#and it would be very easy to change them to make sense but nobody did

[alumnusofheavenandhell]

As much as I hate to say it, one of the few things that Cats 2019 did right was giving skimbleshanks pants. The shirt-with-no-pants look does work for some cartoon characters, but on skimbleshanks it absolutely just makes him look half-nude.

[niningtori]

mastermind | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you

summary: you should be used to your relationships failing by now, but after finding out your boyfriend, yeonjun, cheated on you, you're devastated yet again. and beomgyu, your best friend, is there to pick up the pieces, just like always. but isn't it a little odd that things just never seem to work out?

genre: romance, angst, smut (MDNI), yandere

warnings: YANDERE!GYU, manipulation, gaslighting, SMUT (MDNI!) creampie, breeding kink, pregnancy kink, dirty talk, degradation, if i missed anything pls lmk!

word count: 5.1k

notes: ... hi. i'm reposting this with major edits but i hope you all still like it!

｡o.ﾟ｡*･♡♡･*｡ﾟo｡ ｡o.ﾟ｡*･♡♡･*｡ﾟo｡

do you love your boyfriend? of course. do you trust him? of course. so are you surprised to see a photo of him very clearly making out with another woman? well, of course.

your friends, your family, and even passersby would simply tell you you shouldn’t be, though. yeonjun used to be very well known for his sexual escapades, so when you announced he was your boyfriend, nobody was particularly happy for you. especially not your best friend in the whole world, beomgyu. 

“he’s just gonna hurt you, just like the last one!” 

you remember flinching at this. you remember how hurt and indignant you felt at the time. you also remember the silent treatment you gave him, and the cold war that began shortly thereafter. he apologized afterwards, of course, but you had asked him what was so bad about you that he couldn’t just believe that yeonjun had changed for you. he was silent at this, which only made you even angrier. it was all pointless in the end, you suppose.

as you sit on beomgyu’s couch, your phone rings again. you have a special ringtone for yeonjun, so you don’t even bother to check the caller id before you silence it. he’s been calling you incessantly since you texted him that you saw the picture and were done with him. your face is downcast and if you weren't so consumed by your sadness, you'd notice the faint look of delight in beomgyu’s eyes. 

“i think you should just block him,” he says as nonchalantly as he can muster. maybe in another state of mind, you'd register the satisfaction in his tone, but right now? all you can sense is his urgency, which can easily be explained away by selfless and sincere concern. just how he likes it.

“you’re right,” you sigh. “i guess i just don’t understand. things were going so well, and then he goes and does this to me. i don’t know what i did wrong,” you say while burying your face in your hands. he almost can’t control the way his lips want to curl up at this, but he’s become nothing if not a master of containing his true emotions. he’s kept them from your prying eyes for years, after all.

“aww, baby. it’s not you, it’s him. he’s just not the right guy for you,” he coos, but for some reason, you can’t help but be annoyed at his kindness. 

“i know you want to say i told you so, so say it,” you snap, pulling your face from your hands and scowling at him.

“i don’t want —” 

“if you wanted me to learn my lesson, i’ve learned it, alright? i don't need to be taught again,” you say with a huff. you know you’re being unreasonable. you know you’re being a bitch, but you just can’t help it. who told beomgyu to be right about your potential partners all the damn time? fuck his crazy-accurate intuition.

he looks genuinely hurt by your harsh words, though, so you can’t help but feel a wave of regret wash over you. you’re drowning in it, even, as you watch his puppy eyes gloss over.

“beomie, baby, i’m so sorry,” you say, gently grabbing his face with one hand and pushing his long hair behind his ear with the other. “i know i’m being awful to you when you’re just trying to help.”

“it’s okay,” he says solemnly, looking like a kicked puppy. “as long as you’re sorry.” somehow, his easy acceptance of your apology makes you feel even worse. you pull him in for a hug and he buries his face in your neck to a) soak up your scent and b) hide his growing smirk. but you’re too caught up in your feelings to notice.

“it’s really okay,” he assures once you part.

“no, it isn’t. i’m being a shitty friend. how about you stay over tonight? we can watch a movie and i’ll order something for us to eat,” you suggest. he graciously accepts your peace offering and the night is spent with giggles and an overt amount of cuddling.

as you’re drifting off to sleep, you feel beomgyu plant a kiss on your forehead. to anyone else, this might come across as oddly intimate, but you know better. people have said that you two would make a good couple, but you two do nothing but laugh it off every time. they just don’t understand your dynamic. he’s a man like any other, you guess, but seeing him as anything other than a friend is simply laughable. you know he feels the same exact way about you, too, which is why you are unfazed by his next words. 

“i love you. it’s just — i just love you so much, you know?” he whispers.

“aww, beomie. you know i love you, too. you’re my best friend in the whole world,” you murmur as sleep finally overcomes you.

if the lights were on, you’d see how his face falls and contorts into something like a grimace.

-

yeonjun has been spamming you like crazy, so you listen to beomgyu and block his number as well as his social media accounts. you think this whole chapter of your life is over, but, as always, you are wrong.

a week or so after your messy breakup, a sudden knock at your door pulls your attention away from mindless scrolling on your phone. you don't think much of it — it’s probably just beomgyu with some takeout, or something. however, when you look through the peephole, you realize that yeonjun is not finished bothering you just yet. 

“baby, please. i know you’re there. please, just open up. i’ll explain everything!” he pleads. you’re not particularly known for your callousness of heart, so it doesn’t take much more begging for you to feel guilty and let him in. you open your door with a sigh. 

“thank you!” yeonjun says with a look of pure relief as he hurriedly enters your apartment. he takes a seat on your couch (unprompted, you might add) and takes a shaky breath. you cautiously seat yourself on the other end of the couch and prepare to listen to whatever bullshit he has conjured up for your viewing pleasure before you decide that it’s best just to cut to the chase. ripping the band-aid off, and all that.

“look, i don’t care that you’re sorry. there’s nothing you can say to make me change my —” 

“it was beomgyu!” he exclaims before you can get another word out.

“... what?” you ask confusedly. where the hell is he going with this?

“the girl, the picture, fucking everything was all his fucking fault. he did it,” he rants. oh. he must think you’re fucking stupid.

“yeonjun, please don’t waste my time,” you sigh. “i think you should leave,” you add, getting up from your seat.

“wait!” he pleads, reaching for your hand and gently pulling you back down. “remember how i always told you that i had a weird feeling about him? like how something always felt… off?” oh well. if he wants to continue putting on a show, then so be it. besides, it’ll be a funny story to tell beomgyu later on.

you nod.

“well, he always looked at me weirdly. like, whenever i’d walk into the room, there was always this… this tension and i never knew why, but i understood it as soon as we made things official. it’s because he likes you.” you’re silent for a moment and yeonjun actually thinks he’s getting through to you before you burst into near-maniacal laughter. his face falls.

“beomgyu? beomgyu likes me?” you say between giggles. beomgyu loves you like a sister. no way in hell does he harbor a shred of romantic love for you. 

“you’re not listening,” he grunts, slightly tugging at his own hair in frustration. “he’s always been weird, and the other night at the bar, he introduced me to that girl you saw me ‘kissing’. they kept giving me drinks until i could barely fucking see straight. then she kept coming onto me, but i said no. i finally told her to kick rocks, but the next thing i knew was that she was kissing me. i know it sounds crazy, but you have to believe me.” you want to dismiss everything he’s saying, but his utter sincerity seems to strike a chord within you. you can’t say you believe him, but he continues before you can properly digest his words.

“think about it. why the hell would i cheat in such a public place where all of our friends hang out? don't you think i would be smarter than that? and even if i wasn't, you know me. you know i would never cheat on you.” he seems desperate now, but it’s still hard to believe that beomgyu orchestrated this entire thing instead of the very real possibility that yeonjun just got drunk and acted recklessly.

“alright, this isn’t funny anymore. you need to stop,” you warn, not liking how much he’s making sense.

“think,” he repeats with conviction.

so you do. you think back to all of the tumultuous relationships you’ve had until now. they've all ended in different ways, yes, but they all had one common denominator: beomgyu. oh, beomgyu saw your boyfriend getting cozy with his ex. you’re having an argument with your boyfriend? beomgyu thinks he’s a piece of shit because of how he treats you, you obviously deserve better! wait, your boyfriend keeps taking too long to text you back? he’s just losing interest! it’s clearly better to break it off now rather than getting too invested when you’re inevitably going to break up, anyway. and all the other greatest hits. your face twists from focused to horrified as the realization sinks into your bones. it's beomgyu. it’s always been beomgyu. 

you look to yeonjun with pure shock in your eyes and he meets your gaze with a look of sympathy. you finally get it. 

“junie, i’m so sorry,” you say, tears springing into your eyes. “i’m so sorry i doubted you.” 

“it’s okay,” he replies with a melancholy smile. “he manipulated you.” 

“does… does that mean we’re back together now?” you ask, voice tinged with hope. his smile falters at your question, and you feel a sense of dread.

“i need some time,” he says after a pause, dropping his hand from yours. “you really hurt me. i understand that beomgyu manipulated you, but it really hurts that you didn't trust me, you know?” 

“i understand,” you quietly reply. you’d be hurt if the tables were turned — it’s only natural. you just hope to god above that you haven’t let beomgyu ruin another good thing for you.

-

beomgyu is confused as to why you’ve been ignoring him for the better part of a week. you don’t respond when he texts or calls, and his intuition is telling him that it has something to do with yeonjun. maybe you’re just shutting down because of the breakup? it was particularly brutal this time around, after all. he’s lucky that yeonjun has such a lascivious sexual history, or else you might not have bought his little charade, even with the proof presented directly in front of you. that’s how much you love(d) yeonjun. the thought causes jealousy to rear its ugly head in his stomach, but whatever. there’s no way you’re going back to him after the way the scandal has made its way through your social life. even if you do want to get back together with him, there's no way your pride will let you. your pride has been a particularly nasty sort of obstacle in beomgyu’s pursuit of you, but it’s absolutely delicious to be able to use it against you like this. serves you fucking right.

still, it’s his job as your dutiful best friend to cheer you up. with this in mind, he picks up your favorite takeout and heads to your place. he smiles when he imagines the way you’ll gratefully embrace him once you realize that he’s here for you. maybe this time you’ll understand that he’s always been the one who’s there for you when someone hurts you. maybe this time will be his big break, finally freeing him from the purgatory he has been in for god knows how long.

he knocks on your door with a hopeful smile on his face. surprisingly, you’re swinging the door open mere seconds later with your eyes similarly lit up with hope.

“yeon— oh. it’s you,” you say, deflating immediately. there’s a certain sense of resentment in your tone that he catches onto, but he chalks it up to disappointment. his face falls. goddamn it. damn it all to hell.

“i brought you some food to cheer you up,” he says while shaking the plastic takeout bag, completely ignoring the slip of another man’s name. 

he invites himself in, slipping off his shoes and sitting down on the couch as he usually does. 

he waits for you to join him, but when he looks up at you, all he sees is you staring at him, arms crossed and face contorted in anger. surely you can’t be that upset that he’s not yeonjun, right? now that he thinks about it, why would you be expecting yeonjun, anyway? hadn’t you effectively cut him off? did you talk to him and take him back after all that (you think) he’s done? that can’t be right. unless… unless you actually let him talk to you. oh god, please tell him that’s not what happened.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, face devoid of anything deeper than curiosity and worry. 

you’re silent for a moment before you carefully choose your next words.

“i talked to yeonjun,” you reply, and his heart sinks to his stomach. “he told me some… interesting things.”

beomgyu hopes you don’t notice how hard he gulps. you do not.

“what did he say?” he asks, face tense but still showing no clear signs of guilt. 

“he told me what happened that night. he told me how you got him drunk and basically forced that girl onto him. he also said that you’re the reason none of my relationships work out,” you declare, opting to stop beating around the bush and just get some answers. you study his face for a crack of some sort, but there is none.

“and what do you think?” he asks quietly.

“i think… i think he might be telling the truth,” is what you say, but you’re sounding increasingly unsure with every word because beomgyu looks more hurt than you’ve ever seen him.

“you believe him over me?” he asks, voice cracking and lips trembling with his brown eyes glossed over in what you can only describe as devastation. god, either beomgyu’s a really good actor, yeonjun’s a really good actor, or you’re just fucking stupid.

“i… i don’t know what to think, beomgyu,” you whisper after a pause. all he does is nod before his next words pierce your heart.

“is that why you’ve been ignoring me?”

jesus christ. you were so sure that yeonjun was telling the truth when he told you about beomgyu, so ignoring him only seemed natural under the circumstances, but he looks every bit like the victim in light of your accusations. his trembling lips and wounded gaze make you want to strangle yourself for ever doubting him. as you feel yourself being consumed with remorse, though, you remember the sincerity and desperation in yeonjun’s words. maybe this was all a huge misunderstanding? maybe they’re both convinced that they’re right? 

“y-yes. i’m sorry. i was just confused. maybe he just misunderstood?” you babble. he likes your hesitancy, but it’s still wearing on his patience. as much as he wants to say he can’t believe that you’d question him because of some guy you dated, he can believe it when it comes to you. you always, always, always hurt him like this, and he’s had just about enough.

“and what if it’s true?” he asks, pathetic facade wiped clean off of his face while something more somber replaces it entirely. your eyes lock with his and you’re stunned silly. 

“what?” is all you can manage to reply with. 

“what if i pushed that girl onto yeonjun? what if i ruined all of your relationships? what would you do?” 

“so it’s true?!” is all you can say, guilt flaring into sheer rage and hurt. 

“so what if it is?” he asks, as if he doesn’t comprehend how twisted this is.

“so… so how could you do that to me?!” 

“i was only doing what’s best for you,” he impatiently replies. “they were only gonna hurt you, can’t you see that? even before i did anything, there were still all those men who cheated on you, lied to you, used you. what’s wrong with wanting to protect you from people like them? i just couldn’t stand to see you living like that!” he argues, clearly believing he’s completely justified in all of this.

sure, you’ve been hurt before even without his intervention, but that doesn’t mean he can just play puppeteer in your love life to “protect” you from anything similar happening ever again. you trusted him and he manipulated you. he acted like a knight in shining armor this entire time while knowingly sabotaging any potentially good thing that could come your way. and he did it all because he wants to protect you? bullshit. 

“you know, i thought that even if everyone other man in the world could hurt me, you never would,” you say shakily, either from sadness or anger. maybe both. “i guess i was wrong.”

“hurt you?! hurt is watching the person you love fuck other people over and over and over again! hurt is watching you laugh me off and never even fucking considering me as an option, goddamn it!” he yells while slamming his hand on your coffee table. 

“so your solution was to fuck up every relationship i have just to have me to yourself?! do you not realize how fucked up that is?!” you yell back, trying to appear unfazed by his increasingly enraged behavior. he seems to falter at this, genuinely at a loss for words at your unforgiving pinpointing of his erratic actions. the desperate, eager-to-please beomgyu you know all too well is finally back and you feel your confidence surge because of it.

“i only did that because —”

“why? because you love me? or think you do?” you mock with a hollow laugh. “you don’t purposely ruin the life of someone you love.” he looks genuinely wounded by your words. 

“but i —”

“i don’t care. get out,” you say mercilessly. you’re absolutely through with listening to his fucked up ideations about love and what his twisted moral compass deems as justified because of it. you’re so preoccupied with preaching on your soapbox, you don’t even realize his attitude has once again shifted from the compliant beomgyu to the one you don’t recognize at all. 

“... no,” he says flatly. 

“did you not fucking hear me? i said get out,” you repeat through clenched teeth. normally, your raised hackles would be enough to scare him off, so you figure he’ll tuck his tail and leave right about now. oh, how wrong you are.

“are you deaf?” he asks with a sneer. “i said no.”

“what do you mean, no?” you ask. somewhere in the depths of your mind, alarm bells begin ringing, but it’s far too late to heed them. plus, you’re still under the impression that he’ll bend to your will. 

“oh, so you’re not deaf. just stupid,” he snorts. your jaw is agape at his audacity. beomgyu has caught an attitude and gotten fresh with you before, sure, but nothing like this. to say you’re dumbstruck would be to put things in the mildest of terms. you can barely get out your next sentence.

“w-what do you mean?” 

“i’m not leaving this apartment,” he says firmly, and before you can even ask him to explain, he’s dragging you away with a painful grip.

“ow! beomgyu, you’re hurting m—” 

“shut up. i told you what real hurt is, but you're not fucking listening. i don't want to hear another word come out of your mouth,” he says in a monotone voice. if the alarm bells were ringing in the depths of your mind before, they’re absolutely blaring at the forefront of your brain right now. 

“what are y-you —”

“i thought i told you to shut up,” he snaps before roughly grabbing your face and planting his lips on yours. the kiss is crude. it’s absolutely vulgar with the way it’s all tongue and teeth and saliva, but after a few seconds of uncertainty, you find yourself melting into it. this is wrong. you two are the best of friends, almost like brother and sister. and more than that, you love yeonjun, right? you’re supposed to be working on getting back together with him, aren’t you? but your reason starts to be sucked away as you feel his hands caress your body, leaving nothing but fire in their wake.

you don’t know how you got here, almost completely naked as you lay on your back while beomgyu continues attacking your lips. it’s blazing hot and you can’t help but feel your underwear becoming wet with every moan that escapes his mouth and consequently reverberates onto your tongue. as if he already knows the intricacies of your internal battle, one of his hands finds its way to your now soaking wet pussy and he uses his index and middle fingers to spread the slickness around. he swirls his fingers around your hole and just barely pushes one of them into the entrance. you gasp at the shallow intrusion and you can feel his notorious shit-eating grin pressed across your lips as he feels how tight you are. you’re ridiculously turned on and he knows it. he pauses his actions only to unzip his pants and yank them down to his knees. your eyes widen at what you can only describe as his huge appendage, all reddened and already leaking. you feel your cunt throbbing with even more need at the sight, but your last shred of reason still makes you hesitate.

