#and interact w people more- but im too anxious to because it just feels like

[anotherpapercut]

people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

[huellitaa]

why people don't like you ₊˚⊹ 💬🎀

okay this is not as harsh as the title suggests but i wanted to put it literally bcuz this is a problem i've struggled with for the longest time. im gonna be brutally honest here. there are so many reasons why ur not of the social status you want to be or don't have as many friends as you like yadda yadda yadda. SO ,, here's my thoughts on why that's the case , and how to help! 🫶🏻🎀💬

──★ ˙ ̟🎀you're fake

whether its cuz ur trying to "fit in" or because you have a completely different personality stored in the back for everyone you meet, ur fake. its very simple. its not necessarily a bad thing, it just means ur insecure.

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

stop trying so hard girl. it's not that deep. there are 8 billion people on this earth and counting, u really think this person's gonna matter when ur living ur dreams and thriving even more than you ever imagined you could? no. move on. next please!

find out who the fuck you genuinely are. you're never gonna live your life if YOU aren't the one living it. once you get a start on finding who YOU are it's gonna make you more authentic -> more magnetic -> more attractive in every single way, including social.

u arent obligated to fit in. think about the type of people that you see in the street and you stare a while at, the type of people who stand out from a crowd for whatever reason, the people u look up to, ur idols who you could never imagine to meet in a thousand years; do you think they fit in? do you think merging with a crowd is what made them appeal to you so much? no. think abt that.

wake the fuck up and realise u deserve better. why are you neglecting yourself by hiding yourself from the world? would u do that to anyone else? would u get anyone else to change themselves just so they can fit in? girl get a hold of urself!!! you've been through so much and youve made it so far and yet you're still pretending to be someone you aren't?? you deserve SO much better. people who truly deserve you will always love you for you, no one else.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too awkward / anxious

i want to preface this by saying theres nothing wrong w this at all and i completely understand but ur gonna face some problems of people interacting with you. or you interacting w them. or both. i was diagnosed w generalised anxiety disorder when i was 11, so i understand how much this can impact ur life not just socially but in all areas.

⭐𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first thing im gonna mention to preface is this can be a symptom of an underlying condition u may need to get checked out. if its impacting ur everyday life please seek therapy, i am not a professional and cannot help u w this, even if i'd like to. i love u ♡

find what is making u anxious. what about social interaction is scary to you, and why? why does interacting w others make u nervous? is there a specific thing ur worried about or u find nervewracking? always. find. the root!

have compassion and empathy and patience w yourself. its perfectly okay and normal to some extent to feel like this and of course we're all gonna feel like this sometimes but its important to treat urself with care, especially in these times.

treat urself as u would a child. i recommend treating urself like a friend a lot but when ur in a delicate and emotional state like this its better to treat urself like ur ur own child. take care of urself with the same love and attentiveness as you would your own children and give yourself time and take care of yourself to work through the issue. ♡

break things down and take it slow and simple. break it into steps and PUT. YOURSELF. FIRST until u feel able to go back out into the public again and be That Girl ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur straight up mean

this can be anywhere from just being generally disinterested in people, being constantly negative all of the time to being just really shitty and rude. we all have the same potentials and possibilities but sometimes we can fall into the trap of negative patterns when interacting with others, which is okay. everyone messes up sometimes. but the important thing is is that we fall back out of that and become even better for it!

💬𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

try ur best to put ur ego aside and think about yourself from an outside perspective. would you wanna be friends with you? if you were another person, how would you think people feel around you?

(🗒🎀 note: if that's too difficult, create someone in ur head or mentally assign ur traits, the good and bad, to someone you dont really know, and think ab how youd feel around them. insecure? jealous? confident? excited? nervous? think about it.)

i know it sounds weird but literally just sit down and talk to people close to u when you get the chance or the opportunity comes up and ask if anything you do comes off rude or blunt or abrupt or any sort of negative trait you think might be the issue here. or just subtly (or directly, either one works) try and find out their opinions on you so u can figure out if that aligns w what and how u wanna be, and then how you can change that.

just be generally more sweet and polite. people are easily gonna like you more if ur not a total dick. stop being mean to people, say please and thank you, compliment strangers, smile at everyone, put ur ego aside cuz its really not that deep girl.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too nice / people pleaser

okay being nice is not a bad thing. there is a fine line between being THE nice girl and being A nice girl. there is a fine line between being kind and being a pushover. you don't have to sacrifice urself to be nice to people. being nice should go both ways!

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first things first, like all things and like i've said a billion times before, you need to address the root of what is causing you to act like this. this should always be the first thing you do when addressing any problem, esp w urself. why are you acting like this? what is causing you to endlessly seek approval like this and sacrifice urself in the process? think.

start saying no to people, even to the littlest things. if you want to do it then sure, but start saying no so much more often. it gives you a sense of control and shows you only you have a choice in the things you do in ur life, no one else.

define kindness. is what ur getting in return to this unconditional self sacrifice genuine kindness, or friendship, or respect, or attention, or whatever else you assume you're receiving from all of this? only you can answer that. ask urself what the genuine meaning of all the things ur trying to gain from this are and then see if that aligns w what ur receiving. (🗒🎀 note: also read this post of mine for more on this! ♡)

again, therapy is gonna help a lot w this. if this is making an impact on ur life, social or otherwise, then i am not a professional and cannot help u w this (as much as id like to). ily and i believe in u ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 you seem "unapproachable / intimidating"

people are threatened by talent. people are threatened by beauty. people are threatened by what they aren't. so, congrats! you've achieved your goal! 🩷💭

🫶🏻𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

i told my therapist once that people have told me i seem rude, unapproachable, intimidating, etc. and i felt really upset about it because i dont wanna come off that way. i wanna be nice and approachable and someone people can talk to. and she asked me what i would do if my favourite celebrity or famous person or whatever was my age and was walking through my school. i told her i'd think they were really cool and want to be friends with them, but wouldn't be sure how to go about it bcuz they'd be super intimidating. think about that.

🗒️🎀 note: but if you do find that people say this or act like this around you a lot, then you might need to do some introspection and ask urself if anything ur doing makes people feel like that rather than their own insecurities and mindset. ♡

i just want to quickly add that not everybody is going to like you. everyone feels a general sense of dislike from time to time and this post is what i mean by that, NOT how to make everyone like you bcuz that's literally impossible and something you shouldn't waste ur time and energy on. as harsh as i may have been in this post ur amazing and i love u no matter how much improvement you have to do ♡ i love you and am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too!

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[gh0stsp1d3r]

AAAA I SAW UR TAKING REQS FOR 97 REMY AND SCREAMED!! OK so what would ya think abt gambit w/ a mutant!reader thats power is turning invisible, like shes really shy too. I feel like he’d just be the best

OH MY HODHS I. AM LOVING YHESE, YOU GUYS..

remy masterlist ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪.

𝜗❀᧓ when you first join the X-men, you can’t control it well. It happens randomly most of the time, when you’re anxious, angry or nervous, causing you to turn invisible whenever you’re in front of a lot of people. It makes you easy to read.

𝜗❀᧓ your first day, you meet them all, but for some reason, out of all the people, your eyes land on him. Your eyes lock for a moment, him flashing you a grin, before you suddenly go invisible, your cheeks heating up as soon as you looked down and realize.

𝜗❀᧓ so, totally embarrassing first day for you. But remy, and the others (except for Logan who snorted out a laugh at it every single damn time), didn’t seem to mind the interaction. Remy found it very funny, and he still does when you’re together.

𝜗❀᧓ but anyways, you learn to control it better but you still have your moments from time to time.

𝜗❀᧓ he’ll be complimenting you, holding your hand, sending you that damn smirk, and you’ll turn invisible purely out of nowhere because you still get flustered. He quirks an eyebrow, glancing around for a moment until you turn back, staring at him with wide eyes.

𝜗❀᧓ he finds it very cute, actually. he teases you all the time about it too.

𝜗❀᧓ also maybe you’ll sneak around the mansion or something, he always knows when you’re there and where you are exactly 😭 you don’t know how he does it.

𝜗❀᧓ in combat, your powers are the best for more quieter missions, ones they try not to get spotted in. you’re a really good fighter, and with your mutation, it’s even better.

