#and so many of us already have PTSD and stuff can we just be more mindful

[bonnie-the-mutt]

I wish more people in the agere community asked to use petnames/nicknames !!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's so freaking uncomfy !!! I'm not ur shnookums lovey pookie bear !!! I'm 6 years old !!!!!! /nm /dra

regression ≠ consent !!!!!!

[foone]

Alright, listen up:

We need to stop with the anti-rooting attitude for brainpals, alright? You're just doing mnemonocorps job for them. Cut out the discourse about people with modded brainpals, for TF's sake.

(scifi worldbuilding by way of fictional Tumblr discourse under the cut)

There's tons of valid reasons for by people would hack their brainpals! Testing new memory/skills without paying for a dev kit, piracy of skills (and do not @ me with that "but you're stealing from the original skill creator!" bullshit. All the legit skills on the market now are from people who did work for hire by mnemonocorps, and THEY ALREADY WERE PAID. It's only mnemonocorps that is losing money!), home ptsd/cptsd/jptsd treatment, the list is endless.

And before you jump into the comments, YES I KNOW PEOPLE DO SEXUAL MEMORY PLAY. People do every kind of weird shit, name me a technology that no one has used for sex in some way? Hell, the first topless photo was taken within a week of the invention of the daguerreotype. But we need to be adults here, okay? These things can be simultaneously true:

1. People do memory play

2. No kids have memorypals

3. The vast major of memory play is NOT VP.

Mnemonocorps has done a lot of work to try to keep people from using brainpals for memory pal, with their artificial limits on how much you can block at once, but that's fundamentally an over reaction to the negative press from the whole VP scandal. The news loves a juicy story like "people are using a new technology for weird sex shit" because their readers/viewers are always interested in Weird Sex Shit, either because "ooh, sexy!" or "BAN THIS FILTH" reactions.

And like all big companies, the last thing mnemonocorps wants is a new law aimed specifically at regulating them! So they stuck a bunch more restrictions on brainpals so they could say they have taken steps to prevent VP.

Now, I need you to listen to me before I say this: I am NOT saying I condone VP, alright? I'm not going like "oh but no one is hurt, everyone is (technically) adults, it's basically roleplay"? This is not an excuse for VP, alright?

Memory play is not just VP, and it's deeply insulting to everyone who engages in memory play to conflate the two!

The reasons people would do memory play are many and varied, as are the things that people do with memory play. And I think people are extra quick to jump on the "memory play is bad" bandwagon not just because of the spectre of VP, but because it's all "eww, kinky sex things".

And yes, I'm not going to try to sugarcoat memory play, alright? There's a lot of weird stuff going on there, and it definitely isn't for everyone. But the thing y'all need to keep in mind is that it's between consensual adults and they (usually*) know what they're doing, okay?

It's safe and mind healthy and consensual. (yes I know these are the same arguments the veepers use to definite VP but I'm not talking about VP here, damn it!).

People can do CNC play with mblocks. People can do roleplay with temporary personality patches, either because they're too awkward/shy/whatever to have sex or because they (or their partners) want to do some vcheating. All these are perfectly safe if done correctly and don't hurt anyone. Especially not you, who aren't even involved in their memory play!

And I promise the slippery slope argument is bullshit: even if people use mblocks to age regress, that doesn't make it VP, alright? There's plenty of people (especially us elderly trans who missed out on a gender-correct early adulthood. (I wasn't able to get genespliced until I was nearly 60!). If I want to experience how my 25-year-old self would have had sex as a girl, that's my own god damn business! And it's not VP and it hurts no one. And all these non-vp uses of memory play are completely blocked by the stock brainpal software, because of their heavy handed approach to trying to prevent VP.

But with this whole stigma against hacking brainpals means that if I ever even mention I've got mine modded, people immediately start side-eying me because they think the only reason anyone would want to hack their brainpal is VP.

No! Piracy of skills and mblocks and yes, memory play. Which isn't entirely VP, even if it keeps getting tarred with that brush.

The piracy argument you'd think would be an easier one to make. I know half of you have all the PS6 ROMs downloaded onto your tangles. How are you gonna steal half the video games on the iarchive and then turn around and say it's wrong to download fluent-Japanese or woodworking to your brainpal? Come on.

Basically my whole point is that mnemonocorps has done a great job convincing the general public to associate illicit (by their rules) brainpal use with VP, and it's solely because they know the average person (rightly, I would add) thinks VP is abhorrent. They're using that disgust to turn the general opinion against the idea of brainpal modding.

And look, look me in my eye, do you really think mnemonocorps is doing this because they genuinely think VP is bad and want the public to help them stop it by shunning people who hack their brainpals? Or is it, just maybe, because they don't want to lose trillions of n$ on skill piracy? And they're just using VP as an excuse?

It's like, come on gals. No one ever went broke assuming companies are acting out of the most basic capitalistic greed, because THEY ALWAYS ARE.

And don't get me started on the people clitriding mnemonocorps for inventing the brainpal in the first place. Look, we all love the brainpal, yes, but it's not like you owe them endless loyalty over it, okay? They can and have done wrong in the past. Accept that you can love the work and hate the company trying to control it.

(it's like: is Thomas Chellae an abusive asshole who should not be out of crimrehab? Yes of course, no question. Is Shadowed Skies the best album of the last 30 years? Also yes! It can be both! Bad people can make good things)

Anyway: end of the day, stop bringing up VP every time anything involving brainpal modding comes up. Don't judge people for modding their brainpals.

(especially since half the problem people have with memory play isn't VP, it's just y'all being antisex. Which is bullshit given how many people subscribe to those "expert oral sex" skills! You're using your brainpal to have better sex, then turning around and going "but I'd never use it for WEIRD sex!". Grow TF the fuck up!)

Also, just because I know someone would bring it up, the whole mind control thing is A MYTH. There have never been any legitimate cases of people getting hacked through their brainpals, hacked or not, okay? I mean, who knows what the nsa or uhsa can do, but no one has ever been able to demonstrate a remote hack on a brainpal. Anyone being "mind controlled" through their brainpal did it to themselves, either with a ppatch or intentionally routing their admin to someone else. "you'll get hacked and turned into a bpZombie!" is a bullshit reason to be against brainpal hacking: it simply does not happen. I used to be a rengineer, I've looked into the brainpal security: it's well done!

* Yeah, Adrian Reach was a tragic case, but it was definitely a million-to-one case. Make your backups, run the ccheck, and don't try to mblock your whole damn life on a failing bp! You'll be fine.

EDIT: I forgot to elaborate on the "no kids have brainpals" thing: yes, I know there are some kids who do have them, BUT they're not the same as regular brainpal installs. They're only done in some extreme cases of mental distress (like survivors of the cWar) and they're locked down. Only their doctor can adjust them, it's not like regular consumer brainpals where you can just fiddle with the settings themselves. So all this memory play stuff we're talking about is only between adults. REAL adults, alright? Even when people are doing VP, everyone involved is of age.

[whohasthecards]

Bradley, Bob, & Jake as Brothers

Just imagining the dynamic if these three because of the Dagger Squad and Mav and Ice began started to bond.

Bradley: An only child who was suddenly given 2 baby brothers.

Goose and Carol's only son, became a Mama's boy

After Goose died, the class of '86 helped chip in to raise him, meaning before they settled in with their own families he got the attention of so many uncles.

Mav of course took the most active role, basically being the father-figure to Bradley after Goose died. Bradley sees him more as a dad than Goose, that's why it hurt so much when Mav pulled his papers.

Then suddenly, the mission happened, they turn into a permanent squadron, and wow is Mav bringing Jake and Bob around more and more.

Hmmm, so Bob's former squadron giving him some trouble? No they're not.

Goddammit, Jake, give that back, right now!

Bradley: Hangman's the worst, selfish prick (Jake ate his leftovers). Some guy: Yeah, the guy's a fucking selfish assho- Bradley: What the fuck did you just say?

Bob: The youngest child given an older brother that actually pays attention to him and a younger brother that he needs to protect.

Big age difference between him and his siblings, he's the baby, was born when his siblings were already teenagers and young adults, focused on their own lives than him.

He was spoiled and loved by his family though, but they couldn't give him a lot of time and attention. His siblings were building their own lives, his parents were getting older, and he was an "easy kid". Bob was quiet, easy to please, easy to ignore.

