#and that's why he just can't lie to her

[forgettable-au]

FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 61-64)

* I-I don't think we were talking about the same thing...

[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]

[chirpsythismorning]

Can we talk about how Jonathan might've been able to clock Mike simply because of what happened with him and Nancy in season two?

This will be a long post, so you might want to strap in or save it for later.

In Will and Mike's case, it would obviously be much different from Jonathan and Nancy's situation, given that you know, they're gay. But we still have Jonathan arguably going through a similar experience as Will, while Mike is going through a similar experience as Nancy.

In s2, we see Nancy confront Jonathan about how she waited for him before getting back with Steve, which is a revelation to him. Then they're at Murray's and she's struggling to say she loves Steve, after a handful of moments between them that felt like she might return Jonathan’s feelings. And you can clearly see it in his eyes, listening to Murray imply that they have feelings for each other, with him looking back and forth sort of in awe of what's happening, like he's starting to question if she might actually like him back.

Will doesn't have that same affordance as Jonathan to really hope, at least not anymore. Which is why these relationships in s2 and s4 end differently for these two brothers.

Based on all the signs he was seeing that Nancy felt the same, Jonathan decided to take the plunge to admit to Nancy how he felt, and at that same moment Nancy had the courage to show how she felt. In Will and Mike's case, Will wasn't ready to take the plunge to admit to Mike how he felt, at the same moment Mike didn't have the courage to show how he felt.

What's so painfully hilarious to me about all of this though, is that Jonathan arguably starts the season in the same shoes as most of the audience, where from his perspective, it's becoming obvious to him now that Will like's Mike, but that Mike does not feel the same way.

First at Rink-O-Mania, Mike appears a little uncomfortable upon hugging Will. Then as the happy couple continues on their adventure into Rink-O-Mania, he watches Will lagging behind moping. And then unfortunately he's out of commission for the rest of the evening...

But once he's sober and back to being an attentive brother the following morning, we see him watching them at breakfast, with Mike barely sparing Will a glance, all while Will is blatantly staring, almost like he's waiting for Mike to look back, only for Mike to get up and walk away.

All of these instances gotta be SCREAMING unrequited gay love to Jonathan. He's already gotten signs for years that Will is gay, these are now just the signs that are instilling his suspicions that Will has feelings for Mike. He could have easily interpreted their relationship in the early seasons as young best friends, with Will seeming to have a crush on Mike, and with them growing up and that potentially including Will's straight friend distancing himself from him because he doesn't feel the same. It's not the most unexpected thing in the world considering.

But then there's a shift.

Suddenly he's creeping up on them talking in his room. And we know he was listening in on the conversation because he brings up Owens when he sits down. As he's eavesdropping, he's probably thinking something innocent like Aww they're making up! And like, hey! Even if Mike doesn't feel the same, which is okay and entirely expected honestly, at least he still cares about Will enough to make things right after acting so out of character. Still, I'm not gonna lie, that sounded a lot like flirting to me--

Then he's knocking on Will's door like 30 minutes or less later only to find Mike and Will back on their bullshit. Mike suddenly isn't going out of his way to ignore or put Will on the back burner. In fact, he's on his bed and they're talking, again! The door is even closed this time, which is interesting. This has gotta be a good sign in Jon's eyes. Nothing to worry about! Right? Right...?

But then suddenly this shift continues, going in a direction he probably didn't expect.

I mean, this is literally an identical jancy parallel we have here with byler on the hood of the car, with Jonathan right there to witness it. Despite him maybe only now subconsciously picking up on the similarities between Will and Mike to him and Nancy here, he's at least taking note (I mean he's even got his gay map out and everything).

It isn't until the van scene happens, that I think Jonathan starts to genuinely consider his suspicions, which is that Mike might actually like Will back.

EVERY time we get a shot of Jonathan looking back at Will and Mike in the van, followed by a shot of his POV from the rearview mirror, we're faced with Mike looking at Will while Will is looking away.

As Jonathan is hearing Will confirm his suspicions about his feelings for Mike, he's simultaneously witnessing Mike not looking at Will with disgust, but something more akin to reverence. All of those moments in the van that we witnessed, including all the ways Mike looked at Will and everything that was said, Jonathan was right there.

And what's even more insane about this scene, is that it circles back to Jonathan as a character himself.

I remember when people were talking about how odd it was that we never saw Jonathan with a camera in s4. After 3 seasons in a row of making his passion for photography a big part of his identity, that part of him was apparently absent entirely this time around... But was it really?

This is the same guy that said, "Sometimes, people don't really say what they're really thinking. But you capture the right moment, it says more."

Jonathan might not have had his camera in s4, but this was without a doubt one of those moments where he captured something more.

Something that I also think get's highly overlooked about this scene, especially when it comes to Jonathan looking back at them, being followed by a shot of Mike staring at Will, is that he could see both of their reactions the whole time, from beginning to end. Will nor the audience had the affordance of knowing because Will was facing the other way at the end, while we on the other-hand were blurred from even having the chance, despite Mike literally being in the frame. But not Jonathan. He even lets us see what he sees, a few times, but not at the very end, which would have been nice after they didn't let us see Mike's reaction seconds before this.

Let's just stop right there for a second though and circle back to what I consider to be the first time Jonathan really picked up on Will's feelings for Mike, which was at the end of s3, in a sequence that is a little too relevant to the van scene if you ask me, given that they are almost direct parallels.

While these parallels are pretty spot on visually, they are also near spot on narratively when it comes to the evolution each of these characters are experiencing.