𝜗❀᧓ team ups where you both get to go on missions together are your favorites (:

𝜗❀᧓ I can like imagine a small argument over something, you’re pissed off over something kinda small after you had a bad day, taking it out on him accidentally, and you’re just turning invisible and back to normal a lot. remy, being him, asks you what’s wrong, over and over.

“C’mon, chere, Remy jus’ wants to help you. He don’t like seeing you mad at ‘im.” He pleads, you sighing as you sat on the bed, him sitting next to you. You go invisible a few times, him calming you down, trying to stop it as you cried and vented to him </3 MY LOVE

𝜗❀᧓ sweeetest bf ever. I need him

[blkkizzat]

Girl I’m literally so done with tumblr sometimes..

PEOPLE BLOCK ME FOR NO REASON ‼️😭

I have my age in my bio (not a minor) and I don’t have a blank blog and that’s mostly what people block for.

I was just going through my feed or whatever you wanna call it and I found this writer I really liked and decided to go on their blog and go through their master list to look at all their works, i get up from my phone for like a hour and I come back and..IM BLOCKED 😭 I’m so sad dude..maybe it was because I was spam liking so many of their posts? I honestly don’t know but this has happened to me like 3 times now and it disappoints me because they all had really good works on their pages 🙃

-🪼

Aweee 🪼 babes im so sorry!

idk, people block for anything these days tbh and i mean it's their right but i know it never feels good when it happens. i only know of like 2 people im blocked by and it was very much a huh moment but w/e, i just blocked back and went on about my day.

idk if you have a rules, or what content you reblog but some people block because people like/reblog dark content, age-up, etc, etc.

blocking for spam-liking is so stupid bc it does not shadowban you, literally an ex tumblr employee came out and said it too. and i know a bunch of likes isn't as good as a reblog which helps fic visibility more but contrary to popular believe likes DO help visibility!!!!!

By default, "Include posts liked by the blogs you follow" is activated in your dash settings. So unless a person turns it off (which i bet most people dont bother and dont even know its a thing) its very likely that a post you like, someone you follow will see.

this is what it looks like:

(literally just took that off my dash and it doesn't have to be based off a reblog this was just the first one i could find)

Not to mention theres many blogs complaining about lack of interactions but then by saying "no spam liking" pretty much scarring mofos into not to interacting with them dkjshfjhsd. madness luv, literally.

lmfao anyway, im so sorry you were blocked babes! all i can say is try to respect each blogs rules 🤷🏾‍♀️ but i definitely agree that im also a person thats not gonna like anything if i have to guess how many likes is spam for you or keep a tally of the like/reblog ratio lmfao nah im too autistic/nervous/anxious for that kfjhdkvajdhfk.

omg wanna know something embarrassing tho? once i was high and thought i was on my dash just liking away shit AND IT WAS ALL FROM ONE PERSON'S BLOG i was so embarrassed!!! but they didnt block me and i must have liked like 50 posts scrolling for a good hour kdhjdkfjhsd. so not only was i spam liking i was the creeper ho scrolling their page from posts like 6 months ago jfsdhkfdjhs 😭😭😭😭

[peachjagiya]

https://x.com/sofini123/status/1822021683663761414?s=46&t=Xwy3F-OqT2vgT3Xa7r868g

i’m finding different peoples’ takes on the vibe of the show rlly interesting. i personally didn’t sense an awkward vibe and i didn’t think they had nothing to talk about/no convo of substance. cuz tbh what else would they discuss other than lighthearted things and just joking around? it’s a show for the fans to see so i doubt they’d be immediately jumping into some deep conversation about their views on society and the world LOL. ig also to me, when im w a very close friend who ive known for years and i already know what’s going on in their life, theres not that many “new” things to talk about ? like it’s more so quick catching up and then you just resort to random conversations and being playful. idk maybe that’s just me. ofc deep conversations come up w close friends too but i’d never expect that from this type of documentary series which is clearly just meant to be fun and following them on their random outings/adventures.

but i have seen a few other ppl say they felt a super awkward and off vibe though so maybe im just missing something ? whatever it may be i still think the interactions are cute and very entertaining. im super excited (also a bit nervous/anxious) to see tae in the next episode. i think it’ll be a lot of fun w the three of them and im sure it’ll settle into something comfortable for the three of them within the first few interactions of all being together. i do wonder how they’ll frame the dynamic though. id we’ll see something vaguely equal or if it’ll be framed as jimin being the middle man as it has in the past. to me that would so obviously be convoluted since we know jungkook and tae have been hanging and much closer than vmin or jikook (who clearly hadn’t seen eo at all lol). but ik it’s not like they’ll rlly show just how close tkk are anyways so who knows. sorry this got so long, i went on a tangent 😭😭

Don't apologise!

I did sense awkwardness in ep1. I feel like "matched energy" has stopped being words that mean anything because I've used them so much over the last 24 hours but it's a good way to explain.

It's not about what they had to talk about. It's about the mismatch of mood and energy. But many things can influence that! Long flights, nervousness at doing a reality show without the other members, a foreign country, illness, not having seen each other for a while. Mismatched energy can be temporary or permanent. In their case, I felt it was temporary.

However, to my mind, what sets Taekook aside is that their energy is rarely mismatched and if it ever is, they're super adaptable to each other's mood and able to come out of it very fast. See Inkigayo. JK in a grump, Tae arrives smiley. Mismatch. But it's resolved in moments, seconds even, with soft words and Tae drawing on a thing JK loves. That unconscious immediate reconfiguring to find balance is COUPLE 101 to me.

By his own admission, Jimin enjoys winding JK up, amping up the awkward, like a big brother with his little brother. Redressing the balance is not at the forefront of his mind and to me, and this is very much just my thoughts, that's what felt awkward in ep1.

Thanks anon! 💜

[vbee-miya]

helloo!!! could i get a matchup for bnha?? :0 (this is the first time im requesting something sorry if i say anything wrong msfnsnnd) im 18 (i turned 18 only some days ago lol), i use he/they pronouns (im a trans boy:]) and im gay mdmfms im an isfp and a hufflepuff if that matters!!! im v introverted and shy at first and im not someone who likes to go out because i have trouble with loud noises n too much people, but whenever i go out im the kind of person who talks too much (when im w friends) and is a literal clown, although i still cant talk with people outside my circle so other people have to often speak up for me (esp when i want to buy stuff mssmfmsmdlmao), as for my traits, ig im kind of pessimist when it comes to myself? but super optimistic when it comes to others, im also v anxious, protective towards ppl i like and very, very blunt, because i speak without thinking,,, i also daydream a lot and get distracted even more, i have a lot of energy too but i just dont show it so thats that!! as for hobbies im a writer and an artist! (daydreaming helps a lot for some reason), i like playing videogames and that stuff, and i also love researching things such as bugs (i love them but if you put a bug Infront of me i'd cry) and human behavior:], ii also have a lisp so how i speak in every single Language sounds funny,, im basically what would happen if you combined a nerd, anxiety, a clown and too much coffee (i cant even drink coffee bc of my adhd tho since it makes me very sleepy) hehebw i hope that information is good!! sorry for rambling too much again aa

༺❀༻ matchup ༺❀༻

i don't see why not, here ya go.

hop in on the adventures of tintin. 

he doesn’t mind going out to places that are quiet, or places that have little to no interaction with people. so probably like hanging around his dormitory or if given the chance when the school is on break he’d invite you to his place or if you ever offer, then you guys could hang around at your place. 

mirio to me is the type of guy who can easily warm up to people and usually knows what to say and do. i mean after all, what do you expect from someone in the big three? so even hanging out that random silence of awkwardness would cease to exist. the more you both start getting to know each other and start creating that good rapport he’d be able to talk about anything and everything. and let's say there’s a topic you love talking about that isn’t within his knowledge, then no worries he’d be more than willing to learn and listen about it. 

when you guys are outside, potentially to go out eating and or to buy things, mirio is your man, your buddy. you bet he’d be the one doing all the talking. i mean you can’t really shut him up. anyways when you guys go out to buy stuff he’d actually buy anything you’d want and that’s a fact. he’s generous. 

pessimism is natural, anyone can feel those doubts and it’s so easy seeing things negatively. especially about oneself. but as optimistic as mirio can be he’d understand where you’re coming from and rather than saying haphazardly things like “don’t think like that” “don’t say that'' he'd be more than willing to hear you out and encourage the hell out of you. because no one deserves to be thought about like that especially from us. 

your bluntness in my headcanon is something that catches him off guard sometimes, though he’d appreciate the bluntness. he’s most definitely the type to accept critical criticism or just anything about him. in terms of self-improvement. 

every time you have that burst of energy mirio would think that it’s cute. and sometimes if not most times would be highly fascinated with your daydreams and would actually give great writing ideas to write about as they’re not too complex and can be worked around rather quickly. 

there’s a funny little headcanon i have where he doesn’t mean to put a bug at your face, he just thought the stick bug was really cool and knew to some degree you’d research about them potentially. 

he’d wouldn’t even notice your lisp and would actually say that he doesn’t hear it. but till one day he really notices it and his world opened anew.