When he said he wanted to join the Navy, his family was not supportive and doubted his ability. Deeply hurt him.

Then Bradley came, who would actually listen to him. Ruffle his hair and offer to hang out with him. They would play instruments together and stuff. Who defended him against his former squadron when they were making fun of him.

Then there was Jake who loved poking fun at him, but never in a mean way. Who would forget to eat when he was busy or having fun, making him have to shove fruit snacks in his mouth. Who would simultaneously teach and make fun of him when playing pool.

Bob: Come on, Rooster, not the hair (Bob rolled his eyes as Bradley ruffled his hair) Bradley: Awww, you're taking after Jakey, caring about your hair so much. Bob: Well, we actually want to look presentable (scrunches his nose at Bradley's Hawaiian shirt) Bradley: How rude.

Jake: The forcibly responsible, yet ignored middle-child, being given 2 older brothers who are protective of him, and finally gives him the chance to be free.

Jake is the middle child, have two older siblings and one younger sibling. His parents were neglectful, did not care enough.

He and his siblings used to be tight, but due to circumstances falls apart.

His older brother is a Navy SEAL, but suffers from PTSD, when he's on leave, he gets into trouble and drinks too much. He has to bail his brother out a couple of times.

His older sister began to be distant, he doesn't know where she is, she sends money and calls every now and then, but she started a new life. Whenever Jake asks for help, she refuses, claiming that Jake is strong and smart enough, that he can do it. (Jake simultaneously can't blame her and is resentful of her)

His younger sister needs financial support since she's just a teenager, she's in college right now and Jake is extremely proud of her. Just lonely as well. She's doing well for herself, Jake wants to protect her innocence. He acts more like her dad than their dad ever was.

Jake always has to be the rock, steady and strong. He's just tired.

He's a twenty-something, and he wants to be a twenty-something, careless and free. Fuck up and have fun every once in a while.

Then Bradley and Bob comes in.

He can't help but allow himself to play around with them, mess with them, tease them. They make him let his guard down, it's fun being around them, he's not responsible of them outside of being their teammate.

And they actually pay attention to him, and dote over him. He grumbles about them being overprotective or being too much of a mother hen, but he's sad whenever they hesitate to ruffle his hair, wondering if they were overstepping.

Maybe one day, he'll tell them about his family.

Jake (sinks 8-ball in): HAH! I won this game Bobert, pay up Bob (rolls his eyes as he pushes the cup of peanuts towards Jake): Eat up, you mean. Bradley (Ruffles Jake's hair): You gotta let him win once in a while. Jake (pouts): But how will he learn? And plus, how else would I be able to get some peanuts?

[bibbibib]

Peeta's amputation

One of the things I really wish we'd gotten more information for in the books was the impact of Peeta losing his leg. On himself, on his habits, his reactions, anything really. We don't even know how badly he took it because around that time all Katniss was able to describe was him (understandably) being just happy to have survived it all along with her, plus he was putting on a brave face throughout the interviews, and maybe even in front of her so she would feel less guilty. And, I get it, most of the stuff I'm going to mention is just slice of life and maybe not that important as plot points, but I find them super interesting, for the perspective if anything.

Would Peeta's self-esteem take another deep dive after that? With everything happening during that time (moving out of his parents' house, his falling out with Katniss, being viewed differently by the rest of the district, living alone and possibly lonely, his romantic hopes crushed, PTSD from the Games, etc etc etc) he had a lot of triggers seemingly supporting those thoughts of being useless and uneeded and generally not good enough.

It's so frustrating to lose a limb and have to basically relearn everything from the beginning. How to navigate stairs, how to get in and out of a sitting position, how to balance and not tip over, stuff you've been doing esentially your whole life. And Peeta was athletic, he worked manually, he trusted himself to be capable of doing physical things, so that might have hurt a little more.

How about medical complications? From weird sensations to nerve pain, possibly phantom pains, everything related to his prosthetic leg (which, depending on the type, can get uncomfortable in sooo many ways, especially since he's still a teenager who's growing). And he was dumped at a place with basically no medical care at all, let alone anything specialized. Which, ok, was part of everyone's life in D12 already, but it must have still left a bitter taste... There was no one around to know much about his state, (exept maybe Ripper the liquor seller) and he had to make do on his own.

What if the Capitol had chosen his prosthetic more for aesthetic functions and less for functional? @whenthewallfell has a fantastic post about it, complete with illustrations!

Peeta's artificial foot getting tangled in the vines in the second arena and impeding his ability to run was no funny business. With prosthetic legs, there's usually different kinds for different functions. Your average foot people use to be able to walk is stiff and does a horrible job at supporting these sorts of activities. That's why equipment like running blades exists for amputees who want to be running and jumping. And you have to switch to that before the activity! Peeta apparently never got one. Even if he had, he would have to carry the alternative equipment around in the arena.

Speaking of that, even with a single type of artificial leg/foot, adjustments are frequently needed throughout the day. Most people as far as I understand remove the prosthetic to sleep, but also ball -and-socket models at least move around and need to be put back in place because it gets uncomfortable (sleeves -stump covers- sliding down, etc). The fact that Katniss never mentioned anything like this means that either he was actively not doing it in front of her or she just doesn't wanna talk about it (or maybe his leg is some fancy Capitol tech that doesn't work that way?)

Also, he's got to be hungry. All the time. He needs more food after the amputation, because the rest of his body is compensating for the lost limp and he has to use different muscles/nerves/tendons/etc. that are not designed spesifically for this. The same thing means he gets tired more easily. So Peeta being that active and training for the Quarter Quell while battling insomnia and nightmares with an amputated leg? Even harder than we thought.

[cripplecharacters]

hi! I’m tryi be to write a fantasy book. Most of my characters are disabled for several reasons. For example, 2 of them are written very clearly autistic, because I am*. One of those also has adhd and trauma, and the other also has c-ptsd. My question is pertaining a different character. He is a cyborg. I want to make this a species in my book, but I’m not sure how to go about it. I am also considering making it a catch-all term used in my fantasy world for those who are given prosthetics. Anyway. I want cyborgs to have a culture and stuff like that. How would you recommend you about this? If this isn’t worded very clearly or more details are necessary, please let me know and I’ll elaborate. Thank you. /all genuine *i am not diagnosed, unfortunately

Hey,

[standard disclaimer that we don't have amputee mods]

Please don't make any kind of disabled people into a separate species. What you're describing as a species are literally just amputees. They are very much human and suggesting otherwise is dehumanization. Losing a leg doesn't turn you into a different kind of being.

Don't shy away from using the actual words, just like "disabled" is not a bad word, so isn't "amputee". Same as how autistic people are humans with autism, not [different species] with [sci-fi word].

Making a culture is an interesting topic, since in the disability context, pretty much only Deaf and DeafBlind people are considered to have a culture in the traditional sense. Three main factors are involved in it; one, these often run in families, so there can be generations of people involved and passing the culture and language, two, there are schools designed for Deaf and DeafBlind people that help them connect with each other, and three, the disability directly impacts communication so they have their respective languages, which tends to be an important part of cultures in general. How would the amputee culture of your setting work? Amputation is rarely genetic and not that common, many amputees don't know a whole many other amputees. What would their culture be based on? Amputees will often become disabled later in life, many of them would already have their own communities. How much would different members have in common with each other to create a whole culture? A mobility aid in the form of a prosthetic didn't result in there being prosthesis culture in real life, nor it did for any other mobility aid. I'm not saying they can't have their own culture, but I just don't see how it would come to appear in the setting.

As mentioned earlier, we don't have amputee mods, and it would be helpful to work with a sensitivity reader who is one if you're planning to make a whole culture centering people with a particular disability.

mod Sasza

Hello, thank you for your ask!

A cyborg would not be a different species since they are still part human, and an amputee would especially not be a different species, they are still human and exist as human in the real world. A different species would be something like full robots or ‘humans’ with extremely modified dna to the point that they cannot be classified under homo sapien. To exclude someone from the human species because of their disability would be dehumanization, and I would recommend against it!

Calling everyone who uses a prosthetic a cyborg in a futuristic setting isn’t a bad idea [cyborgs in media are basically just amputees with robotic body modifications], but remember not all prosthetics are robotic, especially leg/foot prosthetics.

