#and that being angry in the moment .. well
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House M.D. but it's when Wilson says House's name
#house md#james wilson#prince's talk tag#finally!!! it's done! this and the house version took almost two weeks to do#first off thank you to the clinic-duty team on livejournal for making the transcripts for these episodes#because this video would be near impossible to make without their clear transcripts. I hope y'all are doing well#ive been reading a lot of fics with these two and i see how the authors have the characters refer to each other in their fics#and that got me wondering how much do they say each other's name in the show and how do they refer to each other#since this is the wilson video ill put his stats here#s1 was 11 times s2 was 18 s3 was 45 s4 was 32 s5 was 41 s6 was 60 s7 was 47 and s8 was 48#in total he says his name 302 times. Mostly refers to him just by House#the only time I've heard him say his first name its when he's being professional or when he's really angry (and that one time he proposed)#and even then it's always the full name not just the first name#the only instance I've seen him use just his first name was on that note he put on House's xmas gift that we see in season 5#and as much as I wanted to put that moment in here he never actually says the contents of the note out loud so i had to leave it out#but what surprised me was he says House's name more than House says his name#especially when the earlier seasons didn't have him say his name as much
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Vettonso complaining about each other not respecting schrondinger's track limits on the radio compilation + Seb's commentary that made me a bit feral
Must include these sexy ass pics okay, it makes me feral how hard they race each other.
Also SO upset that we got this vid and there's also pictures(and presumably a vid out there somewhere) of Fernando, back then, ALSO debriefing this race. And yet we never got them together?????? Evil. Fucked up.
Imagine seeing them complaining about each other but also having to (begrudgingly if you're Fernando) compliment each other IN FRONT of each other. Maybe its a good thing it doesn't exist, bcs then I'd have a heart attack.
#this is just a supercut of the f1 vid in the source so you should watch that as well :)#thank you boo to inadvertently pointing me towards this moment cause man it makes me insane#like the added context of knowing seb was just being bratty cause he KNEW fernando was heated on the radio is SO funny#fernando's radios....actually so feral#'give back the position IMMEDIATELY'#fernando i dont have the position but i will do my best to give it to you anyways#grrrrrrr theres smth about getting to see seb discuss such a vettonso hard racing moment#he clearly respects him 🥹#but even years on you can tell hes SO pleased abt how much he was irritating fernando#this is the kinda clip that makes me wish f1 had proximity chat#them both on the radio like 'does that idiot EVEN know what hes doing'#also the annoying confidence of seb on the radio saying its fernando's fault if he gets a punctuee#and not even mentioning the fact that he could get a puncture 😭#but again. to hear him complimenting Fernando really kills me#just about his spacial awareness and how seb feels like he can always race him to the limit bcs he TRUSTS him#like that is the true f1 romance to me. racing someone hard and complaining on the radio but +#admitting that you never rly felt in danger bcs you TRUST the other driver!!!!!!!#i love sassy angry radios. they both sound so........yeah. im unwell#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2014 british gp#vettonso
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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horror having crazy irrational thoughts about food,,,,, like bro thinks there's poison in the cupcakes. someone snuck razor blades into the bread and once he takes a bit it'll cut him up. somehow there's mold growing inside the bananas and when he eats it the mold colony is gonna start growing on HIM and then he'll become a moldy skeleton and oh god and oh god and he is paranoid but hes so hungry.... BUT WHAY ABOUT BUGS IN THR FOOD,,,, BUT HES HUNGRY.... a struggle it truly is
probably doesnt help that dust and killer could feed into it. killer could make off hand remarks on how he snuck razor blades into the meat horror's attempting to eat (to fuck around with horror. just some eeeever so slight psychological anguish. and also because killer would just be the type of casually carry those around. what for you may ask well decide for yourself) and then immediately horror's mood drops and he storms out of the dining room. dust and horror go on a sweet little picnic in a beautiful field and its all beautiful and inconspicuous but dust made the food and horror knows that look in his eyes. horror knows dust was muttering something about chemicals a day or 2 ago. the food is poisoned isnt it??? and dust just smiles and motions for horror to eat it
