#a few months ago i made a vent post about you telling me you had cancer

[dellinah]

I recently lost my best friend to cancer, and words cannot describe how incredibly painful every waking hour has been since I got the news.

They say time heals all, and I can only hope that the memories that suffocate me now will soon become nostalgic treasures that will soothe my longing.

Right now, it fucking hurts tho

And grief is just a weird feeling. It's trying to face a reality that you cannot comprehend, much less accept; but it forces itself onto you regardless, bc there's no way back.

No way out.

This how it is now.

But really, in trying to process this new reality, it has dawned upon me just how... weird, it is.

Just how weird it all feels to me.

I still know his birthday by heart.

And when it comes around, I know I will think of what gift I should get him for a second - before remembering he's gone, and crying all over again over a wound that never truly healed.

I still know his favorite shows, and I know that he collected funko pops of them. There's a list on my phone with the ones he already had, so that I knew to look for new ones when shopping around.

The messages we sent are still on my phone. Still among the most recent ones, for now.

And when I click on them, the last words we ever exchanged (and will ever exchange) stare back at me. Just like they're any other ordinary message, unaware of the massive weight they carry to me.

As does his profile picture, a frozen image of what he will forever look like in my mind.

Spared the burden and the blessing of aging beyond his mid twenties.

The audio messages are still there, too.

His voice still calls me, by name, every time I hit play. Like an echo of what once was, a voice I will never hear again in this lifetime.

But the recordings remain.

And it hurts me so, so bad.

Yet, I play it over and over again.

Maybe hoping the words will be different at one point, like he's just recorded something new.

But by now, I know each audio by heart.

Over and over and over again.

I still know by heart all of the inside jokes that only he and I knew. And now, I have no one else to tell them to.

When I see a pair of blue pants, or finding nemo merch, or a news reporter wearing yellow; I'll have to keep it to myself from now on.

Because no one else in the world gets why that is funny to me.

Or why it was funny to us.

It's just, I didn't expect everything to vanish when you did.

But I didn't expect just how much what you left behind would hurt.

Your birthday. Our inside jokes. The recipe we always made together. The road where we'd drive at night almost every weekend. The shows we watched together that you'll never see the end of. The path we walked home after school as teens. Your favorite color. The book I borrowed and never gave back.

You are gone, but so much of you remains with me.

It's like a letter adressed to an empty house.

What do I do with it all now?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for faking my death to get out of an abusive relationship?

Tw for verbal + mental/psychological abuse and suicide

I used to be in a discord server with some friends, there were about 40 people in it, only around 20 who were actually active. It was a while ago I can't remember. I was in that server for about 4 months.

From the start, people would occasionally get mad at me over something I didn't do. About every month or so someone would start a rumor about me and make the whole server gang up on me, I'd tell them it was false, but everyone would still avoid me for the next couple days.

I never did anything wrong, but I was always the center of the drama, and when I asked one person, R, why, he said he didn't know and that I didn't deserve so much hate.

About a week later R was talking in the vent channel about how I had manipulated him. I DMed him to ask why, and he told me it was because I asked him if he was my friend. I thought it was fucking stupid because it's not manipulative to be paranoid, but I pretended to be sorry because I didn't want him to be mad at me.

The server also had a bot where you could submit anonymous messages, and lots of people would use that feature to make up things about me to ruin my reputation.

After a while I left the server and only stayed in contact with a few people. However, every couple days another person would tell me I'm a monster and gaslight me into thinking I'm a terrible person, and every time I asked why they hated me they didn't give me an answer.

My only real friend, T, showed me some messages from the others after I left the server, and a bunch of people were making up stories about bad things I had done to them, and people who I had never even spoken to were saying that I had abused them and was dangerous.

Once someone told me thay they understood all the things R had said about me weren't true, but said it was still my fault anyway, and even told me that R had done nothing wrong (he lied about me in front of the entire server and is the reason I lost all my friends, and he yelled at me and called me evil because I was suicidal), and then they accused me of faking having amnesia because I had flashbacks.

Eventually, only four of my "friends" hadn't blocked me, and they almost never talked to me. Everyone kept calling me a terrible person because R spread lies about me and everyone else believed him instead of me.

It was to the point where I couldn't go one day without someone sending me death threats or trying to guilt trip me with false information, and I was getting very sever flashbacks of the stuff R had said to me, and I started failing classes because I couldn't focus on anything.

Eventually I had had enough, so I tagged them all in a tumblr post about how I was going to kill myself and then logged out of both that tumblr account and my old discord account forever.

(Also about a month after I had left, I got texts from irl friends, and it turns out someone on the server found the contact info of people I knew in real life just to ask if I was dead or not. And that scared the shit out of me.)

I've left out a lot of details of the abuse because of amnesia. I have a mental disorder which makes it hard to remember things, plus the brain often blocks out traumatic memories, so I'm sorry if some info feels missing.

The only reason I feel like I might be an asshole is because once I was gone, all of them switched targets and started to harass T. They said they hated him for being on my side, and sent him death threats on anon because he was mad at them for killing his friend. They started treating him the same way they treated me, and called him a horrible person but refused to give a reason as to why, and if I had stayed around they would've left him alone.

@should-be-dead (made a sideblog so I get notified when this is posted)

[parappaadventure2q-a]

READ: @alex-silli-art-corner

tw: suicide, abuse

I'll start this callout by saying that most evidence has been deleted long ago. There is no way to recover most of it, but if I have found any more, I'll add them to this post later. My friendship with him/how it ended.

It started in March of 2024.

Alex had been a member of a discord server, and had a tumblr account where he answered asks as Katy Kat. (Keep this in mind, as sometimes he will be shown as Katy Kat rather than Alex) He then asked for a vent channel to be created in the discord, where he would post frequently about how he was going to kill himself. (this is important later)

He started to DM me about him killing himself, so I started to support him. He would then message me about normal stuff, with him telling me he was suicidal every now and then. I talked with him, because every time I didn't talk to him, he would say i'm ignoring him on purpose.

Around that time, someone else in the server was banned for drawing CP of him and Alex. (both him and Alex were minors at the time.) Everyone in the server told Alex that this person was not a good influence on him, but he ignored us.

As it turns out, he did not cut off this person, (the name that's in blue) and kept being in a relationship with them.

This would continue for a long time. Alex would tell me he would kill himself, I would try to talk him out of it, and he would be fine the next day.

He said he had epilepsy, but those claims are unconfirmed as he has watched the Um Jammer Lammy cutscenes multiple times, which have flashing lights most of the time. If I remember correctly, he would use this to guilt us even more, with us not even being allowed to send any gifs. That would be understandable, if he didn't refuse to turn on Discord's accessibility feature that pauses gifs.

In his Katy Kat ask blog, he drew a lot of gore of Katy Kat. Some of these are deleted, but you can still find some on his account of Katy missing an eye, with bruises and bandages on her. I am not okay with gore, but I kept talking to him because he was suicidal.

All of my friends cut him off though, except for a stray few who I assume didn't know what he did.

When I cut him off:

About a month ago if I can remember, one of my friends showed me screenshots of Alex saying that one of his suicide attempts was a lie. He had apparently made a joke about him killing himself, and the two people there were telling him it wasn't funny and to not say that. This screenshot was taken a while back, and I didn't see the convo back then. Seeing this, I decided to cut off Alex entirely, because I couldn't trust if what anything he said was true. On top of that, I looked back at everything he'd done, and decided that I wasn't going to talk to him, ever again. He kept trying to contact me.

I noticed how guilt trippy all of his messages were. In fact, most of the time, he was guilt tripping all of us.

This is his last tumblr message to me before I blocked him.

He kept trying to contact me on other websites, such as Reddit.

I had sent him a message telling him he was in the wrong, and that we would never be friends again. This message was deleted, as he threatened to share it with one of my closest friends.

As for the IP address thing, I had posted this meme to Reddit and Tumblr using a fake copypasta that was a lot of information. It's a meme about leaking someones info, but all of this isn't real. It's taken from a copypasta website. In fact, it's this one.

Alex interpreted this as me posting his IP address publically, something I would never do, (yet as you read, it's something he would do to someone else.)

I did not, and will not post someone's IP address publicly. Yet he thought I posted his, even though it isn't hard to look at your own address, and compare it to this meme.

What caused me to make this post.

This happened just today. I was sent an ask clearly written by Alex containing my personal information to me.

Alex. If you're reading this, which I know you are. This wasn't okay. You're putting my life in danger. You're putting other's lives in danger. You're putting my family's life in danger. Why would I want to be friends with a guilt tripper?

Why would I want to be friends with someone who leaks other's information?

Why would I want to be friends with someone who draws gore of my favorite characters?

Why would I want to be friends with a liar?

None of this is okay. You were, and still are, the worst thing that's happened to me.

You don't deserve happiness.

I ask anyone who's been affected by him, to please speak up. Don't sit there in silence like you have all this time. I know he's done awful things to you. Please, if you can, tell me what he's done to you. Nobody should have to go through what he's put me through, and I'm sure that he's done something similar to you.

Sorry for being a bit rude to him in this post, but I don't care.

[miraculousares]

Okay so I have some thoughts about the end of full moon and more specifically on Blitzø's rant at the end. I already posted a little analysis about how he only knows how to communicate through raw emotion, and I think that his venting is such a clear example of that. I feel like this is the most honest Blitzø has been at least in the last 15 years if not ever, and I can't stop thinking about how hard he's trying to talk openly with Stolas. So spoilers for Full Moon obviously.

*deep breath*

"What? Fuck you, Stolas! You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding?!"

As we well know, Blitzø has never felt worthy of love. He's always blown up every relationship (sorry for the pun) he's ever been in. Be it romantic, platonic, familial, even in the workplace he struggles. So the few occasions when Stolas has thrown out hints that he might love Blitzø for more than the sex, he's never been able to even process it. Stolas has never given him a clear indication that he feels anything more than horny for him and without any warning he's suddenly confessing his love in the middle of what Blitzø thought was just yet another transactional bang sesh.

"Can I get a fucking minute to think?"

Sure, Blitzø got the chance to have a genuine, in the moment conversation with Fizz, but that was nothing compared to this. He'd had 15 years to process his feelings of regret and he was someone he'd been vulnerable with before, albeit a long time ago. Here, trapped in a huge silent room with Stolas and all of his half-processed feelings that are tangled around so many other problems, Blitzø has no tools for this type of situation.

"After everything you put me through you pompous, rich asshole!"

While it hurts to say, Stolas really has put Blitzø through a lot. Aside from everything I'm gonna mention with the next line, he's hurt Blitzø time and time again. Be it covering his face at Ozzie's, humiliating him on stage at the Harvest Moon Festival, constantly degrading him and reminding him of his 'impish' lower status. It's obvious to the viewer that Stolas does care so deeply for Blitzø and that he's trying to change and atone for all of that, to Blitzø all he's done is give him space for a few months and then suddenly confess his feelings out of nowhere.

"Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can't just dismiss me like that. I mean you royal fucks think you can do this every time. Like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!"

Okay here we go, diving into probably the biggest problem they have to tackle before they can truly accept love from one another: the class difference. Stolas' palace is crawling with imp servants who are treated as objects by the whole family and Blitzø has seen that. And then there's Blitzø, who is being treated with the respect of a living, breathing, independent-thinking demon but that's about it. He still talks down to him and goes so far as calling him his plaything on several occasions. I don't know exactly how the horns work/feel for imps, but I imagine Blitzø having a cigarette put out on his probably felt degrading at best. To Blitzø, he's providing a service for Stolas in exchange for reward, just like the rest of his servants. They both clearly know how wrong that is, but that dynamic needs to be seriously broken down from both ends before anything could possibly work between them. Blitzø is trying to do that with this line, he's trying so hard to tell Stolas how it made him feel because it hurt him but he wants to fix things.

"Well I'm not letting you, bitch! Let's go!"

Fuuuuuuuck this line hit me so hard. This whole time, he's been venting and yelling and in doing that he's sorting through how he feels. He's being confronted with something so far out of his comfort zone but instead of trying to run or hide like he usually would, he's trying to figure things out because no matter how afraid he is he clearly wants to have this conversation. He's trying to open it up to Stolas after airing out everything he was able to sort through, he's telling him that he wants to have this conversation.

"Stolas wait, I'm s-"

God this is so heartbreaking and I know a lot of people are pissed off about how Full Moon ended, I honestly think that this was perfect writing for each of these characters. Stolas has only ever been talked to in fanciful language, subtle comments, and straight abusive yelling, he doesn't know how to hear anything Blitzø is saying and instead only hears his tone and his harsh words. But Blitzø doesn't know how to communicate any other way and gah this argument/confession/breakup was exactly what they needed to push them forward to actually facing the problems between them rather than tiptoing around them

[coelii]

I noticed a shift in your blog from being super horny to having a lot about your wife on it. Did she not know about it?

