#just learn the history of your own fucking label before saying such bullshit online

[sanicsmut]

people : its important to be inclusive, yes even of identities you don't understand ! support he/him lesbians !

these same people when its about using multiples contradictory labels because identity is complicated and fluid : if you support this you're actually evil

[exitableunderpants]

mark me as your favorite memory

A/N: This is another rewrite from my old blog @editableunderpants. I wrote this after buying some Hawkeye socks and realizing there just ain’t enough Clint online. That is still true online. I need hella more Clint fics, btw. So, if anyone knows of some good ones, please send them my way. More rewrites are coming and some new stories as well. Are there any from my old blog you want to see me rewrite? I plan on doing them all, but have no idea of the order ATM. 

Pairing: Clint Barton & Reader 

Rating: Hella M for smut and my potty mouth. 

--

She was thankful for the empty room, giving her a chance to escape from the rest of the group. She loved most of them dearly but needed a break from them. The only noise around her was the cracking from the fire she had started. She watched the flames dance around as she sipped on vodka from the blue painted mug, the one he had picked up for her from one of the missions he was assigned to go on without her. She wondered how she got here, the turns in her life leaving her confused as ever, which she hated. Her life spiraled and everything shifted and was now spinning around, making her dizzy. Life for her was once simple, but all of that changed.

Because of him.

She had her share of ghosts that haunted her, and she was used to trying to outrun the ghosts, demons and skeletons that were hidden deep in her closet. Although she didn’t like to admit it to anyone, especially herself, there was a lot in her life that she was running from. She didn’t stay in the same place for long, and the people in her life often changed frequently, one face being swapped for another. She didn’t trust and was weary of leaning on anyone else. She had her own back, and didn’t really let her guard down enough to let anyone else in. Life was cruel and she knew that she could only count on herself, and that anyone could betray her.

Everything in her life was her own fucked kind of normal, until that asshole with his bow and arrows came to talk to her about joining Shield. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like if that never happened. Her life would have remained the same, which was neither a good nor a bad thing, but she knew it was preferable then the bullshit she was dealing with now. Her life had been turned inside out, and it left her confused, dizzy and dealing with all these warm and fuzzy feelings for the first time in her life.

Somehow, her dumb ass managed to fall in love.

Maybe she’d feel better if she cursed the moon or sucked screamed about how love sucked. Everyone already knew that though. Love was a losing game that you just played forever on repeat. There was no real winner in the game of love, just slow losers. It was quite the game though, she realized, because everyone kept lining up for another turn.

And in the end, she got a taste of it. She’d probably be foolish enough to line up for it all over again too.

That fucking asshole and his stupid bow and stupid arrows.

It had happened all too quickly, so fast that she never had the chance to realize what was going on. It started like it so often did, with the two of them as just friends. It took some time, but she found a new comfort with him and in time she learned how to trust him and to lean on him. In her first months as a new agent, the two of them had bonded and while friendship didn’t quite come naturally to her, but Clint was patient with her, letting her know it was okay to let him in at her own pace. He eased her into the idea of letting him in, and in time she let her walls come down around him. He took that and ran with it, introducing her to the rest of the team. Slowly, she was learning how to let them in too.

Like fools, they played with fire one night, both of them with an itch that needed scratched. While she maybe had imagined sleeping with him, there was no fantasy that would ever live up to the reality. She wasn’t scared to admit that he had straight up rocked her world that night, and though it was only supposed to be one night, they both ended up coming back for more. Neither of them had been in a hurry to put any kind of label on it though. Which, she was thankful for. Hooking up with him was one thing she was able to process and accept but coming to terms with it being anything else was another story. Instead, they continued in secret, keeping whatever this was behind closed doors. It was enough for her.

It was more than enough.

That was until her heart got in the way.

She never expected to fall in love with Clint Barton. She’d grown to care for him, and that was one thing. Loving him was completely another. It had hit her like a ton of bricks, leaving her breathless. She never really loved anyone else before, and suddenly her heart and her life had become entangled with the mighty Hawkeye. She had tried to keep her feelings to herself, not eager to rush off and ruin the little bubble they had created. She was happy with things as they were and didn’t want her heart to go and ruin that for her.

Only she had managed to open her big fucking mouth and tell him that she loved him, just before he left for a dangerous mission.

He had just started at her in shock before she quickly backed away before she took off running, leaving him to call after her. She didn’t want to hear whatever words came next from him. All she could think of was the upcoming pain and heartbreak that was headed her way. She never meant to put her heart on the line and was on the verge of her first real heartbreak. Clint Barton was a lot of things to her, she just didn’t expect him to be the man that broke her heart.

