#and stuff i find helpful. it might not be as helpful for everyone!
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This is important, but it's also important if you're part of a volunteer group to make sure that information necessary for disabled people to get involved isn't hidden behind an extra step, like calling someone
If you're posting about a meet-up*, you should not be just posting the time and location, you should also be posting about car parking availability, about the nearest bus stop, about exactly how to find the exact location (e.g. which entrance into the building to use and the directions to the room you're in), about wheelchair accessibility, about where the nearest toilets are (and if there's a proper disabled stall), about how long you expect the meet-up to take and if it's acceptable to leave early, about whether food will be provided or if it's banned if they want to bring snacks (or if they have an allergy and might be worried about other people bringing snacks), and about what exactly will be expected of the people attending
If you're posting about needing volunteers, you should be posting exactly what work you need help with and exactly how much or how little people will be expected to participate
You should be using accessible language, you should be providing image descriptions of digital posters, you should be providing subtitles/transcripts of videos
Some of this stuff doesn't just help disabled people, it helps parents who need to find childcare (and speaking of, whether or not it's appropriate for children to attend is also important) or people with unreliable jobs or transport
You should also have a robust and accessible onboarding process to help new people figure out how best to help
Like, I know that it's work, but the easier you can make taking the first step for people, the more people you'll have to help with the work
Don't put this all on disabled people to bridge the accessibility gap
*And obviously, if you're not posting about meet-ups because the work is sensitive, then obviously this doesn't apply, I'm only talking about the groups where this does, because putting a fucking phone call in the way isn't going to stop people who are being paid to keep an eye on you, it will just stop everyone else
I rambled about this in tags on another post but I can’t emphasize enough how only focusing on large-scale issues WILL lead to hopelessness & burnout. Activism must include small-scale, achievable works. If you don’t have something you can get your hands around and look at directly, despair will eat you alive.
#the asterisk addition is because of all of the infurating responses i got last time i posted about this#like clearly i'm not talking about your three person anarchist vandalism group#i'm talking about orgs with fucking newsletters and facebook pages
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Dating Loser!Vi Headcannons
A lot of this was thought about with the homie @ficsonpost-its, kind of a way for us to cope with the ending of Arcane 🙃
And I never cared enough to follow the plot so this is a college!au where everyone is alive and (maybe) happy
Warnings: Vi herself is kind of a warning, masc4masc couple if it matters, maybe suggestive at some parts, some parts with Jayce are inspired by “the blind leading the blind” stuff one tictok
She met you through Ekko. You were his (adoptive, biological wtfever shut up) sister and safe to say, she was borderline obsessed with you. But, she didn’t know how to approach you at first. Her very obvious crush on you was noticed by both Ekko and Jinx so they took it upon themselves to help her out.
To get some extra money, she works at her dad’s bar, The Last Drop. She’s a bouncer and whenever she’s around, people tend to behave themselves. It was a normal night until Vi saw you chatting up a storm to Vander and she immediately started to panic. But it all seemed to go on well, seeing how the night ended with your number in her pocket.
Vi can count all of the friends she has on one hand, one of them being her sister. So safe to say, when she admitted that she somehow has a girlfriend, none of them believed her. Jayce even called her a liar until she pulled up pictures.
Vi was out one day when she bought you both matching boxers. She cherishes them like it’s her most prized possession, next to you and the brass knuckles Vander gave her.
“Vi, what are these?”
”Batman boxers!”
You couldn’t help but match her wide smile. “Why Batman?”
”Cause he’s a fucking goat.”
Vi will full on body slam or suplex you, carefully, on the nearest couch or bed whenever you seem to be minding your business. The first few times caught you by surprise but now, it’s almost a daily occurrence that you look forward to.
Vi’s fashion taste is something you admire; from the ripped jeans to the cropped muscle shirts that she cut herself, you have nothing but good things to say about her clothes. However, in the comfort of her own home, she never wears a shirt. It’s even rare to find her in her sports bra while she’s lounging around.
“It’s nine in the morning, why are your tits out?”
”Are you complaining?”
”Of course not. But Jayce is coming over so he might.”
You can hear her groaning the entire time but she’ll do it.
Speaking of Jayce, it’s never a good idea to leave them alone for too long or else something would happen. Separately, they’re geniuses but together…those brain cells are nonexistent.
“Vi, it’s been fourteen hours, where the hell were you?”
”Oh, I was getting that tattoo I told you about.”
”For fourteen hours?”
”Yeah, Jayce was with me and he thought it was a good idea to get it done in one sitting. He even got something!”
Needless to say, both you, Mel and Viktor always expect something to go wrong with those two. (Have we lost the art of a good poly-ship? Jayce has two hand so just kiss and shut up)
Do not EVER call her Violet, she’ll think you are upset with her and will probably tweak out and cry. The only acceptable names to call her are Vi, obviously, or ‘Pretty Girl.’ You were only a few months into your relationship when you called her that, she spent like 5 minutes in straight silence not really sure how to react; something you did notice was that her face was as red as her hair.
Vi will also lay her complete body weight on top of you when you lay down; it's one of her favorite ways of cuddling. (For my gamer!readers) Especially if you’re playing a game, you will wrap your arms around her with the controller laying on her back. The both of you will stay there for hours.
“Motherfucker.”
”Die again, cupcake?” She muttered into your chest.
“Radahn is ass.”
A little something extra for my black!readers that love Vi 🫶🏾
Say you can’t find your bonnet. You looked all up and down the apartment, pretty much flipping it over but it was still nowhere to be found. And seeing how it was your favorite, you were a little upset that it was gone. Until Vi came out of the bathroom, said bonnet on her head, giving you a small smile, completely unaware of what she was doing.
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Have you watched Murder Drones, and if so what’s your opinion on it?
Also your art is great, keep it up.
Thank you!
And uh. Man. I may make an enemy out of another indie fandom because I don’t really like this show.
I actually loved the pilot and thought episodes 1-3 were incredible, if a bit too fast paced. But episode 4 was kind of a breaking point for me and I dropped off after that.
I don’t think it’s very funny. I think it relies too much on Bathos and it makes it hard to take its cast seriously. As a black comedy it mostly worked for episodes 1-3, but 4? No.