[junitries]

long ass recap of the past week

decided that i no loonger want to be upset abut the things I can not control. im anxious enough about my own shit, i dont need to also be stressed about people and thing i literally cannot change, and hold grudges and burdens take so much mentally and im barely keeping it together rn

i watched the saddest movie i've ever seen in my life, lovely bones literally crushed me, i dont think ive ever had such a visceral reaction to a movie, i dont think its a movie i can watch again tho because it was really depressing, but it did make me think about how i need to start appreciating life more than i have, im still young and i have time to make mistakes so i shouldnt stress myself out too much and enjoy life while im living

my grandfather passed

ive been crying about it everyday since, and im really trying to be okay but i can't tell if im really just trying to shove my feelings deep down, i feel kinda numb, but im taking joy in the numbness, i dont eant to feel anything rn

lowkey haven't been wanting to go outside and interact with anyone but i also know that life goes on and i cant get behind this early in the semester

my friend invited me to go out of town with her, it was so refreshing and needed, but it upset me a little because i feel like she is not always the best friend, and neither am i, so i need to work on myself and find friends i actually like vs being friends w someone based on what they can do for me

i got a tattoo and i feel like they will be my new addiction

overall not doing great but at least im still trying and thas really all i can do ig

[rcdiostcrs]

𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑵𝑬𝑹 𝑾𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑪𝑨𝑵 𝑷𝑶𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝑾𝑹𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑻𝑶𝑮𝑬𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹 𝑨 𝑳𝑶𝑻 𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑰𝑬𝑹 . . .

NAME : hayden "halex" alexander; hayded; heydad

PRONOUNS : they / he

NAME OF MUSE(S) : it would take too long to list them all. but in case you don't know me & want to know my favs are seven, mills, & asph. i also run a blog for toulouse of the aristocats (@bluebowtied) if you are interested.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : tumblr ims / dms. i do have a discord, but i rarely log on so if you communicate using that just know i'm bound to forget. i know ims can give people anxiety, but i prefer to just keep everything on one platform.

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : uffda... years. my first group isn't even around anymore (though some of the characters from that group are still around, see: mills, aeron, & rhis). i believe i started in 2014, though i am so bad with time.

BEST EXPERIENCE : descendcntshq (if i recall the url correctly). such a fun group, everyone was really chill & the ooc discord made communication between muns easy & efficient. much like my first group, some of my characters from there are still kicking (pretty much all of my descendants characters originated there, even if they've been tweaked). even my url is similar (though that's more bc of my obsession with one song in particular than anything else).

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : being rude. not tagging your smut. being a smut-heavy or smut-focused blog. being unwilling to work w/ your thread partner(s).

THREAD PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT : fluff & angst, though recently i do lean more towards fluff. slice of life threads are some of my favorites. as for smut... it's in my rules that i don't write smut.

PLOTS OR MEMES : i'm like... super anxious about plotting because it kind of feels like i suggest the same stuff over & over. that being said—memes as thread openers also aren't my forte since i like sending in so many & then only continue the ones i really enjoy. now, i will repeat what's in my pinned: the best way to start a thread with me is to reply to one of my opens or come to my ims with an idea you already have (so that we can then make a closed starter).

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : these are subjective terms, so i'll just say that somewhere between two & five paragraphs (comprised of at least three sentences) is the sweet spot. though it also depends on how well we mesh ooc & how well the characters in the thread mesh ic. if we get along great & our characters have some deep reason to be interacting, i tend to skew longer in my replies.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : late evening / night. when the rest of the world is quiet, i can write without being self-conscious that somehow someone will see my screen & judge me.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : oh yeah. i'd go as far as to say each character has at least one attribute of me in them. sometimes it's as innocuous as we both love fast food & have gutter brain. sometimes they're basically me on a page ([cough] theo [cough]). i do, however, fear, that all of my characters come off as autistic, depressed, & riddled with anxiety as i am all three.

tagged by stolen from: here tagging: anyone who would like to

[arcadequeerz]

I love you kin community but I feel so far disconnected from it.

[literaphobe]

@baeksseju OKAY SO yesterday morning i forgot to set my alarm clock and woke up at 7:48am instead of… 6:30am KFKSKDKSKSSK and that was MY BAD like i didn’t know and i still don’t know whether i set an alarm or not or if i just forgot like i tend to do. anyway. im gonna call my friend P and my other friend S. so every monday and wednesday morning at 8:30am we have our sociolinguistics class. P & S (whoever of them comes first) (its almost never me) get there and save us the same 3 corner seats in the second last row. i always get the corner most seat bc im the latest one usually UM ANYWAY

so this girl we know from this random amalgamation of people who we hung out with for like 1-2 weeks at the start of the semester started like FUCKING loving P bc like P is really funny and talks shit about people they hate and never replies to messages for several hours (unless its me or her bf or one of our other real friends) <- my theory that these people have anxious attachment style and P ignoring them only makes them want her MORE

P is also kind of a people pleaser in the sense that she’s a fake bitch (HER WORDS ❤️) and even if she dislikes u or hates u or talks mad shit about you YOU WONT FUCKING KNOW BC SHE’LL STILL ACT LIKE UR BEST FRIEND WHEN SHES FORCED TO INTERACT whereas well. i mean in real life at least. the SECOND i start disliking someone… you’ll usually know. WHICH IS A PROBLEM BC THIS ONE GIRL WHO RECENTLY BECAME GIRL I WANNA FUCKING MURDER #1 ON MY HIT LIST. became. convinced. that i fucking hated her. and she was right! but P was working w her on two projects so i had to pretend i didn’t 😭😭 anyway i dodged her attempts to have lunch w me last friday and she hasn’t texted me since. AND we have a theory that C <- codename for my most hated girl in school <- u will feel genuinely murderous if you find out why. Like. KNOWS? we don’t like her anymore? and only communicates w us for school stuff?

BUT THIS OTHER GIRL IN THEIR FRIEND GROUP FOR THE SEMESTER (i genuinely think they will all stop being friends the moment they don’t have classes together) -> lets call her A . like. LOVES P now? so back to what actually happened. SHE WALKED INTO CLASS AT 8:35AM AND FUCKING SAT IN MY SEAT.

when she KNOWS that seat is saved for me.

and well. P and I have this ongoing joke that she’s the fake bitch and i have the biggest fucking balls ever because. i just fucking. say crazy daring shit sometimes. and this other enemy we have, B (trust me she is SO bad that her entire cohort in her year above us GOT HER KICKED OUT OF A CLASS BECAUSE OF HOW AWFUL SHE WAS) got like intimidated by me during a zoom call bc she was bored and started running everything we were all writing through GRAMMARLY when we werent even done writing our part on this PEER REVIEW ASSIGNMENT about another group. and it pissed me off so i told her ‘hey is it okay if you don’t edit my work until i’m done with it? sorry, it’s distracting’ and well she didn’t edit my work at all after that and sounded scared when she talked to me KFKSKD i mean i was TRYING to be nice but well IDK

anyway. because of P’s tiny balls. and also because it all happened so fast. and also because I WASNT THERE TO DEFEND MY FUCKING SEAT. and the fact that i was gonna be so abysmally late there was no point in saving me a seat. P couldn’t really do anything to stop her

BUT DID A KNOW THAT? NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT. i could’ve been there a minute later and i wouldn’t have had A FUCKING SEAT. I DIDNT NEED IT BUT ITS THE PRINCIPLE OF THE MATTER .

