#and so ridiculously tired
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Thinking about Mu Qing who has bouts of sleeplessness that only his roommate and rival-turned-friend, Feng Xin, knows about. Just the inherent intimacy of having shared that secret - even if it was out of necessity - ruins me. So, just imagine:
One sleepless night, Feng Xin finds himself getting up to pee at 2:30 in the morning, only to realize Mu Qing is awake and in the living room. Mu Qing is dressed for bed, his hair is down, and he has his glasses on. He's trying to read a book all curled up in the corner of the couch that Feng Xin typically sits in.
Feng Xin finishes washing his hands in the bathroom and then goes to sit with Mu Qing on the couch - closer than they would sit if this was during the day. There's a single lamp on in the room and the two of them stay quiet.
Feng Xin picks up some kind of handheld game and plays for a bit with the volume turned down all the way, and just keeps Mu Qing company.
After a good while, Mu Qing shifts and pushes his glasses up into his hair to rub at his eyes and the bridge of his nose, leaving his book on the arm of the couch. Feng Xin recognizes this for what it is - an invitation - and sets his game back onto the coffee table.
The two aren't new to this so Feng Xin doesn't hesitate when he says in a low, warm voice: "Let's go to sleep, A-Qing."
And Mu Qing doesn't fight him. He sets his glasses on the table and turns the lamp off.
The two of them walk through the dark and to Feng Xin's room.
The first few times they did this, it was difficult for both of them. It was vulnerable and tense and Mu Qing couldn't help but fight and cringe - but it's easy now, when they crawl into bed together.
Mu Qing only stops for a moment - like he might be thinking it over - before he lets himself relax into Feng Xin's arms and rest his head on his chest.
Feng Xin eases them into the bed, makes sure they're properly covered with the blanket, and then threads his fingers through Mu Qing's hair.
He finger-combs the ends before working up along the nape of Mu Qing's neck and up further after that to scratch gently at his scalp. So tender - he strokes Mu Qing's hair until they both fall soundly asleep.
#fengqing#mu qing#feng xin#levi yaps#the scenarios that plague my brain#that i have to share with you#need these two to be as soft as possible#but not really know how to talk about it#they're basically married and that's the truth#im projecting again#and so ridiculously tired
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Finally read the Marvel Rivals Moon Knight story and this part made me laugh out loud
(Wanna get back into traditional art, I've missed inking.)
#marvel rivals#moon knight#khonshu#marc spector#There's so much in this entire story#Khonshu is ridiculous and I love him. Marc is so tired
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"Lesbian means exclusive attraction to women!"
"No, it means non-men exclusively attracted to non-men!"
"It actually means queer attraction to women!"
"Lesbian means women and nonbinary people being exclusively attracted to other women and nonbinary people!"
Lesbian is a multifaceted label that can describe many different experiences. There is no one perfect definition of lesbian that will encompass the entire diverse experiences that lesbians can have.
I'm personally a genderqueer woman who's exclusively attracted to other women, but the lesbian next to me might be a transmasc lesbian who loves all genders except for men. And the lesbian next to them might be a bigender lesbian who's both a girl and a boy, who's exclusively attracted to women. Our experiences can all be described by the term lesbian if that's how we wish to describe it, but we might define it differently based on our own experiences. And guess what?
None of our definitions are wrong, but none of our definitions will encompass every other lesbian's experiences. A word can have multiple definitions without any of the definitions being wrong. And those definitions can be very vague or very specific. Labels are made to fit us- we aren't made to fit labels.
People who may have a different experience with the lesbian label are not your enemies. People in lesbian spaces who aren't exactly like you are not your enemies. The problem comes when you try to force one singular definition on every single lesbian. THAT is harmful. Sending death threats to other lesbians because they don't have the same experience as you is harmful. Not another lesbian having a different experience from you.