So, she sat here by the crackling fire, drinking vodka from her favorite mug.

It wasn’t a cure, but at least it had helped some.

His mission had ended, and he was on his way home now. She usually looked forward to those times, because it meant celebrating the return in bed, with his head between her thighs. She personally loved the way he celebrated, but her excitement had dimmed this time. Dread had filled her, and she hated it. Her heart was the source of the entire mess, and she hated it. She felt all over the place, and damn near unstable. This wasn’t like her. In the presence of Clint, she altered from the trained fighter and sniper she was to some lovesick fool.

She had become so lame; she just wanted to roll her eyes and mock herself.

“Hey, Babe.” His voice was low, and the dread that had filled her multiplied. She didn’t look to him though, avoiding him for as long as she could. Seeing him would make this even harder.

“Welcome home.” She tried to keep her voice even for as long as she possibly could. She could only hope that whatever came next was over quickly, a mercy killing on his behalf. She knew that this was supposed to be just sex, without her pesky feelings becoming involved. Although, she didn’t really need him to tell her that. She already knew how much of a mess everything was.

“I missed you.” He said sitting next to her on the couch. He said that after each mission, and she returned those words wholeheartedly. It wasn’t until late that she realized how much she did miss him when he was gone. It felt like a part of her was missing. She chalked it up to nothing more than worry and stress, but she knew there was a lot more underneath that she just wasn’t admitting.

“I missed you too, Clint.” She slowly spoke before turning to face him. He had a nasty purple bruise on his eye, under his face from someone that had gotten just a little too close. She reached over, the pad of her thumb gently tracing over the bruise. “Does it hurt?” She asked as his hand fell over herd, holding it for a moment before bringing it to her mouth and placing a soft kiss to back of her hand.

“Not anymore.” There was a grin playing on his lips and she was reminded on how honest he was with her. She had a history of being with men that tended to feel the need to boost their ego and say there was no pain at all. She’d been hit before and knew that no pain was a fucking lie. She knew it had to hurt to be hit as hard as it was to leave a bruise like that.

“You make it pay for him?” He laughed at her question before nodding.

“Of course.” He spoke before reaching for her mug, his nose wrinkling at the scent. “Babe, it’s still pretty early.” His eyebrow was raised, and it was so typical of him to worry and want to take care of her. He’d been like that since she finally agreed to join Shield. He was protective and had her back from the very start. It wasn’t something that was easily forgotten.

“It’s happy hour somewhere in the world.” She mumbled as he stared at her for a moment, she knew he was trying to process just how worried he should be. He reached over before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, his eyes never leaving her.

“I think we should talk about when I left.” He started, and she felt all the air leave her lungs. She thought she had a grip on this and tried to brace herself. Those words were going to break her heart, and she wasn’t sure if that was something she was going to be able to manage.

She was still beyond pissed that she had to go and fall in love. No good ever came from that.

“Oh.” She took a big chug from her mug and he just raised his eyebrow again. She didn’t know what to say next.

“You love me.” His voice was calm and even, with no trace of anger and disgust in his words. She was thankful for that, at least.

“Look, I know the timing was terrible. I didn’t mean for it to slip out and I have just been sitting here for days.” She sighed, fingers playing with the fabric on the couch to distract herself from him. “I just—I tried Clint.” She was rambling, not even sure what it was that she was trying to say. She created a huge mess, and she wasn’t sure to go about tidying it up.

“I love you too, Babe.” His words shut her up. She just blinked as she stared at him, trying to process if she had heard him correctly.

“Oh.” It was all she could really muster. “Oh.”

“Babe,” his voice was soft as his fingers were under her chin, raising her head to look at him. Their eyes locked and she took the moment to memorize the color of his eyes. “I love you, you goof.” Those words caused a smile to spread across her face, reality sinking in. His hand now cupped her face, his thumb stroking her cheek. “Say it again.” He urged and she didn’t need a prompt of what he wanted repeated; she knew what he wanted to hear.

“I love you, Clint Barton.” The words barely left her mouth and his lips were firmly pressed against hers in a kiss that left her head spinning. One hand of his was resting on the side of her neck, the other now tangled in her hair. She let her hands roam down his chest, feeling each toned muscle under her fingertips.

“I really like hearing that.” He whispered in her ear after he broke the kiss. She let out a shaky laugh as his mouth moved down her jaw and to her neck. She now liked saying it, now that the fear was gone and this wonderful knowledge of him loving her back had washed over her. She had no idea why he loved her, but she was not about to start questioning it. The fear of her words on top of worrying about him while he was gone had left her on edge for days, all she wanted was to just in lost in the man she loved for a moment.

