#So yeah my day has been wonderful
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I am so tired .
#Mentally mostly .#My mom's been being really pissy to me recently#she's guilt tripped me for random stuff lie 3 times today#Said that me not cleaning my room bc i took a nap to help my stomach calm down was an excuse#And also told me to put my headphones on in the car to ignore my brother#but them a while later told me to at least have one side off to hear her#Like i get that she's stressed bc her and my step dad are taking a break so she has us but#Why tf is she focusing on me so much during this#She's all like 'yk your brother has issues just like you do' aka reminding me I'm autistic and he has adhd therefore#I cannot ask him to stop doing something that is loud and annoying and grating on my nerves#So yeah my day has been wonderful#To people who have stuff im drwing for them: it's not gonna be done tomorrow bc I'm not allowed to have my phone most of tomorrow#vent post#Tw vent#deni talks#Sorry once again need to rant somewhere because i can't on discord
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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!
Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*
Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!
#original#the last unicorn#tlu#peter s beagle#molly gru#schmendrick#schmendrick the magician#two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol#because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb#the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE#mostly zoro's blades from One Piece#normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and#then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU#and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele
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Pokémon Masters EX spoilers ahead!
Kabu likes to play TAG with his pokemon... and he's shown to have a much softer side beneath his strictness in pokemas too... he's so grandpa-shaped to me 😭💖
#you guys have to know that today has been an eventful day for me. like... non-stop serotonin because I got one good news after another#(i celebrated my ultimate ship's day + speed-run and sacrificed sleep to post 2 fics for today's sake + successfully bought prints of said#ship with two of my bird app friends + successfully secured a birthday cafe event for a character in my city where i can meet said friends)#like. my heart was in OVERDRIVE 😭😭😭 adding kabu to the lodge has me falling off the bed from how much i giggled and rolled on it 😭😭😭#i need to replay swsh but i swear he wasn't this gentle and caring in the games 😭💗 like this scary old grandpa is actually very soft 🥺🫶#my head is spinning from thinking about how good his gym trainers' morales are with him keeping it up. or how he must be well-loved in#motostoke for not just being an encouraging gym leader but also an approachable and kind citizen. no wonder nessa and milo regularly hangs#out with kabu and that he and raihan are tor-colleagues 😭😭😭 he's actually so earnest in showing that he cares for others with each line#ossan you have to tell me which of your pokemon plays tag the best!!! and is that how you wind down after training!!! 😭💗#giving pokemas writers a big smooch on their foreheads because they're so genius for this man. yes it is a cash grab but they're doing kabu#sooo much justice too with each of his appearance... like yeah take my gems for once! you actually did a splendid job for my favorite ojisa#i don't know if i'm just still a 6 y.o girlie loving kazuhiko inoue's kakashi or i'm just itching for familial tenderness but man. he's suc#a comfort character to me now... i didn't expect that in 2024 but i'm grateful i could pull him and enjoy talks with this ossan now 🥺🫶#gym leader kabu#pokemon kabu#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#pokemon masters ex#pokemas#pmex#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemas spoilers#swsh#galar#pasio#trainer lodge
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Hello Nevermore Nation to celebrate my favorite Nevermore song returning to all streaming platforms after disappearing for many many weeks I am posting it here so I don’t lose it again
Lenore by Meeghan Darling my beloved ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#Meeghan Darling#YES FINALLY IT HAS RETURNED TO SPOTIFY#DAY HAS BEEN MADE I’M SO HAPPY#I love this song#I found it literally by just wondering what would come up if I searched Lenore on Spotify#And this had only come out like three days before at the time#And I was quickly addicted to it#The rock the drums the guitar her voice it’s just amazing#And it’s just so so on the nose referencing The Raven I love that so so into it#Songs don’t get into my playlists unless the lyrics are very pertinent to the media so this is perfect#Yeah I headcanon Lenore and Annabel sing this on top of the belltower with Prospero playing drums with his little batons 😂#Lenore’s doing guitar too#Good for soul to envision Lenore just shredding that guitar later in the song it’s amazing#Highly recommend this song to y’all Nevermore readers!!!!!!
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the experience of writing fic for svsss has been absolutely insane so far. I posted a fic less than 24 hours ago and it already has twenty comments. I have been in so many fandoms where you have to BEG to get comments, where you'd be lucky to get more than ten comments and the ratio between hits and kudos/comments/bookmarks was vast, but so far the scum villain fandom has been super responsive! The hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks ratios have been super tight, even on my fics which have all been oneshots under 10k!