It does this thing I really despise in media where it has themes of genocide but like… heavily deprioritizes it and often portrays it like a comedy. It’s supposed to be funny when innocent characters are murdered because they’re just goofy side characters but when it’s a major character suddenly we have to care, and I don’t like that at all. The main character has a meltdown over finding out that murder drones are sent to kill her people at the end of the pilot, and then in episode 4 she’s murdering her classmates and crying because a boy she likes might think she’s weird. I actually find it pretty frustrating that the robots are portrayed as incredibly cowardly because they’re slowly dying off and scared to die and then they’re hanging out with V who casually murders random children and nobody reacts to it.
I actually do like the idea of a character who’s not reformed but is kind of forced to stick around but when I see her murder characters, traumatize children and then go “haha I just have mental problems” and everyone just… moves on, I just cannot bring myself to care. It causes such a massive dissonance and not in a fun way.
I think it’s very frustrating and unengaging when a story about people doing the right thing and trying to help others has no interest in helping those they’re trying to save.
I think the female cast is solid but I did kind of raise my eye a bit when the only major female character that was killed off was a victim of genocide while the other genocidal characters, two of which gleefully murdered her fucking parents, are just allowed to hang out with the rest of the cast. Uzi especially lost a lot of sympathy for me when she was more emotional about freaking out N than murdering her classmates. Like yeah, they weren’t the nicest to her but it’s weird to establish a character wants to end genocide and then… barely reacts when they also indulge in that genocide.
I don’t really like the characters at all. I don’t like Uzi, I found N irritating and boring (and gives me anime harem protagonist vibes), I thought V was a tryhard and I couldn’t really care for the rest of the cast. I liked Doll but lol, you know how that turned out.
It also has this problem of having an overloaded cast with very little breathing room. I really wish the show just had one, low stakes episode, so we can actually get to know these characters and collect their thoughts. It’s actually one of my concerns for TADC, because as much as I do like that show, I think “no filler” with constant story is going to make or break the show for me. It’s too fast paced and no, I don’t think it’s good that you have to rewatch an episode 4 times to understand what’s going on. I don’t watch indie shows to play where’s Waldo, information should be explained to the audience in a way that feels digestible and natural.
The animation is incredible and the stuff that came out from the finale was insane, but at times it just felt like jangling keys in my face. Like don’t pay attention to rushed story, underdeveloped characters and bizarre tonal whiplash, look at the cool fights. I dont think it does horror well either. In fact I kind of cringe a bit when characters a big wide grins and giggle evilly and it’s mean to be intimidating and it just. Doesn’t work. Feels a bit juvenile honestly.
And. This is a very personal thing. I don’t like the robot designs.
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Hello I was just wondering if you can do a angst to fluff post with my baby Tamaki Amajiki. Like the reader (female) is having continuous nightmares about her past and never seemed to have a good night sleep so Tamaki as her boyfriend/soulmate helps the reader is any way possible to get her a good night sleep. Thank you! :)
Pairings -> Tamaki Amajiki x Reader
Warnings -> Nightmares?
Note -> Reader having nightmares so Tamaki is there to help to get the reader a good night sleep
Genre -> Angst to Fluff
Tamaki Amajiki
This is getting ridiculous, it had seemed you had the same nightmare over and over again and you're just sick of it to be honest.
A repeating cycle of nightmares about how your parents died in a fire that was caused by the LOV. You hated those villains with a fiery passion but right now you needed to figure out how you were gonna go back to sleep.
You were laying on your back as you started at the ceiling of your dorm room, you were a year three, which was surprising to you as you didn't think you were gonna come this far but here you are.
Your arm was resting on your sweaty forehead as you calmed down from your mental breakdown for the fifth time in a row this week...
You sighed as you sat up, you throat was a bit dry so you decided to go to the main lounge to get a drink of water from the tap, you stood right up from your comfy bed as you walked slowly to your door and opened it quietly trying not to make sound so you didn't get in trouble for going out of your dorm room.
You now closed the door as quietly walked to the elevator to take it down, you couldn't be bothered to take the stairs since you were literally half-asleep.
What if you fell and face planted on the floor and make a lot of sound to wake everyone up. Nope not on my watch.
You waited until the elevator went down and open the doors, you walked out and came straight to the sink. You opened a cabinet and got a glass cup and poured some water in the glass and then took a sip of it
Thank God. You were finally free from the dry throat that was bothering you as soon as you woke up.
You then took a couple more sips until it was empty and put the glass cup back in the sink to do it in the morning, because you didn't want to make such sound of glass and metal sink clinging to each other.
You sighed as you didn't want to go back to your dorm alone, even though your dorm room was a comfort area for you with a lot of stuff that comforted you in a type of way.
So you turned around to walk back...
"Name?"
"JESUS FUCK-!" You yelled but then the stranger covered your mouth quickly, you looked up a little to only see Tamaki
"Shh.. You need to be quiet love" You nodded as your mouth was un-covered by his hand, you were a bit scared but as you soon realised it was Tamaki, you loosened the tense in your body
"Tama? What are you doing up?" You asked, Tamaki perked at this then replied
"Oh well, I wanted to go to your dorm but then you weren't there so I figured you were out here.." He wanted to find you? This dork
You gave out an airy chuckle as you shook your head a bit "You know you can't come to my dorm you know, I don't want you to get in trouble you dork"
"Uh- Well I mean I just wanted to check up on you you know, you seemed to be tired this whole week and I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I did text you at first but then you didn't reply back as you usually do so I went to your room and didn't find you" Tamaki explained
You totally forgot to bring your phone that you left on your bed side table beside you bed, you groaned as you face palmed yourself
"I totally forgot to bring my phone, I'm so sorry Tama" You worried looked up at him, you might of gave him a fright though
"It's okay love, no need to be sorry about that. We should head on back then" Tamaki requested as you follow him down the hall to the elevator
The doors opened and went inside, you forgot how there were lights in the elevator but luckily you could see Tamaki's face instead of seeing him in the dark
"Um.. Love? Have you been crying?" Tamaki asked, you gave a confused face so he pointed to your cheeks where you had dried up tear stains from your breakdown earlier before you went down
"Oh.. Um it's fine.. I just had a little crying session earlier no biggie" You back the topic down but Tamaki was worried if something happened to you so he came closer
"Uhh- Tama.. Hun? What are you doing-?" You were then interrupted by him rubbing your cheeks that seemed to get rid of the tear stains, then he seriously looked at you
"You had another nightmare didn't you?" Tamaki asked then his eyebrow furrowed in worry, you couldn't bear to look at him in the eyes now
You didn't tell Tamaki about your nightmares that seemed to keep you awake most of the time but he didn't think it was going on forever he thought it was just one night
"Love.. Look at me"
God you loved that nickname, you always seemed to melt at it, you then seemed to melt into his hand that was staying on your cheek as you started to cry again
"Y-Yes I did.." Your voice cracked as you answered, look at him with sad eyes, he instantly pulled you in for a hug, a tight one to let you know you were safe and cared for
He petted your head to calm you down a bit which worked, the elevator doors opened as he took your hand in his as he guarded you to his dorm room
"Wait.. Tama, we will get in trouble If-"
"I don't care.." Tamaki replied
You never saw this side of Tamaki until now, he was more confident to speak as you gave him a reason to be confident but right now he was being confident for you and you only
You didn't say anything after that as he opened his door as led you in, his room was basic but looked comfy, his bed was big for the both of you
"Lay on my bed, I'll turn off the lights when you are on the bed then I'll come over" Tamaki spoke
You walked over to the bed and climbed on it as you crawled to the front and tucked yourself in, his bed was comfy and smelled good.
