#and then my brain went 'well if we're not drowning than we're having a heart attack'

[thesmokinpossum]

Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊

[harumwahsa]

Since his demo's title is "When the Crows Perch", I've done a little digging around about the symbolism of crows. I only knew that crows are related to death and misfortune before, so I was curious if there were actually other symbolisms.

I have puked out my brain. 🙂 I made the important parts in coloured fonts, so I hope it'll be an easy read.

So! About crows.

Known for their intelligence and their capability to adapt to different environments, crows symbolise changes and transformation. They're also believed to be spiritual messengers; thus, seeing them is a sign to take a different perspective in life.

Other than that, crows are sharp and cautious creatures, which is why people deem that a crow's presence is an omen. A bad one? A good one? Either is actually possible.

In Harumasa's demo, however, what we saw wasn't just any crowーwe saw white crows. Is there a difference? I did more digging. White is a symbol of purity and seeing a white crow is a rare occurence, so a white crow is believed to be a symbol of fortune. In other words, it can be interpreted as: there will be a good change ahead.

Now, let's look at the white crow that appeared in the demo.

It has yellow eyes. Like Harumasa. Is it on purpose? Could it be that it's also a representation of who he used to be; a child with pure intentions who people saw as their hope? Was he the white crow of his family/wherever he came from?? Actually, he could very much still be a white crow for those people, considering the fact that he is a prodigy since young.

I have that thought because in the 1.4 Special Program, they mentioned that a lot of expectations were placed on him. While it could be worn like a badge of honour, the weight of the sense of responsibility that comes with it could be like shackles. Ouch.

Anyway...

Speaking of changes, I took a look at these pictures again.

(1) "Something he can't get over or leave behind." Can't blame him. People expect a lot from him, and he also went through terrifying experiences. None of these things could be dropped so easily.

(2) BabyMasa is in the brighter side of the room, while the man is in the darker sideーin fact, the man is in grayscale. The only thing coloured is that syringe filled with unknown red substance, hidden behind his back. Suspicious lil shーanywaaaaay. I think it's safe to assume that this picture conveys that the man is the one who tainted the white crow image Harumasa has been carrying.

Soooooo.

White crow is a sign of fortune, but to Harumasa? Absolutely not. Everytime he encounters white crow(s), he's painfully reminded of the monster inside him. Something he keeps refusing to accept. ⬇️

Scribbling over his medical reports. I can be delusional and say that his doctor was the one who did that out of boredomーbut yeah. Let's be real and drown in agony instead. Harumasa probably reads his medical records often. That thing was on his bedside table with his pills, somewhere easy to reach. Can't sleep? Bedtime story. Oh, would you look at that! I'm sick!! 😦

Let me dump a whole packet of salt into your wounded heart as well while we're at it. I just want to point out the changes of his pictures in his medical records.

18th July.

First scene: A picture of his adult self in his medical records. Harumasa woke up without his choker on. Curtains were closed. It was raining outside. Choker on. Maybe this would contain his nightmarish thoughts? Wrong. Even while he was fighting against the Ethereals, he saw himself in them. Arrow shot, injecting his younger self. In the Special Program, it was mentioned that he has to clock off on time, even in battlefield. I guess we can say that he doesn't want to be surrounded by these things that remind him of his condition.

Second scene: A picture of when he was a child in his medical records. More scribbles. Harumasa woke up with his choker on. The rain has stopped. Maybe the thoughts would stop this time? Oh. Mirror crackedーa sign of misfortune. Horrors persisted.

No picture in the last one. He was also not on his bed in the last scene. The curtains were left opened, there were lights streaming in. The birthday message came in. I would say that he was out and celebrating, or that he was doing a mission. But, I doubt someone would leave their phone behind if that were the case.

"Congrats on making it this far." Did he really? He couldn't accept himself in the current time. He couldn't accept his past either.

.... I don't need to spell out what this particular scene could imply, right?

MOVING ON.

His choker is used to cover up the injection marks. I wonder if they deliberately made four of these marks, given that 4 ('shi') means death. We Harumasa lovers live in constant worry. Actually, scratch that. We Harumasa lovers live in constant FEAR.

Even with the choker on, he still covered his neck with his hands when he was called a monster. It could be that he was recalling all those times he was injected, God knows how many times, by chemicals. It could be an attempt to deny the existence of those marks. It could be a way to reassure himself, to tell himself that he's still a human. Or it could be all of them together.

This "Look closer... it's YOU." scene is also stuck in my head. I just think it's intriguing. This scene could have two meanings, no? "Look closer... it's YOU." WHICH?!? The heroic Harumasa, or the monster he became? Both...?

If this "Look closer... it's YOU." message was from the white crow, then it might be referring to Harumasa being a saviour, regardless of what he is. BUT, the way he interpreted it? Of course he couldn't see himself as such. Not when fear consumes him, nope. All he sees is a murderous monster, through and through.

Okay. I'm done vomitting words. My head is empty YAAAY. 🥳 Thank you for reading! Let's heal ourselves now with a handsome picture of Asaba Harumasa. 💛

[sh1-n0bu]

Okay (takes a deep breath) HELLO

I hope you are doing well..So I recently started following you. I'M JUST IN LOOOOVE IN YOUR WRITING

so I had like this angst idea.I'm a sadist.I enjoy putting my fav characters through hell

Angst ask ( I'm still confused about the rules so please forgive me)

Angst (little yandre s/o)

Let's say that we're m/n and we love our s/o very much. We have a vision and we're like the perfect person to exist on teyvat (I literally met a like this person today) looks 100👍 personality (cute, caring and strong ofc) anyway buff them as much u want.So we went on a mission almost died by getting injured.Somehow made it back to s/o's special day.Spend the whole day with them while dying (u know tanjiro who never dies no matter how much injuries he has) like that.But we got ambushed in middle of nowhere .S/o got hit first and became a burden. Can't fight because of the injury (for s/o) and became almost paralyzed and barely killing the enemies.On the other hand we're dying before but everything crashed and we're fighting with death and enemies and had to protect s/o also (S/O was really weak today and we took the hit again for them and finish the whole fight alone) we almost or say SAYONARA BITCH and maybe die on them or our vision is losing it's glow quickly and we are drowning in our own blood

Ur choice

The self hate part (while the're paralyzed) their dark thoughts are talking over them

It's their fault for being so useless

It's their fault we are almost dead or dead

It's their fault

Their fault

Ahhh sorry because this shit is so long

I had more on my brain ehehehe

Anyway if you don't like it please feel free to ignore it

Loooooove you

(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

😈anon (The emojis are so messed up in this device)

Have a great year ahead

Best of luck

Byeeeeee

✿ 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 ✿

characters: 6reeze x nb!reader

warnings: blood, fighting, canon typical violence, reader has vision, almost dying, angst, light crack and fluff

notes: WOOOO man 😈 nonnie bby you popped off for this one! also wtf nobu is still alive y’all 😨😨

definitely the type to blame himself the most if the people he loves and cares for would get injured, even if he was in another nation when it happened

you get that feeling of immense guilt when you accidentally step on your pet and they yowl very loudly in pain and you want to apologize and pet them to soothe them but they’re backing away from you?

yeah take that feeling and multiply it ten times, that’s how aether felt when he heard your pained shout when trying to get yourselves away from the ambush

when he saw your body fall down to the dirt with blood slowly seeping into the grass, painting the beautiful field in heartbreaking red, he blanked out

only came to himself when your hand touched his cheek, reminding him that you’re both alive as paimon sobs between you two

he was just so worried that you will leave him behind just like lumine and he couldn’t help the aching feeling of his heart being stabbed as his eyes felt more watery and his throat clenched up

aether already lost a loved one and he’s desperately trying to find her and bring her back, so please be careful and always come back to him and paimon

sobbing into your shoulder as his arms wrapped tightly around your body, the blonde traveler couldn’t tell if the wetness he feels on his cheeks is either from his tears or your blood. and he can’t make out any noises other than the ringing, the terrified thumps of his heart and paimon’s sobs. were you alive? please be alive.

feeling a hand wipe away his tears, aether pulled back from sobbing to your shoulders as he looks at you with wide and puffy eyes. you were alive!

tackling you down into a hug, he ignored your pained grunt as he wailed loudly into your chest. clinging to your shirt, weakly hitting your shoulders as he rambled about being more careful and to never make him nor paimon this worried ever again.

“yeah yeah… but aether we need to patch ourselves up before we bleed out to death”.

“…oh”.

the karmic debt that eats away at his mind, body and heart is always on the brink of taking over and turning him into a mindless, raging beast

and thanks to his karma, the guardian yaksha is always at the tip of his feet. ready to run away, desert himself or if needed to, spread out his golden wings and fly far far away where he would harm no one. only himself

sadly it was another day where his karma was at it’s worst. every single movement, shifting of muscles feeling like they’re being torn apart, every little inhale and exhale of breath feeling like his lungs are being stabbed

that’s when it happened. the ambush, the fatui, the accident - it all happened too fast for the adepti to even realize what was going on until something wet splatters on his cheek

blood. your blood

at that, the guardian yaksha put on his mask, uncaring of the agony in his body as he dashes between the ambushers, swiftly taking them down before returning to your side

feeling a shaky hands trying and failing miserably over and over to wrap a bandage around your torso, you manages to crack an eye open to stare at the blurry figure of your boyfriend. faintly you could hear him cuss under his breath as his weak state tries to stop the bleeding with trembling hands. from fear? anxiety? his own karma? you didn’t know and neither did he.

“shit shit shit shit! just stay awake [name]! we’re almost at the wangshu inn!”

noticing your eyes growing hazy, he places a hand on your shoulder and gently shakes you, causing you to grunt in pain. shit was that the wrong move? did he accidentally caused your injuries to worsen?

the touch of your hand covering his own gloved ones snaps him out of his inner tantrum as he looks at your face.

“idiot… why are you smiling?”

“hahah… calm down, love… it’s not that deep. we can walk to the wangshu inn together…”

as the most famous detective and doushin of inazuma, heizou tends to attract a few ill intention carrying people to himself. and that’s precisely why he always tries to keep your relationship a secret even if he desperately wants to hold your hand in public, take you out on nice dates and see the many beautiful sceneries together

alas, not all relationships can exactly be happy go lucky. more so if the person your in a relationship with is the most successful detective of inazuma

all it happened in a blink of an eye. you and him were just supposed to take a nice walk around the beaches together at late night without too many prying eyes and curious whispers, yet heizou seems to have underestimated just how dirty the kairagi can play

the detective even tried threatening when the gang of treasure hunters and nobushis didn’t budge, instead deciding to attack straight at the two of you. the anemo user was fast but the treasure hoarders were too many for him to handle, causing both of you to end up injured

when seeing your bleeding chest, his breath hitches. hands starting to shake, breathing picking up pace as his mind goes back in a memory lane, way back to when his first and only childhood friend laid dying in his arms with the stupid green pebble clutched in his hand

was this real? was that incident happening all over again? no. no no no no, he can’t - he couldn’t lose you. not you. anyone but you -

feeling your weight slump over his shorter frame, the detective snaps out of his momentary panic attack. as your arm comes up to rest on his shoulder, the wine colored haired young man understands your intention. wrapping his own arm around your middle, heizou guides yourselves back to inazuma city as fast as he could support your larger frame.

“hehe… seems like… people might just find out that we’re dating huh ‘zou?”

“heh… just keep your energy and keep walking [name]”

only when hearing that your wounds weren’t in fatal places did shikanoin managed to breathe out a sigh of relief. shoulders sagging as he feels the heavy weight of anxiety slip off of his body, the doushin enters the room you’re resting in to give you a nice long lecture to never jump in front of him to use yourself as a shield again.

after living in hundreds of years under the perfectly hidden disguise, the anemo archon has seen and heard everything the world had to offer. from the joys of his people during festivals to now, the familiar, disgusting feeling of dread churning in his stomach as he waits for your healing to finish

it was a sudden ambush, he was told by the small group you were traveling with. apparently a few abyss heralds had shown up, causing you to use your pyro vision too much to the point you ended up burning your own self

venti couldn’t sit still. pacing back and forth in front of the door of the cathedral, tapping his feet anxiously, fiddling with the necklace you lovingly placed around his collarbone on your relationship’s first year anniversary - now feeling like he was being choked by the gift he treasured

after what seems like hours, the door opens and he’s let in to meet you

you were staying in one of the emergency rooms at the back of the cathedral. the soft glow of the sunset peeking in through the window shining down on your unconscious body, making him feel a mix of awe at your visage but also dread at the amount of pain your body could possibly be going through

dragging a chair up to sit beside your bed, the bard decides to stay beside your recovering figure until you wake up

grunting and shifting, you could feel the bright afternoon sun beating down on you. it felt unconscious and annoying, why didn’t venti close the curtains? he knows how much you hate the afternoon sun.

wait… venti… curtains…

forcing your eyes to open up, you felt a soft tiny weight laying down on your chest right over your beating heart. bringing a bandaged hand up, you poked at the small figure of the wind spirit.

ah right… the accident with the traveling and the abyss heralds.

at the fifth poke, the tiny wind spirit seems to wake up. yawning, the little guy sits up on your chest before his sleepy hazed mind finally realizes you’re awake.

throughout the rest of the afternoon and way into the night, some of the sisters in the cathedral could hear your voice talking back to an angry sounding chirps. they decided to just act like it never happened and continue on with their work.

“human life is worthless”.

that’s what the puppet always scoffs whenever he comes across a grave or reminded of your mortality by your silly questions of “will you remember me after i’m dead?”

and yet why was he screaming his lungs out as he shakes your unconscious body in his arms?

why was it raining? why was his eyes wet even with the wide brimmed hat covering his face?

… why were you bleeding in the middle of the avidya forest?

after having a meltdown over your paling body, wanderer decides to act quick and take you to someone named tighnari. you’ve introduced the two while you were showing the puppet around sumeru, “he’s great with medicine and is one of the best forest rangers” he could remember your smiling fave as he recalls your words

scooping up your body into his arms, the former harbinger uses his anemo vision to fly towards the small village where the forest ranger is located

bursting in through the front door, wanderer nervously calls out for tighnari as he disregards the many looks of worry, fear and pity around him. he just needed to get you to help fast

it had been a few days since your lover had found you bruised and bleeding on avidya forest’s grounds. there’s not a single moment where he’s gotten up and left your side. not even once, not even when the fennec fox pesters him that he should look out for his own health as well.

just how the fuck was he supposed to look over himself when you could very well be on the thin line between life and death?

it was on the fourth day when the puppet felt your fingers twitch in his gentle grasp. sitting up straight, he sits closer to your unconscious body, hoping, praying to the archons that any sign could be seen or heard.

and this time, the archons seems to have took pity on the poor heartbroken puppet as you shifted and groaned, finally starting to wake up. he breathed out a sigh of relief, a single stray tear falling down his puffy eyes as he wipes it away before cradling your cheeks in his hands tenderly.