As for them having their own culture, I actually like the idea! Just note the culture wouldn’t come from being separated from other groups of people like how historical cultures formed, but rather a culture within the larger culture. In a world where prosthetics are more robotic there would probably be forums and workshops, people passing tips for clustering wires and what joint attachments work the smoothest and what repair shops are affordable. Basically people brought together by something they share, but not isolated from the outside world, if that makes sense.

And as always remember, cybernetic prosthetics aren’t perfect replacements! Here is a post that elaborates on that specifically:

https://www.tumblr.com/cripplecharacters/764893470773084160

Have a lovely day!

Mod Rot

[alpaca-clouds]

Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD

You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).

Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?

CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.

While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.

PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).

CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.

It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.

Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.

And, oh look, it is Astarion lol

Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.

Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.

Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)

He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.

His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.

And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.

He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.

You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.

But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.

When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.

The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.

Just, you know... A heads up.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Bad Batch 3.1 ‘Confined’ Recap

Image from this post by @isthereanechoinhere96

Fuck you for starting with that line

Why are the captions in a serif font?

Going heavy on the theme of freedom for the clones already in the recap. Foreshadowing?

Rex!

CODY

Meme by u/No-Needleworker5295 on Reddit

Ah fuck here we go again

Why must I be made to relive this?

Damn the music is really hitting hard and it’s only the recap

Spoilers for Season 3 below!

Mayday! *sobs*

Oh great, it’s fuck face again

Hemlock being a bastard as per usual

Poor Omega

“Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing.” Said to the child kept in a cage.

Still not trusting and heavily side eyeing Emerie

Why do they let Omega carry around a little lunchbox? That seems like an obvious security risk. As does the cell with a window, even if it has a heavy grate on it.

LMAO Crosshair looks the saddest, wettest, most bedraggled little meow meow in existence

Who are those other clones??? I must know

Why are they taking blood samples from the top of the hand? That seems like the least useful place to take it from

“All of us serve a purpose here” Big oof

The shots and framing are making it pretty clear that the blood, and Omega's blood in particular, is important

So many commandos with the glowing visors

Oh, it’s a door scanner. I thought Omega was sitting in a cell in that shot in the trailer

Nala Se (derogatory)

Lmao that wasn’t even subtle. She just destroyed Omega’s blood sample without even hiding what she was doing

“This research, it’s not like what we did on Kamino, is it?” Pretty sure what you did on Kamino was just as horrific. Though you can’t really blame Omega for that seeing as she’s a literal child who was also probably experimented on

M-count. That’s midi-chlorians isn’t it. Lol they aren’t even being subtle about this. Force sensitive clones ahoy!

“Experiments on the specimens” Jesus H Christ

Vault? That doesn’t bode well

Everything about this episode is very eerie and sinister

Ok that is an excessive, overkill amount of security. Who the fuck is in there?

And straight into electrocuting space dogs. Great.

I knew the lunchbox was for hiding something!

Batcher? Aw, she named them after the Bad Batch

Yes, stick your arm into the cage with the aggressive space dog. That’s a good idea

Nuggies???

He was shivering T_T

Who are all of these clones??? I keep pausing the video and zooming in but I can’t see any identifying characteristics on any of them yet. 

And there he is

Oh fuck Crosshair’s hand is shaking. I know most people have probably watched the clip of this already but I deliberately didn’t. Shaking hands for a sniper is Not Good. That’s his right hand too, so presumably his trigger hand/finger/whatever it’s called? Is this a physical injury inflicted on him by their experiments or PTSD or both?

I’m intrigued at how much relative freedom they’re giving Omega. She’s not being kept in a cell all the time like the other clones. Though I suppose this is part of their plan to make Nala Se cooperate.

Ok the tap dripping in Omega’s cell is definitely a visual metaphor for how repetitive, dreary, and isolating this all is

That’s 21 tally marks

Oh, she made a straw Lula. Ow

[shrieking in distance] – what shrieking? Captions, what are you going on about?

Oh fuck that’s a lot of tally marks. And a hair change. Lots of time has clearly passed. They’ve updated Omega’s model too but I think it’s a tad heavy handed as she hasn’t aged that much.

Wow, she didn’t even look at Crosshair. Is this attitude change Omega being ground down by what’s happening to her or something she’s doing deliberately to try and play along and be more cooperative so she can find out about more stuff? Also, that’s the second time she’s walked past Crosshair in the same spot at the same time of the day. That seems deliberate. 

Lol could you be any more obvious with the lighting in that shot that Omega’s blood is important? It’s like the vial of her blood has a moody spotlight on it. Important plot point here!

Nooooo Batcher’s hurt 😭

Bacta sponge?

“If I get the chance to escape, I wouldn’t think twice about leaving you behind.” Hmmm, you keep telling yourself that Crosshair

“I’m not them.” T_T

“Don’t risk anything for me. I belong in here.” Oooooooooowwwwwwwww

“None of us belong in here.” Damn right

There is some really lovely cinematography and framing in this scene between Omega and Crosshair

Well that was brutal and heavy handed

A successful transfer? A successful transfer of what?

The “specimen” has a high M-count. So they’re force sensitive. Now for the speculation on who it is?

“You should not question my loyalty to science, Doctor.” LMAO bitch what?

Urgh, of course they’re killing the dog once it’s friendly

Ahahaha squished

Aw, she’s setting Batcher free but she doesn’t want to go. 

“I didn’t know you were so cruel, Omega.” Oh fuck right off

Piss weak attempt to help there Emerie

Hemlock getting his evil baddie laugh moment

Clever. Omega knows why she’s here.

Urgh, of course Hemlock would threaten Crosshair to get Omega to cooperate.

Re-education?!?!?! You sick fuck

“Actions always have consequences. Sometimes not in the ways we imagine.” I am really hoping that line comes back to bite him in the ass later on

Oh fuck off with bring back the doll Emerie. That is such a bait to try and get Omega to like her and behave

That’s 164 tally marks. Omega’s been on Mount Tantiss for 5 and a half months

Aw, Batcher made it out. And that’s the crashed shuttle from earlier that she’s howling on the top of. More foreshadowing?

[freddie-77-ao3]

Gonna use the ask box for this 🙃 ask 1/? (I have so many questions, though you have answered so many already)

What are your thoughts on Trials of Apollo, and the characters?

go ahead and keep asking!!! i love your questions!!

ANYWAY

gonna start smaller with characters:

lavinia: the jewish thing wasn't handled completely correctly (just a couple of small things there) but overall 10/10 character. i think she's hilarious and her official artwork ROCKS.

meg: i love her. she seems a little immature for twelve years old TO ME but i also had a... rather abnormal upbringing so that might explain the differences. overall she was a great character and i LOVE the demeter rep (my thoughts on how riordan treated demeter take five pages to clarify so-- basically) love seeing it-- demeter was a kronide and her kids should be treated as such! great character development. peaches was also hilarious (as was crotch-kicker mccaffrey)

lester: calling him lester to separate between godly apollo and post toa apollo. again, fantastic character development. he's so fucking funny. like he does some really dumb stuff at the start of the series (swearing to not use a musical instrument and stuff?? LESTER MAN CMON) his and meg's relationship is so sweet-- and kayla and austin with him? chefs kiss. love apollo kids getting some time with their dad.

jason: absolutely got fridged. i've already touched on my suicide theory so i won't go into that here but basically i think we shoulda seen jason similar to percy (very minor, doing his own thing behind the scenes) but alas.

piper: the shel thing was a bit sudden. don't get me wrong, i'm ALL for queer rep (i think there should be more of it in the books actually) but-- going straight from breaking up with jason to jason sacrificing himself for her to a relationship seems really unhealthy. i think she should have a chance to grow outside of a relationship.

reyna: joining the hunt was a bad end for her. since when was that an ambition of hers? she seemed genuinely happy in new rome and called it her home multiple times in HoO and going from that to the hunt? idk seems like rick doesn't know how to write characters NOT be in a relationship (piper, reyna, leo... they all get squared away)

leo: oh leo baby he didn't get to see jason before he died??? so heartbreaking. didn't belong in a relationship with calypso. the punching thing was weird when he came back to camp-- esp with a character who has a history of physical abuse

frank: i love the frank deciding his own fate thing but also idk seems like a cop out.

hazel: shouldn't have just become praetor i mean cmon. i love her but she's what, 14 now? no way.

