#and it fucks with her self esteem a lot
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offorestsongs · 3 months ago
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a villainess doesn't get to end up with the prince.
low-quality silverflame posting time! with some vague lore! i don't have the energy to do anything more polished rn but i still wanted to get the idea out
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pepperpixel · 5 months ago
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SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,
BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,
IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!
FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!
#arcane#league of legends#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#doodles#hate and love how hardcore I relate to jinx…#little sisters w dependency issues.. + a whole lot of other issues#anyway the ‘he’ in the ‘crazy girl’ lyrics is in my mind referring to both vi and silco lol#I’m sORRY! I keep seeing ppl hardcore pitting these 2 bad bitches against each other#and it’s like… silco is objectively. morally worse than vi.. vi is not like. a ruthless crime lord#vi IS 100% trying her best and loves her sister. but she still screwed up w jinx#and silco ALSO truly loves jinx. but also screwed up by fucking. trauma bonding w her ghgh-#like.. silco is too close. he’s like. yes go apeshit jinx I support and love you and understand u no matter what fucked up shit u do.#were the same. and that’s beautiful!!! I love how supportive he is…#but its like.. silcos too close. he just became a new person for jinx to glomp onto and base her self esteem around after vi left#and he doesn’t manipulate that on purpose but. he DOES effect that girls mental state. cuz he needs her too#meanwhile vi is too far away… she thinks she knows who jinx is. but jinx has changed… time marches forward. she’s not that little girl#anymore#and nOW! after the finale jinx has NOBODY TO BE CODEPENDENT W..#her mental state has always been so tied up in how the ppl she puts on pedestals view her#and now there’s no pedestal anymore. she knocked down the statues. she’s alone…#it’s interesting….#anyway I’m not trying to say vi is as bad as silco at ALL. just that she’s an equally important building block in jinx’s mind#that has made her into the fucked up lil person she is today. and I think that’s neat.#lol anyway! I’m hyped for season 2….#aLSO GOD DAMN THIS GIRLS OUTFIT IS COMPLICATED. WHY DO U GOT SO MANY BITS N BOBS JINX??? I mean I get it accessories rock.#but u take so much time to draw ghfhg- require so much brainpower#aLSO ADDENDUM. while silco is objectively morally worse than vi his relationship w jinx is genuinely. like. makes me emotional ghgh-#its not perfect. or healthy. but… it’s. the both of them. being seen. and accepted. and loved and understood.. and I love that shit.
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possamble · 8 months ago
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do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up
i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.
she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.
never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-
i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:
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okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.
the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page
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she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later
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so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions
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"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"
"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"
Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.
I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.
On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.
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Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.
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And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.
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Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.
Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it
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and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks
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And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.
(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)
The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.
And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)
I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.
and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured
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In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.
(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)
#asks#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#marcille donato#manga panel analysis#this is probably riddled with typos sorry#readmore cut bc it got long lmao#i ended up babbling about it bc it's such an important character detail to me#bc like... wow. she's so normal about it. she's literally just chilling.#the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her#the stereotypes the stigma etc. etc.#otherwise it just..#literally doesn't factor into her criteria for self-worth at all#the basic truth is that marcille likes herself on a fundamental level#she's not plagued by a deep and festering self-loathing the way a lot of characters in her archetype are#she likes herself and is proud of her successes and accomplishments#its just that shes terrified of failure and can have *episodes* of self-loathing when she fucks up#but who doesn't yknow#i know its a very slight nuance that makes very little difference in how her 'overachiever' problems manifest but its there#the sword of abandonment issues that hangs over her head has nothing to do with her self-worth or self-esteem or meeting her own standards#it has to do with the fear of not living up to *other* people's expectations and not being useful enough to be worth keeping around#she's good enough for herself but she's always so so so scared that she's not good enough for other people#i wont say much about what ryoko kui is saying using this as an allegory for real world racial biases but#dungeon meshi's treatment of marcille's relationship with her being half-elf is so incredibly important to me because it gets it so right.#a trauma about inferiority or being a half-being isn't inherent to the experience of being 'of two worlds' at all#that's something that's unfairly drilled into people by their environment#the *inherent* anguish is the loneliness. the constant longing. the fact that you are always homesick no matter where you are#always just a little bit of an outsider and never fully at home#and dungeon meshi gets that.#edit: cleaned it up a little
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someobscurereference · 1 day ago
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Insane over the awakening trio again. We fought a war together, saved each other multiple times, and I know for a fact I can trust you with my life. We have never learned to socialize normally so we can't interact in a normal environment for five seconds without dunking on each other. I would follow you through time and space and abandon everything with you. You are the living reminder of every awful thing that have ever happened to me. Our traumas make us hurt each other at every turn. We're the only ones who know what lead to each other becoming Like That. Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. You are all I have left. I cannot fucking understand you. I am the only one in this entire world who has the ability to even try to.