SO. A started PEEKING AT P’S LAPTOP. and was like who’re u texting?? (me) who’s the trio?? (me S & P) and when she found out P was texting me she smirked and was like ‘tell michelle im sitting in her seat’ and so P texted me that HOPING id get the hint that A was watching (I DID THANKFULLY) and i was like WHAT THE FUCK but i hope you realize the back is BETTER than the front

moving on. A’s reasoning for sitting in my seat was that C sat TOO up front (IT WAS LITERALLY ONE ROW IN FRONT OF WHERE THEY ALLEGEDLY USUALLY SIT ?) and that was like too much for her to handle apparently. anyway. P and C had to consult w the professor for a panel discussion they have to lead on wednesday. so A was like come look for us after for lunch!! <- we didn’t. but does A take the hint? NO! even C had the mind to walk away after the consultation instead of trying to join me P and S. which i now realize. is so. Salt and Pepper. ANYWAY. A keeps texting P!!!! and fucking telling her to sit with her during the next class??????

oh. we have another friend. his name is H. i met him in a cursed group project last year and he saved me during summer when i got sick and missed classes. he’s really sweet and i hope he’s always my friend. ANYWAY. he was gone during all this because his sociolinguistic project group (which B is INNNNNN JFC) insisted on them all eating lunch together. and before they left P was talking to H and B saw and was like Um… are u close to P? during the lunch. and he was like yeah i am what about it. oh right y’all are in a group project for another class right? and B was like yeah… ig P and michelle are kind of hard to work with… like we were supposed to be doing an assignment and they were playing games in class :/ -> WE WEREN’T. also. WE WERE DONE??? WITH WHAT WE NEEDED TO DO? AND THE ASSIGNMENT WAS FARRRRR FROM BEING DUE and i told them. i wasn’t gonna do anything else in class that day because i had a huge test and i was really sleep deprived so any work i did wouldn’t be good. and EVERYONE ELSE WAS FINE WITH THAT. BUT HER????? she claimed to be ‘90% done’ with her bit by the end of class. mf i don’t trust the quality of ur fucking work 😭😭 and finding she was only in our class bc everyone else in the year hated her so much she got HELD BACK was fucking vindicating. like she does fucking nothing but get upset that her non-existent ideas don’t get used only to act like she does everything (WHEN SHE DOESN’T)… other groups in our class were TERRIFIED to get paired w our group for the peer review assigmment BC THEY ALL FUCKING HATE HER

anyway. KFKSKDKSKDKD. we meet H in our second class of the day. we saved a seat for him as we usually do. BUT IT WAS ALSO. ME AND P’S PLAN. to fucking. get seats in the back hidden by a pillar. SO WE DIDNT HAVE TO SIT WITH A. anyway i said ok im gonna be on ur left we are gonna put H on yr right so EVEN IF A MOVES SHE CANT DO SHIT. eventually. A realizes we r all the way at the back and she’s like WTF ARE U DOING THERE? COME HERE? and P had to start fake bitching and wave over and gesture that they should move to US

A starts DMing P. and sends her a video message (a thing on telegram) where her and this other girl r jamming to some song the professor’s playing in class. and P is like oh god… we have to send one back. and she’s like. michelle. you have to fake bitch with me. and i start fake crying and i go I DONT WANNA ☹️☹️☹️ and she’s like YOU HAVE TO… WE NEED TO FAKE BITCH BACK… and i was like okay :(((( and so we sent one back. AND THEY SENT BACK ANOTHER MESSAGE ??? so P was like ok nvm fuck this im not sending another back fuck u

after class. P’s granddad is picking us up (P asked me if i wanted to come with and i was like SURE) and we bump into the girls and A is like . WEIRDLY TOUCHY with P. and im like ????? bc even i don’t touch P like that 😭😭 and we were like um haha bye maybe we’ll sit together in class next time ! and me and P got into the lift WHICH THANKFULLY NO ONE FOLLOWED US INTO. and we were like WHAT THE FUCKKKKK and started pointing middle fingers at her (we are 12) and so we get into the car and i WIND UP HANGING OUT AT HER HOUSE ALL DAY

this is um. the third time ive been there? and today her mom was home and this is the first time im meeting her mom (who LOVES me btw. her grandparents love me too. IM EXCELLENT AT MAKING OLD PEOPLE LOVE ME. or well. old chinese people. im a lot better at P at speaking chinese which helps???? IG???? idk they think me and P are very similar and that im very cute)

the whole time im at P’s house vibing she gets texts from A and well P accidentally told A that theres a test tomorrow (IN 30 MINUTES BABY) its just a small quiz tbh but A was like OMG DO U WANNA STUDY WITH ME????? so P ignored her texts because SHE WOULD RATHER DIE and anyway P walked me to the bus at like 9 something at night… and A asked P for her discord… so P told her but didn’t add her to P’s private server (which im in) and she used her boyfriend as an excuse for not being able to call her <- when i got home me P and her bf hopped into VC together

OH YEAH. UM. P CONVINCED ME TO GO ON A VACATION W HER. AFTER THE SEMESTER ENDS. her bf and we had a bit all day where like bc i was at her house he was like WTF ARE U CHEATING ON ME… and then sent like clown memes fkdkfkskdksdk like he was a clown etc… so i was like im gonna start threatening to fuck u to keep him in line (he lives in malaysia where we are going) MOVING ON. im going for essentially 2 weeks and P’s going for like 3 and afterwards she’s coming back w her bf and we’re gonna hang out AGAIN (we have a dinner reservation together in DECEMBER) <- i booked a ticket next to her and everything

so A in in a discord w C and they have facecams on?,? for some reason. and P claims she has to help her bf w homework bc its due tomorrow (HAHAHAHAHAH) and A gets annoyed and is like… why do you care??? why do u have to help him???? and P is like ???? bc i love him…????? and i was like WTFFFFF hearing this in VC (bc i was showering while it happened) and i told her bf u think i wanna steal ur girl??? she wants to STEAL ur girl from me AND you And he was like wtffffffff WTFFFDDD anyway un

THATS ALL ill give more updates if any of you wanna hear more??? LMAOOOOO IVE BEEN NOT REPLYING TO P THIS ENTIRE TOME IVE BEEN TYPIG THIS OUT BC I WANTED TO PUT IT SOMEWHWRE IN CASE ANOTHER FRIEND WANTS TO KNOW FJSKDKSKDJSJD its very messy . BYE

[rationalisms]

Omg you discord post is exactly what I’ve been thinking as well. I’ve joined it for fandoms and school groups and irl community stuff and each and every time I get so anxious that I end up going ghost. Speaking specifically on fandom though, I recently deleted my account and the app (love being #free) because the one to one feel of involvement is A Lot. I love screaming into the void and shooting off a stupid post way too much so having to think through everything I say is anxiety like I don’t actually want to feel like I’m in a chat room? Idk but it’s the same with twitter, I use it to crack some jokes but the extra sense of familiarity that seems to come with frequent interactions overwhelms me and everyone else just seems to be okay with it. I realize that’s a box of a social anxiety thing in general though. Anyway not that you asked bit this is why I don’t think I’ll ever leave tumblr it caters so perfectly to the hermit in me lol

oh bud i completely feel you, it's an absolute nightmare for people with any amount of social anxiety. pretty much the only reason i use discord is for ttrpg organizational purposes, and for the one movie watching/music league group chat with my group of friends; any servers i've joined that are bigger than that i go through the exact same process every time: agonize over what to say for several days because everyone else already seems incredibly familiar with each other in a way that's so deeply terrifying and intimidating and then eventually just leaving again. which sux! i wanna Take Part In Stuff and meet people who share my interests but i'm a big ball of anxiety and that setting is my nightmare... so i definitely get you. and good on you for deciding that you're no longer getting anything out of it and pulling the plug! it can be hard especially with how much it's assumed that you have certain social media and FOMO and alla dat, so i'm glad you were able to draw a line and i hope it helps make you feel more comfortable.

i don't mind twitter as much because it feels more passive in a lot of ways. like, engagement can just be a driveby fav or even if you do reply or someone replies to you there's an inherent built-in acceptance of delay in response or even just like. Acknowledgement By Fav Can Be Enough. which imo is definitely not the atmosphere for discord at least ime. but it's still not great for fandom stuff for a ton of other reasons including the complete lack of archiving. and honestly, i abandoned my public twitter for my locked down private one for a multitude of reasons and the anxiety around having to keep up some sort of Public Persona is definitely part of it, so i absolutely understand you on that level as well.

