#and my sister made me drive
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charles finally won monaco. and i did in fact cry.
#literally driving ten hours#and my sister made me drive#so i was listening to it cause i couldn’t watch it#and i was fucking crying on the highway#charles leclerc
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I think you like pavitr.. Don't know tho, its just a theory after all.
Idk what has you thinking that.
Interesting theory tho 🤔
Curious to know why you think so
He's an ok character I guess
*looks at my icon for a split second* anyways-
Imma go draw (not Pavitr)
#why my brain do this#it just saw him that first time I watched it and went HIM#we coming up on three months now since the movie came out and I'm still fixated on atsv and this boy#Imma draw other stuff ... trust#but you dont choose your hyperfixation ... it chooses you#and momma I'm going to embrace it this time around#because I think ATSV is a decent piece of media to be a bit unhinged about 🤭#idk maybe cause it made feel something??#thats what my sister and I joke about when we'd say we'd seen it 7 times in the theater#it gave me a very much needed/wanted spark of inspo#drive and motivation#that Ive been lacking for almost two years now#so yeah#anon#asks
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Garet is literally so friend shaped. I can't believe how friend shaped this boy is. (top pic is actual dialogue)
#golden sun#garet#ivan#guys im sorry i spent all day on this and also a smidge of oc art#im in pain and im not going to die but wow#my sister was like do you want me to drive you to the hospital and i told her i do not have the finances for that so no#and then she texted me fifteen minutes later to say#if its only the money issue i will help cover the costs#and i wont say what she googled that made her so concerned as an end result but uh lets hope it aint that ???#hopefully i can sleep tonight cause i have almost zero sleep in my system#bc i started to hurt a lil after midnight ?? like then i postponed sleep to take pain meds#and then woke up constantly and couldnt stay asleep#so i really just wanna go to bed
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good news everyone, learning how to drive a stick shift monday
#yes for all the talking and hyping i have done abt ch9.2 and how obnoxious i've made mike abt his manual i have never driven one <3#my parents and my older sister both can tho and my dad has explained it to me Many times#but my SISTER is goign to TEACH ME in her CAMAROOOOO#fuck you mike wheeelerrrrrrr i'm BETTER THAN YOOOOOUUU#anyway i truthfully was going to wing 9.2 based on my knowledge and research but now i will have practical application 2 work off of as wel#congrats to all readers who are able to drive a stick shift hopefully it will be so so accurate now .
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just a PSA that a lot of folks are probably sharing rn, but please for the love of god, don’t drink and drive. you don’t need to be hammered to have fun, and if you want to have a night out w friends, alternate your drink with water, and wait a few hours before you drive home. better yet, don’t drive home at all! designate a DD, call an uber, call your MOM.
johnny and matthew’s deaths were preventable, and it’s FAR to common in the US for people’s lives to end too soon because of someone else’s poor decision.
take care of yourselves friends.
#been thinking abt him and his family so hard this morning#been thinking about my Own. past choices. my partner has told me they get very nervous when i mention that i’m driving myself home after a#night at a friend’s house. i’m getting better abt my alcohol intake in general now that i’m out of grad school#but there’s still improvements to be made#if not for myself#then to Not be the reason someone’s brother can’t attend his sister’s wedding#ykwim?#dwi/duis are far. FAR too normalized (the act not necessarily the crime)#originals
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my mom who made us celebrate mother’s day for two days was mad because my sister suggested we have something i want for dinner on my birthday. agdhdjsj
#ALSO#after complaining so much about how much it costs to go to the aquarium#she was like ‘yeah when i went to checkout with your birthday present i was like it costs THAT much?’#i didn’t even ask for anything. also my sister told me i probably won’t like it and when she told my mom that my mom just shrugged ahdhdjsk#i need a text post tag#i can’t even move out..this is my house…#man. last year they made me cry bc they called me boring until i picked something to do#which was go to an angels game and then my parents acted like it was such a huge burden on them to have to drive there agdhs#not doing anything AGAIN i will not fall into this trap next year
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My little sister is on her high school golf team, which is already really funny because she does not have the vibes or personality you would expect of a golfer, but she the other day she sent me a picture of her senior student athlete poster and the energy is so incredible. It's got her in her little polo shirt and glove and everything except instead of coming across as cute suburban golf girl she looks more like the sullen frontwoman of a sapphic grunge band.
