#and so i feel at one with him even though my psychosis is from my bipolar which i got from my biological mother

[cowchickenbeefpork]

*bashes my head in*

Gotham (2014-2019) ll The Art Teacher by Rufus Wainwright

[grahamkennedy]

what do you think gerry was like as a kid? I don't imagine 60s ireland was kind to him

I think, the way Carla talks about it at least, and I imagine he spoke a lot to her about Ireland, that it was good and bad. I think he loved the countryside. He got along well enough with his 9 siblings, especially his sisters. His mother was strict and a little scary, his father was a little more loose and very humourous. And he got along better with his father, who had the habit of jumping up to tap street signs when they went down the main street and quoting radio plays out of context at dinner until he got dagger eyes from his wife (this is 100% projecting, this is exactly what my grandparents were like).

He knew there was something different about him from a young age and with Catholicism so all encompassing I definitely feel that would've really made him feel ill at ease, but even though he wasn't a manly man, he was precocious and theatrical enough that he got along well with the other boys and no one cottoned on to his queerness except him.

He definitely got in trouble a lot, but he didn't suffer some of the abuse other young boys received. There's a great Dylan Moran quote (know me for long enough and you'll understand I basically worship the ground that man walks on) about the fact he perhaps thought some of his classmates were getting abused, but he thought he was spared because he was just too loud and unruly and a lot of the covert violence, especially sexual violence, in Catholic Ireland was perpetrated against victims who were easier to keep quiet. I think that was definitely Gerry's experience as well.

I think he left rural Ireland for Dublin before he had the chance to finish high school, and one day he saw a flyer advertising work for cruise ship entertainers and never looked back. He does cruise work mostly, and spends his downtime in continental Europe, until he meets Carla and that is that.

[shadow-bender]

.

[burntoutdaydreamer]

3 Steps to Improve Your Characters and Make Them Three-Dimensional

So I don’t have a process for creating/developing characters (to me the process is intuitive to the point where I wouldn’t even know how to explain it), but I do have a process for revising characters that just… fall flat, for whatever reason. 

I like to get to know my characters by throwing them into a bunch of different situations and seeing how they react, but sometimes that’s not enough. In these cases I need to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to make them not feel like a cardboard caricature of the role I need them to fill. Here’s the process I use, and it involves three key questions to understand what makes your character tick.

1) What is this character’s fundamental belief- either about the world or themself?

2) Where does this belief come from?

3) How does this belief hinder them, and are they capable of growing past it?

Alright, here’s what the process looks like in action. 

Let’s say I have a character I need to flesh out for my story.

Character A is a middle aged coffee shop owner and the protagonist of her story. The central conflict of the story revolves around trying to save the family run coffee shop she inherited from her father when he passed away, which has recently fallen on hard times.

What is this character's fundamental belief?

Character A believes that the world is an inherently good and fair place. She believes that good is always rewarded and bad is always punished, even if the timing isn't always perfect. As such, she strives to live a virtuous life, putting as much good into the world as she possibly can. While she understands that even good people can face hard times, she believes that in the long term, if things don't work out, it'll be because she didn't put in the work needed to turn things around.

Where does this belief come from?

Character A grew up in a solidly middle class household with good parents that treated her well- rewarding her for good work, and fairly punishing her for misdeeds. Her parents gave her everything she needed, but also expected her to work hard for the things she wanted. She also had the experience of watching her father build a successful business through hard work and by building strong connections with the people in town. If we want to push this further, we could also say that this belief was reaffirmed by watching her brother ruin his own life, squandering all his money and goodwill with those around him on failed get-rich-quick-schemes and outright scams that landed him in jail.

How does this belief hinder them, and are they capable of growing past it?

Let's say that Character A recently hired a barista who seems perfect for the job. Strapped for help, she gets him started right away before getting the results of his background check. When the results come in, she finds out that he is on probation and was recently released from jail for a violent crime. Shocked, she fires him. Believing that people who end up in jail always deserve it, she can't see past her initial prejudices. As a result, her coffee shop suffers from the loss of her new star barista.

Some time goes on, and Character A encounters the barista again, and learns more about the circumstances that landed him in jail (maybe he was falsely convicted, maybe he was battling psychosis, maybe the violent act was done to prevent a loved one- anything that makes her question her initial assumptions). He then confesses that he is struggling to provide for himself and his family because no one will hire him because of his criminal record. Character A comes to realize that her belief isn't completely true, and that the world isn't entirely fair. Though it takes a lot of inner work to do so, including coming to terms with her privilege, she eventually accepts this, and revises her beliefs. She decides that even though the world isn't fair, people have the responsibility to make it fair.

She decides to re-hire the barista she fired. After doing everything she can to make things right with him, she proposes an idea she wants his help with. Together, they transform her family business into a joint coffee shop and community rehabilitation center. In addition to selling coffee, they also launch a program to provide resources to recently incarcerated individuals looking to reenter society. They'll host weekly events on job interview coaching, alcoholics anonymous, motivational speeches, group therapy, opportunities to connect with open-minded employers, and more. Their promotion of this new program enables them to secure funding from local patrons and public grants, and customers are willing to pay for more expensive coffee with the knowledge that that money will be put to good use.

Additionally, if we want to go with the brother in jail backstory, we could have this ending be an opportunity for her to reconnect with him and maybe even repair their relationship as she gets to see him in a new light.

Main Takeaways

And there you have it!

You can use this process on any character- protagonist, antagonist, side character, etc. By grounding your character's motivations and development in their beliefs, you can easily introduce depth and internal conflict while keeping everything connected to the themes and plot driving your story.

Depending on your character's role or your story's plot, the belief can be wide reaching and complex (such as a philosophy or ideology), or specific and personal (such as having to do with their self-esteem). Either way, it should always be tied to their personal experiences or observations. This doesn't necessarily mean a tragic backstory. It could be, but I encourage you not to make this your default way of creating character depth. A mundane but grounded and sincere motivation will always be more compelling than cheap, dark shock factor.

Generally, protagonists with happy endings and villains with successful redemption arcs are capable of moving past their beliefs, while tragic heroes and antagonists aren't, and this failure is usually the source of their downfall. Keep in mind that even if characters do move past their old beliefs, it will always be a difficult thing to do. It will require them to confront their own mistakes, biases, and emotional wounds, and require both internal and external work in order to fix whatever their old beliefs have damaged.

Hopefully this guide will help you approach your characters from a different perspective. Feel free to share any insights.

Happy writing y'all!

[reiderwriter]

could you write a fic with a fem reader where spencer’s going through withdrawal and he’s being like snappy and stuff when she’s just trying to help? idk if that makes sense?

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I'm sorry it took me so long ㅠㅠ I hope this is everything you were looking for!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid × GN! reader

Warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of addiction in the family, and spoilers for Season 2 of Criminal Minds.

You can check out my masterlist here!

In comparison with the other members of the BAU, you had the most experience with recovery. So you knew that it wasn't easy. Spencer Reid didn't. 

The moment you'd noticed him stepping out on the team, spending more time isolated and with a shorter temper, you knew. Tobias Hankel had only tortured Spencer for a day, but he was still inside him even months later. 

The day you realised he was using, you moved yourself into his apartment. 