Well I’d like to think I’m still super horny, just super horny for my wife ✌️

She knew I had a blog but until she made her own she wasn’t exactly sure of what was on my blog. The best and worst thing about tumblr is the permanency of your posts. When you use your blog the way I did - as a social media page seeking engagement and community and navigating yourself you’re bound to say and do some things that others who know you personally would question.

In my case I was using my blog as a way to discover who I was authentically. For anyone paying attention you’ve seen my posts and can probably see me fluctuating wildly between being a dork and a gamer, to trying to be a milfy sex symbol, to acting like I was wayyyy younger than I actually am. A lot of the time I felt like I was playing Coelii like she was a D&D character: saying and doing things because that’s what I knew people expected. Seeing number get big feels good. Eventually I figured out how to make number get big with relative consistency. People liked when I was flirty and horny and interacted with my selfies that showed way more skin than I was comfortable showing so I kept posting those things.

If you were paying attention you probably remember a few months ago when I was feeling like I didn’t have a body and grappling with my unhealthy desire to get random validation from internet strangers. It was during this down period that Nat finally took a good hard look through my blog and was (justifiably) surprised at some of what she found.

Her and I had both been feeling neglected by the other for some time and even though I never hid the fact I was married and loved my wife, I also vented about her and posted a lot of questionable shit on here. What I failed to do offline was communicate with my wife.

Once we finally did that our relationship started getting stronger and stronger and I feel like I did when her and I started dating 13 years ago. Marriage is built and maintained and love only gets you so far. The moment you start thinking “she knows how I feel I don’t need to say it” is the moment your marriage is going to start to crack and deteriorate. Tell your spouse you love them all the time. Simp for them. Tell them how hot they are and pretty and handsome and sexy and how they make you feel. Say it every day, say it whenever you feel like it. Whenever you’re thinking about them tell them you are because they’re not going to know otherwise. I forgot about that somewhere along the way and I don’t plan on forgetting again.

I’ve already seen a noticeable drop in engagement from certain followers and mutuals. Some of these made me sad because I thought we were closer than we were, but in the end if you don’t wanna follow me or interact with me because I’m talking about my wife more and you find that annoying or something, or because I’m not sharing half naked pictures, well then don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out compadre. 🌝

For the record you can still find me hot, you can also find my wife hot, you can find the video of us making out hot. You’re free to tell me about how that makes you feel. Just know that at the end of the day there’s only one face I see when I go to sleep and she’s the same face I see every morning when I wake up. ♥︎

My blog is the same as it’s always been: a chronicle of my journey being a trans woman. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

[mariaofdoranelle]

Cemetery Buddies

Written for @throneofglassmicrofics, prompt “Petrichor”

So, I wrote this today at the cemetery instead of the chapters I actually have to finish, because it felt too weird to write smut by my grandfather’s grave. I was there the entire afternoon and I kinda conjured this fic on the spot, but I really hope you like it!

Warnings: mentions of death of loved ones, quick mention of death by covid

Words: 888

Aelin’s picnic blanket did a good job of protecting her clothes from the dewy grass, but not from its gentle prickling on the exposed part of her legs. It felt peaceful, though. She got used to the silence, the soft ruffling of leaves and chirping of birds filling her days in the past two years.

Just her and her parents hanging out together, like old times.

The cemetery staff were even kind enough to lend her a beach umbrella in case the rain came back.

A delighted sigh. Don’t you love the smell of petrichor, Mom? Aelin echoed inside her head, because she still thought it was weird to talk to a grave.

She slid her crochet hat over her face and closed her eyes, feeling the nature surrounding her instead of watching this landscape of flowers and white stones she knew so well. Feeling the wind battle against the edges of her blanket and lose it when her weight overpowered its strength. The sunlight peeking from parted post-rain clouds burned in a delicious way the long stretches of skin her overall shorts left exposed.

She lived in Orynth, after all. Aelin and her parents always made a point to make the most out of summer, for however long this freezing city and its climatic crisis allowed them to.

“You okay there?”

Aelin lifted her hat from her face enough to take a peek into the outside world, but she didn’t need it to know it was her cemetery buddy.

Fully sat on the blanket now, she eyed the Heineken six-pack on Rowan’s hand with a smirk.

“Better now that you brought the good shit.”

He gave her a close-lipped smile and unfolded the two chairs provided at the entrance by the staff, since Mr. Fancy Pants preferred it over lying on the grass like Aelin.

To an outside observer, the difference between them is striking. Rowan in his dark suit and tie, brooding with that permanent scowl on his face; right by his side, Aelin’s in denim overall shorts, red top and crochet hat, being her usual fun, dazzling self.

Both hanging out together, sharing beer by their loved ones’ graves. What made them good friends wasn’t their differences, but how similarly they were miserable.

“So.” She cleared her throat and eyed the six-pack. “I guess things didn’t go the way you wanted at work?”

“Lorcan—“

She tilted her head, brows furrowed in confusion.

“The boss’ kiss-ass,” he explained.

“Oh, that guy.” Aelin said with a grimace. She did not like this Lorcan person, even if he had a friendship of sorts with Rowan. “Tell me what he did this time.”

Today, she was loosened up enough by the weather and the beer, and it happened that Rowan was also a little chatty as well. Sometimes they silently sit side by side. Sometimes Aelin doesn’t sit, she kneels on the grass and hums ancient Terrasenian laments, which her buddy raptly listens to. Sometimes Rowan starts venting about his lack of ability to keep his deceased wife’s garden, leaves for the bathroom and comes back with red-rimmed eyes.

It’s getting progressively less dramatic, though. During the majority of the last few months, they’ve been just talking and sharing snacks.

His wife and Aelin’s dad died of COVID at approximately the same time, four years ago—hence why their graves are so close together. Her mom ended up sharing a grave with her husband a while after, but Aelin and Rowan didn’t cross paths at the cemetery until a year and a half ago, when their respective visiting habits finally overlapped.

And at some point during visits to their loved ones’ graves concurrently, they slowly forged a friendship—emphasis on the slow part, and no thanks to Rowan’s closed-off personality.

However, their conversation was cut short when an employee signaled that they were nearing closing time.

“So…” Aelin let out a performative sigh to chase away the awkwardness of goodbye. “Same time next week?”

Instead of answering, Rowan pointed his phone at her face, squinted at the screen for several seconds, then retreated the device.

Aelin tilted her head. Care to explain? she silently asked.

Rowan had a soft smile while he studied whatever was on his screen, for a longer time than expected, then jutted his chin towards her face. “I’m sending my mom a picture.”

During one of the rare occasions Rowan’s mom visited Lyria’s grave with her son, they found Aelin alone under a merciless sun. The older woman was scandalized. She made Aelin stay under her umbrella, forced Rowan to walk the long stretch back to the reception and get another one with the staff, and in the meantime very surreptitiously asked Aelin what her favorite color was.

With a soft chuckle, she took off her crocheted red hat with white daisy patches, handmade especially for her. “Did you tell her how much I love it?”

“Only after the first few times you told me to. The woman’s already too smug.”

“As she should be!”

Aelin still hadn’t got used to it, the sound of Rowan’s laugh. Maybe he was different outside of the cemetery—she wouldn’t know—but now he had a lightness of sorts that showed itself more and more frequently as the days passed, and she could only be happy to witness this change in him.

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[voidedaurora]

Separate post this time, I'm going to be compiling evidence here for the convenience of everyone since alot of things were found/expanded upon in replies to asks! 1. Khai Lying about her age to get into mels server, thus encouraging Khai to continue lying about her age to get into more spaces she's not intended to be in Evidence: Khais intro stating she's 16 (6/24/2024)

Khais birthday is (8/19/2008) This makes her 15 years old Stating she was born in 2008

Khai herself stating she's 15 years old 2 months after her birthday

Stating she was 14 years old a year prior

Mels Server rules as of a few days ago stating the server is 16+ no matter if you are new or a returning user. (assuming its the same and she didn't change the requirements just to let khai stay or something)

The point of this claim is to show Mels willingness to allow Khai to lie about her age to get into spaces she's not allowed in, This encourages her to continue these behaviors and endangers others around her in the process. (Mel is aware of her past behaviors/habits of doing this to befriend 18+ accounts, go into nsfw servers, erp servers, befriend adults on vrc, etc.) 2. Mels claims about feeling repetitively pressured/forced to go through with us all having "group activity" Evidence: Mel's statement through Gaia about how she'd felt about the interactions essentially saying she felt pressured to engage in sexual interactions with the both of us

"Group activity" happened for the FIRST time around March 30th 2023, the second instance (the one I sent screenshots of) happened 7/27/2023 Mel explicitly stating 15 days before the 1st interaction that she did not feel pressured by either of us, considered us "good people to be around", and even stated her "depression weeks" weren't as bad. An overall positive mentality for someone who felt "pressured and repeatedly asked to engage in sexual interactions" Along with me explicitly telling her that she did not have to go through with anything

Doodles after the 2nd time, this is when she was apparently feeling "uncomfortable" and "hadn't enjoyed it"

Highlighted Statement

Doodles

Addditional note, I'm not sure why someone who had no "genuine enjoyment" from any of these activities would out-nut the initial number of encounters (2) but that's up for you to debate/think about

3. Supporting screenshot for the claim I made about the S/A (Specifically the fact she'd admitted to me she'd only slept with us both to sleep with me) Her stating she felt clover was in the way of her getting with me

Additionally I'd like to mention (I obviously DO NOT have screenshots of this but apparently she's vented at least once about her feelings for me/clover being "In the way" within the beloveds group aswell, I probably will not look for/ask for these screenshots since It was a vent) 4. Threats

Self explanatory. (obviously not mel but still not ok, I do not believe she's told anyone not to attack me)

Theres a clean laid out thing for easier viewing

[thisismeracing]

komh thot

https://twitter.com/tennistaboo/status/ 1405721695453843460?lang=en

you cant tell me hamilton!reader wouldnt poke mick's cheek dimple at random times

mick doing an interview? she's sliding in frame, poking it, and the leaves without explanation

mick standing behind toto with his arms crossed watching the race? she's beside him also watching the race the looks over at her lover and pokes it and then focuses back to the chaos on track

mick is in front of her talking and eating his food? she is reaching over and poking the boys cute face feature

he doesnt know why she does it but lets it continue on for a while because it seems to make her happy and who is he to question it?

but the curiosity never leaves him, much like how he wondered who she was pre- first meeting, so one day he asks

maybe its during post-fuck cuddles and he quietly voices his question to her with his neck tucked into her neck

and she just pulls his face out from his hiding space and pokes his dimple once more and admits its one of her favorite parts of his face and poking it is her way of showing appreciation for it

[this was born from reading this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51746830]

hope you enjoyed!

☕️

*insert that connected minds meme*

twitter link

C, I was just thinking about it a few months ago, not especifically about the poking, but about how reader would just love his dimple (because yes its only one, only one side and she would find it so precious she would always kiss that spot before kissing his lips whenever they greeted each other or one were on the way out).

Hamilton!reader would freak out too after being all giddy and poking his cheek, and her mind takes her to wonder if their kids would have his dimples, or how their features would look mixed together, and then she’s like “wait no omg we’re too young, wdym kids?” and suddently she’s looking for lewis because she needs her brother, needs to vent about how she just had the thought about having kids with mick, to which lewis will be “only now? I thought you guys had talked about it a couple months ago” and she’s like “what? why?” and lewis tells her that a few months back, she poked his cheeks while they were playing video games in the living room and left to grav groceries, and mick accidentaly made a comment about how their kids would look like something along the lines of “I wonder if our baby will walk around poking my dimples like she does” and you can bet lewis just drops the remote, the crashing sound making mick realize what he just said. “is yn pregnant?” and mick is like “no why? did she tell you something?” and now both drivers are wide eyed. “I just…that was just a random thought, she’s not pregnant,” mick is tapping nervously on the controller, and lewis breaths in relief. “so that was just something you were thinking about?” “I guess,” mick shrugs still a bit nervous. “you’re thinking about kids…with my sister,” lewis repeats and mick seems to get the depth of the whole comment. he’s not scared though, he loves yn, and he wants her to be endgame. “she’s my girlfriend…” mick tries to add, but lewis points around as if searching the words, “and youre not even thirty yet!”

so yup, after she explains the poking thing mick would ask her how she sees their kids and though lewis told her about the whole convo they had, she will still be all teary eyed because their love is just so mutual 🥺😩 brb Im gonna cry

fic link

I loved it just how I love every thot you send, C!! *mwah* 💖💖💖💖

[dbnightingale24]

Christmas Wish List

A Johnny Storm One Shot

~~

Surprise @autumnrose40 !!  Okay, so I had planned for this to go with your gift, but as you can tell, that didn’t work out -__- . This is just a small thank you for being there for me all the time, and listen to me cry and vent about any and every thing. Also, I know that things are tricky right now, so I hope this brightens your day a bit! I love you tons and I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you, as always, to @fuckingbye​ for the moodboard and literally everything else that you do. I love you!