Please picture a tiny Korean girl with half her hair dyed hot pink, a bunch of ear and nose piercings, eyebrows filled in with sharp red and black liner and a slit shaved into one of them, and a deeply unimpressed expression on her face, standing there in a golf uniform with a club slung over her shoulder looking more like she's about to hit you with it than she is a golf ball.
#it's so funny to me that somehow my very average centrist parents who made a point of living in boring middle class suburbia#somehow managed to raise three raging bleeding-heart socialist hippie queers in spite of themselves#which has also lead to. some very funny intersections#from what i've heard my little sister shows up all the men at the driving range with some frequency#which is a mental image that always delights me. suburban golf guys destroyed by one (1) powerful bisexual#i love her; i'm looking forward to seeing her soon#even if it's wild to think about her graduating high school -- that's my baby sister!!
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i should stop starting video games so late at night bc now i dont want to sleep <3
#camera talks#just started in stars and time :33#(saw too many mutuals kinda posting about it and also i heard it had time loops <3)#very very fun for me so far i am enjoyinggg <3#this happened to me with strange horticulture the other day tho and i played like. 75% of my playthrough between 9pm-1am so yah#anyways. made more bread after i stopped wallowing#it is currently cooking and im very excited :))#also emailed my boss about the situationn earlier so that was fun /s#wont get to eat it tonight bc i has to cool But !! fresh bread for the morning before my dentist i suppose#still very worried about that ngl.#also have to drive there and then around the 'big city' with my sister#(its the big city to Us. and we have a little bit of school shopping to do cuz we dont go to this city with my nana when she takes us)#but i will go to sleep dw <33 just reluctantly#i love the rock paper scissors thing in isat btw it makes me so happy ngl#also sorry for the number of concerning posts ive had recently btw. ive had a tough august </3#(normally im chill during august idk what happened </33)#i am trying to get better. it will happen eventually
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BEHOLD
(Stay tuned for the return of Cinnamon J Scudworth on Tuesday and a better view of those test tube babies there at the bottom, no I will not be listing who i meticulously picked for trunk or treat).
#clone high#clone high cosplay#clone high costume#cinnamon j scudworth#cinnamon j scudworth cosplay#clone high cinnamon j scudworth cosplay#clone high cinnamon j scudworth costume#cinnamon j scudworth costume#Did i mention i made this BY HAND IN THREE DAYS FOR TRUNK OR THREAT BECAUSE MY SISTER DEMANDED IT SO#last minute she demanded my trunk match my Scudworth LIKE MADAM YOU UNDERSTAND I DIDN'T DO THAT BECAUSE IVE BEEN WRITING A THESIS???#but i did it for her and let me tell you cloney island is a permanent display in my room now#had i had more time it'd all look better but THREE DAYS!!?!??!!!!#(peep the hippie flatbed truck next to my science ass and i love that for them! unplanned! but really funny!)#(new headcanon that Scudworth drives a mustang solely based on the fact that I drive a mustang tho anyway)
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sans keychain :)
he was verry fun and i love him :) the rings a little too small so he kinda curls in on himself a little but thats okay :) he was supposed to be a double sided keychain, but the ring was too small to hold all of the thread needed so i had to cut them off when i finished this half
he protects my plants now :)
heres what the other half was gonna look like! im still planning on making it eventually :)
btw heres what the back of an alpha pattern looks like :) bunch of strings!
