#and its not mean to not be attracted to men

[thetruemasterofgames]

Okay I'm seeing confusion on this so let me help out to people who don't see the path chose.

Pedophilia, grooming, sexual abuse ect. is nearly universally hated it makes a knee jerk reactions of fear and hatred in most people.

In that reaction people act irrationally they will support a bill without fully reading understanding that it hurts predators and that's enough for them.

Next either hidden in addendum or in a seperate bill they sneak in a less publicized vote to consider expressions of same sex attraction or gender nonconformity to being "explicitly adult material".

Now you may be saying "ttmog it's been culturally adult material for generations what's the issue?" Well I'm glad you asked hypothetical questioner. The difference is it wasn't in legal documentation. The moment it becomes legal documentation it doesn't matter how defiant or polite you are it's seen as adult only material.

Now what does this do? Well it is illegal to distribute or expose adult material to minors. These bills would wager that by a child seeing two men kissing, or a amab in a dress, it is inherently exposing them to adult material. Which classifies the people observed as displaying adult material to a minor, which could be classified as grooming so now....:

We have a gay couple getting executed for displaying affection because a child happened to be present... despite the fact they see straight people do this every day on tv...

These bills are dangerous, they set dangerous precedent, and give means to change the word groomer to mean whatever the hell they want it to mean.

Leading to them being able to execute any group they want.

Be safe, be vigilant and keep fighting. These can not be let to lie we can NOT let them twist things.

Why am I telling all this? Well partially for your education maybe somebody will read this and be inspired to stand up in newfound clarity. But that's not the only reason. Those of you fighting need to be prepared to explain this. Because every time we just dismiss the people posting that "why are you saying it targets you" meme with that dumb goose it tells onlookers who are undecided that we can't answer the question.

Remember its not our goal to convince our opponent it's our goal to refute them well enough that onlookers won't be pulled into their den of propaganda.

Even if you think it won't convince the person you are arguing explain it so others don't get dragged down. And if you can't handle it? That's fine everyone needs a rest. Feel free to use this post as a way to explain if you wish or even tag me I have no qualms fighting bigots. I'm disabled I'm stuck at home and am working on making things for the family most the time. If I can use the times I need to rest my back to fight against stuff like that? Then I'm glad to just to make sure people are more safe.

Stay safe all drink yet water and remember you are loved and matter. You have a whole community behind you no matter what you aren't alone.

LGBT people, I need you to know that any “pedophile execution bill” passed in the US is meant to put you, personally, to death. When the right says “groomer,” they’re talking about you. When they say “predator,” they’re talking about you. When they say “pedophile,” they’re talking about you. Any actual child sex abusers who are convicted and executed would be, to them, a happy accident, a cherry on top of a law that’s meant to exterminate anyone who deviates from the cisgender, heterosexual norm.

[kind-of-a-writer]

the usual

Gator Tillman x fem!reader Gator takes you in the shitty bathroom at your shitty job. wc: 3k a/n: hello i am back missed y'all sm<3 lmk if i missed a tag.

contains: mean gator, power play, harassment, name-calling, bathroom sex, p in v, creampie, slight dubcon if you squint?, rough sex

The bar wasn’t known for its quality, to say the least. And nor were you its finest waitress. But the alcohol was cheap, which attracted even cheaper people, and things conveniently managed to slip under the radar around here. It wasn’t exactly ideal, but you needed it to get by, and that’s all that mattered. 

Which, of course, had all come crashing down today. Your boss had pulled you aside before your shift, saying tonight was going to be your last shift. Something about not working hard enough, receiving ‘one too many complaints’ from one of the regulars. When you asked who it was, all he said was that it was one of the cops that frequented the bar.

You knew exactly who your boss was talking about, and it angered you like you couldn’t believe. 

Truth be told, you couldn’t give a shit, and there was no denying that. It was a shitty fucking job at a shitty bar. You earned just enough to pool together your hourly minimum wage and the crappy tips to be able to afford rent. But it was a job, it was something at least. Now you had nothing, and it was all thanks to that stupid deputy who found amusement in your misery.

It was another long, dreadful night. You had grown accustomed to the loud music and dim lights by now; this job had been your routine for months. Still, your feet were aching and your head was starting to pound, and your shift was nowhere over tonight. At least it’d be your last. Except, that meant you had nowhere else to turn, and even landing this shitty job had taken you so long. Still, you had to suck it up for the next few hours.

The bar wasn’t slow, but it was a Thursday night. Not exactly packed either, which meant less tips. You wished your boss had at least given you till the end of the week, but there was nothing you could do. He’d already hired someone new, she was replacing you tomorrow.

You had heard him and his friends enter before you even turned, they somehow had managed to be louder and more infuriating than the shitty bar music. They were rowdy, loud, messy, and the worst kind of table you’d want on a night like this. Or any night, really. But tonight specifically. You didn’t want to see him, the reason you had gotten fired. 

Gator Tillman was, of course, leading the pack of cops, with his stupid deputy vest and cargo pants as he strutted into the bar with confidence. His hair was slicked back, albeit starting to come undone. They must’ve just gotten off work. 

Unfortunately for you, Gator and his group of dumbfucks were regulars, often making your already-excruciating shifts more miserable. Often claiming you’d got their order wrong, whistling at you like a dog or yelling at you to catch your attention, bumping into you and spilling drinks on the floor which they’d relish in watching you mop up. It was worse when the bar was packed; full of drunk sweaty men who didn’t take kindly to the floor being sticky.

And Gator was, of course, the worst of them all. You’d never hated someone more. Even the sleazy customers who’d grab at your ass or hit on you were manageable; you knew how to handle them. But there was no handling Gator. He was, quite literally, the law. It was his way, or you were getting no tip (not that he was very generous), or a drink spilled on your clothes or shoes.

With a deep breath in, you approached the table, hoping tonight would have semblance of normalcy - whatever normal was with him.

He was the first to notice you, his signature smirk plastered on his face when you approached. “There she is,” Gator drawled, as if he was excited to see you. Excited to ruin your night probably. Well, the joke was on him. Tonight couldn’t get any worse. He seemed to notice the fatigue in your stance, reaching out and tugging on your half apron harshly. “This new?”

You tried to step away, but his grip only tightened, as if he had anticipated your move. 

“What can I get you guys?” you asked, trying to keep your tone neutral. Subtly, you glanced down at your outfit. You were wearing a white t-shirt and a little red skirt, nothing too special. But you were irritated, how did he know it was new?

“The usual, a round of beers for everyone,” Gator replied, his fingers still digging into your skirt. “I like this on ya, sugar. Though I gotta say, it does make you look a little slutty. Or d’you like that? Is it gettin’ ya a lot of tips?” 

You wanted to yell at him, call him names. Your patience tonight was already at an all-time low, and it didn’t help that his friends were cocksuckers who loved giggling at every single thing Gator did to piss you off or rile you up. But you held it in; you didn’t want to cause a scene and your shift to end early. You couldn’t afford to miss out on any cash now; even the minimum wage you received hourly at this stupid fucking job. 

With a tight-lipped smile, you turned away. You guessed that was a mistake, because his hand dug down into your tights, causing it to tear with a loud rip. You glanced down in disbelief.

“Oops,” he said smugly while his friends laughed loudly, causing your cheeks to burn. “Butterfingers.” 

Maybe it was the fact that you had just been fired tonight, or maybe it was that you were tired of Gator’s antics, but your eyes stung with tears. Before he or his dumbass friends could notice and give you shit for it, you turned away quickly, walking to the bar. 

You returned with their drinks, sliding over the glasses of beer. In the corner of your eye, you could tell Gator was watching you closely, but you pretended not to notice. God, you wanted tonight to be over. 

