#and now i find i’ve grown into a tall child
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#poetry#heartbreak#lyrics#original poetry#relationship#original poem#childhood#ptsd#i was so young when i behaved 25#and now i find i’ve grown into a tall child
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smokends
i recently fell down the fake post tag the other day and was inspired to make one for lumiblr i hope y'all enjoy <3
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insane-moth-signals-facts
Fact #124: Shin Yeonghui publicly admitted to creating a smear campaign against Salem, Junyeong, and Serin after they left Superbloom Media. She leaked private information to various gossip sites in South Korea.
clovertruther
i would love to study shin yeonghui's brain and why she thought that would be a good idea
3.2k notes
songbirdzz follow
does anyone else remember when junyeong beat the fuck outta oliver at the lure in 2023?
prettyeon
didn't oliver deserve it?
oliverdefender001 follow
nope. junyeong instigated the entire altercation based off false rumors that he heard from some random person about a situation that never happened.
mothcandy
"some random person" IT WAS JIYEON 😭😭😭😭
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venusvue follow
moth signals lyrics that keep me awake at night
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insane-moth-signals-facts
Fact 293: Salem had to apologize for illegally downloading Fall Out Boy's Save Rock and Roll and Panic! at the Disco's A Fever You Can't Sweat Out.
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rocksandmoths follow
do you think jueun still lurks on her old tumblr account
deurimhrt follow
salem had a tumblr?!
rocksandmoths follow
yeah ! her @ is ribbondawn, just like her instagram!!
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junyeong247
Y'ALL PAID HER DUST.
youtube
junyeong247
Say you hate this song one more time and I will commit war crimes that the United States will use one day.
rubytine follow
3.9k notes
incorrectmoths
Shin Yeonghui: I don't care that your neuron divergent, I need you to get on fucking stage
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need2beu follow
i need them to kiss
need2beu follow
GUYS................ i manifested them
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12112001 follow
live posting me listening to jiyeon's new soundcloud album :D
12112001 follow
Update: just listened to older..... i think i need to lie down for a while and contemplate life
12112001 follow
Update: ☹️
12112001 follow
Update: this almost killed me
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2seo follow
tokiko follow
gentle reminder that we can all have different opinions on moth signals music and the direction they are moving in. gentle reminder that when the members start releasing solos, we will support them no matter what.
saliverwarrior follow
evil reminder that junyeong has never released a good solo project. evil reminder that deurim released love me or hate me. evil reminder you can be a hater and still support your favs.
tokiko follow
make your own post
783 notes
incorrectmoths
Oliver: I do not have "PTSD". That is all just the wizards curse. Oliver: The wizard is my father but that isn't relevant.
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littloserin follow
have you seen HER today?
57 notes
newlumi023 follow
does anyone know what happened to minjae?
songisms follow
minjae was blacklisted from the entertainment industry in south korea by shin yeonghui. he went back to get his degree in elementary education and now works as a music teacher! here's my favorite recent picture of him and you can follow him @/yiminjae on instagram !
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seurim
reblog if you've never hated deurim
seurim
i know you fuckers are lying
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boweroftabel
sometimes i want to kill myself but then i remember i havent seen moth signals on tour yet
239 notes
snsdsupremacy follow
do you guys think that oliver is a good or bad thing on moths signals repuations?
snsdsupremacy follow
IN MY OPINION!!!!! yes, he brings in a lot of fans and drives the popularity of moth signals, but he also tarnishes everything with his substance abuse and mental illness
luvlocketz follow
blame the mentally ill guy for something he can't change 🙄
thesinklive
if he wanted to change, he would. i think he's perfectly content with being miserable until he kills himself
y0urb0y
what an insane thing to say FJEKJFNKEFJN
mothsignalsisfoundfamily
i keep seeing people say this and it's truly baffling to me. i think it stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of who oliver is as a person and what made him this way. from what we know, his father abused him, he's been the gossip scapegoat for years, and is severely mentally ill. if i were him, i would have lost my mind years ago.
thesinklive
no i understand oliver lmao but we all know what happened when he went back to boston in 2021. he never got the help he needed and it SHOWS. i have no respect for anyone that avoids getting help for any reason. it's not that hard to ask for help.
hrtdeurim follow
next thing you know sink is gonna say that they think velvetine is a cult MDHBJWFHB
thesinklive
well, actually.
anonymous asked: what do you think of salem's solo music so far?
loviejovie follow
salem park can do no wrong in my eyes 🙂↕️ just the existence of curse of capulet as an album is enough to prove how talented she is. from the olim to the simplicity of lovers, she was on a mission to show everyone what she could make and the rest of the moths were not involved whats so ever. it's going to be very hard for her to follow up such an amazing mini album, so i worry about sp2 and whatever it may be
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thesinklive
omhg i NEED him sooo bad.. he could fix me in every single way
thesinklive
they hated me because i was right
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#≀⠀⁺⠀˒ but now i find i’ve grown into a tall child ⠀♱ ��� social media#fictional kpop community#fictional idol oc#fictional idol community#fictional kpop idol#fictional idol group#idolverse#idol oc#fake kpop group#kpop oc#kpop au#fictional idol company#fictional kpop oc#fictional kpop soloist#fake idol community#fake idol oc#fake idol soloist#fake kpop idol
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i need a remote job
so i can come and see my parents
come home into their arms
when it all gets too much.
i have to go back tomorrow
they need me at work
can’t possibly stack shelves without me.
but i want to stay
i’m not ready to go
i only just got here.
every day i wake up
i feel nothing but loss
of time
i could be spending with my loved ones.
prematurely grieving
the best years of my life
spent sobbing for my mum
at night when i feel alone.
and tonight i am here
she sleeps in the next room
and i cry knowing
i need to be there tomorrow
to stack the shelves again.
#im not okay#mum i love you#i was so young when i behaved 25#yet now i find#i’ve grown into a#tall child#mitski#fuck capitalism#i’m so tired#minimum wage#vent#vent poetry#poem#poetry#art
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and i was so young when i behaved 25 etc etc
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tw vent i guess
i hate being nineteen. im gonna be twenty soon, but i still feel like a child. mentally im no older than 13, physically im in my late teens. im finished growing and i won’t get any taller, but i still think and say things like “when i grow up” or “when i get older.” i’m still dealing with buried emotions from middle school. im emotionally stunted but apparently i’m very mature when it comes to other’s emotions. i still get that pit in my stomach when people make fun of me like i’m back in school being bullied by those less empathetic than me. i’ve been putting others first for so long that i never think about myself, and the moments of calm that i have alone are just a blur of tears and panic attacks. i need to worry about someone else before i can start thinking about the fact that i’m almost a legal adult. i’m told to get a job and go to collage but i still feel like i should be doing my homework. i still wake up sometimes in a panic, worried about school tomorrow. there is no school tomorrow. i haven’t been school in almost a year. im not a child anymore, but i still feel like one. i haven’t know anything else, and it hurts to change. im gonna be twenty soon.
#i’m not ready to be an adult#i still wanna be a kid#that’s where all my comfort lies#and i’ve been uncomfortable for so long#‘And I was so young when I behaved twenty-five‚ yet now I find I've grown into a tall child’ type beat lmao [is actively sobbing]#vent post#i’m rambling
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it’s almost 1 am and i have the weird ass urge to make a tiny little animatic of america to first love/late spring by mitski plz help
#hetalia#aph america#he’s so that song tho#‘and i was so young when i behaved 25 yet now i find i’ve grown into a tall child’#BRO LITERALLY HIM#HE IS SO CRYING LIKE A TALL CHILD BRO#i live laugh america angst
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I do think everyone should listen to ‘first love / late spring’ at least once in their life, it can’t just be me who has a massive emotional reaction (attachment) to it
#owen.txt#so many of the lyrics#one word from you and I would jump off of this ledge I’m on baby#and I was so young when I behaved twenty five#yet now I find I’ve grown into a tall child#honestly
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Crying myself to sleep after ripping the pen and watching everyone around me get good jobs and get married and have kids and be successful while I’m stuck and stunted and held back
#me when… me when I was so young when I behaved 25 and now I find I’ve grown into a tall child :/#GOD THESE MIXED EPISODES HAVE HANDS
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i hate that i’m hyper aware of how much more confident i get when i have a couple of drinks. i become slightly less self-conscious and don’t overthink every single thing i say and come off as assertive and witty and it would be sooo easy for me to become an alcoholic if i weren’t so prone to isolate myself at every minor inconvenience
#which is also bad i know#i’m counting my blessings#there’s still a part of me craving a friend group that goes out twice a week to drink and party#i should have gone out more when i was a teenager#but ‘i was so young when i behaved 25 yet now i find i’ve grown into a tall child’ yeah yeah
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part 1
cast: heeseung ✗ fem.reader (ft. the peeps, enhypen, and other idols)
synopsis: when you told your long-term rival and latest hook-up, heeseung, that you are pregnant with his child; you didn't expect said topic to be involved in your rivalry!
genre: romantic comedy, slice of life, coming-of-age, slow burn, drama, rivals since childhood to [redacted], college/university au, pregnancy au, future parents au, fluff, angst, mature content (explicit smut)
word count: 24198 (24.2k) out of 60550 (60.5k)
warning(s): pregnancy (what did you expect?), so many curse words!, description of explicit sex (in a flashback sense), rough sex, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, manhandling, vomiting, mention of drugs (marijuana, alcohol), mention of blood, dark humor (if there is something that i forgot, let me know)
message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.
first fic of 2024! i've ideated this since like 2022 and it's here what the heck!! this is part 1 of 2 of a 57k-58k word count one-shot (yes, this is supposed to be a one-shot) but tumblr hates me so i have to divide it into two. thanks for the 200+ notes on the teaser/character intro and i hope you enjoy it!
soundtrack (spoilers for part 2!) | part 2
prologue: a town called valentine
it was valentine 2002 when you and heeseung first met. well, if you consider babies who can’t even talk to each other will know of each other. you have to thank both of your moms for that—getting pregnant around the same time and giving birth in the same year as well.
but the earliest—vivid—memory you have of him was on valentine 2005. you hid behind your mama’s leg as she talked with someone: another adult. you glance around the outside space you’re in, the plants and pathway unknown to you as mama can see your eyes wander with your tiny mouth agape when you look past the other adult to recognize the widening door right beside them. you heard your mother giggling with the other person as they converse about something your 4-year-old mind wouldn’t be able to understand.
“(y/n) sweetie! say hi to auntie.” your mama caresses your hair with her hand as she guides you to stand beside her, her hands moving behind your small set of shoulders before you. the small hands reached for one of hers, holding it tight as you stood beside her.
“hello…” you looked up to meet a beautiful woman. her eyes are wide as they remind you of the mother deer you last saw when you watched bambi with mama and papa. and you can feel a ticklish feeling inside you as you watch her eyes smiling softly at you. as she smiles at you softly.
“hello (y/n)! you’ve grown so much since i last met you.” her hands give a wave, making you raise your hand up as you mirror her while you pick up your mama’s chuckle. the lady moves back, extending her arm as you see a clean hallway full of photos on one side and a cabinet full of shoes on the other. some of them looking similar to your own shoe size.
“please come inside. i’ve set the toys so she can play with them if she wants.” the lady—well, auntie—said as your mama guided you inside with her trailing behind. sitting on the hidden seating area by the cabinet, she helps you take off your shoes before opening her hands to let you hold them. she lets you walk in front as both of you enter a big room with a sofa in front of a television. as per told by mama every time you enter someone’s home: sit down beside mama or papa as you waited for the homeowner to guide you next. the back of the sofa is too tall for your height now and you let your hand graze against the side of the soft sofa when you encounter a large mat laid in between the sofa and the screen.
your brain tingles when you find a few toys you can name—like the ones you own back home—while a few of them you don’t recognize at all. eyes on the toys, you throw away whatever your mama has told you and tug her hand to let her know the existence of them. looking up, she looks down at you, glance at the pile of toys left behind, and gives nods, making you grin as you both sit on the playmat. your eyes immediately look at blocks stacked shaping like a house; its triangle roof, square walls, four windows, and door makes you easily imagine it. you crawl towards it and the box beside it, finding the other blocks left behind as you pull some of them out to make your own little house. as you slowly stack up the blocks—hearing the sound of wood tapping against each other—you heard the sound of giggling coming from behind the sofa.
“sorry, he just finished taking a bath.” auntie said to your mom who was behind you, walking closer to the sofa as you turned your head to face her. that’s when you see another person walking into the room with a small pitter-patter heard behind them. the steps are getting louder and louder as you see a small figure enter the room, walking towards the person laughing. the person wipes his face with his small hand before pausing, turning his head to you.
“hi heeseung!” you heard your mama say as the boy’s laugh slows down and he looks at you and your mama. auntie, who now looks more like the bigger version of the boy, steps in to help him move and sit down beside you. you see him crouch down as you can see his face clearer. yet, his eyes wander on the house made of blocks—his house—and the house you’re making; wider by one block than his.
“that’s (y/n). you were too young to remember but auntie and i always bring you two to playdates since you’re not even one year old. she’s the same age as you.” you heard auntie say as you felt your mama help you to scoot closer. his hand reaches for the box of blocks as you place the final block on your house while he’s pulling out more blocks. you look at the boy’s action as you feel mama, with her larger hand, holding onto your smaller one. your palm is now open as you see heeseung was told to do the same by his mom, putting away the blocks on the mat. your hands meet each other as you say your name. mama helps in closing your fingers, wrapping your hand in his as he follows.
“my name is (y/n).” the boy’s hand also uses the same force when you shake it. both women let go of their children’s hands as both of your little hands are floating, connected, and shaking. your eyes meet his as he looks back at the two houses made of blocks.
“my name is heeseung.” he smiles.
-
1. stay soft, silly
the way the corner of his mouth twitches makes you think outside of the plan you are executing now, nearly done in telling him what he needs to know.
your hands rested on top of your stomach, feeling a little bulge that was not there a month ago. his ice americano contrasts with your hot jasmine tea as you sit across from each other. years upon years of history went on pause for this moment. for a truce that you are proposing.
“and they’re mine?” heeseung sounded. your eyebrows folded, looking down at the swollen part beneath your stomach as you pouted your lips, holding back your giggling as you glanced back at him.
“i haven’t had sex with anyone this past month besides you. so, yeah. the baby is yours.”
it’s funny, you see. with the amount of carefulness you and your friends have taught you of the college hook-up culture you got roped into, you never expected to hook up with your rival. yet tension does what tension does, and it snaps as you both stumbled to kiss each other.
when it comes to your “relationship” with heeseung, the closest to a positive one was when you were in kindergarten, as you’ve known him before by the amount of playdates both of your mothers set up.
little did they know that one time at a playground during one of those playdates, you were left alone to play with your sandcastles as heeseung ventured to play with the other boys, running around the sandpit playing tag and how you see the familiar little jeans pants walks in front of you, knocking the castle down and flying the specks of sand to your face with your slower reaction speed—because of your younger age—not making you close your eyelids quicker. your eyes watering as you wail out, getting the attention of your mama but not the jean-wearing boy’s attention as you hear his mom telling him to stop. apologizing is simple for your younger self, just a plain “sorry” is okay. but when lee heeseung—who you consider your friend at that time—said “sorry” with a grin on his face, you caught onto the impression that he was not sorry at all.
at age 7, you came back from the cafeteria to your class to find heeseung and his gang of boys pulling on a girl’s hair, the familiar sadness showing on her face as you caught her eyes. you’ve known that they’ve played “dirty” and have been teasing other girls in your class before—just not you, which is strange in itself. with a tense set of hands, you push the boys away with your might and stand in between them, helping the girl who cowers behind you. you look down to watch heeseung on the floor, teeth showing and face crunched as he sees the scratch from when you pushed him near his elbow.
“what was that for?”
“to stop you. she doesn’t like it.”
one of his boys helps to pick him up on his feet as you can see him limping. your arms still wide as you protect the girl as best as you can. he pushes his sweaty bangs off his face as you can define the same gaze he had given you when you were 5 at the playground, now fiery. and you exude the same thing with your glare as you see the other boys helping carry him out to the nurse's office, his eyes staying on yours as you feel the girl’s hand holding you back from not walking after him again.
stickers become score markers as you and he tried to compete to get the most out of them, which comes with being nice and clever during classes. you were 10 when you had the same class as him once again, having to compete to be the quickest when raising your hands. but also the lowly giggles you give each other as you both realize just how wrong each other’s answers that comes with the teasing annoyance. it also comes in gym class as the teacher divided you up into different teams during team games—basketball being the most competitive as you are familiar with it. heeseung doesn’t hesitate to run towards you if you have a ball and try to dribble it across the court, pulling it as you try to pass it to your teammate, resulting in a tug-of-war where you both just don’t want to let it go. even with the whistling from the teacher as one teammate gets a hold of it to continue the game, you instead continue to have a screaming match with him.
it continues through middle school as you remember him not hesitating with his power to slam his dodgeball at your stomach during another gym class, making you curl up on the floor as your friends help you to the nurse's office, hearing him screaming “that’s what you get from stealing my lunch” as you remembered the taste of the chocolate bread you pick up from his tray yesterday. at high school as you and him argue in front of the vice principal about each of your club’s fundings, him with his basketball club who is already so successful with their winnings money that they can’t seem to let go to help other clubs who are staying afloat. even with your school having pride in the basketball team and other sports club achievements—making it a staple for the students to watch at least one game during their high school years. you never went to one as you rather babysit your neighbor’s kid for money than watch heeseung’s smug smile as he won another mvp trophy for that tournament.
when college came and you got into hybe uni as a business major, you didn’t expect to see heeseung on campus. you’ve known that since he focuses more on basketball in middle school, you are winning when it comes to academics. but when his smirking face tells you he got into hybe with a full scholarship because of basketball, your heart plummets into the fathoms. you were glad that he’s not in the same faculty as you, but the college environment is so small that your acquaintances recognize each other. you can’t seem to stay away from him who still has his smart for balancing his gpa and non-academic activities.
so when your lips met his own as you sobered up after having the party busted by the police, your mind is telling you to out-better him in lust and pleasure.
“who can make each other cum the most? never thought of you as that filthy, (l/n)”
the grip of his hair on your hand tightens as he trails his own to get a grip of yours. both of your heads now straight as you can’t look away from each other even if you want to.
“i take that you’re saying that because you don’t know how to make girls cum with your dick, lee.” you chuckled. heeseung’s gaze is still meeting yours as he pushes your head forward, making your forehead touch his as he mumbles something only you can hear.
“i know i can make you cum on my dick just by the way you’re clenching your thighs, baby. how do we tally the score?”
“start a kiss on the lips when you know you can’t hold back?”
“deal.”
“by the way, who won?” heeseung asked, leaning his body forward on the table as you peer down at his position from you, holding yourself as you stretch your back to help with the pain.
“how many times did you cum? and don’t fucking lie.”
heeseung’s bed is rocking beneath you as he folds you up in half, your knees on either side of you as he pounds into you. gasps fall out of your mouth as you pull on his hair, something you realize he likes after the amount of groan coming out of him from when you tug him. praises come out of your mouth as you try every method you can to turn him on first; to make him cum first. but the way he is pushing down on your abdomen makes you clench harder.
“look at how you’re clenching onto me. you’re close, aren’t you?” he whispered as you felt the breeze blowing onto your saliva-stained neck you are certain had hickeys on it. heeseung had to remind himself that he couldn’t kiss your lips, no matter how delectable they were, changing to kissing your neck.
“n-“ you moan as heeseung’s hand traces down to grip your ribcage, pulling you closer to him so he could find another angle to reach you deeper, pleasuring you both in return. “no.”
“don’t lie to me, (y/n).” his head pulls back from your crook as you watch his bangs faltering from the hard pounding to his mattress. “god, you’re so fucking hot when you’re under me.”
“fuck, just like that.” you retaliate with your own dirty talk, hands holding his waist so he could stay longer in your cavern as you grip him. but when you sense his breath against your skin, nose upon nose touching, the grip on his waist trails up as you cup his face. nodding your head as you feel him getting faster, you pull his head down and make his lips meet yours. you bit your bottom lip as your muffled moans vibrated between the two of you. your body giving up for a moment as he continued to thrust into you, making you let go as you let out a silent scream when you felt the moist gushing against him inside you. heeseung’s lips are unhesitant to kiss between your eyebrows as your body calms down from shaking, eyes rolling back to their original place as you continue to caress his cheekbone before a surge of energy comes back to you. you push him to the side, placing him down on the mattress as your hands grab both of his wrists to rest beside his head.