“beomgyu, we can't… we're friends, and yeonjun is —”

“can’t you just let me make you feel good? god, you’re making this so difficult, but what the fuck else is new,” he growls. 

he's right. you are making things difficult. there's no way of salvaging your friendship after this, so what's the point in holding back now? you realize that while he may be absolutely unhinged, his feelings for you are real. do you reciprocate them? you don’t know yet, but the thought of him doting on another person the same way he dotes on you makes you feel uneasy. as for yeonjun? well, he deserves better than the cesspool of turbulent emotions that you currently find yourself in. 

“you still sure you don’t want me?” he asks cockily. you, with all of your pride, can only muster up a feeble shake of your head. he knew the answer before you gave it to him, but his condescending gaze shows you that your words have scratched a certain itch of his.

he rubs his hardened length against your folds and it’s all you can do to resist locking your ankles around his waist and pulling him into you, but something stops you. protection. you don’t even have to say it, because he knows you too well for your own good.

“let me fuck you raw,” he says breathily, just barely poking his length into your tight hole. “i know you need it, baby. just let me take care of you.” you’re silent for a moment before pinching out your next words.

“p-pull out?” he won’t because he knows you’ll be begging him for his cum when he’s done with you, and you already know he won’t, even when he nods and promises he will. you don't know why you even asked. 

the ache you feel to have him buried inside you is quickly replaced by the ache you feel once he begins to stretch you out. it’s a stinging, burning sort of pain, but that’s nothing in comparison to the pure pleasure you feel as his flared tip drags along your walls. he begins with thrusting shallowly, fucking you open like you’re a virgin, and you’re so tight while he’s so big, you might as well be. 

painfully slowly, he pushes each and every inch of himself into your gummy hole. he reaches places you didn’t even know existed and stretches you open so good all you have the brainpower to call the sensation is fullness. overwhelming fullness. when he finally sheathes himself in you completely, a strangled cry leaves both of your throats as you feel him throbbing inside of you and he, in turn, feels you pulsating around him. 

after you adjust, you expect him to start drilling into you with reckless abandon, but he does nothing of the sort. just watches you with a strange look on his face. 

“b-beomie? what are you doing?” you ask pathetically, head raising up from its place on the pillows to meet his wanton gaze.

“beg me for it.”

“beg for w—” your question is interrupted by a sharp smack on your sensitive pussy. 

“beg me for it. beg me to fuck you like a whore. i won’t tell you again,” he says menacingly. your bleary eyes are so confused, so stupid, and so, so cute, but he’s determined to use the last of his self-control to get you to feel even a fraction of the desperation he’s felt for years. well, even if you don’t, he’ll spend the whole night fucking you dumb until you do. but you’re so hungry for his dick, you don’t even realize that he’s bluffing.

finally, you understand what he’s asking of you, and you waste no time to comply. 

“n-need your cock, beomie. need you to make me f-feel good,” you say, trying to retain even a semblance of your dignity. this brings a mean smirk to his face, but he’s not done with you, yet.

“surely you can do better than that?” he taunts, rocking his hips ever so slightly so you can feel every inch of his length and girth teasingly hitting your cervix, but providing no relief. fuck your dignity. you need him.

“please! please, i need you! need your cock to fill me up!” you whine.

“mhmm, and?”

“need you to fuck me! need you to fill me up with your cum!” well, there goes your resolve to have him pull out. this seems to satisfy his sadistic desires.

“oh, my love. all you had to do was ask,” he says with a grin. and that’s when he starts. 

his hips meet yours in the most punishing way, and that’s what this is: a punishment for the way you’ve treated him all these years. you can feel it in the way that his fingernails dig into your skin and in the way that he mercilessly presses down on your tummy until all you can feel is pressure building up to something unknown.

“who else can fuck you like this? who else can split you open like this?” he asks as lewd squelches reverberate throughout the room. 

“n-nobody! only you, beomie!” you cry.

“that’s my good girl, such a good girl. baby just needs me to use her like a fucktoy, right?” and all you can do is whine and clench in carnal need as the poor springs of your bed squeak with every unforgiving thrust.

“oh, you like that, don’t you?” he snickers. “you like being my little whore. you’re just a toy for me, alright? free to use whenever i feel like it.” you nod in agreement and he lets out a chuckle as he pounds into you at an unimaginable speed, balls slapping your ass with every fiery thrust. each time he pumps into you, your pussy’s clamping down on him and sucking him in like that’s where he’s meant to be. and maybe it is. 

“god, i’m close,” he groans after pumping into you for what feels like hours, and you whimper like a bitch in heat. “honey, don’t worry,” he tuts. “i’ll fuck you every day, i’ll fill you with my cum so you can’t leave. not that you’ll want to after this. you’re made for me, made to be my cumdump whenever i want.” 

“y-yes!” you shriek, somehow liking the idea of being full of his cum forever and ever. 

“that’s my girl. baby just wants me to fuck her good. that’s all you needed, right? that’s why you’ve been such a brat. you just needed me to show you what it’s like to be fucked right,” he says, rolling your clit for good measure, which is enough to make you reach your high as it comes crashing down around you. beomgyu wasn’t lying when he said he was close, so when he feels you clenching around his big cock as if you’re milking him for all that he’s worth, you feel it twitching before hot bursts of cum paint your inner walls until you’re leaking white and seeing stars. he continues with slow, lazy pumps until he softens. you stay like that for an indeterminable amount of time, breathing raggedly while your bodies are overcome with thrums of delight. 

when he finally pulls out and lays down beside you, bodies slick with sheens of sweat, he pushes your hair back behind your ear and plants a kiss on your temple. shakily, he takes his hand and rubs it along your distended tummy, full of his cum. he lovingly strokes it with an awed smile on his face.

“such a good girl for me,” he repeats. “i can’t wait until you’re pregnant. you’ll have as many babies as i can give you, right?” and all you can do is nod deliriously. he smiles in satisfaction as you eagerly agree to his every nasty, perverted thought. “god, i love you so much. and you love me too, right? say it. say you love me.”

“i love you.” and you realize that you do.  this man is deranged, but he’s yours, and for better or for worse, you're his. especially now that you might very well be carrying his children. and even if you aren’t, you know he’ll make good on his promises to keep fucking you until you are. should you be glad that he effectively ruined every potential relationship for you? you were unsure before, but you realize that nobody has or ever will love you as much as he does, even if he has a demented way of showing it. well, it is what it is. there’s no way out after this.

notes pt. 2: i hope this goes over better after the editing!

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[achocosun]

all I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you ft. lee mark !

𖹭⠀࣭⠀⋆ genre ; non-idol!mark × fem reader. fluff, pure unadulterated fluff. established relationship au. use of pet names (for her: baby, pretty girl / for him: lovie). just a short drabble to get used to posting on tumblr. ugh this turned tooth-rottingly sweet.

𖹭⠀࣭⠀⋆ word count ; 1.4k (this was supposed to be shorter but well, i got carried away haha)

𖹭⠀࣭⠀⋆ warning(s) ; none that i see ^^

𖹭⠀࣭⠀⋆ notes ; divider by @mewryn (it's so pretty oml)

laughter. the sound of laughter had to be your favorite music that drifted leisurely throughout the apartment.

be it hushed chuckles over a movie or a funny tiktok your boyfriend sent over to you, the rambunctious cackling that tailed your group of friends when they'd indulged a little too much in drinks after dinners that often than not happened in the home you shared with mark–you cherished them all the very same.

before you moved into the flat on the tenth floor, the highest any residential building went in the street equidistant to both of your workplaces, you had some doubts. mostly concerning how eerily quiet it tended to get even with the faint honks of traffic in the heart of seoul.

you could owe it to your upbringing in the city, never once truly alone despite how easily it was slipping into a faraway headspace. you still did that sometimes but after meeting mark, the use of your headphones that'd found purchase against your ears got lesser and lesser. until you could go days just listening to his little tangents.

of course, it was more because of the fact that you adored how his whole face brightened as he shared with you something, anything he held dear. the way his soft brown eyes twinkled as he animatedly explained his point made you lose all sense of reality.

once in sophmore year of college, he had stopped for half a minute and then chuckled at you staring at him in awe. it had taken him waving his hand before you and a "hello, earth to _______? do i have something on my face?" for you to realize your embarrassing predicament.

only mark didn't seem to find it odd. no, on the contrary he found the gesture endearing. he had that tendency to ramble, everyone told him as much. but for you to listen to every word and hang onto it infused a swell in his heart, a giddy feeling he honestly did not want to suppress.

with mark, everything came in it's most simple form. relationships were not supposed to be easy, each one had it's own complications as did yours. but with him you knew you would always try to work through every rough patch because your boyfriend was willing just as much.

you had put an official label on your relationship in junior year, and not being strangers to the amount of teasing that would ensue from your rather large circle of friends, you had decided to keep it lowkey, letting them find out on their own and ease into it.

but with your streak of not keeping your hands–or lips for that matter—off each other, it took them two weeks flat to figure it out. but that's on johnny and his inability to knock on doors as he strutted into mark's dorm as if it was his own, oblivious to you both tangled in each other's arms on the small sofa pushed against the wall beside the balcony.

to your surprise, no noticeably grand change came with the reveal. in johnny's words, you and mark had always been sort of touchy with each other even as friends. he told you to keep the make-outs to a minimum and nobody else would know for sure.

after graduation, mark had mustered up the courage to ask you to move in with him. he had put a lot of thought into it—scoured for decently sized apartments, looked for help from his older friends and even went as far as to ask your parents for their opinion.

of course, the one answer that mattered was yours but even the fact that he asked your parents made you feel elated. and it definitely earned him their seal of approval.

the hesitant question had followed a meal of chinese takeout for dinner as you leaned your head on his shoulder, watching the movie playing in the living room of his childhood home, an arm wrapped around his waist. you had noticed his skittishness all night and it all came to a head as he played with the ends of your hair.

"i was thinking", mark started, taking your hum as approval to continue while you lowered the volume of the tv. "and seriously you can take as much time to think or even say no, i won't force you."

this time you turned to face him fully, a frown creeping up to your face. "what is it, markie? is something wrong?"

"i– well..." he took a sharp breath, eyes never once meeting your own. "i was thinking maybe you can move in with me?"

the silence that followed only plummeted his heart further down his stomach. mark moved an inch away from you, grabbing the remote from your grasp while shaking his head. "never mind. it's way too soon to think of that stuff, right? that's was a sudden, stupid ques—"

"don't say that. nothing you said is stupid." regaining your voice, you shifted closer to him, your grip sliding up his arm and towards nape as you rubbed the area. his shoulders slouched visibly, irrate heartbeat slowing just a little.

you smiled up at him, deft fingers smoothing across his across his brow and finally resting against his cheeks. it took a little tug for him to finally face you, mouth opening and closing as he wracked his brain for the appropriate words to find him when you spoke again.

"i would love to move in with you, mark."

as much as you loved mark when he's talking, sometimes you took great pleasure in rendering him speechless.

as quick as lightning he held your wrists with widened eyes, stopping the advances of your hands down his perfectly sculpted face. you brushed his knee softly as his adam's apple bobbed with a dry gulp.

mark found it hard to even formulate a thought, let alone speak. just when he'd started believing all of this was a bad idea, horrendous really, your admission nearly made his brain short-circuit.

"woah, wait— no. what?" he stumbled over the words eliciting a giggle out of you. "run that by me again, baby. i don't think i heard you correctly."

swatting his shoulder playfully, you took liberty to throw a leg over his, straddling his lap. "you heard me just right the first time, lovie. i think we should do it, move in together. i mean, we have somewhat stable jobs and it would stop us from inconveniencing your parents or mine. honestly, i love your mother but i got goosebumps when she winked at me on the way out."

mark managed a chuckle, rubbing up and down the sides on your legs on either side of him. this had been your arrangement after college. date nights in either of your houses meant the parents always had to leave unless they wanted to walk in on their not-so-little-anymore kids doing anything reserved for behind closed doors.

suddenly, you found yourself being pulled forwards into his chest as his ecstasy evolved into child-like laughter–carefree and unbound. his arms tightened around your form as you succumbed to your own joy.

mark whispered against your hair between pressing kisses to the crown of your head, "i love you, you know that?"

you peeked up at him, cheeks starting to hurt from the wide smile that nothing in the world could dampen. "do you?"

"mhmm. and now that we will live together, i'll remind you everyday, pretty girl. over and over."

sometimes, it scared you how dependent you had gotten on this one single person. finding your chest surging with pride in his every minute success, just as it ached when he hurted.

mark looked at you like you had hung the stars in the sky. then again, you were sure you'd visit every length to do just that if he so much as asked.

and that night had brought you to this one, sitting against the armrest of the loveseat surrounded by your friends, legs thrown over your boyfriend's as he held you close. you knew he would never let you fall but every fiber in your being appreciated the closeness regardless.

you smiled at haechan's dramatic recounting of some incident in the pub last night, finding comfort in the fingers thrumming to an unknown beat against your hips.

as your eyes wandered to every occupant of the cozy living room of your apartment—yours and mark's—you couldn't help but thank your lucky stars for this chance.

because until you have this little life, this warm, lived-in home, your friends, family and most importantly him by your side, nothing could make you a stranger to the sense of contentment.

© ACHOCOSUN '2024 on tumblr

[terminuslucis]

Story time! A little bit about my tiny Silver's family history.

It's a little sad.

From the start, it was clear that little Silver resembled his father the most. Nobody was quite sure where his pale coloring came from, but that was fine. Genetics didn't always make sense.

His parents noticed early on that their son had some sort of magic. Odd things happened around him, and sometimes he laughed at an empty corner of the room. Nobody else in their family had magic, as far as they knew. Then again, there was nobody to ask. Neither of them had parents left. The only family was his father's little sister.

Maybe his gift was why his hair and eyes were so different. Whatever the case, they would figure it out as he got older.

That never happened. Before the child turned three years old, his parents were in an accident. At the time, he was in the care of his aunt.

From her perspective, Silver waved at the door and wandered off to play in his room. A few hours later, she learned that her brother and his wife died. From his perspective, his parents came home and, some time later, his aunt started crying.

As his only living relative, his aunt was determined to look after Silver. It wasn't easy. She changed jobs often, chasing promotions and better schedules, so they moved a lot. Silver lost count of how many schools he went to. He didn't mind moving. There was always someone to play with, and his family was together.

Over time, his aunt realized that Silver was a little odder than she originally thought. It wasn't limited to the dishes moving on their own or his knack for knowing too much. His antics weren't just the rich imagination of a lonely boy. He saw things that she couldn't. He asked about things that shouldn't exist. He talked to her brother.

She tried to let it slide. She hated hearing only one half of a conversation with the only family she had, but Silver still had his parents, in a way...

In a way that she couldn't...

The boy grew up. The older he got, the more he resembled his parents, and the more his aunt hurt. She kept quiet about that. Of course he would look like his parents. It wasn't his fault that she missed them.

Meanwhile, little Silver saw his parents as clear as day. He knew they were dead, and his aunt was sad about that, but death didn't mean much to him. How could death be sad to someone who could look it in the eyes and hold its hand? But, when he mentioned them, sometimes his aunt looked like she wanted to cry.

Slowly, he stopped talking about the things his aunt couldn't see. He also stopped asking about things he heard without her saying them. He didn't want to make her sad. Over time, the gap between how they saw the world widened. His parents' ghosts could do very little to help.

Shortly after Silver started high school, his aunt caught a lucky break. They moved again, but that would be the last time. Silver made friends at his new school and their little family was finally stable.

And so, Silver mentioned his parents for the first time in years.

"Dad wants to say something."

His voice was almost a whisper as he braced for her reaction.

"What is it?" she asked.

"They have to leave soon. He wants to thank you for looking after me." He didn't know why his father said it like that when his parents had always been around, but he was asked to relay those exact words.

His aunt nodded, biting her lip before running to her room. She didn't say a word, but he heard everything regardless.

There was bittersweet relief, knowing her brother was with her for all that time, frustration and doubt as she questioned why Silver stopped talking about them in the first place, anger at herself because she knew it was her fault, and the sorrow of knowing that her family would be gone for good.

Silver had left many people over the last several years. To him, it felt as if his parents were simply the ones moving away this time. Why was it so different for his aunt? Why did his parents' smiles look so sad?

The day his parents' souls left, his aunt cried for the first time in years. Once again, Silver stopped talking about things she couldn't see, but only because they were no longer in the house. It seemed that last "goodbye" had changed things.

No, that was wrong. His parents said "goodbye" because things had already changed. They left because they knew everything would be okay.

[kimbappykidding]

Imagine Joshua overhearing you like him and deciding to mess with you

You were born in China but moved to America when you were 6. You auditioned to become an idol and made it. You struggled adjusting at first but soon made friends who were in similar positions as you. You became good friends with Vernon and bonded over your similar experiences. You were very close and so when you’d had a particularly tough few months and needed a holiday, he invited you to come with him on Seventeen’s villa break. All the members were going to a nice house with a pool and a lake right next to it. Vernon assured you, you could be as social or as quiet as you wanted and so you went along, very excited for a stress-free weekend...that is not what you got.  