With another forced smile, you had started to turn away. But Gator wouldn’t make your life that easy. Swiftly, he lifted his beer and splashed onto your chest and down your skirt, the cold liquid making you flinch. Your ears were starting to ring, overwhelmed by the sounds of his friends laughing like he was the funniest man ever; their leering eyes on you as your white shirt clung against your bra, the beer seeping into the fabric.

“Oh, clumsy,” said one of Gator’s friends with a sneer. “Givin’ us a real nice view though.”

Frustration bubbling up, you turned to look at him, your lips parted to cuss at him. “You fucking asshole,” you snapped before you could help yourself, stepping back. That caused a low whistle from someone in the group. You’d surprised even yourself. “You’re so-”

Gator blinked up at you with a scarily blank expression, as if challenging you to say anything else. The clench of his jaw shut you up, and you walked away to grab a rag. 

After you were done with cleaning up the table and floor, Gator and his friends watching with amusement, you had finally managed to enter the bathroom to clean yourself up. 

Your cheeks were burning with humiliation and you were almost trembling with anger. You didn’t know why; you were used to Gator being an asshole. It was nothing new. 

Dabbing at your skirt with wet tissues, you knew it was a lost cause. You were going to have to endure being sticky and stinking of beer for the rest of the night. 

You glanced up when the door swung open hard, hitting against the wall with a loud thump. In strided Gator. 

“You’ve got a mouth on ya tonight, huh?” he asked, watching you continue to dab at your soaked skirt. “What, you think you can swear at me-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Gator blinked, momentarily surprised. He was closer now, leaning against the sink beside you. He wasn’t used to seeing you like this; fiery and snappy. For the sake of your job, you’d mostly managed to keep your mouth shut and endure his stupid little games. But now, you couldn’t give less of a fuck. You wanted to offend him, make him feel as angry as you were.

To your surprise, however, Gator was suddenly grinning, as if he found all of this very amusing.

“Ah, look who’s finally snapped,” he smirked. “There’s that bitchy attitude.”

You turned back to your skirt. You snatched your hand away when he tried taking the tissues from you. “Fuck off, Gator. I’m not in the mood.” 

“Jesus, what crawled up your ass?” he questioned, eyebrows furrowed. “Just tryin’ to help your sweet little ass clean up, it’s a sexy fuckin’ skirt.” 

Before you could register what you were doing, your palm made contact with his cheek, the loud smack echoing through the walls of the bathroom. He let out a soft grunt, clearly caught-off guard. “Fuck you.”

He didn’t move. His jaw clenched as he towered over you, taking a step closer. “Try that again and see where it’ll land you.”

“This is all your fault!” you snapped. “Because of you, I’m getting fired, and you always have to be a fuckin’ asshole-”

“Whoa, hey, whoa,” he smirked. “It’s not my fault you’re a shitty waitress. Y’know, maybe if you flashed a smile once in a while, you wouldn’t be getting fired.”

You knew that was partially true, but you were too blinded by rage to even care. 

“Fuck off, Gator, I know it was you who complained to my boss.”

“Look, it ain’t my-” He shot you a confused look, pausing. “What the fuck are you even talkin’ about?”

“Stop fuckin’ lying, I know it was you. My boss told me it was one of the cops.” You lifted your arm again to slap him, but he was faster. 

Gator grabbed your wrist before it could reach his face, his fingers digging into your flesh. “Now,” he said lowly, his eyes darkened, “normally, I might’ve felt sympathy for a hot thing like you gettin’ fired, but you’re pissing me off.”

You squirmed, trying to lift your leg to knee him, but he was quick to push you back.

“You’re really askin’ for it, huh?” he grunted, all the amusement from before vanished now. He took another step closer.

Blinking up at him, you scoffed. “What are you going to do? You’ve already snitched to my boss like a little bitch-”

He swiftly turned you and slammed you against the nearest wall, causing your chest to squish up uncomfortably against the cool tiles.

“I warned ya,” he snarled in your ear, causing a shiver down your spine. “Don’t say I didn’t. And for fuck’s sake, it wasn’t me.”

You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought of this. As much as the Gator infuriated you, made your shitty job even shittier, you couldn’t deny the attraction you felt towards him. You hated it. 

You swallowed thickly as his large, calloused hand drifted up your skirt, ripping your already-ruined tights even more.

“Gator-” you said, voice slightly shaky.

With haste, he tugged the tights down so it pooled around your shoes. His hand was back up your skirt, squeezing the supple flesh of your ass. His fingers brushed against the fabric of your panties, causing a soft noise to leave your mouth. 

You could feel the heat growing between your legs, clit starting to pulse. A small part of you wanted to push him off, but really, you didn’t. Now that he had started, you didn’t want him to stop, and you hated yourself for it.

“Fuck,” he groaned into your neck as he tugged your panties off. “Been wantin’ to do this for a while. What a pretty fuckin’ pussy.”

“Wait, hold on,” you started as he started tugging your panties off down to join your tights, his fingers dipping between your slick wet folds, drawing out a moan from your lips. “You’re- you can’t be serious-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Gator groaned, biting at your neck as his fingers circled your swollen, pulsing clit, making you whimper. Then he pulled his hand back. 

You squeezed your thighs together at the sound of his belt unbuckling, groaning when you felt his hard, leaking cock press up against your ass. You glanced back, heart pounding and eyelids heavy with pleasure, licking your lips. You knew he had to be big, but the sight of his large cock pressed up against your ass made you moan loudly. 

“What a pretty fuckin’ sound,” he said as he pressed his leaking tip up against your folds. “You want it, huh? You try to act so uninterested, yet here you are…” 

“Fuck you,” you breathed, your palm grasping at the tiles on the bathroom wall. Your voice had no real conviction in it, and it seemed like he knew.

His free hand tugged at your hair harshly, tilting your head back. “You’re such a fuckin’ bitch, don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”

Gator let out a soft groan as he pushed his thick cock inside you, pain and pleasure swirling together, causing your eyelids to flutter. He kept his grip tight on your hair, the feeling of his cock burying  himself so deep you were sure you could feel him in your stomach was making it hard to care about how much you hated him. 

You pushed your hips back to meet his, causing a moan to leave his mouth. You hated how it made your stomach flutter, his breaths hot in your ear, gripping your hip tightly it was starting to hurt. His grip on your hair loosened, just slightly enough to let you press your forehead against the wall.

“Oh, God,” you whined as he started fucking into you, giving you almost no time to adjust to his length.

“What a cockslut,” he said lowly. “What if someone walked in right now? Saw you taking my cock raw and deep like this? What would you say? I bet you’d want me to keep goin’ like the slut you are, huh? Not such a bitch now that I’m fuckin’ you?”

“God, shut the fuck up,” you managed to say through rapid breaths, each thrust causing your breasts to press up against wall uncomfortably. You whimpered when he shifted behind you, slamming into a new angle that made your eyes roll back. “You- you want this just as fucking bad-”

He laughed, breathlessly, like he was struggling to keep his composure. “Don’t flatter yourself, darlin’...” he said, which was a lot less convincing than he intended, because he whined as soon as you thrust back against him. 

Gator’s whine sent your stomach swirling with pleasure, your clit throbbing at the sound. As defiant as you tried you sound, however, you found yourself glancing back at the door, like you had just realized the possibility of someone walking in. 

“Aw, you worried?” he crooned, not slowing down his movements, each thrust more aggressive than the last. “Worried someone’s gonna see you takin’ it so good for me?”

He glanced down at you, and it felt like your eyes meeting for the first time, properly. His eyes were heavy and slightly glassy. The intensity of his gaze made your cheeks flush, and you turned back to face the wall.

It was pathetic, how you were starting to drool, clenching around his cock tightly, biting your lip to stop yourself from making a sound, but it was useless. His fingers were starting to bruise your hips by how firmly he was keeping you in place. The sloppy, wet sounds of skin against skin echoed through the bathroom, along with your moans.