“welcome back, darling…”

oh gosh imagine the amount of ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks and self blaming this man gets when he sees you get injured

even worse, when you two are fighting together on the battlefield

when you would get injured his state of mind is immediately reverting back to tomo’s death. the blank vision of his friend, the lightning that incarnated his flesh and bones leaving behind nothing to burry, nothing to remember him by, the sheer absolute helplessness the kaedehara felt

acting on pure instincts alone, the samurai scoops up your bleeding body in his arm and he does the same thing he has done before. run.

only when far away from the ambush place and their chasers could no longer be seen or heard does he allows himself to breathe

placing down your injured body, kazuha brings out a few rolls of bandages as he looks over your wounds

was it in a lethal place? how deep was it? did the ambushers had elemental powers? he didn’t know nor could he remember. his vision is just red as his chest heaves, mind being overridden with nothing but panic

this scenery, this moment, this feeling - it was all too familiar to the poor samurai, he couldn’t even comprehend what was real or what was fake

everything was too much

that was, until he feels your hand tugging on his kimono sleeve

finally taking a few deep breaths to calm his mind and racing heart, kaedehara starts to patch up your wounds, albeit a bit sloppily with his trembling hands

staggering with your taller frame leaning on his shorter one for support, kazuha could make out beidou and the crux members’ surprised and worried shouts as some of them drops the luggage they were moving into the ship, instead running over to the couple to aid their members.

as one of the men take your unconscious body away from him, kazuha finds himself following behind wordlessly to the med room. archons was the blood on his white kimono yours? have you truly lost this much blood?

… would you be okay?

snapping himself out of his sudden dark thought, the wandering samurai feels beidou place a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. she could see the young man wasn’t injured, then that would only mean all of the blood on him is from you.

quietly standing together, the captain and the samurai awaits for the medic to finish patching you up. becoming a comforting pillar to lean on to each other as some time passes until the medic finally comes out with a small smile.

just by looking at the medic, kazuha knew you would pull through. that was how you always were. strong and steady, just like the geo vision you had mastered.

[imsogayyippee]

18 and 40

hi i am SO sorry ive been ignoring this ask for like a month and a half. i wasnt feeling like answering asks idk why😭

Song 18: Again by Crusher-P (sorry if this is a cover and not the person who actually made it, I've seen other versions and idk if this is the original but this is the one I listen to lol)

this is more of an alex song than a timlex one but anyways!!!!!!!!!!

"I haven't been myself lately/I don't blame you for not wanting to stay/Saying things that I don't mean, not meaning what I say" "What am I supposed to say/When I end up driving everyone away?"

pre mh alex slowly growing more like,,, aggresive or whatever because of the operator

"Cause I am on fire/A crying, burning liar/Seeing nothing/Nothing/But myself/And I'm the one with the lighter!"

self explanatory. I do feel like this kind of works as a way to show their parallels though

"God, what happened to my heart?/I'm about to fall apart/Again, again"

Alex thinking he's unfixable/incurable from what he's done. Maybe this would be post-MH and the fall apart thing is like falling apart even when he tried to better himself.

"And you're never coming back/And I'm not okay with that/And I should've never let myself get attached/Again"

I wasn't really gonna include this but since this is supposed to be about Timlex. I will. Tim and Alex separating, each going their own ways, after Alex dropped the production of MH and maybe Alex eventually thinking back on that?

"What's done is done/And nothing's gonna change/I should be moving on/But I still feel the same"

Alex forcing himself to not think about the people he's killed/what he's done.

"And it's like everyday is a fight for my life/To get some self-control/And when you've forgotten who I am/It just feels, it just feels/Like I'm nobody at all"

Again, post-MH Alex being encouraged to try and better himself (by Tim), but after what's happened, he's never gonna go back to what he was before MH. Even if Tim probably wouldn't expect this, knowing that after what they've both gone through, they probably couldn't "go back to how they were before", Alex would still think that's what Tim thought would happen.

"I found myself hitting the ground/I held my breath incase I drown"

Kind of a stretch, but it's like implied(? that the operation sickness symptoms mimic drowning, such as the coughing and stuff. I mostly got this from night mind's videos lol

"I should've known when to let go/And when to see who I was being"

Alex maybe thinking back(? to how he should've tried to get help when he noticed himself growing more paranoid, aggressive, etc because of the operator.

--

Song 40: Dead Girls by Penelope Scott

This song to me is more "Tim after MH" than anything else but yeah. It's more in here specifically for timlex because of like one line so. oopsies :3

"Sometimes I see her on the sidewalk/Biking on the wet chalk/Spelling out their names/And I feel insane/Cause I know it's just a game that I'm playing with my brain/I don't see her, but I see her/And I know it isn't real"

Tim after MH hallucinating/having nightmares about Jay/Brian/Alex.

"But I fake it anyways/Pull a smile and wave/Nod and look away/Wait for it to fade/But it happens all the time/People say it's fine/My roommate says they're killing us/But we're killing ourselves"

Him ignoring the hallucination/nightmare or maybe playing along with it(? to at least pretend that they're still alive. I know they don't really interact much in post-MH, but the roommate thing could refer to Jessica? Since it's kinda like. excluding her from "people say it's fine", which would make more sense since she actually went through MH too lol

"I'm surrounded by/Dead girls on the road/Dead girls on my phone/Dead girls, where do they go?/All of the fucking/Dead girls, all around/Dead girls in my town/Dead girls, I don't know/Dead girls, where do they go?"

"On the road" could refer to Jessica, still alive but a reminder of MH. "On my phone" well. marble hronets channel. "Where do they go?" could refer to the ark? lol

"And it'd be wrong to say I miss them/I didn't really know him/I just had a couple friends who say they knew him well/He'd seemed like something special/Really, don't they all?/I guess before you're gone, it can be kinda hard to tell"

THIS IS THE TIMLEX LINE!!!!!!!!! Tim might start feeling like he misses Alex even if (in this song's case) they didn't date before MH nor did they really know each other. He'd probably start thinking about how Alex was literally just some guy and then he had to go through something similar as Tim, but he just 'couldn't handle it well'.

"And if all you ever see are dead girls/If all you hear is terrible news/Maybe it's not all about them, the dead girls/Maybe it's more about you/The living need attention too"

In a way, this could be seen as how Alex said that Tim was the source: "if everyone around you gets operator sickness, why do you think it is?"

--

YEAH if you wanna add anything. go ahead!!!

[epicfranb]

Here are my reactions to Bdubs's first Secret Life episode!

EPISODE STARTS WITH ETHUBS GREAT START I'M LOVING THIS ALREADY 👏👏👏

Bdubs really digs his mine ONE BLOCK AWAY FROM ETHO'S 😭😭😭 I'm telling you this man is NOT OKAY

This is like them pissing together except mining 1 block apart from each other (cuz they're not gay)

"You can't even tell your best friend" you mean yourself? "You can't even tell me" yup.

"I really wanna tell you really bad" I'M TELLING YOU THIS IS THE PERFECT START.

LIZZIE IS BACK NOW I ACTUALLY FEEL THE HYPE HELLOOOOO!!!!

Mesa on the map 👀

Bdubs feels so bad about killing horses god bless his pure soul 😭😭

Oh so they can't regenerate AT ALL once they lose their hearts they are GONE. No potions no gapples nothing

YOU CAN GIFT HEARTS??? this is huge

"My boy Bdubs" Etho is also not okay

Bdubs in Last Life gives Etho a shield bc Etho forgets them all the time... This season Etho remembers the shields first and then makes Bdubs one.... And they giggle so sweetly :( I HATE THEM...

And now they're reminiscing about good old times. Great

MUMBO IS ALSO IN IT???? How many people do we have this time?! Is Ren in this one?

They didn't play on 1.18 generation in LimLife where everyone died left and right but they DO play it on the season where you can't regenerate hearts. Awesome decision making

Paused on this bit and just want to say. Team STEM

Aww Mumbo Pearl and Bdubs neighbors? :O :D

That was just three nicknames in a row with no pause in between. Skizz comes in saying "Pearlie-Pop! :D" Pearl goes "Skizzlie!! :D" and Bdubs instantly goes "Hey Skizzie!!!" They are so silly and whimsical

Bdubs: Hey Skizz i have words of affirmation for you

Skizz: That's so last season 🙄

Bdubs: *collects Cleo's wheat* nothing to see here! Just borrowing some stuff! 🥰

Cleo: Oh that's fine , they're not mine, they're Lizzie's :D

Bdubs: OH SHOOT*glues the sugar cane back on*

I see this man has his priorities straight 😭😭

THEY GET OP REWARDS FOR COMPLETING SECRET TASKS???

BDUBS REALLY SUGGESTED HIM MUMBO AND PEARL BE CALLED AXIS THANK GOODNESS CLEO WS THERE

So Bdubs is now sort of in a team with Mumbo and Pearl. The question is though: will be be undyingly loyal to them 🤔

The rock thing with the rewards is so watcher-core you just know the watcher fandom will eat well this season LMAO

Cleo: Hey Bdubs where's your boyfriend?

Bdubs: Etho is...

That's it. I'm done. This season has peaked. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm quitting. My career is over. I don't have anything else to do or say I'm done.

I CAN'T BELIEVE BDUBS ANSWERED BEFORE FULLY PROCESSING WHAT CLEO SAID. HIS BRAIN JUST WENT "My boyfriend? Oh yeah that's Etho" i actually flat out CANNOT believe it's only the first episode and is already gayer than Last Life 😭😭😭

Riding a camel wearing a helmet (against the rules) holding tnt like a slut he is

I wonder if the admins themselves assign everyone their tasks. Whether that's the case or not, it's VERY ironic that Bdubs, a master builder, gets a task to build the ugliest house known to man and people end up looking at it and going "what a creative idea!" and decide to make it there gimmick as well.

ETHO'S TASK IS TO GET EVERYONE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT?! THAT'S CRUEL MAN i can't wait to hear him whine and whimper about it in his video

Joel wants to build a mound as well? 👀 Bdubs and Joel alliance? 👀

THE MOLES. GREAT

Mumbo's "tell a bunch of puns" and Etho's "get everyone to sleep at once" you can clearly see who is watchers' favorite etc etc

Scar threatens to burn down Jimmy's house againSJJDKDKDKFJJDJ

Skizz: *hears Bdubs's secret* i do that without a task xD

Skizz: we're all pretty old, maybe our island is called Heart Problems 😭😭 he says out of nowhere

Can't believe Tango and Skizz lit up their island and get attacked by 2 baby zombies, a creeper, a witch and a Trident drowned 😭😭😭

[bells-of-black-sunday]

"You have such big hands,"

He muttered softly, his voice almost swallowed by the chattering voices from the movie that flickered on their living room television that he was willfully ignoring to intensely focus on the lines of Tarhos' palm. Haruko was nestled up close n' cozy against Tarhos' side, and was quite distracted by the arm wrapped around him; his little gremlin hands peeking from beneath the depths of two thick blankets, to play with his lover's fingers. As the film transitioned into a light-hearted comedic scene, Haru's focus began to wane, the plot losing its grip on his fleeting attention; thankfully he remembered just enough to start running his mouth when the scene grew into some panning shots of the city or wherever the cast had ended up ━

"Y'know, we should talk about what we're going to do for our honeymoon." As if it was nothing and with a playful twist, Haru turned onto his back and peeped up at him with those big, dark eyes and plush parted lips. "There's just so many options - I mean we could really go anywhere with my savings and your bazillion dollars a year job." With a short snicker.

"Not sure if I wanna do something tropical or like … rigorous. Like a European tour would be so much fun," he continued, a hint of excitement brightening his expression, "Buuuuut I'm going to be so tired riding you that I don't know if I could keep up." He paused, finally taking a moment to catch his breath as he mused and closed his eyes, "On the other hand though," he continued with a rather cute and annoyed huff, "I think lounging on a beach for a month would also get pretty fucking boring too. I guess we could explore the island, Ugh wait ━ I don't wanna be one of those people that get lost and die in the woods ━ Oh! What's it called? 411? Or is that just in the States? Did you ever go on any rescue missions for that? Isn't it military?"

He paused, blinking up to Tarhos before his brain caught up to his mouth. Clear embarrassment on his face, "That ... sorry, I guess I'm just excited thinkin' about it. Did you have any ideas already … ?"

Long days of work really made moments like these better. Curled up on their couch with the rain gently tapping against the window... he'd be lying if he said he didn't nearly fall asleep a few times. Haru's voice made him focus back in on reality yawning with a soft chuckle as he listened to him ramble. Like every word were just his thoughts spilling freely as if his head couldn't contain his energy. Tarhos would happily drown in that excitement. Gently grasping his hand to kiss his knuckles... missing? Military....? Where was his mind going? Ah.

"No I never went on rescue missions like that, mostly just search and secure. Spent more time walking than seeing anything... I do know I don't want to go back to a desert. Too hot. Too dull." Too many bad memories. He never really talked about his tours, well— he talked about them to that shrink that Robin recommended after everything. They just never usually came up between him and Haru. Even then it was easier to talk about the bad parts like they happened to someone else and he didn't want to traumatize his boyfriend for just asking a question.

"I haven't even asked you to marry me yet and you're already thinking about the honeymoon?" The bodyguard snorts leaning down to kiss the crown of his head, "I think we could get into trouble anywhere we go. Plenty of places with nice beaches that are tourist towns, there's nice beaches in Europe too. Plenty of history there too, I know you're really into that kind of thing." Tarhos sighed getting comfortable again the tv completely fading into background noise as he struggled to keep his tired thoughts in order, "Mmm... but the mountains are nice too. We can always decide later I guess."

[agapi-kalyptei]

Today feels like a new chapter. Went swimming for the first time in, well, over 6 months since my previous tickets have expired. Oops. Bought 20 tickets, set a timer and swam however much my body wanted to swim, the only regret is that I haven't done it sooner. Or I guess that I didn't have the energy to do it sooner.

The last two years are just gone. Just two thirds of everything wasted. Too sick tired to move. Too tired to socialize. Too brain dead to work on projects. 18 months without antidepressants, minus the 4 weeks of tricyclics which of course just made me more brain dead.

But now the weather is colder, I'm alive again. I can think. I can read about neuroscience. I can compose and cook and paint. The bad days will come back I'm sure, but I refuse to give up, to lose hope, to sit idly when the world needs encouragement more than anything.

As a kid and as an adult too, I had some naive dreams about some sort of greatness. Not fame, not riches, nothing newspaper worthy, but still I wanted to be a special boy who touches hearts with good music or rescues people from burning rubble or makes games that become favorite memories.

And I'm not stopping with art, but my purpose seems clearer. The real weight is in my intangible contribution to people. (I mean if you're drowning I'd try to save you, of course, but most of life won't be that theatrical. If I save your life, I hope we never tell anyone.) It's not going to be "I can fix her", it's going to be about smiling and metaphorically patting people on the back and encouraging them to move forward.