Nico: FINALLY ONE OF THE CHARACTERS CANONICALLY GETS THERAPY. the doctors note is--

will: solangelo flirting is hilarious 10/10. "do you want to be my buddy?" "significant annoyance" i can't breathe. also poor will for putting up with apollo in the hidden oracle because i could not help my dad learn how to use the toilet i'm sorry but that shit is crazy.

malcolm: why is malcolm going to battle without pants on so funny to me i just-- 10/10 i love him.

connor: such a dumbass. the hair grafts 😭. i feel bad that travis isn't there and then communication lines go down like oh buddy :(

cecil: see me RUNNING with the knowledge cecil can cook

other small stuff:

love the waystation, always been my personal hc that there's more than just that one but that's for another post.

percabeth finally making it to college!!!

speaking of which AT WHAT TIME DID TRAVIS AND CLARISSE FILL OUT COLLEGE APPS THEY WERE AT WAR???? WHAT DO THEIR OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPTS LOOK LIKE???

the jackson-blofis family warms my heart <3

thoughts on the series as a whole?

i love it. definitely top three riordan series (tied with pjo and mcga)

i like that (like mcga) toa was more mature? like we finally see demigods with ptsd, we get queer characters, just... everything

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

TW: Doing really bad right now-ALL BECAUSE OF ANOREXIA, MY EXERCISE ADDICTION, AND MOST RECENT SUICIDE ATTEMPT!

I'm in so much pain from both my older and newer diagnosed physical conditions I just want to throw in the towel. On top of the full-body pain conditions, I can't enjoy a meal without the torture of my throat trauma from being intubated making me feel like I'm choking and like stuff's constantly stuck in my throat ALL DAY after my first meal. I can't cook a meal or do any chores without my wrist feeling like the hole in my ligament that I needed surgery for (and never got, yet continued to lift weights with for years like an idiot) is brand new, so I need to ice my wrist and back for hours after I cook (even with my husband's help). Also the spinal pain is getting worse and more extensive every damn day; obviously worse when I'm cooking because I'm standing, measuring, grabbing ingredients, etc. Food used to be my favorite thing- sure I starved, but when I ate it was the highlight of my day.. but now there's no more joy from food due to my throat issues and the pain from preparing it. Nothing gives me joy but the quality time my husband and I spend together and my cat- but the good times with my husband are limited because I'm always so miserable and he's sick of doing all the chores, so we argue a lot now.. and my cat is not as cuddly as our other super senior cat that died last year (my cuddle buddy and constant companion😔).

I know I did this to myself, but I didn't mean to. I just focused on getting my "perfect body" to distract myself from my actual life.. I was trying to (for several years literally) run from my sexual trauma/C-PTSD that was very emotional-abuse heavy, with broken family shit, physical and emotional bullying, etc. because I only started facing the fact that this trauma existed in 2010, and with no other way to cope with my sexual revulsion due to the facing of my trauma, exercise helped me feel better and get out frustrations. I was already psychologically disabled, and being denigrated for that by everyone in my family, I felt like I had nothing else to offer the world than what others have often referred to as my "beauty." (Note: I do not now or ever have considered myself beautiful- only others have) Now my stupid, excruciating as well as dumb way to obtain more so-called (and mainstream) "beauty" through overexercising and starvation has made it so I haven't showered for two days despite my OCD SCREAMING at me that I'm not clean, I'm filthy, I'm disgusting, etc., (more trauma-reactions) but due to my many excruciating physical disabilities I can't even get out of my damn recliner to shower more than a few times a week, when I used to shower up to 3 times a day.. and forget restful sleep- I wake up every few hours to change my ice pack and readjust my 6 pillows to help cushion my broken apart bones, lack of cartilage, damaged nerves, osteoarthritis, etc.

It's not worth it. I wish what I tried worked.. my life is only worth living now because if it ended my loved ones would suffer. I am only alive so I don't hurt the people who love me.

YOU CAN AVOID THIS FATE- if you plan on having a long term restrictive ED, and think that it's some "perfect solution" to be skinny forever, you're wrong. So wrong- I spent 13 years wasting my life to get the "perfect body," I was used as thinspo on here, praised for my tiny body, called "body goals," everything the pro anas on here claim to want. But you can only live that life for so long.. with my routine, the length of that particular life was 13 years (and that was pushing it). Now I am suffering more and more each day, with no relief in sight.

I will continue to post these reality checks- sure they're good for my need to vent my frustrations, but if just one person reads this and thinks twice, it has served a purpose beyond my ability to complain into the void of Tumblr.

Get help. You are never "not sick enough"- if you abuse your body in any way with food, exercise, or medication you deserve help.

You do not want this life. I gained all the weight back due to being so unintentionally immobile due to the damage anorexia/overexercising caused; the osteopenia from it definitely helped progress the degeneration of my spine and other bones, as the weight gain was aided by the complete destruction of any metabolism I had.. so now all I have is the triggering memories on Facebook, old pictures shared by family- most of whom do not know how much it hurts to see my sick pictures.. they all knew what was happening, but I've only confessed it to a few- they all make sure to talk about it behind my back though!🤬

Save yourselves from this. Save yourselves from a life much worse in EVERY WAY than not being "the skinniest girl in every room." 🙄

If you have any recovery questions or need help trying to recover, please reach out to me on any of my blogs- you're not alone.❤️

[asha-mage]

WoT S2 Premier - The Good, the Interesting, and the Messy

Now that I've had a chance to sleep on it and become half way coherent again, I want to say that I really really liked what their doing so far in season 2. You can see the seems of course, the places where COVID era production and changes had to shift things around, but the show is continuing it's central ethos of adapting the heart of the series and characters, even while having to shift the details to suit their limitations and medium, and that to me is far far more important then one-to-one accurate book scenes.

I don't have anything bad to say about the show, so instead I am going to split up my more general thoughts into three broad categories: The Good (stuff I adored), The Interesting (Things I'm very very curious to see where they are headed), and the Messy (the places where some of their working within limitations has created complex problems for further down the road, or might inform certain things more directly).

The Good

Every actor so far has knocked it out of the fucking park. I have to give special shout outs to Rosamund Pike, Joshua Stradowski, Zoe Robins, Natasha O'Keeffe, and Ceara Coveney for really clearly managing to convey the nuances and complexities of their characters in ways that just blow me away. The show's writing continues to get these characters on a fundamental level and every actor is turning in a performance that conveys their heart so well.

The visual look of the show still rules, but channeling especially has taken a huge step forward in how it's depicted. I didn't mind the way it looked in season 1 the way some did, but I appreciate that they've decided to hew to something closer to what the Darkhorse Comics did, especially as we have so many characters now trying to figure out how to actually channel the One Power.

I also like that we're seeing sharp differences already in the different groups channel, just visually. The Aes Sedai use sweeping graceful gestures, the damne sharp, short gestures, with little wasted energy, all clearly rehearsed as if drilled into the military style.

In other ways the visuals of the show, especially in it's art direction, also rule. The way Cairhien has a mix of Versailles era France and Han Era China in architecture and fashion. The way the Seanchan feel alien, strange, and other, and yet how key parts of their Empire's culture come through even as their conquering and destroying.

The use of the Texan/American accents hits the PERFECT balance I was hoping for to add to that level of strangeness. It's not heavy enough to be a joke, but it's so stark in comparison to everyone crisp vaguely European accents. On that note- the sheer brutality of the village's subjugation, this tiny nowhere village probably somewhere on Almoth Plane, just one ant being smushed by the huge fingers of the Empire. Talk about effective introductions.

The Interesting

I was admittedly a little skeptical of the choice ot have Rand working a asylum but having seen the show I'm glad I reserved judgement because it fits in perfectly with hie Messiah vibe. Here is the savior of the world, and is he staying in palaces and toppling cities? No (well not yet). He's spending his time caring for the sick and the mad, doing menial back breaking work for those society rejects and wants to forget. And of course, it's more complicated then simple altruism: Rand is being driven by his own fear of going mad, his own desire to know what he's facing, and yet that compassion still shines through.