Gator released your hair, moving his hand to your mouth as he felt you clenching around him tightly. “Mhm, shut up,” he grunted, as if he wasn’t just moaning a second ago. “God, you’re takin’ it so well. Should’ve just done this a long time ago.”

“Gator,” you whimpered against his hand, tears forming in your eyes.

It was embarrassing how loudly you cried into his large hand as you climaxed, white hot pleasure surging through your body as your thighs trembled. Your fingers were gripping at the wall helplessly, trying to stay upright. 

Hot spurts of cum coated your walls as Gator let out a soft groan, his breaths heavy as he came inside you with no warning. He bit at the crook of your neck as he rode out his orgasm, his thrusts sloppy until he finally came to a stop.

Breaths heavy, you stayed leaning against the wall as he pulled out. You could hear the sound of his belt being buckled. Cheeks flushed and eyes barely open, you turned your head to watch him fix himself back up.

“You better take a fuckin’ pill, you hear me?” he said harshly as he zipped his trousers on. You couldn’t help but notice the slight flush on cheeks, despite how neutral his expression was. Like he wasn’t just moaning and whining in your ear. You almost wanted to laugh in his face, but you couldn’t, too spent from your climax. 

Then, without another word, he left the bathroom. Leaving you there standing, his cum still dripping out of you, your skirt still stained with beer.

Somehow, you had gone home that night with a generous tip from Gator’s table. They were gone before you’d even managed to clean yourself up and leave the bathroom.

And two days later, to your surprise, your boss had called you up, practically begging you to come back and work for the bar again. You noticed that one of Gator’s cop buddies had black eye and cut lip, avoiding eye contact when they showed up at the bar again - this time, to your surprise, without Gator.

You knew what this meant, though. It meant you owed him.

[adustoflove]

I always think well if I dated a man, I wouldn't feel as insane. I wouldn't feel so awful or jealous. And then I remember why I came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian. I just wouldn't care if it were a man. I just can't bring myself to care about men like that 😔😩😭

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

[rebellum]

I disagree here with the term misandry, but yeah if you actually talked to the marginalised men in your life and make sure they know they can open up to you about their feelings, you'll find out that "all men suck and all men are inherently bad and evil" actually DOES negatively effect them. It causes people to put off transitioning for YEARS because they don't want to add another man to the world. Many trans men find that when they started transitioning, or when they began to pass more as male, that their friends began to treat them poorly and justify it because they're "men and they deserve it."

Of course there is no systemic or institutionalised general misandry, but it doesn't have to be systemic for it to suck to be told that you who are makes you inherently worthless, or inherently a predator.

Its bad enough that men of colour have to deal with being told they're evil for being poc, adding on to that that they're dangerous BECAUSE they're eg black men so they must be violent rapists, Hispanic men so they must be infiltrating the states to kidnap white women, etc. It's bad enough to deal with the other homophobic stuff without being told that being a man who is attracted to men means you're a pedophile because men, especially queer men, are inherently rapist pedophiles. Its bad enough to deal with medical abuse, and social abuse for being gnc, without also being told that you are somehow both a bad evil man and a h*rmaphrodite freak for being an intersex man.

Of course marginalised men can be misogynist. Most people, regardless of gender, have some sort of misogyny-bias in their mind to deal with! But people being misogynistic is not an excuse for people to tell marginalised men that its good they feel bad about being men. No one should be made to feel bad for something they can't control. And it's grossly anti-feminist to act like there is some major difference between men and women, or "men and non-men", that makes men inherently bad, or inherently violent. By acting like that, you're also giving misogynistic men a pass - that of course they cant help being that way, they're part of the evil rapist class of people. Men can be better, and men DESERVE better than to be told its good they feel insecure and like they suck because of their gender identity.

i find this image rlly funny bc its so blatantly tells on itself like whoever made it thinks that marginalised men cannot be misogynists and has this thought so naturalised in their mind they typed out all these different kinds of men and never considered that they might also be misogynists

[circlesthatyoufind]

i completely understand the bisexual headcanons but there is something so 👌👏👍🤌 about gay and lesbian steve and nancy. like...the comphet is brain deadening.

[gorespawn]

also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me

[macabrecravings]

sorry i do not mean to start an argument but... op and rbs,,, i understand what you are saying and i have made jokes about that too but oh my goodness can we take a step back for a moment /lh

boy kylar can have bpd and ocd too,,, mental illness does not discriminate LOL the only reason they are perceived differently is because of how you percieve gender and society

which is FINE !!! /gen

like i am not saying u can't prefer fem kylar, i love her too but i just find it weird to describe them as separate people 😭

I can take a joke but also the replies/post kind of come off as "girl kylar my mentally ill gf <3" and then . "boy kylar the rat freak" ... its fine if u are not attracted to men or have bad experiences w incels and men like him cause Kylar is Fictional... but 😭 this post encapsulates the gender discrimination my bf and i talk about being prevalent in the dol community so i felt the need to yap....

boy kylar - adorable pathetic disgusting little stink rat freak

girl kylar - beautiful neurotic bpd ocd yandere princess only i can understand

[sanicsmut]

people : its important to be inclusive, yes even of identities you don't understand ! support he/him lesbians !

these same people when its about using multiples contradictory labels because identity is complicated and fluid : if you support this you're actually evil

[rainbowtvz]

*grits teeth*

i do not want to discourse here or anywhere anymore but it does kind of affect me as a transmasc bi person when i see shit that indirectly misgenders me and implies that bisexuality is an icky no good word and identity and you have to be bi and gay and bi and lesbian and bi and straight at the same time or support them or you're an evil stinky stinky terf like... hello where am, i

[novaliane-san]

I've been thinking about this, too. Sasuke doesn't care about being attracted to men/women or being desired by them. Physical attraction, sexuality or intimacy are things that Sasuke doesn't give too much thought about, so he will be the type to just wake up one day and realize he wants his blue-eyed and blonde teammate and be like "I guess we are doing this now" and wouldn't care what others thought about it. He wouldn't even bother about the idea of coming out to anyone or make a big deal about it because he would be like, "Is not my problem if you didn't realize it on your own. I don't own you or society anything. What do you mean you have a say in what I want? Fuck off"

But Naruto...*sigh* he would be so conflicted and embarrassed because liking men or being attracted to them doesn't seem like something "a real konoha man/hero" would do. When asked about it, he will always deflect and over compensate.

After finally being recognized, accepted, celebrated, and "loved" by konoha society after he saved its ass, Naruto would try so desperately to keep that. Being a dazzling hero on a journey to save your rouge "friend" is cool, but being a gay boy in love on a journey to save your soulmate is not. So, of course, Naruto would try to change the narrative constantly with things like "because he is my friend", "because he is like a brother to me", "because I made a promise", "Is just that I can't put this feelings into words", "A true man/hero wouldn't abandon a friend", etc.

Then, it makes sense for Naruto's character to be in denial. After finally bringing Sasuke home and redeeming him, the next step would be: "Where do we go from here? What would our relationship be like from now on? How are we going to navigate this new middle ground we finally found?" You know, acknowledging feelings and stuff. But Naruto couldn't do it. And Sasuke knew it.

Sasuke might not care about being gay in the public eye, but he cares deeply about Naruto's feelings. If Sasuke saw that Naruto wasn't ready to be honest with himself, Sasuke would never be the one to push him because he respects and loves Naruto too much for that.

Ergo, he leaves hoping to give Naruto some time to think things through, without pressure, and with total liberty and freedom...to chose him one more time but this time not as a "friend" or "brother" but as his significant other and soulmate.