“i can feel you twitching inside me, hee. i know you’re close,” you said as you bounce on his lap, feeling the way your essence fell out and how much slick is on his penis because of you. as you have the upper hand, you decide to tease him by falling on him slower than the pace you have familiarized, making his wrists flinched under your hold as you click your tongue.
“you like how my walls are sucking you?”
“fuck, yes,” he mumbled under his breath.
“yeah..?” you replied as you leaned forward, making heeseung reach up to kiss your areola as best as he could.
“come on. you don’t wanna cum again?” heeseung asked in such a whiny voice that makes you snicker at how needy he has become. you decide to continue your teasing when you trail your nose along his face as you give a tiny kiss underneath his earlobe where you see the hickey you made on his clavicle. you move your hips so slowly as you feel how he becomes more erect even when he’s inside you.
“you’re the one who denies it yourself. i’m currently helping you here.” you poke your tongue and trace down his adam’s apple to his chest, reaching his nipple and giving it a suck. heeseung’s hip shoots up into you as he wants to take control. your hand moving closer to his palm with the grip that is getting loose as he pushes both his arms to let go of your hold. yet, you pull them back up as you reposition your fingers to interlock with his, withholding what he wants to make you move faster as he thrusts up into you.
you stare at how his doe-like eyes are begging for you after the number of times you have hated and feared the same eyes. how it glistens with tears because of how uncooperative you are even with your pace getting faster. with that, you lean forward as you stretch his hands and place them on your moving hips, letting them go so he can grip it hard as he tries to chase that feeling once again. you drape yourself above him as his blown-out eyes stare right at yours, his orange fiery flame meeting your own blue.
leaning forward more as you sensed one of his hands resting on your back, you brush away his hair that is sticking on his forehead as you whispered the death blow.
“you can cum in me-“
he leans up to connect your lips with his as you understand the signal, making your hips help to stimulate him more. his tongue flicking out and even wetting the skin around your lips as he moans out your name, letting out an exhale as your forehead is on his.
“want to breed you…” he whispered as you nodded, knowing just how much you like cum staining your walls as you give him a peck.
“breed me then.”
as he spoke to you about when he cums in your walls cowgirl style, you couldn’t help but snicker at the memories of his newly known breeding kink and your own creampie kink makes the resulting bun in your oven, making him flick your hand as you stare at him.
“that’s one for you and one for me- what are you thinking?” the way his voice pitches up at the end of the question makes you giggle even more.
“i swear-“ you lean forward as you realize the stage you are in, “the way our kinks create them,” you point down to your stomach.
“with the way your body shivers when i cum in you,” he said as he also leans forward. “i knew you like it. but i didn’t realize how feral you got because of that.”
“how feral we got, heeseung. fucking correct that.”
“oh fuck!” you moaned out into the mattress as heeseung held your hips up when he thrusts back into you from behind. you can sense how every time he pounds into you, his release is coming out alongside him as the wet clapping noises penetrate even the sound of both the cricketing bed frame and both of your moans. his hand goes up to your head and pulls your hair as the other pushes against your stomach, making you bend back towards him as the moans you let out of your mouth are clearer. his lips sucking another hickey onto your shoulder as you lean your head back on him to widen his access. your hands gripping onto both of the hands that are now resting on your abdomen and one on your breast, respectively.
“who can make you feel like this?” the question triggering you right away.
“y-you.”
“say my name, baby,” he said as he kissed your cheeks, making you turn your head towards the side as you opened your eyes to meet his, continuing to pleasure you into oblivion.
“heeseung…”
“go on.” he squeezed your flesh and you bit your bottom lip.
“heeseung!”
the hand on your abdomen leaves to crawl to your nub as your free hand reaches up to his nape, letting you connect your lips with his as best as you can. your body doing gymnastics before it is overcome by your second wave of cum when heeseung stops and twist your upper body to connect both of your lips fully. with his hands enveloping you, you push both of your body down as you let him spoon you.
grinding your hips against him, you reached down to gather both your cums as you give it a lick, making heeseung groan as he helps you push against him. “fuck, (y/n), how are you still so tight?”
“only for you-“ you reply as you shift away, just wanting to kiss heeseung, but then you remember the rules. with your shoulder, you push heeseung so he lays back on the bed as you lie on top of him. your knees folding so you can put your heels on the mattress as you lift yourself up and down on his shaft. you push your hands against is so you can sit and let you see the messiness yourself: both of your thighs are now covered in whiteness as you continue, realizing how sticky your skins are against each other. instead of letting you observe the messiness, heeseung pulls your upper body back to his as he also folds his knees and pushes his heels to the bed, thrusting upwards and making the pace quicker.
both of your moans combine with each other as he rests his arms around your midriff so you can’t move away from him. your head tilts to look behind you at the way heeseung is closing his eyes. as the point of your nose touches his skin, he doesn’t hesitate to turn to you and brought your lips onto his as he gives a few sputtering thrusts before you felt him cumming in you once again, making you fuller than ever.
“and that’s another two for each of us,” you replied as heeseung let out a snicker.
“still a tie, huh?”
“yeah, but we decided on a tiebreaker, right?” he responded with a hum.
with how sweaty, sticky, and tired you both are, you decide to do a tiebreaker with you sitting on his lap in a lotus position. your breath meeting his as both of you work in tandem (with a little burst exerted once in a while) to make any of you cum first and declare to be the winner of this messed-up game you made. heeseung licks the skin below your neck and plays with your breasts as you let your fingers experiment with his nipples and the way your nails scratch against his back muscles. you know that both of you are exhausted because the only sound that comes out is the small moans and whines left over. you looked down to see the messy environment you made between both of your crotches, making you scoop it up as you lift your cum-covered forefinger to your mouth, sucking it in, before pulling heeseung’s head so you can let him taste both of you.
his wide eyes glance up at you as he puts on a show to make you turn on more, swirling his tongue around your middle finger as the hand that was holding your shoulder blade reaches to your face, making his thumb pressing against your bottom lip so you can suck it. your hips grind on him faster, bouncing a few times, as both of your moans are muffled by both of your fingers. pulling your finger back, a string of saliva connected it and his lips as you cup his cheek. heeseung bites his lip as he pulls the thumb out to see your swollen lips. as you stare at each other—thinking back to the past few hours that have gotten you here in this position—you sense something strange within you. something so unfamiliar when you stare at him than the other moments you blatantly glare towards him. with the way he glances around your face as he connects your forehead with his, you recognize he might have sensed the same things too.
you don’t remember who is the first one to reach out, but as both of your lips connect, you let yourself envelop him as he did you. both of you not stopping and helping each other out as both of you cum in quick succession. not letting go of each other’s lips as you both pull away slowly; looking at the string of saliva connecting both of you as you stare at each other.
“we don’t need to discuss that.”
“no, we don’t,”
both of you replied right after the other as you see heeseung looking away from you to glance at the window beside the table. you glance at the condensation forming on the glass of his americano before glimpsing towards the booth where he sat. a duffle bag beside his backpack; you guess it will be for his basketball practice, it is near the college basketball season after all. but as you glance up at the man himself—you notice how different he has been since you were children. the way he muscled up and the baby fat on his face sheds away from the amount of sports he has to consume weekly. but, with all the invisible scars you both inflicted on each other from then until now, you weigh in just how ridiculously complex your relationship is that you don’t know if he wants to agree with it or not.
“well, now that you know…” you started, rubbing your hand against your sweater paws, “you don’t have to contribute to their life.”
heeseung hums, turning back to look towards you with confusion written on his face.
“it’s okay if you don’t want to get involved in taking care of them. it’s hard enough to be a senior-year college student, let alone raising a baby. it’s my choice to keep them, so i have to take responsibility for that.” you grabbed the now lukewarm cup of tea as you take a sip from it, placing it gently on the small plate as you continued with, “especially knowing how complicated we are.” you use your forefinger to point between him and you.
the man’s face is hard to read. he jutted his lips, biting the inside of his cheek as you see him blink whilst looking towards you, trying to get a read on you as well. being 8 weeks pregnant, you just wanted the meeting to end because you have all the other things you need to organize: telling the girls about your pregnancy diets and symptoms, telling the university about them and maybe they could give you leeway with the tests and studies, setting up appointments for with the ob-gyn and the doula of your choice, and telling your parents.
your parents who knew heeseung’s parents.
this will be awkward as fuck to experience.
“and i wish we could have a truce for the next 40 weeks.” you said, already with an exasperated voice that seemed to even surprise heeseung. “with this lifelong rivalry going on and how both of us doesn’t even want it to stop, please just… give me a slack to take care of them as best as i could.”
when you expected heeseung to reply with an okay—knowing your status as an expecting mother to at least give you some slack—you were met with a piercing gaze instead. how he looks between your face and your hidden stomach behind the table. he rests his hand on the table when you watch him considering something, and you didn’t even fucking guess he will do what he does.
“no.”
“what?”
“no. there’s no truce.” he leans forward, recognizing the gaze in his eyes as you just want to punch it out of his face for even thinking about what he’s thinking.
“no fucking way you’re thinking about this.”
“why not, (y/n)? think you can’t take care of yourself enough for the baby?”
your palm is now against your forehead, brushing against your face as it trails down when you let out a groan, “you’re trying to make a rivalry on taking care of this baby…” you let out your guess as heeseung lets out his signature smirk and a voiceless ‘bingo’.
“how? they’re in me, heeseung.”
“by giving them good nutritious food, interacting with them, i don’t know. but i know from knowing you for years that you can’t take care of yourself, knowing you have three other roommates-“
“you also have three other fucking roommates. sheesh.” you shake your head as you lean back. “anything for the baby has to go through me first, you know? i can deny it if i want.”
“then we can argue who’s right. they’re my baby too and i have the right to be involved even if you don’t want to.” your phone vibrates after heeseung’s brash reply as you see the silent alarm of your next schedule of the day. you tug the strap of your bag to your shoulder and gulp the rest of your tea.
“whatever, i have another thing to do.”
“does it involve the baby?”
“no. unless you wanna join my research class.”
you stood up from the booth as you straightened your sweater down, making heeseung glance at your abdomen before looking back at your face. “just so you remember: i’m doing this for the baby, not you.”
rolling your eyes, you flip him the bird as you walk away from him to your only class of the day, making heeseung let out a strangled smile.
-
“what the- what do you mean?”
the game continues as the other three guys look towards heeseung who is obliterating them with his king dedede, the sound of the fighting comes from the tv of their living room apartment as his fingers nimbly move on the switch controller, making the other three characters fly from the platforms as the familiar “game!” announcement calls.
the boys are sitting in various ways; beomgyu and jeongin are on the floor and jimin is beside him. the soundtrack of the super smash bros ultimate is playing in the background as heeseung smiles.
“i’m gonna be a dad.”
jeongin, the closest to the main port of the switch, quits the game as beomgyu lets out another loud shout—outside of the game—and jimin, who is sitting besides him, shakes his body with outstretched arms.
“BROOO!” beomgyu rubs his hand across his long hair as he faces heeseung fully, who is regretting not recording the reaction of his best buddies about this.
“how does heeseung, who doesn’t even like hooking up, get someone pregnant?” jimin asks to himself but also to the others as jeongin now stands in front of him, shielding the tv from his sight.
“forget that. who did you knock up, lee heeseung?” jeongin cuts through as heeseung leans back against the headrest of the couch. a mix of expressions showing on his face cause he doesn’t know if he has to laugh, be angry, be sad, or what else. he lets out a sigh as he picks the right voice tone to tell them.
“it’s fucking (y/n).”
“okay, now hold on!”
jeongin jumps, shedding the stern aura that he just created a few seconds ago. heeseung glances down at beomgyu who has his jaw dropped with jimin gripping on heeseung’s shoulder very hard.
“SINCE WHEN DID YOU TWO HOOK U-“
“shush!” jimin stands up and covers his hand on jeongin’s mouth, not wanting another complaint from the neighbors both horizontally and vertically.
“when?” beomgyu asked jeongin’s questions concisely as heeseung glanced towards the sofa and the kitchen right beside the front door of their apartment.
“you remember the party that got busted by the police?”
“yoon keeho’s party?”
“yeah, that one.” jimin acknowledges beomgyu’s answer as heeseung continues.
“long story short, (y/n) was alone and i went past her, teasing her for seeing that her friends left her behind when the police showed. she was tipsy which she shows by how easily stumbles. so i dragged her with me to our apartment when we escaped. i don’t know where you guys were, but she’s gotten a bit too annoying so i have to sober her up. we talked, and the tension was just too…” heeseung remembers as he was the one reaching for your face, to tell you to shut the fuck up, but the tension melted away before both of you proposes the game that you did. “so, we did it. and she asked me to meet up this morning and told me the news.”
“and what are your thoughts?” jimin asks, making the high-stakes emotions lower as he lets his friend talk about what he is feeling.
well, for heeseung, shock was an understatement. when he heard you utter the three words to him as he asked you what makes you want to meet up, never did he expect that to come out. surely, he has a breeding kink, and he had expected that to happen. but you told him you’re leaving early to get a plan b pill. maybe it didn’t work, but he doesn’t want to assume much about your body. then, he can sense the hidden sheer happiness blossoming within him. he wanted to smile and give you a hug, but then he remembered that it was you. that outside of his bed that night, you didn’t see him as a friend.
for someone who doesn’t hook up with people, heeseung knows how the hook-up culture works. he had heard multiple women fucking his three roommates from within his room and he could use his noise-canceling headphones against them. people might presume he is picky—a basketball jock who stays hidden and doesn’t want to hook up with anyone unlike his younger teammates—but the level of comfort is different when he has to do it with someone he doesn’t know and that’s why he rather stayed away. you? well, you are an anomaly.
though close because of your upbringing, he doesn’t know you outside of what he knows. that you were the kid who broke his truck even after he said sorry for ruining your sandcastle at that playground. that you were the kid who pushed him to the floor back when you were 7. that you’re the girl who he competes with to get the most stickers and not letting go of the basketball even though he stole it from you correctly. that he saw you stealing the bread from his tray as he came back from the vending machine. that you were the one telling the vice principal his basketball club doesn’t need as much money as they do because of their successful run, not knowing that their assistant coach stole the winning money.
so when you decide to create walls from your words, try to spin it so he doesn’t have to care about his baby, he had to say no. it’s as if you’re trying to keep the baby to yourself and not letting him in even though it takes two to tango. so, he found the most relevant way: competing for who takes care of that baby the right way—even if they’re in you. he doesn’t even think far from that thought no matter how ridiculous it is as now he realizes what a logistical nightmare it’s going to be.
“you’re making a game out of taking care of your own child but not your baby mama?” jeongin questioned after hearing heeseung’s rambling about this.
“yup…” heeseung paused, a pregnant pause. “and i need all of your help.”
jimin’s face changes as he hears the way heeseung described his face, rubbing his palm against the creases forming on his forehead as he can’t comprehend how beomgyu easily accepts his role. jimin’s head perks up at heeseung calling his name.
“yo!” jimin replied.
“since you’re the only one out of us who has a direct connection to (y/n) through chaeryeong, you’ll be my eyes, okay? asked about (y/n), how she’s doing, and all that stuff.” heeseung nodded as he expectantly looked at the boy who stood beside jeongin.
“gotcha,” he replied, his eyes wide as heeseung turned towards jeongin.
“innie, you’re my source. find any article about pregnancy and what my role is gonna be as a dad. yadda yadda yadda. all that stu-“
“i do you one better, seung.” jeongin said as heeseung lifted his eyebrows at him, tilting his head.
“my mom is an ob-gyn doctor.”
-
“miss (y/n)!”
“wear this!”
there is sounds of pitter-patters all around you as you sense the weight getting heavier on your figure. a small cape hanging off your shoulders and a crooked crown on your head, you sit down cross-legged against a round table full of toy food and kitchen utensils. girls and boys alike sit on the chairs by the table with their own capes and crowns, playing around with their cups as they all have a tea party—with the other side of the room playing with legos.
“here is your tea and cake.” you see the girl beside you giving the plate of rubber cake and an empty tea cup.
“thank you, princess rami.” picking up the teacup into your hand, you let out a loud slurping noise to drink it, before flinching away as you fan your tongue.
“i’m so sorry. is it too hot?” rami asked as you shook your head.
“i’m okay. thank you for asking,” you replied as best as you could.
“you must be careful, princess rami.” the boy across from her spoke as you tilt your head to him.
“i’m alright. prince yujin. i will be more careful with the tea.” he gave out a smile as one girl called out.
“if we are all princes and princesses, how should we call miss (y/n)?” hyunseo asked across from you.
“well, miss (y/n) should be a queen!” woonhak replied enthusiastically.
“but if miss (y/n) is a queen, should she have a king?” hyunseo continued.
“or another queen. i have two queens at home.” yujin filled in as you gave off a smile with the implication. but then the kids started to bicker with each other as you looked around the room once again.
as you entered high school, you were determined to beat heeseung in another way other than school-related activities. and what other way by being independent and richer than him at a young age? so you raked your head of a simple work that can help you gain more pocket money when one of your aunts asks you if you can babysit their daughter and how she will pay you. seizing the opportunity, you get to take care of your baby cousin as you go to your aunt’s home to help her with her food and stuff. hearing your enjoyment by the dining room table, your mom suggests more opportunities to babysit children of your family members from both sides—to your youngest uncle’s 4-year-old son and your oldest cousin’s 6-month-old baby—you have an array of skills gotten from doing childcare as your mom recommend you to babysit her juniors’ children at work, making you who wanted it for the money now wants it for the children.
it needs a certain level of charisma to charm a child so they can listen to you and with the array of children you had to babysit, you’ve met and adapted as best as you can to all of them. from being the calm tutor for a baby who is training his motor skills to help a child practice balancing on a bicycle, you understand what a child wants under their tantrums. that love you give and the love you accept makes you want to contribute more to childcare. so you started volunteering in non-formal schools and orphanages, helping to at least make their days a little better. and that’s why you worked part-time as a daycare attendant since you entered university as it is a more established institution where you can shuffle your study schedule alongside your work schedule, meeting kids who are being sent here that are still younger than school age. it reminded you of your own childhood and you’re hoping that your inner child could be happy and satisfied that you let her feel that feeling again.
“guys…” your spoken voice cuts their conversations, and they all turn to you. “a queen doesn’t have to have a king or another queen by their side. a queen can stand alone too.”
“but wouldn’t that make the queen lonely?” rami questioned, making you pout your lips as you still can’t comprehend just how blatantly honest children are that it pierces through each layer of your heart to find the right spot.
“yes, the queen will be lonely. but she also has her princes, princesses, knights, counselors, and more around her. love doesn’t always come from one person, it can also come from a group.” you replied, making the group rowdy up as they converse about love and being independent—well, ‘lonely’ as they called it—when you feel a light pat on your shoulder.
turning your head, you see a younger girl other than those around the table holding a paper, stretching it towards you.
“for you, miss (y/n)…”
you slowly pick the paper from her small hands as you observe the drawing. a simple figure made of circles and triangles with different colors. a pink filled-in shape on one side of the triangle with the circle-shaped and another taller one holding the figures hand, a yellow crown-shaped drawing on top of a circle with a smiling face inside.
she drew you.
“awww. this is so sweet and nice.” you return to look at the younger girl, a warm smile showing on your face, “thank you, hyein.” you rub your hand on her hair—something you remember she likes—as her smile widens before she runs away towards her table, where she has a few more papers scattered.
you glance at her before looking at your own stomach, unconsciously rubbing it as you can feel your own child inside you now growing along with time. then, it all came so suddenly when you felt yourself regurgitating, hand coming up to your mouth as you stood up as fast as you could towards the staff bathroom. knocking open the door of the open stall, you kneeled down as you puke out your lunch for today, feeling your gag reflexes kicking in. you sensed a hand soothing down your back as you reached for the flush to drain it down the toilet bowl.