Word Count: 11,037 (don’t get used to this)

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+ Only!!!!!), Fluff, Angst, Bit of A Slow Burn, Drinking, Smoking, Swearing, SMUT, Insecurity, A Bit of Self Loathing, Bits of Depression, Shitty Ex BF...I think that’s it?

Song(s) That Inspired This Story: You’re Here, Where You Should Be

I do not consent to any of my works/stories being posted elsewhere.

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You try to get lost in the Christmas music you have playing in your office, trying to block out the music that’s being played from the ballroom down the hallway. It’s not that you don’t want to observe the festivities going on for the holidays, but you just feel that it’s not the best idea.

“You don’t have to keep working,” Susan Storm laughs, causing you to jump just a little as she enters your little office with two drinks in hand. “You should be enjoying the party with the rest of us.”

Or, Mrs. Richards. She doesn’t mind either.

“No, I still have work to do, it’s okay-”

“It’ll still be waiting for you when you get back from your holiday break,” she interrupts softly as she takes a seat at the other side of your desk. “Are you gonna go and see your family?”

“Um, no family to see,” you smile awkwardly. “Parents are gone, lost them in the attack on the towers, and I don’t have much a relationship with my siblings. I’m gonna stick to the tradition I’ve been following for about...six years, now? My friends and I make our favorite foods, have a big dinner, and exchange gifts.” “That sounds like fun,” she smiles, finally putting down the drink she brought in for you.

“You didn’t have to-”

“You work hard, Y/N. I know we don’t always acknowledge it, but Reed and I do see how hard you work, and how you come in earlier or stay later than you have to. You deserve a night of fun, even if you don’t stay for the party, you should enjoy being young. How old are you? 22?”

“You’re kind!” you laugh in disbelief. “I turn 28 this year.”

“Seriously?!”

“Good genes,” you smirk and she laughs.

“Well, no one is going to hold you to all of this work. If you want to, we’d love to have you at the party,” she says with all sincerity before getting up. She looks over on your desk and sees the picture of you and Johnny at the beach from last Summer and smiles before walking away.

The teeth he had pull to get you on that bike. Sometimes, his patience truly amazed you.

It’s not like you don’t want to go, but you’re trying to avoid him. Ever since the night you made a move on him, almost two months ago, you’ve made it a point to avoid Johnny Storm at all costs. It’s not like you didn’t try and stop yourself, but Johnny Storm is just that:

A fucking storm.

However, you didn’t want to be just a notch in his bedpost so, you did the only logical thing your drunk brain could come up with: you ran out of the room like a bat outta hell. You know it didn’t mean anything, so you’re not sure why you keep thinking about it. You were both drunk and said he said some things he couldn’t have possibly meant. Drunk men will do and say anything to get into someone’s pants, and why should he be any different? Because he’s a superhero? Because he’s your best friend? What the hell does that mean to you? Yes, like most women, you think he’s gorgeous and, even though you hate to admit it, you’ve spent more than a few lonely nights getting off to the thought of him and all of the things you’re more than sure he can make you feel.

Unfortunately, for you, it’s so much more than that.

You work for the Fantastic Four, and you have for fours years now. You get to see a side of them that the rest of the world doesn’t, and that’s what made you fall so hard for him. You’ve seen him triumphant and you’ve also seen him defeated. You’ve seen him being the sweetest guy while sober, and the biggest douche while drunk. You’ve seen the temper tantrums, while you’ve also seen him step up and take charge.

You have seen every side of Johnny Storm and you can’t help but love him. You know most people don’t see it (or think it for that matter), or believe it, but he is complex. He struggles with being a son his parents would be proud of (maybe that’s why him and Tony Stark get along so well), while also struggling with his own damn personality. Johnny is a fire by default (superpowers be dammed), and he can’t help but be a little reckless. He’s the youngest and has been spoiled since birth.

He doesn’t know how else to be.

That being said, you don’t know how to turn it off. You don’t know how to not want him. He’s nothing but chaos, but for you? Well, for you, he acts like he’ll move heaven and hell for you.

You don’t know how to stop being in love with him.

As you sip the whiskey neat Susan left you, you wonder how the hell you’ll be able to keep handling this job?

How the hell will you be able to handle Johnny Storm?

**

Johnny’s P.O.V

Why aren’t you here? I suggested this party just for you. It’s not like I haven’t tried to fight what I feel for you, but it’s...you. Of all the people I expected to fall for, you were who I least expected. Then, I saw you that night a year ago, and you’ve been all I’ve focused on since.

“Johnny, this club is beat!” my date whined before she took a drink of whatever the hell I ordered for her. “Lets go!”

“We’ve only been here for five minutes-”

“And it’s not gonna get any better!”

“Let me finish my drink,” I mumbled, irritated that it was taking me so long to get me to what I wanted.

That’s what I get for hanging around with the crowd that I do.

“Well, make it fast,” she scowled and I rolled my eyes.

It’s not like she was wrong. For a Saturday night, at 11pm, it was pretty dead. Of course, she was scouting for new candidates once I got rid of her, and I just wanted to see if it was anything worth revisiting. I was more than ready to leave as I started to down my drink, but then...

Then, I saw you.

“You can leave if you want. I think I wanna stick this out,” I told my date as I saw you dancing and laughing with your friends to ‘If You Dare’ by Jazmine Sullivan.

“Fine,” she huffed before she ordered another a drink.

I should’ve left, because there was no reason for me to stay. We were friends and I shouldn’t have thought of you in that way. You weren’t like the women I usually dated or flirted with, you stayed focused on your work at all times, you had your priorities straight, you had been through enough and didn’t need me complicating things for you.

You looked so happy and content, and it’d been so long since I’d seen you like that. Yeah, that was on me, but it didn’t matter in that moment. You always wore modest clothes, you never smiled like that while working, you were dancing so freely, and you looked like you didn’t have a care in the world.

I tried, but I just couldn’t look away. As the songs kept playing, and the drinks kept coming, you just became more and more carefree, and it just made me miss you even more.

It’s not like I didn’t believe in real love or relationships, I just didn’t believe in them for me. Seeing you in that moment though...it had me seeing things differently. However, if I’m honest with myself, it started long before that, didn’t it?

“Johnny,” Reed called, pulling my attention away from the X-Games on the screen in front of me, “this is Y/N. Be nice to her, she’s going to help with research and also acting as a receptionist.”

“Don’t tell me you found someone to keep you occupied while Sue is busy,” I chuckled as I looked you over.

You instantly froze at that.

“Johnny!” Reed snapped.

“It was a joke,” I sighed, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y-you too, Mr. Storm.”

“God no,” I groaned, “Johnny. Please, call me Johnny!”

“Will do,” you laughed softly, “it’s nice to meet you, Johnny.”

Something abut that small, innocent laugh made something stir inside of me. I made that remark about you keeping Reed busy while Sue was away, because you looked like the type of nerd he’d fall for. I won’t lie though, I did think you were cute. Shy, quiet, anxious, glasses that were slightly too big for your face, a beige sweater that was too big for you, and little black pencil skirt. You were the type of woman I would’ve secretly crushed on in High School.

From that day on, you did your best to stay out of the way. You were kind to everyone, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry or get angry, you were always two hours too early and stayed three hours later than you needed to, and you rarely ever asked for days off. The days when you weren’t in the building felt empty.

Lonely.

I think what changed things for me was how you treated me after the incident with the Silver Surfer.

“Johnny?” you called softly as you came out onto the balcony.

“Stay back, I might fuck you up too,” I scowled, grabbing another beer from the six pack I brought out with me.

“You didn’t fuck up anything, Johnny,” you sighed as you took a seat next to me.

That was the first time I ever heard you curse.

“Tell that to Reed.”

“You went after the Surfer because it was your job. You didn’t do this to yourself.”

“I almost killed-”

“But you didn’t,” you interrupted softly. “Accidents happen. Are you headstrong and cocky? Absolutely,” you smirked and I couldn’t help but scoff, “but you’re also a good guy who loves his sister, his friends, and wants to do what’s best for everyone else. It was just a bad day. All of this will get sorted out and it’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do,” you smiled reassuringly before getting up, “I’ll get out of your hair so you can-”

“No....stay...if you don’t mind. It’s nice...having someone to talk to about this. It’s nice...talking to you,” I muttered as I offered you a beer.

We stayed out there for hours, talking about any and everything. That’s when I learned about your family, your awful money hungry siblings, your shitty boyfriend, your love of art, classic and horror movies, and how much you love to cook.

That’s when I learned that I was in love with you.

Fast forward two months and my luck seemed to change just a bit.

“You can’t be here, Tyler!” I heard you snap softly.

“You’re always here!” Tyler responded with a gruff tone that I didn’t appreciate at all.

How the hell could your boyfriend be getting angry with you for doing your job? Especially when he does nothing to contribute!

“It’s a fucking party-”

“Do you not see how many diplomats are here?! This is much more than a party! Deals are being made, help is being asked for, agreements are being-”

“Another fucking night that you’re not home! You’re coming home with me-”

“Let me go!” you almost yelled. “I have a fucking job to do! A job that pays our bills and keeps food in the fridge, since you lost your fucking job! Maybe, if you’d go out-”

“You little bitch! You know that wasn’t my fault! I-”

“You were drunk on the fucking job, Tyler! You got fired because you don’t know how to get your shit together!”

“You think you’re so much fucking better than-”

“Is there a problem here?” I asked as I made my way out onto the terrace.

“Johnny, everything is fine,” you scrambled frantically over to me, “you don’t have to-”

“Who the fuck are you?!” Tyler interrupted.

“A friend,” I warned as my hands flared up.

I didn’t even mean for it to happen, I was just that concerned and angry. God, what the hell were you doing to me?

“Jesus, you’re fucking the Human Torch?!” Tyler snapped.

“TYLER!”

“You need to leave,” I warned as I made my way over to him, “you weren’t invited and no one wants you here. Leave.”

“Johnny-dammit!” you snapped, touching my shoulder only to find my clothes damn near boiling.

“Fucking stay here if you want,” Tyler snapped, his laugh was condescending, “but I won’t fucking be around when you get back to the apartment. We’re done!” he spat as he stormed off.

“Are you okay?” I asked turning to look at you as soon as he was gone.

“I’m...I’m fine, I’m so sorry...you shouldn’t have had to...fuck!” you winced as clenched your fists, because you forgot all about the burn on your hand.

“Shit! Lets get you inside and wrap that up, okay?”

“No...you go back to the party!” you sobbed as you tried to fight back your tears. “You don’t have to-”

“Hey, lets get you inside, get this wrapped up, and have a few drinks, okay?”

“They’re so many people here to see you-”

“Who gives a shit?” I smirked which gained a small giggle from you. “I have something more important to take care of right now.”

You cried for hours that night and it broke my heart. You hide everything so well, all for the sake of a paycheck, that I sometimes forgot how much you had going on in your life. I forgot about the pain you hid in order to keep your head on straight, the stress you cried yourself to sleep over at night, and the anger you pushed aside so you wouldn’t lose yourself in it.

You make it so easy for people to forget, because you don’t want to inconvenience anyone. You don’t want to feel like you’re a burden, because so many people in your life have made you feel like one. I held you for hours, calmed you down, and convinced you to stay in my room that night. Of course, you protested (not wanting to put me out), but I eventually got you to agree when I lied and told you I usually sleep on the sofa anyway.

I didn’t want you crying all alone in your apartment, and if that asshole would’ve been there when you got home, someone was definitely going to get hurt.

And it wouldn’t have been you or me.

From that day on, I found reasons to be around you. Whether it was keeping you company when you stayed too late, or annoying you until you’d agree to go with me to get lunch.

I don’t know why I was so shocked by how funny you were, but you never failed to make me laugh. Whether it was an offhanded comment, your horrible impersonations of reporters who did stories on the Fantastic Four, or you singing some song you loved off-key, you constantly kept me laughing. You didn’t make a big fuss or catch an attitude when people would crowd around and ask for pictures and autographs, you just stood off to the side and waited for me, always asking if I was okay after all was said and done.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I scoffed as we got back to the building.