#i'm tired of seeing this ridiculous argument online#if you're obsessed with giving every label one rigid definition then fuck you#lgbt+ identities do not always neatly fit into boxes#people seem to understand this with most other identities. i think i can guess why y'all are so rigid about lesbians (it's misogyny)#venus.txt#lesbian#trans lesbian#bi lesbian#mspec lesbian#multigender lesbian#bigender lesbian#transmasc lesbian#male lesbian#butch lesbian#he/him lesbian#nonbinary lesbian#genderfluid lesbian
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For the Queen <3 👑
I honestly have no idea why ppl r so hateful on the internet, esp in fandoms that are meant to unite and bring ppl closer tgt. I guess the ever so repeated 'don't like - don't watch' is too big brain for some.
I honestly adore Earth in a special way, maybe she's not my fav ever but I srsly don't realized how high up there she is
I admit, I did not like her at first, even before I actually saw her in action for the first time when I was catching up and just knew a char like that existed, But she grew on me as she grew herself as well
I love seeing that growth in these characters, the design change, their role in the story, their voice and all
The show touches a lot of subjects and issues esp relationships and how toxic they can be, but 4 me Earth was the one to make me realize this and legit show me how a kind-healthy relationship can look like
She made me realize I am stuck in toxic dynamics I am unhappy with and made me strive to get better
I would pay so much to get a therapy session with her back when she still did those, bc these few eps legit made me feel better then the actual therapy sessions I was taking.
Sure, she's annoying at times, but not anymore than the rest of the cast, every character has a thing I can name that I find annoying, irritating or cringe. That's what makes them real.
And between all this robot, magic, dimensions, star-crap Earth just feels the realest, she's relatable, it's a type of person yk you can meet irl and yk they're a sweetheart
She means a lot to me. And you can not like a character but you get no fucking right to harass the actor. That's about that.
I would talk about more characters that Kat plays, hell knows Gemini makes me feral and that goes for Castor and Pollux equally, but this post is enough of a ramble and I don't really have the time for it now
They're great, Kat's great, people are senseless, love each other, please.
No render and textless under
#queen kat collab#i did all this in the most uncomfortable ways possible but it was worth it lmao#it took me over 7h across like 4 days it's actually ridiculous#apologies if stop making sense at some point i am so tired lol#sams#sun and moon show#sams fanart#laes#lunar and earth show#laes fanart#tsbs#the security breach show#sams earth#laes earth#earth#earth fanart#art
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I'm gonna be so honest with y'all. I don't take you seriously if you complain about the casting of the Percy Jackson show because the poc actors aren't "book accurate."
Because here's the deal. I remember when the internet threw a fit when Rue, a black character, was played by a black person. It didn't matter that it was book accurate, y'all didn't want to see a black person on screen.
For some of y'all, it's not that you are against adaptations straying from the source material- you are simply anti black.
If you are about to argue with me, I want you to ask yourself something. Did you not mind the race change of Grover, but you are against the casting of Annabeth? If that's true, maybe try to address that. Acknowledge it and try to deconstruct your anti-black biases.
#being black in fandom spaces is so tiring#i am utterly exhausted#yall complaining about how now annabeth wont have an arc of not being taken seriously is sending me#its TOTALLY not like black people aren't seen as smart or resourceful and constantly not being taken seriously#that would be RIDICULOUS#anyway im tired but i am enjoying the show so far#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#the hunger games
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HC that back in the day Alfred and Bruce always used the "Dick's getting tired" excuse to get their guests out of the house or make a quick escape from a party. Though it still works, it's also much weirder to use now that Dick's a grown man.
#They also used Jason and then Tim but Jay died and vanished and Tim's a dancing queen forever so the only person left to make this#ridiculously stupid statement with was Dick#also I really just wanted to write “Dick's getting tired gotta go home” because which fucking houseguest or host is about to question that?#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#personal#batfamily#dick grayson
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The First Time Red Caught the Seasonal Auradonian Cold:
Chloe: Oh dear, you’re burning up a fever. You’re at 101.2 F if it gets any worse I’ll have to take you to the hospital-
Red: But I’m not sick, if I was sick would I be able to do this?? [Intensely stares at Chloe]
Chloe:
Chloe: Red what do you think you’re doing?
Red confused: Parkour. Am I not doing it?
Chloe: . . .
Chloe: No my dear you are not… But based in this I now know I should probably take you to the hospital now.
Red delirious and whiny: NO! NO hospital! I am NOT sick!
Chloe: Oh this is going to be a battle..
