanted it fully, very well in our minds knowing this. It was spoken out loud, in words and in action how much we craved for this. From the second time and after it became a reoccurring thing; an arrangment neither could deny. We mutually agreed that this was a perfect stress reliever - no strings attached, no emotions other than the friendship we had grown to share so it was not awkward being around each other, we just fulfilled each other's needs without expecting anything out of it, without others expecting anything from it. It was ment to be a deal, there were meant to be no feelings and we both thought we had that perfected, but we were mostly hiding our feelings as we were hidding our noises; badly.

Once again we found ourselves hiding away, this time it was more public than usual. His dressing room. The door wouldn't lock, and as much as I tried to deny it, the excitement of possibly getting caught is what drove me even more insane, besides the view of the man beneath my body.

— smutty moment in case you don't want to read it, it isn't necessary —

So there he was now, withering, struggling beneath my finger tips. It started softly, hands roaming his body, lips attached to each other. Every kiss was like nectar and every move was like petals. How could something feel so soft but so rough at the same time?

"Oh mio dio, fai qualcosa, per fav-" could not even finish his sentence as my hands moved all over his dick before my lips attached to it momentarily, a swift shuck on his tip and a kiss, before moving away again.

"I told you to be quiet, pet. It's like you want everyone to know what a naughty boy you are, no?" I swear the effect I had on the man. Just one simple word and his whole body shuddered, no need for anything else. "Besides, I am not sure if you should get rewarded for your behavior tonight."

"No no, please, I tried, I really did, per favore."

"That's just disrespect, pet. I might as well just," stop. All I did was stop as he wiggled beneath me on the couch.

"I said, be quiet! Now be a good boy and do a little something for me. Only then will you get what you want, yeah?"

He nodded his head, still so drowsy from the pleasure and the pain; such addictive delirium he was in.

"Use. your. words." His eyes were glossy, as if from crying, but he wasn't willing to stop this, so words he used. A simple si, nothing else, it was enough to show me how he was behaving.

"Now, show me how well you can pleasure me," I said, laying back on the couch, waiting for his hands and lips to do their work on me.

— end of smutty moment —

"Hey, Thomas, did I leave my ch- You're at it again?" At that moment everything went in slow motion. Damiano's voice was heard so close to us, inside the room, but could it be.

"Get the fuck out of here? What are you looking at?"

"Yes, yes, sorry," and with that he was out the room, leaving me and Thomas alone again.

For a second neither of us knew what to do or think. Not only did Damiano just walk in on us, on a position that no one was supposed to know of, he already knew. I couldn't understand which is worse in that momen. Did anyone else know? Did my superiors know? Oh my what if they did?

In the moment we just stopped. Paused our predicament and got dressed up again, hoping that we could clear it all up after their show. So we waited. We waited till the show was over. And until we all got together. But it was quiet, not a word about what happened. Damiano wouldn't say a word, just stare, sternly, seeing that even then neither of us could keep away. If looks could kill his would've been bloody but both Thomas and I would go down satisfied.

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