For Will in the first scene, it's sadness that he's moving away from his friends in Hawkins and also feeling like he's losing Mike, after what looks like him and El making up, which makes him scared he'll distance himself again. For Jonathan, it's sympathy for his brother who appears to have some very deep feelings for his friend, feelings he can't quite grasp yet but soon enough will.

For Will in the second scene, it's heartbreak that he has to accept that Mike will never feel the same, knowing that supporting his relationship with El (encouraging it honestly) will likely turn out just as it did last time, with him losing Mike all over again, for the last time. For Jonathan it's sympathy for his brother who has now confirmed his suspicions that the feelings he has for Mike are more than just that of a friend.

Given that this parallel reinforces the same feelings Will and Jonathan had in s3 to now, why would this not also reinforce those same feelings that Mike had in s3 to now?

In the first scene, Mike was visibly distraught, with dialogue from Hopper in the background applying a little too perfectly with what he was feeling in that moment, which was scared. He’s apparently back together with El now, despite them doing just fine as friends for the last 3 months, as well as him and Will just having finally gone back to them being on good terms again. But now, it’s like he’s right back where he started at the beginning of s3, feeling obligated to be the perfect boyfriend to El, and as a result, having no choice in his eyes but to distance himself from Will. Mike then walks into his house looking like a zombie, almost emotionless stepping into his mother's embrace.

Now, I say almost emotionless because it looks like Mike was trying to hold back showing how he truly felt in this moment. He's not crying like he did in s1 when he lost Will that first time. Time has passed and things have changed (he doesn't want things to change). And he's trying his best to keep it together. But the in-focus close-ups make it clear that he is definitely not okay.

What's so impactful about these parallels is that it presents the inner struggle both of these characters are having, both queer and experiencing doubts, but in different ways and for different reasons.

Will is the one who covers it all up with lies, hiding the tears in his eyes, because boys don't cry.

Mike is the one who has never cried to them, just to his soul (RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY! TURN AWAY! RUN AWAY!!!).

If you actually try to get a gage on Mike's in-focus emotions in that first scene vs. his out-of-focus emotions in that second scene, well they're not that far off from each other.

We go from Mike smiling vibrantly at Will, to him now slowly turning away to look back down at the painting, with whatever the hell emotion this is...

It's near impossible to catch because of how out-of-focus it is, but looking a lot closer, it honestly appears like Mike is feeling something akin to sadness that he's trying to mask. For a moment it even looks like he turns his head to wince emotionally, only to correct himself.

And call me crazy, but these shots also low-key parallel each other. Mike looking down trying to keep his emotions in check and failing miserably, only to look up and meet eyes with someone whose witnessing it.

With each shot before this of Jonathan observing Mike looking at Will, with him showing all the emotions Will never got to see and everything else in between, I wonder what Jon saw this time? Probably another thing he didn't expect.

Can you just try to imagine the silence in this van, accompanied by Will's muffled sobs, and then try to imagine Mike turning to look down at the painting, only to sneak a glance, and then go right back to looking at the painting, IN SILENCE, and then try to tell me how the assumption that Mike didn’t notice Will crying makes any sense, like realistically?

Yeah me and Jonathan are confused too.

Right now, Jonathan's probably wondering why Mike was acting a little fruity and repressed during the painting reveal. And that although he may have a penchant for being able to 'capture the right moment', Mike is sticking with his story (despite all the stalling and doubt). He is 100% straight!

And so maybe this is where Jonathan tries to accept what is being presented to him as the truth, despite the contradictions in front of him. It's likely that despite the way Mike looks at Will and acts around him, in ways he would have assumed coming from Nancy in s2 would've been evidence that she felt the same, it probably doesn't apply to Mike.

Maybe Jonathan's ready to accept that it's a lot more likely Will is experiencing unrequited love as a gay kid growing up in a small town, the most predictable experience a gay kid could go through, and in contrast Mike just feels too bad to let Will down easy.

Or who knows, maybe Mike could still be a little bit gay too...

But it doesn't matter anyways. Mike seems to be adamant about this and so there's really nothing else Jonathan can he do besides tell his brother he'll be there for him no matter what. And so he does just that.

But then Mike just has to surprise him one last time.

For those that don't know, the line Mike gives here in his monologue was in part pulled from Will's monologue in the van. Most don't know this because this line didn't make the final cut for the van scene, but in the official script the writers posted, what we find is an almost a direct parallel.

Which makes the reaction shots of Will and Jonathan directly after Mike says this all the more epic.

From Will's end he was probably hearing Mike say this and just thinking 'Damn. Well, that's what you get for using your feelings to inspire Mike to profess his love to El.'

But from Jonathan's end, I don't think his outside POV of these events overlapping was nearly as naive as his brothers understanding of the events. Because why the fuck would Mike need to use Will's feelings to inspire him to profess his love to El in the first place? Is this what Mike has been struggling with? Really? Why before every moment Mike takes action in this scene, is Will's hand literally pushing him into it? Why is Mike being so dramatic about saying I love you, stuttering and rambling about her being a superhero, not saying nearly as meaningful of things as what Will said in the van?

And then it hits him.

Mike is reminding him a little too much of another Wheeler right now...

Nancy Wheeler, who was afraid of what would happen if she accepted herself for who she really was, leading her to retreat back to the safety of Steve. Because Nancy liked Steve, but she didn't love Steve.