I also really like that, since Rand can't be Lan trained in the show, they decided to do something very Jordan: take a classic trope (cooky wise old master) give it a shine of realism (he's got dementia and PTSD from being a vetran soldier) and dig at the humanity underneath (Rand is letting the old man train him as much to help the man as to learn the sword).

Liandrin is a character I'm shocked by how much I am enjoying her in the show. The decision to explore her depths more, to dig into her anger, her arrogance, her desire for control and power, is fascinating, and her relationship with Nynaeve and Egwene even more so. Her scene with Nynaeve where she gets Nynaeve to channel (an adaption of Siuan scene from the books) especially kicks ass. It's got the same fundamental point as the book: Nynaeve is limiting herself, holding herself back, but the show lets it be starker, crueler, because it IS Laindrin, not Siuan.

The choice to have Perrin be solo with the Shienarans, even if was basically forced on the writers by Barney Harris's departure. They don't waste any of that time, using it to explore Perrin's growing sense of isolation, his grief at Lalia, his relationship to Loial, and his growing fear of the wolves. I've always felt that Perrin, who is very introspective and quite, was the hardest of the main heroes to adapt, and the ways their bringing his conflict out and literalsing continue to be very smart.

The Messy

Some of the merges have caught me off guard, even though I knew they where coming. Elays and Hurin makes a great deal of sense. I have a strong fondness for Hurin, but I can admit he's an easy cut. It does raise the question though of how they are going to incorporate the element of noblesse oblige, which is an important part of how the series explores it's themes of government, nobility, responsibility, and duty. Of course, even if they had kept Hurin the party splitting means he'd probably be no where near Rand right now, so this was almost certainly the right choice.

Nynaeve's Acceptatron Test. Having sat with it, I still like it a lot, and I understand the choices they've made. I wish it had been a little bit more clear that her decision to go back in the final arch was her decision, having a scene of her forcing the arch to appear with the Power, but overall I think they had a good job otherwise. The first test was always going to have to be different since they've cut Aginor and Balthamel from the show, and the important part was Nynaeve choosing to go back over her own anger and desire for revenge, which they kept. The second arch probably would have required half the run time of the episode if they wanted to do it in full, so I don't mind them condensing it down, and again the important thing is that Nynaeve choose to leave the role of Wisdom behind for good, to seek the power to truly make a difference in the lives of those she cares about. The third arch is the big one, and the point of that sequence was always Nynaeve rejecting paradise in order to go back and protect those she loves. She is offered everything she could possibly want, but it isn't enough because her friends, those in her charge, are still at risk, and nothing has changed. She has to go back to save them, because that is the essence of who she is. The show takes the plank of showing that paradise would be hollow anyways, doomed to fall apart because the world needs Nynaeve, she is called to duty, and she can not reject it. It's....actually moment very reminiscent of Rand's Portal Stone journey/his arc in TGH which makes sense since they've always been parallel characters, and the closest thing to a male and female lead the series has.

Verin being merged with Vandene. This is one that it will take far more for me to decide on. On a very practical level it makes a lot of sense, but it has long term implications for Verin's arc in the series that wont be apparent for a very very long time. How will Adeleas factor into Verin's scheme? Does she know? Is she in on the plan to bring down the Black Ajah? Is she ignorant and Verin has been carrying this off in secret while her own sister had no idea? A lot of how this merger goes hinges on how those questions swing. Also, there is Adeleas's murder to consider. It's likely to be kept, but the circumstances being different, and Verin being Verin, the vengeance she seeks will likely be a great deal more dramatic and direct then what Vandene could do.

Past that though I mostly just have gushing and nitpicks, and far more gushing then nitpicking all things considered. Overall....another banger start. I probably liked the opening to season 1 a little bit better, but I suspect season 2 is going to go to some Interesting Places that I am Ready For.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Refuge (2023)

The best thing I can say about Refuge is that it has its heart in the right place. Though the evil in this horror film comes from Afghanistan, writer Ben Sztajnkrycer and director Renny Harlin really want to make it clear that not all Middle Easterners are terrorists and that the Afghan immigrants living in the United States are our friends. That’s admirable but it doesn’t make up for a lack of scares or a story you’ve seen so many times it’s more likely to put you to sleep than give you nightmares.

After a tour in Afghanistan, Sergeant Rick Pedroni (Aston McAuley) returns home after a strange incident. His wife, Kate (Sophie Simnett) hardly recognizes the quiet, cheerless man before her now. After sudden fits of violence, nightmares and events that can only be described as "supernatural", Kate reaches out to Ibrahim (Raza Jaffrey), an Imam at a nearby temple, for help.

Some trivia I read claims producer Gary Lucchesi was inspired by the 2017 National Geographic Article “Behind the Mask: Revealing the Trauma of War”, detailing a type of art therapy that has veterans use masks to express the way they feel on the inside. I was stunned to learn this because while watching, you’ll swear the mask therapy stuff is all made up. Every person we see at the clinic wears something that would be at home in one of the “Purge” movies, except for Rick, whose mask looks like a paper bag soaked in dirty water. The evil spirit possessing him eventually spreads to the clinic's other patients, making the guys already wearing creepy masks act creepy. I was going to criticize the film for doing the obvious thing… but the masks in the article are creepier than they aren’t, so it’s merely taking advantage of a real-life unsettling visual. If anything, that's a strength.

Continuing down this line, we can see why this film was made. We know soldiers come back from armed conflict with PTSD. Rick’s father, Sebastian (Jason Flemyng), still has nightmares and it’s been decades since he saw combat. The idea of your loved one returning as a different person is scary enough. What if what everyone assumes is PTSD is something even more serious? Something… satanic? That’s a good idea but unfortunately, the creativity stopped there. Everything in this film you’ve seen before and better. The demonic possession scenes aren’t shocking or frightening, they don’t showcase any new visuals, say anything interesting about the human psyche or reveal anything about what war does to people. The “exorcism” performed is pretty standard, with the key to defeating the wicked spirit being the kind of thing that makes you go “I guess that’s clever… but it also seems way too easy”.

I mentioned the film’s good intentions earlier. These are showcased primarily in the scenes with Ibrahim, his wife Rasha (Mila Lyutskanova) and their teenage son, Farid (Shervin Alenabi). There’s tension between the men because Farid has been getting into trouble. The police officer who keeps bringing him back home hasn’t been too subtle about his racist views. Farid is fed up with the hate he encounters. When Kate comes to them for help, Farid sees her as just another white woman who didn’t care about them until she needed their help. He thinks the evil spirit isn't their problem. Ibrahim wants to help and his wife is like “Well, is helping these people you don’t know really worth it?” For the wife of an Imam, she’s not very sympathetic, particularly this isn't some charity handout she's asking for, it's an exorcism. The best thing I can say about those scenes is that their heart is in the right place. It doesn’t make them any less clichéd.

The performances in Refuge are not strong but in the actors’ defense, the material they’ve working with is forgettable. Writer Ben Sztajnkrycer doesn’t have a lot of credits to his name but he's been working on feature-length films since 2006. As for directory Renny Harlin, it's time to accept he’s not the same director who made Die Hard 2 anymore. Among its many flaws, Refuge isn’t scary and even when it’s genuine, it feels phony. (October 2, 2024)

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Be Panda, Do Soft-Style

You know this guy?

I love this guy. Eh catches cannon balls and doesn't afraid of anything (it's an older meme, sir, but it checks out), except PTSD and low self-esteem. That's my Panda.

OK. So let's talk about negative emotions, pain, and crippling anxiety.

No! Ha-ha, well, okay, maybe a little.

Some of us like movies and TV because their sameness is comforting, they teach us valuable lessons, and they don't judge us if we have to go back and watch something again because we didn't understand - or just 'cos we like seeing it again, and we're having a parasocial relationship with everyone in it. And some of us need movies and TV for those same reasons. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less, but real-life people aren't going to be patient enough to help us learn the hard stuff, and we know that, so we stick with movies and TV. Society tends to label people like that, people like me, as autistic. Not always, but it's getting better at catching and labelling the behaviour.

So when I need help with a big concept, something super hard, I go running to movies, TV, and stories or metaphors of all kinds. That's the easiest way for me to learn and understand, but most of us like learning that way. At least a little.

So, let's talk about my Panda pal's kung fu.