You all went up on the Friday evening and had a pretty easy first night by Seventeen standards, which meant everyone drank but nobody got drunk. You and Vernon retired early a bit socially exhausted and retreated to his room. Vernon was a little tipsy and so he began asking you some very odd questions. “Y/n if you had to pick one of my members to date who would it be?”. You immediately went bright red “what? Why?”. Vernon laughed “just for fun! Like for example, I’d pick Wonwoo but i’m curious who you’d pick. I mean there are 12 guys here, one of them must appeal to you". You hesitated and Vernon grinned "There is! Who is it?". You blushed "I...you won't tell him right?". Vernon nodded "promise" and you frowned "I don't know if I can trust you". Vernon sighed "aww come on! Fine I'll list them and you stop me if it's him. Let's start with the obvious ones. "Mingyu?". Silence. "Okay Wonwoo?". You didn't react. "Maybe Jun? Or Scoups?". You shook your head and Vernon narrowed his eyes. "Jeonghan? The8? Hoshi?". You shook your head and Vernon frowned "hmmm running out of members, Dk?". "Nope". "Dino?". "No". Vernon laughed "man I’m crap at this! Joshua?". You blushed and looked down making Vernon grin "Joshua? He's the one you like?". You blushed even more "I thought the whole point of this was I wouldn't have to say it!". Vernon laughed "okay okay...well it makes sense he's the only one besides me you can actually talk to!". "Hey!" you cried hitting his arm "my Korean has gotten tons better and you remember i'm Chinese right? I can speak just fine with Jun and The8". "Yes but you didn't pick Jun or The8 did you?" Vernon asked smirking "you like Joshua". You blushed "yes...so? He's a great guy!". "Hey I never denied it! But can I ask, out of all the guys, why him?". You sighed and Vernon smirked "that was such an in-love sigh!". You hit him "I'm not in love with him! I just think he's pretty great. I love when guys are soft and respectful but then he can change and be sexy in seconds! Not to mention I think his eyes are so beautiful and the way his voice for all soft when he speaks English...". Vernon laughed at your expression "wow you are really into him!". You nodded "yeah I guess...but you still can't say anything to him!". Vernon smiled "aww come on I could do some matchmaking?". "No Vernon you promised me you wouldn't tell him!" you cried getting scared and Vernon grabbed your hand "y/n it was a joke, I promise not to tell Joshua. I'd never betray your trust like that". You relaxed again "thanks Vernon, you're a great friend" and he smiled "so are you".

The only problem? Joshua had heard everything. He'd been walking past when he heard Vernon listing members and curious as to what was going on, he paused. He was going to keep going when he heard his name and Vernon's reaction meant he had to stay. When he heard your reason he was...surprised. He had no idea you liked him. You were like Vernon, laid back, chill and good at hiding your emotions so he never would've guessed...but he liked it. When he heard you listing all the things you liked about him he got flustered and felt himself growing warmer. He of course found you attractive too and had checked you out numerous times but given your friendship with Vernon he didn't want to try anything. However now he knew you liked him back...what was there to lose? But Joshua did have mischievous streak so he decided to have a little fun with you first. Joshua came down to breakfast the next morning and saw you sat next to Vernon at the table. He grabbed some food and took a seat on your other side purposefully leaning towards you. "Morning Vernon, Morning y/n" he said staring at you and you jumped before nodding "Morning Joshua". "You guys ready for the water sports?" Joshua asked. Vernon shrugged "I might be in the afternoon" and Joshua frowned "don't tell me you're sitting them out too y/n?". You paused and Joshua shook his head "no come on you have to join in! The obstacle course looks so much fun and I'll pay you 500 won if you can beat me". You shrugged "make it $500 and we've got a deal". Joshua shrugged "okay! see you down there" and he moved away. As he walked away Vernon chuckled "man you've got it bad". "Shut up!" you cried and Vernon laughed "sure Joshua! I'll do the obstacle course with you Joshua! It's totally not to see you in a wet suit Joshua!" he teased mimicking your voice and you hit him again "stopppp! He suggested it, not me". "So you're not excited to see his chest in a clingy shirt?" Vernon asked. You paused and he laughed "knew it! Don't worry, you won't be disappointed". Vernon stayed inside in the morning but you did want to play in the water so you ventured outside. You were sometimes more shy without Vernon around but luckily his friends were very kind to you, plus The8 and Jun had a soft spot for you so you had a nice afternoon. Joshua had been off doing some of the water sports stuff and you didn't want to come on too strong so you largely ignored him. Around midday however, you were messing around with Jun and Dino on the inflatable course when Joshua appeared. "Y/n you ready for our bet?" he called. Jun and Dino shot you a look and you stayed calm. "You got the money ready?" you asked "because you're gonna need it". Jun and Dino quickly got excited and without trying you now had an audience. Joshua smiled at you "at the count of three we both go, whoever gets the furthest without falling in or gets to the end first wins. Okay?". You nodded "got it". Joshua smiled “okay, one...two...three!”. You might be quiet but you were still competitive so you raced forwards and beat Joshua to the fastest route. Joshua tried to follow but he slipped on the soaked course and fell down giving you a good head start. 

You made sure to be more careful with your footing and rushed through the inflatable shapes as fast as you safely could. Joshua was still pretty close behind and you could feel the course shaking as he followed you getting closer. You reached the wall and scrambled up the ladder to feel Joshua grabbing for your legs. He was laughing, calling your name but you couldn’t look back. You’d see him and it’d make you lose focus.

You reached the top and were shocked to see Joshua had managed to jump halfway up without even using the ladder. Cursing his height advantage you quickly slid down the other end but Joshua threw himself down the slide after you. He purposefully aimed for you and came down the slide to crash into you taking your feet from under you. You fell down right on top of him and he laughed loudly. "Finally caught up to you" he smiled his face close to yours. You blushed but still wanted to win so you pushed him away and stood back up. The last part was the most difficult, there were 5 round podiums which you had to jump across. Joshua appeared behind you and lightly grabbed your waist. "What do you think the key is? Speed or skill?" he whispered into your ear. You were blushing vividly and tried to think. "Skill" you told him and he nodded "sure, you wanna demonstrate that?". You smirked "why me, you finally caught up so you go first". Joshua smiled "but I wanna see you do it". "Please?" you asked him and Joshua smirked "well I'm sure nobody can say no to those eyes" and he ran at the course. He fell in on the second circle with a loud splash making Dino and Jun dissolve into laughter. He resurfaced laughing and swam to the other side “okay Y/n your turn” he smirked and you paused. You took a small run and hopped onto the first circle. You then did the same for the second one and the third but you fell to your knees, only just managing not to fall in. Joshua, Jun and Dino all made noises and you laughed “it’s so slippery!”. “Yeah but you’re already doing better than Joshua” Dino pointed out and you nodded. 

You jumped to the fourth circle and realised the distance was getting bigger with each one and the fifth one looked so far away. “You know, you’ve already won the bet so you could just give up if you wanted to” Joshua called teasing you. You shook your head and he laughed “but the water’s really nice Y/n”. You carried on ignoring him preparing to jump but Joshua wouldn’t stop. He kept lightly flirting with you and finally he sighed “then again I’m very much enjoying the show you’re putting on. Especially from this angle”. 

He timed it perfectly and he said those words just as you were pushing off. They of course startled you and as a result you didn’t get good lift-off and fell right into the water. Jun and Dino winced at how close to the end you’d come and called out congratulations but you were just focused on Joshua who was grinning at you with a smug smile. He knew exactly what his words had done to you and he was thrilled.  

Everyone continued playing by the pier until it got a bit later and you all headed up to the house. Some people went inside to rest or shower but you stayed outside. Dk, Hoshi, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Joshua and Jun were playing the game where you hid hoops in the water and they had to try and find them. You'd dried off and didn't want to get in the water again so you were the hider. You’d just hidden another batch and were sat with your legs dangling in the water watching the chaos unfold. 

When three out of the four of them had been found, it was just Dk, Hoshi and Joshua left and the latter turned his attention to you. While Dk and Hoshi were bickering Joshua swam over to where you were sitting and tried a different approach. "Y/n" he whispered "where did you hide the last one?". You smiled "are you trying to cheat?". "No..." Joshua said gently leaning on your legs. You paused as he brushed his hands up and down them while he smiled up at you "I just thought you might want to help me out?". You shrugged "I think I'm good". Joshua paused "you know you look far too warm up there, I think you need to cool down". You tensed "Joshua..." but it was too late as he quickly reached up and tugged you into the pool. You fell in with a yell and were covered once more. "Joshua! I'd just got my hair dry" you cried and he smiled sweetly at you, your faces now inches apart. "Aww I'm sorry" he said "here let me help" and he turned around and bobbed down. The next thing you knew he had ahold of your knees and was giving you a piggyback. You grabbed onto him as he started moving and he turned to look back at you "now is it ringing any bells where you hid it?". You shook your head "if I tell you will you let me go?". Joshua shrugged "well there's only one way to find out". You rolled your eyes but leant in "it's at the top of the pool near the stairs". Joshua grinned and rushed over "going down Y/n" he called and you protested as Joshua ducked under the water taking you with him. You managed to get free and popped back up above the surface seconds before Joshua. He appeared right in front of you smiling as he held the plastic thing "I won!" he called "thanks to y/n" and he looked right at you with those flirty eyes. Your heart was racing, partly because of the distance but also because he was slightly holding onto your waist once more and every time he did that you felt dazed. "If you forced me does it count?" you asked and Joshua shrugged "I'm counting it. When a pretty girl helps you, you don't question it". You went bright red when a thought occurred to you "wait don't you only win if you get out of the pool with it?". "Charge!" Dk yelled and you rushed to get out of the way as Hoshi and Dk dove on Joshua. You managed to climb out and watched from a safe distance as Dk finally emerged victorious nearly drowning Joshua in the process. Joshua stood in the middle of the pool looking utterly defeated and you couldn't stop laughing. Joshua noticed and shook his head at you.

After that you decided it would be a good time to prepare for the night and headed inside to shower and change for dinner. You reappeared an hour later and everyone gathered around to decide what to cook. "Y/n do you have the katsu sauce?" Scoups asked and you nodded "yep it's in my room I'll go cook it". You stood up and rushed away. Vernon stood up "I'll go help her" but Joshua leant in "don't worry I've got it" and he hurried after you. You were organising everything, getting ready to cook when there was a knock at the door. "Hey need some help?" Joshua called and you paused. He looked really good tonight and you immediately thought of when he called you pretty earlier. "Erm sure" you finally replied and Joshua smiled looking around your room "why am I not surprised your room smells the nicest and is the tidiest?". You laughed "hey you haven't seen Mingyu's". "I have and you have definitely beat him" Joshua says coming to stand right behind you "so how can I help?". You blushed at how close he was to you and sidestepped away "how about you grill the chicken?". Joshua nodded “I can totally do that” but he paused. “Is something wrong?” you asked and he frowned “I just don’t want the smell to get on my t-shirt...I know” he smiled and swiftly took his shirt off. “There we go” he said happily and took his place beside you pretending like you weren’t gawking.

Meanwhile outside the others were cooking and Jeonghan had run out of chicken. Scoups mentioned you might have someone so he headed over to your room. Jeonghan walked in to see Joshua shirtless, stood over you and he swore. "Really guys? Atleast close the door!" and he quickly retreated closing it as he went. The members all heard him yell and looked up when he returned.  "You okay?" Wonwoo called and he swore "yeah but really didn't have to walk in on that". Scoups paused "on what?". "Joshua and Y/n" Jeonghan replied and everyone stopped and rushed around. "Wait wait wait what?" Vernon asked. "What did you see?" Seungkwan asked. "Were they having sex?" Dk asked bluntly. Jeonghan nodded "or they were about to, Joshua was already shirtless and they were practically wrapped around one another". "Maybe it was a misunderstanding?" The8 asked. "But they haven't come outside" Woozi pointed out and they all looked to the closed door. "Well I guess Joshua finally got his act together" Scoups shrugged "leave them be and let's get back on with it". They all agreed and The8 and Jun came over to Vernon "hey is this okay? Are Y/n and Joshua a thing?". Vernon didn't want to tell your secret so he just nodded "it's fine don't worry". The two members nodded and felt reassured.

Back in the room you froze when Jeonghan walked in and rushed to follow him but Joshua grabbed your arm "wait where are you going?". "To get Jeonghan! He thinks we were...". Joshua chuckled as you couldn't even say it "well what if they think we are?". You went red "what?". Joshua laughed "think about it. We cook and eat this in here and then miss all the clean-up outside. We head back out after and tell them all it was a joke to get out of chores. Nothing major". You paused "hmm okay". Joshua smiled "great I'll get the plates".

Once the food was cooked you dished it up and ate on the floor. Thankfully Joshua then put his shirt back on so you could look at him again. You had a nice meal and just talked and joked. It was casual but still felt very nice and more special with nobody else around. When you finished you paused at the door, hesitating to go back outside. "Want me to go first?" Joshua asked and you nodded. Joshua opened the door and led you outside. The minute the members saw you they began making noises and you struggled not to blush. Joshua smiled despite himself and told them all to shush. The two of you took the last two seats at the end of the table together and Joshua looked at you "should we tell them?". You nodded and he smiled "we didn't do anything we just made you think that so we could eat all of the curry!". Joshua explained it more and everyone began laughing finding it funny "Then why is Y/n so red?" Hoshi asked and Vernon shushed him but you knew Joshua heard. Joshua looked at you out of the corner of his eye and smiled seeing you blush.

The evening then descended into party games and karaoke. Halfway through Seungkwan's song Joshua leant over to you "why were you so red?". You blushed again but acted as normal as possible. "I have no idea what you're talking about". Joshua smirked "was it the idea of us sleeping together". You turned even redder and Joshua chuckled "you can admit it, the idea makes me feel something too". You paused "how?". "Nope, you first" Joshua smiled still just inches away from you. You paused "well you're attractive so obviously the idea of sleeping with you...makes me flustered". "Because you like it?" Joshua asked "no pressure. Just say whatever you want". You nodded "yeah I like it". Joshua smiled and you paused "what about you? Now it's your turn". Joshua turned to face you properly "I feel the same way" he told you and then rapidly jumped up to join the karaoke. You were left utterly flabbergasted and went to get some water. Vernon followed "so what on earth happened?" he asked. "I think I just confessed to Joshua that I like him". Vernon"s eyes went wide "you did! How?". You explained what Joshua had said before running off, making Vernon nod. "Typical Joshua acting all cool and calm. He's totally got it bad for you don't let him have all the power y/n. He's just teasing you". You paused “really?”. Vernon nodded “totally! Come on, let’s go have some fun and I promise Joshua will be the one doing all the work”. You smiled and followed your friend. 

Sitting with Vernon made you more confident and so you participated in the drinking games and even sang a song with Jun and Hoshi. Hoshi was pretty drunk and so he was very excitable and loud. You found it funny and started interacting with him more and more. You could feel the way Joshua was watching you and it made you smile. So you just ignored him and turned back to Hoshi.

Hoshi could get more affectionate when he was drunk and that was happening. He went from holding your hand to placing an arm around you, to now laying his head on your shoulder with his arms wrapped around you. Scoups was always great at controlling the other members so he quickly appeared "hey Hoshi I don't know if Y/n wants you to be on top of her". "I'm not on top of her I'm just hugging her" Hoshi explained "she's my friend and likes tigers too". Scoups mouthed sorry to you and recruited Jeonghan to get him to bed. They got Hoshi off you leaving you with Vernon, Jun and The8. Joshua was still here and was sat down at the opposite end with Dk and Mingyu. There was tension in the air and you felt good.  "So you've had a fun night" Jun asked and you chuckled "yeah. I've drank way more than you've ever seen me drink". The8 nodded "it's fun to see...Y/n can I ask, what is going on with Joshua?". You blushed "why?". "Why? He's been staring at you all night!" The8 cried and you all laughed. "He likes you" Jun added and Vernon smiled, not saying anything just watching it all. You sighed "I...we've been flirting and I think he might like me". "He definitely does" Vernon agreed. "Yeah so what are you doing here?" Jun asked. You paused "wow thanks junnie". He smirked "I just mean you obviously like him too right? On the obstacle course your eyes practically popped out of their socket when he got wet". You blushed as The8 and Vernon erupted into laughter catching the attention of the other members. 

"Hey what's so funny?" Dk asked and they came over. Jun shook his head "ow nothing Y/n was just telling us she appreciated how some of the bodysuits looked today". Dk and Mingyu laughed as you hit Jun while Joshua just smirked. "Really?" Mingyu asked. You paused "I didn't say that but I don't disagree". Dk laughed "so that's why you were hanging out by the pier all day". "Y/n you little pervert" Vernon teased as you gaped. "Hey come on she deserves it" Mingyu said and you smiled "thank you Mingyu". He nodded smiling back "plus it's nice to see her like this, we all enjoy looking at her so why shouldn't she get to do the same?". "Mingyu!" Vernon cried and you blushed. "No all I meant is...we haven't seen her like this before and it's very nice...and hot". You laughed really pink and obviously a little tipsy because that comment didn't make you uncomfortable. "Well coming from Mr six-foot greek god over here I'll take that" you smiled and Mingyu smiled at your nickname. "I think it's best we all go to bed" Vernon said still laughing and you nodded "yep probably!". Everyone stood up and headed off to their cabins. 