And now here is Mike Wheeler, who has went from being incredibly distant with Will after reuniting with El, something that is very unlike the Mike he knew in previous seasons, to something more himself again after they make up, with him looking at Will with adoration after hearing his words in the van, only to turn away and look heartbroken. Mike who is now struggling to simply tell El he loves her with Will right behind him literally yelling at him to do it.

And now it's like all those little moments are starting to add up to Jonathan.

Suddenly all those signs he picked up on from Will when he was younger are now blending in with moments Will shared with Mike. It was Mike who jumped in after him and his mom's speech to Will in the shed in s2, with tears in his eyes recalling the day that they met (without being asked, let alone pushed to). And it's Mike who is now looking like he's at war with himself as he attempts to give encouragement to El, just like he did with Will in s2, but this time he needs someone to push him to do it, and that person just so happens to be Will. After just finding out about Will's feelings and also while assuming El wants him to love her that way still, Mike is stuck.

I don't think it's takes a genius to consider Jonathan is capable of realizing how fucked they all are in this situation.

As much as Mike isn't ready for a sleuth of reasons, Will isn't ready either.

This provides a huge contrast between the bylers ², because while Jonathan and Nancy went through a similar experience to Will and Mike, them being ready to accept it and act on it didn't involve nearly as many factors and risks. Will and Mike also have the added barrier that is homophobia.

Will's internalized homophobia lies in part with assuming Mike could never feel the same based on some of the words he said in their last two fights, with parts being painfully reminiscent of the things his dad and bullies used to say about him. These are also words that contradict Mike's own words and actions from the previous seasons, things that did once give Will hope. The shame and guilt that comes with falling for your best friend, who you now know will never feel the same after being foolish enough to believe it not too long ago, and who might not even want to be your friend anymore upon finding out the truth, is understandable. He can't have hope like Jonathan can. It's just not the same.

Mike's internalized homophobia lies with assuming El wants him to love her, along with their relationship being expected and socially acceptable from everyone around him. Though unfortunately for her he feels abundantly more in love in the moments he shares with Will. Despite trying to make it work with El as hard as he could, because she's amazing and all any guy could hope for in a girlfriend, he can't ignore the fact that the feelings he has for these two people are different. The shame and guilt that comes with you, a boy, falling for your best friend, who is also a boy, and who is starting to show that he feels the same, all while you can't muster up the courage to break up with your girlfriend, nor can you muster up the courage to tell her that you love her, not when she's begging you, dying or even just simply at the end of a letter, is pretty understandable too. He can't have hope like Nancy can. It's just not the same.

Spoiler: They were not ready.

PS: I'm still not over the fact that they low-key confirmed these events elsewhere in the story...

[templegate]

Deceptively simple

[katyspersonal]

Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.

They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol

It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦‍♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!

Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦‍♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[kikuism]

so i've been curious about this for a while, something i've noticed is how you're either biased for one or the other group. you might care for both but your main interest lies in one.

[screamingcrows]

Celeste's character stories:

Character Details

Someone who lives to fit in will eventually have broken off too many pieces to recognise themselves. But what then is the better option; to make yourself loved where you are or trust fate to lead you where you belong? Broken down and with vengeance burning, Celeste decided that neither would be her answer, throwing away her life in Fontaine in favour of forging another path.

Playfully referred to as 'The Doctor's shadow', she now roams the halls of Zapolyarny Palace with assured steps. Outside of the laboratories, little is known about the details of her work except guards noting that the lower levels are busier now than ever.

Although it took a while to acclimate to Snezhnaya, Celeste herself seems quite satisfied with the current state of things, spending her days rotating between the labs, the Second's library, and her quarters. She now pursues results with ferocity and a dwindling concern for the means matching her superior's.

Only a fool would squander the opportunities she seized with the position.

Character Story 1

While Celeste holds no military rank within the Fatui, officially noted down as nothing more than an 'assistant', there are few who would refuse her requests, for she cannot give orders, and even fewer who would attempt to push her around.

A simple formality, the title does a poor job at describing her daily endeavours and would, in an academic setting, be more akin to Fontaine's 'Senior Researcher'. A rank she never had any hope of achieving.

While her work does indeed further The Second's own goals, it is often somewhat removed from his primary interests. An agreement was struck within the first week; she would be free to pursue her own goals so long as they did not hinder his ambitions and she could still fulfill the tasks he gave. She would be a researcher in all but name.

Celeste's main tasks are recorded as testing and monitoring biological changes following usage of delusions, abyssal energies, and the integration of alchemical and technical components into a living organism.

She will often lament that if these were her only tasks, there would be much more time for her own research. While the laboratory is always running, it rarely does so smoothly, and thus the position of assistant will also encompass breaking off fights instigated by volatile segments, completing maintenance on machinery, restocking supplies, and coordinating production of various weapons.

But should he ever attempt to make her fill out his monthly expense reports to the Regrator or fetch refreshments, depending on his tone, it isn't unlikely the papers would be torn to shreds or the coffee spiked. Without doubt, her most gruelling task is occasionally participating in meetings with other Harbingers as The Doctor's proxy.

Character Story 2

Though it was a modest upbringing, Celeste was never lacking in support from home. Two loving parents spent what time they had available with her, often bringing her to work when she needed a break from school.

It was easier to go with her mother, a singer, and sit through her rehearsals while drawing, reading, or exploring the endless rooms filled with costumes. But it was at Fontaine's Research Institute with her father that she felt truly entertained.

