#and now im doing the broke plan of it
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WE DID NOT GET THE FUNDING PROJECT FOR MY THESIS, a sad YEEEHAAWWWWWWW
#as i expected tbh#and i feel kind of smug bc me and my thesis advisor both read the rules for it#and i was like hmm it seems like they dont want to give large amount of money because initial funding is one of the criteria#my advisor: oh but i talked with one lady and they lack applicants this year. we should go all in and ask for everything#and i was like yeah okay youre the more experienced one here#and now. when we got the results. she told me herself that we wrote too big of a sum#bc the guy who asked only for 10k for basically the same thing (analysis test kits) got it#while we asked for like 60k#because we added a bunch of other tests#so now i have like. 5? k from department money. which is. a lot actually. from them#and now im doing the broke plan of it#arrrghhhhh#phd adventures#weirdly enough my mom asked me today what i would do if i had Big Money#and i didnt answer bc i didnt have it#but i think i wold do exactly the same except i would fund my own research and pay my participants#but im broke and doing the broke version of research so. yea. okay. its almost the same. except i have spicier problems
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Here is lady pics from when I was MIA
#alek insanity#using this time to rant about my personal life. my dad had a medical emergency but he should be coming home soon#i spent a while at my aunts house it was fun they have a cat named harold hes so fatness#my stepmom has been staying with my dad up there and magically our heater broke#the hvac guys came (like 10 minutes ago) but they cant really fix it it just needs 2 be replaced atp.#and its been getting below freezing these past few days behhh#but its all good bc im gonna get popeyes soon#doodle (the lady) is sitting on my as i type this#and i decided to start drawing everyday !!! around 2 hours at a time is my goal. i used to draw until id get numbness in my arms#carpal tunnel speedrun? but ive realized its best for my joints if i draw for 1-2 hours. also if i draw everyday im more motivated#ive been trying to pace more too. i used to get 10k + steps a day but kinda. stopped doing that. oopsieeee. just aiming for better habits#fixed my sleep schedule too behhh#my friend has a christmas party on the 21st so im excited 4 that. also christmas in general bc im gonna get a new laptop#mine barely works and is held together with duct tape 😭 and im gonna get a ton of money#my friend is planning a h×h zine so thats exciting + there's a lot of ninjag0 ones around the corner. big things brewing#i think next year will be a good year. this year kinda... started off really shitty#hoping to get my drivers liscense next year. ive been studying for my permit but stuff keeps getting in the way#Also im gonna get new glasses soon after TWO YEARS hfgdhd . idk the future looks bright yall#and i got this fatness woman on me rn so happy times now too#shes trying to sleep on my leg . but ... i have to eat food ... doodleee lady
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#oc#haven#rex#monochrome#contents: a little raunchy for tumblr#doodle#really high effort one but it's about the shapes more than anything else lol#meme redraw#comic#i may color this. the original plan was to color it. however i spent all my energy for coloring on drawing an aftermath coda#im fond of this one. there's a lot happening in it#haven and rex are both dressed "up'' to annoy the other's plus-one minor enemy#<- specific au element#rex is wearing a weezer shirt because haven knows that'll piss off taran. haven is dressed up like rex's best attempt at a mid-00s surfer#because he knows felyx cant fucking stand haven and is also into buff masc dudes dressed in jeans with rhinestones and thinks it'll be funn#to put felyx in the Lustful Colander#(he is right)#haven's house is not actually a cool neat influencer home or whatever there's no like open floorplan white walls light bamboo floor bullshi#going on here. it's all like green and red granite tile and shit. the man has been around for a very long time he knows what kind of decor#he's fond of. those ARE fish tanks in the walls though. and a spiral staircase#the man has been around for a very long time. he does not give a shit if what he likes is 'tacky'#also when the one speechbubble he says gets weird it is because he is using a magic power and forcing rex to put his cigarette out. rex is#naturally kind of annoyed about this. it used to make haven wince when he put his cigs out on his hands so he keeps doing it every time thi#happens but he has not yet cottoned on to the fact that haven has fully stopped wincing and now just thinks it's a normal habit he has#and has no idea that it's specifically aimed in his direction#also haven has no issue with giving head but rex isn't aware of that. they don't communicate well#and what Rex is actually aware of mostly consists of 'asking him to bottom turned into a giant argument and then a physical actual fight#and he broke my jaw in like four places over it and it was awesome but i didnt get what i wanted' and kind of gave up on the subject#he couldve been getting his d!ck sucked this whole time and he didnt know it. so sad#lineart
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btw since I haven’t posted art in ages uh I Am drawing but it’s taking me eight years to finish anything rn. so
#im planning on doing some loose sketches and doodles and stuff thats not super polished#so I can get back into the feel of drawing for fun and not for perfection#I think art school broke me bc I do treat art as an assignment now like I can’t just draw it has to be super good and polished and stuff#but. I want to draw!!! so if I post some messy figure studies and like things without colors and sketches even (gasp)#you all gotta hype me up
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How I'm feeling on the last workday before my surgery STILL not being done with the plant textures
#fuuuuuuuuck i might lose my job#sorry boss my brain broke this last year and ive been trying to peice it back together one sliver at a time ever since#it feels terrible ive got no excuses no real reasons#my life just kind of fell apart and all my goals and dreams evaporated and im surviving day to day rn#its made my time management really difficult#ive been fighting fatigue and burnout since i graduated and now that all the passion has left me about life its even tougher#to force myself through it#i was doing better for a bit bc i had some loose plans for this yr n next yr with travel and stuff :')#but i dont even know if it will be safe for me to travel or leave the country.. things are... bad. and getting worse. and im really scared#personal stuff#anyway#im so fucking stressed today oughhhhh#i need to be doing better and idk how#also i am nervous abt my surgery less so but still nervous that ill miss it or something#or my insides will explode and ill have to go to the ER again... waugh...#im really bad with interpreting my pain levels so i just dont know if ill be able to recognize something going wrong
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m/cr finally going on tour again but their promo and timing was NOT thought out at ALL
#also them never doing presale so the chances of my actually getting tickets are like -100#now was not the time sirs#this was the worst time ever probably in fact#both for the symbolism which i know it was half the symbolism of tbp anyways but both the sumbolism and thentiming in general just#no thoughts head empty i see#honestly out of all the ticketm/aster wars ive suffered tho m/cr still is number 2 bc tay was terrifying but not as haed and opted out#of dynamic pricing whereas m/cr did NOT opt out of dynamic pricing and sab was i lost the war three times before she added a show and i won#if anyone else would like to try and get tickets for me as an early bday prezzie thatd be gr8 but im also like hmmm but tpb also changed me#as a being so like id love that but also—#raiiot#i doubt we would i think its just poor thought out promonand poor timing but#i would hope tjat literally nonbinary g wont be found out for supporting some ppl bc having to drop them would probably be it for me#idk if incan recover from losing them#my only up thing isnknowing it takes a long ass time to get those reservations in place for stadiums so theyve been planning this for#pmuch a minimum of a month if not two#but the climate g THE CLIMATEEEEEEE#also IM BROKE AS FUCK RNNNNN
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i don't like drake BUT
#free chicken slider on his birthday? don't mind if i do#tyyy dave's hot chicken#my lunch plan for thursday#trying to see if any of my friends will go with me tho#hate going places alone#two of my friends are busy urgh#the others didn't respond yet smh#but that's bc they don't check their messages so idk why i was expecting#anyways will ask when i see them#even if they're busy wtvr#ill still go#will probably just get to go tho if i go alone#but me and my friends have been meaning to go there together for a while#now they can't say 'im too broke for that'#THEY WILL GO OR ELSE#or else idk i'll be sad or smth wtvr#but yeahhh free food later this week yippee#☆— yapping
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i think i fucked up
#not my hair thank god but something more sinister.... dropping out of uni#bc i havent legally dropped out yet bc my game plan was to withdraw all the money from my student account so i wouldnt be able to enroll#but. now im thinking that might not be possible after all#and it costs around €45 to drop out and im flat broke AND i need to drop out BEFORE the academic year starts otherwise the tuition#will start coming in and as i said im flat broke so now im like . god. what do i DO#and ofc im jobless which is also terrible........... kms#piksla.txt
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its not even just seeing her that im worired about . im so dreading going back cuz everyones gonna be like 'so have you seen your pookie yet!!' and im gonna have to sit there and look embarrasing and stupid as fuck saying 'oh we broke up. yeah sorry i know i ranted to you guys all the tiem about how much i liked her and made you all listen to everything we did on some reandom date only for us to break up almost out of nowhere. sorry for letting you down and wasting your time' like fuckkkk . im gonna look so fucking stupid saying all this cuz they all knew how much we liked each other. theyre all gonna look at me in so much fucking pity and i dont want to deal with all that
#in reality theyre not going to care that much. like i know theyll feel bad for me in the moment but theyll all go back to their own issues#the next day#but just having to even say teh words 'we broke up' i hate the thought of it#cuz even if only for a few minutes theyre still all gonna look at me with pity and i hate hate hate to think about it#cuz its just gonna make me sadder#cuz i look dumb as shit now!!!! i look fuckign desperate and i look stupid because they all knew how much i liked her!!!!!!!!!!!#theyre all gonan be like 'ohhhh i feel so bad for her. maybe her gf didnt actually like her that much' WHIHC ISNT EVEN TRUEEEE#you know what i think my main issue i sthat i just want this coming weekend to be over#cuz i was gonna do so much w her and once this weekend is over i dont have to think about all teh things we were gonna do#and at least ill get over w the awkward 'yeah we broke up' with all my friends#and im already planning going out to parties on saturday and im kinda dreading it but i also know ill probably feel better if i do go out#so like im ready to go back to campus because a) ill have my friends again which means b) ill have things to actually distract me#but im also so dreading it because i dont get to do any of those things with her.#like thats why i was even excited about this semseter!!!! cuz id get to spendeven more time with her!!!! but now i cant!!!!!!!#sunny rambles
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my mum out of nowhere threatened to check my bank account bc 'girls your age are saving money for their wedding' 😃 let's be so serious right now
#ameera speaks#for a year i only made £200 a month and had spent all of my money when my brother tricked me into paying his car insurance (told me it was#a one time purchase and then had me pay it solo without telling me) £120 on driving lessons. my lunch at work. and then like the actual#stuff i wanted and NOW im making a substantial amount of money and ive rebuilt my savings account and shes mad#like i dont wanna show off or anything u guys but im not like broke (right now) like i kust got paid and no moneys been takej out of my#account yet AND i told her the other day that im planning on finally bidgetig my monthly expenses so i can save more money#but every thing i do with good intentions she twists and deforms#ALSO it must be known u guys. im no where near getting married#no one wants me
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coming to the realisation that i can buy whatever i want to look however i want. insane
#but my cd bags havent come yet n i cant buy another thing until they come in the post bcos i prommied myself#n after that i need to get new over-ear headphones#also update the reward points system for making me do things is Not Working so i might ditch it#but also i. dont have a job. so i gotta ration my money. n if i wing it i feel like ill fuck it up#but also like. sigh ok so the plan was that for every task i do i get a euro of spending money. to motivate me to do tasks so i can buy thi#but ive racked up a debt already. oops! so theoretically i need to work that off before i can start saving for someghing new to buy#the thing is tho that my headphones broke n i have earbuds but i NEEEED to have on-ear headphones or ill explode#n im thinking of biting the bullet and buying some proper nice ones#but thats spencey itd take so long to save up for those#n i could theoretically add that to my debt n buy them now but that would render the debt functionally meaningless#bcos if i gotta do 100+ tasks to work off the debt to START saving for shit like a binder#then we're gonna have a problem#this could be mitigated by me getting less expensive headphones n stuff but like w a warranty so that when they inevitably break#i dont gotta vimes boots it and instead i can just get the same headphones again#but thats a lot of electrical waste :(#sigh i COULD ask my mom to get me the nicey headphones as a pre-emptive leaving cert thing#but id say shed rather get me something AFTER the leaving which is like. 20 days. n can i survive that long without overear headphones?#tbh probably. but also my perception is skewed bcos im currently in If I Have Headphones On I Will DIE mode#so shrug ill have to think it thru some other time#aughghghghgh!!!!!1 what if i killed and bit#<- still hasnt started studying for the leaving. at this point i dont think its gonna happen
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I love your art so much! The style is soft but voluminous, and your colors and expressions are great! I especially love how you draw hair. You capture the essence of magical girl so well!
I clicked the link to the into on your tmm fanseries/next gen story, but it seems like it's broken?
wow!! this is so so nice and has totally made my week TwT Thank you so so much!!! magical girls are my fav things to draw for sure so that's a super sweet compliment!!
AND AAAH UR RIGHT THE LINK IS BROKE ToT thats what I get for changing my neocities url 323890 times!! I'm so sorry to anyone who tried to click since then!! I appreciate the interest in my ocs, heres an updated link(s) for u!
neocities tm2 page (this has like, 90% of the info abt the characters/story thats important) (u can also find both attempts at a webcomic for the series on the 'art archives' page on my website btw! theyre discontinued and I doubt ill pick it up again, but its fun to see! esp since the story and my art has changed kinda significantly since then ^^;) ALSO I'm going to make some additions to the website soon, so if theres any info anyone would like me to add, lmk! (I esp want to add 'ocs over the years' showing how much their designs have changed since I first made them in..2014-15?ish?)
tumblr masterpost (this is basically an abridged version of the above)
tumblr tm2 tag (like, the MAJORITY of the art is here, including doodles :D)
again, tysm for the interest in my ocs!! they are my babies and I love them. <3
#sanchoyoanswersasks#not art#<- got very excited someone wanted to read abt their characters#AGAIN SUPER SORRY THE LINK WAS BROKE AAAA.#ITS FIXED NOW :D#im actually drawing my tm2 ocs rn what are the chances...thats a joke 90% of the time they r what i am drawing#BUT STILL#iiiii still plan to do that longform novel w them too but my brain is struggling w that#i HAVE it entirely planned out in a notebook...
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The place I really want said that it'll be more than a week before they can let me know if I'm approved or not :( it's perfect and literally right down the street from my sister, brother, and one of my friends. My mom is a 5 minute drive away. The school is better than my son's current one. Fenced in backyard & a garage. And cheaper than what my rent is about to be raised to. I want it so bad😭
#my rent would have been raised to 765 a month here and this place is 750#a tiny bit more expensive than my rent but my ssi was just recently raised by $60#i really wanted to find a house thats cheaper. last time i looked at houses w my friend there were plenty for 500-650 a month#like im in this dilemma where i know i need to be in a house for my own mental health#but its gonna make me so fucking broke paying any more rent than im paying right now#i dont really know what im doing#i dont know what to plan for#i have this fucking loan to pay back#i feel like im going into this blind#i wasnt expecting all thia#you know what. i really dont fucking know what im doing#sigh#ill figure it out.
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Crazy development in my life
#my friends are grtting married in june#she lives here. he lives in another state. originally the plan was for him to move here#turns out cost of living is crazy here and much better there#this now translates to. my best friend is moving to another state in june.#ok. here's the crazy development. i might go with them#not immediately in june#but maybe later this year?#idk. we've just started talking about it. idk how realistic it is#but im almost 20. i dont wanna live with my parents forever. i dont wanna live with my parents much longer period#not like im trapped and i have to escape but like. my life isn't going anywhere rn#and moving into a close apartment is absolutely not an option. not any time soon.#i wonder if i can really start working full time this year. but they said i could stay with them for a while#so its more of a transition than jumping out on my own#also. i could perhaps take bucky with me????? i dont want to jump into more than i can handle#but he just needs work and help and less people#idk idk idk idk#its crazy to think about#but its depressing to think about staying here. doing who knows what with my life. without my best friend#broke and alone akdbakdbsn#does this sound crazy to yall????? am i going crazy???????
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after spending time at someone elses (very nice) house i wanna copy their vibes and Style our house but i already have confirmation that dad is 107% not into it. which is fine im perfectly happy to do it by myself but he will probably whinge about it just bc he doesnt like being in the presence of things he doesnt like
#i already mentioned this to dad and he was like#yes im planning on getting paintings for the walls#like great but we can do more than completely randomly chosen paintings#dad has No idea how to vibe and just puts anything anywhere#he tried to convince me that a metal pole for a lamp was A Decoration#see tue lamp broke so it was just a stand. and dad was like Well you could use it as ~a decoration ~ ?#the pole ? he wasnt saying put anything on it he was just saying lets just Decide this pole is now Nice To Look At
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