#and now. well
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mitchy dyeing his hair pink would actually change the game i'm convinced
absolutely 100%. forget about better defense and offense from anyone not in the core. what the leafs need is for the little twink to dye his hair pink and become so distracting that every opposing player immediately forgets they’re playing professional hockey and just trails after him like hey what uh are ya doing later? Giving auston (incandescent with fury) a chance to score. 100 goal season for am34 at least. We’ve cracked it. Let’s get the leafs on the phone
#honestly the first time I saw that art I didn’t even really know who they were I just thought it was cute#and now. well#let’s just say if I think too long about Auston dying mitchy’s hair pink (with no gloves be he’s an idiot) I have to get up a do a lap
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lost the pentacle necklace charm ive had for like. fifteen years or something at work. i think it mustve ended up in the trash as i was taking it out and now its just gone.
like of the two i had (the other is a fmab homunculus symbol) THATS the one that mattered. my mother gave that to me. just. ugh
#bullshit.txt#and i was excited to come home and draw too. bc i had a really good concept in my head#and now. well#ugh.
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I recently lost my best friend to cancer, and words cannot describe how incredibly painful every waking hour has been since I got the news.
They say time heals all, and I can only hope that the memories that suffocate me now will soon become nostalgic treasures that will soothe my longing.
Right now, it fucking hurts tho
And grief is just a weird feeling. It's trying to face a reality that you cannot comprehend, much less accept; but it forces itself onto you regardless, bc there's no way back.
No way out.
This how it is now.
But really, in trying to process this new reality, it has dawned upon me just how... weird, it is.
Just how weird it all feels to me.
I still know his birthday by heart.
And when it comes around, I know I will think of what gift I should get him for a second - before remembering he's gone, and crying all over again over a wound that never truly healed.
I still know his favorite shows, and I know that he collected funko pops of them. There's a list on my phone with the ones he already had, so that I knew to look for new ones when shopping around.
The messages we sent are still on my phone. Still among the most recent ones, for now.
And when I click on them, the last words we ever exchanged (and will ever exchange) stare back at me. Just like they're any other ordinary message, unaware of the massive weight they carry to me.
As does his profile picture, a frozen image of what he will forever look like in my mind.
Spared the burden and the blessing of aging beyond his mid twenties.
The audio messages are still there, too.
His voice still calls me, by name, every time I hit play. Like an echo of what once was, a voice I will never hear again in this lifetime.
But the recordings remain.
And it hurts me so, so bad.
Yet, I play it over and over again.
Maybe hoping the words will be different at one point, like he's just recorded something new.
But by now, I know each audio by heart.
Over and over and over again.
I still know by heart all of the inside jokes that only he and I knew. And now, I have no one else to tell them to.
When I see a pair of blue pants, or finding nemo merch, or a news reporter wearing yellow; I'll have to keep it to myself from now on.
Because no one else in the world gets why that is funny to me.
Or why it was funny to us.
It's just, I didn't expect everything to vanish when you did.
But I didn't expect just how much what you left behind would hurt.
Your birthday. Our inside jokes. The recipe we always made together. The road where we'd drive at night almost every weekend. The shows we watched together that you'll never see the end of. The path we walked home after school as teens. Your favorite color. The book I borrowed and never gave back.
You are gone, but so much of you remains with me.
It's like a letter adressed to an empty house.
What do I do with it all now?
#tw grief#tw death#tw cancer#I seldom do original posts anymore#i just wanted to get this off my chest#a few months ago i made a vent post about you telling me you had cancer#and now. well#i wish it played out differently#i wish you had chosen to say goodbye#ill never know why you chose to tell our mutual friend the things you wanted me to know#instead of just telling me#but its ok. i wont hold it against you. idk what was going through your head#but still#thank you for the 20+ years of friendship#i guess some die young and we never know why#idk if i believe in God but I could use one right now. just. to ask why#regardless#i love you. i always will#see you soon. i hope.#in another life or however that works#i just know we'll find our way to each other again#until then. rest in peace#personal#vent
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Firework seems to be heavily concept based, like following the storyline of their lore;; mv teasers were interesting
Wonder how the mv will look and the song will sound
#a;msg#🍒#i wonder how &t & enha’s universes are connected#bc uts extended mv explained it a bit#and now. well#dark blood concept trailer had a girl they were all trying to protect (?)#these mv teasers seem to have a similar theme#i am. so clueless#but i think they’re simultaneously switching between flashbacks of past (when the girl is there) and the present (where she’s absent)#ugh all this lore stuff is so confusing ����
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11 (and if so what song!!) + 20 + 42 + 53 !!