tumblr has its own issues obviously, but like you i never felt the same sense of pressure or dread here. a big part of that is obviously the whole reblog system in itself, in that it's totally fine and even encouraged to just, idk , silently curate pretty pictures for a bit and at most commenting in the tags when you have something to say or w/e, but also being able to do the whole shooting random thoughts into the void whenever you want to instead. it's also much, much easier to curate my experience here than anywhere else lol. much more robust blacklisting functions available (albeit reliant on third party extensions) and if you didn't choose to put something on your dash then tumblr won't for the most part force it on you. so that for sure helps.

idk, i don't have the solution! because like, yes in many ways discord and twitter are suboptimal for fandom stuff but in many ways it's also down to the fact that i do obviously have pretty severe anxiety around these things and struggle with it immensely in a way that a lot of people obviously don't. which sucks but isn't their problem.

i still think we should all move to dreamwidth though. if enough of us hermits congregate there other people eventually have to follow, right? that's how we all ended up on tumblr in the first place :x

[loving-ricciardo]

im devastated if danny gets so hurt that he has to leave f1 for good, bc i had the absolute shit times the previous couple of months mentally, and before this season started youtube recommended an interview w danny and it was smth titled “is the smile always real?” and i watched it and man it was the very thing i needed, which is kinda weird to say it bc he’s a literal stranger to me but i hope you’ll understand what im saying… but just smth about him that he showes about himself through media and stuff and that personality and style and what he does in the vlogs has continoued to uplift me during my down-phases. and to think about all this shit and how it must be affecting him, the person who’s positive mindset changed me, is surreal and i cant imagine how he’s feeling.

hi hun, first of all im sending you the biggest hug and i really hope your mental health is better now (disregarding the current Daniel situation) and i hope the universe is gentle with you 🧡🧡🧡

okay, i might go on a bit of a rant here-

i started watching this sport more closely because of Daniel. Like he is the reason I’m here today and ever since i started supporting him i tried to like define my ‘relationship’ with him ~I am probably not gonna make complete sense here~ but like I couldn’t imagine meeting Daniel on street and being like ‘omg I love you. you changed my life’ because he is literally a white rich man driving in circles like it’s a bit silly to care so much about him (this is me @ me btw like it’s an internal struggle I’m not ‘judging’ other fans! You do you besties!!). Like I’m a big football fan but I still could never really justify being such a big fan of them?? Like I obviously have favourites but i always compared them to my favourite authors and songwriters and honestly I have no idea why I always struggled with this like it’s not that deep.

Okay I lost myself and I’m too lazy to go back and rewrite it but I just wanted to say that I had different drivers which I liked for their driving style but it was too superficial for me to get into the sport for (again nothing wrong with that-) and it wasn't until I saw an interview with Daniel that I was just instantly charmed and impressed with how he presents himself. Like Daniel is the definition of ‘fake it till you make it’ and ‘act confident and no one will question you’. The sport is brutal and you can see he under all that charm he is just an anxious insecure lil gremlin who created an 'alter ego' to sort of protect himself from the outside world. Don't get me wrong like Daniel is his alter ego but it's just a bit of a different version of him and I do admire that. As someone with social anxiety I try to channel my Danny Ric energy when I can't control things hh.

And his energy is just so kind and warm and SO positive as you've mentioned. Like it must be SO draining to try to be so positive most of the time and like keeping his emotions in check,,, i admire that so much. Like he could be an asshole (i mean he is a charming asshole,, he does use that smile to get away with saying mean shit sometimes)- he literally doesn't own anyone anything but no he takes time to make people laugh and to give them a show and interact with fans and like even when he has bad days and he probably wants to lock himself in his driver's room he still tries his hardest to be his cheery self and even apologizes to people when he thinks he is not being positive enough- just all good all ways even though he keeps jumping from one toxic team to another--

and like normally i am pretty good with boundaries and i mean i am dramatic on this blog and i do get upset when his race goes badly but i can usually shake it off quickly but ngl these past two days,,, my heart is so heavy and im SOSOSOS pissed and SOSOSOS sad because the way mclaren is handling it- noone deserves let alone daniel who had been one bad race strategy after another yet still trying to be positive and professional... URGH i know this sport is brutal and unfair but this is truly disgusting

idk if this makes sense i am very bad at expressing my feels lol but yeah i hope danny has a good support system around him and im sending him and all daniel fans the biggest hug and good vibes, we will get through this <333

[mirrorforevers]

heavenly nobodies (or “the fog”) • graham/reader

this is a bit heavier than usual, ladies. proceed w caution. tw for mentions of abusive relationships, drug abuse and reader has no self-esteem at all. nothing too descriptive in that sense though

on a lighter note, reader n graham are basically two lost adults acting like petty children

a quick disclaimer: its not my intention in *any way* to glorify or romanticize drug abuse or basically anything any of these characters do - its messed up shit. this is fiction, don't take it seriously, please

if this fic was a song, even though its titled after a lush song, it would be lark by angel olsen i guess. might have a sequel someday i dunno

+18, as always. contains smut. this is sososososo long and has went through so many rewrites im sorry. but i do think its my best fic yet!

set in the mid 90s

word count: 3.780

You still remember the day it began.

A nasty fight took place between Graham and Alex. You only got involved because your relationship became one of the topics of the heated debate. Long story short, Graham basically screamed at you two that you, Y/N, were wasting your life away by dating someone like James.

At first you were blind with rage and defended your decadent relationship while insulting Coxon until your throat burned from the screaming match, but afterwards, after you caught yourself thinking a little too long about how James' eyes sometimes seemed to hover over you with an indifference Coxon's never, ever showed, and how it hurt to see Alex in the arms of an entire sea of more attractive women than you - and how shallow you've become for even trying to excuse his behavior with something as empty as the fact you weren't as stereotypically beautiful as the other girls he screwed, you noticed something wasn't quite right about the entire situation, but you still felt shivers at the prospect of telling him you were sorry. He also had a lot to apologize for.

The fog. That's what's been messing with your mind lately. And Graham's. And everyone else's.

It's hard to think about things clearly as they happen in your life when all you feel during most of it is hedonistic, empty bliss. Everything moves in slow motion. The regret, the harsh words, always come afterwards, like a sudden car crash, after people realize the very real consequences of what they said and done while they were immersed in their own very temporary, elusive, pleasures. The fog also made you bitter - not only you, but Graham, Alex and the other boys as well; your relationship with them as a group of friends and individually, each in a different way, consequently turned into a toxic, resentful mess of chaotic feelings and unresolved conflicts. Your relationship with Graham was by far the most affected.

You grew up together. You went to the same college. You very briefly had a thing. He drew you lots and lots of times, you haven't lost a drawing. You realized you didn't love him like *that* and he was okay with it. You were still as close as ever.

Then you met his other friends. In the beginning, he was so excited about this whole "band" thing. The boys were funny, compelling, undoubtedly hard to deal with sometimes, but you got them quickly. Their music very gradually became successful - they deserved it. They sounded so good together. You noticed Graham was a bit jealous of how you interacted with the other boys sometimes. Damon and Dave were the first ones who tried (hard) to bed you, but Alex, effortlessly, was the one who got to.

One night turned into two, three, fifteen. Then into a fucked up prototype of a relationship around the time their stages got bigger, more packed with screaming teenagers and all of you met her – heroin. Graham got proportionally and gradually more distressed and anxious each day. You didn't know which one of these things disturbed him the most, after all, he didn't speak to you (or anyone, for fuck's sake) like he used to. Thousands of little things began to intercalate and swallow everything you've built together.

You've started to hate him - he refused to speak to you about what was bothering him, and you barely talked outside of the inevitable circumstances. Meanwhile, Alex dragged you even deeper into his questionable lifestyle and you shrinked into it until you could pretend it fit you like a glove. You felt so small. Invisible to everything and everyone who truly mattered, even to yourself. You tried to reach out to the one who mattered most plenty of times, but every time you tried to reach out to him it would end up in screams and even more resentment. It seemed like there was no way back - he hated you as well because he thought you were just like Alex. It felt like a knife was twisted in your stomach when he said it the first time. You pretended it didn't hurt the other ones - those were the nights your binges were the worst and you'd vomit yourself to sleep, though.