The man who loved her back.

“I love you.” She repeated, now aware that he liked hearing it. He hummed his approval against her throat, the vibration pulsing through her and causing her to shit her eyes in the pleasure. His teeth grazed and nipped against her skin, a soft moan leaving her at the sensation as his tongue darted across the skin he had nibbled at with his teeth. While he was careful to never leave any marks, she wasn’t too sure she cared in this moment if any evidence was peppered across her skin.

She reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up as far as she could before his hands grabbed both of her wrists gently. “Easy, Babe.” He pressed his lips back to hers, holding her hands still as she tried to fight to reach for his shirt once more. “We are in a public area. We may be alone for now, but this is still an easily accessible and popular room.” She wasn’t sure why her little hideaway was as popular as it was, it was just one of the little corners in the tower she found and liked well enough.

“You are no fun.” She huffed, causing him to laugh.

“You are aware of just how fun I can be.” He placed a soft kiss to her forehead, standing up and offering his hand to her. “I just am not goanna share you. Besides, if they don’t know, then we don’t have to deal with any of the dumb jokes Tony is bound to come up with.” She immediately thought of Wanda and Vision, who after months were still hearing jokes about the two of them being together.

“It will be worse if we don’t tell them and they manage to find out on their own.” She warned, placing her hand in his. He helped her to her feet, his arms around her waist letting his hands grab at her ass. It seemed to be his favorite spot for his hands to rest.

“You’re right.” He admitted, a grin on his face. “So, let’s make sure that doesn’t happen by not getting caught in here.” Standing on her toes, she brushed her lips against his.

“Well, you might want to get me upstairs soon then, because I have these wicked thoughts about how blowing you in this room could be fun.” His laughter filled the room as he gently tugged on her arm, leading her out of the common room and to the bedroom that he usually stayed in. The moment the door closed behind them, she was pressed against it and his mouth was once again connected to hers. This kiss was rougher, and full of heat. She loved it.

“This is about useless.” He lifted her tee over her head, leaving her in only her black bra. He cupped her through the fabric, causing her to bite down on her bottom lip. He loved the fact that her breasts were very sensitive, and often used it against her to drive her wild.

“So is yours, Barton.” Her fingers played with the hem of his shirt once more. This time he didn’t stop her as she pulled it up his body, exposing his toned stomach. She bit down on her bottom lip again as he helped her get the shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor next to hers. His stomach was covered in deep purple marks and she sighed heavily as her fingers lightly traced over the bruises, noting when he winced as her fingers brushed against his bruised and possibly broken ribs. “Clint, you look like shit.”

“Too bad you never got the chance to see the other guy.” He snorted at his own joke, cupping her face in his hands.

“If you say so.” Her eyes didn’t leave his bruises, and she felt worry pit and bubble in her stomach. She knew the job and the life they led, but she hated the times he returned to her all battered and beaten up. He wasn’t invincible, and that fact scared her to her core sometimes.

“Instead of sassing me, Babe, why don’t you put that mouth to better use?” His voice was low and commands, and she just gulped as a wave of heat washed over her. She nodded her head, not sure if she trusted herself to speak yet. No words were really needed as she dropped to her knees, her fingers unbuttoning his jeans. He was already semi hard, and that was no surprise really. Wrapping fingers around him, she pumped a few times and earned a groan from him before she replaced her fingers with her lips.

“Mmm.” She mumbled, with a mouth full of him. It was a common scene between the two of them, with her on her knees. She loved it. It was a power play and Clint held most of the power behind their closed door, something she didn’t mind in the slightest and loved the way he took control. It made her heart flutter and heat pool between her legs with each command from him. This was the one time that she was able to hold some of the power, while still handing it over to him. She loved as he unraveled in her mouth.

“Fuck, Babe.” He groaned, his hips jerking to their own rhythm as she hummed around him. Looking up at him, she saw him gripping the wall with his eyes shit and his mouth hanging open slightly. “I love that pretty little mouth of yours.” He remarked and she hummed her approval as his hips jerked once again. She loved watching the mighty Hawkeye become a moaning mess in her mouth. Though he rarely finished in her mouth, always stating he’d rather wait. She liked the times he had spilled in her mouth, because she liked watching him lose control under her touch. He always had her moaning and crying for more, so it was a nice change of pace sometimes. As his fingers gripped her hair, she knew that it wasn’t going to be the case. He pulled her up and crashed his lips against hers, turning them so she was firmly pressed against the wall. His hands undid her pants, before sliding under her underwear, two fingers parting her before stroking her.

