#and so I'm trying out going by Octavia to see how I like it since before I've only used it as a name for self insert protagonists in games

[ottisbuns]

Hey, Octavia, right? (can I call you Octi?) if you don't mind, I wanted to ask, where are you from? I don't think you ever mentioned it and it's not on your bio, but I know that it's an English speaking country.

Octi? Nickname? HUMAN nickname?! Octi?! Call me it. Wow! Octi! This is the best day of my life. References aside, it is a neat nickname. Octavia is already kind of a nickname (that I only really use on Tumblr because in other places I'm in I'd probably not get taken seriously using a "girl" name) so it'll be a nickname of a nickname!

and I don't mind the question, I am like... subtly unsubtle about my nationality. I don't have it in my Bio but I'm pretty open to mentioning it in things like tags and posts.

I'm Swedish, so in a way you're kinda right about it being English-speaking because basically EVERYONE here knows English despite it not being an official national language. Technically my first language is Swedish and English is a secondary language, but I use English so much when I'm online that it's more like my first language than Swedish is, to the point where using Swedish online feels strange to me.

Ok this got a bit wordy but in conclusion: Octi good, me Swedish

[blitzwhore]

Hold on, man... I'm having Thoughts and Emotions...

What if Stolas and Octavia made plans to watch the solar eclipse together on Earth to make up for not seeing Azathoth's tears? And maybe Octavia suddenly suggested inviting Blitzø and Loona over as well, since they were all together that other time, too?

And when Blitzø sees the awkward text from Stolas inviting them (I'd understand if you're busy or would rather not come, but Octavia seemed keen on the idea of seeing Loona again), he isn't sure he wants to go, because things with Stolas have been so weird lately, and he's deeply in denial about the feelings they have for one another. But Loona kicks him in the butt about it because he's being stupid, and so he reluctantly texts Stolas trying to sound as nonchalant as possible (shur y nut, portal plz) while freaking out inside.

And he doesn't know what he was expecting as he crossed that portal, but a mountaintop above the clouds is definitely not it.

“Thank you for coming,” Stolas says, and Blitzø can't help but notice the way Stolas bows to him—and then he pushes that information aside, not knowing what to do with it. “I hope the localisation is fine, and not too cold. Anywhere else would've been too crowded.”

“It's whatever,” Blitzø shrugs, and hates the way some of the light leaves Stolas' smile. He's only been here for half a minute and he's already messed things up.

Next to them, Octavia is explaining the intricacies of solar eclipses in detail to Loona. Absent-mindedly, Blitzø notices the way Loona softens around Via, but keeps it to himself, not wanting to be kicked in the nuts. Instead, he looks around for a semi-comfortable stone and plops down on it, wincing when Stolas sits carefully by his side.

He's searching desperately for something to say when Stolas announces, “Look up, everyone, it's about to start!”

At first, Blitzø notices nothing. Well, nothing but the mild discomfort of staring directly at the sun.

But then he sees it. The moon—a corner of it, anyway—overtaking the powerful star. And, for a second, he can't breathe.

Of course, the partial eclipse lasts long enough that conversation sparks up again, though awkward and sporadic. Stolas asks about work, Via talks about the moon's mountains. Blitzø tries to quieten the voice that says he doesn't deserve to be here.

But when the total eclipse nears, they're all too entranced to talk. As darkness washes over the sea of clouds below them, the seconds seem to slow, and each of his heartbeats thrums through him, echoing in the ground underneath him. He's one with the earth and the sky, and, when it all goes dark, the whole universe stops breathing with him to experience this.

He only remembers to breathe when, in the complete darkness, he feels thin, long fingers curling around his own.

Too entranced to remember all the reasons why he's not allowed to want this, Blitzø squeezes Stolas' hand firmly back.

They are one. Of course they are. How could they not be, when the sun and the moon themselves are?

It's less than two minutes before the sunlight begins regaining its territory and washing away the darkness, but it might as well be a lifetime.

A lifetime he spends with Stolas' hand clasped firmly in his own, surrounded by their daughters, marvelling at the vastness of the universe. Feeling like, maybe, they're all insignificant enough to deserve all the love they can find.

But, inevitably, the moment passes and reality settles back in.

Blitzø doesn't want the moment to end, but, of course, the moment doesn't care. And, too scared to keep holding on to a hope that feels as fragile and ephemeral as an eclipse, Blitzø lets go of Stolas' hand.

[signedkoko]

Howdy!

Makes perfect sense about the requests, thank you for letting me know!

There was really one idea that I've been thinking about but it's kinda angsty and cliche so I understand if it's not the most interesting prompt

--

It's for poly Stolas and Blitzø x reader (but if you don't write poly relationships they can be separate)- finding their s/o crying? Usually their (s/o) tries to be self-sufficient and while they're in touch with their emotions, feel uncomfortable being vulnerable about it.

--

I understand if you choose not to write it for any reason, though. Take care 💛💛

-🐻

Stolas X Reader X Blitzo [Comfort]

In which the two stumble upon you crying, and do their best to comfort you.

Of the two, you are likely to be the most down to earth, go with the flow person

It works best that way with two large personalities, they give you all the love and attention you could need

And ultimately, you are very good at working through your own problems more personally, since a lot of them don't concern your lovers

The both of them have a lot of more pressing matters that require a lot of support, though Blitzo is far more begrudging about his issues

It was just that, recently, everyone has been so busy, and you found yourself falling below the line of being 'okay enough'

Except Blitzo had so many clients with IMP recently, and it was that time of year where Stolas has to participate in all kinds of royal ceremonies required of his lineage

So you were mostly home alone, seeing them at the end of the day and, if lucky, during breakfast

It's not to say they were neglecting you or one another, but there was a mutual understanding that the three of you had very demanding lives- or at least, they did

Everything was just becoming a bit much, and you found yourself spending most your day shut in

One evening, Stolas came home a tad earlier than expected

He knew you'd be home, and after a long day he wanted nothing more than to tell you about it and see your face again

He was very troubled when he heard crying coming from your shared room

Probably runs in, blowing the door open and dramatically lifting you up into his arms

" Oh my is everything alright my dear!? "

Like a mask had been switched, you hid your tears and stopped crying, shaking your head

Even if you try to tell him you were just a bit sad, he will not have it, it is extremely rare to see you crying, and knowing you'd been home alone all day he worried you hadn't taken care of yourself

He lets you back into the bed and hushes you, rubbing circles into your back and using his magic to bring the phone to him

" Blitzo, when will you be home? "

" Kind of in the middle of something, Stolas, can it wait? "

" I'm afraid not, you see, our partner- "

" I'll be there in 5. "

Literally there in less, his van is squealing into the driveway and you can hear him running through the halls, and when he enters he is on the phone, likely yelling at Moxie to take care of everything

Both are on you in moments, Blitzo is inspecting you for any injuries and Stolas is soothing you with scratches and comforting gestures

While Stolas will try to coax you into being more open with them, Blitzo is far more direct

Because, fuck! He's worried! And if you don't tell him what's wrong, how can he fix it? How can he make it all better?

As hard as it may be to get things out, they won't leave until they can figure something out for you

Author's Note - I always like s/o with Stolas and Blitz because I imagine reader can be sort fo a mother figure to both Octavia and Loona! Anyhow, thank you for requesting, and please enjoy 🖤

[demon-country]

One thing I like about Stolas is that he learns, and then he takes action of his own accord. He's not stagnant. Sure, he can be a bit oblivious and lost in his own head, but once he's finally informed that there is a problem he always makes a real effort to reflect on it and then do something about it.

We see it as early as Loo Loo Land, where he misses all the cues that Octavia is upset, but once she actually tells him what's wrong he immediately reassures her. He then promptly leaves with her, asks her what she wants to do instead, and takes her there despite not understanding the appeal. His focus is on her the whole time from the moment he finds her crying. He even carries her like she's a small child again the entire way back to the van, and she lets him because physical comfort is something she needs and he knows it.

We see it again after Ozzie's, where Blitz is finally honest about his belief that Stolas wants him for nothing but sex. After a night of heavy drinking, he immediately starts to reflect on things and comes to the correct conclusion that their deal needs to end, because in hindsight Blitz didn't seem happy or like he was having a good time like Stolas previously assumed, and then he tries to find Blitz a way to stay in business without relying on him. He gets a little side tracked because of the divorce, but he never gives up on getting Blitz an Asmodean Crystal, even when it requires him to wait several hours in Asmodeus' waiting room fresh out of the hospital.

We also see it in Apology Tour, where he reflects in his song and starts to realize that his behavior early on wasn't taken as him being cute and playful like he intended, but pushy and overbearing. Despite how Blitz hurt and yelled at him both that morning and the night before, he acknowledges that it wasn't malicious and doesn't try to put the blame for things going wrong on Blitz, although he doesn't yet realize that it's not because Blitz doesn't care, it's because he cares too much and is scared of that.

Stolas is learning and changing, but it's a slow process. It comes in pieces. Which is generally how it goes in real life, too. People don't usually change overnight, it can take years and years to fully unlearn bad behaviors and do better, but fuck if he isn't trying.

He needs problems spelled out for him though. He's been extremely sheltered and socially isolated his whole life, and there are a lot of things pointing to him being autistic as well. He's going to miss or misinterpret things that are just implied, there's simply no getting around that. For example, he was never going to realize that there are problems with how he treats imps in general without prompting, because that's been normalized for him and he's high enough on the food chain that almost no one is going to correct his unconscious bigotry. That is, until Blitz, who is perhaps the only person of a lower class Stolas knows who's not intimated by him in the slightest (other than Striker, who was torturing him at the time, which is yet another trauma barrier that will make it hard for him to reconcile with his racism/classism), tells him in a fit of rage. 

I'm sure he'll reflect on Blitz's words and what they mean about how he acts when it's not less than 24 hours since he got his heart smashed to pieces. I don't know about you guys, but I know firsthand that the humiliation and betrayal he likely felt after having his feelings mocked not once, but twice (first on accident, but the next very much on purpose. Oh Blitz, the self-sabotage is so painful to see) take a little while to get over. Let him reflect on how his over-enthusiasm had him running roughshod over Blitz first for a bit, which he's already in the process of doing, then when things aren't so fresh he'll be in a better headspace to consider his overarching biases.

And from a narrative standpoint, the fact that it's taking a while for him to work through everything is a good thing. Expecting him to just Know Better is unrealistic and would cheapen his character arc. He's fighting to do better for the people he loves despite his trauma and implicit biases making that hard for him, and if he is autistic then there are just some things he will always struggle with, like reading social cues. But for any of his improvement to feel satisfying for the viewers then it has to move at a reasonable pace, and unfortunately that kind of change takes time. It's difficult, but he's actually doing a pretty good job so far. He's making a real effort to fix his behavior. But you gotta be patient, he's basically fumbling blindly through this alone.

Anyway, I just really love that, slowly but surely, he's learning. He's not being babied by the narrative or the creators, he's holding himself accountable and changing himself for the better. If you want realistic characters with nuance and depth then you have to let them actually act in the messy, imperfect ways real people do. This is true for Blitz and his character arc as well, but that's for a whole other post.