Po fights dragon style, which is a soft style. Soft styles are more about seeing where the energy is coming from and redirecting it. Tigress, who is hard-style to her core, will punch a brick wall until she busts right through it. Po will just go, "Hey, there's a door! You guys? Door over here!" walk through, and maybe poke his head back out and ask, "You need anything while I'm in here? Okay. Cool." Soft style requires you to slow down enough, and be smart and patient enough, to find that door.

All kung fu is valid!

(I love you, Tigress! You can punch me anytime!)

But not all kung fu is appropriate for every situation. You punch through a cannonball, it explodes, and you get very badly injured or die.

I see a lot of stuff on Tumblr about people trying to punch through their pain, anxiety, and negative feelings. I don't like you, anxiety. I don't like you, depression. I don't need you. You're not real. You're a little bitch. I will defeat you. I will get better and better at defeating you, and you will go away FOREVER! DIEEEE!

It's my first instinct too! I don't want these things, they are hurting me, I want them to go away. If I were strong, I could just break through. Normal people break through these things like they're nothing (*bing!* I've just added another layer of wall, "I'm broken, I'm weak," to what I've already been failing to punch through). If I just keep pushing (adding more layers to the wall every time my punch fails to defeat it) I will get stronger, and better, and I will feel nothing!

"Is that what you want?" Oogway might say to Shifu, his student who insists on learning (and teaching) everything the hard way. "To feel nothing? That sounds rather sad to me."

"No! I want to get rid of these bad feelings so I can make good ones! I want to feel happy, and loved, and secure! I want self-confidence!"

"My poor friend is still holding a peach," the turtle might say, "and trying to force it to become an apple. And then, when he has done the impossible, he thinks he may deserve self-confidence."

"I can throw this peach at the wall, and destroy it, and go find an apple!"

The turtle laughs. "Then you will have made quite a mess! And when you return with your apple, you may find the peach pit you have abandoned has grown into another tree, with many more peaches for you to throw. But perhaps there is a better way." And he would pick a peach, and eat it, like turtles do, slowly, but without mercy, until it's all gone, even the pit, and walk away. "It was not bad, a little bitter. I think next, I will eat a dumpling."

My boi can catch a cannonball because he doesn't go after it hard-style. He takes it head-on, holds it in his furry little arms, and redirects it. He's not super great at getting it where he wants it to go, not at first, and it does set him on fire, but he's still alive!

"You know, this doesn't feel great, but dealing with your trauma and post-traumatic stress is a process! My fist hungers... for self-care! Ow!"

He does, eventually, get better at it (quickly, because we only have about 90 minutes to tell this story) and not every hit lands, but when one does, he holds it for a second, aims, and lets go. He does not punch, he does not try to stop that sucker cold, he holds it, deals with it, and lets it go. And once he figures out what he's doing, it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. He has fun. Po's not the Fun Police, if he's having fun, he accepts that too. Yep, okay, this could kill me, but it looks so cool! Let's have fun while it lasts! Ladies, gentlemen and others, I present: soft style.

Even if your brain behaves itself perfectly, in your life, you are gonna hit walls. Some of 'em won't slow you down. But when one does, the first thing you gotta do is acknowledge the fact that there is a WALL here. I know you don't want the wall, but there it is. It doesn't matter whether it belongs there, you don't have to justify it. Insulting it and interrogating it won't make it not be there. That irritating AOL voice yelling "You've got wall!" will not go away until you acknowledge receipt of your wall. Okay. I've got wall. I don't have to like it, but here it is. It is here.

(This is what they mean when they say "your emotions are valid," they're just insecure and trying to sound professional.)

Now what?

(OK, but assuming we don't have a flame-proof cartoon butt and a destiny.)

First: Don't punch the wall. Ah-ah-ah! Back up! How hard could it be to not do something? you think. This'll be easy! It's incredibly hard to comply with a negative. Don't read this. Yeah. Now don't think of a solid white zebra. ... ... ... Yeah. Ka-POW! Ouch! Why does that hurt? I'd better punch it again and figure it out!

Stop. Redirect. Since we're using a wall metaphor here, you gotta go sideways. (Indeed, given enough time, all things shall become crab.) If there were a door right in front of your face, you'd see it. Forwards is not an option right now. Be a good little crustacean and pick a new direction. This is also how one extricates one's self from a riptide - people die because it's counterintuitive. You want to be back on the beach, why would you swim towards more ocean? Attacking the obstacle at its strongest point will not get you where you wanna go any faster than looking for a way around. In fact, sometimes, it won't get you there at all.

Are you still, intermittently, thinking of a solid white zebra? Like, what would that even look like? How would I know it's not just a white horse? Well, if you weren't before you are now. OK. So every time that zebra comes back, think of a solid white peacock with a tragic backstory.

(I know he's not solid white, I'm just being silly. Forgive me.)

If you take a step towards the sexy (but still extremely evil and genocidal) peacock, you are moving sideways. If you keep it up, you'll get a little distance, a little perspective, and when you have enough room to stop banging your head like a stubborn moth, maybe you'll be able to see a door in the wall... Or some convenient fireworks, who knows? Maybe you do have a destiny. Then, you'll be able to go through.

...Though it may be a squeeze, and you might not end up exactly where you thought you wanted to go.

(Oh, no, stairs!)

Or maybe you'll end up someplace even better and more surprising.

"You just wanted to see the tournament? Well, now you're the Dragon Warrior. Have fun with that."

But, again, this is a skill that takes practice. Every time you manage to stop or head sideways instead of banging into the wall is a victory. Eventually, you will get better at it.

I mean, you know, I've heard.

(This is me. I wanna be Po, but it's just my nature to fight hard and make everything harder. Maybe one of these days I'll accept that, and stop fighting my nature and making it harder, but I wouldn't bet on it.)

Doctors and mental health professionals will tell you, most pain is anxiety. Part of that is the simple physical fact that when you tense up and struggle, it hurts more. Some things can be fought hard style, and some things can't. Slow down, take your time, feel the flow - and then you can decide whether to go with it, go against it, or go around.

For example, I was having serious anxiety because, right when I got up, a lot of things were going wrong, and needed attention, and I couldn't fix them all, or even one. So I let someone I trust give me a little help, and I wrote a little mental health article with my friend, the Panda. Maybe I'll find a way to go forward in a little while, or maybe not yet, but I already feel a little better.

(Even this guy smiles once in a blue moon.)

Thanks to the Kung Fu Panda Wiki for hosting most of the images I needed. And if you "like" this content, reblog it 'cos I'm trying to get known around here. That goes for just about everyone else, too.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi there! I hope you guys are doing well.

I've been a questioning system on and off for the past long while, and was just wondering - is it normal to feel like it's difficult to think about? Not in an anxiety or "I don't want to think about it" way, but in a "I want to think about it and understand better but it feels like there is a physical barrier in my brain preventing me from thinking about it too hard or reaching out to any potential headmates?" It's starting to get really frustrating.

It takes a lot of concentration and effort to be able to reach out, and when I am able to, I rarely get responses, and they're normally just one-word replies where it's almost hard to tell if I got a reply at all or if I'm just psyching myself out.

I was just wondering if y'all had any advice or thoughts? Is this normal? Does this mean anything? I don't know what to do, or if I'm actually a system at all (I have all of the symptoms of PDID but can't tell if it's actually PDID or just a compound of a bunch if other symptoms from other stuff) and I'm really lost. Any advice that any of y'all have would be monumentally helpful.

Also, I just wanted to say thank you for the amount of resources y'all have on this blog. I've found so many of them so helpful, so, just, thank all of you so much. I hope y'all have a wonderful day :)

Hi! The short answer to your question is yes, this is very normal, especially for systems with dissociative disorders or those who have dissociative barriers between headmates.

Our host also seriously struggled to establish and build contact and communication between us at first - and that’s even just with our established core fronting group! It took a lot of effort, patience, and work in therapy for us to reach the level of communication we have today. Even now, there are quite a few alters in our system who many of us do not have access to. At this point, we’ve learned to take things slow and try not to rush to bring down those barriers. We’re focusing on moving forward a little bit at a time, and that’s honestly been quite effective for us!

We’d encourage you, if you haven’t already, to start journalling, and encourage other potential parts, alters, or headmates to write in the journal as well. Even if you can’t get in touch with them, reminding yourself that the journal is for everyone and leaving it in an easily accessible place might allow your headmates to start expressing themselves and attempt to get to know each other even if y’all aren’t able to contact each other well inside just yet.