Rows of books lined his office and robotic components were scattered all along the ground, most discarded as faulty prototypes. While their functions were beyond her understanding, the principles behind how they moved and interacted had the child gleefully trying to imitate her father's designs.

Of course, a room filled with machinery was no suitable place to leave a child unattended, and so she was passed around between researchers whenever her father had meetings or was otherwise occupied. Quickly, Celeste found the wonders of robotics outcompeted by nature, glueing herself to the side of a visiting researcher from Sumeru's Amurta darshan.

A place in Sumeru's Akademiya was secured by the young teen, passing the entrance exams after months of intense preparation. On the day of her departure, she refused to step onto the boat that would take her to the rainforest. After hours of crying and pleading, her father picked her up with all the grace of an aging man and carried her home, making her favourite treat while her mother informed the Akademiya of the delay.

The day of her departure never came as Celeste found her cowardice punished when her mother passed from an infectious disease shortly after.

Years went by in a haze, gripped by paranoia that her actions would once more lead to harm she'd yet to consider. Eventually, her father convinced the young woman to enroll for further education in Fontaine.

Two gruelling years were spent studying law before dropping out. She found herself punished again when the Research Institute was blown to pieces, taking several researchers with it.

Character Story 3

A name is more than just a companion through life, something bestowed by parents before they could possibly know if their intentions would match the child. A name can be a hope for the future, a blessing, or a wish for what life should hold.

So relieved to finally have a child to call their own, Celeste's parents looked to the island floating in the sky and decided to tether their little girl to it.

If names brought a role, then isn't it natural to suppose someone named after where the divine resides would be destined for greatness?

The little girl did all she could to live up to those expectations, held by no one but herself. A hero was kind, loved by all, courageous, strong, and would never remain idle in the face of danger.

Always trying to befriend everyone, no matter what it took, she was easily goaded into just about anything. Forgiveness came easy with her teary eyes, always favoured by the adults for how much she cared for everyone.

It was exhausting. Worse still with no real friends to show for all her efforts, changing to fit the situation at every turn left her watered down and uninteresting unless in the middle of some stupid dare.

During sunny days, the children would often play by Fontaine's great 'sea'. All of them knew better than to brave the waters alone. Until someone suggested Celeste dive in from a stone to prove her courage.

It'd be fine. They could all swim right? Just dive and swim back to shore.

She went headfirst down onto a rock. Another little girl hurried and ran into the water upon seeing faint traces of red. Betrayed by the still surface, she was pulled out by a current and began to thrash around.

Panicked screaming erupted, children running to get an adult. Celeste had easily made it back, clutching her bleeding nose and blissfully unaware of the chaos for just a moment.

She froze. This was her fault. She should swim out and help, right? This was her responsibility. She should be able to do it. Her destiny was greatness, after all.

It was too late when adults arrived, Celeste's feet still firmly planted on the shore as she watched on in horror.

Character Story 4

It is all too easy to close your eyes and stumble blindly through the trenches of life, easier still to sit back and let it all unfold as a marionette on strings.

How many days had passed without feeling the fresh breeze against her skin was uncertain, every clock in the small apartment had been turned to face the wall, refusing to acknowledge the significance of their movement as she mourned for the third time.

The Institute was gone and there was no one to pick up the scraps of her left behind this time, and so they were allowed to fester and rot as she shattered every piece of delicate porcelain inherited years prior. The boxes filled with wires and plating still sat untouched, and the room closed off.

When there was nothing left to break, she turned instead to herself. What is left to do when fate itself has made you an enemy? As blood poured from her wounds, so too did the memories of a happy childhood, and she howled with pain as they too turned to pus.

Every instance of kindness became tainted. If only she'd followed through last time misfortune struck, she would've been spared this.

Dissatisfaction led not to change but acceptance instead. Acceptance that the strings that tied her to the world were more than a mortal could ever hope to challenge. Acceptance led to willful complacency, waiting for a prophesy that even without any remaining ties to Fontaine, she wouldn't bother to flee.

The sinners would be put to justice, such was the law, and by the carnage Celeste now saw everywhere around her, what else was there to do than wait for rightful punishment?

Character Story 5

Salvation arrived in the form of a kind smile and loving eyes, hands that grasped her shoulders and pulled until her body fell into his embrace.

Jules was everything she coveted; warm, adored, and effortlessly successful in all he attempted. For him, Celeste was dragged out of misery, the Institute honouring her father's memory and taking pity, offering her a position as assistant. That Jules happened to be in need of such only made it all the sweeter.

For a year, life consisted of work, candlelit dinners, operas, and confessions of undying love.

It was the perfect picture of young love, of salvation, happy in the way every happy home is. They did everything together, and gradually, Celeste found herself once more become involved with research, but no longer on the sidelines or hidden away by her father, shielded the consequences of messing with things she had no clearance for.

Jules valued the input and sharp mind that had begun to reawaken now that challenges were presented.

Keeping busy removes the opportunity to sit down and properly think, to examine the larger picture. While Celeste tinkered with prototypes of tiny mechanical beetles for surveillance, so happy with the present that the past was easily ignored and the future forgotten.

But what is an assistant if not a tool? And anything produced by a tool must belong to the wielder. A debt of gratitude can be repaid in a multitude of ways, and perhaps they should never be attempted paid at all.

Upon finding no hint of acknowledgement of her efforts, Celeste confronted her gentle lover with uncharacteristically brazen fury. It made it easy to brush her off as not only unreasonable but hysterical as well.

With anger and hatred weighing upon her heart, Celeste made the decision to never let herself be used so carelessly. No longer would she mindlessly go along with the wishes of others and the people who had exploited that weakness should be burned away.