[inu-jiru]

Jazz's "Apology Tour" ramble

Episode was trash, let's go.

First off, the whole "Fuck Blitzo" party is so stupid to me, like you're telling me this 30-something year old man had intimate relationships with ALL these demons and HE was the sole thing that ruined ALL of them?

And how did Verosika even find out about Stolas? Like I know Ozzie's happened, but how'd she hear about their "breakup" (they weren't together but whatever, show)?

Why the FUCK does Verosika care about Stolas being an uwu sad victim of mean old Blitzo aside from everyone being written to want to huff Stolas' sad boi farts?

Why is no one trying to kill Stolas like in Loo Loo Land, like suddenly we're just cool with the oppressive racist now (who am I kidding, the rank system doesn't exist anymore unless the "meanie supremacist" characters bring it up I guess)?

Don't think I'm trying to be "Blitzo's#1Bitch69" or anything, but Season 2 is just so gross in how they've written him. Either he's the big bully meanie for hating his abuser, or they've had him commit the most out of pocket atrocities (like possibly SAing Stolas since he was technically drunk or the circus incident or the shit he pulled with Verosika because what the fuck kinda trauma makes you steal someone credit card for horse riding lessons???) that they just gloss over because fuck having Blitzo actually progress normally or Stolas taking actual responsibility for his own actions, let's just speed through everything so it's back to Stolitz City, don't think about the implications. I just can't stand itttt, I still like and pity Blitz to an extent but his writing is killing meeee

Stolas, stop whimpering about being wanted YOU HAVE A KID WHO HAS STILL NOT APPEARED SINCE SEEING STARS WHERE IS SHE?

Am I really hearing that people are hating the dude flirting with Stolas like come on yall STOLITZ IS NOT OFFICIAL YET CHILL

I've honestly started skipping through episodes, like I can't fucking listen to "WAHHHHH BLITZO I WANT YOU TO WANT ME" for the millionth time, I wish this episode could've just been Blitzo and Verosika facing their issues or something I just don't wanna see this owl loser act like a victim anymoreeee

Man really said "when have I ever been condescending?" SEASON ONE???? How about every time you grab his face and call him out of his name and watch him be shot at while demanding he come over one a month? Oh, but when Blitz starts doing it back it's "Oh I'm uncomfortable ooOoOoo stop it Blitz hnnghhh I don't like it :C :C :C", like whatever man.

The Striker comment was dumb and wrong but that's because Stolas is dumb and wrong

Honestly I feel like I'm repeating the same points I and others have made in the past so all imma say is, I hope Octavia and Stella are enjoying their off-screen and better written adventures together. I'm gonna draw some AU stuff now to give my eyes something better to look at.

OH I forgot to talk about Verosika, uh, she was there? I honestly think she should just get over herself at this point, idk when she and Blitz broke up but what the fuck is it about this clown that she was so enamored over where she's this hurt? I can get being mad about her credit card and Blitz being a lazy partner but if that's the case, I fail to see how they got to a point where she got his name tatted on her arm. Idk it's weird

The Mayweather shit or whatever her name is was pointless and made no sense, like "I want you to kill this woman who made me attempt to kill her and myself but now we're dating" like? Hey Vivzie if yall can callback to that why can't yall call back to Stolas being a creep huh?

EDIT: They really made that fuckass "it's hell" excuse canon, huh? Like, it doesn't even make sense in the context of Blitz saying that, like people say "it's hell" because Biblically speaking, it's where those who truly oppose God in order to live a life of wickedness go as just punishment. Blitz the equivalent of a regular guy in Hell unlike the Hazbin characters, he shouldn't understand that there's a better alternative to Hell because he's not human and never had any opportunity to learn about Heaven or God (unless it's just in their DNA or something idk who knows with this show)

[blossomthepinkbunny]

My full Stolitz rant

Like many other people I really dislike Stolitz as a ship and the newest episode proved that further. I decided to just make a full rant about everything that comes to mind, instead of making multiple posts, focused on different general aspects/themes of HB or HH like I usually do. So this will not cover the issues I have with the writing of other characters like Stella or Octavia (I briefly talked about Stella and the aspect of woobyfying Stolas in my Adam post already). This also won't cover general problems with writing relationships in HB/HH or anything that breaches out of their relationship for that matter. It will probably also be focused mostly on Stolas because Blitzø isn't in the wrong in their relationship really.

One of my problems is that I've seen some people try to defend Stolas' actions by referring to Blitzø as a sex worker to which I just have to say:

1. He isn't a sex worker, he's an assasin. He only has a transactional relationship with Stolas, for which he didn't have a choice, otherwise he would lose his job and the opportunity to provide for his workers and daughter. It's not like we see him generally have sexual relations for payment with other people, only Stolas which makes sense, because he isn't a sex worker and doesn't want to be.

2. Even if he was a sex worker/qualifies as one in the specific relationship he has with Stolas, that doesn't mean that he owes Stolas anything other than sex. It's not Blitzø's fault for not wanting to have anything to do with Stolas and he doesn't owe him kindness, understanding or love after what Stolas put him through, just like real sex workers don't owe a romantic relationship to any of their costumers.

It was genuinely kinda refreshing to see Stolas finally acknowledge what their relationship isn't good and that Blitzø needs to be away from him. And seeing him give the Asmodean crystal to Blitzø was a nice gesture. But this is immediately made irrelevant by the confusion of what Stolas' character is even supposed to be here. He goes towards being somewhat likeable by understanding that what he did was wrong and having that finally be recognized and called out in the show. Called out by Blitzø, who has many good reasons to dislike him and give Stolas that reality check. But then the show wants us to pity Stolas again by making him say that god awful cringy line and making me immediately roll my eyes again. Because them acknowledging the bad actions of the character (something the show wants to pride itself on so badly) was something I wanted to see ever since HB started to victimize that stupid owl. I was ready to see this character less negatively when the reality of his actions finally hit him, with the genuine breakdown Blitzø has because of him. But he gets woobyfied immediately so now he seems like a manipulative hypocrite once again, because the conversation they have might as well go like this:

Stolas: I want you to be free because I realized that the relationship I set up wasn't right and I don't want you to feel forced to love me. I care for you and I want to love you, but at the same time, I don't want you to have an obligation to be kind to me or have a relationship with me.

Blitzø: Is this a joke?

Stolas: No, I am giving you freedom, so you can stop feeling forced to do whatever I say.

Blitzø: So you're acknowledging that you suck and that you weren't nice to me and you're giving me the freedom to choose how I will proceed with our relationship.

Stolas: Yes, I am.

Blitzø: Well I do think you suck because of the reasons you mentioned and I'm gonna give you my perspective of the things you said and explain just how badly you hurt me, especially when you're just sending me away like this, giving the impression that you're throwing me aside, after you got everything you wanted from me.

Stolas: How can you think of me like this?! I love you so much and you just think I suck?!

What reason did Stolas ever give Blitzø to like him? Apart from the coercion even, there is no common ground they have. They never hang out just casually or talk like normal people, who would realistically be able to form a relationship. The only date they had (from what we can assume from the context clues in the show) that wasn't just a meeting for sex was in Ozzies and that went south really quickly. It honestly reminds me of Twilight, where Bella and Edward are said to be a great couple (by the movies atleast, haven't read the books) when they have never had a normal conversation or an interaction that could give them chemistry. All of the interactions Stolas and Blitzø had so far were either scenes talking about/having/having just had sex or them talking/singing about how tragic their lovestory is. The only exception to that are the scenes were they are children and that's obvious because it would be weird to have literal children talk about sex or about the tragedy of their relationship, when they've only known eachother for a day or so. But even these scenes don't make them seem greatly compatible or even interesting because they only hung out for hardly a day and then didn't interact for like 30-40 years until they meet again (for the first time since they were children) and Stolas just immediately assumes Blitzø wants to fuck him.

And what also weirded me out is when Stolas said something along the lines of: "why do you always make this about sex?". As if Stolas ever gave Blitzø a sign that he wants to have anything but sex from him. Again, Ozzies is the only example for that and after that, their relationship was not that important until now. But even then, Stolas made sexual remarks towards him in "Seeing Stars" and talked about how good he is at sex in "Western Energy". And this sexual relationship they have is something Stolas set up, when he could've also just given Blitzø the book without forcing him to have sex and get closer by genuinely being kind to him. We don't even really know what he likes about Blitzø except for how he is in bed, so why am I supposed to care about their relationship and be sad about it not working out. Because they never give us the impression that either Blitzø's or Stolas' life would be better with the other in it (this is excluding sexual context becasue Stolas made it clear that he doesn't just want a sexual relationship in this episode). The only thing they have in common is that they both have daughters they struggle with but even there is a huge difference. Blitzø desperately wants a good relationship with Loona and constantly gives her affection and compliments, to which she responds with annoyance and abuse. Stolas has a daughter so understanding and just really neglected by him, on one hand because he always prioritized Blitzø over her (something he'd probably judge Stolas for, because spending time with a daughter who actually likes him and wants to spend time with him would probably be one of his dreams).

And nothing of this is even mentioning the sexual harassment Stolas puts Blitzø through. It starts with the pilot and the first episode, where their deal starts, at a point in the story where Stolas' whole character joke was just talking about wanting to fuck Blitzø. In the first episode their deal is established, a deal Blitzø hastily agrees to, because he is literally being hunted down, something Stolas is fully aware of. In the second epsiode Stolas makes sexual remarks towards Blitzø in front of his daughter and in the rest of the episodes he is in general very touchy and diminishing, something Blitzø is never shown to be a fan of. Stolas also very blatantly either fetishes Imps or is downright abusive towards them, showing that he doesn't see them as equal and that Blitzø's assumption about Stolas thinking he's less important is probably true (which is just a great setup for a relationship I'm sure).

In the end Stolitz is a confused, manipulative, victim blaming mess of a ship which could be used to great potential, if there was ever a point were they use this dynamic to genuinely portray a toxic relationship that shouldn't happen, instead of acting like they're meant to be together despite the toxicity and as if Stolas deserves my pity when Blitzø rightfully tells him to fuck off. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be a couple because they genuinely are too different or have other issues. But they can't have the story be about Blitzø breaking away from Stolas, because then the show couldn't mainly be carried by shipping and selling cutesy merch of a couple which actually sucks.

I do not care for the stupid owl and I probably never will. I do not think Vivzepop has the writing ability to turn this whole thing around and make Stolas end up as a well-written, flawed but still sympathetic character. The more they go into victimizing him by showing all the characters that call him out as abusive, inconsiderate or heartless (Stella, Octavia, Blitzø), the more I will dislike him and miss what the show once started as.