“Hi,” you said as he opened the doors, bleary-eyed from whatever hit he just dealt himself. “My apartment flooded, and I had nowhere else to go.” 

Spencer Reid would always help others before he helped himself. It took a few more hours to broach the discussion of the drugs, but when you did get him to give in, you could feel the weight flowing off his shoulders. 

“I can't get his face out of my mind. The drugs, they help. And I know they're not really helping, but it's like I'm not strong enough to care.” He'd broken down into tears, placed his supply on the tables in front of you  and picked open the wound that had never fully healed properly. 

Step one to recovery was accepting you needed help. Step two was harder. 

Slowly decreasing his intake until he was free of the drug. Watching him for any negative reactions in the field and at home, dealing with the underlying trauma. 

You had to talk to Hotch about it, of course. But he knew about your father, and to a certain extent, you knew about his. A single shared look was enough for you both to agree that Spencer needed everyone's support. 

So you dropped him off at his meetings. You picked him up afterwards. You watched him in the field for any mention of addiction and drug-related psychosis that could lead him down a dark path of what ifs. 

You held his hand. You kissed his head. You were there. 

Even when he tried to show you he didn't deserve it. 

“Spencer,” you'd started the conversation trying to get his attention, knowing from the far away look that he was missing the numbness that came with the high. 

“Spencer, you look tense. Are you okay?” He'd whipped his head around at the words, a scowl on his face. 

“You don't need to hover over me like I'm a child, Y/N.” 

“I want to know that you're okay.” You said back, pouring yourself a glass of water to calm yourself again. Sometimes, Spencer made every little question an attack, and you had to learn to dodge the blows.

“I can take care of myself.”

“I want to take care of you.” Your calm reply had him angrier though, as he snorted with a single reply. 

“Like you took care of your dad? That worked out so well, didn't it.” 

Ten years and any mention of the man who had raised you still had you freezing in shock. You almost didn't notice when your glass tumbled to the ground, to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

It was almost as if the crash woke Spencer up from his stupor, his gaze growing regretful as he stood and approached you quickly. 

With a hand and a shake of a head, you stopped him, though.

“Let me clear the large pieces on my own. I don't want you to get hurt.” Kneeling, you did just that, picking out recognisable edges and sides and transporting them carefully into the trash. 

“I'm not going to sit here and let you do all the work, Y/N. I'm… I'm sorry.” His voice whispered those last few words as he kneeled next to you  sweeping the glass up, careful not to cut himself on it. 

You wiped the tears from your eyes as both of you worked busily, letting your argument hang in the air between you.

“I know you're sorry, Spencer,” you whispered as the two of you worked, still not brave enough to look him in the eyes. “My dad was, too. He never meant it, though.” 

“I mean it.” He stopped moving, and you finally looked up to his eyes, to the life there that sparked, that had been buried by Tobias Hankel. Motivation. 

With the glass cleared, he stood, reaching out a hand to you to help you up. You took it, letting him assist you. He didn't let go after, though. Not immediately. 

He stepped closer, and you relaxed into his chest, resting an ear over his heart. It was still beating, and that was what mattered. 

“I can't fix you, Spencer. I can't make this better. I can't do that for you, because you have to do it for yourself. That's what my dad never understood.” Your voice was barely audible, but you knew he could hear and knew he was listening. 

“I can't reverse what he did to you. But I promise, I will be here to remind you that you are a good man. To remind you of what you are like when you're you  how much I love you, how much we all love you.”

“I'll stand next to you and look into that mirror every morning and tell you what I see. A good man on the bad days, the same man on the good days. I don't want to fix you, Spencer. I want to love you, and I want you to accept that you're worth it.”

His head rested on top of yours, and you could feel his small wrecks of tears as he sniffled. Inhaling your scent, he could've spent the night wrapped in your arms like that.

“Thank you. For saying that. For being here. I know it's not easy.” 

“It's not. But you're worth it.” Clinging to him, you let the moments tick by, never releasing him from your warm embrace. 

[insanelyadd]

#LetSansRest Day!

Hello everyone and welcome to year two of Let Sans Rest Day! Same as last year it's August 9th.

Before we get into some prompts, a little bit of a mission statement. Last year I said this day was for everyone who's a fan of Sans Undertale or anyone who's tired of every image they see of him being him Suffering. This is still true, but I do want to additionally address something I saw a few different people mention.

I have actually received criticism for daring to suggest that Sans not be tormented to the point of insanity, and that this day where I implore people to make realities where Sans doesn't become a creepypasta insane murderer man from the agony he is subjected to, isn't a stand against ableism like Let Papyrus Say Fuck Day is. *stares in bipolar psychosis and PTSD directly into your eyes* Obviously that's a load of shit, and even though Sans is more popular than Papyrus (I say, as a Papyrus Enjoyer) a lot of the content around Sans is very specifically about him suffering. So simply out of spite for these comments (including someone who saw last year's announcement and directly commented "No <3" on the post) I will be continuing this holiday indefinitely, just like LetPapyrusSayFuck Day. Die mad about it.

Just like how I have ADHD and relate to Papyrus and see the way the fandom treats him as the infantilization of neurodivergency like autism and ADHD, I can look at works in this fandom of Sans that demonize traits of mental illness like trauma, hallucinations, delusions, and mania. And I can say these are both bad actually. Not going to call anyone a bad person for engaging in these things, of course, that would be a bit goofy of me, I'm just saying the imagery used for these things is Very Loaded and a lot of people are mishandling them.

So anyways August 9th is the day we let Sans Undertale out of his Torment Nexus so he can:

Have lemonade at the beach or pool

Go stargazing while camping out in the woods with friends and family

Get smothered in cute baby kittens and puppies

Go to therapy and play with one of those magnetic sculptures all therapists seem to own

Take a nap on an inner-tube on a lazy river

Get to see the leaves change color for the first time

Play basketball with Papyrus

Fall asleep in a basket of freshly dried clothes

Go to a public greenhouse to look at all the different flowers on the surface

Perform stand-up for humans who all love his terrible puns

Please tag the post with #LetSansRest, #Sans, and #undertale as well as any other applicable tags for characters, relationships, etc. This day is primarily for classic Sans but it's not like I can stop you from drawing Fell Sans not being subjected to his own, personal, goth-themed Torment Nexus.

This is meant to be a day for everyone who wants Sans Undertale to go to therapy and feel better. People who want to put him in a hamster cage with plenty of things to prank for enrichment. People who want to win him one of those massive stuffed animals at the county fair.

If you want to participate please be mindful of some things:

I will be monitoring the tag to reblog things! I have ptsd and would appreciate if ships involving Papyrus or Frisk (and similar) with Sans are avoided. This is simply for my mental health and I greatly appreciate it. <3

Do Not post angst to the #LetSansRest tag. It is meant to be an angst free tag for him.

Don't worry if you can't participate on the exact day! Just like with #LetPapyrusSayFuck Day you can use the tag and post to it any day! :>

Hope you're able to participate and have fun! <3

[laurents-laces]

Dumping my thoughts on the new aftg short stories here to contain all the spoilers in one place, because if I don't get to talk about them I'm gonna explode. Someone very kindly made a typed-up version of them here if anyone wants them!

TFC: David

We all know Neil is "distressingly single-minded about Exy" but I'm dying at the revelation that people in Millport knew this about him. He was supposed to be lying low 😭

Kevinnnnnnnn my boy!!!