The lights turned off as you felt tense again as you felt alone until you felt hands wrapping around you as you heard shifting on the bed. Tamaki was tucking himself in now as he placed your head near his chest to hear his heartbeat
His strong arms were wrapped around to make you feel safe and secured
"Try to go to sleep, you really need it, I'll be here to help you if you have the same nightmare again. Now sleep" He said as he kissed your forehead
His heartbeat....
His soft breathing....
His warmth....
This feeling felt nice..
It felt good..
You felt peaceful
and it was all because of
HIM <3
-A<3
#my hero academia x female reader#my hero academia#my hero acedamia#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha x reader#my hero academia x reader#tamaki amajiki x reader#tamaki amajiki#tamaki x reader#tamaki mha
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Going overboard, 2: Darkness
Second chapter out! (Yes, there'll be smut in the next one, so get ready). The time of the happenings throughout the story might be a little fucked up, so just ignore that. Hope everything's okay so far. Enjoy!
❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀
Ashley is sitting on the steps beside the door, but when I arrive, she quickly gets up. I look over, wondering if I should say something. I really want to talk to her, to have my best friend back. But I cannot forgive what happened. Not yet anyway. She doesn't move from her standing, waiting for some type of confirmation that talking to me is okay. I don’t want to indulge her, but I have to say something.
“Hey Ash”
“Hey.” It’s awkward, weird. I feel like a completely different person. The atmosphere is tense, and Sam is looking at each one of us, waiting for something to happen. I hear loud footsteps from behind as Chris makes his way beside me.
“Man I feel like this mountain gets bigger every time I climb it,” he states, hands resting on each side of his hips.
“Oh yeah?” I know that voice, and I stop breathing. My mind suddenly sharpening and prior coldness turning hot. I turn around to find Josh walking towards us. We make eye-contact and he stops in his tracks.
“Oh, you’re here?” he says, and my cheeks flush from embarrassment. I shouldn’t be here, and I’ll go in the morning, I just need to talk to him.
“Yeah, rode with Sam,” I reply, making a gesture towards her.
“Hey Josh!” she waves from behind me.
“Well, glad you all came,” he says, gaze turning away from me. I feel bad. I look at Ashley, and she looks at me with worry. She knows something’s up.
“When are you going to install some cell towers up here? I’m getting withdrawals already,” Chris complains. My eyes don’t move away from Josh. He seems oddly happy, oddly calm. Like he’s wearing a mask. He folds his arms before answering.
“You got a spare million lying around and I’ll fix you right up”
“Funny you should say that-” Chris starts, feeling his pockets.
“Ah, I think I left it in my other jacket”
“Oops”
Ashley sits down on the stairs again, looking away from me. I wish the stuff from last year never happened. Josh turns around, and I notice Matt and Emily for the first time. Emily is looking as good as ever, unbothered by everyone. A freeze creeps up my spine. I always got this uneasy feeling when being in her presence. Matt is standing behind her, a bag standing by his feet. He looks worried, and angry. A weird mix. I still don’t feel comfortable with everyone here.
“Get here okay?” Josh asks them.
“Yeah, well, more or less. But it’s so good to see you” Ashley answers. Matt is silent, and Emily looks at him annoyed. Josh walks up to the redhead, asking in a low tone.
“What’s up with them?”
“Mhm” she responds, looking up at them before shaking her head. Drama, again. Does it never end? Chris and Josh walk up to the door while we others wait. I don’t want to be a bother to him, yet. They talk loudly while getting the door open, using way too long.
“Damn, frozen lock,” I hear. I look up, but they’re still talking. Probably about how to get in. The cold is getting to everyone, Emily is warming herself with her hands, and looks over to Matt for support. He doesn’t do anything, just continues staring into the woods.
Finally, they both make their way down again, Chris stopping in front of Ashley.
“Hey Ash,” he smiles. Her cheeks redden as she waves at him. They’re cute, both of them. I would’ve thought that by last year they would’ve gotten together, but it seems like none of them still dare to make a move.
“Soo, how’re you doing?” he asks, and she looks over at me before turning her gaze back at him.
“Mmm, good I guess. A little cold though. I think I could use some time curled up by the fire…”
I can’t help but smile at Chris’s reaction. He blushes, looking at her intently. Sam snickers as she gives me a nudge. We both know what he’s thinking about now.
“Yeah, that does sound pretty nice…”
They both smile at each other, before Josh signals for him to follow. They make their way around the house. I turn back around, seeing Ashley standing up and grabbing my arm. We go the opposite of them, getting a little away from the others. As we stop, she lets out a breath, staring at me intensely.
“Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, or even see me, but we have to. I need to,” she starts, and I look down at the ground. I’m bombarding Josh on this trip, it’s fair for her to do the same to me.
“Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I came”
“I never meant for any of the things that happened to ‘actually’ happen”
I look up at her again, missing her. The whole year has been a wreck, and I didn’t even have my best friend to help me through it.