#imagine being starved and then you hang out with two guys who make food dangerous#imagine the dread. the rational part of his mind telling him not to eat it but his instincts are so so so hungry#horror eats the food because it genuinely looks so good but he knows he just fucked up#they make eachother so SO worse........ they are SO bad for eachother its amazing#and horror probably can't cook all that well too so he definitely needs to learn which is a whole other struggle with his eating issues#MAKE THEM BREAK UP ALREADY THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH SUFFERING FOR EACH OTHER 💔💔💔#sorry triglycercule but no 🧡 they deserve to suffer together as retribution for everything they did#sometimes i feel like this angry torturous mtt that all hate eachother is a bit too ooc#but then again..... god is it so fun to come up with ideas for the mtt to hurt eachother#its so delicious 🧡 like dust's poisoned food! horror eats more because it tastes so good#but he can feel the poison kicking in. he can feel his body slowly start to ache and his movements slow as he eats more and more#and soon he can't move. he's paralyzed and in pain in this flower field with dust#and as he starts to pass out he reaches his hand out a bit for dust. just for the smallest bit of comfort#horror's absolutely furious at him for poisoning him but dust still holds his hand back#dust holds horror in his arms with a smile as they lay in the flower field enjoying the moment#as if you didn't just fucking poison the fuck but whatever that's horrordust for you!#dont worry horror gets him back by stealing papyrus's scarf and ripping some of it off to wear in front of dust#he sews a little patch of the scarf onto his jacket and dust is staring at that shit. that is a TAUNT#yeah this is papyrus's scarf. what are you gonna do about me ripping some of it huh? poison me AGAIN???#theyve all grown tolerances for different poisons because the mtt genuinely cannot stop trying to kill eachother#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#tricule hc#god i struggle to differentiate because hc and rant so much because i swap around and change hcs so frequently that there isnt consistency#ive now decided that rants MUST be substantially longer and less put together to be a rant and not a hc. and that shall be DECREED#utmv#sans au
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^this but unironically
#also this is such a ridiculous comparison#one of them gets more and more angry as the show progresses actively hurting the people around them#and that’s not me being analytical or hashtag deancrit or whatever it’s just. canon#he has a whole fucking arc about how hes becoming more and more angry and its taking him over and turning him into someone awful#like it’s not a well executed arc <3 but it is about that.#it’s not a coincidence that moc happens right after dean does like some of his worst show moments ever#aka being awful to sam all of s8 for daring to try to move on and then getting him possessed and gaslighting him about it#like they don’t tie up moc in a fulfilling way dean just gets worse and worse and never heals but. Whatever#meanwhile. the other (sam) gets villainised by the show for showing entirely appropriate anger Which by the way is never directed violently#at dean in fact we barely even SEE it in him sam just says he FEELS angry all the time and somehow believes this is proof he is innately#evil and the show AGREES with him. and as the show goes on he stops being able to access this anger even in self preservation and has his#sense of personhood and autonomy worn down again and again#. Like that is completely different#‘whenever dean expresses it that’s just him being abusive’#Literally yes. like i worry for you if you think that trying to kill a child because you’re upset your family died is like Good Normal#Behaviour#it’s understandable in the context of deans life! all his behaviour is! but that doesn’t make it good…#spn#fandom wank#oliver talks#supernatural
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This is just open contempt. They know exactly how much this looks like it's out of a bleak, unsubtle satire, and I have no doubt that they think it's hilarious. All while further kneecapping the poor by raising the bus fare cap for no good reason, and attacking people on disability benefits.
Genuinely: either this is sincerely meant to boost popular support (in which case it's ridiculously patronising and out-of-touch), or it's meant as an insult. Maybe it's both. Another soundbite for the media to bandy about for the people of this country who have been kept blinkered and ill-educated about the state of our politics, while thumbing their nose at the people who want legitimate change.
But I really don't think that the vast majority of UK citizens are thick enough to swallow this. I won't sing our praises too highly - god knows there are plenty of gullible, hate-driven people in this country - but this is taking it too far.