"This is better. Easier? Better." Ouch

I had a feeling he was seeing Betsy more often than twice a year! And that we just didn't know about it because Neil didn't. That's amazing for him

Wymack is being such a great dad right now and he doesn't even know it

So excited to have one (1) canonical sentence from Kayleigh Day herself

I was headcanoning Kevin as ten when he moved in with the Moriyamas. I know nine is only a year younger but somehow it's breaking my heart a little more

Awww I always thought he looked just like his mom

I hope he looks a little like Wymack too but no one noticed before

I wonder if he ended up telling Betsy who his dad is? I don't think so but I'm sure she'd have kept the secret. Even though it would've been so hard to keep a straight face about it

"Coaches have no honor. Your word is enough. Just yours." I wanna hit every Raven coach with a very heavy stick, starting with Tetsuji. But I love how Kevin's always trusted that Wymack was different. He can be a surprisingly hopeful person sometimes. He's a little like his dad in how he sees the potential in people no one else does

Am I crazy or is Wymack talking about Andrew here?? Because it reminds me of the part in the extra content where Andrew keeps breaking into Wymack's apartment to rant about Kevin, until one day it's Neil he's more interested in

I always thought that Andrew agreeing to protect Kevin so easily might mean he was kind of into him. If canon unrequited kandrew is gonna be a thing then Andrew and Jean should form a Victims of Kevin Day's Big Green Eyes Support Group

TRK: Betsy

I'm so upset right now I don't even have words

It's so interesting to see what Andrew is like alone with Betsy. And I love that Wymack makes him feel safe

He loves his brother!!

"They cannot keep him. I will not let them." I fully believe Andrew would be down to break Aaron out of prison if he got jail time

"One week Neil had been the subject of some very grandiose conspiracy theories, and the next Andrew had only said 'He's Kevin's problem now, the end!' and refused to elaborate." That's the most Andrew response he could've had 😭

And he was so right about Neil being suspicious as hell! I need everyone to look back on the beginning of the year and realize Andrew was right about him

"Everyone knows now, Bee." My heart just broke into a million pieces

"Neil flinched. He'd pushed because he needed to see that horrible smile crack. He needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria his drugs fed his veins. But Andrew wasn't, and Neil couldn't live with that. Andrew's medicine was too strong or his psychosis too twisted; either way, tonight didn't mean anything to him. This was a setback Andrew could sidestep and ignore." That part of TRK really stuck with me. It's a good thing he didn't actually try to act completely unbothered by everything that night but it still hurts to hear about

"I know what happened to you today was beyond cruel and that Drake's death will not undo what he did to you. I know our system has failed you every step along the way and that a part of you will carry that distrust and betrayal for many years to come, if not for the rest of your life. And I know you have done astoundingly well despite life's every attempt to crush you. I'm sorry," she said, trying and failing to catch his eye, "and I'm so, so proud of you." She just said everything I'm feeling, perfectly

Chaos and mayhem, or Blockbuster. These books are so 2006. I miss Blockbuster

TKM: Aaron

This was the first one I read and it took me ages to get through because I was laughing so hard. Aaron calling andreil's matching arm bands a promise ring broke me

He's such an asshole. I love him. He might not like it but he's a Fox through and through

"Exy this, Exy that, get a fucking hobby already. Oh, but I guess he did?" He sent a pointed look at Andrew. He's the funniest character actually

I've always wondered if he was a little jealous of a certain mouthy liar who has everyone wrapped around his little finger. Hearing that Ichirou chose Neil over his own brother must've been a wild experience

I also wondered if he actually had a passion for medicine or if he just picked the most respectable career path he could think of. It's so good to hear that it's really something he loves. He's gonna get his dream job and fix things with his brother and marry the love of his life some day, and I'm so proud of him

Neurosurgeon Aaron and paediatrician Katelyn are properly canon now! It's nice to get all these details from the extra content as part of the actual books

A few months ago, Aaron never would have imagined Andrew needed his approval. Finding out how important he was to Andrew was an ongoing, eye-opening experience. Aaron finally realizing how much Andrew has done because of him might be my favourite thing

"His father's people tore up his arms with a lighter and knives, and none of it is going to fade. He doesn't need to see those." Andrew Minyard you fake idgafer. You care so much. So much.

I wonder what would've happened with andreil if Andrew was in less denial about their relationship? I don't think he'd date someone on purpose while the no-dating deal was still in effect

"Andrew didn't want to talk about Neil with Dobson because once he broached that subject he had to either lie to all of them or admit Neil was more important than he wanted him to be." I love that Aaron understands this about Andrew

I love that the only other Aaron POV story we have also ends with him being able to tell when Andrew is lying to himself. The twinyards have their misunderstandings but at the end of the day they get each other

[interstellarsystem]

Disorder Differences in Systemmates

Systemmates share the same brain, which often leads to the assumption that they're all affected the same by the brain itself. Its wiring, its abilities, and its disabilities. But symptom holders or those with intra-disorders are fairly common--at least in circles we run in--and they're not often talked about for fear of fakeclaiming or appearing ableist. We have headmates who are affected in all sorts of different ways by our disabilities. Some find things harder than others, while others actually find some tasks or symptoms easier to manage. It absolutely varies from headmate to headmate, which makes certain headmates better suited for fronting during certain times than others.

Merlin is more affected by our psychosis, particularly hallucinations, and xe tends to be more susceptible to paranoia. Mystery is a psychosis holder too, and has more positive symptoms like hallucinations than the rest of us, but is less affected negatively by it. It often hallucinates and falls into delusional thinking, but it's not really too bothered by it. So Mystery is a good choice for someone to front when we're having a psychotic episode. Sometimes, having Merlin cofront with Mystery makes it easier for Merlin to not be so susceptible to xyr symptoms.

I (Martin) have more obvious anxiety than the rest of us, and struggle much more in social situations. I'm much better at hyperfocusing on tasks, though. So I'm better suited for staying home and working on whatever the current project we have at the time, or keeping our to-do lists in check. Vince on the other hand is calm in most social situations that are more professional--so he's good for business meetings and such. In more casual conversation though, Vena and Merlin are much better at it and better suited to non-professional social groups.

Vince is an intra-NPD holder and also holds stronger symptoms of our BPD. He struggles immensely with percieved rejection, much more than the rest of us. But he also almost completely lacks empathy, which makes it much easier for him to be calm and logical in stressful situations. He finds it easier to help friends and those he cares about during stressful times because he's not weighed down by feeling their emotions--whereas the rest of us might break down from stress.

We talk a bit about mental disability differences in headmates more than those who differ physically. Somehow it seems more controvertial to mention that we have headmates that differ with physical symptoms while even in safe system spaces. It seems like most people (us somewhat included) mainly think of symptom holders as a mental disorder thing--a line of thinking we're trying to dispel. Headmates can have different disabilities and symptoms of all kinds, and it's not ableist or "harmful" to know that and speak about it. Headmates with different conditions to the body need to be recognised more.