And it's not just me! I regularly see fanart for svsss fics, which was a rare sight in a lot of other fandoms I've been in. People reblog minifics that get posts to tumblr and leave tags and replies on them. I've written for a lot of fandoms in my time, and this a shocking amount of fic engagement compared to many other fandoms I've been in!!
I can't help but wonder if it's because of the nature of scum villain itself? Other people have talked about how the story uniquely appeals to writers, and it ultimately is about the relationship between a writer and reader, especially in a fan space. I can't help but wonder if the combination of this being a fandom with a high density of writers and it being a story about engaging with writing encourages a fandom culture that is super engaged with fanfiction!
#today is the day for long svsss posts i guess#but yeah the svsss fandom has been uniquely wonderful when it comes to fic engagement#like. just comparing it to the mdzs fics i was writing#i put a lot of work into them but the most comments i got was 9#but the comments come pouring in for my svsss stuff#even though theyre not fics i put a whole lot of work into! theyre relatively short and sweet#but instead of a bunch of empty hits#people actually leave comments and kudos and bookmarks#it's really encouraging#writing fic for svsss is a really freeing experience for a lot of reasons tbh#the source material itself offers a lot of flexibility#you can write ridiculous crack or absolutely gut wrenching angst#you can write graphic violence or graphic smut#all of it is supported by the source material itself bc the tone is so varied#and you can put as much or as little thought into the world and setting as you like#you can get deep into the xianxia conventions and the setting of ancient china#or you can toss anachronistic items into the setting for convenience#because that's how airplane would write it#do you need some kind of convenient plot device? come up with whatever you want and blame it on airplane#do you need a monster or a magical item? just throw some words together. again it's what airplane would do#it's extremely freeing
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(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)
Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦
My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App
Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)
Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy
Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???
Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,
UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊
my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33
Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy
On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)
#Welcome back to “sydneys yapfest.” Today i bawl my eyes out for 20 minutes and then go back to hide into the catacombs! Oh how fun#And well i guess OFF + DW + STP have been on my mind too lmao- OUH YEAH. I GOT $100 IN ROBUX. Made a looey skin. Teehee!#Uhh i lost a lot of people this year but. Yknow. Most of them were really shitasses! So! Hey! Positivity wins again#<- Like it genuinely does- being around people who are more positive than self depreciative has helped me a lot more in recovering#UMMMM. YEAH. YUH. MMHM. THATS ALL I GOT. Im scared of new years! so ill see you guys next year probably? (LIKE IN JAN)#Thanks for making this year so silly and wonderful ❤️🩹❤️🩹💟💟 ill probably post if i get any asks but therell be more inactivity due -#- to seasonal depression TvT... but ill be better in six months time! June! We got this chat we will NOT let depression kick our asses 🤺🤺#Ok yeah thats all for now- YAHOO! Someone hold my hand for the next few days im Deeply Terrified Of New Years Countdowns#sydneys thoughts
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hiya l'il-- medium?...large?? Assorted Sizes-Guy
oh thanks! i could always use more spices-
. what am i supposed to do with this.
#surrounded by henchmen (smaller Me's) i peer reproachfully into my inbox#2: ...get him pregnant?#*slaps 2 upside the head* you absolute GOON he's ALREADY pregnant we can't get him DOUBLE pregnant#2: well... why not? if creatures can have two uteri then i don't see why--#Me: *drags my hand down my face* yes i know but. just. dont#3: Picture this. your snake wife is so full and round (because who knows how many snakelets are in there)#3: one day he has to stop working much earlier than usual. u kno. cuz of the MASS. and he starts getting insecure about his body changes#3: so he touches his tummy . looks up at you with those big eyes and murmurs 'am i... unsightly like this?'#3: and u whisper reassurances to him while kissing his face#3: then u promptly rail him on the nearest comfortable surface to erase any doubt of him being unattractive#Me: ..............WHAT THE FUFK?#3: *shrugs aggressively while maintaining eye contact*#Me: NO. pregnancy isn't even our kink. why are we-#3: not YOUR kink maybe#Me: *incredulous stare* how the-- you know what . Go to the timeout zone. i'm not dealing with this today#4: the ask says 'snakumo' though. Wouldn't he be in snake form then...?#3: so? THIS CHANGES NOTHING.#Me: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#3: *rolls eyes and mutters while walking away*#5: who's greg?#4: dude you can't be serious. if WE know the meme then YOU know the meme#5: i'm serious. i haven't been online in 16 years#4: look. when you wonder if sex will hurt baby top of head-#Me: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS?#2: because we are currently engaged in a circle of ppl squicked by pregnancy... who must make pregnancy jokes#4: it's all about the joke potential ya see. gigglemaxxing#Me: *massaging my temples* i'm not ready to be a father. i never will be.#6: KNOCK HIM UP AND EAT HIS EGGS SO U CAN KNOCK HIM UP AGAIN. NO ONE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE A FATHER !#3: (muffled from a distance) HELL YEAH BROTHER#Me: SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.