Her hands shook as she packed a single bag, too blinded to stop and think and unwilling to glance back as she left her home behind. Careless plans of revenge were already forming in the fires of heartbreak, but there was only one way to secure the necessary resources for such ideas.

Delusion

"You've said yourself that I need to be able to defend myself. This is the logical next step, a simple weapon will only do so much when-"

"You are going to ruin your body."

"Do you have so little faith in my results?"

A deadly silence followed her question. Myriads of unspoken words hanging in the air around them both. The Doctor huffed before snatching up the glass orb and turning to leave without a glance at his frustrated assistant.

Two weeks later, Celeste entered her quarters late at night, having worked far longer than planned, annoyed with how absent her superior had been lately.

Upon her nightstand was an unfamiliar object, an intricately carved metal casing that held a crimson stone, embers of energy swirling within it. Beside it lay a hastily scribbled note, writing near illegible to the untrained eye; 'Do not make me regret this'

[piningpercussionist]

Template by @juni38

Im going to be completely frank with you all... and admit that I read these options and wasn't sure how to take this chart,,, so uh. Under the cut is Another Version. I'd apologize but I've given you the option to keep scrolling ¯\_(･･)_/¯

(If you notice characters missing on Kim's side, I probably figured she doesn't know who they are lol)

For the record,,, if they *wanted* me to pull their hair-- *is shot several times before I can continue*

Uhh Matthew is here because I have been converted fully on he/him or enby lesbian Matthew I think. He lives in my brain rent free now, very gender. I'd pull his hair but also I think he mostly just deserves to have it played with nicely.

And Scott's here because 1) I enjoy trans Scott, 2) Kim Pine Brain Rot possibly, 3) idk he's like,, the exception. God damnit, I've fallen for the inexplicable Scott Pilgrim Effect. What the fuck--

I did think about doing this chart like everyone was actually applicable to my tastes, but even if they were I think the ones I didn't put up would have to fall on the caress side bc I just don't feel that way abt them lol.

Again, not to say that's the case for the gals over on that side,,, I just think I would want to be gentle w them shxkdjsdhbd with the exception for Lynette who probably deserves to have her hair pulled, but again I fear she would Hurt Me,,, but maybe in a fun way,,,

Anyway No One Look At Me....

(,, also,,, Ramona is so far over bc I think she would enjoy it,, otherwise she'd be closer to Kim in that section. Same thing w Roxie)

If anyone actually looks at this version, I'm not opposed to doing a version like this for Kim btw! Just ask for it so I feel like I'm not just Dropping This and scurrying away

[sleeps-au-bag]

i think one of the main differences with tsukasa and edward in the fma au is tsukasa's natural ability in acting. while he's very skilled with alchemy, tsukasa never really wanted to become an alchemist or even a state alchemist for that matter. his alchemy was just going to be used as a way to assemble some more simple props or make some last minute fixes to the old stage in resembool.

tsukasa prides himself on his acting, not his alchemy. he's able to seemingly change his personality on the drop of a hat. he likes to do it around mustang a lot, never letting his commanding officer get a good read on him. it gives him a reputation of being unpredictable (and unstable for those brave enough to whisper it) around eastern command. you'll find him reading books about alchemy as often as you'll find him reading a play (not that he'd let those soldiers find out he's reading them). his code is weaved with theater terminology and references to old playwrights.

his acting is also one of the things people forget about him. they think his passion is alchemy and science when that's far from the case. his true passion is using his acting to bring a smile on everyones face. everyone always seems so surprised to see him captivated by a show in the distance whenever they pass one. it's one of the only things mustang knows for a fact he likes.

tsukasa is also a master of disguise, especially now that he has access to mizuki and rui approved fabric for his automail. his sewing skills help him out greatly when doing undercover investigations in schools. those uniforms rarely ever fit him! especially when she doesn't feel like binding...

[mushroom-for-art]

Part 3 of Shadow au, Syns making progress! I think! He thinks! We don't know! Also added some extra stuff to this one because I was inspired by the height chart art using Darkness' extra sharp design so woo! Enjoy your boy @seasidemew! This part was actually meant to be bit heavier but lmao I've changed the order of my canon it's fine lmao so you get another relaxing one

Conversations and Progress

The dark hued two delicately landed in the middle of the makeshift camp, the grass was soft and cool under her feet as she glanced wearily to the side, her pink toned brother snuffled in his sleep stretching wiggling made a mrrp and rolling over with an exhale returning to lightly snoring as she let out a faint sigh of relief. He didn't actually know her yet, they'd never met and frankly after what happened she intended to keep it that way.

The orange hued two lifted her head from where she sat leaning against a tree looking at her sister with dark bags forming under her eyes. She stood slowly motioning with her head and stepped out of the campsite walking a small distance before stopping and waiting for her taller sister.

"What has he asked then?" May hugged herself as she asked the question, thumbs rubbing her arms softly in self soothing motions as she turned her head to glance at her sibling.

"This and that, he still wonders how and why we know each other and he's suggested his own theories he thinks we have a truce or blackmail on each other. And he's been asking what we've been saying about him naturally."

The orange one hummed uncomfortably squeezing her own arms, "and are you still being safe? He's not threatened you or followed you back to your nest?"

"No, not yet, he's moved as if to join me on the flight home but I told him I needed my beauty sleep and my privacy and I didn't like a man that disrespected either of those." She shrugged casually, "it seemed to work."