“Damn,” she whimpered under his skillful touch. He just chuckled before connecting their mouths again, his fingers stroking at a pace so slow it was almost maddening. She tried to protest, but his mouth swallowed the sounds. He finally broke the kiss, pulling her pants and underwear down and tossing them aside to be forgotten. He kicked his own jeans off, before lifting her in his arms and grinning as her long legs wrapped around his waist.

“I love you, Babe.” He repeated once again with a soft kiss to her forehead as he laid her down on the bed. She grinned at those words, there was no way she could ever be tired of hearing them. They were to music to her ears now, and they played her favorite melody.

“I love you too, Clint.” She reached for his face, fingers tracing over the bruise again before he closed the distance between them, kissing her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers playing with his soft hair. The kiss only lasted a moment before he trailed his lips against her body, leaving soft kisses.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen some of these body parts…” he trailed on, a soft kiss against her stomach. “There is one area I missed quite a bit, and I plan on taking my time getting reacquainted.” She gasped at his words as he spread her thighs, placing gently kisses to her inner thighs before his tongue came in contact with her aching center.

“Oh fuck, baby.” She whimpered as she arched her back and rocked her hips forward. She heard his chuckle as he pushed her hips back down to the mattress, his hands remaining there to steady her.

“Patience.” He said, and she just snorted.

“Fat chance, Barton.” He chuckled against her, the vibrations flying through her, causing a loud moan to leave her mouth. There was something sinful about the way he made her feel when his head was between her thighs. His tongue swirled over her, keeping on a steady pace as she started to feel herself lose her control. She could feel the hot build up in the pit of her stomach, but he backed off just as she approached her edge.

“You taste fantastic, Babe.” He mumbled as he pulled his mouth away from her, whines of protest leaving her. He soothed her with a soft kiss to her inner thigh.

“Stop teasing me, asshole.” She grumbled, and he laughed before biting down gently on the skin of her inner thigh that he just kissed.

“You’re a handful, aren’t you?”

“You love it.” She said as she opened her eyes, looking at him.

“Yeah, I do.” She watched as he took himself in his hand, pumping himself a few times. Her mouth watered at the sight, trying to be patient for what she knew came next. He aligned himself wat her entrance, and she pushed her hips forward, causing a groan to leave him as he entered her. His hands gripped at her hips as he gave her a moment to adjust, which she was always thankful for. After several moments, he started to rock his hips at a pace that left her gripping the sheets of the bed, her eyes closed in pleasure. “You are so fucking beautiful, Babe.” He whispered as he lifted her leg slightly, allowing him to hit her at a new angle.

“Oh fuck.” She whimpered as she back arched off the mattress. She was already so fucking close. He knew it, because he increased the pace before reaching between her thighs, this thumb circling her clit.

“Come for me, Baby.” He whispered, and she was powerless against his command.

She cried out as her orgasm washed over her, leaving her gasping for breath and wildly bucking underneath him.

“Fuck.” He grunted as his speed increased as he hit his own climax, coming inside of her. He rolled off her before covering his eyes with his forearm, heavily breathing. Once both of them were able to catch their breath, he pulled her against him, and wrapped his arms around her.

“We are going to have to tell everyone eventually.” She said after a moment, looking up at him. “I mean, right? Is this something to tell, because I know we are just fuck buddies—”

“Is that really all you think this is?” She wasn’t expecting the confused and hurt look on his face.

“Well, not really. We just called it that, and never actually discussed anything else.” He sighed, placing a soft kiss against her temple.

“Babe, you never were just a fuck buddy to me. I don’t mix sex and friends—this was always something more for me.” He said, and it was her turn to look confused.

“You never said!”

“You always liked the idea of no-strings.” He pointed out, causing her to sigh.

“You were always different though, Clint. I don’t want you as just some fuck buddy.”

“Babe, are you asking me to go steady?” He had a stupid grin on his face as he mocked her, and she just playfully jabbed his arm.

“Oh, shut up.” She mumbled as he leaned down to kiss her.

“I like the idea of being more than your fuck buddy, Babe.”

“Good.”

“It’s settled then.” He hugged her closed to him, his eyes closing. It was typical of Clint to doze off after sex, not that she was any different. She could feel sleep trying to claim her as her own eyes got heavy.

“Clint?” She asked with a yawn. “It was never just fuck buddies for me either.” She admitted before closing her eyes, falling asleep in his arms. After all, this was her favorite place to be.