#glassheart#these two are so ridiculous lmao#i merely imagine chloe carrying red over her shoulder as a delerious red is yelling at her that she’s not sick while she clings to the wall#students on campus are honestly low key tired of them lmao#because it’s her first time catching a auradonian illness red just gets so delirious lol#once she gets over her delirium though she becomes a cuddle bug and refuses to let go of chloe#lmao these too are just so cute#charminghearts#redcharming#glassrose#red x chloe#chloe x red#chloe charming x red of hearts#chloe charming x red#chloe charming#red of hearts#red of wonderland#princess red#rise of red#descendants rise of red#glassheart incorrect quotes
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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oh sure when actors playing a character with DID or otherwise acting as multiple people in one body switch between alters on screen they're "such a talented actor" and you "get chills" but when I, actual diagnosed DID system, switch in front of you, it's "scary and unnerving" and you "no longer know how to talk to me".
#dissociative identity disorder#did#actually did#actuallydid#did osdd#osddid#cdd#this has nothing to do with anyone online btw#I'm just. so tired of people have treated me.#i am so envious of those who can treat DID like it's some cool novelty in media#or a way to flex their acting skills#while I am ridiculed and shunned by the people who I thought were my friends#this is not a callout post for anyone#this is a callout post for society in general#vent
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“hold” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 488 words
this, but make it jegulus (i tried to get it as close to the original as possible)
Remus is sitting in an armchair doubled over with laughter. Sirius has fallen out of his chair and is cackling on the floor with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. Regulus is sitting on the couch trying his best to stay composed. And James in standing in the middle of the room with more passion and fire in his eyes than Regulus has ever seen.
“Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!” James is shouting.
“James—” Regulus tries to calmly interrupt.
“HOLD ON!” James looks pointedly at Regulus and his eyes look like they’re going to literally pop out of his head. “Her sister was a witch, right?” Regulus is trying so hard to hold back his laughter. “And what was her sister? A princess! The Wicked Witch of the East, Reg.” James is yelling, not unkindly just very passionately, looking directly at Regulus and nodding his head aggressively to emphasize every point.
James starts pacing in genuine distress. Sirius is rolling on the floor holding his stomach and laughing so hard his entire body is shaking. Remus has his hands over his mouth, which is doing absolutely nothing to contain his laughter.
Regulus stands up to meet James in the middle of the room. “I’m gonna stab him.” He mumbles under his breath, which makes Sirius laugh even harder—if that’s even possible.
James whips around to face Regulus. “You’re gonna looks at me and you’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong? Am I wrong?” James asks emphatically.
And the thing is—James is, in fact, very wrong. “It’s my favorite—” Regulus tries to interject but can’t even get a word in.
“She wore a crown, and she came down in a bubble, Reg!” And that proves absolutely nothing.
Regulus knows he’ll never get James to listen to him. “I’m not fighting with you.” He shakes his head, chuckling fondly.
James makes his way out of the living room. “Grow up!” He says over his shoulder.
“I’m not fighting with you.” Regulus says again.
“Grow up.” James seems to be losing steam as he leaves the room.
“Get educated!” Regulus yells then flops down on the couch and finally lets his laughter out.
Eventually Regulus, Sirius and Remus’ laugher fades into soft chuckles as they calm down and take several deep breaths to compose themselves.
It’s a few minutes later when James appears in the doorway with a sheepish look on his face—that Regulus thinks is adorable. He slowly makes his way over to the couch and sits down beside Regulus. He’s quiet for a few moments then turns slightly to look at Regulus.
“I’m not really mad.” James says in a small voice. “And you know I love you, right?”
Regulus chuckles fondly and takes James’ face in his hands. “Yes, I know you love me, Jamie.” He leans in to kiss James softly then pulls back the tiniest bit. “But you’re still wrong.” Regulus whispers against James lips.