Mike needed a cane in his memories and he absolutely needs our cane when he fronts more than the rest of us. He feels more at home and like himself having a cane by his side here, though, so it's good we already had one. I (Martin) need it more too--my joints are just more prone to pain. But our cane folds up nicely into our bag, so if we switch out in public, it's always with us just in case. Even if it's silly, we feel safer having a cane too--I mean, it's a metal pole. We're out as trans and clearly not your Regular Society Member, so it provides some feeling of safety to have.

Jayfeather was blind before, and since coming here he sure can see now, but he's much more light sensitive than the rest of us. The feeling of being able to see was nice at first, even if it was foreign, but sometimes he feels it's not worth the hassle. He needs to wear sunglasses when fronting because his eyes just end up hurting from even small amounts of light. Crowley is the same, except he wasn't blind in his memories--he just got used to always wearing sunglasses in his life to hide how his eyes looked, and needs them here now. They're both more prone to migraines due to this.

Merlin is more shaky on his feet than others who front often. His legs are digitigrade and in headspace he has his wings and tail to balance him there--but in the body, he doesn't have any of that. His legs are the wrong shape and he has no counterweight to his posture. Even with our cane, he's more prone to tripping than most.

Mystery was a godlike being that didn't need to eat human food, or any physical food at all. It often forgets that eating, sleeping and going to the bathroom are things the body needs to do, because it doesn't often feel the need to do them. That can be good if we're running low on food, or if we can't eat for a while such as before a medical procedure though, so it's useful in its own way. Mystery is also not used to using its hands for intricate things like tying shoelaces, as it's hands before we're longer, bigger, and mainly nonphysical. It didn't need to be intricate, so it's hard for it to do things others in here can.

There's so many more examples in our system. The thing is, there can be positives and negatives to any disorder, really--and headmates are no different with that. We don't necessarily assign headmates "roles" or "jobs" based on their symptoms or lack thereof, but for us to function better as a collective, people tend to gravitate toward doing certain things they know others can't. It's important for us to know how we differ with our disabilities, and work around them together as best we can.

Systemmates with different symptoms aren't uncommon, and they're not mocking disabled people, or lying for some benefit. I'd argue that for some systems with symptom holders or intra-disorder holders, it's increcibly important to know about how you differ and how to work together to be functional--whatever functional means for you.

[wonderfull-star]

I don't know about the others but Horrortale has always been my favorite au. And one of the reasons is that it is essentially a continuation of one of the neutral endings of Undertale. Therefore, in essence, this au can even partially be called canon, since we learned a brief backstory of Horrortale in Undertale itself. And the continuation of this whole story is the guess of the author(of Horrortale,Sour-Apple Studios) about how this neutral ending will continue. I think Horrortale is one of those universes that Toby Fox might like. If Frisk really hadn’t reset and just returned home, then the Horrortale au would have officially began(even though it’s a fan-made sequel of one of neutral endings).

And this is not even the main reason why I adore this universe. The LORE. I absolutely love how everything smoothly transitions from a scary atmosphere into a dramatic one, showing the agony, fear and hopelessness all the monsters went through. And I like how Aliza understands this and tries to help them all. She's not just the stupid, scared girl the fandom makes her out to be, and I love that. The way the images of the characters change and the background takes on dark tones makes us feel bad for the monsters. And in general, I wonder what will happen to Aliza next, whether there will be different endings, whether the monsters will ever come to the surface. Imagine if they really succeed and they meet already grown-up Frisk (who is probably about 16 years old). By the way, I also like to imagine that Aliza exists in Undertale itself and she is only 5 years old there.

I also liked how Sans was presented in this au. At first he was shown as an unstable psycho who would immediately lash out if you looked at him in wrong way. And then to find out that in fact Sans is not entirely like that and makes sure that his brother and the others in Snowdin do not die of hunger. While he himself was starving for 7 years. Which made him even more crazy.

So when I look at Horror on the “Bad Guys” team, I think: “Maybe it’s not so bad?”. Dust and Killer literally killed everyone including their brother, while in Horror’s au many are at least alive and he definitely would not touch monsters (at least those close to him, for example like Grillby,Politics Bear, Drunk Bunny and Dogaressa), especially his brother. No matter what, he always tried to hold back, which is why his psychosis grew. This makes him different from the rest of the team. Therefore, I think that like Dust and Cross, Horror joined Nightmare only for a specific purpose, while he himself most likely does not like him. However, that doesn't stop me from imagining them all as "family." This makes me think that over time Horror Sans got used to Nightmare and began to see something good in him (even if it may just be a figment of his imagination). Yes, in my mind Nightmare and the rest of his team are canon in Horrortale universe and Papyrus knows about them. At first he had a lot of questions about this, but then he simply came to terms with all the oddities of his brother. The rest of the monsters of Snowdin do not know about bad guys, just sometimes noticing dark tentacles appearing out of nowhere. Imagine if Aliza finds out about other versions of Sans. I think she will be overcome with great horror.

I don't know why, but somehow Bad Guys’s canon presence in Horrortale au makes sense to me (especially Nightmare). Maybe because of their creepy design (Nightmare is basically a walking octopus covered in dark liquid). And also the knowledge that Horror Sans hides a lot more than many in his au think. After all, it’s really creepy to see someone’s copies at one moment, isn’t it?

I also like how Horror always so slays in every edits. Especially with phonk music 👌

[chiisana-sukima]

Hey so this post just came up on my dash and its an interesting perspective for sure. I was wondering if youd feel inclined to share your thoughts on it but no pressure ofc feel free to ignore.

https://www.tumblr.com/zudilio/648738136098275328/the-thing-is-that-i-miss-the-early-seasons?source=share

Yeah, I saw it on my dash too and considered reblogging with comments, but it's three years old and the OP has said in other posts that they're a "Sam ignorer", so I figured they wouldn't be appreciative. Also, to a certain extent, "they should've given the plot points I don't like to the character I don't care about" is just a matter of taste, so there's not a ton to say about that part anyways.

As far as the "Sam is like John because at the start of the show he's driven by anger and his need for revenge" part, my thoughts on it are here, and @ardentpoop and @aliusfrater have excellent meta here as well.

Leaving aside the piece where I think the OP is wrong about Sam though, I do agree with them that Dean's character arc was mismanaged, and I sympathize with them and all the other Dean girls (gn) who got stuck with *waves vaguely at spn in general*. I agree with OP that Dean isn't an inherently angry person. I don't believe inherently angry people exist, but even beyond that, I don't think the intended reading of spn is that Dean's story is about anger. Gamble said at some point very early on that on the inside Dean is a frightened little boy who never had the chance to grow up, and I do think spn carries that thread through the seasons pretty well all the way to s15, where it attempts (with not-great success imo) to resolve it.

Unfortunately, I also think that spn's failure to resolve Dean's character arc satisfactorily was inevitable, and that the things that attract many fans like OP, who identify with Dean, are the same things that made resolving his issues impossible given the set-up. Just as Sam has a realistic case of poorly-controlled, chronic dissociative/classic PTSD (with psychosis during s7 and some CPTSD-like features) and doesn't have the resources to manage it beyond bare-bones survival, Dean has pretty realistic untreated, chronic CPTSD/BPD without the resources to even begin to manage it in a way that doesn't destroy his own life and the lives of the people around him. Dean's violence stems ultimately from his childhood environment, sure, but the person he is by the time we meet him in s1 has severe attachment issues, difficulty regulating his emotions, poor distress tolerance, black and white thinking in a job where black and white thinking results in victimizing people based on factors they have no control over, and most of all, no real concept of boundaries whatsoever. The cause was for sure his childhood, but the present of spn is just a very symptomatic adult. His mental health issues--and Sam's too--are the kinds of chronic illnesses that never go away and that people struggle with over their entire lifespans.