[arielmagicesi]

Hi, sorry. So I am new to the st/efvater world, and I've only read one of her books (raven boys), and like I see you posting stuff about her a lot, but only like little bits and pieces, and I feel like I'm missing something and don't understand what's going on cause I'm not really in the fandom; I've just read one book, and don't really know anything about her. I'm sorry, this is rambling mess, but if you could enlighten me a little bit I would appreciate it.

OK I took a while to respond and I’m gonna try to be objective and polite but there isn’t a whole lot of objective politeness in this soul of mine, but I will try.

Maggie St/efvater (I only spell it that way so it doesn’t show up in her tag and annoy people, I’ll just call her Maggie for the rest of this post) is this fairly popular YA author, and she wrote the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, the Scorpio Races, and the Raven Cycle. Her writing is very good (I have some bones to pick about it as a writer but mostly it’s pretty good) and the Raven Cycle in particular has gained a big fandom because it’s an excellent series. I guess you would know cause you’ve read TRB- the concept is unique, it has cool magic stuff, there’s fascinating character concepts, and the teenagers do a lot of realistic teenager stuff like being annoying and cursing and either doing their homework or not, etc. And if I haven’t made it abundantly clear with my posts, a lot of us in the fandom fell in love with the main characters for many reasons, but especially because they represent parts of ourselves that aren’t often represented. Abuse victims who don’t react in a Good Abuse Victim way, poor teenagers who scrape and claw to get out of their shitty towns, mentally ill kids who have ugly unpleasant symptoms, girls who are feminists but whose feminism is a little messy because they grow up in a terrible small town, etc.

Unfortunately, the development of the Raven Cycle fandom online, like the development of ANY goddamn fandom on the accursed Internet, led to some gross pockets of fandom. In the second book, an abusive character called Ka/vinsky shows up, and some heavy subtext suggests that he’s gay and into one of the main characters, Ronan. He’s absolutely awful and monstrous to Ronan and the others, but you know how fandom is, they started shipping it and being like “Ka/vinsky’s just a misunderstood cinnamon roll uwu” and generally being the worst about it. Additionally, some parts of fandom started hating on the two lower-class characters, Adam and Blue, for not always being sweet and nice about the class privilege of all their wealthy friends, and for reacting "badly” to literal abuse and sexism.  so the fandom is a mess, yeah

In the second and third books, also, (spoiler alert I guess? I mean if you follow my blog you can’t avoid knowing this haha) it’s suggested and then made all but direct canon, that Ronan is gay and has a crush on Adam. So, like, everyone shipped it because they’re a great ship and it was pretty obvious it was gonna be made canon in book four.

But Maggie interacts a lot with the fandom online, and obviously the clashing of fandom issues like this with any author would lead to some mess, but the way she treated it was....... terrible. She would make jokes about Ronan being Gansey’s “dog” and things like that. She milked the whole “writing a gay character” thing for all it was worth, and would never really say “hey, Adam and Ronan are a romantic thing” but would hint at it constantly, which, if you don’t know, is agonizing to watch when you’re desperate for any representation of your identity. She eventually said “I realize you guys are used to being baited, so don’t worry, the ‘other kiss’ will be between the people you hope it’ll be between” or something like that. And she would talk about Ronan being gay, but never address whether Adam was bi, and god forbid those words were used in the books. In the fourth book, although they do actually kiss and presumably get together, they don’t talk about it, and they never use the words “gay” or “bisexual.” Her excuse was that she’s writing for a world without labels. Leaving aside that that’s bullshit and a straight* woman doesn’t get to say that when we are out here in a homophobic world and saying our labels out loud is a sign of pride, she actually didn’t write a world without labels. The aforementioned Ka/vinsky is constantly using homophobic slurs to describe Ronan, boys at the private school make homophobic jokes, Adam’s dad makes lowkey homophobic remarks, etc. So labels are OK if they’re nasty and negative and used against you, but you’re never allowed to say who you are out loud.

When she gets called out on this whole mess- or a number of other things**- her response is to block people, tell people “if you are hostile one more time you’ll be blocked,” to reply to private posts by teenagers, to sic her army of clueless fans on young LGBT mentally ill readers, to claim that she’s being bullied and attacked, to make vague posts talking about “callout culture” and how it’s mature to avoid “discourse,” etc. I talked a while back about how I’ve made several fully thought-out posts critiquing her, but when I sent her a polite ask about her next book, she replied linking me to one of my own joke posts about “hating” her, making it clear that she apparently has me down on some sort of list of haters or something. And at least she responded privately, so that her other fans didn’t attack me, which has happened to other younger fans before.