“I followed them, I did, I was in it, I know I was. I just, I never meant to hurt either of them”
“I know you didn’t. That doesn’t change the fact that you were in on a plan that lead to their deaths”
“You have no idea how much regret I have, I keep playing that night over and over again, wishing I could change it. I’ve missed you!” She takes a breather before continuing. “This whole year, I’ve been so alone, please”
Tears are forming in her eyes, and I feel myself getting heavier. I love her so much, and it wasn’t her fault. She was also the one of those involved who spent the most time outside searching for them. I remember getting up and finding her with frozen fingers, getting ready to go outside again.
“It’s going to take some time for me to completely trust you again-” I begin. Her eyes fill with hope, and my chest lightens from her reaction.
“Take all the time you need, but know that I’m here when, or if, you decide to come back”
“We can start slow,” I say as I grab onto her arms and pull her into a hug. I feel her breathing steady and her heartbeat slow. Tears form in my eyes as I rest my head on her shoulder. I’ve missed her so much. She hugs me hard, and I wonder if I’ll ever get out of her grip. She’s stronger than she looks.
“Thank you,” she whispers back, and we pull apart. We make our way over to the others, Sam giving me an encouraging smile. Only one last person to talk to.
We wait a bit, and I decide to walk to the side of the house to check up on them. They’ve been there for an awfully long time. I arrive, noticing a missing axe on the side of the house and two men trying to shove a big dumpster. I notice the open window as well, getting to know their plan.
“Need any help?” I ask, walking over.
“Ugh, please” Chris pleads, showing his side. Josh doesn’t say anything. He just waits on the other side of us to be ready to push. I help them, and in three hard rounds, we manage to move it enough. Chris makes a loud grunt as he hops on it, looking in the window. Josh still doesn’t pay attention to me, so I decide to make myself useful instead. The dumpster is high, so I nudge Chris’s foot. He looks down at me, reaching his hand down for me to grab. With his help, I manage to get up. The inside looks dark and dusty, not my type of environment. As I turn around, my foot slips on the ice, making me fall. I yelp as I go down, closing my eyes and covering my head in my arms. I wait for the impact, but am instead grabbed by two hands. I open my eyes, meeting Josh’s. My breathing quickens, lips parting a bit for more air. He’s standing still, one hand on my back and one under my legs, holding me bridal style. I can’t read his expression. His eyes are wider than usual, and I notice the strong colour of his undereyes. He hasn’t slept well recently. My hand goes automatically to his shoulder, and I suddenly get flashbacks to our drunken nights. Him twirling me around in a playful manner then stopping and staring into my eyes a little too long before putting me down. Right now, he doesn’t put me down, instead he keeps looking at me. My cheeks feel hot, and my lips yearn. His brows furrow, a bit of anxiousness and hurt showing. I’m holding myself up with one of my arms, but the other moves to his neck, feeling his naked skin. Then we hear a loud thud.
He shakes his head, suddenly remembering where we are, and he puts me down. Still a bit in the moment, it takes some time to gain my balance again. We both look up to Chris, but he’s not there. Instead, the window is wide open. I’m about to get on top of the dumpster as Josh reaches out a hand for me. I take it, smiling at him while he helps me up. He smiles back, a kind one. Those are the ones I like the best. His other hand goes to my back, as I steady myself on the box. On the top, I give him my hand, helping him up as well. We both look down and see a hurt Chris lying on the floor, teeth bared and eyes pinched closed.
“I’m okay! Should’ve paid more attention in climbing class” he comments, and I snicker.
“You mean gym?” Josh asks, clearly confused.
“Yeah, you know, with the climbing up the rope”
“Yeah, that’s what you do in gym class” I add.
He stands up, the lightbulb suddenly exploding.
“Shit” we all say in unison.
“Did I do that?” Chris asks.
“Uhh, I don’t think so”
Josh looks down, grabbing a hold of a lighter in his pocket and throwing it to him.
“Here, use this”
Chris flicks it, but it doesn’t light up as much as expected.
“Woah, Chris I just got an awesome idea-”
“Yeah?”
“Totally. Okay, so I’m pretty sure that I’ve got some deodorant in one of the bathrooms, you could use that with the lighter”
I look weirdly at him. “How’s a stick of deodorant going to help?”
He nudges me, looking over and smiling. “It’s a spray can.” I haven’t seen his smiles in a year, so every one of them makes me smile back, a warm feeling spreading in my chest. I look over at Chris again.
“Flamethrower, like we do with the little army dudes!” he exclaims.
“Yep, the ones that we melted”
“Freaks” I comment, pretending-rolling my eyes. Chris gives me a pouty mouth.
“Okay, so you got this?” Josh asks, and he nods, walking further into the room. Josh and I jump down, luckily both landing on our feet. I look over at him, unsure of how to proceed. Luckily, he begins.
“So, we haven’t talked for a while”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“And, you came here?”
My breath catches as shame coats me. I’m absolutely an intruder.
“Sorry Josh, you haven’t been responding, and I just needed to know you were okay”
He gives a slight smirk.
“So, still care about me huh? Even after a year?”
My heart sinks a bit as I’m going to tell him about my feelings. He got to know last year, but I just need some sort of closure. A year without moving on has made me come to that decision.
“Listen, if you don’t want me here, that’s fine, I’ll take the bus tomorrow morning. And I got a bit hurt from not getting any responses from you, and that’s fine, I get it. But please, since you obviously don’t want to think about everything that happened last year, we can just go back to being friends, good friends-”
“I don’t want that” he responds, and I look down again.
“Then I’ll be out of here tomorrow morning, okay? The bus only goes onc-”
He suddenly grabs my hand, stopping me from walking back.
“Hey, that’s not how I meant it. I wanted to get back in touch with you, just after this, I truly did, but-”
“But what?”
“What happened between us last year… I don’t want to let that go”
Our eyes meet, faces closing in.
“I’ve just been working through everything, and things haven’t fallen into place yet”
“I know, I know. I’m here for you Josh, if you need me”
His signature smirk plasters on him, and I can’t help but blush. His hand moves to my waist, the other behind my neck.
“Good God, of course I need you” he whispers, pulling me in and kissing me. His lips are cold, but I don’t mind. My arms close around his neck, and I pull our bodies closer. Our moment is interrupted by several shouts. We look at each other before running over to the others. A baby animal runs down the stairs and into the forest. Everyone is laughing while Chris holds the door open for everyone.