#i couldn’t help myself#this was so funny to me - i was giggling the entire time i was writing it#but i'm also sleep deprived so maybe i'm just tired#i think reg and james would definitely have arguments about nothing like this#because they’re both so stubborn and can never let anything go#but even if it’s not a real argument james can never stay upset with reg#so he’s always the first to cave#the guy says ‘i'm gonna stab him’ which is obviously so very reg#i have no idea what this argument was about but reg loves the wizard of oz and wicked so he’s clearly correct regardless#wicked is still rotting my brain#i know this was ridiculous#i might write a real one after i get some sleep and i can think more clearly#i go to sleep now - good night my friends#regulus loves james#james loves regulus#jegulus#jegulus microfic#jegulus fanfiction#marauders fanfiction#regulus black#james potter#marauders#james x regulus#regulus x james#marauders era#harry potter#dead gay wizards from the 70s#starchaser#sunseeker#jeggyverse microfic
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? He very much did also write Ted Lasso btw. He was a credited writer on Ted Lasso. He was in the writer’s room for Ted Lasso. He was writing it!
#I’ve discovered something I hate more than fans taking what actors say too seriously#and that’s imposing their own beliefs onto the actors because it makes them feel justified in being annoying#I’m simply so tired of everyone acting like half the cast hated the ending. that’s just YOU !!!!#and also it’s particularly ridiculous for Brett because he was literally right there helping to write it…#he was at the scene of the crime!!! good lord#AND THIS TWEET HAS NEARLY 500 LIKES…#in the TL fandom that’s doing numbers lmao#ted lasso#Ted lasso critical
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im just noticing some similarities
#something something all bark no bite bc they love luffy so much already#zolawlu#lawlu#zolu#zolaw#bc of reasons#mine#one piece#gif:op manga#i just need more for this ridiculous ot3. the 2 swordsmen who would do anything for luffy#2 captains and the first mate/ protector#the chaotic zolu duo and one fondly annoyed guy who gave up on trying to explain logic to them#the three very aro and/or ace coded characters- im taking them and putting them all in a qpr polyship#so they can cuddle and fight and have some good reassuring hugs. but also the devotion ! the fate etc etc good night im tired#rlly bad and weird day here so im just thinking about these instead..
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A whumpee who gets very tachycardic when they have a fever. Standing up makes them short of breath, they can just feel their heartbeat going faster than usual, reverberating through their whole body, making them feel desperately dizzy.
#listen im currently sick with the plague and i need to know#does everyone get horrible tachycardia with fevers or is it a me thing?#like i have ultra severe pots and i am tachycardic all the time but it gets so bad with fevers it's ridiculous#also my nose is so stuffy and itcy and i can feel my heartbeat in my whole body and especially in the tip of my nose for some reason#so every harder heartbeat sets my nose off and im so tired#this shit is only fun when my faves have it wtf#fevers#sicknario
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Reformation ref sheet for an AU Steven (named "Astra") who's been invading my brain since like,, April. It's VERY wide, apologies. There's a lot going on here because this man is incredibly old and has poofed way too many times for varying reasons. (See This post for how I headcanon that Steven can poof and still be considered a hybrid being.)
While I will not talk in huge length about certain aspects of his AU on this blog due to some of it involving strong NSFW themes, there is a ridiculous amount of other lore I've developed over time for Astra, and I love him to death. He is my sad, lonely mans who I metaphorically hurl against the wall like a sticky hand when I need to feel something.
This version of Steven will likely never have any kind of full ass fic or comic made about him. Despite that, I do enjoy sharing some art and fun character lore for him from time to time. So, I might as well finally give followers like... literally ANY context for him. I've had this ref sheet for a while and just have never gotten around to throwing it on here, LOL.
Ridiculously long dump about my guy under the cut.
Subnote, this was supposed to be a quick post but I can't help myself and wrote you a fucking BOOK under the cut because I love my guy so much UWU
(Content warning I guess for like, extremely vague mentions of Steven/Steven later on.)
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The huge tl;dr of Astra is as follows: he's a version of Steven who exists for SO long that he basically transforms into something of an ancient, lonely god.
He's outlived every single person he once knew as a child, and so as a result is starved for affection. At the same time, being vulnerable is the absolute scariest thing for him and he's really shit at navigating relationships, F.