I won't stop wars or fascism or bring equality or undo genocides or defeat capitalism or invent a cure for migraines. But I'll be around those who want to be helped. We move forward. Unceasing, unbreaking, neige éternelle, we patiently grind forward, good days or bad days, we forgive and forget, hurt or disappointed, we're armed with kindness and unending love for life, tired or sick, we look forward to staying alive.

[wh-da-backup]

lyric scraps 8/1/13

5/23/13 you went to saturday night's party and woke up on sunday's floor

5/14/12 i expected you to speak as i dream i'm sorry understand i say things as a friend and sometimes more than

my noose was your tongue the words were sending out but the connection hung

5/16/12 four years down the road or four years down the drain drawing blood from my veins and pictures of my brain

4/25/12 i'm sick of society how they try to measure sins by how great the tragedy and how small the violins

4/26/12 i'm not the favorite anymore and maybe with good cause i sensed you pulling away from me and i took out my claws

6/6/12 i'll drown in your deluge i'm acting like a stooge got nothing left to lose this point in time

5/20/12 when you feel like you need a brother and the mirrors tell you to kill know that tears run thicker than blood and always will

5/28/12 they call me a fool a inconsiderate ass ya know i go to school but i ain't got no class

4/2/12 i'm going to visit the boy i love he speaks to me through he speaks to me through old sound waves not yet rotten i'm going to visit the girl he loved she speaks to me too she speaks to me too dead voices not forgotten

we killed them slowly as we took over we need their bodies it's only instinct they couldn't handle the situations what killed them slowly and scarred their bodies we have their memories

6/1/12 high school queen bee bitch honey has she seen me? does she think it's funny?

7/5/12 i can feel something restless and waiting inside of me maybe it's anxiety or anticipation or maybe it's pee i count all the liquids in my life face moisturizer and water and key lime juice and an aqueous solution of coffee in the morning

5/30/12 you can say i'm old even without you you smell like a dissection your words are cutting too

5/31/12 our cage arcades our cage arcades

10/5/12 parlons, parlons c'est interdit car il n'ya pas de mots ici

reviens, reviens, c'est vrai enfin que les vrais mots n'importent rien

5/10/12 i wanna be your test drive don't forget your gasoline you can rule what hearts you want to let me be your blueprint scheme demo queen

1/11/13 the sound of your voice can disarm me a cat been picked up by the scruff i've known all along you'd never harm me but i guess it just wasn't enough i guess it wasn't enough

10/9/12 you are not my love you walk around in his clothes you walk around in his face but you are not my love we're dying trying to replace

1/13/13 hey dad too bad your rules are made of bread not iron clad

i heard you don't like my hair too much here, wrong color there well guess what, i can still go anywhere, sit in the boss's chair

5/30/13 pomme empoisonnee je vais te faire rester chante pour moi dans la claire de l'une de tes 8/1/13 reves qui sont vrai

4/8/12 he had it figured out in terms of fairytales

and when he tried for wonderland he didn't think of you

and when you tried to understand

and if you try to follow him you'll just be split in two

4/30/12 she's bleach, she's ice, she's milk and candy queen of tragic hearts like yours she never asked for any trouble shredding flowers on all fours

pills and poultice kicking stomachs underwater leaden petals bite if you dare but make it swift bite all you want but only if

drawing faces everywhere, an audience of millions' stares

6/4/12 i feel like the past year's a waste i know i've traveled the world but i'm worse or the same

i'm sure you've heard that there's plenty of fish in the sea but i hide in my shell; you're allergic to me

3/21/13 sleeping like a beauty queen found the spindle at age 16 decided she would join the team said this is better than any dream

4/6/13 all calmed down and jaded and my scars already faded should i make new what should i do?

4/6/13 music is her sustenance she lives on jupiter and mars

2/18/13 i showed up and the entire party was passed out- now that's what i call the collective unconscious!

april/13 "ex box" i'll put you in a box with my mistakes love letters, memories, old tapes and hopefully in 10 more years i will not sit here playing couldabeen

3/17/13 fall apart but don't fall off

3/18/13 i knew all your favorites and i thought i made the list

you gave me so much but i have nothing left of you

you don't have a clue you don't give a shit do you not even about the few who even deign to talk to you

3/28/13 trust your instincts if he seems like bad news then you better call the papers on him

4/10/12 my body's wooden and man-made am i ripe for the fire am i meant to be saved when i lie there is consequence i lie against my will but i don't want to be a real boy real boys only kill

1/3/12 (poem thing- it was on my phone and i kept forgetting about it)

what drives this endless cycle in our lives? sleep deprivation all work and no play it's only survival in a way

what gives? the story is sad but true my friend it may seem crazy but in the end the lunatic is the one that lives

7/25/13 when i say i've lost my mind can't tell if it's gone or just something i can't find

7/22/13 say so many things at once that for a moment i can forgive and forget myself

6/27/13 and to be honest i think i'm kind of ugly but i don't care and to be honest i think i'd probly kiss you if you were here

and now you're 19, it seems so strange how we would freak out all the time and talk to ease the pain and when we're 30, please don't forget me

5/26/13 sharpened pencil and liar's skin i tried to fight back i got all the guilt you lack i've been taught to let people like you win fuck that

1/21/13 take your medicine (take it with a grain of salt)

your voice of reason doesn't talk here comes the lady made of clock- work, time for your electric shocks

2/13/13 and our time wasn't wasted like i wish i were tonigh

2/17/13 you grew and clipped my wings time and time again you made me learn how to get by on my own mind just far enough to be alright i'm ready

the change will come and will occur and i will learn from changing

5/22/12 i wanna sit in a room for hours and play you all my songs especially the ones about you but not even my closest friends pay attention for very long

3/6/13 the sight of the pacific- california i wrote some words specifically for ya

3/10/13 i refuse to comb my hair more power to my righteous mop i'll put a sign says please don't stare right over your sign says i must be stopped

3/15/13 stripped of the words you hear and now my teeth are bare 3/12 offend because it's there

3/14/13 empty stomach sleep 3/15 i choke on wool, lose count of sheep

3/15/13 i make my promises to break… they're not your dreams to take

lay and lose my head i fall, land screaming in my bed neurapparatus, nightmare plague the cause is rather vague

3/23-24/13 "waltz time" my parents are pretty my sisters are pretty my weird friends from school grew up normal and cool

how come i have to live with my failures, my faults it's like life is in 4/4 and all i can do is the waltz

5/25/13 i stepped on a rose and sprinkled the sidewalk with blood from my toes

3/8/13 "home groan" i dreamed that someday i'd get to walk in the sun but i wasn't even playing outside when it went down

6/16/13 you taught me every lie i've ever known you told me to fit in or be alone but look how i've survived and how i've grown in spite of you

you said i'd reached developmental halt that all the crimes against me were my fault so i became numb bleeding out my shame with only me to blame or so i thought wrong

i will flourish free of your flaws your flaws are not my problem my flaws are not yours to harm me with

6/26/13 i wouldn't call it small talk because you're all talk

let's light up some neural circuits

6/7/13 i had to jump ship, it got too weighed-down to float i took off in the dinghy with the songs that i wrote…

i had to jump ship, it got too heavy to float and maybe we should kiss just to shut up our ghosts i don't care one way or another, but we came so close all those years ago

we'll report back to captain karo on our empty boat

(cause you know whatever happens you know we got her vote)

4/22/13 in this great ablation nation

4/28/13 no one appreciates so we inondate run out and replicate,

overcompensate

-

cry exterminate

we've run out of things to say you're full of air,

flatten like souffle

- if you don't, i may

mere exposure, love you cause you're there

4/23/13 changes of mind come in liquids and pills

you can't even start to tell the difference between a change of mind and a change of heart

6/11/13 we've got lines upon lines of no sleeping and papers for the final review you just seem to keep on keeping but me i just don't know what to do i have no clue

[basiccortez]

A Song Unknown- JTK: Ch 3

note: I decided to update this early because so many of you guys had asked for it, so why not give the people what they want

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and if y’all want some more fun, here’s a gender reveal poll for the baby series:)

warnings: smut (this is really my first time writing smut so don't come at me), cursing, angst, Jake being an asshole

Tayler Carmichael, aka T-Car, was a hit rapper on SoundCloud. The fans liked his mix of country rap and that sent him to the top of the SoundCloud charts. He was a nice guy, tall and handsome with that "take home to mom" smile. Lava Records had just signed Tayler when Y/N started working there. The up and comer found a lot in common with the brand new engineer. Y/N had sat in on a few of sessions. She always thought he had the right idea when it came to songs, but could never execute them well. His first couple singles sold well, but his album. . . well let's just say it was a huge flop. Lava hadn't cut him yet, hoping that this next album he was working on would save him from drowning. But so far, he had been camped out at Y/N's house, eating her son's snacks, and playing her son's Nintendo Switch.

Their phone call had been brief, he asked her when she was coming home, she asked him how the studio was, which of course led to an argument. Y/N did believe that Tayler was probably depressed about the way the album went, but knew what was at stake dropping an album in a high risk genre. Y/N, honestly, just wanted him to do something during the day instead of playing video games.

Jake couldn't help but go google the guy once he heard his name. He was less than impressed with his biography. But Jake was more concerned on where Tayler fit into her life. Was this man really the one for her? Was he an actual good dad for TJ? Or is she just trying to fill the void of not having someone there? Jake was also coming up with a plan to confront Y/N. It was obvious she was hiding something from him. His heart did hurt a bit at the fact that she was scared to tell him, they told each other everything, or so he thought.

"How long are you going to stay in Michigan?" Jake asked when Y/N returned back down stairs.

"It was only supposed to be a short trip," Y/N sighed, "I gotta get back to work, we're busy with fresh talent,"

"Like T-Car?" Jake raised his eyebrow. Y/N rolled her eyes and opened the fridge, getting out two hard seltzers for them,  "Didn't think that was your type."

"It's hard to have a type when you're a single mother of a 3 year old," Y/N said popping open the can, "You gonna stare at it or drink with me?" Jake smirked and opened his can too, chugging it down while Y/N watched with an amused grin on her face.

"Round 2?"

Y/N and Jake had returned to the pool while TJ napped. Jake couldn't help but let his eyes wonder up her tan legs and over her body. For the most part her body looked the same, except for the black ink that was littered throughout her body. Jake watched her shift on to her stomach, to tan her back. Once she was comfortable, her small hands went to the tie string of her swim suit top and undid it. Jake's breath caught in her throat as she removed her top, careful not to show anything and setting it beside her.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked her.

"Can't have any bad tan lines," Y/N smirked, "Someone always has a carpet event and I don't want to be scrambling to try and cover up my tan lines."

Jake nodded and adjusted himself slightly, feeling the blood rush to his lower body parts. He tried his best to advert his eyes and not stare at her bare back which had a white snake tattoo going down her spine. He closed his eyes, hoping the dirty images flooding his brain would go away, before he embarrassed himself anymore. But that was hard to do with Y/N who was watching his every move and reveling in the fact she got him that hot and bothered.

"Jacob," Y/N said in an innocent voice, "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah," Jake said, taking his white claw can and holding it over his crotch.

"You sure?" Y/N smirked, and pushed herself up enough that Jake could see her chest but not totally exposing herself, "You look flustered."

"It's hot outside, Y/N," Jake pointed out.

"You're right, it is," Y/N said and flipped over on to her back, her whole chest exposed now. Jake felt like he couldn't breathe. He watched as she reached into her vodka lemonade and pulled out an ice cube. Her baby pink manicured hands slowly ran the ice cube down her neck, to her chest, slowly going over her breasts and nipples, making them hard, "Feels so good,"

Jake bit back a moan, and tossed his head back, closing his eyes. Y/N was going to be the death of him, that's for sure. The ice cube had melted from running down her tan skin, leaving a trail of water. Jake got up from his pool chair and walked over to her. He placed on knee in between her legs and bent down, slowly sucking up the water that was left behind. Y/N arched her back at the feeling of his lips and tongue sucking against her skin.

"You feel hot, baby," Jake said, his voice low and gravely, "How about we go find some place cool?" Y/N bit her lip and nodded. Jake tossed her his t-shirt, so she had something to wear in the house. Jake followed her upstairs, his eyes glued to her ass as she climbed the stairs. Once inside her bedroom, he locked the door as Y/N climbed on her bed.

She stripped his shirt and her swimsuit bottoms off, leaving her fully on display for Jake. Jake's eye wondered over her body, his dick immediately stiffening. He hadn't seen her naked since his senior year of high school. He felt like a high schooler and was praying to God he didn't cum in his pants. Y/N noticed his frozen glance and smirked to herself. She trailed her fingers down her body and to her already wet core. She had barely touched herself when Jake snatched her hand away.

"No," He said sternly, "You only touch when I say too,"

"Yes, Jake," Y/N said, "It's just been too long. Every time I let someone fuck me, I think of you,"

"Is that so, baby?" Jake smirked, and climbed on top of her. His rough hand ran up her smooth thigh and Y/N arched her back at the feeling. In all honesty, it had been a long time since any man had touched her. Her and Tayler had only been intimate once, and that quickly ended when TJ had woken up with the flu.

"Yes, Jake," Y/N's voice was airy as her body begged Jake to touch her where she needed him the most, "Touch me, please,"

"Tell me where," Jake said and Y/N grabbed his hand and placed it right over her core, "So confident in what you want," Jake slowly ran a finger through her folds before pushing it into her slowly. Y/N's mouth dropped open at the feeling of him slowly stretching her walls. "So good," Jake's breath fanned her neck as he added another finger, slowly moving them in and out, curling up to hit the magical spot.

"Jake," Y/N moaned, grabbing his forearm, "Please, don't stop. I n-need more,"

Jake pulled away from her, taking his fingers out of her pussy. Y/N whined at the loss of contact and watched as he stripped away his boxers, his full erect member hitting his lower stomach. Y/N opened her legs so Jake could lay in between them, and suddenly she felt like she was back in high school, and she was giving herself to Jake for the first time all over again.

"You okay with this?" Jake asked, those same words gave Y/N de ja vu.

"Yes," Y/N said and Jake pumped her cock a couple times, before lining himself up and pushing into her, "Oh Jesus, fuck," The stretch was uncomfortable and unfamiliar, she hadn't had dick like this in too long. Jake looked at the discomfort on her face, and slowed his movements down.

"You okay?" Jake asked, leaning on his elbow, his body just ghosting over her's, "Tell me if it's too much,"

"Not enough," Y/N said, and placed her hands on his back, trying to bring him closer to her. Jake smirked as he pushed himself the rest of the way in. They both let out a gasp at the feeling, and Jake closed his eyes reveling in the tightness of her pussy. He hated to say it, but he felt like she was made for him.

"You take me so well," Jake whispered, as he grabbed her thigh and hooked it over his hip, and started thrusting into her. The moans and sighs that left her lips were the sweetest melody Jake had ever heard. Her face and body were a piece of art that Jake would pay millions to hang in his apartment.