Vernon walked with you still laughing "Joshua, then Hoshi and now Mingyu. You had a good night Y/n". You chuckled "yeah..." and Vernon laughed seeing you so giddy "night Y/n". "Night Vernon, thanks for inviting me here!" and he laughed "no problem now take a glass of water to bed". You did as he said and got ready for bed. You’d gotten in your pyjamas, brushed your teeth, washed your face and were just getting into bed when the door went and Joshua appeared. "I forgot my shoes" he said pointing to them on the floor from earlier. You suspected he'd left them there on purpose and just nodded "yeah you did". "So you had a good time tonight?" Joshua asked. You nodded "yeah it was super fun". Joshua nodded "seems like you have your pick of guys around here...Hoshi, Mingyu...". He trailed off and you nodded "anyone else?". Joshua hesitated "what?". "Is there anyone I can have my pick of, you made it sound like the list was incomplete". Joshua smiled "why is there someone else you want?" coming closer. You shrugged "maybe and he's been flirting a lot with me, saying these really vague comments and then staring at me when I flirt with other guys but he's never actually done anything about it so..." you went to turn away nonchalantly when Joshua tugged you back around and kissed you. The kiss was passionate and heated, fuelled by the days flirting and the alcohol you'd both drank. "Is this obvious enough?" Joshua asked pausing. You nodded "yes" and Joshua smiled "but I think I can do better" and he swiftly picked you up and carried you over to the bed. He put you down and you immediately pulled him back in. You were both soon enjoying yourself a lot but Joshua couldn't help some teasing. "Sure you wouldn't prefer if it was Hoshi?". "No" you managed and he smiled "or Mingyu? Because he's so hot right? Especially in that wet suit". "You know it was only you that I was checking out all day so get back here". Joshua smirked at your tone "I quite like when you're bossy" and he did as you said. ******** You woke up the next day actually feeling pretty okay for the amount of alcohol you’d drank. You couldn't instantly remember the previous night but you remembered having lots of fun, doing shots and karaoke and then...Joshua! You shot awake and looked around your room but he wasn't there. You frowned a little upset he'd skipped out. Was he that eager to leave after? You went to the bathroom, cleaned your teeth and freshened up when you heard the door go. You came back out to find Joshua standing there looking confused with a plate of food. "There you are" he smiled spotting you "I got us some breakfast in bed but if you don't want to get back into bed...". You shook your head "no I'd love to...I just thought you'd skipped out". Joshua shook his head "Of course not" and got back into bed "trust me it was a struggle getting out even to make this". You blushed and got back in beside him.

You sat together and ate breakfast in a playful happy mood but there were a few unanswered questions hanging over you. "So last night" you said and Joshua nodded. He moved all the plates to the table and turned to you "I like you" he said simply "I was teasing you yesterday for some fun but I want to be honest and tell you I like you and want to date you". You paused "I...wait how did you know to tease me?". Joshua paused "I heard you telling Vernon you liked me". You gaped "how much did you hear?". "Everything" he grinned "I found it so hot hearing you say all those things and so I decided to gave some fun, I hope you're not mad". You shook your head "not at all, it was really fun seeing you like that. You're very attractive when you tease". Joshua smiled "I'll definitely keep it up then...so about that dating thing?". You smiled and kissed him softly "I'd love to". Joshua grinned pulling away after a while “perfect, do you want to spend the day together? I heard there’s a nice beach nearby”. You smiled “I’d love to” and set off together hand in hand. 

[pen-observing]

synopsis: It doesn't matter which name he chooses to go by; even after 500 years you will call him Zandik. Even after decades, the two of you will be tied by an invisible string. Years come and go but somehow the two of you continue to argue about the same philosophy. He calls this thing a blessing, you call it a curse.

pairing: dottore x gn! reader word count: 5.3k warnings: time jumps, domesticity hints, mentions of hickeys, dottore is complicated and so is your relationship, ngl reader kind of faruzan coded with the curse, proofread but while skimming.

i. spring

The first time he meets you, he finds you annoying.   Laughing about it comes so easy now even if the memory is around five hundred years old, but, back then, on the very first day that you sat down next to him – he undoubtedly found you annoying.  

While answering to the name Dottore, he would never say he got attached to any particular season in the year. Every true scientist knows that change is the only permanent thing because it helps them shape and mold new creations. Chasing after change meant chasing something eternal even back then when he was simply Zandik.  

Yes, he answered to the name Zandik. His classmates as well as fellow researchers from other darshans knew him. There was a certain genius that always showed itself. It was admiration that followed. Those who wanted to partner up with him or those that simply wanted a glance from him; it was a certain privilege he could leverage. But he also had unspoken rules and one of them you decided to cross.  

Everyone knew that when Zandik was inside the library with more than 9 books in his hands, nobody was meant to approach his table. It doesn’t matter how many people were intended to use it; a certain sense of ownership existed. If you wanted to get on his good side, you would not bother to approach him when he was deep into theoretical research. When someone did, they would get a tense jaw, a lowered gaze and red eyes that glimmered. It doesn’t matter that everyone called him handsome, in those moments he was simply scary to look at.  

He thought that this spring day would prove fruitful in answering his passionate research question. He laid down his materials; he was enjoying sketching and reimagining a new model when out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone with a Haravatat uniform approach his table.  

Surely it was a mistake on their part. He placed his hand on the bottom corner and was about to flip to the next page when his hand stayed hovering above the corner he wanted to keep pristine. You were lucky he didn’t grab the delicate paper in between his fingers because he could have risked denting it when you saw down.  

You sat down? At his table? When he had not 9 but 13 books in front of him and his personal materials? Haravatat students did have a certain repertoire for being particularly annoying he remembered. Others found them either too bubbly or too quiet; they were known for their ‘specific’ behaviour, loud debates and their emotional connection to languages. Zandik could respect the few individuals that actually were valuable there but he could not respect someone breaking one of his rules and distracting him from his own research.  

His jaw was already tense but it fell open when he turned his head in your direction and realized you had no shame. Typical of a Haravatat student.   You sat there on the chair diagonally from him; your legs were crossed, your head was leaning against your hand and you were looking directly at him. The book in front of you couldn’t even be used as a cover up.  

It was closed.  You were staring at him.  You felt no shame when he turned around.   God, were you annoying.  

If he wanted his peace back, he would have to make it by chasing you off. To chase you off, he would have to engage with you.   He placed his hands on the either side of his book, he leaned in slightly to get a better look at you. Animals did this all the time – they showed signs of hostility. Humans, as the ultimate animals, were no different. Perhaps this would be enough to activate you own instincts and chase you off?  

… 

It wasn’t.   You were still looking at him.  Analysing him.   You were after something.  

“What do you want?” Just because you were here, it didn’t mean his voice would change. Your presence should have no effect on him similar to that.   He was hoping you would answer fast but you just continued to look at him. Then, you uncrossed your legs in a frustrated motion and you shook your head. How annoying.  Just what was it that you wanted? 

“I will not ask you what you want again. Leave if you have nothing to say.” 

That seemed to strike a nerve. Because for the first time in a long time, someone glared at him. You crossed your legs again and scowl was on your face in a matter of seconds. How animated; how easy you were to read like a creature. You approached his table. You looked at him; so why were you annoyed now?  

“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time to entertain your foolishness what-” suddenly, your hand stretched out and your index finger was pointing at him. 

“You!” How dare you point at him? His jaw grew tighter and his shoulders tensed. You had not right for this.   “You! What does it mean to be human?!”  

…   Excuse you?   His shoulders fell down and he leaned back with laugher. Not only were you annoying, you were absurd. Who does that to anyone? Who does that to him?  But sure, he supposes he could entertain your little question. His laughter stops and he straightens up.  

“To be human means to chase change.”  

That is what he has been doing all his life. That is what brought him here. Why do you blink up at him like an unimpressed mushroom boar? Is his answer not good enough for you?   You stand up and pick up your own book.  

“So disappointing. I thought a genius everyone mentioned would give an answer not underlined on chapter two. As if chasing change could mean being human. Do you really think change is something you can catch? Absurd.” 

He wasn’t absurd.   You were.   How dare you act like this? How dare you simply turn around with a bigger scowl on your face and walk away from him?  

You didn’t even give him your name and you dared to accuse him of being absurd? Haravatat students will always be so odd. And did you have to do it in a full library so everyone would get a front row ticket to your theatrical show?  

Ah yes, Dottore is sure even when reminiscing.   You really were annoying on the first day he met you.  

ii. summer

“Can you believe he actually implied that she was ugly and then got offended when she dissed him proving she overheard it? And now, suddenly, mister ‘I am rich and your family is poor’ is disappointed because she won’t marry him?!” 

Perhaps never wanting to find out your name would have been more beneficial to him? If he only dubbed you as ‘that-one-library-weirdo', he wouldn’t be listening to this right now. But, Zandik compares it to the months when he hadn’t know you and he realizes doing his experiments in front of this giant machine was more lonely back then.  

The grass and the night sky, a small flutter of the wind that made the corners of his papers turn up; it suddenly feels more full...this place that you share. Somehow, he found out your name and general passions from other students. Then, when you approached him in the library table again without saying anything, he allowed that too; furrowed brow and all.   Then, the two of you had to acknowledge one another in the hallways with a head nod, or a small wave or an occasional ‘hi’ uttered softly.   He isn’t quite sure when and how the two of you started sharing a few notes, sitting next to one another in the same elective the next semester or even going out for food and drinks.  

He once said it was odd and you told him that is the whole problem with his philosophy. Change just happens; you cannot catch it as it unfolds. You said it would always be that way because humans functioned for eons with it. You said he should think of it as a natural law and he would have, had you not decided to suck on the straw of your drink so loudly the hair on his head stood up.  

Still, this was a welcome change to him. He tends not to dwell on it too much; after all, those thoughts were your job.   Yes, he let you sit in the grass next to him while he fixes up this machine.   Yes, he didn’t completely tune you out.   And, yes, he might have told that stuck-up blonde man in his darshan that you were in fact not single. It isn’t like lying and manipulation were out of his character; Zandik swore he would get what he wants and reject anything he deems unworthy. That blonde man whose name he didn’t even bother to remember was unworthy of you. Simple as that. Nothing more.  

For the first time since he was a simple child, Zandik felt like he had made a genuine friend. Having to share a table with the two of you both annoying him would have been torture.  

The new mechanical part needs 5 screws. One. Two. Three. 

“Zandik, are you listening to me?” 

Four. 

“Yes, yes – I don’t know why you called that man a ‘standard’ of romantic literature if he acts like that.” 

The fifth one. The last one is always the worst.  

“I don’t have time to explain that again. I have something more important to tell you.”   “Mhm.” 

If he could just get it to fit right and make this work, he would be at the end of his experiment. Just a few more twists and- 

“I am leaving Sumeru tomorrow morning.” 

He halts. The screwdriver stands still not having finished the mission assigned to it. Something inside the machine cracks and for a second Zandik wonders if that noise came from inside of his own body. Shouldn’t he be mad? Upset? This is the first time you’re telling him about it. Wait, if so, it must be a silly trip that is meaningless and so insignificant you forgot to mention it.  

“Oh, are Haravatat students setting up camp somewhere again? Your darshan really likes to have bonding experiences.”  

Zandik continues to twist the screw; the machine failed but he will see this through to the end. Looking up at you when he already knows the answer from the silence that settles between the two of you would show his weakness. Zandik has no weaknesses anyone knows of. Zandik has a prideful disposition he will keep up regardless of what happens.  

“It is just me...remember how I said this romantic book is fascinating? I didn’t mean the romance of it; I meant the ruins that are described only briefly. They’re too detailed to not exist somewhere in Natlan! I am sure of it! I got permission to make them my thesis. Isn’t that great?”  

You never talked to him about your thesis plans. He was forced to listen to 5 hours of why the female lead’s arrogance was important in the novel but he wasn’t privy to something more intimate of your plans.  

He didn’t tell you much about his childhood and judgments of his villagers or classmates. He didn’t reveal anything significant about himself but...that library table was his intimate space which he allowed you to occupy. Nobody else.   And this place? Do you know how meaningful it is to him? To his dreams and aspirations as a researcher? Do you know how many nights he spent on the grass you are sitting on right now just trying to get his research to work? And, if it didn’t, the hours he spent hoping and cursing at the parts?  

Zandik suddenly felt cold towards you. He let you inside these intimate spaces and what did he let in return? Less loneliness? The two of you clearly didn’t connect as human beings. What does he know about you? He knows the way you write in the margins and the shapes you’d draw on his papers, he knows the way you talk when passionate – how he has to take one step to the left when you start debating a syntax issue unless he wants your outstretched hand to hit his cheek – he knows the annoying sound you make when drinking from straws; fuck, he even knows the patterns to your walks.  

Was this what you truly meant when you said humans cannot catch change? The fact that just now he realized how much he knows about you yet not enough to have predicted this?   The worst by far, is that he cannot find it in himself to yell at you for how he feels. He can’t yell at you for not knowing this... He knew that everyone travels for their thesis, so, he should say he expected it.  

You don’t need to know how he thought the two of you would travel to the same place but with different research objectives. Still, what else can he do besides let you go?  

He looks at you. Finally. But you wish that he hadn’t. This is an expression you’ve never seen on him before; an expression that makes leaving such a hard task even when you rely on not saying goodbye.  

Zandik sometimes reminded you of stoics; the way he would take every failure and success as equal opportunity without getting derailed. But, only now do you see his red eyes glow; the way they’re looking at you while hardly blinking – like he is trying to remember as much of you as possible to carry with him.  

You never could have guessed how right he was; how even that millisecond meant remembrance that haunts.  

The two of you don’t say goodbye that night. You wish each other luck and promise to compete on who can finish their thesis faster.  

Neither of you do.  

Zandik gets expelled for how obsessive he becomes.   And you get lost to time. Lost to Natlan.  

The last news Zandik hears about you does not come from any of your letters – they were only three after all. He hears from the Matra that you rushed inside a ruin and were lost forever. 

The word forever always had a special ring to him; that was the first time he hated it. If you were lost forever, he would simply be better than you. He would live forever and make sure to do everything he wanted. Ample time leads to ample rewards.  

Zandik, when he changes his name, abandons everything that grounded it. He throws away your letters and he throws away you. Only he knows what was harder to discard.  

iii. autumn

Dottore sometimes has to stand inside of his own lab to admire his work. The vastness of it and all the success and trust he has as well as the fact his clones are more advanced than ever; it all proves just how right he was. And just how wrong they were. 

Turning down a genius and trying to stop his advancement? Foolish.   Those people in the village that ostracised him? Insignificant. As well as their offspring that he never saw.   Only a few people had what it takes to contribute true research to this world. And they were lost or boxed in or stopped by something so trivial as the academia or governments.  

He stands above it all. As the ultimate showcase of unrivalled genius and absolute freedom. Nobody asks him what it means to be human anymore. They don’t consider him such; and every single day he slips down the path of being something that cannot answer that.  

His test subjects often shout about humanity and how he has none. He wonders if they realize how it means nothing. Seeing humans struggle and break does light up something in him. And he decided to chase that long ago.  

“Lord Harbinger.”  

He stays silent. Lord Harbinger is a title he refuses to answer to. Why should he turn his neck to the same words his inadequate colleagues do? If the person calling him doesn’t immediately correct himself, they know what happens next.  

“I mean, Doctor!” Good. Humans knew how to adopt quickly after all. He finally tilts up his neck towards the man. He takes off the mask covering his face just so that his subordinate could see the glare.  

“What do you want?”  “Something very odd is happening in quarter 7, section 31!”  “Odd? I didn’t even experiment in there recently and nothing important was placed there from my machinery.”   “We have no idea what is happening! There is a glow but no smoke or fire or anything else. We only thought it would be right to notify you.”  “A glow you say? Ah, perhaps it is a jinn lamp where a weak soul of older days slumbers. We did place the gifts of those nobles from all over Teyvat there. I told Pierro I don’t need them but he insisted I should keep them.”  

He twiddles with his pen.  

“That section is insignificant to me. I hold no care about it at all.” He takes a deep breath. If only it was section 37 instead. There, he was working on an experiment involving lay lines and ghostly souls. 

“Either way Doctor, the light just keeps on growing and we are afraid it will expand to other sections. What if one of the nobles turned against us? What if-”   “Shut your mouth, I will go. No matter how many times I look for capable people, they never meet my expectations.”  

Dottore gets up from his chair but with no zest. He saw bottles like those of jinn all the time years ago. The only thing less exciting about seeing one again are the white hallways he has to walk through to get to the room. The underling follows behind him, scurrying like a bug. Cosmically insignificant. To think that this bug’s energy will one day get the same treatment as those ghostly souls that actually matter.  

He opens the door and sees a bright blue light. There is no imminent danger. Perhaps the being inside this lamp recognized another presence inside the room and they are reacting to it? He shudders at the thought of having to deal with another ex-lovers pair that vowed revenge on one another.  

Dottore walks over to the source of the light. He cannot see the centre of it. It gives off a warmth however. And he wanted to roll his eyes at the way his subordinate shakes. But, his curious nature could never lay dormant for a long time.  

He realizes that he feels warmth from it, but his insignificant bug feels chills. Whatever this is, it could come in handy for his experiments that require temperature changes.  

Dottore reaches to grab it.  

“We tried that before Sir! Nothing changed!” 

Sir again. Not Doctor. The same second mistake cannot be forgiven.   Dottore’s hand grabs at the light core. He expects the feel and the weight of a marble.  

But it completely disappears.   Dottore’s face drops as does his excitement. The poor underling has no idea he will suffer for both his own actions and the fluctuations of Dottore’s moods.   The room is pitch black again. There is no sound coming from anywhere. The other subordinates ran off because they thought the light was dangerous. Dottore clicks his tongue in realizing he will have to replace them all again.  

Then, the bug behind him shrieks. He can hear him tumble onto the ground and run off as soon as he gets up. What a fool. He is yelling at the top of his lungs. Perhaps pulling out his tongue should teach him to be quiet.  

When Dottore turns around, he feels warmth engulf his body. He digs his heels into the floor to stop himself from moving. He hears a sound he hadn’t heard in years.  

“Zandik? I-Is that you?”  

He can hear your voice. He can hear you call out that acursed name. Why are you here? Why are you on the floor, hunched over and kneeling?  

“Zandik?” 

Stop saying that! Stop it! He can feel his right hand shake; he can feel his heart beat. Worst of all, he can hear the things the other clones are saying about this memory. It is becoming a part of the collective. He can hear the collective hope and heartbreak.  

“That is you. Isn’t it?”  

Your voice is so weak.  

“I haven’t answered to that name for 200 years now.”  

He cannot find it in himself to say anything else. The other clones are creating a ricocheting cacophony inside his brain. He should have thrown out more of his humanity. Didn’t he burn those letters? Why is he suddenly remembering lines from them? Why is one of his clones crying?  

“200 years..?” he can hear the bewilderment in your voice. When he looks down at you, he can see the tears in your eyes. You are afraid; they no longer hold any light.  