And we know how that ended.

naruto and sasuke are two gay men, they just deal with it in a different way. sasuke has no problem with it, he always didn't give a shit about what others thought of him, so he doesn't even care if a naked man approaches him(suigetsu scene)

naruto, on the other hand, always cares about what others think of him, he wants to fit into society and be one more, he wants to stop being discriminated against and judged. So he wouldn't have any problem falling in love with sasuke if it didn't mean admitting that he likes men, he never had any example of this. causing panic in him and causes him to ignore his emotions and accept any request from society, including being a repressed gay man and marrying someone he never loved.

[winchesterian]

why is every condescending post clearly seething that ppl hc dean as queer in any way always like "ermmmm i just find it FUNNY how people WHITEWASH dean to make him a WOKE lgbt king when he's actually [proceeds to list a set of heinous traits and actions he has never displayed or done or that require ignoring significant amounts of context to frame in that light]. he literally thinks its not gay if its incest". its a whole template unto its own at this point.

[ntrlily]

sometimes i wonder if i am secretly mistaken about my lack of interest in men at this point and then i go outside and see men who i would theoretically be interested in, were that part of me extant and i realize no i just like video game bishies which only counts if you like men in real life...

[altarfates]

Time often becomes ineluctable as it moves forward, not allowing a sequestered sanctuary to be formed amongst the continuous passage of seconds and minutes. Here, despite its penchant for such cruelty, the perpetual movement halts, accommodating a heart-beat and then another to the unguarded sincerity of Shen Qingqiu’s confession. Despite his seemingly impervious decorum his ability to navigate his own feelings seamlessly was severely lacking. It was just that he had gotten rather good at compartmentalizing things, partitioning the good from the bad and dealing with them accordingly. No one was meant to suspect that a dignified lord of Qing Jing peak could be so maladroit when it came to matters of the heart. That was precisely what Shen Qingqiu had intended, meticulously crafting his sense of impenetrable rectitude until it felt organic and not a constraint he, himself, had personally set. Is it selfish to say that he does want to be dismantled by the other’s capable hands, that relinquishing his unsteady hold on everything might actually serve to be rather cathartic ? The longer Shen Qingqiu looked at him, his gaze drifting over his wounds as he methodically treated one and then another, the more he found his insides twisting in an aberrant hunger. 

He had spoken the truth, with a candour that verged upon humiliation he had confessed his own complicated feelings, imbuing the air between them with a galvanic charge, the sort that trembled beneath his skin in anticipation. “ I mean it.” his reply is instantaneous, his own visage is flushed, a soft roseate rising to settle in his cheeks, his elegant brows courted in a furrow of discomfiture. Shen Qingqiu has avoided being direct or honest when it came to many things, it was not out of a desire to be duplicitous but because the secrets he furtively held surpassed what any could fully comprehend. Not unlike Liu Qingge most had once known Shen Qingqiu to be an abhorrent man, compelled to unspeakable acts of treachery to further his own agenda. Was it not incongruous then for him to act so benevolently when given an auspicious opportunity to dispatch one of the men he despised the most. The truth was Shen Yuan had never loathed Liu Qingge, not at all, if anything he had gazed upon him with a reticent admiration, for who could not be struck by his beauty and his rage. It is hard to elucidate the reasons why, the stability of his mental condition could very easily come into question if he began declaring that he was an emphatic hater of this world and also, quite possibly, the one who had come to love it the most.  “ I think…” he trails off in rumination, despite his inner turmoil his expression is clear, his heart willingly held open so Liu Qingge may gaze upon it in astonishment. “ It began that day in seclusion, seeing you in such a state, I was compelled to do something ── that is not the way one feels about someone they do not care for.” that was said in earnest, because Shen Qingqiu could not have stood idle as the other choked upon mouthfuls of acrid blood, his mind descending into the cavernous abyss of madness. If Shen Qingqiu had hated him, coveted nothing more than his expeditious demise by his hand, he would not have felt so driven to intercept the shadowy lattice of death as it encircled him. “ at that time I did not fully understand what that meant, however, wanting to be by your side was never out of envy ..” despite his expertise at crafting words to fit his needs he finds once he begins uttering them aloud they continue to tumble from his lips without consideration for his own gravitas. “ I just ── wanted it.” something about the way he says that conveys much more than those words alone, the hint of frustration, the echo of a long repressed longing, the revelation that he had been attracted to Liu Qingge for that long but been too oblivious to even consider that is what they were a possibility. As he had poured his Qi into the other his intentions had been pure, desperate to placate the ferocity that seethed within him, because he wanted to live, more than anything Shen Qingqiu had wanted to live. That does not account for the other times, the long, despondent days where Shen Qingqiu had been in mourning for the loss of his disciple and Liu Qingge had visited him. Sometimes, he would berate him for his stagnation and he would cherish those diatribes because they severed the fetters silence had formed around his wrists and ankles. Other times it was not necessary that they spoke at all, sitting in solemn silence, his presence dependable, steady, existing outside of the husk of anguish Shen Qingqiu had become in Luo Binghe’s absence. There were so many times that his emotions were profoundly moved by Liu Qingge but at the time he had surmised it was merely gratitude for the other continued to appear whenever summoned and save his skin when danger lurked too close for comfort.

“ It is shameful that it took me so long to realize.” he does not fear the violence inherent to Liu Qingge, not as those lithe, calloused fingers cradle his cheek, his thumb tracing an absent pattern against his skin. His longing is so fervent it crackles within him, a fire that hungrily devours the kindling it is being generously fed. His main concern now is that he will be inevitably consumed by it, his skin ruptured and his molten insides revealed to be unsightly. How desperately he yearns to avert his gaze, to relocate to the sights outside of this segregated room so he might find refuge amongst delicate branches or the pristine canvass of sky but there are other things he craves far more than that. “ I will not regret this.” he replies, his voice is softer now, slipping into something resembling a whisper. he cannot rely on it to be convincing, still, he wants to recoil at the rasp of it, the pitiful, desperate way he has chosen to reveal his desire. Like he might wither up into a desiccated heap of silken robes should his touch recede. “ not if it is you liu-shidi.” his cadence trembles slightly as those hands descend from his cheek, fingertips lightly grazing the hollows of his cheekbones before resting atop his shoulders, contorting the softness of his robes around them before guiding him down, down, down. It was so gentle that his stomach did eager somersaults, it was entirely inconceivable that these two men could be capable of such tenderness and yet, even as incessant hunger clawed its way through Liu Qingge he remained stubborn, restraining it as one might a prowling beast. Shen Qingqiu does not hesitate before it, petitioning for that same hunger to carve him open, coalescing with the same grotesque starvation that lingered below his chest. He needs Liu Qingge to understand that he is not the only one transformed by it, that them tumbling through the grass, their mouths locked and their bodies aching, had kindled a ferocious fire within him that showed no sign of abating. Still, his lashes flutter as if startled by the way he tenderly touches him, caressing his cheek with the back of his scarred knuckles before claiming his wrist and bringing it to his lips. The kiss was unbearably gentle, as if it were not a kiss at all but his breath unfurling against the invitation of his delicate skin, the tenuous bones at his wrist deserving of all he might choose to bestow upon them. His lips tremble, his gaze captivated by the way Liu Qingge’s mouth fits against his skin, how the warmth imbued in that chaste gesture has burgeoned to fill every aperture of his body. 