The guy is THE most powerful living creature in his entire universe by the end, and yet remains a soft-spoken, (generally) benevolent soul. He dedicates himself to acting as caretaker for the vast, populous world he exists within, and to maintain the continuing legacy of Gemkind. A big discovery that occurs in this AU is that Gems are in fact susceptible to entropy over the span of millions of years and will eventually fall "inert," (but not him because of weird hybrid biology stuff he honestly sees as more of a curse than a blessing) so a huge plotline early on in Astra's lifespan is trying to either find a "cure" for this issue or to develop a means by which new generations of Gems can be created without the reinstatement of Kindergartens so Gemkind doesn't overtly go extinct.
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But, to start... this Steven diverges off a point in canon- this is the timeline where he actually takes up the Diamonds on their offer of the throne in the movie, believing he may have a better chance of heralding true societal change working from the INSIDE rather than stepping away. Because he pours himself so thoroughly into his role on Homeworld and his mind is continuously occupied by this purpose, he never experiences the events SU: Future, nor does he develop his "pink mode" (yet...) or corrupt at all.
However, he's also so engrossed in his work that he's... kind of a shit boyfriend to Connie as years go on. (In that he's not terribly attentive... always super busy... their visits are often cut short, or few and far between.) Their relationship never really goes anywhere as a result, though Connie wants it to. To be fair so does Steven, but he's so scared that everything he's worked so hard to organize and set up in this new era will fall apart if he steps aside from his role for even a moment that he can't allow himself to follow that want.
At some point here he learns he can poof through a complete freak accident, and that's where things really begin to change in this timeline.
It takes a good few months for him to reform, but once he does he's back at it with all his work on Homeworld pretty quick.
The thing is... he doesn't have an innate physical need to eat or drink or sleep anymore, because he now consists of entirely hard light. It mimics human biology to an insane degree, so he COULD do all those things, but he doesn't need them to persist. So... he kinda takes this as an excuse to cut those activities out of his schedule entirely so he can spend more time focused on his duties as a diamond.
Connie is NOT a fan of this, and this leads to some debate and tension within their relationship. That being said, they remain an item...
Up until out of nowhere, Connie dies in an accident on Earth while Steven is off planet in a place where he doesn't have any contact with them for a few days. By the time the Gems are able to get in touch with him, it's far too late to resurrect her.
The kicker? In the autopsy it's discovered that she was a few weeks pregnant when she died.
Steven is emotionally gutted by this... and the thought of what could have been... and poofs.
The guy is understandably destroyed when he comes back in his next form, and his form reflects that- his gem flips as a sort of metaphorical severing from his own humanity.
He spends a long while in a deep depression at the loss of his childhood sweetheart... at the loss of any potential for (as far as he sees) a "normal" human life. There's a part of him that resents the choices he's made to end up in this present, but like, there's still work to be done.
And as the years move on, a LOT of that work is mitigating the growing relations (for better or for worse) between Gems and humans as humanity stretches their legs and reaches out into the stars. Humans kinda get... really aggressive in their expansion though, and quite territorial, and it leads towards some inevitable conflict between them and Gemkind. This time, with them more at fault. Things get so spicy that some groups of humans and Gems go to war.
Steven tries to mitigate one of these situations at the front lines- and gets poofed by a disgruntled Gem, speared straight through the back because she (kinda wrongly) assumed he would take the humans' side due to his ancestral ties to them.
When he reforms this time, he is glowing a perpetual pink. The Gems don't really know what to make of this, but he seems to be in perfectly fine health otherwise, so they assume it's just a normal aspect of this new neutral form.
And while this isn't something Steven has context to figure out until like... billions of years later, what's actually happened is that he's entered a permanent pink mode, pretty much. Guy's just got that much bottled up, unaddressed trauma.
He spends a long time in this form, and over all these thousands of years oversees the slow return to peace between Gems and humans... their marriage as a space age federation... and their deeper exploration of the galaxy. Beyond their home solar systems exist a bounty of alien species they've yet to meet... some friendly, some less so. There's definitely some conflict that crops up amidst the local galactic neighborhood when Gems and humans show up on the playing field here, lol.
But all-in-all, Steven develops a fairly peaceful and predictable routine during this reformation- living more like a Gem than ever before. He's still got the Crystal Gems at his side through all of this, and they are some of his greatest confidants.
