#which is hard for him to get cause he has self esteem issues but realizing it will help him temper his temper (lol)

[o-vera-nalyzing]

i had to add the tags cause goddamn that’s so fucking real. and it’s so natural for him to go overboard in the other direction when trying to heal from the mindset of always trying to be smaller and nicer etc

but it goes back to what zelda said sophomore year, he’s not a weird guy offering a flower to someone the first day of school and singing a song trying not to get mad. he’s a rockstar, he’s saved the world, his friend group is the most popular and objectively coolest in the school, he’s literally killed many people which might not be that weird in spire but a good amount of those people were school faculty. like he’s intimidating and scary and cool and has a group of friends who can, have, and will kill for him.

i don’t think he fully realizes it yet but eventually he’s gonna realize when he says certain things that are healing for him because he’s breaking from his forced placidness, that those things can also really hurt other people. and i think with the support and friends and role models he has he’ll learn time and place and lines not to cross, etc, but i honestly just love to see the growth.

anyways he’s my boy and he’s finally standing up for himself unapologetically and maybe the whole rage thing is connected to the overarching plot in a bad way but honestly i don’t care gorgug deserves to be mad bffr. he’s in high school and he’s got a stellar support system he’ll learn when to be mad and when being mad is an understandable reaction and even though it’s not bad it isn’t the most useful or acceptable in every scenario.

i honestly think that Gorgug bullying Mary Ann is a good thing for the fandom bc i see so many of you guys being like "oh he's so sweet he would never hurt a fly", still treating him like he had no evolution since the first day of freshman year and the tinfoil flower... wrong. Gorgug is as capable of being a shithead as any of the others. he's a tall strong teenager who could very well turn into a bully if he wanted to, just like any of us, and who keeps getting pushed into it by his teacher and even his friends. Gorgug's road to self-affirmation cannot be brought forward without casualties, otherwise his narrative arc wouldn't have any weight ; this is a character who grew up being taught that you have to make yourself smaller, to always be kind and nice and arranging to others, while the general public kept seeing him as this big threatening monster !! of course he's going to take up some bad behaviors on the way of breaking free out of that. i hope he keeps having outbursts until the bad kids are forced to realize that it's not so fun anymore and to actually intervene.

[love-toxin]

I loved your fruity four x plus size!angelface, I rarely ever can find plus size reader works so I always get a little emotional when I do 😭😭 Do you think you would ever write bully!eddie or steve x plus size reader? I love your writing 🥺💛

TY!!!! I LOVE UR BRAIN <333

(cws: bully!eddie, gn!plussize!angelface, bullying, size insecurity/self-esteem issues, fluff and a little hint of spice.)

Eddie Munson is not a nice guy.

He's cruel, rude, and crude. He's filled with mockery and not-so-playful jabs, intimidation, provocation, fury, and he's so hard to get along with or even stand that you truly have no idea how he gets or keeps any of his friends. There's quite a few targets he sets his eyes on, mostly the jocks and preps and know-it-alls that throw his freak-ness in his face, but you're the one he sets his sights on the most. You don't have those big friend groups to disappear inside of, though, those alike people to back you up when you get dogpiled. Actually, you often feel like everybody's punching bag, because while nobody goes out of their way to terrorize you as much as Eddie, they don't regard you with kindness or respect--only pity and disgust, primarily for your looks. You try to be nice enough and quiet enough to not give them any other reason aside from that.

But even so, and even though Eddie's your biggest bully of all of them, there's one thing they giggle and patronize you about that Eddie never has, and that's your size.

Sure, he'll call you dumb, and he'll jeer at you for being so meek, and for never talking back. But he's never once degraded you on your weight aside from those similar comments; "Look at those big doe eyes, you're so pathetic" or "Gonna cry? Show me how miserable you look with tears running down your face" or even "You look like such a bimbo with that outfit, you think you're gonna get out of this by giving me a peek?"

And as much of an asshole as he is, it....those comments, they stir something up inside you. You've never really felt wanted, you've never felt desired or even seen yourself as a possibility for someone to be attracted to. You feel more like a fixture in every room you occupy, like an extra in a movie that only briefly passes by the screen. You're not used to being seen as a romantic object, a sexual object, and by the way Eddie teases you and gropes you you feel like that's what you are. You know there's no force on earth that would ever cause him to actually like you in that way, and he might be the only one who even shows that desire whether it's all fake or not, but even so it's really the only reason you don't make a point of avoiding him completely or getting someone involved to make him stop. It's fucking pathetic, letting your bully do whatever he wants to you just cause he's showing you the smallest hint of affection, but you just can't bring yourself to make it all go away. It isn't until you spend the holidays away from each other and come back for the second semester that you realize you're in love, and that reality is even worse and harder to contend with as you hear Eddie approaching you as you stand at your open locker. It's the first day back from winter break, and you know he's missed pushing around his favourite punching bag--which explains the rather violent slam of his fist against the locker next to your head, eliciting a shriek and a startled jump where you stand at the noise ringing in your ears.

"Missed me, crybaby?" You turn on a dime and catch his smirk, teeth glittering under the warm fluorescents and his arm still extended up to cage you between his body and your locker. It would be a wonder he didn't just shove you into it, if yours wasn't one of those half-lockers perched on the top half. Tongue bitten almost in two as you try to ignore the waft of his cologne--it must be new, it smells earthy and divine--you shake your head, and Eddie just chuckles in that low, deep, sultry tone.

"I think you did. I think you're lying to me." He murmurs, backing you up even further as he leans in, his sneakers squeaking against the linoleum as he shuffles forward so your whole world is blocked out by Eddie. "I missed you."

Those words did not come out the way he intended, you're sure of it--but he's still grinning, and he licks his lips, and the thing you've been sitting on for weeks wondering if you were an idiot for getting it in the first place just...comes tumbling out.

"I-I got you a gift," You babble, quietly, hoping nobody else milling about the hallway hears. Honestly you're half-hoping Eddie himself mishears it, so you don't have to deal with the aftermath of the mistake you're sure you've made. But he does, because his smile doesn't disappear, and he raises an eyebrow with curiosity clearly etched into his brown eyes. So, using the space you do have between you, you turn and fumble with the books sitting in your locker until you manage to pry out the thin, square-shaped box you'd wrapped and turn back to hold it out to him.

Eddie says nothing at first, just looks between you and the present as if it's some kind of joke. Maybe he's gonna slap it out of your hands and laugh when it goes flying down the hallway. Before much longer though, he stands back, and somewhat gingerly takes the gift from your hands and tears through the wrapping with a rough, blunt-nailed finger. You backpedal a bit with an "I'm sorry if you hate it" before he manages to pull the top off, but when he does, and his eyes widen, he looks back at you with a furrowed brow and an accusatory question.

"Why the fuck did you buy this?"

Oh, god. Damage control time--if you don't pull off this explanation, you can feel that you're gonna be in for a new brand of misery. Your words start rocketing out on top of each other at high velocity, until you're just spilling your guts out to him with a fearful tremor in your voice.

"I-I just saw it and I thought--I thought of you, of your music, and I thought you'd like it, cause you like Metallica, you know? And-"

"No, why did you buy this for me?" You're not too sure how to answer that, clamming up for a moment or two as his eyes dart back down to the tape. It's Metallica's newest album, the same one you've heard Eddie talking nonstop to his friends about at their table during lunch--you had to get it from a Sam Goody out of town, which is even more pathetic that you drove all the way there to get it, but....you couldn't find it in Hawkins, and it's the one thing you knew he wanted so badly. "This shit is expensive." He mutters, fingers grazing the plastic cover, brown eyes mesmerized by the track list on the sticker.

"Because, I....I don't know," You lie through your teeth, that familiar feeling of oncoming tears creeping up alongside the lump in your throat. You don't want to cry, don't want to make a scene in public and draw attention, but you feel like you might. "Please don't break it. I'm sorry."

"Shut up."

He scoffs, and you flinch at him slamming the top of the gift box back on so it's sealed again, like it was never open in the first place. Now you know he's gonna throw it--but you're proven wrong, as he crumples up the ball of wrapping paper and tosses it into your open locker behind you, before opening his jacket and sliding the present inside to pat it into place. So it doesn't fall out, secured by the wide inner pocket.

".....Take this." Huffing again, he reaches up to his neck and tugs off his necklace with a snap, the clasp coming apart but clicking back into place when his hands slide around your neck, and you realize he's affixing his most treasured pick necklace around your throat. When he's made sure it's secured in that incomprehensibly tender gesture, one so sweet that you expected to only see it in movies and not real life, Eddie's fingertips ghost over your skin and he pulls the pick down so it's laid out front and centre against your collarbone.

"I-Isn't this important, Eddie? I don't wanna lose it, or-"

"Then don't fucking lose it. Keep it around your neck all the time." He snarls, his hand quickly shooting up to grab your chin, and he forces you to look at him with those sensitive, pretty eyes before his cheek brushes past yours.

"Don't even take it off when you rub one out," He whispers, finally grinning while his tongue darts forth to lick at the shell of your ear, which sends shivers pulsing through your shaking body. "Keep it on when you're moaning my name. Bite down on it to keep quiet."

"Eddie-"

"Just wear it." He spits, watching with a tidy smirk as you shrink down at the strength of his command. "I wanna see teeth marks in that thing by tomorrow. I'll enjoy your tape the same way." He flicks your nose, and then he's meandering off, taking with him that heady, spice-filled scent that had overwhelmed your senses completely. The image of Eddie jerking himself off as he listened to the album you bought him will definitely be the background of your daydreams all day today, but even moreso will be the thought of what your task will be when you finally get home.