“ Liu-Shidi isn’t wrong.”  he almost stutters, the ignominy of that fact should have made him flush so feverishly he looked like he was suffering an incurable malady but rather than that, his lashes lower and he urges himself to hold his gaze. “ This master did want something from you.” However, it wasn’t so much the asset of his skills or the barrier his body became between Shen Qingqiu and danger, it was this, the very thing they had both denied themselves for the sake of propriety or because they were both so far in denial they could not help but be blind to their own ravenous yearning.  Shen Qingqiu had craved his presence, his emanating heat, the way his mordant tongue and penchant for violence did not deter him but only exacerbated what had proliferated when left unchecked. His lingering gazes had not been filled with the machinations of someone who was ambitiously deliberating on how to end him but someone who longed for him in his absence, who coveted the quiet, stolen moments when it was just the two of them alone. It had somehow taken him so long to realize, the same amount of time it had taken Liu Qingge to realize actually, that this was something far greater than a platonic friendship or rivalry. Eagerly, much to his chagrin, his thighs part to accommodate his knee, the other’s long, dark hair brushing against him as those fingers sought to caress his cheek, the moment shuddered with tension before Liu Qingge once again brought their lips together. The initially tentativeness of their mouths dissolves as he parts his own to allow the other to taste the inside of his mouth, dragging across the contours of his teeth, caressing his eagerness against Shen Qingqiu’s tongue. He groans, a pathetic sound that is swallowed by the kiss, involuntarily grinding against his knee and refusing to acknowledge it lest he be consumed by mortification. Shen Qingqiu allows himself the pleasure of it, a sultry heat that begins at their mouths and pools between his thighs, his own appetite proving its competitive avarice as Liu Qingge reluctantly gives in to his own hunger. He wants to remember the way he feels beneath his touch, to witness every scar, each blemish that verges on perfection and rapaciously press his lips to them, sink his teeth into them. He had not realized the morbid thing his own repressed feelings might become when he decided to reveal them, that relenting into them rather than urgently concealing them could come with the consequence of being witnessed in such a salacious state. This was how he had to communicate with him, because his words were significant but never enough, his wanton body was far more honest than his tongue could ever hope to be. 

When they finally separate, his breath coming out harsh and ragged, Liu Qingge would withdraw to find his cheeks prettily flushed, his pupils blown wide and cavernous, his kiss-bitten mouth an unspoken invitation to continue his pursuit. How badly he wanted to conceal his visage, to cover his indecent expression with his hands but resisting because the other part of him stubbornly refuses that reprieve because he wants the other to witness the effect he’s having upon him. However, the sound he makes when those valorous fingers dip between his robes relays much more than his expression does, a breathless, obscene sound, the initial sensation of Liu Qingge’s touch against his skin brings about an exquisite sort of ruin. It’s a shudder that begins at the base of his spine and surges upwards, making his heart race. There was a vulnerability within permitting himself to be touched so shamelessly, a tacit confession that he had wanted this for such a long time, denied it for even longer perhaps, so the gratification of his heat seeping into Shen Qingqiu was immediate. Urging him to arch his hips seeking some sort of alleviating friction as he deliberately tortured his nipples until they stiffened, after that each transient touch threatened to drive him to madness. When Liu Qingge disperses the silence with his comment it takes his reeling mind a moment to salvage clarity, he nods, once in understanding and then flinches at his own eventual admission. “ I am also..” he doesn’t want to say it aloud, how could Liu Qingge admit such a thing with that unflinching air of austerity, it was totally inequitable, please leave some dignity for the rest of us. He averts his gaze, finding a haven amongst the dark cascade of the other’s hair where he anchors himself, forcing the words from between his teeth despite how they are reluctant to comply. “ A virgin..” it would be his first time too, he wasn’t entirely inexperienced, after all, he was a man with needs but that did not mean he would impatiently hand over such a distinguished title as ── the person who took the lofty lord of Qing Jing Peak’s virginity. Somehow he did not die from merely admitting that aloud, neither did the other laugh at his confession, it wasn’t a bad thing, there was no regret to be found amongst Shen Qingqiu’s intricate feelings, only this ineffable fulfillment that came from knowing they would both become each others first and only lover. In response to the rest of what has been said, to tell him if it hurts or he cannot endure any longer, he nods again, helplessly, as he’s currently so inundated by feelings, embarrassment and an unspeakable amount of arousal considering they’d only touched, kissed, that words have forsaken him entirely. 

Somewhere between their clumsy confessions the sash holding his robes secure has been pulled free, unceremoniously tossed over Liu Qingge’s shoulder as if it were a mere cumbersome inconvenience. Slowly, as if to excruciatingly reveal inch after inch of unblemished, milk skin, the fabric falls away, pooling at his sides in undulating ripples of silk. Shen Qingqiu feels so fucking bare right now it’s unendurable, the other attention shifting to his countenance, appraising his regal lineaments for answers Shen Qingqiu isn’t sure he has. Infact, as those eyes befall him, his teeth have sunk into the pliant skin of his bottom lip, his lithe frame racked with pleasant shivers. In truth, he hadn’t allowed anyone else to touch him this brazenly, to witness his reaction undisguised by that veneer of decorum. When Liu Qingge inclines to lick a hot, wet line from above his navel to the dip of his clavicle the whimper he makes is unabashed, a harrowing sound he wants nothing more than to reverse but also, at the same time, doesn’t. When his teeth inevitably sink into his soft, enticing skin and blood is drawn he doesn’t swat his petulant mouth away, nor does he protest, the blooming echo of pain jolts straight from his throat and down to his cock urging his hips to cant again, grinding in futility against his thigh. It stings when his tongue runs over it, apologetic for a transgression Shen Qingqiu only seeks to embolden with his responses. “ Qingge…” the moan of his name is held furtively by this secluded space, the other’s mouth moving arbitrarily across his skin wanting only to entice more of those delicious sounds from the man beneath him and Shen Qingqiu is less reluctant to offer them now. How he aches, it is such a visceral sensation that he can be writhe under him, restrained in a way that prevents actual movement, his fingers buried uselessly into his palms, his toes curling in pleasure. He is only permitted a brief respite when he pulls back, staring into his visage without a hint of shame. He likes him like this, with that dark hunger glittering in his gaze, the thought isn’t given time to properly sink in before his gracile fingers are curled around the girth of his cock. He stiffens. Shen Qingqiu had not realized how sensitive he was until an onslaught of sensation beset him, his lips parting in a soft, titaliting breath that holds the impression of the other’s name rather than the sound. When he asks such a candid question, with all the sincerity of someone who doesn’t possess any ambivalence it takes Shen Qingqiu’s inert mind a few moments to actually comprehend what he was asking. “ You��” he insists but his voice is a weak rasp, running his tongue across his lips to wet them, his eyes cast half-mast beneath long, delicate lashes. It was such an embarrassing thing to say that Shen Qingqiu would have generally violently recoiled from it but right now  ── as he is at Liu Qingge’s mercy, he cannot find it within himself to care for such frivolous things. “ I want you to..” he trails off, embarrassment pilfering the words from his tongue, pleading with him with a rather pathetic look. Then he offers lotion and Shen Qingqiu, beneath the oppressive layers of his own mounting desire, cannot help but be impressed by his preparation. There was relief to be derived from that but it was accompanied by a pang of desire, his mind offering up visions of those long, deft fingers curling deep into his body and pressing firm and insistent against the nerves that would have him crying out in pleasure. 

