#everyone is recovering (from poverty) and better physically and mentally

[littlebigmouse]

Something about AU Vander telling AU Powder she's "too smart to spend her life in a bar" vs telling AU Ekko (as far as he knows, anyway) that he thinks he'd be "running this place soon" makes the latter almost seem like an insult.

[furiousgoldfish]

How do you continue to function when you're so burnout for decades long it paralyzed you from working properly? Ngl my life is a whole mess after 10 years trying to survive from my abuser. and I still don't know how to get back on my feet again without having a mental breakdown several times a week and feeling suicidal on top of it

and I'm too ashamed to talk about it to people, i did talk, they were understanding at first, but that doesn't stay long. You can only cry and whine once, after that, you're burdening them with your loads.

They'd say you continue fighting no matter what still and I do, fight still everyday in my life even if it's getting up from bed. But what I can't do is going to work, I just can't, it doesn’t help that i experience abuse too from the place i work at, had to quit abruptly at one occasion after the boss got physical with me

In this survival state, I mostly earned money from freelance job (and obviously it's not enough)

Everyone I'm close to is very frustrated with me because I didn't seem to be healed even though it's been this long. What I learned from it is that not to bring up my pain ever again and have to pretend I'm doing fine because that's what my family and friends can tolerate. That kind of isolation kills me, as if they didn't consider that i want to be healed too. no one else wants to survive my trauma more than me. I just don't know how and I can't see how it's possible.

Yeah I relate to this! It is very scary to be expected to be able to work and live independently while you're barely holding it together, unable to get up from bed.

I can only share my experience of this, and maybe it's not that helpful, but I want you to know that it can get better, and that people are wrong for expecting you to suddenly be okay after the experience of torturous abuse.

When I escaped, I had enough money from freelancing saved up so I could just rest for a few years (it was stressful, being scared the money would run out), but I was able to indulge fully in resting and not getting up when I didn't want to. I spent years just laying in bed and trying to work trough the trauma and get the feelings of pain and terror out, and it worked to some extent, I started feeling a little less tired after three years!

I started working very infrequently, odd little jobs, helping neighbours for a bit of money, helping the disabled people or cleaning when I could, and it would just be a few hours of work, and I'd be completely drained after that. But again, giving myself plenty of space and time to rest helped me a lot, and then later working on my osdd also helped me restore some of the energy.

I can work only 2-3 days a week now, for a few hours, and it's enough to survive in poverty, if I don't buy anything, so this is what I do. I'm lucky that I'm able to share my bills and rent with roommates and make my own food, and that I'm so used to poverty it doesn't specifically bother me. I still get sad sometimes that I can't have an actual real job and live more safely, but I'm alive, I'm not tormented, and I spend a lot of time resting, and just tell people 'I'm sick' if they ask questions.

I think freelancing, doing a few hours of work infrequently or just slowly letting yourself recover until you can do something for a bit worked great for me, but I also understand it's not something that will work for anyone. If you're stuck not being able to save up, or work enough that you could pay even a part of your rent, that feels debilitating and scary, it doesn't let you plan for the future, it doesn't feel like you can even complain to people as they're unwilling to listen. I am so sorry for what you're going trough, it's legitimately a bad situation, and it's only natural for you to struggle like this after so much abuse. I believe you need to have as much rest as you need and if one day you get a little better, you might be able to figure it out, and if not, I hope at least people take you more seriously and understand that this is real pain, real fear of losing a future over abuse.

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm overworking myself, and with my mounting health issues, this is where my mental health starts to collapse. Where I start to get stressed and self-destructive. I'm recognizing this, but what do I even do to help myself? I feel like I'm doing not only everything I can, but ten times more than is safe for me physically and mentally. I'm barely getting any writing done because I'm working my job, taking care of errands (that include my self-employment tasks, like getting materials for crochet), I'm still monetizing crochet and that's so bad for my fibro and my happiness but I also sold that cat in a pumpkin at an event, I'm behind on my Oct prompts, I've only got some of my November patreon rewards finished, I have barely started one of my two art commissions, I'm not making much progress on editing Rascal. I might be adding more work hours once I'm baking goodies, and my work hours include "showering as soon as I get home because a dog shit anxiety diarrhea on me when I had to pick him up as he was trying to run away" today. ;A; And I have my surgery consultation on Wednesday to deal with an excruciating tennis-ball sized cyst in my abdomen! I can recover from that. I can't recover from fibro. I can keep overworking and worsen it permanently from lack of self-care, but how am I supposed to find that? I really need my WFH writing and art stuff to take off more so I can have reason to actually do things that don't require all my spoons. So I can give up crochet and finally - happily - focus on only doing it in small sessions at a SAFE pace for projects I want to do. Not projects that will earn me money. (Everyone says "write for yourself!" when I mention wanting to selfishly write nonstop, but none of those same people have ever said "crochet for yourself" - kind of telling! A LOT TELLING! And not about me. Yikes. :) ) Anyway, if anyone has some kind advice and not the "you aren't even trying" bullshit, it might help? Also, I can't be told to rest when rest comes with the punishment of increased poverty. I just don't know what to do, but I wish I could do something to better my situation. I know I could thrive if only things would just improve, if only hard work actually added to a lot of reward rather than almost none. (But that little 0.0006% is enough to justify my overworking continuously.)

[ot-stheh]

Silent pandemic in SA

There are quite a few mental health topics and issues that have recently flooded South Africa, more than any place in the digital world; some of the topics that have hit the internet by storm are anxiety, substance abuse, schizophrenia, bipolar, and depression, which were the most common. According to estimates, 1 in 5 persons in South Africa may experience depression at some point, making it one of the countries with the highest incidence of the illness worldwide. Since depression may have a terrible effect on people, families, and communities, this is a serious public health issue. Various variables, such as poverty, violence, trauma, and limited access to mental health, cause the high rates of depression in South Africa.

We all have mental health, just as we all have physical health, I even at one point in life experienced depression due to academic  due to stigma of being portrayed weak I had to go through it alone.  Thankful to the student support system that helped me to through it ,however family support would’ve made the process of intervention better. Many South Africans suffer in silence due to fear of being stigmatized this affects their choice of seeking for help, some never do. In South Africa, the stigma around mental illness is still strong. While some people are stepping up to support those struggling with depression, others still view it as a sign of weakness. In this blog, we’ll explore stigma towards depression toin South even after it hit the internet by storm, with people speaking about it since 2020, and how we can move towards a more open and supportive society for those suffering.

 The Depression and Anxiety Group highlighted during World Mental Health Day that the number of calls they receive per day has increased by more than 400 %. The increased number of calls to The Depression and Anxiety Group on World Mental Health Day is an encouraging sign that more and more people are reaching out for help. It demonstrates the impact of increased awareness about mental health issues and the need for support. However, it also highlights the need for more resources to be allocated to mental health services to ensure that everyone who reaches out receives the support they need. This increase is a positive sign, but it’s just the beginning – we must continue working towards a society where no one must suffer in silence.

-spread silentbreakingawareness-

Statistics show that people in the 25-34 age group in South Africa are most likely to seek help for depression, followed by the 35-44 age group. It’s interesting to note that while younger generations may be more aware of mental health issues and more likely to seek help mostly due to their exposure to trending new social media, where most people create awareness for depression and mental health., older generations may face more barriers to accessing support. In South Africa, cultural stigma around mental health issues may prevent older people from seeking help, as they may fear being ashamed for admitting they need support. In addition, access to mental health services may be limited in rural areas, where older people may be more likely to live. These factors can compound the effects of depression, making it more difficult for older people to recover.

 As much as their knowledge and exposure to social  media has helped them to understand depression in that they now seek intervention, it is not done for them,  it a societal duty of young ones to help create awareness of mental health on adults, provide them with platforms suitable for them that will create awareness. The Younger generations can play a key role in breaking down the stigma around mental health and encouraging people of all ages to seek help. They can do this by starting conversations about mental health, sharing information about resources and services, and leading by example in seeking support when needed. Younger people can also be advocates for change, pushing for increased funding and resources for mental health services, and working to make these services more accessible to all. In this way, the younger generation can help shape a new society where everyone has access to the support they need.

One possible avenue for further discussion could be the role of technology in shaping the younger generation’s attitudes towards mental health. Technology has made it easier than ever to access information and support, and platforms like social media have created new spaces for people to discuss mental health openly. However, there is also concern that the constant connectivity of technology can have negative effects on mental health, leading to increased feelings of isolation and anxiety.

It is our duty as occupational therapist to bring about awareness of depression and do away with stigma .The awareness and  de stigmatization efforts of occupational therapists can inform individual interventions in various ways. Just to name the few, by understanding the signs and symptom of depression, occupational therapists can better tailor their interventions to meet the specific needs of the person they are working with as my former supervisor once said ‘ an effective intervention speaks to every aspect of the client’. Second, by reducing stigma, occupational therapists can help individuals feel more comfortable talking about their experiences and seeking support. Finally, by promoting mental health education, occupational therapists can help individuals understand how to take care of their own mental health. This knowledge can be empowering and lead to positive changes in individuals’ lives, which is the reason I, even though fieldwork is over will start using social media platforms to create awareness and make my contributions towards Mental health

the above graph shows how social media increased wellbeing of certain respondents, 61% of respondents say it enhanced their wellbeing, proving there might be more good than mad in social media.

In conclusion, All mental health is an important issue that affects people of all ages and backgrounds. The younger generation is shaping a new society in which mental health is more openly discussed and supported. Technology has played a role in this change, but it can also have negative effects on mental health. Personal stories can be a powerful way to encourage others to seek help, but it's important to consider the potential consequences of sharing these stories. Overall, there is a need for more awareness, support, and resources for mental health, and the younger generation is leading the way in this movement.

References

Sachin/SABC. (2023, October 10). Distress calls increased by 400% post COVID-19: SADAG. SABC. https://www.sabcnews.com/sabcnews/distress-calls-increased-by-400-post-covid-19-sadag/#:~:text=The%20South%20African%20Depression%20and,on%20World%20Mental%20Health%20Da

Craig, A. et al. ( 2022) The prevalence of probable depression and probable anxiety, and associations with adverse childhood experiences and socio-demographics: A national survey in South Africa, Frontiers. Available at: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpubh.2022.986531/full (Accessed: 16 October 2023).

M, T. et al.( 9 september 2020). International Journal of Creative thoughts: Impacts of Social Media on Mental Health, volume 8, 2320-2882

[melbourneeternity]

Disability Support Services Melbourne

Disability support services melbourne help people with disabilities to overcome barriers and live an independent life. They are designed to help people with physical, sensory or mental health disabilities to access the same opportunities as everyone else.

These services can take many different forms, but all aim to provide people with disabilities the chance to lead a happy, healthy life.

Occupational Therapy

Occupational therapy is a health profession that helps people of all ages to recover from injuries, illnesses, and disabilities so that they can perform the activities they want and need to do.