[chaifootsteps]

comments roundup on Arteice's vid

Frankly, it’s pretty upsetting that Stolas acts like a victim just because he was raised with royal blood and is a hypocrite when he dismisses Blitzo like he’s one of his servants

^This person makes an excellent point, actually. Blitzo specifically calls Stolas out for treating him like a butler - an inferior - and instead of wanting to apologize or offer discuss it with him at a later date when his emotions are running less high, Stolas just evicts Blitzo from his house using magic, essentially dismissing him. It's giving royal "remove him from my sight" sort of vibes - insead of rectifying the behavior Stolas just proved Blitzo's point (again). I guess at this point we should be glad the writers had the comment sense not to have Stolas squeeze Blitzo like a stress ball until his eyes popped

How much of a bad writer do you have to be when you make a character so unsympathetic and unlikable that fans convince themselves that it was intentional to make him come across as this much of a narcissistic abuser. Yes I’m sure Viv wants you to see Stolas, the guy who cries constantly and even has a music video about how sad and in love he is, who constantly has excuses thrown his way for his behavior like neglecting Via and having power over Blitzo, who was literally retconned in season 2’s premiere episode to be some naive lovesick idiot with a wife so comically abusive the best photos they could take of her was her choking puppies. That Stolas.

Well,I have to agree. Stolas really needs to take the L,get his shit together and stop always always victimizing himself seriously.

Stolas is victimizing Blitz, Blitz couldn't consent. All that sex they were having made Stolas a monster, then Stolas cries BECAUSE Blitz didn't fetishize or romanticise the abuse the way Stolas did

Thank you for standing up for blitz, stolas is unbearable at this Point

Since watching the Sarcastic Chorus breakdown of the episode, I can say that I am holding onto a sliver of hope that the hypocracy is intentional and will be developed upon soon. However, I can't lie that while watching the confrontation in Full Moon, I was become more and more irate at the idea that Stolas sings about the break-up in the next episode. They better call him on his bullshit SIGNIFICANTLY. Although that may be just me relating to Blitz more than Stolas rn.

What made this inevitable for me is the fact that Stolas is kind of placing all his eggs in one basket by relying on Blitz for his happiness. He seems to believe that if they get together, it’ll magically solve all his problems such as his faltering relationship with Octavia, and the threat of the Goetia bearing their full weight down on him. To me it felt also like he was testing Blitz by seeing what kind of reaction he would have by being freed from their contract. He’s placing a lot of expectation on someone who is never going to be able to live up to what’s being asked of him

Stolas got that "21 year old closeted gay college Student trying to discover his sexuality" vibes, you know what i'm sayin'? The thing is… he's a grown ass man in his mid to late 30s with a daughter. He needs to grow up

Posting this sanity now so we can all fortify ourselves for what's coming tomorrow morning.

[uniquepeanutcreatorfire]

Key Worldbuilding Issues

Before HB came out, I was excited to learn more about Viv's version of hell or Helluaverse. As time went on and now it's mid-season 2, it's safe to say I still don't have an idea of how Helluaverse works. Part of the reason being that there are no clear, established rules to make that world feel unique. Outside of nice background visuals, the world has basically been summed up to being like Earth and I find it boring and uncreative. Now, I'm not saying there can't be parallels to IRL, but everything is so on-the-nose. Though people may say you need to wait until the entire series is released to appreciate it, here are three worldbuilding aspects the show should've already addressed:

Access to the Human World

The only authorized means to get to Earth are Asmodean crystals and the grimoire (as of now). Since Stolas is the only one who's allowed to use the grimoire, Asmodean crystals would be the only option for hellborns. With that, succubi/incubi are the only hellborn species permitted to use these crystals (though we know Barbie has one). It would be assumed that there's also a restriction for other hellborns or maybe they're not allowed at all. So, it's baffling that no one has questioned how the imps have access to Earth, especially since they publicly advertised IMP. Not even Ozzie (one of the rulers) acknowledged it when Stolas requested a crystal for Blitz to do his business. The imps don't even act like they could get in trouble for doing this nor are there any signs of potential trouble later given the incidents they've caused (well maybe D.H.O.R.K.S). Another idea could've been someone (a competitor) trying to steal the grimoire for their own benefits.

Human Disguises

Human disguises were first mentioned in Spring Broken and we learned that succubi and hellhounds can magically shapeshift. Apparently, imps can't do this so they use bad disguises. However, we see in Unhappy Campers that Barbie (an imp) magically shapeshift. One thing that confused me about the concept of human disguises is when Loona mentioned it to the imps. She speaks about it like it's common knowledge but the imps looked confused that they should've been using disguises in the first place. In Seeing Stars, Blitz asked Stolas if he can give him a human disguise, but Stolas said his powers are limited without his grimoire. So, does that mean there's a spell in the grimoire to magically conjure a human disguise? If so, I don't understand why the imps haven't been using it going forward given the previous incidents and would've been helpful for M&M in Unhappy Campers. Stolas is able to magically conjure a disguise but his daughter, Octavia, doesn't when she goes to Earth. Does she need to be taught how to do it? Basically, human disguises have been the most inconsistent lore in the show. Either they're magically conjured, a possible spell, or maybe even the Asmodean crystal can give a hellborn their disguise (could explain why Barbie has one)? Another thing on succubi and hellhounds magically shapeshifting, what in-universe purpose would hellhounds have this ability? It makes sense for succubi and we see Loona has a strong sense of smell and can magically track people, but hellhounds have only served as guards or pets.

The Ars Goetias

So, the show has established that Stolas, as a Goetia, is an important figure, but we know next to nothing about the other Goetias. Who are they and what's their role in this hell's society? A missed opportunity I believed the show had was not showing Stolas doing his general duties (I don't mean just the Harvest Moon festival since it's an annual thing). What's his relationships like with other Goetias who aren't related to him? There's been too much focus on Stolas's family and love life. Having him in a professional setting and interacting with people who aren't Blitz, Stella, or Octavia would make him feel like a well-rounded character. It would also show what he's at-risk of losing if his affair with Blitz got out (even though we've seen royal demons/rulers in relationships with lower demons and they don't really suffer any consequences).

Conclusion

In retrospect, I probably should have broken this essay into smaller posts but I wanted to get all my thoughts out. Let me know what you think.

[latteandjacks]

//TW: Sexual harass mention (Not from Blitz), pressuring into having sex (From Blitz)//

Idk but I feel like the Helluvaboss fandom is REEEAAAALY like REEEEEAAAAAAAALLY forgetting Blitz was the one to actually pressure Stolas into fucking

And now HEAR ME OUT because I don't intend to say that Blitz is the only one in the wrong or that he's the abuser, Stolas is also wrong Blitz started it, which was his mistake (and I'll explain why) while Stolas didn't try to stop it soon and instead, proposed the deal, but there's more behind that proposition than we might think initially

In The Circus we get to see how Blitz got the book from Stolas, and I think most people remember more this one scene because it was the very start of it, probably because it was unexpected, and the early blush didn't help

Now I want you all to remember that he had just drink a whole bottle of whatever strong shit his butler gave him in one go and who knows how many other he drank And also the fact that he proceeded to do... Zero moves He turned on candles and put on music (That could very well not be in-universe and just background music) but stayed pretty much away from Blitz, and even mentions that he could've visited if he wanted too, putting more emphasis in that he only wished to see him and this whole thing isn't his primary reason

"Like yeah fucking would be nice I guess but also I want to know about your life and ask how you doing"

Like he was clearly just playing and not taking it seriously, and at much he believed it would only stay into some casual flirting

That summarizes it all, "ONE would think" sound like a "It looks like you want to do this" and not a "I'm expecting you to do this"

He then sits Blitz down and ask him about how he's been and how is work doing, leaving aside the sex topic and focusing on just spending time with him after two decades

Now here's the reason as to why I say Blitz kind of pressured him into having sex, and I want you all to remember, Stolas was DRUNK and also very, very confused

Like he literally jumped off as soon as possible out of the couch and tried to tell Blitz that he didn't actually want it, it was Blitz who kept making moves and when Stolas almost noticed the book missing he bite him Ofc Stolas got into it very quickly (When they were in bed he seemed to be considering it before getting distracted by the missing book), but it's the fact that prior that he was unsure about actually doing it (An unsure yes is still a no)

So while Stolas joked about it, Blitz actually went through with it So let's see:

Stolas jokes about Blitz sneaking in saying that it looks like he wants to fuck him

Blitz actually fucked him and showed nothing but intention to fuck him in his point of view

He left next morning with his book in hand without saying goodbye

With that in mind, his poor experience on relationships and the implication that he was S/Ad by Stella to have Octavia and that was her only reason to fuck him, he just assumed Blitz only thought about sex, and so he proposed the deal because he thought it was something HE wanted to. Now now, this is where Stolas is also wrong, he did not ask if he wanted to do it, but assumed is what he wanted, which is the reason of the horniness and the petnames until Ozzies where he wants to actually build up a better relationship with Blitz and tries to show him that he cares

They're both very in the wrong and have been since the very beginning (Like, again, Blitz pressured Stolas into playing pirates when they were kids, nice foreshadowing HB team)

"Oh but he enjoyed it" yes he did but that still doesn't change the fact that he was more pressured than anything and ended up just going along with it and the alcohol played a part on it

[themolescriticalblog]

Like I did with Hazbin on my main blog partially, I'm starting to think of ways I'd rewrite Helluva Boss and specifically focusing in Stolas and Blitz, and trying to make it an actual arc that makes sense with the character beats and development.

Something I think really hinders Stoltiz from truly being something that people could actually get there backs on is:

· The development of Stolas's feelings towards Blitz is way too fast, and out of nowhere. For example: in LooLoo land, Stolas has almost no interested in Blitz besides sexual interest (from what I remember it's been a while since I've seen it). But it's weird for me, since he's acting this way when we've seen how basically he's always had a crush on Blitz. So him purely acting this way at first and then slowly it getting basically retconed (thanks Vivzie) is really weird to me.

· Everything is about STOLAS. Tell me when we've ever gotten a genuine look, into Blitz thoughts about this agreement. Besides one off jokes, and basically Truth Seekers, Full Moon and Apology Tour (if you ignore Stolas's whining). We only get to see how Blitz feels in STOLAS'S PERSPECTIVE during major moments. We never really get to have a moment where Blitz is truly contemplating Stolas. I hope this part makes sense.

So, from these two points and a few smaller things, like Stolas being this sappy, "good" royal from the start who if ever called out for his actions, the show basically tries to frame it as non-serious as it can cause it's from "villains" or people who "misunderstood", here's kinda the basics of what I've come up with, for rewriting Stoltiz:

Stolas and Blitz don't meet when they were children, we don't have that emotional connection between them at all from the start, and the simple bases is that Blitz one night sneaks the Grimorie, and Stolas in a drunken stooper fails to catch Blitz with the book before he's run off

That doesn't mean Blitz is off the hook though, as Stolas finds him, and instead of killing him as he normally would go a "foolish imp" who tried to really steal his most prized possession. He instead offers a deal to Blitz, which he consents to begrudgingly and they seal it in a handshake, where if the dues are broken with no word as to why the full moon meeting was missed, or any other reasons from either parties side, it's broken off, with the Grimorie going back to Stolas, and Blitz to never step foot in his home again.

Reason why he even let's Blitz live? Well he sees here he has an imp he finds cute wanting to trade something for the Grimorie for a business. Perhaps he thinks he's being so generous and kind giving someone lower than him an opportunity to rise. Or perhaps it involves getting back at Stella in some way by actively cheating on her in their own bed, a horrible thing, which he has little thought of being so horrible. It really depends, it could be both.