#friendship bracelet making#i have an underswap papyrus version of the shrug(? what would you call that) that me and bison edited together#probably wont make him double sided cause hes 42 strings long and id have to double that 😬#its okay i made him a whole ass different pattern :3#(im really excited to make that one.. i love how it turned out)#funny thing about this keychain#i ran out of the yellow thread i was using for the back near the end#so i had to ask my sister to drive me to a store to get more
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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still reeling over the fact that almost 2 months ago the guy i was talking to (not dating, but definitely 'seeing') took another girl TO MY AND MY ROOMMATE'S APARTMENT to FUCK HER ON OUR AIR MATTRESS while i was ON VACATION THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY
honestly. how do i get myself into these situations
#followed by him being blackout drunk sleeping on our DOORSTEP the very next day#he said he thought it was weird i said i liked him so soon into meeting him#but he would constantly say shit like 'falling for you more now' and 'my friend told my sister i have a new gf now'#like OKAY HOMEBOY#so dude it's so fucked i'll give more details in these tags in case anyone cares for a lil more context#before my trip back to california for sdcc i talked to him#said hey i know we're not dating but while im gone for almost 2 weeks are we gonna mess around with other people? like where is ur head#he said 'you can sleep with other people because you have a higher sex drive than me but i won't be doing that but you go ahead'#and im like okay weird response but okay cool#before i ended up leaving actually i did end up hooking up w someone and when i came back to my apartment he said 'looks like someone had a#'fun night' but he said it like....in a salty fucking way and i was like ur not allowed to be mad bc you refuse to be in a relationship wit#me despite me LETTING YOU LIVE WITH ME AND MY BFF FOR THE LAST ALMOST MONTH#oh yeah that part too#he was evicted and was staying with us for a few nights that turned into almost a month#NO he did not pay rent YES he did eat all our food#YES im an idiot for not seeing his red flags sooner but i was infatuated#so anyway my friend goes 'he's salty you fucked another dude' and im like excuse me how the fuck is he gonna be mad when WE TALKED ABOUT TH#*THIS#now granted it was a day before my trip so it wasn't ON my trip that i slept with someone else#but im like. how are u gonna be mad im gonna go enjoy myself when you've made it painfully clear you want me but want 0 strings#so anyway while im in california my bff calls me like hey dude john is on our air mattress naked with another girl#i was like excusethefuckME#because 1. he wasn't supposed to be at our apartment anymore so i was surprised he was there at ALL#and 2. how are u gonna ever be living RENT FREE with someone and INVITE SOMEONE ELSE OVER TO FUCK IN THEIR PLACE#i could honestly go on but i doubt anyone read this far as it is#this situation has fucked me up#first red flag should've been his name being JOHN
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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I had school camp this past two days with my college, and despite me being extremely anxious about it, it ended up being fun and i actually made a little group of friends to survive the coming year with:)
I did end up leaving this night instead of tomorrow morning with the rest because I had a very bad anxiety attack which was to say it softly not slay™
#captainshorter talks life#my sister was there though she was like there as upperclassman guidance and recording team or some shit#so yeah she helped me through it and made me call my best friends whom then told me to go home because this does not sound good#so she and my dad came driving 55 minutes to the campsite location and then 55 minutes with me back
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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i feel like im not actually connected to the world anymore like i used to be and i lost whatever i had
#and now im just waiting to die orsomething#idk#i feel like norman shouldnt have gone without me#unfair#im not even a person anymore#im uselss and a disappointment to all#i can just drive#i miss having friends and being a part of a group who noticed when i wasnt there yaknow? like#a society#i feel like i slipped out somehow and i dont see people smiling anymore or enjoy sunlight on leaves or feel hopeful#i dont know when i got to be so depressed but#i managed to get a hair cut today#which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so#i looked stupid#the other day i went into a store with my sister and a woman was very chatty with me so i bought her a slushie and it was sweet how happy#that made her#so im just being dramatic you know its nice when someone smiles at you like directed at you#and like i did feel the sun on my arm while driving today and it felt nice and i can change as a person whenever i want#i dont like living in the city i think#i dont know what i want but i gotta make changes you know#start smoking and get a tattoo or something#i guess a lot of this is just regan and i arent that friendly right now and its making me sad#shes just busy#kinda a little bit makes me sad it was so nice when we started dating and we flirted a lot now its like im just a fixture that needs mainte#ance#everyso often#and my cats still dead#and his brother is dying#hes got lymphoma#i guess thats why im sad and sayng all this today
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