OT can also help patients who have special needs or disabilities, including autism and mental health issues, to live better lives. It helps them improve their skills in the areas of self-care, home management, school participation and work performance.

Occupational therapy is delivered by occupational therapists who can be in a clinic, home or community setting. However, they will always deliver services to a person in a way that will enable them to reach their goals.

Speech Pathology

If you or a family member is dealing with a speech or language disorder, a speech pathologist can help. They will assess the issue and develop a treatment plan to improve communication.

They may also work with people who have problems swallowing food and drink. They will monitor consistency, teach different oral movements and use eating and drinking modification devices to help improve these skills.

They often work in a clinic, hospital or school setting. They will also visit patients’ homes if required.

Social Work

Social work is a human service profession that works to solve problems that affect society at large. That may include issues such as poverty, mental health, war and racial justice.

Whether they are working on a micro-level with individual clients or a mezzo-level with groups, social workers strive to help their communities meet basic needs and live happy and independent lives.

Social workers help people in a variety of ways, from counseling to arranging home health care for the elderly and the disabled. They also work with government agencies to get assistance for those in need and lobby for policies that reduce discrimination.

Psychology

Psychologists use a wide range of skills to support people with a variety of disabilities, including mental health problems. They also work with family members and carers to help them understand their loved one’s needs and support them to meet those needs.

The psychology discipline is a science that studies the way people think, feel and act. It also examines the influence of culture and relationships on individual behavior.

Psychology is an interdisciplinary field that draws on knowledge from biology, physiology, linguistics, sociology and philosophy. Some psychologists try to study the mind and behavior using scientific methods, such as experiments on human subjects, but others wait for certain events to happen naturally or do research with animals.

Physical Therapy

Physical therapy is a medical practice that focuses on helping patients improve mobility, strength, and endurance. It also helps to reduce pain and swelling.

Often, physical therapy is recommended after surgery or an injury. It can also help with chronic health conditions such as arthritis.

At disability support services melbourne, a physiotherapist can help you relieve pain and restore mobility. They will work with you to develop a treatment plan that will suit your needs.

Nursing

Nursing is a vital service that helps people with disabilities live independently. These services disability support workers Melbourne can help with everything from providing in-home assistance to helping people find employment and care providers.

A disability support worker is an important member of the team that provides these services. They’re trained to provide the best possible care and support for patients.

The National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) has made great strides in supporting people with disabilities to have more choice and control over the support they receive. However, there are still issues that contribute to inequities in the availability of these services.

[bettsfic]

hi, i was reading your years in review and i noticed that you quit a job of many years to go your own way. i was wondering if you would mind talking about this decision/if you struggled with it? idk i've always told myself that i wouldn't let the idea of a "career" get in the way of what i want (e.g. writing) and that one day (shortly after 30?) i would just quit whatever job i had and go my own way, but as that deadline comes up i find it harder to imagine how i could just uproot myself...

yes, i very much did struggle with the decision to quit (what i thought was) my very stable and lucrative career in finance to get an MFA in creative writing. it’s a bit of a long story so i’m putting it under a cut.

warning for suicidality and sexual assault.

i used to believe i grew up poor, but it was the 90s so poverty looked very different. my dad didn’t work for a long time, and so we only had one income, and we lived in an apartment that was kind of a lowkey hoarder home. as a kid, all i knew was that i didn’t get to have toys, or my own space, and i wasn’t allowed to have friends over. the concept of an allowance was totally alien to me. but it also wasn’t like i ever went hungry. the food we had wasn’t particularly healthy but it was always there.

i didn’t really realize how much that instability affected me until much later, when i noticed other people hadn’t lived their entire lives aware of and obsessed with money. i used to compulsively count the change in my piggy bank and beg my mom to take it so she could pay her taxes (i didn’t know what taxes meant, i just assumed they were the reason we couldn’t afford nice things). 

my safe haven was always my grandparents’ house, which was clean and had semi-healthy food and the door was always open. my grandpa was a high school chemistry teacher. my grandma worked at a bank. growing up, i had no idea what she did at the bank, just that it sponsored all the fun things we did, like going to amusement parks and baseball games. my parents never took my sister and i on vacation, but every year, my grandma would drive us to visit our family in missouri, which, even though it only cost the gas to get there, seemed like a wild indulgence to me.

i started working at 16 so i could have my own money. by 17 i was working illegally full-time and getting paid under the table. then i bought my own car, and shortly after i turned 18 i got my own apartment. even though i could pay my bills, i was still terrified about money. i thought about it all the time. i checked my bank account multiple times a day. i was a cashier at a restaurant and i would often open my drawer and just stare at the money or count it when i was bored.

but i hated working at the restaurant, and one day i thought to myself, how can i keep the money part of this job but lose the food part? then i remembered my grandma’s career at the bank (from which by then she’d retired), and that afternoon i sat down and applied to be a teller at the very same bank. obviously the bank was very large and it wasn’t like my grandma was in management. she worked in ATM operations. nobody on my hiring committee knew who she was, and honestly i have no idea how i got the job.

i stayed a teller through college, working 25ish hours a week. it didn’t pay very well and i was still nervous about money, so i picked up a job altering bridal gowns on evenings and weekends, and also an admin job at my university. so i was working 60ish hours a week, plus going to school full-time and trying to keep up my 4.0. in retrospect, i can’t remember how necessary all this was. i know i was living in an apartment whose rent was higher than i could afford, and i lived with my boyfriend who was struggling to find a job. anyway, it was definitely the lowest time of my life, and i was so exhausted that every day i hoped something horrible would happen to me so i could be hospitalized and rest. 

then something horrible did happen. my dad died. and even though everyone in my life was telling me to please dear god take a break, i did not. 

i got promoted to business finance, which paid what seemed at the time to be an ungodly amount of money. i was still part-time and finishing up my undergrad degree. once i graduated, i got promoted to full-time. for the first couple years, i really did try to be a banker. i was good at my job only insofar as someone who is left-handed can write with their right hand if forced for long enough. it felt very much like i was in the wrong place, but by that point i had so much unchecked trauma that i had convinced myself the highest human ideal was misery and deprivation. i wish i was kidding. i was the definition of ascetic and martyred myself. i didn’t believe happiness existed. work was all that mattered to me.

then i bought a house. so at this point, i had student loans, a car loan, a mortgage, and credit card debt. after my dad’s death, my mom had to file for bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. she abandoned her house. by this point i was 23, single, in six figures of debt with no familial support net, but i was making decent money at the bank, so it wasn’t like i was drowning. in fact i was doing pretty well. the bank was a rock in my very turbulent life. i got a lot of vacation time that allowed me to travel a bit. i had insurance and a matching 401(k). it was really a decent job.

but the bank was also in many ways an abusive relationship. i don’t mean that metaphorically. i had bosses who manipulated me, insulted me, humiliated me in front of other people. i had one boss who went so far as to look at my checking account and ridicule my purchases. i didn’t have any idea what it meant to stand up for myself or say no. in fact i wasn’t allowed to say no. my job at the bank involved solving other people’s problems. i could never say “i can’t solve that problem.” i could only say “i’ll figure it out.”

i had convinced myself working at the bank was a stable career because it was boring and i hated it. but actually it wasn’t stable at all. after 2008, there were mass layoffs and restructures every year while the bank tried to recover from the recession. i worked for a sales team, and so my job was dependent entirely on whether or not the salespeople did their jobs well. if they didn’t make goal, they’d get fired. if they got fired, i’d get fired. 

i started trying to date again and was sexually assaulted. after that i really struggled at work because i was dissociating a lot and couldn’t focus. my team, despite my having worked there for years, instead of being concerned for me decided to start complaining about me to my boss. finally i had to tell a coworker what happened and that i wasn’t doing very well. my team started being a little nicer to me but ultimately they didn’t care about me, they cared about how effective i was at my job. my boss didn’t want to fire me, so instead i was pushed onto another team.

that move came with a raise. then that team was dismantled and i was pushed onto another team. that was a demotion, but i got to keep my raise from the previous move. by then, i was working from home, and even though i was more comfortable i was also very isolated and miserable. my “fulfillment through deprivation” attitude was destroying me. i wasn’t eating well or taking care of myself. i was isolated and lonely. i still didn’t believe happiness was real and i constantly thought about killing myself. 

but i had started writing fanfiction, and even though i didn’t think i was any good at it, i was beginning to see a way out. i was beginning to learn how to dream, and want things, and give myself the things i wanted. i just couldn’t imagine leaving the bank, or selling my house, or moving out of my hometown. all of that seemed impossible to me.

then i had to go to a business conference where my team had a retirement party for one of my coworkers. she’d done what i was doing for 45 years. by that point i was at the 9 year mark. i’d spent my entire adult life at the bank. and i realized: the bank benefited from my fear and passivity, and nothing in my life was going to change unless i was willing to make sacrifices. 

but i still wasn’t entirely convinced. and then came the day i had to physically hold onto my desk to keep me from killing myself. i didn’t end up trying it, because i had another realization: this was a life or death situation now. if i kept working at the bank, i knew i would die. i knew eventually i would get low enough to do it. i didn’t actually want to die; i wanted an escape and didn’t know what else to do. suddenly i was off the hook. my options were not “financial stability or imminent poverty” but “live or die.” 

those were the big epiphanies i had, but the process of actually leaving the bank was a slow one. i wrote a bit about it here. i got into an MFA program basically by telling myself repeatedly i would figure out the money stuff later. when it came time to quit the bank, my boss convinced me to stay on working part-time, with the assumption i would move back to full-time once i’d graduated. i agreed to it, because just trying to quit was enough to convince me i could, and that better things were ahead of me. for a year and a half, i stayed on working two days a week while doing my MFA, which involved both coursework and teaching, and it felt a bit like it did during undergrad, having too many jobs and no time to breathe or think or feel anything.

between my first and second year, i had a looooong overdue mental breakdown. there were a lot of causes, but one of them was spreading myself too thin. shortly after, i quit for good. by then it didn’t feel like a big deal at all, i was so far removed from the work and my team and so focused on my degree. one day i turned on my work laptop and the next day i didn’t. i shipped it back to HQ and it was over.

then i graduated from the MFA and suddenly had to face the consequences of this life i’d chosen. my school kept me on as an adjunct, but it felt like being a ghost. i no longer had the community of my cohort. i had no health insurance. i was given my teaching schedule and a contract to sign, that’s it. there was no guarantee i would be getting classes the following semester, and after a year, that was what happened. i remember sitting in my favorite coffee shop trying not to cry when i got the email that said the department had nothing for me to teach the following semester.

i really wasn’t the same after the breakdown. i went from “i can do anything i put my mind to no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts” to “i have to step carefully, and treat myself gently.” i hadn’t fully realized that yet, though, so i tried to get a Real Job. i got the first and only job i applied to, because i am bad at nearly everything but somehow i’m exceptional in interviews. it wasn’t a bank but it offered the same sort of benefits package. it was a full-time salaried position at a non-profit. if i had found it earlier, i think it would have been my dream job. it was the kind of work you throw yourself into because you care so much about doing good. 

i lasted a month. during the first week something happened that triggered me in a way i’m very rarely triggered. i realized i needed disability accommodations, but i needed to go to a doctor to get an assessment and i had to be on the team 60 days in order to get insurance. i thought i could white-knuckle it, and i could, sort of, but every minute i was at work, it felt like i was forced away from the thing i should have been doing. i was constantly trying to write a few paragraphs here and there on my phone when no one was looking. i had to find excuses to take breaks and go to my car and breathe. at one point i told a volunteer i was an english instructor, and she looked at me very confused, and i realized i’d said it in present tense, like it was part of who i was and not a job i did for a while. then finally, my breaking point was an after-hours function. when i left i saw a field full of fireflies and thought about how, if i’d just stayed home, i could have sat outside and enjoyed them all evening, not just a glance at them on the way to my car. i liked the job but it was making me miss all the things i’d learned to love about being alive.

i quit the next day. i’d sold my house by then (which was its own feat) and moved in with my grandma, which hadn’t been a possibility until my grandpa passed away the previous spring. i paid off my car. i figured out finally that i would probably never be able to work full-time again unless it was teaching, and that the downside to this life would be accepting fear and instability, only being able to look ahead one semester at a time. staying open to the opportunities that arise. being a little selfish. 

i wrote a bit more about the financial realities of the writing life here. i can’t tell you what you should do, because the path i took definitely isn’t the path for everyone, but i do believe we all owe it to ourselves to pursue our best and happiest lives, because we only get one, and there’s no reason not to live it the way you want to. 