"Citrine… you really must be more careful..if he, I don't know he might turn if he thinks you're just screwing with him or get real nasty if he gets bored of the games."

"I know.." Her tail swayed, "I know. I'm being careful don't worry so much May, you should be thinking of yourself more I mean look at those bags. Are they designer? You could steal a purse with them when did you last get a proper nights' sleep?"

May looked away squeezing herself, "not since I thought I saw him that night… not properly since finding out I was right.." She shook her head looking back at her sister, "But it's my JOB to worry about you and to worry about Matt. I'm the oldest, you're my baby sister and he's my baby brother. I can't just sleep peacefully knowing he might lurk into camp and slaughter either of you."

Darkness grimaced to herself "May.." She felt Mays hands grab her face reaching up with some difficulty for the height difference.

"No, don't you May me, you're family okay? And I care about you a lot so I'm gonna worry."

She sighed, moving to take her sisters' wrists, planning to move her hands off her face, "you're too forgiving all things considering with me you know."

"You've grown and you've changed, I know you feel bad over what happened because you push away any kindness thinking you don't deserve it, but you do. I mean you keep checking in on us and watching that, that guy for us even though he could be a threat to you. AND hush hush ehp not finished close your mouth, and you're trying to change your identity claiming a new name moving on from being Darkness, and I'm really proud of you for it. Maybe I am too forgiving but I think you've earned the forgiveness."

Darkness hummed awkwardly looking away with her eyes, "I mean the whole experimental new names thing is personal because the name was dumb not some, spiritual metaphor." She moved Mays hands to emphasis the denial of self flinching and pulling her hands away when May winced.

"Ah-!" May looked at the bloody little marks on her wrist and frowned before grabbing one of her sisters hands who tried to retract them pulling it close to examine, she squeezed one of her fingers hearing her hiss in discomfort as a jagged crystal protruded from her paw like a claw.

"What did you do…" her voice was soft and deeply concerned as she examined Darkness' hand noticing the spikes protruding from her wrist also, "Citrine…"

"Dont…that names too nice for me.." She sighed softly, "I saw him. During the day fighting a Mega evolved Aggron. It didnt stand a chance… I got, scared, and panicked so I added more to myself to be stronger so if he turns nasty, if I have to fight him it'll give me the edge and extra strength."

"That must hurt.."

"It's not so bad, rather ache now and win then avoid needed pain and lose."

"I don't agree with you doing this to yourself, but it's done now.. If it comes to it you know I'd fight by your side against him."

"You're such a mother sometimes." Darkness chuckled softly, "I suppose I like the sound of those odds." May gently released her hand.

"Just please don't do anything else like this to yourself okay? Cause I don't want it turning into a self punishment thing. I know you because you're like me, you're from me, I am your mother." Though her tone was stern it did end in a playful way as she offered her sister a comforting smile.

"Hm, fine sure whatever mom," Darkness laughed softly, "I should go entertain him then for a bit, don't want him getting too bored or jealous." Moving to step away.

"Please stay." She paused at Mays request, "I, want Matt to meet you and I just, I have a bad feeling tonight. I don't know I feel bad letting you leave to go to him. I worry you won't come back. So, stay? You can have my bed." Darkness swished her tail smiling softly to her sister, usually she'd argue about having to go but to some degree she'd been wanting to meet her little brother too even if she was anxious with his initial negative experience with shadow mewtwo. "and I might actually sleep better tonight with you both nearby and safe!"

"aah fine I guess you've convinced me," smiling casually she watched Mays shoulders drop in relief as they moved to walk back to the camp.

"I think Matt will love you once he gets to know you realize who you are...and I think you're wrong Citrine is a nice name for you you deserve a good name and I think you should get a name that's pretty. Like Crystal or Jewel or uh Diamond or Moonstone." Darkness snorted softly.

"I'm noticing a theme here," smirking as May floundered.

"Well you said Citrine was a gem so like eehh was trying to think of other gem things I thought you liked it for that?"

"Well, it's like a yellow gem and it's kinda pretty..though it was his suggestion before he swapped to Citrus cause I got the two confused."

"Ah yes orange scented," May lightly bumped into her sister playful as they walked into camp, "I mean you're a pretty gem, it's up to you what you choose."

Darkness hesitated for a moment, "I, was thinking of maybe looking at M starting names…since like you and Matt..but that's probably intruding.."

May smiled at her comfortingly, "Hey that'd be nice, or if you pick an A starting name we could become M A M." Darkness lightly hit her face shoving her away as she laughed.

"Never mind I'm never taking suggestions from you ever," but she laughed fondly as May chuckled in mischievous motioning for Darkness to take her bed, a few leaves carefully arranged on the ground for padding against the dirt just as cushioning the best they could do considering they were out in the wilds with no equipment.

Darkness moved to sit but pointed at her in play threat, "you better sleep." With May putting her hands up in surrender before moving to find a spot to sit to sleep as Darkness awkwardly tried to get comfortable. She missed her cot back at her nest but she appreciated the gesture and that her sister wanted her there. She stretched out and then curled up using the middle of her tail as a cushion. May found a tree trunk to lean against, she looked up past the treeline scanning the sky for a moment before taking off her glasses carefully placing them down on the grass besides her before as she brought her knees to her chin crossing her arms over her knees and nuzzling her cheek into her arm crook to sleep.