And then... without any warning... Gems begin to go inert. Amethyst is among them.
Some of them simply stop reforming after they poof... especially those who were older Gems, or who have been cracked before. Steven and the other Diamonds using their powers together are able to "fix" this at first and "jumpstart" their reformation, but it's just a bandaid of a fix- these Gems will fall inert again pretty soon. And the longer they persist without poofing from alternate causes, the more unstable their form, power, and memory becomes. (Think of this as Gem dementia at its late stages,,, oof.)
The bottom line? Just like organics, Gems aren't immune to the forces of entropy. Sooner or later, their gemstones will decay from the inside out. Stubborn to find a way to save the ones he loves as he watches them slowly deteriorate all around him, Steven dedicates himself to trying to find a cure. But deep down, a part of him recognizes the futility of this. What he believes Gemkind actually needs to do is to develop a means of rebooting Gem incubation that doesn't destroy planets, so they can rebuild their quickly dwindling population and keep their legacy alive.
The big problem with this is that Gems take a SHIT load of energy and resources to properly incubate, so that puzzle will take a long ass time to sort out. There's kinda a lot of chaos that happens during this time. The reality of their own blunt mortality freaks out a bunch of Gems, and Steven has to do damage control with the heads of state for a lot of other alien species.
In the interim, all the Crystal Gems and some of the Diamonds (White is still in the picture, though) end up falling inert. Pearl is the last of the CGs to do so.
Steven is understandably SUPER gutted about this, and poofs yet again. (Lol notice a theme? Poor mans keeps poofing from friggin' anguish. Help him.)
After reforming with barely any changes, it's right back to work for this guy. He and the rest of his team of researchers are unable to find any cure for Gems decaying and falling inert, but they do end up making huge leaps and bounds in other kinds of tech. One of these advances allows Steven to finally deep-scan his own gemstone down to the atomic level to check for decay- this was previously a process that was very invasive, and came at the risk of irreparably damaging a Gem, but not anymore.
He expects to find evidence of the same micro decay that's been slowly eating away at the rest of Gemkind within his OWN diamond, but the thing is...
He just... ISN'T decaying at all? Even though the sheer age of this gemstone itself should suggest otherwise? As it turns out though, his existence as a hybridized being makes him kind of... an anomaly. When he first reformed all those thousands of years ago, all the data within his gem- data that would otherwise be susceptible to decay- was translated into genetic material. DNA that's woven entirely out of hard-light... but, DNA that has also been constantly regenerating itself thanks to a combination of all the intricate biochemistry surrounding the human telomere and his healing powers.
In other words, he is incapable of falling inert from natural causes, like micro decay. He's functionally immortal. Unless someone shatters him (or... heaven forbid... he shatters himself) he simply can't die.
Which, all of a sudden, makes his race to save Gemkind from their quickly approaching extinction all the more personal. Because if he FAILS- then he'll be the very last of Gemkind. There will be no one else left in this world who is even remotely like him. (Humanity has mixed and mingled with the galactic locals so much by now that they're very much unrecognizable from what they once were.)
His spirit is very nearly broken by this discovery, and he is severely tempted to throw all his own principles out the window and just sanction the construction of new Kindergartens again, if only to keep the dwindling Gem populations up and birth new generations. Perhaps surprisingly, it's White Diamond- the last Gem left who Steven actually knew since the very beginning- who urges him to reconsider. To not give up on his own morality, to not revert all the miraculous changes he's worked for these long few million years.
The big shift in the tides is when he discovers the means to jump to alternate timelines, and thus the existence of the greater multiverse. This allows him to gather intel and ideas from a far greater spectrum of sources.
And eventually... it's with the aid of many alt versions of himself from other lines across the multiverse that leads to him finding a suitable, eco-friendly solution to his Gem incubation problem. (This is the aspect of this AU I cannot discuss in length for discretion's sake. Use your imagination. Or don't, I don't care.)
The following two sections, I'll be talking more about the broad thematics than anything else. At this point, know that there are now new batches of Gems being created all the time. Gemkind is no longer at risk of any extinction, but now- like any stable organic species- new Gems are made at the same rate that they fall inert.