[yours-the-author]

Super Danganronpa: Goodbye Despair Extended Zodiac: My Thoughts

Hey gamers, I'm back on my weird fixation again. Time to buckle up, 'cause we're doing more zodiac shenanigans for the dangan-boys and dangan-girls! I've explained the concept several times now, so you probably don't need me to do it again.

In fact, I think I'll include links to the previous posts I made on this topic, as well as the V3 edition whenever that gets done in the future. I'm going to put it above the Keep Reading line, in case you want to avoid scrolling through spoilers. Here they are:

Trigger Happy Havoc

Masterminds

Goodbye Despair (You are here!)

Killing Harmony

Enough of that now; let's get started! Danganronpa spoilers inbound!

Hajime Hinata - January 1

Capries - Sign of the Bold (Capricorn, Derse, Time)

Born on the first day of the year, Hajime is a Capricorn! Capricorns do everything they can to achieve their goal, no matter how hard they have to work. They can also be selective about who they share their goals with, especially if, logically, they know it's not the best plan.

This is Hajime to a T, especially in the Despair Arc of the anime. He's worked hard to become a student of Hope's Peak Academy, even if he can only attend as a Reserve Course student, but that's not enough: he wants to be talented, to be a true and accepted Ultimate at the academy, and he's willing to make tough decisions in order to reach that dream... namely, a lot of terrible decisions. He throws away who he is as a person to become a talent lab rat, which in turn leads to the events that causes the Biggest Most Awful Most Tragic Event in Human History. The one person he shared his goals with was Chiaki, and and though he likely knew her advice was sound, he wouldn't give up. Or maybe he couldn't?

Next is Lunar Sway, and I chose Derse for Hajime. Skeptical, introverted, and an inherent need to rebel against the system of Talented vs Untalented by becoming talented through artificial means; Hajime's pretty cut and dry. It can also be hard for him to appreciate the present moment, as seen in the prologue of Goodbye Despair where he refuses to join the others in enjoying the beach. And, of course, by the time he feels ready to participate, the Killing Game begins. His Derse traits fit here quite nicely, too.

Next comes his aspect, which was a bit of a difficult decision, but I eventually ended up with Time (other choices were blood, doom, and heart, surprisingly). Time players feel a constant struggle in their lives, literal or metaphorical, and if that isn't Hajime Hinata's life story right there, I don't know what is. His lack of talent, and the self-esteem issues that stem from that, make life quite difficult for Hajime. Despite working hard and paying a lot of money, he's "only" a Reserve Course student (which has always felt weird to me? Like, there's a huge tuition fee and massive tests and exams in order to get in; they may not be Ultimates, but they're definitely talented). Not only does this wear away at his emotional stability, but there's that one scene in the anime where a teacher beats him up when he tries to enter the main campus! Who knows how many times that happened offscreen! Also like a Time player, Hajime is a relentless problem solver (makes sense, since he's a protagonist) AND impulsive. Seriously, none of the adults in his personal life (parents or guardians) nixed the thought of Hajime doing the Hope Cultivation Project? Not one? He's either a good liar or he has even more struggles than I realized.

Lastly, his word: the Bold. I wasn't sure about this one at first; Hajime can certainly be courageous when he needs to be, but confident? Only if the class trial demands it. The key that made me chose this word, though, was the fact that he's very willing to take risks. I don't know the full extent of how he became a lab rat, but there must have been some discussion of risks, even if they were downplayed considerably. It didn't matter to Hajime, though. No matter what price he'd have to pay, fiscally or physically, he would do anything to become an Ultimate student. And he did.

---

Chiaki Nanami - March 14

Pimino - Sign of the Empathetic (Pisces, Prospit, Doom)

Interesting fact, apparently Chiaki shares the same birthday as Chihiro Fujisaki from THH, which makes them both Pisces! We're only going to talk about Chiaki today, though.

Pisces people often have an enigmatic and otherworldly quality about them, though a lot of that is because they like to daydream and get lost in their own thoughts. Chiaki's quiet but rational nature is often hidden by her tendency to sleep standing up and focus on her videogames, and, as it turns out in Goodbye Despair, there IS something otherworldly about her: she isn't human! Even when she was still alive, her kindness to and friendship with Hajime stuck around even after he became Izuru, and though he didn't remember who she was, she managed to do something quite enigmatic: she made him cry at her death. Alive or not, Chiaki has something special about her that suits a Pisces perfectly.

For Lunar Sway, I gave Chiaki Prospit, which may seem a bit odd, but hear me out. While it's true she's more introverted and less likely to make huge reactions, like a Derse dreamer would be, that's just because that's her honest personality. Prospit dreamers don't always have control over how they present themselves to the world; they exist as they are, even if they're naturally quiet people. Prospit dreamers also have difficulty with deception. Though Chiaki physically couldn't reveal her role as the "traitor" in Goodbye Despair, she didn't do much to keep it a secret, either. She willingly put her student handbook on Nagito's bomb, which he claimed could only be done by the traitor, and once the purpose of Nagito's death was revealed, Chiaki desperately did her best to reveal what she was so that the others could survive. Very Prospit-like, in her own way.

Doom players "are fate's chosen sufferers." Given all the horrible things Chiaki goes through in both the anime and Goodbye Despair, this one's pretty straightforward. And while she might not be able to directly help someone in trouble, she's a very willing sounding board for anyone who needs to vent (namely Hajime). She puts the company in "misery loves company", with the wisdom, kindness, and non-judgmental attitude to go with it.

Finally, Chiaki's word: the Empathetic. This plays off of a lot of what I already said, but it's further proven with her death in the anime: despite actively dying in a super painful way, she cries because she's worried about her classmates and Hajime. She wants nothing more to live so they can all be friends and play videogames together. She knows the impact she has on her classmates and the respect and care they have for her, so she knows her death will leave a terrible impact and she worries what the aftermath will look like for them. Sadly, it was probably worse than she thought it would be.

---

Nagito Komaeda - April 28

Taurius - Sign of the Unmapped (Taurus, Derse, Hope)

Born on either the rainiest day of April or the driest April in years (depending on his luck), Nagito is a Taurus!

This... probably seems like an odd choice for Nagito. It certainly felt that way to me at first, since Taurus' are typically openhearted and withdrawn. Much like Byakuya from THH, though, it all comes down to stubbornness. Nagito is one of the most stubborn characters in the series, tying himself to the powers of Hope and Talent even when no one else sees things his way. Despite how close he acted with Hajime before the fourth class trial, the second he found out Hajime didn't have a talent, Hajime became dirt beneath his shoe. I wonder to myself how much of that was Nagito's honest feelings or just his strict adherence to his code of Hope; especially considering his special episode in the anime, where he wakes up from the NEO World Program with Hajime/Izuru's help. His deepest desire seems to be a world without talent (and by extension, a world without separation of talented and talentless), but he's quick to deny such a concept when he awakens. Is he stubbornly against talentless people for real, or is it simply a way of thinking he can't let go of? Who knows?

Next, the Lunar Sway: Nagito's fairly clearly a Derse dreamer. Nagito is acts very humble- often to an annoying degree- but his statements don't always feel so honest; some false humility, perhaps? He also has an odd sense of humor, and can be incredibly shrewd and calculating. While he claims that his talent "sucks", he still knows how to put it to good use, constructing a convoluted death trap for himself that will identify the traitor. And it works... to a point. Just his luck that Chiaki had faith in her friends and wanted them to survive, huh?

I really, REALLY didn't want to do this; I know he'd be freaking out right now if he were real, but unfortunately it seems to be one of the better fits, especially with his word. Nagito is... a Hope player (collective groan). The Hope bound are driven by their convictions, their idea of what is "right" and "wrong", even if it's not the conventional definitions. As mentioned in the Taurus paragraph, Nagito is tied down to his ideal of Hope and Talent being the ruling forces of the world. He's also not adverse to destruction in order to enforce that ideal; he brings a bomb to school to try and cancel exams because stressing out the other Ultimates will make them feel hopeless, or something along those lines. He very much knows that it's not appropriate to do that, but he's gotta do what he's gotta do to bring forth all of that hope. Though these ideals can make him narrow-minded and selfish, there are instances where he can be positive, warm, and even caring! Misguided and wrong as his methods were, Nagito did really want to help his classmates when they were feeling stressed. Well, at least he can have some hope in the form of being a Hope player in some rando's (me) Extended Zodiac discussion.

Finally, his word, which is what won me over to making him Hope: the Unmapped. While this world usually refers to geographical or even genetic uncertainty, it can be used here to describe Nagito's thought process. During the Funhouse arc in Goodbye Despair, the players gets to control Nagito for a bit, and we get a look at how he thinks vs what he says: a whole lot of thinking, not a whole lot of explaining his reasoning aloud. He's a complete mystery to everyone around him, like an uncharted map.

---

Lastly, I'm going to do my favorite character in Goodbye Despair (and then I'm going to go to BED! I keep forgetting how much work these posts are until after I start them. Anyway, put your hands together for:

Peko Pekoyama - June 30

Canittarius - Sign of the Striking (Cancer, Derse, Void)

A quiet swordswoman with an intense loyalty to her special one? Yeah, sounds like my kind of character. Anyway, Peko Pekoyama is a Cancer!

Resolute but surprisingly emotional, Cancers tend to create a hard outer shell to protect their soft and sweet insides. In Peko's case, she cares highly for Fuyuhiko, but thinks that such feelings are wrong for her to have since she's merely a tool to him (from her perspective). Thus, she creates a solemn and loyal personality befitting a piece of equipment like her, though she likely longs for something more from her young master.