Stolas here is explicitly morally dubious/very grey at "best" or an antagonist at worse here from the start. In this he was once a sweet child who soon was expected to fit the form of your petty, selfish, and horrid prince, who became who he was fully. Inside he knows what he is doing is horrible, that he shouldn't treat people the way he does, but doesn't properly have the facilities to change, and no active reason to change, besides for Octavia. But even he's too ignorant to really see it as more than "the common mistakes a parent makes their first time around".

While he is abused by Stella, it's not as if he's completely innocent himself, and Stella in this case isn't overly cartoonishly evil. And while he loves Octavia and tries to make their home life the best for her, he's ignorant to her needs, and not just one episode at LuLu Land is going to "fix" it all as mentioned earlier.

From this point in it's kinda difficult for me to think about how this would turn into an "actual relationship"??? I was thinking of something like this:

basically Blitz during different episodes that involve him and Stolas directly causes Stolas to began rethinking many of his actions, and his prejudice/so far as racism to the other races of hell that are deemed lower than him. These ideas, that are also perpetuated by Octavia, and in episodes such as Ozzie's, begin to change him, begin to make him realize how much of a fuck head he's been.

This is when Stolas begins to try to fix what he's done, he talks to Asmodeus about these things, he tries to have a serious chat with Stella, apologizes for his cheating but knows he's gone to far to really fix anything. They decide on divorce, and Asmodeus mentions the crystal. Not as a way out for Stolas, to excuse himself from using what's more than just an Imp, but a person. But, as a way to let Blitz have a choice, a proper choice, on what he wants to do.

Full Moon happens, but this time, Stolas doesn't beat around the bush, he tells Blitz full out in text that it's important they have a proper talk, and Stolas explains it out front without making Blitz begin to beg on his knees, saying he'll do anything before presenting the crystal (that scene makes me SEETHE). He presents the crystal, explains his reasoning, and what Blitz has helped him realize about himself. That he's an extremely flawed and horrible person, who needs time to really think about who he's become, but knows he doesn't want to keep Blitz trapped. And Blitz then takes the crystal.

Thought it doesn't stop their communication, basically you'd see any following episodes featuring Stolas slowly showing him fully developing into a better person. I feel like him and Blitz though a series of events would become more like friends if anything, they'd help each other with their own struggle. Maybe they'd never be good for each other even, but they're healing.

That's kinda all, MAYBE IT WAS, PRETTY SAPPY, you see I really just wish, this could work, that the writing was ok in some fashion. Hell maybe my version of it makes it worse, doesn't make Stolas less borderline if not rapey than he is, but if anything I wanted this version of their arc to show Stolas actually CHANGING as a person due to his ACTIONS EFFECTING OTHERS and being called out for it. If you have any thoughts feel free to reblog, comment or send an ask!!!! Main reason I started this blog besides ranting is I wanted a place to also share my ideas!!!

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us chapter 8

So here we go!!!! First time cross posting AO3 and Tumblr! This is exciting 😏 anyway, I wanna give a giant thanks to my friends over at the Astarion Brainrot discord, you all have helped me out with figuring out AO3 and now both places I'm posting to are caught up! Only took the whole week 🥲😅

Well anyway, as always many thanks to my bestie @micropoe10 I appreciate everything you do for me babe 😘 many many maaaaany thanks to @cheesy-cryptid for their artwork ❤️ I literally look at it each time I have to think of something to write.

Chapter 8

Stay and watch me fall

 After the fundraiser, the museum had gotten into its busy season. The warmer months made it so that more people were coming in to get away from the heat.

 Which meant more reasons to finally solve this damn mystery that's been hanging over Octavia's head for the last few weeks. She's gotten as far as she can without having to go consult Astarion on the source of this book. There was only so much trying to convince Gale to use his magic to try to restore the book without him lecturing her about misuse of his studies, magic, and family line. 

 

Ever since they shared their secret and the fact that he woke up in her house with a nasty hangover and some embarrassing flashbacks, they've become much closer as friends.

Eventually he confides in her that her rejection of him was not unexpected. "To be perfectly honest, I see the way you look at him...it's fine, because I also see the way he looks at you. Just because you can't see his eyes, doesn't mean I have not. I know him, I know how he looks at you." 

 Gale kept his gaze in the book he was reading, "Besides, I can't resist it sometimes either. He's got this way of twisting things to his benefit. I can only imagine how he uses that to his advantage." Octavia looks up somewhat shocked, Gale is giving her a challenging glare, as if he's given her all the help he would give her in this particular situation. They smirk at each other and keep working.

—-------------------

Following the little routine she had gotten herself into, Octavia does her rounds surveying the first floor of the museum. She reaches into the pocket of her cardigan and plays with the silk handkerchief she never returned. She's been meaning to give it back to Astarion, but he was 'traveling for work' whatever the hells that meant.

 Octavia continues her stroll, going up to the office corridors. Out of the corner of her eye she sees something peculiar. The giant ornate dark wooden door that leads into Astarion's extremely off limits office is cracked open. She could knock and see if he's in there, but she takes the opportunity to give him a taste of his own nosey medicine. 

 She walks up, tiptoeing slowly to the door, she gives it a small push and it easily flows open. It's as of the room itself is inviting her in. She steps through and gently closes the door, leaving it unlocked. 

 As she turns she begins to take in the room. A full suit of armor is put together next to a massive bookshelf, candelabras stacked with melted wax and softly lit candles.

His desk is at least twice the length of hers and Gale's combined. There's books, papers, art, and all sorts of random things all around. Each square of wall is crammed with trinkets. Much to her advantage, the room is still fairly dark due to the heavy curtains covering the window behind his desk, a small slit of the last beams of sunlight peeking through them.

 A faint smell of gardenias, moonflowers, and primroses filled the room. Seems like he's close to their gardens, but as she looks towards the window, she notices a small bundle of them as if they've been recently cut. 

 She comes up to one of the dusty display cabinets and peers through. As she eyes some gemstones, she can hear faint footsteps coming towards the office. The only way out is to hide and wait, so she sprints over to the only alcove she can slip quietly into. There's a spot between the armor and the bookshelf, she takes her place as her heart travels up her throat. 

 Astarion opens the door, speaking to someone and trying to make his departure. "Yes yes, I'm very honored that you have donated sooo much money to our esteemed institution, but I really must get back to my research, you understand right?"

Octavia hears the door open and close, her breath shudders a bit and she regulates her breathing. She can still see what he's doing, thankfully shrouded in partial darkness. 

 Octavia watches as Astarion sauntered over to his desk, he sits with his arms dramatically thrown behind the headrest of the chair, his legs stretched out in front of him. Octavia never noticed how svelte he was, the suits paint a clear picture, but this was a new angle. 

 He lets out an exasperated groan and takes off the glasses on his face. Octavia takes another sharp inhale, was she about to see what he fully looks like after three godsdamned months? Astarion leans forward and has his face in his hands, he's clearly stressed out about something.

He turns the chair to face the window, takes one of the flowers into his hand and sniffs it deeply. He lets out a soft sigh and Octavia swears he said something behind it. 

 "I should have seen this all with you, my moonflower. I was so foolish to not accept your offer, I can't let our past get in the way, not this time." He speaks softly as he walks towards the window, pulling on the heavy fabric. Swinging open the window and looks out as the sun's final light turns to dusk. "To have planted all of these flowers for you, and I can never share them." 

 He sighs deeply, taking a long inhale."Fuck, I keep seeing her, now I'm smelling her too? It's like this ghost has come to haunt me yet again." He closes his hand on the small flower bud in his hand, crushing it. 

 It's become a little difficult for Octavia to see what he was doing. As she tries to get a closer look, she balances on the suit of armor, making it swing a little. She gasps and pulls away immediately.

The weight of her back hitting the wall causing a sound loud enough to alert Astarion, whom she can hear mutter a disguise spell. 

 He turns and she can see his eyes clearly at last. They're gorgeous, an orange hue with a reddish ring near the pupils. "I know you're there…" Astarion's voice sounds eager, threatening yet alluring, like a cat chasing a bird. 

 He stalked around the room slowly, Octavia's heart was thundering in her chest; her breathing quick and shallow. She pressed herself into the corner she was tucked in, shutting her eyes tight as he approaches her.

 "Come on, I really don't think you want to play this game with me..."

 She trembles as he stops in front of the bookshelf, her eyes open wide, they're practically face to face and somehow he doesn't react. He's just staring absentmindedly.

 Astarion takes a sharp inhale, and exhales in a shudder, his face warps into a mix of emotions. She watches as he goes through anger, confusion, fear?

 The way his whole body tensed as he glared at her, past her, it was startling. He takes another deep inhale, a wave of emotions passes through him. She watches as his chest rises and falls rapidly. His pupils are blown and he seems elsewhere. 

 The way his gaze is boring down on her makes her knees weak, all the choices she made up until this point shooting alarm bells into her limbs. "Little mouse, I've caught you." 

 Octavia gulps loudly, she feels his hand grab her arm, pulling her out of the shadows onto his chair. "Your turn now, speak." Astarion's voice was harsh and pointed. "Well?" He kept his gaze on her, his bright eyes seemed to change into a fiery hue, the orange quickly dissipating into a red shadow. 

 "I- I-" she reaches into her pocket and pulls out the silk square of fabric. "I've been meaning to return this to you, but you've been gone. I saw the door was slightly cracked open and I came in hoping to find you." Octavia glances up, the humiliation clearly on her face. "You came in so fast, I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't hear anything, I'll leave." 

 Octavia puts the handkerchief on his desk and tries to stand. Astarion puts his arm across her on the chair, pinning her to the chair. "We are not done here." He lifts her head with his hand, he's looking down at her as if he's reading her mind. "That's not all you want. Talk." She breaks away from him, the electricity from his eyes was far more intense when he was mad. 

 "I- I haven't seen you since the night of the opening, in my yard. You've been gone and you're so damn secretive when you're here. Why do you make it seem like you're so easy to talk to and trust when you're the most shut off person I have ever met?" She feels the heat from the embarrassment and annoyance growing into anger. Her body trembles with the adrenaline rushing throughout.

 "If that was all, you didn't need to be sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and I certainly don't need you slinking around in my private office." He hisses the last words, releasing the grip on the desk he held.

 "Next time you desire to speak to me, come to me, don't decide for me. Is that clear?" His voice is grating and deep, vibrating through Octavia. She gulps and nods, her breaths hot and shallow.

 "Speak up. I'm having trouble hearing you." He calls mockingly back to their time in her garden, Octavia shakily replies "Yes." He lets out a dark chuckle "Good girl. Leave." 

 Octavia hesitates a little, she was breathing heavily, their eyes locking onto each other "Did I fucking stutter?" He glares daggers into her, she's finally able to see his whole face and gods, he's gorgeous.

 "You're- your eyes…they're beautiful. This is the first time I've seen you.." she trails off, his face starts to shift as the anger melts away. 

 Astarion and Octavia stare into each other's eyes for a few seconds, he slowly creeps closer, his fingers trailing up her neck turning her towards him again. He keeps his burning gaze on her, she's right here and he can smell the familiar perfume he picked up earlier.

 He shudders, the sweet scent is intoxicating and nostalgic. Octavia lets out a soft gasp, he's so close to her lips, their eyes stay locked on each other.