“ The lotion..” Shen Qingqiu is encouraging him, unable to see through the haze of his mind and into what currently troubles him when he has been languidly stroking his cock until his eyes pricked at the corners. “ ── I’ll show you how to.” it was almost humiliating to offer it up, to promise to show those piercing, earnest eyes how it looked when his own fingertips pressed flush to his hole and sunk past that ring of restrictive muscle. It was better than the alternative and Shen Qingqiu knows Liu Qingge to be assiduous in all things he does ── he does not for a moment believe that pleasuring him will be any different, especially considering the way he has thus far attentively licked, touched and marked all of the skin exposed to him. “ Please..” he cast his gaze towards the drawer where he surmises it might be held but his body is still coiled tightly with want and his own hand listlessly trails down his body to tentatively touch where Liu Qingge’s hand is covering his cock, about to take its place in quietly pleasuring himself while his shidi finds what they will need if he is truly to bend over for him and take the length of his cock. He shudders when thinking of how it might fit between his hands, how his hole will be spread to accommodate the length and girth of it. “ let his master teach you..” 

                 right  there,  in  that  moment,  time  slowed  to  a  halt.  the  scenery  around  him  froze   &&   became  like  a  still-life  painting,  perfectly  preserved.  those  words   –   this  moment   –   of  it  would  remain  engraved  in  the  eaves  of  his  mind  forever.  Liu  Qingge's  whole  body  stiffens,  afraid  that  what  he's  heard  was  just  a  trick  of  the  imagination.  that  Shen  Qingqiu  of  all  people  would  never  be  able  to  place  a  crown  upon  his  heart  made  of  those  three  words.  the  same  words  that  catch  themselves  in  the  summer  breeze   &&   brush  against  Liu  Qingge's  exposed  flesh,  encircling  him  in  a  tight  embrace  made  warm  by  Shen  Qingqiu's  longing.  as  sunlight  pours  in  through  the  open  windows,  it  buries  itself  so  deeply  beneath  Liu  Qingge's  flesh  it  could've  set  him  ablaze…  if  the  redness  of  his  cheeks  didn't  accomplish  that  first.  what  chagrin  he  must  be  beheld  with!  once  more  his  emotions  have  laid  themselves  bare  upon  his  beautiful  visage,  leaving  nothing  to  imagination  whatsoever.  no  means  to  play  a  guessing  game.  whatever  thoughts  have  charged  through  his  conscious  are  now  dancing  clear  as  day  across  his  cheeks  and  down  his  lips.  he's  embarrassed,  but  nothing  could've  prepared  him  for  making  the  discovery  that  his  feelings  were,  in  fact,  reciprocated.  it  made  his  pupils  shrink  in  shock   –  his  eyes  fixated  imminently  on  Shen  Qingqiu,  the  other's  visage  so  perfectly  reflected  on  their  surface  like  clear  glass.  “  do  you  mean  that?  ”   do  you  really  mean  that?  he  almost  dares  not  believe  those  words  could  be  his  and  his  alone.  even  as  he  sat  there  in  disbelief,  who  else   –   if  not  him   –   could  those  words  possibly  be  for?  there  was  no  one  else  in  this  room,  even  if  you  searched  from  corner  to  corner,  you  wouldn't  find  a  single  soul  except  for  the  two  of  them.

                  a  cheerful  breeze  snuck  in  through  the  window,  tousling  their  hair  around  like  a  child  having  the  time  of  it's  life.  when  he  stared  at  Shen  Qingqiu,  it  was  like  he  was  looking  at  him  for  the  first  time  ever  in  his  life,  and  he's  wondering  when  things  between  them  had  changed  as  drastically  as  they  did.  from  as  early  as  he  can  recall,  the  two  of  them  have  ever  been  at  odds  with  one  another.  it  began  the  moment  they  first  met,  and  carried  on  well  into  their  adulthood.  the  Shen  Qingqiu  that  Liu  Qingge  grew  up  with  was  a  nauseatingly  selfish  and  childish  brat  with  a  penchant  for  putting  himself  above  all  others.  he  was  resentful  of  those  around  him  who  experienced  great  success,  Liu  Qingge  in  particular,  which  was  why  he  often  sought  to  get  underneath  his  skin.  his  avarice  knew  no  bounds,  and  he  was  willing  to  throw  anyone  and  everyone  under  the  bus  so  long  as  it  got  him  what  he  wanted.  that  was  the  Shen  Qingqiu  Liu  Qingge  was  familiar  with   –   that  was  the  Shen  Qingqiu  he  assumed  would  always  be  a  thorn  in  his  side.   “   when  did  things  change  between  us?  ”   he  blurted  the  question  out  before  he  could  stop  himself,  but  didn't  try  to  backtrack  or  change  the  subject.  the  truth  was…  he  really  wanted  to  know.  he  wanted  to  know  why  Shen  Qingqiu's  view  of  him  suddenly  flipped  to  the  complete  opposite  of  what  it  was.  he  couldn't  deny  himself  the  curiosity;  it  was  in  human  nature,  after  all.   &&   as  he  studied  him,  red-faced  and  fumbling  in  vain  to  reign  in  his  composure,  he  couldn't  resist  bringing  his  hands  to  rest  comfortably  against  Shen  Qingqiu's  cheeks,  cradling  his  face  with  a  tenderness  so  unlike  him.

                  if  you  asked  Liu  Qingge  personally  when  this  all  changed  for  him…  he'd  answer  with  honesty:  the  cave.  the  Qi  Deviation.  the  fact  that   –   instead  of  leaving  him  to  his  own  devices  to  die   (   as  one  might  expect  of  a  scum  villain   )   Shen  Qingqiu  had  instead  stepped  up  to  the  plate  to  save  him.  naturally,  of  course,  Liu  Qingge's  initial  assessment  of  this  event  was  that  Shen  Qingqiu  was  scheming.  he  wasn't  the  type  of  man  to  go  out  of  his  way  for  another  person  unless  it  benefitted  him  personally  in  some  form.  for  a  time  these  suspicious  were  inaccurately  confirmed   –   as  Shen  Qingqiu  began  to  call  upon  him  when  he  needed  saving,  leaving  Liu  Qingge  to  believe  he  was  only  being  kept  around  as  fail-safe  for  his  own  life.  that   –   if  he  should  fall  into  any  danger  at  all,  he  could  call  upon  Liu  Qingge  to  save  him.  yet   –   even  though  this  appeared  to  be  the  case  initially   –   Liu  Qingge  began  to  understand  that  there  was  something  different  about  all  of  this.  the  weight  it  carried  was  not  at  all  the  same  narcissistic   &&   egotistical  way  that  Shen  Qingqiu  would  typically  adopt.  instead,  he  appeared  genuinely  afraid  and  would  cling  onto  Liu  Qingge  like  his  life  depended  on  it.  no  matter  how  angry  Shen  Qingqiu  made  him,  Liu  Qingge  simply  couldn't  turn  his  back  on  him   –   whether  out  of  duty  or  the  favour  for  saving  his  life   –   Liu  Qingge  would  always  come  to  his  rescue.  somewhere  during  all  of  this,  Liu  Qingge  eventually  became  aware  that  the  seeds  he  allowed  Shen  Qingqiu  to  plant  in  the  soil  behind  his  ribcage  were  beginning  to  bud,  nurtured  by  the  other's  presence.  now  they  were  in  full  bloom  at  the  height  of  summer   –   they  were  choking  Liu  Qingge,  robbing  his  lungs  of  their  air  and  his  body  of  it's  nutrients.  there  really  was  no  going  back  now   –   even  if  he  wanted  to,  he  couldn't  flee  from  this. 

                  “  tell  me  you  won't  regret  this.  ”   he  has  to  be  sure   –   has  to  make  certain  that  Shen  Qingqiu  won't  scorn  his  name  later  on,  should  Liu  Qingge  be  unable  to  restrain  himself.  he's  bloodied  knuckles  and  scarred  flesh  after  all,  there's  no  guarantee  he  wouldn't  sear  Shen  Qingqiu's  flesh,  even  if  he  was  doing  his  best  to  hold  back.  he  bites  his  own  bottom  lip:  sinks  his  teeth  so  sharply  into  it  it  draws  blood.  mere  seconds  ago  he  was  pushing  and  pulling  at  Shen  Qingqiu  like  a  child  who  couldn't  make  up  it's  mind,  and  he  was  still  unsure  whether  any  of  this  was  a  good  idea.  with  how  badly  his  body  craved  his  companion,  once  the  floodgates  were  thrown  wide  open…  he  stiffened  just  a  little  bit  after  a  few  unpleasant  thoughts  graced  the  surface  of  his  consciousness.  he  couldn't  wholly  be  blamed  for  viewing  Shen  Qingqiu  through  that  rose  coloured  glass.  in  Liu  Qingge's  eyes,  he  had  always  manifested  as  an  entity  carved  by  the  finest  jade:  immaculate,  absolute,  with  a  surface  that  shouldn't  ever  be  scarred.  he  perceived  him  in  such  a  ridiculous  way,  despite  knowing  how  capable  he  was  at  holding  his  own,  because  he  saw  himself  as  nothing  less  than  a  feral  beast  with  gnashing  teeth  and  blood  dripping  from  their  tips.   &&   who  could  come  to  love  such  a  contemptuous  creature?  not  Shen  Qingqiu…  right?  not  even  on  his  worst  day  could  he  come  close  to  scratching  the  same  surface  that  Liu  Qingge's  wild  animal  lurked  beneath.