“you okay, (y/n)?” you hear the familiar voice of your supervisor, yoonah, behind you. nodding your head, you reach for the toilet paper and tear it apart as you wipe the remains and saliva off your lips. reaching for the crown that fortunately doesn’t fall when you puke your inside, you hold on to it as you stand up and veer around to the sink to clean your mouth, gargling and spitting out as you wipe the droplets of water from your lips.
“how is it going with the pregnancy?” she asked as you watched her reflection behind yours in the mirror. you nodded your head and chuckled.
“didn’t vomit for the past three days and i thought that was enough, and well, here i am.” you stare at your face, seeing your eyes glistening with tears with the number of times you had to cough out until your phlegm came out. you turn your head to face your boss as she gives you a solemn smile.
“so, i have already talked to hr and we agree to have you reduce your work day to just one per week. you can enter anytime between the weekdays depending on your schedule because you have lots of things to juggle with your ob-gyn appointment. we don’t want to weigh you down more.”
you looked sideways when yoonah didn’t seem to see you being glad of it. though it helps with not exerting your body—as per doctor park’s request—it will definitely reduce your money because of the appointments and others. you haven’t told your parents yet and maybe you can ask them for more money after but with the way your friends have already helped ease your part of the rent so you have enough money for your own diet and consultations; you don’t want them to provide more for you.
“that’s great and all, but what about my pay? can it be adjusted? it doesn’t have to be 200%. like, do I only work one day for a pay of two like usual? or is it the regular one day pay? if it’s the latter, maybe a 25% increase will be great? for the consultations and others…” you said, not realizing that you had a few stray tears leaving out your eyes. nice fucking job, hormones.
yoonah picks up the crown from your head and she places it above your head, straightening it up as it rests right at the top of your head, “i will take about it to hr. you know that i’m on your side with this.” she pats your shoulder as you let out a faint “thank you” and see her walking away out of the bathroom. you brushed the tears away as you wet your hands to help unswollen them, even if it is for a bit. staring at yourself in the mirror, you pull your body up straight as you turn sideways, rubbing your abdomen as you can feel the life being put into you; piece by piece, cell by cell, forming into a human being.
as your feet enter the room one by one, tons of footsteps greet you as you look down to see the crown-wearing kids you are playing tea time with approaching you. their faces showing weariness so explicitly that you feel your heart tugging at them.
“are you ok, miss (y/n)?” hyein—the first one to be there—spoke as she was surrounded by kids taller and older than her. you notice someone holding onto your hand with their tiny one, seeing rami brushing the skin as you feel soothed.
“i am now. thank you, hyein,” you replied, letting your body fall as you kneeled before them, seeing the number of children you have taken care of for the years you had worked here. in your mind, it seemed ridiculous to think of your next move, but in a way that they have taught you so much about taking care of others, it’s proper to tell them yourself.
wiping the corner of your eyes as you feel your hormones acting up again, you speak, “what do you know about your moms?”
“mommy is very sweet to me,” hyunseo replies as she steps forward to stand next to hyein, their height difference looking so cute.
“mom is the one that picked me up from here.” woonhak also replied when you can see his mom’s smile on his own from the number of times she picked him up and showed that same smile.
“both of my mamas are the best in taking care of me and my brothers.” yujin added as there were more children rambling about their mothers, creating a wall of cacophony that seemed more like the background noise you heard each week as you worked. their voices dwindled as you looked expectantly at them one by one, a smile urging them to wait for something to come out of you.
“well, you see, i’m going to be just like your moms.”
yujin was the one that caught on first as he stepped closer and hugged you. while the others still looked confused, he turned around to looked at them and state it himself.
“MISS (Y/N) IS GOING TO BE A MOM!”
“miss (y/n)!”
“no wa-“
you heard the surge of children hugging you as you laughed out loud, seeing yoonah by the door as she also followed your laughter while you were surrounded by the children who were either hugging you or asking you questions.
“settle down, children. miss (y/n) needs a space to take a breather.” yoonah spoke up as she approached you who has a grin on your face.
“you said that you don’t have any king or queen?” yujin said as you felt your cheeks getting warmer, he now held onto the crown that slipped down your head from the number of kids that is surrounding you. while you could feel a hand on your stomach as you looked down to see hyein sitting down—remembering that she also has a pregnant mother with a little sibling on the way for her.
“it, it will be hard for me to explain it to you, but…” you felt yoonah’s hand on your shoulder as you glance at the closest clock in the room—finding the time for them to go home has come. “your moms are waiting for you to go home.”
you push yourself up to stand as yoonah guides the kids to pick their items up by the cabinets as you stand up straight, seeing the children walking around you when you see rami stepping beside you, arms wide open as you crouch down to give her a hug. you felt other sets of arms surrounding you as you giggled, pulling away your arms as the children noticed it.
“i’ll see you all next week!” you stated as yoonah brought all of them to the door of the daycare before opening them, seeing all of them going to their respective parents and guardians as a few of them acknowledged you. you turned around as you started your usual clean-up process, picking up the drawings that the children made and putting them in their own folders so you can give them to their guardians when they graduated, putting back the toys into the boxes, returning the costumes back to the wardrobe as you place the robe and crown you were also wearing, and you wanted to do one more thing, but you heard someone clearing their throat.
“i’ll clean the furniture and floor. you have done so much and you needed to eat and rest.” yoonah told you as you sighed, knowing that you seemed to be hungrier after you vomited out your food.
“thanks, boss.” you winked as she chuckled, bringing yourself to the staff room with the drawing that hyein gave to you—pinning in your mind to collect it with the drawings the kids you’ve taken care has made for you.
when collecting your things into your backpack, you glance at the paper that you printed out from your laptop as you scan the words, seeing your inked signature on the bottom as you see the blank space with the name right across from yours. heeseung’s name.
since he decided to be involved—you remembered while you talked to your faculty about your pregnancy and how they asked who the dad was, you decided to bring him up as a “student from another faculty.” it might make him think twice if he wants to be involved or not because he will get his name pin up on a note somewhere, which will be noted to his coach, lecturers, and more of his status. you are ready to be mentally burnt by the judgment your peers might give you, but is heeseung also ready?
you haven’t thought of the way you’re going to give heeseung the letter when you see minjeong’s name from your vibrating phone as you pick up the things you are bringing home and you hear yoonah talking as she sees you already leaving.
“carpool picking you up?”
“yeah, my roommate and her boyfriend.”
“okay, take care of yourself and i’ll follow up with your request.” you felt yoonah giving you a side hug as you gave a smile and wave when you pushed the door open. you breathed in the outside air to see the dark gray chevrolet camaro parked near the front of the building. walking to the back seats, you opened the door to be met with the music playing as minjeong greeted you.
“how’s work, (y/n)?” she instantly asked as sungchan lurched the car to a drive when you glanced at the bags of things beside you.
“freaking embarrassing. i vomited suddenly when i hadn’t vomited for the last 3 days but the kids reacted to it pretty okay. and i told them i’m gonna be a mom.”
“that’s so sweet!” she said, glancing back from her seat in front of you as she reached to touch you, making you sit in the middle with the console right in front of you as you see sungchan’s playing with the volume of bluetooth-connected car radio play the song that sounds so minjeong—which you can recognized right away.
“what did you guys do today?” you wiggled your eyebrows as you heard sungchan’s laugh from the way he looked at you from the rear-view mirror.
“you know what me and jeongie usually do, eat, shop, fuck, repeat-“
“no, we didn’t fuck today-“
“we did a quickie before we left to pick (y/n) up, winter.”
“okay! ughhh…” minjeong said, rubbing her face in embarrassment before replying, “i brought him to this cafe that has all these criterion collections that aren’t available on any of the streaming services we own. so i bought so many dvds for us to watch.”
“which are?”
“older movies, foreign movies. you did say that you enjoyed watching japanese movies, so i bought some of them for us to watch.”
“fuck, i love you so much for that, kim minjeong.” you replied as you heard sungchan’s little tsk, making you both giggle as his possessiveness is showing at the most ridiculous time.
“so, (y/n),” you hummed to sungchan’s starter words, “you haven’t told me who is your baby daddy.”
“guess!” you tugged yourself forward as your face was between their seats.
“how should i guess when i never see you hook up with people?” he replies as you glance at minjeong who is just watching him, an amused smile on her face.
“what if i say it’s song eunseok,” you mentioned his fellow frat bros.
“eunseok is dating that junior of his he has classes with. and he’s a loyal guy so i don’t think so.”
“what about park jisung? he’s hot in my eyes.”
“you don’t seem to be the kind to hook up with your junior,” he replied, making you squint your eyes.
“zhong chenle? he’s a fellow biz major like i do.”
“you’re definitely not his style.”
“now, that’s rude.” you hunch yourself back on the back seat as minjeong’s giggles compete with the music playing.
“you’re gonna be so shocked if we told you who he is.” she added as you nodded along, “two hints though: he’s our age and he’s a fellow jock-“
“that’s too much, jeong-ah.” you cover her mouth as her muffled nagging rings in the car. you can feel her lapping your palm, tickling your nerves and making you pull away as it’s now sungchan’s turn to have a giggling fit while watching his girlfriend and her roommate bickering. the trip was close between the daycare you work and the apartment tower you rented off-campus—but since you’ve mentioned to your roommates that you’ve been having back pain and vomiting sessions, they decided to help you out by being by your side as they drop you off or picking you up—just like what chaeryeong did as she drop you off to work before going to the dance studio.
so, when you stare out to see the small lobby of your apartment, you’re already with your backpack tucked to you as you open the door of the backseats. sungchan helped widen the door for you before going to the other side to help minjeong with the things she bought from their date. as you stood by the tiled floor of the lobby, minjeong gave sungchan one last kiss on the lips as you heard him say, “bye, babe! bye, (y/n) and hope you rest!”
“see you next week, baby.” the girl said as both you and her are waving your hands at the boy, who has entered the car driving off into the ending sunset of today. stepping inside the entrance of the apartment, you and she enter the empty elevator as you catch a glimpse at what other things minjeong had bought when you see a box from a chicken fast food brand, making your mouth water as you think about it, but you knew that you’ll be nag by dr. park for eating junk food.
pushing the handle after you put the pin on the keypad, you enter and instantly kick your shoes off as you are met with ryujin who is tying her hair up, walking towards you as she helps with minjeong’s bags. the apartment was left as you remembered this morning: a few scattered papers from either you or ryujin’s homework, the weighted blanket by the sofa now folded, and the smell of hot choco on the coffee table alongside ryujin’s laptop as you remembered that she only has online classes today.
“what did you bring?” ryujin wiggled her eyebrows as she rummaged open the bag that you’d seen when she instantly brought it to the kitchen counter when you saw her already cooking something. out of all four of you, you and ryujin are the ones talented in cooking so it’s not a surprise to see her cook for herself, but when you see the large plate that is places beside where the stove is, you know she has been making dinner for all four of you—as only chaeryeong’s the one who is not finished with her work today.
“why did you bring back fast food, minjeong? we promised to also have (y/n)’s diet.”
“that’s my leftover. chan said that the boys had too much stuff in their fridge so i brought it to us.” you then felt minjeong’s hand behind your lower back as she stood beside you, “hope you are okay with that.”
“of course, i’m okay.” you give minjeong a smile. “all of you aren’t obliged to follow my diet cause i know you love red meat, jinnie.”
“it feels wrong if i don’t follow you, though.” ryujin replied as you and minjeong go to your separate ways—she walked to her room while you stepped into the kitchen to see the food that minjeong brought. the chicken was a leftover but you also see her bringing back different meats and seafood.
“i almost forgot to ask you, but can you give me the list of the food that you can and can’t eat? just so i can help with the recipes and so we can pre-made food.” ryujin said as she put her arms behind your back, soothing you as you viewed her making japchae and beef on the pan.
“will do, ryu.” you give her a salute as she gives your cheek a squeeze before you let her be. taking your bag handle as you step towards the direction of your room, the bell of your apartment rings as ryujin turns towards you, making both of you tilt your head as you volunteer to get to the intercom.
when you press the button, the screen shows you someone you don’t expect to see as you can recognize the wolf cut hair you’ve seen while scrolling on your instagram. your footsteps immediately go to the door as you hear the ringing “hello”s from the intercom, opening it up to see the boy you’re trying your best to mask your feelings for with a box.
“heyya, (y/n)!” he replied as you widened the door to gaze at the box.
“h-hi beomgyu.” you give him a small smile as you try your best not to lock your eyes on him. to be having a crush on a boy like him is ridiculous, especially knowing that he is your RIVAL’s best friend. and the fact that you still have a crush on him since high school to then be found being in the same uni as him. if he doesn’t have heeseung by his side, you know you will brace yourself to approach him first. but now with his success as an indie musician, you know you are probably in a losing battle knowing just how spicy heeseung talks about you knowing that he has so many fans aiming at him and how you can’t compete with them—not as much as yeonjun though.
“wha, what’s this?”
“it’s for you.” he pushed the box towards you as you tried to peek inside when you felt a presence behind you.
“let me get that.” another pair of hands open by your side and you see the smirk on beomgyu’s face falter to see ryujin pulling the box against her.
“hi ryujin,” he said, a slight tremble in his voice as you finally be able to look at him with your heart eyes before back at ryujin.
“beomgyu,” she replied before leaving the door to put the box away. you eye the boy who is staring at the empty space for a few seconds too late before you are back in his attention, returning to the cheeky smile you adore.
“thank you for that!” you felt your palms getting sweatier than ever, rubbing one of them against the door to dry it.
“you gotta have to thank heeseung for that.”
the way beomgyu named he-who-shall-not-be-named shutters your fantasy as you were met with the reality. of course, it’s from heeseung, not from the boy you had a crush on—even if it means that the baby daddy trusts his best friend so much to tell him that he is having a baby with his rival. beomgyu seemed to be the nicer guy between the two. so, a girl can hope, right?
“oh yeah, wait for a minute!” you were so caught up in the way heeseung terrors you and slips back into your mind and how you wanted to slam the door when you heard his name when you remembered the paper that he had to sign. you pull the paper out of your folder as you pull one of your sticky notes and write a simple note to him. giving a smile to beomgyu, you handed him the paper as he stared at the words printed on it.
“give it to heeseung and send it back to me after that, or if he wants to submit it himself, then that’s fine. i have to give the contact person the info if he decides to send the paper to the administration himself.”
beomgyu nods as he chuckles at your note before giving a last “i will” before walking and waving away, making you close the door as you wonder how did he know where you lived. eh, that’s fine. you got to see what heeseung gave you as the box rested on top of the counter right beside ryujin who was pouring the japchae into the bowl.
slowly opening it—scared that he might have a jack-in-the-box mechanism inside it—you were met with plastics covering greens as you tugged a few of them out to be met with a bunch of fruits and vegetables still packed in their grocery’s packing. your shoulder meets ryujin’s as she took a glimpse at the new ingredient you picked out of the box.
“from beomgyu?”
shaking your head, you feel a piece of paper inside the box as you pinch it between your fingers. straighten the creases, you see the scribbles on the note as you read it in your mind.
eat them for the baby’s health and your own sanity - lhs
“heeseung,” you replied after you finish. ryujin gives a small hum as you catch the smirk on her face before you shove her with your shoulder. both of you open the plastics of the greens, vegetables, and fruits that heeseung bought for you, ryujin saying out loud the names of the greens as you and her bounce ideas of what kind of food she can make to cater to your diet.
“kale, cabbage, broccoli…” she picked another vegetable, carefully pulling away the plastics as the waft of the smell entered the kitchen. you knew of the vegetable, but being pregnant equals being sensitive to smells. and the way that you instantly wretch at the smell makes you scurry away from ryujin.
“hey, who rang the be-“
minjeong was pushed away as she saw you opening the door of their shared bathroom, making her turn around as she heard you wretch out the remaining food and saliva inside of you that is followed immediately by a flush from the toilet bowl. she walked to the kitchen to see ryujin holding stems of leaves on her hand.
“well, now we know she can’t eat arugula.”
the chime of the lock unlocked rings alongside the opening of the door of their apartment as ryujin and minjeong stare at it, seeing chaeryeong trying to breathe as she takes off her sneakers.
“WHY IS JIMIN PESTERING ME ABOUT (Y/N)?”
-
thumps and squeaks are what beomgyu heard as his eyes gazed at the lights coming out of the gymnasium. his feet working in tandem echoing through the night as he took another glance at the paper, another step away from the door as he pulled the handle to see a bunch of boys running around the wood-floored gym. beomgyu’s eyes searched for heeseung as he bit his lips, not wanting to be late for his own band practice with the boys.
turning towards the bleachers, he’s seen one of the boys that beomgyu remembered being on heeseung’s profile. his hands on top of his knees as he leans forward to see the 3 x 3 half court game beomgyu realized isn’t a part of training—but more of them having fun. he is taking a glimpse at heeseung who is muttering a curse word under his breath because the ball was stolen from his hold.
“hey, uh, sheep!”
the boy turns towards beomgyu with squinting feline-esque eyes before they widen, realizing who called him.
“your jersey has ‘yang’ on it. so i called you sheep.”
“nah, that’s okay. you’re beomgyu hyung, txt’s guitarist…” the boy stands up, their height almost the same as each other, but beomgyu knows that the kid can grow taller—from both basketball and his unfinished puberty phase, probably.
“i’m jungwon! i’m guessing you’re here for heeseung hyung?”
beomgyu glanced down at the paper as he nodded, “i couldn’t stay until he finished cause i have band practice. so, this document is for him to sign.” he told jungwon what you told him as his ghost patted himself on his shoulders for being right. beomgyu uses his thumbs to point behind him after jungwon picks up the paper that he pushed towards him and gives him a thumbs up before a loud "thank you" rings as the gymnasium door opens, leaving jungwon with a slight chuckle creeped out of his lips.
the boy couldn’t stop his curiosity as he turned the paper so he could read the writing, skimming it down as his eyebrows as he couldn’t stop his speech before it was too lat-
“HEESEUNG HYUNG IS A DAD?!”
jungwon’s shout makes movement screech to a halt as he looks up at his boys, also staring at heeseung, who is glaring at jungwon and the paper he is holding. but, his reaction speed was too slow to pull it off his grips as heeseung lost against the other five boys who had huddled towards jungwon.
“shut up!” sunoo exclaimed.
“it’s true, sun,” jongseong replied as he could hear jaeyun and riki screaming and laughing before they scurried to run around heeseung.
“who is this (y/n), hyung?” jaeyun speaks into his ear, making heeseung grimace as the three walk towards the crowd with sunghoon now holding onto the paper.
“isn’t (l/n)(y/n) your senior, jjong?” sunghoon calls out, making said boy read carefully the name with the signature on top.
“oh yeah! we had a marketing communication class together. didn’t know you knew her, hyung.”
heeseung steps in between them as he snatches the paper out of sunghoon’s grip in a quick frame. his eyes scan the paper that is written—the letter to the university administration about your status—and he can see his name printed on the side of the paper from yours. then, he finally read the note you have sticking onto the paper.
sign it and give it to the administration office. if you’re serious.
“won, it’s your turn to play,” he said as the boys stared at him. “i have things to do, plus i have a morning class tomorrow.”
“okay, hyung.” jungwon’s answer was followed by his offer to the older boys to continue the match as he felt another hand holding onto his forearm, turned to see the youngest boy with a small smile on his face.
“you gotta have to let us meet this (y/n) noona. i bet she’s pret-“
“go back to your place, riki-kun. jake’s calling for you.”