She claims to be an ally, but she only really wants the ally points. She’ll talk your ear off about how brave she is for “writing an on-page queer relationship” as a straight woman, but when actual queer teenagers critique her for the way she writes it, she throws a fit and absolutely refuses to listen. She doesn’t want to do the work.

Additionally, she is writing a follow-up series called “the dreamer trilogy” which she drops constant hints about on her social media. It will center on Ronan (naturally, because she’s admitted Ronan is her self-insert and has butchered his character development for the sake of giving him a life identical to hers and fulfilling her fantasies of driving fast cars 24/7 and being an asshole with no consequences) and she’s making it increasingly obvious that none of the other characters we all fell in love with will feature at all. And basically any plotllines we enjoyed, she scraps (often out of spite?), and any plotlines we hate, she makes sure to write tons about (I’m talking about the magical artifact community. No one cares. We started reading for the house of psychics and Glendower and Gwenllian, not the fucking Greenmantles and their haunted doll babies or whatever).

The fandom obviously responded with like “ooh! more Pynch!” because like, fandoms like ships, but ALSO BECAUSE some of us are goddamn LGBT teenagers who are starving for representation and we want to see that “on page queer relationship” she brags about. And yet, at every opportunity, she makes remarks like, “This won’t be a romance. It won’t be the cuddle trilogy. It won’t have relationship drama, that doesn’t interest me. It won’t be fanservice. It won’t be lovey dovey, it won’t be cute, etc.” No, I don’t want fanservice or drama or the cuddle trilogy. But given her history, when Maggie says shit like that, I get worried, as someone who’s been baited a thousand times before. Doesn’t anyone see how awful it is to dangle representation like this? To say “ooh, look, someone who has the same identity as you? Juuuust kidding I’m not writing about it?” She can’t just say what we want to hear, which is “Adam will be there. I’ll say the word gay. I’ll say the word bisexual. Their relationship will be treated as real as Blue and Gansey’s or as any other relationship I write. Not the main focus of the plot, but THERE.” Because she’s not GOING to do any of those things, because writing actual gay relationships makes her uncomfortable. But she can’t say that or she’ll lose her sales.

And when she says all this bullshit about “I won’t write a romance” she gets so much FUCKING praise from her straight readers who think she’s the sun and fucking stars because their shit brand of feminism thinks all romances are equal and romance is insipid drivel and that a feminist book, apparently, is one token white girl who has a pink switchblade being sort-of in the background of a bunch of rich boys fucking around. I’m not saying I didn’t like that very book and that I don’t love that girl and her switchblade, but Maggie has to actually LEARN and IMPROVE and not go backwards. If she wants all this credit for gay representation, she has to actually write gay representation. And if not, I’m not congratulating her for “not writing relationship drama!!!!” because all that says to me is “yuck, I’m not writing gay stuff.” She says “relationship drama doesn’t interest me” and yet she wrote pages upon pages of Blue’s mother making out with a hit man. Relationship drama sure does seem to interest her. This isn’t her taking a Stand against romance, it’s her finding a way to make homophobia seem cool and progressive.

So yeah. That’s why she pisses me off.

*I know I know, “she’s never said her sexuality! How can you call her straight?” On the off chance she’s bisexual (she’s married to a man with kids), that doesn’t excuse her homophobic bullshit. She’s acting like an asshole straight person so yeah I’m gonna call her straight.

**Here are some other problems she’s been called out for and her bullshit reactions:

-Blue is basically the only female character and has no female friends or anything. Maggie says “well none of them had friends!” OK so why isn’t there another girl in the group? Why is her family the only other women who have page time besides villains and other relatives of main characters?

-Gansey gives Adam a lot of grief for not being fond of Gansey’s wealth, but Adam never makes Gansey apologize for blaming Adam for the abuse he endured? Maggie doesn’t have a comment on this, I don’t think.

-In book four, Ronan and Adam make racist jokes at the expense of the One (1) character of color, Henry Cheng. Maggie didn’t address this outright because “spoilers” but made a post about it saying that it wasn’t meant to be a racist joke, it was a throwback to some random joke from book one, and any good reader would know that.

-Blue isn’t a very intersectional feminist, which is fine, but it’s never really addressed, apparently because “all the characters are damn fools!” Who never get any character development except for Adam whose development essentially consists of “I stopped being prejudiced against the rich!” (and lots of other personal things but still)

Yeah, that’s about all I can think of. This didn’t end up being very neutral but I have class in 10 minutes and yeah this is hella long I just wanted to get it all out. I hope I don’t get shit for this, but you know what, anons? Go ahead, send me stuff saying I’m a nasty bitch and should stay away from fandom for criticizing poor Maggie. I don’t even care.