“Home sweet home,” Josh says as he walks in. Everybody sighs.
“It’s freezing in here”
“I’ll get a fire going”
I look around, surprised by how little has changed. It looks exactly the same. Matt points it out, also analysing the place.
“Well, nobody’s been up here” Josh explains. Telling us how the police stopped working quite quickly.
“What’s up party-people”
“Heeeey!”
Mike and Jess. I sense some tension in the room, and catch Emily giving them a nasty glare. They both take a place on the sofa, rubbing on each other. Nasty people. Matt stares at Mike, giving him the up-and-down. They’re all crazy, everyone’s ego shooting through the roof.
“Yeah, come in, take whatever you want” Matt says in an accusing tone. Fuck, already? I pull up my phone, trying not to pay attention to the others. A bunch of words are exchanged, and I only catch a few.
“Watch yourself Mike”
“Was your sluttyness too loud?”
“Oh, no one else can play with your toys?”
I give up, deciding to pay attention. As long as I’m not part of it, it’s fine. Emily and Jess continue tearing each other up, building the tension more and more. Mike is silent, and Matt tries to occasionally cut in to diffuse the situation.
“Stop it!” Josh suddenly shouts.
“This is not why we came up here, this is not helping-”
“This is not what I wanted. If we can’t get along for ten minutes then maybe we need a break?”
I stand up with Sam, unsure of our next move. No one is paying attention to us, everyone focuses on their own fights.
“Mike, why don’t you check out the guest cabin I told you about?”
“Yeah, we’ll go do that,” he answers, holding out his hand for Jess. They both make their way outside.
“Wait, shit” Josh exclaims, slamming his hand into his head. “I forgot about the generator.”
“I’ll get it” I volunteer. He showed it to me last year, so I’ll manage on my own.
“You’re an angel” he points at me, before leaning down to the fireplace.
I make my way outside, the wind surprising me. The wind is refreshing, pulsing through my lungs. I want to run down, at least jog, but don’t dare because of the ice. Instead, I plug in my earpods, listening to already downloaded music. A squirrel climbs a tree on my left, and I consider stopping for it. I remember giving my nuts to Sam on the bus-ride, so maybe I should just leave it alone. The path is dark, and a little bit scary. The same eerie feeling that bothered me in the start creeps back, and I take a hold around myself. Why did I decide to go alone again? I arrive in the shed, opening the generator and starting it up. I suddenly get a feeling like I’m being watched, so I quickly make my way up again. On the way I meet Emily and Matt. I slow down, greeting them.
“Where are you guys going?”
“Forgot one of our bags” Emily responds.
“We’ll be quick”
I continue walking up, noticing movement in the side of my vision. I turn, but nothing’s there. I hold my breath, looking closer. After a minute, I give up. It was probably an elk or a deer.
I only find Ashley and Chris sitting on the sofa inside.
“Where are the others?”
“Sam’s checking the bathtub upstairs while Josh’s trying to get her some warm water going” Chris responds.
“He probably needs help” Ashley adds.
“And none of you wanted to?”
“Nah”
I give them both a fake-disappointed look before making my way to the cellar. The concrete walls look dirty, and the light is off. When I’m down, I hear a low summing to my left. Knowing Josh is further in the right, I still decide to check out the sound. I walk over to a heavy metal door, looking around it for some sort of glimpse to the other side. I put my ear against it, hearing the summing sound better. It sounds like some type of technology, like a used up computer.
“Boo!”
Hands grab me, making me scream. Josh is laughing, moving his hands to hold me, but I keep hitting him.
“You fucking jerk Washington, you scared the crap out of me!” I scold, letting my hands fall to my sides.
“Sorry, sorry. Felt like the right thing to do in the moment,” he excuses, hands moving around me, hugging carefully. My heart rate lowers, and I let myself sink into his embrace.
“Could you help me with this water-thing?” he asks, looking down at me expectfully.
“Of course, but wait-” I say while he drags me.
“Josh, what is behind this door?”
“That one?” he points.
“Yeah, I heard something. It was like, summing or something”
“Probably just the pipes” he says, dragging me further away.
“Okay…”
We make our way to the cabinet, picking and poking at some wires.
“Can you click that button when it turns red?” he asks. I nod in reply. When it turns red, I quickly push it, making it green.
“Hey we did it!” he exclaims, hand going up for a high five. As I make contact, he grabs my hand, turning it, and making me spin around. As I bump into him, he places a kiss on my forehead. I laugh, but he just keeps smiling.
“You’re beautiful, you know”
“Why thank you, you’re not too bad yourself”
I grab his hand harder, and start walking. I want to make my way out of here, the vibe is creeping me out.
“I feel like you just called me average”
“Wouldn’t have fucked you if you were just average”
“True that”
As I take the first step up the stairs, a loud bang is heard. Like metal on concrete. I turn around, not glimsing anything. Josh is looking attentively, carefully letting go of my hand.
“Josh” I whisper.
“Stay there”
I don’t listen, and instead make my way silently behind him, holding on to his bicep.
“You heard that, right?” he asks, and I hum.
Suddenly a man in a cloak and mask jumps forward, arms out. We both shout, grabbing each other's hands and running to the stairs. I smack my arm on the corner of the opening, making it hurt. I don’t bother with it, getting up to the door and trying to get it open.
“Josh! Josh! Josh!” I shout, not able to open it.
“It doesn’t open from inside!”
“How do we get fucking open then!” I shout back, furiously gripling at the door.
The guy comes nearer, and Josh puts his arm defensively in front of me. I lean into him, hand grabbing him, hard.
“Eyy”
“What?”
“Eyyyy…”
“What the fuck, Chris?” I manage to squeak out. Josh is laughing his ass off, and I look to and fro them both.
“You just got monked!”
“Gosh, Chris, nice one”
“Wha-?? Why would you do that?” I ask, the tension leaving my body, finally being able to relax.
Josh places his arm on my back, calming me down.
“Come on, it was funny”
“Absolutely not”
As we walk back, I turn to Chris.
“Okay, I’m ready to admit that your dumb little prank may have had a slight whiff of humour to it,” I state, the harshness in my voice disappearing.