“hey, lanky. come on before i make you and jungwon switch.” jaeyun’s voice penetrates through the conversation at the correct moment as the smirk on heeseung’s face is growing. they’re leaving him alone as he walks towards his backpack and duffle bag—finally feeling the surging soreness from pushing himself hard while training and off-training. sure, it’s excessive. but the tournament is a month away from now, and he had to train for that, knowing that the matches would be back-to-back if he passed the quarter-finals.
the wood of the bleachers screeches beneath his body as he pulls out his pen, staring at the paper one last time—trembling breaths coming out from him. who knew that a single signature could hold so much power?
yet with how you are trying to deter him, to remind him that signing this will mean that the whole university will now know lee heeseung is a future father: that actually made him shake. he could feel the boiling anxiousness giving a few pumps of steam into his mind, clouding the plans he had already made in his mind from the information jeongin told him. he knows the future scenarios on both sides.
but fuck it, right? he’s not usually caring about what other people perceive. so what if he is known as a dad in nine months? but, he had to think about the parental leave you’re proposing—it might actually make him graduate late.
yet, the view is clear as he lets his pen glide on the paper.
the baby and your scowling face as you realize that his doing is the one that makes that baby so healthy.
tucking the paper in between his laptop and his wireless earbuds on his ears, he waves goodbye to the boys who are playing with sunoo giving a beautiful lay-up before he pushes the door to get out of the gym. the streetlights shining the pathways as he still can see students roaming around the campus at night—most are going to the library to maybe pull an all-nighter.
the screen illuminates his face as he scrolls down at the text jimin had sent him about you. but he had to do another victory lap first when he dialed the generic full name’s number.
“hello?”
“that will not work, (y/n).”
heeseung heard the grainy chuckle in his ear as he let his muscles’ memories take him home in the night's dark. eyes staring at the path that opens up onto the sidewalk where sparse vehicles are going about on the asphalt streets.
“so you sign it?” he caught the way you sigh against your phone while heeseung is focusing on both the conversation and what jimin texted about your condition.
“and i’ll be giving it to the office.”
“hmm, okay…” heeseung’s eyes scan through the words, letting his face contort and relax as he consumes it to his mind before it’s broken by a grainy sound of metal from your end.
“also, thanks, by the way. for the arugula. made me vomit my stomach out.” heeseung heard you reply as it slowly became more mumbled, hearing you eating your dinner’s food as the noises of the night came back into his cochlea, shaking his nerves as only white noises entertained him as he looked around—seeing his apartment building at the distance.
“and don’t make jimin ask chaeryeong about me again. she’s traumatized now and we have each other’s number saved.”
heeseung didn’t want to save your number at first. but when his mom brought him to her meeting with your mom, catching up after a long time and discussing that both of you have been accepted by the same university, they insisted that you both to have each other’s numbers saved. “for emergency sake, so you both have each other to rely on.” his mom explained, making him discreetly roll his eyes while you continue to listen to your music without giving a glance to him. yet, you’re the one that gave him your phone first so he can type his number, making a small “:p” the first thing you text to him.
“i’ll tell him.” he clicked his tongue as he caught the way you omit another information from him.
“but you’re not gonna tell me you have a doctor’s appointment next week?”
“how’d you kno-“
“jimin, from chaeryeong, and so, from you.” his smile gets bigger. “gotta have to thank jimin for that one.”
“so you want to join? what if you have a class?”
heeseung’s feet brought him to the lobby of his apartment building, his vision now on the elevator as he stated something so obvious to him.
“i have questions and i rather miss class than leave it unanswered.”
-
your hands are tugged inside your hoodie’s front pocket as you wait for your name to be called. the usual soreness is tamed as you let chaeryeong massage your back carefully, relaxing most of the tender muscles that are holding you up. you can see a little bump protruding out of your stomach that was not there when you discovered you were pregnant in week 8.
remembering the way you have to buy five pregnancy tests is ridiculous when your only symptoms are headaches and vomiting. but it quickly escalates to morning sickness and how you notice just how sensitive your senses have become—the way your fingers realize little grains of crayon as you pick up the kids’ drawing to how you’re triggered by little noises coming out off your room. it feels too strange for it to be food poisoning and with all five tests showing two blue stripes: all the problems you have faced for the past month—why your period is late, the morning sickness—all click inside your mind.
your girls were the first ones you spoke to, recalling how they waited in front of your shared bathroom as you flipped the tests around, hitting you one by one with the truth of your condition. then tears start to show as overwhelming emotions compete to show dominance and you hear chaeryeong’s voice from behind the knocks on the door. you open the door to feel them hugging you as you show them the tests, how they can’t wait to be your baby’s cool aunts from differing perspectives as they know of your history related to children, pregnancy, and motherhood from taking care of so many children, how your parents open up to you about why they couldn’t give you a younger sibling, and the responsibility you are willing to take care for them. at that moment they hugged, you’ve already fallen in love with your baby and you are determined to let them have a happy life.
the obstetrics and gynecology department’s walls were more pastel than the other parts of the hospital. maternity pack posters hanging as you read the words, planning your next steps as you waited by the door to your doctor. your fingers interlocked and thumbs twirling around each other as you attentively listen to the open door and your name being called. scouring your eyes around, you saw a little playground area for kids barren as you eyed the small set, mothers around you waiting also for their appointment—some with a sleeping baby in their hands, another with a large bump. the atmosphere is so serene that you can collect your thoughts and arrange them for the next seven months from your due date.
“hey, (y/n).”
your eyes blink as you turn around in your seat to face forward once again, looking up to find the familiar face you’ve been thinking about for the past few days.
heeseung wears a simple hoodie like you do, both of his hands tucked into the front pocket as the strap of his bag crosses his chest. a thin-lipped smile on his face as you didn’t see his usual resting bitch expression.
“heeseung…” you reply as you gnaw on the inside of cheek as he stands there, “i haven’t gotten the call from the doctor yet. so you can sit down.” your eyes glance quick at the vast space beside yours on the sofa you are also sitting down. he gave a quick nod before sitting on the space beside yours, a noticeable space between the two of you as you both lean more against each of the tables placed as the barriers between the sofas. even if you felt a piercing presence beside you, you tried your best not to look at him. the phone call when he called you was the last time you spoke with your voice to him—you having small talk with him as he found in the hospital doesn’t really count—yet he still gave you another box of ingredients for your unborn child this week, no arugula this time.
well, you are glad to see beomgyu more and you don’t mind seeing beomgyu every week if he’s the one that does heeseung’s errands for his child.
both of you stare forward at the doors and wall in front of you, nearing mirroring each other even by the slight twitch of both of you wanting to look at each other. but, also not really. the tension is stronger than when you told him you’re pregnant with his child. the fucking effects of the continued declaration of rivalry as you can calculate how far both of you are willing to push even for the past week and you can guess what you both will push more for the next 7 months.
“miss (l/n) (y/n)?” the door opened as the nurse spoke of your name making you jump up from your seat as heeseung followed behind you to enter the doctor’s room.
“(y/n)!” the young doctor said enthusiastically as you sat down on the chair in front of the desk.
“doctor park!” you answered, cadence matched hers.
“how have you- oh.” dr. park looks at the man entering behind you, looking between the three women in the room and the empty chair near the door before he hears her speak, “is this the dad?”
“yes, i’m the dad, lee heeseung,” he replied steadily as dr. park, who is standing up, shoots her hand out to him.
“i’m dr. park jihyo, (y/n)’s ob-gyn doctor. didn’t expect to meet you as (y/n) said that the dad might not be involved.”
heeseung’s eyebrows were raised, chortling as he realized what you implied, “after she told me, i decided to be involved.” his eyes peek from the side to see you giving a stare with no movements on your lips, sitting down on the chair beside of yours as you want to continue with your appointment.
“well, welcome to your tenth week of being pregnant. how are you feeling?” dr. park asks, looking at you with a warm smile as you see the nurse taking care of your document.
“the morning sickness kinda gets pretty worse and overflows out of the morning. definitely more sensitive towards scent, flavor, and texture. i also have already sensed growth on the bump since it is a bit more protruding than usual.” your hand unconsciously caresses the hoodie covered in your stomach, feeling the tenderness of the skin that is just muscles of your abdomen being pushed to cater to the baby.
“your stomach and intestines are being pushed by the uterus as the fetus grows and it’s very normal. since we already did the blood and urine test and went over your family history back in your first appointment, we can go to an ultrasound to check the growth of your baby.” dr. park replied as she nodded at the nurse who instantly walked to the bed and set things up for your scan.
“i’m sorry to bother you, doctor. but i have a question.”
your head shifts towards heeseung as he asks, the doctor just giving him a nod.
“(y/n) said to me she’ll get a plan b pill after our… time. yet, she still got pregnant, but isn’t that still supposed to work?” the way his voice pitches makes you hold on to a smile, recalling to when you asked the doctor the same question in your first appointment. you gave the doctor a big nod for her signal.
“well, (y/n) said to me she consumed a plan b pill less than 24 hours after your intercourse. but plan b pill, or levonorgestrel, works by delaying the release of the egg from the ovaries. she also said that her period, which started around a week or two weeks before she discovered she was positive, was late. so, we can assume that while you two have sex, (y/n) was already in her early stages of ovulation with the egg being released into the fallopian tube and the egg got fertilized.”
heeseung nods along with the doctor’s words as you remember the same explanation given to you in the previous meeting. you’ve tried using pills before but you know it will affect your hormone and physical health in the long run—you are not a serial fucker unlike a few people you recognize—so you rely on protection like condoms and morning-after pills right after that. heeseung not wearing one makes you want to laugh at how funny the scenario is and how you can just remain rivals for the rest of your life if you remind him to put on the rubber.
the nurse calls for as you follow her, stepping out of your shoes as you lay down on the bed. she gently brushes your hoodie up as your skin is exposed while she also pulls the band of your pants down below right above your underwear line. the chairs move as you glance at heeseung following dr. park as she takes the seat beside you to check on the machinery. the liquid is cold as it touches your skin as your eyes catch heeseung who is looking at the exposed stomach where his unborn child is.
as the transducer spread around the gel on the stomach when you feel it pressed down, you looked at the screen across from you hanging on the ceiling as the doctor moved around, marking the size of your uterus. you heard her gasp as you turned to look at her warm smile that widens into a grin.
“congratulations to you both!” she replied as she continued to move the transducer around, making you and heeseung realize that there’s a fetus inside you, but not just one.
“TWINS?!”
-
2. katana-like knife
heeseung gazes at the ultrasound he is holding with both hands, seeing the way the doctor has assigned twin 1 and twin 2 on the screen. the twins are in different sacs; he remembered what the doctor said, making them fraternal twins. she also says that not only you were ovulating when you two fuck, but you were releasing two different eggs around the same time and he got both of them pregnant.
he recalled both of you doing a hilarious staring contest as you couldn’t stop yourself from making funny faces as the doctor described the growth of your twins. fucking heck, he hadn’t told his friends that he was having twins. how his body trembles as the realization hits him while he’s looking at his babies—yes, plural—makes him even want to be more attentive, to now realize that he had two to take care of. and those two make him know you have to adjust your diet once again.
if it weren’t for him buying ingredients, he doesn’t think you would adapt easily to what the babies need. he’s won on this occasion. but what comes next?
his phone vibrates on the table as he takes a glimpse of the text message showing on the lit-up screen.
(l/n) (y/n): i’m heading home for the weekend. my parents will definitely see that i’ve been knocked up.
even he can see it as he had walked past you before on campus. you’re now wearing more oversized clothing pieces—t-shirts, hoodies, cardigans—as he realized the slight bump on the surface of them. it’s been over two weeks since that check-up appointment and the growth has been faster than he expected.
(l/n) (y/n): not asking you to join me.
(l/n) (y/n): if you aren’t brave enough to take the consequences, i’m fucking winning this :p
“that’s it” he shakes his head as he tugs the ultrasound picture into his wallet before putting it back in its place, hands opening the messages.
lee heeseung: threatening much. i’m in.
if you want to make this a competition, let’s make this a competition.
lee heeseung: hey mom. sorry for texting you randomly. but i’m going back home for the weekend.
all he had to do was wait, as he could hear the sound of his mom talking with your mom on the phone about how their children would be home together, asking to meet up.
and that moment goes exactly as he had expected as he drove the car with you in the passenger seat, leaning against the door as you both let the radio play boring-ass repeating pop songs from some random radio station. none of you seem to react, just to make each other annoyed enough to know who will concede and connect to bluetooth first—even not listening to good-ass music is a competition between you both.
you sighed extra loud as you listened to an old-ass pop song from the mid-2010s the radio seemed to have a lifetime contract for it to play for fucking ever. you wish you were the one driving now, but you didn’t bring your car for this semester because it needed maintenance and you were in a healthier mood for this year. you catch a look at your phone, seeing your mom asking where you are right now as auntie lee has arrived at your home—cooking up the food for all your family to enjoy.
“which one is your car’s bluetooth?” you gave up on hearing the radio station as you playfully checked every menu to find the bluetooth menu.
“the brand of the car, duh,” he answered, still focusing on the highway as you remembered that it’s nearly a few exits away from the side of the town you and he grew up in. he took a glance at the bluetooth speaker as he sees,
“‘mitski’s brainchild personified’? you liked her that much?” he actually snorted, making you see the name on your phone on the screen in the middle of the dashboard.
“shut the fuck up. she’s my comfort musician, just like kaede from slam dunk is your comfort character.” the way your fingers lightly tap against your phone, makes him chuckle as he can hear you holding onto your emotion from not spilling through your words, not commenting on how you mentioned his liking for slam dunk as if you remember it so well, even if it also stuns him.
you’re playing a playlist of yours that is just… instrumentals. a perfect playlist to hear whilst commuting as you let yourself take a breather from this world. eyes gazing to the window outside as you rested your phone on your lap. the scent of heeseung’s cologne accustomed your memories as you let the music speak while you both remained quiet. maybe, because it is an instrumental track that you both couldn’t comment on, that he can’t take a jab at your music taste unless you put on mitski or boygenius, that it gives a soundtrack so vague it resembles the way you perceived your relationship to each. sure, you still hate him for everything he has done to you in the name of winning. but, with two babies on the way, the concept of the rivalry between you both is there yet so blurry. which one is a concrete rivalry? which one is the softer one? why should you trust what he gave to you? why did he join in to take care of them?
the car zooms fast on the highway, yet you can see slower cars on the outside of the highway and faster cars zooming past you on the other lane. it’s like what your dad had said before—"you don’t feel how fast life is until you look at other people’s lives"—and to think that you will be home in overtly large clothing to hide your bump to know that he’s going to be a granddad just concretes the idea of that in your mind. you turn your head to glance at the backseat, seeing the shopping bag you had prepared besides what heeseung also has for his family, who he’ll meet at your house.
stepping out of the car, you stood at the carpool of your house filled with cars—other than yours and your parents inside the garage—when you watched your mom and heeseung’s mom walk out of the porch, barefooted, to greet you. the warmth of your mom’s hug felt so overwhelming that you had to sink your emotions as you blamed your hormones for making you too sensitive.
the interior of the house feels so lively from the last time you went home during the semester break. maybe it’s because of the way your mom has another guest in the form of the lee family and the smell of the delicious you know both of your moms had made together with their aprons still on as they guide you inside. even as they walked to the kitchen, you could hear them whisper.
“since when did (y/n) and heeseung arrive here together and in the same freaking car?” auntie lee asks.
“(y/n) didn’t bring her car this semester so i guess she doesn’t wanna waste any more money for transport.” mama answered.
both of your moms have always tried to make you close and you’ve always tried to tone down your rivalry in front of them, effortlessly acting in front of them as nice friends when you give him a snide look behind their backs any chance you can get. your bickering can escalate so much that you will have a shouting match in the arcade as heeseung doesn’t want to give up his time to play for you, making both of your moms force you to apologize to each other before that bickering returns at school’s classes where they’re not there for you two to mediate. maybe that’s why you don’t perceive heeseung as an enemy. merely a rival; because your mom never talked bad about heeseung no matter what happened between the two of you and it seems that heeseung’s mom has also done the same to him.
the two shopping bags sit on the coffee table as you watch both of your dads talking about dad stuff. heeseung’s attention is on his phone as he’s typing something on the screen while you unconsciously rub your stomach hidden beneath your top, waiting for all of them to settle down around the coffee table as they want to open the shopping bags together.
“what did you bring me?” mama asks in a sing-song manner as heeseung’s mom giggles beside her. you stood beside heeseung with your hands behind you as the husbands looked at the similar-looking gift boxes in each of their wives’ hands.
“don’t tell me. is it the jewelry i showed you those months ago, hee?”
“nah, it’s not. dad’s planning to buy that one for you.”
heeseung’s dad’s face turns into a scowl, seemingly angry as if his son has spoiled his plan while the boy just widens his smile before gazing back at his mom.
“well, together?” mama asked to his mom.
“yeah, 3, 2… 1!”
the box opens as you’re holding your breath, also holding back your smirk as you can view the way papa’s eyebrows crease as he can’t believe what he is saying. heeseung’s mom was the first one to openly express her shock by literally jumping from her seat and box thrown towards his dad’s as he took a good stare at it, making you glance at him you actually won the bidding on who would be shocked first between the two.
“NO, FUCK- WAIT?!” his mom stares between the two of you before your mom jumps from her space to also gaze at you, holding onto the paper. giving him a nudge with your elbow. you didn’t expect him to wrap his arm behind your shoulders.
“yeah… the babies are ours-“
“no fucking way!” your mom actually shouted as she hyperventilates while heeseung’s mom covers her mouth, contemplating on what to do when she felt her body being squished by her best friend, hugging her tight as they turn to hug each other while heeseung’s dad gives his box to your dad so he could see it clearly.
“since when are you two together?” papa asked as you tried to let heeseung’s grip from your shoulder.
“uncle, we aren’t together. we just hook up and-“
“WE’RE GOING TO BE IN-LAWS.” you can hear mama cheer as both of the women twirl around the small space, making you feel even more guilty for breaking the immersion as you stop budging away from heeseung’s hold. rolling your eyes, you stare at heeseung and lean in close to his ear, whispering.
“bad fucking idea…”
“at least they’re happy, right? well, i won because of that.”
mama interrupts both of you as she gives you both an enormous hug while heeseung’s mom comes from behind. you could see the tears coming out of mama’s eyes who rested her head against your shoulder.
“ughh, too tight.”
“stop it, honey! (y/n) looks so uncomfortable.” papa reminded.
“oops, sorry!” your mom lets go of her hold as heeseung’s mom slotted between the two of you as she pushes in on the excess fabric of your clothes, making you grip both sides of your top and pull it backward so she can see your bump already showing.
“hi, baby!”
“it’s babies.” heeseung’s dad cuts in as his wife follows with, “there’s two of them?”
“i swear to god.” heeseung’s old man brushes his face, unbelievable that his wife didn’t see the two sacs from the ultrasound as you give your mom a nod, her hands carefully holding onto your waist.
“fraternal twins,” you confirmed to her as you watched another batch of fresh tears coming out of her eyes.
“hello, you two. you’re going to have the best mom ever.”
“and dad too.” heeseung’s mom replied as she moved to stand in front of you two, seeing his grown son seemingly glowing as she spoke of him being the best dad to his two unborn children.
“okay. i gotta have to make the red meat well done then.” mama cuts out as she hastily moves to the kitchen to cook back her meat-based meal, letting auntie lee replace her place as she caresses the bump gently.
“how long has it been?” she asked as you opened your mouth to reply.
“we did the ultrasound two weeks ago. so it’s week 12 now.” heeseung cuts you off as she gazes back at her son.
“what have you two already prepared?”
“we gave a letter to the university for future parents and they agreed to let me take online classes entering 5 months because i only have three classes, one is that's doing a study case, and they let heeseung have parental leave if i give birth. i haven’t found the right doula yet but my supervisor at the daycare has a connection to one and i think it will be her. she has given me the number so i just have to text her,” you answered.
“is it near campus?” she replied.
“yeah, because i don’t want to graduate late. that’s why i decided to stay near campus during it.” you have thoughts on if you should just take a break this semester to focus on your pregnancy or not multiple times by now. but, of course, the rivalry comes back as you still want to keep pace with heeseung and your friends who will be graduating next semester.
“you should take a semester leave, (y/n).” heeseung cuts off your thought as you peek at him.
“i’ve already got what i wanted from the uni and it’s fine, heeseung. i can keep up.”
“well, you can, but what if you don’t take care of the babies?”
“of course, i can take care of the babies-“
“not by being stressed over college.”
“heeseung-“ you turn your body towards him as you grip both of his upper arms, firm hands holding him as you stare down at him. “i know what’s best for me. i know what my limits are. i’ve trusted you enough with the food but you should also trust me to know how to take care of myself outside of nutrition.”
your teeth are grinding against each other as your fiery gaze stays on him, even as you let go of the grip. it stays for a few more seconds as you turn back to head to the dads who seem to be forgotten by the sofa, seeing papa teary-eyed as he hugs and kisses your head before you let heeseung’s dad hug you.
his mom turns towards him, cupping his cheek. “she knows what she’s doing, heeseung.”