I don't want to be overly negative; many people with mental illnesses this severe do learn to manage them well and live full and happy lives (I am, within reasonable limits, one of them). But it's hard. And longstanding, deeply-rooted patterns of thoughts, beliefs, and behavior don't change without community resources, considerable effort, and for most people, years of trial and error. Spn's main premise is, for some wild reason, that the problems Sam and Dean encounter are metaphorically equivalent to real life problems normal people encounter all the time, but that in the spn world, all of the resources real world people have available to help them are impossible to access, except guns and torture. It's s13 before spn manages to get Sam and Dean into ONE SESSION of therapy with someone they can tell the truth to, and by then, we get this:

Dean is being a lot less unrealistic here than one might think, and yes, this picture will end badly in real life too.

Since the finale, a lot of fans have said things like "Dean deserved to go to therapy and get better" or "spn thinks if you have trauma, you should kill yourself about it", but deserving is fake. We in the real world live in a The Good Place universe. There's no fair calculus for who "deserves" anything. Everyone both deserves health and happiness and love and a comfortable life and also deserves nothing because there are other people who have nothing.

And unlike ours, the spn universe is not a The Good Place universe. It's worse. The writers of spn are and always have been profoundly ungenerous. The whole universe is built on victim-blaming and bullshit calculi of what crimes deserve what punishments and who should or shouldn't mete them out. In the spn universe, Dean is lucky. He had not one, but two BPD favorite persons, and he treated them both like shit, and they still both loved him and wanted to be with him and will be with him in the afterlife, presumably continuing to have the same intense, volatile relationships they've always semi-tolerated.

I like to pretend that maybe Sam, Dean and Cas can all read The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook on Heaven's version of archive.org and take it to heart, or that maybe Sam grew some boundaries in the years he lived without Dean that he can insist on hard enough and long enough for Dean to get a reparative relationship out of, and they can all after-live happily ever after. But the Dean that was alive during the 15 years of spn hadn't done that work yet, and the outcome he got was--if one subscribes to "deserving" as a concept--better than what he "deserved". If you hit your partner, you deserve to be left. If you hold a gun on them, you deserve for it to go off and kill them by mistake and you never see them again (although of course they don't deserve to die). It doesn't matter who the "angry" partner in the relationship is. Any sane person in this universe or the spn one should be angry a lot of the time, because both universes suck. Not to beat a dead horse with a flowchart but:

image source

The violence is the bastard. The emotions are not.

[jordanraye47]

Team e-scope headcanons

Eva unintentionally dresses like a f-boy. Like with all those gym clothes someone will confuse her with some mf named jason or Lucas.

Also she most definitely had short hair. Like a pixie cut or smth. Goes along with the f-boy thing.

Despite how much Noah reads, he can go to a bookstore store, buy 8 books and read like 2 of them before deciding that it’s time for a new trip.

Speaking of bookstores. Noah has taken izzy to a bookstore with him. He has never seen her read a book, or anything in fact. But it ended with her trying to recommend him books rather than her taking any books for herself.

And it’s the most random ass books known to man. She’ll come up to him and it’s like a book of algebra formulas and say like ‘did you know that i read this in middle school, yeah, it was really boring though. Except the introduction, i read that multiple times.’ idk she’s a weird girl.

Speaking of izzy. This girl can not tan for the life of her. Like she can live in spain or ecuador and only get this absurd amount of freckles. (i will reblog with a pic cause i can’t add it here for some reason [it will be the end of me i swear tumblr hates me])

Izzy js like ‘turns off’ at some points. Like not passes out, she js goes completely quiet and acts completely normal and calm for like an hour and it creeps everyone out.

She also said in total drama that she had psychosis in the total drama after math. And psychosis is a trauma developed disorder (taught from my physiologist) but literally no one knows what it came from. Like not even herself, it just came at one point according to her.

Noah definitely lets his hair grow out, mostly because without noticing himself. It’s usually his mom who cuts it but she practically drags his hair out of his scalp when she does so he tires to avoid that. Resulting in him having long ass hair. Like not as in pony tail hair but we’ve all seen his hair on total drama.

Izzy has gone to the gym with eva before but izzy does nothing but just walk around and use whatever she finds for her whatever she wants. Like she definitely somehow found monkey bars out of nowhere. (And she’s strong as fuck, we’ve seen her on TDWT she’s strong. But nobody knows how she exercises, and she refuses to tell.)

And they have a group chat i just know it. And Both noah and eva are the driest texters known to man. They will not use emojis even if their life depended on it. And i feel like izzy is either extremely dry or so dramatic all her texts turn into a greek play. She’s either like; ‘YALL GUESS WHO I FUCKING FOUND‼️’ or ‘i found a fucking dead frog and i think someone ate his hair’

pt 2

also sorry that i had too much izzy she’s my favourite 😔

[cryptidcircuswrites]

THE GHOST OF YOU

!- House x Wilson, canon divergent, s4 finale spoilers, dead!House, ghost!House, series, moderate angst

Doctor James Wilson is certain he is losing his mind.

His best friend and his girlfriend had been involved in a bus crash. The vehicle had flipped completely upside down.

House had, as usual, gone to a bar after work to drink away whatever emotions he wouldn't confront. Wilson hadn't been home when the phone rang, House once again asking his only friend to clean up his mess.

Amber had gone. Amber had ridden the bus with him in his place.

And the bus had flipped, and House had died instantly.

Doctor James Wilson, despite being surrounded by friends, family, and colleagues, had never felt so alone in his life. He feels guilty that staring down into the casket of a man who had been a complete ass at all hours of every day is the loneliest point in his life.

But it is.

Doctor Gregory House is dead.

And there's less than ten people who care enough to show up to the funeral.

Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman, Chase, Cameron, Amber, Thirteen, Taub, Kutner, and House's mother.

(His father had died shortly afterwards. House's mother blamed the grief. House would have scoffed at that.)

Well, maybe not less than ten. But still not that many.

Wilson isn't the one noticing, though. Wilson's too preoccupied with the sensation of hands on his shoulders, all comforting. He can't even decide which ones belong to who.

He can't think about that right now.

House's body lay there, right in front of him, as though asleep.

•••

Wilson wakes up in the middle of the night. He'd slept on the couch, making some excuse to Amber about his back. Wilson didn't have back problems, but Amber knew what he meant and didn't fight him on it.

He'd just lost his best friend of a decade and a half, after all.

It's expected that he has some weird reactions. Like deciding to sleep on the couch so Amber isn't woken up by his intermittent crying, or having intense flashbacks every time he closes his eyes to the funeral, or obsessing over old memories.

But James Wilson had some reactions he was sure weren’t normal, too.

How he could smell House- whiskey and faint sweat and sometimes cologne and the hospital and Head and Shoulders shampoo.

How he could hear House, near constant calls of Hey Wilson! and Jimmy and the stupid, immature jokes and comments he would have made if he'd been alive to take part in the conversations.