OH AND THEBROKENBREAKINGSEAS: THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION. I know I answered in a horrifically mean tone but that ISN’T directed towards you, you were just asking! Don’t take my words at face value, I’m super biased. If you’re interested, you can go read Maggie’s blog and Twitter account, or other fans’ essays on this, etc. I’m glad you asked! And thanks for still following me after all this stuff haha. I’m normally... nicer? I think? Thanks again.

[misterbitches]

Im not intelligent at all. In the conventional sense. The ramblings of a girl who just has sooo much going in in her head it's constant. But im not a genius. Or that confusing.

It just sounds like I am bc fandoms have this issue where they can JUSTSO point out the issues in soletiing. They can pick and prod and go oh problematic! But then you go to name the problems and the difficulties within society like for ex: the idea of representation in general. Salivating over it. How fucking sad that is. How we are trained to accept it. So in a BL and also RACE in the bl genre they exploit viewers naivete both domestically and internationally. Ive seen tons of people liken being asian to being a person of color. However, in their predominantly homogenous society (or intentionally publically homogenous society), they are not "poc" (also name the of color; i dont use bipoc idc if u do but it's called being asian guys cos yall aint talkin about black ppl lmao)

They as humans seeing other humans who look like them everywhere, engage with the world differently than an american in asia or asians living outside of their home country (like bae doo nanwhen she worksnin the US is not the same as the bae doo nanworking on a korean program) I dont complain about it in everything i see bc ppl say it ALL THE TIME. but it is NOT the same. Being a person of color is very distinctly an american concept. This is all stuff people will get to know on their own if they choose to dig more.

I do my best to underline what my ugly little eyes process. How i figure things out as a black female american artist too! Im hard on shit cos i should be. I take it seriously. And even if i dont take it seriously bc THEY dont then thats their problem.

I know this is a complaint that I am not alone in. I know it's the internet. I just don't get how people can write really heavy analysis but they refuse to actually probe the underlying issues. Not everyone is me, or like my friends, but if there's way fewer people talking about this stuff it seems absolutely glaring when theres few people engaging in the way i do. It seems like im the glitch but I am thinking just as much just differently.

I really loved where your eyes linger but there was little deep class analysis. I remember few convos a bout it. I know a lot about korea (sigh being a black ex kpop fan lol mess) and i love the history but all ofnit matters! Korea's relation to labor!

People bringing up thai actors snd actresses leaving the industry and doing acting as something quick. As an artist~ who went to film school with insanely wealthy ppl and isnin tons of debt you have to understand how shitty that is. People have monetary access and they just fucking do whatever just because they want to. Meanwhile you have young people being coerced into this bullshit mainstream life to LITERALY just make money bc they dont come from a rich background. The wealth gap in thailand is BAD, theres a dictatorship, they had a fucking coup. The governments like here do not respect their people. Their marginalized groups. Trans thai women, black thai ppl, poor thai ppl. And it LITERALLY CANNOT DO ANYTHING EFFECTIVELY IN CAPITALISM. No nothing can be perfect but if it's going into our eyeballs and we can view the worlld critically then why the fuck not!???

I dont say the things i see are wrong always. I reply when i think i need to. I try and engage with others but not to kuch avail. I just want to rb stuff and tdhink lajfhhdjwhjej.

But like yea theres a lot of just wrong or misguided stuff. A lot of the times it is just historical inaccuracy in framing or idk. A refusal to think outside the box. I dont care. Theres more to life than just sort of looking and not thinking especially for othrr artists.

Idk im sorry. I dont see how i can change how i view things. I really wish people would expand their palettes too and go deeper into other means of art from places! Things not in the mainstream! Theres a lot of good thai artists and a lot of them critical as fuck about their country as they should be. Authority, austerity, patriarchy, capital, racism etc like that is central to a power thats interested in growing gains and fiscal and social power. Theres rly radical or left leaning etc ppl out there in the world and these countries in these communities. So they exist. No people in these countries dont have NO clue whats going on. Cultural relativism is alsos something people should understand. I had a good talk with ppl on here a while ago about that. Talking about shit, critiquing, but being respectful to a group. Part of thay is realizing these groups CLEARLY know their own issues and all our cultures share the same goal. Guess what it is. It rhymes with acquiring wealth. Money means you hurt people. In the post, we talked about use of "wife" and "husband" which is a stupid joke that has been "explained" a billion times and yet the explanations still dont seem to answer or justify a minor problem (it's very funny to me that a language that doesnt have gendered pronouns is now very specific about two men. Hmmm wonder why. It is annoying.)

