#and she’s only 11 i feel so bad for her :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

welivetodream · 1 day

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✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

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ilkkawhat · 19 hours

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just when i was celebrating not having to go to work tonight..........now i might have to go in. at 10pm. i just wanted to fucking drink tonight 😭😭😭

#UGH FUCK i hate this job #as i typed that now it's a little up in the air #cause my employee who's there right now was like 'they might run till 1am'#then i call her and talk to the production lead and he says 10:30 and she said she could stay till 11 #so idk where the fuck she got 1am from and i feel bad cause i couldn't hide my frustration #but i'm not gonna let my department get blamed for not being there when needed #even if that means i ruin my saturday night and sleeping schedule to go in for a few hours #and not get paid for it cause i'm salary #(something i kinda like...guilted my staff about when i was trying to get someone to work next saturday)#(but they need to understand i can only bend over backwards so far before i break)#(when they're the ones who get the extra money for going in)#and i mean i could still have a drink or two tonight....#i did give my tech a deadline of 9pm to tell me if i need to go in #mk's work woes

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imjustexistingtbh · 2 months

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GUYS!! IM NOT THE ONLY GAY COUSIN!!

#all jokes aside i had a really good conversation with my little cousin about being queer #i feel really bad for her because she lives in salt lake city surrounded by mormons #one of her friends started spreading a rumor that she was lesbian and she lost like half of her friends :(#and she’s only 11 i feel so bad for her :(#but we had a good conversation about being queer in mormon spaces and i told her if she ever needs ANYTHING i will be there for her #just jupiter

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rubys-domain · 1 year

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it annoys me that akane was made into a potential love interest. now there's this love triangle bs going on. it was grating enough with just kana being down bad. but it was still tolerable. episode 11 was probably the worst episode to end on because the love triangle schtick left such a bad taste in my mouth

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !!#oshi no ko spoilers #I was sympathetic towards akane for being a victim of online harassment #why did she have to turn out to be so unlikeable #her perfect imitation of ai's mannerisms creeped me tf out #and even outside of that. why would she fall for aqua. because he kept her from offing herself?#I don't know why but that makes me REALLY uncomfortable #and we already know he has no real romantic interest in her (unless that changes down the line. i hope to god it doesn't tbh)#i feel bad for kana in all of this. she did kind of screw herself over with her attitude when she was a child actress #but she was a kid. of course she wouldn't have known better until after the consequences came to pass #and since then her luck has be just pure shit #and then she got pressured into becoming an idol because she's into aqua and because it's hard for her to say no to things in general #I'm sure there's gonna be a point where she'll be grateful that she got whisked into the whole idol thing. but #as of episode 11 it's only been causing her stress #I hope she gets over aqua honestly. traumatized guy hell-bent on revenge is only going to hurt her in the long run #but if she doesn't. I hope things don't go as roughly for her as I'm fearing they will #/sigh/ the romantic subplot shouldn't annoy me this much #I just want to focus on aqua unraveling the mystery behind ai's killer honestly #the idol stuff is fine too. I'm a retired love live fan after all #I would even be fine with kana getting pressured into doing the idol thing if there was no romantic subplot #because she wouldn't have been pushed towards that direction by a crush. then her growing into the idol thing would have more payoff #at least to me. her being pushed by romantic feelings cheapens that journey imo #I'm also kinda annoyed at how one-dimensional ruby became in the later episodes #she's like every love live mc ever now (except ayumu but nijigaku was a spinoff so that doesn't count)#I guess it'd be hard to call back to her backstory more than they already have. it's just that she's just too genki girl to me #I just wish we could hear her thoughts more. they can't be as ray of sunshine-y as how she acts on the outside right?#but maybe my chronically depressed ass is just projecting and people really are that happy most of the time #all that is to say. I'm not looking forward to future episodes all that much rn. at least not until the stupid akane-kana movie rivalry ends #man i am stating Opinions. i'm gonna be burned at the stake aren't i #i should shut up and go back to complaining about my genshin progression