We also have this post on establishing contact with headmates - maybe it’ll be helpful for y’all?

Please don’t stress too much if no one writes in the journal or you don’t hear back from any headmates straight away. Again, this process takes plenty of time and patience! Honestly we’d say give it a few months of attempts before you start to grow discouraged. Also, having access to a qualified therapist who you trust can be immensely beneficial for getting through to headmates, especially at first!

And if it turns out you’re not actually a system, remember that’s okay!! That is totally fine. You mentioned PDID, which means you might have PTSD or C-PTSD, both of which often come with dissociation as a symptom or trauma response. So as long as you’re prioritizing your health and getting the help you need, to us, that’s definitely most important!

We’re wishing you the best of luck with figuring this out. Feel welcome to reach out to us again if you need any more help in the future! We’re not experts or professionals, but we’re more than happy to help with advice and resources to the best of our ability.

🌸 Margo and 🖋 Cecil

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

*crawls out of a swamp, hands you a paper that says "11, 16, 66, and 77 but you choose the fic" then gets dragged back in by vines*

*slaps herself on the forehead with the paper* the only ask I got out of this and I fucking forgot about it

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

But like my fics or the fics I'm reading? I'll go with the second option and rec some good stuff bc it's too hard to pick from my own stuff

First, two Prospect works from my prospie besties, both AUs, both brilliant!

At Your Service by @skoulsons - modern AU where 15 year old Cee starts working at a restaurant and their best employee, Ezra, takes her under his wing (and not only during work hours). Lots of angst and lots of love - and you get to see how restaurants work! How cool is that!

without you, without them by @channelrat - this AU is more in-world and poses a question: what if Ezra knew Cee's mom? What if they were best friends? It's so exciting to follow Cee as she uncovers her family's history and learns more about her mom

The third one is a Hunger Games fic that I've been following for quite some time and I can't wait for another chapter

Long Way Out by lollercakes - a story following the ups and downs (and mental breakdowns) of the relationship between Katniss and Haymitch. It's heavy, it's brutal at times, deals with depression, PTSD, alcoholism, suicidal thoughts and rage (to name a few) but ultimately it's a story about how two broken people can keep each other from falling apart because they are both too damn stubborn to let each other go.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Realistically? Two. There's more saved in my docs but I'm not being pulled to start them or finish what is started already. One I can share, the one I'll probably be working on next, is a little extra scene for The Bad Batch series finale, where everyone gets a moment to breathe and take care of each other as they fly away from their final battle.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

Pressure to update? Deadlines? It's easy to deal with when you're convinced no one is reading your shit lol but seriously, I try to take it easy now. I used to work like a machine (still do sometimes), but not because I knew someone was waiting, but because there were so many ideas in my head that I just wanted to be done with the current one so I can start the next. I didn't want to lose any of them. These days I try to tell myself "there is no deadline". Fics don't have deadlines. You release them when you feel like they're ready, you work on them when you have time and energy to do so.

And as readers, we should know and respect that. I'm also a reader who's waiting for updates on her beloved fics - written both by strangers and by friends. But no matter how much I want to read what happens next, I won't pressure them to update. When they're ready and the story is ready, then I'll get to read it.

As for negative comments? I rarely get them, the ones I did were from fandom trolls that were pressed about stupid bullshit, or it was straight up AI generated comment. What I do? Read, delete, never think of it again.

77. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter?

These two bits from The Art of Letting Go

Because it's so angsty!!! We see Hunter and Omega argue in the show but never to this extent! It never turns into a fight! I cried writing those. But it felt so good!

Thank you for the ask! Sorry you had to wait so long.

[ley-med]

Hi!!! I need some advice from you or other doctors/med students. I just have a few exams left till the end of med school but I just. Can’t. Study. Anymore. It’s making me want to throw up. I hate it so much. I open the book and I’m just like 😭😭😭. And the worst thing is that after I’m done with med school I will STILL have to study. Till I die. And I currently just don’t want to study ever again. I feel like it’s sucking all the life out of me. So if someone here ever felt like that, I would greatly appreciate some words of wisdom haha

Oh sweetheart, I feel you! And I assure you, most of us had been here, and still succeeded against all odds. I'm sure others will have some advice too :)

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how I passed my last exams, I was also suffering from a very heavy case of "I can't study"-ness (and apparently also undiagnosed ADHD, not helping my case). What worked for me (kinda), I took breaks pretty often. Might seem counterproductive, but it's better if you do something fun/relaxing/anything else for an hour and then study effectively for half an hour, than suffering through that one and a half hour without getting any studying done... Eat well, do sports, and sleep enough! And then, just take a deep breath, and suck it up, force yourself trough the material. Pure force of will. And my favourite motivational pinterest quote: "the quickest way out is trough". (You can't imagine how many times I repeated this sentence like a mantra in my head, instead of actually studying, naturally)

And it's important to remember, you are at the end of med school. You know way more than you believe. If your school is anything like mine, most of these exams will test you on stuff you've already learned once (or twice or thrice etc). You need to freshen it up, definitely, but you already have most of the knowledge you need to pass.

Believe me, I know the feeling that you think about the future and you want to throw up because of all the studying you will have to do after med school. Hell, I'm still in my "school? never again" phase. (I might have slight PTSD from med school... But yeah, we are talking about you and not me here. Anyway.) First off, you will most probably have some time off after finishing med school and before starting your first doctor job. Hide all the medical books from view! If you have a few months, by the end of it you might even be able to read more than a page of a non-science-related book you actually enjoy! But joking aside, time off after med school really works wonders. It's absolutely necessary for your sanity and survival, and it will help regain some of your motivation.

Second off, studying after med school is much more fun! If anyone told me this, I definitely wouldn't have believed them, but it's true. Now I have to study things I'm interested in, things I care about. I see it put to work in day to day life, hell, I use it in day to day life. Never thought I would say this, but studying now is (mostly) fun. I'm starting to remember that I used to like studying, that I'm curious about the world around me... So to summarize, it gets better. It's still studying, sometimes it's still an "I don't wanna" chore, but when the difference between studying or not can literally and actually make the difference between a patient's life or death, that terror makes for a pretty fucking great motivation. And when you studied something and then use it in your work the next week? Amazing feeling.

So hang in there. You got this far already, you can do this! It's going to hurt all the way, but you are going to be standing there on the other side victorious, so just puff out you chest and keep going until you get there.

Best of luck with your exams!

[avaantares]

(yet another) rant: Please stop with the frivolous Trigger Warnings

(Note: If you want to skip the recipe blog intro and get to the actual important stuff, scroll down to the header that says, "Which Warning to Use on Your Post")

Sooo I made a text post that had a few words in capital letters mixed in for effect (the rest of the text was in standard formatting). Someone reblogged it with the tags "tw: all caps" and "tw: capital letters."

The existence of these tags, specifically in the form of a trigger warning, struck me as weird. I mean, I can see why someone might be uncomfortable with an all-caps text block, if they've dealt with abusive/angry capslocked emails or something, and I can see how large blocks of capitalized text could be difficult to read, and some users might prefer to avoid them. But...

Limited capitalization as emphasis (e.g. dropping OH WAIT in the middle of otherwise lower-case text to indicate a shift in tone) does not present the same issues as a solid block of capslocked text;

I have not encountered this tag in the plethora of posts that employ the meme/joke format of subverting standard case usage or alternating case (yes, the SpongeBob meme is a thing with an actual academic definition, and it also predates the existence of SpongeBob by some decades); and

Most importantly, while formatting definitely affects user experience and can be worth tagging for that reason, I wouldn't have escalated it to the level of a trigger, which is a term with a pretty specific definition:

The concept of ‘triggering’ describes the re-experiencing of unpleasant PTSD symptoms such as intrusive thoughts being evoked by exposure to materials which spark traumatic memories. Hence, content warnings have a long presence in psychiatric literature. [source: Typology of content warnings and trigger warnings: Systematic review]

(Full disclosure for anyone who hasn't already learned from reading my rants: I have a background in behavior science, so I'm all about scientific definitions and correct application of same.)

But I thought that maybe I was misinterpreting what was being tagged, and I like learning what I should tag in future posts, so I thought I'd look deeper into those tags and see if I was missing something.