In a similar way, Derse makes a lot of sense for her Lunar Sway. Cerebral and less inclined to vulnerability, a swordswoman like her needs to be able to calculate the best path to victory. Those skills are probably also useful for her social "life" as a pseudo member of a Yakuza family. Careful thinking and choosing your words carefully probably goes a long way.

Then the Aspect, which was rather difficult to decide on, but I finally chose Void. Void players are wise and intuitive people, but can also seem dismissive and apathetic. Peko decides to become Fuyuhiko's "murder weapon" in a clever attempt to help him survive, but in doing so, she's completely dismissive of what he wants until it's too late. And during her execution, she acts on instinct: the second Fuyuhiko is in danger- especially at her own hand- she stops fighting and uses the last of her strength to keep him alive. A very intuitive choice, indeed.

Finally her word: the Striking. Yes, this is a pun on how she strikes people with her bamboo sword, but her attempts to swindle the other characters into voting for the "wrong murderer" involve extreme, attention-grabbing methods: putting on a show as Sparkling Justice, the serial killer, and convincing people to make the "wrong choice". Of course, that's not the way it played out, but her attempts were certainly striking in their own way.

---

...And, those are my opinions! I'd definitely love to hear your thoughts and/or own opinions about which combinations fit better, so feel free to say something if you feel so inclined. I'm going to bed, it's late where I am and I've got a busy morning ahead of me. See you around!

[bellestarot]

Changbin's Reading

October 13, 2024

Right Now

He's planning something around the number 4. It could be the 4th day, the 4th month of next year, something linked to the number 4, and he's really involved in it. He's been super active, giving his opinions on the issues he's working on for this project, though I don't know exactly what it is. He's in a really good place with his self-esteem right now. He's loving himself more. I think in the past he struggled with self-acceptance, but now he's going through a phase of loving being in his own skin and truly valuing himself.

And that's opening doors for possible romantic interests in his life.

But he's been feeling really tired. He's working a lot and hasn't had much time to enjoy life. So, he really wants to take some time to relax a bit.

Love Life

He's involved with more than one person, and he doesn’t really feel like committing emotionally to anyone. It’s more physical for him, and he really likes being in control of things, including his own emotions. He tends to approach things logically and talks things through. He’s not just seeing one person. I feel like there are probably two or three people he’s been seeing more frequently.

It seems very casual, and one of the people he's involved with might also work in his field, maybe in entertainment. It could also be someone he’s known for a long time. He’s been feeling a bit confused about some of these relationships because, even though they’re casual, he feels strong connections with a few of them.

Career

I think he's doing a great job, traveling the world, but he’s very protective of his privacy. He doesn’t like people digging into his personal life or asking about certain private things, and something has been really hurting him lately. It's left him feeling anxious because one of the people he's involved with is someone he could see himself having something serious with someday—maybe even getting into a relationship or getting married.

But he realizes that for that to happen, it would be really difficult. The biggest obstacle is his fame, and he’s sure that this person wouldn’t be well-received by his fans. He knows the fans would judge the relationship, and it would probably end because of that. This has been on his mind a lot recently because he wants something serious one day, but he sees that where he is now, it’s hard to make that a reality.

Family

He cares a lot about his family and has so much love for them, but they tend to be very judgmental. They might hold very conservative views and are harshly critical of other ways of thinking and acting.

There’s a young girl in his family who’s been suffering a lot because of their judgment. He’s been really worried about her because the criticism has been so intense that it’s caused her to isolate herself, and most of the family is against her. This situation has been stressing him out a lot, and he’s really concerned about her.

Friendships

He has a lot of friends he can rely on, and there’s a woman he’s very close to, someone he really values and protects his friendship with. However, he’s been feeling quite cautious about another friend from work.

This person is impulsive and has certain behaviors or maybe even habits or addictions that he strongly disagrees with. Because of this, he’s taken a step back from their connection, as he feels it’s something he can’t support or accept.

Future

He’s going to move away from being so logical and overly cautious with his words and actions. He’ll feel more confident to just be himself, and I think soon he’ll show people who he truly is at his core. I believe this might become the best phase of his life because he’s going to fully love himself.

He’ll also recognize his flaws and handle them with ease and a light-hearted attitude, which is a big shift. His self-esteem, which has been a major challenge for him, is going to improve. I see him really valuing himself in all aspects.

He’s going to be working on a new project with different people, and he’ll feel really excited and curious about what others will think. He won’t be afraid of the outcome—he’ll feel light and energized, enjoying the process and doing what he loves. He’ll also be more in touch with his emotions, even though he’s usually more in his head. He gives off earth sign vibes rather than fire sign, but he’ll start connecting more with his feelings.

[nixie-deangel]

Well now I can't get Jake crocheting out of my head, Red AND him crocheting a gift for Bradley! Which wasn't what I was even thinking about XD!

I'm thinking Jake learned when he was little (5-7) from his grandma and while he didn't enjoy it at first, eventually fell in love with it and kept it up till high school and then he got sort of serious about his academics and sports to ensure he could put his best application for the Naval Academy, so it sort of fell to the way side and he just stopped doing it for more than a decade.

Doesn't really pick it up again until after The Mission and he needs something to do with his hands, to keep them moving, to quiet his mind, to not constantly thinking about how he almost truly lost Bradley forever. And it's during a talk with his mama that he even thinks about getting a hook and some yarn and starting up again, but he does. Goes out to a 24 hour Walmart and grabs the first skein his hand lands on and the correct hook size for it and spends the next few days attending meetings and debriefs during the day and the nights getting all pissed and angry because it's not coming back to him until it does (after maybe a few tutorials on YouTube because he doesn't remember the basics of his old favorite hobby at all!) and he starts making this again. Mostly he takes it apart when he finishes, so he can just keep reusing the same yarn, over and over again. Which is helpful as he relearns.

But then he and Bradley finally talk it out and get back together and then the Dagger Squad is made a permanent squadron and are stationed in San Diego but need to finish out their current assignments.

And it's while they're finishing that up that Jake gets the idea to make Bradley something, a blanket because it's a huge commitment to undertake, but he's determined to do it, to finish it in the months he's got because he wants to show Bradley he's serious about him. Serious about them.

(it works. for their one year anniversary Bradley has knitted them a blanket with the question, 'will you marry me?' on it.

spoilers, Jake says yes!)

I need to stop getting ideas while I'm cooking dinner 😔😭😭😔

[aroace-poly-show]

hellloooooo lovely meowtual may you please talk about hw tsukasa?!?!? as per ur request

hehehehhe. you guys are so so niceys to me btw. cries

awawawa so tsukasa tenma. world future star. he isn’t too different from canon tbh. he’s still loud as always, got that high ego, got those memory issues and everything. his past isn’t much different from canon either. his goal to be a star still came from wanting to make people smile like shows made saki smile, but he forgets that, etc etc you get how it goes. but yknow. n25 swap. he isn’t doing great.

he tends to set high standards for himself, and he’s been trying really hard to get into the acting scene, but it hasn’t been going well. the constant failures have slowly but surely been weighing on him. he’s got a lot of frustration building up, and all that has definitely hit him in the self esteem department *just a tad*, but he does not acknowledge that! cause of course he doesn’t. he’s tsukasa tenma, he’s going to be a star! a star like him doesn’t have time to worry about stuff like that. all he needs to do is keep pushing forward, keep trying harder and harder, just don’t think about the past and all the constant setbacks and he’ll be fine! probably. he has to be fine after all. what kind of a star would he be if he wasn’t?

saki and toya do notice smth’s up with him, saki especially, but tsukasa being tsukasa he lies to them, both intentionally and unintentionally. by that i mean like. like he genuinely Does Not Know he’s not fine. he is just avoiding thinking about his own negative feelings too much, so he just does not fucking realize. when he’s confronted with the idea that he might not actually be perfectly fine, he’s genuinely confused. so when he’s asked if he’s okay, he says yes, because he’s sure he is. and sure sometimes he gets a little down, and he does intentionally lie to them those times, but its simply nothing his siblings need to worry about, so there’s no point in telling them! they don’t need to know, cause he’ll be okay! he can deal with it on his own, he *has* to deal with it on his own, he’ll (repress it) get over it soon enough! no need to worry them :)

like i mentioned, tsukasa’s also the only one still actively doing theater at the time of the main story. he loves it, he’s dedicated to it, he hasn’t given up on it yet. and he gets to be the one to get hw back into it. yayayayay. i like to think hw is very fond of him, like rui and nene were w/ emu. here’s another one of their group who holds so much passion for theater and loves it, and who hasn’t given up on it. they believe in him. its like living vicariously through him. yk. they might not know each other too well yet, but they hope it goes well for him.

and like idk but the thing about tsukasa and theater is that its So important to him, he’s devoted so much of his life to it, he can’t see himself doing anything else. he doesn’t have a driving motivation for it, he can’t remember it, but all he’s sure of is that he has to reach this goal. so like. when faced with the idea that maybe he *isn’t* good enough to become a star like he wants to, its terrifying to him. so he just. doesn’t think about that. every failed audition, every rejection, every setback is a reminder of that though. main story gets him to his last straw. which is fun!

again. main story ideas are giving me trouble. and i’m still figuring stuff out. so not elaborating too much on what happens. but after a series of events tsukasa remembers and gets the rest of hw on board w/ trying to do shows again. cause like, again they don’t know each other that well but tsukasa does care about them, he wants to make people smile and his friends are included in that. he wants them to enjoy shows again. he wants his friends happy. and w/ enough persuasion hw joins him and yayy they become a theater troupe. yippee :3 

i might have more thoughts to add later. idk. i’d add a fun facts section but i already mentioned everything i had for him in past posts jdhfgdfjkgl

[agentwashingcat]

I Want You

Pokemon fic? It’s more likely than you think lmao. Featuring Arven and Florian being cute. I decided they’re 20 and 18 respectively and that this is set roughly 2 years post endgame cause I do what I want.