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illdothehotvoice · 1 year

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Anyways with Walpurgisnaught Rising coming out y'all better start acting real normal about Homura real quick

#me when a 14 year old suffers through repreated trauma and finally does something bad out of desperation #“Uh is Homura actually a horrible evil person? uh has Homura ALWAYS been a bad person?? god i hate Homura so much” please stop actually lol #me when i think Homura hates every member of the Holy Quartet just because she only tries to save Madoka #please please i am begging you to rewatch the series she TRIED to save everyone COUNTLESS times it always ended in disaster #she still obviously is UPSET when she watches the rest of them die they were her FRIENDS she jusy doesn't have big reactions to it #because she's USED to it she's EXPECTING it like fjfhdjdjddf Madoka Magica makes me feel things #i love Homura so so much she's such a good character i wish the best for her i need her to find happiness #every day i am devastated that Madoka Magica was going to have a happier ending but then they just left it open for rebellion #and then they left rebellion open ended and didn't do anything with it for 11 years fnfncnfndf #anyways Nagisa has a VA credited for this one so my baby girl is coming back!!!

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zemnarihah · 1 year

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started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.

#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past #like 4 years?#also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay #here but my roommate rlly hated it.#this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space.#the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like #a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna #be spending so little on gas #it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment.#the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller #also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be #nice to have it just be the 2 of us #also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent #pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT.#but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes #okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or #smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though #anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)

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katya-goncharov · 2 years

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ugh today was so draining. the entire day seemed to be my family playing a game of "how many horrible ableist comments about neurodivergent people can we make" and it really just made me feel :/ :/ :/

#basically my 11-year-old cousin is probably autistic and she clearly did NOT feel like masking #and so she wore headphones and was pretty quiet the whole time #and after she'd left my family went on this MASSIVE rant about how rude and unpleasant she is and how she didn't deserve her presents #and claiming she didn't thank them - when actually she did do it but really quietly #and saying thank goodness that her neurotypical sister was there too #and to make matters worse their dad - who is actually diagnosed autistic - didn't come along bc apparently he was ill #and they just all acted like it was the most rude entitled thing ever. and then my grandma started going on about how my cousin has #''inherited his bad genes''#anyway yeah. having to listen to all that was... triggering for me to say the least #and now i'm so so paranoid about how they must talk about me behind MY back #just. ugh. apart from that my day was nice. but sometimes extended family can be the worst!#and i feel so so bad for my cousin. i mean she's only little and it was clear that she DID like her presents -#she was just very overwhelmed by the situation #emma vents #don't rb

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randomcanbian · 2 years

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I'm watching Taskmaster backwards (GF got me to watch S14 live and I just ended up watching it reverse chronologically) and this is my tier list so far

#taskmaster #i am in love with victoria im so sorry #she's a nerd with a customized inhaler who could orchestrate my death if she wanted to #i predict myself reading her poker memoir and the time she produced a porno with her friends in a few months #only 3 eps into series 11 so their tiers might change but this is how i feel about them so far #funny thing is sarah is who im rooting for & consider my 'fave' but i only generally like her cause she isn't really wildly funny as of now #she's just sorta like a happy crush lmao #meanwhile mike wozniak is an honorary madwoman--fucking love him in his little business outfit and his little mustache #looks all prim and proper but before you know it he's fucking climbing over the fence #and charlotte is so fucking pathetic meow meow i love her #just going on about her 18th century tankard...like she's not a comedian but she's so sincere and everyone bullies her HHAAHAHA #john from s14 makes me feel the same way...he's not sincere but greg bullies him so much and he always looks like he's on the verge of #tears even tho he isn't even sad he just looks like that AHHAHAHA #i feel bad for lee cause he looks like that type of white middle aged man who thinks too highly of himself (he doesn't act that way but #he looks like it) so i'm biased against him and he hasn't done anything to make me fall in love with him like dara or arnel or alan have #jamali scares me a bit cause there have been times where he stirs so much shit and im scared someone's gonna get genuinely angry or #offended...if he mellows down a bit tho it'd be great cause i do generally love his shit stirring #in general tho i have the same amount of love for the 4 tiers in the middle--'fave'; 'unhinged'; 'love'; 'pathetic meow meow'--some of #them just have specific feelings attached #i love the whole casts of s12 13 and 14 so so fucking much they're all amazing and hilarious