Everything was leading you to one of those nights again, until you heard a knock on your door. At this time of night, it was definitely Alex.

You tried to tidy yourself up as much as you could in a matter of a few minutes. You thought you weren't as effortlessly beautiful as the other women in his life - as if cheating had something to do with appearance and not with his character, but oh well - and you felt like you had to at least try to keep up with their pace. You washed your face, smeared some foundation on some old stretch (and track) marks and tried to pretend his presence was the brightest spot on your day. He disguised so much criticism under the pretense of worry, leaving you feeling so bad about yourself, but you needed his approval like you needed air on your lungs (or opioids on your veins) for some reason you couldn't quite explain.

You open the door, holding your breath while you tried to ignore the pit that grew on your stomach just to find out that...

"Graham?" You were simultaneously relieved and revolted to see him on your door. Adrenaline ran through your veins. You didn't realize how afraid you were of him - you've only hurt one another with words, but still, you were afraid to cross eyes with him just because you felt like it would start another fight and you would simply never speak to each other ever again, not even to fight. You were afraid of how deep your friendship has corroded.

He was visibly hurting, just like you. It comforted and hurt you to see it.

"You were waiting for him, weren't you?" He noted, vaguely motioning towards the lipstick on your lips. You felt pathetic.

"What are you doing here?" You quickly wiped the lipstick off your lips while he looks around, not really knowing what to answer. His eyes, puffy, somehow indicated he wasn't there to say he was sorry. At that point, you didn't even cared who was in the wrong. You just wanted to know why he was there.

"Just came here to tell you that... I'm leaving Blur, and... I'll be moving to Germany with a friend. Tomorrow."

"What kind of joke is this?"

"I wanted to tell you because... I felt like we got so used to each other's presence t-that... even if you're relieved by the news, uh, I think you should know in advance."

There was no mischief in his eyes. There was no point in joking with something like that. It's not like you were comfortable enough with each other to joke with each other nowadays anyway. That realization crushed you and anchored you to the very confusing and tragic reality just laid out in front of you.

It was so uncharacteristic. You knew of his tendency to run away from these types of situations and this time he simply didn't. Your mouth refused to close. "I-I don't understand. You... You can't... You can't just do that. You have a fucking gig tomorrow!"

"I won't justify myself to you. Just... take care of yourself and... don't let that leech suck the life out of you more than he already did."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. Is this about him? Again?" In yet another wave of adrenaline, you pulled him inside your flat and he just lets you. "Are you moving to bloody Germany because of what went on between us today?!"

"I don't care that you don't love me. I care that I can't go for a fucking day without seeing you waste away your life with him. If he was someone that made you happy... but he's just killing you. I can't deal with that."

Still in shock, you pulled him in a desperate kiss. It was not an attempt of making him stay, but something else entirely new. He had to say he was leaving so you could really know, in a matter of a few seconds, how much you needed him there.

His reciprocity simultaneously broke your heart and filled it with hope - you knew how far your relationship with Alex went and how tough it would be to break free from the chains he's got your heart tangled in, but at the same time, Coxon kissed you in a way no one else ever did. He loved you like no one else could. And that's how you noticed how easily you clinged to any sign of true affection given how much Alex's been neglecting your emotional and physical needs lately. Everything was about him all the time, it was a monologue. Graham and you had a conversation.

(A conversation that lasted all night. Thankfully, Alex didn't show up. He must've been talking to someone else.)

Instead of sweet nothings and love confessions, funnily enough, you and Graham exchanged soft "I hate you"s after the deed was done. You both hated the situation you were in. Hated that even though the passion burned hot as fire between you, you were stuck in a mess bigger than everything that just went through both of you. But never each other. You just couldn't name the feeling right.

Perhaps needless to mention, he stayed in the United Kingdom. Instead of sitting and talking like adults about what you felt about each other though, the bickering somehow became even worse.

Of course you started to take his side on fights more often. Mock Alex's behavior together more often. Something definitely changed between the two of you, but it still wasn't enough. Graham was still furious that you wouldn't give up on James. You were still furious that he wouldn't take your relationship with Alex seriously. It had its many faults, yes, but it was special in a way no one else grasped and you were raised to think that people shouldn't give up on others that easily, a convention that no modern deconstruction of social norms could take out of you out of a sudden. Not even Graham. But instead of raising your voices and breaking things around you, you've found other means to release the tension between you. Usually in dark corners of untidy pubs, his flat or yours. It became so frequent it didn't need any planning anymore.

Following the opposite path of the earlier days of your animosity, the more intense the fights got now, the lower your voices got. Instead of distancing yourselves from each other in the middle of screams, your bodies got closer like magnets. He could be so tender somehow even when his words stung like venom.

You were living and breathing contradictions. Him in the way he conveys his hopeless submissiveness to you in the way every touch of yours breaks him and the way he just isn't able to cum if he sees you're not having enough pleasure, yet he fucks you like he wants it to hurt and pretends nothing happened after you're done; and you in the way you cling to him like he's your lifeline when he's deep inside of you but isn't hesitant to not look him in the eye on some other nights.

The night of one of the parties thrown by Blur's record company following the release of The Great Escape wasn't one of the latter.

While the lower floor of the venue is frenetic with people immersed in different levels of ecstasy caused by all sorts of different substances, the upper floor is reserved to the lovers, or people who were looking for a calmer place to talk or to relatively safely de-escalate from their highs. You, on the other hand, just wanted to run away from the view of Alex kissing another woman in the event he brought you to. You were almost falling asleep in one of the tiny, dimly lit and cramped rooms when a small, familiar voice woke you up. "Why aren't you downstairs with your future husband?"

You feel aloof. The slightest mention of the one you think you love disgruntles you. "Ugh. I should have known it was you," you grumble, giving him room to share the sofa with you. "You know why."

"I don't. Someone once told me I don't understand anything." He accepts the offer almost unconsciously. It's so interesting to see how his actions contradict his words and posture, just like your actions contradict yours.

"I'm still right about that. Why did you come here? To mock me?"

"You're lost."

"And so are you. Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear it."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, calmly, knowing what the answer will be.

It's always a no.

You instinctively move closer to him, as if he's about to disappear in a cloud of dust in any moment. You don't ever want him to leave.

He notices your eyes are glistening when your lips touch, so smoothly and in such a tender way. His hands enter your hair, just below your ears, and you melt at his touch all over again.

The kiss starts out slow, then becomes more and more intense. His tongue slides against yours and you whine, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to this earth. It becomes so easy to let him settle between your thighs. He runs one of his large hands through your hair, fists it, and pulls your head so he can have easier access to your neck, filling it with open-mouthed kisses. “Why the fuck,” you manage to murmur in between heavy breaths, “do you care so much about me?”

He doesn't answer. His fingers trace the hem of your dress instead, skimming up the side of your leg. You whimper as he moves them over the sensitive skin to the apex of your thighs, his lips finding the side of your throat again. He sucks a mark into your skin just as his thumb caress your core so lightly above your underwear and you whisper, voice trembling with desire: "You're so much better than him."

He's not sure if you're just leading him on, and neither are you. He doesn't even know if he has heard it right. The fog really blurs every line. Reason, feelings, motives. "You never cried over me", he answers, seeking to turn that reality around, it seemed. Your hips buck into his touch, and a moan escapes you when his hand coyly seeks direct contact with your clit, stimulating it with precision from the start. "You truly... don't know shit," you gasp, grinding harder against his touch and losing yourself to his ministrations, the fog of an earlier hit helping in enveloping you in a state of so much bliss.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" His raspy voice takes you out of this world. You nod, a little disappointed by having such a great feeling interrupted for the sake of privacy. Your lips were spit-slick and pinkened, your eyes half lidded. The sight made Graham breathe hard through his nose, but he somehow kept his composure. When he goes to lock the door, you couldn't help noticing the tent you helped build in his jeans. You feel proud of yourself.

He returns with the hungry kisses and eager touches, slowly driving you crazy all over again. His kisses lower down, down... and you pat his shoulders, motioning for him to stop. "I want to make you feel good tonight." He accepts the offer.

You scooch downwards, just above his hips, and you pull his pants and the waistband to his briefs down in one swift motion. He's painfully hard, but that was hardly a surprise. Graham straightens his back just in time to watch you take the reddened head of his cock into your mouth. He claps a hand over his mouth, hips bucking upwards into the wet heat instinctively, your warm breath enveloping his dick and clouding his mind.