Minor warning for Arven’s self esteem issues but it doesn’t get to dramatic about it.

Cross posted on ao3 under the same username!

Something incredibly weird was happening to Arven. Well, not weird, weird, but something he wasn’t used to. Something he’d never thought was possible.

Florian was flirting with him. And it wasn’t subtle, since Arven was noticing it. Not that Florian had ever been subtle about anything. Wasn’t his strong suit. Arven had always found it endearing, although he had no idea what to do when it was directed at him.

But he had to do something, because it was driving Penny crazy that they were both dancing around it. She had told him so herself. Which was easy for her to say, she didn’t experience romantic attraction. She didn’t have to figure out if someone was messing with her or not.

Not that Arven thought Florian was messing with him. Well, he was pretty sure he wasn’t, anyway. It was just… Arven wasn’t used to it. Anyone being interested in him, that is. His own mother couldn’t be bothered to be there for him. What hope did he have with Florian?

And yet here Florian was. Smiling and laughing and making eyes at him in a way the Arven could only describe as flirting. They were working together in Area Zero, Florian studying the ancient pokemon while Arven worked on his final project. It was going surprisingly well, but he was having a hard time concentrating when Florian kept talking to him. The other wasn’t usually quite so chatty, but Arven didn’t want to complain. On the contrary, he really liked it. Really, really liked it.

“Oh, I’m distracting you, aren’t I?” Florian finally said, frowning. “Sorry, I can shut up.”

“No!” Arven insisted. “Well, I guess technically, yes, you are, but I don’t mind.”

Florian perked up a little, smiling, and Arven smiled in return, stomach doing flip flops. He shook his head, staring down at his notebook for a second before making a decision.

“Penny mentioned something to me, the other day.”

Florian raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Were you guys talking about me?”

“What, we would never,” Arven said, grinning in an attempt to hide his nervousness.

“Of course not,” Florian said, rolling his eyes. “What did Penny have to say?”

Arven gulped, twisting his pencil around his fingers. “She thought you were flirting with me. Super crazy, right?”

Florian stared at him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Finally he spoke. “Ha, yeah, totally crazy. What does Penny know about flirting?”

“That’s what I said!” Arven stared down at his notebook, trying not to feel the disappointment settling in his bones.

“...but what if I was flirting? What then?”

Arven’s head snapped up, hands stilling on his pencil. Florian was avoiding his gaze now, but glanced over shyly after a moment. “Uh… I guess my question is why?”

“What?” Naturally, Florian looked confused, corners of his mouth turning downward.

Arven shrugged, looking back down at his notebook. “I mean, come on, you’re a champion level trainer who saved all of Paldea-”

“Most people don’t know about that second part,” Florian interjected.

“Still. I mostly meant you could probably have anyone.” Arven frowned, twisting his pencil around again. “Why would you want to be with me?”

The silence hung between them, and Arven cursed himself. He should have just kept his mouth shut, now all he’d done was push Florian away.

He was startled by Florian’s hands cupping his face, tipping it up so they were looking at each other. The other had a look of such gentle affection that Arven forgot to breathe for a moment.

“Arven, you realize you’re part of anyone, yes?” Florian teased. “Maybe I could have anyone. So what? I want you. If you want me too.”

Arven’s breath caught in his throat. “I, you… what?”

Florian laughed, brushing some of Arven’s hair out of his face. “That’s not really an answer, Arven.”

Arven finally managed to put his thoughts together, a grin spreading over his face. “Yes. Yeah, no, definitely.” Arven cleared his throat. “You’re absolutely sure I’m what you want?”

“Absolutely.” Florian let their foreheads rest together. “Can I kiss you?”

It took Arven a minute to parse what Florian had said. “Did you just ask if you could kiss me, you nerd?” That was… Arceus, that was kind of romantic, but he wasn’t about to let Florian know that.

“Just because you like me doesn’t mean you want to kiss me!” Florian had turned bright red. “I’m being polite, you jerk.”

Arven chuckled. Despite being called a jerk mere moments ago, some part of him still felt like this was a dream. And he was sure his imagination would call him a jerk.

But it wasn’t. It was real and it was happening and Florian was still waiting for a reply and Arceus, was he thinking too much?

“Yes. You can kiss me. If you still want to after I called you a nerd.”

“I do,” Florian pronounced, pulling Arven in for a soft kiss.

 Arven felt himself practically melt into his lips, pulling Florian back in when he tried to pull away. Florian laughed against his lips, climbing into Arven’s lap to kiss him more enthusiastically. They were both panting when they broke apart, Florian resting his forehead against Arven’s. 

“We should do this more often,” Florian murmured after a moment. 

Arven chuckled. “I definitely won’t say no to that.” 

“Should we set up a proper date? I’ve heard the cafeteria has really good food.” Florian was grinning, clearly teasing him, but Arven couldn’t help but be offended by the suggestion.

“You are not taking me on a date to the cafeteria,” Arven said. “I’ll cook for us before I let that happen.”

“You’ll cook for us?” Florian asked innocently.

Arven squinted at him. “... I know this was your end game but yeah, I’ll cook for us.”

“It’s a date!”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“Shut it.”

[flamingskull28]

Here is an info dump about my character Alex (thanks to @nilotheberryboy for the drawing of him)

Age: 15

Backstory: was left by his parents to die in depthpolis when he was 6 so that they could have a better life without the burden of a kid, he us still trying to find them.

growing up on the streets he lived by scavenging from junk piles or scrap yards and putting them together into things to sell mainly wepones because weapon schematics were common due to how horrible of a city it was. also due to rough nature of the city he learned to shift from the age of 10 instead of 14 during his time in the city he got into many fights with the gang population which left a sour taste in his mouth about them. He also did go to school but dropped out in 8th after getting questioned on who was taking care of him(he refused to go to an orphanage they were worst that the plie of junk he called a hideout). He did attempt to make friends during this time but most of them either died or betrayed him which gave him slight trust issues. After a while of designing weapons and solo fighting the city's gangs he found a group of people in a situation like him and they decided to team up to rid the city of crime themselves. They succeeded for a while and gained more members to their cause and tore down many of the city's gangs leaving only the biggest left a gang called the killer wailers after a short time of what could be called a war the fight between these groups was set to culminate in one final battle. But the night before this fight Alex's radio played the calamari inkantation, after hearing the song he realized that the group he was in would either be stuck in an endless battle against gangs that would constantly reemerge or they would be destined to become a gang themselves (also at this point he grew tried of the killing and all the lives he took even if they were in self defense they started to weigh on his conscience) and agreed that after the big fight he would resign from his position as leader of the group and head to inkopils in hopes of a better life. After the fight ,which they had won but to massive casualties on their side and a 96% Wipeout on the other, he told his two seconds in command and best friends of his plans to leave he knew they would take it bad but they took it worse than he expected and tried to kill him out of anger and fear.

They were unsuccessful but left a permanent mark on his face with an explslosher and after they burned him with it. he panicked and threw a bomb killing them both and forever making him feel guilty. He wore bandages around his face while his wound healed and once It had healed he put on a mask over it because the scar reminded him of what happened(and he hated how it looked) which he has rarely taken off since then and has never done so in front of another person, except one police officer who saw him when he broke into the police station to remove his record though that officer wasto scared to tell anyone. After these events he left the group and inkopolis where he saw two mysterious people enter a water grate....

Weapons: he mains the splat roller but occasionally switch's to an N-zap as well ( his true main is the Dynamo roller but he got a number of complaints for using it due to how hard he swings it so he only uses it when necessary)

Rank: he is level 34 and has B rank in all mode's except rainmaker where he is A rank, he's working on it

Personality: he tends to be a bit sassy and rude when he speaks(he tries not though) but he generally prefers not to talk he also has much guilt and low self-esteem believing he does not deserve what he has and is not good enough to be an agent he cares deeply for those he considers a friend and will protect and Care over them to absurd means even if he is not in a state to do so. He also lacks self-preservation and will act as if all is normal despite any injuries he may have(Marie has scolded him a few times for patrolling while bleeding)

Fun facts: he's far stronger than most other cephalopods and can take nearly twice as much as damage as they can before he cannot take anymore

If he is in the state of extreme discomfort or negative emotions his scar has a tendency to tear and bleed slightly much to the worry of others (he only finds it embarrassing)

He has another noticeable mark on his face that he doesn't mind as much it's a little gash underneath his left eye that he got when a octoling with claws tried to take his eye out

He has a soft spot for children or childish and hyper people

This is probably obvious but he has very bad anger issues and can unintentionally be a sore loser

Has a fear of explsloshers and a dislike of chargers ( he recalls losing many a friend to snipers who would hide where no could reach them)

Favorite song (as of the current time in the series) is shark bytes

Is really good friends with 8 and 4 but slightly distrust 3 due to their more cold nature but he eventually comes around to trust them as well

Listens to Sheldon's rambles.

Has trouble falling asleep and normally ends up staying awake till they eventually get far to tried to be awake

Suffers from ptsd

I have taken inspiration for this character from many places like agent 3 from 14-crush, myself irl and a few others I can't recall.

(A few other photos)

[lightlycareless]

Chapter 30 - thoughts.

Hello everyone!! Here we are… back again… with more notes! The behind-the-scenes, what makes me tick… or not lol.

As always, I do not recommend reading this before reading chapter 30, which you can find right over here in ao3!