What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.
With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.
Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.
It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.
That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.
It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.
In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.
#depression#personal#i dunno if this makes any sense at all#and i know plenty of people here didn't follow me for navel-gazing mental illness essays#so like. feel free to blacklist those terms to your heart's content#but this place has always been an artist's gallery and a sticker book and a journal#and sometimes that last bit looks like this#anyway. yeah. can't care. or i've cared so much i've shorted myself out. i dunno.#i'm hyperaware that i want to be doing things with my time. or that i need to be. and still very little is getting in#so if you wonder why i perodically post some nonsense and then vanish for three days#or why i'm inhaling thousands of pages of space opera in a week#it's because...it's a single blinking light on my dashboard. and it could go away at a moment's notice. so i'm clinging to whatever gets in#and hoping the rest of the lights will come back on soon
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farewell, my idiot son…
#(aka my switch’s internals got fried so the repair shop had to format it to revive it: the tragicomedy)#(wait no on further inspection they seemed to have just given up on fixing it and gave me a whole other switch instead. lmao.)#(i wonder what happened to my old switch though…)#(farewell to all of my save data… thank heavens i didnt transfer anything over from past gens of pkmn)#(but aaaaaaaaa this shiny goo was a christmas present from a former acquaintance… rip squish you wouldve loved kimikawaii mv)#man… these past couple of days have been a *l o t*.#shoutout to [job recruitment company employee] who sent me a ‘hey the job wants you :)’ message#at the exact same time that i submitted a job application form for another company. it truly was a strange coincidence i think…#but… ehe… the… the job that wants me is offering $1k more than the monthly base salary i asked for… is… is this really ok…?#nothing’s confirmed yet. but. y’know. s t i l l . is it really ok for me to get paid so much for a job that lets me skip the morning commute#and while im still reeling from all of yesterday’s happenings… squish my dear shiny goo will never be seen again…#switch save system my b e l o a t h e d#so. long story short. take good care of your gadgets and gizmos guys.#then again. maybe im not the best person to say this… i mean. i’ve bricked like. 3 personal laptops in my lifetime…#and a phone sim card. and 2-3 nokia phones. and 3 android phones. and a tablet. and—#so. yeah. uh. it’s a good idea to take care of your stuff. especially if they’re fragile.#anyway. in memoriam of squish my idiot son im gonna try to find another shiny in sv this time. i hope i can find another…#but aaaaa the map in sv is pretty huge. um. i got lost like 10 times before even making it to school…#the friends are all just. so. friend-shaped. though… i like the sandwich pal. he has priorities.#looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds thoughh. i saw spoilers on twt but i need to know how the story even unfolds bc aaaa#ok that’s it idol sengen tl is now on an extended hiatus (ch 35 has just 7 pages left to go) till i complete this game. whenever it may be.#see y’all then~~~~~~~~~~~
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happy wednesday and good morning friendz <3 ! ! we are halfway thru the week so let’s get into some shenanigans ! ! ദ്ദി(。•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊ have a great day ! !