He kneels down and touches your shoulder to calm your shaking body. Only then does he get hit by the ugly revelation that you are laughing but there is no sound. You look like you are breaking in every sense of the word; he never managed to drive his test subjects to these limits where they would lose everything at once.  

He clicks his tongue. He shakes your shoulders with a grip that makes you yelp. Only then do you actually begin to cry. He takes it. He takes this breakdown over the utter lack of humanity you displayed before.  

“Zandik I-I"  “Dottore. My name is Dottore now.”  

He says it even if he is sure you can’t actually hear him. His voice can’t reach out to you even if he is kneeling down next to you, embracing you as a surprise to himself. You’re crying into his shoulder, slobbering and hiccupping.  

You ask him what it means to be human again.   He cannot answer you. He became something else.   You say that you aren’t sure about it anymore. That hurts more than his own lack of an answer. You should have come back in a different way. You should have come back pointing a finger at him, yelling to him about his choices. Maybe even yelling at him for not looking for you. Not like this. Never like this.  

Only when you faint in his arms does he notice the cuts and bruises on your body. For the first time since he changed his name – Dottore decides to treat someone like a real doctor. His subordinates have to live with that – seeing the ruthless harbinger who terrorizes them show some care. Command it even.  

It isn’t natural. It shouldn’t even exist. Seeing humanity from a man like that makes them question everything. He goes into your room 5 times a day, doesn’t let anyone else do anything besides keep guard. And then, in between those visits, he tortures children and experiments on them with poison and toxic remains. He gets blood all over his coat and then puts on a new one when knocking on your door.  

They can’t fathom it. It simply shouldn’t exist. And they start avoiding that door; because pretending like it doesn’t exist and pretending like their master is only ruthless makes it easier to live. 

And when you do wake up – it is impossible to ignore how their master’s humanity makes itself known. 

iv. winter

“You know I quite like this little habit of ours.” Dottore’s voice reminds you how wrong your predictions were. Since he came back earlier from Sumeru than you bet on, you now owe a large sum of mora to a certain banker.  

“I was not aware that it was a habit. You just come here whenever you please.”   “There is something to come to. Be a dear and fetch another tea cup for me, would you?” Typical him. Only he would be able to say such a line; implying that whatever this was between the two of you reminded him of a home.   But, even if you click your tongue, you get another tea cup and pour him some. At least you can remember your own humanity when your cold hands touch it and suddenly warmth seeps through. As a child, you loved to do it. You would put your hands in cold rain on purpose just to feel this simple warmth. You have a habit of taking off your gloves when drinking tea, he keeps his on. He has a habit of sitting next to you in the same way he did all those years ago.  

“Now, let me engage in ‘pure bragging’ as your lovely lips like to put it. Are you ready to hear of Sumeru again and just everything that I accomplished?”  

Something tells you not to give him that satisfaction. So you put the cup down and point a finger at him.  

“You’re more human now, Zandik.”  “How many times must I tell you not to use that name?”  “Until you figure out a way to go back into the past and change the name on your birth certificate to Dottore, and then glare at me in the library like you did when we met – I will continue to use it. That is your true name after all. Erase all records if you will, but I will remember it.”  

He doesn’t think about bragging anymore.  

“That library just looks more grand now, the people calling themselves researchers are anything but that.”  

You can feel when he dangles a hook in front of you. Taking it would give him far too much satisfaction.  

“He cried, you know.”  

He grips the handle.  

“I felt it, no need to mention it.”  “The youngest one, the one I was most fond of, cried when you killed all of them.”  “And some swore revenge. Are you trying to get me to focus on the feelings? You probably are, you’ve been annoying since the first day I met you.”  “And you still haven’t realized you cannot chase change. Tell me, were you surprised when she asked you that? Were you hesitant? Aren’t your clones proof of everything you ever wanted?”  “It is a shame you hadn’t gone with me.” He deflects it. “The archon would certainly like you. She too, kept asking about humanity and the lines I crossed.”  

Your tea has gone cold by now. Zandik always had a way of distracting you for longer than you’d like. 

“And were your answers to her something I would approve of?”  “You said I seemed more human now, is that not enough for you?”  “I am glad to see only one version of you now. I will take that as a start.”   “Unbelievable, by a stroke of luck which you call misfortune, you were granted even more time than me but you hate it.”  “We always differed in our definitions. I wasn’t blessed with this, I was cursed. I entered those runes to learn more of humanity but I was punished by my eagerness to lose my own.” 

He has to roll his eyes. 

“Just because you were blessed with so much time and can make a legacy like myself, it doesn’t mean you are no longer human. Would you like me to take you to see all those monsters? Perhaps some of my own research experiments?”   “You forget I am free to leave this place whenever I wish. And, neither of us have legacy.”  “Speak for yourself. You left and came back all those years ago because you said you hated me. Yet, here we are, drinking tea like always.”  “I came back because I was jealous of true humans.”  “And I pity you for being jealous of inferior creatures.”  “And I pity you for thinking you will ever leave a legacy that is fond of remembering.” 

“Careful there, your hateful gaze might make me forget you love me.”  “I don’t love you.” 

Dottore leans back in his chair and he laughs.  

“But you do. That is what proves your humanity. Always paradoxical and complex, disagreeing with my actions but realizing I am perhaps the only human that relates to you. We call the same thing by different names; but it won’t change either way.”  “I just don’t know why I came back to you from that forsaken ruin.”  “Should we call it fate?”  “You gave it an abstract name? Does it still bother you that you never found a way inside?”  

He places his hand over your own on the table. He looks at you, now knowing that the two of you were right not to exchange goodbyes that day. And you relax. There is always a memory that triggers when he is next to you, there is always that realization that he knows you as much as you know him. You share time now but you shared it all those decades ago. There is something to come back to; there is someone that remembers, calls out your name and responds to the one that leaves your mouth.  

Some invisible and intricate connection always existed between you. And, you could leave, you could stand up at this very moment and travel to wherever you wish. But, you would lose that. You would lose the feeling that someone knows you and you’ve always believed that to be know is to be loved.   People learn old languages because the love those that came before. Humans have a habit of desperately clutching onto their humanity even if it is smaller than a grain of sand. And, if you must, to keep yourself grounded and to stand there until he realizes his own mistakes and humanity – you will hold onto him. It has to be worth it in the end. There has to be a reason you share his existence and were teleported back in front of him on your knees.  

You just hope it means something grander that will constitute your own legacy. 

v. evermore

That night, he traces the hickeys he left on your neck. It is one of the few times he takes off his gloves so that his human skin meets your own.  

“Ask me again.”  “I will not ask you for another round.”  “No,” he clicks his tongue, “ask me that question.”  “Are you aware that you are more obsessed with humanity than me, oh doctor? Laughable.”  “Just ask.”  “Fine. What makes you human?” 

He moves his hand down to your waist and pulls you closer to him. How could he ever ask you to use the name Dottore when his eyes have been the same all these years whenever he looks at you? You don’t get a chance to marvel at them for too long, he buries his face in your neck.  

“You. Having you here keeps me human. Sometimes I think we were destined to be together.”  

Nobody else knows this side of him. And in your opinion, selfish as it may be, they don’t deserve to know. 

“Oh, is the genius doctor now speaking about fate and destiny? What grand words you use. We weren’t destined to be together, we were doomed to be together.”  

There you go. Ruining a romantic moment by reminding him how differently the two of you look at this situation you’re in.   He groans. Perhaps you will come around one day, even if it has been 300 years since your return. What matters is that you returned to him by fate and by your own choice after travelling.  

“Hey! Zandik, bite my neck one more time I will force you to sleep on the couch.”  “If we were indeed doomed to be together, we might as well make the most of it and – are you trying to bite me back?”  “Your teeth were always annoyingly sharp!”  “And the noises you made 500 years ago when drinking are still annoying to this day.”  “That’s it. Go sleep on the couch, I don’t want to look at you right now.” 

a/n: legit this is so self indulgent cus it is how I imagine my relationship with this red flag would be. it isn't really toxic it is just philosophies not matching up. dottore is too fond of humanity without realizing it and i will make him suffer for it. reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. hope dottore anon likes it.

[comicaurora]

How do you ballance lore dumps and exposition. Whenever I see a friend ommiting a lore dump, it feels the rest of the story gets a massive plot hole, where if you state it later it feels like a lazy retcon.

I try to avoid lore dumps if possible, because they tend to feel like textbook reading and are very easy for me to skip over, leaving me subsequently confused when the information buried in the lore dump becomes relevant. In my experience, if the audience absolutely needs information in order for the plot to make sense, there are ways to communicate it in-story that aren't just a wall of text - even if it's just "letting a character deliver the wall of text in a way that works for them."

Lore dumps and "as you know" dialogue are frowned upon because they disrupt immersion, typically because they're a conversation between two characters who should both know this fundamental truth of their world and thus have no reason to state it plainly for a hypothetical third party. But there are plenty of ways to frame a conversation that communicate that information without having to go with "as you know-" or "we both know that-", like

A knowledgeable character explains to an ignorant character why the ignorant character's plan or idea won't work (so they have a legitimate reason to provide that information and the other character isn't just sitting passively and absorbing the information)

Two characters reminisce about a situation they both remember rather differently

A character makes an oblique reference to something without providing further detail (because why would they reference more detail when everybody present knows what they're talking about), and another character responds with a telling emotional reaction that tells the audience at least how they feel about that thing and implies more information about it (like that the thing was Very Bad And Upsetting, and maybe they'll even explain why if another character notices and asks)

Two experts in a fictional field get really into the weeds about how fascinating something they're working on is

Two experts in a fictional field have a furious argument about a disagreement they're having, dropping lore tidbits the whole time

An expert in a fictional field gets really excited about explaining something cool to anyone who'll listen

A villain monologues about the brilliance of their evil plan

Even in the space of exposition, there are ways to let a character's dialogue reveal key information without making it a wall of text, and it mostly centers around making the character want to provide that information, turning it into a character conversation rather than a hand-of-the-author situation.

I've also found that the process of planting and payoff can be strengthened significantly if the information planted is planted multiple times in different ways, rather than just being exposited. If a lore drop is necessary for a plot point to make sense, just saying it once and then leaving it alone will not necessarily work to get the audience aware of its true meaning, since until the information is actually relevant in the story the audience is liable to forget about it or file it very far back in their heads. Exposition and lore dumps need to be connected to something tangible in-story for the audience to get a feel for, or they're basically just more pointless flavor text.

For instance, when the mechanics of divine incarnations needed to be planted, I worked them in in a few different ways - first, showing it with no further explanation -

then showing it in a few different ways, establishing that the appearance of a god can change over time -

then showing that gods have a degree of direct control over their incarnation's physical appearance even outside of that -

all so that when a god did THIS, nobody was confused as to how.

Because it was kind of important that this scene hit the way I wanted it to. I needed the reaction of "OH SHIT" instead of "wait that's bs how did he do that" and that meant I needed the audience to have just enough intuitive understanding of what divine incarnations could and couldn't do for this to make sense.

It's a delicate balance, but in my experience a slow build is better and more effective than an all-at-once lore dump.

[thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed]

is it possible for a Wednesday x Reader where they are childhood friends but Reader went overseas and years later Nevermore has a new transfer besides Wednesday and that is reader but Reader is different compared to the young Reader Wednesday knew because Reader lost all memories when reader was young and Reader today is a prisoner who used to be a assassin (just like Black Widow but recently cured from brainwashing) and is staying in Nevermore while waiting for final punishment?

Prisoner of Mistakes

Word count: 2.3K

Warnings: mentions of Gore, Violence and Blood

There you go! I had a lot of fun writing this so thank you for the request! I did put a lot of effort in this so hopefully you like it!🖤✨

———

You and Wednesday were both kids when you met for the first time. You were older than her by 3 years, but you were still really good friends. You would play together since you had very similar interests. The way Wednesday grew up never bothered you, you always liked everything that was horror, killing, blood. So it was really easy for you to be friends with Wednesday. You would play all kinds of games, hell you even helped her dig up graves or make autopsies.

One day though when you were around 10, your family decided to move across the world to a scientist, that could help study your ability since no one could find a way to understand it. No one ever managed to figure out what it really was but it messed with your brain and it definitely was not something good. You never got to say goodbye to your childhood best friend because the decision to move overseas was so abrupt, and in your head and heart you never accepted it.

And for the first time you moved you never stopped going around the world, most specifically through hospitals. No one could pinpoint what it was you had, if it was an illness, if it was an ability but you were starting to get so tired of this. You just wanted to live a normal life as a normal girl and have friends, but you were never allowed that.

Then the worst thing happened. While performing an experiment on you, a doctor made a terrible mistake, he hit the wrong button on his machine and ended up erasing all kind of memory you had. Ever since then, your personality completely changed and kept on changing. You had lost yourself, you didn’t recognize yourself nor your parents and everything your brain had was long gone.

Talking about losing your way, you became everyone’s worst nightmare. You were now 16 and a serial killer. You were ruthless, they way you killed people was unbelievable to everyone. you cut their body parts, opened them up and mixed their organs around all while your victims were still alive. You enjoyed hearing their scream and lose their breaths before dying. Probably this “gore” part of you is the only thing that remained in your brain ever since you were a kid, given the fact that you’ve always liked this kind of stuff.

The way you would always get away with it was unbelievable too. Seeing how the victim had been reduced, everyone always thought it was an animal. You got away with it till some day you didn’t. At 17 you made a mistake when killing a guy and left a trace, which led the investigators straight to you. By now your parents had completely disconnected from you and changed their names. Not that you would remind them anyways. Of course you had a trial, but somehow the judge gave you two choices. You could either live forever in prison or go to Nevermore.

You didn’t know what Nevermore was, but you chose that. Apparently you had to spend there a couple years, and see if you would come back to your senses, see if somehow the wrong experiment would reverse itself. The judge knew that all of this wasn’t your fault, and he hoped that in Nevermore you would find something that triggered you and made you go back to the sweet girl you were before you took this road full of everyone else’s mistakes.

The day you arrived at Nevermore was an intense day. Nobody would treat a killer like a normal person, right? Right. Everyone at the school had heard that a killer would be coming to their school to study, but no one quite believed it until you showed up. At your arrival of course you weren’t alone. You got off the police car with police on both of your sides. You were cuffed and as you were being escorted to the principal’s office you walked through the quad. As soon as you did everyone went quiet and stared at you. You looked at them with a psycho-killer-smile and waved at them.

“Hey, look in front of you psycho” one of the guards said as he roughly grabbed you by your head and forced you to look forward. “Alright alright, it’s not like m I’m gonna kill people here with you around, morons”. They pushed you forward at your reply as you kept on heading towards the principal’s office.

Wednesday looked at you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she made sure that what she thought was right. “Enid I think I know her” she said, looking at the slightly taller girl next to her. “Why am I not surprised you know a worldwide known killer?” Enid replied not surprised at all, arms dropping on her sides. “She was my childhood best friend, she wasn’t like this. All I know is that she went overseas and then I knew nothing, but she wasn’t a killer, not at all” Wednesday finished her speech being sure of what she said, like most times.

After having talked to the principal she decided that it was necessary that she talked to students and teachers, so she called everyone in the quad and started listening. “May I have everyone’s attention please?” Weems started as you stood by her side, still handcuffed and with cops at your sides as everyone turned to look at her. “From today till the end of her studies, (Y/N) will be studying with us. Keep in mind that she’s a worldwide known killer so make sure not to get too close to her, stay away from her room and most of all DO NOT bother her. She’s manipulative so she’ll get you to do what she wants if you let her so I repeat, do not get close to her. She’s here on court’s orders so she’s not leaving anytime soon.”

That day finished like that, with you going to your room and the guards leaving the school, though making sure that your handcuffs were still on. There was no way they were letting you stay here without them even for the night, although the police officers would be coming back the next day, and they did. After having dressed up they escorted you to the greenhouse for mrs Thornhill’s class. The class had already started when you got in, of course you were late because you were trying to escape.

“Get inside psycho, if you continue we won’t hesitate to hit you and you know that so move your ass!” One of the police officers said as he pushed you, almost making you fall to the floor. Your balance was limited to a minimum because of the handcuffs. Everyone’s eyes turned to you as you had interrupted their lesson. “Fine okay! There’s no need for you to threaten me, jeez” you said as you headed to your desk. Of course it was away from everyone else. “I would think about what you do before bothering her. You both know how she can be right? I wouldn’t feel so powerful if I were you. She could kill you in a second and I’ll stay and enjoy if she does” Wednesday started.

“Thank you shorty, but I don’t need you to defend me,” you raised your hands, showing her the handcuffs “I have these so they’re right after all” you said smirking. You may look like a psycho, but deep down you hated how you were being treated. You were still a teenager. Wednesday looked at you with confusion on her face - for how noticeable it was - and turned back to Enid. “She didn’t recognize me” she told the blonde, and she turned to reply “well I would be happy about that, at least she doesn’t have a reason to kill you right?” The blonde ended the conversation like that. Deep down Wednesday was sorry that her childhood best friend didn’t recognize her.

The following days were pretty much the same, you would get pushed around by those idiots and a couple of times they beat you in your room for the bad replies you gave them. You had started submitting to them, having finally understood that there wasn’t a way out from this living hell and that no one would ever treat you like a normal girl.

This time you were in your Biology class, of course in your alone desk. You weren’t listening to the lesson at all, you were just writing on your diary. It was the only place where you had privacy so you would vent and write all kinds of things there. Then suddenly you felt a presence at your side, and realized that the girl you had learned to be Wednesday Addams had moved to sit next to you.

“Addams maybe you should go sit somewhere else” the teacher suggested, but she quickly shut him up “I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. If needed I even know how to defend myself so don’t worry about me” he nodded hesitantly and let her do. “What do you want Addams?” You started, closing your diary as she noticed the bruises on your arms, but decided to say nothing about it.