"Deeper, Jake," Y/N said and Jake smirked. He pulled out and before she could protest, he turned her around on all fours, pulling her hips back to his. He had one knee kneeling on the bed, and the other up, as he thrusted his dick back into her, "Oh my god,"

The new found angle had Jake exploring different feeling. Y/N felt like he was pounding against her cervix, being able to feel him all the way in her stomach. She clutched the sheets tightly, her knuckles turned white. Jake ran his hand down her back, and tangled in her hair, pulling her head back. The obscene sounds of moans, slapping skin, and the head board hitting the wall filled the room. Jake could feel Y/N clench around him, and her moans turned into pleas to let her cum.

"You want to cum, baby?" Jake asked, "I fuck you good enough that you want to cum?" Jake snuck a hand in between their bodies to rub that sensitive little bud that sent white spots into Y/N's vision. Her legs started shaking and Jake wrapped his other arm around her body to hold her up, "You're okay, baby, cum for me,"

Y/N came with a loud shriek, and Jake's hips stuttered as groans left his mouth. He pulled out and pumped himself as he spilled white hot ropes of cum onto her ass. Jake slowly let her collapse onto the bed as the post ograsmic waves were crashing through her. Jake took a second to catch his breath, before he walked to the conjoined bathroom, grabbing a towel to clean her off.

"You pulled out?" Y/N asked, her voice gravelly.

"Yeah, don't want another replay of what happened 3 years ago," Jake muttered, cleaning himself off, before handing her his t-shirt. Y/N hung her head and slipped it on as Jake slipped his boxers on.

"Jake-"

"Shh," He said, climbing into bed next to her, "Just sleep. I can tell you're tired,"

Y/N didn't argue, her body was wavering with fatigue. She nodded and laid down snuggling into Jake's chest. He held her in his arms, stroking her back slowly, humming some tune to a melody. They eventually both fell asleep, right where they belong, in each other's arms.

This trip home was never supposed to turn out like this. It was supposed to be a quick trip to check in on her mom and spend the weekend with her. Y/N had felt bad that she didn't get to come home as much as she would like, but Julie assured her that her small trips home were enough. But everything had changed when her mom made her go to that stupid concert. Now, she had a Kiszka boy in her bed again.

Y/N leaned against the door frame, staring at the half naked twin in her bed. TJ had woken up and climbed into her bed, asking for a snack and to go play with Sam. Y/N had walked TJ over to the Kiszka house so she could hopefully get a moment to talk with Jake. Her mouth was dry and her brain had suddenly gone silent, which was amazing, cause it seemed as though an hour ago she knew exactly what she was going to say.

"I can feel you staring," Jake said. Y/N looked at him, not saying anything, "What's wrong? Where's TJ?"

"Your parents house. He wanted to play with Sam," Y/N said. Jake could feel the unease coming from her body, "Jake, what did you mean about 'don't want another replay of what happened 3 years ago'"

"I mean that night we met in New York," Jake said shuffling and sitting against her head board, "We had always been safe until that night,"

Y/N closed her eyes and felt the pull of guilt pulling her deeper and deeper underwater. At this point, all oxygen had run out and she was passively drowning, laying on the bottom of the pool, and waiting for someone to notice her. She blinked away the tears in her eyes and walked over to her desk. Jake watched as she rummaged around in her desk and pulled out a manila envelope. She opened it and handed the encased document to Jake. Jake's eyes scanned the paper, his eyes falling on what he needed to know.

GRANDPARENT MATERNAL MATCH: PARKER 50%

GRANDPARENT PATERNAL MATCH: KISZKA 50%

"My own parents fucking knew," Jake said, "My own fucking parents! Did you fucking pay them!?"

"No!" Y/N sniffled, "I-I didn't know what to do. I had Tayler pushing me to do a DNA test and I had to ask them. I didn't want to ask you and TJ not-"

"But he is," Jake grumbled, "Even a fucking blind person can see that he is my son. Jesus Christ, you're fucking stupid,"

"I'm not stupid!" Y/N yelled and Jake stood up from the bed, "I didn't know what to do! I was 17, alone in New York. You were in god knows where, on the road, banging girl after girl,"

"Is that really what you think I did?" Jake asked, hurt flashing in his eyes, "That's real funny coming from you, the girl who slept with two guys back to back that she didn't know who the father of her own baby was! Tell me, Y/N, does Tayler know? Tayler know he's playing make believe with you?"

"He is TJ's dad,"

"He's a fucking replacement and you know it,"

"Don't act all high and mighty, Jacob. You left me!"

"And I didn't think you would be so fucking selfish and keep my son from me!" Jake yelled in her face, and Y/N turned her body, trying to hide her tears from him, "Oh don't cry now, this is your own fault! You knew what you were fucking doing, and then you come back here, year after year, parading him around! Making me look like a fucking jackass because I didn't even know he was mine! Who else knows?"

"Sam and Danny," Y/N said looking down at her feet.

Jake scoffed and started laughing, "Half my fucking band knows. Half the fucking band!?"

"Danny figured it out when they came and visited me in New York near Christmas. Sam was the one who said your name, a-and I just lost it," Y/N shrugged and looked up at Jake, who had tears in his eyes too.

"You're a bitch, Y/N," Jake said, "And a slut. You kept part of me away from me for 3 fucking years, and you only feel bad that you got caught. I know you, this whole tears bullshit, a total lie."

"It's not, Jacob! I feel like shit! I have since the day I found out I was pregnant. I have been battling with it for 3 fucking years and didn't know what to do-"

"You should've fucking told me!"

The door to her bedroom swung open, revealing Sam holding TJ in his arms. The little boy's cheeks were red with tears stains and Sam was covering his ears. Y/N wiped her face and walked over to them.

"What's wrong?" Y/N asked, her voice cracking from crying.

"He, uh, fell, hit his head," Sam said, revealing the cut on the boy's head that was bleeding, "My mom said you should probably take him to the ER, she thinks it's bad."

"Yeah, I will," Y/N said, taking TJ out of Sam's arms. The little boy laid his head on her shoulder as she grabbed her phone, "You coming with?" She asked Jake.

"No,"

"So you're going to cause a big ass argument for you not to come with me and be there for your-"

"Enough." Sam said, "I'll come with you," Y/N nodded and Sam grabbed her purse, following her out of her room and down the stairs.

"Mommy, why were you fighting?" TJ asked her as she buckled him in to his carseat.

"Grownups just fight sometimes, it's okay, we're all okay," Y/N said, kissing his forehead.

Jake watched from Y/N's bedroom window as she shakily shut the car door. Sam stopped her from getting into the driver's seat asking her what's wrong. Y/N glanced up at the window and the flood gates broke open again. He pulled her into a tight embrace and took the keys from her hands. She walked around to the passenger side and got into the jeep. Sam started it up and drove them to the closest children's hospital.

Jake stepped back from the window and looked around Y/N's childhood bedroom. All the anger he was feeling was slowly starting to subside as he was know alone with his thoughts. All the words he had said to her and what he had been thinking now settled into his mind and he felt sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. How the hell was he going to repair what he had just smashed into a million pieces?

tag list:

@kiszkawagnerwhore @mgk777 @kgllmre

@trashx678 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @trplshotofdopamine @tripthelight-fanfic

@ohitselliana

[xsamsharons]

pride, prejudice and rain. - nikolai lantsov.

pairing: nikolai lantsov x reader

genre/warning: fluff, nikolai quoting pride and prejudice.

words: 1.6k

summary: a rainy night that consists of reading on the garden with nikolai, and slow dancing under a gazebo soaked from the rain.

a/n: ik p&p doesn't technically exist in the grishaverse, but we're gonna ignore that.

The sky was glistening with stars that were getting less and less visible every passing second due to the clouds that had started to cover them up, and the wind was blowing through the trees in the garden as you laid with your back pressed against its grass. If your parents could see you, they’d probably tell you your clothes would get tainted green, your hair would get tangled, and your hands would get dirty, but you didn’t care, and they weren’t there anyway. The only person other than you in the garden was Nikolai, and he was reading to you from where he sat behind you, with your head resting on his legs and his unoccupied hand resting on your hair and tracing circles every now and again.

“And then h- Oh, Saints!” you heard Nikolai’s narration be cut short from above you and you chuckled at his dramatic gasp, opening your eyes and looking up at him.

“What did he do to annoy you now?” you asked, soft smile on your lips as you took in his baffled expression, the moonlight giving his hair a darker glow but shining brightly on his hazel eyes.

“He’s criticizing her whole family while proposing to her!” he explained, and you snorted.

“Don’t worry, she won’t let him get away with it.” you told him, and he furrowed his brows but returned his attention back to the pages in front of him, his hand not leaving your hair.

The night sky was almost completely covered by clouds now, and the wind that had previously been just a refreshing summer breeze, quickly turned colder, making you shiver once it passed through your body. Wordlessly, Nikolai took off his coat with one hand, and draped it on top of your body softly, not taking his eyes off the book in front of him.

“Oh, that’s rough.” he winced as he read her reply. “Good for her, though.” he nodded, way too serious to be talking about a work of fiction, which caused you to laugh loudly.

“Good for her.” you agreed.

“We should convince someone in the palace to make a play about this.” he proposed, his voice excited at his idea. “Or we could just do it ourselves!” His hair was a mess of blonde curls as the wind continued to blow against it, and from below him, his face was even less visible. Nonetheless, you could tell the expression he wore on his face was one of excitement as he told you his idea, his hands making exaggerated motions with the book still in them.

“We could play every single character in the book.” you nodded, smiling at his happy demeanor.

“It’d be a two person show.” he finished with a smirk. “Guaranteed success.” he said sarcastically, causing you to laugh once again.

He stared down at your laughing form with a soft look on his face for a moment longer than necessary, and stored the memory away in his brain for when he needed something sweet to think about. He went back to the book after your laughter had died down, but the fond look on his face remained as he read.

After a few moments of more narration from him, you felt something wet land on your cheek, and at first you thought maybe the book had been a bit more emotional for Nikolai than you originally imagined it would be, but as you looked up at him and watched how a raindrop landed on your book, you stood up quickly and took the book from his hand.

“Hey! I wasn’t done.” he pouted, and you rolled your eyes.

“I’m not letting you ruin my copy of this book just because you haven’t finished a chapter.” you explained as he snatched the book back from your hands, and the confused expression on his face quickly dissolved once a drop of water landed right on top of his nose, making him look even more adorable than before. You smiled at the sight, and raised your eyebrows as he scrunched up his nose to get rid of the water. “Could’ve just used your hand.”

“But then i wouldn't be able to do this.” he used his free hand to yank yours in his direction and took off running through the garden. His laugh could be heard loud and clear even after the rain became stronger and drowned out almost every single sound in the palace, except for him - and your screams.

“Nikolai, if you don’t stop right now, I swear on the Saints.” you threatened, which caused him to laugh even louder.

He finally stopped his running once he reached the gazebo standing in the middle of a deserted spot away from the garden and hidden from the view of anyone in the palace grounds. He collapsed on the dry floor and you used the opportunity to hit him on the side with your book before collapsing right next to him. “What was that about?” you complained, out of breath.

“I didn’t want you to go back to your rain because of the rain.” he shrugged.

“So you made us both run in the rain, getting completely soaked, and ruining my book?” you asked, sitting up and looking down at him and his mess of a hair now that it was wet. He still looked as beautiful as ever even with his curls sticking to his face, which caused you to hit him again out of frustration.

“What was that one for?” he complained, sitting up as well and taking the book from your hands and placing it on the floor next to him to prevent you from using it against him again.

You ignored his question and instead went back to the previous topic. “You could’ve just asked me to come back to my room with me.”

“Yeah, but how boring is that?” he smirked and stood up, holding his hand out to you.

“I don’t trust your hand anymore.” you said, but took it anyway. You almost thought he was about to start running again when he yanked you to him, but instead, he placed his other hand on top of your waist and kept his previous one wrapped around your own. “What are you doing?” you said, your voice sounding weak and kicking yourself for it mentally.

He just shrugged. “Dancing.”

“There’s no music.” you said, but followed his steps nonetheless, your heart beating way so fast that you were sure if a heartrender were near, they would think someone was dying.

“You don’t say.” he faked surprise, and you rolled your eyes.

“You owe me a book, you know?” you glanced down at your disregarded book, wet and laying on the floor.

“I’m this close to you and you’re thinking about your book? Unbelievable.” he said sarcastically once again, and you looked down feeling guilty for the way your mind was trying to avoid thinking about exactly that. “Hey, i was kidding.” he leaned down to meet your gaze, any sarcastic tone vanished from his voice.

“I know.” that’s the problem, you thought.

You continued to look down instead of looking up at his face, and he caught onto your change of attitude pretty quickly. He hated to think that he was the reason you were suddenly feeling down and so he did the only thing he could think of: he spun you around and used your surprise to meet your eyes and yank you close to him once again.

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do.” he started, dramatically as you looked up at him with an amused expression on your face. “My feelings will not be repressed.” he continued to quote the book, causing you to let out a small laugh.

“Stop that.” you slapped his chest softly.

“You must allow me to tell you,” he chose to ignore your words and decided to finish the quote, an over dramatic tone to his words and look on his face. “how ardently I admire and love you.” he finished, his fake performer accent never once slipping, and you let out a loud laugh.

“That was terrible.” you continued to laugh, burrowing your head in the crook of his neck.

“I thought I kind of did okay.” he shrugged once your giggles had died down, a fond look on his face as he looked down at you.

“You need to practice your acting if we want to go through with the plans about the two person play, your highness.” you said, a grimace on your face. “And you should probably work on your self-perception as well.”

“How rude!” he gasped, his smile never leaving his face as he observed the smile that was still on yours. “I’ll practice on my acting as long as you help me.”

“Deal.” you smiled.

“Deal.” he repeated, spinning you around once more to put an end to the conversation and keep dancing with you.

As the rain outside the gazebo started to die down, instead of going back to your respective rooms, you just kept dancing and giggling with each other like two little kids avoiding their responsibilities. And even as you stumbled back into the palace at an ungodly hour in the morning, neither of you could bring yourselves to care about the bags under your eyes or the shivers cursing through your bodies as a result to your wet clothes, your smiles way too big to be thinking about anything else other than the other.

taglist: @subjecta13-thefangirl @wtfrae @goldengoddess @thegirlwiththeimpala (lmk if you want to be added!)

[queenof-literature]

A Sick Wild Child - Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Cold

Aaaand we're back! Sorry for the long wait, college is wack.

Uhh big angst warning for this chapter. I can't really tell if this is angstier than the rest of the chapters? But the warning is there.

As I said earlier, I am going to be rewriting this fic as I add to it. Nothing major will change, but I kinda cringe a little when I read back on it because I feel like my style has developed more as I've written.

Ao3 Link:

I hope y'all enjoy!