“but how should i know it’s right? cause that’s not right for me. my friend’s mom said that a pregnant woman should focus on preparing herself for her birth and doing college doesn’t seem to prepare her for that.” heeseung sighed as he looked at his mom, not expecting a slight hurt on her face.
“i was still doing my job when i was pregnant with you, heeseung. your dad trusted me for that cause he knows my limits, might be even more than i do. let her be and you might learn that she knows how to take care of herself, too.” her hand brushed away the fringe on his forehead, eyes glistening as she let out a small warm smile at him. the hurt falling away as heeseung sees her mom’s signature smile of knowing before she brought him in his arms, hugging him tight as he glances at you who is giving him a small look with a tight-lip smile before you turn away to the dining room.
-
heeseung stares at the glow-in-the-dark stars sticking on the ceiling. his back being stretched out on the floor as he laid on the comforter beside the single bed where you’re still playing with your phone. he remembered how he begged—trying to persuade—his parents to bring him home with them. but knowing that he’ll only be staying for one night and you two are “together”, they decide for him to stay with you instead. you can see how his fuming breath was held as you glanced at him with an unidentifiable look at the dining table, his parents believing you would let him stay in your bed.
but he insists on lying down on the floor, knowing the history between the two of you they don’t know, as you silently agree.
printed pictures still hang on one side of the room when he looks at them as long as the bedside lamp is still on. he remains silent, eyes tired from looking at his phone so much to distract him from his reality when he hears the rummaging movement on the mattress as you put the phone on the table.
“well, night, heeseung.” the click of the lamp is big in the white-noised room as darkness envelops the space, letting in the moon and streetlights outside beam their shine inside. your eyes easily adjust to the surroundings as you puff your one-less pillows on the bed to find the right position—knowing the ache of sleeping in the wrong position when you are carrying two fetuses inside you.
“since when did you work in a daycare?”
the man’s words overcome your action as you brush the cover of the pillow.
“why do you wanna know?” you put the pillows in the right position as you lay your head and back against it.
“since your mom proclaimed that you’ll be the mom ever.”
heeseung is reminded of the way you look when your mom says that, a look of pride coming out of your eyes as you unconsciously nod knowingly. even if you and him are close by proximity—by being your moms’ children, by being schoolmates, by having roommates who stay in proximity with each other—there’s still something that you don’t know about each other. because if the opposites know, they can use it as leverage to bring any of the two down.
“had a few babysitting gigs during high school days. i started to like it more and decided when i go to hybe, i’ve volunteered for a non-formal school for children and more. i decided to do a part-time job at a daycare and yeah…” you replied, laying down by your side as if you could see heeseung beside you when he is, in fact, below you.
“it doesn’t match with your major though.” heeseung gives a snide comment as you sigh loudly.
“so what if a business major can’t connect with my passion for childcare- fuck me.” you stopped to remind yourself to stop taking the bait from heeseung because you know he was making these comments to break your confidence within yourself. you could discuss how making and taking care of a business could resemble making and taking care of a child, but with the way he had pissed you off today in more ways than one, you rather stick that thought to yourself and instead, take offense towards him.
“why did you wrap your arm around my shoulders?”
heeseung glances towards the bed, seeing your silhouette on the top forming a dark shadow because of your comforter shielding it.
“i had to. so they know the babies are ours,” he replied with the thought that first came to mind after he already had his arm behind you—blaming his underlying consciousness for doing that.
“and it makes them believe we’re together when we’re not. look at us now.” both of your arms stretch out of the comforter to tell him just how big the situation you got yourself into cause how many white lies must you tell your parents to hide that this is because of a hookup, not because you are romantically linked?
your staggered giggles drop as you try to glance downwards at him, the arm nearest to the floor left hanging as heeseung didn’t comment on what you said. “well, this just got more complicated.”
“our situation is complicated since the start, (y/n).”
“well, i know who to blame for making our strings get more tangled with our parents cause fuck you, heeseung.”
he saw the lone middle finger standing tall from the silhouette of your figure before you picked yourself up and lay all your weight on the bed, turning the other side as heeseung followed; both of you staring at the opposites of the room, knowing that your bodies needed to rest so you can face each other again in the morning.
the time between that night and how you both lived after you went back to your own places near campus was a week when you texted him about the doula that you had told at your parent’s home. the car was left in neutral with the handbrake lifted as heeseung waited at the daycare where you work. his eyes gaze at the differing modes of transport each guardian is picking up the kids with before looking at the lobby as he sees you and another attendant saying goodbyes to the kids. he watches as a few of them hug you and even a few let their cheek rested against your growing bump before you take a glance forward at them who is going back to be with their parents, noticing his car for a few seconds before you return inside to take your items.
the backpack is hanging off your shoulders as you take another sliced fried potato from the container when you enter the passenger’s seat beside his driver’s one, resting your back against the seat with your bag there to support you. “hello! i’ve sent you the address, right?”
he stares at you with his squinting eyes, “you should not eat that.”
“it’s cravings, heeseung. it’s totally normal. the doula can count me on that.” you chew another fry as heeseung lets out a mumble under his breath as he moves the handbrake and puts the gear to drive, reeling the car forward as he drives you to the doula’s office. both of your moms have suggested several doulas for you to choose from, but you reminded them you’re having twins. so having a doula who specializes in taking care of moms birthing multiples will be helpful as it is also your first time.
playfully, you fly a french fry like an airplane towards heeseung as he drives, like the usual time you try to feed kids at the daycare. it nudges against his lips a few times before he bit it, pulling it off your fingers; making you let out a chuckle cause he can’t even resist it himself.
the parking lot was pretty barren as you only saw a few vehicles when you both walked out of the cars. you adjust the backpack once again on your back as the chime from the car tells you it is now locked as you enter the office building.
thanking the receptionist, you and he stood in front of the doula’s office as you knocked the door.
the door opens as a soft-spoken woman says from the inside, “miss (l/n)(y/n)?”
“yes, i am.”
“oh, come in. come in.” the door widened as heeseung could see the things inside the large office room. a desk in one corner and a cabinet stood behind it. accolades and certifications by the desk with a sofa on the corner beside the door. a box of what seems to be baby toys beside the sofa as posters are hanging on the wall. from the anatomical look of a baby inside their mom’s uterus to words of encouragement towards mothers.
“i’m haseul. nice to meet you.” the woman shook your hand as she then glanced at heeseung who was still wandering around.
“oh, uh, this is heeseung, the babies’ daddy.” you refer to his name as he looks at the lady, shaking her hand as she looks between the two of you.
“so, both of you aren’t married or dating-“
“no, we’re childhood friends and hooked up, and this happened.” heeseung blurts out as you raised your eyebrows, poking your tongue in the cheek. haseul nodded her head as she let both of you sit down in front of the desk.
“first, congratulations on the twins. you must be nervous to find that out.”
“of course, especially as a first-time mom. but, i’m feeling pretty okay.”
“that’s good, i’ve also sent you the questionnaire for you to fill on your plan for giving birth…” haseul’s voice traces out as heeseung glances at the portrait frame of her holding onto a baby with a mom, a glance at the book about post-partum, and a baby doll on top of the cabinet right in front of a corner window. he could only catch onto some words he recognized from jeongin telling him—birth, dilation, cramps, anesthesia, cesarean—as he sensed himself getting overwhelmed, especially when he had the second preliminary match in two days and his gig in being the documentation for a baseball match for hybe uni too.
his thumbs caressed his fingertips as he sensed the sweat forming on his palm, the same feeling he has every time he has to go to match. to then realize just how ready you seem by how eloquently you say the words for your requests to the doula like you’ve grown up much more than he is even though both of you are the same age. sure, he felt the leverage the first time when he sent you food and a few tips he makes beomgyu do; but his knowledge couldn’t compete with yours and it scares him to know he is losing his stance from above you. to know that you’re much more ready than him.
“heeseung…” he heard someone calling for him, before something wrapped around his wrist, taken aback to see you brought him back to the room he was in.
“sorry… what did you say?” heeseung replied as haseul gave him a warm smile.
“i’ve heard from (y/n) that you have known some knowledge of pregnancies but i could give you some sources to read because it is your first time as a dad as well.” the woman said to him calmly, looking at heeseung as if she can read his body language. your hold on his wrist stays as you rub the inside of his wrist with your thumb. “we have also discussed that (y/n) will try the normal route with water birth and if she can’t handle it, she’ll be going with cesarean. we could also do an appointment every two weeks as both of you are students now, but it is best if you come so you can understand each process as she is entering the second trimester.”
“i understand. i’ll try my best to set my schedule so i can join her.” heeseung glanced at you, who was giving a nod before you let go of your hold as he seemed to be anchored back in the room. the woman gives a small smile as she starts a lecture on the process of pregnancy, childhood, and parenthood. another class that heeseung doesn’t want to get in the first place, but knowing his determination to be the best dad ever—as what his mom believes him to be—he follows along with writing notes in his book as you have with your laptop. the class that he has to pass so he can take care of his children as best as he can.
-
even with the music booming from around his space, heeseung still felt like something was different. his eyes rested on the plastic-colored cup filled with a concoction of alcohol he didn’t know—he could taste the gin and what seemed to be fanta in it. the sigma mu’s frat house lits up in motion as he eyes the way the expensive big-ass speakers are scattered around the room, gazing at the familiar faces of his peers and juniors he has seen while walking around campus.
something stirs within him as he eyes his friends who are here—beomgyu who is by the speaker as he talks with the dj, jimin with his dance crew friends, jeongin with his class friend, while heeseung sits with sunoo and sunghoon on either side of him. that’s when he caught onto the silhouette of some familiar faces every time he comes across a certain person; every time he comes across you.
“excuse me, gang.” heeseung would like to thank himself for being able to stand up so stable even with the nearly empty cup, excusing himself from his basketball teammates to walk towards the frat boys of sigma mu to find the vp and his girlfriend by his side.
“winter…” he calls with the nickname he heard you and others call her before as said girl turns towards him with her boyfriend’s arm still behind the sofa.
“lee heeseung.” she spoke out with a grin on her face, “what makes you come in front of us?”
“i was wondering,” ‘fuck it’ heeseung drinks up the whole liquid that remains inside the cup, hoping that his alcohol tolerance still be able to support him to be stable, “has (y/n) ever talked to you about a doula check-up or some other thing?”
“she should’ve told me if there’s gonna be a checkup but i don’t think there is one nearest from now.” minjeong replies as she lets sungchan take care of her drink so she can comfortably talk to the boy in front of them.
“ah, really?”
“yeah!” minjeong replied before giving another smile. that’s when someone crashes to wrap their arms around minjeong and sungchan, making the two jump as they turn to see ryujin’s head between both of them before giving minjeong a peck on the temple.
“hey, (y/n)’s baby daddy. whatchu up to?”
heeseung chuckles as he looks between the two girls—”no wonder you have them as your friends, all of them are similar after all”—before he opens his mouth.
“just checking what’s (y/n) up to-“
“well, she’s not here. for your information.” ryujin lets out a smirk, “you must really wanna talk to her about something.”
“a doula appointment.” sungchan replied, “and you know how (y/n) is about…” the boy glances at, “him.”
heeseung’s teeth grit against each other as he senses they are hiding something from him. maybe because of your doing so you can prove to everyone that he isn’t as committed to his children as he spoke about.
“you and minjeong aren’t home, so i presume (y/n) is with chaer-“
“someone’s calling my name?”
heeseung sighs as he turns towards the voice of chaeryeong who is holding two cups of drinks as she gives one to ryujin.
“he’s asking about (y/n).” minjeong nods toward chaeryeong when she lets out a small ah before turning her head to stare at heeseung.
“since chan here invited all four of us at the frat party, she really wanted to be here but, of course, cause she’s preggo with YOUR children, she couldn’t. but all of us went out of the apartment together and she was holding a duffle bag of some sort.”
“where is she going?” heeseung doesn’t hesitate to ask, making your three friends look at each other and giggle.
“you seem desperate enough. she’s at the park near our apartment complex. she complained about needing a light workout because of how much her back is hurting.” ryujin said as heeseung could picture the park, knowing where you lived because he had picked you up for your trip back home for the weekend.
“okay, thanks all of you.” heeseung places the cup on the table beside the sofa where minjeong sits and turns away, letting the sense of fresh air flowing inside the frat house guide him to the nearest exit as he arrived on the pavement, feeling the stuffiness inside him getting lighter as he gave a text in his group chat he’ll be leaving early.
the walk there was pleasant, to say the least, because the suburban town the campus is in is pretty sparse compared to the city where heeseung and you live. there is enough place for it to be called a big town but not enough skyscrapers to be called a metropolis. and with the inconsiderable amount of apartment complexes available near campus, he already pinpointed the park where you might be.
crossing the black-and-white stripes, he arrived at one of the entrances of the park where he still could see a few people doing their activities inside—night jogging, playing chess under the streetlights, and a couple who was on a date. he was reminded of what ryujin said about how you might need exercise, but the duffle bag says to him you might stay in one place rather than walking around the park as the main event of your exercise time.
heeseung’s feet instantly brought him to the place that he had gone before in this park as it is the same park near where sunghoon, jay, and jake live—maybe they live in the same complex as you do—when he finds the silhouette lightly jog behind the trees from the path he is on. the sound of rubber meeting the concrete slaps across the night’s atmosphere as he sees you in the middle of the basketball court, wearing a sweatshirt where he could see the bump pushing against the fabric. the basketball bouncing between your palm and the ground creates the familiar sound as you jog toward the ring and shoot your shot. the ball hits the backboard enough that it bounces into the basket.
“fuck yes…” you exclaimed as you grabbed the bouncing ball into your hand, heaving as you brushed the sweat of your skin right underneath the spotlight shining on the court.
that’s when you pick up the scraping on the concrete and clap when you turn around to look at the last person you want to see tonight.
“you still got it,” heeseung commented, making you scoff as you took a few steps back so you stood adjacent to the free throw circle. holding up the basketball between your hands as you tried to remember the position before pushing towards the ring. the basketball curves as it hits the edge of the box instead.
“dammit!”
“you spun your ball,” heeseung replies as the ball flies into his arm, naturally guiding it into a dribble as he walks towards you.
“i didn’t.”
“your wrist was twisted and it makes your hand doesn’t flop straight towards the ring.” he walks towards your side as he shows you the way to hold it, making you glance at the arm muscles that form from holding the ball so much as he throws the ball, creating a perfect arch that it bounces on the back of the rim before it flies and the basket catches its fall. your body immediately reaches for it before heeseung can as you return to your spot whilst dribbling alternating between left and right.
“i know.” you lightly roll your eyes as you grab onto the basketball once again, wiping your sweat palm against your sweatshirt before you feel the right grip as you return to your position, reminding yourself to let the ball fly and not twist your ball before you threw it.
you heard a click of the tongue as you saw a pair of hands reaching to hold yours, making your hand move to the position as you picked up heeseung’s breath beside your ear. startled, your shoulder nudges against his chest as you hear a small “ack” before you throw the basketball, seeing it twirl in the air. you can hear heeseung saying “i told you so.” before it bounces against the backboard, but you are ready as you stride towards it to grab the ball before heeseung catches it and you quickly do a layup, gliding the ball as it bounces right at the small box above the rim as it bounces inside. you turn your body to face him, head tilted with a smug smile as the ball bounces before it rolls to heeseung’s feet.
but the smile falls as you see heeseung who is in his element, walking back to the three-point line and shooting his shot as the ball, once again, creates a perfect arc. the basket catches it into its net as heeseung walks towards the center of the court with a wide grin on his face. the ball bounces near you as you hold it and dribble once more, glancing at it, the court, and heeseung once again as you shake your head, scolding yourself to take things slow for your and your babies’ sake. the sudden epiphany makes your eyelids flutter as you dribble away at a steady walking pace around the court.
your footsteps are met with another as heeseung’s legs stride towards you, a smirk on his face showing as he replies, “that’s why you were put in the point guard position.”
“hmm…” your reply is small as you continue to dribble away the basketball, making you and he walk around the court together before he cuts through the silence.
“why did you stop playing basketball in high school?”
your body stood still as you let your muscle memory do your job of dribbling the ball, shifting your head towards his even if you look away.
“you were, well, it seems to be still are, good at it,” he added.
the memories of your first year in high school from the extracurricular showcase come back as you are already determined to stop playing basketball, focusing on doing something else that you were interested in.
“i got tired of it,” you replied, but heeseung seemed to notice that it was not all the truth.
“and…”
the ball stops bouncing as you hold it against you, wrapping your arm across your front along with the ball as you glare at him and reply, “you.”
“me?”
“yeah, you. i stopped playing because of you.” you turn around and set your eyes on the bench where your bag is. your water bottle calling for you so you can hydrate yourself as you give in.
“really, huh? wow, that was another victory i didn’t expect-“
“fucking hell, heeseung. that’s why- this-“ you gulped down your saliva, “what you become because of it is why i stop. i know our moms are outstanding basketball players at their time and we’ve gotten the signal to be like them but-“ you hold back as you throw the bottle inside the bag, holding yourself down as your hands form fists.
basketball has always been a large part of your life before you were even born. your mom and heeseung’s met because of their love of basketball as they became skilled players together. your mom and dad meet up because of basketball. you still remember the amount of pictures of your parents in their high school days in their basketball jerseys in the photo albums. even if they don’t pursue it professionally, it still becomes a large part of their life as it also spills onto you.
with the amount of time you have interacted with children—as it makes you see your own experience as a child in a different view—many of them like to mimic what their parents do before they form their own sense of self. you can see it with the way one child at the daycare is always playing doctor with dolls, figures, and plushies because one of their parents is a doctor. you were like that. you’ve heard and seen just how impactful basketball is to your mom that you want to be just like her, making you join the teams during your elementary and middle schools.
to see and feel the influence of your rival during practice and tournaments around you was overwhelming.
the tug-of-war between the basketball in between both of your hands is just the beginning of what kinds of rivalry you and him have during practice. even if your coaches assigned you to the same team, you or he, depending on who is first, will reach out to the coach to be put into the other team. even if you two had to practice together, hidden aggression is flying to the roof, which includes passing the ball so hard that it had even made your nose bleed. as time goes on and the many matches you and he have to compete in as you two have to watch each other to “encourage” each other’s team, you had notice the way you fell out of love of basketball because of how there are more bad memories associated with it even if you were being trusted as a captain for one season and scoring many buzzer beaters to let your team and school win the tournament.
“you’ve become so much better with it as i lost interest. i still remember when the coach brought me to the nurse’s office cause you passed the ball so hard that it hit my face. in the middle of practice for the last season in middle school, that’s when i knew…” you take steps closer as you now stand in front of him.
“i knew i’m in a losing battle against you.”
your muscles twitched as you wanted to let out a smirk when you noticed the hidden expression heeseung failed to hide, the little shock he had gotten to show. yet, the emotion that is enveloping you held it down, as you now had to tell him the truth. why your rivalry seemed to expand outside of the scope that both of you are in.
“that’s why i quit basketball. that’s why i decide to pursue my own path even with you tailing behind me to comment on my every move. because i am sick of you. yet, i held back. i had to retaliate, just like what i did on that fucking playground when we were 5. cause i’m not afraid of you even though i know i’ll lost in the end.” you chew the inside of your cheeks as heeseung seems to read your face while letting his brain figure out what you meant.
“that’s why i wanted a fucking truce.”
with the way your facial muscles contort, it hurts you more and more as you feel the tears of pain forming, harboring the feelings you have felt for nearly two decades now. with your hand raised, you wiped the small drop of tear as you let out a huge breath, feeling just a bit of the weight in your rivalry falls off—right along with you.
as you let your body sit on the concrete ground, you push yourself back slowly as you settle and lay on it. heeseung’s conflicted face peeking from your vision while you’re trying to blur it out by focusing on the night sky. though the light pollution is still around you, you can still see tiny specks of stars behind the shadow of clouds of the night. stretching your back on the ground as you let your backbone rest after trying to make you stand upright while carrying two growing fetuses.
eyelids close, you let nature take control in calming your emotions and let heeseung process the information himself. the first time you truly open up yourself behind the mask of your persona—maybe when he stays the night in your childhood room is one as you recall your feet resting against his sleeping figure, contemplating if you want to wake him up or not before gazing at the dusting basketball that you decide to bring back to your apartment after papa helps in blowing more air so it doesn’t sag too much.
the sound of rustling leaves seems to be louder as you rest still, hearing a muffled thump beside you as you open your eyes, looking at your feet to then find another pair lying down right beside yours.