x
#my text#asks#fe13#This ask is so good I wanna publish it first without any of my commentary and then i'll rb it with my own comments later#this is just fun to read#thinking of this line in particular:#'Our jobs are barely in the same area and we don't even hang out that much outside of necessities. '#i don't show it enough in my fics because a lot of my fics are fates focused or au focused for convenience sake so i want the awakening tri#to be hanging out way more and have had their growth but canonically before awakening they really like. Do Not Associate.#i think of this for so many of the awakening kids in general but like. they all travel through time together. they go through something lik#the future past DLC together. their lives depend on each other so much. most of them cannot stand each other.#inigo and owain Do Not fucking get along and never have really until fates when they're both adults and even then they're ribbing each othe#there's no doubt to me that they have gotten into a physical fight at least once before. or they avoid each other and are extremely rude#when forced to work together outside life or death scenarios. especially pre-awakening.#in their supports owain tries to be nice to severa repeatedly and she goes out of her way to be extra rude to the point#that he has a crises about being weird. and even if their s support isnt' canon#severa notes that owain was always nice to her and she struggled with being nice back throughout their lives#inigo and severa don't get along either. inigo is trying to be “nice”/build his confidence of talking to others with compliments#but he's genuinely condescending and quite rude and doesn't listen to severa telling him to stop talking to her like that.#note: severa actively goes out of her way to be mean to a lot of people back then. she's not easy to get along with.#(interestingly she tells noire she only does this to take people down a peg and doesn't do it to people with no self esteem like noire.#(similar to niles in a way. to be explored later.)#These people are Not Close and they are not each other's first choices to hang out. and they probably were aware of each other in#childhood but much more aware when they're older. owain's childhood friends were probably the Justice Cabal.#severa canonically hung with noire tot he point where noire grew up relying on her. i suspect she hung with the girls most of all#inigo... i'm not sure he has any close childhood friends. which could be attributed to maybe (a) living in Regna Ferox with Olivia#if you believe they went with basilio after the first war#or maybe learning early on to hide his real self early on so he never lets anyone get close. he clearly Cares about everyone in a#'won't let anyone die if he can help it/won't let them die alone (gerome/owain)' kind of way#but is he Close with them? I don't think so. not until Awakening and he has A supports
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watermelinoe · 1 year ago
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my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone
#idk if my brother is dad of the year or anything but he didn't want her to have the smartphone so points for that#her mom bought it so she could track my niece whenever she's with her dad (my brother) and text her constantly#and considering she's so petty that she made my niece leave an easter gathering with a terminal family member early it's like#i'm sure she has her side of it and my brother was probably a dick somehow but girl you're punishing an eight year old about it#and i really don't think shit like ''ice age is for boys (so i won't watch it)'' came from my brother#i'm sure i'm biased bc it's my brother but genuinely i think she bought my niece that phone to spite him#and now she's just glued to it bc that's what smartphones are designed to do !!!!#you would really fuck up your own kid's attention span and self esteem just to get back at your ex???