How he can still feel the comforting hands on his shoulders from when he had stood there, staring into the casket.

Yes, James Wilson is sure he's losing his mind.

Especially when he rolls over and sees a dead man standing in his living room.

In the dim light, House looks almost ominous. His deep-set eyes seem to almost glow, the rest of his wrinkled face cast in shadow.

"Wilson."

He swears he hears his name, whispered harshly from House's thin, dry lips. He swears if he reached out, he could touch the appartition.

Psychosis- an acute or chronic mental state marked by loss of contact with reality, disorganized speech and behavior, and often by hallucinations or delusions, seen in certain mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia and other medical disorders.

"I know you can hear me, Wilson."

Symptoms include hallucinations, delusions, disorganized thought or speech, disruptions in sleep, and social withdrawl.

"You know how I know? You're tracking my movements."

Wilson shuts his eyes tightly.

Treatment includes-

"Now you're just being an ass about it."

"You're not real," Wilson mutters. "You're not real. I'm losing my mind."

House frowns, swiping some trinket off a shelf. It shatters when it hits the floor. He continues, like a mischievous cat, until Wilson rolls over.

When he opens his eyes again, the mess is still on the floor.

So much for psychosis.

•••

House materializes back in his old office.

Cuddy had been quick to clear it out. Clear him out, he thought. Several years and several hundred cases, and he was gone in two days. He wondered briefly if anyone had thrown a party at his passing-- he knew of at least three people who hated him enough.

He'd seen Cuddy bury herself in her work, though. The way she obsessed over hiring his replacement, over handling the paperwork he'd never gotten a chance to do (not that he would have anyway), always referring to him as the open position.

Cuddy was distraught, he knew that much. And Wilson was...

House didn't think there was a word for the grief Wilson was experiencing.

He felt the smallest fraction of it as he looked around the now-empty office. Everything felt lifeless, like he'd never been there. His desk had been cleaned out, his guitar shipped off to his mom's house. All of his childish knicknacks, gone. His apartment had been similarly packaged, shipped to his mother, who'd probably lock it in a storage unit, forever...

House couldn't breathe, which made sense because he was dead. He had no lungs, no diaphragm, no esophagus. But he felt like he couldn't breathe, too--

Wilson had ignored him. Wilson! He'd rolled over on the couch, all of House's life was gone, any proof that he'd ever been, gone! And Wilson had rolled over.

Shut his eyes and turned his back.

Desperate to prove he's still here, House shatters the windows.

Apparently, ghosts can still have panic attacks. Apparently, ghosts can still feel agonizing physical pain when they refuse to process those big emotions.

Or at least, the late Doctor Gregory House can.

Apparently, ghosts can also pass out. Mercifully, House knows no more.

•••

Wilson isn't sure why he decided to go this route instead of calling a therapist. Maybe because he's afraid he's losing his mind, maybe because he's afraid he's overreacting, maybe because this is what House would've done instead of being a normal fucking person. It doesn't matter. He's already broken into the empty apartment.

He produces the novelty ouija board from its box, lighting a few candles. According to the movies, you needed those. Also according to the movies, he shouldn't have come alone if he wants to leave alive.

Wilson isn't sure he wants to leave alive. Maybe he'll try the therapist after all...

He circles the little plastic piece on the bigger plastic piece. All of it’s shitty plastic junk. This was a stupid idea. House is dead, and Wilson is crazy. There’s no reason-

Wilson shivers, losing his train of thought.

He’s about to brush it off, when House materializes in his old apartment, staring at a disheveled Doctor James Wilson.

[polaroid-petals]

My chart for post-ending headcanons and the scenario for what might end up happening with Basil, Aubrey, Kel, and Sunny!

Some notes:

Follows the good ending's timeline

Four years after the game; everyone here is 20 years old

Although Sunny and Basil reconcile, Basil ends up being subjected to a court case for aggravated assault. As such, he barely sees the others after he wakes up and faces most of it alone with Sunny and Kel.

The alleviating circumstance of his psychosis leads to no real conviction, but under the condition of getting assessed and treated at a closed ward. His medication doesn't agree with him, and by the time his friends are allowed to visit, he's lost all hope and life. Basil doesn't believe he'll ever be forgiven by the others, so what's the point?

During Basil's absence, Kel and Sunny grow closer and end up going to college together while Aubrey grows more distant from the group again despite wanting to hold onto her friends more than ever. She has a rocky road concerning how she feels about Sunny and Basil's actions and deception, but ends up coming around.

After Basil's premature release into a world he's not even half prepared for, he doesn't tell anyone that he's being made to leave. Aubrey awaits him by her truck and suggests booking it, seeing as they both have pretty bleak lives. They're on the road for a year until an incident with a broken car in the middle of nowhere during a winter storm and Basil catching pneumonia forces Aubrey to reach out to the rest for help. They survive by the skin of their teeth, but the incident does reunite the group.

Really, Kel ending up between Aubrey and Basil was by any means unintended, but they ended up finding comfort together after Sunny wasn't opposed to an open relationship. There's just too much love among them to keep it constrained to a single relationship.

Sunny is the only one who's attached to a single partner, hence why his relations with Aubrey and Basil have a platonic component. He deeply loves them, but at the same time struggles with understanding his romantic feelings and as such is mostly involved with Kel.

Everyone loves Basil

Hero's not here because this chart was drawn to show only The Polycule™ and its workings 💔 He's still in the picture and has his own relations with the main four, maybe I'll make that chart next?

I want to write a fic about this timeline, though it's probably gonna be rather heavy as it's going to be from Basil's POV during his time wilting away in the mental hospital.

[sheigarche]

hi! I saw ur Jossam hcs and holy shit they were amazing, so, could u do any other until dawn hcs? It can be abt any character/ship that u want. Tysm and I hope u r doing okay!

Hi, thanks for the ask and sorry if this is a bit too long, but I wanted to give a little something for each character 😅

My random Until Dawn headcanons:

Sam's coping mechanism is to study everything she can about the myths and legends that she now knows are real. It's become a bit of an obsession, and she even chose history as her major so she could learn more about the native peoples and their culture. Understanding things helps her cope, but her behavior also makes her loved ones worry. It's a tough balance.

Josh has psychosis caused by depression that worsened after being neglected and mistreated for years. I know the fandom often headcanons Josh with schizophrenia, but in-game we don't see any negative symptoms for that disorder. And we do know that he's been diagnosed with depression, and psychosis checks all the boxes for what we see him experience in-game.

After what happened on the mountain, the survivors didn't stay together as a group of friends. They split up to deal with their own traumas. Of course, some are still close to each other or keep in touch, but as a whole they are not one big found family.

Sam tries not to push anyone away. If they want to talk, call her, or meet up, she'll do it for them. But she never opens up about herself. What's in her head, stays in her head. And that's it. The only exception is Josh, who with light conversations manages to put her at ease and get her to share a little, but only when she's sure she won't overwhelm him.

Josh has not faced any legal charges. His father covered it all up. But he got the treatment he needed and got better after a while. It's a slow process taken one day at a time and the guilt still haunts him, but he has his life back and doesn't want to waste it.

Josh tried to reach out to his friends to try to make up for everything that happened, but most of them gave him the middle finger and moved on, except for Sam and Chris. Mike tried, but in the end they didn't get anything close to a friendship.