“you’re the one that was throwing a fit and ruining my toy truck after i apologized.” you sighed as you took a peek to see heeseung’s head turning towards you, asserting dominance once again before looking back. you knew that if you replied with the same vibe to assert your own dominance, it would actually break you apart faster than the rate that you are now. however, you have one question that will be the right one to ask him about.
“did you mean that?”
“‘mean’ what?”
“the apology? did you mean that? cause i want you to look at it from my eyes, lee.”
heeseung traces back to that memory when he sees you teary-eyed face and his mom beside him, the boys he was playing with snickering on the side as they saw him getting in trouble with his then-friend. the “sorry” mumbled out of him with his eyes on you but mind on the boys, who seemed to not snicker at him, but at you for being a pissy fit. but, deep down, he knew…
“i meant it.” his reply makes you turn your head, mirroring his form as you let out a slight pout.
“with that smile you were giving? hell no-“ you rolled your eyes.
“i genuinely meant it. the boys that were there, they were behind you and they were laughing at us. i had to juggle facing you and them. i had to look fierce yet still can give you an apology. maybe that’s why you see the smirk that you see. i was a fucking child, (y/n). we’re not as good as we are not in hiding complicated emotions to only let out one.”
your chest rises and falls as you see the apology smirk in a different light. you don’t know if you should easily believe that or not, but after taking it into consideration, you could feel a small part of your inner child healing up before you realize the damage that you also have done to him.
“if it is genuine; i’m sorry, then. about the truck. you know how i felt now and why i did that.” you return to look at the sky once again as you hear the rustle beside you before peeking at heeseung who is also staring into the night, listening to him humming before you return to gaze back again.
“what would happen if i actually have the emotional intelligence to know that you were sincere that day?” your words cut off the silence as you felt the guilt pouring for it to be transformed into humor that was reciprocated well by heeseung’s chuckles.
“well, we wouldn’t have these two.” he playfully poked your belly, making you let out a small shriek before holding onto his wrist as you held his hand down between the two of you and you pivoted your head to see him.
“in all seriousness, i think we might have been the friends our moms see us to be because let me tell you, they see us differently than what we are having.” his words are replied with a hum as you added,
“i notice that too. glad we can be more civil in front of them.”
“we still could, you know.”
with the way you didn’t hold on to his wrist tightly, you felt the limb moving under your touch before his palm rested underneath your own. the wind blows against your sweaty top as it gives you shivers from the cold, hoping that your own temperature and a lifeline can help warm it up. and you can feel it warmer as you see heeseung pivot to mirror you. his fingers slid between yours as if he knew the little shivered breath you led out.
“have each other’s backs. emulate what they want.”
your eyes are galloping to the way the spotlight shines half of his as the other one is cast in shadows from facing the concrete. you could smell a faint scent of alcohol on him but with the life in his eyes, you knew he wasn’t drunk. the way his eyes are also peering with slight twitches as before connecting with your gaze.
pushing one side of your upper body, you cup onto heeseung’s cheek as he leans up to connect your lips. your shoulder is pushing down against the ground as heeseung’s grip on your hand tightens, making it steady as you can hear his muffled hum from your kiss. your fingers curl to hold yourself up better before you feel his other hand reach for your waist and push you down so you both lay on the side.
both of you take turns to take a breath as you sense the tip of his nose brushing against yours. every time you let out a breath, the other’s lips linger before connecting once. your legs curled as you felt the ticklish sensation surging through your nerves before heeseung pushed your lower back so it could stay for one last long kiss before he pulled away. your noses touch each other as you feel his hand on your waist trails to your bump, pressing it down gently as you lean back to see him looking down at the body he is holding. then, his eyes flick back to you as he can sense you slip away, turning yourself away from him as you push yourself up with your arms.
grabbing the lone basketball and putting it in the duffle bag, you zip it up and shift to find heeseung now upright, yet still with his legs stretched out on the ground.
“baby steps, heeseung.” you pull away before giving a small salute.
“baby steps.”
your voice echoes as heeseung watches you walk away, biting his bottom lip before a chuckle falls out of him as he knows he had to text you back his question about the appointment, knowing that you will reply to him.
-
beomgyu breathed out as the elevator opened up to the now familiar hallway, holding onto the box that he had still had to bring even if heeseung already told him he’ll do the next one himself because of what he told him. the box held fresh ingredients that jeongin also pinpoint—courtesy of his doctor mom—on what you should eat, considering now that there are two of them inside you. beomgyu couldn’t help but feel melancholic knowing that this was the last time he’d probably visit your apartment complex as… well…
but, other than bringing you today’s box, beomgyu is here to pick you up for the doula appointment as heeseung will follow suit after practice. even his bandmates are weirded out as to why he has to do the errands, but knowing that they’re in the process of rest mode whilst preparing to create new music and focusing on academics, he allows it, especially with how long he has been best friends with the guy.
he huffs as he positions the box again against his upper body, sliding his pointer finger to the bell as he picks up the familiar bell sounding in the room. but it seems like there’s no one inside. he’s glad that he remembers the pin ryujin has given him as he pushes inside the door to see the clean empty living room of the apartment he has been in countless times when he had to put the box in himself. pushing off his shoes, he walks to the kitchen and places the box on the island counter before rushing towards the intercom to turn off the bell.
that’s when he heard the noise of something familiar.
a guitar strumming sound of chords and the changes he recognized.
beomgyu took tiny steps towards one of the ajar doors in the hallway as the realization of the familiar sound widened his eyes. of course it was familiar to him, it was his song.
the nearly acoustic rendition of “skipping stones” with a familiar voice he had heard makes him peek through the door to find you sitting cross-legged on your bed, holding a nearly all-white guitar as you strum while having headphones on your head, singing the daylights out as your window lets the stream of lights in through the window. he lets you sing as he can see you glow—jeongin had mentioned to him that pregnant women have this whole glow on them. maybe that’s what he was seeing in you. the way your fingers glide against the fretboard with your eyes on it or close as you sing the lyrics makes beomgyu mesmerized.
the last ring of strings strummed is heard from your rumble speaker when you notice clapping from outside of your headphones, making you look up to find beomgyu behind your slightly open door. his clapping turns to hollering as lets out a wide thin smile before looking away; you don’t want him to see you flustered. that is when you realize why you’re here.
“oh fuck, the doula appointment.”
“yeah!” beomgyu replies outside as you quickly tidy the guitar up into your case and you step into your wardrobe to grab some more clothes that are much more appropriate for your appointment.
“sorry, about that. beom.”
“nah, no worries. i can wait.”
“thanks!” you close the door as you quickly change your clothes, deciding for a flowy blouse with a rubber-banded culotte, needing to remind yourself to buy maternity clothes because you are slowly running out of clothes that fit you. you wore a bit of sunscreen as you got a message from mama telling you to embrace the pregnancy glow your friends seemed to notice is exuding out of you as you’re in the second trimester. wearing the eau du toilette that doesn’t make you as dizzy—unlike perfume—you open the door to see beomgyu leaning against the wall where it hangs a frame of you and your roommates in photo booths.
“you ready?” he held his hand out as you nodded, you put your hands out before beomgyu grabbed the strap of the bag from your hold, startling you before you returned to your usual state. if your face isn’t warm enough, it’s now warmer from the embarrassment.
the walk down to his car is silent as he helps with buckling the seatbelt to the side. seeing how much your stomach is rested underneath the strap makes him giggle as you recognize the smell of pot from beomgyu’s very appropriate old sedan car.
“hopefully you aren’t high while driving me.” you give a cheeky grin.
“of course not. heeseung will actually kill me if he finds that i dui with you.”
beomgyu twists the key of the ignition as the car turns on—yes, that’s how old his car is—as the sound of a loud rock song plays from the rock fm you recognized. his hand reaches for the button as you react,
“no need. i’m okay with it.”
he hums as he reaches for the volume to turn the sound down, not letting the rattling of the sound in the interior startle you as he pulls the car out of the parking space and into the road.
“can you check the quickest route to the office?” beomgyu said as he brushed his wolf-cut hair.
“of course.” you lean back against the leather seat as you open the map app on your phone, telling beomgyu the roads to the doula’s office. the song has changed to a familiar song by tom petty playing as you notice how beomgyu glances at you.
“what?” you called out with a few chuckles.
“i didn’t expect you to like my song, well txt’s song.” his reply is met with your own giggle as you lean back.
“even if i hate heeseung. that doesn’t mean i have to hate his friends, you know?”
your eyebrow is raised as he gives another quick look before focusing on the road, “if you don’t believe me, i’ve been a fan of band your band since, like, sophomore year when you formed.”
“why? i really wanna hear from a fan's perspective.”
your giggle warms his heart as you answered, “i just relate to it, ya hear? a band that talks about the hardships of finding oneself and the struggle of growing but in a more intelligible way other, especially ‘skipping stones’ from your newest album.”
both of beomgyu’s hands are on the steering wheel as you feel the brake of the car before turning to the curb of where the office is, parking nearest to the entrance as the car stops and he pulls the hand brake. both of you sitting inside as you waited for heeseung to arrive in a few minutes from the last time he texted you.
“why ‘skipping stones’ specifically?”
“hmm…” you suppressed the grin that is threatening to go out before replying with, “interpreting self-struggle with the idea of skipping stone is… in it of itself, very poignant. to correlate the body of water with your own and the stones you’re throwing as the struggle you’re facing.” you let out a huge sigh, “i don’t know- it’s something i understand, especially if someone else is doing the skipping stone to you, feeling that emotion sinking into you, replacing the water’s place…”
you glanced at beomgyu who was definitely staring at you, his hands on his lap as he let out a solemn smile, agreeing with what you said. you quietly nod and take a sharp intake, trying to find the right words to cut the rising awkwardness between the two of you, “other than that, the freaking dissonance on the harmony is so good. it gives a sense of unbalanced buoyancy as if you’re a leaf floating on the water and the skipping stone makes it unstable. great job on that.”
“thanks!”
“of course.” you nearly slapped yourself for leaning closer to the middle console, but beomgyu seemed to not react as much when you felt a bit of your finger touching his. “can’t wait for the next release. no pressure.”
the corner of beomgyu’s lips rose as he giggled, a boyish grin on his face before his expression changed, “don’t worry, me and the band won’t let the fans down.” he replied as you leaned back, head nodding. that’s when you hear the rumbling of the car right beside yours as you see the appearance of heeseung’s newer model car.
“gotta go. thank you so much for bringing me here,” you said as beomgyu helped pick your bag up from the backseat.
“of course, (y/n). gotta have to thank heeseung for letting me do so, but hey…” you felt his hand reaching and now touching your wrist, making you turn your body while nearly opening the door.
“i've known you since high school but we never hang out together cause of heeseung. maybe we could hang out, with your girls and my guys? if heeseung is already melting his ice down then i think that’s okay for us and our friends to hang out. it’s up to you, though.”
you suppress an amused smile as you think about it. thinking about how long have you been crushing on the boy in front of you and how you wanna shake heeseung a thank you for letting him do the errands, maybe even to your noise-canceling headphones that make him notice just how much you like him- no, his band. yeah.
“i’ll think about it. heeseung and i don’t have a formal truce yet but based on what we talked about last time, maybe it could work.”
“sweet-“
you heard a knocking on the door before you turned around to catch heeseung’s silhouette behind the glass window.
“i’ll talk to the girls so we can arrange a time.”
“me too with the guys.”
“okay, bye beomgyu.” the car door unlocks as you nuzzle the door open while hearing beomgyu’s own “bye” from the driver’s seat. heeseung helps to hold the door as you step out.
“thanks for her ride, gyu.”
“don’t mention it, hee. we might even have to ride with her often.” beomgyu said right as the door that heeseung held closed. the engine turns on as the car drives off the parking. you stand right beside heeseung as he looks at you, who still has a lingering smile on your face.
“why are you smiling, (y/n)?”
he lightly nudges your palm with his as you turn your head to him.
“you’ll see, hee.” as you took off towards the office, leaving heeseung once again alone as he then followed you.
part 2
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ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE RUTHLESS ROCKSTARS — The discography of South Korean idol band Moth Signals consists of four studio albums, eight extended plays, and twenty-six singles. Over the course of the career, the band has sold over 10 million records worldwide, making them one of the best selling music artists in South Korea and internationally. Since their 2016 debut, the members of Moth Signals have written and produced every single song they have released, thought it would not be until 2021 they were completely "self-produce".
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀TRIGGER / CONTENT WARNINGS. Death of a parent, descriptive mention of eating disorders + treatment ( 2021 section ). If this piece is too triggering, please DM and I can give you a summary of what happens!
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2016 — Moth Signals debuts with the physical single album SCARED to test the waters. Despite the popularity Loop 2002 gained, the same audience was not willing to tune into Salem's attempt at a cash grab. Scared would sell less than 20 copies in total and went out of print in 2017 because of how poorly it was selling. In 2024, getting an original copy of the album is near impossible and fakes often sell for $500 easily. This would be the first and only year to feature the line-up of SALEM, JUDE, DOHUN, and OLIVER. It would later be revealed that in order to make their appearances at The Lure and other live bar performances, Superbloom Media forged documents that stated Oliver was born in 1999, instead of the true 2001. Due to their inability to sell enough records, Moth Signals would be placed on an indefinite hiatus as Superbloom Media "restructured the group" to ensure the next generation would bring more success for the company as a whole. Yang Irang aka Jude would move to Mystic Story and debut as a soloist under her birth name and continue with an indie sound. On the other hand, there have been no public spottings of Jeong Dohun since 2017 with a police report filed by his parents not long after his contract was terminated with Superbloom Media. As of 2024, this era of Moth Signals is considered "lost media" as very primary sources of year survives.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀SCARED was written by park jueun and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun in spring 2016, performed by park jueun. in her mainstream debut, salem explores themes of fear and insecurity with the lyrics suggesting a hesitance to approach someone and freely express themselves. many fans interpret this song to be about salem's original band, LOOP 2002, which she left in favor of moth signals the year before. the phrase " why are you scared ? " repeats throughout the song and highlights a sense of frustration with the fear and reluctance in this relationship, despite many attempts to change. the narrator yearns for reassurance and validation, seeking comfort in the hope that their uncertainties will fade away having this person beside them. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE LONG SILENCE was written by park jueun and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by park jueun. this song is often compared to their later released b-side brand new city from their 2023 album ohio impromptu and shows how similar salem and serin are. both songs discuss the sense of dread from being in one's prime and what comes later. the long silence is described as what happened after the narrator of brand new city moves and realizes that they need to find a way to survive. simply moving away from their problems was not enough to change their feelings and create a new sense of happiness. the narrator vows to " find love / and find a way to survive here ", giving them a new sense of purpose and hope to move on.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 6.7 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 0.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2017 — The band would return on what is now celebrated as their debut anniversary, SEPTEMBER 17TH, and include three new members: JUNYEONG, MINJAE, and SERIN. Instead of following the traditional band path, the members were picked from Superbloom's most promising trainees. They were desperate to get these three out into the world so that they did not lose their talents, mostly seen with Junyeong. The band would be promoted on various idol television programs including AFTER SCHOOL CLUB and KNOWING BROS, to get their names out there. They would also promote their only title track for the year, GREAT CAESAR, on the different idol performance shows, including INKIGAYO and MUSIC BANK. Despite their attempts, Moth Signals would continue to sell poorly due to their status as a co-ed group and lack of interest in bands. Despite their busy idol schedules, the band would be given a permanent residency at The Lure in Gangnam, Seoul and lasted until their second hiatus in 2021. They would perform every Friday and Saturday night just before the bar closed as the most exciting act and would slowly gain more fans as they performed more.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀GREAT CAESAR was written by park jueun and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by park jueun and lee jiyeon. this song explores themes of identity, longing for recognition, and the desire for power and validation. the narrator knows that they are lacking in confidence when they are not wearing a suit, which symbolizes a facade or role the speaker feels they must play to be respected. the references to the city of leningrad is a metaphor for feeling lost and helpless, like leaves lost to the wind, alluding siege of leningrad during world war ii and the bleakness of the city. they want to be recognized as someone great, even if it's just for a moment. the speaker reflects on their childhood and feeling in control, though they would quickly lose that confidence, and now long for stability or connection to feel grounded.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 7.1 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 0.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2018 — Unlike the previous two years, nothing about Moth Signals would change as they came into 2018. Their music was still in the hands of Jueun and Kim Yuchan, the most successful artist under Superbloom at the time, and the rest would be delegated to lowly b-sides. It was beginning to feel like Salem did not care about the creative input of the other members, especially when it was not getting her any results. This year would cement Moth Signals promotional style taking place during the SPRING and FALL, with the fall album almost always dealing with darker themes and concepts than the one released in spring. This release continued their momentum forward and there was nothing out of the ordinary during this era. They were slowly being included in more variety shows, as seen by their joint appearance with Day6 on Weekly Idol and their first invitations to a major award show with the Golden Disc Awards and Seoul Music Awards. They were not nominated or even performed, but their photos from the red carpet got people talking about the unknown group.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀EAT THIS NIGHT was written by park jueun, produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by park jueun. eat the night returns to their original sound with themes of liberation and desire to break from societal constraints. the song opens with lyrics expressing uncertainty about what to sing about, as if overwhelmed by the abundance of refrain in the world, and emphasizes their lack of understanding of the path chosen. the narrator proclaims that they have finally found their own way and the metaphor of cutting the moon and devouring the night suggests that rebellious mindset, chosing to defy expectations and live freely. eat the night encourages fans to let go of their norm and find their own path, breaking from exceptions to create their own meaning of happiness. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀BIRTHDAYS was written by park jueun and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by park jueun. birthdays revolves around the themes of heartbreak, disappointment, and the realization that a once-special relationship has come to an end. the lyrics depict the emotions of someone who believed their relationship was unique and meaningful, only to discover that their partner does not feel the same. This is famously thought to be about one of her former bandmates from LOOP 2002. Throughout high school and much of their career together, they dated and broke up around the same time Salem left to join Superbloom Media. Through this song, she is coming to terms with the relationship being over after asking “why don’t you adore me?” over and over again. She uses the concept of sleep and going to be bed to bury the past and move on from the relationship, showing that she would be ready to move on once she wakes up.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 11.4 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 0.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2019 — Moth Signals would release HYPOCREEP in March 2019, right before OLIVER was set to appear on the new survival talent competition show SUPERBAND, produced by JTBC. Despite the sound change, Hypocreep was met with positive reaction from fans and is their first mini-album to sell over 1,000 copies in the first month. It is often seen as a turning point for the band as their releases following would follow a similar sound and is the first song to credit another band member besides SALEM, that being OLIVER. This would be the first of a long partnership between the two that would eventually fizzle out during their 2022 hiatus. Hypocreep is also one of the most popular songs for other idols and bands to cover given the technical requirements of each instrument. While Hypocreep opened the door for the other members, MY ANGEL would be the first title track sung by another member. Oliver's My Angel would go onto break and double every single Moth Signals record as he rode the Superband high. MY ANGEL still remains a fan favorite song and would give the band their first award show nomination on Show! Music Core, much to the band’s surprise. Most of the members recall this era as the first time they actually felt loved by the audience and could see people singing along.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀HYPOCREEP was written by park jueun, produced by park jueun, and performed by park jueun. the song expresses frustration towards people who are hypocritical and fake, particularly those who are thirsty for drama and attention on the internet. the narrator identifies as a “hypocreep,” which is a term they use to describe themselves as a different breed of person who is hyper and freaky. they acknowledge that they may be seen as strange or abnormal to others, but they do not care because those same people secretly wish they could be like them. hypocreep, since it's release, has always been a fan favorite and is almost always the opener on their tours because it never fails to get the audience hyped up. it's a favorite to perform for almost all of the members as well. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀MY ANGEL was written by oliver song and park jueun, produced by park jueun, kim yuchan, and dallas linwood, and performed by oliver song. my angel is a song about a tumultuous romantic relationship with someone that is both heavenly and devilish at the same time. this would be the first song that connected bandmates salem and oliver together romantically and their relationship would be confirmed later in 2020 by superbloom media and dispatch. he enjoys the sensation of having her in his teeth, representing his inability to let go of her and his knuckles being battered and bruised suggests that he is desperate to win her over, even if it takes everything from him. the relationship is described as a forbidden one and the two are constantly meeting in secret despite the risks. she may seen like an angel, but the narrator knows that she has that "devilish" side as well.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 10.2 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 1.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2020 — Fans of Moth Signals fall into two camps for their 2020 releases: either loving it or hating everything it stands for. Tragically, due to the popularity of Lion's Den, Pinktop is often forgotten by all fans of Moth Signals. Despite this, it remains one of Jiyeon's favorites and will always have a place on their set-lists because of this. Due to it’s “inappropriate lyrics” LION'S DEN was banned by all the major South Korean music shows and would be promoted in a series of live concerts instead. They would instead promote READY TO FLY as their title track for this era, saving the performances of Lion's Den for their smaller performances. Due to the show going semi-viral on TWITTER thanks to a tweet by a lumi asking “what business Plastic Flowers had releasing” the song, LOVESICKNESS sold over 10,000 copies by the end of the year. This would also be the final time they were promote prior to their 16 month hiatus, making it special to their fans. LION'S DEN would later become a sleeper hit by going viral once again and entering the top 10 on the Circle Chart after being used on an OST.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀PINKTOP was written by park jueun and lee jiyeon and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by park jueun and lee jiyeon. pinktop was inspired by a regular at the bar that they perform at, the lure, and serves as a symbol of liberation and acceptance. salem describes the song as a love song to someone that cares so little about what the world thinks about them, something that both girls struggle with. someone that wears the pinktop is someone that stands out of the crowd and embraces their unique style and personality rather than hiding from the spotlight. the guy is a fan of moth signals and admires their music, showing their mutual appreciation for each other and this strong understanding. the lyrics convey the importance of staying true to oneself and walking their own path regardless of what other people think. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀LION'S DEN was written by oliver song and produced by kim yuchan and oliver song, performed by oliver song. the major themes of lion's den relate to toxic and tumultuous relationships, with the lyrics depicting the ups and downs of being with someone that can be both loving and hurtful. written completely alone by OLIVER SONG, many fans have begun to debate the real meaning of the song as it relates to his relationship with salem. in lion's den, he realizes that the person they are in love with is full of contradictions as they compare their lover to a pair of teeth. the lover's heart is described as having teeth as well, meaning that while they may talk sweetly, they often hurt and bite him. the relationship is very complicated, in which both parties are hurting each other but can't let go of them. the narrator realizes that they are losing themself by the end of the song and hopefully, ends the relationship before it can get worse.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 229.6 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 3.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2021 — The GOODNIGHT era was spent dreading what would come next for Moth Signals. It was obvious that the members were losing steam as shown by their smaller performances and the constant cancellation of their performances at their bar, The lure The release of THE FOURTH FLOOR only made that worse as they went back to the melancholic sound and promotions outside of music shows were cut short. In fear of losing the band, Lumis made sure that it sold well, achieving a record-breaking 14,000 copies in the first month alone and securing them more music show nominations. However, it seemed that nothing they were doing was enough as Moth Signals slowly slipped away from the public eye. Despite GOODNIGHT selling well, Moth Signals were put on an unofficial hiatus two months after it’s initial release. Superbloom would be intentionally vague about the details behind the scenes to keep everything under wraps, however, sasaengs exposed the truth. Not only were they on hiatus to “fight burnout”, but Oliver had returned to his hometown of Boston after the death of his father and Jiyeon had been checked into an eating disorder treatment by their manager, Cheon Garam. During this time, Salem and Oliver would also BREAK UP, creating a new tension within the band. The band’s social media—both company owned and personal—would go completely dormant from March 2021 to April 2022, leaving many to believe that the group would never return and would be lost just before they achieved stardom. During this period, SALEM would debut as a solo artist with THE CURSE OF CAPULET and SERIN not long after with PRINCESS DIARIES. JUNYEONG'S debut was confirmed in late 2021, but nothing was ever released due to OLIVER'S return to South Korea.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE FOURTH FLOOR was written by park jueun and produced by kim yuchan and park jueun, performed by oliver song the fourth floor explores themes of obsession and dependency in a relationship. the lyrics depict a protagonist who is deeply infatuated with someone to the point of being obsessed, as represented by the repeated phrase “i can’t stop thinking about you.” the protagonist seeks answers and validation from a doctor, indicating a desperation for a solution to their intense emotions. they recognize their own exaggerated behavior, acknowledging that they may appear crazy or “psycho” to others. the chorus reinforces the protagonist’s obsession, stating that they cannot live a day without thinking about this person. the fourth floor conveys a sense of dependency and the idea that the protagonist’s life revolves entirely around the object of their affection.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 122.9 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 3.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 0
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2022 — Just when most fans began to lose hope for Moth Signals to comeback, Superbloom did the unthinkable: dropping a new set of teasers for a full album called INTERNET BLUES. During this time, it was also revealed that MINJAE had left the band and was replaced by Timefighter contestant OH DEURIM, who had failed to make it into the debut line-up by one place. According to Minghui, he left on good terms with the members but could no longer handle the idol life anymore. Despite how protective poppies are, they surprisingly welcomed Deurim with open arms and wanted to see what she could bring to the table. INTERNET BLUES would be released on May 5, 2022 with the title track I��M ALIVE, which secured them their FIRST WIN and first NOMINATION at a major award show after selling 100,000 copies. Moth Signals would return to their original promotional schedule with the release of I DON'T CARE, the title track for their first studio album, CALL ME CRAZY that November. The studio album was celebrated by all fans as it finally meant that Plastic Flowers were confirming that they were here to stay despite their earlier issues. The members looked so much more alive this era and they even held their first FAN SIGN, which went as well as expected. The members had fun with their fans, but hated the constant requests for cuteness or prying into their personal relationships. They would hold their own formal CONCERT, with over three thousand people in attendance.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀I'M ALIVE was written, produced, and performed by oliver song. i'm alive is an uplifting song that talks about the feeling of overcoming challenges and persevering through tough times. they promise that even in the midst of uncertainty and darkness, the singer declares that they will keep themselves alive. the chorus serves as a mantra of sorts as the singer repeatedly affirms that they are alive and won’t give up. the idea of a “highlight” suggests that even in the bleakest moments of life, one can find something beautiful to hold onto. the bridge encourages listeners to keep searching, keep breathing, and keep alive. It’s a call to action to hold onto life and never give up. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀I DON'T CARE was written by oliver song and oh deurim and produced by kim yuchan, performed by oliver song. this would be oliver's first attempt at a song that criticizes the world him and similar to his bandmates, he aims to show a sense of confidence that cannot be broken. i don't care is about not being afraid of showing who you are and not carinf about what other people think about you. it suggests that self-love is more important than trying to fit in and please other people, and that it's possible to find happiness in difficult situations. the song would be lauded as ironic because it was released just after oliver song went on hiatus for mental health issues and has never seemed to actually recover.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 392.9 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 8.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 2.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2023 — Coming into 2023, Lumis were promised many exciting things from the band. In March, Oliver’s solo DISHONESTY with the lead single MY HONEST FACT would be released to overwhelming success, cementing his popularity with the general public and showing everyone that he was here to stay. Though fans were happy for him, the same could not be said for his bandmates as SALEM and JUNYEONG began a smear campaign that lasted throughout the entire promotional period. Oliver would ignore any questions about the situation and chose to move on from it instead, celebrating his own achievements rather than focusing on those around him. In June, the band would come back as five to release LOVE AND WAR with the lead single of the same name, which became their best selling record at that point at just under 1 million copies. Later that year, Moth Signals would return with I Disagree and a new title track from Salem. The era and album was very well received despite initial worries about the darker sound alienating their original fanbase. Salem already went through that once, she wasn't going to do it again.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀SOLD MY LOVE was written, produced, and performed by oliver song. this song captures the complexities of love, longing, and emotional confrontation. the lyrics express a sense of vulnerability intertwined with defiance as the narrator seems to grapple with past experiences and a feeling of being stuck in a cycle of love that feels both passionate and painful. the recurring idea of "going to your hour" symbolizes a readiness to confront the emotional turmoil head-on despite the ricks involved. there is a sense of raw and unfiltered emotions, hinting at a history of physical connections but also deeper disappointments. the narrator feels that they have wasted their affection on things that didn't matter, selling their love for lost youth and reckless romances. ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀I DISAGREE was written, produced and performed by park jueun. i disagree is an anthem of nonconformity and speaks to anyone that is challenging the status quo, rejecting societal pressures, and has their own opinions. it emphasizes the importance of standing up for what you believe in, suggesting that nothing but freedom and peace will come from it. the chorus features the phrase for i disagree in korean repeating in the background to ensure that their domestic fans get the hint despite all the lyrics being written in english.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS
MV VIEWS: 748.3 million.
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 10.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 7.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀THE YEAR IS 2024 — Despite being on track to become one of the biggest bands in the world, Moth Signals would NOT continue their contract with Superbloom Media. While Oliver remained under the main label and Deurim went to Rove Records, the rest of the members would go their separate ways with the company and begin their HITAUS ERA. Tower of Babel is considered to be one of their final releases and because fans were unsure when Moth Signals would return, they made sure the album sold better than expecting. There were so many group orders and fans asking each other to match their albums bought. It was a good era for all the members and it seemed to be the first time they were truly happy making music together in a long time.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ARE U COMING? written and produced by oliver song and finn lee, performed by oliver song. an oliver song classic through and through, he pulls out all of his favorite themes of yearning, escapism, and longing over a romantic connection. the lyrics paint the picture of a place where hopelessness is nonexistent and creating their dreamlike reality, reflecting that of one of his favorite night clubs. the speaker is eager for their partner’s presence, symbolizing a deep emotional yearning for connection and intimacy. rather than their traditional music videos, the production for are u coming? was just a performance at the lure in seoul, confirming that the place discussed in the song is a bar or some sort of party. it was also tested at the bar prior to release to see what fans thought and they were able to vote for their favorite to become the title track of tower of babel.
ა ⠀ ♱ .⠀ACHIVEMENTS.
MV VIEWS: 1.2 billion
MUSIC SHOW NOMINATIONS. 20.
MUSIC SHOW WINS. 9.
#≀⠀⁺⠀˒ but now i find i’ve grown into a tall child ⠀♱ ╱ discography#fictional kpop community#fictional idol oc#fictional idol community#fictional kpop idol#fictional idol group#idolverse#idol oc#fake kpop group#kpop oc#kpop au
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Through Love and Sorrow
♡︎ Gwayne Hightower x Fem!Reader
𖤓 Summary: After the joy of expecting their first child is shattered by a devastating miscarriage, Gwayne Hightower returns home to find his wife consumed by grief.
⚝ Warnings: Angst, Miscarriage, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy Insecurities, Emotional Trauma.
⚝ A/N: this fic also includes a kinda mother-son relationship between reader and Daeron,btw sorry I haven’t posted anything in like two weeks lmao
-Word count: ≈4.4k
This fanfic is a request from a while ago (link)
You sat in your room, the sunlight pouring through the tall windows. Your hands moved skillfully with the needle and thread, working on a small attire—a delicate onesie you had lovingly made for your child, your first with Gwayne.
As you finished the final stitch, you glanced at the door, eager for Gwayne’s return. You had planned carefully how to share the wonderful news with him, and now the moment had arrived.
The door creaked open, and Gwayne stepped in, looking tired but his face brightening when he saw you. “My love,” he greeted, coming over to kiss your cheek. “You look especially happy today. What’s going on?”
You smiled and took his hand, guiding him to sit beside you. “I’ve been working on something,” you said. “And I want to show you.”
Gwayne watched as you pulled the small onesie from behind your back and placed it in his hands. His brow furrowed for a moment in confusion before realization dawned on him. He looked up at you, his eyes wide with disbelief and excitement.
“Is this…?” he started, his voice full of wonder.
You nodded, unable to keep the smile from your face. “Yes, Gwayne. We’re going to have a babe.”
He stared at you for a moment, the onesie still in his hands as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.
Then, without warning, he pulled you into his arms, laughing with joy. “A babe! We’re going to have a child!” His voice was full of emotion, his grip on you tightening as he buried his face in your neck. “Gods, I’m the luckiest man alive.”
You laughed with him, feeling the warmth of his love surround you. He pulled back slightly, cupping your face in his hands as he kissed you deeply, then gently placed his hand on your belly. “I can’t believe it,” he whispered, as he got on one knee to kiss your barely swollen belly
“We’ll have a little one running around soon, with your beauty and wit,” Gwayne continued, his voice thick with emotion as he caressed your belly, where your child was beginning to grow. “We’ll teach them everything—how to ride, how to wield a sword, everything. I’ll be by your side through it all.”
You smiled, leaning into his touch. “And I’ll make sure they know how to be kind and strong, like their father.”
Gwayne laughed softly, his eyes sparkling with the kind of happiness that made your heart swell. “And stubborn like their mother, I’m sure.”
The days following the joyful news were some of the happiest of your life. Gwayne was attentive and loving, always making sure you had everything you needed, always talking about the future and the life you would build together. But as time went on, you began to be more worried and insecure.
The other ladies at court had spoken to you, sharing their experiences with childbirth—how their bodies had changed, how their husbands had sometimes seeked comfort elsewhere during those vulnerable weeks after the birth. They’d laugh softly, as if it were just a fact of life, but their words dug deep into your mind, planting seeds of doubt and fear.
You found yourself pulling away from Gwayne, unsure of how to voice your fears. He would come to you with that familiar smile, eager to talk about the babe or to spend time with you, but you would turn away, offering only brief responses, avoiding his touch.
It was not that you loved him any less—if anything, your love for him had only grown deeper—but the fear of losing him, of not being enough, was paralyzing.
One night, as you lay beside him in bed, the silence stretched on longer than usual. Gwayne finally turned to you, concern evident in his voice. “Darling, what’s wrong? You’ve been so distant lately. Have I done something to upset you?”
You stared up at the ceiling, your heart pounding in your chest. You didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to reveal the insecurities that had taken hold of you. But Gwayne was insistent, turning onto his side and taking your hand in his. “Please, my love. Talk to me.”
The words came slowly, hesitantly, as you struggled to express your feelings. “I… I’ve heard the other ladies at court talk,” you began, whispering.
“About how their bodies changed after childbirth, how they couldn’t… couldn’t be with their husbands for weeks, sometimes longer. And how their husbands…” You swallowed hard, unable to finish the thought.
Gwayne’s grip on your hand tightened as he waited for you to continue, his eyes fixed on your face, his worry deepening.
“They said their husbands sought comfort in other women,” you finally confessed, your voice breaking. “In whores. And I—I’m afraid, Gwayne. I’m afraid that I’ll change, that I won’t be… enough for you anymore. That you’ll look elsewhere.”
For a moment, there was silence. You didn’t dare look at him, too ashamed of the words you had spoken. But then Gwayne did something you didn’t expect. He started to laugh—a soft, warm chuckle that caught you off guard.
You turned to him, confused and a little hurt. “Gwayne, this isn’t funny—”
“No, no, it’s not that,” he said quickly, his laughter fading as he saw the tears in your eyes. He leaned in, brushing his lips against your forehead. “It’s just… the thought of me with anyone else is absurd. My love, you are my heart, my soul. There is no one in this world who could ever compare to you.”
You opened your mouth to protest, but he silenced you with a gentle kiss. “Listen to me,” he said, his tone serious now. “You are the only woman I want, the only woman I will ever want. The idea of seeking pleasure in someone else when I have you is ridiculous. Those other men—they’re fools. I would never betray you, never.”
You felt a rush of relief at his words, though the doubt still lingered. “But what if—”
“No what-ifs,” Gwayne interrupted, his hand moving to cup your cheek. “I swear to you, on every star in the sky, that I will never stray. And if any man tells you differently, I’ll knock his teeth out.”
A small laugh escaped you, despite yourself. Gwayne grinned, his eyes twinkling as he saw the smile return to your face. “See? There’s that smile I love so much. You’re going to be a wonderful mother, and we’re going to be a wonderful family. No matter what changes, I’ll be right here, by your side.”
That night, the two of you found solace in each other, and as you drifted off to sleep, you felt the fears that had plagued you begin to disappear, replaced by the strength of your bond and the love you shared.
---
A few weeks later, you, Gwayne, and Daeron sat at the dining table, enjoying a simple meal. Daeron was telling you about his day, his young face alight with enthusiasm as he described his lessons and adventures. You smiled fondly at him, listening intently as he spoke about a new bird he had seen in the gardens.
“And then it swooped down, right in front of me! I almost thought it would land on my shoulder like the falcons do on their keepers,” Daeron said, eyes wide with excitement.
Gwayne chuckled, ruffling the boy’s hair. You laughed softly, reaching out to squeeze Daeron’s hand. “You’re already quite the little adventurer. Perhaps one day you’ll ride with your uncle on his journeys.”
Daeron’s face lit up at the thought, and he looked eagerly at Gwayne. “Will you take me with you one day, Uncle?”
Gwayne smiled, “One day, certainly. But I’m afraid I have to leave again in three days’ time for an important matter in Blackcrown. I’ll only be gone for a month, maybe less.”
You felt a pang of worry at his words, though you did your best to hide it. You had hoped he wouldn’t need to leave again so soon, but you understood the responsibilities that came with his position. “Just promise me you’ll be back well before the babe is due,” you said. “I don’t want to have to deliver without you.”
Gwayne took your hand across the table, squeezing it reassuringly. “I’ll be back in plenty of time, I promise. Nothing could keep me from being here for you and our child.”
Daeron looked between the two of you, his eyes filled with a mix of concern and curiosity. “You’ll come back safe, right, Uncle?”
“Of course, Daeron,” Gwayne replied with a warm smile. “I’ll be back before you even have time to miss me.”
True to his word, Gwayne departed three days later. You and Daeron saw him off, Daeron clutching his uncle’s hand until the very last moment, and you pressing a kiss to Gwayne’s lips, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in your heart. As Gwayne rode away, you couldn’t help but feel a little sadness, but you reminded yourself that he would be back soon, that everything would be alright.
In the days and weeks that followed, you busied yourself with preparations for the babe. You spent hours knitting tiny clothes and blankets, imagining the child that would soon be in your arms. Daeron often kept you company, helping you with small tasks or just sitting nearby, chatting about his day.
One afternoon, you decided to take a walk in the woods with Daeron. The two of you had grown close over the years, and you cherished the bond you shared. As you walked along the familiar paths, Daeron spoke of his lessons.
“Auntie,” he began after a moment of comfortable silence.
Just as you were about to respond, a sharp, sudden pain shot through your abdomen, stealing your breath. You gasped, clutching at your belly as the pain intensified, bringing you to your knees.
“Auntie?” Daeron’s voice was laced with panic as he rushed to your side. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”
The pain was unbearable, radiating through your entire body. You could barely find the words, but you managed to gasp, “Daeron, get help. Quickly.”
Daeron hesitated, his face pale with fear, but then he nodded. “I’ll be right back. Stay here, I’ll get help.” With that, he sprinted back toward the keep, his small legs carrying him as fast as they could.
You were left alone in the woods, the cold earth beneath you as the pain continued to wrack your body. You knew, deep down, that something was terribly wrong. Fear gripped you as you realized you might be losing the baby. Your heart ached with the thought, but there was nothing you could do except wait.
By the time help arrived, the miscarriage had already happened. The maids and guards who found you tried to help, but the damage was done. The life that had been growing inside you was gone, leaving you with an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness.
Ignoring the advice of the maesters, who urged you to rest and be carried back to the keep, you walked on your own, numb to the world around you. The only thing on your mind was the baby you had lost and how Gwayne would react when he found out. You couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the disappointment in his eyes, even though you knew it wasn’t your fault.