#and this isn't even the worst parenting move on her part but luckily that guy died and can't be around my niece anymore ever <3#but i just worry about her. since i moved away i don't really get to see her.#and not to be narcissistic but i feel like it's good for her to see women w short hair no makeup comfy clothes etc.#i wanna be a good example for her#i told her she should just worry about washing with soap wearing sunscreen and drinking lots of water#i just can't relate at all. at her age all my friends were boys and i was into dinosaurs and pokemon and werewolves#a lot of girls... didn't really like me 😔 i remember being upset bc one girl called me a tomboy#anyway if u read all this. secret radioactive kiss just for u. mwah 💚
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year ago
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Watched ‘Charades’ - The Vulcan/Human stuff wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be tbh. Typical Star Trek bioessentialism which I expected. (EXCEPT THE BACON BULLSHIT. WHY DID THEY HAVE HIM EAT BACON? AND THEN PLAY IT FOR LAUGHS??? Of ALL things they had him eat Bacon. It leaves a really bad taste in my mouth since Leonard Nimoy was jewish and seems to have put a lot of that into Spock.) Love T’Pring no notes for T’Pring you were so sweet the whole time. Her holding his hand and subtly giving him tips to make the ritual go smoothly...AAA!! Christine/Spock things sooo boring on their own but as angst for T’Pring? Very good. She wasn’t even gone a DAY before they made out. DUMP! HIS! ASS <3 The phone operator please-hold aliens were very cute to me, I liked them!  Also it introduced the concept of a sacred Vulcan familial roast sesh which is honestly so fucking funny and I adore it. Five minutes on the clock to devastate your future son-in-law, better make it count. The mother-in-law-is-a-bitch and ‘henpecked husband’ thing is SOOOOOO boring though. Boomer comics. The funnier and more interesting option is that they are both equally pretentious but T’Pril is just more committed/has a better eye for things to complain about. 
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please-picturemeintheweeds · 5 months ago
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Why do you care what Joe Alwyn thinks?
That’s a good question! I think a big part of it is that instinctual protectiveness about Taylor bc of how many people I’ve seen hurt her. It’s not unlike how your ears perk up if someone is talking about something an ex of your friend said about her. Chalk it up to parasocialism maybe haha I also just am nosy and find it more interesting/light hearted than doomscrolling. I do think I tend to care more than is “normal” to care about a total stranger (so is Taylor), but that’s why I’m here on the special interest website to post and read posts about Taylor swift’s cinematic universe, idk. I don’t ever seek out information about what he thinks, but if I encounter it organically in the swiftie ecosystem I don’t feel the need to pretend I didn’t hear it. Im not really interested in the moral purity contest around being a swiftie. I like gossip and I like chatting with the girlies in my phone about pop culture idk and I like feeling righteously grouchy about loser dudes I guess.
maybe more deeply, I think I care what he thinks because it gives me a window into how this man carries himself, and how his opinions/actions may have effected my girl Taylor and her art. It’s so rare to get insight into how he ticks, so when something comes up, it fleshes out my mental picture of him. For someone who was sooo honorable for not talking shit with their friends, he sure talks a lot of shit!!! If he doesn’t want me to hate him, he shouldn’t keep staying stupid shit about Taylor 🤷🏼‍♀️
I tend to not care at all about his existence/thoughts most of the time, but when he’s blabbing publicly about Taylor, that feels more fair game (I know none of it is actually ethical. in particular the last piece we were discussing which was something someone overheard him saying, and not a consensual quote, I think).