[allthebooksandcrannies]

I know a lot of older people think it's a problem that so many young people don't want to have children, but I think it shows an increased understanding for how much of a responsibility parenting is and how much damage you can do to a child of you're not ready to raise someone.

I think that everyone is capable of being a good parent and I think that some people should never be parents. These may sound mutually exclusive but they aren't because there's a big if involved in the first half. That if, is that everyone is capable of being a good parent someday if they put in the work to take care of their own shit first.

When you become a parent or guardian, you are officially signing on to prioritize another person's physical and emotional needs before your own for the rest of their life. That means loving them no matter what they do or who they become. That means putting aside your own exhaustion and frustration at your day when they walk through the door so that you can be their champion and their confidant and their companion. That means teaching them how to process their emotions and think critically and empathetically and it means letting them find their own path, even if it's different than the one you wanted or imagined for them, but making it clear that if they need or want your comfort, your help, or just your ear that they will have it. You don't have to be perfect. No parent ever is, and it's important anyway for kids to learn in nontraumatic ways that adults make mistakes too and that's okay as long as you take responsibility for that and strive to learn and grow because of your mistakes. Kids learn by watching and listening to the adults around them and the things they conclude from those early years of observation will stick with them the rest of their lives.

I know that that sounds scary. It probably should because deciding to raise a child should be the biggest decision you can make, and if it's not, you may not be taking it seriously enough.

I also know that this is hard. And I have the greatest respect for people who truly understand this and decide to raise a tiny person anyway.

I'm also not trying to discourage you from becoming a parent. You may not be ready now, but that doesn't mean you can't be later. I personally would love to be a mom some day not I know that I have a lot of personal growth and healing I need to take care of first, to say nothing of the stabilization of my financial and career status.

The real question is what can you do to be a better parent, guardian, or even trusted adult to someone else's child (a really important and valid role and choice in itself!) later?

First off, you need to do some hard core introspection to figure out what traits and behaviors you have that might exhibit that would interfere in your ability to be a good parent. Maybe you're still emotionally immature. Maybe you're struggling with uncontrolled mental illness, chronic illness, or addiction. Maybe you've internalized some toxic ideas. Maybe you're still recovering from trauma or just now realizing that what you have even is trauma. None of these things makes you a bad person and none of them stops you from being capable to becoming a good parent. But, all of them can interfere with your ability to model healthy behaviors and coping skills to your child. Children learn through observation and, because their brains need the world to make sense and be predictable, they're going to interpret everytime you seem upset or lose your cool as being their fault. Young children aren't capable of going "mom is upset and snapped over something relatively trivial, she must be having a bad day/be tired/etc" because that's an interpretation of the world that is outside their control. Instead, they're going to go "I did x and mom got mad at me, it's my fault so I better not do x again" and that's a really harmful mindset that can contribute to self-worth issues and other mental illnesses like anxiety, especially if this happens long-term (for the record, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to snap over stupid things because being a grown-up is hard, so when you inevitably make this mistake it's important to be honest and upfront with your child about what happened, why, how it's not their fault, and you have to genuinely apologize for it, turning your mistake into a chance to model good adult behavior).

It's important to take care of yourself and let yourself grow and heal before bringing a kid into the mix because 1. you'll be a better parent if you start out in a better place emotionally and mentally, and 2. because you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy and it's much harder to address the things that are interfering with that when your also trying to juggle the additional emotional/mental demands of raising a child.

Additionally, I definitely recommend making sure you and anyone else taking a primary caretaker role in your child's life is in a stable financial and that the relationship between you and any other caretakers is stable and amicable regardless of what kind of relationship it is. The financial aspect is important because kids are expensive as hell (both the having/acquiring and the raising) and you want to be able to provide then with the best possible shot at life.

This isn't about me but I feel like the example will be helpful. We weren't poverty level growing up, but even as a child it was clear to me that we could be. My parents were 20 year old newlyweds when they got pregnant. My dad had been set up to inherit a position in his father and grandfather's construction company and did not go to college because they thought he was guaranteed a steady job. My mom was paying for a college education she couldn't afford because no one had ever explained how to get financial aid and scholarships to her and her parents were too caught up in their own shit to be anything but relieved about getting to make her future my dad's problem. Then they got pregnant. They started building a house that took much longer to build then expected because that construction business dad was expecting to inherit went out of business because it turned out that a cousin had been embezzling and my great-grandmother wouldn't let them sue or press charges against family. Mom had to drop out of college to raise me because daycare costs as much as she makes at work and she no longer has the time or funds. They had a baby they weren't prepared to raise and my dad's new job had him working in the Texas heat all day before going and working on our house at night so that we could move out of my maternal grandfather's house now that he was getting divorced and couldn't afford it. My parents society never saw each other and they were constantly worried about money. Less than two years after I was born they accidentally got pregnant with my brother. He ended up with failure to thrive and (although he did eventually recover) it raked up a serious amount of debt in addition to my mom's student loans and the mortgage. Flash forward four more years and my dad falls through a roof at a construction site and permanently cripples his ankle. Cue a year of the only breadwinner in the household being unable to work, several surgeries and massive medical bills we can't pay. A year after that my mom has to have a historectomy because her fibroids are causing immense pain and then they find pre-cancerous cells. Another year after that she starts having unexplained siezures and signs of organ failure that will take years to diagnose as a rare autoimmune disorder that will leave her disabled and, again, rake up serious medical debt. I found out in college that it came to the point that we almost lost the house but as a kid I still always knew we were struggling. And that fucks with a kid's head. There were reasons I didn't tell my parents that something was wrong for a week after I sprained my wrist when I was 10 and it wasn't just because I didn't want to sound like I was asking for attention (a phobia that also comes from having emotionally immature parents). I pushed myself ridiculously hard in school because I knew I couldn't expect any help paying for college from my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty anytime I spend more than 20 dollars even though it's my money and I need groceries or textbooks or gas or whatever. A lot of these issues would have been financially difficult and unpredictable, but had my parents been in a more stable position when they got married and started having kids, it would have been much easier to weather the storms.

Additionally, money is the main thing couples fight about, so if you can take that off the table as a significant concern before bringing kids into the mix, please do. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that you can't address higher order concerns like personal growth of your worried about where your next meal is coming from and that goes for your children as well.

Again, I'm not trying to shame people for their financial difficulties. Most of us are playing at a game we were never intended to win and I get that not all children are planned. But, your good intentions unfortunately will not put food on the table or pay the rent and your children will have a lot less stress in their lives if you are able to make sure that things are as stable as possible before you bring them into it.

The same goes for your relationship with fellow caretakers. Don't try to have kids to save your relationship. Don't ever make your children feel like your relationship is in anyway their responsibility. Again, they need their world to make sense and if you're fighting they're probably going to assume it's somehow their fault. Don't do that to them.

Anyway, this rant turned out a lot longer than I intended but I think I needed to say it. In summary, raising children is not about you but your going to make it about you unless you take care of your own shit first. Children don't ask to be born. If you're not ready for that responsibility, either don't have kids or put in the work so that you will be. If you already have kids, and don't have your shit together, there's still time but it's going to be harder and you might have to do some damage control from any traumas you may have already inflicted on your child, regardless of your intentions. If that's the case, you have a responsibility to get your kid the help they need and do everything in your power to avoid further harm. You're the adult in this situation, and if you're going to be a parent, you need to act like it.

[templedragon]

Disability Inclusion To Continue After The Pandemic

As part of March’s theme of intersectionality in the aromantic community, I want to talk about disability inclusion. The World Health Organisation estimates the global disabled population at 17% - that’s 1 in 6 people. The response to the global COVID pandemic has demonstrated that disability inclusion in possible and can be implemented in a matter of weeks. Previously, when disabled individuals asked for inclusion, including remote access to education, work, resources and entertainment, we were told it wasn’t possible. Yet, as soon as it benefitted ableds, society became accessible from home, and without the ableist stigma of being burdens or having “special needs”. We must retain many features of the pandemic that enable disabled people to have full access to society.

My main disability is fatigue, so I can only brush upon the requirements of other disabilities such as neurodivergence. I also have access to the Internet, which many disabled and other marginalised groups do not due to poverty. Please reach out to other disabled people to see what access set ups can improve their quality of life, and follow Disability Tags on social media. Disabled Lives Matter, and I call upon you as fellow aromantics to help End Ableism.

Screen Readers

Screen readers for blind and visually impaired people (or like me, get light trigger migraines) to identify and pronounce words. But they are not intuitive. Camel Tags are for compound hashtags. #ThisIsWhatAromanticLooksLike. If Camel Tags are not used, then the screen reader either tries to read the whole thing as one word or pronounces each letter individually, and it’s unintelligible. Keyboard smashes are read as individual letters, so if you’re going to use them please keep them short! Screen readers also read left to right (in English), then top to bottom. So if you have a meme of, “People with disabilities” on the left on multiple lines and “People with aromanticism” on the right with multiple lines, leading to the central handshake underneath “Annoyed that living costs are based on two people sharing a bed”, the screen reader will say, “People People with with aromanticism disabilities”.

 Images

Not everyone can see images as intended. Some can see text on an image providing there’s enough contrast, but screen readers can’t see it. Screen Readers have no chance of reading closed captions within a video. “Alt Text” and “Image ID” is a description of the images. Often Alt Text allows for more words than some social media sites, but this is balanced against not all technology being capable of reading Alt Text so it’s better to have numerous replies describing the image. If you see a published image or video (even a thumbnail preview), please add the text describing the image rather than asking the poster to. The poster may have disabilities that make it difficult, so doing it yourself when you see the issue is preferable.