He leans in closer, ghosting his lips on hers. She takes a sharp inhale, thinking he'd close the distance. Instead, he rubs his nose on hers and whispers into her mouth,

 

"Get out before I do something we'll both regret." 

tag list:

@justporo

@satanicspinosaurus

@sleepy-timaeus

@tragedybunny

@davenswitcher

@wayward-hel

[tenaciousangelkryptonite]

Gotta love how the HB fandom would be so quick to judge you for liking Stella all because "she's abusive! You can't love her! She tormented Stolas! How could you like her!?!?".... Notice how the fandom always points out her flaws whenever you say something positive about her, but when it comes to Stolas and pointing out his wrongdoings, the fans are all like "He's trying! Stolas loves his daughter, and is trying to better himself. Give it time!" Or some shit like "Why do you hate him? Didn't you see what he had to go through?" What about what Octavia had to go through? With both of them matter of fact. The hypocrisy istg. It doesn't make sense. Stolas is no better than Stella in the slightest. He still had an affair with Blitzo, despite Octavia being affected by it dearly. Decided to watch Blitz do a comedy show instead of looking for his own daughter. And constantly uses Blitzo for sex and he doesn't truly love him either. He's a slutty owl who always puts an imp before Octavia and that's a fact. But everybody loves him, right? He has so many flaws but we can't give criticism to him? Because he's the "UwU owl baby!" Y'all do realize you can like a character without supporting their actions, right? Stella is a prime example. But the HB fandom will feel the need to shit on you for liking a character the same way they love a character despite their own wrongdoings. What a fucking joke. Stolas and Stella are equally not good parents at all. You don't see me bashing people for loving them though, right? Plus, Octavia never had a normal life. All Stolas kept talking about was imp dick and about the deal. On top that that, in one of the episodes, he literally claims that he wants Blitzo to fuck him. In front of Octavia who was disgusted by that quote. Stolas has been doing this before even apologizing to his daughter, and proceeded to repeat the same mistakes again. How is he any better? He's honestly not even trying to better himself at this point. He's still the same owl we've known since the pilot. I can totally see Stolas and Blitzo getting together 🙄. Speaking of Blitzo, since when did he ever care about Stolas? That was just out of NOWHERE! Anyways, like what you like. Don't give a fuck about what a character has done. Just love them as much as you can, since fans will take that enjoyment away from you once they catch you praising a character that you hate. I'm disappointed in this fandom.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: January 2024

as long as I'm talking about The Gargoyle's Captive, let's discuss what else I've been reading this month.

Maeve Fly (CJ Leede, 2023) - I really liked this slender debut novel, which follows the titular Maeve Fly as she prowls LA like a homicidal alien, playing an unnamed ice princess in a certain theme park by day and indulging her murderous tendencies by night. Maeve is in a downward spiral; she's 27 years old and is preparing to lose her grandmother to illness and her only friend to a blossoming acting career. she sees no future for herself beyond losing the only two people she cares about and has no further goals, contenting herself with alcohol and porn while she rereads the same books, rewatches the same videos, and listens over and over to her playlist of Halloween music. Maeve is, it must be said, an abysmal loser, and I like her terrible melodrama a lot. I do think some of the hype is perhaps overstating the feminist credentials of this book; it sort of reminds me of when a college friend told me their favorite feminist movie was Suicide Squad (2016) because Harley Quinn was in it. Maeve talks a lot of big game about how women are always expected to have some tragedy to be deranged serial killers, while men are allowed to just do it, but it hit me as a little tryhard. there are a lot of books trying to be "the female American Psycho" right now - Eliza Clark's 2020 novel Boy Parts is frequently described as such - but it feels a bit too on the nose when Maeve's ultimate climactic rampage is directly inspired by a glimpse of the American Psycho novel. it's not that deep, but it is a gross, captivating read told from a fascinatingly cracked POV. check out Maeve Fly.

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price, 2021) - yeah Devon Price is still following me (though my days are numbered, I'm sure) so it's a massive relief to say that I did like this book. Price has sort of become my self-help ride or die, mainly because a.) he's so much more self-aware than the average self-help writer that it feels kind of insulting to call him one and b.) he's actually dealing with topics that are relevant or interesting and providing actionable advice. while LDNE didn't engross me quite as hard as Unmasking Autism (while I am, famously, not autistic, I do believe in their beliefs, by which I mean I'm the token allistic among my close friends and I vastly prefer autistic company) it hit me hard in several unexpected pressure points. I'll happily admit that I can't relate to Price's interviewees who willingly work 50+ hours a week for jobs that hate them and are destroying their minds and bodies, but I still struggle to escape the perpetual sensation that a moment at rest is a moment wasted. It probably didn't help that I was reading this book while on vacation at my mother's, where I visited the beach almost daily and was so work-averse that we didn't even bother going grocery shopping because I didn't want to cook. and yet, despite getting dummy chill in some aspects of my life, I am still constantly possessed by a malevolent ghost insisting that I'm wasting my time and have never actually done Enough. maybe Price's next book, Unlearning Shame, will finally fix me; it's out in four days and god knows I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as humanly possible.

Patternmaster (Octavia E. Butler, 1976) - y'all know I love a messy political fantasy, and this is just... god, the absolute messiest. I thought Mind of My Mind was bad, but it turns out Mary's descendants are going to full-on reinvent feudalism with psychic powers, treating non-psychics as chattel and causing technological advancement to regress since they refuse to handle their problems with anything but psychic powers. and it's even got two brothers duking it out for the throne that will give them power over every bitchy psychic on earth! you love to see it. if I can be 100% honest I do think it's straight up bananagrams that this was the first book released in the series even though it's chronologically last; I genuinely cannot imagine caring enough to figure out what the fuck these people were talking about if I didn't have the previous four books for context. and even "context" may be generous; Octavia still has absolutely 0 interest in explaining what's up with the fucking outer space werewolves who are the psychics' #1 enemy. if I could have brunch with any person living or dead I would summon Butler up in a heartbeat to explain what the fuck her thought process was in plotting out this series over some mimosas, and I would take extensive notes on every word she said. an absolute genius and the uncontested queen of freak shit forever.

Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021) - I purchased this graphic novel in November 2023 at a conference where I bumped into Queer Comics Peddler, my very favorite queer midwestern pop-up. running into them is always a delight, and this time I came with a question: could they give me a recommendation? the very nice people working offered up Thirsty Mermaids, which was the PERFECT companion for a long airplane ride. it's cute without being overly sappy, and avoids the trap of sacrificing a plot for the sake of checking off as many representation boxes as possible. the story is simple: three mermaids use a spell to turn into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to realize in the morning that they don't know how to turn back. taken in by a generous bartender, they're faced with the reality of having to make money for the first time in their lives. hijinks ensue, but also a very sweet and warmhearted story about the friends looking out for one another as they try to figure out exactly where they belong and what home even means. also the artwork is GORGEOUS, with the mermaids' extremely memorable character designs being a real standout. if you're a graphic novel enthusiast, definitely check this out 🧜‍♀️

Sugar, Baby (Celine Saintclare, 2023) - Sugar, Baby came to me in a very similar way as Thirsty Mermaids: while visiting a witchy little bookstore that I was immediately charmed by, I asked the cashier what they would recommend. they offered up Maeve Fly (fab) and this novel, a stack of which was on the counter advertising an upcoming event with the author. neither have disappointed, so shout out to that one employee with the great taste! Sugar, Baby sees a young cleaner named Agnes, one of the only biracial women in her unnamed English town, befriending the daughter of a wealthy client and getting whisked away to her new friend's London lifestyle: crashing in an apartment with fellow models, staying out all night to party, and making money by going on dates with extravagantly wealthy older men. Agnes starts out having a swell time, but the cracks pretty swiftly start to form as she realizes how much more dependent she is on these men than her wealthy new friends and she begins to wonder exactly how much she's willing to diminish herself to get the bag. it's not a perfect first novel but it is a compelling one, a perfect airplane page-turner that crashes from glitzy to ghoulish and back with breakneck speed.

The Gargoyle's Captive (Katee Robert, 2023) - my full review is over on patreon for my darling supporters who want me dead (and picked this book in the first place, damn them to hell), but suffice to say this is a fun book to read if you like the sensation of your brain melting out of your nose, if you're really turned on by baby's first bdsm, you are not particularly concerned with trifling matters like "plot coherence" or "character motivation" or "writing that is complex and artful," and/or you've ever wanted to have sex with a dude whose penis is so big that you feel genuinely fear. also, hey, I forgot to include this in my patreon write-up so fuck it: Robert REFUSES to tell us what kind of food the protagonists are eating, ever. whenever they have a meal it's just "the food was placed on the table" "I took a bite" etc. drop me a HINT, man, come on! is it a protein? grain? starches? the only thing I know for sure that they're consuming is wine and a single marshmallow, and god does it show. it's just a very weird and distracting omission and it's absolutely not the worst thing about this book but it is a hill I'm willing to die complaining on.

[rykno-j]

Reschedule (H/elluva B/oss)

Happy Birthday @selfindulgentsuffering!!

tada! This is for you, thanks for getting me into this show, and I hope i did alright.

ship: s/tolas x b/litz (i forgot the ship name)

s/tolitz?

disclaimer: they might be out of character since, well, i dont really know how to write dialogue but fuck it! am i right? also theres a true lack of snz in the fic, apologies for that, plot took over.

word count: 2k

---------------------------

"Pick the fuck up, you dick obsessed piece of shit-!" Blitz hurled his phone onto the ground, shattering it in the process. Seriously, this was like the fourth? Fifth? Sixth? time he broke one and it was always (mostly) due to that shitty bird.

It's not like he expected a whole reception for his monthly visit to the mansion to return the book, but it was unlike Stolas to just straight up ignore him for the past couple of days.

Not that he.. cared or anything like that, fuck no.

Well whatever, he might as well start scaling the walls if he planned to reach the bedroom anytime soon, an endeavor which would have been much easier if he wasn't lugging the huge book around.

Finally reaching the balcony, Blitz took a quick look around to check for security before ramming straight into the tainted glass windows.

What the fuck? Since when did he lock his doors? Stolas practically didn't care about his own safety, always shitting around and expecting someone to save his ass, it was annoying, really.

Tap tap. Tap tap tap tap. "STOLAS, BEFORE I BREAK THIS FUCKING SHIT DOWN YOU BETTER-"

"..Blitzy?"

To his left, Stolas peeked his head out of the ajar door. In silence, Blitz looked towards the window he was pounding, then at the door, then back at the window again.

"Oh so you still don't lock your doors." (completely ignoring the fact he tried opening a fixed window)

Inviting the imp into his room, Stolas returned to the edge of his bed, curling up in his sleeping robes. He was unsure why Blitz had come to visit, he was sure the full moon was not here for at least a few more nights.

"What? I got a stain on my shirt? Whyya looking at me like that?"

"Hm? Oh I was just wondering what you're doing here Blitzyy, breaking into my bedroom of all places especially-"

"Are you fucking serious Stolas? I'm here to return your damn book."

"O-Oh its that time of the month already?" Fuck he had been asleep longer than he thought.