“Do you remember me?” The brunette asked without thinking of it. “No I don’t. Why would I?” You were quick to reply. “We played together when we were kids and I used to be your best friend. Then you moved when you were 10 and I never knew anything about you” she said, not once looking at you in the face. You wondered why. “Yeah well I lost all of my memory when I was 13 so for my cute little brain my life started at 13” you said and then everything went quiet for the rest of class, until Wednesday got up and sat back at her place next to Enid.

Even more time passed since then and things didn’t really change much. In school you had learned to behave and always went to class on time, but when you were in your room you would always end up fighting with the guards, who always ended up beating you until you passed out, and they also started tightening your cuffs, which started cutting on your wrists and leaving dark bruises and dried blood.

The day after the 100th fight with the cops you went to class with tears in your eyes, which you refused to let go. Arms full of bruises, yet everyone refused to say anything. You were breaking and you had no one to talk to. By now of course you regretted what you did, but at this point there was no going back. Nobody cared about your state, except for Wednesday.

Recently she had been Sending Thing to your room to check on you, luckily you hadn’t seen him. He saw every day how you would get beat up and of course told Wednesday. One day she finally decided to act upon this. Luckily the guards were only outside of your room so she only had to distract them to get inside and help you. Thing took care about this and Wednesday got in your room. She caught you crying on the floor because of the pain.

“…(Y/N)?” Wednesday asked quietly as she walked to you, kneeling down in front of you “are you okay?” She asked again. “Addams get away from here before I kill you!” You warned her in between sobs, but she didn’t budge from where she was “I’m not leaving. I came to help you” she said and without thinking of it she put a hand on your shoulder, but she didn’t expect a reaction from you.

She didn’t expect you to jump up on her and pin her to the floor, a murderous expression on your face as you looked at her while breathing heavily, but suddenly it all came back to you. 

How you would always play with her

How you loved your parents

How your parents loved you

How you were such a happy little girl

But then came the experiments

And with it the pain

And the depression

The killing.

Suddenly you remembered everything and it gave you a headache as you quickly stepped away from her and crawled backwards to the wall. Wednesday looked at you unfazed, like she expected it from you. But she didn’t expect you to pull back that way.

“What’s happening?” She asked you as she stood up and once again walked to you. “I- I remember everything..” you told her and began crying once again “I’m sorry- I’m so sorry Wednesday I didn’t mean to do anything of that- it wasn’t my fault” you started rantling. You were apologizing to her, she did nothing wrong but she knew that you just needed to say that.

———

From then on you turned once again to the girl you used to be, with the only difference that no one trusted you here at Nevermore, even though Wednesday told everything what had happened, obviously after you had given her consent. The court has been notified about this events and today you were going through another trial to validate what had been said.

They asked you questions of the past to which you replied, and then they called Wednesday to testify that you were back to normal. When they told you you were free to go you breathed of relief but then you asked for one thing you never thought you’d ask.

To go back to Nevermore.

[notquitedeadpod]

One of the cool things about Not Quite Dead is that because it's primarily just Alfie speaking about stuff it's very easy to let that flow and change as I go in a way that's very fun and liberating.

Unfortunately, this can mean that continuity issues happen, especially in the early episodes when I was convinced nobody was gonna listen to this show and I was writing it solely for myself. Those first episodes were written live; I'd write, record and release them. There were plans (I can't stop myself I love a plan) but they weren't super detailed and were more focused on all the little ways I wanted to indulge myself with this story rather than trying to keep a hold of all the details.

Writing a show like that was ABSOLUTELY what I needed in that moment and I love what I've made out of it. But it does mean there weren't many checks and balances in the beginning for things like continuity.

I don't feel too compelled to go back and alter what exists of this show. I made it specifically to have this easy flow and rhythm in its production and I wanted to avoid getting obsessed with going back and making corrections like I did when I was making SBR.

This does mean that sometimes, particularly in Season One, there are moments where the timeline doesn't properly hold or the continuity isn't perfect because the story is moving so much between its framing device and the memories Alfie is sharing that if you're not careful, important things get cut which ought not to have been.

Fortunately for me I have built in the world's best explanation for that and it's that Alfie's about to cark it for all of season one so it makes a lot of sense that his storytelling would be kind of whack. So I can blame him instead of me, which I prefer as he's made up and I'm not.

--- Eira xxx

[roxasthatisastick]

So, wasn't there something weird about Player?

So, its been almost two years since KHUX wrapped up, and there's something I'm still thinking about.

Isn't it odd, how Player didn't speak for such a long time in Kingdom Hearts χ? It took almost fifteen months for them to speak their first words during Ephemera's introduction.

But, while its easy to say its because Player is supposed to be a silent protagonist, that gets less and less true as the game went on.

Player has quite the speech during Quest 555, or Quest 979, for example. Player certainly has things to say, and certainly makes choices beyond what we, the audience, would choose for ourselves.

So then, why is Player so quiet, especially at first?

Well, Kingdom Hearts has an example of this before.

Xion.

I don't think Player had a heart, before Quest 362. More than that, I don't think they were a nobody, since the timeline on that makes no sense.

I think Player is a replica.

Puppet Without a Heart:

First off though, lets break down why I believe Player doesn't have a heart for a second.

The first time Player speaks, its to Ephemera. But what I haven't mentioned is that Player has interacted with keyblade wielders before that.

Right before that, in fact, by the standard of KHUX. In Quest 231, Player has a short interaction with another set of wielders, where they don't talk at all.

The quest goes about standard with Player hunting some new heartless along with some other wielders. They all promise to meet up, afterwards.

But, unfortunately, they don't make it back.

(They certainly have a bad history with 'promises.')

I think this, along with all of their other adventures (Olympus in particular we'll be getting back to), was the inciting incident for their heart coming into life.

As Ansem the Wise said, "The heart has always been quick to grow. Each exposure to light, to the natural world, to other people, shapes this most malleable part inside of us." This is true of nobodies, but its even faster in replicas.

So if Player's a replica, why are they a replica? Who made them?

Easy.

If you are going to tell me Master of Master's wouldn't make replicas, I don't know what to say.

And he clearly he has some capabilities. looking at Chirithy.

But then, wouldn't every wielder be a replica then? Well, I don't know about that. For one thing, we clearly have some families in the wielders, looking Laurium and Strelitzia.

No, I think Master of Masters made only the one replica.

Player... and in doing so, sowed the seeds for the Nightmare Chirithy.

I Said We'd Get Back to Olympus

So, Master of Masters, when it comes to gaslighting and manipulating his students, truly leaves nothing to chance. He leaves lots of other things to chance, but not that.

So when he told everyone there was a ~nightmare Chirithy~, surely he'd already set that into motion.

But, as far as we can tell, when wielders go dark, most of them don't get a Nightmare, they fall. And, disappear immediately after.

So there's only the one Nightmare Chirithy: ours.

And they have a connection to the Foretellers, that never really got expanded upon.

But then, how did Master of Masters guarentee that we'd gain a Nightmare?

Well, Player explored the worlds, was exposed to people, light... and darkness. Olympus, and its darkness, also happens before we meet Ephemera, and we develop our heart.

Darkness is as much a part of our heart as any modern character. And thus, we have Nightmares.

....that said, I think that's the extent of his manipulations on Player.

The Book of Prophecies, very clearly, doesn't write down everything, and I'm not sure Luxu ever really heard about Player in detail.

For Luxu, our story is that of a background NPC. Player's choices, and their refusal of fate, goes unwritten.

The way the story ends for Player is different than the Book, because Master of Master's never foresaw their bonds.

So everything changed.

Except that, well, Player is still a replica.

I have no idea what effect this will have on the future of the games, but the subtext and foreshadowing is so clear I'm not sure why I've never read this theory from others before!

Anyways, replica!player forever! Have a good day!

[moondustinfj]

MBTI AND ENNEAGRAM ANALYSIS OF INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE CHARACTERS

Part 1

Louis de Pointe du Lac

Mbti

Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiving

Infps are highly idealistic, sensitive and driven by their values

Especially because their leading function Fi (introverted feeling) allows them to be in tune with their emotions. Very much so that they are driven by their inner compass. They have a clear sense of right and wrong and it's not likely or easy for them to change their mind about something, especially moral issues

Armand: I would have made this woman a vampire. But I thought it best you have a hand in it. Otherwise you would not give Claudia up. You must know you wanted it

Louis: I loathe what I did!

Armand: Then loathe me, not yourself

Louis: No, you don't understand. You nearly destroyed the thing you value in me when this happened. I resisted you with all my power even when I didn't know it was your force which was working on me. Something nearly died in me! Passion nearly died in me! I was all but destroyed when Madeline was created!

Armand: But that thing is no longer dead, that passion, that humanity, whatever you wish to name it. If it were not alive there wouldn't be tears in your eyes right now. There wouldn't be rage in your voice

Infps are very emphatatic and sensitive. They want to make the world a better place and they try hard to help others

"But why, with this passion and this sense of justice, do you wish to call yourself the child of Satan!" - Armand

Louis: I'm incapable of your detachment. I know what it is, and I do not possess it and I doubt that I ever will. I accept this

Armand: I understand. I saw you in the theatre, your suffering, your sympathy with that girl. I saw your sympathy for Dennis when I offered him to you; you die when you kill

They are introspective and they desire to find their meaning in life

"It's a terrible feeling, not knowing, not understanding, not being in control of your own destiny" - Louis

"I would have to know from what... from what it comes. Whether it came from other vampires...or elsewhere" - Louis

They focus on the big picture and are very intuitive

"No need to tell him what to observe, or what to remember. He always knew such things. Years ago, when I'd done the dark magic on him, I hadn't had to tell him anything; he had savored the smallest aspects of it all on his own. Then later he said I'd failed to guide him. Didn't he know how unnecessary that had always been?" -Lestat

With their strive for authenticity and their sensitivity, they look for ways to express themselves through art and stories

Enneagram

Basic fear: that they have no meaning or significance

Basic desire: to have their own identity and purpose, their meaning

Type fours are sensitive, self aware and reserved. They are also prone to be moody and self conscious. They can suffer from self pity and melancholy

Type fours see themselves as fundamentally different from other people. More than any other type, they are acutely aware of their weaknesses and defiances. They see themselves as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed

And because they see themselves as so different, they feel like nobody can see their true selves and therefore no one can love them for who they really are

"For the first time in my life, I was seen"

They might romanticize pain and bittersweet feelings

"I think to be this happy is to be miserable, to feel this much satisfaction is to burn"

Type fours often feel like there is something missing in them that others possess. This thing can't be properly identified but they feel like there is a hole in them that can not be filled

"If I ever thought we have souls, mine is gone forever"

So they feel like with this thing missing, everyone but them can fully understand who they are and their meaning

Type fours struggle to let go of their feelings from the past. They nurse their old wounds and hold onto their feelings about people who hurt them

4w5 (four wing five): The Bohemian

This subtype is combined with type five. So they're more reserved than the usual type four. But they're also more observant and speculative

"Louis, the watcher, the patient one, was there on account of love pure and simple"

Overall, infps and type fours are generally sensitive, creative, melancholic, empathatic, understanding, authentic, emotionally expressive and introspective people

"Louis, whose green eyes are soulful, the very mirror of patient misery, soft voiced, very human, weak; having lived only two hundred years, unable to read minds, or to levitate, or to spellbind others except inadvertently, which can be hilarious, an immortal with whom mortals fall in love" -Armand

" And it occured to me. If Louis does end his life, if he does bring his supernatural journey to conclusion, how will I ever answer for it to Lestat or Armand? It was the love of Louis which had at times crippled Lestat, and enslaved Armand" - David

"The first thing I'd ever noticed about him-well, after his green eyes that is- was his black hair. No, all that's a lie. It was his expression; the passion and the innocence and the delicacy of conscience. I just loved it!" - Lestat

"If I knew a mortal of that sensitivity, that pain, that focus, I would make him a vampire in an instant. But such can rarely be done. No, I've had to wait and watch for you. And now I'll fight for you. Do you see how ruthless I am in love?" - Armand

"Louis, my handsome Louis, in his dark wool and old fashioned high-collared linen, gazing down on us with a look of thinly veiled amusement, but with a secret in his hypnotic green eyes" - Lestat

[reverieblondie]

Partners

Pairing: Kaine Parker x gnSpider-person!Reader

Warnings: Kaine has a potty mouth and threatens people but other than that just fluff!

Summary: You get called into Miguel's office for a new mission, you wonder who you will get partnered with, though it shouldn't be a surprise by now...

A/N: okay I know this is the fic nobody is asking for but the heart wants what the heart wants. and I want grumpy Kaine Parker to hold my hand while he threatens to beat up people. No, I'm not going to apologize. This fic was inspired by @eughi wonderful art of Kaine! if you want to know more about this character please check out their account they are amazing!

The picture that started my obsession here

he's just so pretty!

Word count: 2,797

In the dim light of Miguel's office, you stand listening patiently as he debriefs you on your next mission. This is all nothing new to you, some dimension, a new anomaly, you have had this debriefing many times now. Though the places and targets change you know what to expect by now there is only one thing that keeps you listening intently to the drull words of the spider society's brave leader. 

Once he's done drilling into you what dimension and what anomaly you are supposed to capture, it's the moment you had been waiting patiently to hear, who your partner is for this mission. This was the thing you looked forward to hearing, Partner assignments. Would it be Jess? Webslinger? Spider-cat? You loved that little ball of fuzz. As you're cycling through the possibilities of who you could be teamed up with, it's then that your answer walks into the room. 

Kaine Parker, in his very iconic suit of red and black, it’s littered with stitches. You didn’t know if they were from getting patched up after fights or just for aesthetic purposes. But either way, they did look pretty cool. Scarlet lenses of his mask keep on you as his tall figure approaches, you know he's studying you and also sizing you up. -Honestly, it’s no surprise if he was, he sizes up everyone without needing to say a word.

Being paired with Kaine again shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. Not being exactly social and his fighting methods leaning towards more…intense, it didn’t exactly make him easy to work with. Not surprising though, The dude is the definition of intimidating with his 6’4 height and broad muscular figure, plus his brash nature made it hard for people to adjust to. Aside from Peter B and Ben, you're the only other person he would go on missions with. Opting to go alone when paired with anyone else, and if they protest they are promptly threatened. Edgy, but you kinda enjoyed that about him. 

Standing next to you now you wait patiently as Miguel debriefs him, it’s a much more summarized version than what you had to experience. Kaine is not the type to listen to a lengthy explanation, he’s more get the facts than get out kinda guy. Hell he didn’t even go to the mandatory monthly meetings.

As you stand there your senses are going haywire, looking up to where they are thrumming from you see those lenses staring down at you. Kaine seemed to have a staring problem and your spider senses always went crazy when he was. Maybe it was because of his sheer size, or it was possibly from seeing how easily he had zero qualms ripping into enemies when he deemed it necessary. Whatever it was, no other spider made your senses crazy like he did. 

Once Miguel is done with his debriefing, Kaine is already opening a portal to the dimension ready to get this over with, ruthless and efficient. What more could you want? 

“I want them captured in one piece, Kaine,” Miguel calls after us as we approach the portal. 

You give a dutiful nod in understanding, Kaine however…

“Keep telling me what to do and I will break your fucking face…” 

Luckily for you, he said it as he went into the portal, the last thing you need to be doing is trying to pull those two off each other….again….

----

“Yeah, then Kaine called like a million spiders to cover up the anomaly and proceeded to beat them to a pulp. He really can’t stand any Jackel variant.”

Munching into your burger you're still talking about your mission you had with Kaine a few days ago. Hobie and Gwen seem bewildered by your story, the young spiders having had little to no interaction with Kaine always seemed to look forward to the stories of your missions with him. Though you argue Peter B has the better ones involving Kaine. As you talk Peter nods in agreement, seeming to signal that he understands all the little quirks that make up Kaine. 

A few more minutes into your conversation Jess is strolling up to the table to join you all for lunch. Using only the context of the story she quickly deciphers who you're talking about. 

“Kaine huh, another intense mission with the scarlet spider?”

“Yeah, tasked to catch a rogue Jackal. You would think Miguel would learn not to let Kaine on Jackal missions considering how messed up they are when they arrive here. But he gets the job done and he's not a bad guy to have on a mission. Plus sometimes it’s funny when he cusses at the anomalies.”

They give you an odd look and you shrug going back to eating your food. As you're eating you're suddenly being interrupted mid bite by Gwen. 

“Okay I am sorry but I am dying to know. What does Kaine look like?” 

The completely odd question takes you back for a moment, “You know…red lenses…black and red-” 

“No, no, no,” she quickly interjects “I mean his face.” 

Without much thought, you point towards Peter, and this causes Peter to scoff, “Okay just because he's one of my clones doesn’t mean we are exactly alike…”  

Taking a second to think you nod, “You know you're right. Imagine a way cooler-looking Peter with long auburn hair and face scares.” 

The young spider's face lights up at the information and Peter shoots you a displeased look, he already gets teased enough from how Kaine and Ben are total beefcakes compared to him, but Kaine has height and cool looks beating him now.  Then you suddenly remember something. 

“Oh sometimes he forgets to shave so he will have a scruff going on, honestly looks pretty nice on him and fits the vibe.” 

This comment seems to make Jess snicker and smile towards you. “Well just wait till he finds that out…he won't shave anymore…” 

Rolling your eyes you shoot her a glare, “What's that supposed to mean?”

Peters chiming in now. “You know what she means…”

“Okay, let me just set the shit straight. Pardon the language kids. Kaine doesn't like me like that, he threatened my life the other day when I got in his way.” 

“Then why does he only partner with you?” 

“With that logic, he might like you, Peter?” 

“Woah, woah, first gross, second me and Ben are like his brothers. You're the only one not in the family he will be around.” 