Wrapping your fingers around it, you gently jerk him off, slowly sliding your hand from the tip back to the base. He groans, watching you as you fill his senses with a dull warmth. You stare back at him, smiling as he groans at your warm breath.

You run the tip of your index finger tentatively along the underside of his cock, watching with fascination as his cock twitches and reacts to your presence. You lean forward, breathing on the head before planting a soft kiss on the tip. Coxon whimpers, his dick aching from your attention. Tired of the teasing, you begin stroking it, your soft fingers loosely bouncing along his shaft. He leans his head back to the ceiling when you kiss the tip again.

You eye his cock excitedly, before you lean forward and lick his head, swirling your tongue around the crown and flicking it across the tip. His hips thrust forward before you can even react, his mind reeling as your tongue slowly traces along a vein you followed from the head all the way to the base. He groans, and was about to say something when his mind went blank. He sees pure white, his brain shutting down almost completely as you wrap your mouth around the end of his cock and set a steady rhythm to the oral stimulation. His chest rumbles as a deep growl of satisfaction leaves him, shaking through the air, the vibrations in your mouth punctuating his growl with a hiss.

He cracks his eyes open, his glazed eyes staring down to find you staring directly at him. The sight of his rigid cock vanishing between your soft lips made his skin crawl. He groans heavily, grasping your head on instinct and thrusting forward.

You gasp lightly as he shoves himself deeper inside your mouth, pushing against your throat. He moans your name desperately, panting heavily as his hips automatically thrust against you. You stand firm, keeping only the front half of his cock in your mouth, slithering your tongue against the crown and watching intently for his reactions. He was close, his mind firmly on fire as his body reacted on autopilot, trying to extract as much pleasure as possible. He could feel his climax approaching, your soft lips and gentle eyes coaxing him on. You look into his eyes and give an experimental bob of your head, taking him further into your mouth. Feeling the characteristic salty taste of precum on your tongue, you take your mouth off his cock, and before his mind is able to form a cohesive sentence of protest, you take off your underwear and sit on his lap. His hands now squeeze your hip, pulling you closer. Your wetness leaves a bit of a trail on his legs before you sink on his hard, already lubricated cock.

"You're addicted to my cock, aren't you," It's fascinating how Graham's behavior changes when he's drunk. In the best and worst ways. He would never say something like that while sober. You nod in agreement, face flush with arousal and need. "He can't even fuck you," he punctuactes with an especially hard thrust, "like I can." he envelops you in a sort of hug as his broad shoulders and arms now dictate the rhythm you both follow.

"He--c-an't, fuck--"

"Do you think," he takes his entire cock out of you just so he can go even deeper when he says, "he'll hear us... if you say my name out loud?" he smiles when a loud moan escapes your lips, feeling completely in control of your body. You can't even talk anymore, just nod, like a marionette.

"So say it." Another thrust. And another. And another. You follow his pace with your hips religiously, not even slightly ashamed of making the name of the one who's giving you so much pleasure public, as he commanded. You take the last atom of control on your body and direct it to your pussy, clenching your walls tighter around him, an action that successfully tears his thoughts apart, making his eyebrows furrow and his mouth, agape. One of his hands move to the middle of your bodies and, as he looks down at where your bodies meet, begins to stimulate your clit to the rhythm of his thrusts. His groans turn louder when your body moves towards his again, and the sound of your moans, along with the sound of skin against skin and your ragged breaths were the only thing you were able to hear, along with the distant sound of It Could Be You playing in the background.

In a daze, he says your name in that unique way that only he knew how to - like it was part of a prayer and your body was his God(dess). You dig your nails into his back while he fucks you without a trace of mercy. You close your eyes, losing yourself in all those sensations as Graham continued his movements. When he punctuates his now even faster thrusts with a string of "fuck, fuck, fuck" - that's when you know he's close, a suspicion confirmed true as he comes hard inside of you, closing his eyes tightly as he reached his climax. You follow him seconds later.

When he recovers enough to be able to breathe calmly and control his heartbeat, Graham rests his chin on your shoulder. Neither of you say anything for a long time.

And when the spasms of pleasure are gone, Graham's brain decides to go back to work and he realizes what had just happened - again. Suddenly, the sensation of bliss is accompanied by that weird sensation of "What do I do now?". He carefully removes his dick from you and pulls his jeans up, zipping up his pants while you straighten your dress and search for your panties in the middle of the dark. Both without saying a single word.

Graham clears his throat, glancing at the mirror behind the door and seeing his state was deplorable. His face reddened by the heat and his hair a perfect mess. You were in no better situation than him.

“Uh,” Graham said a long time later, breaking the silence. “How long is that arrangement supposed to last?”

"I won't count the time." You responded calmly. 

He nods, mystified by you. 

[bythebonefire]

knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier. repost, do not reblog!

name: Spacy

pronouns: she/her

preference of communication: Discord once we get into a flow of plotting, but IMs are fine too

name of muse(s): lol a bunch of ‘em now. W. D. Gaster (both Undertale verse and Mafiafell verse), Grillby, Ferno (Underfell Grillby), Flambeau (Underswap Grillby), Luciano (Mobtale Grillby), Orion (Outertale Grillby), and Papyrus specifically from Mafiafell.

rp experience / how long (months / years?): I first started RPing Sailor Moon OCs based on my gal pals when I was in 5th grade so uhhh coming up on 25 years?

platforms you’ve used: AIM, Livejournal, Discord, and eventually Tumblr

best experience: Meeting two of my best friends, @abracaxfuckxyou​ and @puzzlebones​, after joining the UT fandom, and doing a two-week road trip with them along Route 66 last summer. We got lost on spooky backroads! And stayed at kitschy motels! We visited the World’s Largest Ketchup Bottle! It was a highlight of my life frankly lmao

rp pet peeves / dealbreakers:  People not having any indication of their age anywhere on their blog. I don’t need to know your exact age, but at least whether you’re 18+. Other than that, let’s see... this doesn’t happen too often, but does happen occasionally writing a character like Ferno--I’ve written with some folks in the past who even before we directly interact, seem to go into it with the expectation of a ship because he is very flirtatious. I do love ships! I love Ferno ships! But just because a character is very charismatic and charming doesn’t mean a ship between my muse and someone else’s is going to work out. 

fluff, angst or smut: I enjoy a healthy, balanced diet of all three. 😌

plots or memes: I enjoy both! I’d love to do more extended plotlines, but I think memes are a great way to build dynamics that can be fleshed out in plots. Sort of like how good filler episodes in a series develop the relationships between the characters that enriches the story around it. 

long or short replies: Both are good! I tend towards medium to longer. 

best time to write: It really varies lol, my day-to-day schedule is a joke for a lot of reasons. But I would say usually right after waking up in the morning--during my recording days I’ll usually try and bang out a post or two while I’m hydrating and warming my voice up--and late at night. 

are you like your muse(s): In some ways. I’m not as neat and tidy as Grillby for sure, though I relate a lot to the anxious tendencies he’s developed over my time writing him. I also tend to bottle things up until I am a powder keg of stress, and it is definitely not good for either of us, lol.  What’s kind of interesting to me is the feedback loop that’s come out of writing my muses? Grillby’s love of music that gradually became a part of his character wasn’t like necessarily autobiographical--music is still really important to me, but I play it up with Grillbz past the point I’d take it partly because sometimes it’s really funny to see someone so put together be just really weird and excited about something? But also because I think it emphasizes one thing I love about my version of Grillby, which is that he gives the impression of a stoic, silent gentleman, but deep down inside is an overly passionate nerd who can get so swept up in something he adores that he struggles to keep that composed image. It shows his hand as a bit of a closet romantic and a dreamer, and it’s something that endears him to me. But also (to get to the original point of this tangent), I think writing that out through Grillby has given me a greater appreciation for music, and enhanced my own love of it as a medium of art and communication.  So I guess I do see a lot of myself in my muses sometimes, but I feel like writing my muses in some ways has altered the way I see the world and appreciate things too, and that’s just kinda neat. 

tagged by: Stole from @megalobonia​ 

tagging: Take it, nerd

[gingergcnius]

some of y'all asked for more quirrell!ghost , so here it is !