The rustling of the leaves above were the loudest sound Warriors heard outside camp. Between the soft snores of his companions, the distant flowing stream, and the cackling of the fire, perhaps he should have let himself relax, if only a little. Being as rigid as a board would do no one any good if monsters came, yet Warriors could not force himself to relax. Strained eyes jumped between the other Links, the world outside their overhang, and the only other two not resting.

Whatever allowed Wild to be semi-coherent hours ago had faded as night went on, stuttering chest still rising and falling roughly. 

Twilight hadn’t left Wild’s side, still holding tightly to the boy’s clammy hand. Warriors let out a sigh, trying to force some tension from his shoulders as he stood, slowly making his way over. 

“You need to get some sleep.” Warriors settled next to him, still keeping a sharp ear out for potential monsters. He had made the mistake of letting down his guard, and he wouldn’t do it again.

“I’ll sleep after your watch.” Twilight was lying, and they both knew it.

“You make fun of Time for taking on too much, but you’re the same damn way.” Warriors huffed.

“Pot, meet kettle.” Twilight snarked and Warriors rolled his eyes at yet another dumb country metaphor. “Besides, be careful what you say, Old Man is probably listening.”

“It’d be hard not to with how loud you two are.” A voice said from Time’s bedroll.

“Sorry, Time.” Warriors and Twilight spoke in unison, chuckling lightly when they heard a tired sigh and grumbling.

“Any signs of Wild waking up again?” Warriors nodded towards Wild’s restless form, keeping his voice far lower.

“Nah. I wouldn’t be so worried if he was getting some actual sleep.” As if sensing his name Wild shifted once again, letting out unidentifiable croaks and murmurs. Twilight stroked his thumb across the back of Wild’s pale hand in an attempt to soothe him once more.

“Yeah…” Warriors spoke awkwardly. “The worst will be over soon, then he’ll be able to start healing. Hylia knows Legend and Hyrule are going to shove a rainbow of potions down his gullet when he can handle it.” Warriors joked, feeling success at the small chuckle he received from the other young man.

“I know he’ll be okay, but…” Twilight trailed off, looking down once more at his protege

“Yeah, it’s hard to see him like this.” Warriors nodded.

“Well yeah but I’m worried for what comes after.” Twilight’s eyes still hadn’t met his.

“What do you mean?”

“When he comes to, how much of these nightmares is he going to remember? Some are fake, but his brain is already… addled.” Twilight said for lack of a better word.

“You’re worried about the memories.” Warriors understood now.

“Yeah. He doesn’t remember anything besides a few memories, I’m worried the real ones will mix with the fake ones and just confuse him more.” Warriors hadn’t even thought of that.

“He’ll be okay once he’s aware enough to talk them through, that’s always seemed to help him in the past.” Warriors reassured, clamping a head on his companion’s shoulder. “I know there’s a lot in the air right now, but we need to focus on the now. We’ll deal with the future when we get there.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks War.” Twilight smiled at his companion, finallying meeting his eyes. Both settled in against the wall, taking comfort in the other’s presence. 

~

Cold, scared, confused. Fear struck his heart when he felt the familiar emotions, among others he couldn’t name. His lungs spasmed, and he felt himself cough roughly. Drowning… was he drowning? He didn’t feel wet, water meant drowning… right? Something warm and gentle slid across his hand and he shivered. What was touching him? Was it bad?

No… cold was bad, warm was good, or so he thinks. Yes that seems right. And what was touching him was warm so he could trust it. Yeah, that logic made sense.

Something was wrong though, he shouldn’t be feeling this way. This wasn’t normal. He tried to open his eyes. Wait, when did those get there? He had a body, and bodies had names. Did he have a name? Whatever was blocking his eyes refused to budge, or perhaps it wasn’t even trying. He felt his ears flicker when a noise drew close to him, and the warmth caressing his hand paused. No, don’t stop! He cried out, or he thought he did.

The warmth moved from his hand, allowing the cold to flood back, and he tried to cry out, he wanted to be warm he didn’t want to be cold. He relaxed once more when the warmth moved under his eye, under his eye… his cheek. The hand pushed into the skin of his cheek softly, and he tried to focus on what he heard above him, but he couldn’t push down his panic. What was his name? Everyone had a name, what was his name?

The warmth, which he now recognized as a hand, pushed his cheek with more intent, the noises growing louder. But he couldn’t focus on that, he could only focus on the empty space where his name, his very identity should be. What was his name? Everything would be okay if he could just remember his damn name-

“Wild?” A voice echoed above him, snapping him back from his spiral. Wild… that didn’t sound quite right, but it certainly didn’t sound wrong, and he clinged to it. Wild, Wild, Wild. That was him! 

“Wild?” Another voice asked, and Wild was sure it was a different one. The hand patted his cheek, and Wild felt his nose scrunch. He didn’t like that.

 “Wild? Are you awake? Can you open your eyes?” Wild’s ears perked at the tone, an odd mix of hope and concern. Now out of his spiral, Wild tried once more to open his eyes. Shutting them tightly once more when light assaulted his vision. He felt his head being turned, vertigo crashing into him, only relaxing when his nose brushed against something slightly course but soft.

“Try again.” The voice coaxed. Wild was skeptical, but did as he was told. With great strength, Wild peeled open his eyes. Even after his eyelids revealed the world around him he couldn’t see right away, it took a while for his vision to clear, yet the voice never grew impatient. He felt heat to his back, and it felt like a fire. Maybe that’s what was so bright. After the fuzziness finally faded, Wild could see he was facing a chest, but it looked odd. There was something missing around the shoulders...

“There he is.” The other voice proclaimed quietly.

“How are you feeling, Cub?” Wild felt the chest he was facing vibrate as the person spoke. Cub… cub.

“Tw’ligh?” Wild slurred, wincing at the dryness of his throat.

“Yeah, Cub.” Wild looked up at the face above him, who looked positively elated for some reason. Wild finally realized why the man looked so off, the usual pelt wrapped around his shoulders was gone. Wild glanced around, eyes slow and fluttering. After looking down he finally realized it was covering him instead. 

Wild tried to blink away the fog. That wasn’t right, this was Twilight’s pelt. Oh no, did Wild steal it? That wasn’t very nice…   

“Wild?” The other voice washed over him once more, and Wild realized it had probably been a while since he had responded.

“War?” Wild recognized the bright blue scarf, and the eyes that matched. The fog was slowly receding from his mind, but annoyingly stuck around the edges.

“That’s me.” Warriors confirmed with a fond smirk. “How are ya feeling?”

Wild didn’t know how to answer that. Everything hurt, his muscles felt heavy and useless, his head pounded, his throat was on fire… worst of all…

“Cold.” Wild rasped, trying to bury his face into the chest beside him, enjoying the rumble he felt and the sound of a fond chuckle.

“Sorry, Wild. Your fever hasn’t broken yet, we can’t let you get too hot.” Twilight really did sound sorry, but that doesn’t sound right. Fever means hot.

“Cold.” Wild stressed again, his small movement sending a spike of pain around his ribs. “Hurts.” Wild whimpered at the aches and pain that surrounded his body, especially his ribs. 

“I know, Cub. It’ll get better soon.” Twilight promised.

“How?” How did he know that? Wild didn’t understand. Goddesses, it felt like he was dying-

Wild froze at that thought. No, no Twilight would tell him. Twilight wouldn’t be so happy, he wouldn’t. The conversation continued as Wild’s world was crashing down on him.

“Your fever hasn’t broken, but it is getting cooler.” An optimistic voice continued, not noticing his panic. Why were they so calm? Wild was dying, he was dying! He felt his breaths get more labored, only sending further panic shooting through him. No, he needed to breathe, breathing meant life and Wild was alive he wasn’t dead he was alive-

“-we’ll fix it, Wild, I promise.” Wild tuned in once more and his heart lurched. Fix it? No, no , no, nononono. 

“N-no!” Wild cried out, trying to sit up.

“Woah!” Warriors bolted forward to keep Wild from agitating his illness further. They just got water in his system, they didn't want him to throw it back up now.

“Tw-i. Don’t. P-please don’t.” Wild pleaded.

“Don’t what? Cub we’re not going to do anything.” Twilight’s voice tried to be calm, but the underlying panic only sent Wild further into his spiral. Twilight knew and he was hiding it! The shrine… not the shrine.

“Na- the shrine. P-please. Anythin’ but the shrine. Just let me go.” Wild begged, coughing roughly at the end. Twilight felt his chest grow cold and his stomach drop. ‘Let me go’, ‘No more shrine’, Twilight felt lightheaded. He knew what it meant. Let me die. 

“No, no Cub, you’re not hurt. Not badly, you’ll recover.” Twilight tried to reassure but Wild was too far gone.

“Hey, hey.” Wild felt a different pair of hands on his cheeks, calloused from constant swordsmanship, but impossibly gentle. “Calm down.” Warriors soothed, brushing aside Wild’s bangs. No! He didn’t understand. He couldn’t do it, not again. He couldn’t wake up with nothing but a name he didn’t recognize, cold, hungry, scared, alone. 

“No shrine, nothing like that. We’re staying right here.” Warriors comforted. Wild shook his head, ignoring the nausea it brought. They didn’t understand, he would forget again. He would forget again. Zelda, the Champions, Riju, Teba, Yunobo, Sidon, the Links. All of them.

“Wild.” Twilight’s voice was soft, but stern, demanding Wild’s attention. “Wild look at me.” A hand took his chin, and he was met with dark blue eyes swirling with intense emotions, half of which Wild couldn’t name. “We’re staying right here. We’re nowhere near the shrine. You’re just sick, you’ll get better, on your own.” Twilight specified, rambling in the hopes that Wild would finally understand. Twilight felt his chest loosen when Wild calmed down slightly. 

Twilight wouldn’t lie about that, Wild could trust him. 

“No shrine?” Wild confirmed.

“No shrine.” Twilight put on his most reassuring smile, covering his turmoil at Wild’s earlier words.

“Never. Promise.” Wild demanded in the most stern tone he could muster, and judging by Twilight’s shaky smirk he didn’t do a very good job. 

“I promise, Cub.”

“Yeah, Hylia knows we wouldn’t even know how to work it- ouch! What it’s true.” Wild tried to laugh at the indignant noise, but all that came out was a coughing fit. He still didn’t understand what was going on, but there was no rush or panic or shouting. It wasn’t like the first time. There were no lasers, or carnage, or desperate screaming.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Twilight deemed after Wild’s fit had passed. “You need more rest.” Wild shook his head. He wanted to stay here, away from the things he sees when he closes his eyes. It was nice here, the fog was finally parting and if he went to sleep it would surround him again.

“Yes, Wild.” Wild heard Warriors laugh at Twi’s exasperated tone.

“No.” Wild commanded, well aware of how much he sounded like a petulant child.

“Wild, we’ll be right here. You need sleep. Real sleep.” Wild shook his head again.

“I’d be careful. Mama bear is ready to knock you out.” Warriors teased, yelping when Twilight used his free arm to smack his shoulder.

“Wild, I swear to Hylia, you are going to sleep.” Twilight threatened. Wild huffed. Fine. Wild lifted a shaky and weak hand from under the pelt, pausing to rest the limb above the covers. Slowly he lifted his left hand, barely reaching his target. He swatted uselessly at Twilight’s chest, trying to find a grip. Finally he managed to snag onto the older’s tunic, just above his heart.

“What are you doing?” Twilight chuckled, all ire forgotten at the Cub’s clumsy actions. This would be the hard part. Wild prepped himself, before putting all his strength into his left arm and pulling himself up as far as possible. Even the simple motion of pulling himself up was like climbing a mountain, all his stamina depleted by the time he put his plan into action as his ribs jolted and burned. His world twisted and swirled as dizziness washed over him, his head feeling light and his eyes watering.

“Wild!” Twilight yelped in surprise, hopefully not waking the camp. Automatically his arms flew around Wild to catch the boy now cradled to his chest. “What the hell are you doing?” Twilight asked again, far more bafflement and scolding in his tone. Wild stubbornly shoved his head into the crook of Twilight’s neck, breathing hard. Nausea surrounded him and his aching muscles cramped and twitched. Twilight winced as Wild coughed directly into his throat. Good things this wasn’t contagious.

“You can’t do that! You can’t push your body like that!” Twilight scolded, his words contradicted his actions as he rubbed soothing circles into Wild’s back.

“I mean, you could have asked.” Warriors agreed, smirking at the scene before him now that Wild seemed to be recovering from his little stunt.

“Stay.” Wild demanded, gripping Twilight’s shirt as the other was cradled to his own chest uselessly. His body had no more energy left to spare and he relied completely on Twilight to keep him from falling.

“I’m right here.” Twilight’s exasperated tone morphed more into confusion. Twilight wasn’t getting it. He was warm. Wild was so cold, and he wanted to be warm. Even if that meant soaking up heat from Twilight like a lizard did on a sunny rock.

“Warm.” Wild’s lips twisted into a crooked smile, not aware enough to try and make both the scarred and unscarred sides of his face match. Warriors didn’t even hide his fond grin at the cheesy sight before him, and Twilight’s shocked face was certainly a bonus.

“Wild your fever.” Twilight chided nervously, attempting to gently get Wild away from his body heat. Even being in his lap was pushing it, Hyrule told him to be careful before he went to bed.

“Warm.” Wild huffed, annoyed at Twilight moving too much. Twilight glared at the muffled laugh he heard from Warriors. ‘Help me!’ Twilight mouthed, glaring at him as the other just shrugged and smirked. Jackass. Twilight supposed it would be okay for a little bit, but… just until Wild fell asleep. Besides, Twilight couldn’t bring himself to push Wild off with the dopey and lopsided the grin the younger had. Instead Twilight tucked the covers and pelt around him, knowing he made the right choice when Wild sighed happily and burrowed further. It was the most content he had seen Wild in days, and if Hyrule found out Twilight had disobeyed his instructions and kicked his ass, it’d be worth it.

“We can watch his fever. Let him have this.” Warriors confirmed the voice in his head, and Twilight relaxed at the fact someone else agreed, allowing himself to lean against the wall to better support Wild’s weight.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna move him.” Wild made a noise that Twilight could only interpret as agreement, and tried not to laugh and disturb the boy curled into him. 

“He can understand what we’re saying… that has to be progress, right?” Warriors questioned.

“Yeah, but at this point his fever breaking is the best we can hope for.” Twilight responded as he felt Wild succumb to sleep once more. Twilight didn’t want to admit how worried he was that his fever would never break. He knew that Wild would get better, really he did. But Hylia what Wild had said… what would Twilight do if he had the option. If Wild was dying in his arms and he had a choice. If he had a choice between Wild living with no memories, waking up with them all gone, probably long dead, alone and scared. Or letting Wild, his cub, die. Both options almost sent Twilight over the edge of despair just picturing it.

“Stop.” Warriors scolded, eyes peering into him. Twilight snapped out of his thoughts and glanced back in surprise. “I know what you’re dwelling on. Stop it. It won’t help anything.” Warriors’ tone was harsh, but his eyes were compassionate.