“I know that you love all of the attention that comes with all of this,” you said with that smart-ass smirk of yours, “but I also know that everyone has a limit. It’s a lot to be in the public eye all the time and, on top of that, you’re a superhero. I know how loud it can get in ones brain and I just wanna make sure that you’re okay. You know you don’t have to hide from me,” you smiled up at me, with those big beautiful eyes of yours.

Of course I had to hide from you. Everyone else could see what was happening, except you. I went from wanting to be in your space to needing it. You calmed me, as lame as that sounds. That ego of mine, that always seems to grow by the second, always seemed to come back down to earth when I was around you.

“Johnny, just tell her you like her,” Susan smiled one day when she caught me staring at you from the living area.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Cause women like her don’t go for guys like me. She’s too smart for me.”

“I’m sorry, do my ears deceive me? Johnny Storm thinks someone is too good for him?” Ben laughed as he made his way down the hall.

“You don’t have any fucking ears,” I scowled with an eye roll.

“Just tell her, kid. She probably feels the same way-”

“No, she doesn’t. She couldn’t.”

“She spends a lot of time with you for someone who doesn’t feel the same,” Sue encouraged.

“It’s better this way-”

“Just got off the phone with, Stark,” Reed interrupted as he rushed into the hallway, “he and Bruce have discovered a cosmic disturbance and it’s headed...did I miss something? Why are we all looking at Y/N? Is she okay?”

“This is the guy you chose to spend forever with?” I asked Sue with a cocked eyebrow.

“Trust me, I question it sometimes too,” she muttered with an eye roll.

“What am I missing?!”

“Just let it go, buddy,” Ben laughed, “what’s wrong with the world this time?”

After that, I did my best to stay away. It would’ve been best for everyone. I don’t know how to do relationships, and you deserve someone who isn’t emotionally stunted.

At least, that’s what I told myself.

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked one day as you cautiously approached the kitchen.

“What? No. Why would you think that?”

“You just...you seem far away. You don’t come and visit me, we don’t get lunch together anymore, you don’t stay with me after work anymore...”

“You’re perfect,” I sighed, hating how much pain was in your eyes, “I just figured I was becoming a distraction for you. Plus, I know there have been some rumors that we’re dating circling around, and I don’t want you getting hassled.”

“That’s outside. Even in here, you avoid me like the plague. I don’t know, I just feel like we haven’t spent time together in forever.”

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind. There’s a lot going on.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t wanna bother you with it.”

“Johnny, if there’s something I did-”

“It’s not you, sweetheart. I promise.”

God, I hated how sad you looked and I hated that I was the reason for it, but I really felt like it would be for the best. For once, I was trying my hardest not to be selfish. I buried myself in as much work as I could, I went back to dating random models and socialites, and I did my best to avoid you.

“You’re a real asshole, Johnny,” Susan scolded as she made her way into my room.

“Aren’t you supposed to knock before you start harassing someone?”

“Johnny, you’re breaking Y/N’s heart!”

“Stop being so dramatic. I’m sure she’s fine-”

“Then why did I just catch her crying in the research office?”

“Susan-”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You spent every waking moment with her, brought her flowers, her favorite foods, stayed late with her every chance you got, and now? Now, you’re back to hooking up with the same airheads and getting into dead end relationships!”

“Susan-”

“You finally found someone perfect for you and you’re just letting her go? For what? Because you refuse-”

“SUSAN!” I snapped, tired of hearing all of the wrong reasons I’m staying away. “Just stay out of it.”

“What am I missing here, Johnny?”

“It’s just better this way. She’s better off this way. Whatever she thinks she feels for me will go away.”

“Johnny-”

“Just stay out of it, Susan, and close the door on your way out.”

I could tell by the way her eye was twitching that she wanted to say more, but just nodded, before leaving and slamming my door shut.

It’s not like it wasn’t hurting me too, but I didn’t do relationships. I never knew how. I didn’t want my first real attempt to be with you, fuck it up, then lose you forever and all together.

You’re entirely too important to me, and if we’re going to be together, I want it to be forever.

So, I pretended to not feel your longing gaze on me when I would walk by, pretended that I didn’t hear quiet sobs at night when you thought we were all off doing something else, and I pretended that I wasn’t the loneliest I’d ever been in my life.

In response to all of the hell I brought upon myself, I was more irritated than usual, more times than not I ignored Reed and did what I thought was best (everyone loved that), I went to pointless parties with empty headed people, and I kept looking for comfort in women whose names I didn’t care to remember.

No, it wasn’t the best solution, but what else could I do? As much as I was pissing everyone else off, they didn’t say anything. Everything was fine until I saw you on that dance floor.

“Those things will kill you,” I smirked, coming up behind you outside as I snapped my fingers and made a small flame appear.

“Mr. Storm!” you gasped as you almost dropped it. “I...I didn’t know you were here.”

“Mr. Storm? Really?” I scoffed as you lit your cigarette with the flame I made you. “When have I ever wanted you to call me that?”

“Things are different now...” you trailed off before you took a drag of your cigarette.

“When did you start that?” I questioned, nodding towards the cigarette.

“Um two months ago? Maybe three, I’m not sure.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing really, just some shit with my siblings, it’s fine. You should get back to your date-”

“She can wait. What’s going on?”

“Mr. Storm-”

“Stop calling me that.”

“No, it’s better if I don’t. I got too comfortable before-”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. I don’t know, I thought we were friends-”

“We are friends. You’re my best friend.”

“Best friends don’t just randomly start ignoring each other.”

“I’m sorry. I was going through something and I didn’t know how to talk about it. I’m back though. I miss you.”

“Mr. Storm-”

“Sweetheart, please.”

“Johnny...that really hurt. You just left and you didn’t-”

“I really am sorry, sweetheart. I won’t do it again.”

“I should get back inside,” you sighed as you dropped your cigarette and stomped on it.

“JOHNNY! OVER HERE!” a photographer yelled as he started snapping away.

“Fucks sake-”

“It’s fine, I’ll head back inside-”

“Let me take you back to-”

“ARE YOU TWO BACK ON?!” another photographer yelled, “WHAT’S HER NAME?!”

“Lets get you out of here,” I growled as I hugged you close, covered your face, and got us a cab.

Once we got inside, you didn’t let me go, and it tugged at my heart more than I thought it would.

“I really missed you, Johnny.”

“I know, I missed you too, babe.”

“Don’t leave me again, please.”

“I promise I won’t.”

From that day on, we went back to how we were almost instantly. You even started inviting me over to your place. Once again, everyone was pushing me to ask you out, but being apart of your life again was more than enough for me. I stopped going out so much, my attitude went back normal (which according to Ben wasn’t much better), and stopped partying (which made Sue happy).

Every night that I had those feelings, I took care of it myself, your name softly leaving my lips every time. If all I could do was want you, that was fine by me. I still didn’t trust myself with you and I had no intention of fucking things up again.

At least, that’s what I told myself at the time. Then, two months ago, I ruined everything.

“Why are you still working?” I pouted as I poked my head inside your office.

“Because there’s still work to be done,” you giggled, not even looking up from the screen.

“It’s 11:30 on a Friday. You know you’ll come in tomorrow and finish up-”

“Maybe I’ll take tomorrow off, you never know.”

“Yeah, and do what?” I smirked as you shook your head.

God, you were so damn cute when you got flustered.

“I don’t know. Go to Ithaca and walk down a waterfall.”

“What the hell?”

“You can! I’ve done it before!”

“You’ll have to take me one day,” I laughed, “c’mon, close up shop and lets go.”

“Go where, Johnny? I don’t feel like going to a club, or a bar.”

“I’ll order us some food, we’ll have some drinks, and we’ll watch a movie.”

“We can do that any day.”

“Yes, but I want to do it today. So,” I started as I pushed myself off the door frame, “lets turn all this bullshit off and decide on dinner.”

“Johnny!” you laughed as I pulled you out of your seat.

“You know you’d rather be hanging out with me anyway.”

“You’re nothing but trouble,” you giggled.

“It’s your favorite thing about me.”

Everything was going fine. We ended up getting Chinese food, drinks were flowing, the conversation was great, and we ended up watching the ‘Philadelphia Story’.

At some point, you ended up in my lap, and I was holding you as if I’d never let you go. Yeah, we’d been drinking, but I should’ve known better than to let it get that far in the first damn place.

“Don’t you want that, Johnny?” you softly slurred as you laid your head on my shoulder.

“What? A bunch of tricks and schemes, and a failed wedding?” I laughed, just as drunk as you were as I brushed your hair out of your face.

“No! To rediscover your true love and make it work!”

“Is that you want?”

“I think I just want to find my true love,” you chuckled as your arms snaked up and around my neck.

You felt like home.

“What about you?” you asked softly.

“What about me?”

“What do you want in a soulmate? What are you looking for?”

“I don’t think I’m soulmate material.”

“Of course you are! Everyone is,” you promised sympathetically as one of your hands cupped my cheek.

I should’ve stopped it right then and there, but between the alcohol coursing through my veins and how bad I’ve needed you, I couldn’t have pumped the breaks if I’d wanted to.

“What would I want in a soulmate? Someone like you, I guess.”

“Someone like me?”

“You’re perfect,” I confessed softly as I met your soft gaze.

God, you looked so beautiful. When didn’t you?

“Johnny, you and I both know-”

“You’ve been everything to me for the longest time. If I were looking for someone to spend forever with, it would be you,” I admitted as I tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

In the blink of an eye, your lips were on mine and it felt like heaven. Everything that I had day dreamed of and imagined, came to life in that moment. When your fingers found their way into my hair, I did nothing to stop them. Even with how tight you were gripping my hair, it was still the closest to heaven that I’d ever felt.

“Y/N,” I moaned as you straddled me.

I had every intention to tell you to stop, but it just felt too damn good. Imagine your favorite dream or fantasy finally becoming real.

This was better than that.

“I’ve wanted you for so damn long,” I whispered as I started to trail kissing along the column of your neck. “I’ve needed you.”

“I’m all yours,” you whimpered as your hands traveled down to the hem of my shirt, “I’ve always been yours.”

You broke away for just a second to take my shirt off, and the whimper that left your mouth had me smirking. It was nice to know that you liked what you saw. Once again, somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should’ve stopped, but the thought alone was too much for me. Instead, I reached for your panties and ripped them off, having to remind myself not to get too excited.

“Johnny,” you whined, “thought about having you like this for so long!”

“Fuck,” I growled into your neck, trying not to get too rough when I bit your neck “you fucked this perfect little cunt thinking about me?”

“So many fucking times!” you confessed with a moan as you ground yourself against me.

There was no way I was stopping.

“Lift those arms, baby. Gotta get this fucking shirt off. I need to see all of you,” I begged with a husk.

And that’s when everything changed.

“No...no, no! What the fuck am I doing?!” you questioned as mortification showed all over your face.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is...this is all wrong! Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you almost sobbed as you got off of me. “Fuck!”

“Y/N-”

“I’m so sorry, Johnny. I have to go,” you sobbed before you ran out of my room.

Since that night, you’ve avoided me like the plague and it’s not like I can be mad at you. I never planned on it going that far, and if it were to ever go that far, I wanted us both to be sober. I can only imagine that you ran off because you didn’t want to be just another trinket.

Another trophy fuck.

Every time I tried to talk about it, you had an excuse not to. Sometimes it was work, other times it had to do with your friends, and sometimes you just told the truth and told me you didn’t wanna talk about it.

I tried to think of a way to make it up to you, but nothing felt right. Flowers felt too small, your favorite food felt like a cop out, and there was no way in hell that you were gonna wanna be alone with me again.I wanted to do something for Halloween, since I know it’s your favorite holiday, but I couldn’t think of anything you’d want to do with me. So, that just left Christmas.

“Sue, why don’t you throw a Christmas party?” I suggested nonchalantly as I sauntered into her office.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Y/N not speaking to you, would it?”

“She has nothing to do with this. She and I are just fine-”

“You’re a shitty liar when it comes to me, Johnny. So, don’t try it.”

“I just thought it would be nice. We’re invited to every party, but we’ve never thrown one ourselves.”

There was no way in hell that I was about to fess up and say this was all for you. The last thing I needed was everyone giving me unsolicited advice.

“I’m not buying it, but you make a good point,” she sighed as she sat back in her chair. “I’ll talk to Reed about it-”

“You’re not gonna let him be in charge, right?”

“Just because I’m in love with the man, doesn’t mean I’d leave him in charge of any social event,” she scowled and I chuckled.

“Thank you, Sue. I mean it.”