#woke up feeling a bit silly because i had a dream with my man in it mwehehe#the newest one *#mr kenji sato#dreamy sigh .#working on a lil something for him so stay tuned 🙂↕️🙂↕️#i’m trying to keep the yapping down about him bc i’ve been floooding the dms but !!! i !! love !! him !!#yeah 😓#anyway#queued up a zoro fic for today that’s been rotting away for too long so i’m throwing it on the dash because i can’t edit it anymore#love him. miss him. need him.#the braincell has been playing hot potato with going between kuroo zoro & kenji rn and im TIRED#also i’m updating my theme later to one of my old summer ones ( at least temporarily ) but im gonna miss the spring one :( !#sigh#i hope u all have a wonderful day ily ily !!!!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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WOUND UNDER THE CUT. CW FOR WOUND
#CW injury#fuck uhhh idk what else to tag this as#good tweet anomaly#so i stopped posting on twitter while at work and ive just been 'tweeting' in the Truck Channel of one o my friends' discord servers#GREAT ENRICHMENT HONESTLY#ANYWAy heres the saga of me 'tweeting' after getting burned by. and youll never guess. a curling iron#i havnt been around a curlin iron in foreeever so i forgot how carful u hadta be around them TToTT#i reached for somethin passed it but pressing my arm into it a bit too long#wooooopsie!!!! anyway ive been kinda lovin it#this wound has been AWESOME. stings like a MOTHER FUCKER#i love pain from wounds like this... so much more noble than the bastard chronic body pain and back pain#atleast this one knows to be hurt when pressed against. atleast THIS wound is tangible and solid and real and not FAKE and IMAGINARYY#like the foul hashimotos disease. which hides deep inside. like a motherfucker.#ITS BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE I GOT IT BUT NO ONES COMMENTED ON IT.... NO ONES EVEN SEEMED TO NOTICE IT... MY WONDERFUL WOUND...#ive had so many responses locked and loaded.. 'this is what they do to dealers that get too many black jacks ina row'#'yeah me and the homies were playing Swing Curling IRons at EAchother. the game where we swing curling irons at eachother'#'ieah it was a terrible turkey sandwich accident'#'you know how it is with spaghetti'#'i got bit by a radioactive curling iron'#LIKE CMAAAHHNN NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT MY AWESOME WOUND......#ANYWAY. i know the gay people in my phone will care about my amazing wonderful awwesome wound#also if u need me to tag this as smth lemme knowww i love youuu
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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just wanna say a big thank you to all the lion guard followers/mutuals i've gained recently!! i appreciate you so much and i'm absolutely loving the interactions :) i seriously thought i'd be posting about the outlanders just for myself and my own hyperfix but the interactions on my posts makes me giddy with happiness hfgdjjdhd
and all the asks?!?! tysm!! i feel really honoured for them :] /gen, vpos
#keep sending the asks :] /nf#no bc this is genuinely the best fandom i've ever been in#i got big on ... amino ... for warrior cats stuff a few years ago#that was definitely a highlight of my teen years but . the fandom . also it was amino so#but as my top special interest has shifted to tlg it's literally pure bliss#i come on here and feel giddy happiness every day#it really makes me want to write and draw more#and i'm hoping to!!#but it also feels like ... there's no pressure? /pos#i can just post whatever !! :D#but yeah#i want to write some outlanders stuff but deciding what atm#and i want to draw some characters too like Neema! give him some love#but it takes time for me and ik no one is gonna rush me :]#cuz it's a wonderful community#:DD#love ya guys /gen pl#spinny rambles#spinny stuff#i might as well make a tag for me being sentimental atp LMFAO
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Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?
Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!
BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO
Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much
#momo's fantastical replies#so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it#but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains#but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili#lixenn#also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is#somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to#Somalia's destablization#djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa#ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from#the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one#its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made#anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre#was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that#Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide#they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did#bc to these day these bitches deny it#diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there#I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe#what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora#so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]
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Genuine question do any other writers feel a kind of loss when they’ve finished a story/have moved on to a new project? Like I actively miss my characters and my plot line and I love my current project but I also find myself constantly thinking of the previous and how I could find ways to expand on it… I don’t know if it was because that was the first work I completed and shared so it has a particular place in my heart or if I’m going to feel this way after finishing my current works in progress as well, but I don’t really have the words to explain the way I feel without being part of that project every day even though I still spend time every day with my new ones
#maybe it’s because I had far more of my own original characters in daughter of the rain and snow#so I feel connected to them in a different way?#and like even with my book when I stopped I always knew I was coming back and the break was only temporary#I check to see if daughter of the rain and Snow has any new hits every single day#i think it means so much to me because I’ve shared my writing for the first time#and people have been so genuinely wonderful about it#but yeah idk if this sort of feeling of missing it is normal#writing community#fic writing#writing a book#writers of tumblr#young writer#creative writers#writer community#writer stuff#aspiring author#writing fantasy#fantasy writer#fan fic writing#maya olsen oc
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