Thus, these notes contain SPOILERS.

Now, without any further ado, let’s get into the details 😏

I posted this small spoiler a while ago:

and as foretold, here is a callback of that infamous chapter 12 lol. Even the “Let’s get something to eat” is worded exactly as Naoya did because I wanted to show this is some heavy case of déjà vu, even though it’s not under the same sentiment. As well as to scare y’all with the thousands of possibilities that could lead to the same results as before

Anyways, moving on 😳

Y/N doesn’t want to be there, outside of the necessary, just how Naoya was during the first time they went to the doctor, and Naoya wants to be there, and not because he is eager to learn about Y/N’s condition (although, deep inside him… very, very deep inside, he is, mostly out of his curiosity/ignorance) but rather because he wants to be with her and rekindle what they never had.

I know many were expecting something to happen between the two at this point, specifically in the communication department 😂 but let’s be real hahah Y/N is uninterested In anything that has to do with Naoyaaaa she doesn’t care, she doesn’t bother, and more specifically, she doesn’t want to interact with him (queue a song from the group I now realized most of their songs fit the story perfectly, coincidentally, my favorite one)

Their whole interaction was… hard to write down, and I guess it makes sense because it’s supposed to be frustrating, it’s supposed to be awkward. Show that their relationship is broken (beyond repair?) and everyone can see that 😅 Can you imagine seeing them at a distance and their issues are like so obvious that you're just like

The people helping them throughout they visit must've been like "uuhhh, should we leave?"

Naoya wanting to talk to Y/N was somewhat… pathetic at one point. I felt sorry for him but hey, as I said before, play stupid games win stupid prizes.

He tries to have conversations but he’s just acting… I don’t know how to say it, blindly? Delusional? Like he doesn’t get why she is being so cold towards him without bringing Naoaki—and that’s another thing that even bothered me lol Naoya is very self-conscious, his self esteem is on the ground, if not lower, he literally can’t stop thinking about his brother and his wife and wondering just what kind of things they’d do together 😂 like, I get it but come on!!! (more than I would like to admit 😭)

He's nowhere near understanding what is actually the real cause of his broken relationship, but as they continue to interact (kind of) with one another… maybe he will. Or not. That’s the interesting part that I’m looking forward to explore hehe. If there’s any redemption on Naoya’s part, is not going to be easy, and certainly I don’t think Y/N is willing to accept it right now (or at all) anyways.

I wonder how can he be redeemed? What will it take for him to finally open his eyes?

Now, moving forward to the whole medical thing.

Naoya and Y/N going to certain doctors prior the main consultation was definitely Ranta’s plan. It was something of “You need to reaffirm Y/N’s health beyond any reasonably doubt, is there anything you can do to do that?”

“The doctor did say something about getting examinations…”

And there you have it. Naoya made the call, scheduled the exams, and took Y/N. But I’m not going to say that he didn’t take her before because he forgot, in between work and having the general understanding that her issue was going to be fixed by just “waiting it out” he just… well, Naoya didn’t care about doing anything until it was beneficial for him, since he’s the kind of person to underestimate women’s health and the issues they could have. Let’s not forget he was forged in a misogynistic household so... 😭

Also, I’m not sure if there are certain labs that process your results in matter of hours lol since the earliest I’ve seen is… aa few hours, later that day if you’re there as soon as they open, but who knows?? Money makes the world go round haha. I actually had to go to the doctor a few weeks prior so everything was fresh 😎 I hope that even when time was overlooked, the rest was accurate 😂

From there, Y/N.

Y/N is… healthy. As healthy as she can be. Hormonally I think that’s a bit difficult to find out (and considering that Naoya was doing everything quickly, as well as the doctor and the Zen’in clan not interested in giving her “treatment” for it…) which is why the doctor was a bit curt when it comes to responding Naoya’s question. As well as trying to fill out another agenda.

It’s just putting Y/N in a stickier situation, but at the same time, gives her more time to stay away from Naoya, and get rescued by Hinata on the process. Had the doctor said she was fertile by some reason… ugh. Nope. Or not, because Naobito also gave them a timeline to act if their marriage was to continue, or in Y/N’s case, her life. (Please don’t ask me about times hahahahahah)

However you look at it, they're on the short end of the stick. Y/N is just in the shorter end. (Naoya consoling himself with the fact that at least she won't be with Naoaki in one of those alternatives is nasty. get rid of him, please)

I guess we could say that it would make sense Y/N was healthy. She’s taken the medication the doctor prescribed her, as well as stopped taking anything that might alter her hormonal profile or whatever. And in the sense of her wounds, she’s abstained from doing anything that might worsen that situation, thus, she healed rather quickly… let’s say that her health predicament is a combination of a rather healthy disposition, and well, maybe something having to do with her impressive ascendancy 👀?

We all knew that, however, the doctor and Naoya didn’t and I find it atrocious how they’re scrutinizing her for it.

Writing how Naoya was there while the ultrasound was being performed on Y/N JUST TO SEE IF HE WOULD FIND A FETUS OMG that was super infuriating and demeaning. I was just… UGH instead of wondering if she was ok, if there was a way to support her, Mr. Delusion was thinking about Naoaki and his wife!!! Kajgakgkajghkajgvhjka AND THE WAY THAT HE LISTENED CLOSELY TO THE DOCTOR’S INSTIGATION TO SEE IF SHE WAS TELLING THE TRUTH??? ah, isn’t he a wonderful husband?!

I think that Naoya might’ve kept this a secret from Ranta since he knows he wouldn’t approve of him taking this moment to also check if something had occurred between the two.

Although I presume Ranta already knew his best friend was going to do something like that (Hence the BE GENTLE NAOYA instead—as to make up for the errors he absolutely knew he was going to commit lol) Ranta really is the voice of reason in this situation, yet, wrongly motivated.

And if Naoya is somewhat trying to become… “better” (due to RANTA’S SUGGESTION) he still has a loooong way to go. Hm.

Finally, the doctor :>

Ok so, we already knew he was a terrible, unprofessional man from the last time we visited him, but this was just in a whole ‘nother level. And all because he was previously informed by Naobito himself!!! Even as awful as that really is in the story, I loved writing it because I like tormenting my characters hahah it's a way to ground, remind them of the the fact that even if they were away (feeling somewhat safe) he’s still closely watching.

I’m sure Ranta warned Naoya about it, and Mariya might've considered it, but it was one of those things that they'll have to deal with, even if it’s risky 😅 because both are still getting something beneficial out of it, even if it's the bare minimum.

The instigation on his part, however, although ignited by Naobito… I don’t think it was intended to go as far as it did (He’s still a mere mortal compared to the Zen’in haha so he might get fired from it) but that didn’t stop him. Naobito was pretty clear with what he wanted, to remind them of what's at stake and to stop playing those "stupid games" of getting along with one another and just do what's expected 😳

His words were designed to light a fire under Naoya's ass and stop moping around the estate. Hence, the constant reminder of Y/N's possible infidelity.

And he didn't stop there, he also slandered his close relatives lol it was a combination of "your brother's are worthless, and yet, look at one of them, getting all cozy with your wife :^)"

I would've loved to see him bring Toji into the conversation—I bet Naoya would've jumped to defend him 🙄

Y/N being compared to Tomoko by being “difficult” was foul for both women. Tomoko had a rough set of pregnancies because of Naobito’s obsession with getting a powerful heir that will help him secure the position of leader of the clan. (can't wait to develop her a bit more 😏)

The husbands in the equation are putting their respective wife’s health in a critical condition, and they don’t even realize it… wow. Is this man even passionate about his career? Why did he even choose something like that if he was not going to help them, or at least call them out?

Money, I guess.

But circling back to Naobito’s intervention, it makes me wonder just how far have the rumors of the situation going on between Naoya and Y/N have spread. I doubt the Zen’in are ones to reveal their issues to other clans (at least intentionally) but it kind of reminds me of the situation with the Kamo clan and Noritoshi’s mother.

The L/N knew of it because they were a close relative of hers, as well as being there to receive her when she was eventually cast aside. However, it’s been stated that the Zen’in are particularly… secretive towards Y/N’s family due to something Naoya might’ve or might’ve not done. So at least, we know they don’t know (and care).

As for the rest of the clans, I’m sure the elders have gossiped more than they should’ve (or maybe even the staff) and some words have reached the ears of the Gojo clan whom more likely than not, have people sneakily hidden inside the ranks of the Zen’in staff in hopes of getting something that might benefit them lol.

At the end of the day, this whole chapter was a callback to that infamous doctor visit, and see… what has changed so far. Naoya and Y/N are completely different people from back then, and we’ll see it on the following chapters!

There’s going to be more call backs, (yellow… yukata…) as well as exploring a bit more of loreeeeee!!!! I’m so excited to write these chapters as the story progresses, and overall, just see where the characters take us!!

Gjklagjkahgjka Thank you so much for your patience!! I hope you continue enjoying and supporting the rest of the story!! Take care, and hope to see you soon!.

P.S. These are just the most important parts that I remember as highly influential for writing the chapter, but if there’s something that you’d like to see further explained just send me an ask and I’ll be more than happy to respond!!  ❤  (At the best of my spoiler-free ability, of course)

P.S. 2: I’m going on a break after the following chapter because I’m going on a cruise!! It’s so…. Exciting… 😭 I’m looking forward to it. And who knows? Maybe I’ll get some inspiration out of it hehehehehehheeh

[crybabyddl]

TW: disordered eating, body image conversation, insecurity, depression, rambling, relationships.

I just want to know if I’m alone in feeling this or if anyone has any advice or input that would help.