“Whatever is going on between you two will work itself out,” she promised with a reassuring smile.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard on anything in my life, or been so damn stressed. I made sure to have all of your favorite foods on the menu, your favorite deserts, and your favorite drinks. I’m more than sure I annoyed the hell out of Sue, but I didn’t give a damn. As long as everything was set up how you would like it, I didn’t care who I pissed off.

Now, everyone is here except for you. Going to see you won’t help anything, but even if you don’t forgive me, I at least want you to enjoy a party that was built around you.

“Johnny, standing in a corner and pouting won’t help anything,” Susan sighs coming up next to me.

“This is her favorite song,” I mutter as ‘Silent Night’ starts playing.

“Is that why three different versions of it are on the playlist?”

“I wanna make sure she hears it.”

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“She’s still not here, Sue. Even if she doesn’t wanna see me...they’re a ton of people here and she’s still not here.”

“What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter.” “Johnny-”

“Just drop it, Sue.”

“Well, give it time. I went to see her and, while I can tell that she’s torn, I think she’s going to show up.”

“How are you so sure?”

“I can just tell. When something is right, it just works out,” she smiles before turning her attention back to the crowd, “Natasha! Bruce! I’m so happy you were able to make it!” she beams before walking off.

I pray that she’s right, because I don’t know what took me so long to realize that you’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to. I know that I can be a real pain in the ass and difficult, but I’m willing to work on myself if it means that I can have forever with you.

I’m willing to do any and everything if it means I can make you mine.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed with the party. All of your favorite foods, you’re more than sure you’ve heard at least four different versions of ‘Silent Night’, every drink option that you love...

It has to be Johnny.

God, why did that night have to happen? Where the hell did your self control go? No, you don’t think Johnny would ever intentionally hurt you, but you also know that Johnny is shit with commitment. It’s not like the man doesn’t try, but you also know that the idea of him being with one person forever terrifies him.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that you miss him so damn much.

You came into the party with the intention of staying out of sight and out of mind, but Ben was in a good mood and pulled you into a conversation about latest research you were helping Reed with until Alicia pulled him away. You tried to get back to your corner of solitude, but somehow, you found everyone wanting to talk to you.

Unbeknownst to you, Reed and Sue had been talking you up. Telling everyone how much they appreciate all the hard work you do, how committed you are to your work, and how your attitude always brightens the mood, no matter how bleak things may seem.

Now, you’re being asked left and right if you’re willing to split your time, if you have any friends that are just as hard working as you, and where you studied Science at (in hopes of finding someone just as dedicated as you). As flattered as you are, you just want to stay in a corner by yourself, quietly scanning the room for Johnny (and whoever he brought as a date), and make sure that he’s happy. For as heartbroken as you’ve been for the last two months, that doesn’t mean you don’t want to see him happy.

Even if it is with someone else.

Sure, you could go and talk to him and put an end to all of this, but that would mean facing him, and you’re not ready for that just yet. Yes, you were both drunk and got swept away, but you don’t know how to handle it the way you think you should yet. The fact of the matter is: you love Johnny Storm. You have been for a while and you had been doing such a good job at hiding it. You’d seen the type of women Johnny fooled around with, and you knew you’d never live up to those standards. Yeah, he remember what he said that night, but he was also drunk and horny. No, he’s not a bad guy, but you’ve seen him play women before by drawing it out even though it was obvious to everyone else that he had no intention of sticking around. You’d like to believe that you were different, but once again, he was drunk and horny.

Accidents happen all the time.

However, you’ve been asking yourself the same question over and over again since the whole thing happened: if you could take any of it back, would you? You come to the same answer every time.

Hell no.

Having some of Johnny was better than having none of him, even if it was only for a moment. So, you told yourself that the next time you see Johnny, you’re going to apologize for your actions, promise him it’ll never happen again, and hope that you two can go back to the way things were.

At least that’s what you keep telling yourself.

After a few more uncomfortable conversations, you’re finally able to grab yourself a drink and make your way back into a corner. It seems silly to be in a corner of a party that seems to be catered around the things you love, but you just feel safer. Being in that room full of high profile diplomats and superheros just doesn’t feel right alone. It won’t feel okay unless Johnny is by your side.

“Why don’t you ever come to any of the parties?” Johnny asked you as he met you outside of your apartment complex. “You’re always invited.”

“Those parties are the last place I belong,” you scoffed as you put on the sunglasses he gifted you last week.

He told he got them for you because he was tired of you blocking out the sun with frames that didn’t suit your face.

“Why do you say that?’

“Cause that’s not me...it’s you,” you motioned towards him.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You constantly save the world, and you’re ‘Mr. Personality’. That whole thing is your scene, not mine.”

“You’ve been huge help on all of those missions-”

“I’m a behind the scenes kind of woman, Johnny.”

“You don’t have to be. You could go with me,” he offered and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s all fun and games until you leave me for some model-”

“You know better than that, sweetheart. I wouldn’t leave you alone in a crowd, especially when I know how uncomfortable it’d make you.”

“You’d wanna be seen with me over some shiny model?”

“You’d wanna be seen with me over some fuckin’ book about space and atoms?” he questioned with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk as you let out a full bodied laugh. “Why wouldn’t I wanna be seen with you?”

“I’m not the kind of woman you’re ever seen with.”

“That’s because the only time you hangout with me is when we hangout for lunch.”

“When else can we hangout? You’re always busy or fucking.”

“We can hangout whenever you want, just say the word.”

“Yeah okay.”

“I mean it, tell me when you want to hangout and we will.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

“What are you doing today?”

“Lunch with you and then I was gonna do some more research on-”

“It’s your day off!”

“There’s always more work to be-”

“Yeah no, we’re hanging out. Your schedule has just been cleared. I know exactly what we’re gonna do,” he smirked as he pulled you along with him.

“Johnny-”

“Trust me!”

Usually, you hate Summer. You don’t like the beaches in New York, so there’s never one to go to. Sure, you can go to Jersey, but it’s always crowded and such a hassle to get to that, by the time you get there, you’re not even in the mood to do anything anymore. So, you usually stay in and do your best to avoid the heat, which is impossible because the city is always filled with too many people.

Summer hadn’t been something you’d enjoyed in a while.

However, that day that you spent with Johnny was one of the best days you’d ever had with him. He took you to one his favorite sports bars, spoiled you just a bit with new glasses and a necklace that he saw you eyeing while you waited for him to get off the phone with Reed, took you to his favorite casual restaurant for lunch, took you to the MET (you couldn’t tell but it made his heart so full to see you so happy), accompanied you on a stroll through Central Park, treated you to a movie, took you to dinner at Carmines (how he knew you’d always wanted to go is something you still don’t know), and ended the night with riding you around on his motorcycle (which only took about 20 minutes worth of convincing).

“See? I’m pretty fun to hangout with,” Johnny smirked as you both leaned against his bike, looking out at the view from the Brooklyn Bridge.

“I had the best day I’ve had in a while,” you smiled, laying your head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry about some of the hell we had to deal with today. The paparazzi and the fans-”

“It wasn’t terrible,” you shrugged. “Yeah, I was completely out of my comfort zone, but I felt safe with you.”

“Yeah, hanging with The Torch has the effect,” he said smugly and you burst out laughing.

“Never refer to yourself that way around me ever again,” you breathed once you finally caught your breath. “It has nothing to do with you being ‘The Human Torch’. I just feel safe with you...I trust you. I always have.”

“Yeah? Enough to go to one of these parties with me?”

“I will go to a party with you, I promise,” you giggled.

“Ready for me to take you home?”

“Lets stay here just a little bit longer?” you begged softy.

“We can do whatever you want, sweetheart.”

You wish you could just go back to that night. Everything was simple, and the both of you were so happy. Now, it’s all a fucking mess.

“Hey,” a familiar voice says softly from behind you. A voice you’ve missed more than you’ll ever be able to put into words.

You told yourself that you’d be gracious about the whole thing that you’d talk to him like an adult. Yet, the second you feel his breath on the back of your neck, you take off running like a deer in the headlights.

In fucking heels no less.

“Y/N! Please!” Johnny yells running after you.

Why are you running? There’s literally no reason to. It’s not like any crimes were committed and you didn’t murder anyone. All you did was almost completely give yourself to the one person your heart burns for.

No big deal.

You’re quick to get inside your office and start pacing, taking deep breaths as you try and calm your nerves. Why can’t you calm down? You can do this! You’ve talked to Johnny about so many things that were much more difficult than this, so what is the problem? You just want him back in your life, so you need to stop hiding from him (literally), and grow up.

“Wh...when the fuck did you...become a fast...fast runner?” Johnny breaths as he leans against your door.

“I’m sorry...” you mumble, toying with fingers and looking at your feet.

“Can you please talk to me? This is insane! It doesn’t have to be like this!”

“I know and I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about everything, but its turning out to be a lot harder than I thought.”

“Why? Yes, things got...heated, but we’ve always been able to-”

“We’ve never even kissed before, Johnny. That night...it’s not the same.”

“We’ve talked about more complicated things than almost hooking-”

“Johnny, I love you. I am so in love with you and I...I had planned on keeping it to myself, because you don’t do relationships, and that’s fine! I was fine with how we were, but then we kissed and said things...my panties came off...I’ve been wanting to talk to you, but it’s hard, because now you know. I made the first move, I said what I said...I wanted to talk to you, but I just couldn’t be around you yet,” you finish softly.

Wow, that came out a lot easier than you expected.

Since he isn’t responding you keep going, “I’m happy to just be your friend, Johnny. You’re always going to be my best friend, but I know we can’t be together, and I can’t take seeing you with other women yet and-”

“Why not?”

“Why not what? Why can’t I take seeing you with other women? Johnny, I just told you I’m in love with you-”

“No, why can’t we be together?”

“Is that a joke? You don’t-”

“I can-”

“Johnny-”

“For you, I can do anything,” he promises sincerely as you finally meet his gaze.

“Lets not do this-”

“I love you, Y/N. I love you and I have for a while now. I’ve had a crush on you since I first saw you, and the more I got to know you, the more all of it spiraled out of control. Why do you think I stayed away for those four months? I was trying to get over and distance myself from you, because I didn’t want to fuck all of this up. I didn’t want to ruin your chances with someone else by breaking your heart. I really did my best to leave you alone, but I was miserable without you, which I think speaks volumes about how much I love you. Even with Raye, which we both know it’s because of me that didn’t work out, I wasn’t all that broken up about it. Yeah, I hated that I hurt her, but you saw how quickly I bounced back from that. I can’t bounce back from you, Y/N. I can’t and I don’t want to.”

“Johnny-”

“I’m loneliest when I’m without you, I’m constantly in a shitty mood when we’re not speaking, whenever I’m out fighting to save the world I’m only thinking of saving you, your laugh is my favorite sound in the world, I listen to your voicemails when we’re not talking because it’s the only thing that soothes me, your touch is what I crave more than anything else in the world, I’m lost when you’re not around...I am so insanely in love with you. I love you to the point that it hurts.”

“Johnny...”

“If you don’t want this, that’s fine, but I think you do. I think you want this as bad as I do,” he states softly as he makes his way over to you.

“You don’t...you don’t like relationships. You said so yourself that they’re just not for you because you don’t wanna be chained to someone-”

“That was before and it was stupid for me to say that. I don’t know, I just...I don’t feel like that with you, sweetheart. If you want me to stay away, I understand and I’ll do just that,” he promises softly as he stands in front of you.

“I...I didn’t say that,” you confess, looking down at your fingers.

Using his forefinger, he gently lifts your chin so your gaze is on him, “tell me what you want.”

“I want to believe that you want this, because it’s all I’ve been thinking about for a while and...I don’t believe you’d ever hurt me, but I know you, Johnny. I know...how you act and that commitment scares you and I don’t want to be-”

“I wouldn’t say anything if I wasn’t serious about this. Serious about us.”

“Johnny-”

“There’s no one on this planet, or the others for that matter, that I find more beautiful than you. No one gets me like you do, no one cares for me like you do, no one...loves me like you do, Y/N. I don’t want to be with anyone else, I don’t look at anyone else, and I’m never gonna love anyone the way I love you. You’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to and that’ll never change.”

“Say it again,” you beg softly as he leans in closer.

“You’re the only person I’ll ever want to commit to,” he breathes softly, his face a mere few inches from yours, “and that’ll never change.”

Before you have a chance to think of an argument, his lips are on yours and you’re gone. Yes, you still have your fears and reservations, but you miss Johnny. You already missed him when you weren’t around, but now that you’ve kissed him and felt his hands all over you in that way, you crave it more than anything else in the world.

You crave him.

“Johnny,” you moan as he kisses down your neck.