“Jokemaster!”
“I never said anything about jokes, I was talking about your stupid prank-”
“Holy crap” Josh chimes in. “You were scared, admit it”
“I wasn’t scared, I was surprised”
“Nah hun, you almost pissed yourself”
“I did not!”
We make our way back to Ashley, who’s walking towards us. She meets Chris in the middle, and he bows.
“What in God’s name are you wearing?”
“I’ve found my true calling” he says, making a cross in the air.
“Please tell me you’re going to take a vow of silence”
Chris starts talking soundless in the air, making Ashley laugh. I look between the two, the tension between them stronger than before. When are they gonna crack? What will it take?
“Feel better now?” Josh asks me, nudging me in the arm. A sharp pain goes through me as he does.
“Ouch, fuck” I whisper, grabbing the spot.
“Shit” he suddenly gets a worried look on his face.
“I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and check this out” I say, starting to make my way up the stairs.
“Hey wait up, Sam’s in there, you can use mine”
“Oh okay, and which room was that again?”
“I’ll show you”
“Hey Josh, do you have an ouija board?” Chris asks.
“Yeah, just look in those shelves over there, see if you can find it. We’ll be right back”
His hand moves to my lower back, guiding me up the stairs. As I walk down the hallway, memories start flooding in. Him and I walking down these corridors, and into his room, then…
We go to the room above his, where he opens a cabinet and finds some salve. I start undressing, shaking a bit from the cold. As I get to my last layer, I realise that I’m only wearing a bra underneath.
“You gonna take that off?” he asks, pointing to my sweater. I give him a smirk, leaning forward slightly.
“Sure you can handle it?”
“Absolutely not”
I laugh at him, deciding to just take off my sweater. It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before. He looks in awe as I turn around and check out my arm in the mirror. It’s just a scrape, and it doesn’t look that bad, just stings. Awoken from his trance, he moves beside me and looks over my arm.
“You weren’t supposed to get hurt” he states, watching intently as he cleans it.
“I wasn’t, then who was?” I question, confused by his tone.
“N-no” he stutters. “I just mean that you shouldn’t have been hurt this way”
“You want to hurt me another way?” I tease, leaning forward a bit, giving him a little more to look at.
“If in a sexual way is what you mean” he whispers, looking up at me with puppy eyes. I lean towards him, a hand making its way behind his neck and pulling him closer. Then I kiss him, carefully, gracefully, but he doesn’t keep it that way.
#until dawn#joshua washington#josh washington#ashley brown#samantha giddings#until dawn chris#until dawn josh#josh x reader#josh until dawn#christopher hartley#josh washington x reader smut#josh washington x reader#joshua washington x reader smut#joshua washington x reader#until dawn sam#sam giddings#jessica riley#mike munroe#michael munroe#emily davis#until dawn matt#matt until dawn#matt taylor#until dawn remaster#chris until dawn#until dawn remake#chris hartley
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Plot Twist
Series: None, this is a one-shot and you can find those here.
Fandom: The Royal Romance
Pairing: Drake x Riley
Rating: MA
Warnings for this chapter: Not canon Drake or Liam. Darker. Be prepared for everyone herein to be selfish and underhanded.
Word Count: 456
My other stuff: Master List.
I’m shirtless in her bedroom. The woman of my dreams is concerned about my injuries. It feels fantastic.
The fact that I am about to steal her out from under my best friend is a small detail.
I grew up in the palace, witnessing the backstabbing and underhanded dealings of the nobility. Do I hate them? No. But it’s why I find it hard to trust.
I came back to this hellhole for Liam. He was never supposed to be king. That was never part of the plan. But shit happened, and he needed me.
It doesn’t matter. I left a lucrative military career to head up the royal guard for him. I would do almost anything for him. I never saw his betrayal coming.
I was on the fast track to becoming the youngest major in Cordonian history. But the promotion never came. It never came because the crown prince blocked my application.
I didn’t know that at the time, of course. He wanted me to head up his royal guard, so he made sure his offer was the best one out there.
Do I hate the nobility for their scheming and manipulation? No. But I did learn from them.
Her fingers probe gently at the bruise blossoming across my ribs. I wince. Fucking Tariq. I told him to make it look real, but did he have to punch me that hard?
He was lucky this was working out for me. He might be a member of the aristocracy, but he was a gambling addict, and I had some pull with local organized crime. I keep my ear to the ground. You never know when you might need some good blackmail material.
I paid his latest debt in exchange for his help tonight. Tariq was broke because his father had cut him off financially. Me? The elitist bastards at the palace might look down on me as common born, but my bank account doesn’t give a fuck about that. Captain of the Royal Guard pays well, and my living expenses are almost nonexistent.
The palace provides everything I need. A room, food, electricity, access to the royal fleet. I’ve been banking my paychecks for years.
And now my place in Liam’s orbit has delivered up this woman.
He might actually love her, but he’ll never marry her. I’ve made sure of that.
He took something from me to get what he wanted. Now I’ll take something from him to get what I want. Do I feel bad about that? Not even a little. I gave up everything to come back home and give him what he wanted. He can give me this one thing. And he will.
Regardless of whether he wants to or not.
#the royal romance#trr#the royal romance fanfic#drake walker#choices fic writers creations#cfwc fics of the week#angelasscribbles#choices#choices stories you play#one shot#drabble
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my son he has 73 diseases and turned evil .