Matt and Emily broke up. Not much to say, the night made them realize that they are not compatible, even if they care about each other and have chemistry, it just isn't enough. A friendship didn't work either.

Emily doesn't want contact with any of those people anymore. Except maybe Sam, and only because she sided with her in the gun situation in the basement. So she'll call Sam and check in every now and then.

Mike and Jessica have had their ups and downs together as they deal with trauma. Breakups and reunions are common as they try to learn to be normal again after what happened. That night made all the difference in their relationship and they realized how much they care for each other and just don't want to give up on those feelings easily. They managed to be happy together despite everything.

Matt visits Jessica, not very often, but enough to be considered friends. They bond over the survival situation they endured and it's good to see each other once in a while.

Chris and Ashley started dating and got married not long after. They overcame the trauma together and still have contact with everyone in the group, but nothing too close. But Ashley can't bring herself to be around Josh anymore. So Chris just slowly ended up drifted away from him as well, becoming a friend that he might go out for a drink once every couple of months but nothing more.

Mike and Sam went out for drinks one night, but they couldn't bring themselves to talk about what happened on the mountain and they had nothing else in common to talk. So they ended up talking to the bartender about whatever sport was on TV, passionately rooting for two teams they didn't even know. It was fun, but it was one of those things that happens once and never again.

Sam and Josh's relationship is a real slowburn. Even though they have feelings for each other, there's just too much trauma involved. And they're afraid of hurting each other with their coping mechanism. It took a while to just be friends again and the next step is always complicated for them. But they are both willing to make it work. Because they are in love and are patient enough to wait for the right moment.

[tipsynight0]

What remains of you// part two

Paring - Jeff the killer x female reader

Word count 1.2k

TRIGGER WARNINGS - suicide, self harm, death & decay, psychosis, violence, murder?

Summary - Jeff is struggling with the aftermath of (y/n) suicide attempt.

Author's note - ahhh!! Hello lovies. I honestly didn’t expect to have so much love on my last post and a lot of requests on part two. Thank you for all the support, my requests are always open <3 reminder if you feel this way, reach out for support.

The dripping of the faucet was constant, unyielding—a steady tap-tap-tap that burrowed into Jeff’s skull, gnawing at the last shreds of his sanity. He sat alone in his dim room, a cloud of smoke hanging thick around him, his bloodshot eyes locked on the night outside his window. Everything beyond it was lost in a heavy, swirling fog. Time had twisted itself into knots, and he couldn’t remember how many days had slipped by like this, blending one into the next. His mind was fraying, but there was one thing he was sure of: (y/n) was still here.

She had to be.

He could still feel her presence, sense her somewhere in the house, even if she was cold and silent, slipping around him like a shadow. It didn’t matter that she wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t look at him, or that her body was sometimes stiff when he tried to hold her. She was just… recovering. Healing from that night. He had saved her, hadn’t he? Pulled her from that bathtub, his hands covered in her blood as he whispered over and over, “You’re going to be okay. I’m here.”

But sometimes, late at night, he’d reach out to touch her, and she’d feel so cold, so rigid. Sometimes he’d lie beside her, whispering in her ear, begging her to say something, anything. And in those moments, a creeping fear would start clawing at his chest, but he’d push it down, refusing to let himself think about it. She was here. She had to be. She just needed time.

But his nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her in that tub again, the water pooling around her, dark and red, her face slack and empty. The smell of blood filled his nose, thick and metallic, and he’d wake up gasping, his heart hammering in his chest. The image would stay with him, clinging to him like a sickness.

He had tried to find solace the only way he knew how. Each night, he’d go out, his knife glinting in his grip as he hunted for anyone who could distract him from the emptiness gnawing at his heart. But no matter how much he tore into them, how much he bled them dry, it wasn’t the same. He’d find himself cradling them, muttering, “Why did you leave me?” as though they were her, his mind slipping as he clutched them close, his chest heaving with ragged breaths. None of it filled the void. Nothing worked. He needed her.

One night, he came back home, stumbling through the door, his clothes stained with blood. The house was quiet, and as he kicked off his boots, he heard it—a faint sound, barely there. The trickle of water.

He froze, his breath catching. The bathroom. She was in there.

The hallway felt longer than ever as he staggered toward the bathroom door, his fingers gripping the handle with such force that his knuckles turned white. His mind reeled with flashes of her lying in that bathtub, her pale face tilted toward him, blood seeping into the water. Panic clawed at him, wild and relentless, but he forced himself to breathe. She was fine. She was just taking a bath.

He pounded on the door, his voice breaking as he called her name. “(Y/n)? What are you doing? Are you… are you okay in there?” Silence pressed back at him, thick and heavy. His chest tightened as he threw his shoulder against the door, once, twice, until it burst open.

She was there, slumped in the tub, her wrists under the flow of water, her skin pale as porcelain, veins like blue rivers beneath the surface. Red streaks trickled from her wrists, painting the water with dark, dizzying patterns.

“No… no,” he whispered, his voice cracking as he staggered forward, his arms reaching out. He fell to his knees beside the tub, pulling her into his arms, cradling her body against his. Her skin was so cold, so still, but her eyes fluttered open, just barely. He gasped, his heart pounding wildly with hope as he brushed a trembling hand over her cheek.

“You’re here. I knew you wouldn’t leave me,” he murmured, pressing his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. He could feel the damp chill of her skin seeping into him, but he ignored it, whispering, “You’re going to be okay. I’ll take care of you, like I always do.” His voice grew frantic, desperate, as he tried to warm her with his touch, his fingers trembling as he clung to her.

Slowly, he lifted her from the tub, carrying her to the bed. He laid her down gently, his hands shaking as he bandaged her wrists, his mind filling with a fierce, irrational hope. She was still here, and he would make her better. He had to. He sat beside her, running his fingers through her damp hair, his mind spiraling as he watched her face.

But something was wrong. Her skin was so pale, almost gray, her lips tinged blue, her limbs heavy and unyielding. A creeping coldness settled over him, but he pushed it away, refusing to see the truth staring back at him.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice hollow. “You’re just… you’re just tired. You need to rest.” He leaned over her, his hands shaking as he stroked her cheek, his touch growing frantic as he tried to warm her lifeless skin. “You’re still here, with me. I know you are. You wouldn’t leave me.”

But as he stared down at her, he couldn’t ignore the vacant glassiness in her eyes, the way her skin had taken on an unnatural stillness. His stomach twisted, a sick dread settling over him, but he fought against it, his fingers brushing over her sewn lips, her expression frozen in a ghostly, silent scream.

“No… no, no, no!” he gasped, his voice cracking as he clutched her to him, burying his face in her shoulder, his mind spiraling as he clung to her still, cold form. “I saved you. I saved you! You’re still here. You’re… you’re…” But his words broke off as he felt her weight, the unmistakable stiffness beneath his touch, and the truth clawed its way through his delusion, ripping him open.

She wasn’t here. She hadn’t been here for a long time.

A broken, choked sob tore from his throat as he rocked back and forth, her cold body wrapped in his arms, his mind splintering under the weight of his realization. All this time, he had been talking to a memory, a shell. Every whisper, every touch had been a desperate illusion. His heart shattered, and he pressed his lips to her forehead, his voice a broken murmur.