In all honesty, you wanna tell him to stop, but you can’t seem to form the words or remember why. Instead, you wrap your legs around him as he picks you up and places you on your desk. What’s the point of stopping anyway? You believe him and it’s starting to become very clear that you two are no longer able to keep your hands to yourselves when along together.

“I fucking missed you,” Johnny growls, hiking up your skirt then ripping off your panties, “never letting you go again.” “Fuck!” you gasp at the feel of his thumb on your clit.

You’re more than sure the warmth flooding through your body has nothing to do with his power.

“So fucking wet already? We’ve barely gotten started,” he smirks teasing your cunt with his fingers.

“Pl...please,” you whimper softly, “dreamt of this for so long!”

“Tell me what you’ve dreamt of,” he coos as slowly sinks two fingers into your desperate and greedy cunt.

Right now, you love him just as much as you hate him for torturing you.

“Having...having you all to myself, loving me, pulling me...apart, oh my God!” you cry out at the feel of him curling his fingers. “John...Johnny please!”

“Tell me more,” he pushes, picking up his pace just a little, applying just a bit of pressure to clit, which only makes you cry out in pleasure as you start grinding yourself against his fingers. “You’re a fucking dream, babygirl. Tell me!”

“Fuck! I’ve thought about...oh Johnny,” you moan, lulling your head back as you feel a warm sensation on your clit, kicking shoes off and curling your toes.

“Never thought I’d ever have you like this, baby. So fucking perfect, baby. Gotta tell me more or I won’t let you cum, and I can tell just how bad you want to by the way this pussy is squeezing my fingers,” he chuckles, easily sliding in a third.

“Jesus!”

“No, just Johnny,” he teases as he picks up his pace. “C’mon sweetheart, be a good girl and tell me more!” “Aht! I’ve...I’ve been dreaming of you on your knees eating my pussy while fingering my ass, want...wanna taste you so fucking bad, Johnny!”

“Fuck,” he growls, no longer teasing you, and you can tell he’s desperate to give you whatever you want. “Keep going, babygirl!”

“Dreamt of you fucking me hard and fast, claiming and making me all yours! I wanna feel you so deep inside my pussy, baby!”

“Give it to me, sweetheart! Be a good girl and cum hard for me!”

Your body has been ready to obey anything Johnny has to say for years, so you’re not surprised that you squirt hard on his fingers as the words leave his mouth. You’d be embarrassed, but you’ve wanted this for so long that you just can’t be bothered to feel any shame. All the cards are laid on the table now, so he may as well see every side of you.

Not just the parts that are work appropriate.

Johnny grips your neck with his free hand before puling you upright and crashing his lips into yours, “who knew my perfect girl was so filthy?” he broods once you two break apart, still fucking you through your high.

“Need you, Johnny! Please!”

“I’m gonna take care of you, baby, I promise,” he smirks, removing his fingers and bringing them up to your lips, “open.”

Keeping your gaze on him, you open your mouth and stick your tongue, your pussy clenching around nothing at the feral growl that leaves his mouth.

“Suck ‘em clean, sweetheart,” he commands, as he gets down on his knees.

You feel his breath on your core when you remember, “not here!” you mumble around his fingers. “The cameras!”

You hear him mumble incoherent against your folds and you whine in pure want, needing one of you to come with a solution fast. Thankfully, Johnny’s on his feet almost instantly, taking your hand in his while he removes his fingers from your mouth, and pulls you along with him.

“Follow me, sweetheart,” he broods, practically jogging down the hall.

At least he’s just a desperate for you as you are for him.

He pulls you into the elevator with him, hits a button without even looking at it, before pinning you against the wall and kissing you passionately. One of his hands snakes its way up your skirt, and you moan into the kiss as he starts fucking you with two fingers.

“They’re cameras in here too,” you giggle with a breathy moan as he starts biting and sucking on your neck.

“A little making out in the elevator never hurt anyone,” he smirks before licking the spot he just bit.

“And how about getting fingered?”

“They can’t see that, sweetheart,” he whispers in your ear before biting the shell of it.

Johnny Storm is gonna be the death of you.

When the elevator finally arrives at the floor he selected, you whine in protest when he removes his fingers, and is pulling you out of the elevator. In almost no time at all, he has you pinned against his bedroom wall and is kicking his door closed before getting on his knees.

“You don’t know how much I’ve gotten off to the thought of eating this perfect little pussy, baby,” he groans before licking your clit.

This must be what heaven feels like.

“Oh my fuck...Johnny! Yes!” you cry out, running your fingers through his soft brown locks, gripping them tight before grinding your your pussy against his face.

He easily slides two fingers into your soaked cunt, curling them as they give you a warm sensation. When you feel his lips pulling on your clit, you lull your head back and hike your right leg over his shoulder, granting him better access to your greedy cunt so he can fuck you deeper. His free hand travels up your side, finding yours, and he entwines his fingers with yours.

The small gesture makes your flutter and fall in love even more.

“I love you so much...Johnny! Need to feel you, please!”

Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas, or maybe it’s because he’s just as desperate as you, but your pleas doesn’t fall on deaf ears. He starts licking and sucking on your clit with such ferocity, you won’t be surprised if the whole hears you as you yell his name, a euphoric cloud washing over you as you coat his fingers and lower half of his face with your desire, gaining a grunt of approval from him as he fucks you through your high.

“I will be back down here tonight,” he promises as he kisses his way up your body, unzipping your skirt and letting it fall freely to the ground, “ but right now, I wanna get lost inside of you.”

“Please,” you whisper once he’s on his feet again, unbuckling his belt as quickly as you can.

“You sure you want this, sweetheart?”

“Too late to turn back now, and I don’t want to. I love you and I want this with you, I want everything with you.”

“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that,” he smiles before crashing his lips into yours.

Clothes come off easily, and they’re no sounds other than the desperate and hungry kisses you both are giving one another. His skin is heated and his touches are soft and, for the moment, you can’t remember what the hell you were so afraid of. Being here with Johnny, like this, and having him all to yourself is all you’ve ever wanted. You know the fear will come back later when all is said and done, but with the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, and has always looked out for you, it’s hard to believe that he would ever hurt you.

It’s hard to believe that this isn’t meant to be.

“Lay back, baby,” you tell him breathlessly as you softly push him back, “I’m gonna take care of you tonight.”

“You are nothing like I imagined,” he smirks and you laugh softly.

“Is that good or bad?”

“So fucking good,” he broods as you dip down lick the tip of his heated length. “Fuck,” he sighs as he grips the sheets.

“Just relax, baby. Let your good girl make you feel good.”

No, giving Johnny Storm (aka the Human Fucking Torch) a blowjob probably isn’t your best interest, but you’ve dreamed about it too long to not do it.

You smooth your hand over his abs, your pussy clenching around nothing as you try and figure out how you got so lucky, while you’re hand strokes him in an attempt to prepare yourself for his size and length.

“Just relax,” you coo before finally getting your mouth on him, moaning in satisfaction at the taste of him.

“Shit! That’s it, babygirl! Fuck, just like that!” he moans as you start to take as much of him as you can.

Your movements are slow at first, taking more of him bit by bit as you relax your throat to accommodate him, falling in love with the way that you’re making squirm beneath you and breathe heavy. Once you’re finally able to fully accommodate him, you’re unable to to control yourself when you pick up your pace as your hand starts to play with his balls.

“FUCK Y/N!” he proclaims, eyes clenched shut as he tries to control himself.

You run your hand over his his abs in an attempt to calm him, but it’s useless because you’re too worked up yourself. You turn your gaze up towards him to find that his gaze on you is intense and heated. In fact, you’re more than sure you see a little orange tint around his eyes, and it only turns you on more to see how much you’re playing with fire.

Literally.

“Not gonna....fuck, I’m so....FUCK!” he exclaims, filling your mouth to the brim, bucking his hips a little as he fucks all of it into your mouth.

You ignore the desperate longing between your legs as you do your best to swallow everything he has to offer, wanting to make sure you don’t miss a single drop.

“You okay?” you smirk once you’ve cleaned him to your satisfaction.

“I need to be inside of you right now, get your ass on top of me,” he growls as you giggle.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll do it,” you promise as you straddle him, rocking your hips against his, your soaked lips dragging along his cock.

“I want you to do whatever you want...whatever will make you happy, sweetheart. I’m yours to use however you want,” he moans as his hands start to travel up your body.

“I want to make you as happy as you’ve always made me,” you moan, adjusting yourself so you can align him with your entrance. “I wanna show you just how much I love you...SHIT!” you cry out once you start to slide down on him.

You’ve never been so full and you’re not even half way down.

“Oh my GOD!” you whimper, loving the delicious burn of him stretching you. “Fuck!”

“Never had a cock this big before, sweetheart?” he questions with a cocky grin, with his mouth slightly agape.

“N-no, but...I can t-tell you’ve never been in a pussy t-this tight!” you moan, finally settling against his hips.”Tell me how good it feels baby,” you moan, pressing your hands against his chest, the hairs a welcome comfort as you dig your nails into his pecs.

“Fuck, best pussy I’ve ever been inside of,” groans as he grips your hips tight, the heat radiating from his hands sending you closer to release. “Thought having you like this to myself for so long, and God, you’re better than any fucking fantasy that I ever came up with...fuck! That’s it, baby!” he encourages as you pick up your pace, rolling your hips against him. “So fucking beautiful!”

“S-so fucking close!” you whine, clawing at his chest, finding that spot deep inside that only ever seemed to exist when you used your vibrator. “Aht, aht! YES!” you cry out, squirting hard as you try and ride out your high.

You’re only left in charge for a second before Johnny wraps an arm around yourself, and sits upright which only pushes him in further.

“FUCK!”

“You are the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, did you know that?” he broods, gripping your hips before starting fucking into you relentlessly.

“Johnny! Please...feels too good!”

“I’ve been watching you for so long, imagining what it would be like to be worthy of you...your love...fuck, the way this cunt squeezes me!”

“Never felt this good!”

“Gonna spend all night showing you just how much I love you...how much I’ve needed you,” he mumbles into your chest, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and licking it.

“Fuck!” you gasp, running your hands through his hair as you try to hold on, still tying to recover from the last orgasm.

His tongue is deliciously vicious against your nipple, showing no mercy at your desperate whimpers and pleas, not even when tears start forming in your eyes. You’ve never felt this good in your life, and while you’re more than sure you’ll be sore tomorrow, it’ll be more than worth it. You’ve been waiting for this forever and there’s nothing that could make you regret it.

You’ll never regret giving all of yourself to him.

“Mmm Johnny! Too much!”

“I know you can give me more,” he encourages with a husk, looking up to see you in your blissed out state. “You’re fucking gorgeous,” he groans, his skin getting just a bit hotter, sending you over another euphoric waterfall.

At some point, you’re going to need to remember to invest in aloe.

“Ya know, I don’t think my bed has ever been this wet,” he chuckles, before getting you on your back and starting to fuck into relentlessly. “I think I wanna make this a nightly thing,” he husks, entwining fingers with one of your hands, while the other is planted firmly by your head.

“Oh my GOD!”

“What do you think about that, babygirl? Hmm? Be my good girl during the day....my filthy, desperate little thing at night?”

“Johnny...” you sob, that knot in your core tightening again.

He dips down and whispers against your ear hotly, “I think that’s exactly how it should be. Cause you were made for me, just like I was made for you.”

You feel your legs start to tremble as another orgasm starts to build, and you truly wonder if you’ll be able to last the rest of the night after this one.

“C’mon babygirl, I need it. Please,” he rasps into the crook of your neck as his movements become erratic.

“Too much! I...I...FUCK!”

“Y/N!” he shouts as he fills you with his seed, you squirting on his cock, only soaking the bed even more.

As you fade out of consciousness, you try to remember if you’ve ever felt so full and loved in your life, and you’re pretty sure you haven’t.

“You okay, sweetheart?” you faintly hear him ask, and you only have enough energy to nod. “Did I take it too far for you?” he chuckles and you giggle.

“No baby, I just need a minute, “ you smile up at him. He dips down and starts peppering kisses all over your face and you start laughing, “don’t tell me that you’re a giant softie underneath that giant ego of yours.”

“You know it’s only for you. Its always only ever been for you,” he groans as he pulls out, before laying down beside you and pulling you close.

“And why is that, Johnny Storm?” you question as you lay your head on his chest, feeling secure and like you’re loved.

“Because I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you,” he chuckles before kissing the top of your head.

“I don’t know if I should even bother giving you the actual Christmas gift I got you,” you smirk as you start to press soft kisses along his chest.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he sighs, and you can tell he’s getting worked up all over again.

“Hmm? Why’s that?” you ask, propping yourself up on one arm, while the other softly stokes his chest.