11 - are you listening to music right now
sadly no :(
20 - what is your favorite song at the moment
when i tell you this changes so much....maybe when i come around by green day? as of right now
42 - favorite book (s)
this is so embarrassing but i am actually such a terrible reader like. well i can read WELL but i get distracted easily and it takes me like 10 mins to read 1 page (why i read fanfiction so slowly lol) because i read ahead or don't process the information etc etc. so um. needless to say i don't have a favorite book rn 😭 anyway i will start reading more soon i promise....
53 - five things that make me happy
my cat, my best friend, bagels, lakes, and being warm and cozy
#i used to read soooo much#and now. well#oops.#ive been trying to be better i SWEARRRR#💌#mutuals 💫#spencer !!!#bee.txt
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it is genuinely bewildering to me that adult human beings do not know this but if you are mean to people they will not like you. like tbh they are probably also not going to like you if you are mean to other people but they are definitely not going to like you if you are mean to them. it doesn’t matter if you are funny or if you can use r/aita rules to prove that you are in the right. people simply do not enjoy being treated like shit.
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It's honestly crazy that discussion around testosterone HRT skews so much towards the beginning stages of it (to the point that you have dozens of guys thinking their transition is "failed" if they don't pass by like a year in lol) and what the initial changes of the first couple of months to years look like, like the classic laundry list of those early basic changes like bottom growth, voice drop, etc, when IMO literally none of that compares remotely to the depth and intensity of the long term total masculinization you start to experience like 3-5+ years in.
#also has made it increasingly difficult to relate to those early into their transition honestly#like not in a bitter way it’s just like hard to express how diff the experience is#of being like a year on T vs 5 😭#ETA I muted this post ages ago now but fwiw seeing transphobes pop up in the notes on occasion just to say cruel reactionary shit#you are clowns I cannot imagine seeing a post that is ONLY about discussing with folks about the reality of a medication#and choosing to make that your moment to get a schoolyard bully jab in about how you find it gross or something.#you are less well adjusted than most children. may the universe be kinder to you than you are to others.
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i appreciate the attempts a lot of game devs are making with gender neutral character creation, and i appreciate that it's actually a very difficult task to implement that depending on the game's base code. but it's so funny to me when you hear an uproar because some game has "entirely removed the gender option from character creation!!!!!" so you go to check it out and its just like
#i swear ive seen this happen in like 3 games now#and every time i am a little baffled at how this is a big deal#but like. well. they DID make an attempt. u right.
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If you're feeling anxious or depressed about the climate and want to do something to help right now, from your bed, for free...
Start helping with citizen science projects
What's a citizen science project? Basically, it's crowdsourced science. In this case, crowdsourced climate science, that you can help with!
You don't need qualifications or any training besides the slideshow at the start of a project. There are a lot of things that humans can do way better than machines can, even with only minimal training, that are vital to science - especially digitizing records and building searchable databases
Like labeling trees in aerial photos so that scientists have better datasets to use for restoration.
Or counting cells in fossilized plants to track the impacts of climate change.
Or digitizing old atmospheric data to help scientists track the warming effects of El Niño.
Or counting penguins to help scientists better protect them.
Those are all on one of the most prominent citizen science platforms, called Zooniverse, but there are a ton of others, too.
Oh, and btw, you don't have to worry about messing up, because several people see each image. Studies show that if you pool the opinions of however many regular people (different by field), it matches the accuracy rate of a trained scientist in the field.