So, the BIGGEST thing here with this reformation is that this is overtly where this guy picks up the name "Astra." Why a name change? Well, after White finally went inert, leaving him the last Diamond in existence within this line, it basically just felt... upsetting to him, to continue to go by a name that every person he ever loved used for him. Thus, the new name is overtly a means to distance himself from that past, and from that pain. (It's also a name he chooses while thinking back to a meaningful conversation he had with White, back before she went inert, oOF. I'll probably yell about that at some point in another post.)
So, too, is the lack of any tangible facial features. He HAS a face, but others just can't see it. He subconsciously obscures it from almost everyone's sight as a means of avoiding vulnerability. One might also have noticed by now that this guy's proportions have gotten like, really strange and sorta "stretched out" over time the larger he becomes... and this is intentional, as it's yet another way he's just becoming more inhuman in form, yet another way he's internally separating himself from those humble human origins of his.
But here's the thing, though.
Deep, deep down, to be human and to live a simple human life is basically all he's ever craved. It's everything he feels he's lost forever, with the death of his Connie. And instead, he's kinda stuck in a hellish sunk cost fallacy of his own making, acting as eternal caretaker for this world that- no matter what he does to try and make it a better place- will never quite be PERFECT. Thus, in his mind, even though he's literally fixed Gemkind's BIGGEST problem, he can't Stop. He can't Rest. He simply can't allow himself himself to lay down and Sink Away into the unknown.
And even if he could allow himself to do so, he is so, so scared of walking that path alone.
If he's going to die... he wants that end to be at a lover's side.
How, though, is someone who's basically a god supposed to find anyone in this multiverse with experiences they can remotely relate to?
Well... ultimately, Astra finds that it's far, far easier to build up a close relationship with varying versions of himself than anyone else. He's... kinda trash at it, though. This guy has so much bottled up Gunk in his head and is so starved for any form of affection that he has a habit of throwing WAY too much of himself into the relationships he engages in, and expecting that same level of commitment in return. There's one relationship with an alt Steven he's in for a while that ends up pretty unhealthily co-dependent before it fizzles out, and then another where he assumes the individual is committing to this partnership for the long run, but then no... actually Astra was always pouring more into this dynamic than he was receiving in return.
This second relationship, when it ends, is pretty devastating to him- since it was one that lasted for like, a LONG ass time. Unimaginably long. We're talking billions of years, here.
Uh-oh! And now he's even more distanced from other people. Folks can't even parse his actual chosen name at this point- except he isn't really consciously aware of this for a while?? It's yet another silent cry for help, yet another internal defense mechanism specially intended to keep others from truly getting to know him. Because every time he does... stars. No matter what he does, he keeps getting hurt. Almost everyone he knows and loves is torn from his life eventually... if not by death, then by some form of tragedy... and he's just so, so tired.
He wants literally ANYTHING to change in his life. He craves some new form of purpose. He craves the attention of someone who might love him as passionately as he loves them.
For a while, he almost believes he's found that- in yet another close relationship he forges with an alt version of himself- but while this other Steven does care for him immensely, it's only as a friend. Which kinda kills Astra, because he's like, lost in the sauce levels of In Love with this guy. There's a LOOOOOOT of story I have here with this, oh my god. If I am thinking about this AU I am usually thinking about this Old Man Yaoi. The great bulk of it is very NSFW themed though, so y'all getting the cliff notes.
The MOST important thing to know though, is that Astra both makes intense leaps and strides in once again allowing himself to be vulnerable with this man, and ALSO kinda intensely fucks their whole mutually agreed situationship up. It's messy. I am crying and wailing at these two old dumbasses. Jesus fucking christ.
But then, it's in the aftermath of this whole deal that an individual named Orion comes into the picture.
Orion quite literally falls into Astra's world by complete accident, but it's a very lucky accident- because she is a diamond hybrid version of Connie from another universe who- beyond a few differences- has a strikingly similar history to his. The big difference, though? She never found a means to create new Gems without Kindergartens, so she was the last of just a few thousand Gems who existed in her entire line. Part of a deeply endangered species.