“Because,” he starts, cupping your cheek and stroking it gently, “you were all that I wanted, and it’s been that way for a long time now, Y/N. You were all that I had on my Christmas wish list.”

~~

taglist: @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @emerald-evans​, @maroonsunrise83​, @whxre4cevans​, @sweetflowerdreams​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @companionjones​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​, @mazda098​

[brokensenseofhumor]

The controversial post that I mentioned on my birthday (aka Tuesday, this post is going up on either Thursday 11pm or Friday asscrack of dawn)

The purpose of this post is to clarify a variety of things just in case I go missing Friday afternoon, but due to certain events on my birthday it turned into an exposé + vent post. Even with such circumstances, I hope you can take away some knowledge about me and other people from this post.

WARNINGS: Private matters that have already been dealt with either a few days or even months ago that I’m needlessly bringing to light, mentions of death threats, and lost of fucked up shit in general.

Saii (@/monochrome-cropcrown) dismissed a really violent meltdown I had the day before my birthday and tried using her visit to the hospital as an excuse for not giving a fuck or even bothering to read not even 1 message from the 1 hour worth of distressed and downright concerning messages I had spammed her with an hour and a half ago. We got into a screaming match and she blocked me, but a few hours later she unblocked me, and started harassing me with messages basically victim blaming me for not being god and being unable to control my emotions, then blocked me again before I even had a chance to respond. Here is evidence:

That being said, I also have to take accountability for the horrible shit i said during my mental breakdown. I admit I made threats of physical violence against Fukui Takumi, wishing he’d slip down his stairs and bash his head into a wall, and I apologize for that. I was far too wrapped up in my emotions to realize I was saying overall horrible things aimed at someone that doesn’t even know who I am, and I apologize deeply for that. I’ll try to find better coping mechanisms to avoid this type of situation next chapter drop.

@/huntersmoon1 traumadumped on me multiple times despite me clarifying that I’m a neurodivergent and seriously mentally ill teenager just as many times, and she’s a grown woman in her late 20’s/early 30s that should be getting a therapist instead of telling some mentally unstable minor on the internet about her family’s problems. She also infodumped to me about useless things, even after I have told her I am not intrested in the slightest about anything she’s telling me about. She blocked me after I complained about another one of these needless infodumps, unblocked me after Mina’s exposure, we both mutually apologized for our mistakes, and she proceeded to block me again.

Shortly after Mina’s exposure as a groomer, @/praisethesuuun made a post saying that I shouldn’t be on the internet just because I have BPD symptoms and I’m also a minor.

My mom neglects me and verbally abuses me and my dad is a creep that always disrespects my boundaries, has tried to SA me when I was around 7-9, and this week he stole the conditioner my mom bought for me (after refusing to buy me a new one for the past 3 weeks).

The verbal abuse from my mom started when I was around 5-6 years old.

My mom also held off on buying me toothpaste for 4 weeks, and I was stuck using probably expired toothpaste for over a month.

My school feels more like a North Korean labor camp rather than a school. My homeroom teacher is a bitch, as of the time im writing this post she has threatened to smell each and every student’s ARMPITS (With the most psychotic smile on her face, too) MULTIPLE TIMES. The school’s practices are no better either. Oh what’s that? You didn’t do this easily forgettable and completely useless and unnecessary homework? Oh I’m so sorry, your exam score is an automatic 0 now. Most teachers are so strict that I almost developed a crush one the one teacher that was actually cool.

ALL HAIL KENDRICK LAMAR 🙇🙇🙇🙇

Tags: @aresarmyblog @rukia-writes @amphitriteswife @micah-drew @mizz-sea-nymph @miyahsart @cherry-froese @riseofamoonycake @incorrect-record-of-ragnarok @itz-hellenz @swallowtail-lotus @the-gentlemen-jack @sibchatactics @onecantsimply

[average-submas-enthusiast]

My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

[scarrabear]

QUOGAN HEADCANONS PART 1

Hi hello <3 first time post from me on this account. I realized I had a lot of thoughts of my own on these two dweebs and I LOVE reading everyone else's thoughts, so I'm being brave and sharing my own. :)

Yes it's long and there will be a part 2. I talk a lot lol. Feel free to send me asks or recs if you want more :)

While Secretly Dating

They would text each other every single morning with Logan saying things along the lines of "good morning beautiful <3" and Quinn saying "good morning cutie :)". Sometimes these messages would cause them to giggle and/or blush leading their respective roommates to question what they were looking at.

Meetings at their secret hiding spots would take place nearly every morning, in between most classes, and every night. This was both of their favorite parts of the day because it's where they could talk, flirt, vent, and yes, make-out. (Michael & James notice that Logan always shows up to their first class completely giddy and when they try to tease him about it, Logan simply shuts them down with a snark comment.)

While at meals with their friends, the two would secretly try and play footsie or touch fingertips under the table.

Around the second or third month of them secretly dating (show canon: in-between Coffee Cart Ban and Chasing Zoey), they start experimenting with kissing, i.e, French kissing, necking, ear kisses, and even leaving small hickies. Quinn is the one who wants to try the latter to which Logan was nervous, excited, and turned on. Hesitant, they leave small ones on areas of the shoulder that can be covered by sleeves. Logan really likes having his ear nibbled and neck kissed especially while Quinn touches his head. Quinn realizes she loves being spoiled with kisses all over her face and neck.

Sometimes after basketball practice, if Logan is sore Quinn would insist on giving him massages.

Logan realizes how turned on he gets whenever Quinn talks about science or shares a fun fact. One day Quinn is helping Zoey fix her Jet-X and Lola almost catches him drooling.

Yes, dating Quinn doses cause Logan to improve his grades. This is something he does willingly because he truly wants to be the best version of himself for her. I imagine the first Michael & James walk in on him truly studying they are visibly shocked. Every time Logan gets an A or B on an assignment he proudly tells Quinn to which she is equally as ecstatic.

^^ Quinn also finds Logan studying hot.

They leave little notes for each other in their backpacks or textbooks.

For prom, when they agree to take different people as dates, Logan begs Quinn to tell him what color dress she plans to wear because he wants to match his pocket square. (You can see in the show that he's wearing one to match even while he was with Stacey.)

Openly Dating: JR Year Summer

Lola/Zoey and Chase/Michael/James sat Logan down separately and made sure his intentions were not to take advantage of Quinn. Both of those sessions lasted about 5 minutes until they realized that Logan was truly in love with her.

Yes, their friends (lovingly) teased them about their relationship. Lola and Zoey made sure to shut down anyone around campus that judged them or made harsh remarks.

Chase and ESPECIALLY Michael were beyond happy for them (Michael apologized for laughing in their faces when they tried to tell him they were dating months ago).

Logan cried when Quinn went back home to Seattle.

Quinn asked to take one of his t shirts with her back home to which Logan requested one of her jackets.

They spoke on the phone every single day, usually in the morning and at night. Quinn liked to fall asleep to the sound of his voice.

Quinn works as a camp counselor for a science day camp for children.

Quinn visited Logan (Malcolm Reese & Chauncey remembered her which made her happy) mid June for a week to which she got to meet Lyric (age 5-9 years old) for the first time.

Quinn brought Lyric a few Magic Tree House books and a mini science kit as a gift.

While in California, Logan, Mr. Reese, and baby Lyric showed Quinn around Los Angeles (movie sets, Disneyland, museums, and shopping.)

Logan and Quinn take Lyric to see Kung fu Panda in theaters.

Lyric is immediately fond of Quinn and wants to be as smart as her. She even draws a picture of Quinn as a scientist and gives it to her before she goes home.

It makes Logan's heart all fuzzy and gives his stomach butterflies seeing Quinn and Lyric interact.

Malcolm and Chauncey catch Logan drooling over Quinn multiple times and never fail to tease him.

Logan takes Quinn on a romantic dinner date on the beach and gives her a heart necklace that has their initials and the date they officially started dating engraved.

Quinn gifts him a portable hand held mirror that she quinnvented before she arrived. The mirror also has his name engraved along with the date they shared their first kiss. It has adjustable lighting and various settings such as a zoom feature and background blurring to focus more on his reflection.

For 4th of July that summer, Logan visits Quinn and her family in Seattle. She was nervous at first because her house is notably smaller than what he is used to but Logan was quite happy and comfortable and assured her that he didn't care about her wealth.

Logan is nervous as hell to meet Quinn's parents and her Bubbe (she had to explain to him the meaning of the word and is surprised and flattered how much Logan wants to know about her family's history.)

The Pensky family shows Logan around Seattle and he's shocked at how cool the Washington air is. He loves the trees and the mountains. His favorite activity is going whale watching.

Bubbe teaches Logan some of her Jewish recipes. The two form a close bond.

Quinn shows Logan photos and videos from her beauty pageant days but he's more interested in seeing the collection of her childhood science experiments.

SR Year - SR Year Summer

Logan replaced the photo of himself he normally kept on the dorm wall with one Bubbe took of him & Quinn in Seattle. (They're smiling at each other while he's hugging her from behind.) On the wall next to his top bunk are a collection of smaller photos. Some of just him, some of just Quinn, but mainly solo ones of Quinn.

Quinn keeps a mini scrapbook in one of her bed cubbies that has her favorite photos of Logan and notes that he wrote her from last year.

Lola & Vince break up at some point which leads to Lola & Zoey having a moment where they are jealous of Quinn & Logan's relationship. They get over it...eventually.

Quinn is granted early acceptance into Caltech and Logan takes her out to celebrate (also they make-out in a hammock)

Logan gets into UCLA on his own accord (his dad did not buy his way in) to major in business and minor in chemistry. PCA's head chemistry teacher wrote Logan a stellar letter of recommendation. He also took a few science ACTs (and did exceptionally well) at the beginning of senior year to help boost his chances.

For Logan's birthday, Quinn gifts him his own golf club set that she quinnvented. The clubs are perfectly designed for his height, grip, and other golf terms I don't know enough about.

For Quinn's birthday, Logan rents out sushi Rox for the night and and throws a surprise party for her. He has the party end 30 minutes early so he and Quinn can have the place to themselves so they can slow dance. Michael plays the flute for them.

For their one year anniversary, they have a moonlight picnic. Quinn makes him a personalized cologne (one of you lovelies said this and I 100% agree!!!) and his own zap watch but with baby settings with their anniversary date and the message "I love you" engraved.

Logan bought her a personalized lab coat, a designer lab bag, and dozens of flowers.

They do it *stream ChloexHalle* on their anniversary weekend in Logan's dorm room (he paid Michael & Chase to stay out of the room that night).

They're both nervous at first but as soon as they're in each other's arms, love and a whole lot of lust takes over. All they want to do is please the other.

Quinn is obviously valedictorian and her speech makes Logan the proudest he had ever felt up until that point.

Logan sent Quinn's mother and Bubbe flowers for mothers day (to which he would continue to do in the future)

In the summer, Quinn visited Logan's family again for a week to which Lyric was beyond excited.

At night, the two would sneak into each other's bedrooms for intimate moments. This is when they would really discover their pleasures and what they like/don't like in bed.

So yeah. Thanks for reading if you got this far!!!!! Sending everyone love <3

[synthshenanigans]

woah hey a year has been passed wowie :0

First two weren't posted here cos they were too long ago & not CJish related but love the way he took up 70% of the year lol

[ Full images + templates below :} ]

[TW for Bright Colors, maybe blood & very very vague themes of depression/suicide for like 2 drawings I believe]

Long text about the arts if anyones actually curious!!

January: An old OC I completely forgot about until making this. He's based on old radio like things :}

February: Played Person 5 Royal last year & drew Joker cos idk he's neat. Fun fact, the same day I fully finished the game was the day Storm & a Spring came out. Also while grinding in the game, I had his Bidding & VoaC covers on repeat. Which was a bit annoying to do since they weren't on Spotify yet & YT on mobile didn't have looping then.

March: The Hawaii Part ii album cover :} I did post that eventually but that's the time I actually made it. Had listened to TME a couple of months before then which got me into the album, so months later I drew it cos why not? [Also the month Vol.1 fully released on everything. What's funny is my gallery for that day was a handful of memes I saved at 4am before I fell asleep. And then the next image saved is when I woke up which was a screenshot of the whiteboard in TfaR lol]

April: First main Jash art !!! And its not even with any of the songs from Vol. 1 lol. I had his Moss cover on repeat again & now that all of Vol. 1 was out, I drew Heart in some moss. Or really in the image from the video.

May: Lil animation I made of Heart with the song Don't Hit the Lights! Link to my post & the song can be found here :}. Still really like the song & even the drawings. Might remake em eventually idk

June: Sky/socialc1imb's Clue AU! I like murder mysteries & this one was real interesting so I drew it a lot lol. Might remake that one or one of the others I made at somepoint? It'll be a bit later if I do but ye

July: A redraw of a HMS piece I originally made back in May, based on the Three Wise Monkeys thing. I like the idea of it so I keep wanting to remake it.