“I know but-”

“No buts. It won’t come to that.”

“You don’t know that.” Twilight’s voice cracked ever so slightly. Warriors sighed, of course he didn’t. Of course Twilight wasn’t the only one who thought at night about where this quest could lead.

“None of us do. But focusing on what-ifs, especially insanely specific ones, doesn’t help it just makes us all suffer. All of us, Twilight.” Warriors stressed, relieved at Twilight’s eyes widening, knowing he had gotten through. The words were harsh, but Twilight never listened when it was just his health on the line. He needed to know that watching him go through that hurt, just as it hurt them when one of the other Links were in a pit of anger and hurt.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Twilight squeezed Wild, needing to feel his heartbeat against his own. He focused on the breaths he felt against his neck. They were shallow and rough but they were there.

“Don’t be, I get it.” Warriors assured. “But let's face it if we think about everything that could happen on this crazy fucking quest we’ll be here for weeks.”

“Yeah…” Twilight shifted, ensuring Wild didn’t have too much pressure on his ribs.

“I’ll watch his fever, you need to rest.” Warriors commanded softly.

“You know that’s not happening.” Twilight glared.

“I didn’t ask you to sleep, I asked you to rest. You need it.” Warriors raised a challenging eyebrow, turning concerned when Twilight just nodded.

“Yeah… okay. Just make sure he doesn’t get too hot.” Twilight leaned his head against the rock, shushing Wild when he mumbled and huffed as his pillow moved. Warriors reached over and placed his hand on the cub’s forehead. 

“It’s fine for now.” Warriors smiled, happy the raging fever had dulled, even a little.