I am the heaviest I’ve been. My BMI is in the healthy range, but I hate how I look. I’ve been trying to eat healthier and exercise more, but it’s causing me to obsess over nutrition labels, calories, sugar, etc.

Living in the US makes this exceptionally harder, because the food regulations are practically nonexistent, so we’re all slowly poisoning ourselves, and nearly every food item, regardless of what it is, has unnecessary added sugars.

Another factor that causes me to stress about my body and my self esteem is the fact that I’m in a relationship. It’s been up and down and I’m not gonna get into all that, but he’s a skinny and lanky guy. He’s into running and bikes long distances for fun. I’m not SUPER athletic, but he and his family were all into cross country running and skiing, and now they are on a biking kick. It’s hard for me to eat around them because they are all built like sticks and I’m not exactly built like that. I’m not overweight, but I have big thighs and my arms could get big if I’m not careful. (maybe it’s bc i’m polish?)

Anyway, his sister is VERY VERY VERY strict about the food she eats, buys, and gives her kids. She tries to push it onto others as well, which has been detrimental to my wellbeing. While she hasn’t said anything directly to me about what I eat, she’s made her stances very clear on processed foods and refuses to give her kids anything that isn’t organic or has artificial ingredients. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, my insecurities cause me to feel like I’m super unhealthy and less of a person that’s enjoyable to be around because I’m not rich enough to be a stay at home mother that can get all my groceries from whole foods and have my own garden and make my own bread and eat at restaurants that make everything in house with only organic and local ingredients. I know it’s mainly my insecurities that cause this, but I’ve yet to learn how to deal with them, so I try to avoid her as much as possible because she’s very intense, self-righteous, and is just good at everything she does and it makes me feel bad about myself.

Back to my boyfriend, he also has some eating habits that aren’t great. Mainly just not eating enough to support the amount of physical activity he does, causing his joints to be weak, as well as digestive issues. Anyway, he’s made it very clear that he’s a “butt guy” (like when asked “tits or ass” he’ll say ass). He really likes my butt and thighs, but those are parts of my body that I’m the most insecure about. I’ve never understood the attraction people have to butts, so that in itself is hard for me. I also just don’t want to be interpreted as having thick thighs or a big ass (it’s not big, but one time he said I have a fat ass as a compliment and it really fucked with my head and I told him how it made me feel and he apologized). I had to explain what cellulite was to him after he said it looked like cottage cheese and didn’t understand why I got upset with him for saying that. He didn’t realize that 90% of women that have gone through puberty have cellulite. I think he still feels the same way, but just knows it’s not a good thing to express. Anyway, knowing that someone perceives me as attractive automatically makes me put pressure on myself to be as attractive as possible at all times, and I always make sure to eat less than him, give him the bigger halves of things we’re sharing, and get healthier options on the menu rather than the thing I want if we go out to eat. Again, none of that feels inherently wrong, but it’s all being thought about and planned in my head, so it’s sort of an act I have to maintain.

I’ve also been on mental health medication most of my life, and up until recently, some of my medications have caused me to have decreased appetite and a faster metabolism, causing me to not be overweight. I could basically eat whatever I wanted and be fine, only bloating when I had PMS. Due to my boyfriend not necessarily understanding mental health (he thinks of it as a label and a limiting barrier rather than an actual condition that can be genetic. Like he doesn’t understand that if I took a brain scan, the levels of certain chemicals would be lower.) I was somewhat “inspired” to stop taking my medication. It started as me stopping taking my Adderall because it was hard to get since it’s a controlled substance and they weren’t filling my prescription soon enough and I’d have to go a few days without it and I’d get terrible withdrawals. Same with Effexor, I felt like a tweaking zombie for 3 days and had the worst migraines of my life when I weaned off it.

ANYWAY, that was all done while consulting my doctor. What wasn’t discussed with my doctor, was me stopping taking my other depression and anxiety meds. I’ve been a lot more depressed, stressed, and unfocused, but there are other factors at play as well. But not taking those meds has caused my metabolism to slow back down and so I’ve gained like, 5 pounds or so. My weight fluctuates 2-3lbs throughout the day, which is bad enough, but I hate how I look and can’t accept myself at this weight. I started taking my Wellbutrin again because it’s something I know helps me and apparently it is one of the only depression meds that doesn’t cause weight gain. I’ve also started taking collagen, biotin, niacin, and vitamin d3 because I started taking them a few months ago, stopped, then read that they could potentially aid in weight loss. Obviously they won’t do much, but better than not trying, right?

So basically, I just know I can’t (and frankly don’t want to) aCcEpT aNd LoVe MySeLf aT aNy SiZe. I’ve had body image issues since age 7, and I’ve never actually been overweight. I did gain a bit of weight as a side effect of medication when I was in grade school for about a year, but right after that, I switched meds and ended up losing a lot of weight, to the point I had random bruises on my shine and had to start drinking Ensure shakes. Anyway, I like to sing so b*llimia isn’t something I want to risk doing often (I’ve done it a few times, but it’s hard and gross, and I’ve only done it when it felt necessary. It’s never necessary, but I was in a dire state.) I’ve been skipping lunch the past couple days, but it just makes me feel worse when I do end up eating something like dinner or a snack, so an*rexia is off the table. I’m trying to exercise more, I’ve been riding my bike, but I hate being perceived even if nobody cares, I care. I just want to be alone and feel safe. I do a series of aerobics/pilates/floor exercises/stretches and bursts of cardio every day. It’s not a lot, but after dropping out of HS in 2019, I became a bit of a recluse and that trained me for covid, and then I spent 2021 going to therapy before finally feeling okay enough depression-wise to start working in 2022. I’ve made a lot of progress, but the two years since have been filled with tons of death/loss, insecurities, a tumultuous on and off relationship (my own doing honestly), and work stress, I’ve become more insecure, more socially anxious, and I feel like I’m not too too far away from being as s*icidal as I was senior year of high school, freshman year of college, and in 2020.

I’m currently unemployed because I had to leave a job I really liked because the business was doing some morally questionable things and I was being treated in a way where I wasn’t appreciated for my own qualities that made me valuable to the team, but rather as someone who should try to be like this other girl who was the boss’s favorite. I made sure to ask if there was anything I wasn’t doing that I should do, and nobody said anything I needed to improve on, and I was appreciated there, but my boss was very passive agressive when addressing the team as a whole and wouldn’t be specific so every “hey everyone, just a reminder…” made me wonder if it was me doing something wrong even when I knew I didn’t do what she was talking about. It made me feel extremely anxious and I ended up having the worst panic attack of my life after leaving a team meeting. I realized I never wanted to feel as terrible as I did for those two hours and I will not work for someone who doesn’t understand how to make employees feel valued for their individual efforts and doesn’t know how to be constructive without telling employees to “be like [name of favorite employee]” and not elaborating. That moment made me feel the worst I ever felt about myself because I’d already been at a low in terms of self esteem, and thank goodness for that honestly, because it made me realize that I refuse to let anyone make me feel any worse about myself than I already feel. So I quit. I’m looking for other jobs.

Anyway, most of this is just context because I don’t really want to go to therapy and I just want to know if there’s something obvious I’m not doing that would help, if I’m just fucked in the head and there’s no hope, or something else.

[crowsandmurder]

George O'Malley Tags and Verses

George  ✖ (Aesthetics)

George ✖ (Thoughts)

George ✖ (Character Development)

George  ✖ (Crack)

George ✖ (Headcanons)

George ✖ (Photos)

George  ✖ (Starter Call)

BIOGRAPHY

George O'Malley was born and raised in a close-knit family. He grew up with two older brothers, Jerry and Ronny, who often teased him, contributing to his feelings of inadequacy and his drive to prove himself. His mother, Louise O'Malley, is very loving and supportive, while his father, Harold O'Malley, is a traditional man with health issues that later become significant in George's life.

George excelled academically and pursued his dream of becoming a doctor. He attended medical school, where he was known for his dedication and hard work, despite often struggling with self-confidence.

George began his medical career as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital, joining a group that included Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang, Izzie Stevens, and Alex Karev. His initial nerves and a botched appendectomy earned him the nickname "007," implying a "license to kill," which deeply affected his self-esteem.

Under the mentorship of Dr. Miranda Bailey, George worked hard to overcome his initial setbacks. Bailey's tough but caring guidance was instrumental in his development as a surgeon.

Throughout his time at Seattle Grace, George struggled with confidence and competence issues. Despite these challenges, he demonstrated growth and resilience, earning respect from his peers and superiors.

George's father, Harold, was diagnosed with cancer and underwent a complex surgery that was ultimately unsuccessful. Harold's death deeply affected George, causing him to reassess his life and career.

George's personal life was marked by complex relationships. His impulsive marriage to Callie Torres ended in divorce after his affair with Izzie Stevens. His romantic life was often turbulent, reflecting his internal struggles and desire for genuine connection.

He heroically saved a woman from being hit by a bus, sustaining severe injuries in the process. The extent of his injuries made him unrecognizable, and it was only through writing "007" in Meredith's hand that his colleagues realized his identity. George's death was a significant and emotional turning point in the series.

His character embodies the themes of compassion, resilience, and the importance of personal and professional integrity. George's legacy lives on through the lives he touched and the lessons he imparted, making him one of the most beloved and enduring characters.

His actual canon bio: HERE, which has more details.

VERSES:

V: Georgie O'Malley [Early Life]

George was the youngest brother of three brothers and not as tough as his other two brothers. But, he was smart and he eventually chose to go to medical school.