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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wish i could be all spiteful at my therapist saying that i have borderline functioning tendencies but not consistently enough for it to be classified as an abnormal behavioral thing. like i wish i could do what i’ve been doing for months and plan ways to get her to quit her job or put her in an uncomfortable ultimatum or do anything to get a different response to the same question i’ve asked her for two years.

but instead... i’m just tired, honestly. like. yeah. my biggest curse is the fact that i can cope with things. which sounds twisted. but if i wasn’t able to cope, i would get help. these problems would be fixed because an intervention would be necessary and forced. but i don’t need an intervention. so the problems aren’t going away.

and part of me says, so make yourself need an intervention. act out. do something crazy. but it’s like. i’ve already done that. i keep doing things that i say are out of control but are at least partly purposeful so that someone reacts to it. and it hasn’t changed anything. so there really is no way out of this conundrum except to keep repressing this anger over and over because there’s no resolution for it.

weird.

#neg #vent #nightmare.vent #negative #do not reblog #if something bad happens to me. i immediately present it to people #and also over exaggerate my issues. the only other thing i could add is lying to people but.#if i start lying. i would tell someone i'm lying. immediately. just so that they would say something.#there's really nothing left to do anymore. i think i've done just about everything to try and get an answer.#even when i was like. 11. i was doing unstable shit so that people would tell me what was wrong with me.#i know the real answer is to wait. do 2-3 sessions a week in the summer. do the same in college.#pay a shit ton of money to see an analyst.#that's what my therapist told me. she was really good today honestly.#she did say that she felt the same about the bpd thing. like when she was a kid she thought that she'd get diagnosed with it #but had the same realization i did. and i don't like that.#because i don't want to be like her. i don't really like her.#but i mean she said nice stuff today. was really really helpful as always honestly.#when i let her talk that is but. i don't know. it's not enough.#something has got to give. but my rock bottom has to be theatric and perfectly timed.#and there's never a time that feels good enough.#so i'm stalling probably yeah. but just. i need it to matter. i need to only do it once.#do something so appalling that people institutionalize me #i think maybe i'll start lying. baby steps. i don't know.#i don't fucking know.#also since. someone will say it. it's not that i'm hooked on getting diagnosed w bpd specifically.#the reason i bring it up is because my symptoms have aligned very closely with it for years and my therapist agrees with that.#it's the best of many examples of me being so close to an answer but it not being attainable.

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delicatetaysversion · 18 days

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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists #and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful #she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place #also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow #say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying #so many tours #idk i want #i wish my life was bigger #i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment #what about everything everyone else #i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent #find happiness within hobbies interests #but it feels like a losing battle #i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing #i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy #i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend #i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house #and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working #i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost #always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice #i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september #but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them #and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent #like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life #but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025 #how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever #and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college #but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own

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andragoras-in-vanity · 1 month

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remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?

well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.

#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do #is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL #ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY #FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME #im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment #about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally #never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21 #despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year #Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward #because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him #ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE #SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR #DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS #My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have #i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that #im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities #and like being happy is what matter #why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy #like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL #imo thats just abuse #like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that #i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them #but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her #hell i can barely take care of myself #but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way #its happened twice in the three days shes been here #just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up

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heyitslapis · 3 months

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its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on

Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit

#ive been fucking sobbing on the phone for 20 minutes calling the phone number over and over again #im about to mcfucking lose it and im sad and confused and scared because my foot is still so swollen even though it doesnt hurt very much #and google says if swelling on an injury like this persists after 48 hours to go get it looked at #all the walkin clinics near me dont have any xray techs til monday & quoted me anywhere from $130-$300 if i dont have insurance which i can #provide proof of nor am i even sure i actually have at this point and im ngl my guys i only have like $180 to my name until next friday #but then basically my entire next paycheck is going to Geico #and overall im just having a really really really bad time rn and im scared that if my foot is actually fractured im gonna fuck it up worse #by walking around on it without a boot/cast. yeah ive been sitting at work the last few days #but its front desk at a hotel so at least for the first hour of my shift and last 1.5 hours i HAVE to be standing #my foot was so swollen after work today it hurt to get my shoe off #im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can #call just to vent and cry it out with #cant call my mom cause i busted my foot leaving her place after her husband got in my face & screamed at me for saying you cant hit people #cant call my siblings cause none of them can help/we dont talk often enough that i feel like i can burden them with this #i have a few casual friends but same sitch im not close enough with them that i feel comfortable venting while sobbing to them #i could call my ex but shes got a new boo now/its not her problem/we rarely talk anymore/she cant help so no point in calling #only other person who knows/is worried about me is my ex's mom but she wont be home from work for break til 2pm & its 11:30am rn #not close enough to any of my coworkers either #its times like this that i realize how truly alone i am these days with no one that can physically comfort me #which of course is only making me more upset #thats what i get for being depressed and reclusive the last 2 years and only letting people get an arms length reach from me emotionally #there is a medical clinic i can go to that is a 50 minute drive from me and without insurance you just pay a $20 sliding fee plus a little #extra for the care services but again theyre not open until monday and also its a 50 minute drive from me #so all im learning is i shouldve gone some place thursday morning after it happened and im fucked at least til monday #FUCK my STUPID BAKA life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#whatever. guess imma keep icing it try to keep it elevated and just endure it and hope it doesnt get worse #emma rambles #vent tag #DONT REBLOG

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abbaswift · 3 months

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being a young autistic adult is just watching everyone your age move on and achieve things and reach milestones you may never reach

#especially when you slipped through the cracks of the system #i had bad attendance at mainstream school then literally spent three years at home with no education at all #i did my gcses three years late and now i’m 21 and trying to restart my a levels #meanwhile everyone i grew up with seems further ahead and much more independent #like idk if ill ever live on my own let alone live on my own in a different city like some people i know #the fatigue means i can barely achieve much each day and then i feel guilty about it #i have a 16 year old sister and i feel younger than her #ughhhh i just can’t accept that this is what my life is #obviously i know i can’t see what my peers lives are like behind the scenes and they might be struggling as much as i am in their own ways #but i still feel like being autistic is holding me back #and the worst thing is i have an 11 year old undiagnosed sister who looks to be going down an even worse path #because she won’t have the level of support i had from our nan #and our mum is literally useless and only wants ella diagnosed so she can get the disability money #UGHHHHH big rant i’m just feeling sorry for myself again but yeah #it’s hard seeing everyone move past your stage in life while you just feel stuck

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oflgtfol · 8 months

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augh my head hurts again and my chills are coming back

#im gonna eat dinner chopefully that helps the headache #ans then im gonna shower and then just sleep. AUGH #brot posts #if youre wondering where i disappeared to. yes i did another 4-4.5 hour cotl session #only defeated one mini boss but HEY that one was giving me trouble for everr #guisin or whatevee the fuck their name is. the first one of anura. 😭#i closed cotl on my laptop and immediately was like. oh god everhthing hurts #i also need water i ran our of water hours ago but i feel bad asking my mom to go fetch me things #but also i dont want to go downstairs cuz 1 im cold 2. im infectious and 3. bexlee has barely seen me #so everytime i come down for like 3 minutes she starts barking and screaming and running #(and yes i wear a mask whenever i leave my room i got my handy dandy pack of n95s on standby)#and i just dont wanna make her get going if im only gravbbinf a water #but also i dont wannt ask my mom chz i feel lazy then #so i jusf. hVebt had water 😭😭#so maybe also drinking water w dinner will help too #gawd #i mean my mom got me a slurpee from 7-11 earlier so its not like i had zero liquids #but i drank it all like two hours ago #and also its. yknow. not pure water either #but i was in fact consuming liquids ofsome kind #the coldness helped my throat at least !!