“Because he has to.” you counter

“Because he wants to.” Jess persisted

Going to move to your next argument about how you two are nothing more than partners; it being because maybe he just likes your fighting style, your watch is suddenly blaring calling you in for a mission. Gwen and Hobie laugh as Jess and Peter give you a smug look as you get up to leave the table. Shielding your face from Gwen and Hobie you mouth a “Fuck you” to them. Sure Kaine's vulgar language may be getting to you but that doesn’t mean you're going to be cussing at kids…not yet at least…

As you walk to Miguel's office for your mission assignment, you find yourself walking rather briskly. Kaine might be your partner again…

The thought makes your senses haywire and you walk to the office faster…

—-

Kaine ended up not being your partner for that disaster of a mission. Laying in the infirmary your whole body still aching despite the painkillers you were given. Moving carefully you're very aware of the stitches patching up your side that ache in every which way you move. Your first mission with a different partner besides Kaine in forever and it failed ending with you both in a hospital bed. 

Lucky for you though you got to be in your own private room not having to hear the complaining of your partner's screw-ups that resulted in this. Miguel is sure to give them a long lecture when they get well…as for you you're probably going to be HQ bound till you heal up all the way. You just had to be one of the spiders without fast healing…just your luck…

Laying there you're trying to just close your eyes to try and forget about the terrible mission and your current pain but a loud bang outside makes you jump and look towards the door to the hallway. Loud yelling that sounds…familiar…Then it's that tingling of your senses only one spider can get from you. 

“Where are they?!” 

Crash, Bang, skreech!

“Wait, they are resting you can’t go in there!” 

“What are you going to do? stop me?” 

Before you can even register what’s going on Kaine is pushing through your door locking it so nobody can come in. Turning to you he looks pissed! You open your mouth to say something but he quickly silences you, 

“Shut up!” 

Next to you now; the conversion abruptly ended before it could begin, he’s looking over you examining your face and your bandages, bruises and cuts litter your body and the bandages are wrapped all around you but you're okay, you're alive. Suddenly Kaine claw like hands are gently gliding over your skin tracing the brushes and cuts as gently as possible. The touch sends shivers through your body you're hoping he doesn't notice. 

Still surveying you he takes his mask off abruptly, his scared face is scrunched in an angry expression, and deep brown eyes are staring at you studying you. You can’t help but feel more intimidated with him out of his mask than when he’s sizing you up in it. Those intense brown eyes are magnetic, his handsome features on full display. Some people might think the scars take away from his handsome face but you think it only makes him look better. Way cooler-looking than Peter… 

“Who was with you?” he says in a suddenly calm voice compared to how he came in. 

“What?”

“Dammit! Can you not hear? Who were you partnered with and what dimension was it?!” - and the yelling is back…

“Spider guy from 2782, dimension 38, vulture anomaly…” you say quickly, still confused why he was asking… 

His hand comes up to rub the top of your head gently, a very personal and friendly gesture for him. Staring intently at you, there is almost a softness in his stony eyes, it's…different from any way you have ever seen before. Your breath seems to suddenly evaporate from you. This is a completely different…loving side of him you have never experienced from him…it doesn't seem real…are you in a coma? 

“I’m going to kick his ass, then kill that anomaly…” -no this is real…

Once he's done speaking he’s stopping his rubbing on top of your head and now he gently glides his hand down to your cheek. 

“Wait-”

Before you can protest he’s already at the door unlocking it and leaving the infirmary. Gone without even looking back at you…typical Kaine… 

____

The rumors of Kaine's warpath quickly spread all over HQ and got back to you. Spider Guy got spared due to the doctors intervening after much convincing. Though all that rage ended up getting released on the vulture anomaly you and guy failed to get. 

Vulture barely made it out with his life and was in critical condition once he was turned in. Of course, this caused Miguel and Kaine to get into it. Those two seem to always find a way to fight despite them having similarities…maybe one day they could be friends? Though with how little they interact with people socially, their hanging out would properly be them just staring at each other in a room plotting how they would kick one another's ass. 

It has been a few days since the mission you were released from the infirmary but still not cleared to go back to mission work. So this means your days have devolved to you walking around HQ. Why you didn’t just take this time to sit at home in your dimension and relax you didn’t fully know. Though a part of you truly knew what you were doing, deep down you were looking for Kaine.

Of course after everything that happened and after what he did. He didn’t even come to talk to you. Or check in on how you were healing, hell everyone else did but your usual partner goes on an almost murder spree but can't bother to say hi. Though that's not his style, he's the ‘only I can kick your ass and if anyone else does it they are a dead’ kind of friend. Plus when he saw you he seemed…upset, could it be hard for him to see you inquired? For a moment you ponder the idea before quickly shaking it off.

Walking some more around HQ you find that you're in a more isolated area, a rarity for the society. Usually, everyone was so packed together so this is a welcome change of pace. Enjoying the quiet you look to the windows to observe the city but your eyes land on something else. Kaine without his mask hair tied in that half-up knot that compliments his face shape so perfectly. His brown eyes are so focused on the city, he looks lost and thought, you almost feel bad for going over to break his concentration but you haven’t seen him and you want to talk to him. 

Making your approach you plop down next to him, your eyes are on him but he keeps his forward but you know he knows it's you next to him so you skip the greetings. 

“So, I heard you went a bit overboard. Not that I'm surprised. But breaking the anomalies' kneecaps and leaving the dimension in a panic does seem like an escalation from your normal methods…”  Leaning over you try to meet his eyes but he keeps them straight ahead before he sighs, 

“I would have burned that dimension down if I needed to” Your mouth slightly drops and your eyes widen, well that's ...different… your heart racing now you feel that familiar tingling…how this guy rattles and intrigues you.

Sliding his eyes over he looks at you before he turns his head fulling, eyes tracing where your inquiries once were but have now been healing. In his eyes you think you see relief though with Kaine’s stoic expression you can never be too sure…

“Why did you do all that?” -the question seems almost stupid in hindsight. 

Kiane's eyes meet your face for a moment staring silently into your eyes before looking back out into the futuristic city. “Your my partner, and I don’t need you getting hurt because of some other idiots mistakes” 

The answer makes you laugh a bit, always so judgemental and coarse about others. Then the words you always think of asking but never do slip your lips next, “Why do you like to go on missions with me?” 

Kaine takes a minute to think before he shrugs “I guess, things are just a bit better with you around….” 

A smirk appears on your lips and as he looks back at you and huffs with an eye roll. “Shut up…” 

All you can do is slightly laugh before nudging him “Well, I like being around you too, best partner someone could get paired with.” 

You know that even if his face isn't changing in expression you know your words mean something to him. At least that's what you're hoping, Kaine is great and you're fond of him despite how others feel about his rough nature. He's a good guy even if he doesn't think so, but you are willing to take the time to convince him of that. 

A couple of minutes pass before you move to get up and give him some alone time, something you are sure he values. As you stand you feel something that stops you in your tracks. Looking down you see Kaine's large hand on yours holding you gently, moving your gaze to his face you see that he’s avoiding eye contact looking away from you with a furrowed brow and a slight pout on his lips. 

Sitting back down you hold his hand gently back and you watch as the blush slowly dusts his cheeks. You have to hold back the urge to call him cute. Holding your hand is a huge step of affection for him if you tease him now he will never be vulnerable again to you. 

Time passes and you keep your hand in his as you gently slide your thumb across his large hand. The silence is comfortable and as you turn to look at him you swear you see the slight tinge of a smile….what a softie….

[demonir]

Welcome to Adrian’s good omens thoughts while he’s half asleep again, on todays episode I want to talk about how important the gender expression in the show is to me

Don’t mind the typos I’m lying down without my glasses

I really appreciate how subtle they are about characters genders and stuff, characters with commonly male names being played by actresses and they still use stuff like “sir” or “lord” even if they also get referred to as they/them. They don’t make an intense effort to make them look incredibly androgynous either which like- idk it’s nice.

Knowing neither angels or demons have a defined gender also feels so so so nice because it comes paired with the fact they still choose to present in specific ways and use specific pronouns because newsflash bozo someone can be nonbinary or agender and still present masc as fuck or fem as fuck and use either he/him or she/her and if they wake up 2 weeks from now and change that they are still valid.

Which takes me to my second favorite point, Crowley’s change in gender presentation. I know we all know or at the very least agree he’s genderfluid but like I want to highlight the way he does it because it means so much to me. He has obviously chosen to be masc presenting through most of history (that we’ve seen, there could still be periods of time we haven’t seen where she’s been fem) and idk abt you but I was a tumblr teen years ago learning a very skewed version of gender identity and expression where if you wanted to be genderfluid you had to look very attractive as both genders and also PASS as both genders convincingly (as well as being perfectly androgynous when being neither, this also applied to nonbinary people), as well as change it like every 2 days or so and have no preference? That’s the way people would make it seem to me, that’s the way people would portray their genderfluid characters in fandom spaces and that’s the way my teenage mind came to absorb it.

Now, it’s 2024 and I’m sure all of us with common sense know this is bogus but still seeing Crowley just sorta… brightened my everything? Knowing nanny Crowley wasn’t just for the joke, knowing that during certain scenes she was indeed being fem… but the most important part to me is that no matter what he was still HIM, they could have gone the easy route and have an actress play fem Crowley and be like “oh well she’s a demon she can shapeshift whenever ooooo” like so many people do with their ocs (I was one at one point) but it is still obviously him, it is still David Tennant playing Crowley and nobody else and when she’s fem she’s still got the same features the same everything and that’s somehow just… so freeing to see? It’s realistic, it’s grounding. You can be fem and still have overly masculine features, you can be fem and still have facial hair, you can be masc and still wear makeup, you can be masc and not hide your chest.

Now I wish this was all just… more obvious to everyone, I know some of this stuff because I saw posts, I saw people talking about it… but not everyone is gonna go through a 3 hour post scavenger hunt for extra lore like I do and these things are simply not addressed in the show. There IS a certain freeing feeling to the gender stuff not being addressed, it simply happens, it passes by and you might not even notice, but also comes with the double edged sword of people simply thinking SOME of the characters have funny genders but the others don’t.

Sorry I’m distracted rn bc I can hear a fucking bohemian rhapsody cover coming from my moms tv the timing of this is fucking wild, anyways I’m gonna try to get my thoughts back on track

So yeah, to some people like for example my aforementioned mother, the nanny Crowley thing was merely a joke and nothing else, not a brief moment of gender expression but just a perhaps even nasty joke played at the expense of other people. To her every other Crowley before and after that has been strictly cis male and mlm despite the fact I did in fact explain to her that he’s not, same applies to Aziraphale and perhaps even harder because we only ever see him presenting masculine through the entirety of it and trying to explain otherwise to the woman that thinks she can use she/he on me because I’m bisexual will not work (and she refuses to use he/him on me anyways mind you, or my chosen name. Says it’s too complicated, but I know for a fact that if one of the characters had changed their name mid show she would switch to the new name instantly…..yknow… just casual transphobia for me only)

I would like just…a passing comment or a scene that lets everyone know the nuance yknow? Finally something that cannot be disputed by everyone, and you might say “well but Crowley says he’s neither when he gets called a good lad” and to that I say yes but people still dispute the meaning behind it, my mom certainly would. And again you might want to shake the nanny scene in front of me and again I’ll remind you of people thinking it was just a joke, a disguise, a singular haha funny. You might want to gesture towards other scenes or moments or passing phrases but the thing is they will or have already been debated on because people will try to deny it no matter fucking what and it’s FRUSTRATING, so perhaps it’s just me being petty or wanting to give them a good ol fuck you but I’d like it if either Crowley or Aziraphale or both just looked at the camera head on and went “we are not men, also Crowley is genderfluid” no ifs no butts no second meaning just straight to your face, a giant “shut the fuck up” to annoying people.

Now I’m not gonna die if this doesn’t happen, I’m fine with that… it just sorta feels depressing seeing someone in the wild genuinely saying shit like “why are you using she/her for Crowley? He’s a man” my brother in Christ I am about to hit you with the mallet of knowledge and you won’t be able to look at that demon the same way ever again.

The gender expression in good omens matters so much to me as someone who struggles with her own and Crowley and Beelzebub matter so much to me as a little afab genderfluid/nonbinary (I’m not sure yet) motherfucker, I need to go bite some fuckinf ccomcrete right now man, accidental typo but I’m keeping it.

[mortal-kombat-1]

what is your opinion on johnny cage's character?

Oh boy, this took me a good bit to think on and type out, lmao. Like, would have it all ready to post then think of something else to add. Thank you draft option 🙏

Overall, I think he's more complex than a lot of folks make him out to be. Yeah, its really easy to just think he's the comedic relief only when the game(s) kinda lead you to believe that. You can't really judge him based on one timeline since the plots/stories keep changing with each game (even if you add in the comics and movies). There's no connecting the dots when it comes to MK lore, lol. You gotta be fairly new to the franchise to think otherwise if I'm being very honest.

But given this blog is primarily MK1 Johnny, that's the timeline/version I'll jot my thoughts out for.

He's obviously not a parent in this timeline unlike 10 and 11, so we can scratch even mentioning that. But, he's once again married, not to Sonya but to Cris. Even so, his ego, money spending and his need to be the prime center of attention gets the better of him causing things to sour in his marriage. Of course ending in divorce. I won't stick up for him, he has his flaws, Cris was definitely in the right to divorce 'em. She deserved to be treated better. I'm not saying the man didn't care for her, it was pretty damn obvious that he did. He's very protective and regrets how he's done her -- he made that clear in a couple of intro's. I really felt like he got into the movie business not only because it was something he always wanted to do, but to make a better life for the both of them at some point, but I think he kinda let it all get to his head and let slip away the reason he was initially doing it all for. So in short: He's gotta take responsibility for his own actions. Nobody else is to blame but himself. But even with that being said, he struggled, obviously an alcoholic -- he's mentioned recovery to Ashrah in one of their intro's; though I'm really convinced he started drinking to forget about certain details of his past... and maybe stress because Hollywood. We don't really get enough information on his childhood other than whats mentioned in intro's with other characters. And even then, they never really seem good nor happy. So I like to think his need to be a people pleaser really stems from his parents. That is in no way me trying to make an excuse for his character, though. The man isn't a child/teen, and I've seen people on here and elsewhere, thinking he's in his 20's or early 30's. And after going through some of the files in the game, a lot of the things he's won or collected were from the 90's -- awards being more specific. So I tend to say he's in his early 40's at the youngest. Also, he's mentioned getting someone younger to take on his role so yeah.

I like how even though others might find his tactics and odd sense of humor (which happens 99% at the wrong time) annoying, they still want him there. And he knows that, the damn smirking gives it away. Does he mature in any way in this timeline -- eventually, but I wouldn't say he's changed completely or he wouldn't be Johnny Cage. I'd say he finally realized there's more to life than money and fame when you got the right people surrounding you, and he gets that by the time the game ends.

Also, that damn boopable nose... they ever change that I'm gonna riot.

I could keep going on about this idiot, but I gotta stop there or I will never shut up sdfghjkl;. It's one of those "I see so much of myself in this character and I'm gonna glue myself to them" type of thing.

[zeondraws]

So, every game gets patched at some point right

Each version changes something inside the game and when the option exists- you can switch back to an older version of the game to check for stuff that got removed.

Unfortunately for Still Wakes The Deep there is only ONE previous public version you can switch to.

(basically you need to type in a command inside the steam console, grab app id, build id and manifest id and let it download and you manually replace your current files with those downloaded ones- ofc making a backup of your files before you do. There is a very easy to understand guide on youtube on how to do it)

The previous version is 1.2, in comparison to 1.3 (the current version which was released on the 16th of July, judging the steamdb page) has minimal differences.

I did notice the previous version had more soundfiles in the media folder. Roughly 83 of them, but most of those are Rennick body sounds, helicopter blade sounds, gloves rubbing while sitting near the heater and some environment sounds. It also includes one Trots voiceline, but it's one we already know. But these files got removed in 1.3 (the patch doesn't mention this I think, which means there could be differences inside the game files nobody knows about. But I don't know what else it could be)

Main reason I was suddenly sooooo interested to check for previous versions... is because Axol found a video on YouTube from a person called Mkiceandfire- and this person plays the game in version 1.0 which bewildered me a ton. Apparently a few folks already saw this video awhile ago. I somehow didn't?

But this game has quite a few differences inside the dialogue. Like Caz even says something when Roper grabs him with the tendrils "AAARGHH Get the fuck away from me! Aargh fuck!" for example.

Or the infamous Davros on the deck subtitle. The McLurg talking to Bruce was once titled Davros, which in turn got killed by Muir on the deck. And if you remember, Davros would later call you on the phone saying he's near the lifeboats. So it makes a lot of sense, that the name got changed. Otherwise you would have a random plot hole, or Davros is so strong and survived the attack for some reason-

However they may have forgotten, that there is already a McLurg with Boyd, so no clue why he's there twice.

I know the "McLurg/Davros" model is named Bruce so it's like... Bruce talking to Bruce which gives me a total ANEURYSM.

Trots even had a different VOICELINE before he gets crushed by debris!! And while Caz walks up to Accomm roof he still seems to be alive like, huh.

I haven't noticed any other major differences aside from different subtitles and some alternative voicelines. Which I found interesting, in version 1.0 Caz seemed more angry towards the infected (even getting pissed at tendrils grabbing him in Admin). But there must've been some early version where he was more sympathetic towards them, judging gamefiles. And currently he seems more "neutral"

I have no clue when the new patch comes out (the new patch will include an edit to the credits, which finally adds Innes' VA), on the steamdb page it seems there are tons of private patches done this month. The page even lists other builds, but normal people don't have access to those. But it lists beta, alpha and developer versions for example. God imagine seeing those, the story must've been so different in beta. Or maybe these soundfiles are from alpha, I don't knowwww.

I might need to check everything inside the files of 1.2 in hopes of finding something that got removed. But at first glance, it all seems the same.