V: 007 [Intern Year(s) and Residence]

George is one of five interns at Seattle Grace, and he earns the title 007, after just a couple weeks. He struggles but perseveres. Even as he has to repeat his intern year until he gets to retake it and become a resident with his friends, he still tries his best.

V: I'm about to do something important [Canon Divergence]

Maybe George didn't leave to meet his mom or didn't join the army. Maybe he did. But this is all canon divergency and AU.

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Losing a Loved One to Suicide

By Carleen Nelson-Nesvig STN Writer Because September was Suicide Prevention Month in Michigan and October is Mental Health Awareness month, I feel compelled to share our family’s story of suicide. We lost my youngest grandson Lucas Ryan to suicide in May of 2018. He was twenty-two years old, with a promising future. He was an entertainer. He had the voice of an angel and loved to perform for others. His laugh was contagious, and his smile could melt your heart. He completed our family. Now he is the missing but never forgotten piece of our family puzzle. For generations members of my family have been challenged with depression, and anxiety disorders. A condition that my grandson was not able to escape from and IT eventually took his life. While he fought with all his might, took medication to control his moods and used therapy as required, a trigger took him from us. I am not speaking of a gun trigger, but actual words. Words of negative self-talk or the words of others. Words for someone with depression can often times be the deadliest. They certainly were for Lucas. He is gone. No matter how hard we pray that we are just having a nightmare and when we wake up, he will be there with us. Our family is forever broken from losing Lucas. My hope is that in reading this article you will find some of the answers you are looking for. That if you know someone with depression you will try to understand their struggles, lighten their load, and find them the love and support they need to survive in a world that is not always kind. My family has learned firsthand that depression is a disease that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called “major depressive disorder” or “clinical depression,” it affects how they feel, think, and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. According to experts those with depression disorders may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities such as sleeping, eating, or working and sometimes they may feel as if life isn't worth living. For Lucas, all three of these were issues. He was up all hours of the night. Few foods delighted him. And because he had no energy, he was pretty inactive except to play his guitar, which brought him peace. He lacked muscle mass from lack of movement and was unable to sustain any kind of work for long periods of time. For some suffering from depression, self-medicating and hygiene issues become evident. Others feel unworthy and have self-esteem issues. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Depression has been defined by experts as a form of mental illness. My Grandson Matthew, now a licensed therapist, said, “Most individuals do not understand or appreciate the affects that depression has on the individual suffering from it. Those afflicted are often perceived as lazy, unfeeling, impatient, angry, negative, lacking self-esteem, unable to fully function, incapable of earning a living, or lack relational skills. Depression and other mental illnesses can easily be misunderstood as something shameful and not discussed or even managed properly, making the situation unbearable.” Depression disorders are more than just being in a mood. Those suffering can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. Many people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy, or both.” I wish I could tell you that this treatment is always enough, but I’ve learned it isn’t. It also takes a world of understanding, encouragement, patience, support, a hand up, a gentle smile, their knowledge that you are there for them, and a watchful eye for bullies and folks that don’t understand these kinds of afflictions. Maybe you remember the tale of Winnie the Pooh, in which Piglet simply sat quietly beside his dear friend during a challenging day and whispered, "I'll always be by your side." Life is invariably unpredictable. Take a moment to sit beside someone you cherish. Read the full article

[stuff-i-think]

You ever wonder what purpose you serve in other’s lives? Like if I don’t serve a unique purpose does that mean I’m expendable and can be replaced?

Sometimes I think this especially with my long time friends, like what makes them stick around? They’ve seen my highs and my lows, they’ve seen how kind I can be, and how harsh I can be, do my positive qualities really outweigh the negative ones?

I’ve experienced friends dropping me and instead of crying or moping about it I look at the friends who stayed with me, how so I know which friends will stay with me and understand me after I make a grand mistake?

I can only name 3 friends who have my back anytime someone tries to get mad at me or hate me, those friends understand how my mind works and how my intentions weren’t wrong but the actions did cause harm. How do I know if my other friends with stick with me?

Recently a friend told me that my ex is still shit talking me, saying stuff like how she only dated me out of pity, it’s difficult to believe that someone I once trusted very much could be so two faced. This would be the first instance of her shit talking or trying to defame me.

There’s an old saying of live and let live but when people can be so harsh and rude and not face any consequences it’s difficult to forgive and forget.

I have trouble forgiving people because I used to always forgive people and let them back into my life just to be disappointed again, eventually I stopped forgiving but I have to learn to forgive but to not make the same mistake twice. There’s a cynical quote that states “people don’t change” this can be true but it’s also very wrong. In the past 3 years I’ve changed, I’ve gotten taller, my hair has gotten longer, my shoe size has gotten bigger. That’s just physical traits, I’ve become more open, kinder, more respectful, more likable. So people do change but I don’t think it’s a smart idea to expect change, if someone has hurt you and they ask for your forgiveness, give them your forgiveness, it doesn’t hurt to help others, but don’t let them back into your life until they’ve shown change.

So when people don’t demonstrate that they’ve changed and they have no remorse I have a hard time forgiving them internally.

My friends sometimes ask me why I have such a hard time trusting people and I think it stems from the fact that people always seemed out to get me, back in intermediate school my school didn’t believe that a kid who falsely accused me was lying because i was suspended a month or two before for something completely unrelated. Someone who I would have considered a best friend suddenly dropped me for no reason and all he had to say was

“It’s not my fault it took you this long to realize we didn’t want to be friends with you anymore”

That line broke me.

It also made me so mad because a week prior I asked him if he had a problem with me and all he had to say was ‘stress from school and low self esteem’

Was it really my fault if I was trying to find and fix an issue?

There’s some people I feel like they will always be there for me no matter what, and those people could never be replaced. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I could be replaced in their lives.

[collectorcookie]

Ok so some things about izumi. This is in no specific order, please forgive me

He's a perfectionist to the core. He will finish any job given to him and will see it through to the end no matter what. In his mind, this is what professionalism is. To be fair, he was literally raised with parents who were like "we are going to put everything into you and you will be perfect😊" so i can't blame him for being like this

loves modeling and fashion and being pretty and being loved (duh) but also being a model since he was a child definitely messed him up in a way (self esteem issues, hinted at eating disorders, need for validation etc)

good at cooking! Because he cannot stand the idea of eating something that might be unhealthy, he makes all his meals by himself

used to SUCK at singing but leo taught him

modeled in the same agency as naru and makoto when they were kids. Childhood friends with makoto. Childhood rivals with naru lmao

dotes on makoto a Lot. Just generally got really attached to makoto when they were kids and declared himself makoto's honorary older brother but then shit went down at the agency and him and makoto got separated. Ouch.

In the road to show movie he was all like "Don't worry! I'll protect you!" towards makoto when they got surrounded by strangers attacking them but. Immediately he lost and makoto ended up being the one kicking ass. Cringefail guy but he won't stop trying to be other people's shields.

has both tsundere and yandere tendencies though I dislike using either terms strictly for him cause he isn't actually either of those things

The tsundere tendency is "i cannot actually open up about my feelings ever, nor can i allow myself to feel them, actually" which kinda ties back to his perfectionism. He is so hard headed and stupid when it comes to emotions and it's frustrating.

Huge ass and bullies people on purpose. This is because he's actually a huge softie and hates himself for hurting so many people during the yumenosaki war so he doesn't want people to get closer to him because he doesn't want to accidentally hurt someone again (don't worry he eventually realizes that it's kinda stupid and that coming into contact with people will always carry some risk of hurting someone so like, whatever)

Cannot stop and won't stop complaining about everything all the time. It's his way of making small talk, i guess.

Back to the huge softie thing, he tried SO HARD to look cool in front of his juniors at the tennis club when he was graduating but then they gave him gifts and then he started crying his heart out immediately

gives out nicknames sometimes (Kuma-kun for ritsu, momo-kun for tori, kasa-kun for tsukasa)

Once when talking to naru, he said something like "yeah makoto is like a brother to me but you...you're like my own kid" and she was like "what about leo?" and he answered with "That one's a pet". Izumi number one leo caretaker so real

Knows how to crochet! He made kasa a lil dino plushie. Also made makoto a scarf once

Co established knights with leo but then leo left and he had to be a fill in leader for knights all by himself and then the others left too and he had to be knights all on his own for a while. He took so much responsibility that was never supposed to be his in the first place. Literally the reason and the pillar why knights still exists sniffles

Loves italy in the same way shu loves france. Okay maybe not as much as shu loves france but kinda the same way. Like a weeabo but for europe.

Modeling career not going well for him overseas and this is a huge hit to his self esteem

Like sourdough bread, he has a hard exterior but soft interior. He's good with animals and kids and actually cares about his juniors a lot

Like he looked after sora in next door and he looked after little john (cat) while leo was gone and he looked after a random kid who got lost at the beach in the beach scout story and also look at him looking at his juniors (makoto and tsukasa) sleeping. Just look at the fondness in his eyes omg. He will never be this nice to them when they are awake though

Once asked makoto "me or trickstar?" and makoto was like "trickstar" and. you guessed it. He started crying.

is it okay if i'm only a knightsP not specifically an izumiP? and also like. How much do you wanna know?

That's totally fine! And honestly just whatever you feel like telling me. I know the basics about his character (about as much as I can gleam from reading main story, a few minor event stories, and checkmate) but tbh I'll take whatever insight I can get.

I don't produce any of Knights so I'm all ears.