#uk politics#fuck starmer#fuck the labour party#you know what?#it sucks that outrage at uk politics is the only thing that can motivate me enough to post at the moment#i wish my voice and words would flow as freely when talking about the things that i love#i guess my only solace is that it's anger borne of care#i'm angry because i care that people are being hurt and taken advantage of#i'm angry because i know how unnecessary this suffering is#i'm angry because the things and people i love are under threat#but why can't my love wind me up like a spring as well?#ugh#anyway - this is dreadful and i wanted to talk about how it made me feel
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#Chakotay/Tuvok#lowkey bitch x highkey bitch <3 true love#'You're assuming the first one will work. [pretty confident huh??] / Yes.' [obviously.]#Chakotay: Wooow never thought I'd see YOU working on the fly. Didn't know you had it in you Mr. Rules.#Tuvok: (lining up his tal'oth ritual card) Well you know one does what one must.#Tuvok's the type of dad who walked uphill both ways in the snow to school - barefoot in the summer.#I love Chakotay's little smile...it's only there for a brief moment but it's a nice character moment#he could have been just annoyed/angry or not shown any particular emotion at all...I like that he smiled#OH AND THEN THE END OF THE SCENE???#Where Tuvok goes 'When he comes back I'll...'Improvise' another.' and Chakotay smiles full out after being surprised??#They're just fucking around <3<3 mutual snark#st voyager#Chakotay#Tuvok
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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Funny how both Sonic and Shadow are "Even if I'm exhausted and broken I'll keep moving forward, and I'll hide it from everyone because they need someone to believe in/ I won't let anyone emotionally close to me" type characters but Shadow is loud about it and Sonic is quiet about it
#shadow puts on a angry facade(or atleast he did in good versions) the same way sonic puts on a happy facade#but at the end of the day both of them are like no one can know im bothered/hurt#main reason i ship sonadow is because i think shadow is the only one who can truly see past sonics facade#best versions of sonic are the ones that acknowledge sonics horrible fear of being letting anyone know stuff gets to him#like in sonic frontiers i wish he had a moment after sage 'dies' where when they look away he has a sad face#cosmos' death was one of his best character moments ever#he wasnt smiling but he was completely blank. not because he wasn't sad but because he knew he was the one who had to be strong#also the reason why i dont like sonamy even when shes well written cus she likes the hero image sonic puts up#sonic has a big sister complex is essentially my point#sorry i put way to many tags here#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#shadow robotnik
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come into the light…
#i could write a gotdamn essay on the perfection of this scene#the decision for the live action to have him refuse to step into the light#so belle has to be FEARLESS and STUBBORN and FORCE HIM INTO THE LIGHT#only to reveal his hideousness and have her be scared anyway#it’s so fucking good#and he looks at her so sternly. the next shot is him being very angry but i chose to exclude that for this post#just seeing the very first look at his face is really good#he’s like daring her to have a reaction#and when she does. then he gets angry#but i think he has a moment of hope where maybe she won’t react the way he assumes she will. maybe he doesn’t look as bad as he’s been#perceiving himself#but she DOES react. because even though she’s so brave and fearless. it’s still such a shock!!!#there’s just something so gorgeously human about this scene. from both of them#i just love it endlessly#i should’ve made a reblog post about that instead of just the tags but. oh well#lyd watches batb2017#adam#belle#batb 2017#beauty and the beast (2017)#beauty and the beast 2017#op
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk#i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting#it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer.#i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love.#im not the type you launch a thousand ships for.#so what's left?#who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture.#i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for.#im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now.#except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving.#i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around.#how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too.#its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like#ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out.#ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing#the trail? how do i become myself happy and free?#because i WANT to be more#i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy#but i dont know how to get there#and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me#all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself#i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do#anyway.#anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol#im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good.#please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM#lilac rambles
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#okay. observations about my mental state.#well first off it is bad#second off i feel like every emotion i feel is it’s own piece of me#with no overlap#when I am miserable that’s all i am and it feels like there’s no respite from that#when i’m happy i’m manic and overly energetic and i cling to it bc i know eventually i’ll be back to being sad and depressed#and recent update. the anger patch#maybe i want to believe these are all different personas or whatever (NOT SAYING THAT!! being so clear right now i do not believe that#it’s just what the experience feels like.)#but yeah i don’t want to think that the person i am when i’m angry is me#because it’s such an awful bitter feeling#and like i know i’m allowed to be mad#and given the shit i’m putting up with i mean who wouldn’t be#but it makes me so fucking unpleasant and i can FEEL that#just that directionless anger#and i feel like i can only condemn it after the fact in the moment I feel powerless to stop those feelings#uggghhh#anyways art imitates life or whatever
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I know I’m talking to an empty theater here but the writing on that episode of Lark Rise to Candleford where Robert loses his tools (and so the means to feed his family) and is facing destitution and then runs into the young guy who’s in love with his daughter and then uses the moment not to take out all his angst and anger on Fisher but to ask him if he’s ready for all that marriage and staying and giving up his life on the road actually means thus forcing Fisher to admit that he isn’t ready for it—-
!!!!!!!!