From far away higher up, Syns tail swayed and thumped aggressively into the tree trunk of the branch he was sitting on. He scanned over the area where the pair had made camp watching the other shadow pokemon join them as his brows furrowed in frustration and confusion, why was she staying there?? What about their chats? His tail thumped the tree trunk in frustration again.

He moved to stand and stepped casually from the branch he was stood on to fly over, if she wasn't going to come see him he'd go see her. He felt the air shifting as he grew closer, a subtle but tangible building of energy as he approached causing him to slow but not stop. The air shimmered and he stopped before he flew right into the shining white dome that materialized feeling the sharp gust caused by its sudden creation. He watched it glisten a shine of white before fading and wondered what that was, he reached a hand out with practiced caution feeling his fingers collide with something solid the white shimmer reappearing where his fingers made impact.

"A protect huh…" He pulled his hand back and the glow faded but as he observed where the dome had originally formed there was a slight haze to indicate it's existence that it wasn't gone just simply blending into its surroundings. He started to wonder how a protect this large and powerful could form as his eyes glanced to the campsite, Mays whited over eyes stared forward without seeing glowing with psychic energy. He should've guessed.

Judging by the size and strength of the protect, he theoretically COULD smash his way through it if he really went for it but watching her eyes roll back and her body slump to the ground gave him the impression it was a subconscious move and breaking it might actually wake her. Besides, there's no way it'd last forever. He'd wager by morning it would've weakened or faded. Sighing just a little annoyed he moved to go find a new perch to watch them more closely he supposed.

——————————————————————

Syn grumbled as rays of light beamed offendingly right into his face, he squinted at the sun with a faint growl lazily moving his hand to shove a cloud over it for five more minutes as he wiggled his shoulders to readjust himself against his tree trunk. As he tried to return to his sleep his brain became aware of the lack of psychic tension that had been present the night before practically dragging his thoughts around to force him into an awake state to which he groaned softly squinting to the side of camp, he blinked his tired eye momentarily mistaking glistening droplets of water as the haze around the protect before realizing it was in fact gone.

Slightly unhappily he sat up to properly peer at the campsite, it was early first light and they were all still asleep. He could've easily approached but also he didn't want to trigger another protect, he'd wait till May was at least conscious deducing she'd be less likely to do anything spontaneously powerful with an awake brain.

The Pinky one, Matt or something had managed to roll off of his makeshift leaf bed in the night and had contorted himself into an obscure position with his head touching his lower back nearly, legs stretched backwards and tail wrapping around the tip resting near his chest. Citrine meanwhile had curled herself up quite small into a ball much like other feline creatures. And May was still flopped out on the floor, chin in the grass body twisted so her legs were still up as she was sat which would probably put an ache on her spine.

The sun won its battle against Syns block cloud and the sunlight gently warmed the leaves and grace dancing over the sleeping lot in the campsite with only May grumbling her legs finally falling in a flop as she rolled over to hide her face from the sun before clumsily sitting up and promptly bashing the side of her head into the tree trunk she'd originally been leant again with clearly no spacial awareness. Syn did a mock flinch to himself quietly chuckling as she quietly groaned rubbing the side of her head with a soft "ow" as she slowly got to her feet grabbing her glasses and waddling off to the side.

Syn contemplated walking into the camp with her gone, maybe he could grab her brother as a bargaining chip or drag Citrus away to find out why she abandoned their usual talks but he knew that wouldn't really help him get closer to his goal. He couldn't force May or Citrus to reveal their secrets, couldn't intimidate or threaten them into wanting to join him because they could attack him and would likely reject him. He had to play it calm and he had to be approachable, he was a charming guy he just had to let May see that like how Citrus did.

He sighed softly collecting himself with an inhale and exhale running a hand past his eye to clear away any sleep and smoothly feeling up his horn, he was quite the specimen after all he's sure they could both see that. He moved casually to glide along to see where May went, he didn't want Citrus mad that he ruined her beauty sleep after all.

He was glad by the lack of energy in the air it meant his theory was correct and it was subconscious otherwise another barrier would have appeared as he passed her siblings. He found her knelt by a small stream, her glasses carefully placed down beside her, her head was currently under the water and making bubbles with her head slightly shaking before she sat up and breathed and shook her head again to shake the water off. She squinted past the water on her eyelashes making opening her eyes and seeing kind of difficult. In her side vision she could make out a darker colored shape before she brought her hands up to rub her eyes to clean the sleep away and to clean her face from the grass and mud stuck under her chin.

"G'morning sis," She yawned past her hands cleaning her face, "sleep well?"

"Oh," the male voice that reached her ears caused her to stiffen in terror, "so she's your sister?" Mays head whipped around as she shoved herself quickly against the floor to half stumble and half throw herself backwards scrambling away from Syn as he drank water collected in his hand from the stream. He turned to look at her as she fell into a sit at a distance from him, he could see her eyes were wide and breathing rapidly.

He couldn't deny feeling a bit disappointed at the reaction, the fight had been a while ago surely she would've gotten over it by now and besides he knows Citrus and her have been talking so he didn't get what the reaction was for. He moved his hand to pick up her forgotten glasses holding them out to her.

"I think you need these, right?" Her eyes were trained on him watching his every move down to the flick of his tail. "Look I don't want to fight, I'm not here to hurt you I just wanna talk." He offered one of his dashing smiles and the sight of his sharp teeth sent a feeling of dread through her.

He could see she was thinking locked in place unable to decide what to do, he in this moment kind of held the glasses over her because she needed them so she couldn't flee safely without them but he could see she didn't feel comfortable staying either. It was frustrating he was hoping for a warmer reception but he kept his face steady letting his brows fall in a sad kind of way rather than displaying frustration, acting sad instead of showing his real emotions.