This version of Connie arrives in some very deep mental turmoil, and so Astra does his best to give them a stable home and a place to heal. And while a past version of him might've been tempted to throw way too much of himself into the slow building rapport they have, he's blessedly Learned a thing or two from the past few major relationship experiences he's had... and chooses to like, ease up. Just offer himself as a friend first and foremost, should they care for one. Man learns restraint, lol.
And it's a damn GOOD thing that he does, because out of the genuine friendship they foster, Orion is the one who ultimately falls in love with him first. The relationship that's established here is one that's balanced, a true partnership where they simply make each other better people. It's through Orion's encouragement that Astra eventually reconnects and makes up with that last person he had an intense relationship with, even.
In time, Astra truly grows to thrive with Orion in his life. He becomes a far more open, vulnerable person, someone who feels safe to truly exist as who he is, to bare every complicated, battered facet of his past to those he trusts. While he may have taken the LONG road to get here, he too heals. And as a result...
One day, Astra simply stops glowing entirely. Shrinks down to more reasonable proportions. He stops hovering around on automatic, stops subconsciously scrubbing the memory of his face or name from people's minds. He stops denying his truest, deepest self- the reality that he was born an organic being, and raised as a human.
The burred reality that all he's ever truly wanted since the day his first lover died is to be a father.
To live a quiet, simple life with the people he loves.
For so long it was a mirage of a future he thought he'd never chase down, but for how much he made all the wrong choices the first time around, now he has a second chance.
And so in my brain, that's exactly what happens. Astra and Orion start a family together and continue to act as guardians over this universe for many years to come, until- after they are satisfied with the long life they've lived together, and their children have moved on to start forging their own paths- they eventually pass Beyond at their own will in each other's arms, ending their impossibly long godhood at peace.
I really don't know how to end this post lmafo, so I will simply say: if you somehow read all of this, holy shit you are so brave. Thank you for engaging with my insane ramblings. Have a nice day LOL FUIHSNUFSJG
This man haunts my brain so much I missed two off ramp turns on the highway the other day while thinking about him. Help me.
#su#su future#steven universe#su fanart#my art stuff#astra#nova rambles#i am going Insane please help#i will never write a full fic but i DO have like a ridiculous amount of outlined lore for him#yeah sure why NOT make a three am post. i am insane and this man is the object of my insanity. this is all you need to know.#i am so Tired help me
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⚠️Rant⚠️
I’m so tired of seeing “dom Lucifer”, “top Lucifer”, and “daddy Dom Lucifer” Is he just not allowed to bottom?
Is he not allowed to feel like an ant under MC? Is he not allowed to grovel at MC’s feet and BEG for them to have their way with him? Is he not allowed to be submissive? Is he not allowed to be at MC’s mercy? Is he not allowed to be dominated? Is he not allowed to scream out MC’s name from pure overstimulation? Is he not allowed to be a slut for MC? Is he not allowed to be a brat for MC? Is he not allowed to be a whore for MC? Is he not allowed to beg for mercy? Is he not allowed to beg?
This man is clearly not just a “dom”. He can bottom, too. Just give him a chance and let him. Maybe he gets too tired and doesn’t want to do all the work for once.
I’m looking at the ones who always write gender neutral MC’s as bottoms. Maybe some people want to see more top gn MC.
Don’t be basic. Consider both sides. Look at your recent posts and think to yourself: Are they inclusive?
Let. This. Man. Bottom. For. Once.
#obey me rant#rant post#rant#sorry for the rant#obey me#obey me nb#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me lucifer#obey me fandom#obey me hcs#obey me gn!reader#obey me gn!mc#obey me gender neutral mc#obey me swd#lucifer obey me#anti top Lucifer#let him be the switch he is#lucifer is a switch#obey me mc#I can’t grasp at how many bottom gn mc headcanons ive seen#the ratio to bottom gn mc to top gn mc is ridiculous#let mc top#let Lucifer bottom#anti dom Lucifer#point me to people who make top gn mc please#I’m so tired for looking for people who do#I feel horribly represented and horribly included in this fandom
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getting to the point it’s tiring to lay down on my back holding my phone. my fucking boobs push my arms apart and i get tired holding up my phone bc i can’t rest my arms on my boobs at this angle. what the fuck!!!
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