Both Warriors and Twilight quieted, and Twilight allowed himself to simply breathe as Warriors kept a sharp eye on the world around them.

 ~~~

Wild is on a mission and no one shall stop him.

Thank you all for reading! I'll update the summary when I rewrite a chapter so you all know.

And thank you all again so much for the support. I love every comment, and I’m so glad so many people enjoy this story!

[that-little-zebunny]

Skin to Skin (First Date)

Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader

Warning: Angst, little Gorey-ish details, Fluff

WC: 2,151

Summary: You're new to the team and end up messing it up with the God of mischief on your first day in. Knowing his reputation you're up for a fun time in the compound.

Note: First of all thank you so much guys for the warm acceptance you gave on our 1st part T....T y'all made my heart so so happy. I hope you'll enjoy this part and I'd love to know how you think. Its a bit long so yay enjoy.

2nd day of our wonderful HBC's Week of Love for the lovely @the-th-horniest-book-club 🥰

You know what's the fun part of fighting the bad? It's that it doesn't choose a great time. It pops up as randomly as it can. So here you are on your second day trying to go around and meet people, when you got a message to suit up.

Small details are that you and your team are going to keep an eye on one of hydras abandoned bases because Friday had detected some activity there.

What you didn't know is the team you speak of is just you, the Falcon, Natasha and Loki. Yup, how fun will it be? You and the person that doesn't like you in one deadly work. You won't be surprised if somehow between the fighting you'll be stabbed by him. You shook your head to remove the thoughts running in it. You really should stop watching suspense shows. You sighed.

After almost three hours in the air you all finally made it in the location. You scratched your head when you saw that the area is surrounded by a lot of trees.

"Looks like we're up for a fun hide and seek game if there's really people here now." Nat said as she fixed all the weapons secured on her belt. Sam agreed. He activated three of his cute little drones to help out with securing the area for treats.

"We should go. All these small talks will not vanish our enemies." Loki said walking past the three of you. You pouted.

"I think that's mostly because of me. Sorry guys." You said as you finished fixing your knives on your belt and grabbing your metal staff. It's your main weapon because it keeps you from getting near anyone when it's not needed.

"No worries cookies, he's like that to everyone. He didn't really have a choice in being here. He's banished here to help." Sam said using the silly nickname they all choose to give you after you delivered tons of cookies to them.

You look at Loki's retreating back sadly.

You're able to get inside the rusty building without encountering anyone.

"This is a bit creepy. How did Friday detect anything here? There's no one in about 10 kilometers." Sam said as he checked the tech in his arm.

"Maybe it's a ghost?" You joked which earned you a strange look from them. "What? I watch movies." You rolled your eyes at them and continued going to another part of the building to check. It looks like you're in a laboratory slash surgery room. That gave you chills. You tried to not imagine how many bodies were cut and gutted in here.

"You have a very unique mind." Someone said which made you squeak. You turned around swinging your staff towards the voice but was halted by a sting hand. Loki held the end of your staff smirking at you.

"Crap…" you whispered. You didn't do anything again didn't you? "I-I'm sorry." You bit your lips as you relaxed, removing your staff from his hold.

"For someone that works with emotions you do suck at it." He said, smirking at you.

You scratched your nape as you stared up at his face, his very very beautiful face. Ugh!

"I know. Its been a challenge controlling my own. I was so used at controlling others." You said remembering your childhood. How you tried to mold your always bickering parents to play nice when you're around and to act as if they loved you. You know they hated it and they hated you but what can you say you were ten and scared. But they didn't care. All they know is you're an anomaly and that they rather not be around you. That's why as soon as your grandma offered they toosed you away like a hot potato.

You shook your head as your most dreaded memory came up. You frowned and turned to look at Loki again.

"Was that you!?" You asked. You're gritting your teeth as you feel the rage consume you. He just stared down at you smirking wickedly. You boinked away the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. "We're even now." You said gripping your staff.

"Yes we are." He proudly said as he went around checking if he could find anything useful and you did the same.

It really was a lab and they've experimented on people trying to make a brain dead person have functions again. That made your stomach turn especially when you saw the reports of how the patients reacted to that. Some were like dummies and some became vicious. And so many more that you end up closing the files you're reading and you just grabbed them.all to bring them back with you.

"Find anything else?" You asked Loki but he didn't answer so you went to look what he's doing in the room he went in. You found him staring at a cradle.

"There's a body here." He said. That alerted you. Especially when you saw him touch the cradle to open it using his power.

"Nooo Loki don't!" You shouted as the cover of it opened up releasing some kind of gas. Knowing the few things you've read if your guess is correct this is gonna be bad.

You ran to him to grab his arm to pull him away but he didnt move so when you saw the sharp claw like hands coming out the gas you didn't think much and just went in between Loki and the thing.

You gasped in pain as you felt the slicing on your back.

"Good norns! Y/N! You dumb, dumb mortal!" He shouted as he caught you in his arms when your legs gave out. He looked behind you and flicked his hands green mist went to take away the life from the girl from the cradle. You heard its body make noise as it fell down.

Still in Loki's embrace you tried to breathe deep but it ended up just you gasping painfully. The cuts must have been deeper than you thought.

"L-Loki…" you pleaded with him as you felt your breathing start getting shallow and you feel like you're drowning. You must have blood on your lungs by now. You tried to swallow the sobs that tried to get out of your lips and you just stared up at his face. He really have a nice face. It's unfair.

You must have lost your mind because when he caught you staring you smiled up at him which in return got you another frown.

"Stop admiring me. I know I look better than the normal midgard male population. You really must be dumb, why did you jump infront of me. I'm a God I won't be hurt by a mere scratch." He said as he helped you to lay down on the floor as he called out to Nat and Sam on his coms. He turned you on your side to check your injury and you heard him take in a breath.

"Is it bad?" You asked thinking of the worse based on his face.

"Don't get your brain all rilled up, Cookies. It'll be alright." You giggled when you heard him call you on your new nickname.

"S-so I'm cookies to y-you now too." You coughed but still smiling.

"Oh you need to shuush." He said but you can hear the smile in his tone. So your stupidity got you on his goodside.

"How can I s-shuush. This might be my last time to talk. What i-if some parasite is now in me and I'll start walking and biting people." You caughed again as you felt something soothing on your back.

"You need to change what you watch Y/N. That's not healthy anymore." He said, shaking his head. Your back is starting to feel nice now and your head is like it's floating. You giggled again as you touched his face. Even in your groggy brain you felt his emotions. Scared, amused and adoration. Is that all for you? You smiled at him again as your eyes were about to close.

"You should date me Loki." You said. His eyes went wide as he steadied you to pick you up.

"That's the soothing magic talking." He said as he started to walk.

You're about to walk past the table where you put down the files you found when you remember how important they are.

"Wait! Wait! Lemme grab those." You pointed to the tall stocks of folders.

He walked near it and you grabbed them and hugged them on your chest like your life depends on it.

You feel proud of yourself getting them or being carried by Loki. You're not sure which anymore and before he even finds your team you fell asleep.

You woke up in what you guessed as the med bay. You tried to get up and looked around to find no one. You brushed your hair with your hand as you tried to stand but got dizzy. You tried to grip the bed frame for support but you're too slow so you just let yourself fall. You're about to kiss the floor when two strong hands caught you and relief and annoyance flooded your brain.

"You must enjoy being in my arms." He teased as he helped you back on the bed.

"You got nice arms." You joked as you went back on your bed. You took a deep breath and seriously asked him "how did the rest of the mission go?"

"Well, the Widow was able to find some scavengers that tried to loot the structure they came back there before we left and they must have been the ones who triggered Friday's system. The monstrous thing that attacked you is dead officially and we didn't find another of it but we did find a mass grave behind the building." He explained as he sat down on the side of your bed.

You thanked him and relaxed knowing there's no more of that thing around.

"Do you like steak or do you prefer the simple ones?" Loki suddenly asked. You looked at him confused.

"What for?" You asked.

"You have offered me to date you. Have you forgotten?" He said, smirking at you. You felt your cheeks heat up. Crap you did. Mid thinking about tobe a zombie parasite walker time. You looked at him waiting for him to say he's joking but nothing . He just raised one gorgeous eyebrow as he waited.

"You're serious?" You covered your face with one hand as you tried to let what he's saying sink in.

"Very serious, you've felt my darkest emotions I've seen your darkest memories don't you think we're past the getting to know part Sam keep on babbling about?" He said as he slowly touched your elbow with a finger and you felt his sincerity and adoration. Your brain feels like it's about to explode. This majestic person really wants to go out with you. Omg!!!

You slowly nodded and he smiled.

"So stake or not?" He asked again.

"I like steak." You answered back. He smiled and left. Leaving you with so many emotions that you never felt before as your own. Joy, giddiness and something you can't name.

A week after you're out of being stuck on a medical bed you and Loki went to that date. You still can't believe it's happening. He even did all the preparations and stuff. He brought you to a gorgeous restaurant with beautiful music and the tastiest stake you ever had. It was so much fun. He's very funny in his own way. You're both enjoying a walk before going back to the compound when you felt Loki grab your gloved hand. You look up at him.

"What's wrong?" You asked. He just smiled and kissed your hand.

"I'm just very glad I gave myself a chance to know you more and not let what happened to us on our first meeting get to me. You're a very fascinating and beautiful lady Y/N. Thank you for being with me today." He said. You smiled warmly at him as you took off your gloves. You stashed them in the pocket of your coat and brought your hands up to his face but didn't completely touch him.

"May I?" You asked and you saw his face softened. You told him that you will never touch him without his permission.

"Yes…" he answered as he held both your hands and brought them close to his face. He closed his eyes and sighed at the feel of your skin. Feeling that strange feelings again that you can't name you're not sure if it's yours or Loki's emotion. You stepped closer to him and tiptoed to reach his waiting lips. You can't wait to understand that strange feeling but for now you're gonna enjoy how good it feels.

Tag list

Skin to skin: @delightfulheartdream @victias @kaogasm @marvelgirl7 @alexakeyloveloki @newdaynewyearnewlife @multifandomlife22

Tom Hiddleston and Characters: @jewels2876 @jobean12-blog @CurlyRed2020

The ones with stikes, I cant tag you guys i dunno why T.T

[beggingwolf]

hi so I've just eaten too much ice cream, feel vaguely ill, and I'm here to tell you All About How I Failed At Outlining for SGKF this year!

that's partially just a fun tagline, but it's also a bit true. I told my friends I'd be trying to use several different outlining methods to try and knock out a plotty piece for the fest, and things did not go to plan!

important to begin with: I am what is referred to as a "pantser." I tend to just start writing. this is strangely contradictory to my personality, which deeply loves plans. unfortunately, what often happens is plans and outlines ruin my excitement and drive while working on a project (it tricks me into thinking I've done all the work and resolved the plot), leading me to abandon it.

and though I can throw together pretty words and made a decent fic, my fics never turned out as good as they could have been. I kept telling myself that if I planned in advanced and worked out what I was doing BEFORE I did it, I'd be able to craft a fic with such care and attention as to make it really SHINE.

so, uh, kinkfest rolls around, and since I was a mod I could see all the prompts before they even got released to the public, so I basically had a WHOLE EXTRA two-ish weeks to start planning and writing.

did I? NO.

so, despite the fact that I collect writing advice like a magpie , I'm not the greatest at implementing it. if you go into my SGKF google folder, you'll find a few instances of me TRYING to implement writing advice like metawriting:

(and you'll see some fics that didn't get finished/make it into the fest!)

my issue was (and still is) that I think I value every little word too much. this is a bad thing: I'm an overwriter by nature. when I get words down, I want to keep them because I feel like I worked hard for them, even if they're not great or don't actually serve the story in the way they should. that's not to say all my metawriting was bad; it wasn't. I tried it out for A Drowning in California as well [which will henceforth just be referred to as "California").

I had a whole subfolder for California. what kind of amazed me is how different my initial notes for the prompt are from what the story actually ended up being. here, take a look:

literally almost none of this is in california. the WWE and UFC stuff made it in, and so did sid wrestling with horny, but that was it. I was going to start this fic in the locker room, with sid wrestling someone, and it was seriously going to be a story about sex—about sid wanting to hold geno down in bed. that was the premise.

and instead, we got a really emotional story about familial rejection and the isolation it can make people feel. SO! something happened along the way, right?

when I started getting into the plot that would support this supposed sexfest, this is where I went at first:

geno wants the relationship to get serious, sid is like mentally still a 12 year old who just wants to wrestle people and doesn't want to talk about his emotions, and prefers to use physicality to communicate. this doesn't work for geno, who wants ... more

we can start to see the actual emotions come through, the things I was interested in: sid using touch to talk, and geno desperately wanting more

what did the most good for me, in the end, was "doing" the metawriting by talking with my friends.

I told them what i thought this story was about ("I'm thinking about making this a story about relationship-defining, maybe? and the communication needed for a lasting adult relationship? I think I'm going to set it in california/LA, where Sid has invited Geno along for the first time for his California Summer Fun/Training/Escape, whatever, and Geno's going to be emotionally preoccupied with Defining The Relationship—maybe they've been on-again-off-again? maybe they're just new to this, like almost a year deep, and they're not getting younger—and thinking this trip is about that [or hoping this trip is about that, and realizing it isn't, and being disappointed].") and they told me what jumped out at them.

Jes told me what would ramp up the tension would be a deadline of some sort; "Geno’s going to break up with Sid or make some decision or something, or there’s something approaching where they have to make a will they or won’t they decision of some kind related to the core ‘defining the relationship’ issue. Geno’s going back to russia and in previous summers they’ve always slept with other people while apart? or Sid has a wedding coming up and he’s offhandedly mentioned taking someone else as his plus one?"

I liked her thoughts. it made sense to add an external pressure to all this, and that wedding idea stuck out to me the most.

Lis said I should add a jealousy angle, so you can largely credit her for the club scene: "one thing i like to sort of headcanon/imply about sid's california trips is he uses them to hook up anonymously. so you could have, like, sid and geno seeing sid's friends, but also accidentally running into some of sid's friends. and geno's like oh, great, so here i am doing this horrible summertime training that i hate because i don't need to train in the offseason actually, and i'm learning what exactly sid gets up to when we're apart."

My magical solution these days is GOING FOR WALKS. do it if you're able. it clears out your brain. so on my walks I ended up deciding that I wanted a taylor crosby wedding. I like taylor as a character, and as a person with sisters I just like writing her in. best of all, she and sid are close and I like writing "I'd do anything for my family" sid.

and then I was like. oh. what if it's not that sid is afraid/nervous to bring geno, it's that he can't.

I... wasn't as conflicted as I thought I'd be about writing sid's parents as homophobic. I prefer to write them as supportive; I think troy crosby's been eviscerated more than he should have been in older fanworks, and though I respect their right to make fictional!troy whatever they want, I've been a little skeptical of outlandish takes on him ("he doesn't say I love you to his son because a camera caught them mid-interaction once!") ever since I read how the media has found him a convenient narrative villain while he tried to keep his underage son safe from the media as a child and while they needed to cook up Spicy Stories about squeaky-clean sid.

uh, tangent aside, I always thought I'd never write a "parents are the villains" story, but I did here. it felt right. it was easier, too, because they're not PRESENT in the story. I didn't have to write trina actually being horrible to her son. I just had to skirt the edges of the wound.

which works well on two fronts: I don't have to actively write the crosbys being horrible to sid, and I also leave more to the imagination of the reader, and that almost never fails to make the work better. whatever the reader imagines them saying to sid, it's going to be 10x more hurtful than anything I'd write.

I dug really deep on some personal emotions and fears I experience as a gay person for a lot of sid's arc here. sid is deeply imperfect in this story, and he's internalizing his pain and the horrible thing that's happened to him, which is making him pull away from his partner, and sid is not responding how geno wants, nor is he responding well, period, though he's trying in his own wounded, stilted way.

and beloved geno, whose tender heart is so hidden away for fear of someone hurting it. I really like writing geno; he's huffy and emotional and sometimes bitchy and feels things SO deeply.

once I had more of an idea, I was already working on a more detailed outline. this is where I seriously took Jes's advice and WROTE EVERYTHING OUT! it made it so much less daunting, because I didn't have to be figuring out my next steps AND crafting sentences at the same time. also this is where I tell you that the title of this post is mostly a lie, it was metawriting I failed at.

This outline also meant I avoided writing large swaths of things that should've been cut. Another beta told me I should delete three scenes and condense a bunch of emotions into the club scene, and she was SO right. Cutting events out of an outline is WAY easier than cutting out pages of text.

Ironically my outline kind of deteriorated after the club scene, but that's alright: after I wrote the club scene, I actually had a clear vision of what I wanted the end to be. I just had to trust myself. I CAN do this, I CAN still just write intuitively sometimes!

I think California did what I wanted it to do. I'd love to try something out that's longer and has more story arcs in it (jes has a post for that too!) but I think that's best saved for another, longer project, though 18k isn't short.

next up is maggie stief's writing seminar that I bought a month back. I'm going to start working on that this month and see how I like it. I have a few halloween fic ideas, plus spookfest, so these next two months we should be cooking in the kitchen!

[jazminetoad]

In My Reality | Prologue

Hey, I was bored so I decided to start a fanfic series of the Tatsumi Brothers from Juuni Taisen. Yay

It’s a “Tatsumi Brother x Reader” story about how the Tatsumi Brothers enter the reader’s reality which kinda flips her world upside down.

So I just finished the prologue. If you guys like it or if I’m bored again, I’ll make the first chapter. (Click “Keep Reading” to read the story)

"[Name] get out of bed; It's 3 in the afternoon," my mom told me as she came into my room with fresh, clean clothes. I didn't have to look over to know.

Groaning, I removed my mask from my eyes then rolled over to face up at the white ceiling. The sunlight seeping in from the blinds caused my sight to cringe before it finally adjected to the light and I could see the grey walls lurking in the corner of my eyes. Arising from my queen-sized bed a yawn escaped from my mouth. My form reached over and placed my sleep mask on the nightstand, next to my water mug.

"Morning mom," I greeted her as she sorted out the pile of clothes on my dresser. Looks like she did a colour load, which means no pants to put away.

"Morning sweetheart. Can you put your clothes away before you come downstairs?"

"Sure," I simply answered as I slipped out of the cozy sheets I once was tangled in.

"Thank you. I'll see you when you come down," she stated, placing the last of my t-shirts neatly on the others. Afterwards, she wrapped her arms around the remaining clean, clothes that weren't mine, carefully balancing them as she left my room and closed the door behind.

The click of the doorknob echoed into my ears when my feet landed on the fuzzy rug. My eyes drifted their gaze to the plain black bodypillow wrapped in [f/c] blankets, reminding me of a burrito. It just had the colour for the case, no special Anime character on it. I wish there were one though; it'd make the nights seem less lonely to see my favourite character's face on it. However, a pillow is a pillow. Despite me using it as an illusion for myself it doesn't change the reality that when I hug it in my sleep or when I'm awake no arms will return my embrace.

A sigh falls out of my breath, my eyelids dropping in sync. I turned my head away from the lying pillow and dragged myself to the other side of my bed, towards the dresser that patiently held the clean clothes my mom put there. I opened a drawer, putting my undergarments away first then my socks. Once those were put away, I moved to retrieve hangers from my closet, passing by my desk and shelves as I did.

If you were wondering why I slept so late into the afternoon, well, it's currently winter break, so that means I can stay up late and sleep in late past noon. Sadly enough, it's January which means the break almost over, and that means school is standing around the corner, menacingly. Just the thought of it disturbs my mind as that reality tries to infect my thoughts.

I hate reality. I know not all of it is shit, but there's enough of it that makes me want to drown myself in the world of fiction. Whenever it's the weekend or breaks from school, I binge Anime, tv shows, YouTube, and movies, so that's the only thing on my mind. I then write or read fanfiction, there is the rare occasion I sketch something but I'm not good at art since I don't practice enough. By the time I return to reality after having my head stuck in my imagination for so long, I can barely focus without going back to daydreaming. Eventually, that wears off, and then reality is what floods my brain; I despise it but I know I can't be stuck in my fantasies forever. Luckily my friends provide that nice spot in-between for me, helping me stay in the real world but also let me discuss the fictional. Then there's also my bro.

"Yo sis," my brother's voice called from the other side of the door after his fist knocked on it. "You wanna continue Code Geass?"

My bro is the best. Unlike most siblings I know, we actually get along. He's also a big help in my life, one of the reasons why I haven't lost my mind. He makes sure I don't overwork & stress myself and reminds me to have fun and chillax. I love him for it, and he's practically my best friend. We aren't the exact same age but we were born in the same year, just a few months apart so we get to be in the same grade. He's the older one. He's also taller which means he can t-pose over me, and we reenact the meme; it's great.

"Yeah," I answered. "Just let me get ready."

"Alright," he replied before I felt the vibration of his footsteps grow distant from my room.