"I'm sorry, I must have really hurt you huh?" He copied the tone of someone genuinely apologetic quite well, he didn't necessarily feel bad about the fight or aftermath. She was a rival, a meal at the time. How was he to know she was interesting? He lifted the glasses with his purple psychic energy and moved them over to her as a peace offering.

She hesitated before slowly taking them and he watched her at least pause to put them on as she looked at him again rather than immediately bolting. He kept the sad look on his face lowering his head as if ducking in apology or embarrassment as she watched him uncertainly.

She didn't move for a moment watching him as he moved to look at the water as if he was unable to bear looking at her, internally impressed with his acting skills. He heard her quietly shifting but it didn't sound like she was standing, she adjusted from her terrified position into a slightly more comfortable sit making sure it was a position she could easily move from. She watched him blinking a bit in confusion as she observed him.

Darkness had said he was much more civilized when she spoke with him, flirty even but not looking for a fight and not aggressive. She'd assumed he only acted that way because Darkness had a crystal too, but he was acting kind of normal now.

"Uhm," May uncertainly coughed into her hand to clear her throat, "I'm, gonna, go…" She moved to awkwardly stand saying, "enjoy the, water?" then cringing to herself as she turned to return to camp awkwardly. He turned his head to look at her watching her go, part of him having wanted her to stay to be fascinated by his good behavior to want to know all she could and he was a bit annoyed she didn't seem to care. He did also know it was to some degree a win, had she attacked him it meant she still saw him as a threat so clearly she must be somewhat intrigued by him.

"May?" She froze a bit at him knowing her name it felt so strange coming from his mouth uncertainly turning her head to look at him, "I am genuinely sorry for what I did, I'm trying to do better with this," he touched his shoulder around the crystal feigning pain and sorrow, "so I hope I can make it up to you and your brother someday." He gave her a smile that seemed genuine and she almost found herself fully believing him. With a shy smile she nodded unsure how to answer that at all and walked away to camp.

When her back turned Syns smile fell into a disappointed scowl, he put his head in his hand and he wrinkled his nose in frustration knowing no more than he did for trying this. He only hoped that he'd planted the seeds and he'd be able to reap the harvest later, if she did believe him then he could start to worm his way in. If her and Citrus were sisters and had a rocky past he's sure he could work it out with her too.

May walked back to camp feeling confused and anxious, her heart was still thumping despite nothing having happened but she knows it could've. And yet he seemed quite sad… She couldn't deny she did in fact feel a bit bad just abandoning him there on his own lonesome but what could she even say to him? And how could she justify just sitting being friendly with the Pokemon who tried to murder her brother? She sighed a bit to herself and stopped, she should've maybe at least asked his name. Should she go back? Would it be weird to? If he was sorry and did want to fix it wouldn't it be polite to be able to address him by name? Mutually extend the opportunity of healing? If he's just 'that Mewtwo who tried to kill Matt' in her mind isn't that a bit cruel?

She groaned to herself debating and awkwardly walking back, he was still sat by the water and he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, after some more mental debating she cleared her throat making him quickly look towards her, seeming a bit startled which in turn startled her.

"I, uh, sorry, I… never got your name?" She felt awkward just saying it she should've just kept walking. He looked at her and she could only imagine how much he was judging her, meanwhile Syn had to hide the want to break into a victorious smirk, she wanted to know his name and there's no way she'd want to know that if she wasn't thinking about him.

"Syn, you can call me Syn." He smiled at her giving another dashing smile and it weirdly didn't fill her with dread this time, she smiled a bit nodding at him in understanding.

"Syn..well, um nice to officially meet you, you already know my name but uh I'm May." She felt awkward as he looked at her smiling, but it felt a bit weird not introducing herself back. She thought about what to say next until she heard Matt yelling in the distance.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU WHERE'S MAY?!"

She flinched a bit at the volume with an oof, "I gotta go do uh damage control, bye!" She moved to run back to camp, stopping to lean back into view, "Syn." giving a wave before sprinting back to explain everything.

Syns' tail swayed up and down, content with the turn of events. He grinned satisfied to himself as he stood up thinking that May was indeed very interested in him. He'd be back later though it seemed like the pair was becoming a trio and the change in chemistry may cause difficulties. But, he counted this as a win overall. Maybe Citrus had put in a good word for him.

[toygirljackal]

Fuck I feel so dumb

[helenofblackthorns]

sorry about being inactive for the past few days + still not answering the asks I received a month ago. unfortunately I will continue to be inactive </3

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

i want to be the strongest most unaffected aloofest person ever but im literally the weakest saddest cries at every inconvenience type of person and man.

[no-one-hears-me]

my dude from last summer was a whore and also a slimeball but I miss him so much

[tapakah0]

SH- ATE MY TAGS AGAIN OKAY CAN YOU WARN ME WHEN I'M AT THE LIMIT YOU BOZO??? #I can't with the fact that they already act like a couple.... Shepherd will need a raise to not spit at this fact...... #Am I a bad person for enjoying them dominating?.... # I pity birds but I did know them for less pages than I did know Marmors help # This birdy has a blessing,,, that probably won't be that easy m....

Part 10 >:0

Warning. Brain cell used. Stunt performed by professionals, do not repeat this at home

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[eggmeralda]

drowsed and drugged out on migraine medication and for what. music sounds the same

[denieatsart]

I am so tired .