So im not the only person on the planet doing this. Or the few ppl ive seen that do. Im not new my thoughts arent new. Ive gotten to see another side to a culture i knew not much about and that means i can put the context of my beliefs and life and try and understand thheirs. For ex i learned from ITSAY because of a sign that said 'french food' that they were the only country to not be colonized back then. Do you know how integral that history is to their region? That was an interesting detail (i didnt finish itsay bc ihad a lot going on and i was rly upset that i would see hownrich they are and i hate that.)

Anyways thats my complaint. It used to feel like a sting of rejection. I left online for months in 2019, i started organizing more, joined a union, trying to do some panther work shit like that. I learned a lot in those months and it changed my life! But when I came back, I felt so isolated. It wasnt my true friends tho sometimes theyre ANNOYINGGGGG (love u) but it was me being like "if we are going to complain guys then lets put our money where our mouth is" lets be fucking serious about it then. No say it with your chest dude. It isnt difficult. Go with the fucking flow, talk about it, critique it, think. You can still fucking like itnor love it.

I am BLACK ok and i love rap. I am a black woman. I will continue to clown black men that cant seem to not clown themselves and listen. No i wont support monetarily: drake is a creep and i hate him but i bump that niggas song. Thats fucking LIFE. I got so sick of hiding myself and it became clear that it wasnt that i wasntthinking well or hard enough. They just didnt like that i said we need to commit class suicide and inspect out middle class sensibilities and middle class wealth hoarding (google it) if thats what we engaged with. Every part of you, antagonize it. I still have my privileges; class, skin color, even my father being a nigerian immigrant, me being cis, im not str8 but not a lesbian and those are differences.

Insecurities in general but some shallow thoughts (?) on discussion in "fandom" space. FYI, this will most likely stay the same. I tend to stay in my own bubble socially IE me and my friends are similar in our views. During this awful year while running my union's account, im surrounded by like minds. Me and my friends? We changed together. We grew up and saw what we didnt like and what we want. We do our best.And i CHOOSE my life to be that way bc it should be. There is no solution. I dont believe in solutions because the solution is to abolish capital or just divest. Abolishing capital and labor are a huge one and i will die before that happens (but so help me as long as im alive? Black women to FREEDOMMMM is my motto!) so making your own path in life is the best thing an artist can do IN MY OPINION.

However with technology and stuff this puts another layer onto things. Tech, social media, this shit....it THRIIIIIIIVESSSSSSS off of conflict and shallow readings of the world. We are literally primed for it. Engagement in bites. Impossible for me with my brain; i got used to it and i paid for it by limiting my scope. Not being encouraged to THINK AND READ before just speaking

(For ex i am in iww, i helped form a branch here. It is a radical union. Unionism is imprative to me-if ur interested u should read up on some. Look up peter cole! Google inthesetimes Ilwu. Gives you some understanding. Ive always been progressive and now i am....very left idk ic ant label myself. But even in my progrssiveness i had the gall to tell my white friend, whoa has her privileges but i had mine with our class disparity, that we dont need unions, i have WORKED retail. Ive done barista work for sonoing and i do gig work. So i wasnt out of touch. I had been stiffed even with a shoot i was working on by rich kids. So i had a frame of reference . But i didnt know what the FUCKa union was and why it is imperative. Then learning about anarcho syndicalism and all these other things. It changed my fucking life but two years earlier i was this idiot spouting shit like that making one of my best friends fucking upset. We DO AND CAN CHANGE. Think!!!!)

So were i a creator for tv id just constantly try and push the buttons if i need big money. Make them sell into me (thank you sonic youth!) theres Endless possibilities guys which means theres SO MUCH TK EXPLORE!!!! When i wanna have fun with it i just have fun. When i want to think i do. I dont understand why we are so dedicated to upholding things and doing mental gymnastics to end up in a space you dont need mental gymnastics for. What about these critiques makes you uncomfortable? Saying we're all part of the problem as spectators? Im sorry but we will always be. Thats LIFE. God fuck. Fuck me. I feel so fucking worthless and stupid sometimes. I know I am not. I know i am talented and intelligent. I know my friends and family. I know how to approach ppl. I know how to tell people if they are rich but want to be progressive whatsup. I choose how i live part of that is being ok to say what i want.

Ironically consrrvatives say this shit alot. But they arent ever alone bc their ideology is default. But yea it does feel shitty. It even feels shitty when ur in left circles but people STILL dont even wanna do that. These perspectives really arent ss many as they should be. I dont want to feel so alone with it. I know there are more. I just love art and the world so fucking much, endless possibility. Endless pain but endless good.