 Content Warnings

The world can be scary, and if we are told in advance what to expect in a piece of media or a presentation, then we know if it’s safe for us to access. Content Warnings or Topic Warnings include emotional triggers, such as racism, ableism, homophobia, sexism, violence, blood. You can specify the nature of the content after the general [CW Ableism, Medical Trauma].  Physical triggers include flashing images in videos and gifs, which may trigger an epileptic seizure. The warning can come at the beginning, and/or just before the content itself. Please turn off autoplay on media, as if it contains flashing images and it starts playing before we can read about the content, it can kill. The correct way to tag flashing images is “flashing” and “flashing images” so people can block that. If it’s tagged “epilepsy” or “seizures” then people looking for information about these topics can be exposed. Exposure to mental and physical triggers can take a long time to recover from.

 Words Count [CW Ableist language}

Bias is the first step to genocide in the pyramid of hate. Ableism bias is using historical or contemporary diagnoses of mental and physical health conditions as a derogatory term, even affectionately. “Idiots in love” “That’s crazy” “You’re insane” “That’s lame”. There is also using diagnoses in a casual way, which undermines the severity of how disabled people are affected. “That crippled me”. “Even a blind person can see that” “Are you deaf or something?” “You need therapy”. This stops disabled people from getting recognition and help for their conditions. Please use exclamations without using ableist language, and do not undermine disabilities by casually mentioning them. If you see others doing it, please tell them why it’s wrong.

 Font

Comic Sans is easier for Dyslexic people to read as the letters are unique so there is less opportunity for the brain to muddle them. Dyslexic people have created fonts that are Dyslexic friendly – Open Dyslexic (free) and Dyslexie.

https://opendyslexic.org/

https://www.dyslexiefont.com/en/typeface/

 Remote Synchronous and Non-Synchronous Events

More commonly, accessing things from home but at a specified time, and is not available afterwards. These are Zoom meetings, livestreaming, and Instagram stories. Going out for events is detrimental to me, because of overstimulation, overexertion, and the risk of encountering triggers. It takes energy and assistance for me to put outdoor clothes on, arrange and pay for transport, plan in advance if the building is wheelchair accessible (if there are lifts in well-lit areas and that the lifts are fixed immediately), where the disabled toilets are in relation to the event hall, check the food on sale for allergies, check if the wheelchair spaces are next to rubbish bins or at the back where I can’t see over everyone’s head. I’m expected to sit still rather than stretch and lie down as my body requires. As there are other people there, I’m at risk from migraines triggered by perfume and aftershave. When they announce mobile phones should be turned off during performances, I risk my life in delayed response to emergency calls.

 At home, I conserve energy by dressing in comfortable clothes, lying down and stretching, turning the camera off so people don’t see me move (disturbing others), going to my personal toilet when necessary, eating food I know is safe for me throughout the event rather that specified intervals to manage by blood sugar, save money and mental energy as I don’t have to arrange transport, don’t risk migraines from uncontrolled scents, can take medication or apply a temperature compress, have a good view. I control my environment, so I can relax and put more energy into enjoying the event. I was excited to watch a film ‘at’ the cinema when everyone else could, rather than having to wait for it to come onto DVD. If there is participation, the moderators can look at numerous text questions and pick one, rather than waiting for one mic.

 But, my health is unpredictable. I can have the best sleep ever and still wake up with post-exertional malaise which means I can’t be either awake or coherent for a live/synchronous event. This means I need events to be accessible after the event, without a time limit (Instagram stories…). This allows me to pause when my concentration lapses, or rewind if I fall asleep. This content needs transcribing beyond auto transcription. In Zoom meetings, there are multiple voices interjecting, and auto software doesn’t know which to prioritise so will pick the loudest parts of each person. If people have cameras off or poor image quality, no-one can see the gestures that replace speech and the software can’t transcribe either. Live captions, CART (Communication Access Realtime Translation), Interpreters for sign language and other languages are needed.

 Once non-synchronous events are routine, so is the acceptance of delayed response for questions and submissions. It allows for flexible attendance, knowing the work will be done without harming people’s health or preventing inclusion of disabled people. I’ve been in fandom Secret Santa’s and they have always asked if I might need a Pinch Hitter due to my unpredictable health (they get two stories – one on time and mine when I can finish it).

 Access without Gatekeeping

When I was at University, Student Support could do nothing for me until I had a medical diagnosis. I was treated as a healthy abled student for three years as a result of gate keeping. Gate keeping is also encountering a step at a building and the staff saying they will fetch a ramp. Any toilet or elevator that has a sign to request a key is gatekeeping. This means disabled people are at the whim of ableds permitting them access, rather than accessing any part of a property unaided. Physical and virtual spaces must be fully accessible to disabled people without question or proof of requirement.

 Please keep access features that became widespread during the pandemic going after it’s subsided, and continue to End Ableism.

[via-whitmore]

CW: discussion of lending money, racial and economic dynamics, homelessness, chronic illness, romantic problems

So the other night minutes after the big fight with my parents where my father used my disability as a way to literally tell me “shut up your opinion doesn’t matter,” an acquaintance of mine who I’ve lended and given a substantial amount to because they are struggling with poverty and addiction told me “you need to move to Rhode Island so we can date” while simultaneously telling me they are now living in their car. And when I gently was like “that’s really not something I want here are my reasons I’m chronically ill and I really want to live on my own in a place that would be better for my health” they hit me with “I’ll wait for you.” Like as if nothing I had just said had registered and it was purely about like their emotions.

This is the fifth person to express romantic interest in me to respond in this way, the third who was struggling with housing instability, and the second to literally say I’ll wait. All of them have struggled with mental illness. And I am so fucking tired. My two previous partners have been unfaithful because even after I was resistant to a relationship because of various things related to my disability and living situation, they insisted that I was just guarded. Then they broke my heart because the situation was too challenging for them. And believe me it’s not easy but like I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO BE HONEST ABOUT MY LIFE. But I always attract these people whose lives are completely on fire and rather than deal with that they want to try and “date me” when they don’t have a place to live or are recovering from abuse or there are just very real barriers. It’s never anyone I have any interest in romantically, just friends that I want to be generous with who then suddenly put me in a weird position. And then when I try to be gentle and explain my reservations I get told it’s because x y z. Like no. No matter what films tell you or how lonely you are, no amount of love is going to change the fact that I need access to a bathtub and can’t leave my bed 8 months out of the year.

I’m not blaming this person I’m not saying she is lying about her feelings but I don’t see how you could say to someone who has loaned you well over 400 dollars “you should move to a place that’s physically unhealthy for you so we can date” after having just told them you don’t have a place to live AND NOT SEE how manipulative that sounds. So then to keep pushing, even if that’s your feeling, just felt so unfair to me. And everyone in my history has done so. Like I can’t be friends with anyone without them projecting their loneliness on me. Meanwhile I’ve been met with literal disgust when I’ve expressed my romantic feelings so like to never have anyone just go “okay that’s valid I hear you” is just. I’m so done. I’m so exhausted of everyone using their love for me to ignore what I’m saying about my desires. I’m so tired of people using me as a band aid instead of like getting themselves together. It’s not romantic it’s infantilism. I blame our culture for putting romantic love ahead of friendships. So everything I do is always translated as OMG WE COULD BE GREAT TOGETHER. So to have this almost stranger say “I could be your strength” after my father had just said “we take care of you shut up.” Like no means no. I want my own life. I’m not being heard. I wish I could break this pattern because it’s really making me not want to be nice to anyone.

[mr-entj]

Can you talk about the quality(ies) or trait(s) that contributed most to your success? I read about your adversity and I want to know what is your personal mindset of getting through those challenges.

Combined with the following asks:

Hello, Mr. ENTJ. Have you ever been depressed? How did you manage to come out of the rut and find the will to live on? I realize that this is a personal question, and you don’t really have to answer but it’d help in understanding different paradigms and help someone who else who is struggling. Thank You

Related answers:

What do you think is required from a person to succeed ?

Dealing with failure and overcoming adversity

What are some of your top habits that have helped your success? What are some habits in your life you think you need to change?

Did the qualities you’ve mentioned (emotional self-regulation, mental fortitude) come naturally to you? Was it something you had to develop? How can I develop them? Thanks for dedicating your time to this blog. Helped a lot.

The answer is grit (resilience). I have an abundant supply of resilience that’s carried me through a childhood rife with crushing poverty, domestic abuse, physical danger, health crises (hip reconstruction, cancer), rejection, failure, and all the in-betweens that life threw at me to get to where I am today.

To develop and maintain grit, there are 3 core values carved into my soul:

1. “I am not a victim, I am my own hero.”

This stops spirals of self-pity and feelings of helplessness. This creates hope and courage. This reminds me that while I’ve been on the receiving end of some awful events (I mean, truly, ridiculous shit), I still have within me to change my circumstances– then I do it.

Poverty? I put myself through school (I paid 100% of my own tuition, no help from my parents– not a single penny– for undergraduate and graduate school), grinded through 6+ years of studies to graduate from 2 elite universities at the top of my class, hustled through my career, and now I’m wealthy. My parents never have to worry about money again, ever, my wife is taken care of, my daughter is spoiled rotten, my vacations are booked, my bank account is fat, my stock portfolio is cruising, and my career is skyrocketing. I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a smile on my face.

Physical danger? I fulfilled a lifelong dream to move my family out of the ghetto, buy our parents a home a few years back, and they now live in an affluent neighborhood within a gated community.

Health crisis? I saw the best physicians available, ate healthy, exercised, and continue to take care of my health to the best of my ability. I’ve recovered, I’m well, I’m healthy, I’m cancer free, I’m pain free.

There are many things in life that are unfair and out of your control; but how you prepare for the worst, plan for the best, and respond to those circumstances are in your power. That’s where you need to step up and shine. There will be amazing people along this journey that will help by providing advice, encouragement, and support but at the end of the day they have their own lives to live, their own problems to solve, and their own mountains to climb so you must always be your own advocate. You can’t hitch a ride on their wagon because they’re not going where you’re going. This is your ship and you are the captain, it’s your responsibility to steer it in the right direction so master the things within your control.

2. “Tomorrow will be better.”

This helps with impatience when progress is slow and fights off doubts and despair when changes don’t come as quickly as I want. This creates discipline and consistency. I always tell my wife, the INTJ, after every setback that “I feel like something good is waiting for me around the corner. I don’t know what it is, how it’ll come, or when it’ll come, but I feel it.” And it inevitably does as long as I show up, give 100%, and keep working towards my goals.