"Yeah yeah poor you," Blitz mumbled, shoving the book back into its designated hole in the shelf. He then hopped off, starting the action of unbuttoning his shirt while walking towards the bed.

"Blitzy dear, what are you doing~?"

"Seriously, Stolas. Is this confusion act another one of your bird kinks? ..Eh you know what? You do whatever you want, I'm just here to do whatever I need to."

As Blitz advanced towards him, Stolas started back crawling deeper into the sheets, tripping over his robes in the process, leaving him pinned under the other's shadow.

"I uh, this might not be the best time Blizty, you see uh- well, Octavia is home tonight and I would hate to wake her up with, uh, well, sex sounds."

"Oh I can keep you quiet alright, just you watch."

"Oh! No, please! I could, well, we should, reschedule this, r-really. You see, I'm not really, uh, in the mood right now." Stolas forced out a smile, trying his best to ignore the little pulse of pain in his head.

"You serious? I lubed up and shit for this!" Blitz groaned, rolling his eyes as Stolas feebly struggled against his hold. "What's with all these fallen feathers anyway," he gestured towards the mass of fluffies all over the bed. "Been sleeping with someone else?"

"Oh Heavens no."

"Masturbating, then?"

"Oh never! Not when I have a glorious imp dick such as y'hh! yours!" With a sudden burst of strength, Stolas pushed Blitz's weight off of him, rolling to the side to stand. "But seriously Blitzy, you should go."

"I didn't come all this way just to be turned down by-"

"hih-'tshh! 'tcshh!"

"some-"

"ng'tshH!"

"cock hungry-"

"snff- ungh"

"Hey uh, you okay there?" Blitz asked, his voice tinged with a hint of worry. Normally, he wouldn't have got so far in his speech before Stolas would completely take over, ramping up the horniness to the maximum before pulling his pants down.

"Just f-fine darling~" Stolas laughed in response, though his voice sounded strained to say the least.

"Hmm.." Blitz scurried up behind the other, pulling on his arm when he won't look his way. "Nah you're hiding something. No horny remark, no dirty talk of how much you want to be dicked, something is wrong here, Stolas. You held at gun point or something?" Blitz climbed up the bedframe to reach Stolas' eyelevel. "Need me to off someone for you?"

"Noo, oh no, of course not! Just-"

"Just?"

"I've just been, well.. feeling a little unwell, that's all."

"Oh that's all?" Blitz hopped off the bed pole. "Gotcha, I'll get my guys at I.M.P to send over another care package to you. How was the last one we sent? Good enough?"

"It was.. brilliant. The fork really.. helped. Uh, soo Blizty? Could we discuss a reschedule of this.. thing?" It hadn't occurred to Stolas that moving their fuck-date to another night would mean the other takes his leave now.

"Hm? Yeah of course, but what's there to discuss? I'll come down a few days later to pick up the book and fuck you. Sounds good? Great, alright. I'll uh, see you then."

Before Blitz could take even a single step towards the balcony, a thin hand reached out to stop him.

"W-Wait!"

"What?"

"Oh! Uh, sorry." Stolas released his grip, brushing his hand awkwardly on his robe. His body had acted subconsciously. He had not meant to do that. "Well, I was wondering if you'd like to stay over for the niii-dinner! Dinner. Well I've not had dinner yet, so whaddayousay?"

"Fine."

"Oh please Blitzy, it would- wait. What did you say?"

"I said fine. Now, can you actually cook or are we just going to eat cereal again?"

-

And so cereal for dinner it was, if you could even call it dinner. To Blitz, it was more akin to watching Stolas struggle and fail to stay awake every 30 seconds. His head feathers (hair?) was a mess, puffing out in several angles that could normally only be achieved after a night of rough sex.

"S-Stolas look. If you wanna go to bed, you can just go."

"But I've been doing nothing but sleep for the past few dayys Blitzy, I wna spend time awake with youu."

"You're being fucking weird." Blitz stood, picking Stolas up with minimal effort. "Look, I came here to fuck you and that's it. I'm not your dinner date or your playmate, okay?"

"I know.." But truly, it was unsure at all if the bird was really listening or not. "I've just been so lon- and I just wanted to hav- around to make me fee-" the ruffle of the blanket drowned out Stolas' mumbles as Blitz deposited him back in bed. And to think the owl was actually older than him.

"Blitzy, would you stay the night?"

"I thought you wanted to reschedule?"

"Yes but well.." Stolas shyly thumbs the blanket between his fingers, "we don't have to have sex."

"Then what's the point?"

"..."

Receiving no reply, Blitz made his way to the balcony, hopping onto the railing and preparing a quick jump down. Despite himself, he casts a quick glance back at the owl, brows furrowing as he watches Stolas turn to his side, the blankets curling around him into a small tight ball.

Ugh fuck.

As Stolas miserably tried to fall back to sleep, he suddenly felt a dip in the mattress as if something of substantial weight was placed on it. Tilting his head a little to check what it was, he could barely contain the squeak of delight when his eyes landed on Blitz.

"Yeah yeah, don't get your feathery ass in a twist, I'll stay for the night, whatever, no biggie." Blitz flipped over to face the window. "It's not like I have anything else to do. M&M are sleeping, the book is with you, and Loona is not going to appreciate me coming home this early when I specifically told her I'd be gone for the night."

"Thank you, Blitzy."

"Mhm, you're welcome." Ignoring the fact that Stolas' eyes were staring holes into the back of his head, Blitz closed his eyes, crossed his arms, and tried to fall asleep.

-

"hh' hih!- nhh~"

Stolas pulled the blanket over his beak, trying to muffle out the little sniffles he was forced to make. Dammit, the excessive sleep was making his head woozy, yet he was still somehow too tired to get up and do things.

Looking over at Blitz, he was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to pull the little imp under his covers into a hug. But Blitz was already going out of his way to stay here, so Stolas cuddled into his blankets instead.

"hH! ..hih'nngchiew! ..sorry."

This was bad. Stolas knew, (more so than anyone else, of course), that his sneezes came in fits, itchy ones that didn't want to stop the moment they started. Usually, this little tidbit of his was nothing more than an inconvenience, something that he dealt with by himself at home, with the occasional help of a feather.

But now, oh how could fate do him like this, Blitz was in the room. More so than simply 'in the room', at that, for he was a mere inches away, within cuddle's grasp.

Stolas groaned, beating his fists lightly against the mattress in annoyance, causing a small bundle of feathers to fly up. It's definitely a sight to behold. Normally, someone would come by his chambers to sweep up the feathers. But since he had put a strict 'no entry' order on his bedroom since 3 days ago..

"hiH' atchhw!!"

..One of them was unfortunate enough to land directly on the tip of his beak.

"Bless you."

"Oh-!" Stolas jolts up. "I thought you were already asleep my dear."

"How could I, when you're beathing behind me like a broken vacuum cleaner someone mistook for a fleshlight so they're shoving it down their dicks wondering why there's so much blood everywhere after they cum."

"That's- oddly specific."

"Yeah well, it happens to the best of us. My point is, sigh, if you need to sneeze, you should just do it. No need to make yourself suffer more than necessary."

"Yes, but it's impolite, and-"

"I've licked feathers off your asshole before, so don't come to me talking about this whole impolite shit."

"Well, yes Blitzy, but this is different!"

"Oh yeah?" Blitz's voice held a challenging tone. "And why's that? You know, I've read somewhere before that sneezing and getting off gives that similar rush of pleasure."

"From one of my books, perhaps?"

"Ah great, so you've read the same one."

"I suppose I have, but Blitzy-"

"SooO, maybe we won't have to reschedule after all."

"Whatever do you mea- ah-!" Before he could process what had happened, Stolas felt someone flip him over onto his back. Blinking, he watched as Blitz straddled him, expecting the weight of the imp to settle on his ribcage, the same way it would whenever he was being bondaged for sex.

But it never came.

It later occurred to Stolas that Blitz was putting his weight onto his own knees rather than sitting on him. Whether on accident or on purpose in attempt to look out for him, a light blush dusted the owl's cheeks.

He was thankful that imps can't see in the dark.

-

'Let's get started, shall we?"

"S-Started with what, Blitzyy?"

Tired of answering his stupid questions, Blitz reached for a feather in the dark. Once he found one, he held it between his fingers, lifting it up to barely above Stolas' nose.

"With this." Letting go, Blitz shot out both his hands to Stolas' wrists, pinning them against the mattress as the feather slowly glided down.

Tilting his head to avoid the feather proved futile as Blitz's tail whipped out from behind him to hold it in place.

"B-Blitzy.. hh'! I- need myhH'! -hands bhhH'-ack n-now.."

"Not unless ya-"

"hihh! -gssht!" The sneeze caused Stolas to curl in onto himself, his thighs bumping into Blitz, making him loose his balance and fall onto the owls' chest.

Arms finally free, Stolas lifts one to his beak, sniffling softly.

"S'hh-orry darling~ It's just- hH'! hih'Ngxtt-w! ..ow-" Stolas flips onto his side, Blitz still against his chest. "It appears my nose is rather painful."

"Yeah no shit, with the way you've been treating it." Blitz pokes Stolas' chest fur accusingly. "Ever heard of a tissue?" When he was replied with silence, Blitz rolled his eyes, reaching into his pocket to look for some. "Here you fucking g-"

"..hHt' zzscht-iw!!" Stolas sniffled into his wrist, laughing softly as he felt Blitz jolt up in shock. "I'm sorry dear, that one snuck up on me."

"Don't worry about it, it's not like I've never been covered in your bodily fluids before." Blitz shrugged, handing the other a pocket tissue he happened to have on his person. "Here."

"..Blitzyy~ why are you handing me a condom? You know I don't have a d-"

"Oh. Shit, wrong thing. That one's for me, was for me, for tonight."

"Mm, right, right. I'm sorry that you had to come all this way for nothing Blitzy. You know what? How about you keep the book for the whole of next month hm? Save yourself the trouble of coming down?"

"Right. But you know, I actually don't quite mind the trouble." He watches in annoyance as Stolas does nothing more than press the tissue to his beak. "Ever heard of blowing?"

"Oh my Blitzy~ right now?"

"What the-? Oh fuck you! Not everything is about sex you perverted bird!"

"Well yes," Stolas went silent, and for a moment Blitz thought he was going to sneeze again. "But I am glad you're here, Blitzy, even if- especially, when we're not having sex."

"Right, keep saying that and I might start to believe it's true."

"But it is true. I love you Blitzy~"

"That fever's making you talk crazy." Blitz sighed, pressing his palm against Stolas' forehead, ignoring how the other leaned into him. "Just- rest, okay? Get better soon so I don't have to send that stupid care package, shit takes money you know?"

"Mm, whatever you say Blitzy." Stolas pulled the other in and under the covers, tucking his chin between Blitz's horns with a soft croon.

And Blitz, despite himself, didn't try to struggle free. Even with their monthly rendezvous, the pair rarely cuddled. This was different, it was nice, even if Stolas was warm, (hot), and delusional from his fever.

Imps are immune to fire after all.

And of course, the care package still arrives the next day.

-end-

--------------------

Notes: if anyone's wondering, i'd place this fic (in terms of in-universe timeline), somewhere where blitz and stolas are still in pretense

Thank you all so much for reading!