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maddy-ferguson · 10 months

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it's actually fascinating that i'm not depressed rn because my life isn't that much better than it was when i actually was depressed (2019). i mean i guess it is a little better because my grandma didn't just die and i'm not in love with someone who doesn't like me back and i also kind of know where i'm going with school and presumably life and i don't call the place i live in my cell because of how small it is but the foundations are still very shaky

#this reads like a joke because it is but it's also true #i remember in october of 2018 like a month after my grandma had died i was at my grandparents' house for the first time since she had died #or for the first time since her funeral ig because i spent a few days there while she was in the hospital and after her funeral etc. and i #was thinking about my life and about how very boring it was. and i had basically always thought that but from that moment on it was like an #actual situation and then i started being sad all the time in like january (not even right after my grandma died because of course i loved #her very much but it wasn't even about that) and then in march or maybe april i started feeling empty more than sad and that was just crazy #and then in july i started wanting to kill myself and i finally understood what people on the internet were talking about and anyway. bad #year. but it's like. okay i had all that going on but i remember being like how did i deal with my life being this lame before #because it was never good. i was stupid to enjoy it and to not feel like killing myself every second of every day. and when i stopped being #depressed (incidentally when i stopped being invested in my friendship with the girl i was in love with like literally my grandpa died in #december of 2019 and it was terrible and i was very sad but it still didn't stop me from getting better😭 so crazy our relationship was just #THAT bad for me) i remember being SO grateful that my life was back to being boring i was like i would rather be at a 5-6 all the time than #go from 11 to -5 in five minutes and so i really liked feeling bored but not empty and it's crazy because i still feel like that when it's #been almost four years like i was expecting that feeling to fade a little. but i'm also like well maybe i should do things to make my life #better because the only reason i'm not depressed rn is just because i don't have one more bad thing going on like i'm just lucky😭#lmao. but also. i don't really want to i just wish i had one more friend #and like i say: brf slt #tw suicide #<- for me #my friend i was in love with was a very nice girl she never really did anything to me if we had been friends at any other time in my life w #would probably still be friends. or i guess not because i WAS in love with her but like i had issues with our friendship that i never would #have had if it had been any other year in my life i was crying up to 10 times a day at one point in late august because she hadn't #talked to me in like 25 hours like i was not normal😭😭😭#i was very close to my grandparents i saw them like at least one week every month even though they lived 400kms away and spent all my #holidays with them it was my mother and them that raised me and my sister them dying altered the fabric of my life. for context

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speakyskelly-1999 · 1 year

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bruh i'm so physcially (walked all the way to the cinema), mentally (woke up like multiple hours beofere i normally wake up with a very late night), and emotionally tired (i let the barbie film sit with me and actually dwell on it which i never normally do. normally just jump into the next thing) that i am so astronomically tired. i lied down on the sofa and listened to the barbie movie soundtrack for like 2 hours before playing a relativly relaxing game which again i don't normally do

so anyway in other news imma start the one piece anime

i did already watch the fist episode and was like god it's too long

but like every other anime i'm watching at the minuet is either heavy/weird/thought provoking from the start that the only show i can think to watch at that will be chill and joyus enough is one picec cos i already know roughly how the first 80 ish episodes pan out cos i watched the live action

wooooooooo

wish me luck

god this is gonna take forever

#man i can hear my dad in the back room playing cricket on his vr head set it's helerious #man i gotta add the correct date of one peice to mal #i think this will be the one anime where i break my 'only watching 10 anime at a time' rule cos it's so long #cos then its the feeling of 9 anime and one piece than 10 anime and one piece #and i like the number 11 #this is in no relation to the 11th doctoe #don't get me wrong he's a fine doctor i just have other favurites #12 #my favorite doctor is 12 because grumpy old men with all the gender are great #12 9 10 11 #there is no 13th doctor #look i know she exists and i don't particularly hate her i just #i feel bad for the actress being saddeled with such bad writing #but means subsiquentaly i find 13 tonally inconsistant which is annoying #god i got derailed

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