August: I honestly can't remember if I posted that art or not. Actually yea I don't think I ever did PFFT. It's one of the few drawings I did of myself this year & its from CJs Not Perfect cover [as you can tell by the lyrics on it]. Also one of the very very few vent-ish arts I made. I like the background more than anything but its still neat ig?

September: Art for one of the best songs ever. I love Fine, I'm Fine its so good & I listened to it for like 70% of the 20+ hours it took me to make the drawing. Still proud of it so there's the sketch I drew on paper, the one on my tablet & then the final versions.

October: There was a lot from this month due to Jashtober. I still like this one lot & it wasn't insanely rushed so I picked this one to show lol.

November: I have no idea why I made a fun lil soul. I was having an identity crisis over my art style & ig decided to draw the guy who is a walking identity crisis/j

December: Same as September. One of my favorite songs ever was covered & released, so I made a drawing like everyone else lol.

[hetalia-club]

I’m going to vent some more about my ex because it’s good therapy lol

Feel free to keep scrolling.

Lol so remember my terrible abusive ex I broke up with last month that I vented on here about? Two years ago I made a reddit post on AITH because we got into this argument about eating thanksgiving at each others families houses and how he would get mad at me when I wouldn't eat a huge meal at his family's house but then he didn't eat at my families house (Which is honestly such a shame because my family's food is gas) and I also make some of the food at our thanksgiving so by the time I would get there to eat I wouldn't be hungry because I had just been guilted into eating a full plate an hour before.

I deleted the post because it blew up like crazy and everyone was calling him controlling and abusive and I was thinking "that seems a little much for a thanksgiving argument" I was getting a bunch of DMs of people telling me I needed to dump him and that if I needed help I could go to a clinic and I was just like "Tf are these people talking about!? This was just an argument about thanksgiving food…" I just think it's funny the answers were right there in front of me of thousands of strangers telling me I was in an abusive relationship and I ignored it. You truly don't know what it's like to be in a relationship like that until you're in one. You will convince yourself everything is fine and that everyone else is crazy for thinking that he's crazy. Just look at some of these comments lol

this is just a few of them. I remembered this post and decided to go back and re-read the comments after recognizing that he was abusive. I remember defending him so hard in my DMs being like “no you don’t understand you got him all wrong” turns out they had him all right lol and I was the delusional one. I’ve been doing along of self reflection and what not lately I’ve been trying to ever who I was before we got together because I feel like I was a different person. Less of a people pleaser, less emotional, less worried about what others think of me. I’m having to re-write my brain chemistry I feel. I still have to stop myself because I will ask myself “does ‘ex’ like when I do this?” And I have to remind myself it doesn’t matter what he likes anymore.

When we lived together he would insist i did all the cooking which is fine because I’m good at cooking. But the thing is I can actually only cook Italian American food, the reason for that is because it’s my favorite food and it’s all I ever want to eat. So it’s the only thing I make that’s any good. Because you know… it’s what i like so it’s what I make. Well about 2 years into our relationship he decides he’s going on a no carb diet. Which was an issue because I am on an all carb diet lol… I made food as normal for awhile and then one day he just went absolutely ballistic because he said I was abusing him because I wasn’t respecting his diet because I kept making pasta, which I wasn’t making pasta every day obviously… I didn’t make Italian every day but at least 2 times a week. but on this particular day I had made some kind of pasta but I had made him zucchini noodles, I even went out and bought a little thing to shred them with that day. It was probaly chicken parm because I eat that at least once a week. I once went three weeks with eating chicken parm every day and it was heaven . But apparently he didn’t like them and instead of being rational and just saying he didn’t like them he decided to have a toddler level fit because he didn’t what what I made. I was just like “okay then don’t eat it l…” he proceeded to not speak to me for three days and he even shoulder checked me in the hall way when he walked past me and it had me seeing red. So ever since then when I would make pasta I would make him a separate dinner which was so annoying. Because like he’s a grown fucking man… I shouldn’t have to make him a separate dinner it’s not my fault he decided to go on a no carb diet for no reason probably just to try and get me to stop making pasta which he never really liked (this was huge red flag and I should have known it would never work) he should have to deal with that himself I’m not his mom or his wife so i shouldn’t have just been like “okay learn how to cook then man child” but I’m too nice of a person and the guilt would have made me lose sleep. Because he would have just eaten cheese and lunch meat like a dumb ass because if I didn’t cook for him that’s what he would eat because he was an ACTUAL man child and couldn’t cook anything but scrambled eggs even then he wouldn’t use grease or butter so they would just fuse with the pan and I had to scrub it off because he would just put it in the dishwasher as if that was going to do anything.

One time I had made like a vegan butternut squash soup because he likes butternut squash, I don’t I think it’s gnarly. I even whipped out an emulsion blender for it, real fancy like. Well he decided he wanted chicken with it for some unknown reason even though HE requested it for dinner so he knew no meat was involved. so he decided to throw a frozen chicken tender into a pan and he cooked it until it was trawled and that shit was like not even close to cooked and he was going to eat it so I had to stop eating, get up and recook his chicken because he would have given himself food poisoning. I didn’t even get so much of a thank you for possible saving his stupid life and he just ate it and left the pan with burnt bits for me to scrub because he again didn’t oil the pan so the chicken stuck to it and burnt onto the pan.

You may read this and think “omg how do you not realize this is abuse” well that’s because that was just how I lived for 5 years. It had gotten normal I understood how he was and he always told me “this is just how I am” so I figured “who would I be to change him if that’s his personality?” Now I do truly believe that is his real personality and he’ll never change. Mostly because when we broke up he straight told me “this is how I am I’m not changing for you or anyone” like it was something to be proud of. He truly believes the break up is something that can be reversed. I’m not sure if he even thinks we’re still broken up if that makes sense. He texted me as asked me if I wanted to go out to diner and I was like “lol no?” And he was like “I miss you though don’t you miss me?” And I was like “lol…no?” Like what is there to miss my guy? Like of course you miss me I did everything for you. I knew the second he realized “oh shit now I have to clean and cook?” he would want me back. I called it. I knew it was coming. It was a lot sooner than I expected tbh though…

[thesesolarsys]

I think our ex was trying to make us split more on purpose?

(also I did not proofread this at all because this is just me venting)

this is a Vent post tw- CSA + just general abuse

this memory had been brought up because I saw something that reminded me of this

This had happened years ago because we were dating this person at 14-16 and this person was really into being a system they knew about it and they were just really into it which should have been a massive red flag however we were a very stupid minor we didn’t know any better. We thought this person just loved us when in reality they were fetishising a disorder. We were very naive and quite innocent.

I remember when we explained our triggers and stuff to him he did seem like he was very empathetic. He didn’t seem like he was going to do anything and for the first few months it was great. I remember we were happy but I can’t remember as time went on. You were kinda do things that trigger us and then he would act like he forgot. he would send us things like fanfics of things we liked usually thoes fics would have a lot of csa in them which is a massive trigger for us as we are a victim of csa tell him to stop and he would for like a few days or a few weeks and would be right back at it. He would also kind of yell at us and just be a general dick like I can remember he would ignore us for days just to play some VR game with his friends which I guess it’s fine. You know you can play with your friends but he would do this constantly and would really give us attention until we said that we couldn’t take it and we would leave then he would give attention again.

I can also remember him forcing us to watch something with him it was some show which featured SA in it and he would also often kind of treat us like how our Mom did who is very abusive and entire childhood living hell like daily .



He would also send actual lolicon imagery, but that was towards the end of things.

I don’t even remember what made us leave. I think we just kind of realise this Man is not going to change this Man don’t love us and I’m glad we got out when we did because I don’t really know how we would be right now if we remain with him, however, we did split a lot whilst we were with him and that is probably because he would remind us of trauma and then would give us more. He would also cheat a lot which to put a lot of trust issues on us with finding relationships

I genuinely think that he was purposely trying to make us split because I cannot think of any other reason why he would do this and thinking back on it he was really obsessed if we split a new fictive which I don’t know how that was not a red flag for us? it should’ve been but I don’t think we recognised that that was bad somehow

I remember when we split a fictive due to what he was doing and said fictive is Harley Quinn which weirdly excited him because he loves DC so did we have the time but he got so so mad when Harley did not act like her source, she doesn’t like her source like he was so mad none of this was a red flag. I genuinely think we were desperate for someone to like us because we didn’t really have any friends and our home life sucked so we just wanted some thing to make it all better which he made us worse

I mean, he was a minor too at the start of our relationship, but he should’ve known better I think (for context I was 14 when we started dating he was 16 which I find weird looking back on)

he also apparently used to fake being a system which I didn’t know but I found out after dating him because when he would play VR chat he would pretend he had DID and would pretend to switch but people knew it was fake becausehe wouldn’t even pretend to dissociate he would just pretend to switch and he would pretend that he gained more alters when he didn’t go through any stress or trauma or really anything bad? He was just kind of hyper fixate on media and apparently would split a new alter we are intro heavy obviously you can split alters of any sort alter It doesn’t matter if they are introjects or not and you can split a lot, however he wouldn’t go through anything that would cause a split I only knew this after we broke up and apparently he admitted to faking but I’m not sure if that was a whole thing that actually happened, but I heard about it from one of his ex friends who is in a discord server that I’m in (could be a lie, but I wouldn’t be surprised because he became really weird with the fact that he was dating someone who is a system) a reason I think this might actually be true is because he would take over things like he had faked OCD before and I’m pretty sure he freaked bipolar as well and then he hates an eating disorder when he found out we had one and would trigger us by sending us th!nspo and b0nespo and when we try to recover for the first time he would just send it even more even when we told him to stop

-Connor (He/They)

[animal-lover-forever]

I hope it's okay when I ramble here a bit. If not, just delete the message.

I got mutuals that aren't so active. They only show up a few days before vanishing for weeks or months. But I cherish them as much as the one that are always here.

A few weeks ago I made a drawing to send it with a few words to one of my mutuals that I haven't heard of for months. Giving them encouraging and honest words. Making sure they know I'm always here for them, that I see them as a friend no matter how much time passed or how long we didn't wrote each other. They were there for me, they wrote the most comments under my posts and reblogged thing with the most motivating tags. We never talked much but we still saw each other as friends. I care for them and they for me.

And yesterday they responded in such a gentle way, I cried. I learned over the years to harden myself against such things, but the answer and to know they're okay and still there just moved my heart so much. I was happy to hear from them again. They will create a new blog here to begin anew, to get a second chance. They say to tell me when there back with a new blog, but even when they would forget it over the time: I will always hold them close to my heart.

And that's something I want to continue and wish we could see here more again! Mutuals writing small little messages to their moots, even when they vanish for a long time. Small gestures like a comment or a mention of a post they saw and reminded of them. Or a simple Hi in the DMs. Giving them a sign that is always okay to come to us to talk, that we're not angry or annoyed of them, that they don't need to apologise to take breaks no matter how inactive they were. Especially when they were gone for long. It's important, we all need such thing from time to time. We all need a little ray of sunshine from others.

I hope you have a good day, stay safe. And thanks for listening q(^-^q)

"I hope it's okay when I ramble here a bit. If not, just delete the message." - troublesjunkyard

BAD TROUBLE! HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT WAY! (ﾉ｀Д´)ﾉ

With the amount of times I come into your ask box to ramble or vent, why would you think such things!?

And how dare you suggest such things!

Just delete the message, she says.

You know what's funny, is that I was just about to send a vent in your askbox before I saw that you sent me an ask. ( っ- ‸ – c)

Also, it's good to care about others even if they aren't around often.

It shows them that someone will always be around for them. :3

I wish I could say that I have friends like that.

I've never held a relationship with someone for more than a year or two.

When I was younger, I was hard to get along with; and I got kicked out of school often, so the few friends I did make, I couldn't keep because I had to move schools.

Now, I just tend to keep to myself.

I'm a bit shy around new people, and don't tend to talk unless talken to.

Once I've warmed up to you and I know you, it's very hard to shut me up.

But because I don't talk unless talken to when around new people, it makes it harder to make friends.

If I'm being honest, my only friends are here on Tumblr.

I have no real friends out in the wild.

I can't just call my friends and ask them to hang out with me.

Google likes to remind me that I have no friends. :(

Me: "what to do when bored"

Google: "Hang out with your friends."

Me: ... "what to do when bored and don't have any friends"

Google: ... "Read a book?"

Me: ... Damn. If only I didn't have a 3rd grade reading level. :/