(and for my very special friend, happy birthday!) heres to waiting for hh s2 and for stolas and blitz to break up!

[thebunniesgrim]

helluva boss’ humor really trips me up sometimes  

(long post like really long post i go off)

Because sometimes it plays with hell's society and makes funny jokes like the HR joke in Spring Broken. One thing that sticks out like a sore thumb is when it makes jokes or points fun at prudes in the universe. Which btw I don’t think this bad or anything it’s just something that pulled me personally out of the show. It’s still funny at the end of the day but!  

Like the normalcy of death, swearing, sex, innuendos and all that. like jokes that would make you or me pause for a second wouldn’t be such a deal to them and vice versa is funny. Honestly the M&M’s being in a loving relationship in hell as a joke is funny  

But the thing that trips me up is the way some demons in universe react to the jokes doesn’t make any since. I understand their reaction is a joke, but why did they have that reaction anyway? for example  

In the LooLoo Land episode a good joke was when Octavia said she was going to be sick then Moxxie panics going through different medications and pulls out a bunch of syringes full of morphine just to casually throw them into a baby stroller when Octavia says she wasn’t really sick. Hilarious and it shows the human and demon side of moxxie love it. Although in the same episode Blizto says he isn't a day hooker and the lady walking by judges him and he calls her a prude. Funny yes! But why does she care like girl he has a whole gun and that’s what you choose to be concerned about? Ok. I understand her being shocked is the joke but why is she? In a place where being a hooker is possibly the most normal thing to them as being lawyer is to you or me. Why such a strong reaction?  

(Stolas has green screen arms lol)

Even the newest Mammon ep in Fizz’s “two weeks' notice or whatever it's called” song when he say “spending life bent over with your fist in my ‘A’” and the crowed is like shocked or put off by it like sure maybe they just weren't expecting it but he literally says bent over and even shakes his little imp ass at them while setting up the joke. It could have also been that they were surprised he censored himself. I don’t know, do you know?  

Also, I must say hell born demons don’t have to be always ok with sex jokes. A little verity never hurts anybody. just Like Moxxie not very violent or having his limits is fine and also Striker being uncomfortable or not liking that everyone makes sex jokes at his expense is kind of funny it's of the same caliber of funny that the M&M’s gimmick has. I also think he doesn’t like the sex jokes because he doesn’t have control of the situation (or Stolas, Moxxie, and Fizz just aren't his type who knows lol) he was more than ready to diddle Biltzo’s holes if it meant he’d join Striker. Also, he didn’t seem to mind the other imps fawning over him even if he did kick that one girl in the face. Kind of like a you can look but don’t touch kind of thing. He likes or deals with the jokes until he can't control the situation and it's like come one dude, I'm trying to kill you cower before me plz :( you feel me? Like that makes since because it can be explained away with, their character but seeing as it’s not a social norm so when others who we don’t know and are supposed to show the status quo do it, it’s a little bit weird you know?  

This also applies to Helluva Boss in general not just jokes. It’s honestly hard to tell what's allowed in hell and what isn't sometimes even for jokes because you know how a lot of people were weirded out at the kid being at the clown pageant and everyone is like “dude its hell they don’t have the same type of morals as we do” but also have people in the show react to sex or taboo stuff like it's weird you know? Like yes, I expect hypocrisy in the world of hell like a whole “rules for thee but for me” kind of thing. It is hard to stay true to that when the rules aren’t enforced?  because one second, you’ll have Loona and Blizto making fun of Moxxie for being “fat”, but you also want me to care when Mammon calls Fizz fat. I'm supposed to take Loona beating up Blizto as a joke but once Stella raises a hand to Stolas, I'm supposed to be like oh no abuse! 

Speaking of abuse. Mammon is just Blitzo cranked up to eleven. They are practically the same character given what the show tells us. What Blitzo does to Moxxie is the same thing Mammon does to fizz only cranked up to nine. Mammon says things that make Fizz worry I.e. “ready to reclaim your win another year... I saw your competition and it's pretty stiff, right? You are going to have try extra hard” remember in “The Harvest Moon Festival” ep where Blizto says “now just remember your rep with the in laws is on the line here so, no pressure at all you totally will not make an ass of yourself in front of everyone important in your life” he totally did that on purpose. How about when Mammon calls Fizz a “a bit chungo”? blitzo in seeing stars “you know it wouldn’t kill ya to put a salad in your body every now and then” and he says it meaner. He even encourages Loona to also call moxxie fat so while it’s still Loona doing it Blizto not telling her to chill out or something and there by condoning it, but he has the nerve to clutch his stupid little pearls (also blitzo isn't Wareing his mom little necklace thing in ep) when Mammon does the same thing.

The fuck is that face for you slimy little bitch?  

Mammon says sexually charged stuff to Fizz that is very obviously making him uncomfortable but disregards it like its nothing? “The more they’ll want a piece of you they can home and fuck! Don’t you want that Fizzy? to be fucked?” Then Fizz said no, and he disregarded it. Blizto in Murder Family, Harvest Moon, Truth seekers, Ex's and Ohs when he makes a big deal about someone having sex with both Moxxie and Millie and then making a big deal at the fact that he, Moxxie and Millie have had sex with the same person also maybe Ozzie's when he says he watches the M&M get it on but it's hard to gaze if Moxxie’s reaction was surprise, disgust or both. Mammon calls Fizz a “a stupid little [HONK]” Blizto calls Moxxie “a fucking disgrace” in Unhappy Campers but to be fair I make it an active effort to forget that ep is canon so. Mammon puts Fizz in a situation he can't handle, which leads to a panic attack. Blizo in the first ep Murder Family where Moxxie doesn’t want to kill Martha because he doesn’t want to kill a mother and ruin a family and is openly hesitant and uncomfortable about it causing him to have a small panic and mess up the mission at first. Mammon tells fizz to get his shit together with the underlying threat of firing, terminating, or worse. Murder family Blitzo says “But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will fuck you and your wife”. Both BLizto and Mammon treat Fizz and Moxxie all buddy buddy when they do stuff, they want but when they don’t comply or might not do something they don’t like they get mean or aggressive. They only main differences is that Moxxie can talk back to Blizto in a way and fizz can't. Also, Fizz actually quits, and escapes his horrible boss.  

I know that the pilot isn't cannon but it’s the blueprint of the characters and Blizto being abusive to moxxie sexually and verbally being a constant throughout the pilot and the canonized show is just... icky 

The show will tell me that imps and hellhounds are at the bottom of society but also have them stand up to the deadly sins like it no big deal. Loona tried to fight Beelzebub, Crimson tried to bribe and blackmail Asmodeus, Fizz stands up Mammon (as he should but Mammon could have literally tuned him into a smoothie) like the deadly sins are the next things to gods and these low-level nobodies are trying to square up. Not only does it make the deadly sins look like total wusses, but it also makes hellhounds and imps look more powerful than they are. Striker saying royals' step all over imps and treat them horribly and other than stella literally throwing Pringles and referring to him as “this one”

but Stolas literally uses Pringles as like a phone stand in Seeing Stars so.... 

The only ones who we’ve seem treat the imps like that on a regular basis are other non-royal hell born demons like the twins in Mammons ep. The lady and her kid in the doctor's office in western energy, the hellhound bodyguards in The Circus and even other imps like how Millies family treat Moxxie because he’s traditionally strong, or how striker thinks that he and blizto are far better then they’re own kind. Sure, the imps are butlers, purse accessories, and work on farms to feed the other rings. Other than the farm thing other demons do too from what we’ve seen. Also, from what we have seen, the royals are so detached from imps it seems like Strikers’ biggest problem is other demons themselves. The only royal we see talk down to imps is Stolas. Stella, Andrealphus, Paimon, never says much about them or even addresses them in any kind of way that’s outright negative, it’s more or less just plain indifference. I mean even the 7 deadly sins (that we’ve met so far) don’t say anything about imps in a derogatory way mammon doesn’t, Bee calls Blitzo “Imp boy” but not in a mean way, and Asmodeus call Moxxie “little imp” which seems more teasing than mean.  

Ok look if I'm to take the hell hierarchy seriously then please play by your rules. I-ok so like are the sins a force to be reckoned with or not? Because they just seem like regular demons but bigger. You're telling me the second blizto get nabbed by the DORK agents Stolas is out here cracking necks and summoning himself in blood to save him 

But nothing was done to save fizz?  

“It was hostage situation” ok and? Asmodeus is a sin he could have pulled a Stolas and posseted one of Crimsons goons and shot or incomposite striker and crimson. You have almost infante power and you can't save your boyfriend and work colleague? And if demons can't be possessed then send Stolas in exchange for the crystal. Crimson doesn’t know about Stolas, and it would surprise him stolas can turn into his big bird form in hell and did in Seeing Stars. ALSO why is everyone just standing up to and trying to pick fights with the Sins? Like guys I get it I really do but please realistically you're going to get smooshed like bug 

I'm constantly being told that Stolas and Blitzo can't be together while Beelzebub and Asmodeus can be with Vortex and Fizz. With no real in show reason as to why? You can address its hypocrisy all you want but you still never gave a reason as to why one is ok and other isn't. Stolas is Royality and can't date outside his rank? And the 7 deadly sins are of a different rank than him so it's different. How so? Why does Asmodeus need it to keep him and fizz a secret? if a god was dating a regular person, what could you possibly do about it? Also, if Asmodeus needs to keep his relationship a secret, then why doesn’t Beelzebub? If it because Beelzebub’s relationship corresponds to her sin how so? How is dating someone not of your rank gluttonous or indulgent? Unless Bee is a serial dater, and I don’t think she is how so? Also, Asmodeus dating Fizz does correspond to his sin he’s the over seer of lust and lust doesn’t stop at rank or class. If them being romantic is the problem, then they could lie and tell everyone that him and fizz are just fuck buddies or they're in an open relationship where they are ok with each other sleeping around but they don’t do it. They’re already business partners; it wouldn’t be a stretch if the literal ruler of lust would want to sleep with someone regardless of their rank and whether or not they work for them. Plus, they do openly say they are fucking each other while Ozzie's workers are near so them having sex isn't the problem.  

Ok so like ya’ll know the live action Grinch movie? And you know that one part where the grinch is the holiday chair mister and the who's are giving him a bunch of food even after he's full and his face is full of food, but they keep shoving more in his mouth? Yeah, that is what watching helluva boss is like sometimes you know?   

It's like a barrage of information or nothing 

Anyways  

this show is ride and then some lol granted this doesn’t really make or break the show for me honestly, it's just that the more the show tells me one thing it’ll go through hell (heh) to make it, so it doesn’t matter anymore, and it only brings up more questions. Like if something isn't allowed then make it so don’t just tell me oh that’s not allowed but is but it’s a problem but I'm not going to tell you why or what the problem is just trust me look at the cute couples don’t look anywhere else don’t worry about it  

I know you’re probably asking yo why are you questioning it I'm just a confused fan and I want the show I like to make since is that such a tall order? 

[audi0med1c]

Clexa Modern AU as Celebrity Exes- "Is It Over Now?"

CHAPTER 1- THE RESTAURANT

The absolute last thing Clarke wanted to see tonight on her rare chance to dine out was Lexa fucking Woods.