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astralaces · 2 years ago
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amity should have been the one to calm willow during her freak out since she's the one who gave willow her inferiority complex in the first place
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hauntedhikingsociety · 2 years ago
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episode 3 of scooby doo mystery inc: this is cute the mystery is cool it’s still obviously a kids’ show haha shame i didn’t watch this when i was 10
episode 21 of scooby doo mystery inc:
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darksouls2yuri · 1 year ago
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i wish i could be horny consistently and not ruin the mood always by saying stupid shit because i love my wife so much shes so fucking hot and i dontt hink she thinks i do love her because i fuck it up when she wanst to have sex im always like damn i need to do laundry
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bibiana112 · 2 years ago
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I have no idea how to phrase it but being on the older end out of the students in this class and seeing a lot of the ones that just left highschool struggling with very similar stuff than I did (because no one in this course is cishet and neurotypical) and then seeing them come to me for support with all that stuff just because I'm outspoken about my experiences and somehow signaled that I'm safe enough of a person to come to all in the third week of class is so much I don't know how I got here but I'm so glad I did
#like I've mentioned my cool genderqueer friend he's on the same age range as me but I am managing to interact#with like a decent portion of the class? which is awesome! it feels like art school all over again I actually understand people#and it naturally has a lot of freshmen#and today like idk probably because of how bad I had it yesterday that today just left such a big impact on me all of a sudden#it's important to me that I can be someone like that probably because it's how I remember being before trauma and stuff#but also I mean just logically speaking I know one issue I certainly don't have is with confidence and self esteem#so it's important to me that I can support friends who do still struggle with that self doubt#and something about that just coming across to others is getting to me#like I just make myself clear that it's a choice to be friends and listen and that I wouldn't hang out with anyone out of guilt or pity#and it actually makes people feel seen#like I don't think I've mentioned yet but I had at least three interactions that reflected this today so yeah#fellow autistic nb nerd asking for snuggly friend hugs so naturally I was talking to someone else#neurodivergent trans girl saying thank you out of the blue alongside her goodbyes when parting ways#guy with ocd I hadn't spoken to yet but that had a bad fucking time cause of the class incel being glad I reached out to him#after he had to walk out of class today#like idk#fuck man#I said I was trying to not infantilize or adopt anyone but still had the instinct to try and act all older sibling like#like almost joking and the girl genuinely said I was doing a good job at that though#Void fala aí
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elytrafemme · 1 year ago
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THERAPY ACHIEVED!
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a-shakespearean-in-paris · 1 year ago
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do you ever just begin to write something and have an epiphany
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o-vera-nalyzing · 8 months ago
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i had to add the tags cause goddamn that’s so fucking real. and it’s so natural for him to go overboard in the other direction when trying to heal from the mindset of always trying to be smaller and nicer etc
but it goes back to what zelda said sophomore year, he’s not a weird guy offering a flower to someone the first day of school and singing a song trying not to get mad. he’s a rockstar, he’s saved the world, his friend group is the most popular and objectively coolest in the school, he’s literally killed many people which might not be that weird in spire but a good amount of those people were school faculty. like he’s intimidating and scary and cool and has a group of friends who can, have, and will kill for him.
i don’t think he fully realizes it yet but eventually he’s gonna realize when he says certain things that are healing for him because he’s breaking from his forced placidness, that those things can also really hurt other people. and i think with the support and friends and role models he has he’ll learn time and place and lines not to cross, etc, but i honestly just love to see the growth.
anyways he’s my boy and he’s finally standing up for himself unapologetically and maybe the whole rage thing is connected to the overarching plot in a bad way but honestly i don’t care gorgug deserves to be mad bffr. he’s in high school and he’s got a stellar support system he’ll learn when to be mad and when being mad is an understandable reaction and even though it’s not bad it isn’t the most useful or acceptable in every scenario.
i honestly think that Gorgug bullying Mary Ann is a good thing for the fandom bc i see so many of you guys being like "oh he's so sweet he would never hurt a fly", still treating him like he had no evolution since the first day of freshman year and the tinfoil flower... wrong. Gorgug is as capable of being a shithead as any of the others. he's a tall strong teenager who could very well turn into a bully if he wanted to, just like any of us, and who keeps getting pushed into it by his teacher and even his friends. Gorgug's road to self-affirmation cannot be brought forward without casualties, otherwise his narrative arc wouldn't have any weight ; this is a character who grew up being taught that you have to make yourself smaller, to always be kind and nice and arranging to others, while the general public kept seeing him as this big threatening monster !! of course he's going to take up some bad behaviors on the way of breaking free out of that. i hope he keeps having outbursts until the bad kids are forced to realize that it's not so fun anymore and to actually intervene.