most of the flowers that grow in the room are mostly anemones , belledonnas , bittersweet , black eyed susans , columbines , daisies , iris , marigold , pansy , willow , and the newest addition to the room , zinnia .

the zinnias start growing after sybill's appearence , and increases whenever one of the professors or students come to visit and practice magic and quirinus sees they don't have sybill with them . ( or a boy with golden hair , dressed fine from head to toe and the biggest and ' attractive ' smile someone could have )

he likes to watch the students practice in his room , as long as they don't damage what he cannot regrow . ( and it's not like he can stop the tears , his visitors a constant reminder yet like cold water in a hot summer day ) . it reminds him of a faint memory from when he used to be a muggle studies professor .

though he doesn't talk much , he will nod and tilt his head from time to time to show that he is listening to the students , and that he is not ignoring them . ( he will always listen , even if he is floating way up from the ground , curled up into a ball and sobbing his heart out . )

he is the most calm with snape , often the potions professor would drag in a chair , a book under his arm , and he would spend time reading . he insists it's the quiet he seeks , and he is not doing this for the ghost . quirinus is dead , after all . he died a traitor , why should he care if he came back as a pathetic ghost ? is his answer when someone asks . ( he never once speaks those same words when he enters the room )

sybill comes to visit ( both arms trapped in a grip by minerva on one side , Pomona sprout on the other ) weeks after , eyes red and puffy . this time , when quirinus sets his blank eyes on her , no tears come . instead , he reaches for one of the bushes , and plucks a single zinnia and hands it to her . no one aside from pomona reacts , she brings a hand to her eye to wipe away a tear .

sybill keeps the flower in a glass cage , a thick book laid next to it on the table . it's quirrell's book of course .

it took her a long time to dig through the boxes that had collected dust very long ago , having to take small breaks to cry away from them ( these were his , he had cared so much , he would be angry if he learned there were tears on them that left stains . )

filius and Pomona decide that it's an excellent opportunity for further experiences and bring their classes down to quirrell's room from time to time . it gets the ghost to speak , and the students learn new things . it's worth the small smile , the quiet yet excited voice coming from the ghost as he explains the plants , their uses , and how to take care of them . he sometimes corrects students , showing them which way to flick their wand and when to thrust it to cast proper spells . though sometimes he will be far away , hidden in a corner , not even brave enough to face the older students if they decide to bring them here .

( they learn their lesson to avoid bringing the older students , when some , who remember what quirrell had done , reacted terribly and insulted the professor to the point where it took another two weeks before the professor appeared back in the room . and another few weeks before he started responding , stopped crying again and listening to what said to him . )

the first time he truly leaves his room ( the students had decided to call it that , since it was easier , and to avoid suspicion around umbridge ) is a true disaster . it is halfway and a bit after through the year , and a few of the students decide to hide in his room .

at first , he doesn't hear the soft cries of the young girl and two boys because of his own sobs , until she stars sobbing just as loud as him .

curious to why someone young as her would be in such devastating state , he floats up to her . if you were to ask what happened next , he couldn't tell .

one second he was staring at a terrible scar on the back of her hand , and the next he was floating down the corridors of Hogwarts , followed by the pleasing group of three , for him to stop to not do it .

they do not succeed .

the amount of noise they are making , of course attract the attention of the professors , and they are shocked when they see the professor floating through the halls . not a tear in sight , fury visible on his face . he is angry , and you do not get in the way of a pissed ghost . ( not that you can , of course . )

for the first time , his eyes are focused , no longer unseeing .

he doesn't even bother knocking , he goes right through the door , and people hold their breath .

he just crashed Umbridge's lesson .

due to the lack of slammed door , it takes a while until umbridge notices the ghost .

" um . . professor ?— " " i do not remember seeing a raised hand , or me giving you permission to speak , Mr Potter . detention , after class in my offi— "

she gets cut off by a gasp , because glaring down at her is no other than the ghost of quirinus quirrell , the former DADA professor

" no . " his voice echoes in the room .

" p-pardon ? "

" . . i s-said , n o . " this time , his voice is much , much louder . it's the loudest he had ever spoken in months .

" y-you w-will not torture a-any o-of the students ! "

" i don't think a ghost has a say in how i punish my students ! "

a few minutes of silence , and umbridge takes that as a win .

it is not .

it's when a hand lands harshly on her shoulder , and practically throws her around , true panic settles in .

because normal ghosts are not supposed to be able to interact with objects , let alone another human being . and quirrell ? quirrell is inches away from her face , eyes a bright red , and he is not happy .

" do you . . k-k-know how i-i d-died ? i died w-when a d-dark lord p-possessed m-me . i struggled , f-for months , f-fighting a-against him . he punished me t-too . and you . . y-you r-remind me t-too much of Voldemort— " he is cut off when no other than sybill trelawney slams the door open , gasping and wheezing as if she ran a marathon . wide eyes searching until they land on the ghost . only then , she relaxes .

apologizing , she moves over to quirinus , softly talking to him and leading him out of the classroom .

the language of flowers are from a site i looked up , so if they're not accurate i am very sorry . I'm not very good with flowers :

anemone: forsaken , sickness

belledonna: silence

black eyed Susan: justice

bittersweet: truth

columbine: foolishness , folly

red columbine: anxious , trembling

daisies: innocence , hope

iris: a message

marigold: despair , grief , jealousy

pansy: thoughts

willow: sadness

zinnia: thoughts of absent friend

i was officially thinking of quirrell and his unfinished business being not being able to explain people what truly happened , and that he was innocent , but i thought , while writing the scene with him and dolores , why not add a little twist ?

so now not only his unfinished business is explaining his side of the story , it is also voldemort's death ( revenge ) , being useful and help the students ( guilt , from his DADA year . he had found dark arts interesting , and because of Voldemort he had failed to show the others his point of view on the subject ) and dolores umbridge ( he will not rest until that disgusting thing called a human being is gone from the halls of his home )

i also have a headcannon where the more feelings behind an unfinished business there is , and depending on the number of said unfinished business , the more in contact with he world said ghost is . like being able to touch objects , be completely aware of your surroundings , and going as far as acting like a human . and as you can see , quirinus has quite a few and loads of emotion behind it , especially when he focuses on them .

OKAY NOW IM DONE ILL STOP WRITING NOW OR ELSE IT'LL TURN INTO A WHOLE BOOK——

[datingdonovan]

"it's really fun to write for underrated guys bc you can really make them your own and interpret them w/o a huge Fanon presence taking over the characterization" EXACTLY! You explained what I felt into actually words. lol. Except lately, I've been interpreting some popular characters in my own way anyway and people ended up liking the version of said character lol. I kinda like just going back to the canon and working my way from there. :)

Yeah it really is a niche. lol. And Ikejiri!!! Oh no, this is growing my list of characters I want more content for. I should really start asking people to write for Inuoka for fic exchanges (I just always ask for Kunimi lately lol) But I feel bad sometimes asking for underrated characters because their fic might not get a lot of attention. Like... I don't want them to get discouraged about that.

I actually had a Takeda x reader idea that didn't really get developed lol. (But now that I'm reminded of it again... hmmmm) He's so underrated too 😭. Like, where would Karasuno be without him???

Maybe I should start searching for fanart for all these characters just to remind my followers that they exist. LOL.

yeah I feel all of this so much hahaha!!! and omg yeah Im reading the manga now and I love getting to see everyone in action beyond the Fanon ideas of them it's so nice to be like wow so this is what these people are like hahaha ok. different than I remember. and sort of funny to see what everyone has extrapolated from their minute interactions lol. seijoh four come to mind... I feel like people have made a whole world of characterization for them when mattsun & Makki's interactions are fairly limited (at least they have been to the point where I'm at in the manga)

I actually have been loving seeing Takeda in the books and was thinking I need to write for him too I just don't know what yet!!! I feel like he has such a cute personality like he's so chill at times but also so anxious about certain things and then in between he'll just like, whip out some deep talk about life and I was a lit major with a focus on contemporary stuff so like, seeing him canonically be a contemporary lit teacher and talk about contemporary lit has my heart bursting <3<3<3<3 like watching the show I was more focused on the boys but whenever I see mr takeda show up in the manga im like sir. marry me please. oh my gosh now im thinking about him and im like this guy could be my pre-timeskip self ship hahahahahaha