Once you reached the keep, you went straight to the nursery. The small room that had been filled with so much hope and joy now felt empty and desolate. You sat down on the edge of the small bed, your hands trembling as you picked up the half-finished blanket you had been knitting for the babe.
Days passed in a blur. You couldn’t bring yourself to leave the nursery or eat. The maids came and went, offering food and kind words, but you paid them no mind. The world outside the nursery seemed to fade away, leaving you alone with your grief.
Daeron was the only one who could get through to you, even if just a little. He would visit you every day, sitting beside you and talking about anything and everything. His presence was a small comfort, a reminder that you were not entirely alone, even in your darkest moments.
One afternoon, Daeron came to the nursery as usual. He looked at you with concern. “Auntie, you have to eat something. The maesters say it’s important. Uncle Gwayne wouldn’t want you to get sick.”
You shook your head, still clutching the blanket. “I’m not hungry, Daeron. I just… I can’t.”
Daeron sighed, sitting down beside you. “I know you’re sad. I miss the babe too, even though I never got to meet them. But Uncle Gwayne will be back today. Maybe… maybe he can help you feel better.”
You didn’t respond, the weight of your grief pressing down on you. But Daeron’s words lingered in your mind. Gwayne was coming home. You weren’t sure how you would face him, how you would tell him about the baby, but you knew you couldn’t avoid it forever.
Daeron leaned in and gave you a hug, his small arms wrapped around you tightly. “I love you, auntie. And Uncle Gwayne does too. Don’t forget that.”
His simple words brought tears to your eyes, and you hugged him back. “I love you too, Daeron. Thank you.”
Daeron smiled up at you, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. He squeezed your hand before standing up to leave. “I’ll go and make sure everything is ready for Uncle Gwayne’s return. I’ll come back later, alright?”
You nodded, watching as he left the room. Alone again, you stared down at the blanket in your lap, running your fingers over the soft fabric. You had poured so much love into this tiny piece of cloth, and now it felt like a cruel reminder of what you had lost.
Hours later, you heard footsteps approaching the nursery. Your heart clenched with a mix of dread and longing. The door creaked open, and Gwayne entered, his expression filled with concern and urgency.
“My love?” His voice was soft, but it was filled with worry. He rushed to your side, kneeling before you as he gently took your hands in his. “Daeron told me… told me what happened.”
The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over, and you couldn’t stop them. “I lost the babe, Gwayne,” you choked out, your voice breaking. “I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry.”
Gwayne’s eyes filled with pain, but he quickly pulled you into his arms, holding you close as you wept. “Shh, it’s not your fault, my love. You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmured, his voice soothing as he stroked your hair.
“I feel like I failed you,” you sobbed, clinging to him as if he were the only thing keeping you grounded. “I couldn’t protect our child…”
Gwayne pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own filled with unwavering love and determination. “Love, listen to me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You could never fail me, and this… this is not your fault. It was beyond our control, and I don’t blame you for a single moment.”
You searched his face, looking for any hint of disappointment or anger, but all you found was love and compassion. He kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there as he whispered, “We’re still young, my love. We have time, and we will have children—many, I hope. But right now, all that matters is you. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through this together.”
His words were like a balm to your wounded heart, easing some of the pain that had consumed you. You nodded, resting your head against his chest as you let out a shuddering breath. “I love you, Gwayne,” you whispered.
“And I love you,” he replied, holding you tightly. “More than anything in this world. We will get through this, I promise you that.”
Gwayne held you close for what felt like an eternity, letting you cry, letting you release the pain you’d been holding onto since the miscarriage. His presence was a steady comfort, a reminder that you weren’t alone, that he would be there for you no matter what.
After a long while, Gwayne pulled back slightly, brushing the tears from your cheeks with his thumb. “Come, my love,” he said gently. “Let’s get you out of here. We don’t have to stay in this room. We can go anywhere you’d like—anywhere that will bring you peace.”
You hesitated, looking around the nursery. The room had once been a place of joy and anticipation, but now it felt suffocating, a reminder of the loss you had suffered. You nodded slowly, realizing that staying here would only prolong your grief.
“Alright,” you whispered, letting him help you to your feet. You wavered slightly, still feeling weak, but Gwayne was there to steady you, his arm wrapped securely around your waist.
As you left the nursery together, you found yourself leaning on Gwayne more than ever before. He didn’t mind, guiding you gently through the halls of the keep, away from the place that had brought you so much pain. He led you to your chambers, where a fire had been lit, casting a warm, comforting glow over the room.
Gwayne helped you sit by the fire, then knelt beside you, taking your hands in his again. “You don’t have to be strong right now,” he said softly. “Let me take care of you.”
You nodded, too drained to argue, too weary to pretend that you could handle this on your own. Gwayne stayed by your side, talking to you quietly, telling you stories from his travels, stories meant to distract you, to bring a small smile to your face. He was patient, understanding, never pushing you to talk about the miscarriage, but always offering comfort in whatever way he could.
A few days later, when you had gathered enough strength to leave your chambers, Gwayne took you out to the gardens. The air was crisp, and the scent of blooming flowers filled your senses. It was a welcome change from the stifling atmosphere of the keep.
As you walked together, Gwayne kept his arm around you, his presence a steady reassurance. You were quiet for a while, lost in your thoughts, but eventually, Gwayne broke the silence.
“Do you remember the first time we walked through these gardens?” he asked, a hint of a smile in his voice.
You looked up at him, nodding slowly. “I do. You tried to impress me with your knowledge of every flower and plant.”
He chuckled softly. “And I failed miserably, didn’t I? You knew more about the flowers than I did.”
“You were charming, though,” you admitted, a small smile tugging at your lips. “I fell in love with you that day.”
Gwayne’s smile widened, and he pressed a kiss to your temple. “And I’ve been falling in love with you every day since.”
As you continued to walk, you felt some of the tension ease from your shoulders. The pain of losing the babe was still there, and you knew it would take time to heal, but with Gwayne by your side, you felt a glimmer of hope.
Later that evening, as you sat by the fire in your chambers, Gwayne brought out a small wooden box. “I have something for you,” he said, his tone soft, almost hesitant.
You looked at him curiously as he handed you the box. When you opened it, you found a delicate necklace inside, the pendant a small, intricately carved locket.
“It belonged to my mother,” Gwayne explained. “She gave it to me before she passed, and I’ve kept it all these years. I was waiting for the right moment to give it to you.”
Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at the beautiful locket, your heart swelling with emotion. “Gwayne, it’s beautiful,” you whispered.
He took the locket from the box and fastened it around your neck, his fingers brushing against your skin as he did so. “I wanted you to have something that reminds you that you’re never alone,” he said, his voice filled with tenderness. “Whenever you feel lost, or when the grief feels too much, just remember that I’m here, and that I’ll always be here.”
You touched the locket, feeling the cool metal beneath your fingers, and nodded. “Thank you,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I’ll treasure it always.”
Gwayne smiled, as he leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, a kiss that was filled with the promise of a future together, a future that, despite the loss you had endured, would still be full of love and hope.
In that moment, you knew that with Gwayne by your side, you could face whatever challenges life threw your way. The grief would not disappear overnight, and the road to healing would be long, but you would walk it together, hand in hand, and eventually, you would find peace.
P.S: i’m sorry my paragraphs look so separated but I have bad eyesight and I can’t read it well if I don’t separate lmao
#gwayne fanfic#gwayne hightower#gwayne hightower fanfic#gwayne hightower x reader#gwayne hightower x you#gwayne imagine#hotd fanfic#hotd fanfiction#gwayne x reader#gwayne x you#house of the dragon s2#house of the dragon#hotd x reader#hotd
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DRUNK WALK HOME
chapter eight: mistakes
masterlist
“and i was so young when i behaved twenty-five / yet now i find i’ve grown into a tall child” -fist love/late spring by mitski
It’s Wednesday, and Akaashi is reading her essay.
It’s clear that she actually tried this time, his pen marking up less of it than he normally would. He can tell she’s out of practice, some sentences rusty and awkward, blunt transitions and thoughts that trail off. But he can see her ideas better than before, more fleshed-out, more consistent.
He keeps looking up at her, stealing a glance between every other sentence or so. She’s slumped in her chair, arms crossed over her chest and staring off ahead, frowning. Akaashi can’t stop himself from thinking about how much she looks like her mother. She doesn’t look back at him.
“This essay’s a lot better than your last,” Akaashi mumbles, almost like he doesn’t want her to hear him. It makes him blush to say it, and he’s grateful she refuses to look at him. “Looks like you actually tried this time.”
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t react at all. She just sits there, with her jaw locked and her arms crossed, and does her best to pretend that Akaashi isn’t there.
He feels guilty. It gnaws away at him, and he has this impulse to apologize, which disgusts him. He doesn’t like that he’s wronged her, and now his sense of moral superiority has slipped. He doesn’t like that he wants to fix the damage he caused.
He looks up at her again, and sees no change in her posture, in her demeanor. He bounces his knee, and he can’t bring himself to look back down at her essay. Akaashi studies her, for a moment, the lines of her face, her narrowed eyes, the slow, deliberate breaths she takes.
She doesn’t notice him staring. Or, maybe she does, but is so committed to ignoring him that she chooses not to comment on it. He wants her to. He wants her to snap at him, call him a freak for staring, accuse him of being obsessed, insult him, belittle him, something.
But she just stares straight on, and Akaashi can feel himself starting to get desperate.
“How’d your visit with your mom go?” he asks, hoping to provoke her to respond, hoping she’ll say something vile to assuage his guilt.
“There’s only one more page left in the essay,” is the only response she gives him, though, and Akaashi is stuck.
He turns his attention back over to her essay, and rushes through the end of it. Akaashi rushes through correcting a run-on sentence or two and then slides the essay back over to her. “There, now you can-”
She slams her hand down on top of the stack of papers and snatches it away, standing at once. “Great, see you Friday,” she says, ready to leave.
“Wait,” Akaashi says, standing, “listen, I’m so-”
“I said I’ll see you Friday,” she interjects harshly, finally turning to face Akaashi. He notices the tears that build in her eyes then. He can’t tell if they’re from sadness or anger.
He’d never seen her cry before. There was a time when he didn’t think she was capable of it. Something in him softens, then, and he thinks that the damage he’s done is the kind that he wouldn’t be able to fix.
She turns on her heel and leaves, leaving Akaashi to stand there, at their table in the library.
It seems futile, then, to hate her. To hate someone so hated by their mother. To hate someone who so clearly hates herself. He hopes the feeling passes.
extras->
is akaashi genuinely remorseful for what he did? yes
is he mostly just trying to appease his guilt so he can go back to just plain hating yn? also yes
he sort of knew immediately that he fucked up; he picked up on the dynamics of yn and her mother before he even realized it was her mother
he was feeling defensive when kaori messaged him but it's been eating away at him since then
been quiet on the bokuto front
yn's roommates banded together when they realized her mom was coming to visit bc yn is always a complete mess afterwards and going out and drinking always makes it worse
once yn realized though she figured kaori and yukie were probably in on it and went straight to kuroo
kuroo always has a good time when he goes out with yn so he's always down
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#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#hq x you#haikyuu smau#haikyuu x you#haikyuu x y/n#hq x y/n#akaashi smau#akaashi x reader#akaashi x you#akaashi x y/n#akaashi keiji smau#akaashi keiji x reader#akaashi keiji x you#akaashi keiji x yn
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yet now i find i’ve grown into a tall child
gorgug + claustrophobia + a lifetime of trying to fit in all the spaces and systems and boxes built too small for him.
#gorgug thistlespring#dimension 20 fantasy high#fantasy high#dimension 20#d20#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#fanart#digital art#drawing
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— YET NOW I FEEL LIKE I’VE GROWN INTO A TALL CHILD | r. cameron x reader
| warnings; i’ve only made it to season two - so this is based around season one rafe, so this will also be slightly an ‘ooc rafe’! slightly angsty, maybank!reader, mentions of drug use, blood, and abuse. i try my best to write gn!reader - but sometimes slip up! reader is wearing a skirt and has long hair - but other than that, no color or gender is discussed :).
| an; this is the first time i’m writing for rafe and im nervous - im hoping i do justice 🥲 if anyone has any feedback for writing for him, please feel free to message me and give me some tips!!
The sting from the water hitting the gash makes you grind your teeth together, squeezing your eyes shut as your muscles slowly tense.
Breathing in deeply, your fingers grip at the cracked porcelain sink after stepping out of the shower. Turning slightly, your eyes linger on the cut on your side. You're hoping you cleaned out the remaining shards from your skin.
Although there’s no more gauze to properly dress the cut - Thank you, Dad - you’re hoping it will be okay tonight at Midsummers. Grabbing the shirt from the hanger, you slip it on carefully after slipping on a tank top. The fabric rubs against it uncomfortably, but you're hoping it gets better throughout the night - especially if you're dealing with Kooks.
There’s a knock that has you flinching. “What?”
“Oh, good. You’re still here,” JJ says. Letting out a small sigh, you shake your head. “Are you coming with John B and I?”
“No,” You slip on your skirt and belt before unlocking the door and opening it. “I work tonight. You know that.” You walk past him. You don’t mean to be so short with him, but your mind is still reeling from the fight.
“Yeah,” JJ scoffs as he follows you into your room, watching as you plug up your curling iron. “I’m sure they’ll miss you. Not as if they have other people catering.”
Your jaw clenches and you turn towards him. “I don’t want in on whatever stupid thing you and John B are doing, alright? Quit bothering me about it.” You snap.
JJ stares at you quietly, brows pinching at your sudden - very misplaced - anger. “Did something happen?”
“No! Jesus, JJ, let me get ready, please. I don’t want to be late, again.”
Again, misplaced anger.
You’d apologize soon and actually end up helping him and John B with whatever they needed help with - that’s always how it goes. JJ nods, sniffling a bit as he stands from your bed and walks out. The door slams behind him.
Turning towards the mirror, you’re quick to do something with your hair before spritzing on whatever perfume you could find lying around.
Stepping out of your bedroom, you pause when you see Luke laying on the couch, bottles surrounding him. The room even smelled of cheap cigarettes, stolen whiskey, and oil. Your fingers clench your keys in your hand as a vision crosses your mind.
You’d never break a bottle over his head. No matter how much you actually wanted too.
—
Your legs and arms are numb and your cheeks hurt from the fake smile you continue you to wear throughout the night, only dropping when you’re in the clear.
JJ had somehow made his way in, leaving with a busted lip and a slight angry glance your way when all you do is look away.
“You’re bleeding.”
The glass you hold slips from your fingers, breaking on the ground. Rushing to kneel down, you quickly pick up the broken pieces as people stare at you. You can distinctly hear hushed voices from around you, tears starting to prick at your eyes.
“Did you hear me?”
Glancing up, you’re met with the face of Rafe Cameron. His pupils blown wide. You knew that exact look from Luke. Quickly looking down, you nod. “Yes. I heard you, Cameron,” You stand, pulling the platter with you. “But I don’t have enough time to clean up while serving everyone hard liquors - some of us actually have to work. Now, excuse me.”
You wince when his hand wraps around your bicep, pressing into the bruises that were already present. Quickly yanking your arm away, you glare at him. “Dad won’t like that you have blood seeping through your shirt. Might scare some people.”
“Well, I am so sorry to inconvenience your father. But he’ll have to deal with it.”
Sighing, his crystal eyes dart around. “Come to the bathroom in five minutes.” He places his cup on the platter in your hands after downing the rest of the amber liquid. He turns and passes by a couple of people, patting two of his friends on the back.
Your lips purse together slightly, staring down at the broken glass before walking to the side. Taking Rafe’s cup off and handing it over to Veronica, you dump the rest.
“Oh, dear,” She gasps, a hand touching your side softly. “Your bleeding.”
“So I’ve been told,” You give her a small smile. “I have to use the bathroom.”
“Did Ward say anything to you?” Her eyes dart up at your face with a stern expression.
“No,” You give a soft laugh. “No. Someone else. I don’t even know him. I’ll be back though, okay?” She nods and allows you to pass by her and into the house. You can still feel the stares of others, embarrassment flooding throughout your body.
Quickly opening the door to the bathroom, you lock it once you enter and press your forehead to the cold wood and heave out a sigh. You quickly turn when you hear someone clear their throat.
Rafe stands there with a clean shirt, holding it up slightly. “First aid kit is under the sink.” He motions towards it. You stare at the shirt in his hand for a moment before nodding, kneeling down and grabbing it.
Unbuttoning the shirt, you slip it off and place it on the sink. Turning slightly, you lift the tank top up and tug your bottom lip in between your teeth. Grabbing an alcohol swab from the kit, you open it and slip it out.
Rafe shifts uncomfortably, watching you. “Need any help?”
Your eyes glance back at him before looking back at the mirror. “Maybe. I don’t know.” The last person you wanted to help was him. But he was also the only one who said anything about your bleeding through your shirt.
He takes the swab from your fingers allowing your arms to rest on the sink and your head to drop down and eyes to close. His fingertips linger on the small of your back as his other hand cleans the dried blood from the gash.
His eyes linger on the faded and new bruises. “What…what happened?”
Your eyes slowly open and you stare at the shirt you’d left on the sink. You try to think of a lie, but there’s not one that could pop into your head. “Dad.”
His swiping motions come to a sudden pause as he stares at you. “Your dad?”
The sting from the swab as you slightly squirming, his hand slipping to your side slightly. You nod. “Yes. My dad. He got angry over something—” You stop and shake your head this time. “It doesn’t matter. I should’ve just given him a straight answer. Please, hurry.”
Rafe nods and tosses the swab into the trash and grabs some gauze. “Why didn’t you wrap it?”
“I didn’t have time. And I also used the rest of it to clean him up two weeks ago.”
Rafe stays silent then and wraps the bandage around your sides before securing it. You tug the tank top over your head and grab the clean shirt off the shelf. You slip your arms through quickly and button it up, tucking it into your skirt.
“Thanks for…” You motion towards the shirt. He forces a small, closed-lip smile and nods, pushing his hair back. You unlock the door, pausing. “Also, you’re too young to be using that stuff.”
Rafe turns towards you, his face melting into an irritated expression. “And how do you know I’m using anything?”
“Your pupils,” You motion towards your eyes. “Dad uses it as well. That’s when I know to stay away from him. And if you want the same thing for yourself, have others hate you more than they already do, I’d do something about it before it becomes too much.”
“You don’t know me. You’re just another pogue.” Rafe quickly snaps in a childish manner.
“You’re right,” You nod. “And I don’t want to either.” You open the door enough where you could slip though, shutting the door behind yourself. Rafe stares at the door, clenching his fist by his side as his eyes glance over to the mirror.
And I don’t want to either.
His mouth drops to a frown, eyes looking at your shirt. What did he care anyway? He has what he wants. He can get what he wants. Those words shouldn’t bother him.
Feeling into his pocket, he’s quick to pull out a small tube, dumping some powder onto his hand, quickly inhaling it for a quick, fifteen minute high. Eyes slowly slipping close, he hums softly.
He wipes under his nose and steps back out to find Topper and Kelce. Clearing his throat, gaining their attention he gives them a smug smile. “Ready to go?”
They’re both quick to agree, bored now that only the elders seem to linger. Walking down the steps, Rafe quickly looks back watching as you clean off a table.
Your eyes look up and meet his, a small frown tugging at the corners of your mouth as if you knew what he did. He rolls his eyes and looks away, ignoring how heavy his chest feels.
| tags; @clairoscharm
#drew starkey x fem!reader#drew starkey x reader#rafe cameron x fem!reader#rafe cameron x maybank!reader#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n
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the marauders snapchat s.2 pt.32
cheers<3
I was so young when I behaved 25, and now I find I’ve grown into a tall child - first love/late spring
KISSES!!
I do not own the rights to any of the original images. They were all taken from Pinterest
#the marauders#marauders#marauders era#wolfstar#jegulus#rosekiller#marylily#dorlene#fralice#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#peter pettigrew#regulus black#barty crouch jr#evan rosier#frank longbottom#alice fortescue#lily evans#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#mary macdonald#pandora rosier#dead gay wizards#gay dead wizards#modern au#social media au#Spotify
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