Welp. It sure was educational.

Turns out there are established "trigger warnings" on Tumblr for all of the following (not a comprehensive list; these are just the ones I also saw when scrolling through the caps tags, since many of those posts had more than one thing tagged):

any text with two or more capital letters in sequence

any text in italics

any text underlined

any text in boldface

any text in a font other than the default

any text in a color other than the default (as well as tags for each individual color)

images in black and white

images in color (how dare color exist)

images with... subjectively brighter? colors

images without ALT text

posts containing emoji

and my favorite entry, which for obvious reasons I can't describe by the content it's supposedly protecting us from:

"tw just in case"

O_o

So... where to even begin.

I guess I'll get the promised rant out of the way (for those of you who prefer to stay positive, skip ahead two paragraphs): It's no wonder that much of society mocks the very concept of trigger warnings, when they're used this... I have to come right out and say frivolously. Heck, even I'm having trouble taking the greater Tumblr community seriously right in this moment, and I've been part of it for *mumble* years and practically live here. Who in the academic/corporate/entertainment/quote-unquote real world is going to honor a request for content warnings when they see that the """kids these days""" consider italicized text a psychological trigger they need to be protected from? And you can just imagine some dudebro saying, "Wow, these special snowflakes are so fragile they're even traumatized by seeing color, lulz. We should see what really freaks them out!" ...and that won't end well.

The obvious rebuttal to that point is to argue that these tags aren't intended for use by the outside world, most of which already thinks Tumblr died years ago. Not that this has ever stopped Twitter and Reddit and Facebook users from screenshotting Tumblr posts to claim ownership of mock before, but honestly the extra-Tumblr world is the less important concern here, so I won't labor that point. The more immediate issue is how this affects Tumblr users, the Tumblr community, and the experience we're all so proud of being able to curate for ourselves.

The critical point is this: Tags exist for Tumblr users to find things of interest and avoid things they don't want to see. Warnings exist for Tumblr users to protect themselves. Conflating the two can cause not only confusion, but the opposite of the desired effect of being able to curate your experience.

Please note that it is not wrong to tag any of the things listed above. By all means, tag everything in your post! Tag away! Tag your text formatting and images and colors! Use that whole tag space so people can find/not find your content as desired! But none of these things should be categorized as trigger warnings. Trigger warnings, content warnings, and tags are all separate things, and should be used appropriately so people know what to look for/avoid in a post.

Now, you may well ask: Why do the semantics matter? If something's tagged, why does it matter how it's tagged? Isn't it better to warn people about anything and everything that they might possibly not like?

For those affected by PTSD, trauma, phobias, anxiety, psychosis, optically-sensitive medical conditions, etc., being able to trust tags -- and the community's overall reliability where they are concerned -- can be critical to their health and well-being. When the community's tags become imprecise, sloppy, or unspecified -- for example, when people start throwing tags like "tw just in case" on their posts instead of actually describing what is in the post -- it becomes unpleasant or even dangerous for those people to exist in that community. And although doubtless well-intentioned, the kind of overzealous helicopter tagging that labels things like text formatting or the presence of emoji as a trigger does two things: First, it can confuse filters and sandbag search results (for search purposes, tags are treated like a word bank, rather than individual line items). Second, it fosters a general lack of regard for real, life-threatening triggers. If Tumblr users get used to seeing every tiny little thing called out as a "trigger" -- trigger warning, there's a picture of a bird in this post! trigger warning, I can't spell so there's probably a word misspelled in this post! trigger warning, someone used a heart emoji in this post! trigger warning, here's a photo with the color orange in it! trigger warning, there's a banana in this post! Self image trigger warning, I'm having the worst hair day, lol! j/k! -- then subconsciously, "trigger warning" becomes synonymous with "lots of things random people find mildly annoying, so tag stuff if you happen to think of it" instead of "a few important things we should be diligent about tagging because someone's life might quite literally depend on it."

I know categorizing tags can be confusing, and in recent years there hasn't been much consistency in usage on Tumblr, so here's a cheat sheet to help you decide what warnings to use (and to be clear, I didn't make these up; these are sourced from academic literature and teaching guides, and were -- back in the Olden Days -- also more widely used on Tumblr.)

For a more thorough description of the most common types of content to post warnings about, see this PDF.

Which Warning to Use on Your Post:

Trigger warning (TW): Used to denote content that may trigger a PTSD episode, a severe psychological reaction, or a physiological reaction due to a medical condition (e.g. epilepsy). Broadly speaking, this warning is intended to mitigate risks that may exist because of a viewer's personal experience and/or medical status. Examples of things that should be tagged TW: sexual violence; child abuse; flashing gifs

Content warning (CW): Used to denote sensitive material that may make viewers uncomfortable or upset, or that some viewers may prefer not to see, but not necessarily invoke a traumatic personal experience. Broadly speaking, this warning is concerned with a viewer's comfort level. This can include general concepts (e.g. discussion of homophobia) as well as specific instances (e.g. use of homophobic language). Examples of things that should be tagged CW: racism; nudity; death

Descriptive tags (not warnings): Used to describe the content of a post, without value judgment, so that it is searchable and/or avoidable. (And also to write rambling comma-free essays, because Tumblr is just Like That. But that's a whole separate thing.) Examples of things that can be (generally) tagged: the themes or topics being discussed; black and white images; capitalized text; insects; the color green; memes; rainbows; digital art; literally anything else that appears in your post

Can people still dislike/be upset by things that aren't on a broadly-accepted TW/CW list? Absolutely. But that's not quite the same as a trigger, and that's why we also have general tags.

Here's an example of the difference between disliking or being triggered by content (source: "The right way to use a Trigger Warning," emphasis mine):

Trigger Warnings are here to prevent people who have experienced traumatic experiences to be exposed to something that might trigger a physical and/or mental reaction. Trigger is the key word here. “Trigger*” is used to talk about PTSD and mental illness. “Triggered” and “offended/upset” are not the same concept. I can be upset if I see a picture of a beautiful cake because I cannot bake, but it won’t trigger a post-traumatic reaction. 

You aren't going to be able to anticipate every single person's likes and dislikes, phobias, emotional associations, and so on. There's a temptation to try to cover every base imaginable, but that's actually... less than helpful. Actively unhelpful, in some cases. In addition to the reasons I cited earlier, here's an example of how "I'll tag it just in case someone doesn't like a thing" warnings can be confusing:

Let's say I have two followers: WingHater96 has a deep phobia of butterflies, while ButterSuperFly78 adores butterflies. Tagging a post "butterflies" helps them both navigate my feed more efficiently: WingHater96 can block the entire "butterfly" tag, while ButterSuperFly78 can search for it.

However, let's say I tagged that post in the form of a warning like "tw: butterflies" and hid it below a Read More just in case someone following me didn't like butterflies. WingHater96 would still have that post blocked, because it contains the word "butterfly" in the tag. It would also still appear in ButterSuperFly78's search results for the same reason -- the presence of the warning doesn't affect search results at all. But when ButterSuperFly78 sees the warning tag, they might now be confused about whether the post is full of pretty butterfly photography (which they would like to see), or if maybe the reason I put a warning on it is because it's about butterflies being harmed, because why else would you warn someone about butterflies when they're the best things ever? But wait, does OP know that they're the best things ever? Is the warning there because OP secretly hates butterflies?? Do they need to unfollow OP now because they're a butterfly-hater??? and ButterSuperFly78 would not know whether to view the post or scroll past until they psychoanalyze me to determine my personal feelings on butterflies.

Adding the warning provided zero additional benefit for the person who already had the tagged thing blocked, but it caused additional problems for the person actively seeking out that thing.

Obviously this is a bit exaggerated (...though, speaking from experience, only a bit), but it's a lot more efficient to just list the things that are in a post in the tags without framing them as warnings. That way, people with different likes and dislikes can curate their own experience more easily, and know to take trigger and content warnings more seriously when they DO appear.

-

TL;DR Trigger warnings exist to help people avoid PTSD or adverse psychological/physiological reactions. Casually throwing the word "trigger" in front of things that are not triggers makes people stop taking the need for warnings seriously, and can confuse people trying to curate their Tumblr experience. Reserve TW and CW for actual triggers/sensitive content and use standard tags for other things.