pwab au zappa. pwabba if you will
#the circumstances of the ghosts stays the same in dis au#i think that his thought progression on Oh God Why Is This Happening To Me stayed the same as well#but instead of seeking out just Faust#he tries to find anyone who can understand this and help him#ofc he did this canonly as well but to various superstition from the results#so!!!#cue: an experienced doctor with 10(+?) years of paranormal research under his belt#crow at least has like. scientce to explain it#even if he’s totes wrong about some parts of S-Ko (looks at the PEAB entry that calls her a mental parasite)#but ah well.#ofc crow would have to be less of a freak. or else we get a repeat of her interaction with zappa in his route. erm….#crow if he was actually helpful would be soooo beneficial to . everyone….. oh well there are other doctors#(love u faust)#anyways this isn’t an au on what i think should’ve happened or whatnot. just a fun what if#…..and me being mentally ill..#also.. head/chief of paranormal operations has a pretty sick ring to it#again. not 100% happy on this design. might rework it sometime#he’s cute though. i can stuff him into a sock#and smash him on the floor#smiles#guilty gear#zappa guilty gear#s ko guilty gear#crow kuruwaba#robdesigns#robart#thoughtz#ignore that ive forgotten the zippers on his sleeves for like. all the images. they’re there#whimpers
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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#WOOOOAAHHH THEY'RE TRANSPARENT!! I THOUGHT REGIICE WAS BLUE BUT LIKE#i guess it makes sense that they're actually transparent! 'cuz! they're made of ice! i kinda wish they were blue here since that's like#more iconic and i feel like they'd be more recognizable if they were transparent but i guess this ALSO looks cool#and no‚ the stuff in there is not‚ like. its brain or whatever. it's just FULLY transparent and you can see through to my desktop wallpaper#and that's what's showing through its head. which is like cool but i'm worried makes this guy a little bit less visually distinct#actually yeah it kinda does LEMME redo this one but with a blank background and see if it looks any better#yyyeeeeaaahh okay this helps a bit. more visual clarity. i'll replace it with the one where you Can't see my desktop wallpaper#i might leave that version under the cut actually. but i'd have to add some text to the post which i generally don't like doing. just to#explain what it is. cuz not everyone is gonna read these tags#i'll just. leave it the way it is. in two weeks i'll just hope i remember what wallpaper i had applied when i took the original image#cuz i have it set to change every night through a set list of images that i update whenever i find a new image i like that's roughly#the resolution of my monitor. i dunno if anyone else does this#most irrelevant tags ever#regice#thanks for the catch on the spelling nidoskull
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trying to look for a ttrpg group in spaces where I can't just go 'listen I want to play this shit in the tumblr fandom kind of model (gay subtext extremely welcome bordering on essential, mutual unhinged character psychoanalysis, we could create a novel of a backstory together to make this sadder, let's all play with our OC dolls together and also sometimes dice are rolled I guess)' and be readily understood and/or not be immediately side-eyed or denigrated for my inherent unavoidable tumblerinaness feels like such an annoying debuff to deal with on the quest. like I know my people exist out there but how do I express myself in the right way and wade through all the copious not-it (not for me) dynamics to find them!!!
#I feel like a weird kid in the playground trying to find someone who plays the same way as me all over again fhdksjfa#(and if/when I find them -- how the fuck to approach them)#turns out there are so many ways to play rpgs that do not appeal to me in the slightest#there are so many dimensions -- creative interpersonal gameplay-wise -- where you can severely not match with someone lmao#with half of the people I've come across it seems like it would be a struggle just to agree there should be a session 0 :')#but I know I KNOW this could be exactly my kind of fun with the right people it's a little maddening#(my group of friends when I was 12-13 was like... we were trying SO hard to play an rpg without having an rpg to play#some from first principles but with no guidelines to help us stuff#and it was one of my rare 'oh fuck. oh fuck yeah this could be it!!' social moments at that time lol. clearly something instinctive there)#I have been lurking around in a discord server on a more national/local level but I'm not gonna lie... a lot of The Good Old Boys shit#dominating the conversation there. I really don't think they mean to take all the oxygen out of the room for everyone else but uh#it's kind of just what happens. I have seen seen hour-long debates over definitions so esoteric and navel-gazing it would haunt your dreams#trying to wade through that to find the people who might vibe more with me seems... so exhausting and I don't know howww!!#the high masking autistic blues plays again
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We ought to write more Pokemon fic some time. We want to recreate the Pokemon Manners/Human Manners cheat sheet that we made a few years ago we think that this site would like the Sliding Scale Of Politeness When Greeting A New Pokemon You've Never Met Before.
#we speak#writing#we grew up with pmd games and we feel like the way that pmd pokemon's dialogue tends to be excessively... direct?#should be a feature and not a bug when any pokemon that you meet might be totally unfamiliar with your species and biology#it's probably very polite to start up front with some basic facts about yourself so they know how to act going forward#the very upfront feel to dialogue also very much helps with keeping the dialogue feel more... pokemon#people mock the series for weird npc dialogue a lot but we think that taking these things literally makes for more fun society building#it doesn't all have to fit with socially acceptable for our world we think. polite in our world isn't even consistent by household.#sometimes a polite interaction sounds like “hello! i'm poochyena! i like to chase people and bite!”#name and immediately socially useful information. now you know about the chasing people and biting so you don't assume it's rude#of course poochyena bites and chases people. it likes to do that. you can say you don't like that and it might stop doing that to You#but it will not stop biting and chasing people because that's what it likes to do and it will probably only befriend people okay with that#it makes a very specific dialogue feel that's very fun to do. we like how the pokemon world tends to treat any sort of like#disability or “weird” things as something that you just say out the gate and everyones like “oh okay”#and then treat that as Part Of Interactions going forwards. there are a surprising amount of parts of the pokemon manga#that are dedicated to working around a character's disability after one or all of their means of dealing with it get taken out#admittedly we aren't that caught up on newer content but we find the way that it tends to be just Accepted as very refreshing#making the dialogue this direct does also tend to make it read as more “childish” in english and particular because a lot of Maturity's jus#learning how to dance around what you're saying or phrase it in different ways to get your idea across differently#whereas here everything is just as direct as possible. “i don't like charmander”. “i like roasting berries”. “i want to dig things up”.#all pokemon dialogue tends to go towards being exceedingly simple and it makes for some very distinct writing#especially when you have to tackle complex situations with characters who probably dont employ that sort of vocabulary#though we personally enjoy doing this sort of stuff your mileage may vary ofc#we are biased towards this sort of thins because we find it MUCH more fun to build up what we're talking about from blocks#than to like. try and use more indirect wording that may lose things in translation#unfortunately this is not fun in irl conversation. everyone has to be on the same page and you need to use the same playbook to communicate#we REALLY wish people said what they meant though. we're really tired of being asked shit like “is this accessible”#when what they mean is “can you climb these stairs” a question which depends on the day our energy level and how things have been going#there are a lot of things we could say that would make us feel like some sort of anti sjw type guy and a lot of em boil down to just#"for the love of god dont dance around a Sensitive Topic just get to the point and ask us about it this just makes things harder for everyo
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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bleh
#having a bad morning tbhhhh#i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them#i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise.#and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened.#the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me.#to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about.#and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away#but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol.#i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's#frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone.#and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends.#it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff#going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has#bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where#u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :|#everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete#but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭#'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭#ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are#and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point.#i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend#but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭#and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._.#but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences.#anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮💨
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i really think im on the upward trend mentally. much reduced suicidal thougths and i went for four days without any a few days ago. this is wonderful.