“Tomorrow will be better” helps me take things step by step because I have the tendency to look a hundred miles down the road and cringe at the distance still left to travel. I’ve repeated this over and over again, through my crap retail job at Target, through being a janitor scrubbing toilets in the mall, through my long hours cramming for the MCAT, through high stress in my consulting job, and so on and so forth. 1 day becomes 1 week, 1 week becomes 1 month, 1 month becomes 1 year, 1 year becomes 10 years, and suddenly we’re in 2019 and I’ve graduated from my dream schools, I work in my dream job, I’m married to my dream girl, I drive my dream car, and I’ve traveled to destinations around the world I used to only dream about.

Confucius wasn’t playing around when he said “a journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.” It won’t be an overnight thing. If your goal is to lose weight, then you’re not going to do 100 push-ups today and get a six-pack tomorrow. If your goal is to raise your grades, then you’re not going to read a chapter and magically get a 4.0 GPA tomorrow. I didn’t snap my fingers one day and suddenly my dream life appeared at my doorstep the next morning. That’s not how it works. However, if today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today, then those wins will add up over time until you finally get to where you’re going.

3. “You’re going to have to kill me to stop me.”

This is not an exaggeration, this is a fact. This creates tenacity and stamina. You may be smarter than me, you may be taller than me, you may be richer than me, you may be more handsome than me, you may be better than me in every facet but you are not going to outwork, outhustle, or outlast me. Period.

Learn to fight like hell.

This is a mentality I take towards every goal I’ve set because it keeps me alert, prepared, and responsive to seize opportunities as soon as they pop up. I always tell people around me whenever we’re working on their goals to “be ready” because if you’re ready, then you don’t need to waste time getting ready. Opportunities in life fly by in a blink of an eye like a job posting that opens and closes because you didn’t have a resume prepared, a scholarship perfectly matched for your background that got away because your grades weren’t high enough, or the love of your life that gets away because you weren’t available when you two crossed paths. Be ready and stay ready so when the opportunities present themselves you can immediately seize them.

I achieve this by being in constant motion in my life; I am reading, I am exercising, I am traveling, I am working, I am mentoring, I am meeting new people, I am growing relationships with the people I already know, I am perfecting my craft, I am expanding my network, I am learning a new skill, I am building my knowledge, I am recharging, I am reflecting on my life, priorities, mistakes, and next steps– I am improving every single day and I don’t stop. I stay insanely busy, which you might’ve noticed if it’s taken me 6 years to respond to your ask or Tumblr message (my bad), with meaningful things that add to my life. I move with purpose, I work like I’m possessed.

The United States Armed Forces has a saying:

“Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

There are many people in this world who fall short of their full potential because they aren’t willing to work or fight for what they want. They hit a little speed bump, lose heart, and give up, but with a little digging it becomes obvious they didn’t try hard enough to push through the barriers. I worked 3 jobs from 3AM to 8AM and 12PM to 10PM while taking classes to pay tuition and rent, I scrubbed toilets, I bussed tables, I lived on packets of ramen for weeks because that was the only food I could afford, I studied by flashlight, I slept in my car, I walked to work in the rain when I couldn’t afford gas, I studied from outdated textbooks in the library because I didn’t have the money to buy or rent new ones, I attended every career recruiting event, I showed up at office hours to every class I struggled in, I chased every tutoring session until I understood the subject matter, and I was always the first one in and last one out of the classroom or the office wherever I was. I always fought for it. I exhausted every option so that even if I failed, I could sleep peacefully knowing I had done everything in my power to succeed, I had closure that I did my absolute best.

And that’s how I did it.

That’s how a scrappy kid born in poverty in the slums of a third world Southeast Asian country, raised in an unstable home, and burdened with too many challenges to list, became educated, graduated, elevated, and gainfully compensated. To not only survive in life, but to thrive.

[flyingmustachio]

You know what I think is really important to understand is that we under American Capitalism are kind of gaslit by our poor understanding of history and biology. We assume that we have no right to demand more peace and more freedoms and more pleasure and more joy and more equality since we are living in “the most privileged and comfortable era in all of human history thanks to technology.” How can be so ungrateful and miserable when so few of us suffer and die horribly from the kind of diseases that used to plague mankind? When we have electricity and cars and heat and air conditioning? When we “live more luxuriously than any ancient emperor?”

And to some extent, that’s true. It’s wonderful that so few people die in childbirth or from diseases or injuries when compared to the rest of human history, and it’s wonderful that we are able to have access to such a variety of foods and activities and services. But it’s completely incorrect to assume that because these difficult things were more common in the past that the vast majority of everyone throughout history spent every second of their lives in misery and drudgery and we’re just ungrateful, wussy pricks for feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled by our comparative material bliss. We assume that society in the Middle Ages or the ancient world were divided into The Rich Few and The Poor Masses, and that if you were among the Poor Masses your life was just misery and toil until you died at 30 of some horrible infection.

But the more I learn about the common people throughout history, the more I realize this simply isn’t true. The average life span was only 30 since so many babies, and mothers and warriors died early. If you lived past your teens in the past, you were just as likely to live to be in your 70′s as today, unless there was a war or famine or plague happening. Most people were farmers, and yes, farm work by hand is very hard, and yes, making everything by hand takes a lot of time so yes, people in the past did a whole lot of work, but here’s the thing - it wasn’t even close to as dehumanizing for most people as work is today. Resting was not demonized. Enjoying yourself and valuing fun and amusement wasn’t seen as childish. Though they worked an hour or so longer than we do on average today, Medieval peasants had more time off than we do, with all of the weeks long religious festivals every year. Naps were normal. And yes, if it was a time of scarcity or famine people suffered horribly, but, like, it wasn’t always a time of scarcity or famine. It was a time of scarcity or famine less often than you probably think.

And if you think about the type of work most people used to do, it was much slower, more self directed, and allowed for much more human connection. If you’re weaving, or making cheese, or tilling a field, you or your small team are in control. You can stop and rest for a short time if you need to. None of these tasks require 100 percent concentration. You can talk to the people around you while you work. You can make friends and tell jokes and stories. You can be connected and productive at the same time. While the work was physically harder than most work today, it was much less mentally taxing or isolating. Especially now when many jobs expect you to be on call all the time or to still answer emails during your off hours. It’s absurd! It’s not normal!

I mean, look at the hobbies people choose nowadays. The things we view as “extra” that people “waste time” on. Hunting. Fishing. Crafts. Hiking. For most people throughout human history, those things WERE your work. And sure there was more pressure back in the day. Like there’s a lot more pressure to actually catch a fish on your fishing trip when if you don’t catch one your family doesn’t eat tonight. But it says something about the nature of our work today that so many people would spend their precious and short free time and spend the money they toiled to earn  in order to have the opportunity to do the same things our ancestors considered “work.”

And even the more “passive” hobbies that people see as less productive, like TV and video games are not some new luxury. Stories have been around forever, and they have always been an integral part of what it is to be human and to connect with other humans. Most modern jobs don’t allow for story or connection. You’re busy, mostly alone, all day long. If we can’t tell each other stories while we churn our butter or plow our fields, we’ll watch TV and play video games together on our days off.

I guess my point is that it’s not normal to be this miserable. It’s not normal to hate your job or your life. It’s not normal to feel so isolated and disconnected. That, while we are more physically comfortable on the whole than at any time in history, we actually seem to be considerably LESS mentally comfortable, healthy, and fulfilled than most other times in history, and we’re not wrong or ungrateful for wanting to change that.

Many people blame technology for our lack of connection. They think that the fact that most people spend their time off work watching TV or playing video games to relax and many people prioritize those activities over more direct and authentic quality time spent with family and friends means that TV and video games are inherently addictive and bad and that they and the internet keep us in bubbles, divided from each other. But I think that these technologies aren’t what’s actually to blame, I think it’s how we structure our work. There is only so much time in the day, and we can’t fit in work and human connection, and basic home tasks, and rest and relaxation. I mean think back to how much easier it was to make friends when you were in school. You were at class together, you could do homework together and help each other. The human connection happened at the same time as the work, and you made deep friendships because of all the time you spent together. I imagine the same was true of pre-industrial work. If you’re telling stories while weaving cloth, teaching the beginners and helping each other, the human connection is happening at the same time as the work. I mean it makes sense why so many people today seem to have trouble keeping deep friendships, sleeping enough, or simply getting enough peaceful downtime. There simply isn’t enough time in the day, so something is bound to get left by the wayside in favor of other needs.

I think it’s like how crash diets contribute to binge eating. If you cut out whole categories of food and cut your calories very quickly you are much more likely to lose control and eat much more than you would have in the first place if you had just eaten normally. I think modern  Americans only act so “lazy” when they’re outside of work because they are so very overworked and underconnected to begin with. You wouldn’t expect someone who hasn’t slept for a week to be able to just have a regular 8 hour sleep and be back to normal. They’re going to need to sleep long and rest up and recover. One argument against things like Universal Basic Income is “Without the threat of poverty, what will motivate people to be productive? Everyone will just sit around and watch TV for the rest of their lives.” But you can’t expect an entire population who haven’t known real rest and leisure since childhood to just magically know how to distribute their time healthily. They’re going to act really lazy and hedonistic for a while. But eventually they will get bored, and they will realize they feel better and more connected and more fulfilled when they are working on things that interest them. And most of them will find some sort of job again, but this time they’ll actually have the luxury to figure out what they’re actually passionate about and feel fulfilled in their job, which will lead to even more innovation and productivity than before. Necessity may be the mother of invention, but passion and curiosity are the parents of progress. And if some people do turn out to just be lazy to the core? Fine. Let them watch TV forever and be happy! Technology is constantly making our work more efficient while our population continues to rise. There simply aren’t enough jobs to support all of the people we have, and I don’t think people should starve because of that.

[me-mindfulexistence]

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!!!!

This past Wednesday, Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed into law House Bill 314, legislation that completely bans abortion in the state except if a woman's health is in serious danger. There is no exception for victims of rape or incest. Providing an abortion would be criminalized, and doctors who perform an abortion could face up to 99 years in prison. The state calls this the “Heart Beat Bill”.  So, in essence, a doctor performing a medical procedure would get more prison time than a dangerous street criminal such as a rapist.

As far as I’m concerned, this type of legislation is about a whole lot more than the “sanctity of life”.  It’s about control. It’s about the government making decisions based on the “best interest” of the public and crossing the lines between church and state.  What’s next, the reinstatement of slavery to better serve society?  This is some backwards ass nonsense and people better wake up before they find themselves living a real life “Handmaids Tale”.  

Your hard right, conservative Christians who are pushing for this bill want to sell the theory that “all life matters” because it’s the “sanctity of life” that makes them want abortion outlawed. Well I call bullshit.  Where is the concern for the sanctity of life when the government tolerates corporations putting an 800-1000% mark-up on pharmaceutical drugs when many people can’t afford them?  I don’t see anyone pounding down Washington’s doors demanding change.  I don’t see any “heart beat bills” being passed because people can’t afford their chemo, insulin or epi-pens and the government making it “illegal” for people to be denied all of the essential treatment they need to manage their diseases.  How about end of life care?  They tolerate using drugs to facilitate death…that’s somehow ok.  What about “pulling the plug”?  That person in a vegetative state certainly isn’t “giving consent”.  Isn’t a pregnant mother the “life support” for that child?  Isn’t “pulling the plug” her option?   How many of these “right to life” people do you know have actually taken in “unwanted” children into their homes out of the kindness of their hearts and provided for them financially, emotionally and physically? I would venture to guess, very few. But yet we get to hear lectures about young women needing to be MORE responsible, using birth control, or abstinence, and being more financially sound.  How is that realistic?