                  hands  that'd  been  cupping  smooth  cheeks  began  their  descent,  gracing  a  path  that  started  from  Shen  Qingqiu's  jawline  and  ended  at  his  strong  shoulders.  hooking  his  hands  over  them,  fingers  tangled  into  silk  fabric  as  he  used  agonizingly  gentle  movements  to  guide  him  onto  his  back.  there,  he  bowed  over  Shen  Qingqiu's  body,  a  curtain  of  raven  hair  falling  around  them  in  waves.  silence  follows.  for  a  while  Liu  Qingge  just  stares  down  at  him  like  it's  difficult  for  him  to  consume  the  concept  that  yes,  the  man  beneath  him  is  in  fact,  Shen  Qingqiu  and  not  some  doppleganger  that  stole  his  body  in  the  middle  of  the  night   (   hah!   ).  his  mind  is  again  consumed  by  the  memories  of  moments  ago  when  the  two  of  them  were  tumbling  around  in  the  grass,  limbs  and  lips  interlocked  carelessly,  baring  their  hearts  to  one  another.  even  now  the  gaping  wound  in  his  chest  from  where  he  split  open  his  flesh  and  broke  apart  his  ribs  to  show  Shen  Qingqiu  his  heart,  was  still  steeped  in  fresh  blood.  he  drags  the  scarred  knuckles  of  one  hand  feather  light  against  Shen  Qingqiu's  cheek,  and  savours  that  smooth  silk.  then  he  reaches  down,  capturing  a  wrist  to  bring  to  his  lips,  breathing  an  impossibly  light  kiss  to  the  inside  of  it.  he  finishes  by  pressing  the  palm  belonging  to  that  same  wrist  against  the  center  of  his  chest.  he  wants  Shen  Qingqiu  to  feel  his  heartbeat   –   he  wants  him  to  understand  that  it's  erratic  rhythm  was  meant  only  for  him.   “  i  need  you  to  know  i've  loved  you  since  the  day  you  stopped  me  from  dying  to  a  qi  deviation.  back  then…  it  would've  been  more  believable  if  you  didn't  even  bother.  i  thought  you  did  it  to  gain  something  from  me…  ”   but  how  wrong  he'd  been.  it  was  evident  that  now   –   more  than  ever   –   Liu  Qingge  wasn't  just  some  vulnerable  asset  to  Shen  Qingqiu.  his  body,  his  mind,  his  soul,  everything  that  encapsulated  him  has  a  special  meaning  to  the  man  pinned  beneath  him,  and  it  was  taking  all  of  Liu  Qingge's  willpower  not  to  ravish  him  in  gratitude.  it  would've  ripped  him  to  shreds  if  he  found  out  he  was  just  being  used.  his  body  could  withstand  a  beating…  but  his  heart?  that  was  the  most  susceptible  part  of  him.  a  single  hairline  fracture  could  rend  it  completely.

                  he  wedges  a  knee  between  Shen  Qingqiu's  legs  and  adjusts  his  own  posture,  leaning  a  majority  of  his  weight  on  his  left  hand  in  order  to  grant  himself  the  freedom  to  use  his  right  however  he  like.  in  this  case,  it  was  so  he  could  stroke  Shen  Qingqiu's  cheek  again   –   this  time  with  his  fingertips   –   before  he's  taking  a  chance  to  press  their  lips  together.  tentative  at  first  to  test  the  waters,  then  enforcing  it's  certainity  by  using  his  tongue  to  express  a  desire  to  taste  the  inside  of  his  mouth.  he's  already  had  a  small  sample  of  the  divine:  now,  with  Shen  Qingqiu's  affirmation  that  their  feelings  are  mutual,  he  seeks  to  indulge  to  the  fullest.  it's  his  turn  to  covet  what  lays  before  him   –   after  all,  it's  his  for  the  taking  isn't  it?  Shen  Qingqiu  has  denied  his  request  to  remove  himself  from  the  premisis  and  insists  instead  on  urging  Liu  Qingge  to  whet  his  appetite.  he  says  what  he  means;  of  this  much,  Liu  Qingge  can  be  absolutely  certain.  they've  yet  to  share  a  lie  between  the  two  of  them,  so  who  was  he  to  drawn  his  soon-to-be-lover  in  a  sea  of  doubt?  wouldn't  that  be  an  insult   &&   a  disservice  to  everything  Shen  Qingqiu's  revealed  to  him  up  until  now?  Liu  Qingge  groans  as  his  tongue  scrapes  and  sears  the  inside  of  Shen  Qingqiu's  mouth,  savouring  the  familiar  yet  unfamiliar  taste  he's  granted.  all  of  it  is  sending  heat  to  pool  between  his  legs  and  make  his  clothes  just  a  little  bit  more  uncomfortable.  not  that  he  was  wearing  much  to  begin  with  in  the  first  place   –   he'd  already  stripped  off  his  top  with  the  intention  of  mending  his  wounds.

                  he  wondered   –   idly   –   just  how  much  Shen  Qingqiu  has  actually  seen  of  his  body.  the  scars  etched  into  his  muscular  frame,  varying  in  size,  littered  over  every  ounce  of  his  flesh.  the  most  egregious  were  smattered  onto  his  chest  and  back,  but  he'd  suffered  a  good  chunk  of  them  on  his  arms  and  legs  too.  most  were  trophies  of  past  battles;  of  beasts  slain  and  wicked  men  eradicated  from  the  earth.  but  in  recent  days,  a  number  of  his  scars  and  wounds  were  inflicted  by  none  other  than  Luo  Binghe  himself.  currently,  however,  those  were  outweighed  by  the  injuries  he  sustained  at  the  Battle  of  Luo  River,  but  if  the  had  the  opportunity  to,  he'd  challenge  Luo  Binghe  again  in  a  heartbeat.  he  did  it  not  just  for  his  own  pride   –   but  for  the  sake  of  Shen  Qingqiu's  dignity.  he  saw  Luo  Binghe  as  nothing  more  than  a  disgrace  and  a  stain  on  his  master's  impeccable  record.  even  if  Shen  Qingqiu  chased  after  his  coattails   –   even  if  he  blamed  himself  for  how  the  boy  turned  out   –   it  wouldn't  change  Liu  Qingge's  mind.  the  only  thing  that  might  stand  a  chance  is  if  the  two  were  to  actually  sit  down  and  talk  to  one  another,  but  hell  had  a  better  chance  of  freezing  over  than  that  ever  happening,  so  it  was  completely  out  of  the  question.  Liu  Qingge  only  knew  how  to  talk  with  his  fists,  and  Luo  Binghe  sucked  at  communicating  how  he  really  felt.  it  seemed  they  were  destined  for  a  future  of  misunderstandings  with  their  running  track  record.