however i am beginning to stress about uni. it's reminding me of how difficult stress is and how fragile i am actually. but yeah. progress. :)
#im... Not doing well with a couple of work related things and that may drop me in hot water. same with chasing up uni stuff#if i think about handling continuity of care stuff for uni (midwifery) i get short of breath bc stress#but i have to do it so. im sure it'll be fine#and honestly? if i have to go talk to lecturers and say hey im genuinely feeling a lot of anxiety around this and need a bit of a hand#they'll help me. i know they will. they want everyone who is capable of passing to pass#personal#puddleglum hours#honestly even writing this tags out im already stressy again but yea.#i should probably find a job for while im in uni but i might just go talk to my old employers and say hey can i just grab that job again#low stress and all#am realising just how debilitating my stress levels are at times . hm . to be considered ....#because this is nothing like the stress ill have at uni but i can already feel teh stress-avoidant patterns setting in again#yknow te patterns that made me nearly fail a unit last semester? those ones#altho now i have ransom and also a better understanding of those patterns#im not sure if ill find new psych tho by then. haven't done anything about it#and that just adds stress#but anyway yeah at least my commute to uni will only be half an hour to forty five minutes . at old place it was an hour plus#so good
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youtube search function is actively shit and i hate the fact that i have to find ways around it to alleviate the problem but never fully solve it
Anyway, for those who totally don't want to find ways to fix their Youtube search results:
Disclaimer: BE CAREFUL. As always, think about whether or not you want to trust these.
uBlock Origin is your friend. Not just to block ads, but also to fix stuff for search results.
this reddit thread and this one too have lists of filters that you can use to remove sections of Youtube search, like "People also watched"
Firefox browser also has a bunch of extensions to remove Youtube shorts from your feed, if you don't like those. Up to your discretion to see which extension to trust and use to make sure it works for you. uBlock also has YT shorts filters if you don't want to add an extension.
Youtube Search Fixer for Firefox is one of them.
For those who don't want to use an extension or uBlock filters, a method I have tried is by using the search operators on youtube itself.
A common one is to add "before:2025" at the end of your search. Use a year later than current. (ex: lemon bar recipes before:2025)
You can also add your search under "" to make sure it specifically checks for those words. (ex: "music video")
Here's a list.
Speaking of search operators, while I think search browsers are kinda fucked now too, you can try searching for youtube videos outside of youtube:
just add "site:youtube.com" after your search. you can also do the "before:2025" if you want (ex: [title] book review site:youtube.com)
The "site:" search operator is helpful for searching places like reddit, twitter and even tumblr as well.
That's mainly the ones I can think about for now. If anyone has more resources, feel free to share. Again, this doesn't really fix the problem... more of just alleviating the issues.
#google is also shit. the google play store's search is sooooo bad active trash#most socmed search functions are actually garbage#tumblr? duh. everyone knows its bad#twitter? trash. why tf is it hard to find old tweets?#it's also hard to find tweets on a specific topic unless they type it out on the tweet itself (hence why lurking imo is shit on twt)#reddit? lmao they try but it's honestly more convenient to just search reddit posts through a browser#facebook? it's such a mess of a timeline and sponsors and shit#idk bout instagram or tiktok i never use them#but i just. actively hate how search functions are getting fucked up in favor of algorithms#i dont care about “you might like!” or “other ppl also searched” or what's trending!!!! give me the specific answers i want#the fact that sponsored pages come up first on google search nowadays than fucking wikipedia is insane#and also! gen-ai is NOT a search engine!!!!#generative ai works by essentially filling in the blanks based on frequencies in the database they have#thats how you get fucked up answers bc it's just stringing together words that is in their data#even if it's wrong!#its not even close to a proper substitute for search engines because it's a completely different function!#search engines like google LOOK through what exists and gives you that. it hands you websites that has what you're searching for#THATS WHAT I WANT#adding so much unnecessary fluff and algorithm onto search results makes it so unusable#anyway hopefully this helps#i typed all of this out while doing other stuff so sorry if it's messy
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talking to people recently out of prison: a do-and-don't guide
Don't ask, "How was prison?" (Answer: traumatic!)
Do ask, "What are you most looking forward to doing again now that you're out?"
Don't ask, "How long were you in for?" (Answer: too long!)
Do ask, "Is there any technology or pop culture I can help catch you up on?"
Don't ask, "How are you going to avoid getting back into bad behaviors?" (Leave the paternalistic bullshit to their PO.)
Do ask, "How's your support network? Do you have people helping you adjust?"
Don't ask, "Do you have a job yet?" (Their PO is asking them ALL the time, don't worry.)
Do ask, "Are there any opportunities I should keep an ear out for and let you know about?"
Don't ask, "Do you have an ankle monitor?" (And definitely don't ask to see it - no one likes to be gawked at.)
Do ask, "Do you have parole restrictions we need to accommodate when making plans?"
Don't say, "Hey, you shouldn't be doing that - it's against your parole!" (A lot of parole restrictions are bullshit, and they are an adult who deserves agency, even the agency to take risks.)
Do ask, "Are there any bullshit parole restrictions you need help working around?"
Don't ask, "Are you an addict?" (Not everyone in prison is, and they'll tell you if they want you to know.)
Do say, "If there's stuff you might get in trouble for, like empty alcohol containers, I can throw them away at my place."
Don't say, "It's probably best if you put your whole prison life behind you and start fresh." (Just because it was traumatic doesn't mean important experiences and relationships didn't happen there.)
Do say, "If you have letters from friends on the inside that you don't want your PO to find, you can keep them at my place."
Don't say, "You paid your debt to society." (Regardless of what they may have done, harm cannot be repaid through senseless suffering.)
Do say, "You are more than the worst thing you've ever done."
Do not ever ask "What were you arrested for?"/"What did you do?"/"Were you guilty?"
People are more than the worst thing they've ever done.
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