--
I spent a lot of time doing this when I was really badly injured and housebound, and it was so good for me to be able to HELP and DO SOMETHING, even when I was in too much pain to leave my bed. So if you are chronically ill/disabled/for whatever reason can't participate or volunteer for things in person, I highly highly recommend.
Next time you wish you could do something - anything - to help
Remember that actually, you can. And help with some science.
#honestly I've been meaning to make a big fancy thorough post about this for literally over a year now#finally just accepted that's not going to happen#so have this!#there's also a ton of projects in other fields as well btw#including humanities#and participating can be a great way to get experience/build your resume esp if you want to go into the sciences#actual data handling! yay#science#citizen science#climate change#climate crisis#climate action#environment#climate solutions#meterology#global warming#biology#ecology#plants#hope#volunteer#volunteering#disability#actually disabled#data science#archives#digital archives#digitization#ways to help#hopepunk
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seven years ago in the name of tolerating free speech from all political perspectives my nasty ass evil university let an army of tiki torch wielding nazis shouting jews will not replace us march through grounds threatening the lives of students and community members with zero police presence. and today they retroactively changed campus policy around tents so they could send in the cops to bust up the gaza memorial vigil. genuinely fucking stomach turning
#admin and the cops do not give a fuck about protecting jewish students and they know it#worth saying that most of the activists in charlottesville who organized against unite the right are now pretty overwhelmingly pro-palestin#because i see a lot of people comparing the protests to unite the right which is. well it feels crazy to me#cw antisemitism
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sometimes a theme recurs in your work without your permission. and sometimes it reaches a threshold where you're like. well now i think this is saying something about me against my will. don't know what though
#creative writing#shitpost#sorry just wrote a third piece with the same underlying idea/premise#which i didn't do on purpose#and now i'm like. well fuck. what's this mean about me?#now i gotta do some self reflection about that
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salmon so tasty it make me eat hasty / when salmon is finished the joy is diminished
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i used to be so good at writing strong, thoroughly-researched, thoroughly-edited essays.
as a kid in hs, my teacher literally came up to me, holding my 40 page essay on the intersection of the European witch hunts and capitalism/exploitation/gender roles (it was supposed to be 7 pages...whoops) and went like "this is literally a master's-degree level thesis. what are you doing?? you could literally use this as your final dissertation in a master's program, what the fuck."
NOW??? NOW?? you'd think I'd be oh so skilled. but alas. i can barely piece together two ideas. adhd skill-regression is so so real. im SOBBING
#this is just me ranting sorry#im very tired and hungry#and i want to sleep but brain go brrrrr#well i used to be nice and smart and now im neither of those or however the song goes#pretty sure he was exaggerating cause looking back. it was good. but some of the wording was a lil wonky#adhd#actually adhd#executive dysfunction#actually neurodiverse#adhd paralysis#adult adhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#adhd hacks#academia#neurodivergent#adhd skill regression#confessions of a burnt out gifted kid#<< i guess#former gifted kid#burnt out gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#realizing i sound rly pretentious here sorry -- formal speech patterns i picked up as an autistic child and never put down again haha
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i'm sure there's a canon timeline but dao is a springtime game to me
#ailill mahariel#leliana#alistair theirin#zevran arainai#morrigan#dragon age#dao#my art#my ocs#probably entirely bc i first played it for the first time in late february/early march but the association is indelible now#there's a certain combination of like weather and temperature that makes me think abt tramping around fereldan trying to stop the blight#this was also supposed to be a springtime post but. well.#i think i posted a wip of this like five months ago lmao 🤦
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take your clothes off and get on the bed what no we aren’t having sex right now we’re cuddling and pressing every inch of skin together as close as possible for the next six hours
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#sometimes you just need to be CLOSE ya know#also i went to bed really early last night and slept So Well#and i just woek up and im still realllll sleepy#which is why i seized the chance to post this#because i get too shy and embarrassed to whenever i try to do it when im not half asleep#pointign and laughing at fully awake me rn🫵#lmao loser ass🫵🫵🫵#now it’s posted and there’s nothing you can do about it#im gay and i like sleeping
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