[fbfh]

jonathan byers dating headcanons

warnings: jonathan has some self esteem problems but we knew that, nothing else that I can think of

a/n: jonathan is the perfect man how many times do I have to say it also i'm waiting on covid test results so hopefully that goes not how I think it will /lh

tag list: @hopefullhearts @littlewinter1917 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

Jonathan Byers is literally the perfect man

I'm not exaggerating when I say that

Like at all

It'll take him a while to warm up to you

Between self esteem issues and all the other shit he's been through it takes him a while to accept the fact that you really like him

That you're not using him for homework answers, or asking him out as a joke, or that Tommy H and Carol put you up to this

And even after all that, once he realizes that you just really really like him, he still has a hard time wrapping his head around it

Like you're so obviously incredible

You're sweet and talented and smart

And have you seen yourself???

You could easily pull anyone in Hawkins

And you chose him??

(Remember those self esteem issues I was talking about?)

Once it clicks that you just really, really like him

Cause who wouldn't

He's just sort of like oh… okay… great

He probably waits a little while before introducing you to his family

Joyce gives him so many relationship lectures

"Are you being safe?"

"Mom!"

At least a few times a week

Will is really excited to meet you

He's fully ready to step up into the role of judgemental younger sibling who's tests you have to pass to date his brother

He can't fully commit cause you're so sweet and he likes you immediately

But the intention is still there

Will: if you want to date my brother you'll have to get through me first >:(

You: oh wow that's a really cool drawing!

Will, immediately letting his walls down: do you like it I did it myself it's for this game called dungeons and dragons

He proceeds to explain the entire plot rules and lore of dungeons and dragons to you

Jonathan's heart goes boom boom watching you listen enthusiastically to Will ramble about dnd

You make a fantastic first impression with Joyce

If you're a girl or fem aligned there will be a lot of "it's so nice to have another girl around the house"

And a lot of "I'm just gonna steal you for some girl talk real quick"

If you're a boy more masc aligned Joyce will ramp up her affectionate "this house is just full of boys" and "I have plenty of men in my life" jokes

Joyce will refer to you three as her boys and you have to try not to cry every time

Or if you're androgynous or don't like gendered terms she refers to you guys as her kiddos

Sobbing hours have started

It's so easy to get in good with the byers

It's almost too easy

Literally all you have to do is listen to Will talk about dnd, not be incredibly shallow and superficial and be able to hold a conversation with Jonathan, and tell Joyce how great her boys are and what a good job she's doing as a mom

That's literally all it takes

Will is the only one of the three of them with a canon birthday

March 22nd, which makes him aries pisces cusp

But I know in my heart and soul all three of them have strong water placements

So prepare for a lot of group hugs and teary goodbyes when you actually have to go home

Like every time you leave

And you’re over at their house all the fucking time

Five minutes after you leave Will is like hey Jonathan when are they coming over again?

Jonathan: They just left

Will: I know, I just miss them

Joyce, who also misses you:.....

Jonathan, who also misses you, going to the phone: … I’ll call them and see when they’re free

Joyce and Will: :D

I know this is supposed to be about dating jonathan but ALL OF THEM LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

Literally you are always so so welcome at the byers house

Oh my god seeing you get along so well with his family

Genuinely liking them and liking to spend time with them

It makes Jonathan want to kiss you so hard

Like you’ll leave the room for one second and he’ll just fuckin

Dip you

And plant the biggest most cinematic movie smooch on you

He gives you this warm giddy smile and goes back to what he was doing to not raise suspicion

Joyce can tell by how blushy you two seem but she doesn’t say anything

Later that night: “are you sure you’re being safe?” “mom!!!”

Seriously though jonathan is so fucking cute

He’ll go back and forth between super fucking confident and super fucking shy really fast

It’s adorable

You can’t get enough of him

When he does that

Like when he really kisses you

He’ll seem so self assured

And then a few moments later it hits him that he just kissed you like that

Not just that but like

He gets to kiss you like that regularly

He gets to hold you and touch you and take candids of you

And you want to hold him and kiss him all the time

You like him so so much

And have you seen yourself??????

And you picked him????

You are literally his dream come true

Oh my god he could not ask for a better s/o

And neither could you tbh

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

*slides inside the askbox*

Helloooo, I have binged every single one of william x reader fanfics on Tumblr, my most favorite fanfics is yours, I have also binged your fue x reader also your fue x oc and it's just *cheff kiss* I love them all, I really adore your writing and I hope I can reach your level someday as a writer as well. (๑´ㅂ`๑)

If you don't mind, may I have a oneshot of william x reader with hanahaki disease? Reader is pretty much a self-conscious and selfless person ever and always critics/harsh to themself, so when they realize, they own a deep infatuation for the Golden Dawn Captain they start to get more harsher to themself, speaking lowly about themself in general.

Thus the Hanahaki disease start to bloom it's (William's favorite)flower in her own lungs, it's getting hard for them to breathe, and confessing their feelings is absolutely not a path they will ever choose due how insecure they're to themself.

William own romantic feelings for the reader too, however he hides it away out of his own insecurities as well.

(Angst ending is good but I would like some fluff ending if you don't mind, also gn reader if you may? Fm reader is okay as well. :D)

- 🎐

Hello~!

Let me start with *incoherent screaming and jumping out of joy* I'm so happy that you like my fics (and you've read my oc fics?! AAAAAAAAAA) *clears throat*

I had to google what the Hanahaki disease is, but it seem very poetic. And certainly makes a lovely fic ^^ So, I do hope that you like this!

In short: Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which unrequited love will cause flowers to bloom in the persons lungs, and makes them cough up petals

Pairing: William x gn!reader (Please note: Reader is described once as "pretty". I think it can be used for any gender, but thought I'd mention in case you prefer it not being used for you)

Genre: angst-fluff (hurt-comfort?)

Fanfic type: Oneshot

Length: ~0.9k

Warning: reader has self-esteem issues, implied anxiety, coughing up petals (because of Hanahanki disease), difficulty to breathe (mild depictions)

Tag list for William: @prince-of-peacocks

You were walking down a street, a crowded one at that. But you weren’t focused on the people, the passing, laughing, smiling people for all you knew. It was as if they weren’t there. Because you were focused on trying to quiet down the hopeful, wishing and whispering voices that made your heart race. The quiet utterances, spoke by the tenderly pricking sentiments that you harboured in your chest.

The feelings that spoke to you: “He’s handsome, and so very kind, don’t you think? Gentle. Brave and strong. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to love him? And wouldn’t it be better if he loved you in return?”

But. The only reply you could give to that feeling, the quiet, foolishly hopeful utterance, was: “No. Don’t. He doesn’t-, he doesn’t love me. Of course, he doesn’t. He never would. Because I am not enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not smart enough. Strong enough. Eloquent enough. I’m just… not enough. And I’ll never be enough. So, just stop it! Stop it already!”

You tried to just hurry away from the crowd. Back home.

You should have stayed there in the first place, but since a friend had asked a favour, how were you supposed to just turn the request down? You couldn’t. Simply couldn’t. If there was anything you could do to make their life easier, you’d do it for them. Of course, you would.

But now, you needed to get back home. Because it felt like a lump in your throat was growing, gradually filling up your airways up to the point where it felt difficult to breathe.

You hasted your steps, wanting to run. But it’d be too … eye catching. It’d make you seem less in control than you were. Right?

So, you resisted the urge. Right until you had closed the door behind you, and begun gasping for air, coughing up petals of a Chrysanthemum. The red petals flowed through the air, onto the floor before you just before the weight of the world on your shoulders managed to make you crumble.

And so… you tumbled down, onto the very same floor, hunching over yourself as burning hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

The flower, a bright red Chrysanthemum kept blooming in your lungs, and the petals… wanted to float out, fill your mouth and muffle out any and all other sounds, all… but your broken sobs.

Little did you know. Little did the blooming of the Chrysanthemum know… very different kind of petals were being coughed up somewhere else.

But it wasn’t until a couple of weeks later, that you visited your friend at the Golden Dawn Headquarters, that it became apparent.

It was an awful day. Because the flower still bloomed within your lungs, and it made breathing difficult, heavy and horrid.

But. Your friend had asked you to visit. So, how were you supposed to say no?

And much to your dismay, you bumped into William. Quite literally.

You were just trying to focus on breathing, despite the petals that tried to escape you, as if trying to muffle out the sound of a confession you would never utter out loud. But still, the ever prevailing blooming of the Chrysanthemum persisted.

“Do forgive me for my,” he cleared his throat, “clumsiness…”

Your heart was beating, as if trying to break through your chest, and you could practically feel his gaze upon you. Even through the ticking of seconds, it was as if you could hear the wonder in his very being.

“You are… very kind, to offer air, so willingl-“ he tried, but before he managed to utter the last word, he coughed a petal. The most beautiful petal ever shed by your favourite flower.

Your eyes widened, but you didn’t say anything. You couldn’t do anything, but look at the petal floating in the air.

“I was told that it-,” he cleared his throat again, trying to gasp for air. “Was your favourite. Only fitting,” he managed, before his hand took a hold his mask, as if trying to hide his eyes from you.

But as it did, your gaze turned to him in return.

“Forgive me, it’s… I’m unsightly-“

You wanted to protest, but couldn’t. And yet, your lips parted, just enough for the red petal, and another, a third… to float out. Right to his feet. Of which he caught a glimpse.

He could barely believe it. Barely, but just… It was just enough to encourage the sound, the whisper within his chest. “But what if…”

And so, he took your hand, eyes pleading and full of desperation you thought to be impossible. “Could it be that… my feelings are reciprocated?” His tone, it oozed with hope and longing and something so deliciously delicate that you couldn’t name it.

But still, without realizing… you nodded.

And with that simple act, which must’ve lasted only for a fraction of a second, he pulled you into his arms.

It felt a lot lighter to breath. It felt a lot warmer than ever before. It felt like… everything was alright with the world.