“I’ll stay with you. I’ll never let you go.”

He laid her back down, tucking her carefully under the blankets, as if that could bring back her warmth. And as he curled beside her, his arms wrapped around her lifeless form, he felt his mind slipping, darkness closing in around him. His whispers faded into silence as he lay there “I’ll keep you safe”

[necroromantics]

Turns out its Mental Health Awareness Month this month.... So since yall know me and my tendency to yap about mental health issues, I'm going to share some of the ways I express mental health in my Creepypasta AUs (Cryptpasta AND Laundry and Taxes, mostly just for Toby and Clockwork). Its kinda long and a nonsensical ramble.... Enjoy

CRYPTPASTA

-Nina was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when she was 15 after a visit to the psych ward due to attempted suicide after a bad fight with an online boyfriend of hers

-She's very desperate to be loved and cared for, and intensely fears being abandoned to the point she'll put herself in harms way in an impulsive attempt to get people to stay in her life, or care for her, or want to be with her

-She has so much love to give to the point it overwhelms her, and tends to come out of her in forms of jealousy and anger outbursts, and desperate attempts to make people stay, because Nina wants love, and to give love

-Nina is also a very loyal friend who is very ride or die. She knows what its like to be left out, abandoned, betrayed, and she couldn't imagine doing that to the people she loves

-Clockwork also has BPD, she was going to be treated for it during her stay in the psychiatrist hospital when she was 16, before she killed her family, but never got around to it

-Her BPD presents a bit differently than Ninas. Her fear of abandonment and betrayal causes her to push people away entirely, and she struggles a lot with splitting

-She goes from thinking fondly about someone, to thinking they're the worst person in the world who does nothing but hurt her, because hating someone is much easier than risking loving them to her. Clockwork struggles a lot with making and keeping friends, because she can't trust anyone, and she tends to push people away at the tiniest fault as a way to protect herself

-Toby is her Favourite Person (FP), but she tries her best to beat this attachment to him down. Luckily for her, she's stuck with him, and he has zero plans of betraying or hurting her in any way. She tends to split on him a lot though

-Clockwork struggles a lot with anger and emotional dysregulation, she tends to view things in black/white, all or nothing, and is very impulsive. Because her emotions are so overwhelming and guttural, Clockwork struggles to be able to express them at all, and has a very bad habit of beating all her feelings down

-Toby was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when he was 15 after experiencing his first manic episode, where he got into a really bad fight with his dad, ran away from home, and got sent to a psychiatric hospital where he was given proper treatment

-After becoming a proxy, he didn't have access to treatment anymore, and a combination of stress, Slender Sickness, and a lack of sleep, causes him to have more frequent and intense episodes

-During his manic episodes he is very euphoric, always on the move, talks non-stop to the point he doesn't make any sense, has racing thoughts, is insanely energetic, rarely sleeps, and is much more aggressive and irritable. They usually last one or two weeks, but if they're really intense and he's experiencing psychosis, Tim or Jack will get him medication from some victims to regulate him

-His depressive episodes feel like death for him. He isolates himself, always in bed, oversleeping. He's so tired all the time, lethargic and moody, irritable. Toby doesn't want to talk to anyone, he tends to lose all hope and humour, everything seems so heavy and bleak, like every bad thing he's ever done and been through has finally caught up to him

-On really bad days, he'll struggle with suicidal thoughts, where Jack or Brian will talk him down, and Clockwork will just sit quietly by him so he knows he's not alone, because even if it feels like the world is ending, it never really is

-Toby also deals with issues associated with Antisocial Personality Disorder, though he was never officially diagnosed because proxies don't really have psychiatrists

-Toby struggles a LOT with empathy, and is generally an insensitive prick who has a very hard time genuinely caring about other peoples lives or problems. To him, its all about self preservation, every man for himself, and if he's capable of handling his own issues then he shouldn't be expected to coddle "weak people who cant handle their own". This stems heavily from beliefs he learned from his father, and certain mindsets he utilizes to help him get by in his life as a proxy

-He also greatly struggles with appropriate emotional responses, and morality. He doesn't understand why most things are deemed "right" or "wrong", and thinks people are dramatic or care too much for having strong morals on things. Toby says what he wants without and regard for societal norms or rules, things he wasn't really taught anyways

-Toby is also in a constant battle for freedom. At a young age he was made to feel small and powerless, which caused him to constantly feel like he's fighting for power and control in his life. He tends to fulfill these needs by putting others down, or starting fights with people because he always needs to defend himself

-This also makes him a very practical and loyal friend towards the people he's fond of. He's very much an "acts of service" guy because he values his freedom so much, that he's willing to spend his time and effort and give up a little bit of freedom to the people he likes. He's a ride or die friend, and he always encourages people to stand up for themselves and do better for themselves

LAUNDRY AND TAXES

-Laundry and Taxes is an ongoing fanfiction Im writing about what life for the Creepypastas (mostly Toby and Clockwork) would look if they were suddenly transported to a world where nothing bad happened. No murder, no Slenderman.

-It's very personal to me and is about getting better and healing from trauma and mental health issues, and forgiveness, and reconciliation

-I think during mental health awareness its important to bring awareness to the facts and struggles someone might have, but also the recovery. Which is what Im gonna get into here

-The story follows Toby, who constantly struggles with his pride and "me vs the world" mindset

-He learns how to ask for help, how to put his pride aside and seek out support from the people around him. He learns how to open up and trust that people will be kind to him, and that the world isn't as bad as it seems

-His recovery is, as all good things are, insanely difficult and horrible and painful and messy, but theres a lot of focus on how worth it everything is, and how all of that gritted teeth effort, because Toby has no other choice, ends up amounting to something

-He has to face the mistakes he's made, the hurt he's caused, the guilt he pushes down. He has to learn how to be kinder to himself and others. Toby grew up in a world where he believed that it was written from the start for him to be a "bad person", and then he was forced to face the fact that he was the one doing the writing, and he has the ability to write something new for himself

-He also has to face the fact that healing isnt linear, and that the world isn't always a safe, happy place, and Toby has to learn how to handle these things in ways he never did before. Because recovery is all about learning

-The same goes for Natalie, who struggles with her past trauma, and everything she's done, and what has taken from her at a young age

-She learns how to forgive herself, and how to make peace with her anger, and how to be kinder to herself and others as well

-Natalie goes through a lot of the same realizations Toby does, and even though she spent her whole life alone and pushing people away, slowly, she starts to open up to people too and she learns how to challenge her thoughts and distrust. It's a long, difficult journey with her facing her family and her trauma and her guilt and anger, but Natalie learns that there's an entire life of peace and quietness outside of her head, outside of the past

-She learns it's okay to lean on others a bit, and that they wont hurt her, and that it's okay to feel the things she does. Natalie faces her own grief, and how suffocating it is, because its the only way she can face love too

-It takes her longer to get on track to healing because she's spent her entire life running from her problems that she never really knew how to face it, or what to do when it catches up to her. But she does get on track, and she does face her past, and that little girl in her head who's scared all the time, and how angry she is, and how loud everything is, and she becomes able to hold that little girl in her arms and sit with her for a moment

-And then, Natalie learns how to make peace with the world, and for once, she has a weird sort of hope for the future