#and it’s just so brilliant because we’ve watched Robert suffer so deeply the entire episode#because of how crushing the weight of parental responsibility and poverty can be!!!#and he sees this guy that loves his daughter but has no understanding of the life that that love could and should and will lead him to#if he chooses to stay. this guy who’s just living in the moment and in the feelings of the moment but whose love is not strong enough#to endure the sacrifice that would be required of. well. ordinary married life in a small town!#and Robert uses all his wisdom to force him to admit that he’s not ready for it and doesn’t want it#and then it gets even more brilliant! because after Fisher leaves and Laura is heartbroken and angry#he presents her with the same reality/question but from HER side#her being like ‘how dare you make him not stay’ and Robert being like ‘and did I force you not to go with him?’#‘were YOU ready to give up your whole life and world for him? to make it work? or did you want your life AND him’#it’s the have your cake and eat it too truth in this case. their lives didn’t fit together and their love was real in a way#but not real enough to weld their different lives together without both of them hating each other in the end#idk it’s just BRILLIANT and I love it so much#because it unfolds so truthfully and all of the pieces of the story fold into each other so that it a) hits exactly as hard as it should#and b) reveals the truths of things so clearly and so accurately#Robert is so annoying so much of the time but he was a fatherly icon in this ep#lark rise to candleford
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basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it
#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried#im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that#im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal#just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭#and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails#like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow#and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things#like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice#and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off#she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭#why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin#AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed#im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim#like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now#and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT#but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work#like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough#the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY#hella goes home
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i miss mace windu. where is he. is he safe. is he alright.
#i have to do everything in this house my own damn self#cheeri prattles on#one day i will go back to worldbuilding haruun kal#and i did recently nab a good plot point to use for maces padawanship#something to teach him temperance#ok slightly tangential here but i hate the impression that#just because there is a stereotype attached to smth - it should be entirely avoided#rather than effort being made to write it properly and thoroughly#like yes there is an angry black man/woman trope but that doesnt mean we cant experience anger#especially in situations where anger IS the expected outcome#mace isnt gonna learn ‘hey ur not allowed to be angry’ bc that would make anyone even more angry#but he learns that there is a time and a place for it#and that being angry in the moment .. well#‘be proactive not reactive’ is a lesson i learned as fuck in high school#ANYWAY ANYWAY ANYWAY we stan mace windu and temperance#and his master cyslin who also had to learn temperance#and cyslins master kozish who hardly ever learned temperance so she taught herself#and then mace passes this to depa and omura#who pass this to zeyil and caleb and nathan + grace#ANYWAY ANYWAY ANYWAY
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#I'm going to go throw hands#or something#I've put some 40-odd hours into fixing the files for our community per a corporate renaming convention that rolled out this year#and a new half-arsed surprise audit for said I won't even get into the insanity of#and I finally#FINALLY#got through the entire drive today sans one section I can't even begin to make heads and tails of#and need my boss for#and I called her to update her towards the end of the work day to update her#and she had the audacity to tell me after I've told her this that she was in there earlier and saw files that weren't done#she was so snobby about it too#like I get it it's not going to be perfect#but she dang well knows what we both are trying to deal with with this mess#and I just spent Hours trying to undo the mess of at least four other managers including her#*insert that Merlin quote here*#it just made me really mad and I got hit with this overwhelming feeling of not ever being good enough#at my job even though I know it's her and her issues#seriously wanted to sit and cry for a solid minute and now I'm just angry#I think mainly at myself that I had a moment where I let her get to me and it made me feel that way#but also it just further goes to show how disingenuous she is#not to mention such a crappy boss#ugh#sunny's shenanigans
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