'Heh, if I had Takeyasu's ability, I'd be able to sense his movement better.'

I chuckle to myself at the thought floating in my mind as I put the final shirt away. My two favourite characters that I desired to be real was the Tatsumi Brothers, Nagayuki and Takeyasu. I love those two. Whenever I watched their episodes from Juuni Taisen, I always smile. They make my heart feel something that I never felt for any character before. I don't want to be cliche and say true love, but to me, that's what it feels like. I know they're fictional characters, so I won't get much out of it, but strangely enough, I'm okay with that. I can't imagine my heart belonging to anyone else. I do wish they were real, though. I even used my wish on the bracelet my friend, Meri-chan, got for my birthday one year, that they'd become real.

The bracelet was some urban legend. It was lime green and had a few beads on it. The legend goes that you make a wish and when the bracelet breaks, your wish has come true. 'Course, it's most likely a bunch of baloney but that didn't stop me from wishing that the Tatsumi Brothers would become real. I currently just wear the bracelet as an accessory since the wish probably won't happen, it's not like the thing is going to break anytime soon.

Grabbing my towel, my other hand opened my door. I slipped down the hallway and slid into the bathroom, my foot pushing the door closed as I put the towel on the towel rack. Hopefully, I don't take too long because we were left on edge on the last episode of Code Geass we watched. Well, I'll finish sooner than my wish coming true that's for sure, heh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay bro but if you think about it, Lelouch-"

"[Name], I washed your school uniforms. Can you put them away while I start on tacos?" Mom requested from the kitchen, interrupting the Anime, my commentary, and reminding me that school is coming soon. "You too, [b/n]."

"Yes, mom," we both respond.

My brother picked up the remote and hit the pause button so we wouldn't miss anything. I pulled myself up from the plush couch, disappointment growing on me since I had hoped not to be interrupted until dinner was ready. Well, I guess I could let the disappointment wither away since it's Taco Tuesday, my favourite. I chuckled to myself as my feet reached the next level above the main floor and headed down the open hallway to my room.

My laughter died out upon seeing my seven school uniforms, five that were the regular female uniform and two that were gym uniforms. Unlike most students, I didn't like the idea of having to wash my uniform every day, so to make things simpler, I paid for six more with my own money. It was a bit irritating, using the money I earned from my summer job for this instead of getting something else. Still, my practical choice, so I didn't necessarily have to worry about my mom washing my uniform every night.

"Hhhhhh, why does school have to come back so soon?" I asked myself as I picked up one of the uniforms.

The uniform wasn't too special, a simple white blouse, a blue skirt, a blue jacket, and a blue & black striped tie. Students could decide if we wanted to wear tights, leggings, or shorts underneath the skirt as long as it was black or white. I wore leggings unless it was summer which I then wear shorts and knee-high socks. There are those girls that only wear thigh-high socks and panties under their skirt to which my nerd brain questions why. 'Course that's their choice, have fun with your ass cold.

A Discord ringtone made me resurface from my pond of inner thoughts. Becoming aware of my surroundings, I realized my friends Meri-chan and Kamida were calling on the Discord group chat we had. I could tell by the laptop I had open on my desk. I quickly put the uniform I had in hand on the rack with the others before sliding over and clicking the answer button that popped up.

"Yo, what's up nerds."

"Hey I'm not a nerd," Meri-chan protested. "I'm a cool kid."

"Meri-chan, we're all nerds here," Kamida stated before greeting me. "Hey [n/n], how you doing?"

"Eh, good I suppose but I could be doing better, Kami," I answered simply. "How's life?"

"Pretty chill but I got bored, so I decided to call you guys."

"Well, I'm just putting my uniforms away," I informed them and went to put the last uniform away.

"I sometimes forget that you have more than one," Meri-chan commented before I heard her gasp. "Hey, how 'bout we hang out tomorrow, we only have so many days before we have to go back to school."

"Oh, don't remind me," I groaned, hanging my head, then went back to putting the uniform on the hanger and walking over to the closet, hanging it up with the rest.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea Meri-chan, we could hang out tomorrow," Kamida suggested.

"I'm down," Meri-chan quickly responded.

"Welllllll..." I hesitated, sitting down in the [f/c] spinning chair in front of the desk.

"[Name]."

"You see, I kinda want to stay inside my last few days..."

"[n/nnnnn]!" Meri-chan whined.

"Come on [Name], you know you can't stay cooped up inside forever," Kamida reminded me.

"I know," I grumbled, leaning back in my seat. "Fine, I'll come out tomorrow, but it's going to be after 2."

"2 am, geez [n/n] I didn't know you'd be willing to come out that early," Kamida joked.

"I meant 2 pm," I corrected.

"Okay," he chuckled as Meri-chan pipped in.

"But if you're late again, you're buying lunch this time."

"Okay, bet, but what if I'm not?" I inquired, my fingers tapping on my desk.

"Mmmmmmm," she hummed, seemingly to be thinking.

"It's fine I'll pay for lunch tomorrow."

"Alright, but don't use it as an excuse to be late."

"I won't," I reassured her. "Anyway, I'm gonna go watch a few more episodes of Code Geass with my bro-"

"You still need to watch Dragon Ball Z," Kamida interrupted.

"And you need to watch Juuni Taisen," I countered, emphasizing the "you".

"Yeah, yeah," he brushed it off. "Anyway, go have fun with your bro. We'll call again later on tonight."

"Alright, bye guys." I left the call and closed out of discord then proceeded to shut my laptop.

Kamida and Meri-chan were my two friends from school; we've known each other since childhood. 'Course Meri-chan isn't Meri-chan's real name, that's just a nickname Kamida and I gave her. Occasionally, they called me [n/n]-chan but not too often. Then there are times where we call Kamida, Kami-kun, but mainly Meri-chan does it out of spite since Kamida doesn't like it. Especially when Meri-chan does it in her kawaii voice. Those two are the only ones outside of family that have the same vibe I do, that's probably why we've been friends for so long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, you guys ever wish fictional characters could become real?" I randomly asked out of the blue, staring up at the white ceiling as I waited for my friends over the call to answer my question.

"All the time," Meri-chan answered.

"We know simp," Kamida smugly commented.

"Nuuu!" Meri-chan pouted while Kamida and I laughed. "Hey, if anything [n/n] is the simp over here, she's the one actual crushing on the characters."

"Hey don't call me out like that."

"Ha! She doesn't deny it," Kamida jeered.

"Okay, what about you and Android 21?"

"Ack-" Kamida blurted before muting himself, causing me and Meri-chan to giggle. A few seconds pass by before he unmuted himself. "Why are you asking this question [n/n]?"

"No reason in particular-"

"Are you sure it's not you wanting to talk about Juuni Taisen?"

"No- it's not just that. I just think fictional characters would make reality interesting."

"Right..."

"Meri-chan if you could bring someone from Juuni Taisen to-"

"My boy Uuma! You should know this by now."

"Bruh-"

"Well, it's either that or Usagi, and I rather be alive thank you."

"Who's Uuma again?" Kamida inquired, not knowing who was who quite yet since he hasn't watched the Anime.

"Uuma is the warrior of the horse," I informed him.

"Right," Kamida mumbled before letting out a yawn.

"You sound tired, go to sleep!" Meri-chan told Kamida.

"No, you go to sleep."

"Guys, we're all on the same timezone. If one of us goes to sleep then we all do," I stated. "It makes sense since we're all planning on meeting up tomorrow."

"I guess we go to sleep," Meri-chan said bluntly.

"Yeah, alright, goodnight guys," Kamida yawned.

"Night."

"Night guys."

With that, we each left the call. I, however, didn't fall asleep right away. I woke up late and the night was still pretty early, so I opened up the Funimation app on my phone. Scrolling through the list of saved Anime, most of which were halfway through since my brother and I are watching them together, I came across Juuni Taisen.

"Why not..." I muttered to myself as my finger tapped on the Anime and went right to click on episode 7, In Like a Dragon, Out Like a Snake (Part 1).

By the time I finished episodes 7 and 8, it was 2 am when my eyes glanced at the clock in the top corner of my phone. Sighing to myself, I leaned over and snatched my charger off the nightstand, plugging it in the wall before connecting the other end to my phone. Turning off my phone, I placed it on the nightstand and snagged my sleep mask, putting that on my head.

As I laid there on my bed, silence flooded the room, not a sound to be heard but my own breathing. Vines of sorrow began to grow on me as the feeling of loneliness came over me. I tried to pull myself out of the emotion, turning over and wrapping my arms around the plain bodypillow in an attempt to comfort myself. In the end, it only helped slightly. It didn't erase the pain because I knew there were no arms that would hug me back. A tear escaped my eyes before I pulled my mask over them, and a final thought appeared in my mind before I entered the dream realm.

'I wish I wasn't alone...'

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Congratulations, Tatsumi {Ani|Otouto}, warrior of the {dragon|snake}!" Duodecuple exclaimed. "You are the winner of the 12th Juuni Taisen, everyone give yourself a hand!" The man started to applaud but soon stopped. "The antidote has settled in by now. You'll be fine."

{"Tch|Alright"} the Tatsumi brother simply responded.

"Now that you've won the Juuni Taisen, you can make one wish of your choice. Would you like to make your wish now, or would you like for it to be granted later?"

"In all honesty, when I arrived at the Juuni Taisen I wished for {nothing|money}, I didn't need anything else really but now that {I'm here|I had time to think about} I don't want to wish for {nothing|money}."

"Oh, do you have another wish in mind?" Duodecuple inquired the Tatsumi brother sitting in front of him, alone.

"Yeah... I wish me and my brother were never apart of the Juuni Taisen."

[tsrookie]

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

[notyour-mariaclara]

𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥

ᵃᵏᵃᵃˢʰⁱ ᵏᵉⁱʲⁱ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᵍᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᵈʳᵃᵐᵃ, ˢˡⁱᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ˡⁱᶠᵉ

ʷᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: 2635

ˢⁱⁿᶜᵉ ⁱ ᵍᵃⁱⁿ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳˢ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵐʸ 1ˢᵗ ᶠⁱᶜ (ᵇᵒᵏᵘᵗᵒ ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ). ʰᵉʳᵉ'ˢ ᵃⁿᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵒⁿᵉ. ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ⁱᵗ.

I woke up one morning without you by my side. Nothing new, really. Not until I sat up from the bed. I sniff once then twice, the familiar scent of bacon and pancakes is not present.

Maybe she went to work early. I thought to myself and prepared myself to go to work too. Pushing the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach.

After fixing my tie, I grabbed my phone by the nightstand. No new message. It's not that we leave messages anymore if one of us leaves earlier. Not anymore. I sigh and headed to the dining to eat my breakfast. But the emptiness of the table welcomed me. That's when my gut feeling got stronger. Something is not right.

I hit the realization that you never went home last night. The house was empty when I got home, thinking that you just have to work overtime again. Which oftently happens lately but you always send me a message about it. I don't wait up for you 'till you get home because I always fall asleep.

My eyebrows met as I speed dial your number. It rang for few seconds then followed by a beeped.

"Hi! I might be busy as of this moment. Just leave me a message, I'll get back to you soon!" You giggled before the call dropped.

I stare at my phone, wondering when was the last time I heard you being cheerful.

<!-- more -->

"I'm home." I said as I removed my shoes and change into my house slippers. You welcomed me with your pout and arms crossed.

"What's wrong, love?" I chuckled because of your cuteness. 4 years of being together and I can't still get over you.

"It's Saturday and you left without me."

"It's too early for you to get up and I did text you, I need to drop by the office for the new storyboard." I pulled you closer as my arms snaked around your waist.

"But what took you so long?" Finally giving in and you put your arms on my shoulder.

"Because of this." I took a step back to show my bag.

"Yes, hun? That's still the same bag." You said in confusion.

I chuckled and tugged you towards the sofa to make ourselves comfortable. I pulled out 2 boxes from my bag and you gasped.

"Wh-what? But why? You don't have too." You said with a pout.

"Love, your phone will barely make it 'till next month. Your screen is smashed from last month's incident." I stated.

"Yeah, thanks to Bokuto-san." You rolled your eye but laughed.

"One for you and one for me." I said and you squealed.

"Thank you, thank you!" You threw your arms around me and showered me with kisses.

"Anything for you, love." I said and kissed your lips.

We both excitedly opened our new phones. That's how we spent the rest of our Saturday afternoon.

"Hello. I'm busy and I'm not sure if I can get back to you unless you're my husband."

I looked at you and you just flashed me your gummy smile.

"What was that?" I asked.

"It's for my voicemail." You said innocently.

I facepalm myself and shook my head at your antics.

"What will your officemate think if they hear that?"

"What? It's cute." You laughed. I scoff before laughing too.

"No, change it."

I whined and you refuse until I attacked you with tickles just so you change it.

"Stop! Stop! Okay! Okay! I will!" You surrendered.

I put my arms around you just to secure you that you won't run to hide because I know you well enough. You giggled at my action and started recording again.

"Hi! I might be busy as of this moment. Just leave me a message, I'll get back to you soon!"

You giggle and ended the record.

You looked up to face me and smile. I held you tighter as I snuggled my face in your neck. And traces some butterfly kisses.

"Now, it's time for you to pay back the phone."

"Ohhhhh, sir, I am more than willing to pay."

You said and we both fell into laughters.

It's been a year since you did that record. I sent you a message but I received none until I reached the office. Still no you. I can't help but to worry and be distracted the whole day. I'm already thinking of things, why you didn't come home and contacted me. Maybe, you slept over to some friends and your phone ran out of battery or maybe you suddenly went home to your family or maybe all of the hundred reason I thought of, doesn't make sense because you weren't careless like that and you don't want other people worrying about you.

That's when I started thinking of the worst that maybe you caught up in an accident. It was lunch time when I decided to go to your office.

______

"Good Afternoon, I just want to ask if she's in?"

I ask the receptionist. She's also your friend so she's pretty much familiar with me too.

"Eh? She's on leave for 4 days. It started yesterday. Didn't she tell you?" The lady behind the desk asked confusedly.

"I…" I was lost for words.

"Is everything okay between you two? She seems so distant lately and she's even the first one to go home every time." She explained

I can't mask my upset feeling bubbling in my chest.

"But she always works overtime." I stated.

"Overtime? Our company no longer extends our working hours due to our financial setbacks for months already. Surely, you know that we're considering to file bankruptcy, right?"

I was surprised because I don't know a thing about the bankruptcy let alone her lying to me about her overtime.

"Is boss there?" I heard some random staff ask the receptionist.

"Thanks." I said to her and walk my way to the exit but stopped when I heard her replied to the staff.

"Nah, boss is on leave too. As if the company ain't crumbling already." She scoffed.

My hand shakes and exited the premise. I sent a text to the office saying I have an emergency before trying to contact you for the nth time. My emotion is slowly rubbing in me, I lossen my tie. To no avail, I can't still contact you. Frustration slowly creeps in me. I drove home, my thoughts driving me crazy.

You said you're going to work yesterday but the thing is you filed for a leave since yesterday. You lied.

"She lied." I threw my briefcase without a care and crashed myself on the couch.

You've been working late recently, I can't even remember when it started but you lied. You're lying for some time now. Slowly, anger is penting up inside me. Inno Kei, your boss. He use to hit on you, is it only a coincidence he's on leave too?

I untangled the tie and whipped it on the floor. Unbuttoning my dress shirt because suddenly, I feel suffocated. I raked my hair, shaking my brain to reason out your action. I don't even want to think the worst. Because you're not like that but why does everything's falling into pieces. The possibility of you cheating on me, is no longer impossible.

The day went by, by me contacting your phone, I even called your family just to check but they don't know a thing. I even lied to them because I don't want them to worry. I called your best friend Kiyoko but she's not answering my call. I resorted into alcohol while waiting but still no traces of you.

The next day, I didn't go to work in case you come home. I tried to look to for you. Places where you like to go. Places I hope where you'd be. But still no you.

I don't want to think that you'd go to another man but I realize, these past few months after that incident. Everything changed, the cold shoulder, the emotionless responses, just everything. My chest starts to heave as I slowly see things clearer. Even if you do go for another man, I wouldn't blame you. There, I realize what truly is happening lately, how come I didn't see this sooner.

"Oh, God." I buried my face in my hands. Brimming tears of frustration, worry and sadness, consumed me. I don't want to lose you. It's all my fault. The day goes by, waiting for you to come home as I drown myself in alcohol and regret.

_________________________

3 days since you've been gone. I plan to stay home to wait again but my team called because the pitching for the new book is today, as much as I want to be alone and wait for you, I can't risk other people's job. So, I went to work, still thinking of you.

"Hey, Love. Please come home. Let's talk, please or just tell me you're fine. That'll be enough for me. I love you. I love you, please." I sent my 18th voicemail to her number. 115 missed call and 84 unseen messages, still not enough for you to come home.

_______

When I saw your shoes by the door, I don't know what to feel. Ecstatic? Anxious? I don't know. I quickened my phase inside our house. No signs of you in the living room and even in the kitchen. I went to our bedroom. My heart increased it's beat, nervousness is eating me the moment I saw the room empty but the closet was left ajar. I open it only to see most of your are clothes gone. My hand began to shake.

"Love?"

I went to the next room. My hand slowly reached for the knob. When was the last time I went inside this room? 3 months ago? I took a deep breath and open the door.

There I see you on the floor. Your body leaning on the crib. I felt my chest tighten and I took a step forward but you woke up. Fluttering your eyes open and snapped your head towards me. Your eyes widened in surprise. Your lips quiver.

"Keiji…" you call me breathlessly.

Why do you sound as if you're leaving me? I glance at your bag beside you. You followed my gaze and I heard you took a deep breath.

"Where were you?" I asked worriedly and took another step forward. You stood up.

"I…" You look on the floor looking for answers.

"I can't get a hold of you for 3 days. I was worried, Love." I enveloped you in my arms. Nourishing your scent that I miss for days, scent that I took advantage for months.

I hugged you tighter, feeling your warmth. Caressing your hair, letting you know how glad I am that you're back. You started to sob in my arms. After awhile you break off the hug and I swear I heard my heart break.

"Keiji," No, call me love.

"I waited for you for 3 days, where did you go? I got worried. I even went to places to look for you." I said pushing the stinging pain in my eyes.

"I was at Kiyoko-san's--"

"But I went to her apartment. She said you weren't there." I grab hold of her hand

"I told her to lie."

"I-Is there something you want to tell me? How come you didn't tell me that you're having problems with the company? When did you start keeping things from me?" I can no longer hide my frustration and pain.

She shrugged off my hand and took a step backward.

"I-how? How can I? I cannot even talk to you about our own problem. So tell me how, Keiji?" You said exasperatingly. Trying to conceal your emotions but everything can be seen in your eyes with welled up tears.

"Is that why?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I-Is that why you went to ano--"

"Oh my god!" She scoff and laughed bitterly while tears stream down her face.

She lost it. She went back further in the room. Putting good distance between us.

"You actually thought I was with someone else!? Tell me!?" She challenged. My breath hollowed as I brushed my hair due to frustration. My other hand on my hip.

"What do you want me to do!? I came to your office and found out everything. That you're lying about your overtime and you filed for a leave when you didn't said a thing to me. You grown distant and cold the passed months--"

"Did you just realize that in the past 3 days that I was gone? You just suddenly notice, just now!?" I shut my mouth because she's right. I only took notice of everything, too late. She started to cry harder. I took a step closer to reach for her but she moved back. She's hurting so much.

"What I want you to do? I just want you to see me again. To talk to me again like we used too. I want you to look at me without hurting. Without pain."

I tried to call your name but you only shook your head.

"You waited for three days? I waited for six months! Ever since…" you choked on your tears.

"Ever since I lost the baby, I lost you too." She look at me in the eyes. I can no longer control my tears .

"The first three months was bearable, because I know we're both mourning but it seems that we never got the chance to go back to each other. We got lost. I lost my husband." You sobbed.

"I was scared. It was my fault that I can't provide for the both of you. That you needed to work too because my salary is not enough. I-I should have insisted you not to work but I didn't. Then we lost our baby. I saw you broke. It hurted me so much because there's nothing I can do to take the pain. I fought strong in front of you but by the end of the day, I'm so weak. That's why I pretended as if nothing happened because I don't want to make the same mistake. I worked hard for the promotion because I know that will help us a lot. That promotion, is enough for us. Even if you stop working. I-I... didn't know this was the consequence." I explained with tears and shaky breath. Feelings from losing our baby came back again. But this time it hits harder because I might lose you too.

"You are by my side but I still miss you everyday. You slowly fell out. I waited for you everyday, waiting for you to look at me with love again. Until one day, I realize that I can't continue like this anymore. It hurts me to see you but I can't even feel you. I can only take so much pain, love. That's why I stayed late outside drinking or I'll crash at Kiyoko-san's. I was hoping you'll come through and ask me but you never did. I don't know what to do anymore with our marriage." You broke down and fell on your knees.

"I have my fair share of regret, love. We both struggled. There was never a day passed without thinking of our angel. I thought losing you was my consequence because I failed to protect our baby." I rushed by your side and nestled you in my arms. We're both on the floor. I held you tighter than ever.

"No, don't say that. I don't want to lose you. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault, okay? I'm sorry, if I hurt you." I buried my face to your hair, until you tangled your arms to my waist and cried harder. I shifted our position and cradled you in my arms.

"I'm so sorry, love. I didn't mean to push you away. I neglected you all these time when you needed me the most. I'm so sorry. Please, don't leave me. I beg you." I cried as I held your head to my chest.

You shook your head and look up to me.

"I won't. I-I can't. I love you too much."

"I love you too." I said as I wipe your tears away. I held your face as I brushed your hair away from your face and tried to dry your face but you kept crying. I place a kiss on your forehead.

"I love you so much." Then kissed your lips and you hiccuped because of crying to much.

"Let's try again. Let's fix our marriage, hmm? Let me make it up to you."

You nodded and I carried you to our bed to tucked you in bed and hold you all night.