                  when  air  became  a  fact  rather  than  a  mere  concept,  Liu  Qingge  finally  severed  their  connection  while  gasping  for  breath.  he  felt  something  wet  streaking  down  his  stomach  and  saw,  to  his  surprise,  one  of  his  wounds  had  reopened.  he  frowned   –   he  didn't  want  to  take  the  time  to  tend  to  it,  and  decides  it's  best  just  to  ignore  it.  if  Shen  Qingqiu  says  something  to  acknowledge  it,  then  he'll  do  something  about  it,  but  until  then…  he  wasn't  interested.  his  focus  was  entirely  on  Shen  Qingqiu   –   his  hand  had  already  dipped  between  the  folds  of  the  other's  teal  robes,  palm  pressed  to  chest.  he  took  his  time  feeling  around  and  came  to  the  conclusion  that  he  was  quite  satisfied  with  what  was  hiding  beneath  there.  it  appeared  Shen-Shixion  hadn't  lost  much   –   if  any   –   muscle  mass,  and  it  earned  his  fervent  approval.  Liu  Qingge  mapped  the  rough  definition  of  his  chest,  pausing  here  and  there  to  toy  with  a  nipple  every  time  his  fingertips  scraped  over  those  sensitive  nubs.  his  movements  are  clumsy  and  lack  any  real  coordination,  but  that's  to  be  expected  of  someone  who's  never  engaged  the  act  before.  which  brought  to  light  his  next  admission;   “  i'm  a  virgin.  if  it  hurts  or  i  do  something  wrong,  tell  me.  ”   his  expression  is  so  stone-cold  despite  his  flushed  cheeks  it's  almost  scary.  he  speaks  in  a  matter-of-fact  tone  of  voice  and  doesn't  seem  at  all  deterred  by  divulging  this  knowledge.  it's  as  if  he  lacks  the  shame  at  all,  but  then  again…  what  really  is  there  to  be  shameful  of?  wasn't  it  a  rule  that  one  shouldn't  seek  for  those  kinds  of  self-serving  purposes?  if  anything,  Liu  Qingge  should  be  filled  with  pride  that  he's  kept  himself  chast  and  pure  up  until  this  point…  and  he  is.  to  have  saved  his  body  for  the  one  person  that  would  be  his  soulmate.  even  if  the  two  of  them  parted  ways  or  Shen  Qingqiu  wouldn't  pledge  himself  to  Liu  Qingge,  he's  fine  with  that.  he's  already  resigned  himself  to  a  life  of  voluntary-celibacy.  if  he  can't  be  with  the  one  he  loves,  then  there's  no  reason  to  seek  for  anyone  else.

                  somewhere  in  the  middle  of  Liu  Qingge's  ardent  touches,  he's  pulled  apart  the  sash  holding  together  Shen  Qingqiu's  robes  and  tossed  it  unceremoniously  over  his  shoulder.  without  it,  the  fabric  falls  open  and  grants  him  a  vision  of  smooth,  milky  skin  that  sends  an  involuntary  shock  right  between  his  legs.  to  be  honest…  he  doesn't  know  where  to  begin.  his  gaze  falls  in  askance  upon  Shen  Qingqiu's  face:  he  knows  he  already  has  his  approval,  but  what  does  Shen  Qingqiu  like  the  most?  that's  what  he's  wondering.   &&   has  Shen  Qingqiu  even  had  sex  yet,  or  was  Liu  Qingge  also  his  first?  he's  unaware  if  the  rough  and  calloused  nature  of  his  hands  have  felt  good  at  all,  but  he  can't  stop  himself  from  touching  him  more,  especially  with  abdomen  exposed  now.  he  leans  down,  licking  a  hot  stripe  from  the  top  of  his  belly  button  all  the  way  to  the  dip  of  where  his  neck  starts.  Liu  Qingge  figures  this  is  a  good  place  as  any  to  start,  and  furthers  his  attention  by  tempting  teeth  to  flesh.  as  expected,  he  underestimates  his  own  strength  and  accidentally  splits  it  open.  a  metallic  taste  greets  his  tongue,  and  Liu  Qingge  seeks  to  appease  this  error  by  lapping  at  the  injury  he  inflicted.  it  was  his  way  of  silently  saying  i'm  sorry.  with  this  lesson  learned,  he  deligates  far  more  care  into  the  details  he  etches  into  Shen  Qingqiu's  skin.  his  neck,  his  shoulders,  his  chest  and  his  stomach   –   none  of  it  is  spared.  anything  he  can  reach,  Liu  Qingge  clumsily  tries  to  taste  it.  at  some  point  his  attention  is  pulled  entirely  to  his  nipples.  each  one  is  left  red  and  swollen  after  Liu  Qingge's  through  with  them,  and  he  moves  further  down  still  until  he's  reached  the  waistband  of  his  pants.

here…  he  pauses.

                  his  eyes  fall  like  weights  upon  Shen  Qingqiu's  face.  while  he  doesn't  speak  directly   –   not  at  first   –   his  hand  does  the  talking,  dipping  beneath  soft  fabric  and  feeling  over  the  hot  and  hard  organ  beneath.  he  measures  the  girth  and  length  of  it  in  his  palm,  taking  care  to  memorize  it's  structure  in  order  to  erase  any  room  for  error  as  he  takes  hold  and  gives  it  a  few  tentative  strokes.  the  entire  time  he's  doing  this,  his  eyes  haven't  strayed  from  Shen  Qingqiu's  face.  he  wants  to  be  absolutely  certain  his  brutish  strength  isn't  going  to  inflict  more  damage  than  pleasure  onto  his  partner.  but  the  further  this  whole  thing  advances,  the  closer  to  a  problem  he  draws  toward.  after  a  minute  of  toying  with  his  erection,  he  decides  to  finally  articulate  what's  on  his  mind.   “  …  do  you  want  me  on  top?  or  do  you  want  to  be  on  top?  ”   for  his  first  time,  he  isn't  opposed  to  the  idea  of  taking  rather  than  giving,  even  though  he  knows  it's  going  damage  his  dignity  just  a  little  bit.  however,  learning  through  experience  might  help   –   but  he  leaves  the  ball  in  Shen  Qingqiu's  court.  all  he  knows  is  that  if   --  the  great  Liu  Qingge,  bent  over  and  fucked  by  Qing  Jing  Peak's  own  Shen  Qingqiu.  were  to  give  get  out,  he'd  kill  everyone  and  then  himself.  and  if  he  ever  saw  a  single  book  out  there  describing  him  the  same  way  the  writer  of  Regret  of  Chunshan  described  Shen  Qingqiu,  he  might  just  set  every  single  mountain  on  fire  in  Cang  Qiong  Sect.  he  flusters  a  little  bit  and  scowls  off  to  the  side,  trying  to  ignore  the  thought  of  a  book  being  written  about  the  two  of  them.   “  i  uh…  i  have  lotion.  it  helps,  right?  ”   he  didn't  know  jack  shit  about  sex,  but  if  he  had  to  guess,  one  of  them  shoving  their  dick  into  the  other's  ass  without  some  kind  of  lubrication  is  a  recipe  for  the  worst  agony  known  to  man.  even  that  was  common  sense.

[mariemariemaria]

i really dont know whats driving all the pro-corset nonsense but its so annoying. girls were put into corsets from young ages, sometimes before they even reached puberty. mothers were often the ones forcing their daughters to wear corsets even though they didn't want to and rebelled against it. honestly i think being critical of corsets is important when discussing today's insane beauty and weight standards for women. 'tiny waist' crazes came in and out of fashion and waist goals could be as small as 16 inches, which is insane and there's no way you're gonna convince me that that's healthy or normal or feminist. how is that any different to women having weight or thinness goals that prioritise their beauty over their health? how is the fluctuating fashion for different waist sizes any different to how different women's body shapes go in and out of fashion these days? body shapes which are so extreme that they are impossible to achieve without either starving yourself ('herorin chic') or getting surgery (bbls). i think we do a disservice to ourselves if we ignore the similarities and dont learn from history tbqh

[dennisboobs]

i think everyone on sunnytwt needs to be sat down so i can explain to them what basic human empathy is. and then maybe i put them in a blender until they agree to write meta about the characters instead of whether or not charlie day got facial reconstruction surgery.