But before I even do that, I want to finish listening to the soundfiles this weekend (I am over 12000 now). I discovered an interesting soundfile from Admin too. It's probably Archie's voice?? I'm not sure, either him or Scooby. But he's saying "Get off him" before screaming (it triggers when you leave the room with the flickering TV).

I really wanna finish this Muir video, I want to focus on other stuff. I started fleshing out another drawing for the AU too.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[callsigndragon]

Seeing Red | Ch. 50: Gone ✍️📲

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: THE MOLE IS REVEALED. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGST AND FLUFFFFFFFFF. mentions of pregnancy, Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo (he deserves his own warning) a bit of jealousy and... big ASS DRAMA AT THE END.

A/N: Am I sorry? Not really. Hope you enjoy the pain :)

Follow @jinxlibrary for updates!

Masterlist on pinned!

Jake leaves the phone on the table and looks around, searching for any familiar faces from his childhood or maybe an unfamiliar one that shouldn't be here at the moment. 

Gregory always said that you should rely on the same people to take care of the "delicate matters”. That meant that you couldn't just go around hiring people to follow your target. It's troublesome. If someone went to follow him, Jake would know. There's only one guy who would do such a job in his father's name. 

Nobody knew his real name, but they called him Vlad. He wasn't Russian, nor did he look like one, but Jake never asked about the meaning behind it. He couldn’t care less. Vlad had a terrible scar on his left eye, but by some miracle, he wasn't blind. If that guy was around, he would know. Jake's worst fear was turning around one day and seeing Vlad standing behind him. He was his father's left hand. 

But Vlad wasn't here. 

"Jake?" Mickey asks, following his eyes around the bar.

"Someone's listening to our conversation." 

"Man, the only other person here except the Daggers is Joe, and he's in his late 60s." 

Jake looks at Mickey, scanning his face. "Then who told my father that we were talking about all the food we had on the Fourth of July?" Jake whispers, not wanting to reveal to whoever is listening what he knows.

Mickey frowns, searching around the table and napkin dispenser. He presses a finger to his lips and looks under the wooden surface. He’s looking for a microphone. This is their designated table, the one that Penny always reserves for them. It could be easy to just leave a microphone somewhere and hear everything the group says. 

But there's nothing. 

"Hey hermano, can I take your phone for a sec? Mine just died." 

"Sure, go ahead." Jake unlocks it and hands it to him, with Mickey wasting no time in looking around his apps as if he were looking for something. "Man, how many kid apps do you have?" 

"Red has even more. I only have…" Jake takes a moment to count in his mind. "Four." 

"Well, it makes sense that you have so many." But Mickey’s words don't match his expression, as he raises his hand, palm open and fingers spread, and vocalizes 'five'. 

There's an app that shouldn't be there. Jake takes the phone and looks at it. No, he doesn't remember getting that app. Jake shakes his head, and Mickey takes the phone back, dropping it inside his own beer mug. He takes Jake by the arm and goes to the bar.

"They were listening to you." Mickey informs, looking at his own phone to check for any unknown apps. 

"Can an app have access to all my phone's data?" 

"Yeah, texts, calls, emails, and photos—and some of them can listen to you the whole time. Did you have problems with the battery?" 

Jake blinks, realizing that the reason his phone is always running low on battery isn't because it's old, but because this damned app is working all the time. "Yeah, I did." 

"Now you know why." 

"But how did that app get onto my phone?" 

"Someone with skills who knows your phone number can download it remotely on your phone." 

"I change my phone number regularly so he doesn't find me," Jake points out, a rule he followed for the last twenty years of his life. 

"He texted you in Hawaii, Jake. He had your phone number." Mickey recalls, running a hand through his hair, closing his eyes. "Shit, they know Liam's schedule." 

"What?" 

"It was on the group chat. They know." 

"Who has Liam now?" Jake pats his pockets, looking for his car keys. 

"Nat and Ames are here, Penny is working so… Mav." Liam is not safe, nor is Mav either.

"I need to go. Where's Red?" Just as he finishes his question, he sees you coming out of the bathroom, followed by the other two girls. "Red, come on, we need to leave." 

You look at him with wide eyes, and your voice trembles when you speak. "W-why, what's happening?"

"Jake had a parental control app installed on his phone that he didn’t download. It was spyware." 

"Holy shit. They've been listening?" Ames asks, looking at her own phone to see if there's any app that shouldn't be there.

"Liam's schedule." You say, grabbing Jake's arm. "We need to leave, now." 

Both of you run to Jake's car, while you unlock your phone to check if you also have an app that shouldn't be there. Nothing is out of place. 

"How did you find out?" You ask once the two of you are on the road. 

"Gregory texted me talking about the amount of food we ate on the Fourth of July." 

"Son of a bitch." 

"I'm sorry, sweets. This is all my fault." 

"Jake Seresin, if you apologize one more time for something that is not your fault, I will punch you." 

"Please, don't. You have a serious right hook." 

You get to Mav's in no time; the pilot and the kid are playing with the dogs in the living room. You let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding. He’s okay. Your baby is okay. 

"It's too soon for you to come get Liam, did something happen?" Mav asks, getting up from the floor and dusting off his pants. 

"There was an app on my phone listening to everything."

"Okay… I'll delete you from every group chat before we start planning Liam's schedule again." Mav says, grabbing his phone. You look at Liam, who is lying on the floor with Milo’s head over his tummy. Milo is like the brother Liam doesn’t have. Yet. 

You try not to touch your belly because you don't want anyone else to discover that you're pregnant. Things are hard enough as they are.

“I’m gonna call a friend.” You say, knowing that maybe you should have done this before, but there was already an NCIS agent taking care of the case, so you didn’t think it was necessary. 

“Do you think someone can help us?” Jake puts his hand on your lower back and presses his lips to your temple as he murmurs. “I just want this whole mess to end.” 

“Don’t worry. He’s the best.” 

“Okay, what’s happening?” Jake asks, closing the oven door after putting the pizza inside. 

You blink, looking at him with a surprised expression. You drop the t-shirt you've been folding, and push Liam’s backpack to the side. He’s going to stay a few days with Penny and Mav while you and Jake help DiNozzo and McGee solve this fucking drama. “What do you mean?” 

“You’ve been awfully quiet since we came back home, Red.” 

Yeah, you have. You keep thinking about whether you should tell him about the baby or not. If you do, Jake will try to leave you out of this. Maybe he will leave again to protect you. And you can't afford that. 

You sigh, looking down. "It's nothing, really. I was just thinking about everything he might have heard through your phone." 

He closes the distance between you two, his calloused fingers lifting your chin. "There's more than that. You can't lie to me, Red." 

You close your eyes and take a shaky breath, silently telling him that something is bothering you. “It’s too soon, I haven’t gone to the doctor yet. I need to check if everything is okay, and then...”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jake holds your face between his hands, kissing your forehead. “Breathe, sweets. Why do you need to go to the doctor? Are you sick?” 

You shake your head, hot tears fall on the tips of his thumbs. You can’t lie to him. He missed every day of your first pregnancy. He needs to know. He deserves to know that there’s someone more worth fighting for. 

“You’re scaring me.” He mutters, his voice thick and hoarse. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

“Pregnant.” He repeats, and you open your eyes, and you can see in him a mirror of your own emotions. Scared and excited in equal parts. “You’re pregnant.” 

“Yes.” 

He laughs, his eyes welling up with tears as he gazes at your stomach. “We’re gonna have another baby.” 

“Yes.” You start laughing with him, wiping his tears away. “Ames says that your aiming skills are legendary.” 

Jakes snorts, hugging you tightly. “Hawaii, right?” 

You nod, inhaling his perfume. There’s no safer place at this moment than in his arms. “Everyone was right; we made a baby on our honeymoon.”

He kisses your lips softly and kneels down, his hands on your hips. “Hi, princess. I can’t wait to meet you.” 

You run your fingers through his locks, chuckling. “You don’t know if it’s gonna be a girl.” 

“Shhhh, don’t listen to mama. Of course you are a sweet princess.” He says, lifting your t-shirt and kissing your stomach. “Now you gotta be a good girl and stay there for the next eight months.” 

“I still have to go to the doctor, you know.” 

“We’ll go tomorrow.” He gets up from the floor, kissing you passionately. His right hand caressing your belly. “We’re having another baby, oh my god.” 

“Let’s wait a bit until we tell Liam. I want to make sure that the baby is okay.” He nods, grinning like he just won the lottery. He walks to the oven, his movements looking more like dance moves than actual steps. He’s gleaming with joy. How can someone look so cute while taking a pizza out of the oven? “You look like a kid who just got new toys.” 

"I have a new baby; of course I'm excited." 

A knock on the door pulls you out of your bubble. Liam looks at you, and you signal him to come with you, Milo following the kid. Jake moves to the door slowly, and you can feel your heartbeat in your ears. The doorbell rings, and you grab the nearest thing, which happens to be a pan, ready to hit whoever walks through that door. 

“Red? It’s me, DiNozzo.” A muffled male voice says from the other side of the door. 

“Jesus, Tony.” You open the door and see the brunette standing in front of you. McGee is right behind him with an awkward smile. You nod in his direction with a tight smile of your own. Maybe you should have told Jake that you and McGee had something in the past. “Hey McGee.” 

“Red.” He nods. Yeah, things are still a bit awkward. 

“I didn’t expect you for another hour.” You mutter, moving to the side so they can enter. 

“When you told me that your kid was in danger, I got on the first plane I could. That’s what cousins are for, right?” 

Jake looks at you with a frown. “He’s your cousin?” 

“Not really. His father and my father were cousins.” You explain, feeling Liam’s hand on your leg. You look down, smiling at your son. “Hey baby, can you say hi to these gentlemen?” 

“Hello, I’m Liam.” He mutters, making Tony kneel down and offer his hand to the kid. 

“Hello, Liam. My name is Tony. And this guy here is Timmy.” 

“Hi, Tony. Hi, Timmy” Liam waves, and McGee’s expression softens immediately. Yeah, nobody can resist Liam’s cuteness. 

“Bubs, can you go give Milo some water? I think he’s thirsty.” Jake says, brushing Liam’s blonde locks out of his face. 

“Milo you want water?” Liam asks the dog, who just barks, and they both leave to get some water. 

“Well, now we can talk.” Jake says, signaling the couch. “Please sit down. I’m Jake, Red’s husband.” 

“I would have loved to meet you under better circumstances, but...” Tony sits on the couch, patting the seat next to him, and looks at McGee. “Guess this will have to do for now.”

“Well, tell us all you know. We’ve read Walters’ report, so we know the important info. Jake is Jacob St. James, the heir that ran away when he was 17, Gregory planned James Seresin’s murder…” DiNozzo lists all the important events of the case, looking at the two of you and waiting, in case you want to add something. 

“He had someone following Red’s every step for three years.” Jake says while sitting next to you.

“You have proof?” 

“He sent me pictures. But... he apparently had spyware installed on my phone. Could have erased everything by now.” 

“Where’s the phone?” McGee asks, getting his laptop out of his bag. He starts typing something with one hand, the other one extended in Jake's direction, palm facing up. 

You get up, and get a zip-top plastic bag from the counter. It’s filled with rice and Jake’s phone. You place the bag in his hand, prompting the blonde agent to raise an eyebrow. “Our friend dropped it inside a beer mug.” 

“You could’ve turned it off.” DiNozzo says, poking the bag. 

“No, Tony. It doesn’t work like that. Once the spyware is installed on the phone, it can work even when the phone is turned off.”

“Okay, McGoogle. Thanks for the info.” He pats McGee’s back and turns to the both of you. "Well, he's been listening. Anything else?" 

"Someone followed us on our honeymoon and sent a photo to our boss. He wanted to kick one of us out. My guess is that he wanted Jake to be left alone here, but Admiral Kazansky offered me an instructor position and we’re allowed to be together this way.” You explain, playing with your wedding band, a habit you have picked up again during this last month. 

“Have you been directly threatened by him?” McGee questions, this time looking directly at you. 

Jake coughs, not liking the stares that McNerd is giving you. “He told me he was giving me a last chance.” 

“When?” 

“This afternoon.” 

“Then we must work quickly. He might act very soon.” Tony gets up from the couch and grabs his bag. “Do you have a place where we can stay?” 

“We don’t have room here, and the couches are small…” You look at Jake, an idea popping in your mind. “Hey, you still have your house keys, right?” 

“Yeah, legally I still live there because we’re not married, you know.” He stands up, walking to the little table where you two leave your keys once you enter the house, and grabs his keys. “Come, guys. I’ll show you where it is. It’s only three blocks away.”

McGee gathers his things, giving Tony the bag of rice. There’s something comical about the way he looks at the bag. 

“Red.” Jake calls out for you, nodding towards the kitchen. You follow him, ignoring the little voice in the back of your mind that is telling you that he shouldn’t leave the house. Not now. “So… why is this guy looking at you like he came out of Bridgerton and he couldn’t believe that the love of his life got married to another man?” 

“Are you comparing McGee to Anthony Bridgerton?” You snort, covering your mouth to not laugh. 

“I don’t know, it’s just weird. Did something happened between you two?” 

The small, tremulous tone of his voice tells you more than his words. “It was before I met you, and it didn’t work out. He was in Washington, I was deployed all the time…” 

“So there’s no feelings left?” 

You grab his hand, your thumb caressing the warm platinum band in his ring finger. “Jacob, I will crawl to the end of the world to be with you if I had to. There won’t be anyone else. Ever.” 

“I’m the only one who crawls here, love. Queens don’t do that.” He smirks, pulling you close by the belt loops of your pants to kiss you. “Imma get those two to my house. I’ll see you in a bit.” 

“Be careful, okay? I don’t have a good feeling about this.” You mutter, your eyes traveling all over his face, as if it were the last time you’ll be able to do it. 

“I’ll be three blocks away. Nothing will happen. I promise.” He kisses your cheek and pats Liam’s head, before getting out of the house with McGee and DiNozzo. 

It only takes the group of men a few minutes to get to the house. Jake helps McGee with his bags, carrying them to the door. 

“Are you sure you can prove that he’s behind all this?” Jake finally asks the question he’s been having in his head all day since you told him that you were calling a friend. 

“Walters managed to get a lot of information about your grandpa’s case, he has proof that the accident was planned, but he didn’t manage to get anything that pointed in his direction. I mean, Gregory planned a big funeral for him.” DiNozzo says, explaining the difficulties of the case. They don’t have witnesses, or a direct link with Gregory or SJAC. 

“What if I made him confess?” Jake’s suggestion makes both agents freeze in their tracks. 

“You want to meet him?” McGee implies, shaking his head. “We came here to protect you, not to allow you to put yourself in danger.” 

“I have a family to protect. I could go to his house, trick him into thinking that I’m going back with him, and make him confess everything. I’ll wear a mic. It’s the best plan.” Jake assures them, groaning at the way both agents mutter a resounding no to his plan. “It’s the only way, and you know it.” 

“We’ll find a plan that doesn’t involve my cousin being left without a husband. Now, can you please open up the door?” 

“Sometimes you have to take risks.” Jake opens the door, lighting the house, and leads them to the main bedroom. “This one has a big bed. The other one is small. Liam’s size. So you’ll have to share this one.” 

“Not again.” McGee mutters, dropping his bags on the bed. “Thanks for letting us stay here.” 

“It’s the least I can do. Come home for breakfast tomorrow, there’s no food in here.” Jake offers, patting DiNozzo’s back. “Let me check if the fridge still works; it was giving me a hard time before I moved to Red’s house.” 

Jake walks to the kitchen, thinking about the cold pizza that’s waiting for him when he gets back home. He sighs—maybe it’s not too late to order some takeout. Something catches Jake’s eye. The backdoor of the house is open. And there’s a black box on the counter.

That shouldn’t be there. 

“Guys?” Jake calls them, and Tony appears behind him, gun in hand, looking everywhere. 

“What happens?” 

“That box shouldn’t be there.” Jake looks at it. It’s too small to have an explosive, smaller than a phone. The biggest thing it could fit would be a pendrive. Jake grabs the box with shaky hands, opening it slowly. 

Jake starts running before the box can hit the floor. McGee kneels, grabbing the object that fell from the black box. 

It’s a chess piece. 

A red queen. 

Jake runs faster than he’s ever done it in his life. There’s no time to get the car, and he doesn’t even have the keys. He decided to leave his own car at home and make the small trip in DiNozzo's. 

He should have listened to you. You had a bad feeling. You somehow knew that this was the opportunity Gregory had been waiting for. He had been waiting until one of you found a solution to all your problems, giving the two of you a false sense of hope and making you feel that everything was going to end soon, just so he could take everything away from Jake. 

How could he have been so stupid? 

He trips on his own feet, almost falling to the floor, but he stops the fall with his hands, getting up quickly. His lungs are screaming at him to stop running, twinges of pain leaving him breathless, begging him to stop and catch some air, but he can’t. That red queen pointed at you, and if something happens to you, he won’t forgive himself. 

He can’t lose you and his little girl. 

He can’t. 

Jake finally sees his home, the lights are turned off, and that scares him. He pulls out the.38 Special revolver he'd been carrying on his ankle for the past month and takes a few deep breaths to relax before entering the house. 

He wants to call out for you, but that’s a rookie mistake. He can’t make his presence known. 

Milo emerges from Liam's room, limping and grunting at Jake until the animal realizes it's not an intruder, but his owner. Jake crouches and pats the dog’s side, feeling him. The dog whines when Jake’s fingers touch a certain spot. Someone has kicked Milo. 

That’s when Jake notices your unconscious body lying on the floor. 

No. No. No. No. No.

“Red?” He holds your body in his arms, looking around to see any wounds, any signs of blood, or anything else. “Babe, come on, wake up. Wake up, please.” 

You grunt, opening your eyes slowly until you focus on him, and then your eyes open wide in pure terror. “Liam.” You whisper, getting up from the floor and running to his room while holding the back of your head in pain. 

But there’s no one in his room. 

Your baby is not there. 

He’s gone.