Lexa Woods, in her signature dark grey Armani suit.

On a date.

Before she could successfully grab her best friend's arm to duck out and choose another restaurant, those green eyes flick over and meet hers, as if she had been waiting on her to arrive.

"Shit you gotta be fucking kidding me." She hisses, earning a concerned look from the dark-haired girl just in front of her.

"What?" The girl says, looking Clarke up and down for something wrong.

"She's fucking HERE."

"Who is?" The girl says, turning to scan the dining room.

Clarke grabs her arm to stop her from turning, "No don't look don't-" but winces when it's clearly too late. Both of their eyes meet those green ones still locked onto them.

Lexa is holding a glass of red wine, and raises it slightly in their direction, shooting them her signature grin that Clarke would love to walk over and smack right off her annoyingly beautiful face.

"We can go somewhere else, Clarke, come on."

A flash goes off outside, as the first of what will eventually be many paparazzi snaps a picture through the restaurant's front window.

"No," Clarke says, "I'm not giving her that satisfaction."

They wait to be seated, and as the waiter is pouring their first glasses of wine the third member of their party arrives, fashionably late as always.

"Um since when do they seat VIPs off in the corner? Wasn't the reservation under Clarke Griffin? Your art is literally hanging in their lobby."

Clarke hates when Raven uses that term, as she never expects or cares about getting any sort of special treatment anywhere. Actually she'd prefer blending in and being invisible most of the time.  

"We aren't the only VIPs tonight." Clarke uses the term sarcastically, nodding her head in the direction over the girl's shoulder, "And I requested this table, so just sit Raven."

"Ohhhh damn what are the odds of that?" Raven chuckles, pulling out her seat and taking a long sip of wine, shooting a glance at the other girl with them.

"Octavia stop looking, Jesus." Clarke kicks the girl's shin under the table.

Clarke had asked for the table on the far side of the dining room, away from as much of the crowd as possible, and took the seat that kept Lexa mostly in her line of sight without having to turn her head and be obvious.

"She's still watching you." Octavia says, not even trying to hide looking over her shoulder at the pair behind them.

"Ugh ok maybe I can't fucking stay here." Clarke motions to their waitress.

Raven is typing on her phone under the table, which Octavia catches out of the corner of her eye.

Raven: You didn't think to tell me Lexa was coming here tonight???

The three dots hover in the bottom corner for what feels like forever.

Anya: How would I know that?!?! Wait who is she there with??

Raven: A blonde. A HOT blonde.

Anya: Oh god. Can't wait to hear about this when you get home.

Clarke catches Raven typing on her phone under the table, and then notices Lexa casually check her phone a few seconds later and shoot another grin in her direction.

"Really Rae?" Clarke says, annoyed, "Can you leave Anya out of this?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The girl says not even trying to hide her smile. 

The waitress, a bubbly young girl with short bouncy auburn curls looks nervous when she approaches.

"Yes Ms. Griffin, are you ready to order?" Clarke is always sure to be overly nice to waitstaff, or any staff when she is out in public. She honestly hates most of the things that come with being so easily recognizable, particularly the stereotype of celebrities being entitled, petulant, or conceited. It's not something she intentionally sought, or even thought was possible when she pursued art full-time after college and found her own moderate success. Any level of celebrity status could never go to her head, as she will always be the small-town girl from the East Coast town of Polis, who grew up with next to nothing and never quite felt like she belonged in a place like L.A. to begin with.

But dating one of Hollywood's hottest A-listers will certainly put you on people's radar.

Clarke leans in towards the waitress, "Actually, we will take the check for the wine, I completely forgot about a previous commitment I need to get to, but can I order a bottle of Dom Perignon, for the table right over there before we go?" She motions with her head towards the table where Lexa is now very obviously pretending to laugh at whatever the bimbo across from her is saying.

"Of course, will that be all for you tonight?"

"Actually, if I give you an extra hundred dollars, will you relay a message when you bring over the bottle? A toast of sorts."

The two girls across from her are trying to keep a straight face, but watch wide-eyed as Clarke whispers something into the waitresses' ear, and hands over her Amex card.

The girl's face when she straightens up is a mix of nervous and giddy, understanding the context of the request.

The history of the two patrons was no secret – it had been front page of the tabloids for months after their very public, very messy breakup. Now it was just the simple annoyance of whatever bullshit spin came out of their occasional run-ins or when they attended the same events.

"I'll be right back." Clarke says, pushing back from the table to stand. 

"Wait where are you going?" Octavia calls after her.

"Bathroom." She replies over her shoulder, heading towards the hallway on the far end of the dining hall. She made sure to keep her eyes straight ahead as she walked past the brunette and her date nonchalantly, but the familiar aroma of Dior perfume crawled up her nostrils and she hated how good it smelled.

It reminded her of silk sheets and long nights, her hands sliding over hips and thighs and feeling the hot breath of whispered sighs.

Don't you dare. She thought to herself, shaking the memories from her head. 

She stared at herself a good long while in the bathroom, both expecting and dreading the door to open. When it doesn't, she touches up her red lipstick, adjusts herself in her skin-tight black cocktail dress so her already exposed cleavage is just a tad more on display, and heads back out to the dining room.

Her friends are already at the hostess stand, waiting for her before heading out past the now moderate amount of paparazzi that must have heard her and Lexa were spotted in public at the same place for the first time in months.

A small grin tugs at her lips as she passes the brunette's table, noting the new bottle of vintage champagne that sits opened with two glasses poured but not being touched, and a now slightly miffed date that shoots up an embarrassed look when she notices Clarke passing by.

Clarke bends over far more than necessary as she signs the bill left on the table, tipping an additional $50 on top of the $100 she promised because the look on the young girl's face was honestly better than she could have hoped for and collects her Amex card. As she heads to join her friends at the front she hears a muffled voice from behind apologize and excuse themselves as they stand up from their table.

The warning looks on her friends' faces tell her to expect the hand that tugs her backwards as she reaches the hostess stand, pulling her to the side at the front of the restaurant.

The velvety scent of Dior wafts into her nose again, and those green eyes are much closer to her than they need to be, but she doesn't step back. At least not yet.

"Really Clarke?" Comes the expected reprimand, "Here's to the search for something greater? Classy."

"She's practically my clone." Clarke shrugs sharply.

Lexa remains unamused.

"Hardly, she's missing your signature....what is it..." Lexa dramatically gestures with her hand, searching for the right word... "Soul-sucking abrasiveness."

"Fuck off, Lexa."

"There's that mouth." Grinned the brunette.

"Bet you miss this mouth." Clarke shoots back.

Lexa's grin widens, "Actually yeah, just had a dream about it the other night."

"You dream of my mouth before or after it called you a lying traitor?"

Lexa takes a slight step closer to the blonde, ignoring the camera flashes going off outside the front window.

"You've called me worse." She utters smugly.

"I said fuck off Lex."

"Or you could fuck me yourself."

Clarke tries not to show how caught off-guard she is by the quick retort, and especially tries to hide how flustered she suddenly is. She leans into her annoyance at the brazen overconfidence.

"Pretty sure it's the only way you'd be getting fucked tonight...I know a pillow princess when I see one, and THAT," she nods her head back in the direction of Lexa's table and abandoned date, who's now anxiously sipping on her wine, trying not to be obvious at her constant glances towards the pair at the front of the restaurant, "That right there is a girl who is here for the free dinner, the free drinks, and the free orgasms after and that's it."

"Make me a better offer then." Lexa smiles as she tries to step even closer, but Clarke pushes back with a hand up at the girl's shoulder that was now inches away from her.

"There is no offer. I'm surprised you haven't run out of blonde models by now anyway, so enjoy however many you have left before you have to slum it with some brunettes."

"Heyyyyy!!" Raven and Octavia chime from the door, pretending to be offended. Both had been inching closer, shamelessly eavesdropping.

"You never run out of blonde models in LA." Lexa shrugs, "But I don't even know her. I'm just doing my agent a favor, and she's who suggested coming here. What was I supposed to do say 'no actually this was my ex's favorite place and she might possibly be here on this one random Wednesday night?'"

"Sure why not?"

Lexa rolls her eyes, "Are we jealous Clarkey?"

"WE...aren't anything." Clarke snaps, motioning between the two of them.

"Well WE..." Lexa gestures back towards her table, "Aren't anything either...so can you drop the hostility?"

Clarke muses over the girl at the table, "Blue eyes, that's enough for at least a few dates by your standards."

"You're practically insulting yourself at this point you know..." Lexa huffs amusingly. She was having way too much fun getting a rise out of Clarke. The blonde purses her lips, her eyes dropping down to the plush lips in front of her quickly but not quick enough, because Lexa catches it and takes her bottom lip between her teeth, dropping her own eyes to Clarke's mouth for a prolonged moment before bringing them back up to meet blue eyes.

"Can I go now?" Clarke says annoyed, "Your date is waiting."

"She can stay waiting." Lexa breathes as she dares reach a hand around Clarke's lower back, but the blonde is quick to swat her away and step backwards.

"This is not happening...."

"Again." Lexa adds with a smirk.

Clarke rolls her eyes.

"This is not happening again." She corrects. The last time she showed up at Lexa's penthouse she had convinced herself was only out of convenience. It had been a while since she'd gotten laid and the thought of meaningless small talk with a stranger or worse, someone she'd have to face again at work or in some overlapping social circle was too much of a headache. So when she ran into Lexa at a nightclub nearby and got a simple text at bar close saying "Damn Griffin, I know you wore that dress tonight just so I could take it off you.  Door is unlocked."  She figured it technically wasn't much different than any other one-night stand.

Right?

But in this moment she regrets having fed into the already overinflated ego that is Lexa Woods: Actress, musician, and professional flirt.

She will deal with the heat between her thighs and knot forming in her lower stomach later. If not with whatever name responds first when she leaves here, then with one of her many battery-powered friends in her nightstand.

"Whatever you say, Clarke." The brunette finally scoffs nonchalantly, and with one final lick of her lips, Lexa gives one more intentional glance down at Clarke's mouth before turning to head back into the dining hall, making a show of her return to her table by reaching for the waiting girl's hand and placing a quick kiss on the back of it before taking her seat again and lifting her champagne glass to cheers.

"Damn Clarke I'm impressed... I would have folded." Raven admits, opening the door as they rush out to a waiting town car, flashes immediately going off as soon as they are outside.

"Clarke! Clarke!" A few of the photographers try to get her attention, but she puts a hand up to try and block her face as Octavia gets the car door open.

"Clarke! How do you feel about Lexa bringing a date to your guys' spot?"

"Clarke what did Lexa say to you before you left?"

"Do you enjoy getting paid to harass people?" Raven harps at the small crowd as she follows Clarke and Octavia into the back seat.

Once the door is closed and they pull away, Clarke sighs, rubbing the space between her eyebrows.

"Well if you want her, have at it." She says almost dejectedly. "I told you, it's over between us."

Raven and Octavia exchange a quick glance before Raven squeaks out a response, cocking her head inquisitively.

"I mean.... is it really over now?"

------------------------------------------------- 

Follow along this rollercoaster contest of who can act like they care less....

archive link here

wattpad: