#and now. when we got the results. she told me herself that we wrote too big of a sum | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

1dontc4re · 2 years ago

Text

In which Jacob overhears a phone conversation

This is sort of a part two (?) of that little thing I wrote a couple of days ago. Hope you like it! I haven’t been so inspired to write like this in a while. Jacob and MC are giving me so much to think about it’s crazy.

CW: Jacob is a gross little pervert and has a wank while MC is talking on the phone. Nothing too explicit though.

A/N: The dialogue in italics is meant to be in Spanish, written in English for clarity’s sake. This means that Jacob can only understand a couple of words here and there, if any at all. (My brother said I should just write in Spanish and let people figure it out by themselves. While funny and accurate, I don’t think I’ll do this but I will keep it in mind lmaoooo.) Also the tense might be all over the place, sorry about that.

The smell in here is going to burn his nose hairs clean off.

Jacob hadn’t expected her to come home so soon. He was snooping on the upper floor of her home when he heard the jingling of her keys at the front door. He quickly snuck into the supply closet in the hallway. The one almost directly across from her office. The closet itself was small and cramped, even more so now that she had unpacked her linens, towels, and bought cleaning products. The result is a pungent stench of bleach, moth balls, and laundry soap. He can feel her brand new vacuum digging into his lower back. But he’s willing to put up with that if it meant existing in the same space as her (and escaping undetected, of course, of course.)

She shuffles about her kitchen, placing her shopping bags on the counter and putting her groceries in the fridge, all the while humming to herself faintly. She bounds up the stairs and quickly passes in front of his hiding spot. He had carefully, carefully opened the door a crack, so he could see her pass by. From the small glimpse he got, she was carrying so much in her arms she had to hold her phone in her mouth. She ducked into the office and came back out with her mouth unoccupied (he would give her something to fill it with later if she let him.) She had gone into her bedroom to put down what she was holding when they were both startled by the sound of her phone ringing. Jacob almost bumped his head against a shelf. He catches her running to her office and leaving the door ajar.

She answers the phone and puts it on speaker. “Hello, dear! How have you been? I was just calling to check in on you.” Jacob hears an unknown female voice coming from across the hall. Too bad she’s speaking Spanish and he can’t understand a word.

“Not too bad Mummy, thank you for calling. I just came back from doing some shopping, getting ready for when I start fostering. How’s dad? And the cats? Do they miss me?” He can hear her doing an exaggerated baby voice in those last questions. The voice on the other end laughs brightly. The conversation keeps going and Jacob can feel himself starting to sweat. He can’t help the pang of envy at her having a good relationship with her mother. If only it were like that for him. He wishes for something easy. He pushes the feeling deep, deep down.

“Yeah, yeah”, she continues, “dad can call or text me too, y’know? He doesn’t need you to make all his phone calls.”

“You could call him too! He’s been really sad ever since you went away. He misses you terribly.”

“I know, of course I miss him too. Speaking of, I should send him a picture of my neighbor’s aquarium, I think he’ll really like it!”

“Oh, that guy, what did you say his name was? You’ve been to his place?”

“Yeah, Jacob.” Jacob’s hair stands on end, he’s sweating profusely, his heart is going a thousand miles a minute. “He invited me over for dinner the other night. He’s a really good cook by the way. We just watched a movie and then…” he hears her trail off, hesitating, “then I went home.”

“Oooh, it must be going well then! You haven’t told me what he looks like, is he handsome? Tall?” She laughs out loud and it’s heaven, heaven, heaven. He snakes a hand down to his crotch and starts massaging himself through his jeans.

“He’s short actually! Taller than me still, but yeah, he’s good looking. You know I don’t really care about height. He can be a little intense, I suspect he’s on the spectrum, actually, like Tomi, but I haven’t mentioned it cause I don’t wanna be rude…” He recognizes that name from her contact list, one of her brothers. The call goes on for a little while longer, but he has ways of keeping himself very entertained. Jacob can get off to the sound of her sweet voice any day, if it were up to him he wouldn’t let her stop talking, looking him in the eye, holding on to her small waist and delicious hips, tiny tits-

He shudders violently and reigns his moans in as best he can. He swore he saw stars for a moment there. Hopefully she was too distracted by the call to notice he was there. She hangs up and leaves her office, heading for the bathroom. If she’s in for one of her hour-long showers then he’s in luck. The water starts and the closet door creaks open. He sneaks off to the kitchen and out the back door he goes. Jacob makes a mental note to oil the hinges in every door next time he drops by. He’ll do her a little favor, she deserves that much.

The next time she goes into her closet, there’s a smell she can’t quite place.

#lurking for love #lfl visual novel #lfl dating sim #lfl #jacob alden #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa here goes nothinggg #i gotta milk this creative cow for all it’s worth before it goes away #nsft text #suggestive

75 notes · View notes

happilysmythe · 8 months ago

Text

❥ 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪

matt poitras.

word count: 3.0k

no warnings

"if you'll have me, i want you" — stephen sanchez

A/N: this fic was anonymously requested! thank you so much! i love mattyp and i was super excited because i got to rewrite an old fic that i wrote about him that i hated...happy reading!

- - -

MATT

“Congrats on the goal, Beech.”

I wrapped an arm around Johnny��s shoulder, giving him a brief pat on the back as I made my way to my stall.

“Thanks, Pots,” he chuckled. “I thought it was a pretty good shot, too. Definitely one of my better goals, anyway.”

“Given that I haven’t exactly seen your other ones, I’ll just have to take your word for it,” I laughed, stepping past him to sit down. I removed my jersey and hung it up, then lifted my padding from my shoulders and above my head. “Doesn’t it feel, like, really good?”

“Feels awesome,” he confirmed with a smile. “I feel like I’ve had so many missed scoring chances. Felt great to actually capitalize on one, y’know?”

“I know. I still can’t believe you missed that shot a few weeks ago,” I nudged his shoulder. “It was practically an open net, dude.”

“I know, I know. But hey, I made up for it, right?”

“Sure did.”

I leaned over and untied my skates, then pulled them off and stowed them away. It wasn’t long before the padding on my knees was on the seat beside me. As I stood up to pack everything away, a familiar face came into view. I extended my hand out to pat his shoulder.

“Congrats, man.”

“Thanks,” Mason smiled, then continued forward.

I picked up the skates and covered the blades, then stored them in my bag, afterward grabbing a towel to wipe my face and hair. Johnny turned to face me again as he removed the laces from his skates.

“You talked to Emery at all?”

Emery.

I met her back in 9th grade. We had a few classes together. A lot of people told us that our friendship seemed to come out of nowhere, but we always used to say it was because of how fast we clicked. We got close fast.

She was always my biggest fan, through and through. Especially when nobody else seemed to be. Through each year of high school, she stuck by my side even when she wasn’t obligated to, and I was always grateful for that. She never doubted me. She was, in complete honesty, one of the reasons I became the player I turned out to be.

When I got drafted, she was over the moon. She even baked a cake that said Future NHL Bruin on it, which I was later told that she decorated herself. Told me she had to teach herself, which resulted in three failed cakes and almost an entire day lost. The thing is, I never could’ve predicted just how soon I’d be playing in the NHL when I was initially drafted.

I’ve missed her.

Leaving was the hardest part. Because I would now be based in Boston, I knew that saying goodbye to her would be difficult to do. Though it wasn’t going to be forever, it would be a long time before I could visit home to see her again. I would be moving countries and completely uprooting my life for a larger chunk of time than I would’ve liked to think about. Even in the times that I was able to visit home, it was never for long. At least, not long enough.

I lived in a hotel for the beginning of the season, but the Bruins recently made the decision to keep me, so they worked out somewhere for me to stay long-term. That’s when Johnny and I began living together in the North End in Boston. The day that Don Sweeney called me in to tell me that I’d be staying lifted a massive weight off of my shoulders; one that I’d been carrying since the pre-season. Although I’d been kept, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t still trying to make the team.

I remember receiving a text from Emery that day.

hey, matty. i heard you’re staying with the bruins! that’s great. i’m so happy for you. i hope you can visit home soon so i can see you. i miss you.

I’ve kept it in the back of my mind, since. And it wasn’t just because I missed my friend.

It was because I’d grown to feel for her in more ways than one. We started off platonically, but it wasn’t long before I began to notice myself admiring her, feeling comforted by her presence…how, no matter the case, I seemed to always be happy with her. Not to mention the growing urge to kiss her whenever I got as little as a few inches away from her.

So, as anyone could imagine, leaving her was one of the hardest things I had to do.

“Uh, no,” I blinked, snapping out of my thoughts as I turned to face Johnny. “No, I haven’t talked to her.”

Having taken the hint, he nodded and faced forward again, then silently continued to undress.

- - -

EMERY

The simple term “miss” was nothing but an understatement.

I first felt disconnected from Matt when he started playing for the Guelph Storm. Although I saw him less, he was still based close to home, so I couldn’t complain all that much. But this?

This was ten times worse.

Though I refused to let anyone see it, I was hurting. I knew he was happy—I would never and could never take that away from him. And on top of that, I was beyond proud of him, regardless of how disappointed I might have felt. All I’ve ever wanted for him is for him to be successful in doing what he loves, and since he was doing just that, all I could be was happy.

Still, it didn’t eradicate the pain.

As I sat on my couch, I pulled out my phone, deciding to open and scroll through Twitter mindlessly in the quiet of my living room. Since I’ve ironically loved hockey my whole life, my timeline was filled with it. Notably that night, someone reposted a video from a game that landed about 2 months ago.

Matt’s first NHL goal.

He looked so happy. God, he was. The short clip pushed the memory of him calling me that night to the front of my mind, bringing a disheartened smile to my face as I watched it replay on my screen. I only wished that I didn’t have to see him through a screen as much as I now did, to receive a hug from him just to hold me over. But I couldn’t.

I placed my phone on the couch next to me as I laid back on the cushions, then looked out into the darkness of my living room. My eyes fixated on the entryway as my mind retraced the day that he showed up at my door before he left.

I shot up from the couch as the knock sounded at my door--the noise I’d been anticipating worriedly all day. As the door swung open Matthew came into view, his expression devoid of happiness.

“Hi,” he spoke, lips slightly downturned.

“Hi, Matty.” Stepping away, I motioned my head off to the side. “Come in.”

He walked in and I carefully shut the door, then turned to face my saddened best friend behind me. “I don’t have much time.”

“I know, Matt…I know.” I tightened my lips into a flat line, swallowing the lump that formed before sighing deeply. “How long will you be gone for…?”

“I don’t know. Could be weeks, could be months…Honestly, Em, I really don’t,” he spoke once again, a frown contorting his lips. “I can only say that it’ll be a while.”

A silent nod was all I could muster up, words deciding not to come as easily to me as normal. I sniffed, trying my best to stay strong in what could’ve been the last time I’d see him for the unforeseeable future. If I started to cry, even just slightly, I knew that I wouldn’t stop. So I kept it in, deciding to hold it for just a little while longer until he was gone. “How long until you have to leave?”

“A few minutes, max,” he shrugged. “I just had to say goodbye.”

Unsure of how long it would be until I could do it again, I took a step forward and threw my arms around him, draping them over his shoulders as I pulled him in tightly. He responded instantly, wrapping his around my midsection to do the same.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” I breathed, words muffled by his shoulder.

Though my body tried its best to resist, a tear shed, sliding down my cheek and onto the fabric of his shirt. It was bound to happen considering how long I’d been holding it. Keeping it bottled in no longer seemed to be an option. The person that made me happiest was leaving—it wasn’t surprising that I let myself go.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Matt.”

“It’s okay,” he reassured me softly. “But I have to go.”

“I know,” I croaked out, pulling away. “I know.”

I sniffed, then let out a shaky breath as I fronted a weak smile. I used the back of my hand to wipe the few tears that had fallen against my wishes, then took another breath in an attempt to steady myself momentarily.

“I’m going to call you, and I’m going to text you,” he spoke sincerely, gaze aligning with mine, “and I’m going to make sure that we stay in touch, okay?”

“Okay,” I repeated back to him. “Goodbye, Matt. I’ll miss—”

“Don’t,” he shook his head, hands moving down to take mine and hold them tightly for just a moment. “I’ll see you soon.”

With one final squeeze of my hands, he stepped back and let go, then started for the door. He opened it slowly and stopped for a moment, looking over his shoulder, just enough to see me. He remained silent, displaying a soft expression on his face; a look laced with affection and sadness, but one that brought me as little as an ounce of comfort knowing that he felt the same as I did.

“I’ll miss you, too,” he whispered, then turned back and walked out, closing the door behind him.

And finally, I broke down.

The same sensation of tears staining my cheeks returned as I snapped back into the present, wiping my cheeks dry with my sleeve before picking up my phone once more. Before I could stop myself, I opened my messages and scrolled down to Matthew’s contact, opening it up and reading over the last message that he’d sent to me. It was at the end of a conversation from the day after he was chosen to stay with the team.

I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon. I miss you

I left the app open, silently holding my phone in front of my face as I continued to read the text over again. I’ll talk to you soon, he said. It’s been almost two months since that day. How far away do you have to stretch from a day to pass soon?

I miss you.

I decided to head off to bed, standing up and making my way to my bedroom. I climbed into bed, then turned on my side and focused my attention on the clock that sat atop the bedside table in front of me. 11 o’clock.

In an attempt to fall asleep, I closed my eyes, but it didn’t work out as I had planned. Something within me was uneasy. I wanted to talk to him.

So I reached over and grabbed my phone, then searched for his contact and called him. It rang once, twice, three times…a few more before the inevitable voicemail played. Dejectedly, I hung up, placing my phone back down in its spot and silently staring at the time once more. For the first time in weeks, I struggled to blink back my tears.

I missed hearing him talk, seeing him. I missed his voice, his smile, his laugh. His corny little jokes that nobody would laugh at and how easily he’d get shy in public. I missed how his hair would blow around when he skated. I missed the way I could talk to him about anything—how he’d listen, comfort me, hold me when I was upset…I missed everything. Every last bit of it.

Because he wasn’t just my best friend; he’d become so much more to me than that. If only I had realized it sooner. Before he left so that I had the chance to tell him. But I didn’t.

So I closed my eyes, a tear softly running down my cheek as I slowly began to drift off.

- - -

When I woke up the next morning, a voicemail had been left for me. Matt called me after I’d already gone to sleep. I took a breath, then reluctantly pressed play.

“Hey, Em. You called before but the game wasn’t over yet. I know it’s too late there now and you’re probably asleep, so I’ll talk to you soon. Miss you.”

As relieving as it was to hear his voice again, the hurt that I felt didn’t subside. Tears pricked at my eyes again as I replayed the voicemail, now clinging on to that silver of communication I had with him.

But it wasn’t enough.

I’d come to realize that the problem wasn’t that we weren’t talking as much—I, as well as he, was prepared for that aspect. The problem was that, regardless of how hard we tried, we simply couldn’t find the time for each other anymore.

That’s what terrified me the most. My relationship with him was slowly fading away, and there weren’t many options left.

- - -

MATT

Another day, another game finished.

Tonight, we played in Toronto. As far as I’ve learned, it’s become common for us to beat them, which admittedly uplifted my mood after we won.

We were close to home, but we wouldn’t be spending enough time there to be able to stray off. Unfortunately, that ruled out any chances of my being able to visit my family or Emery. Aside from that, I was exhausted, so the only place I wanted to be was in bed.

As I took my equipment off, some of the guys did their media, and the locker room slowly began to clear out. Just as I was about to head out, Mason tapped me on the shoulder, prompting my head to turn and shift my attention to him.

“What’s up?”

“They told me to tell you to go next door,” he spoke, head jerking in the direction of the conference room next to us. “Said someone’s waiting for ya.”

“Oh, thanks, man.”

He nodded and walked by as I placed my bag back down in front of my stall, then headed out and towards the room he mentioned. I knocked softly, but there was no response. Although it remained silent, I cracked the door open anyway, deciding to step in and make a check just in case before going back.

When I rounded the corner, I was brought to a halt as my eyes caught sight of the person waiting for me.

Emery.

“Oh, my God.”

My feet carried me toward her, and before I knew it my arms were around her, pulling her in closer. The familiar scent of her perfume clouded my senses, bringing a sense of comfort that I’d been lacking for longer than I would’ve admitted. Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them back, not paying them much mind as she finally pulled away to look up at me.

“Hi, Matty,” she smiled brightly.

“What…what are you doing here? I thought—”

“Your parents got me some help,” she laughed. “And your coach…He’s real nice, by the way.”

I laughed back in response, eyes trailing down to the jersey that she was wearing. When she noticed, her body turned to the side, revealing the numbers on her arms.

51.

“Oh, you didn’t,” I marveled, lips parting in a smile as my thumb ran across the lettering on her arm.

“Of course, I did,” she confirmed, turning back forward. “I had to.”

“God, I could kiss you right now,” the words slipped out before I could think, and my eyes widened slightly at the realization.

“Then do it.”

So before I could second guess it, I leaned down and kissed her, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her gently against me. She reciprocated, smiling softly as her arms found their place around my neck. My lips matched her smile as one hand rose up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

She raised to her toes, tilting her head slightly to deepen the kiss before slowly pulling away, looking up with a soft expression. “Matt,” she whispered, eyes beginning to become glassy.

“Hm?” I hummed, reaching for her hand and thumbing the soft skin on the back of it.

“I should’ve just told you before, but I,” she breathed, brows knit together tightly. She took a pause as if she were contemplating whether to continue or not, but ultimately opened her mouth to speak softly again.

“I love you, Matt.”

The initial shock forced my eyebrows to raise, my lips parting as I took her words in. But didn’t take long to wear off before I was smiling down at her just as I was before, basking in the relief that I felt. I knew now that there was more than enough reason to try things with her, just as I’d wanted to do before leaving. If she felt the same, then what was the use in denying it further?

I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering for a moment to savor the scent again before pulling back.

“I love you, too.”

Her arms were thrown around me once more in response and I hugged her back, resting my chin on her forehead, hand rubbing circles on her back. “We’re not losing touch again this time, okay?” I reassured her softly. “We’ll make it work.”

I swallowed thickly and swayed back and forth gently, bringing her along with the slow movements. “I’m not letting that happen again. Ever.”

“Okay,” she nodded, a faint laughter falling from her lips before she pulled away and aligned her gaze with mine. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

#boston bruins #hockey #fanfic #boston bruins imagine #hockey fic #matt poitras #matt poitras imagine #matt poitras fic #matthew poitras

12 notes · View notes

tower-of-hana · 1 year ago

Text

Brianna Ghey Trial Day 2 CliffNotes

legal disclaimer: Because British people are the most fragile people in the world, they have made a law that says if you ever analyze an ongoing legal case then that's grounds for a mistrial. As a result I am required to state that none of the following text is editorializing. Now obviously this is a breach of my rights and normally as an American I would respond to it with tar and feathers that would be logistically hard for me to do so I guess I'll follow the rules.

I don't remember if this happened day 1 but X expressed an interest in eating people

X wrote a note detailing her plan to kill Brianna

X was previously charged for vandalism

X said she was excited to stab Brianna

Brianna told X "Girl, Ima wait where I am until we have drugs lol. I’m too anxious" on snapchat

she sent a message to her friend saying that X was weird and that she suspected that X did not really have a dealer

X had made a fake Snapchat account (rowan.innit1) for a fake dealer named Nathan as a pretense to lure Brianna to the park (this was their plan to kill E)

She sent herself messages back and forth pretending to be Nathan until Brianna asked her where she was

This is when the killing occurred

X an Y dumped Brianna's phone in a drain

Y was seen in CCTV footage after the murder wiping something red from his hands

The wounds Brianna sustained were unsurvivable

Y said he was worried about getting caught and X reassured him that the police there were "shite"

Y searched "how to combat anxiety" on the internet

When the news reported on the murder X looked it up and shared info with her friends

X found out from O(♂︎) that the murder made national news and was worried

X deleted all her previous Snapchat messages to Brianna and sent her one that said: “Girl, is everything okay? And some teenage girl got killed in linear park its on news everywhere. And why did you ditch us for some random man from Manchester. Like wtf. That is so f****d up.” trying to construct an alibi

X posted a tribute to Brianna on Snapchat with the picture of Brianna at the bench eating chocolate

X told her mother that Brianna was a friend who ditched her and Y to talk to a boy and never came back she had expressed concern about this to Y and he started an argument with her because he didn't like Brianna

acting on this info her mother called the police and X told this story to the police

The police arrested X and Y and searched their homes and phones

they found a knife in X's house but the only blood on it was hers

They found muddy shoes and a jacket in Y's room with Brianna's blood on them

Scientists think that this means Y was close to Brianna while she was being stabbed

The murder weapon had Y's DNA on it along with Brianna's blood

X was interrogated and told the police her earlier story adding that she was really upset about Brianna's death

She said she had blocked Y on Whatsapp until he told the truth about the murder

Y was interrogated and told police that they met with Brianna and walked into a forest and X stabbed Brianna three times in a forest while he was using the bathroom

He said he turned around and went to see if Brianna was alive, getting blood on his hands in the process

X ran away and he panicked and ran after her

He said he washed his hands prior to touching the knife and made no comment when police asked him why there was blood on the blade

He said she did this because she felt that Brianna was interfering in her personal life

He said he went along with her attempts to come up with an alibi because he was scared of her

he said he cut contact with her

he said he didn't believe her about the killing people thing and went along with it because he wanted to be liked

he said X hadn't frightened him before she murdered Brianna

he said everything he did leading up to the murder were just jokes

police could not access Brianna's phone

#brianna ghey #trangender #transphobia #trans girl #trial

17 notes · View notes

acourtofthought · 11 months ago

Note

When I was at that stage after Acowar and ACOFAS and after that I abandoned fandom and everything in between. Only after Acosf was close to launching did I have a greater connection with the fandom. But the point is that I was so sure that Vassa and Jurian were and are Endgame that I had that impact that in my circle of acquaintances on social media they didn't think so and that I saw that there was a real world divided between Elriel and Elucien. But Sarah's couple formula never distances or changes, because she does what she likes.

But I was always so sure of Vassa and Jurian that I thought everyone saw it but it makes sense to me because they both want the same thing, they truly care about humans and not because they love each other.

And that's why I never saw any sense in Lucien and Vassa because they don't have the same goals and don't care about Humans in the same way. It's not that Lucien doesn't care about humans, he understands more that they are not the people and it would be something done more because he loves Vassa than he considers it his world.

And also that he is with them because he is a little excluded from the ferric world, but I'm sure he would return quickly if he could to where he will always consider his home.

And also because I don't like romance so much that out of love the other character ends up caring about people who don't even like him.

I think it got confusing but that's it.

I agree that Vassa and Jurian seem clearly setup as endgame to me.

In ACOWAR, we have Jurian say:

"Vassa. She saw through me - or thought she did - from the start. Warned them against this. Told them that if I was reborn, it was a bad sign."

Right away, we've got a dramatic start for two characters (an SJM classic for endgame pairings).

At the end of ACOWAR we have Vassa offer Jurian a place within her court (very Aelin / Rowan vibes, don't you think?).

In ACOFAS, we have SJM tell us:

With no queen ever having been appointed to the slice of territory at the base of Prythian, only a council of wealthy lords and merchants, Jurian had somehow stepped in to lead. / "He's keeping everything running. I think he'd have been crowned king by now if it wasn't for Vassa." / "I hadn't seen them interact, could only imagine what the two of them would be like in the same room together. Both trying to lead the humans who occupied the sliver of land at the southernmost end of Prythian. Left ungoverned for so long. Too long." / "Vassa and Jurian are two sides of the same coin. Mercifully, their vision for the future of the human territories is mostly aligned. But the methods on how to attain that."

Then in SF, we have a scene where Cassian notes Lucien seems to often break up arguments between Vassa and Jurian and Lucien later telling us they're at each others throats as they like to be all the while Lucien himself is still staring at Elain with longing.

I have no clue how someone can read all that and not think there's a very real chance of Jassa becoming a thing while insisting that in the last year of living together, Lucien has developed feelings for Vassa.

Lucien, a fae, who is set up to be a fae High Lord, is staring at ELAIN, his fae mate with longing. What feelings do they think he has for Vassa?

And what feelings does Vassa seem to have for Lucien? Lucien leaves the human lands to travel to the fae courts of Spring and Night and Vassa doesn't bother involving herself with anything related to the fae.

I have no problem with a fae and human getting together (I fell for the whole Feyre / Tamlin setup in book 1) but when the author wrote it so in the past year the human made no appearance in the fae lands and only mentions her desire to lead the humans alongside Jurian.............where is anyone getting the idea that she's going to be by Lucien's side while he leads Day Court someday? That she cares at all about the fae's suffering as a result of and their rebuilding after the war? So Lucien can spend eternity (not to mention the whole life-span dilemma) watching her bicker with Jurian?

You know what SJM had Lucien's mate do in SF? Helped the people of Velaris because she is now trying to be part of the world of the fae. Offered to search for the Trove for the safety of Prythian. Wrote of her willingness to head to the Hewn City despite the cruelty bothering her because she's trying to be part of the court.

SF might not have had as much of Elain as some expected but what she did have was Elain proving that she is willing to go out of her way for the fae people even though she was the most attached to her humanity.

Elain is perfectly set up to do more for the FAE in her book, with Lucien by her side.

Like you said, Jurian and Vassa (not Lucien) share a vision for the humans, of which they (not Lucien) both are. THEY are constantly bickering with one another while Lucien literally seems to be over the two of them arguing since he's been there done that with Tamlin and Feyre.

They'll say because Lucien and Vassa had a nickname given to them, they're endgame but Feyre gave Rhys and Lucien a nickname. They'll say that because Lucien blushed at Vassa (not confirmed when he could have been blushing because she embarrassed him in front of his mate) while ignoring Az blushed for Nesta.

It's a funny thing, this fandom. SJM gives us puzzle pieces that make a beautiful picture when put together yet some try to take a few of those pieces and shove them into an entirely different puzzle box, resulting in an image that will never fully come together no matter how much some wish it would.

#anti vassien #elucien #queen vassa #jurian acotar #lucien acotar #elain archeron

18 notes · View notes

karla-the-elemental-dreamer · 6 months ago

Text

Enter Young Cricket (DG)

If anyone saw the showcase cards that I made for my dream guides (DGs), Young Cricket is included in them. What is going on here?

Young Cricket's entrance, and journey since his time of entry is an interesting story to tell. TBH I never would have chosen him, but this is how he got 'magnetised' to me:

---

It all started on the 8th of May when my family were seeing grandma off at the airport. Riku went and was a strong figure that night. 18-Volt isn't a DG these days, but he decided to tag along too. Terra was weak at the time, but I still wanted him to energetically help me out. He couldn't make it. His Warioware replacements at the time were Kat and Ana, but I thought 'how are they going to handle all this'? I didn't expect them to show up, let alone anyone from Warioware... Enter Young Cricket.

Riku led the charge, 18-Volt just moseyed along in Jak's place. Young Cricket started communicating with Riku and asking to be filled in on what was going on. What's with this sudden interest? He stated to Riku that he was told by Master Mantis that they needed some help.

What narrative was Master Mantis cooking up to Cricket, and what was Master Mantis hiding from him? As the story goes on, it will be made apparent that Mantis volunteered and signed up Cricket to be a dream guide. However, I thought it was only legal to have 3 slots as I didn't want to break any spiritual contracts of greed over over-possession or anything else construed as materialism unless viewed on compassionate grounds. I guess this story also goes to show how God surprises and blesses us in ways we least expect.

Now, back to the actual story. After the 8th of May, I wrote in my book to ask Cricket what was going on, but he didn't communicate with me very clearly, or it's like he was apprehensive about something.

Also, with how Jak got super aggressive in 2023, I said that there would now be a formal application process if any dream guides wanted to pile on... So that they cannot make the excuse "I didn't sign up for this! This is not what I wanted!".

There are three imaginative recruitment exercises I devised for Young Cricket, to prepare and then present in-front of a panel of 3: Riku - The lead DG atm. And he loves me so much, he just casually slid into a sort of HR role. Selvian - Lead teddy commander with a sharp spirit. Reminds me of Mantis and is an INFJ just like him. Dreamy WB - Sole female DG since 2017 and was the leader before Riku. Still assumes herself as de-facto leader and Maternal face of the Astral. She and Riku get along quite well now. Real WB -> ESFP. Dreamy WB has ended up as an ESFJ.

The 3 recruitment exercises for Young Cricket were: 1 - Main Interview 2 - Written piece rebuking specific parties; willingness to be on the 'right side of history'. 3 - His results from the test on 16personalities.com

Despite Cricket really not knowing what was going on, and not wanting to do anything, he did exceptionally well during his interview on the 13th of May, and with his homework.

Dreamy WB said no, but Riku and Selvian said yes. He passed.

Also, this will serve as an integral part of the story going forward. Cricket got ISFJ. I would have never chosen Cricket due to him being an ISFJ: On a get-along chart I found on the internet, that no longer exists, apparently ISFJ were amongst the bottom 3. I have also been very receptive/sensitive to the negative aspects from all 4 ISFJs I know in my life; including trust issues with one. So I have been quite damaged by ISFJs up to this point. (I apologise to all the ISFJs reading this 😅. If there are good ones (/non-temperamental) out there, feel free to provide evidence)

Now looking at Young Cricket, he's a hot-headed Aries, Chinese ISFJ. What a combo. Aaaand apparently he's terrible (incompetent) around girls.

---

So come 14 MAY, he 'got the job'. But the next two months would be far from easy.

He'd be slacking off in a sense, not really doing anything. And when I would try to have any sort of communication with him, he'd either withdraw, or if he couldn't, then he'd lose his temper.

As the weeks went on, Cricket would sort of apologise, but those were short-lived with further outbursts. There were also unfortunately times where Cricket would suggest that he'd rather a boy than a girl, or would just be outright annoyed with me. Or he would ask why I was a certain way, or why I couldn't do xxx. I would explain to him in my writing book why this was so, and even tried to offer some compromises, but he would refuse to listen completely and just fly off the handle every time, trying to yell out towards his Master about why he got put with me. It sadly got to a point where Cricket was exuding narcissism, and the cycle of outbursts was quite vicious, with apologies being quick, but next to nil-impact. Riku and Selvian both had to deal with him on a regular basis to honour Master Mantis' request but prevent any real damage from being done to me.

The effects of the June Full Moon began to occur on June 19. Here, Cricket was able to witness some horrible events between my dad (the ISFJ I lack/lacked trust with) and I, and the fallout of it. It seems like Cricket understood what was going on, but again, his chronic anger and now apparent egoic weakness always got the better of him. Despite learning what NOT to do as an ISFJ, Cricket still cracked it with me when it came to his own issues with me, and was damaging me.

Come July, the outbursts and damage from Cricket were getting quite severe. Because as I'd shock him with some truth, his ego would retaliate. And my integral DG team as well as myself decided that enough was enough. Cricket was sent to the teddy therapist, Josephine, for professional help.

Here, Cricket came to learn more secrets about me, in which he also started to question his behaviour towards me more seriously. This is also when Master Mantis finally stepped in and decided to break the news to Cricket, as he was obviously on the brink of failure. Cricket was told why Master Mantis signed him up, and the outcomes he had hoped for Cricket to achieve.

His Master talking to him and revealing everything was the nail in the coffin for Cricket, and was the thing that eliminated his ego. The combination of Cricket being spoken to by Mantis, as well as learning about me being on the 'spectrum' and what that was, and that Cricket had significantly damaged my heart and soul is what made him break down from shock and pretty much enter his first proper major Dark Night of the Soul.

End of the first week of July and the day of Therapy, the wounds were still fresh, so I decided to send Cricket 'home' for the week around 15 July. I did not want Cricket being caught out by extremely bad rumoured energies and doing some 'square 1' things again. He was tasked to learn about me further, rest, and work on himself.

His absence only lasted for under 2 days before he came back... 13 July. Cricket DOES only listen to his Master, but this made him again see the reality of the whole situation. Cricket said he couldn't leave me for a whole week after all the terrible things he's done, and that he admitted he'd just be running away from his problems (like he was doing from 13 May - 13 Jul).

Since coming back on the 13th and committing himself, Cricket has not had one single outburst, and has been rather patient and even properly affectionate as a DG. It's unfortunate that his first real task is getting me through a cold/flu.

---

It has been realised that Cricket had/has the following purposes as to why he was sent to go with me: - To have a chance at redemption for the 'New Earth'. He will finally achieve 'mastery' lol. - To know how to deal with girls AND relax around them. - To expand his social circle beyond just Master Mantis. - To learn what it's like to be a teacher and have his own 'student' (even if not to teach Kung Fu) - To learn about others like him (ISFJ) >> Esp. seeing his weaknesses in others. - To break the ISFJ curse in my field.

#dream guide #young cricket #warioware young cricket #warioware #nintendo #dreamer #karla #oc

2 notes · View notes

carnalapples · 1 year ago

Note

hi bestie i have QUESTIONS!! congrats on a great year for writing ❤️ and also a great year because i got to meet you ❤️

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Howdy Rowan and thank you!! I'm so happy we met 🫂 You’re def a big reason I kept creating this year!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year This is tough but I think… and it’s peaceful in the deep. I’m proud of it because I planned it more than most fics I write lol, and I am really happy with the end result. I think a lot of times i kind of miss the mark with what I originally intended… I do like that because I like seeing what results and what people take away from it. But with this fic, I told the story I originally intended to tell, and I was really proud of that focus.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t I went trawling in the trenches for this lol, I forget a lot of ideas when I move on from them. I had a Mass Effect longfic I started that went through all the games, and I ended up doing the same thing as I did for DA, using it as a springboard… I think I also had some Bollywood fics I never finished, and two separate DA modern AU/romcom-type things that lost steam. (One was supposed to be an exchange fic inspired by Four Weddings and a Funeral, but I couldn't get it to work in time) I also had a western AU for DA that fizzled out, so that’s fun.

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year From the care and feeding of lovebirds… I think I’ve posted this before, but I really like the vibes lol:

Simran puts a disc into the player—Madonna, The Cranberries, The Goo Goo Dolls, she’s squirreling them away with a little part of each paycheck.

Maybe once a week, she’ll put on one of her old tapes, something swing, or one of her father’s songs—she listens to them for only half a minute or so before she has to switch them off, and only when she’s alone, only when she can put the hurt away for later. She can never seem to hide these things from Raj. She only has one tape from her father, and it's been in the box long enough it's beginning to gather the lightest layer of dust.

Raj comes through the door just as the soft chords of “Linger” filter into the air, dripping water into the entryway. She can imagine him standing on the mat, beads of water on his coat catching the hallway light as he slips out of his shoes, and it’s all a poem: the rolling thunder underscoring the music, the fat drops rolling down the leaves and pouring from their waxy surfaces—

—right onto her face, and she opens her eyes to find Raj grinning down at her, his dimples on full display as a trickle of water disappears down her blouse.

“Chi—“ she scolds him as she pushes his head away, “I’ll have to clean all that up—“

“I’ll mop it,” he promises, folding one hand over hers where it still rests on his face. He presses his cheek to hers and she can smell his cologne, shivers at the cold dampness of his chest pressing into her back as she lets her eyes fall shut again.

“Come here,” she gently urges, tugging at his hand until he circles the sofa and sits next to her, and then until he lies down with her, both of them hopelessly wet now and bringing the upholstery down with them.

“How was it?”

“It was good,” she whispers, enjoying the soft puffs of his breath on her skin. “I liked the passage they picked.” She came home straight after the exam, the rain discouraging her from any larks to a cafe or the library.

“I was going to stop by the bakery on the way home, but this is an even sweeter surprise,” he says in a syrupy voice. She scoffs even while her chest flushes with warmth.

“Do you want me here waiting for you every day?” she teases.

“As nice as it would be to be greeted by the moon herself every night,” and he brushes a kiss across her cheek as she laughs, “Never. I’d never want to take you from school like that. From your life.”

“You’re my life, too.”

“Not like that,” he says, his voice so fond that she feels she could do anything right now and he’d not have a word against her. “Do you want to order in for dinner?” And he’s off to the latest banal concern, and she’ll never quite get used to how he sees the world, flipping through matters of such gravity and the smallest things like flicking on a switch.

“It’s not Friday.” Can we afford it, will we be good enough to cook Friday instead—

“We can swing it,” he says. “You like Indian?”

She tosses her pillow at his head.

#thank you bestie!!#i can't believe it's been a year #my writing

4 notes · View notes

la-jolie-mln-posts · 1 year ago

Text

Caring for a child with addiction

One woman’s story on finding joy.

Moyra’s Story

Moyra and I met at a business dinner held last year at La Jolie MLN. It was a well-attended event, and each woman got the chance to give a bit of her background and talk about her business. It’s the way relationships are made, and the mix of talent was impressive.

A year later, our mutual friend Daisy Malek-Shadid, owner of La Jolie MLN, put us in touch so that I could interview Moyra for this story. It turns out we have something in common. I have 40 years of sobriety in AA, and Moyra has been playing a key role in her daughter’s fight with an eating disorder.

First a little background.

A retired nurse, Moyra has been working for the past 23 years as a wellness ambassador for Shaklee Corporation, a leading name in natural nutritional supplements. “I chose Shaklee,” she told me “because, although I wanted to work in the health industry, most supplements are unregulated and market themselves as “all natural’, although that is often not the case. Shaklee is different. They do clinical trials on every product they offer. And they have a chain of custody that goes all the way from raw materials to finished products. Shaklee is the one company that can - and does - make the claim ‘We are beyond organic.’”

How did you come to face addiction?

“Throughout the last 22 years, we’ve had four children; three boys and a girl. At 16 our daughter developed an eating disorder. It was a huge threat to us as a family; she would cycle in and out of treatment centers, and frankly, we didn’t know if she was going to live. As a mom with a long career in healthcare, it seems like a cruel irony. Why was this happening to us?

The statistics on eating disorders are frightening:

The most common age of onset is 12 to 25

Anorexia and bulimia affect about 2-3 percent of all women

Individuals who fall victim to these diseases tend to be perfectionistic, sensitive to criticism, and self-doubting

50 to 75% of patients eventually recover

Coping with an eating disorder

For Moyra, coping with her daughter’s condition ultimately demanded that she set boundaries. “That,” said Moyra “meant taking care of myself…actually putting myself first for a change.”

Moyra loved being a mom. “We had a schedule on the pantry door that listed all the games and swim meets, but when my daughter was overtaken by her addition, it absorbed my whole being. I was in a world of hurt. Friends said ‘You need to do something for yourself.’” And when I did that, it helped my daughter too.”

Dancing for joy

I decided to take ballroom dance lessons. It was something I watched on TV, and I loved the grace and fun of it. So, I thought why not? Lessons became a couple-of-times-a-week thing that soon turned into competitions. Very recently, I did a dance competition that was a combination of tango and cha-cha. My daughter came to watch, and when I got home, she said, “Mom, you’re killing it; you’re out there smiling and shaking your hips…I could feel the joy. I’m so proud of you.”

Moyra added, “Here’s something I learned. Boundaries let us set a living example of going for a full life. Over the years I’ve grown. As my daughter began to recover, she wrote me letters saying that as I found joy, it was an inspiration to her. I know now that there was nothing I could do until she was ready to help herself.”

Seeking help

Dancing brought me joy, but I used Al Anon, a 12-Step program to help me understand addiction and embrace a set of tools. I learned:

Get off the roller coaster; it’s your daughter’s experience

Learn all you can about eating disorders

Get a therapist for your daughter and one for yourself. This is essential to break the toxic codependency

Today

My daughter is doing well today. She lives one day at a time, has the support of a great therapist, and works her own program.

As a result of everything I’ve learned, I started a podcast called “Your Journey to Joy.” I believe it’s there everyone. Sometimes it’s the joy of dance, a good therapist, and learning how to let go. I also found great recovery in journaling. I recommend this to anyone on the journey to recovery. For me it was a life saver.

Get a copy of Moyra’s “Journal To Joy” at La Jolie MLN.

La Jolie MLN: ”It’s our mission to give young ladies the lessons all of you can share with us. So, let’s share our experiences, strength and stories.

I cordially invite you to join a cohort of empowered women. Please send your stories to [email protected]

0 notes

todomitoukei · 3 years ago

Text

Japanese vs. English Todoroki - A 302 Comparison Pt. 2

With volume 31 coming out tomorrow, we now got these leaked panels that have been added to chapter 302 and will be included in the volume release. And because we’re all impatient, I decided to already do a translation for them and talk a bit about these panels. If you haven’t already, you can read my translation comparison for the whole chapter here, which I wrote after the chapter originally came out, so this is gonna serve as the continuation of it with only the new lines included and explained.

First of all, we get these panels:

「ねえ。今何が見えてるの。その目をやめて。その目をやめて。その目をやめて」

「ねえ ; nee 」-> hey

「今 ; ima 」-> now

「何 ; nani 」-> what

「�� ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「見えてる ; mieteru 」-> can see

「の ; no 」-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

「その ; sono 」-> that

「目 ; me 」-> look; stare; gaze

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「やめて ; yamete 」-> stop

= “Hey, what can you see? Stop that stare. Stop that stare. Stop that stare.”

This is an incredible addition - maybe Horikoshi read @transhawks meta on the importance of eyes in the Todoroki family and felt inspired to go back and add even more of that into the chapter.

I believe those panels will be included towards the end of the argument between Touya and Rei; at least considering the Touya panel is from that scene and would explain the panel that originally followed showing Rei, more importantly, her eyes -

These new panels seem to explain why seeing Touya stare at her intensely like that terrified her so much. It’s clearer now - although it should’ve been clear before already but obviously, Horikoshi knows his audience - that her near-mental-breakdown-expressions when looking at Touya or when looking at Shouto during the accident, are all triggered due to the abuse she was facing, with those eyes reminding her of Endeavor, her abuser. Again: No, she was not suffering due to the devil incarnate Touya, as some would like to claim. This is all the result of years of abuse and the stare is what triggers her fight or flight response the most.

Next, we get this part (picture on the left is the volume release; picture on the right the original version):

「私じゃ止められない」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「じゃ ; ja 」-> topic marker particle

「止められない ; tomerarenai 」-> cannot stop

= “I can’t stop.”

While Rei’s line is the same as before, referring to the fact that she can’t stop Touya from going training and holding on to his desire to become a hero, the panel is completely different. While before we only got a glance of her eye (as seen in the highlighted section in the right picture), which already showed us that she was crying and absolutely terrified - this time we see her whole face, which emphasizes that terrified feeling even further. What’s more important, though, is that Horikoshi added a panel and line for Endeavor right after:

「おまえがやれ！俺は見ない！！」

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker

「やれ ; yare 」-> to do (imperative form)

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「見ない ; minai 」-> won’t watch

= “You, do it! I won’t watch!!”

As simple of a line as this seems to be, I’ve been thinking about the meaning of it all day. First of all, it’s important to note that Japanese doesn’t exactly have a present tense, but rather a non-past tense (there is also a present progressive tense to indicate something happening/being done right now). The non-past tense can be used for the present and the future so minai can mean “don’t watch” or “won’t watch” depending on the context.

So I’ve been thinking - going back to the whole eye theme, we also have Touya say “watch me” over and over again, even now as Dabi, he continues to tell his family to watch him. He tells them because he doesn’t feel seen. Endeavor even told Rei (in the original version already) that she shouldn't take her eyes off Touya and that he hired someone to help out because he was too busy with work. Even when Rei told him that Touya just wants Endeavor to see him, Endeavor’s response to this is that he can only show him the world of heroes. With that in mind, this line now not only shows that he can't see him, but that he won't. That’s why he tells Rei “do it!” after she tells him she can’t stop Touya. Endeavor won’t allow her to give up. She has to do it because he won’t. He outright refuses to watch Touya despite being asked to on multiple occasions.

Moving on to the present and the family discussing their situation we get this small change here:

「。。。あなたは行かなかった」

「あなた ; anata 」-> you

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「行かなかった ; inakatta 」-> didn’t go

= “...you didn’t go.”

The only difference between this line then and now is that it leaves out そして (= and then) at the beginning of the phrase.

And finally, the change we all knew was coming is the timeline error that was in the original version of the chapter, where Rei was saying that Touya disappeared before she was hospitalized. As announced by the official bnha Twitter account shortly after the chapter first came out, the timeline as stated by Fuyumi in chapter 250 is the correct one. So now in the volume release, we get this line:

「私は病院に隔離されそして燈矢の事を聞いた。。。完全に心が壊れてしまった。。。」

「私 ; watashi 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「病院 ; byouin 」-> hospital

「に ; ni 」-> at

「隔離され ; kakuri sare 」-> to be isolated

「そして ; soshite 」-> and then

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「事 ; koto 」-> incident

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「聞いた ; kiita 」-> heard

「完全に ; kanzen ni 」-> completely

「心 ; kokoro 」-> heart

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「壊れてしまった ; kowareteshimatta 」-> was regrettably broken (壊れる+しまう)

= “I was isolated at the hospital and heard about Touya’s incident… my heart broke completely.”

As mentioned before, a verb + shimau means either that something has happened completely or regrettably and since the word completely already appeared in the phrase it’s obvious that this is something regrettable (if it wasn’t obvious from the content of the phrase); showing that losing her son and not having been around him at the end really hurt and probably even made her blame herself for not having been able to save her own son.

And I’m assuming it will replace this highlighted panel:

Aside from getting the timeline error fixed, we get some additional panels and lines that highlight even further just how terrifying it was to live with Endeavor and that Rei’s breakdown was caused by him and not one of her kids. The state the family is in right now and the whole Dabi situation - all of that is a result of a selfish man who couldn’t even be bothered to look at his own child; whose own insecurities made his whole family suffer and continue to do so even now. It was the terror in his eyes and his inability to use those eyes to just see his kid that got them to where they are now, which additionally shows exactly what needs to be done to fix this mess: for them to finally see Touya.

#finally some GOOD ADDITIONS #anyway glad horikoshi is looking at good tumblr blogs as he should ♥#translation #302 #todoroki #japanese #bnha #mine #touya #dabi

591 notes · View notes

jjtheclown555 · 3 years ago

Note

We need more mommy haitani 😫😫

ask and you shall receive!

Mother Dearest Pt.2

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3

tw. cursing, description of domestic abuse, minor references to smoking and drinking of minors and adults, descriptions of assault, that feeling when you are going to do something bad and your mom already knows, not proofread

content. haitani brothers mother raises them after they are released from prison

pairings. none, just a mother raising her boys

word count. 2.4k words

a/n. since people enjoyed the first part, I wrote a part two for these boys. I feel like part one was better written but I hope this is still enjoyable!

I remember when me and Rindou were young. The memories of our parents divorce is faint, the nights mom would stay late with her lawyers to ensure she got full custody even fainter. I remember when cigarettes would go between our mother's lips as she watched us play in the backyard, reading whatever trashy magazine she picked up this week. I remember when I’d hear her muttering about our father while she sipped wine late at night before realizing we were there. I now know she made an effort to ensure we never knew what happened between her and our father, just saying that the relationship didn’t work out.

I didn’t understand until I was 9 years old, when I realized why she didn’t want us to know. That was the first time I saw my mother afraid as the man we called our father hit her, telling her to give him rights over us, thinking we were sleeping. I saw her wide eyes before she held her arms in front of her face, which only resulted in him hitting her stomach. I remember the yelling as she would try to force him out of the house, the shoving and yelling, and tears threatening to spill from her eyes which she refused to let fall, as it’d take away her only power in the situation.

It wasn’t until now I realize she kept shoving him and putting up with being hit that night for us, so we wouldn’t get hit by him too. I barely thought before I moved to keep him away from our mother. I told Rindou to call the police before standing between them as fast as I could, our father immediately softening to make it seem like he hadn’t been hitting my mother over and over until blood started drpping from her mouth.

When the police arrived, he was immediately taken away and the 3 of us were brought to the station in a different cop car. Our mother was hyperventilating, holding onto me and Rindou as tightly as she could. She would whisper reassurances, apologies, and thanks over and over. Me and Rindou were just confused as to why he had hurt her, our young selves had promised to never make her sad like he did. I guess we broke that promise.

My recollection of the past was quickly brought to a halt. The sound of my mother calling me for dinner is a harsh wake-up call after remembering her fear. I slipped out of my bed and walked to the table, Rindou already sitting next to my seat. I sit on the chair next to him when my mother places our bowls in front of us, a meal I used to eat with casualty now looks like a delicacy after the bare minimum that was prison food. She gave us a nice serving of nikujaga, ensuring we can have more if we need. She sat across from us, praying before eating a some of her stew.

She was far more religious than me or my brother. She would take us to church every week, surprising anyone who hadn’t known her with her Christian beliefs. She always jokes about how if she she was alive during the salem witch trials, she’d be burned at the stake before meeting Jesus. This was due to her fascination with witchcraft and paganism, joking in how she’d hex our father if she could.

Humour was her coping mechanism, using it to defend herself from the thoughts eating her up from the inside. Her laughter had been infectious, even if the subject of the matter was something we knew was traumatic for her, we can’t help but laugh along. She’d probably be uncomfortable if we hadn’t responded with joy. It was odd to say the least, each of us knowing what their marriage did to her. We know it broke a piece of her, disregarding all the times she claimed it just made her stronger.

She’d always been strong. For fucks sake, we knew about all the shit from her childhood. We knew how much she had to work to make a stable life with all the mistakes from her youth. While I don’t know about Rindou, I know how guilty I feel when realizing I’ve made her same mistakes.

Bit after bit of our meals disappear, me and Rindou ready to excuse ourselves after all three of us had finished our dinner. Our mother stopped us before we could leave. “Just wait here for a minute. You didn’t think I wouldn’t have anything to say, did ya?” Me and Rindou stay in our seats. Waiting patiently as water falls over every dish, and the sight of a sponge pressing soap onto our dirty dishes can be seen from the kitchen. We sit in silence, knowing Mom would be finished with the dishes soon enough.

And she was. Taking the place she was seated beforehand back. She takes a few moments to breathe, putting her head in her hands. She lifts her head up, resting it against her palm. “I’m not angry with you,” she begins, sighing deeply, “if I was, I’d be a damn hypocrite.” We nod along, a bit lost at her tensity. “Did I ever tell you about when I got arrested?”

Me and Rindou look at each other and back to our mother before shaking our heads. Rindou speaks up, a bored look crossing his face. “No. You only ever told us that you were arrested for assault in your third year of middle school.” He seems confused but she simply lights a cigarette, taking a drag before beginning to explain.

October 22nd, 1976

A friend of mom’s was crying, mom consoling her as she tried to ease the tears falling from her friends eyes. Her friend’s boyfriend had cheated, and mom—the protective soul she is—was pissed. She held her friend close, giving a tight hug to her as she whispered reassurances. When her friend was calm, she had left the bathroom they were in, promising it’d be taken care of.

It wasn’t until after school, later at night that she found him and his friends in an alley. They were drinking together, her friends boyfriend with a girl clinging to his arm. She pulled a smile, walking up to the boys and asking non-chalently to the boy she was focusing on, “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” This caused the girl clinging to him to get defensive, clutching his arm tighter. He eases her off, standing up to our mom and brushing her off.

He was a lot larger than her, taller and more muscular. He stood up straight, knowing she was friends with his soon-to-be ex, and attempting to intimidate her. She didn’t take it however, explaining that she knew about him sleeping around while in a relationship. He took this as an insult, attempting to appear even more threatening, unable to faze our mother. Despite being young, and having such a size difference, she kicked him, hard, in the stomach, causing him to hunch over in pain. She hit him repeatedly in his face, beating him the same as me and Rindou had done. Not to the point of killing him, though. The police his friends had called arriving before she could beat him in too bad.

He suffered deformation of his face, a broken nose, jaw, and a shattered rib from when she had kicked him. She however, was sentenced to 2 years of imprisonment with work for aggravated assault. He was lucky he didn’t lay a hand on her, she knows how to manipulate situations for her benefit and would’ve gotten a minimal sentence if he had.

She explained it all in as much detail as she could remember. We sat in silence, unsure of what to say. She however, knew exactly what to do. She ruffled our hair a little and wandered back to her room, shutting the door behind us.

Rindou and I reveled in our guilt. She made the same mistake we did, and we realize exactly how upset she must’ve been. She must be disappointed in herself for allowing us to follow in her footsteps. I know she has regrets. Going to prison being one of them, marrying our father being another. But I’m sure that not stopping us from making the same mistake she did, has to be the greatest. She’s shown time after time that the two of us weren’t regrets, that she loves us.

And once again, my guilt shifts to pity for this poor, pitiful mother. “What a pathetic woman,” I say out loud. I stand up, taking paces back to my room, noticing my brother still hasn’t moved from his chair. I walk past mom’s room, the sweet smell of vanilla that overwhelms the smoke fills me even with the door shut tight. Oh, what a lovely little home that mom created.

When I reach for the doorknob, I can hear some shifting from back at the table. I quickly turn to look at my brother, who—while still in his chair—has turned to look at me. “Shove it up your ass, Ran.” He says, his face still relaxed and lacking emotion. Every now and then, he starts reminding me of mom. His sternness, his snark. He’s too blank-slated to be exactly like her but god does the resemblance show at times. When he dismisses my pity, his words, tone, posture, and stare, they all resemble her. That doesn’t bother me though, I just roll my eyes at him and slip through the threshold to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I glance over each drawer in my dresser, taking a few items of clothing from them. A simple t-shirt and black sweatpants, nothing too intriguing. However, it’s all I need to go from my room to the washroom, turning the shower on, just warm enough to not be freezing but still cold enough to handle the constant warmth in the house. I always take colder showers because of the temperature that mom keeps the house at. The only time she turns off the furnace is in the summer, and even then it’s after a lot of begging from me and Rindou.

I remove my clothes and slip into the shower, water falling over my skin. I grab the conditioner on the ledge, massaging it into my scalp and working my way down through the rest of my hair, washing it out before repeating the process with shampoo and conditioner one more time. I can hear some noise outside the shower but the flowing water blocks out my ability to identify it. I smooth soap over my skin and wash it off, repeating the steps for each body part until I’m clean. I then shut off the water, the noise from outside the washroom growing more and more noticeable. Mom and Rindou are chatting about something, the tones of their voices make it unclear whether it’s an argument or not. Nevertheless, I dry off, pick up a towel, and put on my fresh pair of clothes.

When I step out of the washroom, attempting to dry my hair, I can better understand their discussion. It’s not an argument per se, but Rindou is getting a bit too heated and I’m preparing for him to get a little too smart-mouthed for mom's liking. Rindou is asking her if he could go out tonight, I know that it’s about meeting with Izana as he had asked of us. In prison, shortly before his release, we promised we’d meet with him about his goals after we were released as well but it isn’t working out that way.

I ignore them, heading back to my room as mom begins to get passive-aggressive with Rindou. I also need to use the number Izana told us so I can let him know we won’t make it.

Before I can leave, however, the words I hated most came out of mom’s mouth. It cut my soul into pieces as I could predict exactly what was going to happen. “Ran, baby, don’t go yet, I need you to explain to your brother why I’m not trustin’ you two out of my goddamn house.” I sigh, accepting my fate as she wouldn’t let me leave until I have taken her side. “Now, don’t give me the attitude, just get over here, son.”

I walk over to them both and Rindou shows on his face that he’s already given up, knowing that there’s no convincing her once I’m on her side. I’m not entirely on her side, either way, I understand why she doesn’t want us out but that doesn’t make me any less disappointed. Regardless, if I don’t act as though I agree with her wholeheartedly, I know I’m in for it. “‘Goddamn?’ Using the lord's name in vain, how sinful.”

“Don’t give me lip, just explain to Rindou. Maybe he’ll better understand it coming from his brother rather than his oh-so heartless mother.”

I sit at the dining room table with them, thinking of every lecture she’s given me and every time she’s used me and Rindou to convince each other right at this same table. Oh, what lovely memories. I take a deep breath and relay the same points I’m sure she was making about how we just got out of prison and how she can’t trust that we won’t get into trouble again.

As I’m talking, I glance at her and see the biggest smile across her face, she looks almost devious as she cuts me off. “Y’know what? I’ve got a great idea that will allow you two to go out!” Rindou looks as though he scored with this comment. I suppose he just doesn’t learn that when mom says she has a great idea to let us do what we want, it’s only good for her. And of course, my suspicions are correct as the words that come out of her mouth turn my already-shattered soul to ash. “I’ll come with you both!” Rindou’s mouth gapes and I rest my head in my hands. Of course, this would be her condition. “I mean, if you have nothing to hide and are doing nothing wrong then that shouldn’t be a problem, right?” The heavy looks to her make her smile wider.

“Will you tell me what you’re going out for or will I just have to come with you guys and find out myself?”

I know this took forever but I'm trying to finish stuff before I post my biggest project (a fanfic on ao3 and wattpad) as well as doing a shit-ton of studying so I don't fail my tests, and just burnout but I finally got the motivation to finish it and I hope it meets your expectations!

51 notes · View notes

shiro-hatzuki · 2 years ago

Text

yknow, i've been thinking a lot about how yuno voting has gone thus far and how it's differed from her voting season 1, and it led me to reflecting oh how much the milgram fandom has changed between then and now. so i'll be rambling about that and other mostly related thoughts below the cut!

spoilers for... i guess all of yuno? mostly her s2 vd, but also her s2 and s1 mvs to an extent. also i'll be mentioning prostitution and abortion - especially the political views around them, though hopefully i'm not going to go too in depth with that last one (we're certainly not mentioning any ~irl events~).

i joined the fandom pretty soon after muu's mv was released, so i had just missed yuno's voting period. i can't personally attest to what it was like voting for yuno back in 2020, but i do have a friend who was in the fandom at that time. they told me that the english fandom had to fight to get yuno the forgiven verdict we now see for her.

in a graph tracking the daily votes of the prisoners made by @PaiPlushie on twitter shows that in the last month of yuno's s1 voting, she had switched from not forgiven to forgiven, and even then, it was only by a small margin (graph below cropped and edited to only show yuno's info. i recommend looking at the full graph through the hyperlink when you get the chance. it's interesting!)

jackalope also commented in his end of trial 1 video that yuno's votes when back and forth a bit. why might her votes have been so polarized, one might wonder?

from what i can gleam, it's likely because her sin revolved around her abortion and the circumstances behind it. of course there were multiple theories around yuno as there are with every prisoner, but the then theory that she had an abortion and became pregnant because she was in the business of compensated dating had always been prevalent and one of most popular - if not the most popular - as made clear by her s2 voice drama. in yet another show of "hey, we're listening to your theories!" from the milgram team, yuno says that she can hear es (the audience) theorizing, and it's heavily implied through the conversation between es and yuno that at least one of es's theories was that she prostituted herself and got an abortion because of the accidental baby that ensued (which yuno confirms is the truth). for those of us who weren't there for s1 yuno, this is pretty good confirmation that a good amount of the fandom had this theory.

that also means that yuno's abortion was what polarized the votes in those early days. seeing the fandom and yuno's votes right now, it's easy to forget that there are people who might genuinely not forgive the "sin" she's in the prison for. but remember that abortion isn't the only thing to her - this was a result of prostitution. and when it comes to the target audience and the writers' backgrounds, at least for the beginning of the project, these are important important.

there are many difference that could be pointed out between the fandom in s1 and s2, but the biggest difference to me is the the en fandom is much larger than it was even back during fuuta and muu's voting period. back when yuno's voting period was open, the fandom was very small - i can't pull exact numbers for either then nor now, but i'm certain that the tags for milgram were much less active back then than they were now, and back then, you were more likely to see posts talking about stanley milgram's experiments (especially the electroshock one) rather than the skrunkly anime-style characters we're all so attached to.

i think that the milgram team knew the initial audience well, so they wrote their prisoners with that audience in mind. they knew the audience that the project would initially reach might not forgive abortion, seeing it as murder. or if the audience accepted abortion conditionally, they made it so the condition would be less forgivable than it could have been. even when yuno was mentioning es's (our) possible reasonings for forgiving what she did, it wasn't because "prostitution and abortion aren't inherently wrong," it was because "she had to do it" or "it's because of trauma" and so on. in s1, she could only be forgiven because she had a "legitimate" reason for doing what she did, not because it wasn't seen as inherently wrong. remember, my friend said the english fandom had to fight for yuno's forgiven verdict. and of course, this is *not* to say that everyone in japan is a woman hater, but rather, the milgram team knew the audience the project would initially reach. for those who like anime, i don't think i need to tell you how misogynistic certain people who are into anime/manga/other otaku stuff can be.

now of course, this line of thinking leads to the conclusion that the english fandom, being bigger and actually respectful of women's rights, had caused this change in yuno's voting, but i can't say that's definitive in good faith. it's possible that the fandom simply brought in more progressive-minded people, jp fandom and international. the fact that milgram's en fandom is more progressive-minded might just be because those are the only ones talking while the rest sit quietly, might be because milgram also has official stuff on twitter, and also, i argue, something that might have happened by sheer luck. that's not even to mention that i don't know how much of a majority the abortion theory had since again, i wasn't there for yuno, so there could have been many other theories other than abortion that pulled her over to be nearly unforgiven in s1, and not that abortion is confirmed, those people are more forgiving of her. the aforementioned "conclusion" is really only a guess on my part.

but regardless, i think the change in yuno's voting patterns shows a shift in the fandom. how we think and how we vote has changed. and i think that change is interesting to see!

#or maybe i'm finding correlations where there aren't any because i wrote this late at night when i was tired lollll #sometimes i think about how the fandom's grown #it's nice to see so many people here!#but also i get a little crisis every time i see that the milgram tag is active lolll #milgram #ミルグラム #yuno kashiki #my stuff

20 notes · View notes

willow-darling · 3 years ago

Text

Wake up call (regina mills x female reader)

!! WARNINGS !! READ THIS FIRST BEFORE READING AHEAD !!

This is smut. The following kinks are in it: morning sex, mommy kink, fingering, dom and sub, and other things.

It's basically lesbian smut.I wrote this out from my dr, I shifted to ouat and got an idea for the smut. There she can read my mind, it's a soulmate thing I added. This was also the first smut I ever wrote so don't be too harsh. I write better now, but I still love this one.

Enjoy!! You have been warned!!

I wake up in my usual position, laying with Regina, her holding me while I lay against her chest. But this morning, I woke up a lot more, needy, than usual, and since it was quite peaceful, I thought it’d go away. Until I noticed Regina’s leg being right between mine, intertwined in a way. I just look at the sleeping goddess in front of me, unsure of what to do, I just lay still and try to fall back asleep.

Until she suddenly moves, pulling you a bit closer and moving her leg against your panties, making a whimper come out. You now know she’s awake, or at least, a little.

Because of the friction, she was making with her leg, you couldn’t help but moan softly, and giving in to your own instincts, slightly grinding on her thigh, trying to stay silent. Suddenly you heard a low and raspy voice saying, “Well good morning, princess. This certainly is a nice surprise.”

“Shit she’s awake!” you thought, forgetting that she can hear that and getting the immediate response: “I am, darling. Although you seem more active than me, so early in the morning, too! How scandalous of you.”

You looked up at the woman, seeing a big smirk on her face, along with the look she gave you, very pleased with herself but also a look filled with lust. If your breathing wasn’t shaky enough, it would be now.

“Oh don’t let me stop you from finishing what you started. I wanna see it too, princess.” She whispered, “Or do you need my help because you can’t do it yourself?”

The way she knew the right things to say to get you going, was amazing, but also so bad. Because you knew it’d be a thing she’d be repeating today. So, you just kept quiet, unsure of what to say or do, until Regina grabbed your hips and pulled you further towards her, saying “Don’t lie to me, I can feel it, remember? You’re not that good at hiding your needy eyes, not at all. Perhaps we should do something about that,”

She chuckled lowly, this usually scared you, but in an exciting way. Only, right now you didn’t feel that exciting, scared feeling, you just needed her, so bad. The only thing you could mutter out was: “please, mommy...”

You knew very well what was going to come next, and on queue, “Please what, princess? I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need.” She said with a smirk, softly stroking your hair. This gave you that false feeling of her being soft, knowing damned well what would happen the moment you told her what to do. No more softness, not until after. And yet, you still melted into her arms, obeying her commands.

“Please help me, mommy. You know I can’t do it by myself.” You said, blushing, still embarrassed at these moments, but immediately getting a reassuring kiss. “You know I don’t judge you for that, princess. It just means you’ll always need me to finish, which feels nice.” She smirked, now paying attention to the mess that was you on her thigh, soaking, already.

Deciding not to torture you with her leg between yours, she flipped you over. You being on the bottom, her on top. Getting a questioning look, “Are you sure you want this, you don’t have to, don’t do it because I want you to.” You reassured her it was something you wanted by grabbing her face and kissing her, getting a chuckle and a big smile. Because you rarely do this, but she loves it when you do.

She pulls away, wanting to put down some rules. Saying “You know the basics, tell them to me.”

You repeated the rules she had set, feeling safe with her, because she did take good care of you, even with this. “I can only cum when you tell me to when I ask and you say yes. We use the traffic light system or the bandana system.” “what do those two mean?” She asked, testing you on it,

“Traffic light system is where you name a colour after telling me an action, or during an action. If I say “green” It means I’m okay with it and you can go/continue, if I say “orange” it means that you need to pause for a moment, and when I say “red” it’s me telling you to stop. The bandana system, one we frequently use, is where you give me a bandana to hold, and if I need you to stop, I drop it.” You say, having gone over this quite a lot because she wanted to make sure you were comfortable, not just her.

“Good girl,” Regina said, smirking, as you kissed her again. She takes over, kissing you deeply and trailing her hand up to your chest, not needing to take off a shirt, since you slept shirtless. She started playing with one of your nipples, knowing the sensitivity they had.

A quiet moan escaping your mouth as she stopped kissing you and moved her mouth over to the nipple, expertly using her tongue, knowing all the various movements to drive you crazy. And they did.

You needed a lot more than just that, you wanted a lot more than that. Your neediness bubbling up and moaning out, “Mommy, please… I need more… touch me, please.”

She looked up, going to your face again and kissing you. “Of course, princess, since you asked so nicely, it would be cruel of me not to do anything.” She smirked, locking eyes with you to see your reaction as she started playing with your nipple again, while her left hand was slowly trailing down to your core. Leaving little marks with her nails until she reached the inside of your thigh, where she felt you through your panties. “So early and already soaking wet? Poor baby, mommy will help you out.”

You never broke eye contact, keeping her intense look on you, feeling every single thing she did. She had a mischievous look in her eyes, that she was planning something.

Regina knew exactly what to do, something you hated and both loved. She moved her hands onto the side of your panties, removing them quickly as she noticed it was something she bought for you. “feeling special, with that particular underwear?” She smirked, slowly rubbing through your folds at a torturous speed, making you needier and wetter.

Without a warning she slammed two fingers into you, still watching your look, which shifted as you broke the eye contact. You moaned loudly, bucking your hips into her hand, needing so much more than she was giving. Your breathing became a bit erratic, resulting in the woman giving you a more calming look, laying herself on top of you, syncing your breathing.

She loved you too much to make you have a panic attack, even if it was a very gay one, it could always turn into an actual one. But she knew that this would work because this happened a lot, you needed to concentrate on what was happening, so you wouldn’t be surprised. She kissed you again, calming you down effectively as she looked at your eyes asking if she can go. You said “green” meaning she could start.

She nodded at the colour, starting to thrust in and out of you slowly, making you moan and whine. Because she thrusted at a torturously slow pace. In… out… in…. out…, you thought, accidentally looking at Regina again, seeing her enjoying every second of your whines.

“More...” You managed to get out, mind fogged by your neediness, but Regina understood, nodding at picking up her pace, finally going at a nice and stable rhythm you liked.

You moaned loudly as the woman kissed you, saying “Don’t want to wake up the neighbours now, do we?” She joked because the walls were extra thick, purely for this purpose.

You couldn’t think, except for the part where she was fucking you, your hips bucked in the rhythm Regina was pumping in, she used her thumb to play with your clit, rubbing slow circles, at a very different pace. You liked this a lot and you were very close to the edge already. Remembering the rule and getting out “Mommy… please… I-I’m close, can I cum, please?”

She looked at you with a sympathetic look, “You have been a very good girl, so I’ll let you. Cum for me, princess.” She cooed, still pumping your fingers but moving herself to your core, wanting to taste it.

It didn’t take long for you to come undone, the woman quickly removing her fingers and expertly used her tongue to help you ride out your orgasm, making you come a second time. The moment she started fucking you with her tongue, it had made you feel all wet again.

This time, when you were done, she kissed you, “Taste yourself, princess, you’ll love it.”

She was right, and you enjoyed every bit of it as you sneakily slid your own hand down her panties, knowing she had a need too, that needed to be taken care of. Regina looked at you in surprise saying “Baby, you don’t need to do that.” You admitted you wanted to and immediately slipped two fingers in, making the woman whimper. You loved pleasing her, the sounds and faces she made at you made you so happy, she reassured you were doing well. Guiding your hands as to where to place them, successfully thrusting into her with your two fingers, picking up the pace as you heard her moan, uncontrollably. All you could hear was “Good girl, making mommy feel good.”

You carefully slid her panties off, throwing them into the room. Wanting to do the same, taste her, which Regina encouraged. You did as you were told, seeing her throw her head back in pleasure, with her gaping mouth open, a moaning mess. You decided you were going to tease her a little more, by putting your mouth on her clit, sucking and using your tongue to move the small nerve bundle, making everything 10x worse.

With a few last thrusts and licks, she came with a moan, that pulled you closer, biting down on your neck, to muffle herself. After she had ridden out every last bit you went down and “cleaned” her, using every single trick you knew, wanting her to come a second time, now that the sensitivity was high. You did it quite easily, the woman grinding on your face, and you slightly moaned at the feeling. Suddenly she came all over your face and into your mouth, you cleaned her up for real this time and kissed her.

“You taste so good, mommy,” you said, being tired, “I need some more sleep, I’m a bit tired.”

The woman kissed you and handed you a small drink, taking care of you, “I know princess, thank you” She cooed, laying down next to you, and falling back asleep together again.

#smut #ouat fanfic #regina mills #lesbian #gay #wlw #once upon a time #fanfic #ouat #morning #mommy #it was the first smut i wrote so its short #willow-darling

165 notes · View notes

possiamo-andare · 3 years ago

Text

Just You (3)

JJ x Reader x Rafe (love triangle)

MASTERLIST

word count: 5k

a/n: I can't believe it's been eight months since I updated this fic. y'all are probably dead by now and this will prolly get no notes lmao but I finally wrote the next chapter and it's so good in my opinion so please don't be too mad. enjoy!

Y/N needed complete silence when she was reading. If she didn’t, it was almost impossible for her to even read one page. As a child, in a room full of other screaming children, Y/N found it almost impossible to read. Most of her teachers misread this difficulty with an inability to read, which was not the case. This miscommunication actually worked in Y/N’s favour because the extra attention resulted in a greater love for reading. Y/N soon found herself reading everyday and even found it hard to put down a book. When she couldn’t get a physical copy of a book, she then went online and delved into a world where people created their own worlds and fantasies for their readers. Reading had become one of Y/N’s favourite hobbies and she could do it for hours.

Unfortunately, tonight was different. At around 6pm, just as Y/N picked up a book to read, loud music began to play from a distance. At first, Y/N tried to ignore it but soon, like mentioned before, the music began to get louder, and Y/N could not focus on the words before her. The more she tried to focus, the more distracted she became by the music. Soon, she could focus on nothing but the blaring music coming from across the street. Finally, after ten minutes of pure agony, Y/N got up from her bed and stormed down the stairs of her home. Her face is red with anger, and she desperately wants to know who the hell thinks playing loud music on a Tuesday night is acceptable. Unfortunately, she knows the answer the second she enters her kitchen.

Her parents are laughing with each other as they make their favourite snack. Every night, her parents make their favourite foods together as a way to unwind and talk about their day. Sometimes they shared it with Y/N and her siblings but on nights where her siblings were out with their friends and Y/N was the only one home, they usually just spent time with each other. Y/N hesitated for a moment and smiled to herself, thinking about how sweet her parents truly are. She wonders if the person she marries will have this type of relationship with her. She wonders, years from now, how she will look back on her time in OBX. She hopes she looks back with fondness. The moment is ruined though because her mother quickly looks up from the stove, a toothy grin on her face.

“Hello darling.” Y/N’s mother chirps. She reads her daughter's distraught face and since she can hear the music too, she knows why her daughter is upset. Without even letting Y/N speak, she answers the question clearly in her daughter's mind. “Ward Cameron’s son, Rafe, is throwing a party across the street. You can go if you want.”

Y/N snorts. “That boy has been rudely staring at me since we got here, and you think I should go to his house?”

This time, Y/N’s father turns around from the cabinet. “I hear JJ’s gonna be there.” There’s a small smirk on his face and it instantly grabs Y/N’s attention.

She tried to brush it off. “Well, I don’t really like loud music.”

Y/N’s mother scoffs. “Yes, you do.”

Y/N nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She knows that if there’s even a hint of JJ being at the party, she wants to go. “You’re right, I do.”

Y/N had not been to a party in years. The last time she had it was in her first year of high school. She had just moved to that new school only weeks before and had made only a couple of friends. The friends she did make were nice and invited her to a party. The party was okay, and she enjoyed herself, but she was very awkward because she barely knew anyone. She promised that from now on, she would only go to parties where she knew more than one person. Now, she found herself breaking that rule just to see JJ.

Since Y/N was in her pajamas, she ran back up to her room to change. She didn’t want to waste too much time picking out clothes to wear so she quickly looked through her closet and found a white sundress with small blue flowers decorating the material. She had never worn this dress and, when she first bought it, was unsure if she liked it because it was shorter than what she was used to but now, she was glad she did.

She lay her sundress on her bed for a moment and turned to her mirror, where she kept a cabinet full of makeup. Before she even put on any makeup, she looked back up in the mirror for the second time. As she finally had a chance to breathe, she realized her breath was unsteady and her hands were shaking. It was hard for Y/N to put herself out there. Most times, she was afraid of the rejection, or even at the fact that the friends she did have would be gone. But she remembered her parents' words. She was to stay in OBX for the rest of the year. She would make friends here. She would have a life here. With a deep breath, Y/N began to get ready for the night.

Y/N keeps fidgeting with her hair. She knows the more she fidgets, the more upset she’ll be with how she looks but she seriously can’t help it. She only does this when she’s extremely nervous and she knows why. She’s two feet away from Rafe’s front door and the music has somehow gotten louder. It’s almost as if he’s continuously trying to play the music louder to get her attention. Of course, she knows that to not be true, but still, Y/N had realized that in the last twenty minutes since she had decided to get ready for the party and walked across the street, the music had indeed gotten louder. She rolled her eyes as she approached the door, the loud music getting annoying. At this rate, Rafe Cameron would be deaf by the time he was 30. Y/N pretended not to care if he went deaf at all, but a tiny voice inside her head told her that she had to care for him because no one else would.

With a deep breath, she knocks on the door. She doesn’t think anyone would hear it because of how loud the music is but it’s worth a try. She was raised to have manners and would not just enter someone’s house before knocking.

To her surprise, only a few moments later, the doorknob twisted quickly and someone on the other end of the door opened it. It was as if someone had been patiently waiting by the door all night, opening it in hopes that she would come. Of course, she knew this to not be true because the person who greeted her was none other than Rafe Cameron. And he found her annoying.

Y/N couldn’t help but admit how delicious he looked. He wasn’t dressed in his usual preppy attire, no. He wore these ripped, distressed black jeans and a fitted white shirt with a baseball cap to match. It wasn’t necessarily his style that had him looking so delightful but his face. He seemed very relaxed. In fact, this was the most relaxed she’d ever seen him. His usual straight posture was now more curled and casual. His face, which had always been pale and gray, was now filled with colour. He wore a cute blush across his cheeks and nose, and on top of the blush was a patch of light brown freckles here and there. Y/N figured he must’ve been in the sun all day. That and he was also high out of his mind.

“Y/N…” He trailed, his eyes glancing at her dress momentarily before returning to her face. Y/N feels a little self conscious under his gaze. She wasn’t exactly confident in her outfit tonight and he seemed, for the first time in forever, more confident than her. “You, um, you’re - you’re very…”

She involuntarily snickers, not realizing she’s doing it until Rafe hears it. His face changes into a dark frown and she has a deep need to apologize. He was probably just trying to be polite, and Y/N must’ve caught him just as his high was reaching its climax. “I’m what exactly?”

Rafe rolls his eyes, knowing that she’s teasing him. “You’re not invited.”

Well, she can’t say she exactly feels welcome right now, standing at the threshold of his door. He still hasn’t even let her in.

Y/N scoffs, her feelings only hurt a little. Although he didn’t look preppy, he looked just as douchy. “Well, your music’s so loud it could wake the dead. Maybe if you didn’t want uninvited people to come, don’t make it so obvious that you’re having a party.”

Rafe scoffs this time. “Aw, I’m sorry. Did I interrupt your bedtime?” He takes a swig of his beer bottle and Y/N almost forgets that he’s obviously been drinking. “Were you having a little read before you went to bed? Lemme guess; you were re-reading the Vagina Diaries for the tenth time?”

Y/N’s chest twinges with pain just a little, knowing that the book was on her bookshelf with a worn-out spine. He seemed to know her very well, but it only angered her because he got the answer right. “It’s actually Vagina Monologues, but nice try. I guess for someone who hasn’t opened a book in their life, the Vagina Monologues would be interesting.”

Rafe chuckles and she has a small urge to kiss the corners of his smile. Thankfully, once she swallows harshly, the urge disappears. “Just come in and don’t put your hippie feet anywhere near my furniture.” He finally steps aside, and Y/N takes that as the kindest invitation she’s gonna get from him.

“You mean, your parents' furniture.” She puts one foot in front of the other and tries to remember how to walk. Although it may not seem like it, she’s nervous. She’s not too good with crowds. As she passes Rafe, she can smell his cologne and she feel as though she might faint. For such an annoying boy, he really was intoxicating.

Rafe is not given enough time to throw a snide remark back in her face because someone has entered Y/N and Rafe’s little bubble. It’s another very handsome boy but this time, he’s sweet. He’s wearing preppy clothes (cargo shorts and a pink polo shirt - big shocker there) but he’s not preppy at all when he introduces himself.

“Hey! I’m Kelso; nice to meet ya!” He gives Y/N a half hug because his other hand is holding a beer, but she still gets the sentiment that he’s friendly. His hand respectfully lays on Y/N’s shoulder and Y/N actually hugs him back even though that’s not her thing with strangers.

“I’m Y/N, and it’s nice to meet you too!”

She watches as his brows go from a relaxed arch to a surprised arch instantly. It seems that whatever she has said has caught him by surprise. “Oh? You’re Y/N?” Kelso looks to Rafe for a moment, his eyes narrowing in amusement. Rafe tries to indirectly tell him to stop by flipping him off, but it only encourages Kelso. “I guess we have you to thank for this incredible party then!”

Y/N frowns, turning around to look at Rafe. They’re still in the entryway of his house and she hasn’t so much as taken in her surroundings, but this seems too important to ignore. What does Kelso mean? Did Rafe throw this party in hopes that she’d come? There was no way. Doesn’t Rafe find her completely annoying and obnoxious? If so, why would Kelso say such a thing?

“He’s joking right?” Y/N tries to confirm from Rafe but by his meek smile and his cheeks that have only gotten redder since she entered his home, she knows there’s some truth in what Kelso is saying.

Rafe shrugs, trying to come up with a lie. He had confided in Kelso as a way to relieve the stress that liking Y/N has caused but instead, Kelso just had to mess it up. “Well, not exactly.” His mouth is forming a lie before his brain can even properly think of one. “I mentioned to Kelso that you’ve probably never been to a party in OBX, so he must’ve thought I threw it for you.”

Y/N nods, confused as to why she feels a little sad. For some reason, a little part of her hoped that Rafe had thrown a party for her to notice him but alas, it had all been a misunderstanding. “Oh, well, okay.”

Except it wasn’t a misunderstanding at all. Rafe had told Kelso that the only reason he was throwing this party was for Y/N to notice him in a new light. He knew she thought he was just another annoying preppy Kook and he wanted to change that. He thought maybe, just maybe, if she had fun tonight with him, she’d finally start to see him as he truly was, a loveable dork. Unfortunately, that seems to be ruined now.

Before any more words can be exchanged, someone yells for Y/N. She instantly looks to the crowd of people in Rafe's backyard and sees JJ and Pope. The door to his backyard is open so the yelling is clear and not muddled by a barrier. They seemed to have been yelling for a while because they looked exasperated. Y/N watches as JJ stands from his lawn chair and motions for her to come sit beside them. She smiles for one of the first times tonight and nods, the pressure on her chest lifting when she sees her two friends. She wanted to take to Rafe later and get the full story because she had a feeling, he wasn’t telling her the complete truth, but she wanted to greet her friends first. She’d get to Rafe later. For now, she wanted to relax.

When Y/N departed from Rafe and Kelso, awkwardly waving goodbye before maneuvering to the back of Rafe’s house, Kelso spoke first.

“Dude, why didn’t you tell me she didn’t know this party was for her?”

Rafe glared at his friend. “You really think I’d tell her that. Now she probably thinks I’m even more creepy than before.”

Kelso rolls his eyes at how dramatic his friend was. “You didn’t see her reaction, bro. I don’t know if she even knows it herself, but she definitely likes you.”

Rafe rolls his eyes. He doesn’t allow for his hope to rise because he knows it’s not true. He can’t let himself have any more hope that the new girl in OBX would want to have anything to do with him. She can’t like him because no girl like her ever has. So, instead, he steals glances at her for the rest of the night and hopes to God he can get high enough to forget about the beautiful girl across the street.

Y/N tried to enjoy herself, she really did. And to JJ’s credit, he tried to help her relax and have some fun. She drank the beer that was offered to her, danced with JJ and Pope, and even took two puffs of JJ’s joint. But, although she felt thoroughly buzzed, Rafe never left her mind. She tried to throw a few sneaky glances his way the entire night, but she couldn’t find him. She even left her spot beside JJ and pretended to get a refill on his nasty beer just to see if she could spot Rafe. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be seen. At first, she thought it was just because she wasn’t looking hard enough but soon, after three whole hours of not seeing Rafe even once, she realized he was avoiding her. And if he was avoiding her, it meant that he was embarrassed from their conversation at the beginning of the night. Which meant that he lied, and he had in fact thrown this party just for her.

This revelation crept into her mind slowly throughout the night but when it finally sunk in, she was speechless. She didn’t know how to react. Sure, there was a slim chance that he had been telling the truth but the less she saw of Rafe at his own party, the more she realized that he had lied to her.

JJ had noticed how off Y/N seemed. When they had seen each other earlier in the day for her surfing lessons, he had made a fool out of himself. They had been practising for a few hours before they both called it quits, deciding to pick it back up the next day. Before departing, JJ offered her ice cream for a hard day's work, and she gladly accepted. They both ordered the same flavour (mint chocolate chip - he swore they were soulmates because of this) and ate it as they talked. When they were both finally finished, Y/N went to hug him goodbye, but he instead extended his hand awkwardly for her to shake. She seemed slightly embarrassed, but he was even more so. He had wanted to hug her but didn’t want to without her permission, so he thought a handshake was the safe bet. Unfortunately, he thought wrong and now, that awkward interaction was burned into the back of his mind. He was worried that’s why Y/N seemed so detached, barely speaking. When she had gone to refill her cup, JJ looked to Pope for advice. He had never been so needy for a girl’s approval before and since Pope seemed to want everyone to like him, JJ thought he’d give the best advice.

“So,” JJ sighs and he finishes telling the story of their awkward interaction. “Do you think that’s why she’s been so quiet?”

Pope snorted. “JJ, I think it’s just you. I doubt she even remembers it.”

Although his friend tried his best to reassure JJ, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was burdening Y/N’s mind. But, before JJ could continue his conversation with Pope, Y/N reappeared with a glass full of beer and a somber face. The topic was not brought up again.

JJ had been right though. Something was burdening Y/N’s mind. It’s not everyday that a girl finds out a boy who she thought saw her as a bothersome girl actually saw her as much more. It’s a difficult experience to relate to and not a problem Y/N thought she would have. Apparently, Rafe was better at hiding his true feelings than she thought. She had always assumed that when she’d catch him peeking through his window, watching her ride her bike with her brothers or bask in the sun as she read another book, he was judging her. She assumed he was making fun of her and her hippie family. And when they had first met in the main office of her school, it only solidified in her mind that he saw her as a joke. But instead, he might’ve actually liked her. You clearly only watch people in that way if you hate them or like them and since it clearly wasn’t hate…

No. She wouldn’t let her mind go there. Besides, even if he liked her, who was to say if she even liked him? He had been nothing but rude to her, even when he had technically invited her to this party. He called her a hippie (not offensive by itself but when Rafe said it, it might as well have been), watched her from his window with a scowl, and was a complete snob. If Y/N knew what was good for her, she’d stay far, far away from Rafe and anyone he associated with. But Y/N was a dumb teenage girl and curiosity got the better of her. She needed to find another good excuse to go inside and search one last time for Rafe.

The excuse presented itself when JJ made a small remark of how thirsty he was. Y/N jumped at the opportunity to refill his drink, even though he offered to go himself. But she insisted, taking his cup from his hands before he could argue any longer. As she made her way back inside, her eyes looking for the handsome brunette, Pope leaned closer to JJ.

“See? And you thought she didn’t like you?”

JJ nodded, feeling better about the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, if he knew why she truly had wanted to venture inside, it’s doubtful he would have felt better. He probably would’ve felt worse. But he didn’t know, and he wouldn’t know for a while longer.

Y/N first made her way to Rafe’s huge kitchen where all the kegs were lined up. Half of them were already empty but the night was coming to a close and soon, half the party would leave and only Rafe’s closest friends would stick around until 5am. It was midnight now and although she didn’t have a curfew, she wanted to be home by at least 1am. So, as she filled only JJ’s cup, she decided against filling her own. She didn’t want to be too tipsy in case she ran into Rafe. Although, by this time, she thought it was very unlikely that she’d ever see him.

Just as that thought crossed her mind though, another person entered the kitchen. Y/N recognized him immediately. It was Topper. They had never interacted much, just a brief wave whenever she’d pass his house when she rode her bike. If he was outside, which he had only been once or twice, he’d wave, and she’d wave back. Other than that, they never spoke. Until now.

He stood beside her, filling two glasses with beer. His blond hair was wet and sticking to his forehead, but his hands were so full, and he was so drunk he didn’t seem to notice. Y/N had seen Rafe’s pool, but she did not find herself on that side of his house for many reasons (the pool was on the other side of the backyard, she didn’t bring a bathing suit, and her mind was busy with more important matters). Topper seemed to be struggling with refilling two cups, his hands shaking just a little. Y/N instantly registered that he needed help and decided that busying herself with assisting Topper would help take her mind off Rafe.

“Here,” Y/N offered, setting JJ’s cup down on the counter. “Let me help.” She takes one of the glasses from Topper and begins to fill it up, all the while keeping an eye on Topper to make sure he doesn’t spill the other cup.

“Thanks.” He mumbles, swaying back and forth to the music that is blaring from somewhere inside Rafe’s house. Y/N can’t help but smile a little at this giddy boy who would otherwise be embarrassed for acting so weird if he was not so drunk.

Unfortunately, not even helping Topper can keep Y/N’s mind off Rafe. She wonders that since Rafe must’ve told Kelso something about her, Rafe could’ve confided in Topper too. From the gossip that JJ had told her, Topper used to date Sarah but even after they broke up, Rafe and Topper remained friends. So maybe, just maybe, Rafe had said something to Topper about her? She figured even if she asked Topper, it would never get back to Rafe. Topper was clearly drunk and would not remember the conversation he had with Y/N. No harm, no foul. Right?

Unfortunately, that idea was quickly squashed because just as she began to open her mouth, someone else entered the room. It was Rafe.

Rafe had skillfully avoided Y/N all night, while still stealing glancing her way. He never noticed that she too had been looking for him. He was so nervous that he’d eventually bump into her that he would make Kelso check every room before he entered it. Unfortunately, Kelso was drunk by midnight and could no longer help Rafe. Rafe tried to let it go, figuring you were probably gone by now. So, he asked Topper to refill his cup as he helped Kelso into his mom’s car. But, when Topper still hadn’t returned by the time Rafe entered his home, he thought there was no harm in checking up on him. Apparently, there was a lot of harm in that.

And now, there they stood, facing each other for the first time since the beginning of the night. Rafe wanted to turn back around and leave but he had always made a fool of himself, and he knew that if he awkwardly left without acknowledging Y/N, she’d surely think even lower of him. So, as soon as their eyes made contact, Rafe awkwardly raised his hand and waved. He could feel the awkward smile painted across his face and Y/N seemed to mimic him.

“Hey.” He squeaked out, taking both cups from Topper before speaking to his friend. He figured the less he looked at Y/N, the less awkward he would feel. He was wrong. “Top, why don’t you lie down on the couch. I’ll bring the beers soon.”

Topper only nodded, slowly making his way out of the kitchen, leaving his friend and Y/N in there alone. Alone for the first time since the beginning of the night. Both their pairs of eyes were trained on their drinks; Y/N was clutching onto JJ’s and Rafe held one for him and one for Topper. No one spoke for a while. Y/N had waited all night to get Rafe alone, just so they could talk and now she didn’t know what to say. She awkwardly shifted the weight in her feet, unable to think of the first thing she wanted to say. They were only five feet apart, but they might as well have been worlds away.

Rafe was in agony and decided to get it over with. He spoke first. “So, are you enjoying the party?” He spoke so formally, as if he was chatting with his grandmother, but he was too uncomfortable to speak any other way.

Y/N nodded, relieved he had taken the first leap forward. “Um, yeah. Never knew that kids could throw parties like this.”

Rafe smiled for a moment, happy that she was so amazed at his dullest party of the year. His heart fluttered at the thought of Y/N dancing in that beautiful white dress with him. Holding onto him as they swayed to the music, pulling her close. Close enough to -

“So, Rafe, I wanted to talk about earlier.” Y/N began, playing with the skin around her nails. It was a nervous tick she had yet to get rid of.

Those eight words destroyed Rafe. At that moment, he knew she had not believed his original lie. He wasn’t too surprised though. He was a shitty liar and Y/N seemed to pick on everything he did. Although he would rather rip his fingernails off one by one than have this uncomfortable conversation with Y/N, he knew he’d have to give her the answers she was looking for. Even if that meant embarrassing himself.

Finally, he nodded. “Um, uh, okay. What’s up?”

Y/N began to speak but before she could get a coherent sentence out, someone else entered the kitchen, making a bunch of noise as he did. Their eyes met instantly and when she recognized who he was, her back straightened slightly as if she had been caught in a salacious act. It was JJ.

“Y/N, what's taking so long?” He stops just after he enters the kitchen and as soon as his eyes go to Rafe, his smile drops. He’s confused beyond belief. He doesn’t know why Y/N is speaking to Rafe. He didn’t even know they knew each other. “Uh, am I interrupting something?”

Y/N forces a smile, glancing at Rafe briefly before walking past him and towards JJ. She hands JJ his cup and he gladly takes it, a look of pure confusion written on his face. “No, Rafe was just asking me if I am enjoying my first party in Outer Banks.”

JJ's eyes shift to Rafe, whose face is pure white. “Really? How… kind?”

Y/N knows JJ is suspicious so to curve his focus back on her, she reaches up to cup one side of his face. JJ’s eyes instantly fall back onto her, a small smile back on his lips. “Walk me home, JJ. I’m getting tired.”

JJ nods sweetly, placing his hand over the one that’s cupping his cheek. “Sure. Go get your stuff and I’ll meet you at the front of the house.”

Y/N looks back to Rafe one more time, a small smile on her face. Rafe pushes his lips into a thin line, nodding goodbye to her. She does the same, leaving the kitchen as quietly as she entered. Y/N’s afraid to leave JJ and Rafe alone but she really has no reason to stay any longer. She hopes that she can get Rafe alone soon so they can have an actual conversation. Tonight, was kind of a disaster but being with JJ and having such a fun time with him made up for it. She knows JJ is the type of guy she should be with. He’s fun and carefree and they’re too much alike to not get along. Even though this is all true and she does have feelings for JJ, there is a part of her that yearns for Rafe. And that part scares her.

Once Y/N is gone, JJ’s smile drops, and he turns back to Rafe with a menacing glare. “Look, I don’t know what your game is here, but I really like Y/N. We both know you’re not her type. So do both of us a favour and leave her alone.”

And with that, JJ was gone too. Leaving Rafe alone.

Even with all these people in his house, Rafe never felt more alone.

taglist: @tovvaa @canyoubuymetoast @multisimpinghoe (sorry to these queens for waiting so long lmaooo)

#jj maybank #rafe cameron #jj x reader #jj maybank x reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron fic #rafe x reader #jj x you #jj one shot #jj fanfiction #rafe fluff #rafe x you #rafe imagine #rafe cameron obx #outerbanks #outer banks fic #obx #obx s2

155 notes · View notes

high-functioning-lokipath · 3 years ago

Text

SH - Sherlock x Depressed!Reader - With a Little Help from My Friends - Words: 2,793

IMPORTANT A/N - PLEASE READ: As stated in the title, this story contains discussions of depression. There is mention of suicidal thought and self-harm. I personally don't think it's too intense in it's descriptions HOWEVER!!! If this will trigger you, for your own health and safety please do not read. My messages are always open if you'd like to talk. I wrote this partially based on my own feelings so I can understand to at least a degree. You're amazing and I love you all. As far as this story goes, just remember: it has a happy, very fluffy ending but it doesn't start that way. I hope you enjoy it, feel free to leave a comment!

Brief Backstory: Reader is friends with John and Sherlock. She is a nurse who works with John. The three met shortly after Sherlock came back. Sherlock and Reader have crushes on each other but won't admit to it. I think the story explains everything else.

"Y/N, I'm going to be honest," John said, putting his hand on your shoulder comfortingly. "I may have PTSD but I cannot fully put myself in your shoes. My depression is different than yours." You had called your best friend, John Watson, in a mild panic. You had been feeling depressed for some time, as he knew, but that day had been especially bad. There was no particular reason but your depression had gotten so intense that you knew you needed help to get past this particular wave. John invited you over to 221B, assuring you that his flatmate would be out for the next couple of hours. "As a doctor, I am going to prescribe you some medication. Lowest dose possible and only because I want to help you get some immediate relief but I know you do not want them to become permanent. Let's work on finding another solution for you, ok?"

"I don't know, John," you replied. You'd asked John to be your Doctor since you didn't go to one regularly and he didn't mind your irregular checkups. "I've tried just about everything. The only outlet that seems to help is writing and even then," you trailed off, trying not to cry again. "This feeling just won't go away and I don't even know why it's there in the first place. I just want it to stop."

"I think you should talk to Sherlock."

"What?" You squeaked. "Why in the world would I talk to Sherlock?"

"I can't tell you why, Y/N. As both your Doctor and Sherlock's, I have to respect certain amounts of patient confidentiality. However, as your friend, I think you should talk to him."

"I don't know."

"Trust me," He replied. Smirking slightly, he added, "Doctor's orders."

"Ok, John," you chuckled. He smiled and hugged you. "Thanks."

"Now how about we go and fill this prescription and then maybe get some ice cream?"

"Well, honestly," you sighed. "The ice cream sounds great but I didn't sleep well last night. I was actually wondering if I could just take a nap here for a bit. I sleep better here sometimes." You blushed but John nodded understandingly.

"Of course," He replied. "I'll run down to the drugstore and fill this for you. Meanwhile you get some rest. I'll let Sherlock know you're here just in case he ends up getting back before I do. Will you be ok by yourself?"

"Yeah," You smiled. "This is a safe space for me. I'll go grab a blanket. Thanks again."

"Don't mention it. Just remember, talk to him."

"I'll try."

About 15 minutes later, Sherlock arrived back at the flat. He'd gotten John's texts.

John: If you get home in the next 45 minutes, be quiet. Y/N is over and she's taking a nap. I have to run out for something.

Sherlock: Is everything ok? - SH

John: She said she had a bad night.

Sherlock: She must have had a reason to come over in the first place though. - SH

John: She's going to need to tell you that herself. Don't ask. Do you understand me? Let her tell you. Be nice, ok?

Sherlock: When am I not nice to Y/N? - SH

John: Ok, that is true. You like her too much to be rude to her. If you could just hold back your deductions for one second I will say this: you two have more in common than you think.

He hurried home, not to wake you up of course, but because he wanted to see you. If there was something seriously wrong, he wanted to try and brace himself for it first. He couldn't help the smile playing at the corner of his lips when he thought of you. You two were good friends, that much was obvious to everyone. But Sherlock could see the potential for something more. He liked you a lot. You were just as smart, sassy, and sarcastic as he was. But you also could be extremely kind and caring to others and especially to him. He still didn't quite understand why you cared for him so but he was grateful. Before he could dwell on that too much longer, he arrived at 221B.

He quietly slipped inside and smiled at what he saw. You were curled up on the couch, sleeping like a baby. Apparently, though, you'd kicked off the blanket you had grabbed. Instead of picking up the blanket, he decided to take off his long coat and carefully lay that over you. You quickly cuddled into the warm fabric, unconsciously taking a deep breath, inhaling his unique signature left behind on the coat. Satisfied with what he'd done, he took off his suit jacket and went to the kitchen to prepare some tea for when you woke up. He knew you had a favorite tea and, unless John moved it or drank it all, there still would be some in the cupboard.

You woke to the smell of your favorite tea and a hushed exclamation from the kitchen. Opening your eyes slowly you saw Sherlock in at the counter trying to set up a tray with the teapot and cups. Recognizing your surroundings a bit more, you realized what was on top of you. Sherlock was just about to bring out the tray but you decided to pretend you were still asleep. The chances of fooling the Detective were low, but you wanted to try.

"There," He whispered to himself, setting the tray on the coffee table. You could hear him settling down on his chair, likely getting into his 'palace pose' as you called it. For a moment you were happy. You had actually gotten some quality sleep, you were currently cuddled up in Sherlock's famous coat and Sherlock had even made you tea. But that feeling quickly faded. Tears threatened to spill out of your still closed eyes as self-deprecating thoughts filled your mind.

'John probably told him to make me tea. He probably covered me with his coat so I wasn't as much of a distraction. He doesn't want me here. He never does. Why does he even tolerate my presence? He probably wishes we'd never met,' You thought. Your mind was going a million miles an hour and gaining. Without your notice, the tears began rolling down your cheeks and quiet sobs escaped your lips.

"Y/N?" Sherlock whispered. You're eyes shot open. You hadn't heard him get up. Now he was kneeling right next to you, one hand hovering over your arm. "Are you ok?"

"Oh, Sherlock!" You cried. "I-I wish I knew."

"C'mere," he said, motioning for you to sit up. Once you did so, he pulled you into a tight hug.

"What's this for?"

"You always give me and John a hug when you see us. You haven't done so for the past 5 days. I-" he paused briefly before lowering his voice and continuing. "I missed it."

"Oh." You weren't quite sure how to reply to that. You leaned into his embrace, letting yourself get lost in the moment.

"Y/N? Is there something I can do to help?"

"How much did John tell you?" You asked. You wouldn't have been mad exactly if John had told Sherlock to talk to you, but you wanted to think Sherlock was reaching out on his own.

"He told me you had a bad night."

"That's all?" You asked, surprised. You pulled away slightly and stared into his eyes. Sherlock nodded, frowning slightly as he tried to deduce you.

"Why are you afraid to talk to me?" You turned away, embarrassed and unsure what to say. "Be honest."

"I don't want you to make fun of me. I have-" You took a deep breath, steeling your nerves and preparing to just jump right in. "I have been extremely depressed lately and I didn't want to hear another speech about how all I need to do is exercise and eat right and stop thinking about sad things. Well you know what? I can't stop it! I can't help it if I feel like a useless pile of trash that should be thrown in the bin and burned." By the time you finished your little tirade, you'd gotten up and started pacing the floor. Then you turned and faced Sherlock. His expression was neutral but there was an obvious sadness in his eyes, one you didn't expect to see. It wasn't of pity. If you had seen that you also would have given up on the conversation. No, it was almost an understanding, an empathy. His eyes were actually glistening with tears.

"Have you ever felt like," he paused, voice unsteady. "Like giving up?" He whispered, unable to hold eye contact. You nodded silently. He got up slowly and walked towards you. At first, you thought he would hug you again but then he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Uh, Sherlock?"

"Just wait a moment. I want to show you something." He carefully shrugged off the purple shirt that you, admittedly, loved so much and tossed it on the chair. "Only one person knows about this. You will be the second. You remember I told you about Moriarty's network?"

"Yes, the day we met. I asked you about your work, a simple question. And I got an answer that lasted 3 hours." Sherlock chuckled dryly.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Oh, no. Please don't apologise. I-" You sighed, rubbing your forehead. "I tend to make jokes when I'm nervous."

"I know." He smiled at you with, yet again, a completely unreadable expression. "You remember though." You nodded, opting to stay silent as he explained. "Well, those 2 years dismantling his network weren't easy. Not physically and certainly not emotionally. As a result of the different missions, I received many wounds on my body in various locations. I was," He paused, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I was depressed, guilt-stricken and suicidal. I figured I had hurt my friends enough. If they thought I was dead maybe I should just go on with it."

"What changed your mind?"

"I didn't want to do it on a mission. I wanted to see home again one more time. So to temporarily relieve the pain I," He sighed. Well, I wouldn't let my wounds heal. I'd pick at them. Mycroft finally convinced me to come back officially because he needed my help. I never told him about this. I think he knows but we don't discuss it." He looked down, obviously embarrassed and feeling more emotionally naked than physically. "You can look," he said. It was as if he'd read your mind. You were trying to be respectful and not stare but you realized that's what he wanted to show you. You had, on occasion, seen him shirtless before but you had never realized how bad some of the scars were.

"Sherlock, I-I don't know what to say. I-" You were completely shocked. Not offended. But actually comforted that he understood you. "Thank you," You finally said.

"Actually I wanted to thank you. I didn't just show you this to prove that I understand your feelings." You looked at him confused. "The day we met. You were leaving work, correct?" You nodded.

"It had been my first day there. John had been happy with my work and requested that I stay assigned to his office permanently. John had already finished up and headed home but there was some paperwork I had to finish so I was leaving about an hour late. Come to think of it, John said he had plans with you that evening. Why were you there?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I met you less than a month after I came back. I had still been quite depressed so I was still picking at my injuries. That day had been a bad day for me. So I cancelled my plans with John and I decided to go back to where I started this whole mess and finish it."

"Wait, are you telling me that-"

"You saved my life." Sherlock took one of your hands in his own and held it tightly. "I had memorized the work schedules of most everyone there and knew how to slip in unnoticed."

"But you didn't factor in me."

"Correct. When I ran into you, quite literally in fact, as I was entering the building, I was surprised. Not just by your presence but by what I deduced about you. You intrigued me. I had to find out more about you so I invited you to have a cup of coffee with me."

"Which turned into dinner." Sherlock nodded. "And since you were so intrigued by me, you forgot all about that."

"In a manner of speaking. You weren't a cure-all, mind you. You helped, though, by giving me a new mystery to investigate: you. That night, when I got home, I told John everything. He helped me too and when I mentioned you he couldn't stop singing your praises. He is very proud of you and your work you know."

"Yeah, I guess so," You replied, a little embarrassed. "Thank you, Sherlock. I'm sorry that you went through all that, but, I'm glad I have someone who understands. And I'm glad you're here to help me."

"Me too, Y/N. Me too," He replied.

"Can I, um, can I have another hug?" You asked, blushing and smiling. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"If you must," He sighed, holding his arms out. Any other day, you would have thought he genuinely didn't want personal contact. But today you realized he was simply teasing. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head on his chest. You felt him relax as he leaned forward a little to cocoon you in his arms. "I care about you, Y/N. I don't care about many people but you mean so much to me. I-" You looked up at him and pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him.

"You don't have to say it, Sherlock. I know." He smiled and looked somewhat relieved. You knew he wasn't good with feelings and that was fine with you. "I love you too."

"I wanted to be the first one to say that," He pouted. You chuckled softly and booped his nose.

"You already have." He smiled and kissed your forehead lightly.

"I know this won't fix everything right away. I know you'll still have bad days. But I wanted you to know you could come to me too."

"I know. Thank you again, Sherlock." At that moment, John walked in with a bag from the store.

"Oh, hello!" He chirped, happy to see you hadn't gotten into a yelling match. Then he noticed Sherlock's shirt, or rather, lack thereof. "So, uh," He stuttered, unsure of what to say. "What should I do with this?"

"First of all, thank you, John, for giving me the guts to talk to him about this. And second, I think I'll give it a try. You know, to try and prevent a really bad day when you guys aren't available or if talking still isn't enough. But for today I think I'll be alright," You said, turning to John with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad. So did you just talk about that or did he finally tell you that he's had the biggest schoolboy crush on you from the moment he met you?"

"John!" Sherlock yelled. You laughed loudly.

"Not in those words exactly, John," You replied. "Don't worry," You added, turning to Sherlock and ruffling his curls. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Good. Now if you don't mind, I need your input on this case."

"Me?" You asked, quite surprised.

"Yes," He said as if it was obvious. "You're a woman after all!"

"And that is important because?"

"The killer was a woman obviously but I can't understand why she would do it!" The two of you went off into your own little world, completely ignoring John as he cooked dinner.

John: Ok, mates, get your tuxs out. Won't be long now.

Greg: He finally proposed? 😀

John: Not yet, give it a week.

Mycroft: John, you forget I monitor his spending habits.

John: And?

Mycroft: He's had a ring purchased for some time now.

Greg: 3 days tops.💍

Mycroft: I would estimate about 3 days as well, Detective Inspector.

Greg: We're in a Group Text. Talking about our friend like a bunch of teenage girls at a slumber party. I think you can call me Greg.

Mycroft: If I must.

John: So, girls, will you help me make the plans?

Mycroft: Of course. He is blood after all.

Greg: Count me in! Wouldn't miss it! 🕵️👰

Sherlock BBC Taglist

@lucywrites02

@delightfulheartdream

@bartv21

@another-crazy-fangirl

@ladylulu143

@gaitwae

@for-hearthand-home

#sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock imagine #sherlock fanfic #sherlock x reader #sherlock x y/n #sherlock oneshot #depression #ptsd #mentions of torture #self harm discussion #potentially triggering #trigger warning #TW #anxiety #good friends #john watson #mycroft holmes #greg lestrade

193 notes · View notes

mayyourshipsbewithyou · 3 years ago

Text

Things I loved about In the Heights

-The sounds of the city are part of the music of the opening song

-The frame story is the only way this story should be told; the story only works if it shows the results of Usnavi's decision to stay

-Anthony and Lin shaking hands

-Yay to random mixed race couple asking for directions

-“I hope you’re writing this down I’m gonna test you later” only makes sense with kids

-Showing different residents of Washington Heights provides scale

-I’m not sure about the decision to cut Camila, but if it means less Nina drama, then I love it

-I love how Usnavi has his friends’ orders all ready to go

-LOVE how Usnavi announces Benny’s entrance

-Everything about Vanessa in this movie is perfect=> she’s given so much more depth, her beauty is downplayed, she’s kind of a nerd, but has a beautiful smile

-Nina’s heels=> metaphor for her reaching for the stars

-I love the actress that plays Nina; she’s the right age and her singing voice is so sweet

-Nina’s hair is straight when she’s at school; as soon as she comes home, it’s curly=>she can be herself at home

-When Nina turns around and sees the crowd of people counting on her=> I felt that

-I love seeing Nina get her acceptance letter; I remember what that was like for my brother

-Camila must have died while Nina was at college in this version; Nina lost her mother recently which helps explain her different reason for dropping out; she feels lost

-I don’t know why Sonny is using this deep voice, but I love it!

-Whoever decided to have 96,000 take place at the pool is a genius

-The graphics at the beginning of 96,000 are good for helping regular people understand the rap

-Pete just put his arm around Sonny=> are they dating?

-Sonny yelling 96,000 as he enters the pool=> the sound design

-Pete nodding along to Usnavi=> sucking up to the family

-Usnavi is such a proud cousin-uncle during Sonny’s part in 96,000

-Vanessa making her “I'll be downtown” walk down a ramp

-The dancer doing flips is now a diver doing spins into the pool

-On stage, the lighting was dark; in the movie, it’s underwater

-The circles of people in the pool reflect the zeros in 96,000

-Lin and Chris being rivals is perfect; their bromance is everything

-Nina and Benny being together before the events of the movie means they are the beta couple and have less drama than Usnavi/Vanessa which is how it should be

-Benny joins in during “on that fire escape”=> like West Side Story

-Benny’s “Let me in” against the fence is hilarious

-Nina and Benny are FUN, not angsty like in the original

-Nina following the little girl=> following herself, following her dreams which eventually lead her to the sea; all of this is done while she’s talking about her past

-Nina and Benny instrumental™ part 1 in the middle of “When You’re Home”, Benny interrupts=> their story isn't complete yet

-Benny says he believes in her without discounting her feelings

-Everyone loving Nina=> I finally get it

-Nina is home geographically and with people who love her

-Benny is Nina’s home

-In the Heights is about how dreams are great, but the life you have now can be so beautiful

-Nina’s hair during the dinner/club scene is great

-Usnavi is wearing his dad’s hat for his date with Vanessa; he knows that she is to him what his mom was for his dad

-Family dinners are the same in every culture

-Awkwardness of long-time friends going on a date

-Vanessa offers Usnavi his first drink of the night; he thinks that’s what she wants; because why would she want him and only him?

-Usnavi whispering in Vanessa’s ear is so sexy

-Love that Benny is on Nina’s side instead of being mad at her

-I wonder if they thought 5 years of Benny working for Kevin was too much or too little since they changed that line to "all these years"

-Benny’s reactions to Vanessa dancing at the club are hilarious

-Vanessa laughing at Usnavi dancing with someone else

-Nina is always smiling and laughing at the things going on around her; not as self centered

-Nina and Benny dancing at the club=> all of the yeses

-Usnavi is too nervous about being alone with Vanessa that he un-dated himself; he wasn’t quite ready

-Love that they consciously cut all the “Usnavi, help me” parts=> Vanessa is not a victim

-Fireworks are a romantic setting for Sonny and Pete, just saying

-Usnavi/Benny/Nina talking about the fourth member of their square gives me feelings; I need more of these four in fanfic, my dreams

-“I got to wait for Vanessa”=> the stuff dreams are made of

-Benny is such a good person; he’s even better than the original which is what he deserves

-Usnavi is relieved to have Vanessa call his name

-“Don’t walk away from us tonight”=> great addition

-To give Usnavi and Vanessa some of Nina and Benny’s original lines is to see the face of God

-The first time I saw this, I’m ashamed to admit, I thought Benny was going to steal money from the dispatch; I was a fool

-Dancer with fireworks on his shoes

-Benny is smart and good; he isn’t doing this for Kevin or Nina but for the people of New York

-Abuela was able to see stars again on the last night of her life

-I’m sad Blackout isn’t exactly the same but the orchestral parts that cover up what is unsaid is so beautiful it makes up for it

-Abuela’s family is her “fireworks”; they are what light up the Heights

-Sonny came to Usnavi instead of being with his dad during the blackout; his real family

-Abuela’s smile as she looks at her family while reflecting on her childhood is the most beautiful thing there will ever be

-Paciencia y Fe as a dream sequence is how it was meant to be

-The transition on the subway from reality to memory

-Paciencia y Fe is a mixture of cultures; like Abuela’s memories

-“Wide awake”=> stepping off the subway

-The same actress played Abuela on Broadway and in the movie

-Abuela may be in a musical, but she’s still an old woman

-“As I feed these birds”=> back to the present

-Calor means heat in Spanish but in English it sounds like color

-Abuela dying during the night of the blackout is perfect

-Usnavi saying “she was just here” twice: when she was literally just there and many years, maybe a decade, after the fact

-Usnavi’s daughter is the life that goes on after Abuela is gone

-Usnavi and Nina crying together

-Those closest to Abuela are inside and everyone else is outside

-Iris was sitting on the outside and now she’s in the middle; needed comfort from her friends

-“Should we take a break?”=> we’re past the point of an intermission

-“No daddy, keep going”=> does this look like a stage production to you? It’s a fucking movie

-There isn’t a clear point for an intermission; the action stays strong over where the intermission should be; this is a movie, not a play, and movies don’t have intermissions

-Everyone’s holding candles; like the stars Abuela loved so much

-Iris called Usnavi Daddy for the first time because that was the point in the story where he needed to hear that the most

-“I thought about the people I care about the most, I thought about you”

-Anthony makes Usnavi sexy in a way Lin never could

-So many people love Vanessa, but no one better than Usnavi

-Abuela paid to have Camila's napkins cleaned after all

-Usnavi is the kind of parent that doesn’t sugarcoat life

-Vanessa listed no emergency contacts even though she had people

-“That’s senorita to you”=> yes girl, get it

-Love Daniela for getting everyone out of their asses

-“Tonteria” means foolishness=> the more you know

-How fast Carla says no to “ask me why” shows how quickly she wants to please her love

-Usnavi’s Nueva York t-shirt=> I need it

-Daniela’s first effect being on a woman whose hair is terrible

-Carla pushing that man away from her woman with a bullshit excuse

-My friend was laughing at the parts that were meant to be jokes

-Usnavi’s entrance being announced in Carnaval del Barrio; just like Benny in the opening song

-“There’s nothing holding me down”=> assuming he was rejected

-The different communities dancing with their flags

-Nina being part of Carnaval del Barrio is great

-Even Kevin, kind of an old man, can get down

-Since Nina and Benny sex scene wasn’t shown on screen (praise Jesus), I have to assume Nina told Daniela even though she knows she’s a huge gossip

-Everyone stops because Sonny, a kid, starts singing

-Vanessa and Sonny are so powerful together

-Vanessa’s hand on Sonny’s shoulder

-A kid providing Usnavi with the “flag I’ve got in my hand”

-Usnavi and Vanessa dancing together is muy romantico

-Everything about Nina’s appearance in “When the Sun Goes Down”

-“Let me just listen to my block”=> peak Nina

-Abuela wrote “for Usnavi” on her lotto ticket 😭

-They cut so many songs but kept Champagne=>I love their priorities

-The pause before “you outta stay”

-Everyone has such great chemistry; especially Usnavi and Vanessa

-The choreography in Champagne is what I’ve always imagined

-Usnavi didn’t have time to cash in because Vanessa came over

-Vanessa and Pete friendship for the win

-“Best days of my life” is said thrice=> good things come in threes

-Usnavi staring at the room where Vanessa kissed him

-Iris knows he stayed; she loves her dad so much

-Usnavi looking out his window in Washington Heights and seeing his friends on his dad’s beach

-When Usnavi talks about Kevin at the dispatch, the camera flashes to an abandoned building

-“Vanessa at the salon”=> Usnavi sheds a tear

-Vanessa being front and center during Usnavi’s decision to stay

-Hearing the sounds of the beach during the unveiling

-It’s all about Vanessa=> perfection

-Lin being at the ending is perfect no matter the context

-“Say it so it doesn’t disappear”=> the sad reality is your neighborhood probably will disappear

-Usnavi telling his daughter “you’re it” is everything

-Iris understanding all of the little details of her father’s store now that she knows his story

-Iris is the goddess of the rainbow like the light that appears when water appears on a sunlit day

-“Man, you talk forever”=> that’s so “How I Met Your Mother”

-Iris has a necklace of seashells, like the islands

-Vanessa would sooner get wet than let go of Usnavi’s hand

271 notes · View notes