Is the concept that life starts at the moment of conception?  Then why aren’t pro-life people up in arms at fertility clinics?  They destroy unused embryo’s every damn day.  Why are there pro-life people that believe capital punishment is acceptable?  One form of taking life is okay but another isn’t. The hypocrisy.  

Fact: ALABAMA HAS THE WORST POVERTY IN THE DEVELOPED WORLD!!!!!

The “reality” of the future of these children being brought into this world is undetermined. But when we force, coerce or shall we say “strongly encourage” young women to have children they might otherwise have chosen not to, birth is a remedy for failure. What could be the long-term consequences? Poor living conditions, disconnect/neglect, inability to provide for the child’s emotional and physical needs, and financial stress….and what can that create for the parent and child?   Depression, drug abuse, physical abuse, behavioral issues and even suicidal ideations.  

This idealistic nonsense that is spewed out of the mouths of people who want children to become “products” for societies’ needs and wants will state things like “there are so many parents out there who can’t have children…they should just give them up for adoption to loving couples who can give them a good home.” I’m always amused when they say, “just give them up” as if it’s just that easy.  Oh really? Is that what they should do Aunt Flo? Because last I remembered, carrying a baby for 9 freaking months was an intense commitment that was meant for a true MOTHER who was dedicated to the process.  A person who had an unwavering sense of what they want.  A lengthy commitment that entails an immense amount of mental fortitude that NOT everyone has, a dedication to the grueling physical task of incubating another human being and having to hold down a job through it all, and then being able to “give away” a piece of yourself…all while, mentally, not losing it by the end of those nine months. NOT everyone can do it and we shouldn’t expect people to.

Listen…if I hear one more bull-crap remark about the country’s love and respect for “life”, I’ll throw up.  We have an obvious disregard for life and it shows every damn day.  Every time you walk past a “street bum” or someone with obvious mental issues and you ignore them or their needs you are ignoring the code of “sanctity for life”.  War is about killing people…it has nothing to do with “sanctity for life” but it’s done.  Everyday, people are dying and killing each other, b/c that’s life (will we give cops water pistols?).  Where is the “sanctity for life”?  We have an entire religion called the Catholic church (that I grew up in and I’m embarrassed to say I raised my children for most of their lives) that historically defended, covered up and kept CHILD MOLESTERS in circulation working AROUND THE PUBLIC and AROUND OUR CHILDREN!  WHERE IS THE PUBLIC OUTRAGE- DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!  You can tell yourself it was 1% of the priests, it was only a few..... but here’s the reality- THEY ALL KNEW and DID NOTHING! They ruined thousands of lives. Many people took their own lives b/c they couldn’t recover after the trauma.  Pray on that! Sanctity of life....what a joke. 

You believe in God?  You believe in the bible?  Well, what happens to an aborted baby?  Doesn’t the baby go back to God right from the womb?  I’d rather a baby lose its life in the womb than come out into this kind of world and grow up in a home of neglect, abuse and risk death or abuse in a dysfunctional home.  You scream for “life” until Betty Sue has her unwanted child against her will. Now due to the stressed conditions in the Alabama system, lack of family support and lack of finances has raised this child in less than ideal conditions.  This child now has extreme behaviors and is in the criminal system.  You’ve now become one of this child’s victims, and instead of understanding the circumstances, you’ll shift the finger pointing another direction.  It’ll now be about how “Betty Sue” was a bad mother and didn’t do her job right.  The whole thing goes full circle.

So, unless you’ve lived in poverty, taken in and raised unwanted children, raised children with lack of finances and no emotional support and have walked in these shoes...you do not know. Therefore, you shouldn’t be telling or mandating ANYONE about what they should do.  You want to shake your finger and say, “don’t get an abortion” because of x, y, or z. But you better be doing a whole lot more than just running your pie hole.  

I get it, it’s nice to be privileged, especially when you don’t know it; and believe me when I say that most don’t.  It’s nice to have the upbringing you did, the opportunities to create this ideology, for this fabricated and manufactured outrage that you use as leverage to point fingers and judge those around you so that they will live by your plan…which is of course is “GODS PLAN”.

Ah…to be so privileged.  

[tariqk]

PS for folks with privileged identities who want to call people saying mean shit about their identities “discrimination”

Because I’ve been getting this crap and I’m going to reference this again when it happens.

Examples:

If you’re white and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it racism.

If you’re straight and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it heterophobia.

If you’re cis and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it cisphobia.

If you’re a man and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it sexism.

If you’re thin and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it “thinphobia”.

If you’re affluent and you see people making mean comments about you and you want to call it classism.

TL;DR

You’re using the wrong word. Use “prejudice”, and know that these folks are prejudiced for a good reason. Disagree? Want to know more? Read on.

Why you’re using the wrong word.

We could refer to the dictionary definitions of both racism and sexism to do this, but they’re typically meaningless (they’re a kind of fallacy), because dictionaries are records of how people use terms, and not as authorities to the actual term themselves.

So in order for people to agree with your argumentation, you need to use definitions that everyone finds mutually useful, and defining “sexism” and “racism” as “people who hate you because of your identity” is of limited utility.

Why it’s of limited utility

There are several reasons:

If you have hate for an identity, it’s usually called several things:

bigotry if it’s really literally hate towards that identity

prejudice if it’s a negative view that identity that colors your interaction with people of that identity

You can make arguments about how it’s counter-productive for folks to feel this way about your identity, but to be honest, those feelings are shaped by something else that’s covered by the terms you want to appropriate, because…

A lot of people feel this way about your identity because they experience discrimination and suffer material and physical disadvantages because of their identity is made to be in opposition to your identity.

And that’s why they use terms like “racism”, “homophobia”, “sexism”, “transphobia”, “transmisogyny“, “fatphobia”, “classism” and “ableism”. It refers to two things that operate together:

The prejudice or bigotry that those in the majority feel towards a person’s identity.

The institutional and social power that makes it possible for those with prejudice and bigotry to make the lives of marginalized folks very difficult or next to impossible.

“But my life is difficult too!”

I’m not saying that your life isn’t difficult.

“But you’re saying that how I’m feeling about people saying mean things isn’t valid!”

No. I don’t want to have to waste my energy like this, but if your life is difficult? That sucks. I hope it gets better. But let’s not talk about you for a minute and focus on other people. I’m going to give some examples:

Black folk cannot exist in public, anywhere in the world, without their existence and validity being called into question and, more often than not, having violence enacted towards them.

Black, indigenous and people of color (BIPOC) have to get past the institutional and social damage of over 600 years of colonialism, which include poverty, discrimination, lowered health outcomes and less social and community wealth.

Trans folk literally die forty years before everyone else. Like, the reasons are myriad, and oh god, depressing, but they literally die in their thirties when other people can reasonably expect 80+ years of survival.

Violence against people who are lesbian, gay, bi and a-spec are still a thing. Even in Western countries. Just because they won a few legislative victories doesn’t erase the centuries of discrimination. They’re still recovering from an epidemic that literally destroyed an entire generation of folk.

Women are… hoo boy. You know what? Women have to deal with a culture that subjects them to relentless scrutiny about their appearance and behavior, are still, around the world, subject to relentless intimate partner and other kinds of violence, struggle to represent themselves politically and commercially, and… listen, okay? I could bombard you with statistics and lists and if that still doesn’t change your mind I don’t know what to say.

Fat people suffer worse outcomes with the medical community, and we’re only finding out that the reasons why.

It’s expensive to be poor. Poor folks get dinged left right and centre, and furthermore, poverty in itself reduces the mental bandwidth that is available for poor folk to deal with their day-to-day decisions.

It’s been decades since we figured out that executing disabled folks was the beginning of, oh, I don’t know, history’s worst genocide, and we still have “progressive” folk making arguments that disabled people should be sterilized or, I don’t know, killed as a burden towards society.

This is an incomplete list. God, it’s an incomplete list, and I’m sorry if you’re marginalized and you’re not included here. But I included all of these examples to illustrate what they had in common:

They happened to folks because on their identities.

They harness state, institutional and social power against those identities to make the lives of those marginalized worse or kill them.

When people say your identity makes you privileged, no one is saying that your life can’t be hard. No one’s saying that. Your life could very well be hard. Hell, your life could be very hard because one of the above identities, or other marginalizations that you might have to live with. But it’s not hard because you’re a dude. It’s not hard because you’re straight. It’s not hard because you’re white. It’s not hard because you’re cis.

Just to be clear:

When a marginalized person gets angry and says “fuck $privileged_identity”, what happens to you, the privileged person? Nothing much. You’ll feel sad, or get upset.

When a privileged person says “fuck $marginalized_identity”, it contributes to that marginalized identity’s worse outcome. Maybe you won’t kill them. But you’ll make their lives harder in some small way.

Heck, you might not even have to do or say anything. That’s how discrmination and oppression works — not by a group of Bad People™ taking the effort of doing Bad Things™, but just… people not seeing Bad Things™ happen more or less automatically, because they’re conditioned to not see it when it happens.

It’s men expecting women to look and defer to them in a certain way, whether they’ll be personally violent to women if they fail to do it. It’s white people expecting BIPOC folk to behave in certain ways, whether they’ll personally be responsible for causing those BIPOC folks grief. It’s straight people closing their eyes to gay and trans folk dropping dead due to governmental malicious neglect in the 80s. It’s abled, affluent cis and thin folk closing their eyes due to medical and social neglect happening now.

That’s why words like sexism, racism, transphobia, ableism classism and fatphobia exist. They’re to describe this shit. They’re not for you to use, because those things I talked about at length? They don’t happen to you. Not that way.

“Wait, so what word should I use, then?”

Well, I did give you two options: bigotry and prejudice. But I’d advise against using “bigotry”, because it presupposes that marginalized people hate you. Maybe they do, but it’s also likely they don’t, and it’s probably easier on you if you assume that they don't hate you, personally, considering how often marginalized folk bend over backwards to accommodate privileged folks. That’s right, they do. And yeah, you don’t see it because you’re privileged, and marginalized folk know better than to express it to your face because they might suffer for it.

So if you have to describe it, use prejudice. It’s pretty much something you can use on a technical basis, because it literally means “people thinking bad about you without having all the facts about you yet”. And yeah, maybe you’re not like the other privileged people that they’ve had experience with yet, but you know what? This prejudice? It’s part of survival, as pretty much outlined in stuff like Schrodinger’s Rapist.