#anyways i really do love cunty gorgug but i do think this is an interesting arc for him#he’s gotta realize he’s not the backpack stealing freak he was freshman year anymore#obviously he never was that person but people don’t perceive him as that person anymore#which is hard for him to get cause he has self esteem issues but realizing it will help him temper his temper (lol)#i also will say i think so far in *most* scenarios he hasn’t gone overboard yet#obviously the maryanne thing was but at the same time there’s a very good chance she and her adventuring party are like#killing lots of people and trying to make everyone rage and corrupt gods etc etc#which obviously doesn’t make it ok but in the context it makes a lot of sense why he’s so fucking mad cause i most people would be i think#and the bad kids did immediately tell him to stop love that for them#outside of maryanne i feel like the only others i can think of was oinking at the cop and calling bobby dawn a ‘regular freak’#i might be missing some but oinking at the cop is totally justified in my book and bobby dawn is awful#though i don’t love the word freak in general and they use it a ton in the show#anyways gorgug my beloved ur so me and also nothing like me at all i just wanna put you in a rage room so you can smash things#and then have a conversation about how emotions are valid and good but actions are different from emotions#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#dimension 20#gorgug thistlespring#the bad kids#fhjy
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kuiinncedes · 3 months ago
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bro
#i hate job apps lmao kinda in the trenches rn#i'm so idk so mixed feelings rn 💀#i think my self esteem when it comes to job apps is like fucking shot from career fair and job rejections and everything#my last interview was offered like a couple days before the interview and i just winged it and didn't rly prepare#and then after the interview realized i actually kinda like the company and would kinda wnat the job more than my lack of prep suggests LOL#but i applied for smth over the summer and they said they'd actually be interested in giving me an offer#but i committed to staying on campus for this yr (which i could've done stuff to get out of but i have dumb reasons for it ig)#but they just reached out and said they'd STILL be interested in offering me a job for summer 2025 start date#and it makes me fucking sad that i feel so weird abt it LMFAO i am happy abt it#but like literally this week has been so many rejections back to back bc i've been applying to things at my (old) college's career fair#and so many of them have already just immediately rejected me 💀#so a big part of me rn is like why the fuck would this company even still want me ya know#😀😀😀😀 i thnk i'll cry abt this at some point idk when tho 😀😀😀😀#also my mom keeps nagging me to apply for masters which i haven't actually looked into at all yet#i think esp bc she called me last night and was like no one's gonna give you a chance bc you only have bachelors#so you can't compete when theres masters and phd applicants too#which is true ig like i have just gotten flat out rejected without any interview or anything so many times#sooooo all of that adding up to me being like well i somehow tricked this company into still wanting me right#even tho i am literally doing nothing this yr i'm staying on campus bc i like it here#and i have a remote part time job and i'm figuring out what i want to do#jfc idk lmfao i'm also nervous abt telling my mom bc i feel like she just#ughhhgiuhdgfiwtglkdghfajs she can be very critical and judgmental ;-;#and i fele like she's been like that kind of a lot w job/masters conversations and i don't rly like talking to her abt it lmfao#when she called me yesterday she started nagging me abt job apps and not being picky abt stuff and i'm like#you have told me this 746598347 times i rly don't need to hear it again#i do appreciate and love my mom but i just rly don't like this lmfao#i think she'd be ok w it / happy i guess she did tell me to apply for this company at one point a while ago#i wanna scream lmfao#bro i wish tumblr would tell me when im RUNNING OUT OF TAGS rip some of this rambling i don't even remember what i said LOL#jeanne talks
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followerofmercy · 1 month ago
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Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide
This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.
How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:
The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours
It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people
Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.
Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.
Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)
The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.
It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*
If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people
So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.
Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit
Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen
Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **
General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.
Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something
Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill
* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them
** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone
Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty
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