Maybe you aren’t a Bad Privileged Person. But if the cost is between thinking badly of you unnecessarily and… well, getting hurt or killed? Who can blame them?

[thetrevorcalvin]

2: ENVIRONMENTAL: The environmental concerns that are relevant to Swan Wharf, the environmental concerns that are relevant to the world. Intention of integrating these concerns at a design level. IS THIS A CARBON NEUTRAL SCHEME?

The environmental concerns that are relevant to Swan Wharf/London

London’s environment connects every aspect of life in the city. It is the air Londoners breathe, the water they drink and the parks where they meet and spend time. The state of London’s environment affects everyone who lives in and visits the city – it helps Londoners to stay healthy, allows businesses to thrive and keeps London functioning from day to day. Proper care for the environment can help London to operate well every day, now and into the future. It can ensure the city produces enough energy in the right way, reduce waste so the city has the resources it needs and keep London’s infrastructure operating smoothly.

In many ways, London’s environment is improving. The city’s air and water have recovered from the worst impacts of industrial pollution. Greenhouse gas emissions, which cause climate change, are reducing. The city is well-defended against the worst forms of flooding. But London also faces a range of environmental challenges that threaten the future of the city.

Air quality

The quality of London’s air is dangerously – and illegally – poor. High levels of damaging pollutants harm human health and quality of life, limiting lung development in childhood and reducing life expectancy. Over 9,000 Londoners’ lives end sooner than they should each year because of air pollution, and around 20 per cent of primary schools are located in parts of London that breach legal air pollution limits. 

Air quality is the most pressing environmental threat to the future health of London. The air is sticky during hot weather.

Green space

As development encroaches on open space and gardens have increasingly been paved over, there has been a gradual loss of green space across London in recent years. Some parts of London have more green spaces than others, but almost half of Londoners have poor access to parks. Councils now have less money to spend on maintaining parks, so their quality has declined in some places. Access to good quality green space and living in greener neighbourhoods can have a big impact on people’s health and quality of life, and on how attractive a place London is in which to live, visit and do business.

Biodiversity

As green space has been lost and what remains has in some cases reduced in quality, the range of plants and animals that live in London has decreased. With careful attention, London can be home to a wide range of animal and plant species, but without it, the number and diversity of bird, wildflower and bee species will continue to decline.

Greenhouse gas emissions

Although London’s greenhouse gas emissions are falling, the city remains over-reliant on the fossil fuels that are a major contributor to global warming and climate change. London is not yet on track to reduce its emissions quickly enough to avoid the worst impacts of climate change, or to meet national and international climate aims.

Energy use

Nearly three quarters of the energy used in London’s homes is for heating and hot water, and the overwhelming majority of this demand is met using gas-fired boilers. Already one in ten electricity substations are approaching full capacity, and the redevelopment of large parts of the city will increase demand for energy and the infrastructure required to distribute it. One in ten households in the city currently lives in fuel poverty, sometimes meaning they have to choose between heating their home or eating.

Waste

Waste has a both locally and globally. Less than half of the 7m tonnes of waste that London’s homes and businesses produce each year is currently recycled, and landfill capacity is set to run out by 2026. Plastic packaging not only litters London streets, but often finds its way into waterways and oceans, releasing toxic chemicals before breaking down – a process that can take centuries. London needs to reduce, reuse and recycle more, to see waste as the valuable resource that it is, and to reduce London’s increasing waste bill as the city grows.

Flood risk

The loss of green space, the expansion of impermeable surfaces used for roads, roofs and pavements, and a Victorian drainage system that wasn’t designed to cope with the demands of the current and future population leave London exposed to the risk of flooding. As climate change brings a rise in sea level and more intense rainfall, flooding will become increasingly likely.

Heat risk

Climate change is set to lead to heatwave conditions every summer by the middle of the century, and the Urban Heat Island effect makes the centre of London up to 10°C warmer than the rural areas around the city. Increasing heat risk could make homes, workplaces and public transport uncomfortable for all and dangerous for the most disadvantaged. Increasing demand for cooling may put stress on power supply networks, threatening London’s sustainability and increasing emissions.

Water scarcity

London’s water supply is under pressure. Even with projected water efficiency gains, London is forecast to have a water resource ‘gap’ of over 100m litres per day by 2020, rising to a deficit of over 400m litres per day by 2040. This means that there won’t be enough water to meet London’s needs. London already gets a large proportion of its water from groundwater and surrounding rivers, which damages the health of rivers and threatens the city’s future water supply.

River water quality

Years of pollution from road run-off, sewer infrastructure problems, and poorly managed river maintenance and modification work have left London’s rivers in a poor state. Under an EU framework, only one of London’s 47 river water bodies is classed as ‘good’ – three are ‘bad’, five are ‘poor’ and the rest are ‘moderate’.

Ambient noise

Noise is part of a vibrant city, but excessive noise can damage people’s health. Noise can contribute towards a range of physical and mental health problems, disturb sleep and affect people’s hearing, communication and learning. Almost 2.4 million people in London are already exposed to noise levels that exceed international guidelines, and the proposed expansion of Heathrow would expose an additional 200,000 people to significant aircraft noise.

Many of these problems are interconnected, and together they pose a threat to the future of the city. With the effects of climate change likely to exacerbate environmental challenges in a growing city, London must act now to avoid further problems in the future. Making London a better city to live in must involve a holistic approach to the city’s environment that addresses all these pressing issues.

https://www.london.gov.uk/sites/default/files/london_environment_strategy_0.pdf

The environmental concerns that are relevant to the world

Our Mother Earth is currently facing a lot of environmental concerns. The environmental problems like global warming, acid rain, air pollution, urban sprawl, waste disposal, ozone layer depletion, water pollution, climate change and many more affect every human, animal, and nation on this planet.

Over the last few decades, the exploitation of our planet and the degradation of our environment has gone up at an alarming rate. As our actions have been not in favor of protecting this planet, we have seen natural disasters striking us more often in the form of flash floods, earthquakes, blizzards, tsunamis, and cyclones. 

1: Air Pollution

2: Water Pollution

3: Soil and Land Pollution

4: Climate Change

5: Global Warming

6: Deforestation and Logging

7: Increased Carbon Footprint

8: Genetic Modification

9: Effect on Marine Life

10: Overpopulation

11: Loss of Biodiversity

12: Household and Industrial Waste

13: Ozone Layer Depletion

14: Mining

15: Natural Resource Depletion

16: Natural Disasters

17: Loss of Endangered Species

18: Acid Rain

19: Agricultural Pollution

20: Light and Noise Pollution

21: Urban Sprawl

22: Disposal Of Medical Waste

23: Littering and Landfills

[type-a-nomad]

weekend feb 25

February 25 Sunday

Alright so this weekend has been crazy lazy.  Before I get into my lethargy and the justification for it, I want to address some of the information I forget to include in my general posts.  

One thing I keep forgetting to write down: THEY DONT USE TAPE HERE. My friend Sydney just came over and saw me writing and asked if I had written this down because she pointed this out last week and I totally freaked out.  Because THEY DONT.  It sounds small, but imagine if all of the tape in your life vanished.  WEIRD.  Super fûcking weird.  Instead of tape, they use this sticky white ticky-tac stuff to stick things to the walls.  Tape is better.   Another thing I forgot to write down: I extended and am now staying here until April 14th.  Yay! I came to this decision because the work here is meaningful, and the quality of life is high because I’m by the beach, the people are generally good, it’s a different culture that challenges me, and I am meeting new people almost every day because it’s a hostel so everyone comes and leaves at different times. ANOTHER THING. I talked to Shannon about what the crazy lady screamed at us on Thursday.  It turns out it wasn't all crazy.  The crazy woman mentioned people dying.  When I followed up, she was right.  I did not get a year for when this happened, but probably within the last five years, Shannon said that eight volunteers were walking in the street in the evening.  A drunk driver hit all of them.  Shannon was the first on the scene and one of the volunteers died in her arms.  Two others were in comas for several weeks, and all the others were injured but survived.  I did not press her further on the subject because, obviously, this is beyond a delicate topic.  I can’t imagine the kind of emotional experience that was for Shannon.  Also, she’s an amazing woman.   Shannon is only 28 and basically runs the volunteer program.  She has three adopted kids who she adopted WHEN SHE WAS 24.  Their mother was an alcoholic and a drug addict and I am not sure how Shannon was initially connected with them, but I think she met them all through the volunteer program and eventually interceded.  She is very connected to some of the families of the kids in the program, which I think is a great thing because we meet some resistance from the families sometimes and more communication helps.  It is easy to say that it’s crazy for families to be against their children being tutored, given attention, taught to swim, taken out to play organized sports, and taught to surf.  However, there’s more to the situation.  When you keep in mind the poverty these kids live in and the relatively luxurious lives the volunteers have just because we have couches, a fridge, running water, etc. I completely see why there would be resentment from somebody of that background playing with your kid after school.  Also, I’m sure there is some feeling of resistance against the idea of your kid being a charity case that rich white people use to feel like they're doing good things.  Some of the parents outright tell their kids they aren't allowed to go after school and play with us, that they want them to clean the house and babysit their siblings while their parents finish work.  These kids still come and sometimes they will mention “My mom told me I can’t be here, if she finds out….” and you can just tell that if the parents find out their child came to the program, they might face physical punishment.  That’s how much this program means to the kids.  And that’s how much somebody else offering privileges to your child that you cannot provide them upsets parents.   As for my weekend.  My weekend starts on Friday.  On Friday, it was only kind warm and I went out with Thora to the cafe we found and really like called Melissa’s.  After, I went with her to get her tattoo touched-up, which looked painful.  Then, I went surfing for about 3 hours. My ribs have been sore all weekend since.  I caught a lot of waves, but still haven't ridden any in.  I got the tiniest board and am not practiced enough to handle it.  Hopefully next time I’ll get a long board that isn't as hard to balance. That night, there was a Braai which was nice.  Coll made fantastic butternut squash with spanish and feta.  I almost always eat vegetarian here.  I went out with Thora after we had a bottle of wine with dinner and we checked out a cool bar I’ll probably go back to.   It’s called the boardhouse and it’s very beachy and very South African. Thora is trying to talk me into going vegan and I’m very morally conflicted.  I’ve been thinking a lot about global warming and how hard it is to not feel frustrated and stuck.  I want to just change everything.  I wish I had a billion dollars to buy the amazon rainforest, deploy a fleet of boats to clean the ocean, develop a way of fishing that doesn't destroy entire ecosystems, promote permaculture and make the entire mid-west quit mono cropping, change the meat industry and find more meat alternatives so people stop eating so many cows that pollute horribly, also invent electric airplanes.  I don’t know where to start.  Maybe I need to become God or something and just shake the world with my hands until everything goes back down and fixes itself, like a snow globe.  The permafrost is melting and I’m just sitting here in South Africa, so frustrated I want to scream.  On top of that I am ironically angry at people who just say they can’t do anything and its just too bad.  Like pick up a shovel and plant trees, go vegan, be a better human.  I should definitely lead by example.  I have a lot of ideas and need to start executing more.  I am eighteen and actually realizing my morals in my lifestyle is something that age isn't really an excuse for.  I know how to change things, I just want to change everything and just myself does not feel like enough.  My head is so full.  So is my heart.  

Saturday, Thora was out with this guy named Ramis that she met at a festival.  Ironically, she went to that festival the weekend she got here with that guy who stole money from her.  We decided a good tactic to get over it was to distract herself and just have fun on her vacation, and this guy was nice and interested in being friends/ knew that she was there with somebody else.  Anyways, she was out with him at this really popular food market they have in Cape Town called the Old Biscuit Mill.  I could have done things, but it was cold and rainy and I didn't feel like it.  I ended up spending most of my day laying down and just talking, reading and thinking.  The talking part was first.  I got to call my wonderful boyfriend Mitchell and we talked from 8am-2pm.  You can do the math on that one.  After sitting in bed for that long, the back of my head hurt and I took that as a sign of a level of laziness that I probably shouldn't encourage in myself.  When he went to bed, I got up and ate some pickles and talked to Coll.  Then, I went on a little walk by myself just around a few blocks to stretch my lazy legs.  I got back and made toast with hummus and feta, carrots and hummus, and then Coll was an angel and gave me this amazing pretzel bun that she had bought at a nice market on her way into work.  She loves them and got a few.  She made tomato soup for dinner that night so we got to sample it while eating the obnoxiously large soft pretzels.  YUM.  I took two of these activated charcoal pills that my friend Whitney takes every morning and says they suck toxins out of your body.  Then, I sat in the hammock and read my book.  I am currently reading “A Little History of the World”, which is absolutely fabulous.  It just summarizes everything I’ve learned in history in the past 5 years of my life.  Totally fantastically unpretentious, interesting, and to the point.  10/10, highly recommend, 5 stars on Yelp!, all that.  I can’t say I’ve ever read a book as old as it and feel like I’m talking to somebody right now. I felt kinda weird all day Saturday, but I assumed that it was because I didn't really eat while I was on the phone with Mitchell so I didn't eat until way later in the day.  We had dinner, soup and bread, at 6 ish and after I went almost straight to bed because my tummy was nauseous.  I thought I could just sleep it off.  How I was wrong.  I sat in bed for around 2 hours.  The nausea was so bad that I couldn't sleep and after the first hour I started to think I might puke but fought hard against it.  Firstly, I hate throwing up.  Secondly, the toilets are all the way across the property, and I didn't want to walk all the way over there, puke, and then go back to bed.  Turns out, that’s exactly what happened and it was even worse because I had fought against it.  I ended up running out of my bed, holding my mouth and willing myself not to puke until I got to the bathroom, walking barefoot, past all the other partying residents of my hostel, to the bathroom.  Right before I closed the door to the bathroom, I started projectile vomiting.  All over the floor, doors, wall, toilet, everything.  I spent the next 10 minutes puking and the next hour sitting in my own vomit cleaning it up.  My clothes, face, and hair were entirely covered in puke. It was a lovely experience.  I walked backed to bed covered in vomit and shame.  Then I showered and changed and drank water.  Big mistake.  I got up again and vomited all my water out into the kitchen sink and then went back to bed.   Sunday has been weird because I have been recovering from puking all day.  I dragged Thora to the mini mart to buy ramen and soup-powder to try and trick my body into eating something.  I also got vitamin water and a lemon popsicle.  I sat in bed for most of the day, made some ramen.  Had a really nice and long conversation with one of the interns here named Matt.  He is from Norway and is here with his fiancé Kaia.  We talked about psychology and mental health and the consequences of the stigma surrounding it.  He was feeling sick too so we bonded over our misery.  Today, Thora left and a new girl from New Castle, England moved in.  Her name is Dani and she plays american football.  She’s a linebacker.  She’s very VERY English.  She says “innit”, and “proper” instead of “really” or “super”, and her accent is sometimes so strong it’s hard to understand.  I think she’s nice enough but I don’t think we are going to be that close.  She isn't interested school or news or politics, which isn't the actual problem it’s more of a symptom of how our minds are different.  I need to make some friends but don’t have the energy at the moment.  I want another really cool person to just kinda pop up, like Thora.  Or maybe I won’t.  Being alone is really not that bad of a thing, I just need to stop compensating for it by using technology.  Self-improvement is an ongoing battle.  My ramen was good but I am out of food and just ate my last stuff: half a jar of pickles.  Not sure what I am going to do for dinner, probably just eat my lemon popsicle and some ginger biscuits I also got at the market.  I also hear you can make scrambled eggs in the microwave.  The stove here doesn't work so I made my powdered soup with the water-boiling tea pot thing and can only make my eggs with the microwave.  I’ve seen it done, I just don’t know how I feel about it.  I’ll probably just go to bed.  I was invited to go out to Italian food with Linda, Whitney, and Coll, but I’m not sure if I feel up to all of that.  I’m really tired *yawns*.  I just wish I had some hot pesto pasta already made and my own bed.  Tomorrow I’m going on a wine tour with Thora which will be fun.  She’s staying in Muisenberg for a week and then going back home to Sydney.  It will also probably be good to change out of the PJs I’ve been wearing for about 24 hours now, including to the mini-mart this morning.  

Peace, Q

[activateme]

Lockdown is the world's biggest psychological experiment - and we will pay the price

Written by: Dr Elke Van Hoof, Professor, health psychology and primary care psychology, Vrije Universiteit Brussel

With some 2.6 billion people around the world in some kind of lockdown, we are conducting arguably the largest psychological experiment ever;

This will result in a secondary epidemic of burnouts and stress-related absenteeism in the latter half of 2020;

Taking action now can mitigate the toxic effects of COVID-19 lockdowns.

In the mid-1990s, France was one of the first countries in the world to adopt a revolutionary approach for the aftermath of terrorist attacks and disasters. In addition to a medical field hospital or triage post, the French crisis response includes setting up a psychological field unit, a Cellule d’Urgence Médico-Psychologique or CUMPS.

In that second triage post, victims and witnesses who were not physically harmed receive psychological help and are checked for signs of needing further post-traumatic treatment. In those situations, the World Health Organization recommends protocols like R-TEP (Recent Traumatic Episode Protocol) and G-TEP (Group Traumatic Episode Protocol).

Since France led the way more than 20 years ago, international playbooks for disaster response increasingly call for this two-tent approach: one for the wounded and one to treat the invisible, psychological wounds of trauma.

In treating the COVID-19 pandemic, the world is scrambling to build enough tents to treat those infected with a deadly, highly contagious virus. In New York, we see literal field hospitals in the middle of Central Park.

But we’re not setting up the second tent for psychological help and we will pay the price within three to six months after the end of this unprecedented lockdown, at a time when we will need all able bodies to help the world economy recover.

The mental toll of quarantine and lockdown

Currently, an estimated 2.6 billion people – one-third of the world’s population – is living under some kind of lockdown or quarantine. This is arguably the largest psychological experiment ever conducted.

(Estimated size of lockdowns around the world)

Unfortunately, we already have a good idea of its results. In late February 2020, right before European countries mandated various forms of lockdowns,

The Lancet published a review of 24 studies documenting the psychological impact of quarantine (the “restriction of movement of people who have potentially been exposed to a contagious disease”). The findings offer a glimpse of what is brewing in hundreds of millions of households around the world.

In short, and perhaps unsurprisingly, people who are quarantined are very likely to develop a wide range of symptoms of psychological stress and disorder, including low mood, insomnia, stress, anxiety, anger, irritability, emotional exhaustion, depression and post-traumatic stress symptoms. Low mood and irritability specifically stand out as being very common, the study notes.

In China, these expected mental health effects are already being reported in the first research papers about the lockdown.

In cases where parents were quarantined with children, the mental health toll became even steeper. In one study, no less than 28% of quarantined parents warranted a diagnosis of “trauma-related mental health disorder”.

Among quarantined hospital staff, almost 10% reported “high depressive symptoms” up to three years after being quarantined. Another study reporting on the long-term effects of SARS quarantine among healthcare workers found a long-term risk for alcohol abuse, self-medication and long-lasting “avoidance” behaviour. This means that years after being quarantined, some hospital workers still avoid being in close contact with patients by simply not showing up for work.

Reasons for stress abound in lockdown: there is risk of infection, fear of becoming sick or of losing loved ones, as well as the prospect of financial hardship. All these, and many more, are present in this current pandemic.

The second epidemic and setting up the second tent online

We can already see a sharp increase in absenteeism in countries in lockdown. People are afraid to catch COVID-19 on the work floor and avoid work. We will see a second wave of this in three to six months. Just when we need all able bodies to repair the economy, we can expect a sharp spike in absenteeism and burnout.

We know this from many examples, ranging from absenteeism in military units after deployment in risk areas, companies that were close to Ground Zero in 9/11 and medical professionals in regions with outbreaks of Ebola, SARS and MERS.

Right before the lockdown, we conducted a benchmark survey among a representative sample of the Belgian population. In that survey, we saw that 32% of the population could be classified as highly resilient (“green”). Only 15% of the population indicated toxic levels of stress (“red”).

(How stress under lockdown is affecting Belgians)

In our most recent survey after two weeks of lockdown, the green portion has shrunk to 25% of the population. The “red” part of the population has increased by 10 percentage points to fully 25% of the population.

These are the people at high risk for long-term absenteeism from work due to illness and burnout. Even if they stay at work, research from Eurofound reports a loss of productivity of 35% for these workers.

In general, we know at-risk groups for long-term mental health issues will be the healthcare workers who are on the frontline, young people under 30 and children, the elderly and those in precarious situations, for example, owing to mental illness, disability and poverty.

All this should surprise no one; insights on the long-term damage of disasters have been accepted in the field of trauma psychology for decades.

(The phases of disaster response - Image: When disaster strikes, Beverly Raphael, 1986)

But while the insights are not new, the sheer scale of these lockdowns is. This time, ground zero is not a quarantined village or town or region; a third of the global population is dealing with these intense stressors. We need to act now to mitigate the toxic effects of this lockdown.

What is the World Economic Forum doing about the coronavirus outbreak?

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What governments and NGOs can and should do today

There is broad consensus among academics about the psychological care following disasters and major incidents. Here are a few rules of thumb:

Make sure self-help interventions are in place that can address the needs of large affected populations;

Educate people about the expected psychological impact and reactions to trauma if they are interested in receiving it. Make sure people understand that a psychological reaction is normal;

Launch a specific website to address psychosocial issues;

Make sure that people with acute issues can find the help that they need

In Belgium, we recently launched Everyone OK, an online tool that tries to offer help to the affected population. Using existing protocols and interventions, we launched our digital self-help tool in as little as two weeks.

When it comes to offering psychological support to their populations, most countries are late to react, as they were to the novel coronavirus. Better late than never.